(Look! It’s a voiceover recording of this newsletter in my real voice!)

A few years ago, I was working on my new book at a writers’ and artists’ residency called MacDowell, located in New Hampshire. I asked my friend R, who had been to MacDowell before, if she had any advice for me.

“They are so happy to help you,” she said. “If you need anything, anything at all, just ask for it. They'll help you. Nothing is too small. Just ask for it.”

“Oh, okay,” I said, “that's great.”

Right before I left, R emphasized this again. “Remember that you can ask for anything you want there,” she said. “Anything.”

With this in mind, I got to MacDowell, and I was assigned a lovely little cottage with a live-in studio. It had a bed next to two windows, which I would open when it was too warm inside, which was most of the time because of the summer. And because the windows didn't have any screens, mosquitos would fly in, and I’d spend time that I was supposed to be spending writing trying to kill mosquitos.

For three weeks, I thought, “Boy, I am spending a lot of time trying unsuccessfully to kill mosquitos!” Without thinking much about it, I brought these itchy trials and tribulations up at dinner...

….and the other writers and artists were horrified because they all had screens in their windows. Mine had been taken out, apparently, to be cleaned and never returned. And even though I'd been told several times that I could ask for ANYTHING IN THE WORLD, probably including Big Macs and a herd of unicorns, I hadn't thought to ask for window screens to keep the mosquitos out.

Self-advocacy is important and difficult, especially for those of us with mental health or other chronic health issues. We are often told not to trust our own minds, that we are inferior, and that our opinions don't count. It takes a lot of effort to fight against the constant inner and outer criticism. It takes a lot of practice to build a habit of asking for what we need.

Years ago, after I had come out of a very dark point in my life, I started a notebook called "The Care and Keeping of Esmé". It was like a guidebook for myself and the people around me, so we wouldn't have to start from scratch every time things got tough. Easy meals that I could eat. The phone numbers of my health care team. A list of reliable distractions. My husband and I could hand off the notebook to whoever was keeping me company on a given day. In this way, I didn't have to ask for what I needed during a time when I didn't have the energy to ask for it. It was a workaround that worked for us, and I look back at that time and am touched by how badly that past Esmé wanted to continue on, and wanted to continue thriving.

Current-day Esmé is still learning about self-advocacy, especially when it comes to situations that I feel I ought to “just live with.” But I’m trying—and I’ll be sure to ask after some window screens, should I find myself once more in a mosquito-filled cottage.

My husband’s white blood cell count is currently at zero after seven weeks of hospitaliation, with no end in sight. Consider supporting us and this newsletter by purchasing a paid subscfription to REASONS FOR LIVING with Esmé Weijun Wang. And if you are a paid subscriber, thank you so much. You help us keep the lights on.

When it comes to writing memoirs or personal essays, there's a risk we all face: getting lost in the meandering. Listing event after event, feeling after feeling… and ending up with something that may be deeply heartfelt but lacks the clear direction of a true narrative.

Here's the truth: agents and editors are looking for stories that feel complete--stories with a compelling shape.

That's why I'm thrilled to invite you to The Shape of Your Memoir, a live class happening on January 27. In this class, I'll teach you how to transform your memoir or essay into something extraordinary by looking at its overall shape--whether it's traditional, experimental, or something in between.

If you've ever felt like your writing is spinning its wheels, like you're pouring so much of yourself onto the page but still wondering, Where the heck is this thing going?--this is the class for you.

Here's what we'll tackle:

* How to ensure your writing feels like a complete, compelling story rather than a series of disconnected scenes.

* The shapes that memoirs and essays can take--and how to find the one that works for your story.

* What agents and editors love to see in manuscripts (and how to make yours stand out).

Whether you're brand-new to memoirs or essays or you've been writing for years, The Shape of Your Memoir can completely shift how you approach your work—and possibly the trajectory of your writing career.

And the best part? It's an amazing deal at $97, or just $67 if you join The Unexpected Shape Writing Academy.

This is the kind of opportunity that could change everything. The kind of class you look back on months or years from now and think, That's when things started to click!!!

But here's the catch: there's only one chance to attend, and spots are limited. Don't let this be the email you skip over, only to smack your forehead later when you realize you've missed your chance.

Click here to reserve your spot now. And yes, there will be a recording and transcription.

I can't wait to see what you create when your memoir or essay has the shape it's been waiting for.

P.S. I've left room in the class for both traditional and experimental storytelling styles--so no matter how you approach your work, this class will help you shape it into something unforgettable.

* 48 Books by Women of Color to Read in 2025 (Electric Literature)

* There Is No Safe Word: How the best-selling fantasy author Neil Gaiman hid the darkest parts of himself for decades. (New York Magazine/Vulture) (ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS IN THE WORLD) If you don’t have a subscription and can’t afford one, this link will also work.

* I’m obsessed with this Everlane sweater.

* I bought one of these compendiums from an Australian company called LH Planner to keep my planner in, and now it’s one of my favorite possessions; I literally go to bed with it by my head.

* The Afterlife of Big Ideas in Education Reform (Pacific Standard)

My husband’s white blood cell count is currently at zero after seven weeks of hospitaliation, with no end in sight. Consider supporting us and this newsletter by purchasing a paid subscfription to REASONS FOR LIVING with Esmé Weijun Wang. And if you are a paid subscriber, thank you so much. You help us keep the lights on.

Get full access to REASONS FOR LIVING with Esmé Weijun Wang at esmewwang.substack.com/subscribe

Don't Let in All the Mosquitoes

Powered by Wave AI