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Tacoma. I'm headed back your way. I'll be there September 11th and 12th. La Jolla comedy Store, one of my favorite clubs in the country. I'm headed back there September 25th and 26th. Get your tickets now to all shows@ryancickler.com.
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hey, baby, we gonna be here all day. We're gonna be here all day, baby. I like that kind of body.
A
Welcome back to the way Back. Everybody. Ryan Sickler here. Guys. I'm not even gonna take long to tell you. You know, I love doing this show. And you know what we're doing back here, Bringing people's past to life. And I'm very excited to have this guest back in the way Back. Ladies and gentlemen, Daniel Van Kur.
B
There he is. What's up, Ryan? Great to have you back here. You too, brother. Good to see you.
A
Good to see you. Before we start, chit your second favorite nurse. Second favorite nurse, bro. Tell them everything you want right there.
B
Oh, go to danielvankirk.com. let's see. I'm gonna be this Saturday, if you listen right when it drops, I'll be in Green Lake, Wisconsin, at the Thrasher Opera House. I love that little theater.
A
It's beautiful.
B
Third time in a year or third year in a row doing that. And then next weekend I'm in Boca Raton. And then in August, I'm gonna be in North Carolina, Fayetteville, I believe I'll also be in Cincinnati, Boston. Going out your way and. And Denver coming up, a whole bunch of stuff. Everything's@DanielVanKirk.com. if you look out, it'll be up there. Even if I don't have the link yet, I tell them put it up so people know that's when I'm coming by to see you. You can listen to my podcast, the Midnight air. It's like an overnight radio podcast I do by myself that drops every week. And also dump people town with me and the Sklar brothers and the newest. What do you call it? The next chapter. The evolution of pen pals is popcorn pals. It's me and a rotating stable of guest hosts talking about either movies we love, movies that are happening anniversaries, or movies that have just come out. You can also write in, much like with pen pals. Tell us about what movies mean to you, what you've thought about movies we've talked about. And that is popcorn pals. And everything's@DanielVanKirk.com Boom.
A
Dude.
B
Yeah, buddy.
A
Well, it's great to have you back here. Is It a picture over there right now.
B
What are you talking about? Yeah, look at that. It just slid in. Yeah, okay, I'm squinting. Skylight.
A
Yeah, little aura frames. That's our aura frame over there.
B
Or that Quick Trip hoodie. That's Wisconsin through and through Trip. Yeah, dude, that's the best gas station.
A
All right, let's talk about these real quick. Because where I come from, we had. It didn't happen until a little bit later. We had Wawa. You familiar with Wawa?
B
Yeah, I mean it's good Wawa.
A
And then we also had what was no sheets. You know that one. Look that one up, Kirsten, with a Z at the end.
B
So you don't have gas station like loyalty?
A
No, no.
B
Why we we getting laughed at over here?
A
What do you mean?
B
Do you have gas station loyalty? Cuz I do have gas station. See, I knew that. I know that's on. But see we have Quick Star. Well, actually, actually Quick Star is the Illinois version of the Wisconsin Quick Trip. Not to be confused with the qt, which is completely different. QT is completely different. QT is Quick Trip, but not the Quick Trip in Wisconsin. The K WI Quick Trip is the Quick Trip. That's only Wisconsin. And they also own the Quick Stars that are in Illinois. Now. Sheets is pretty good too.
A
Sheets is damn good.
B
I'm stopping a sheets.
A
I mean, listen, I, I'm. I'm a big Wawa fan. I wore a Wawa hoodie. They sent me some merch and a $100 gift card. I'm waiting. I'm holding on.
B
Wawa's done really, really well with their like hoagie game and their sandwich game
A
and their ordering system, you know mto.
B
No. What's that?
A
Made to order, bro. That's the big.
B
Heard that as an actor, but then like Buc EE's is just clean bathrooms and, and like shit.
A
But also. How many BUC EE's are out there? Not many. And they're. But they're just something totally different. They're like the Costco of.
B
Yeah, that's a good way to put it. I've always said like if you wanted gas and a turquoise wall hang crucifix for your mom's Christmas gift. That's Bucky's, but like Casey's. Casey's Pizza. Casey's Breakfast Pizza.
A
Dude, I don't even know about. Let's learn.
B
Are you kidding? Like a Baptist church.
A
Got a witness.
B
Oh dude, we've had Casey's Breakfast Pizza.
A
Cheeseburger pizza.
B
But it looks Christmas morning breakfast like some. Somebody's gone and gotten the Casey's breakfast. It is legit. Yeah, Midwest. So Casey's is really good for pizza. Outside of that, just your normal gas station.
A
Look, I'm way trash. I don't mind like a fresh pizza even at 7:11. Just made it fresh. I'll take it.
B
So Quick Trip Pizza, they have their pizzas and then any of their pizzas that they sell, like, I can't remember what their brand is called. Something like Cheese Mountain, I think. I'm not joking. That's great. You can go into the app or call in and they'll make that pizza there for you. Yeah, Cheese Mountain. And they'll make that pizza for you while you wait. So. And all of their food, like their hot bar selection is unrivaled. Insane. Breakfast burritos, mashed potatoes. They do tons of like ready to like heat up, but like made that day meals.
A
Yeah, These make seven.
B
You can get like a green enchilada deal. And then their bakery is insane too. And so then they had a bakery. Yeah, dude. And they're open 24 hours. I don't remember being bad. So you know those right there, that yellow box, that's like where you walk in, that's just on the hot bar. You can grab that. Dude, you roll into a Quick Trip going up to the cabin. If you hold me back in time
A
and show me that moment of doing that, I don't remember at all you needed that pizza.
B
Cuz that isn't like you to take stuff. So this is like the hot bar at Quick Trip and all they keep, they keep it all fresh. Yeah, dude. Burgers, mushroom burgers, bacon burgers. They'll do fried chicken sandwiches. Yes. So you walk in here on a road trip and you're like, oh, all this is like just made a couple
A
hours ago and kept. Beef jerky, chips and Fritos are. Damn, dude.
B
And then their donuts, they got glazers, dunkers and donuts. What's a dunker and a glaze? Like one of my Rory's longest fights. He's like, there's no difference between a dunker and a donut. I'm like, you're insane. So a dunker is probably most traditionally referred to as an old fashioned.
A
That's the cake one, right?
B
Yeah, it looks like it just got the real shape. So the ad. So the glazers, the Quick Trip glazers are, are. Are really good. I mean, I'm just. Just give me a standard regular donut chocolate frosting.
A
See, I'M not a big dessert guy, so when I hear all the, like, Sweet Lady Jane.
B
See, there's a box of glazers right there.
A
Even though I'm a big fan of Duff from Ace of Cakes. And like.
B
Yeah, I. I'm.
A
I'm a PTA cupcake, you know, I mean.
B
What do you mean?
A
I just a basic, like, I'll take the yellow cupcake with icing over a red velvet with some cream cheese set. I'm like, just give me that one that Linda made right there for the cta.
B
You got somebody going through a breakup. You said, go to a grocery store. Just get a. Just get a big old ass sheet cake and you'll be fine. You'll be fine. Just eat your emotions through that. So on my podcast, the Midnight Air, I'll do my own personal top 10 list, and I just recently did top 10 donuts. And most of those didn't even make the list. Number one. Number one was just the standard donut chocolate frosting, with sprinkles. But I think number two is like an apple cinnamon donut. And that's some Midwest pumpkin patch.
A
Okay. We had this conversation actually when Larson was on here. What do you call, what do you call what you just said? What do you call when you put them on top?
B
Sprinkles.
A
Sprinkles. Yeah. Have you ever heard of another name for them?
B
No.
A
We did this. We called them Jimmies.
B
No.
A
And then Larson says, well, that's un American. Say that because that's racist.
B
Well, I don't know if that's.
A
Shut the. Everything's racist.
B
You want to know what? You want to know what? You don't know what would make that racist or not. You personally, if you go, I don't even know what Jimmy would even be. Right? Jimmy's out on the street right now. Who would you even be talking about? I. Dude, I thought about this recently where I said, if I think of a name for something.
A
Yeah.
B
Does that make it problematic? I'm the one who created it, cuz I was talking about a couple, this lesbian couple, right? And I was. Somebody was like, well, something. Something came up about like, who's who in the relationship. And I'm like, well, she's the lipstick and she's the baseball bat. And to me, the baseball bat tells you everything you know about who's who. And then somebody's like, I don't know. If you say that, I go, I made it up. If I say she's a baseball bat lesbian, you. You should never heard that.
A
Before.
B
Right. So how so how could it be anything? I'm not anti lesbian. It's the first time it's ever been said so how can it be judged in any way? Exactly. But people like that feels offensive. I go the only thing it should feel like is the Rockford Peaches A League of Their Own. This is the baseball bat. This is the lipstick. That's to me that I don't even know. I wouldn't even call it a compliment.
A
It's just a racist. Today everything's very.
B
Can I try and guess who Jimmy would even be racist against?
A
Well I'll tell you why I think these were. Well yes.
B
Sure. Do you know the answer who I
A
think it would be racist against?
B
Did Larsson know when he.
A
Yes, of course.
B
I swear to God. This is not for a joke. If you were like Canadian people which isn't a race. But if I would Jimmy I. This is black people.
A
Those be black people. Here's why there are rainbow sprinkles and there are just chocolate sprinkles now I grew up calling everything a Jimmy.
B
Yeah.
A
What I've come to learn. Yes. Or Kool Aid.
B
Sure.
A
But I've come to learn later. I guessed. Can we look that up again Kirsten
B
now if you educate. Okay. I didn't know that's where it came from are sprinkles.
A
But you know what? That's homophobic.
B
I'm saying that was in there because they're rainbow.
A
They're gay. Actually you do got a point.
B
That does feel wrong. But Jimmies were actually I'm pretty sure
A
named after a guy named Jimmy who made them and everyone just runs with racism because they're chocolate.
B
Yeah. That's people just trying to tie a
A
lot of middle aged white ladies probably.
B
That's wild.
A
Yeah, it's pretty wild.
B
But then there's also racist people that are like hell yeah. We want.
A
We won't.
B
We'll take that. We'll start using that.
A
Yeah. Jimmy's.
B
Yeah. Yeah I'm good on that one. And then. No you can't have it. Now the people who who are happy they found another racist term and you
A
have to tell them listen, it's only racist unless you use it about ice cream. You understand how here okay let's talk about this because I've been talking about this and it drives me nuts and I don't understand this is this whole oversensitive bullshit and how we just push way too far. Okay.
B
You can also you can have a problem with something and it not be racist of Course, you can have a. You can not have a problem with something and it is racist.
A
There' just ignorance, too. There's just.
B
That's what I was about to say. If you were going to educate me, I'd be like, oh, well, I guess. Yeah. Yeah.
A
So come on up, baby. We are still allowed to use the word Oriental when it comes to rugs, decorative, food.
B
Right.
A
Theaters.
B
Yes.
A
I performed in the Oriental theater just like two years ago, and I couldn't believe.
B
Okay.
A
Negro is a word that would be highly offensive if you called someone that or if.
B
Yeah. Unless you're in a museum.
A
Negro League baseball. Museum, the Negro League baseball. All statistics and players, etc. Right. But okay, so we can say Oriental as long as we're not saying it about a person.
B
This is.
A
Right, we can say Negro as long as we're not calling it a person. That. Because obviously those are highly offensive. But when it comes to retard is if I'm not talking about a person when I. Even if I don't say to you you're retarded, if I just say that parking job is.
B
Or that chip came out of the bag, it's like, it's. Why scientifically, that means just retarded is a word.
A
Right? It's an existing word for us using it literally.
B
You and I are having an intercourse right now, bro. See, you got to stay with me, though, because if you're going to be on that side if we're going to
A
have intercourse, I do.
B
Right. But it's just become so people can't even detach themselves for what that colloquially, yes. Means to them.
A
But you're 100% to decide in society that Oriental's fine to do this over here. Negro fine here. But retard not fine. Anyway, you know why? Why not?
B
Well, you know what's funny too, is I wonder if you went even deeper with the term, like, if you were like, well, gypsy. So if you were like. You were like. I was cleaning up all the leaves in the front yard and I found this one leave that had, like, this very odd, like, retardation to it that people would let that go more because it feels like you're being so scientific about it.
A
Put a British accent behind it.
B
But we have a friend, we. We have a friend that was doing a bit about how the dumbest person in your group is. Is the person you can call a retard. And they were like. And I don't know if they're still doing the bit or not. And I don't want to. I Don't want to step on any of their jokes, so you'll find out if they're still doing it. But great guy. A person that I think is like, you know, not a hateful, vitriolic person on any level. But their. Their bit was like, hey, that just means, like, the dumbest person in your group. Right? And I said to them, because they were like. They were like, the audience is like, tighten it up. I'm trying to, like, prove a point. I go. I think you should say. When you go, oh, did you. You guys got tightened up when I said retard. If. If I say that word and you think of somebody with downs, you're a piece of shit. Because that's so far past. No one should be considering any person with downs or any other, like, limitations, mentally or physically, and still be like, oh, you know what I call them? You'd be like, you're. You're crazy. So.
A
And the.
B
And he started trying that. Or he was like, oh, yeah, it did. It got a laugh. Because they were like, yeah, that isn't what I should think of anymore. When you say that, you're still back there. Yeah, if that's what you. You're in the way. Way, way, way back.
A
That's right.
B
If you still think that when you hear that word now.
A
So many words like, that's. We've talked about this, too, before.
B
Before.
A
But the smear the queer game. Like, we didn't even know what it was called. Didn't even know what the hell. And I wanted to be the queer. I wanted the ball. I wanted to juke.
B
Everybody, like, you fought to be there. Yeah, yeah, everybody did.
A
Gypsy, when we used to say, you jip me, I didn't know.
B
I just got yelled at for that.
A
Yelled at.
B
That's what I'm talking about.
A
Yelled at you. Like, that guy jipped me.
B
Like, oh, you can't say that. That is what that area of the cemetery where I dug graves was called. They. That's where the gypsies were buried. That's whatever. What would I say? The devil's what was there. They were called where the gypsies are. Big corner. Like, oh, you know, because there was, like, a cauldron back there and, like, little gold trinkets. Yes.
A
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B
That's it.
A
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B
But I'm saying what I supposed to be like, hey, that's where those travelers like a band. Remember when hobos were a thing too? You don't even hear that anymore. We have a place in Rochelle called. I think it's pretty much gone now but it was still there and I was going it was called Hobo Jungle
A
because look up Hobo Jungle.
B
Three of the major railways in Our country intersect in Rochelle, so we would get a lot of hop ons and hop offs and they would live about town and sometimes they would like stick around town for a while and sort of become people that everyone in the community knew. And then one day they would tell you or you'd find out they hopped back on. And there was a part of town near some of the tracks where they had like a little. Can I say, shanty camp.
A
Sure.
B
And they, they set up camp there. And as kids they would tell us like, do not go back in there because that's.
A
And just out in the, in the woods.
B
Yes. And they. It was in town, but it was in a wooded area. Look at.
A
Here it is right here. Yeah. In Rochelle, Illinois.
B
Yeah.
A
The term hobo jungle most commonly refers to the recreated encampment located at the Rochelle Railroad Park. Historically, the railroad, the rail crossing attached migratory workers and travelers during the Great Depression.
B
Now, here's the thing. If somebody says to me, you know, my whole childhood, you know, 20 years ago, people called my brother and it was like I got in fights all the time defending him. And I just fucking hate hearing people say that. You know what I'm going to say to that person? I get that 100. And then I would go, do you understand?
A
Beat him up, Jimmy.
B
Yeah, maybe like, oh, we don't say that. But, but I, but I would go, do you also understand that when I was saying that word or on this podcast or on stage, I didn't know you.
A
I'm not talking about your bro.
B
I didn't know that. Yeah. And you're like, well, you understand why I didn't laugh. I go, 100. Do you understand that I wasn't trying to personally make you upset. And I hope they would go, 100.
A
And then we're good.
B
Yeah, yeah, we're good, we're good. And you know what? If I ever go on stage again and I see you in the front row, I'm. I'm very. I'm way more likely to skip that bit or. Because I go, I don't want anybody here to have a bad time. Now that I know that that bothers you, I'm not going to make that joke.
A
You're going to love this. This is back at the Irvine Improv, the older one, not the one they have now. Dan Godfrey. Great dude, Baltimore Oriole fan, GM at the time. And I did a bit about, I think it was like retard strength or something like that. And at the end of the show, I'm at the back Talking to him. Because we got another one come in. And we're off to the side. Nobody can see us, but this drunk lady and her husband come up and she gets in my face and she's really drunk and she's spitting when she talks. And she's leaning into me about this.
B
Yeah.
A
She's like, my whole group was with us. And I was like, yeah, but none of them are back here yelling at me right now, you know? And she keeps saying the word retard. I'm like, if you're so offended by me saying, why do you keep saying it?
B
You know?
A
So we're having this conversation. She's drunk.
B
I have hatred in my heart for them. And you. Me either.
A
So she goes, you're gonna do it again. I know. And you're. And her husband's trying to pull her away and she's like staggering.
B
She's.
A
You're gonna do it again. You're gonna do it on this next show and you're gonna do it on the next show and whatever. And I swear to God, God. As they're pulling out, cuz she's been there a minute now. The crowd starts coming in. Here comes the Ryan wheelchair. Everything bro. Like Timmy from South Park.
B
Okay.
A
And Godfrey looks at me and he goes, you going to do it? And I go, I'm not. I'm not going to do.
B
He's credit different though. He's here. Credit to you because you are not ever trying to deliberately alienate or make anyone have a bad time. That is why I love you. No, if, if, if I knew any joke. Well, I mean, if it's my. If you're like, I don't like when people tell parking stories in Boston.
A
Okay, but I'm just saying there's a balance. Jokes. You didn't laugh at the age, but
B
there's a balance where you'll know, like
A
it's all about what years ago.
B
We're like, I understand why that might upset you. This is too broad of a topic for you to say you're upset by that. But there's a. There's a. This is the one thing we lost so much is the nuance of it.
A
Because I knew how much it was. Would ruin the show. Like him. No, I just mean his disrupting in the wheelchair. Like rolling out an electric wheel. I didn't know.
B
I guess I'll hold. I guess I'll hold.
A
I don't know how to recover from this.
B
Come on, you're going to want to. First time I roll and then turn into It.
A
Can you move out of the way?
B
He's.
A
He does, he's a little. Anyway, enough.
B
No, I love that about. I don't want anybody offended.
A
So Crab Feast, if you don't know about the Crab Feast. Still one of the greatest storytelling podcasts in the history of storytelling. Everybody agrees DVK here was absolutely legendary on it and people still talk about it.
B
Gentlemen.
A
So yeah, top hats. So let's talk about. Go back to the family stuff because you guys had a cabin.
B
Still do.
A
You still do. And when did you get it for? Were you born into it? Was your grandfather explain how this cabin came to be and.
B
No. My grand grandpa passed away and he was dream was to always have a little place in Wisconsin, specifically on this little lake. And, and we'd been going up there since like the 60s and he died of a heart attack when I was like six and a half. And so that following summer my grandma. I've always assumed this is how it went. Just took a little measly life insurance that he had and you know, nothing that would like, you know, Some people like 3 million dollar life insurance policy. I'm like, I don't think. Is that super expensive? I have no idea. But our. I think his was smaller. Whatever he left. I have no idea. And she bought this little cabin for $19,000.
A
What year?
B
1987. Damn. And what's it worth now, if you
A
don't mind me asking?
B
No idea.
A
97.
B
I mean we're not on the lake. We have lake access, but we're not on the lake.
A
Oh yeah, we're go.
B
No, you know there's a. That price point. Dude.
A
Here we go.
B
But I don't know if I had to guess. 150, 180. I have no idea. That's it. Probably.
A
I don't know.
B
I mean it's, it's, it's. It's some rural Wisconsin.
A
40 years of real estate though I
B
think if you ask me.
A
Amen.
B
And so we've just been going up there my whole life. I go up there all the time. I'll be there three times this month. I've already been there twice this. No, three or four times this year.
A
Two stories I want you to share. We're going to talk about Gary the Goat. But before we go to Gary the Goat, I want you to talk about that. This guy right in here. The veteran, the military.
B
No, that's right.
A
He was just with that.
B
Yeah, yeah, it was this guy again.
A
Cousin's boyfriend.
B
Someone in my family was dating this guy and he was just one of these people. He just. He. He. When he would drink, you just get mad. We don't have anybody like that in my family. Even in my group of friends, we don't have any. Angry.
A
Explaining Estella about how alcohol affects everyone differently. Some are silly, funny.
B
Yeah.
A
Some are sloppy. Some are angry. Some are violent. Some are verbally, you know, like, we were.
B
We were at a little bar up there, and he. He just kept wanting to.
A
Was he nice when he was sober?
B
Fine. He was fine.
A
Just fine.
B
Yeah. Yeah, he's a good guy.
A
How long have you known this guy before he. This incident where he. You guys are all just from town,
B
like, you know, just. We. I knew him in town and we went to high school. Not close, but it overlapped by a little bit.
A
Wait, the guy that. That dated your cousin? You went to high school at this.
B
It's Rochelle, man. It's 9,000 people.
A
Like, she was just a guy she had brought into the group later. Wow.
B
I mean, for ambiguity, we could put that part in the edit. All right. And then, yeah, he just. He. We were at this bar, and he's just having a night where he was just, like, trying to fight. Just like, constantly pissing people off at the bar. And, like, it pissed off some bowlers, then it, like, pissed off, and then it pissed off. Like, what's he saying to them? You know, being like, I bet I could bowl better than you. You know, like that sort of.
A
Yeah.
B
And then he. And then he.
A
He.
B
He. I remember pissing off like an ex marine, and he was like, he's like, you say you're gonna buy somebody a drink bio. I'm not buying you drinks. Like, well, you. Then. I don't know why you said you were going to. And I was like, hey, I'll get the drinks. I'm also not Mark Norman. Hey, everybo. I'm like, just constantly putting out fires. And then finally I was like, hey, man, you just. I kicked him out. Like, I was like, you got to go. He's like, I'll go when that beer's finished. And I go, cool. And I grabbed a beer and I slammed. I go, it's finished. Let's go. And then he pushed me. Pushing you?
A
Yeah.
B
And so then I just. You know, I wrestled for so long, I haven't been in a lot of fights, but I wrestled for like nine years. So I just grabbed one arm, pulled it towards me, and then just double hooked him from the back. And now he's almost like a little marionette, you know? And I walk him out and I get him out into the parking lot. Old, you know, classic everything. You're at a dimly lit gravel parking lot. My. Everybody in my family is already, like, spilled out. And I'm like, we're going back to the cabin. And he was like, I'm gonna fight you. And I go, dude, you're trying to
A
fight everybody in there.
B
And he's like, I'll fight you. I go, I'm not fighting you, dude. And then he just. And, like, hits me.
A
He did?
B
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hit me, like, on that, like, ear
A
where it, like, stands.
B
And so I. I gr. I like undertaker him. I just put one leg. One. My foot behind his leg and I grabbed my throat and I just put him on the ground. And then I'm like, holding there, and he's trying to fight me. And then he's like, gonna. He's like, I'm gonna spit on your face. I'm like, why would you even. Way to sell your punch, dude. Yeah, so then I. I had to, like, turn his head with my elbow and put it into the gravel part. It was bad, man. And I was like, oh, this sucks.
A
And this is how you treat a veteran?
B
He's not a veteran. Veteran of pissing people off. And he's a good dude, so.
A
Except for when he drinks.
B
Yeah. And. And I don't think he does anymore. So my family leaves with him. And I tell my two cousins. I'm like, hey. Because I'd been drinking too, you know. Yeah. I felt all bad. I was like, I can't believe I got in a fight. And our family. And they're like, he punched you? And I was like, is that why my ear hurt? Like, I'd forgotten that part in the tussling. And then I go, let's drive around. So we, like, went to a couple other bars not to have more fun, but just to, like, get some time. And we get back to the. We get back to the cabin and he's in the driveway. I'm like, oh. You know, and he's standing there, he's like. He's like, hey. And I go, hey, man, how's it going? He's like, hey. I don't like, what happened there? I go, you know what? It's. I don't think anybody does, buddy. He's like, I made you a ham sandwich. And I go, I got. I go, oh, I'm good. I don't. I don't need a hand. And it's, you know, classic. Just like two little wafer thin pieces but he really had it. And he didn't just say, these guys, we're like in the driveway at the cab. And this place is magical. This is like a family. I love this place. And he's like, I made you a sandwich. And I said, I said, I'm all good, dude, you're gonna eat it, you know, Eat that sandwich. And I was like, I just want this to be over with, you know? And I go, you want me to take the sandwich? Thanks for the sandwich.
A
See, and I'm over here, we're thinking, he spit on. And he on, he goes, he goes.
B
He goes, I take the sandwich. He goes, you're gonna eat it? And I go, I'm probably gonna have it.
A
When I go.
B
And he goes, would you take a bite of that sandwich? And I said, do you want me to take a bite of the sandwich? I'll take it. So I take a bite of the sandwich and he leans in real close and he goes, I pissed in that sandwich. And he clearly had not. Yeah, it would be because I'm soaked. Enjoy a good piss ham sandwich. Oh, that was his last time up at the cabin. I was like, all right, buddy, thanks so much for that piece.
A
There's a line though that you're forgetting.
B
Oh, oh, yeah.
A
When you asked him.
B
Yeah, but I.
A
You go, did you really?
B
Oh, yeah. I go, yeah. Did you really piss in that? Yeah. And then when he said back to.
A
He goes, no, no, but I wish.
B
That's right. I forgot about that.
A
No, but I wish that, dude.
B
I was like, all right, buddy. All right, man. You going to the breakfast buffet down at the restaurant tomorrow? I'mma piss all over that buffet. I'm after I get my food, I'mma piss on and then make you get your food.
A
All right, now tell us. Let's close out on some. Gary, some. You had a pet you sort out.
B
We didn't. This animals showed up at the cabin pet. That place where I think it came from, they still have a goat every once in a while. So a goat shows up at our cabin just there out of nowhere, and it's just like hanging around. And we just started naming it Gary the goat. And that same dude who gave me the piss ham sandwich, we're like, everybody's having, you know, the goat's cool. I remember we cooked on those old like red old school Weber grill. And we put the top back on it after we had made like barbecue chicken. And we look out and that goats just standing up on top. Look this up. They do. Since you've Told me this. I've looked. And goats get on top of grills and. And I think they like the heat. I have no idea what that seems about now up on top of grills and this go. They're like, oh, my God, Gary's on the. Gary's on the grill. So this same dude. This is a fun story to prove that not everything is fights and piss sandwiches with this guy. Because I think this is. I. I wish I had done this. This is so funny. So my family, you know, they're. They're very religious and. And they love to do a big family stand in a circle prayer before every. Every meal. And so before we have our.
A
Oh, we're standing. We're not sitting at the table and doing.
B
No, because too many people.
A
We're standing and holding hands.
B
People are all over. People are outside. It's like 17 people for a cabin that should comfortably hold eight.
A
Gotcha.
B
And. And everybody's standing there holding hands. You know, bow your head and your eyes closed. And about halfway through the. Halfway through the prayer because he's. He's. This dude's drunk then. But it's more fun because it's early in the day. He's only a handful. And we're sitting there praying, you know, and like, oh, heavenly Father, we lift this bread. I can do all that. And all of a sudden I hear like. And I look over, and it is not what I'm sure you thought all was. A cat. It is the screen door. That screen door opens up, and just as it opens up before it closes, a foot catches it. And then in pivots and in walking in is the same dude with Gary in his arms. He's carrying Gary. And one of my cousins goes, gary's in the cabin. Gary's in the cabin. And then we gotta go in the cabin in the middle of this prayer, which is sort of biblical. I gu. Yes, the fatted calf and the. And then Gary just sort of like, hung around. It was a mean to the dogs and. Or to, like, these two little mean dogs that we had. It would, like, boss them around. And I remember my uncle who. Who was always annoyed by those dogs. Every time that goat would, like, scare the. Out of those dogs, he'd be like, I love that Gary the goat. I love that Gary the goat. Yeah. And then never, never saw Gary again. Just a cute little goat. Oh, my God.
A
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B
Yeah, that's that. And Gary. Gary, you don't remember the weekend with us? What?
A
What, man? You don't remember what happened to Gary?
B
Yes, I do. I didn't want to say. Well, let's tell her.
A
Bye, Gary. You know, can't live forever.
B
A couple weekends later, I come driving up to the cabin. You turn off the main highway until a couple of windy roads and I look over and there's Gary down in the ditch. Somebody had hit him. I know, dude. It makes me sad. But also, do you remember that 30 for 32 once brothers or two brothers, about Vladi Divak and his other guy. And that guy, forgive me for not remembering his name, he was a great basketball player. Died way too young, right? And there's a story back in whatever is formerly Russia where they were from, where his mom is visiting his statue that they made for him over there. And a person who's from this guy was like the pride of the town, like, became a hero to these people. Somebody said to the mom, he'll be that forever because he tragically died so young. She, like, he was like, trying to express this man's mom was like, he'll always be in that statue. Young and vibrant and beautiful and strong. And so there's a part of me, it's like, I hate that Gary passed away, but he'll only ever live for me in that window of just being a goofy ass little cabin goat and never, you know, didn't live long enough. You always say, you live long enough to become the villain now. Died a hero, stays a hero forever. And dude, credit to the feasters, because anytime I post anything about Wisconsin, still, they're like, you gonna see that goat
A
Gary still, bro, I know you know your cousin's boyfriend, robot, after he saw Gary's like, I hated this.
B
They got, they kicked me out too, player. He was just laying in the ditch. I feel you, buddy. We' out of here. They don't like either one of us. He's carrying Gary. Yeah, yeah. Such a troublemaker. Even Gary's like, no play. We're different, you and me. Game don't recognize game.
A
We're different. Did you tell the super bowl story on your first episode here?
B
Yes, we told that story. People, people went and found the article when I, I, I lied to the Chicago Tribune about my family celebrating.
A
I just care remember everything, but. And then you had to make that tradition happen.
B
Well, I had to. He was actually sending me photos and I just, I just, he just kept asking. I was like, this ain't gonna go anywhere. And it ends up in the Sunday Tribune. A tradition, a family tradition. And it was all about the Van Kirk doing. We've never done celebrating, like, tailgating because the Bears were playing in Miami. No. Yeah, we never even.
A
Did you go games as a family?
B
I didn't go to a Bears game, dude, until I was like over 30 and I took my mom, who had also never been to a game. And since then I've been to, like, I've been to some games when they played in Vegas, but I think I went to one other Bears game in Chicago with My uncle. And that was again like maybe 2011, 2012. No, we've never. I actually, my hot take is I think that football other than high school is maybe college too, but definitely at the pro level. It is worst viewed live. It is, it is made to watch
A
at home because every replay and all the descriptions.
B
How many times are you at a game? Look, when you're watching a game and you love football and you can immediately go, oh, this many timeouts, that much time on the play clock, that much time on the game clock, this is where they're at on the field. It's the down and distance. Well, they gotta be. You have to be running a pass here. Like you can watch it so much better when you're there, you're like, what down is it? How far? Otherwise you're just watching like the screen anyway, like watching the game itself tumble
A
down at the end. You don't know what.
B
Don't know what happened. You don't know how many times you've been in a, like an NFL game or something like that where somebody's like, why so and so not in the game. And one guy with a little Hamzista radio is like, he's like, he's hurt. He's hurt. Hammy. Yeah, yeah. You don't know you so much of the time, you have no idea what's happening now. True. When it's an amazing victory, is it awesome to be like in the stadium? I mean, come on, dude, did you
A
go to the Bulls run at all any of those?
B
We. That you think we didn't have football money? We didn't have, we didn't have Bulls.
A
Jordan, you're there for that though.
B
My brother got to go to one. And I've, I've always like, like by proxy been like happy that he did. But no, like, I just rewatched the Last Dance. I watch it usually like once a year on real. If you ever have, especially in our industry. But really I think it applies to anybody. If you have anything where you're trying to do it your yourself or with a team. But it's something where you have to like, put in the time and effort to possibly have the most success. Like just go watch the Last Dance. Like Jordan don't even cry about his dad talking about his dad. He cries talking about how hard he dedicated himself and others to playing.
A
And if you did the way he does that, that's.
B
You don't want to play that way, don't play that way. Yeah, and I took that personal. Like, everything is a Personal insult or whatever to motivate himself. Anyway, no, I didn't get to go to any of the Bulls games. I don't think, as of this recording, I don't think I've ever been to a Bulls game.
A
Really?
B
I don't think so. We went to a Lakers game. They weren't playing the Bulls, right? No, they. We would know. We would remember, if you remember. Yeah. Yeah. No, I don't think I've ever been to a Bulls game. But I love. I. I loved him.
A
I.
B
Did. You guys grow up. You didn't get to go to Colts games, did you? That was before you.
A
We went.
B
You would have been, what, four?
A
No, when they left 10. When they left 11. 11. But we went to, like, the practices and like that.
B
But it's funny. We did that. We did go to Platteville, Wisconsin. Funny little story. So there's a player for the Bears named Dan Hampton, number 1999. The Danimal.
A
Okay.
B
This dude is, like.
A
I know. Exactly.
B
Hall of Famer. Yeah. Huge beast of a man. So my mom says, I'm going to take my sons. We're going to go to Platteville, Wisconsin. We're going to see Bears training camp. Awesome of Diane to do this, right? I. I met Ditka, and this was after Walter Payton, my favorite football player of all time. But, like, Neil Anderson, I believe, was still. There was still a lot of great people on the team. So Dan Hampton, you know, they're. They're awesome at these things. They sign, they do everything. The tradition that they do at Lambeau, where they ride the kids bikes, is unreal. And so he's mobbed by kids and teenagers and probably some adults as well. Everybody's trying to get him to sign. And my mom just wants to take a photo of me standing next. She doesn't need him to be in it. She's just trying to get a photo of me looking at her while he's there, like, signing stuff, you know? She's like, look, just look over here. And I'm paying no attention. And she's like, danny. Because my family calls me Danny. And I'm just, like, looking at Dan, Danny. And she's yelling, right? She gets to about the seventh or eighth Danny, finally, Dan Hampton, and just goes, everybody stop. Stop. Everybody stops. And he looks over at Diane, my mom, and he goes, ma', am, do you need something? And she goes, I'm trying to get my son to look at me so I can take a picture of him standing next to you. And he goes, well, the only person in the world that calls me Danny is my mom. So I'm hearing a mom's voice yell, Danny. Oh, it is driving me nuts. Triggering. He's like, I can't pay attention. Every time. He's like, now what was your. And then he hears it. He's like, it's so. You know, to. To Dan Hampton's credit, he's still an awesome guy, still part of Chicago media and talks about the Bears after getting post games, all stuff. But he then stopped everything and took a picture with me and signed the stuff. But it was crazy having just that mom tone.
A
Yeah. Made him, like, set him off.
B
It was like a dog whistle. So. Kudos, Diane.
A
Look this up for me, please. Memorial Stadium, Baltimore. We used to be Two buck night. I think it was called. Okay, two or three buck night. I can't remember. But back then in the 80s, you could take your kids. Yeah, two buck Thursday. So you could take your kids for. It was three of us. My dad's getting us in for six bucks.
B
Perfect. So.
A
But you're sitting in, like, the upper deck and all, but whatever. Then you move around if you can and like that. But we'd go on nights like that and then. Look this up, Kirsten. This is Memorial Stadium. Plane crash.
B
What?
A
You ever see this?
B
No.
A
This is wild. I just talking to my daughter and her friend about this the other day
B
right before they went to bed.
A
Yep. Let's talk about it. 76. I'm out at this game. I'm three. This plane, it's during a Baltimore Colts game in Memorial Stadium. And I believe maybe it was the Steelers. I can't remember 1975.
B
So the country's already reeling because the month prior, the wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald and Lake Superior happened.
A
And then.
B
And then this plane. That's who I am.
A
It's not for a blowout. There's still people sitting there. So I believe it was the. You can look. It was the Steelers maybe or Cowboys or someone, but they left and boom. This plane land. There it is.
B
Oh, my gosh.
A
That landed during a game.
B
They didn't survive, did they?
A
I think he did, actually.
B
Yes. I was saying, because sometimes with these, you can't tell.
A
I think he. You know, a lot of times they can do that float thing.
B
Yeah.
A
Come down. But. But he went right.
B
Everybody leaves or at least moves down to closer.
A
Exactly. Yeah. Everyone gets out of that area and boom, there it is in the middle of the fight.
B
Because the rich people always leave early. The. The people of our, like, tax bracket growing up, they're like, we're staying to the end of this game. Yeah. But we'll move down.
A
Yeah, we pay for these.
B
We're moving down. All right.
A
We got six bucks.
B
Wow. Four injured. Most of fans were exiting.
A
Yep. Look at that.
B
That's crazy, dude.
A
Well, brother, thank you for doing this. I love you.
B
I love you, too. I mean, we could always. We could do back to back to back. Good thing we still have these shows. Keep doing it.
A
Thank God. Promote one more time. Please. Let them know where to find you. See all that stuff?
B
Everything's@DanielVanKirk.com if you are going to be in the Boca Raton, Florida area, you're going to be in Wisconsin area, you're going to be in the Boston area, you're going to be in Fayetteville, which is, I think, even only what, like an hour, hour and a half from Raleigh and so many more dates. Things are being announced all the time. I'm adding a lot of dates right now. So just, you know, check it out. Or give me a follow at Daniel Van Kirk on all social media and check out my podcasts and be nice to yourself. Be nice to each other.
A
Hell yeah, bro. I love you. Thank you as always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to you all next week. You.
Podcast: The Wayback with Ryan Sickler
Episode: #134 – Daniel Van Kirk: Gary the Goat Changed Everything
Date: July 23, 2026
Guest: Daniel Van Kirk
In this episode of "The Wayback," host Ryan Sickler welcomes back comedian and storyteller Daniel Van Kirk for a nostalgia-filled, funny, and honest conversation about Midwest traditions, questionable language, rowdy family encounters, and a legendary goat named Gary. The episode balances heart and hilarity as the two friends reminisce about childhood memories, family oddballs, evolving social sensitivities, and sports fandom. The tone is warm and irreverent, with both sticking to their signature blend of earnestness and self-deprecating humor.
Daniel Van Kirk:
Ryan Sickler:
| MM:SS | Segment Description | |---------|---------------------------------------------------| | 02:12 | Gas station culture and food rivalries | | 07:08 | Donuts, sprinkles vs. jimmies, language changes | | 11:06 | Taboo words, shifting meaning, intent vs. offense | | 19:57 | Ryan’s comedy club ‘retard’ joke confrontation | | 22:49 | Van Kirk family’s Wisconsin cabin origin story | | 24:23 | The "fight in the gravel parking lot" tale | | 29:12 | “Piss ham sandwich” family drama | | 30:27 | Gary the Goat’s legendary summer | | 35:34 | Gary's untimely demise and fleeting heroism | | 37:38 | Fabricated Bears traditions; reality of fandom | | 41:15 | Dan Hampton, "Danny!" and mom impact at training | | 43:22 | Two Buck Nights at Memorial Stadium; plane crash | | 45:25 | Farewell and Daniel’s tour/podcast plugs |
The episode is a heartfelt, hilarious tour through Daniel Van Kirk's family history, with stops at Midwest gas stations, coming-of-age misadventures, disputes over language and intent, sports memories, and the legendary summer of Gary the Goat. The chemistry between host and guest elevates the conversation—always honest, mischievous, and ultimately about finding the funny in both the pain and the mundane. The takeaways: embrace nostalgia, respect people's boundaries, and never trust a dude offering you a sandwich after a fight.