120: Frank Caliendo | The Wayback with Ryan Sickler #120 | Full Episode

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback with Ryan Sickler

Episode 120: Frank Caliendo | April 16, 2026

---

Episode Overview

Comedian and impressionist Frank Caliendo returns to "The Wayback" with Ryan Sickler for a nostalgic, funny, and sometimes downright wild look at his childhood and family memories. Together, they revisit Frank’s hometown, recall unique family road trips, dissect the perils of growing up in Wisconsin, and spiral into a hilariously unexpected deep dive on hamster anatomy. The episode captures the light-hearted, storytelling essence of the podcast and is loaded with laughs, anecdotes, and reflections on childhood freedom and oddities.

---

Key Discussion Points and Insights

Memories of Family Road Trips and Midwest Childhood

• The station wagon seat of honor: Frank’s earliest travel memories are in his grandpa's Pontiac station wagon, complete with wood paneling and a rear-facing seat.
  • “Making faces at truckers and stuff... and then parents saying, what's going on there? And when us lying and saying nothing.” (Frank Caliendo, 03:19)
• Trips to Oklahoma:
  • Frank recounts family drives from Wisconsin to visit relatives who were hog farmers in Duncan, Oklahoma.
  • Memorable activity? Swimming with the hogs in a giant mud pit.
    • “When you're done swimming... your underwear is brown.” (Frank Caliendo, 04:21)
  • Realization years later: “Apparently they don't tell you that. Maybe that's why my parents didn't go in.” (Frank Caliendo, 04:32)

Italian and Irish Family Dynamics

• The Chicago side of the family was “true Italian” with men playing cards in smoke-filled basements and women cooking upstairs.
  • “You’d have to fight your way through the smoke...it was like a foggy morning.” (Frank Caliendo, 07:31)
• Contrast with his Irish/German side, which felt much less chaotic but equally memorable.

School Days & Local Nostalgia

• Banting Elementary & Horning Middle School:
  • “That’s where I first realized how short I was… I looked in those glass doors... only coming up to other guys' chins.” (Frank Caliendo, 08:55)
• Playground strikeout:
  • Frank describes the classic childhood game: “We would throw the ball against the strike zone that was spray painted on the wall in there. Now it looks like it's all probably like safety mats. All the dumb kids are surviving now.” (Frank Caliendo, 10:21)

Baseball Glory and Neighborhood Legends

• Kids’ All-Star Years:
  • Frank’s father put together a Wisconsin All-Star team; they went to Iowa for a national championship and won. Frank became an “All-American,” hitting .400 in the tournament.
    • “We went there and we won the whole thing.” (Frank Caliendo, 10:31)
• 17 and Under National Tournament in Florida:
  • Played against future NBA stars like Chris Webber, Jalen Rose, Penny Hardaway.
    • “That good. Like Hall of Famers.” (Frank Caliendo, 12:12)

The Old Neighborhood

• Frank reminisces walking through Google Earth with Ryan, pinpointing who lived where, who mowed lawns, and “which house you stay away from.”
  • “The cops? Kids down the... they were always in big time trouble down here.” (Frank Caliendo, 13:56)
• Local legend: The Kohl family ran neighborhood kicking camps, which evolved into today’s nationally known Kohl’s Kicking Camps.
  • “Now the biggest kicking camp in the country is the Kohl’s kicking camp.” (Ryan Sickler, 14:47)

Transportation & Teenage Freedom

• Family cars & “Duk Tap”:
  • Dad always bought ‘new to us’ cars, including the infamous Ford Tempo held together with duct tape and a license plate: “DU K TAP.”
• First car Frank bought: Honda Accord, practical for his early touring days as a comic.
• Discussed the wild freedom of 1980s childhood, comparing it to today’s helicopter parenting and constant tracking.
  • “Everyone in the 80s would have been arrested these days.” (Ryan Sickler, 21:29)

Animal Antics: The Great Hamster Ball Deep Dive

• Frank’s family never had dogs or cats—just hamsters. The most notorious: Ginger and Fred.
• Frank shares graphic hamster birth and infanticide stories, and the duo becomes obsessed with Googling "hamster big balls," marveling at the comedically oversized proportions.
  • “Our hamster was Ginger... she had babies in my hand... the hamster ended up biting the heads off all the babies.” (Frank Caliendo, 23:02)
  • “I had no idea hamsters had nuts like this.” (Ryan Sickler, 28:11)
• Funny exchanges imagining men with hamster-sized nuts and pet store adventures, “You can't get enough hamster balls.” (Frank Caliendo, 28:33)

Childhood Failures and Fun

• Frank recalls losing a spelling bee by spelling “baby” with two B’s, and gaming a reading incentive by rereading the same book.
  • “I kept handing the same book in. And the teacher just kept saying, so I got stickers on my rocket.” (Frank Caliendo, 29:12)
  • Favorite childhood book? “Clifford the Big Red Dog. I don’t know.” (Frank Caliendo, 29:38)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “When you're done swimming in the... with the hogs, your underwear is brown. …Apparently they don't tell you that. Maybe that's why my parents didn't go in.” — Frank Caliendo (04:29)
• “You’d have to like fight your way through the smoke to see... it was like a foggy morning.” — Frank Caliendo (07:31)
• “All the dumb kids are surviving now.” — Frank Caliendo, on playground safety improvements (10:21)
• “We went there and we won the whole thing. ...I was an All American that year, quote, unquote.” — Frank Caliendo (10:31)
• “Everyone in the 80s would have been arrested these days.” — Ryan Sickler (21:29)
• “Our hamster was Ginger... she had babies in my hand... the hamster ended up biting the heads off all the babies.” — Frank Caliendo (23:02)
• “I had no idea hamsters had nuts like this.” — Ryan Sickler (28:11)

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• [03:01-05:23] — Frank’s station wagon stories & swimming with hogs
• [07:28-08:36] — Italian family traditions in Chicago
• [08:44-10:19] — Elementary & Middle school memories, feeling short, baseball playground
• [10:29-12:15] — Winning national baseball tournaments, playing against future NBA stars
• [13:31-15:24] — Neighborhood legends: the origin of Kohl’s Kicking Camp
• [21:16-22:36] — 80s childhood freedom versus modern parenting
• [22:44-26:22] — Hamster drama: birth, infanticide, and the anatomy of hamster balls
• [28:57-29:38] — Childhood defeat: losing a spelling bee with "babby," reading hacks

---

Tone & Style

The episode is a blend of nostalgic, animated storytelling and riotous, irreverent humor. Frank’s penchant for finding the absurd within the everyday is on full display, as is Ryan’s easygoing, laugh-out-loud curiosity. Long tangents—especially about animals—double as both running jokes and sly commentaries on how things have changed.

---

Summary

Frank Caliendo’s return to “The Wayback” is an energetic, no-topic-is-off-limits tour through childhood, family, and the oddities of growing up in the Midwest. The episode rolls through memories of wild road trips, Italian and Irish family antics, ballpark triumphs, and ends in a rabbit (or rather, hamster) hole of animal-based comedy. For anyone who grew up in the 80s or loves the warm absurdity of family nostalgia, this episode is pure gold.

Transcript

[Ryan Sickler]

Buffalo, New York. I'm headed your way. I'll see you guys Friday, April 24 and Saturday, April 25. Hey guys. Exciting announcement. We are doing a live Way Back at the Netflix is a Joke festival. It's Monday, May 5th at 7pm at the Hotel Cafe Main Stage. It's our first live ever way Back. We're gonna have a special guest. We're gonna have prizes, gifts. We're gonna do some fun stuff with you guys as well. So get your tickets now for the Netflix Is a Joke fe way back. Monday, May 5, 7pm at the hotel Cafe. All tickets on my [e-mail] hey guys, we have a new segment on the way back called after the Beep. We got a new landline and an old school answer machine and we want to hear from you. Call 323-452-3732 and leave a message. Hit us with things like, craziest high school moment, worst job, dumbest injury, worst trouble. Maybe something you got away with. Or maybe you're looking for some old school advice on relationships, jobs even. Am I the asshole or keep it quick. Confessions, weird habits. The worst advice you ever got. We'll play him back and react. Keep it under 60 seconds. Anything longer than that, we ain't listening. All right, full segments are only available on Patreon. So give us a ring. 323-452-3732 and leave a message after the beat. Hey, baby, we're gonna be here all day. We're gonna be here all day, baby. I like this kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back.

[Frank Caliendo]

Everybody.

[Ryan Sickler]

Ryan Sickler here. Thank you guys for supporting this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do. As I always say, gratit for sure. This show is so fun. This is, you know, I always say the Honeydew is an interview show and this one, we're diving back into people's past, bringing it to life with the photos, all that stuff. I'm very excited to have this guest back here with me today. Ladies and gentlemen, Frank Caliendo. Welcome to the Way Back, Frank.

[Frank Caliendo]

It is great to be here, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for being here, Frank, right there. Tell them, tell them anything you want, Frank.

[Frank Caliendo]

Onstage.com for tickets to all shows at Frank Caliendo for all social media platforms. So if you can't spell Caliento, it's a letter C, the word alien and the word do. So at Frank C, alien, do. And that's Instagram, Facebook, X and YouTube probably, but take a look at that. But the. All the live dates. Frank onstage.com for tickets.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm stoked to have you back here. We're about the same age or slightly younger than me, but this seat, the way back seat. I. I try to start all the episodes off with, did you. Have you ever ridden back here? If so, who. Who had that car?

[Frank Caliendo]

My grandpa had the Pontiac station wagon.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you remember what kind it was? 70s.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, 60s. That first one is pretty much it. Probably a 1987ish kind of dealio he always got. He had multiple of them. He would just buy another one.

[Ryan Sickler]

But he like wagons that were his thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

Wood paneling on the side. Exactly like that, facing the back. Making faces at truckers and stuff. And then parents saying, what's going on there? And when us lying and saying nothing. I remember the big trip was to Oklahoma. Duncan, Oklahoma. Where my mom's side's relatives, Auntie Sue Lynn and Uncle Jerry.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nah, Auntie Sue Lynn. Really?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. Sue Lynn.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, so you're driving from Wisconsin? That's where you guys are from? From Wisconsin to Oklahoma? How far is that? That's a hall country. That's a haul, bro.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, it's quite. It's quite a bit. It's not like driving to California or anything.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you stopping on the way?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, a little bit. I mean, this is. I was young, so I. The main thing, I remember the trip a little bit. I remember the results. And that is they are. They were hog farmers.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

So we would go swimming with the hogs.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean?

[Frank Caliendo]

Well, what does it sound like?

[Ryan Sickler]

For real?

[Frank Caliendo]

They had a. Yeah, they. Like a.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you going in? Mud puddles. Mud.

[Frank Caliendo]

A giant mud pit. And the biggest thing I remember is when you're done swimming in the. With the hogs, your underwear is brown.

[Ryan Sickler]

Isn't it all? And piss in there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Apparently they don't tell you that. Maybe that's why my parents didn't go in.

[Ryan Sickler]

How many pigs are getting in there with you and stuff?

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, I don't remember. I just remember. I remember they had a dog named Worm. Worms. Because he had worms.

[Ryan Sickler]

When did he get him? Like right away. He got the name right away. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

I don't think it was just a nickname. I think it was a real name. So it was either that or changed very early.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're definitely the first person that's come on this podcast that swam with hogs. Really? No doubt.

[Frank Caliendo]

I got. I felt like you might have had a few.

[Ryan Sickler]

No doubt. You think I would? You would think I would. But you're the first person I believe even said family had were hog farmers.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. I mean, just a terrible idea. And.

[Ryan Sickler]

And this is mom's side. Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I can't believe that they let us do that. It's just. It doesn't make a lot of sense. But I guess that's what you do in Oklahoma. But I remember being there. I remember the air conditioning being on because we did not have central air. And their house was so cold and just different than ours. Like, we had one air conditioner that was a window air conditioner in our. Off of our tiny little living room. Like that? Yeah, like that, but with a curtain to stop it so that everybody. Our whole family would go sleep in the living room when it was too hot at night.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everybody's out there.

[Frank Caliendo]

And we wouldn't. And we would. We would turn the air conditioner up all the way. And I think that's why I have my air. My house air conditioned all the time now.

[Ryan Sickler]

You do?

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's your temp set at? You 68. Were you at 69? No, we're.

[Frank Caliendo]

We're right around 70. But we have to get it super cold. Sometimes we'll put it down to 68 because in Arizona it'll get to 115 if you don't cool it down enough by the end of the day. The air conditioner can't keep up. Yeah. Yeah. So. And we have power. Like the biggest air conditioners you can buy. The biggest air conditioners. We get the best. There's nobody who's ever had an air conditioner that's conditioned air at this level.

[Ryan Sickler]

I do vision there is great.

[Frank Caliendo]

I do quiet trump. I do library Trump. Where we're going to look at books, and inside these books there's tremendous words. So, yeah, so we. That was.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where did I get. Was that a yearly trip every year?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I think we went. I've done it a couple times.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

I remember one for sure. Family trips would be. And that was a trip in the station wagon with my grandpa.

[Ryan Sickler]

You fly anywhere? You guys ever fly anywhere?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I don't. There was. It was mostly driving. I mean, we didn't. I don't think there was anything budgeted ever for. For flights. I can't remember. I can't remember going on a flight. I mean, there. It might have been, but it was usually just going to Chicago for Christmas with the Italians.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was going to ask if you went to Chicago. Chicago.

[Frank Caliendo]

And all the family was in Chicago and you go. I don't know what it is. If it's just a regional thing. But there were kitchens and basements in the Italian family. So there, all the men would always be downstairs playing cards. You'd have to like fight your way through the smoke to see, like, you couldn't see anybody. It was like a foggy morning. And here in la, like just crazy how smoky it was. And the ladies would all be up, you know, cooking up in that kitchen downstairs. Might have one thing in the oven or something, but everything was really being cooked upstairs. But, you know, you go see all the. You'd see all the aunts and uncles and visit everybody who, you know, you were that still lived there and had the same name still. But it was true Italian. Growing up on that side, my mom's side, that was more Irish, like a kind of an Irish feeling. Irish, German, but that was. That was very different. And it was just my uncle and my grandpa lived together. They were in one part of the Chicago area. And then we'd go visit all the Italians for the rest of the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Frank Caliendo]

Gets our cheeks pinched a bunch.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's. Let's go look at your elementary school here. Banting elementary.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, that looks like that's it. I mean, on the other side of it is Horning Middle School.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, let's see where that is.

[Frank Caliendo]

So there's the. Oh, yeah, that's horning. That's the front of horning right there.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the middle school.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's the middle school. So I remember that's where I first realized how short I was because my friends. I was playing basketball. I looked in those glass doors right there. I looked in there and saw the reflection. And I was only coming up to other guys chins. I'm like, well, I'm only five, you know, five, six. I felt like I was the same height as. Like it was a little dog who thinks he's a big dog.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

You know, so my friends are all like six foot or so, like that, maybe taller. One friend's six, five, six, six. Like I am not tall at all. I mean, I knew I wasn't tall, but I didn't know I was that short. But that was. Right there is the cafeteria. And where. Where we'd go in right there before going to homeroom or whatever, first period.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, if you haven't seen Frank's honeydew, go check out his honeydew. Talks a lot about playing ball growing up. So, yeah, in between those two schools,

[Frank Caliendo]

horning and banting is a playground. And in that playground is where he used to play strikeout.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right Here.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. That's the bait. That's one of the baseball diamonds. So you'd have to go in a little bit more. Was this just Google Earth? Yeah. Oh, there's the playground right there. None of that safety equipment was there when I was.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of course not.

[Frank Caliendo]

Nothing. No, of course not.

[Ryan Sickler]

Metal slides, if you had one.

[Frank Caliendo]

So if you go back into there, in between those two schools, we would throw the ball against the strike zone. That was spray painted on the wall in there. That was wood chips for a while. Now it looks like it's all probably like safety mats.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes. Soft, soft.

[Frank Caliendo]

All the dumb kids are surviving. Now.

[Ryan Sickler]

When you mentioned going. Where did you go for baseball? Iowa. You're, what do you.

[Frank Caliendo]

In 1988, we, we took the Wisconsin All Stars, which was a team my dad put together, had tryouts for, and we went to play in Urbandale, Iowa, for the national championship. We're an at large team. Nobody was challenging us to go there. I don't think we told anybody. So we didn't have to play against anybody to get there. So we, we went there and we won the whole thing. But I won, I got, I was an All American that year, quote, unquote. I, I, I hit a few home runs there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's get some aluminum on it.

[Frank Caliendo]

Straighten that one out a little.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, Frank. That away. Go, go. All right, that away, Frank. All right. That's the way to soccer.

[Frank Caliendo]

All right, Frank.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, that away.

[Frank Caliendo]

And I hit like 400 in the championship. In the, just in the whole tournament. In the championship.

[Ryan Sickler]

I think that's what I mean. In your run there.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You'd play pool. Play. And then out of. We won our pool. Then when we were, when we went to go play 17 and under, it was in Florida. That was a few years later. And that was when the St. Petersburg, like, there was a big arena that had just opened and Chris Weber was playing there. Jalen Rose, Anthony Hardaway was the talk of the. He was like, beyond. He was so amazing. What? Like just beyond everybody at that point. Chris Weber was ridiculous, too, but there were a lot of great players that became pros that were playing in that AAU tournament. That good.

[Ryan Sickler]

Pros?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like hall of Famers. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's go back and look at your old house. Let's do that.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, that's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's where you grew up.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. If you could zoom in on the Tuls. The front doorway right there. Right where your mouse was right about there. That's where the blood was from. What When I tripped and fell and I like. See that little step up right there? That's the same cinder block that's been there 40 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

So. All right, tell me what's top right up here? What's up here? What's this window? Whose bedroom is that?

[Frank Caliendo]

That was my mom and dad's room.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who's this?

[Frank Caliendo]

Have been Rico's for most of our lives. Although he switched. My brother Rico. We switched. I'm.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who's in the back. Back there on.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, that would have been. That might be a bathroom right there. But on the other side of that was me and my brother Terry was on the other side of my mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

You had a four bedroom. You all had your own bedrooms?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wow. You didn't have to share bedrooms at all?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, no. And for some reason we did for a couple years. I don't know if my mom had a sewing room or something more important than our kids.

[Ryan Sickler]

We had ladies head selling.

[Frank Caliendo]

There was something.

[Ryan Sickler]

I need a whole room to sew.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, right. Meanwhile, your kids are cramped. This is a two bathroom house though. Or one and a half bath. That's all that is.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is your lot back here too, huh?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who's in charge of cutting this grass growing up?

[Frank Caliendo]

I probably was for a while.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got a push mower?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. There was a time where my dad wasn't cutting it at all. I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And who are these neighbors over here?

[Frank Caliendo]

The bomb box?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Were they good neighbors?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, just kind of kept to themselves most of the time. Was the bomb box. I don't remember who moved in there after them.

[Ryan Sickler]

Any troublemakers in the neighborhood?

[Frank Caliendo]

The cops? Kids down the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where to the right?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, down to the right. They were always in big time trouble down here.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where are they?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, where are these motherfuckers?

[Ryan Sickler]

Where's the house you stay away from?

[Frank Caliendo]

I think it's that to the left there. That van right there. That's where they were probably.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

Back in the day. What's interesting is if you go down on the other side of the block on Rambling Rose. That's where the Kohl's lived. And the dad was a soccer coach. And I remember he lost his finger hanging a goal net. But he was always working with his kids on kicking. And they wouldn't just kick soccer balls. They would also kick footballs.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm kicking field goals and.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. And now the biggest kicking camp in the country is the Coles kicking camp.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get the out of here.

[Frank Caliendo]

And that was. And I didn't realize I didn't put

[Ryan Sickler]

it all around here, you know?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. I'm not sure which house it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Probably right there. Where the.

[Frank Caliendo]

Right around there in that. The reason I realized who it was was because Pat McAfee told me that he used to come to Waukesha. That was kick cam. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you tell him?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. Yeah. I was like. It was unbelievable. I was like. He's like, do you know how many times I've stayed over there? I'm like, at their house. Maybe at their house. I don't know if it was where, but he's like, how many times I've been to that neighborhood. And they're. They're like elite kicking camp.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've recently been more intentional about the way I dress. Day to day, I'm always searching for what feels easy and stays comfortable, all while still looking put together. And thanks to our sponsor, Quince, marking all those boxes has never been easier for me. I love quints because they have the wardrobe essentials every closet needs. All right. I've currently been enjoying their bamboo relaxed lounge tee. It's been in my weekly rotation for a while now. The material is something you have to try for yourself to see what kind of comfort you've been missing out on. And it's not just tops. Their pants also hit that same balance. Relaxed and comfortable, but still polished enough to wear pretty much anywhere. Quince works directly with ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen. So you're getting premium materials without the markup. Refresh your everyday with luxury you'll actually use. Head to Quince.comwayback for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada, too. That's Q-U-N C E.com wayback for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com wayback choice hotels get you more of what you value. Here's a little tune to help you remember. Same drive, different day. Don't you wish you were getting away? Pack your bags and come on through. Texas, Ohio, Alaska, we're up there too. Comfort Inn, it's calling your name. Save on the stain. Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim. Well, I hope you like my little song book. [e-mail] so it's kind of crazy. Crazy. Yeah, I. I was. Had my stepson out for a while. He's over in Santa Monica in high school. I take him to Santa Monica Community College because they have a football team, a good one. And it's open to the public. Your taxes pay, so you can go in there. And I bought him a professional kicking tee. And I kept telling them, if you want a free ride to college.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you don't want to get cte, start kicking these. Yeah, I had them. I mean, I can still hit one from like, 35ish. You can. Every time I see Pat McAfee, I'm like, that money be mine. All my money be mine. All. I can't.

[Frank Caliendo]

I can't even brace my left leg, because if I try to brace it, it's got no cartilage. And the acl.

[Ryan Sickler]

We'll put it in here. I was with Segor. I opened up for Tom Segura. We were in Nebraska. We were on a tour bus. We drove to Nebraska. I'm 40. Whatever. At the time. Wasn't that many years ago, late 40s. We get off the bus, it's cold. I don't stretch. And I. They start telling me that their field goal kicker has been missing easy field goals. And I was like, from where? And they're like, right here. And I was like, I can hit that. They're like, no, you can. I'm like, yeah, I can. I said, just give me one kick first. I kick, fucking shank it. I go, okay, I got it now. And Tom's like, you better fucking. And he hiked it to me. They had a whole camera crew, and I put two of them through.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

2019 champion. But, yeah, that's great. So he made a whole camp out of it now. But why? What did he really know what he was doing?

[Frank Caliendo]

I guess as far as in business,

[Ryan Sickler]

he probably hired the people for mechanics.

[Frank Caliendo]

Soccer coach. I mean, soccer coach. He just had his kids start kicking field goals. And I think both of them, at least one of them, made it to the pros for a little bit.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn.

[Frank Caliendo]

But, yeah, I mean, so pretty amazing.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's the family car you're all rolling around in? What are the calientos getting around?

[Frank Caliendo]

My dad would always buy and buy a new car every three years. I think it was a new one. Might have been.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or new to you.

[Frank Caliendo]

New to us. But it was a business. It was kind of a business car. And then he'd pass it down. It was. I remember an Oldsmobile, a Ford Tempo. We didn't even have the Ford Taurus. We had the Tempo that got passed down the Tempo because we. Eventually it might. I don't remember who got in a little bit of an accident. And we put duct tape on it to keep. To keep the front of it together and that. We got. Ended up getting a license Plate du K tap, duct tape.

[Ryan Sickler]

Really?

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah. But that was. Everybody knew the car is Dutch and

[Ryan Sickler]

then that ends up being your first car.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's. That's my first car. Kind of all the. I was driving first, so it was all the kids. So if I was driving first. If I was. I graduated in 92. 90 was probably about when I probably would have had it then. So it had to be from the 80s.

[Ryan Sickler]

And now. What's the age difference between you and your brother?

[Frank Caliendo]

My brother Rico is a year and a half. Once he's a year and only a few months they were going quick. He's a March birthday. Yeah. And then my other brother's two. Two and a half years now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you driving your younger brothers and around when you get your license?

[Frank Caliendo]

A little bit. I mean I. I don't remember doing that much. Some we did. My. My brother Rico and I did a decent amount together, but not really.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Frank Caliendo]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I asked you before you say you didn't have a curfew growing up?

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I mean I'm not. Not that I. We'd always be in at a certain time as. Maybe as younger but not high school. I'd just come home.

[Ryan Sickler]

You wouldn't push it or anything like that. You just go home.

[Frank Caliendo]

No, I. But I'd be home around 11 midnight maybe once in a while one. But my pat. I can't even imagine. My parents had never had any idea where I was. Your parents like they had no idea. I know where my wife has got my Geo tracking every.

[Ryan Sickler]

My kids these days you ain't getting away with or you have to figure it out. But yes, back then your kids or whoever left the house and you hope like hell they came home.

[Frank Caliendo]

I remember riding bikes around the neighborhood at like 4 or 5, you know, I thought 4, 5, 6 or 7, 8 years old, just leaving and not coming back for hours. I. I just can't even imagine that in this day and age today.

[Ryan Sickler]

Social services be up your ass if you let your kids. They would. Everyone in the 80s would have been arrested these days. Yeah. What's the first car you actually bought?

[Frank Caliendo]

Honda Accord. Because I was looking. I was already working at. Let's see, I was doing college. I graduated from college in 96. I was doing some. I. I got on the college circuit. So I was making good money. I was making like a thousand to two thousand a week or something like that essentially. So I bought. I went and bought a nice car because I was like, I'm going to be on the road traveling. That's Going to be my big expense. So I would guess around try 1999 Honda Accord, maybe. Yeah, I think, you know, generally like one of those. Like that. That's pretty much what it was. I just knew that. My thought was, I'm going to get something smart here that, you know, those could have a hundred thousand miles at the time and would run forever. My dad always bought like American cars, so he was like against it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

So I was like, well, these guys

[Ryan Sickler]

are making a lawnmower. It's going to run forever. Those things. What about pets? Growing up, did you guys have family pets?

[Frank Caliendo]

Hamsters. Hamsters. We had a. Had a hamster. Our. Our. Our hamster was ginger. My hamster was ginger. She. We'd gotten her from the. The pet store and she had babies in my hand.

[Ryan Sickler]

What?

[Frank Caliendo]

I was like, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you talking about?

[Frank Caliendo]

Upside down, shooting babies out. I was like, I think the dog that. The hamsters having babies. And my mom was like, no, that, that isn't. Oh, my God. And the crazy thing about it was the hamster ended up biting the heads off of all the babies. No. Yeah, I guess that was. That's what they did when they weren't ready for, like, if they didn't think they were going to survive or something. I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Kirsten, look that shit up. Hamster biting the head off their babies. Let's see. As a stress response or survival instinct, often due to fear, loud noises, strange sense. Like human hands.

[Frank Caliendo]

It says.

[Ryan Sickler]

Frank, it says human hands never touch the newborn infant side. It says infant. Infanticide.

[Frank Caliendo]

Infanticide.

[Ryan Sickler]

God damn have.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, maybe, maybe you don't have a baby in my hand then your fault. But I remember Fred, my brother's hamster, the boy hamster. That guy had monster balls. That's the thing I remember most like you had. You tried that, Frank.

[Ryan Sickler]

You said a. And it literally said a human.

[Frank Caliendo]

Oh, yeah, those. That's. That's what they look like when they were like they were headless, little sleepy.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's crazy. That's crazy. I didn't know they did that. So you have to wait till they develop fully for humans to be able to touch them. Then they don't kill them.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, I, I don't. And I don't even know if we touched that. I mean, because. Do you really spend money on a vet for a hamster? No.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, look up hamster big balls. Look that up. Let's see some big ball. I want to see some hamster balls there. Look at this guy down here. He's sitting on him. What are you talking about? Nah, yeah, the balls like that.

[Frank Caliendo]

I mean, yeah, that's what they were like.

[Ryan Sickler]

They like looks like a cat, for Christ's.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah, yeah, that's what. Fred. Fred.

[Ryan Sickler]

His balls were like that. Really?

[Frank Caliendo]

They were.

[Ryan Sickler]

That is. Look at that one. That's crazy, dude. That's crazy.

[Frank Caliendo]

They're more. They were more. They were more nuts. Like they really did. I never thought they look like nuts until I thinking about it now.

[Ryan Sickler]

This gray one just sitting on him like eating off of them.

[Frank Caliendo]

In the middle.

[Ryan Sickler]

In the middle. No, go to your left. Yeah, right. He's just like eating off of. They're a plate for them, for Christ. That's ridiculous.

[Frank Caliendo]

That's very friend like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at the balls on these things. I had no idea.

[Frank Caliendo]

Right. You learned something.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at the set of nuts. A hamster attracts his balls. Depending on how hot the day is. That's us too. That's us too. Maybe cold. They go up inside my body and when it's warm they just like to hang out.

[Frank Caliendo]

Maybe not that, that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at this. Never in my life.

[Frank Caliendo]

Look at the cajones on that one.

[Ryan Sickler]

Serious. So many people have hamsters with big balls. Did you have hamsters growing up, Kirsten? Did you have big ball hamsters? Did you know this? Oh yeah, I knew this about balls. I had no idea when we were on vacation. Well, it killed it. Oh really?

[Frank Caliendo]

Just killed a different hamster?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, it trapped it under the wheel and just ran it flat. Get the out of here.

[Frank Caliendo]

Was it. Was it an Italian hamster?

[Ryan Sickler]

My hamster's name was angel because it had one red eye and one blue eye.

[Frank Caliendo]

And that's the killer.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the one that killed it. Yeah, Angel. That red eye got on that thing.

[Frank Caliendo]

Angel. Hyp.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then ran on it. I had my buddy. I still hang out with him when I go back home and see him and stuff. Chris Sheiler. It's funny, his mom came to see me. It was. What's the club? I just tempe. Improv.

[Frank Caliendo]

Right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. I did that in December of last year. And his mom's came to see me. And I told the story about the first night I went over to spend the night at their house. They had hamsters, right? And I'm laying on the floor below his bed. His bed's here and the hamster cage is up above me. I wake up in the morning, I got hamster chips and things running in the wheel all night and just kicking it out on me. I never spent the night again. I was like, do you remember when your hamster covered me and hamster pissed?

[Frank Caliendo]

I remember those. That would happen all the time. They'd burrow and then they'd throw stuff outside of the. Yeah, then you get those habit trails instead and just smelled. We had fighter fish too. Accidentally put fighter fish in the same. Same bowl together.

[Ryan Sickler]

My friend got kicked out of a pet store. He took a mirror and put it in front of one of the pet store and the thing's going at like, get out, get out. I was like, oh, that's a good idea.

[Frank Caliendo]

Actually.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look at this thing drinking, filling its nuts up. This is my last hamster. Oh, this is your actual hamster. This is Timothy biscuits. Timothy biscuits. Look at this nuts. I can't even get over that. That's crazy.

[Frank Caliendo]

Guy could not ride a bike. Nothing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Imagine if our nuts were proportionately that size to our body. We. You'd have to have them taken off. Look at this guy's curled up on him.

[Frank Caliendo]

They would just be out all the time. Man.

[Ryan Sickler]

I had no idea hamsters had nuts like this. This is crazy. They're so big. I'm definitely taking Stella to pet cub. Like, let's go look at some hamster balls. I gotta see this. That is crazy.

[Frank Caliendo]

To the fact that you're at Petco and is that sickler again?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, again.

[Frank Caliendo]

Looking at the hamster balls.

[Ryan Sickler]

You just watch this by.

[Frank Caliendo]

You can't get enough hamster balls. Does he ever buy anything? No, he just looks at hamster balls.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, we got to get you out of here. But let me. Let's see. Let's ask one more question. So you had a lot of triumph going on in baseball and stuff like that growing up. You ever have any, like anything you lost? Any defeats? Any spelling bees? Any? I remember losing.

[Frank Caliendo]

I remember spelling and third grade. Maybe I spelled baby wrong with two B's

[Ryan Sickler]

in the middle or at the start.

[Frank Caliendo]

I think it was B A, B, B Y. I think I did it quickly. Like I got this one.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Frank Caliendo]

B A, B, B Y. I set a record for books read. And the teacher was done because. Yeah, I read the same book over and over and over and kept handing the same book. And the teacher just kept saying, so I got stickers on my rocket.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean?

[Frank Caliendo]

They would hang in a rot like a car, like a cut out of a rocket. And they hang a sticker on there for like every.

[Ryan Sickler]

More rockets.

[Frank Caliendo]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you just kept getting stickers. Yeah, same book. What was the book?

[Frank Caliendo]

Clifford the Big Red Dog. I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

They weren't Tough.

[Frank Caliendo]

They weren't tough.

[Ryan Sickler]

Frank, thank you for doing this, man. This is a lot of fun, bud. Right there. Promote everything you'd like one more time, please, Frank.

[Frank Caliendo]

Onstage.com for tickets all over the country and at Frank Caliendo on all social media platforms. If you can't spell calendo, once again, it's the letter C, the word alien, and the word do at Frank C. Alien.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do, my man. Thank you very much. Thank you, guys as well as always. We'll talk to you all next week.