118: David Koechner | The Wayback with Ryan Sickler #118 | Full Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary

The Wayback with Ryan Sickler

Episode 118: David Koechner | April 2, 2026

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Overview

In this episode, Ryan Sickler sits down with actor and comedian David Koechner for a nostalgic dive into Koechner’s upbringing, formative experiences, and career journey. The two explore Koechner's large Catholic family in small-town Missouri, reminisce about road trips, first cars, strict childhood rules, and the spark that led him toward comedy and entertainment. The conversation is filled with warmth, laughter, and sharp anecdotes, providing both humor and sincere reflection on the quirks of family, memory, and pursuing one’s passions.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Tour Life, Family, and the Cost of College

• Koechner’s Current Tour and Family Life:
  • He promotes his "Never Ending Tour," jokes about having five kids, and describes having both a daughter entering college and a youngest still a freshman in high school.
  • The current cost of college, especially out-of-state, is highlighted humorously but with real stress:
    • Quote:

      “This includes housing. 75. Out of state. $75k. How you doing, gang?”
      — David Koechner (02:35)

    • Further Calculation:

      “$75 a year. You're talking about $300,000 right now for a four-year…”
      — Ryan Sickler (02:55)

    • Koechner underscores that with half of one’s earnings post-taxes, you need to make way more to cover these costs.

Childhood Memories & Family Business (Turkeys, Manufacturing, and ADHD Kids)

• Country Squire Wagon & Sunday Drives:

  • Koechner’s family car, a green ‘70s Country Squire, held six kids.
    Memorable Exchange:

    “Six kids…death trap…It's a suicide rap.”
    — David Koechner (04:02)

  • Sundays were either spent at grandma’s (for her famous coffee cake) or driving into the country, with young David sometimes made to run alongside the car to burn off ADHD energy.
    • Quote:

      "They would make me get out on the country road and run alongside the car. ADHD, baby! Get it out."
      — David Koechner (05:15)

• Family Business: Manufacturing & Turkey Coops:

  • Koechner’s father started a manufacturing business (turkey coops and truck repairs) with a loan from Koechner's grandfather. The business, passed from father to brother to nephews, remains in the family.
    • Quote:

      “The tough thing about turkey coops? My dad built them so well, they last for 25 years.”
      — David Koechner (07:09)

Heritage, Small Town Roots, and the Story of Adoption

• Tipton, Missouri:
  • Small Catholic town originally settled by Germans—Koechner explains the family name's origins and his grandfather's adoption via an "orphan train" (10:12), leading to a humorous but poignant reflection on family, legacy, and pronunciation.
    • Quote:

      “They both are on this adoption train…then they got separated. She went to Iowa. He went to Tipton, Missouri…His cousins wouldn’t accept him because he was adopted."
      — David Koechner (09:10–10:12)

Family Vacations & Road Trip Culture

• Ozarks, Minnesota, and Epic Roadtrips:
  • Koechner reminisces about trips to Lake of the Ozarks, St. Louis, Kansas City, and Minnesota, often via a rented ‘70s Winnebago motorhome.
    • Quote:

      “You rent a motorhome, bro…can I curse? We always break down. For the love of Christ.”
      — David Koechner (12:33)

    • Top Bunk Memories:

      “You can see out the front of that glass. That's what we want. That's where I hang out.” (13:38)

Childhood Home and Sibling Dynamics

• Address and Swingset:
  • Childhood home had the town’s best swingset, built by his dad from scratch.
    • Quote:

      “There used to be the most fabulous swing set in town…my dad built a huge swing set out there.”
      — David Koechner (14:27–15:02)

• Sibling Rivalry and Strict Rules:
  • Six siblings. The kids shared rooms and rarely fought but had strict boundaries—no sneaking out and early curfews.

Strict Discipline & Growing Up as "The Menace"

• Discipline Styles:

  • Koechner was the family "menace." His father dispensed unusual punishments such as making David stand, nose in a circle on the wall, arms outstretched (22:03). Koechner jokes he just did his time.

• Sibling Roles and Suffering:

  • Admits to being tough on a sister (Cecilia) and reflects on the oddities of a strict household and military school threats.

First Cars & Cheap Beer

• Shared First Car:

  • A ‘67 blue VW Beetle, re-painted “sparkle blue.” The story spawns a tangent about his parents' failed “Yellow Pages” car advertisement and paint job (19:42–21:24).
    • Quote:

      “It looks like it's haunted. You see the ghostly image…it looks like everybody knows.”
      — Ryan Sickler (21:11)

• Underage Drinking:

  • Koechner’s first drinks: Miller Ponies and Mickey’s Big Mouth malt liquor at high school poker games (26:16–27:02).
    • Discussion about Mickey’s cap puzzles:

      “Why are you giving a drunk an exercise?”
      — David Koechner (26:50)

School Life, Sports, and Outcast Life

• Tipton High School:
  • Played sports poorly, started high school at 5 foot, 99 lbs. Only later did he grow—but remained the “mouthy” kid.

College, SNL, and the Comedy Spark

• College Experience:

  • Attended Benedictine College, a small Kansas school, for two years, expressing his desire for “adventure” (28:29–29:24).

• Discovering Comedy (SNL):

  • At age 13, while babysitting siblings, he stayed up for Saturday Night Live.
    • Quote:

      “Go to bed so you don’t tell on me. Go to bed. So I’m watching SNL… the opening sketch…Donahue and Chevy and John Belushi, he’s teaching a man English...I want to eat your eyes. Wolverines have very sharp claws.”
      — David Koechner (29:42–31:20)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Cost of College:

  “We’re in show business. We get half of what we make. If I make a dollar, 50 cents is mine. So now I got to make that much…Some people would have bought a house.”
  — David Koechner (03:07–03:27)

• On Being the Wild Sibling:

  “I’m a menace at home.”
  — David Koechner (21:30)

• On Midwestern Catholic Family:

  “47 first cousins on my mom’s side. How you doing? 36 first cousins on my dad’s side. Am I Catholic?”
  — David Koechner (11:50)

• On Childhood Discipline:

  “My dad would draw a circle on the wall…You gotta tiptoe, put your nose in that circle, and hold your arms out … till dinner was over.”
  — David Koechner (22:03)

• On Early Comedy Obsession:

  “I’m watching SNL and I’m just...the opening sketch…John Belushi, he’s teaching a man English...I want to eat your eyes. Wolverines have very sharp claws.”
  — David Koechner (29:33–31:20)

• On Being Recognizable:

  “I’m unavoidable in terms of television.”
  — David Koechner (32:06)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Tour and College Costs: 02:20 – 03:27
• Childhood Car and Sunday Drives: 03:42 – 05:15
• Family Business/Turkey Coops Legacy: 05:56 – 07:21
• Name Origin & Adoption Story: 09:10 – 10:53
• Family Road Trips/Winnebago: 12:30 – 13:41
• First Car (VW Beetle & Yellow Pages Story): 19:42 – 21:24
• Discipline Nose-in-Circle Punishment: 22:03 – 22:28
• Sibling Dynamics and Room-Sharing: 24:03 – 24:41
• High School and Sports Experience: 17:04 – 19:11
• First Beers and Mickey’s Cap Puzzles: 26:16 – 27:02
• College and SNL Comedy Inspiration: 28:26 – 31:20

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Final Thoughts and Plugs

• Koechner’s Current Work:

  • “Never Ending Tour” (dates/info on his website and socials)
  • “The Office Trivia Show” – “The greatest trivia show in the history of trivia shows.”
  • New film "Gany Meets" (“A gay coming-of-age story with a horror twist. I play a nasty preacher.”)

• Closing Banter:

  • With warmth, mutual admiration, and jokes about future meals together:
    • Quote:

      “Not to brag, but, Ryan, I are gonna have a meal at some point.”
      — David Koechner (32:10)

    • “You talk too much, man. You never shut up.” — Ryan Sickler (32:26)

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In sum, this episode captures the best of “The Wayback”—a deeply personal, often hilarious journey through one man’s formative years, colored by the unique perspective of a child in a huge, loving, strict, and bustling family. Koechner’s storytelling and humor shine, making for a lively, nostalgic listen.

Transcript

[A]

Spokane, Washington. I'll see you guys April 3rd and 4th, Buffalo, New York. I'm headed your way. I'll see you guys Friday, April 24th and Saturday, April 25th. Hey, guys. Exciting announcement. We are doing a live Way Back at the Netflix is a Joke festival. It's Monday, May 5th at 7pm at the Hotel Cafe Main stage. It's our first live ever Way Back. We're gonna have a special guest. We're going to have prizes, gifts. We're going to do some fun stuff with you guys as well. So get your tickets now for the Netflix Is a Joke Festival Live way back. Monday, May 5, 7pm at the hotel Cafe. All tickets on my website@ryan sickler.com.

[B]

hey, baby, we going to be here all day. We going to be here all day, baby. I like that kind of party.

[A]

Welcome back to the Way Back, everybody. Ryan Sickler here. Ryan Sickler on all your social media. Ryan Sickler. Thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for watching this show. This show is so fun. This is, you know, the Honeydews and interview show. This is a produced show. We get to bring people's past to life. And I am very excited to have this guest back here with me today. Ladies and gentlemen, David Koechner. Welcome to the Way Back, buddy.

[B]

Bless. Thank you, sir. I'm going to say something. I'm not going to embarrass you. I had to drive over here. It's fine. It's raining in Los Angeles today hard. And there's street parking. Easy street parking lot. This gentleman knows that I'm going to be three minutes late because the traffic is out there waiting with an umbrella. And he pays for my. My meter. That's who we're talking. That's who we're dealing with. No character whatsoever. A monster. A monster ran over there.

[A]

Made sure you stayed dry. I love you, dude. I'm so here.

[B]

You're amazing.

[A]

Before we get into your past right there, promote everything you would like, please

[B]

go to my website, David Koechner. Instagram, David Keckner. It's K o e c H n e r. Same with the TikTok. Somewhere along those posted all of my shows. The name of the tour is now the Never Ending Tour. Because I have five kids and my youngest is a freshman in high school. So it don't end, gang, real quick,

[A]

not to put it out there and we can cut it out if you want to, but you have a child in college and my daughter's 11 and that's going to be what, seven years for me. And you're saying the current average rate of a division one school is how much?

[B]

Well, this includes housing. Okay, 75. Out of state. 75k. How you doing, gang?

[A]

75.

[B]

Let's bang it out for a.

[A]

For a four year.

[B]

The. Per year per.

[A]

I'm sorry, what? Yeah, I thought that was for the four years.

[B]

That's easy. That ain't even a lift.

[A]

75 a year. You're talking about $300,000 right now for

[B]

a four year super smart guy, right?

[A]

Dave Keckner, I thought you were like 75 to 100 for the four year

[B]

out of state tuition. Papa, check this out. You know this. We're in show business. We get half of what we make. If I make. If I make a dollar, 50 cents is mine. So now I got to make that much. You got it. To put that kid through school, and I'm glad to do it.

[A]

600,000 to get the 300 to put her through school.

[B]

Some people would have bought a house.

[A]

Well, thank you for sitting back here. Before we dive in deep here. Have you ever sat in this seat growing up anywhere? Who had the car with the way back? And what was it?

[B]

Ours was a Country Squire. This is going to be early 70s.

[A]

70s.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

That's a beauty.

[B]

Six kids with the. Look at that.

[A]

Look at the front end headlights come up. The little.

[B]

Look at that engine.

[A]

Look at that. That engine is.

[B]

God, it's a chrome bumper.

[A]

How big the front of that. God,

[B]

it's a death trap. It's a suicide rap. You gotta get out while you're young. Because kids lies like us were trapped in a Ford Esquire.

[A]

Wow, look at that. 74:1 right there.

[B]

Country. What did I say? Country square.

[A]

Yeah, Country Square. That's it.

[B]

God bless it. There it is. Green. Look at it. So same car. Except if you don't mind, my interior screen. Now, also, this is the one facing ours. They were the fold up ones, right?

[A]

So you could lay it down, have all the room back there as well.

[B]

And that's where they kept me. You know why? Adhd. How you doing, Ryan? My parents, Sunday, almost every Sunday after church did one of two things. Either we'd go to my grandmother's house every week, which is just next to the church, and they'd talk for hours, like, what do people talk about, right? And no cable, but my mother made. My grandmother made a great coffee cake with icing. So God bless, He'd get that going. If we didn't do that, we'd take a Sunday, drive out into the country.

[A]

You're just rolling around.

[B]

I'm in the back for sure. You know what they used to make me do? Swear to God. And you know that because we've talked and I talk all the time. They would make me get out on the country road and run alongside the car.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Adhd, baby? Get it out. Let him get it out. God damn it. My parents. My nerve. My parents never cursed. I heard my dad say one time in my life. Here's my mother's curse. That's a bunch of. Really Swear to God.

[A]

What did dad say for.

[B]

Something happened at work at the shop, something went wrong, and their belief is

[A]

if we just let them hustle it out.

[B]

There it is.

[A]

Here we go. Right here.

[B]

What is your manufacturing, baby?

[A]

Manufacturing.

[B]

Look at that. So those are all add ons. So the middle. The first one there with the. What's in there? What's in the bay. There is. That's a. It's a grain truck that's getting some work done. Because we do what we call walk in work, Ryan. So that means he needs something done to his truck.

[A]

Oh, this is. Oh, this isn't just the manufacturing of the turkey coops. We're taking care of the equipment here.

[B]

We do walk in work, so that person needed some stuff done.

[A]

I see.

[B]

Keira, if you can find. On the right side to your right, toggle right. There should be some turkey coops. There they are. There's. There's a sign. You see that? Go. While I was running down the road trying to loosen my load Got a world of turkeys on my mind. Yep.

[A]

Look at this.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

This is what now was this your grandfather's or is this all dad?

[B]

My dad. My grandfather gave my dad a loan to start the business. The first one was out at that old house outside of town. That house is gone now, but there then expanded here. And he's added on three or four times. Yeah.

[A]

So who owns this now?

[B]

My brother bought the business from my dad and his sons bought the business from him.

[A]

Okay. So it's still legit in the Keckner family. It's not just called Keckner.

[B]

Yeah. You know the tough thing about turkey coops? My dad built them, so. Well, they last for 25 years. So.

[A]

Yeah, you're yourself, right?

[B]

Yeah, I know.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

My dad's plan was all of us were supposed to work there for the rest of our lives. He was giving us that gift, and I didn't. He couldn't understand. Like, that's not what I want to do? He was like, wow, I built this for you. That's tough.

[A]

Can we go look at the church you would go to all the time. What's it called?

[B]

St. Andrews Catholic Church. They just redid it. They've got to get some. Some new pictures from the inside. It's gorgeous.

[A]

How often are you back there? How often do you go back?

[B]

Well, to Tipton. I see. My sisters live in Kansas City. Okay, so Tipton, like once every three or four years, I've taken my kids.

[A]

You have?

[B]

And I said, okay, kids, you ready? Go through the entire town in what, two minutes? From there it is.

[A]

Holy.

[B]

Is that. Are those the revised pictures? That's it.

[A]

These are the revised church in a small town.

[B]

Y. 100 years old. Wow.

[A]

I mean, that looks like it's in France to me. I mean, I am white trash, but still, it shows.

[B]

Tipton. They just redid the church. There you go.

[A]

Wow, that's really pretty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is where you are. Is this the school, too, or just

[B]

the school to the left? Okay. That's a convent to the right there, Kier. Oh, sorry. Sorry, hon. That is the convent. No, nurses.

[A]

First building here.

[B]

Yeah, that was the convent where the sisters were. There aren't there anymore. That's now administration. In the bottom is a classroom.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And to the right was the rectory, which is where the. The priests lived, and it's also their office for the church there.

[A]

And then the school was next to the. The nuns. Back to the left over there.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Right there. And this is elementary, or is this everything?

[B]

Elementary.

[A]

Elementary.

[B]

And then there's the gym that they've redone. Very nice.

[A]

So this is your. This whole. This is your. You're going to this property forever. Oh, wow.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

There you go.

[B]

So it's. It was. So now you'd think Baptists in Missouri, but this town was established by a bunch of German families, so. I'm not a Keckner. It should be Kirchner. Right. There's an umlaut over the O. Here's the other part. I'm not a Kachner at all. My grandfather was adopted from the Children's of St. Mercy out of New York. They ever heard of adoption trains? They would. They would send kids from New York to New Orleans, and then from New Orleans, they'd spread out on a train to wherever they're going to go. So my grandfather, I GUESS he was 3 or 4, got yanked from the house, the place he knew with his sister, who may have been two, he may have been five or Four. And she may have been two or three. They both are on this adoption train down to New Orleans. And then they got separated. She went to Iowa. He went to Tipton, Missouri, to a couple that couldn't have kids, Right? And then. So I'm not that his cousins wouldn't accept him because he was really. Hector. He was adopted. So scars stain these fucking assholes.

[A]

Fucking assholes.

[B]

Yeah. So 75 or more German families in the. In the. In the. The cemetery. The Catholic cemetery there. Here you're going to see German name after German name after German name. So, Ryan, I ask you, minimum 75 German families, how the. Do you forget how to pronounce Kirchner or K? The oe never makes the short E sound. It's never kicker, you dumbass Coach, near. At least people don't. People won't. They can't say my last name because they look at it and go, I've heard different. I heard. I haven't heard. It's not coaching her.

[A]

Anyway, vacations are. You guys. You're a big. You're a family of what, six?

[B]

Eight. Eight. Yeah.

[A]

So where are you going and how are you getting there?

[B]

So we're. We're 35 miles north of the Lake of the Ozarks, so we'd go down there once or twice a year because our friends. Ah, I had a lake house, which was nice. And so they'd have a pontoon boat, motorboats. We'd go down there once or twice a summer. So we do that. And then what are you going to do? Go to St. Louis for a whole vacation. See the arch, St. Louis Zoo, 6 Flags. Okay, that's a vacation. Then you do the same thing in Kansas City. Worlds of Fun, something like that. Silver Dollar City, Shout out to Kieran. Many times. Many times. So stuff like that. Cousins everywhere. So my. My mom's side, we had 47 first cousins on my mom's side. How you doing? 36 first cousins on my. My dad's side. Am I Catholic?

[A]

All in the area? No, no, no.

[B]

There are a lot of Keckners that lived in Tipton, but the rest were spread out. So Minnesota we went to a couple times. My mom and her brother Pat were close and they had nine kids, and so we all hung out. And so we. They'd come to the lake sometimes and we'd go up to Minnesota. Worst sunburn I ever had was in Minnesota. White skin, you know. Why would you put sunscreen on God. Lake Superior, I think. What's another lake up there? The Lakes Erie. May have been Erie. But God, the sand was hot. So thing I remember the sand was hot. I just got sunburned so there. Go visit cousins.

[A]

How are you getting there?

[B]

You know how we're getting there. So if it's a short trip down to Lake the Ozarks, we're taking the country square. Now you want to go to Sodom City? Three and a half, four hour, huh? You'll go a little further than that. Cameron, Missouri, maybe. Yeah. You rent a motorhome, bro.

[A]

Oh, you rented. You didn't own it?

[B]

Okay, no, no. Cecil bought one later, sir.

[A]

Do you remember what kind?

[B]

Winnebago, baby. What you call.

[A]

Let's look it up. Kirsten. 80s Winnebago.

[B]

God. 70s, honey. Come on, honeydew, it's the 70s Winnebago.

[A]

Let's look up.

[B]

We'd rent him the goddamn things. Can I curse? We always break down. For the love of Christ. The best one, you see the one that has it over the overhead there.

[A]

Over here to the right there. That guy.

[B]

The overhead is that kind of.

[A]

You know what U Haul calls that area up there? That's mom's attic.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

You know that?

[B]

Now there are some that have a. You can see out the front of that glass. That's what we want.

[A]

Oh, out of the top over here.

[B]

That's where I hang out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I say the. My parents are happy. Like, leave your sisters and brothers the alone. They wouldn't say that, but God, I don't know where we went in the summer.

[A]

And then you parking it like that and popping the awning and using it and stuff too. Or is this just weird?

[B]

We're going to someone's house. Yeah.

[A]

There you go. Right there's a smaller one. Look at that window up top. There you go. I see. Yep.

[B]

Oh, we're going to someone's house that my parents probably some relatives.

[A]

So this is pulling in their driveway or out in front of their house.

[B]

They're sitting out. Was sleeping out there. The other in the other. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sit up in that front. That top one. God bless us.

[A]

Do you remember your old address?

[B]

Your house should be 580s Morgan. There it is. So, Kir, you will say this too. When you live in a small town, you have a post office box. So. See, I still didn't know.

[A]

Is that right?

[B]

Yeah, I don't know my address. I lived here all of my life.

[A]

It's not.

[B]

I was talking to Kirsten. She said when she was in high school, she's like, all right, you have to have an address, because that's country bumpkins. Now over to the right, there was a. Right there on the side yard. Right there. There used to be the most fabulous swing set in town. And whoever bought this house tore it down. But my dad built a huge swing set out there.

[A]

There it is.

[B]

You're a genius. Here. Oh, my God. I honor you. Oh, my God. You.

[A]

Holy. Your dad built this?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, my God. Now we know why it's called the Way back, folks. Wow.

[A]

When's the last time you saw that? Look at that.

[B]

I want to show you. My cousin Kent sent me a picture of the house.

[A]

Wait, real quick. This is 2008, you know. Are those. Anybody still in your family in there? Those? Their. No, no.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait. God. My. My. Is. Zoom in. Car.

[A]

Truck.

[B]

There. Yes. That's mom and dad.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Still. Look at the K. Is that right? Yep. 2008. Then I. They're still there. Yes, that's correct. Yep. They're still alive.

[A]

Swing set. Still there.

[B]

Swing set. Oh, God damn. That thing was dangerous. Look at that.

[A]

You don't get an old metal slide like that anymore.

[B]

You think that that slide was your head. Hits stainless steel, sir. That's stainless steel. Did it burn your ass? I do. Bet you get out of here. God bless. Look at that thing.

[A]

My nice yard.

[B]

Yeah. My dad laid those bricks.

[A]

Did he? This right here took a long time

[B]

because he'd do it, you know, when he had time. Put sand down, he'd put the surveyor string on there. All that. God does a pain in the ass. Do you think I helped? Hey, you betcha. My life was work, Ryan.

[A]

Oh, he just had.

[B]

Wait, that's not ours. Just a heart. That's a. That's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's that. The garage over there.

[A]

Oh, this is yours too, back here. Go to the right.

[B]

Get over there and smoke a cigarette. You'd hide in there and have a cigarette for sure.

[A]

Oh, yeah, somebody's. Somebody's getting out.

[B]

What year is that one? This is the 2008 one. Wow. It's my mom's. Yeah.

[A]

This is where you sneak a cigarette over there.

[B]

Either sneak a cigarette or, you know, sweat, because you pretend you have a sweat lodge in the suburb. God. There was a big tree. Right where that tree is, there was an oak that was very big. And we had the most glorious tree house. And it got rot. It got elm rot. That's what it was.

[A]

Oh, really? And this one here.

[B]

Not. Not that one. There's a bigger one in front of it. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, let's go look at your high school.

[B]

All right. Tipton High School.

[A]

Tipton High.

[B]

Cardinals. Not a fan of the Cardinals. We are closer to Kansas City. And you'd think Tipton High School. You're in the middle of state. Why wouldn't you be at Cardinals fan? My cousins is from Kansas City, and my mom grew up north of Kansas City, so.

[A]

So we're royal sand.

[B]

Yeah, well, I'm not a big baseball guy, but football.

[A]

That's why you're Chiefs.

[B]

You know, one time I did when what's his name every night on CNN with his spenders. Larry King. Did a podcast in the end and when he was done with television and I did it with him, and he asked me about baseball, and I said, not a fan. Whatever. And I remember when I was done walking away, put his arm around like, no baseball, huh? Almost like he felt bad for me. Like, you're missing it. Yeah, you're missing it. But baseball is every pitch, right? Every pitch counts. You got to love the stats. My mind's not built for it, Ryan.

[A]

You got to love the stats. And then all the deep thinking that goes into why I'm throwing this one every time, it's not just hurl it at this. It's a. Yeah, It's a minutiae, then. Massive.

[B]

Yeah. Not for dummies.

[A]

So this is high school.

[B]

You want to see my grandmother's house? Keep going down the road here. Really keep the rope going down. That's the one on the right. Right up here to the right there. Here we go. Just past the green. And here we go. Was Grandma Keckner's house was right in there. It was right there. And so we would go there every Sunday after church. Look, we'd walk.

[A]

Yeah, see?

[B]

From the church. Church. No, no, she's passed. So I don't know who lives there now.

[A]

2008. Right there.

[B]

That awning wasn't there when grandma had it, man.

[A]

So you just go from school to here now? What are you. What's your mascot here at the high school?

[B]

Tipton Cardinals.

[A]

Did you play sports at all?

[B]

Very poorly, yes. With no result.

[A]

Would you play?

[B]

I was. Played eighth grade. Basketball? Seventh. Eighth grade. Couldn't even drill. Still can't play now, Ryan, when I started high school, I was 5 foot tall, 99 pounds. My. My cousins were all state, fullback and running back. So I thought, it's gonna happen for me, right? No, son's not. I didn't grow until I was a junior.

[A]

Did you wrestle or anything with that?

[B]

No, no, no. Skills you know, my skill is run in my mouth just a vomit.

[A]

What's your. Let's talk about your first car ever. The one you bought.

[B]

No, I didn't buy it. My dad purchased it for the three older kids.

[A]

Oh, you're all sharing.

[B]

Mark, Mary Rosen, Cecilia. Yeah, we don't. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, and you got it after them.

[B]

We're driving together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 1967 blue Volkswagen Beetle. There it is.

[A]

There it is exactly that one right there.

[B]

Except we painted it. My dad did. Allowed to be paid. We had sparkle blue, glitter blue or something. Yeah.

[A]

I told this story before. I'm going to tell you this because my parents had a 70s Volkswagen, be it a red one, growing up in Maryland, east coast winters, eating the bottom up salts, all that stuff. So the yellow pages comes out with this campaign back when they were. Use your, you know, let your fingers do the walking that you go to them. They'll give you a brand new paint job. They're going to give you a blue sparkly paint job. And on each door, the hood and the trunk, you have to have the go by the book logo. Okay.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You do that for a year or six months or whatever, they then peel it off, you have a new paint job.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. So you're getting. You're riding around advertising them. My parents do this?

[B]

Why wouldn't you.

[A]

They take the stickers off. It clearly looks, I mean it is so obvious that there were decals on this car. And it looks like. Oh, it looks like. Like it's such a difference that it. It. We might as well kept the old.

[B]

So why'd they take it off? Because they thought that was the deals.

[A]

Like, you know, you're marketing for them. You're driving around with that on your car for six months.

[B]

But they took it off before the six months.

[A]

No, no, the. You go back to the dealer or whoever, they peel it off in six months and then it's supposed to be a new paint job and look good.

[B]

It looks like it's haunted. You see the ghostly image of. What was it?

[A]

Ghost image all over it looks like everybody knows. It looks like.

[B]

Oh, you guys do the yellow pages thing?

[A]

It looks like.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

What kind of kid are you? Getting in trouble? Grounded? You ever getting grounded?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you doing to get surrounded Anything?

[B]

I'm. I'm a menace at home.

[A]

Who's. Who's delivering punishments? Mom, dad.

[B]

Dad.

[A]

Dad.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And what is the worst one you ever got as a kid?

[B]

Do you like spank?

[A]

I've been one time it happened to

[B]

me Ate one baby.

[A]

Yeah, eight.

[B]

One. The worst one was probably, I'm saying, eighth grade, freshman year, bothering everybody at the table. Look, dude, I was a menace, right? Plus they didn't get me. They're like, who the is this kid?

[A]

Were you so different than everybody? Was everyone else more alike? Even your siblings were more like. You were definitely the outcast.

[B]

Yeah. My dad would draw a circle on the wall, tip, first of all, tiptoe where your nose is. He'd draw a circle. You gotta tiptoe, put your nose in that circle and hold your arms out for how long?

[A]

And just press it up against there

[B]

like everybody finished dinner probably till dinner was over.

[A]

Like, are you right there where everybody can see you too?

[B]

It's in the dining room.

[A]

That's the example.

[B]

Well, I didn't care like you. I'll do this. I don't give a. I'll do my time. Put me in solitary. I don't care. Let's go, let's go, let's go. They used to threaten military school all the time.

[A]

Really?

[B]

You know, I think in my head, send me. I'll learn to play guitar. And then. Then what? I'll play guitar when I go there, I'm gonna play guitar. What a. What an idiot. God. Oh, play guitar and you'll see. What do you see? You're dead from your drug up. Alcohol overdose. Jesus Christ. Boy.

[A]

How many boys and girls again total?

[B]

Three boys, three girls. Speaking of music. Sargento Underscore official on Tick Tock Sergeant. My. My youngest son, the third of my five, went to a language immersion in South America. Audrey's twin brother, he chose that. Not another highest dollar school. So I love him forever. He went to Costa Rica, Peru and Guatemala. He loved it, learned the language. He sings in Spanish.

[A]

What?

[B]

Sarhento Underscore Official on TikTok he's killing it, man. He wanted to go back to Guatemala. Had a job waiting for him back there. I'm like, dude, what? Then he and his buddy, his buddy's dad owns a studio in Van Nuys and they cut a song and it's this type of music. Are you familiar with the Mexican music there? Cure starts with a C and the one they don't take a breath, it just goes on and on and on and on. He killed it. I'm like, you're not going anywhere. You're gonna see this thing through, dude. You've got.

[A]

Yeah, Good for you.

[B]

So he's killing it, man.

[A]

Nurturing. I love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What about sharing rooms?

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So how many of you are in there at once.

[B]

Me and Mark. Me and Mark. All my life. So let's see, when we move to town, let's see, is it one, two, three bedrooms upstairs, one downstairs. Now the one big bedroom upstairs. The three girls could be in there. And then Mark and I shared the. The front. We shared every one of the three bedrooms. You'd switch a couple years, you know. Oh my.

[A]

You sneaking out?

[B]

No.

[A]

You never snuck?

[B]

Never, not once?

[A]

No.

[B]

My parents are strict, man.

[A]

Really?

[B]

They'd hear you too.

[A]

They would.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No sneaking out. But I was just. My parents gave me a curfew of 11pm when I was.

[A]

That's. That's pretty solid. Oh, a senior. No.

[B]

Well, they were just worried about what the I was gonna do.

[A]

My brother, he us up too. He's a twin and he is too. Yeah, we're both a twin.

[B]

What? Wait, wait, wait.

[A]

We're fraternal twins.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Some 1972 fertility medication. Boom, two of us pop up, which doesn't run in the family. Nothing. But we got our learner's permit and my dad's like, all right, I'm gonna let you guys. Your curfew is 11. And I was like, yeah, but he wasn't. He didn't know the learn. The curfew was 10 for a learner's permit. And my brother, he's like, well, it's actually dad with the. I'm looking at him, he's like, it's 10 o'. Clock. My dad's like, oh, all right, then it's 10. I'm like, Houston.

[B]

Why? Why? Yeah, why? Why? Then what happened? You said he screwed it up. Oh, oh, yeah.

[A]

That's why we had an extra hour. He got in trouble with me. Are you guys fighting in there and too or what? Rough house.

[B]

No, we didn't really fight. The only time my brother and I had a fistfight, we were like real close. So no one's getting hurt, but we're hitting as hard as we could. Real close. We're mad at each other, but no, nothing real bad. Yeah, I was the menace, so I was cruel to Cecilia. Sorry about that. But yeah, generally got along, but you know, it was a button down house, man. You didn't step out of line.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you haven't seen David's honeydew, go watch the honey. Do you start drinking at 10? Who's. Were you stealing dad's beer? Like who's. Where are you getting it?

[B]

Miller ponies, Little ponies. Miller Ponies? Yeah, yeah. One of your buddies would Have a poker night. And we'd be in their basement drinking Miller Ponies. Sometimes Mickey's Big Mouth.

[A]

Bring up the Mickey's Big Mouth cap. The little. They have little puzzles in them.

[B]

I didn't know that.

[A]

Yeah, look at this. There's puzzles right there. See, look at these.

[B]

I did not know that.

[A]

Yeah, so we didn't either. We were drinking it for a while. One night, a friend of mine's like, you know, they got puzzles in them. And see, look. So you have to. Every Mickey's Big Mouth, we'd open it up, we'd start drinking. We'd try to figure out man on the moon. Yeah. These are all the little Mickey Big Mouths. They were always in there too.

[B]

Why are you giving a drunk an exercise?

[A]

That's a great point, too. It's a malt liquor too. Yeah. Mickey's Big Mouth Rainy Cats and Dogs is in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We would get them all the time, try to figure out what the they were.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. I didn't prefer the big mouse because like you said, some alt liquor.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No Miller Ponies. You know, you could. You didn't like the taste of beer. You know, you hate the taste of beer, man. You just drank it.

[A]

I remember my first taste of beer was the fourth of July. I'm with my dad, like a uncle's place or something. They're drinking beer. I'm like, what's it taste like? He's like, you want to sip? And I'm probably like 12 or 13. And it is also. You realize later, too, that there are better beers. I don't know what the they were drinking, but it was dog.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

I was like, oh, what the do you like that for? But I still like cheap beer. In Baltimore. I can go to a bar and Kirsten, look this up. Look up a bucket of Rolling Rocks. A bucket of Rolling Rock ponies. You can go to a bar.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You can go to a bar and get a plate of mussels. I'm gonna bar. Okay. That's the seafood. I miss a plate of mussels. There they are. Mussels marinara or garlic and butter or clams, whatever. And get a bucket of rocks and just sit there and eat and enjoy music. I mean, you can't. There's nothing like that. There you go. There's a bucket of rocks and wings right there. That would be a night at a bar in Baltimore. Bucket of rocks and wings. And you just go get like a six pack of ponies and some wings.

[B]

Now the way you don't have to bother the waitress. You're set for.

[A]

You're set. It's got ice in there. We don't need anything. Give me my bucket. I'll leave you alone. Give you a good tip. Now you graduate. What year?

[B]

1980.

[A]

1980. And then where do you head?

[B]

Go to Benedictine College in Atchison, Kansas. So that's Benedict. And he used to have a north and a south college because it used to be a convent on the south. And a. Whatever it's called. You want to say thank you, sir. Boy, we're not too bad together.

[A]

See?

[B]

Come up with it. We both got a half of mine.

[A]

We got Jack Lemon on the last one.

[B]

Thank you, sir. So, yeah, this is big Benedictine. It's tiny. They've expanded it.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It was two colleges. Now it's just one now they're all on. On the front cross.

[A]

Right in there, too. In that B, bro.

[B]

It became notorious because two years ago, Harrison Buckner Butker, who was our kicker. His. His anti female speech. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's where he did that. Oh, that's where he said women should be in the kitchen.

[B]

They. They invited it?

[A]

Yeah. Hell yeah. Get them over here.

[B]

There's, you know, there's that contingent of Catholics that are hardcore, you know, and

[A]

how long were you here? Two years. Two. You did two years?

[B]

Look, dude, I had to go from a small town to a small college. I didn't want it. I like, I want to get lost, baby. I want to. I want an adventure. This is not an adventure to me. Small town, small college.

[A]

Like, ah, let's end on this. So you're. You discover SNL when. How old are you?

[B]

13 years old.

[A]

13. And you're in that house we see. And that you put your. So that's another thing. You. You babysat your brothers and sisters. How old are you when you're doing that? Like, 10, 11, 13. That's when you start doing that. So like eighth grader, and you're watching two younger kids.

[B]

Three.

[A]

Three.

[B]

Jesus, Cecilia, Joan and Joe. Three. And I'm doing it. You think I'm babysitting. Right, Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, rage. Oh, dude.

[A]

And then you sneak away and you get a little SNL at night. That's your little alone time.

[B]

Go to bed so you don't tell on me. Go to bed. So I'm watching snl and I'm just.

[A]

Do you remember the first thing you saw was.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, the opening sketch.

[A]

Oh, my very first.

[B]

Donahue and Chevy and John Belushi, he's teaching a man is Teaching him English. And Belushi's playing an Eastern European guy. I want to eat your eyes. Wolverines have very sharp claws. Do you remember this?

[A]

I don't remember that one. No.

[B]

I remember.

[A]

Cheese bucket. Cheeseburger. Cheeseburger.

[B]

And you know, but in the opening sketch. And then so Belushi's playing the. The immigrant. Michael o' Donoghue or o'. Donnell. O' Donoghue was a dark writer and he sat in the thing like he's a therapist and a language instructor. And it was, I want to eat your eyes. I think wolverines have very sharp teeth. And then he has a heart attack. And so Belushi playing the immigrant has a heart attack to mimic it.

[A]

I don't remember.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Man, that's a hell of an introduction to snl.

[B]

Loved it.

[A]

Dude, thank you for doing this.

[B]

God bless you.

[A]

It's a quick banger, brother. Thank you. For real.

[B]

Right on.

[A]

Promote. One more time right there, please.

[B]

David Ktor koe ch n e r say kochner. I don't care, but come see me. It's a good show. Comes to the office, trivia show. You won't be disappointed. The greatest trivia show in the history of trivia shows. That's not even hyperbole. Look that word up. And then I'm touring constantly and ganny meets the movie that's out there now. It's a fun one like that. It's a genre bender. It is a gay coming of age story with a horror twist. And I play a nasty preacher. Aside from that, I'm unavoidable in terms of television.

[A]

You're everywhere and I love it.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

Not to brag, but, Ryan, I are gonna have a meal at some point.

[A]

Ah, I'm looking forward to it.

[B]

You're like, I ain't having that meal.

[A]

I'm looking forward.

[B]

That talks too much. You talk too much, man. You never shut up.

[A]

Thank you, David Kicker. Go see him. Go see him live out there. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y' all next week.

[B]

Week.

[A]

You're probably driving, working out, or doing chores right now. Quick tip. TikTok isn't just entertainment. It's where I find fast, practical advice for real life. Download TikTok now.