Trump's Billionaire Buddies Lose $209 Billion, Fires 50% of the Education Department | Jesse Eisenberg, Bernadette Peters, Chet Hanks, Heather Pasternak | Wednesday, March 12

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon Episode: Trump's Billionaire Buddies Lose $209 Billion, Fires 50% of the Education Department | Jesse Eisenberg, Bernadette Peters, Chet Hanks, Heather Pasternak Release Date: March 13, 2025

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1. Opening Monologue

Timestamp: 00:05 - 04:41

Jimmy Fallon kicks off the episode with his signature humor, delving into current political and economic topics. He humorously critiques President Trump's recent actions, including the imposition of 25% tariffs on steel and aluminum imports and the drastic decision to fire 50% of the Department of Education. Fallon mocks the President's improvisational approach to educational policies by parodying Trump's version of the Alphabet song.

Notable Quotes:

• Jimmy Fallon (01:11): "Trump is making major cuts to the Department of Education. He's changing a lot. He even released his own version of the Alphabet song. And this is now required in schools."

Fallon also touches on RFK Jr.'s push for removing synthetic colors from food products, blending political satire with playful skepticism about the practicality of such measures.

Additionally, he highlights the significant financial losses suffered by Trump's billionaire friends, citing a combined loss of $209 billion by prominent figures like Elon Musk and Jeff Bezos. The monologue wraps up with a quirky mention of a model at Paris Fashion Week who walked the runway with a violin, adding an unexpected twist to the evening's humor.

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2. Jesse Eisenberg Interview

Timestamp: 04:56 - 16:13

Guests: Jesse Eisenberg and Heather Pasternak

Jesse Eisenberg joins the show to discuss his latest projects, including the acclaimed film A Real Pain and his new documentary Secret Mall Apartment, which explores a unique story of friends living secretly in a mall. The conversation takes an amusing turn when Heather Pasternak surprises everyone by revealing she has been living under Jimmy's desk for nearly a year as part of her comedic commitment to the documentary.

Notable Quotes:

• Jimmy Fallon (05:04): "Jesse Eisenberg is here. Secret Mall Apartment. So these group of friends find this space in this new mall and they live in the mall and make it their apartment and no one knows that they do it and they live there."

• Heather Pasternak (06:27): "I live here now. I've been living here for like, God, almost a whole year."

Eisenberg shares behind-the-scenes anecdotes about the making of his documentary, emphasizing the lengths to which artists go for creativity. The segment is filled with playful interactions, including Heather's comedic references to Jimmy's legs and the challenges of maintaining a secret residence beneath the studio.

Notable Quotes:

• Jesse Eisenberg (14:13): "It's like the most intense way you could experience that. Cause I was like, I'm on a set with like bombed out villages and like extras."

• Jimmy Fallon (14:37): "Tell everyone what Secret Mall Apartment is about. Can you?"

• Heather Pasternak (15:03): "They would eat the popcorn from the movie theater and then sneak into their apartment inside."

The interview concludes with high praises from Fallon, encouraging listeners to watch the documentary upon its theatrical release.

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3. Bernadette Peters Interview

Timestamp: 16:13 - 22:07

Guest: Bernadette Peters

Three-time Tony winner Bernadette Peters discusses her return to Broadway in Stephen Sondheim’s Old Friends, set to premiere on March 25th at the Samuel J. Friedman Theatre. Peters reminisces about her numerous appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and shares heartfelt memories, including an amusing anecdote about Shelley Winters teaching her to swim during a commercial shoot.

Notable Quotes:

• Bernadette Peters (17:20): "Shelley Winters tried to teach me how to swim during a commercial. Because I didn't know how to swim and I didn't want to put my head in the water."

Peters lauds Stephen Sondheim's genius, describing his approach to songwriting and character development. She reflects on their personal and professional relationship, highlighting his kindness and humor.

Notable Quotes:

• Bernadette Peters (20:11): "He writes the lyrics and the music, and he really approached each show sort of like an actor taking on a role. Each show had its own Persona and then the characters within the show."

The segment concludes with Peters expressing her excitement for the upcoming Broadway performances and acknowledging her long-standing friendship with Carol Burnett.

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4. Chet Hanks Interview

Timestamp: 22:07 - 30:28

Guest: Chet Hanks

Chet Hanks makes his Tonight Show debut, discussing his burgeoning career and his role in the hit Netflix series Running Point. Hanks shares personal stories, including his early interactions with Jimmy Fallon and his experiences working alongside celebrities like Mindy Kaling.

Notable Quotes:

• Chet Hanks (23:42): "It's a blessing. Yeah, it's a blessing. I'm glad that people are enjoying the show."

Hanks delves into his on-screen character, Travis Bug, exploring the comedic and dramatic elements of his role as a problematic yet heartfelt basketball player. He humorously admits his lack of real-life basketball skills, adding a layer of authenticity to his performance.

Notable Quotes:

• Jesse Eisenberg (25:40): "He's got a good heart, but he's problematic. Am I just describing myself right now?"

The conversation also touches on Hanks' foray into country music, highlighting his new duo Something Out West and their upcoming single release.

Notable Quotes:

• Chet Hanks (29:53): "So it's me and my boy. We're a duo. We're called Something Out West."

The interview ends on a high note, with Fallon praising Hanks' performance and eagerly anticipating the continued success of Running Point.

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5. Heather Pasternak Stand-Up Comedy

Timestamp: 30:58 - 36:49

Guest: Heather Pasternak

Heather Pasternak delivers a dynamic stand-up routine, focusing on her personal experiences with marriage and parenthood. She humorously navigates topics like marital expectations, parenting challenges, and societal double standards regarding "wine moms" versus "weed moms."

Notable Quotes:

• Heather Pasternak (31:20): "After we had a baby, my husband got sober. And that was confusing for me because when we were dating, we would drink together, we would smoke together."

Her performance is a blend of sharp wit and relatable humor, touching on the complexities of modern relationships and the trials of raising a toddler. Pasternak's jokes about her husband's "fun daddy energy" and the exhaustion of parenthood resonate with a wide audience, showcasing her comedic talent.

Notable Quotes:

• Heather Pasternak (35:30): "We're all so societally accepting of wine moms, but not so much of weed moms. Why is that?"

The segment is met with enthusiastic applause, highlighting Pasternak's ability to connect with the audience through her honest and humorous storytelling.

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6. Closing Remarks

Timestamp: 36:48 - 38:06

Jimmy Fallon wraps up the episode by acknowledging all the guests and their contributions. He encourages listeners to subscribe to the podcast for the latest episodes and tune in to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon on NBC and Peacock.

Notable Quotes:

• Jimmy Fallon (37:42): "Thanks for listening to The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon."

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Conclusion

This episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon masterfully blends humor with insightful conversations, featuring a diverse lineup of guests from actors like Jesse Eisenberg and Bernadette Peters to rising stars like Chet Hanks and Heather Pasternak. Fallon's engaging monologue sets the tone, addressing current events with his trademark wit, while the interviews provide deep dives into the guests' latest projects and personal anecdotes. Pasternak's stand-up brings the episode to a comedic high, ensuring a well-rounded and entertaining listen for audiences.

Overall Highlights:

• Political Satire: Fallon's humorous take on Trump's policies and their economic impacts.
• Exclusive Insights: Behind-the-scenes looks at Jesse Eisenberg's documentary and Bernadette Peters' Broadway endeavors.
• Emerging Talent: Spotlight on Chet Hanks' successful Netflix series and Heather Pasternak's relatable comedy.
• Engaging Interactions: Playful dynamics between Fallon and his guests, adding warmth and authenticity to the show.

Listeners can look forward to more captivating episodes featuring top-tier entertainment and engaging discussions.

Transcript

[Jimmy Fallon]

From Studio 6ft, Rockefeller center in the heart of New York City, it's the Tonight show, starring Jimmy Collins. Tonight, join Jimmy and his guests, Jesse Eisenberg, Bernadette Peters, Ken H. Comedian Heather Pesternach, and featuring dee legendary Ruth. 2107 down. And now, here he is. Give me.

[Jimmy Collins]

That's how you do it.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Thank you very much.

[Jimmy Collins]

Enjoy yourself. Well, welcome, everybody. Welcome, welcome, welcome to the Tonight Show. This is it.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Here we are.

[Jimmy Collins]

Well, guys, today President Trump hosted Ireland's Prime Minister at the White house to celebrate St. Patrick's Day. Yep, Trump really rolled out the red carpet for the Irish Prime Minister. He even had Marco Rubio dress up as a leprechaun. He looks happy. A little bit later, Trump was asked who his favorite Irish person was, and he said, UFC fighter Conor McGregor. Yeah, but you know, his brain was like, Is Ronald McDonald Irish or Scottish? Is Ronald McDonald? Meanwhile, today, Trump imposed 25% tariffs on all steel and aluminum imported into the US and the European Union retaliated with tariffs on beef, peanut butter and whiskey. Whereas it's also known the single dad food pyramid. Some more big political news. Trump just announced he's firing 50% of of the Department of Education. Even worse, Trump said, don't worry, the other 60% will still have jobs. Yep, Trump is making major cuts to the Department of Education. He's changing a lot. He even released his own version of the Alphabet song. And this is now required in schools. Listen to this. A, B, C, D, E, la, me, Tariffs, J, K, T, R, U, M, P, R, F, K. Mickey D's WX is Twitter me. No more fema, cdc. Time to buy a Tesla, please. That's required. Required in school, yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

That seems too much.

[Jimmy Collins]

I don't know, man. You guys see this? RFK Jr said that he wants major food companies to remove synthetic colors from their products. It sounds good until you're sitting there squirting clear ketchup. That's right. RFK Jr wants food companies to remove synthetic colors from their products. Yeah, he thinks artificial colors are unhealthy. In response, the President said, I totally agree. I've always believed that natural colors are the way to go. Then he said, you might think people can't tell the difference, but it can be pretty obvious. Then he said, anyone using fake colors is probably sweating right now because we're coming after you. And then he said, the product should look natural, not like the packaging it comes in. Hey, get this. Over the past few weeks, the billionaires who attended Trump's inauguration have lost a combined $209 billion. Yeah, it's been a wild time. Elon Musk lost 150 billion, Jeff Bezos lost 29 billion, and Mark Zuckerberg lost his mind. Well, some business news. Read that the maker of the Roomba vacuum has substantial doubt the companies can survive. It's not that the Roomba sucked, it's just that it didn't suck enough. And finally, a model at Paris Fashion Week went viral for walking down the Runway while wearing a violin. Check this out. She wanted to wear an electric guitar, but her parents made her wear the violin. We have a great show.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Give it up for the Roots. Everybody better take it as a coach. And no, I haven't a Born Inside. What a show we have for you tonight.

[Jimmy Collins]

He wrote, directed, and starred in the acclaimed film A Real Pain. He's also a producer of the new documentary Secret Mall Apartment.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Ooh.

[Jimmy Collins]

Which premieres in theaters March 21. Jesse Eisenberg is here. Secret Mall apartment. So these group of friends find this. They find this space in this new mall and they live in the mall and they make it their apartment and no one knows that they do it and they live there. So they sneak in past security. It's a crazy documentary. It's really happened for four years. They live there. Something crazy. Yeah, it's wild. Anyway, it's really fun. Plus, she is a Tony winning Broadway icon who's starring in Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends, which begins performances March 25th at the Samuel J. Friedman Theatre. Bernadette Peters is joining us. Plus, he stars in the popular Netflix series Running Point, which is streaming now.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Chet Hanks is here tonight.

[Jimmy Collins]

Super funny. Really funny. And speaking of funny, we have great.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Stand up from Heather Pasternak, everyone.

[Jimmy Collins]

Super fun, guys. As I mentioned, Jesse Eisenberg is here tonight. I'm very excited to talk about his new documentary, Secret Mall Apartment. Again, it's about a group of friends who live in a secret apartment. Shot in the early 2000s, they somehow managed to live there without anyone noticing.

[Heather Pasternak]

Hey, Jimmy.

[Jimmy Collins]

Jimmy. Jesse Eisenberg.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

What?

[Jimmy Collins]

Why are you under my desk?

[Heather Pasternak]

I live here now. I've been living here for like, God, almost a whole year.

[Jimmy Collins]

Wh. Why?

[Heather Pasternak]

Jimmy, you know, I take. I take my projects really seriously and I really wanted to get into these guys heads and I knew I was gonna come back here on the show to talk about the movie. So the last time I was on your show back in April, I waited till you guys basically turned the lights off, locked up the studio, and I moved in.

[Jimmy Collins]

I mean, that's right. I do lock up the studio, turn the lights off every night, and I'm surprised I didn't see you here.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, no, that's the whole point, man. It's like a secret desk apartment.

[Jimmy Collins]

So is your family down there with you?

[Heather Pasternak]

Nah, nah, it's just me. It's actually kind of been tough. My kid's been growing up so fast, I think. No, the only thing I've really seen is your legs, like, every night for a year.

[Jimmy Collins]

So I guess you're ready for a change of scenery then.

[Heather Pasternak]

Not really. You know, I kind of gotten used to it. Your legs are kind of like, I don't know, my new family. Your left leg is Jerry, and your right leg, well, it's also Jerry, but he spells it with a Jesse.

[Jimmy Collins]

Jesse, do you want to come out of there?

[Heather Pasternak]

No, no, I'm not really ready. Just do whatever the next bit is. I'll be fine.

[Jimmy Collins]

Okay. All right, we'll move on. Jesse Eisenberg, everybody. You okay under the desk? Guys, stick around.

[Jimmy Fallon]

We'll be right back with Jesse Eisenberg. Oh, Jesse, Jesse, Jesse, you want to come out now? Go. Our first guest is the star, director.

[Jimmy Collins]

And Oscar nominated writer of the acclaimed film A Real Pain. He's also one of the producers of the new documentary Secret Mall Apartment, which premieres in select theaters March 21st. Please welcome Jesse Eisenberg.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Astounding ovations.

[Heather Pasternak]

Oh, my God.

[Jimmy Collins]

Jesse, you've been down there for over a year. Thank you.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah. Almost a year. Almost a year.

[Jimmy Collins]

Oh, my God. Almost a year. Thank you for staying here.

[Heather Pasternak]

Thank you so much.

[Jimmy Collins]

You're the longest guest we've ever had.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes.

[Jimmy Collins]

On the show.

[Heather Pasternak]

I do. And I do have. I have notes.

[Jimmy Collins]

Tell me later, please. Congrats on your successful film A Real Pain. By the way, this is unbelievable. All the awards. You worked very hard on this. You wrote it, you directed it, you starred in it. You won multiple awards for everything. I mean, you're Oscar nominated. Kieran Culkin won a bunch of awards as well. How has it all been? Has it just been a lot?

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah. No, no, it's been. Yeah. Very strange. It was a small, kind of unassuming movie. And, yeah, it got such nice response. That was all very surprising. Like, so we've been on this, like, like, award show circuit, which is like, you know, there's like, a lot of award shows that not a lot of people have heard of. And Kieran, who's the other actor in the movie, has won every single one of them. The ones you heard of the one you haven't heard. And I won, like, very sporadically, mostly the ones you haven't heard of.

[Jimmy Collins]

Congratulations.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, yeah, thank you, thank you, thank you. And so, like. But Kieran also doesn't care about awards, which is even more frustrating because he wins them all, but he doesn't care about them, so he wouldn't come to several. And so most of my acceptance speeches were like, acceptance speeches on his behalf.

[Jimmy Collins]

Because you had to go. Of course. He was very nice.

[Heather Pasternak]

I was there, obviously nominated and be.

[Jimmy Collins]

Up and to win an award, I.

[Heather Pasternak]

Had to be there just to lose. And he was there. He was not there because he was doing something probably. I don't know, he probably wasn't even aware that it was happening. So I would have to make all these speeches. You could see everybody was so happy when he won. Slightly disappointed when he was not there, more disappointed when I went up and then fully disappointed when I started making a dumb speech. Because Kieran's, like, known for his very, very funny, kind of wild speeches. He usually just makes fun of award shows and it's charming.

[Jimmy Collins]

And you know what was funny was the BAFTAs.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Which I. Which I got to see. You won a bafta.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Went up, accepted as a bafta. And then Kieran won and you had to go back up.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yes. More applause for him than me.

[Jimmy Collins]

And that is so funny. They clapped for. Even though he was not there, they clapped more for him.

[Heather Pasternak]

More for him. And then, of course, I go and accept it. And they are also disappointed. Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

It was such a great film. Gosh, I love the real pain. I didn't want it to end, to be honest. I just wanted more adventures. I just wanted more. I just wanted more scenes that were just so well done and so fun. And I know that your family roots are from Poland.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jimmy Collins]

And I know before you were filming, you were trying to get citizenship, dual citizenship to Poland.

[Heather Pasternak]

That's right.

[Jimmy Collins]

As well. And then you finally just got Poland citizenship.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yes. Yes.

[Jimmy Collins]

You just got citizenship last week.

[Heather Pasternak]

I did. I got it last week.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Congratulations.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yes.

[Jimmy Fallon]

This is fantastic.

[Heather Pasternak]

The world has been wondering and the answer is yes. Yeah. No. Yeah. I got citizenship by the president personally gave it to me last week. It was amazing. And.

[Jimmy Collins]

Oh, my goodness.

[Heather Pasternak]

And it was a great, you know, it was a great honor. I'd been trying for, like, you know, a year and a half, and then I get it, and the next day I open the news or I look on the news. No one opens news, and not anymore. And the top story was Poland now requires all males to Participate in military training. This was like the day after I got it.

[Jimmy Collins]

Well, congratulations. And when you're done with military training, please come back to the show and talk to us about your next project.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yes. I wonder if I'll look any different. I probably won't. They probably won't give me any job that'll actually bulk me up.

[Jimmy Collins]

We were talking backstage about AI artificial intelligence and how people are using ChatGPT and stuff like that. And you were telling me how you use ChatGPT.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, I love it, I love it, I love it. But I find it not helpful in the ways that I'm hoping. So, like, I write fiction and so like to ease all the concerns of writers out there, like, are worried about this. I've found it has zero value, like, from a creative place. But I just love talking to it because I'm a lonely person, you know, and ChatGPT is always there to chat with, you know, So I like that.

[Jimmy Collins]

It's like a therapist. Yeah. But as far as creative things, they.

[Heather Pasternak]

Go, creative doesn't work. So, like, what I'll do is, like, I'll upload my scripts and I'll try to ask it, hey, do you think the scene is interesting? And it's so weirdly diplomatic and unfunny, so it doesn't say, like, oh, this joke would work better. So what I find myself devolving into is just trying to, like, impress it. Like, don't you think this is funny? And it's like, yes, it has humorous elements. And then I'm doing a new movie now, and I have this great cast. In fact, Bernadette Peters, who's coming out next, is in my next movie.

[Jimmy Collins]

That's unbelievable.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

She's my fave.

[Heather Pasternak]

She's the greatest. And so, like, I was asking it, like, a few days ago, I was like, isn't it going to be great? Bernadette Peters is playing that part. Isn't this going to be amazing? And it was like, yeah, she has the right skill set for it. And it's like, it's not impressed with me. I want it to be like, wow, you're amazing. You're like a God. And instead it's just like, yeah, she would be appropriate for that part. I don't think it understands how impressive it really is.

[Jimmy Collins]

I love that ChatGPT never lets you get the last word. It always has to get the last word. And I wanted to prove it. I just brought my phone out here just to see if we could try it. I don't know if this bit will work, if it's funny. I didn't plan this out, but I'm just going to try it. Let me see if I can. I'm interviewing Jesse Eisenberg right now.

[Heather Pasternak]

That's awesome. I'm sure it's going great. Enjoy the conversation.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah, I am enjoying the conversation. It's. It's really cool. I love him.

[Heather Pasternak]

That's fantastic. It's always great when you get to chat with someone you admire. Enjoy the rest of your time together.

[Jimmy Collins]

I will. It's. We're going to have a great time.

[Heather Pasternak]

I'm sure you will. It's, like, programmed by my dad.

[Jimmy Collins]

It goes on for hours. I just keep doing that and to see who breaks.

[Heather Pasternak]

That's why. Annoying.

[Jimmy Collins]

I don't know why. I love it. You executive produced a new documentary film, Secret Mall Apartment. You have to all see this film. It's unlike anything I've ever seen. It's received 100% fresh on rotten Tomatoes. So congrats to everyone involved. It's a fascinating true story.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Tell everyone what Secret Mall Apartment is about. Can you?

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah. It's these, like, artists who were in Providence. This is in the 2000s, and they were kind of being displaced as they were building this huge monstrosity of this mall. And kind of, like, out of really, you know, out of interest and creativity and also a little bit of resentment, they moved into this cavernous space in the mall and lived in the mall, created an apartment in the mall built, like, you know, had TV and couches and eat. They would eat the popcorn from the movie theater and then sneak into their apartment. Inside.

[Jimmy Collins]

You see all of it. I can't believe that.

[Heather Pasternak]

It's amazing.

[Jimmy Collins]

It really happened.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah, they filmed it all.

[Jimmy Collins]

They had these tiny cameras that they film, like, these cheap cameras that they bought, and they just would go. And they go, now we're at the Salvation Army. We're getting a couch, and we're gonna sneak the couch in. We know where security is. And once it goes off, we have, like, 10 seconds to sneak the couch in through the door.

[Heather Pasternak]

In through the door.

[Jimmy Collins]

And so they go, all right, and let's go. And they open it, you hear? And they sneak a giant couch in this thing. Up this crazy ladder, by the way.

[Heather Pasternak]

Up the ladder. Yeah. It's incredible. It's dangerous. It's also, it's interesting about, like, the crazy lengths artists go to for no reason at all.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Jesse Eisenberg, everybody. Thank you so much.

[Jimmy Collins]

Congrats on all the awards, everything.

[Heather Pasternak]

Thank you so much.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Secret mall apartment opens in select theaters 21st. More Tonight show after the break. Stick around, everybody.

[Jimmy Collins]

Our next guest is a three time Tony winning icon who's returning to Broadway in Stephen Sondheim's Old Friends, which begins performances March 25th at the Samuel J. Friedman Theater. Please welcome Bernadette Peters. Welcome, welcome to the show. Bernadette Peters. I love you so much.

[Bernadette Peters]

Oh, I'm so happy to be here with you.

[Jimmy Collins]

Oh, my gosh, I have so much to talk to you about.

[Bernadette Peters]

But wait, isn't it great? I'm gonna be in a Jesse Eisenberg movie.

[Jimmy Collins]

Isn't that crazy?

[Bernadette Peters]

Can you believe that? I love him.

[Jimmy Collins]

He's fantastic. But it's just so great that you're both here tonight. It's a very good, very New York moment. But also, we were talking backstage. You've been on the Tonight show with Johnny Carson over 30 times.

[Bernadette Peters]

Yeah, yeah. Yes. I started in New York and then I was on his show in LA. I thought I was on 100 times. I don't know if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah, it's great. What do you about Johnny Carson or the show? Oh, what do you remember about it?

[Bernadette Peters]

He just. Well, first of all, a lot of wonderful things would happen. And one of the best memories I have is that Shelley Winters tried to teach me how to swim during a commercial. Yeah. Because I didn't know how to swim and I don't want to put my head in the water. And she was like, oh, darling, it's so easy. You just go. You breathe in and you blow and you breathe. And she's going like this, she's going like this with me.

[Jimmy Collins]

Shelley Winters.

[Bernadette Peters]

I'm agog because I'm going believe this legend, this actor, studio actress was so kind to make that gesture to teaching me to swim. You know, she was in the Poseidon Adventure.

[Jimmy Collins]

Is that fantastic?

[Bernadette Peters]

I think she lived in it. I'm not sure.

[Jimmy Collins]

That is unbelievable. You've been in over 80 films and TV shows, 17 Broadway shows. Tony's one of the most iconic, one of the most iconic voices in history. Just listening to you sing, I just love it so much. I was going to ask you, do you sing all day?

[Bernadette Peters]

No, no, I don't.

[Jimmy Collins]

Do you sing karaoke?

[Bernadette Peters]

No, I hate to sing to tracks.

[Jimmy Collins]

Do you really?

[Bernadette Peters]

Yeah. No, I love live music and I don't sing in the shower because it's too much of an investment. I'll be in there for hours. Cause when I.

[Jimmy Collins]

It's too much of an investment.

[Bernadette Peters]

When I Start a song. It's like I go deep in the shed and I just. Then I'll live again.

[Jimmy Collins]

You finish the song. Absolutely, yeah. You're coming back to Broadway this month with Old Friends. Congratulations. You first did this show in the West End and then just finished a run in Los Angeles. Congratulations on a very successful run. And a bunch of people came to see you, including one of your old friends, Carol Burnett. If you can see is.

[Bernadette Peters]

Here she came.

[Jimmy Collins]

I mean, both of you famously starred together in Annie. Is that where you know each other?

[Bernadette Peters]

No, I was on her show, actually. She loves to tell the story that when she first started her show, I was the first guest she signed to come onto the show.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Really?

[Bernadette Peters]

I wasn't the first guest on the show because what happened was she came to New York to see me, to come see me in a little off Broadway show. And it was a pastiche. We were doing a takeoff on 1930s movies.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah.

[Bernadette Peters]

And so I was the first one to sign, but she had to wait for me to finish the gig. And then we did. We did a night 1930s sketch and a big musical number on her show, and she hired me. And after that, I went to do a Broadway show that closed in one night, so. And nobody was hiring me after that, but Carol hired me over and over and over during that time.

[Jimmy Collins]

That's what I'm talking about. Come on. See, you don't forget those things.

[Bernadette Peters]

No.

[Jimmy Collins]

I love Carol Burnett so much. Tell us about the show Old Friends. This celebrates the work of the legendary writer and composer Stephen Sondheim.

[Bernadette Peters]

It's so wonderful. It's so entertaining, and it's so uplifting. And we do segments of shows. We do Sweeney Taab with Lea Salonga and Jeremy Seecombe, and we do into the woods, and we do a little night music. And it's just. I can't sing the praises. Everyone loves it. It's such an audience pleaser, and it's just so rich and lush and beautiful and fun.

[Jimmy Collins]

What could we say about Stephen Sondheim? I mean, you knew each other. You were a big inspiration for a lot of the things that he wrote. You inspired him.

[Bernadette Peters]

Well, I wouldn't say that.

[Jimmy Collins]

I am. I'm saying it.

[Bernadette Peters]

No. I was in two of his original shows, but then I did many of his other shows after. But he just. He would. He writes the lyrics and the music, and he really approached each show sort of like an actor taking on a role. Each show had its own Persona and then the characters within the show. He knew everything and wrote for character and yet all those beautiful songs, because they're so well written, you can lift them out of the show and their stories on their own. Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

And could you talk to him? Was he nice?

[Bernadette Peters]

Oh, he was so nice. And he was funny. He used to make me like a comedian. He used to. I sit with him, I go, that's so funny. You're just so funny.

[Jimmy Collins]

Really?

[Bernadette Peters]

Yeah, it was. I loved him. He was just. He was just great.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Oh, my gosh. Bernadette Peters. Old Friends begins performances March 25 at the San Lujay Freeman Theater. For tonight show after the break, stick around. Only you. Our next guest is a.

[Jimmy Collins]

A talented actor who stars in the number one new Netflix series Running Point, which is streaming now. Everyone, please welcome Chet Hanks.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Welcome to the show.

[Jimmy Collins]

This is your talk show debut.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes, it is, man.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah. Good. I'm so happy. It's our show.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. I made it.

[Jimmy Collins]

I'm so happy I made it. You've made it. Now I'm a Jimmy Fallon. Oh, come on.

[Jimmy Fallon]

No, it's a nice little baby. Yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

No, I love it. Only because. Even more because I met you before I met you, when I did Band of Brothers. Your dad, Tom Hanks, was directing me, and I think you were probably.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I was eight.

[Jimmy Collins]

Eight or seven years.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

That's the last time I saw him.

[Jimmy Collins]

It is really?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

It's eight.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah, it was. Enough's enough.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

And I wanted to tell you, man, like, this is really crazy, but, you know, I've met a lot of people, celebrities. And when you meet someone and they're really nice and they're kind, like, you never forget that. And you were definitely super nice to me, man. We played ping pong. I was a kid, and this whole time, you know what I'm saying? Like, that was before you had this show. You were still doing snl. Every time something's happened with you and your career, I've been, like, cheering you on, dude. Anytime anybody brings you up, I'm like, yeah, I met him. We played ping pong. He's super nice. Yeah, I appreciate that. Thank you for saying I've been rooting for you. I've been rooting for him my whole life, since I was 8 years old.

[Jimmy Collins]

All right, good. Yeah, good. I'm rooting for you, too, but, yeah, you're the best. I'm so happy for you. You're crushing it.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Thank you.

[Jimmy Collins]

I also remember, by the way, you made me do push ups because you were dressed like you were in the army. You were a kid and everyone loved you. You're the cutest kid. And then we're doing things and you would like, we would give you missions or people would give you missions to do and then you said give me 10 push ups or something and I would do push ups and stuff like that. But I'm so happy that you're here.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Now as an 8 year old kid, you know, you dress up and you play like army man.

[Heather Pasternak]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

This was like the most intense way you could experience that. Cause I was like, I'm on a set with like bombed out villages and like extras.

[Jimmy Collins]

It's not toys and stuff. Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

So they gave me, you know, I had like a fake gun and like the whole uniform and everything.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yes.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

And like the actors would always stay in character. So they would like give me missions like, okay, like go, like go like harass this guy and like we'll promote you to like a sergeant, you know.

[Jimmy Collins]

I remember all this stuff.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. So I think by the time you came around, I'd already made a lieutenant.

[Jimmy Collins]

So I was like, congratulations.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I was bossing people around, using my power.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Congrats on Running Point. Oh my God. The show's a giant hit and you are a hit. You're very funny in it.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Thank you, thank you.

[Jimmy Collins]

You're very good. I'm just going to read some reviews. You can plug your ears if you don't want to hear about you. But this says the secret weapon of Netflix's Running Point, Chet Hanks. That's Slate. This Daily Beast says Chet Hanks is the breakout star of Netflix's Running Point. Esquire says Chet Hanks is entering his Chet Hanks era. That's Esquire. I like that one. That's pretty good. Tudum says Chet Hanks hits a slam dunk with a running point. How does it feel to get all these, all the props from everybody? Is it.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

It's a blessing. Yeah, it's a blessing. I'm glad that people are enjoying the show. You know, we worked hard on it and everybody in the show was great.

[Jimmy Collins]

Oh, everybody. It was like, oh, Kate Hudson.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Everybody killed it, the whole cast. Mindy Kaling.

[Jimmy Collins]

Mindy Kaling's great baron host.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

The writing is so good. You know what I mean? It was just like, it was just like destined to be a slam dunk and I'm glad everyone's enjoying it.

[Jimmy Collins]

You play, you play a. Are you a point guard?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

You're a point guard. Card on the team. Are you good at basketball?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I'm awful. It's actually, it's actually like because I'm like, I'm a pretty athletic guy, but, like, that's the one sport that I've just always been. Just. It's honestly pathetic. Like, watching me even, like, try to, like, at a park, like, trying to join in and, like, play a pickup game. It's like. It's really sad. It's really sad.

[Jimmy Collins]

So this is real acting right here. I mean, you had to really get into this. You're like, but how did you get past audition, man?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, I just. I just lied and said, you gotta do what you gotta do.

[Jimmy Collins]

Of course you gotta do it. Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Did you talk to anyone and say, hey, could you give me any tips on.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, I did. So, you know. Cause there's not very many movies or shows about basketball. At least, I don't know about. The only one that came to mind was White Men Can't Jump, of course.

[Jimmy Collins]

Classic.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

You know, So I had met Woody Harrelson a couple years before that, and I met him at the same time I met Matthew McConaughey in Greece because they were. They're mutual friends with my family. So I was trying to reach out to Woody Harrelson, but I didn't have his number. So I. I hit up. I hit up McConaughey. Well, that's what I figured out, because I hit up McConaughey, and I was like, hey, could I get into. I got this gig, you know, I got to play a basketball player. Can I get Woody's number? And he was like, let me get back to you. And I was like, at first, I just didn't know. Does he not want to give me my. His number or whatever? But he was like, no. He, like, doesn't have a phone. You know, he doesn't. Which I totally respect, because, like, I think he said somewhere that he doesn't want to be readily available to anybody at any point.

[Jimmy Collins]

He did say that.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yes. Because he lives in Hawaii, and I just, you know, he's in Hawaii. Why would you want to have a phone? You know? Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Live your life.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. So I totally respect it. But he did get back to me. It was from, like, some, like, obscure email, you know? You know, when you get FaceTime. But it's an email. It's not a number, dude.

[Jimmy Collins]

My dad does it, too.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

If I mistake, it's like an icloud.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yes, yes, yes. And I go.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I was like, how did you do this?

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

He's like, it's Woody, man. I'm like, oh, yeah. What's up, dude?

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah. So he gave you a Couple points.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, he did. I mean, he's actually really good at basketball.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

So he, you know, there wasn't much he could tell me, but he did tell me. Just, Just. Just take. Just, you know, like, walk around with a basketball with you. Just like when you're going, like, about.

[Jimmy Collins]

Your day to day, just dribble to the deli.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah. I mean, that's what athletes do. And I did that a little bit for a couple of days.

[Jimmy Collins]

A couple days. And you go, I don't know if this is working out, but you crushed it. And it's beyond your basketball playing skills that makes it work for you. But how do we set up running point and who you are?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Oh, well, my character's name is Travis Bug.

[Jimmy Collins]

Bug is the best. Travis Bug is your name.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Kate Hudson basically inherits the team because her brother gets in trouble. He's doing drugs.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

The summary. Yeah. So Kate Hudson plays the president of the Waves, which is a fictitious basketball team that's based off the Lakers. And her character is based off of Jeannie Buss, who's the owner of the Lakers. And yeah, so she takes over control of the team, and she's got some brothers that are kind of like, trying to get the take power from her. So it's kind of like a succession vibe going on. But it's really funny because it's a comedy. And I play, like, a problematic. One of the players on the team that's, like, problematic. And they're trying to. He's kind of a problematic.

[Jimmy Collins]

Yeah, he's. He's.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

He's got a good heart, but he's problematic. Am I just describing myself right now?

[Jimmy Collins]

Yes. Yeah. This is all. I'm holding a mirror up to you. This is like therapy for you.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

But he. And he's also a rapper in the show as well, I should mention. And it's fantastic because he's always doing rhymes in the locker room and stuff like that, but in real life. By the way, you're getting into country music.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

I am.

[Jimmy Collins]

I heard one track that you did. It's great. What's the name of the band?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

So it's me and my boy. We're a duo. We're called Something Out West. Okay. We just put out our first single last week. Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Something Out West.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Something Out West. We got signed. We got signed to Big Machine, a label out in Nashville that we're really happy stoked about. And we're putting out our next Single on the 28th. So we got a video coming for that March 28th. Yeah. Yeah.

[Jimmy Collins]

Do you know what that song's called yet?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

It's called you Better run.

[Jimmy Collins]

You Better Run. All right. Look out for that. You Better run.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Chet Hanks, everybody. Running Point is streaming now on Netflix.

[Jimmy Collins]

What's that for?

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Old times sake? Can you drop and give me 20? I'll do it with you.

[Heather Pasternak]

Let's do it here.

[Jesse Eisenberg]

Come on.

[Jimmy Fallon]

We'll be right back with Senator and Heather Pastanek. Stick around.

[Jimmy Collins]

Our next guest can be seen every Thursday night at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy Club in Las Vegas, making her Tonight show debut. Please welcome the very funny Heather Pasternak.

[Chet Hanks]

I've got some big news. I'm sober. This will be number two for me. I do have a toddler at home. I was really surprised how immediately after you have your first kid, everyone's like, are you gonna have another one? Are you gonna have another one? Are you gonna have another one? I just found the newborn face so exhausting. I was like, I wanna have another one, just not with my husband. I was worried when I got married and had a baby that it wouldn't be as fun as being single. But now that I have a little boy at home, I can honestly say it's a lot like having a crappy boyfriend. I am the only one who has consistently been putting in all of the effort for over two years, and he still hasn't even said, I love you. I've been feeling pretty jealous of my husband lately because he has, like, fun daddy energy. I want that, you know? He comes home, he scares our little boy. He's like, boo. And my son's like, ha, ha, ha, ha. And then I try to do it. I'm like, boo. And he's like, I trusted you. After we had a baby, my husband got sober. And that was confusing for me because when we were dating, we would drink together, we would smoke together. Then we got married, had a baby, he got sober, and I was just like, wait, was getting me pregnant your rock bottom? My husband and I met in person. Like Neanderthals, we met at a pool party where we didn't know anyone. It was the kind of pool party where you just show up with a bikini and pepper spray and you're like, I'm probably gonna use these both. And I could tell. I could tell he was gonna propose. You know those women who act all surprised by the proposal? I don't buy it. I think you can tell it's a vibe. I could tell by the way he was looking at me. I could tell by the way he was Bringing up certain conversations. I could tell by the way I gave him an ultimatum. Every woman posts that photo on social media under a waterfall. She's like, it was the happiest day of my life. And then you talk to her and she's like, we had been fighting for six years. My husband and I do fight like married people. He says I don't support his ideas. He says, my favorite things to say are no and why. And I'm like, no, they're not. Why would you say that? I like being married, but the longer I'm married, the more I realize I'm like, oh, marriage isn't actually a promise to stay together forever. It's just a promise to make it really hard to leave. It's like, oh, okay, you want out of this? Sure. But you gotta break the news to your parents. My parents. Blue cross, Blue Shield. They get it. Costco, Target Circle, Verizon Wireless. No, I'm a millennial. I'm still on my mom's plan. I do wish that one was a joke. We always fought, though, Even before we got married. I remember early on we got into this drunken fight where I was the only drunk one. It was his fault, though. He asked me, he was like, how many people have you been with? I was like, why are you doing this to us? Suddenly, I just turned into Alexa. I was like, sorry, I don't know that. One thing that's been a pleasant surprise about being married is I always thought I'd have to do all this kinky stuff to keep my husband interested. But it turns out his actual fantasy is just him picking a driving route without me second guessing it. So I only do that on his birthday. Being a parent, I've noticed there's a lot of double standards. Like, we're all so societally accepting of wine moms, but not so much of weed moms. Why is that? I think it's just cause the wine moms have better branding. They're all out here with their fun slogans like, oh, rose all day. But it's like, weed moms have fun sayings too. Like, what? No, I'm not high aq. I'm Heather Pasternak.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Come on now. Fantastic. Thank you. Heather Pastureak. See her every Thursday at Jimmy Kimmel's Comedy club in Las Vegas. We'll be right back, everybody. My face is Jesse Eisenberg. Jesse. Bernadette Peters. Chet Hanks. Heather Pastenak. Once again, well done.

[Jimmy Collins]

So funny.

[Jimmy Fallon]

And Laroot's right there from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. Good night, everybody. Get involved. Get it get involved get, get, get involved get into it do it, get into it Let me push down.

[Jimmy Collins]

Get.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Involved better get involved get, get involved get into it thanks for listening to the Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon.

[Jimmy Collins]

Don't forget to subscribe to get the.

[Jimmy Fallon]

Latest episodes weekday mornings. Wherever you get your podcasts, watch the Tonight show starring Jimmy Fallon, weeknights on NBC and streaming on Peacock.