61: The Wayback #61 | Bret Ernst

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback #61 | Bret Ernst

Episode Information

• Title: The Wayback #61 | Bret Ernst
• Host: Ryan Sickler
• Guest: Bret Ernst
• Release Date: February 27, 2025
• Description: Ryan Sickler and Bret Ernst take a nostalgic journey through Bret’s life, filled with humorous anecdotes, fond memories, and reflective insights.

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1. Introduction and Show Promotions

Ryan Sickler kicks off the episode with enthusiastic promotions of his upcoming live tours and comedy specials. He highlights his engagements at the San Jose Improv and Comedy on State in Madison, Wisconsin, encouraging listeners to attend and stay connected via his website and social media platforms.

Notable Quote:

"I'm excited to announce I'm shooting my next special at your club Comedy on State. I was there not too long ago, had such a great time, such a great club." [01:14]

2. Guest Introduction and Self-Promotion

Bret Ernst is warmly welcomed back to the show. He takes a moment to promote his latest comedy special, "Uncaged," directing listeners to his website (BretComedy.com) and other platforms where his work is available.

Notable Quote:

"Go watch his special." [03:11]

3. Early Life and Family Background

The conversation delves into Bret’s childhood, highlighting his upbringing in a single-parent household with three brothers. Bret shares poignant details about his parents' divorce when he was six and his father's untimely passing when he was ten, painting a picture of resilience and familial bonds.

Notable Quote:

"My grandparents helped." [05:54]

"My father died when I was 10." [04:59]

4. Childhood Antics and Memories

Bret reminisces about his mischievous childhood, including antics like flicking pennies out of car windows with his brothers. These stories illustrate the playful yet rebellious nature of his formative years.

Notable Quote:

"We would just jump in the back and put the window down and flick people off." [04:35]

5. Roller Skating Adventures

A significant portion of the episode focuses on Bret’s roller skating experiences. He recounts his visits to the Wallington Skating Center in New Jersey and later to Galaxy Skateway in Florida. These anecdotes not only highlight his love for roller skating but also introduce memorable characters from his youth.

Notable Quote:

"There was always that guy that was like 30 when we were like 10." [15:26]

6. Nostalgia for 90s Cologne and Fashion

The duo dives into a nostalgic conversation about 90s colognes, emphasizing their strong scents and the cultural significance of fragrances during that era. Bret humorously describes his first cologne gift and the infamous Avon musk scent, blending humor with relatable teenage experiences.

Notable Quotes:

"My first cologne came in a Dallas Cowboy bottle. It looked like a Super Bowl trophy." [19:04]

"90s was the golden era of Cologne." [20:01]

7. Clubbing and Early Adulthood Experiences

Bret shares his ventures into the nightclub scene, including his stint running a club in South Florida and working at establishments like Hooters and The Moon in Tallahassee. He discusses the challenges and adventures of this period, including his experiences with fake IDs and interactions with law enforcement.

Notable Quote:

"I ran a club in South Florida. I was like the front door guy that greeted everybody." [29:56]

"I almost got pinched because my mom called the police to do a welfare check on me." [34:36]

8. Sibling Relationships and Life Lessons

The conversation shifts to Bret’s relationships with his brothers. He highlights the mentorship role his older brother, Scotty, played in his life and the camaraderie with his younger brother, Keith. Bret reflects on the responsibilities and lessons learned from growing up without a father, shaping his approach to life and relationships.

Notable Quote:

"My older brother was more like a father to me." [35:18]

"I taught my little brother to fight, but now I realize those were bad habits." [35:16]

9. Reflective Insights and Personal Growth

Bret introspectively discusses the transformation from his younger self’s beliefs about masculinity and fighting to his mature understanding of healthier behaviors. He touches on themes of personal growth, accountability, and the impact of early experiences on adult life.

Notable Quote:

"When you don't have a father, you create what a man is with a young mind." [35:18]

"I have responsibility for creating habits in my brother." [36:53]

10. Concluding Remarks and Final Promotions

As the episode wraps up, Bret reiterates the promotion of his comedy special and upcoming tour dates. Both Ryan Sickler and Bret Ernst express their gratitude to the audience, emphasizing the informal and relaxed nature of their conversation.

Notable Quote:

"We used to do. We don't even need the mics. It's just like hanging out." [41:47]

---

Conclusion

Episode #61 of The Wayback with Ryan Sickler offers a heartfelt and humorous exploration of Bret Ernst’s life journey. From mischievous childhood antics to the challenges of growing up in a single-parent household, Bret provides listeners with a candid look into his past. The episode seamlessly blends nostalgia with insightful reflections, making it an engaging listen for both longtime fans and newcomers.

Notable Highlights:

• Family Dynamics: Insights into growing up with three brothers and a single mother.
• Childhood Memories: Stories of flicking pennies from car windows and navigating multiple schools.
• Roller Skating Adventures: Memorable experiences at local skating centers and encounters with unique characters.
• 90s Nostalgia: A humorous take on vintage colognes and fashion trends.
• Club Life: Bret’s foray into the nightclub scene, including humorous and precarious experiences.
• Sibling Bonds: The influential role of brothers in shaping personal values and life choices.

This episode serves as a testament to Bret Ernst’s resilience and adaptability, offering listeners both laughter and meaningful reflections on personal growth and familial relationships.

Transcript

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[Brett Ernst]

Sound good?

[Ryan Seacrest]

I participate in restaurants for a limited.

[Ryan Sickler]

Time San Jose I'm bringing the Live and Alive tour your way. I'll be at the San Jose Improv Friday, February 28th and Saturday, March 1st Madison, Wisconsin. I'm excited to announce I'm shooting my next special at your club Comedy on State. I was there not too long ago, had such a great time, such a great club. I'm excited to work with them and bring you my next special. Two shows Saturday, April 12th. Get your tickets now at Ryan sickler.com Hey baby, we going to be here all day. We going to be here all day baby. I like this kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back everybody. Ryan Sickler here. Ryan Sickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. I'm starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for watching this show. This is. I love doing this show. Look, I love my job because of you guys but this show right here, you gotta watch this one. We're throwing up old photos, bringing these stories to life and videos if you got them. Like Kirsten and Sam are doing a great job really bringing this to life and I'm already laughing with this guest we're going to have here today. Come see me on tour if I'm in Your town when you're around. All tickets are on my website@ryan sickler.com. all right, guys. Very excited to have this guest back here with me. Please welcome Brett Ernst. Welcome to the way back. Brett Ernst.

[Brett Ernst]

What's up, man?

[Ryan Sickler]

How are you, buddy?

[Brett Ernst]

I'm good, brother.

[Ryan Sickler]

You look good. I'm already laughing with you. We're going to get into it right away because we got a ton to talk about. But before we do, right there, promote everything and anything you'd like.

[Brett Ernst]

All right, if you can just go to Brett comedy.com b r e t comedy.com. the new special called uncaged. If all the links are on are on my website. And also check out the new season of Cobra Kai. But go to Brett Comedy B R e T comedy dot com. Check out my new special uncaged and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Go watch his special.

[Brett Ernst]

And it's also on witscomedytv.com. just go to my website. We're dying laughing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I really want to get into this with you because we're just sitting here talking about what we want to talk about. We've gone through so much. So before we jump into all that, this seat right here, the way back. You are how old now?

[Brett Ernst]

I'm 52.

[Ryan Sickler]

You look good. Do your hair look. You got good hair. I mean, we're both lucky to still have it. That's number one.

[Brett Ernst]

Don't give yourself. Oh, look, the wood paneling, too. I didn't even notice that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Princess bargain. Who had this car in your. In your life or family or whatever? When did you ride in this?

[Brett Ernst]

Well, my mother had a station wagon that my grandparents gave her.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you remember what kind it was?

[Brett Ernst]

White. I think it was Chevy. But the seat. This is a nicer seat because this has got cloth on it. That. The one we have is all that fake leather. The plastic. This piece. Yeah, that got hot right there. Right there.

[Ryan Sickler]

That. Yeah, Pleather.

[Brett Ernst]

There it is. So me and my little brother would sit in. In the back, which, you know, sometimes you. You wanted the back seat. And then we would throw shit at cars. Right. See that, that. That hatchback, the window went down and. But you had to. You had to roll it down.

[Ryan Sickler]

What. What are you throwing out there?

[Brett Ernst]

Pennies. Pennies was always a thing. Yeah, I know. You flicking people off.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's what he's.

[Brett Ernst]

My older brother would sit up front, and my mom and, you know, me and Keith would just jump in the back and then put the window down and just, you know, flick people off.

[Ryan Sickler]

So at this point, your. Your formative years is single mom, three boys.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And Dad's not in the picture.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, my. They got divorced when I was 6, and then my father died when I was 10.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you explain that and then go watch Brett's Honeydew episode.

[Brett Ernst]

But we, I did. He. I saw him maybe once or twice after.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is life for you. So what do you. What are your earliest memories? Like having fun with your brothers and what are you guys doing and stuff?

[Brett Ernst]

Well, we didn't. Like, when. When you mean after my folks were together? Because weren't together anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

So let me just say this real quick, too, because you just talk to your mom before we record. And she sounds super sweet.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah, she's the best, Carol.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you said somebody wanted to go to the 50s Cafe. And at the same time, she and I both said, oh, that's cute. So your mom's got a kindred spirit.

[Brett Ernst]

I get it.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I'm one of three boys.

[Brett Ernst]

Are you middle?

[Ryan Sickler]

Technically, because I'm a twin. I was born second. But three boys and a single mom like your mom sounds like a saint, too. It ain't easy.

[Brett Ernst]

No, but, you know, it's the other thing, too. My grandparents, you know, helped.

[Ryan Sickler]

Her parents.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah, her parents.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, good. So you have extended family.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah. Well, you know, that's because, like, you know, it's weird. I, I, I know I knew my dad's family, but just because we moved down to Florida when I was a kid and then moved back up again. We moved Jersey? No, actually, at that time, West Virginia.

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[Brett Ernst]

No purchase necessary VGW Group void where prohibited by law. 21/ Terms and Conditions apply.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

Really? My real father got a job in West Virginia, and then they got divorced. We were, they were all. We were all from Jersey, went to West Virginia down to Florida, back to Florida. I mean, back to New Jersey, then back to Florida. And then I moved. I went to 15 schools.

[Ryan Sickler]

15? Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

One high school from.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, you went to 15? So 14 schools between elementary and middle school and you settled in one high school.

[Brett Ernst]

One high school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude, let's talk. Talk about that, man. Nobody on here has done that.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, it's weird. It's why I have a weird accent. And we were talking about that. It's like. It's Jersey. But then, like, I don't say, like, dog or Manhattan, you know, Coffee. I say y'all sometimes. And then I. I love. Yo, what up, dog? How you doing, dog? You know, But. Yeah, but, you know, you. You raised my. I was always around because the. That I just move so much that I took a little piece of everything with me.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you're not moving because you're a military brat or some like that. Is this financial moves? Mom's doing what she can.

[Brett Ernst]

You're breaking leases as a family in the middle of the night.

[Ryan Sickler]

Forget about a whole family breaking a lease. It ain't nothing to do with yourself.

[Brett Ernst]

Get the. Mom. Come on, we're leaving. You're like, but it's two in the morning. Let's go. Where's our. What are we doing? Just leave everything. We gotta get the out. And then she remarried and my stepfather ended up. They. Yeah, I'm glad. I love that he was in my life, okay. He was a good dude, man. But here's the thing. Like, if you grow up in, like, an ethnic, like, Italians, you don't know their. Like, even my grandfather, you don't know their real name, right? Until you're at a funeral, like, because, like, his real name. Because they'll be like, you know, here lays Gaetano Pasquale. They're like, who the fuck is that? Like, that's Tom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

That's like. My grandfather's real name was Carmelo. I had no idea.

[Ryan Sickler]

All that bullshit. You just made me think of it too. My uncle, we called him Al. Forever. Forever. And then one night. I mean, I'm in my fucking mid. I think I might even be living here. And I'm back home going on Oriole game and he's ret. The dude did it, right? He. I. I don't even know this. He's probably in his. I mean, he's probably in his 70s at that point. And I walk up, he's. He's an usher at Camden Yards. I go, what are you doing, Uncle Al? He's like, I'm just retired now. I just come here, I tear tickets till about the fifth inning. Then I go in and catch the game. And I'm like, dude, that's a great. That's a great plan. And I see this name tag on him and it's. I don't remember what it was because I know him as Uncle. Let's say it was Thomas or something. I go, would you forget your name tag? You had to borrow from somebody. He's like, ha. That's it. I walk in, I see the game. I hit his daughter up. She's my cousin.

[Brett Ernst]

I got.

[Ryan Sickler]

Man, I saw your dad at the game last night.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I go, he had some fucking name tag on, said Thomas, like he forgot it. She goes like, ryan, that's his real name. I go, what? I'm in my 30s. I go, that's Uncle Al. She goes, that ain't his real name. I go, those don't even connect. Why are we calling him that? Dude? I've had so much of that in my life where the family will say some shit and like, you didn't know. I did not know. So tell me. One of your bits, obviously, is. I just made Kirsten watch it before you got here. Your roller skating bit is so great. She even said, you know, we all got that guy. She had that guy there, so.

[Brett Ernst]

But you, you. She looked kind of young to be roller skating, but I think it's coming back.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, never too. You're never too old to roller skate. By the way, I take my daughter.

[Brett Ernst]

What I love about this gen. It's all Gen X, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

We're the forgotten generation.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is. Even when we were in it. Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

Everybody forgot. Nobody gave a.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nobody gave a.

[Brett Ernst]

We are really. We were the most neglected.

[Ryan Sickler]

We really were.

[Brett Ernst]

Like I was telling. We were talking about this with the therapy, like, that was never a thing, man. And. And I remember, like, you know, now I think. I'm not saying it's a good or bad thing, but I remember in middle school when the space shuttle blew up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

And remember they had Those big ass TVs on the. On the metal cart. And there was like three in the whole school. And it had a library car because you had to rent that.

[Ryan Sickler]

We were at home at class.

[Brett Ernst]

And then they would consolidate classes. And then I remember watching that. And it blew up and seven people died. Everybody. All the kids were like, what was the stature? Yeah, yeah. And then, then, yeah, there it is. But it was bigger than that. Anyways. I'm like, yo, you know, you're like, what the fuck happened? And the teacher just unplugged that motherfucker, said, all right, take out your dinner.

[Ryan Sickler]

They don't make pizza. English muffins. No, that's where we were, at Home ec. Get out yourself.

[Brett Ernst]

Here's the other thing too, man, which is a true story, is my, my. I had a teacher that he'd let us fight in the class. Like, if you had a beef with another dude. I'm dead serious. He cleared the desks.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you could never do some.

[Brett Ernst]

No, but you would have to handle it there and then. But it had to stay there. So he's like, if you guys want to do it, do it here, not out in the streets. And then, you know, the kids would fight and we would watch.

[Ryan Sickler]

What grade is this? Elementary school.

[Brett Ernst]

Ninth grade.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, that's high school.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Big enough to be.

[Brett Ernst]

And then I don't know if you guys did this either, man. Like, if you had a beef with a kid and you know, because we used to throw hands all the time and be like, hey, you know, meet me here. So. But you would have to go home first, right? Put your foot in the door and then go meet him. Because I don't know if this is a real rule. This might have been a kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've never. I don't even know.

[Brett Ernst]

Here's why, man.

[Ryan Sickler]

What is it?

[Brett Ernst]

No, if you're. Until you get home, you. You could get suspended because you're still part of the school. So once you get home, the school, you, you can't get.

[Ryan Sickler]

Were you a Walker?

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah, of course.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was too. Yeah. Of all middle school, I was a Walker.

[Brett Ernst]

Middle school, I was a Walker. Elementary.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know if we've had any walk. Yeah. Elementary in high school was driving or buses.

[Brett Ernst]

No, we would be at the bus stop like Matt early because I was on the free food program. So you had free lunch. And then I was like, it's okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

To say you're poor too.

[Brett Ernst]

No, no, I'm.

[Ryan Sickler]

Free lunch ticket was humiliating. I.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, I said we. It was even worse for you on free breakfast. That meant shit ain't going right. Then you had to be at the bus stop at like 3:30 in the morning. So then we're on free lunch program, free breakfast. You had to be there early. And then I was on the after school programs too, because my mom worked. And then because I was in school all day, I'd be there from like 4:30 in the morning to like 6 at night. And then, you know, there's a whole day before the Day starts, so all the bad kids, you know, we were that playing football and they, you know, you have breakfast and then that's why like around 11 we're sleeping because we've.

[Ryan Sickler]

Been to school all day.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, but the roller skating.

[Ryan Sickler]

So let's talk about that. So before you say that. Hold on. Go watch his roller skating bit. It's so good. I. I take my daughter now. We go to Moonlight Roller way and that dude is still there. He's still there. Grown man, he's in his 40s now, maybe in there by himself and leaning over there talking to the young DJ kid and shit. You know what I mean? I'm like, there he is.

[Brett Ernst]

The bits. Basically there was a guy. So when I was in Jersey, I used to go to the Wallington Skating Center. Oh, there's a skating center. Alumni Paige. I'm a member of this group, by the way.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you really?

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah. So anyways, so when you're a kid, man, like a lot of younger kids don't realize that was like a nightclub for.

[Ryan Sickler]

That was. Yeah, it really was. It was a babysitter. It was a nightclub. It was everything.

[Brett Ernst]

So like you would get like, you know, get you your gear, right. I used to wear my. I had the Georgetown Hoya Nikes with the fat laces, straight leg leaves, the Tigra shirt. Then we would go. And. But the, the bit was about this old motherfucker that was. There was always that guy that was like 30 when we were like 10.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

So now I go down to Florida and. Because my grandparents. That's why I was down in Florida, because my grandparents were there. And there's a place called Galaxy Skateway and I went to the roller rink and there's the same motherfucker. There was a. But a different version. And then I noticed that. And that always stuck in the back of my head.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

And I'm like that guy. So that was like why I did the bit about Tony, which was that. Dude, that was 30 when we were 10.

[Ryan Sickler]

And were you roller skating a lot? Was that like a place? Yeah, yeah. You know, I had a lot of time there.

[Brett Ernst]

I used to make. I got some makeouts there. There was a girl that had a crush on me and. And you know, I think I touched my first vajine at the roller.

[Ryan Sickler]

At the roller rig. Dude.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, they had this thing called night skate, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

And they would. It would be like you could stay overnight.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like a lock in.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thing. Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

I don't know if they had this by you, but like where I was from in. In Passaic, they New Jersey, they would have a thing called night gym.

[Ryan Sickler]

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[Brett Ernst]

And basically you go to the gym and it was to keep kids out of trouble, but they locked you in with like the. All the worst kids are at the night.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. In your life.

[Brett Ernst]

So now you're stuck in this gym.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

And, you know, kids are getting robbed under the bleachers. But they would have, like. Because this is what, 85 and breaking. It was just really, you know, because where I'm at in North Jersey, it was, you know, you had a lot of, like, over the bridge. You know, you people went back and forth. But there used to be like, battles and stuff, like break battles at the night gym and then. But yeah, they just locked you in with like the worst fucking kids. You know, it's like, you know, it's even worse. Just stay. Fuck home fights would happen all the time.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're obviously, you're still a chain guy. I knew guys like you growing up, and I was talking to you outside and I'm like, I know you had a cologne guy. You're like, yeah, well, the cologne. I have a cologne.

[Brett Ernst]

I had a cologne guy now. Giannis Papas now. Well, what happened was I've seen the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Clip, but back in the day, before we get into that, talk to me about what, what do you remember your first one?

[Brett Ernst]

My first cologne. My grandfather Bought me. It was some Avon shit.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

And I had a. And it came in, like, a Dallas Cowboy bottle.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

Like, with the. It had, like, it looked like a Super bowl trophy. And it had the cowboy sticker on it. There it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is your first cologne right here.

[Brett Ernst]

I got it for Christmas.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's great.

[Brett Ernst]

And then, you know, then there was that musk. I forgot. The Avon musk, I think it was called. That stunk. That was it for men, that thing. Terrible.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because if you wore Avon back in the day, you had to clarify.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, my grandma sold that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

And then they had a. They had a soap on a rope. Is that Avon? Yeah, there it is. Yo, you put that on, dog. It was strong. That was strong. You wore that. You put that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't even know. They were way ahead of AX and all this stuff.

[Brett Ernst]

Way ahead. And then. And then after that, my first. I want to say my first, like, middle school, the. I think it was Polo.

[Ryan Sickler]

The green.

[Brett Ernst]

No, it might have been Jakara. Polo. We got to check the year because I. I had them both at the same time.

[Ryan Sickler]

82.

[Brett Ernst]

That's it. There it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bam.

[Brett Ernst]

That was strong, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude, this was the one everyone made fun of because it was so strong, dog.

[Brett Ernst]

That. That stuff's phenomenal.

[Ryan Sickler]

You like it? You did. Yeah. Oh, you did.

[Brett Ernst]

And you know what's dope now? Oh. Anyways, so cologne was always a thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Obsession was the one a girlfriend gave me back in the day. Calvin Klein, Obsession.

[Brett Ernst]

Did you like that?

[Ryan Sickler]

I didn't dislike it, but what I liked is that she liked it.

[Brett Ernst]

Oh, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean? If she. If I wore it, she liked it, and that's all I gave.

[Brett Ernst]

But the thing was, I wasn't pulling no girls. Yeah, I mean, you know, you get makeouts and stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I got into. I had polo for a second. Like, my brother and I, we had Tuscany. You remember? Tus was a good one. We had Obsession. We had. We never did Drakkar, but we had. Oh, there was another one that we with.

[Brett Ernst]

But 90s was. To me, 90s was the golden era of Cologne. No, for real, 90 was golden era. Like, you hip hop peaked hip hop in 90s and hip hop and cologne. Dude, listen.

[Ryan Sickler]

And grunge.

[Brett Ernst]

Let me rattle and grunge. You know, they didn't wear that. They wore that Chipotle.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, they didn't wear it. You know what I'm talking about?

[Brett Ernst]

Like, the oil, that. What is it? Yeah. What is it called?

[Ryan Sickler]

Patchouli.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah, that stunk the hippie, but the not champra.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know that one.

[Brett Ernst]

Is that hippie?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, for sure. There it is. You smelled this a million times. This is the basic one. When you say it. Right there, right there.

[Brett Ernst]

So, yo, listen to the colognes. Listen to the 90s colognes, okay? Golden era.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's hear them.

[Brett Ernst]

You had Fahrenheit.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

You had aqua de geo. You had cool water, which was phenomenal. Cool Walk out, David off. I think it's called Fahrenheit was the. Then you had. Let me see. Wait, that's cool water was for. Not Jupe. J, O, O. I remember it came in a purple bottle.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

There it is. The dude. I can't think of his name. It was like a bust of, like a. He had the. The blue bus with, like, the red, white and stripes. The white stripes on it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tommy Hilfiger.

[Brett Ernst]

It was It Tommy Hilfiger. I can't think of the name of it. Then there was Mizzy ak, which was strong.

[Ryan Sickler]

I've never even heard of that one.

[Brett Ernst]

What was the other one, too? That was Kenzo. Kenzo is great. It was like. It looked like. There it is. See that? That one right there. The black bottle. Dude, it was a golden age, bro. And then there was the one that. What was the sailor one there. That's it right there.

[Ryan Sickler]

That.

[Brett Ernst]

That thing. Yeah. Gaultier, whatever his name is. Look at that. You can see his root. He's got a strong root. No arms and legs, but what else?

[Ryan Sickler]

So unnecessary. The dick on your cologne.

[Brett Ernst]

And by the way, what's great about.

[Ryan Sickler]

That'S making it clear who that's for.

[Brett Ernst]

But here's the thing. After you're done with the bottle, you could pull the pin out and use it as a grenade. So my cologne guy. Now shout out to Nadine.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, hit that picture right there.

[Brett Ernst]

There we go.

[Ryan Sickler]

There you go.

[Brett Ernst]

Polo Sport was great. There's Jupe. Fahrenheit was strong. Nautica was strong. Dolce Gabbana was strong. So look at this.

[Ryan Sickler]

You've tried almost all these.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah, I'm not a. I'm not a. I'm. I don't like the spicy ones. I like the, like, citrusy smooth.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm surprised obsession's not in.

[Brett Ernst]

Polo Sport was strong, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

Jupe. I used to. Here's what I used to do, too, man. I used to, like. Because, yeah, I. I've been on my own since I was, like, 18, 19. I would invite girls over, but, like, did you ever spray your bed with cologne? So, like, when she lays down.

[Ryan Sickler]

I wasn't a Big cologne guy?

[Brett Ernst]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

How's it?

[Brett Ernst]

Dude, I had the Black light in the room playing all my 90s R B. I had the CD. Oh, where the. Did you get that? That's strong. That's. I'm 18 there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Great job, Kirsten.

[Brett Ernst]

Look at that. And you're showing off the Herf Jones ring.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who's the ring? Is that a high school ring?

[Brett Ernst]

That's her Jones. That's the. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that what you got? That's the guy that made him rings. Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

And then you went like Olin Mills pictures. I think that's Olin Mills and that's Herf Jones.

[Ryan Sickler]

Those. I never had a high school ring.

[Brett Ernst]

Now here's my question too. I don't know if they did this. Why the. When they made you take your senior picture, they made you sit all the way to this way and look and like do this. Like you're all uncomfortable.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh man, that is a great. What cologne are we wearing here right now?

[Brett Ernst]

And that's. Oh, wait. Oh God.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's your senior years quorum cologne.

[Brett Ernst]

I got that for Christmas my senior year. That. That was a great one. And I reordered it lately and it doesn't smell as good as I remember.

[Ryan Sickler]

They changed it up.

[Brett Ernst]

But I remember the girls in school telling me that they liked how they liked how I smelled. The. The other thing that helped me too is that my older brother was gay, so he was out at this time. But you know, gay dudes, they, they can get you right man when it comes to like clothes and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, no doubt.

[Brett Ernst]

That's why I tell people, man, having a gay brother is like having the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Whole Queer Eye for the. What is straight guy straight guys about? No doubt.

[Brett Ernst]

But that's why I tell people having a gay older. Having a gay brother is like having a. An older sister whose clothes you could wear. You know, I mean, my brother was. My brother was always styling. Now here's the up part.

[Ryan Sickler]

You hand me ups.

[Brett Ernst]

Oh yeah. Hand me d. Hand me downs forever.

[Ryan Sickler]

Those are hand me ups, bro. He's looking like that.

[Brett Ernst]

But when, when, when we got older. So like when he's 25 and I'm. And I'm. I used to go out but I would borrow his and I would look dope. I should call my mom on this one. But you know, I don't know how it was by you. But like we got. When you went out clubbing back in it. You know, there's chances are there's going to be some type of a fight.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what's a popular Club you go to in high school, let's say high school.

[Brett Ernst]

We had teen clubs. So you had Nepenthes.

[Ryan Sickler]

There it is. Fort Lauderdale.

[Brett Ernst]

83 to 87. They had.

[Ryan Sickler]

You imagine if you're in a picture here. I would shit.

[Brett Ernst]

No, you're in.

[Ryan Sickler]

If we're going to Photoshop you.

[Brett Ernst]

They had to, but they had to close it down because there was like, a lot of gangs would come and there was like, you know, kids from Miami would come up. There was always like beefs going on back then. Kids were always fighting back then and so they had to shut it down.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

And then there was another one called High Tops. High Tops was, you know, you had to be 16 to grow to get in there. But you know, here's the thing. I didn't drink. I never drank. I still don't drink.

[Ryan Sickler]

Even back then.

[Brett Ernst]

Even back then. I mean, when I turned 21, I got drunk one time when I was 18 in the Keys and they kicked us out of the key.

[Ryan Sickler]

The whole.

[Brett Ernst]

The cops came. I call my boy right now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get the off this island.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, my buddy thought it'd be funny to give me one. The first time I ever got drunk was on 151.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

Whole grain alcohol. And my buddy Scott shout out to Schneider Brothers. He, he would make this like bullfrog. It was like Mountain Dew. 151 Everclear. That's what it was. Everclear.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

So he, he, he was making me sip on it. And my boys used to drink. Remember Cisco?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's like crack straight. That would, that would. I mean we knew so many kids that got alcohol poisoning from that one. That was the one Surgeon General I didn't know they stepped in.

[Brett Ernst]

So I started hitting that when I was like 19 because I. That when I went away, I lived in North Carolina for a year. Actually went to the same school as Segor to play football.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that right?

[Brett Ernst]

Lenore Ryan? Yeah. I got kicked out though, for after one year. For real. There was like 13 of us. They kicked out for what? Just, you know, dumb. I. I had never experienced like, you know, like you heard about rednecks and stuff. But there was a couple that when we got there because my roommate was Puerto Rican. Rest in peace. To angel and.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nah, his name. I'm sorry, I don't mean to laugh. You just gave it. All right.

[Brett Ernst]

Oh yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To an angel.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, he, he was a good looking dude, man. And. But me and him were roommates together, so we're 19. And I had fake. I used to do fake make fake IDs with the board. I don't know if you ever had the board.

[Ryan Sickler]

So yeah, we would go downtown. Yet in Baltimore, you had to go to a place that's called McCrory's. Yeah. So this is where we would have to go to a dude in the back.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, I, I made.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he wouldn't do a license either. You got an id. You got a walking id. You know, like my grandmom didn't drive, but she had a state id. We get a fake state id so you couldn't drive on it.

[Brett Ernst]

So what we would do is back then, like the color. It was color coded. So we had a blue piece of construction paper and then we had a big ass board. It was like, it looked like a license, right. But it was big. So the kid would just. You would sit like this and then pose like. And then somebody. It had handles. So somebody would hold the board. I'm dead serious. And then you take a Polaroid and then you would move back and back and back just enough to where it was the right dimension.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

Then you cut it out of the pole Polaroid and then took a back of a real license and you laminated. Re. Laminated it. And then.

[Ryan Sickler]

And did it. I mean, honestly, did it look okay?

[Brett Ernst]

It worked. I. I had a. Passable enough so when I was up in North Carolina, people would pay me to go buy alcohol. And then, you know, like I said, I didn't start drinking. The first time I got drunk. I was 18, swore it off. Then I started drinking when I was 19. And then I stopped for a while then, because then at 21, I'm in the nightclub business, right? Because.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean?

[Brett Ernst]

I ran a club in South Florida. I was like, I didn't run it. I was like the front door guy that. I pretty much greeted everybody and I was like 21. Well, there's another. There's another thing. So I had this idea, so I would buy alcohol for people, you know, in North Carolina. But then shit went south, I went home. And then I was trying to. I was an invite at Florida State to play ball.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

So they were like, yo, if you, if he. If you get in, you can walk on. So. But I. My grades weren't that good to get in. So I went to Tallahassee Community College up there. But then I ended up only taking like one class because I couldn't afford it. So I was working at a nightclub called the Moon. I used to bounce there. And then I would work at Hooters as a cook yeah, the Moon, that was. That was like a big club in Tallahassee. So at that time, I was doing the ideas. There was a couple other things we had going on up there. And then we would sell speakers out of a van.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I can't tell you how many. Yeah, you should bark at that. I can't tell you how many white vans. It happened to me out here. 20, 24. It's still going on. They rolled up next to me. I'm out there smoking a joint like, hey, buddy, you want. I go, nobody's buying that anymore, dude.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, let me tell you the scam. Here's the scam of the thing. Yeah, they're not stolen, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

This is what they tell you.

[Brett Ernst]

No, they're not. I'm telling you. This is how it works. They're not. We paid for them. They're just really shitty speakers. So you have the drop sheet, right? Which is like. You know, it tells you about them. And we had. What was it? Sun City, I think we had shirts that, like, we were delivering. So when you pull up to somebody and this is the mental game of the conversation, I'm just telling you. We want you to think they're stolen, but we want to act like we don't want you to know we think they're selling, so we're passing it off as legit but shady. So you think that you're like, oh, this is stolen. I'm not falling for it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want to fall for it. Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

No, no, no. Like. Like, in other words, if we come to you, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

You guys, I know it's complicated. You used to come to me all the time.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah. If you hung out at a gas station for two minutes. So if we came to you with. With the speakers, we wanted you to think. We wanted you to think they were stolen and that. We wanted you to think that we didn't want you to know they were stolen, but in reality, they're not. So we had speakers at this place. We had a bunch of shit going on. So now I'm working at the Moon. Okay. Now I would work at Hooters as a. Like I said, I was. I would cook. I would. I was always working. I get a call on the radio. My front. The front door guy's like, yo, Brett, some cops are here.

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[Ryan Sickler]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Brett Ernst]

No purchase necessary VGW Group Void we're prohibited by law 21 + terms and conditions apply for you. So I'm like, fuck. So I'm thinking like, what? What? Something must have happened, right? So now I start, I have my, this yellow jacket on. I used to say moon on the back. So now I creep out the side door and I'm walking towards my car. I hear hey. And I turn around and it was a cop. He's like, where are you going? I said, I'm going to my car, I'm gonna get a dip. Because I, you know, I used to dip. Then he's like, nah, you would look like you were gonna leave. And I'm like, no, I promise I could leave. You know, they bring me in. He goes, what's your name? I said, Brett. He goes, well, why, why are you running? You know, like. So they bring me down to the office and they keep asking me like, where were you going? Why are you, why are you leaving? Then it dawns on me, these guys don't have nothing on me. So I'm like, I'm like, what the do you guys want? You know, Basically because I worked for three days, I didn't call my mom. My mom called the police to do a welfare check on me. And they came to the club to see if I was okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

About to accidentally get your ass.

[Brett Ernst]

I'm like, I told my mom, I said, mom, you know, I'm not gonna tell her. I'm like, what are you doing?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

She's like, you have a call me in three days. Cuz there was the killings going on in Gainesville, which is like four hours from us. So because. And I'm like, mom working doubles, you know. But she almost got me pinched.

[Ryan Sickler]

That is hilarious. Tell me. I want to hear more about you and your brother and games you would play and stuff like that. Growing up together.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, my little one or My older one.

[Ryan Sickler]

Either one. Who's this cr.

[Brett Ernst]

Well, the older brother is like the.

[Ryan Sickler]

How much older is he, by the way?

[Brett Ernst]

Scotty was four years older than me, and Keith is three years younger of me. And the best way I describe it. Yeah, there's me and Scotty.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, there you go.

[Brett Ernst]

That. That. That. That was. I still remember that outfit. That was comfortable. So Scotty was. Me and him had, like. I had real, like, regular childhood memories with him because he was my older brother when, like, things were good and we would, you know, he would play games. He taught me how to read. You know, he would read with me. He taught me. So he was more like a father to me. My younger brother was like my best friend. Still is. So me and Scotty. When you don't have a father, you create what a man is with a young mind. So when it. When your man. When a father's not around in your head, you're like, okay, a man should know how to fight, be good in sports, and bang a lot of women. Right? And then as you get older, you get to about 25, you now realize that's not what it is. And now you got to spend, like 10 years breaking all these bad habits you created for yourself. You know what I mean? So I. I taught my little brother because, you know, my grandfather was a big influence. But he would say, like, you know, if you get in a fight, take a trophy, you know, like in an eye, you know, do something. So the next time they look in the mirror, they'll know not to with you because, you know, they came off a boat and these were like Italian, you know, street guys. They didn't around back then, and they fought in wars, you know. So my little brother, you know, I. I protected him a lot, but, like, I created that little monster that became just. I used to tell him, swing first, don't wait, you know, all that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

And then, you know, he actually. Whatever I did, he did times two, if that makes sense. And I. I have responsibility for that.

[Ryan Sickler]

He's Brett 2.0.

[Brett Ernst]

Oh, yeah. I mean, better athlete.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you guys doing, though? What kind of stuff?

[Brett Ernst]

Got into some trouble. I mean, when we're little, little kids, I used to. We used to scam together to make money, and we would give it to my mom and.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you doing, Rob?

[Brett Ernst]

Payphones.

[Ryan Sickler]

How you just breaking them up?

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's the key to? Old school payphone. What's the key to getting in there?

[Brett Ernst]

The key. Literally where the key is. So what happened was when you raised With a single mom. And here's the thing with single moms, they cry a lot. You know what I mean? Like, they're always like, how are we going to pay the bills? And then as. As a son. But as a son.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's the thing about single moms. They cry a lot.

[Brett Ernst]

They project the problem.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sure. You know what I mean?

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

They don't know how to hide it and keep it away.

[Brett Ernst]

You know, My older brother, the responsibility of, like, doing things because my mom worked all the time. Now, my mom was a very naive woman because the way she was raised, my grandfather was very traditional. Like, when my father came to pick her up on a date the first time he had jeans on, My grandfather sent him home and told him to put a fucking suit on, that his daughter's not a whore. He wore jeans. And my mom is. You know, and again, I. I couldn't. There was nothing wrong. And I mean, this. Nothing wrong she couldn't have done. She just was. She's a little naive. So there was always going on right under her nose. She had no idea. But we were very protective of her. So, anyways.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what's the key to robbing a payphone? Screwdriver in that part?

[Brett Ernst]

Well, there was a job I had, and I'm seven now to cover it up. So I went to the gas station with my little brother, and I went to this guy and I said, hey, I wish I remember his name. Is there a way we can work? Because my mom needs money. So mind you, I'm seven. Keith. These four. Now imagine two little kids come up to you. So guy gave us a job crushing boxes. He'd give us a dollar and a soda and potato chips. And me and my brother were just doing wrestling moves in the back, like busting the box. The guy's just basically giving us a dollar. Like he could do it, you know? Now we're walking back and the payphone. I used to check payphones. Remember you do that for coins? The thing couldn't move, right. The.

[Ryan Sickler]

The little door.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah. There was so much change in there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Brett Ernst]

So now I came back and I took a screwdriver. Now I'm seven, and I'm trying to get in there. And slowly. I'm the way. I get it up. But then scoot the coins out. And then finally I got it out. It was like. Like $15 in nickels or $10. But then I noticed the side where the key thing was was broken. So what probably happened? Some crackhead broke it. So I found another payphone and I took it, and I hit it with the hammer. And then I used second grader. Yeah, seriously. And then I put the. The screwdriver, and I. And I. I cracked it, and I heard it go. Then I'm like.

[Ryan Sickler]

So it falls into that little channel. And then you just.

[Brett Ernst]

But then it's hard to get them because it's blocked by the thing. So now I. I did the same thing. So now I was like, all right. I think this is the way to do it. So me and my little brother went around, found every pay phone.

[Ryan Sickler]

It up. Faith.

[Brett Ernst]

Yeah. So I gave my mother. This is 19. I'd say 80. 19, 80. I gave her, like, $40, $50 for the phone bill and for the lights, you know, whatever she needed. But she. She was like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, for the Kleenex.

[Brett Ernst]

But she goes. She goes, where'd you kids get this money? And I'm, like, working at the gas station. So at that time, I figured out how to launder. She's like, how much is this guy paying you? So then she went down. Yeah. Because the gas station was on the corner. It was. It was off of Griffin Road in. In Hollywood. And that was a. It was a rough area back then. A lot of bikers and stuff. Right. And that's where. That's where Adam Walsh got kidnapped.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Brett Ernst]

He got kidnapped at the mall, and they brought him to Castle Park. But that, you know, that was a big thing when we were growing up.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Brett Ernst]

They were kidnapping.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Brett Ernst]

All the time. Because those boomers are. And they were crazy. That was also the golden age of serial killers. We're all baby boom trash generation.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, man. Promote your special one more time and anything you want right there.

[Brett Ernst]

All right. Just go to Brett Comedy. B R E T Comedy. All my dates, tour dates. My special on Cage is released. The link will be on the website. And check out the new five of Cobra Kai.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Brett Ernst]

And, dude, you know, this is just like. We don't even need the mics. This. It's just, like, hanging out. Like, we thank you for doing it. We used to do.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, brother. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media, come see me on tour. Tickets are on my [e-mail]. we'll talk to y'all next week.

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[Brett Ernst]

Thank you for calling Amica Insurance. Hey, I was just in an accident.

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[Brett Ernst]

We'll get you taken care of at.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Brett Ernst]

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