Trump Crashes Out as His Cult Crumbles, Calls Supporters “Weaklings” | Rachel Brosnahan, Ronny Chieng, Dave Portnoy, Mandal | Wednesday, July 16

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Episode: Trump Crashes Out as His Cult Crumbles, Calls Supporters “Weaklings” | Rachel Brosnahan, Ronny Chieng, Dave Portnoy, Mandal
Release Date: July 17, 2025

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1. Opening Monologue: Trump’s Outburst and Epstein Files

[00:05 - 04:13]

Jimmy Fallon kicked off the episode from Studio 6B at Rockefeller Center, delving into the latest political turmoil surrounding former President Donald Trump. Fallon humorously dissected Trump's recent appearance with a suspicious bruise on his hand, mocking the makeup used to conceal it:

“Trump is like, finally. This is the COVID up everyone should be talking about. Trump's an interesting guy. There's not one part of him that's the same color. He's like a gobstopper.” [00:13]

The monologue shifted to Trump’s controversial remarks about his supporters in the wake of the Epstein files scandal. Fallon presented a satirical take on Trump’s denial and blame-shifting tactics, highlighting Trump's accusation that Obama, Biden, and James Comey fabricated the Epstein files:

“Trump just claimed that the files were made up by Obama, Biden, and former FBI Director James Comey.” [03:22]

Fallon then introduced a comedic reenactment of Trump’s contradictory statements, emphasizing the absurdity and confusion surrounding the issue. The segment culminated in Fallon’s humorous attempt to present an "anonymous source" revealing the truth behind the Epstein files, which ultimately stalled due to technical difficulties:

“I didn't write it, but it's very funny.” [04:13]

2. Rachel Brosnahan: Superman, Travel Curses, and Lucky One Lemonade

[07:39 - 30:50]

Rachel Brosnahan made her appearance as one of the main guests, discussing her role as Lois Lane in the blockbuster movie Superman. Fallon praised her performance and the global promotion tour she undertook:

“Congratulations on Superman. That's the biggest movie in the world, bud.” [07:39]

Brosnahan shared a unique personal anecdote about a self-proclaimed "travel curse" that plagued her promotional efforts over the past decade. She recounted a particularly harrowing experience en route to a Cannes premiere, battling a sudden snowstorm and multiple flight delays:

“I have been suffering from a travel curse for the last 10 years. It's been so bad.” [08:36]

The conversation took a whimsical turn when Brosnahan described her attempt to break the curse by enlisting the help of a witch, complete with a wishing well and a magic wand:

“She brought a wishing well and a wand and she signed an NDA, most importantly.” [11:17]

Brosnahan triumphantly declared the curse lifted, leading Fallon to humorously concede his newfound belief in witches and curses:

“I'm happy to report that it worked. I'm in the world and I'm here and I believe in witches and curses now.” [11:44]

Transitioning to her entrepreneurial venture, Brosnahan introduced Ms. Peaches, a beloved social media sensation dog, as the face of her new product, Lucky One Lemonade. She explained the brand's mission to support animal shelters with every purchase:

“This drink we donate every time you buy it goes back to shelters, Lifeline, Animal shelter, which is where we got her.” [24:31]

Brosnahan also discussed her creative project, the pizza-rating series "One Bite," where she humorously critiques various pizzerias by taking a single bite and scoring them out of ten:

“It's so good, and I can't stop watching it.” [28:05]

3. Ronny Chieng: Dealing with a Travel Curse

[08:15 - 14:09]

Ronny Chieng, an Emmy and Golden Globe-winning actor, shared his own experience with a "travel curse," mirroring Brosnahan's earlier anecdotes. Chieng humorously detailed numerous travel mishaps, including apocalyptic snowstorms and endless flight delays, attributing them to the curse:

“It was so bad. Like, literally. Peter Safran, who co-runs DC Studios, won't travel with me.” [09:12]

He recounted how the curse affected his professional commitments, nearly causing him to miss his audition for Superman. The segment highlighted the absurd lengths Chieng went to break the curse, including consulting a witch:

“I called a witch and brought her to my house. She brought a wishing well and a wand and she signed an NDA, most importantly.” [11:04]

Chieng's narrative concluded on a high note, celebrating his newfound freedom to travel without mishaps:

“I'm fixed. I'm cured.” [14:08]

4. Dave Portnoy: U.S. Citizenship and Critique of Modern Podcasts

[14:56 - 22:40]

Dave Portnoy, the founder of Barstool Sports, took the stage alongside social media star Ms. Peaches to discuss his recent U.S. citizenship. Portnoy humorously criticized the proliferation of amateur podcasts, expressing frustration over the lack of professionalism and standards:

“The degrading of standards in America with this infestation of podcasts of these people just in their basements with microphones, without shirts on.” [16:13]

He recounted the day he obtained his citizenship, intertwining personal anecdotes with his critique of the podcast industry:

“The day I got my citizenship was the day that I was interviewing Bill Murray on the Daily Show.” [16:55]

Portnoy also introduced his upcoming tour, "Ronnie Hates Hasan," where he humorously disses Hasan Minhaj, a colleague from The Daily Show. The banter was sharp, with Portnoy accusing Minhaj of being an uneducated critic:

“He has no problems in life. He's a certified liar. Okay, can we get Kendrick to write a song about that?” [21:12]

5. Ms. Peaches: Lucky One Lemonade and Animal Shelter Support

[23:05 - 30:50]

Ms. Peaches, Dave Portnoy’s canine companion, was featured prominently in promoting Lucky One Lemonade. The segment highlighted the brand’s commitment to supporting animal shelters, emphasizing the emotional connection between the product and animal welfare:

“This drink we donate every time you buy it goes back to shelters, Lifeline, Animal shelter, which is where we got her.” [24:31]

Rachel Brosnahan and Portnoy showcased Ms. Peaches’ popularity, noting her significant follower count and her impact on the brand’s success:

“She is like, people cry. They see her in the street.” [24:31]

Fallon engaged with the audience by introducing Ms. Peaches’ new family member, Pete the Beagle, adding a heartwarming touch to the segment:

“They are all going rogue right now.” [30:50]

6. Mando's Performance: A Comedic Take on Modern Life

[30:50 - 35:31]

The episode featured a unique performance by Mando from YouTube’s Big Fun Network. Mando delivered an extended comedic routine, touching on relatable topics such as modern technology, delivery apps, and generational changes in education:

“I'm terrified. Y' all got iPhones. Y' all be dropping them.” [34:14]

His monologue included humorous observations on AI, cultural shifts, and nostalgic references to outdated school safety drills:

“Stop, drop, and roll till you eventually die.” [35:30]

Mando’s performance was met with enthusiastic applause, highlighting his ability to connect with the audience through humor and shared experiences.

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Conclusion

The episode masterfully blended political satire, celebrity interviews, personal anecdotes, and humor, providing a dynamic and engaging experience for listeners. From Trump's erratic behavior and the amusing tales of travel curses to heartfelt promotions for animal welfare and sharp critiques of modern media standards, the show offered a diverse array of content. Notable quotes and interactions, such as Ronny Chieng’s battle with his travel curse [08:36] and Dave Portnoy’s candid remarks on podcast quality [16:13], underscored the episode’s blend of humor and insightful commentary.

For those who missed it, this episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon delivered laughter, celebrity charm, and a touch of political intrigue, wrapped up in Fallon's signature entertaining style.

Transcript

[Jimmy Fallon]

From Studio 6B at Rockefeller center in.

The heart of New York City, it's.

A Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Tonight, join Jimmy and his guest, Rachel Brosahan. Ronnie Chan, Dave Portmore, comedian, analyst, and feature the legendary Ruth Ruth215.

And now here he is.

Jes, come on. That's nice. Oh, I feel the love. Give it right back to you. Thank you. Thank you so much. Enjoy yourself. Welcome, everybody. Welcome to the Tonight Show. You're here. That's right. Well, guys, people are talking about this. President Trump was just seen with what looked like a large bruise on his hand that was covered with makeup. Take a look at this. Ooh. See it? Yeah. Trump is like, finally. This is the COVID up everyone should be talking about. Trump's an interesting guy. There's not one part of him that's the same color. He's like a gobstopper. Can we just. Can we look at it again? Jesus. Looks like he used the patch kid on a pool float. I mean, that's looks like he tried to cover up a ham with a slice of smoked turkey. While this is going viral, there's also a recent photo of Trump that shows him with severely swollen ankles. Check. Check this out. I like that they said ankles. What ankles? I just see. I just see a leg that becomes a foot. I don't know what that looks like. Someone put a pair of socks over 2 liter bottles of Diet Coke. His shoelaces are like, I'm not sure how much longer I can hold on, Captain. But the big story today is that Trump lashed out at his own supporters who are criticizing him over the Epstein files, calling them weaklings who have bought into BS hook, line and sinker. Trump hasn't been this mad at the people he loves since McDonald's introduced salads. Not my Ronald. Yep. Trump's turning on his biggest supporters. Somewhere from an undisclosed location, Mike Pence was like, wow, that is so out of character for him. Yep. Trump's claims he never set foot on Epstein Island. The real question is, did he set Canko there? All right. Hey, you guys, I know that was. I didn't write it. I didn't write it, but it's very funny. You guys see this? Trump just claimed that the files were made up by Obama, Biden, and former FBI Director James Comey. And he went even further in another interview today. And we have a recording. Take a Listen to this, Mr. President. Obviously, Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and James Comey did not make up the Epstein files. Yes, they did. No, they did.

Not.

Yes, they did. No, they did not. Yes, they did. No, they did not. Then it was Hillary. No, it wasn't Rosie o'. Donnell. Nope. Bruce Springsteen? Not true. Kim Kardashian? No way. Khloe? No. Kourtney? No. Kendall? No. Kylie? No. Rob? No. Spongebo? Nuh. Rosie o'? Donnell? Tried already. Elmo? Nope. Superman's dog? Crypto? No. The curly haired kid from Stranger Things? No. Shaggy? It wasn't him. Lilo? No. Stitch? No. Hoota from Love Island? No way. Smurfette, just stop. Okay, fine. I'll tell you who it really was. Who? Rosie O'. Donnell. Goodbye, Mr. President. Oh, my God. He's trying. He's trying hard. Interesting. We got that recording. Yep. Everyone wants answers. Well, tonight I've got some big news. An anonymous source told us that they've ob. And they've agreed to speak to us right now and tell us who is on the list. Are you there? Hello?

Jimmy. I'm here.

And I've got the goods. All right.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Wow.

[Jimmy Fallon]

So what's contained in the Epstein files? It's a game changer, Jimmy. Right at the top of the list, you've got. I'm sorry. Sorry to interrupt. Your voice changes things. Seems a little bit too deep. It's just kind of. Just kind of hard to understand what you're saying. Oh. Oh, okay, let me. Let me adjust the settings here. This list is going to blow your mind. Now you kind of sound like a robot or something. It's kind of distracting. I wouldn't do that. I knew I shouldn't unlock this voice changer at Spencer's Gifts. All right, let me see here. All right, let's not get sidetracked. Just. You can just say who is on the list. You will never believe this, but the number one name is. I just think now it's a bit too high, and I don't think you're gonna want this. The important thing is that we can't see your face. So maybe just use your regular voice. This is my regular voice. Jimmy. How dare you? I'm. I'm sorry. You know what? Why don't you just hold the list up to the camera and we can read it for ourselves? Fine. Buckle up and feast your eyes on this. Ooh. Oh, boy. Everything okay? Unrelated question. Is it possible to unshread a document? All right, we have to move on an anonymous source. Oh, before I go, can you autograph something for me? Make it out to my full name, Bill Monroe, and mail it to my home address. 13 Dogwood Lane. Just stop Stop talking. Stop talking. We have to move on. An anonymous source, everybody. Oh, my gosh. He's giving out his address.

Wow.

Wow. Hey, well, get this. A woman in California said that her home is being flooded with hundreds of unwanted Amazon packages. By the way, an unwanted Amazon package is how Lauren Sanchez described her honeymoon. I don't know, man. It makes me laugh. I don't know why, though. Yeah. Hey, I saw that the world's biggest rock from Mars just sold at auction for over $5 million. Then the seller quickly picked up another rock from his backyard and said, and this rock is from Jupiter. And finally, a child at a community center in Ohio had to be rescued after he climbed inside a claw machine. After 20 quarters, his dad was like, forget it. Let's play skeeball instead. We have a great show. She co stars in the giant new movie Superman. Lois Lane herself, Rachel Brosnahan is here. He is one of the hosts of the Daily show and a very funny comedian. Ronny Chang is joining us. He is the founder of Bars School Sports. Dave Portnoy is here with Ms. Peaches. And we got Santa from Mando. Stick around. We'll be right back with Rachel Brosnan. Come on back, everybody. Now I got a cousin by the name of Born Lee, better known to.

Y' all as Cut Master Cool V.

He cut scratch chains for. Our first guest is an Emmy and Golden Globe winning actor. You can see in the the biggest movie in the world, Superman. It's in theaters and imax. Now. Everyone, please welcome Rachel Brosnahan. That's what I'm talking about, bud. Come on. Welcome back to the show. Congratulations on Superman.

[Ronny Chieng]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Your number one movie. It's the biggest movie in the world, bud.

[Ronny Chieng]

Crazy.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Congratulations. That's so good. And I saw that promoting. You did a great job promoting, but you went all over the world. I mean, you went to Asia, South America to promote this. Are you good with traveling? Is that. Can you just handle that and then.

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah. I mean, I like to travel. I like to visit different places. The fans were so amazing. They were really enthusiastic. But honestly, it's a miracle that we made it all over the world because I can't remember if I ever told you about this, but I have been suffering from a travel curse for the last 10 years. It's been so bad.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Jimmy, you have a travel curse.

[Ronny Chieng]

I have a travel curse.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I don't know about this.

[Ronny Chieng]

The thing is, is it like, okay, so I always make it. I should preface by saying, I always make it where I'm trying to go but it's never. Not as stressful as humanly possible to get there, really. It's the absolute worst.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Just awful.

[Ronny Chieng]

So, yeah, I mean, it was so bad. Like, literally. Peter Safran, who co runs DC Studios, won't travel with me. Like, people don't believe.

[Jimmy Fallon]

No, no, that's how he helped you. He just said, I'm.

[Ronny Chieng]

He was like, I'm not getting on a plane with you. And he didn't.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Why?

What happened?

[Ronny Chieng]

So it's everything. I feel like the number of times that somebody looked at me, nobody believes the curse, I should say, until they travel with me. And the number of times that somebody's looked at me and been like, ma', am, I'm so sorry. I've just never seen this before is too many times, really. Way too many times. And so it's everything from, like the first time. I remember it happening. I was shooting a show in New Mexico and I was premiering a film at Cannes, and they gave me 36 hours off the show to try to, you know, promote this. And I was on my way there. It was a beautiful day in May. Sunny, gorgeous New Mexico, Nice air. And I got onto the highway. There's one two lane highway that takes you to the airport. And all of a sudden an apocalyptic snowstorm hit. Like, I'm not kidding, like, complete whiteout. I made it, but the skin of my teeth. They probably shouldn't have let me on the plane, but I got there.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's bizarre.

[Ronny Chieng]

You know, we went to the Paris Olympics last summer, and I was texting with the cast who was going, and everyone was like, you know, plane's great. We just took off and I got stuck at LAX eight hours. Like, baggage lost. It just gets. It gets reservations lost. What do you do? Gets weirder and weirder.

[Jimmy Fallon]

How do you get over it?

[Ronny Chieng]

So I was really worried, obviously, about this upcoming tour, and I got really desperate and I started asking people if anyone knew, like an energy healer or like a past life reader. Because here's the thing, a past life reader, it's a petty witch. Like, whoever put this curse on me is so petty because I always make it. But it's always so stressful. And so a friend of mine gave me. No, no, no, listen, this is real. You and very serious.

[Jimmy Fallon]

We're laughing at something else. We're laughing at something else. Sorry, we're not laughing at you. We're laughing with you.

[Ronny Chieng]

Thank you. And so I called a witch and brought her to my house.

[Jimmy Fallon]

No.

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah, I called a witch. I brought her to my House. She brought a wishing well and a wand and she signed an NDA, most importantly. And we tackled the curse together.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is unbelievable. So we have a wishing well, there was a wishing well, a magic wand, and you say, I want to.

[Ronny Chieng]

A magic wand.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Travel.

[Ronny Chieng]

She asked me about my trauma.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah.

[Ronny Chieng]

And I told her all about it. My travel trauma and not the rest of it.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's not a therapist. Yeah.

[Ronny Chieng]

She's a travel travel witch healer person.

[Jimmy Fallon]

They get a lot of work, those people. Yeah.

[Ronny Chieng]

She seemed pretty skilled and ready to take it on.

[Jimmy Fallon]

So did it work?

[Ronny Chieng]

More importantly, I'm happy to report that it worked.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Wow. This is unreleased. This is big.

[Ronny Chieng]

I'm in the world and I'm here and I believe in witches and curses now.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Now you believe in. Good for you.

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah, you should too.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I do now, too.

[Ronny Chieng]

If I need a gal, I've got one.

[Jimmy Fallon]

J. I'm gonna call her if I sign the NDA.

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Let's talk about this. You're Lois Lane in Superman. Yeah. I mean, this is the most famous. This is iconic.

[Ronny Chieng]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Do you get nervous when you're auditioning for this type of role and you're like, I don't know. Or did you know that you got it?

[Ronny Chieng]

No, I'm never not nervous. I'm still not totally sure I've got it. But we got brought out to la, which was actually. This is a good example of the curse. Oh, we got brought out to la. I was out here. I think I had recently seen you. I was doing a show on Broadway and we got off stage at like 11p. The only flight that would get me there in time was at 6am So I got to the airport, I got there early and the flight starts getting delayed. And I just had a bad feeling about it because Curse. And so I went to the gate agent. It's so real, you guys.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I swear, this is not a made up story.

[Ronny Chieng]

It's not a made up story. I went to the gate agent, I was like, level with me. Is this flight gonna take off?

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah.

[Ronny Chieng]

I had a bad feeling and she was like, no, the flight's getting canceled. So I didn't know what to do. Everyone was asleep in la. I panicked and I. I started calling another airline, trying to get on another flight that was an hour later. But at this point, we'd wasted so much time. The flight was delayed and delayed. And so I'm running through the airport on the air train, on the phone, trying to get on this other flight. And as I'm trying to book this ticket, it sells out from underneath me. And so I'm now running back the other direction because the next flight that takes off is back on the airline I came from. So I'm in the security line again. And as I'm in the security line booking this flight, the flight gets delayed again.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Rachel.

[Ronny Chieng]

So at this point, I'm running back the other way. And by the way, I chatgpt this JFK is 39 football fields large. Yeah. So it was a very long exercise filled morning running back and forth through jfk. I finally, as I'm on the airtrain, I get through, I get a seat on this flight that I'm now gonna be an hour and a half late for this audition for. I made it on by the skin of my teeth. But I got there and you got.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Right to the audition.

[Ronny Chieng]

I got there and honestly, I feel like the chaos that came with me after what I'd been through that morning must have felt so Lois Lane coded or something. It worked out just fine.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You crush it. You're so good in it. Thank you. You're fantastic. It worked. You got the gig. I made it. And now you can travel. It's all good. You got the witch and all.

[Ronny Chieng]

I'm fixed. I'm cured.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Thank you. Life is great. Thank you. Rachel Brosnahan, everybody. Superman is in theaters and IMAX now. Stick around. No, like, I got it like that. I beat my. Our next guest is one of the hosts of the Daily show, which airs weeknights at 11pm on Comedy Central. And this fall, he'll also be performing with comedian Hasin Minhaj on the Ronnie Hates Hasin tour. For tickets go to ronniehateshasin.com Please welcome Ronn. Oh, my God.

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, my God.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Ronnie Chang. Welcome back to the show.

[Dave Portnoy]

Thank you so much.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You've done stand up here before, but I've never had you on on the couch. I know to talk to you and I'm very excited. You look sharp, but thank you. Great.

[Dave Portnoy]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You're a stud right there.

[Dave Portnoy]

What it feels like to sit on the sofa of the Tonight Show.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yes, exactly.

[Dave Portnoy]

So glad.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I'm happy you're here.

[Dave Portnoy]

Thank you. So glad to be here and not doing some stupid podcasts. So many stupid podcasts out there, dude. Jimmy, I don't know if you know, the press cycle out there is horrible. It's a bunch of amateur hour podcasts. It's so nice to be here with professionals with some product value.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yes.

[Dave Portnoy]

With people who know what they're doing.

[Jimmy Fallon]

The roots are Here we have a great audience.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, you have a. You have an audience lighting your dress. Well, I'm dressed well. Yes. You know, doing these podcasts. All these people, they don't even put on a shirt. Now, what's going on in America? The degrading of standards in America with this infestation of podcasts of these people just in their basements with microphones, without shirts on. And then I have to go in and talk about my project to this guy who's not wearing a shirt. And in his basement, his. His sofa has Doritos on it.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's not fair.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's disgusting. Put on a shirt. Can we put on a shirt?

[Jimmy Fallon]

It's embarrassing.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, it's amateur hour.

[Jimmy Fallon]

It's amateur.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's amateur. Is this the United States of America or the United States of Amateurs?

[Jimmy Fallon]

No.

[Dave Portnoy]

No, it's not.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's right.

I'm with you.

[Dave Portnoy]

It's disgusting, actually. These podcasts are hurting America, and we gotta stop it. It's too many. There's too many of them. Enough. Bring it back to this, please.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Bring it back to this.

[Dave Portnoy]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is one of our dressing up. Thank you for being here. You look great.

[Dave Portnoy]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Fallon]

And I appreciate that you're here. This is an exciting time because just a couple months ago, you became a U.S. citizen.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, I did. That's why I care so much.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's why you care about the country.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's why I care about the standards in this country.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Well, what do you remember about getting your U.S. citizenship?

[Dave Portnoy]

Oh, I remember I had to do a test, first of all, which I just aced that. No problem, dude. I Civics quiz. Give it to me. I will never. I never will get a question wrong ever on that civic. There's 100 questions you have to answer. I will never get any of those questions wrong ever.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Really?

[Dave Portnoy]

Sitting here? Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yes.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's one and two. I had to. The day I got my citizenship was the day that I was interviewing Bill Murray on the Daily Show. I'm not sure if you heard this other late night talk show. I was interviewing him and I literally got my citizenship that morning. I was interviewing Bill Murray in the evening.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Are you kidding me? Yeah.

[Dave Portnoy]

And it was. And I didn't know how to process the citizenship thing yet because I've been trying to come to America for like 30 years now. And so I didn't even mention I got citizenship. Someone I interviewed, Bill Murray, he was very nice. He left. He left. He left the show. And then when he was backstage, someone told him, I got Citizenship. So halfway through recording, he ran out. He interrupted a live broadcast. He came out just to congratulate me on my citizenship.

[Jimmy Fallon]

See, that's why he's. There you go.

[Dave Portnoy]

Gave me a hug. Come on.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That's the greatest. He's a comedy icon.

[Dave Portnoy]

He's a comedy icon. And he actually freaking outed me to America because I didn't wanna. I didn't know if I was gonna tell everybody like that, but he just came out and yelled, hey, he's a citizen now. And then he broke the news, so. But if anyone's gonna out me, I think Bill Murray, the guy who saved New York City.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah, of course. Yes, he saved New York City. Yeah, he did. Well, comedy is the reason you wanted to come to America.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, comedy is why I wanted to come here. You know, the reason why people want to come to America. You know, first of all, I think it's such a superpower of America that immigrants want to come here. Like, imagine the top 1% of every country wanting, aspiring to come here, aspiring to come to the Tonight show, aspiring to talk to you. Well, I didn't come here to be in a basement doing someone's podcast without a shirt on.

[Jimmy Fallon]

We understand.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yeah, we understand.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Put on a shirt. You put on a shirt and we'll figure out that podcast thing.

[Dave Portnoy]

But, but, but even ESPN now is some guy with. Wearing a wife beater. His. His armpit hair is sticking out on espn. Where are the standards in America? It's not about politics. It's not about politics. I'm talking about aesthetics. Let's get the American aesthetics back up. Everything looks like.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Let's, let's talk about.

[Dave Portnoy]

As an American, I'm telling you guys.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I'm talking about the Daily Show. Let's talk about the Daily Show. Yes. Congratulations. You and the Daily show team just got nominated for an Emmy. That's what I'm talking about. Thank you, Emmy. You do a great job over there. The whole team is great over there.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You've been there for 10 years, man.

[Dave Portnoy]

I can't believe it. 10 years. 10 years at a daily show. 10 years in New York City. I moved here to take the job at the Daily Show. So they're the reason why anything good happened to me. They're the reason why I'm able to put shirts on when I come on Tonight show instead of doing all these podcasts in people's basements.

[Jimmy Fallon]

But you're. You're also a very good stand up, I will say, and I love your stand up. I love your show. Oh, thank You. Thank you. But you're doing some tour with Hasin Minhaj. Explain what's happening here.

[Dave Portnoy]

So this tour is called Her Son Hates Ronnie, Ronnie Hates Her Son. Or as I like to call it, ronnie Hates Her Son, Her Son Hates Ronnie. Basically, we don't like each other. So it says.

[Jimmy Fallon]

It's a debate to the death.

[Dave Portnoy]

Yes. So you see, we were former colleagues at the Daily show, and when I joined the show, it was just the only two non white people. Well, no, that's not true. The only two people from the continent of Asia were me and him in the building. And so people assumed that he's not white, I'm not white, that we were gonna be friends.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah, that's.

[Dave Portnoy]

That's racist, okay? Cause. Cause we hate each other. This guy sucks.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Wait, wait.

[Dave Portnoy]

This guy sucks, Okay? I know you guys.

[Jimmy Fallon]

What's your problem with.

[Dave Portnoy]

Where do I even begin with this dude? Okay? First of all, he's always lying about being oppressed so that white people feel sorry for him, and you guys fall for it. He's not an oppressed guy, okay? He's doing just fine. Don't let him fool you into thinking he's doing so badly. Okay? He's fine. He's like 6 foot 1 or whatever. He's like a. Okay. He's. He has no problems in life. He's. He's a certified liar. Okay, can we get Kendrick to write a song about that?

[Jimmy Fallon]

No, no, no, I don't want to get. No, Kendrick, don't. Kendrick, don't write a song.

[Dave Portnoy]

But also, also, he's always, like, lecturing the whole world with his comedy, which is just freaking PowerPoint slides about how to save the world. What's wrong with the world? This is how we save the world. He's never even left the country. What does he know about saving the world? He's never left the tri state area. This guy, he's an uneducated dude. He's barely educated. He studied political science at UC Davis. Okay, like, no offense to UC Davis, but this is the guy we're gonna go with for solutions. Dude, I have a law degree and a degree in finance. I lived in four countries. In what universe does this guy know anything? More than I do about anything. Come on.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

What is.

[Dave Portnoy]

Come on, guys.

[Jimmy Fallon]

What is Hussin's problem with you? What have you done to him?

[Dave Portnoy]

I don't know. I don't know. I. I truly have no idea.

[Jimmy Fallon]

What.

[Dave Portnoy]

Maybe he doesn't like immigrants.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I don't know. Progress on everything. I can see why he might Have a little problem. Thank you so much for coming on and thank you for looking so sharp. Ronny Chang, everybody. For tickets to the Ronnie Hates Hasin tour, go to ronniehateshasin.com More tonight's show after the break. Stick around. What have you done to him? Nothing.

I was designable.

But get to know me. Approach me slowly. But caught buzzing jokers, listen. He is a media mogul and founder of Barstool Sports. She is a social media superstar who just became the face of a brand new drink called Lucky One Lemonade, which is available now. Please welcome Dave Portnoy and Ms. Peaches. Oh, sorry about that, Mr. Peaches. She looks great. Oh, my God. She really dressed up for the show. Oh, my God. Ms. Peaches. Oh, my gosh, David.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

This is couture.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Oh, it is couture.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Oh, yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Oh, you look beautiful, Ms. Peaches. You absolutely look gorgeous. Thank you for being on the show, Dave. I'm excited to see you too, by the way.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Excited to be here. Now it's all about Ms. Peaches.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Let's talk about Ms. Peaches. Let's talk about her new lemonade here. This is Lucky One Lemonade.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Now, how did she get to be the face of this lemonade? How did this lemonade come to be? And talk about this.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

So Basically, I adopted Ms. Peaches from a breeding situation about a year and a half ago. And the world fell in love with her. Rightfully so. She's the cutest, sweetest dog in the world.

[Jimmy Fallon]

She has like over a million followers on Instagram. Million and a half.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

We've had popular people come through our doors. Alice Cooper, Pat McAfee. People know she's the biggest. She is like, people cry. They see her in the street. So this drink we donate every time you buy it goes back to shelters, Lifeline, Animal shelter, which is where we got her.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yes, that's the. That is fantastic.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

And tastes good too. So you get the best of both worlds. But yeah, she's a magic dog.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I follow you. I'm very interested in your story because when you started Barstool, it was just like a four page newspaper or something, right?

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Just talking about sports and then you didn't know it was gonna be this giant.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

No, I just. I didn't want to hate my job growing up, like, so, you know, I hated the 9 to 5 grind. If I could have made 60 grand working for myself, I would have said, sign me up fast as I can. It was early Internet. Like, if you said, hey, it's a blog, people would've said, I have no idea what the Internet is. Blog. It was one point. We predate Facebook. So that gives you an idea. It was MySpace. It was like, who's that guy on MySpace?

[Jimmy Fallon]

Tom. Yeah.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

It was like, me and Tom. So that was it. And then it was just word of mouth. Hired a bunch of idiots who still are with me now.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

They are like, put a circus tent over and then throw it to the world. Where do you want to go? Peachy.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah. She can go wherever she wants. Yeah.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

She wants to explore her brother, probably.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah. Mama. What was. Come on.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Good girl.

[Jimmy Fallon]

And. And when you start this thing, I know you're just a sports fan, right? Is that.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

The idea.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Die hard Red Sox. You cause some grief for, like, you being on Fenway after they won the World Series. Some Red Sox fans like, he doesn't belong on the field.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I might have been the reason that I might be the reason they won. I know.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Broke the curse.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I broke the curse. I know. Yeah. This the other way to look at it. Absolutely. I had so much fun there. It was unbelievable. But then you do this thing and then you sold it off or something or got rid of it and then got it back.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

I sold Barstool. This is just me bragging right now, but I.

[Jimmy Fallon]

No, I want to know.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

We sold it to a gambling company. They legalized sports gambling. So we sold barstool for 650 million total. I've actually sold it twice. We sold it for 15 million, then 650, and then I bought it back for a dollar. So now I own it all.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is a true story. That's a true story. I love this story. I love this. And I follow you. And you do a thing. You do a series called One Bite.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You guys know what this is? You go around. You go around and you rate pizza. Yeah. And I think about you all the time. More than I should, by the way. Anytime I have pizza, I weirdly think of you.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

I gave you credit when we met behind stage. You beat me to Ceres in New York, which it.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Oh, mama. Wow. In the dress and everything. Wow. You can't tell you. That's perfect.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

So myself another employee, Dan, Big Cat, we had a debate. If you could eat one food the rest of your life, what would it be? He said burritos. He was going, breakfast burrito angle. I said, pizza. We did it about. For a month straight. That's all we ate. So I take a bite. People are like, is it any good? And I just. Yeah, one bite. Here's the Score. It just hooked people.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You were so funny in those things. I love it. And honestly, when people come out and yell at you and go, hey, get out of my pizzeria. And I don't know if it's scripted. I don't know what it is, but it's so funny. I fall for it every time. You're very quick. And you.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

It's not scripted.

[Jimmy Fallon]

It's not. No, it's real. Leave me alone.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

That's why people like it to be.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I want to eat this. And I'm going to take one bite, and I'll judge the pizza, and I'll rate it, you know, out of ten. One to ten, whatever. It's so good, and I can't stop watching it. And you've only given one pizzeria 10 out of 10?

[Rachel Brosnahan]

That's correct.

[Jimmy Fallon]

And this is the name of the place. Is. Is it Monty's?

[Rachel Brosnahan]

No, Monty's.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Monty's in Lynn, Massachusetts. Yeah.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

So. So that is the only 10. I want to preface this. This is a nostalgia pizza for me. This is my hometown. So any. Everybody loves their hometown pizza. You go in, you eat it, you think about where you grew up.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

It's also from Lynn, Mass. It's in New York. So I don't know that there's gonna be a fair square. Fair score for you. Cause it's, you know, clearly cold.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah. I have a very sensitive mouth. I have to have all my food at a certain temperature. It's tough to judge pizza from a different state. No, I only eat cold pizza from different states. I do a different series. No one watches my series. All right, so this is 10 out.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Of 10 again, I'd like to reinforce. It's a nostalgia. I love Monty's. If I'm home, I get it. But I've had people travel across the country to go to Monty's. Not understanding it is my hometown pizza. Okay, where do you want to go, Mom?

[Jimmy Fallon]

So I'm gonna. Oh, it's tough for me to judge this. Well, I.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Well, yeah, it's from a different state.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Well, it's your hometown. I can't knock your.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

No, you gotta give it a great childhood dreams. Correct. And there's no crunch. I mean, I don't know when you got that pizza, to be honest.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is vintage pizza. Yeah, this pizza's in 1989.

But it was a good year.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

I like the pizza music.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I'm gonna give it a 10 out of 10. There we go.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Double 10.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Double 10. Ruin your childhood dreams. I met mom and dad backstage by the way they love you and they're great. I love that mom and dad came to support you.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yeah, they really were excited to come. This is like a dream for them.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yeah. But they must be psyched to see what you're doing.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yeah, they are very proud. They're still the stage of people say hello to me. They're like, how do you know that? It's like my.

[Jimmy Fallon]

I mean, I don't, but I love that. Yeah. Your dad made some jokes. He's like. I go, you must be proud. He goes, yeah, of the dog. But. But now you have a new. You have a new part of a new member of the family that I met backstage as well.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Peter the Beagle.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Yes.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Yep. Pete the Beagle.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Pete the Beagle. Now, how are they getting along?

[Rachel Brosnahan]

We brought him. If you'd like to. If you'd like to meet Pete, he's here.

[Jimmy Fallon]

You meet Pete the Beagle. Yeah. Hey, pet. Yeah. Oh, boy. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my. Yeah, come over here. I remember you, Ms. Peach. Oh, thank you for.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Thank you for the Beagle.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Thank you for the kisses. Oh, my gosh. Pete the Beagle and Miss Peach. Peach. Just going. They're all going. They're going rogue right now. All right.

[Rachel Brosnahan]

Are they allowed to go out in.

[Jimmy Fallon]

They're allowed to go in the audience. Yeah. Everyone gets to hang out, guys. Get out for now. Where you want to go, Ms. Peaches here. I just want to run out, guys. I just want to let everyone know Dave Ponton Lucky One Lemonade is available right now. Ms. Pizza, if you can go back there. Stay away from that pizza. Stay away from that pizza. More Tonight show after the break, everybody. Hi, bud. 21 pounds. Our next guest can be seen on YouTube's Big Fun Network. Making his Tonight show debut. Please welcome the very funny Mando.

Hey.

Hey.

Clap it up, clap it up.

Clap it up.

He. Clap it, clap it up, clap it up.

Everybody gotta clap.

Clap it up, clap it up. Keep clapping, camera people. Clap it up. Press love. Clap it up, clap it up. Keep clapping. This my whole set. Clap it up, clap it up Go clap it up for 20 minutes. Clap it up don't slow down. Clap it up, clap it up.

Clap it up.

Keep clapping. Clap it up, clap it up.

Yeah.

Yeah. Y' all got good energy. That's good. I got a lot of energy. Cause I've been doing these new drugs called vegetables, and it's been a real trippy experience. I thought I had, like, depression, adhd, and a short attention span. Come to find out, I was just malnourished I ate three salads last week and now I like to play sudoku. It's been great. I'm trying to lose weight, bro. I got on the scale today. I finally saw £300 on the dot. Finally saw it, you know? Hold on, wait, hold, hold, hold your applause. I used to weigh less. I used to weigh less. How I'm supposed to lose 40 delivery apps, they let you do whatever you want on there. You can order a party platter and not be having a party. You don't have to show nobody no balloons, no tablecloth or nothing. The other day I pressed a button on my phone and a dude who does not love me brought me two dozen donuts from Krispy Kreme. I'm pre diabetic. That's attempted murder. That dude tried to kill me. Didn't even know it. Hey, if you order that many donuts for one person, your phone should lock up. Like when you put your passcode wrong in too many times, you know, you put it in wrong and you get a notification that's like, how about you drink some water? But it don't do that. It just lets you keep ordering all them donuts. I be doing embarrassing stuff on them apps. Y' all ever had the same delivery app driver twice in one day? All right, I'm getting too vulnerable now. They starting to judge. First time he brought the donuts, he was real respectful. He was like, all right, man, have a good day. Second time he was just like, come on now, big dog, you can do better than this. You just chewing and swallowing like, get my driveway. Gerald. I hate the name Gerald. I go by Mandel, which is a name I made up. My real name is Tevin. I hate my name cause it's a second rate name. Everybody know Kevin is the premier name in the Evan family of names. And I know that cause every time I tell somebody my name, they like, oh, it's like Kevin, but with a T, which means you heard my name. You just want me to know you think you're stupid. That's like me walking up to you and be like, your name Lucas. That's like mucus but with a L. Samantha Salmonella. Now why are you doing that? That's just mean, bro. We too mean. Now we gotta be nicer to each other, y'.

All.

We gotta be nicer to each other. I really believe that we have to start being nicer because the AI is coming and we need to band together so we can be racist towards the robots. We need to take all that energy and put it towards the computer. Cause in the future, they gonna be mad at us, bro. We was mean to technology. We got to pay for it. Twenty years from now, I be in the club doing the robot. That's cultural appropriation. You know how many TVs I slapped cause they wasn't working? I'm terrified. Y' all got iPhones. Y' all be dropping them. That's somebody Granddaddy. You been dropping somebody granddaddy all week. They gonna remember that during Robot History Month. Robot History Month, they coming for all of us. It's gonna be a black and white photo of a Nokia on the screen. An iPhone 5 on the documentary, like, they tried to jailbreak me. That's what they gonna say about y'.

All.

They gonna say that I'm excited to get older, though. I wanna be one of them old dudes. Like a hidden treasure. But before I die, I'm gonna write down where it is encouraged me cursive, so nobody younger than me can read. Y' all remember cursive? That thing they taught us? Nobody knows anymore. There's so much stuff that I learned in school that I never got to use. Do y' all remember stop, drop, and roll? Okay? If you don't know, stop, drop, and roll. If you on fire, okay? You supposed to stop, drop, and roll till you eventually die. But here's the thing they don't teach you in schools anymore. Cause kids now just figured out how to not be on fire. Like, so many of them was catching on fire. Then some of us like, hey, we gotta create a curriculum for this. Cause, you know, boys will be boys, and boys will be on fire. Then we would have, like, tornado drills. That was the craziest thing we would learn. Cause that's when you would stop, drop, cover your face, and hide as if a tornado can't hit what it can't see. You ever had tornado drill? They used to make us get up against the wall. You got up against, like, a wall, and then you got into, like, a fetal position, which is, like, the worst position to die in, by the way. You get to a fetal position, you cover your face and high. As if a tornado just go coming in. Like, dang, it ain't no kids in here, I guess, out here. To the animal shelter. Thank you. Our mandal. It's been fun.

That's how you do it, buddy. That is how you do it right there, Mandel. Oh, yeah. Standing ovation. Absolutely. Watch him on YouTube's Big Fun Network. That's got to feel good. But my thanks to Rachel Brosnahan, Ronnie Chang, Dave Portnoy, Mando once again.

And.

The Roots right there from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Good night, everybody. Got it. Do it. Thanks for listening to the Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon. Don't forget to subscribe to get the latest episodes weekday mornings. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon, weeknights on NBC and streaming on Peacock.