
Hosted by Danny Greene · EN

Dear body... forgive me. You were never the one to betray me, on the contrary, you held me together, your shoulders as hard as the mountains you carry within you. Dear body, I think it might possible for me to love you as much as you have loved me.

A poem with excerpts from letters I wrote to my future husband and how all I wanted was to be A Good Wife. I was a child when I started writing them and I intend to hold onto them forever. Not as a reminder of how easily one can lose oneself but as a reminder that Silence and Abuse are insidious and that I was brainwashed into hating myself by a system that relies on the subjugation of the female sex and I am done.

Fat Girl, you've always been there, always casting your shadow over me. For so long, I resented you, blaming you for other people's judgements... I'm done hating myself. I'm done suffering to justify other people's limited worldviews. I'm going to love you, all of you and not in spite of your fatness, not because of your fatness, I'm just going to accept you and love you. All of you. Every fat girl out there, you are magnificent and beautiful.

Learning to accept my body, to love it, is a big focus for me because when I made the decision to live, I was sentencing myself to this life in this form. Until very recently, that form has been a prison. I've been so angry for so long and before I could even begin to figure out how to unlock this cell, I had to acknowledge my anger. The anger towards my jailers, the people who broke me, who ripped me apart piece by piece. This is where it begins, but it's not where it ends. I am free, but I was not born free.

The limitations of this body and this world have determined my every action. The reality defined for me by others has been slowly killing me and I'm done. I'm done being defined by other people's expectations and I'm done believing that growing up means sacrificing myself on the altar of reality. I'm erasing all the lines and deciding my limitations for myself. Part three of Words and Bumblebee.TW: mentions of abuse.

They're so big, their impact, and yet... they're too small, too small to encompass everything.