Kirsten Schwickerath (2:47)

I am 26. Almost 27.

Ryan Sickler (2:49)

26. 27. How long we've been working together now?

Kirsten Schwickerath (2:52)

About three years, I think. Yeah, three years.

Ryan Sickler (2:54)

Three years.

Kirsten Schwickerath (2:55)

I was just a Do fan.

Ryan Sickler (2:56)

Yeah, that's. Tell them. Yeah, tell them how you got your job.

Kirsten Schwickerath (2:59)

I was actually planning to write you in my honeydew with y' all submission to just try and get on the Patreon. And instead I had just graduated, so I thought, I'll reach out. I think I reached out to YMH first, and actually Nadav gave me the bump that said you guys might be interested. And I was like, I'm a DO fan because of ymh, so yeah, I'll reach out.

Ryan Sickler (3:16)

And, yeah, they were all relocating to Austin and I wasn't. And he said, hey, this is a person I would definitely hire if we were staying. You should check her out.

Kirsten Schwickerath (3:26)

Yeah. I emailed you that day, and I think a couple hours later you called me and your name came across my Fitbit. And I never hit denied so quick. I never hit deny so fast. I was like, is this some kind of sick joke? I had to go home to Devin and just be like, all right, all right, give me a game plan. If it is him, we got to have, you know, an idea of what's going to happen. I think I drove up a couple of days later and met you, and we've been working every day or so since.

Ryan Sickler (3:50)

That's very humble of you. Fitbit makes me. I forgot about Fitbits in that. Funny. They were just a few years ago and I've already forgot. If you wouldn't have said it, I would have.

Kirsten Schwickerath (4:01)

That's what you. I saw Ryan Stickler on My Fitbit about Wreck my car.

Ryan Sickler (4:06)

No, you drove from basically San Diego to Santa Monica every fucking time we needed. You were never late. You. I think you even interned for free at first.

Kirsten Schwickerath (4:18)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (4:19)

And that's back when gas was at like $6 a gallon. And then you get situated with us and Fresh out of the riot, I think. Wasn't it not too long after the riot?

Kirsten Schwickerath (4:31)

A little bit after that. Yeah, a little bit after that. But yeah, just. I think you said baptism by fire and kind of took off running.

Ryan Sickler (4:37)

Well, we had a producer who fucked up and didn't record video for two episodes. You were there.

Kirsten Schwickerath (4:43)

That was my first day.

Ryan Sickler (4:44)

You were.

Kirsten Schwickerath (4:45)

That was your first day I met you guys. Just finished. Prof. That's when I met Mike. Thank you, Mike. Yeah. Yep.

Ryan Sickler (4:51)

And Fortune.

Kirsten Schwickerath (4:52)

Fortune was the next one.

Ryan Sickler (4:53)

And I got the call that there was no video or anything. And, you know, shortly after that, the job was. I mean, very shortly after that, I was like, you see what he did? Don't do that. You got the job. Let's go. And you're crushing it. So I'm super stoked to sit here because I've met your family. I've met your mom, your dad, your step parents, siblings. I've met everybody. They're wonderful people. They travel. They come to shows on the road with crock pots and things like that in the hotel room.

Kirsten Schwickerath (5:22)

Crock pot season. My mom just said that yesterday.

Ryan Sickler (5:24)

Is it crock pot season? There you go. And big gamblers love the casinos. Grandma loves the casinos. All right, so your dad growing up, your dad also worked in a sal. I say also because I actually worked in one. And you've met Shannon, who owns one. And your dad worked in a salvage yard. Did he own it?

Kirsten Schwickerath (5:42)

He did not own it, but he was just super close with the owner of it.

Ryan Sickler (5:46)

Do you remember the name of it?

Kirsten Schwickerath (5:47)

It was called Mid State Aut. So this was Mid State. And this was just. They had a junkyard outside of town, too. So this was just like the main office building. I mean, corporate. Yeah, that might be my stepmom's car right there. I don't know what year this was taken, but that might be her car with all four tourists.

Ryan Sickler (6:03)

We're over here at headquarters. Oh, yeah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (6:05)

I guarantee if you walk through that door, you would see where they measured my height until my dad left here when it. When the owner died. So.

Ryan Sickler (6:12)

And what was out back? More just cars on the yard or is this more of a, like, used car? A little beater resale?

Kirsten Schwickerath (6:19)

Okay, so. So no. So this is our junction.

Ryan Sickler (6:22)

Okay.

Kirsten Schwickerath (6:22)

This is now a rock pile, but this was the salvage yard itself. This was all of the cars in this area.

Ryan Sickler (6:29)

So he sold it all then?

Kirsten Schwickerath (6:30)

Yeah, when the owner died, he sold it. His son actually moved here. You can probably see some cars. There you go. Yeah. So that was like There was one building there, and then this was all. And it was huge. I mean, if you look at this, it was this whole area. So this was the whole junkyard here. And then. Yeah, when the owner chief died, they kind of sold that off. But his son went down to Trenton, Missouri, and my dad would still go down there and help him and stuff, so. So after they left Pleasant or Pleasantville, this is now the junkyard that they had moved down to. Yeah, yeah, that's down in Missouri. And so my dad would go down there. So that's kind of like what it was like before they had changed it. They just.

Ryan Sickler (7:07)

And did they have inventory in a computer or was it all up here in their head? Like, if you said, I need. I need a Chevy S10 Blazer door. And they'd be like, oh, that's third aisle back, halfway on the right. That kind of.

Kirsten Schwickerath (7:18)

Both. Both. They had a system, but let me tell you, they moved down to Missour. Auto people are different, but Missouri auto people are also double different.

Ryan Sickler (7:26)

What do you mean?

Kirsten Schwickerath (7:27)

Because they. Sometimes they had it in their head, and sometimes their head just wasn't there, and it just kind of depended. So, yeah, I mean, like, there were times where they'd be like, yeah, that's over there. Take a left turn. That's exactly where that car is. But they also had the old computers that almost looks like the green writing that my dad would go and he would go and run updates for him all the time. But, yeah, there are times my dad would come home and we like, dad, those are really nice shoes. When did. When did you buy yourself new shoes? You never buy clothes. He'd be like, I didn't. I found them in a car. We'd get Christmas gifts and be like, oh, where'd you find this?

Ryan Sickler (7:56)

Where you find this purse from the junkyard?

Kirsten Schwickerath (7:58)

Where'd you find this purse? It was in the trunk of this car. It's about to crush. It's like, oh, okay.

Ryan Sickler (8:02)

Was it new or used?

Kirsten Schwickerath (8:04)

New to me.

Ryan Sickler (8:04)

Yeah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (8:05)

Yeah. I mean, it didn't look too used either. But, yeah, I.

Ryan Sickler (8:08)

We used to find weird. We found one time we found dentures, like a full pair, and this old dude working there put them in, and we were like, that is disgusting. Scotic dude.

Kirsten Schwickerath (8:17)

I don't know who it was that we just had on that talked about jerking off to a screwdriver that you tip.

Ryan Sickler (8:23)

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Kirsten Schwickerath (9:48)

Oh, I can't remember the top of my head, but it's funny when they said that, it made me think my dad had found an orange pin that was like that. But you would flip it over and you'd see a guy with a full bush and a big old dick pin. Big old dick pin. Yep. One of those sand ones. He found that in a car. Kept it. So that was another one.

Ryan Sickler (10:07)

Tell me about the sledding. This is good because we would do this at the junkyard.

Kirsten Schwickerath (10:11)

One of my favorite things that he would do is every Christmas we had a pretty good hill in our yard. When my parents the house I grew up, they actually that I grew up and they built. But there's a pretty good hill in every winter he would find a car and find the hood of it. He'd rip it off and bring it home and he'd spend about a week waxing it down, getting it as slick as he could and then we would just take it sledding all. I mean me and my brother at the time, my dad, we'd all get on the hood and we would just fly down this hill into our cornfield and then he would be hauling it back up the hill with one and a half arms, you know, just hauling us up there.

Ryan Sickler (10:44)

People don't know your dad's got one.

Kirsten Schwickerath (10:46)

And a half, but a whole. I mean, an actual full. And it wouldn't be just like a. You know, it's not a small like geo tracker hood. It would be like a dually hood that could fit us. And he would just every night down there waxing it. And then we would have the best sledding for like a weekend.

Ryan Sickler (10:57)

That's what we would do at the junkyard. We'd all get a good hood and we take turns. Everybody had to go do their job on it. And then at the end, we'd ride it down the hills and those things.

Kirsten Schwickerath (11:06)

Would haul tall ass.

Ryan Sickler (11:07)

You banging your back on that metal and.

Kirsten Schwickerath (11:10)

Oh, yeah, if you hit a. You know, we'd get freezing rain sometimes. And that was the best time to really sled because you would just fly and I mean, get a cornfield at the bottom of our hill. And I mean, at that point it was almost like hauling it half a mile back up to the hill.

Ryan Sickler (11:22)

Come on. Come see Kirsten. Come on.

Kirsten Schwickerath (11:24)

Come on.

Ryan Sickler (11:25)

Good girl. Oh, my goodness. You love Kirsten. So one of the things you ask guests all the time or like games they made up with their siblings or friends or whatever. So. So I. Since you asked that, I'm assuming you have some of those.

Kirsten Schwickerath (11:40)

Yeah, please share. Just a quick one off the top. But I remember my brother and I used to play a game that we called airplane. And he would just piggyback me around the house and I had to try to flip the light switches on while he flipped them off. I don't know what the electricity bill was like after that.

Ryan Sickler (11:54)

But you're going around, you try to get it. And he tries to hit at the same time.

Kirsten Schwickerath (11:57)

Yep. So I'm on his back. He's carrying me around. I'm trying to flip them on and he was trying to get them off. And we're just going around the house hitting every light. So switch. I mean, we would do that for like hours. Yeah, that was what. That was one of the things if we weren't fighting. Yeah, we would that.

Ryan Sickler (12:12)

Where are you growing up again?

Kirsten Schwickerath (12:13)

I'm growing up in. It's in Southern Iowa. It's called Melcher Dallas. Very small. I think it's like last census was like a little over a thousand.

Ryan Sickler (12:21)

Okay.

Kirsten Schwickerath (12:22)

So that's what I remember with him. But I thought about it when it came to like playing games because I think it was about almost the whole second Grade and third grade year at recess, me and my best friend Jessica and our other friend Cassie played a game every recess, just us, and it was called Handicraft Town. Not even joking. We'd go on the swing set and you do this thing where you'd flip in the swing set and your legs were stuck in the wires and you're just walking on your hands. And the whole thing was that we were paralyzed kids playing, and we had a butler named Petito, and we did that for two years straight.

Ryan Sickler (12:57)

Why do you guys have a butler?

Kirsten Schwickerath (12:59)

Because we're paralyzed. We can't move past our swing set wheelchairs. I'm not.

Ryan Sickler (13:03)

Explain it again. You're so swing up with. You get your legs up there like a skin, like you're letting yourself go. So you're hanging by your legs, basically.

Kirsten Schwickerath (13:10)

So if you're sitting on the swing like this, you would flip backwards, but you would use your feet to wrap around the chain. So you're basically, your lower half is attached to the swing and your arms are just your legs, potentially. And we're just role playing that we live. These three paralyzed girls that live. We have this butler named Petito. That was his name. And this was like two recesses. No one else is. I mean, two years of recesses. No one else is playing with us the whole time. Right. Well, and then it came to a head because third grade year, there was a project where we wrote books, and then they would send them in and actually get them published. And you could give it to your parent as like, look, I drew this illustration. I wrote it. Our friend Cassie tried to write about Petito, and we're like, don't you ever bring that up. That's between us. That's our world. We kicked her out for a little bit, but she came back.

Ryan Sickler (13:55)

She did.

Kirsten Schwickerath (13:55)

She walked away, but she came back paralyzed, so she could be back in here. And we called it Handicraft Town. And it's like, that was literally second and third. I don't know where it came from.

Ryan Sickler (14:03)

What inspired that?

Kirsten Schwickerath (14:05)

You know, I have no idea.

Ryan Sickler (14:06)

All three of you went with it?

Kirsten Schwickerath (14:08)

All three of us. I. I mean, in thinking of doing this list and stuff, I texted my friend Jesse, because all of these. All of these games with her are just outrageous. Our other one was we spent a summer where it was always her riding lawnmower. We would ride that thing around like it was an atv. And it was. We were obsessed with Talladega Nights. We'd always watch that. I mean, I could recite it. Word for word.

Ryan Sickler (14:28)

It's so good.

Kirsten Schwickerath (14:30)

But the game we played from that then was my friend Jesse. We would always ride the mower around. She was really kind of Mower John. I don't remember what type. It was just a John Deere riding lawnmower. Yellow, yellow, yellow. Bottom section. Yeah, it had a green or an orange shift knob up here. You shifted your gears on the side up here is all I remember. And she always drove most of the time, and I just sat on the back wheel part. And then she Also, in her yard, she had her, like, utility pole and then that wire that goes to the side. So the whole game was. She was always Ricky Bobby, and I was the unknown sister, Kayla Bobby. And the whole. The whole. The whole game was Ricky's such a. He's such a star that I have to protect him, but he's a race car driver and he's being chased by all these women. And like, here's probably my own childhood trauma coming out, but it turned into the fact that we're being chased by fat women. We'd have to drive the lawn mower between the utility pole and that wire to hit the drive through. We'd drive through that. That was the drive through. We'd put in our order for all the Big Macs, and then I'm throwing them out to get them off our backs and. And we would just loop around her yard for, like, two hours until her parents got home and were like, hey, can you guys stop burning all the gas out of that? We actually need to mow. And that was. Yeah, that was one of the games we always played. Just stuff like that that we'd come up with where. I don't know where it came from that evolved to that, but.

Ryan Sickler (15:51)

All right, so you're growing up in Iowa. How many siblings are with you at the time? Because you have a big extended family? So how many, like, at one time? What's the most people in the house?

Kirsten Schwickerath (16:02)

Three and a half, because my step or my stepbrother would come back in four.

Ryan Sickler (16:06)

Gotcha.

Kirsten Schwickerath (16:06)

But at the same time, that's happening. I'm also a single child at my dad's house, so I got three older sisters. They're. I've never lived with them because they're all. My. My youngest one, Sherry, that you've met, she's 12 years older than me, and then they're older after that. So, yeah, at one point it was.

Ryan Sickler (16:21)

She's the youngest of the gap between you guys.

Kirsten Schwickerath (16:24)

Yeah, we have 12 years, and then.

Ryan Sickler (16:25)

Everyone'S older than that.

Kirsten Schwickerath (16:27)

My oldest. My oldest sister is a stepsister. It gets confusing because my dad divorced a lady, married my mom, divorced her remarri. First lady.

Ryan Sickler (16:35)

Oh, that's right. You went back to.

Kirsten Schwickerath (16:37)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so my oldest sister is only, like, four years younger than my mom, I think.

Ryan Sickler (16:41)

So he was like, I'm enough of your. Yeah, I'm going back to what I used to have.

Kirsten Schwickerath (16:45)

I always ask him, like, what's it like to have my. Your parents together? Huh? I wouldn't know. Two of my sisters got their parents back together, so that's interesting.

Ryan Sickler (16:53)

Yeah, I mean, I forgot about that part. So mom and dad have your sisters. Oh, no, wait, wait. Stepmom. Your stepmom and dad have. S. Have the two girls.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:03)

Stepmom has my oldest sister when she gets with my dad. They have two kids, Actually, my dad.

Ryan Sickler (17:09)

They came and hung out in Springfield and somewhere else. I forget.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:12)

Yeah, I forgot. You met. You haven't met Mandy. You've met Yeti. Yep. Actually, the day my dad found out that Bernie was pregnant with Mandy, the. His first daughter. The next day is when his arm got ripped off.

Ryan Sickler (17:22)

Nah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:23)

Not even joking. So my dad always tells me he thought he'd never meet his first kid, and now he has, like, I think we're up to, like, 14 nieces enough. Or grandkids for him.

Ryan Sickler (17:31)

Wow.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:31)

Yeah. So then they have my two sisters. They divorce.

Ryan Sickler (17:34)

So he has three biological. He has three girls. Your dad, you two. Your two sisters.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:39)

Yep.

Ryan Sickler (17:39)

And mom has.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:41)

Mom had my older brother when she got with my dad.

Ryan Sickler (17:44)

Right.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:44)

They had me. They divorce. My mom gets with stepdad who has a son who I've also met, and they have my youngest sister. The Bali that you've met. Yeah, the tall one. Y.

Ryan Sickler (17:53)

All right, I'm square now.

Kirsten Schwickerath (17:54)

Yeah. Make that into a family tree and send it to me, because I've tried.

Ryan Sickler (17:58)

That's a lot. Tell me about the car wash. Well.

Kirsten Schwickerath (18:03)

Real quick, if you don't mind. I was just gonna say, just because on the topic of talking about my friend Jesse, who really got most my. I mean, I love her dearly. I miss her the most. We got.

Ryan Sickler (18:11)

Is this.

Kirsten Schwickerath (18:11)

So much.

Ryan Sickler (18:12)

Friends I've met.

Kirsten Schwickerath (18:13)

You have not. No, she's. She's still home. You haven't met her yet, but.

Ryan Sickler (18:16)

What's up, Jesse.

Kirsten Schwickerath (18:17)

Hey, Jesse. Hey, Zach. I love you guys. You'll see up there. QVC Cops. Because.

Ryan Sickler (18:23)

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (18:24)

We had this thing where. I don't know why we could have prank called anyone in the world, but we just thought, you know, What? Let's fuck with qvc.

Ryan Sickler (18:32)

We did too. I can't believe. Go ahead. Because I'm older than you and you. They. I feel like they could have screened you guys. Go ahead.

Kirsten Schwickerath (18:40)

Yeah. So we, I mean, it got to the point, I'll preface this by saying that, you know, schools would have those fundraisers where you try to get stuff and then they show you all the cool toys. We had one one year and one of the toys or one of the gifts was a phone that we thought was a cell phone. It ended up being just a landline. So it's still your landline, but we thought it was a cell phone. And we have never went harder at a fundraiser because we're like, that's our own personal phone. We can call QVC as much as we want. No one's going to know.

Ryan Sickler (19:04)

I see.

Kirsten Schwickerath (19:05)

So we end up doing that. Turns out, not the case. We got in a lot of trouble. One point we ran up a bill with the operator and qvc. One day her parent, her mom got a bill that was like $300 over because we kept calling operator to connect us to people connect and then also qvc. But the QVC one escalated because we did it. I mean, every day for the summer and multiple times a day we're caught. We're watching the show and being like, can we get that product? And like just messing with them. Until one lady answers and said, we know who you are, we have your locations and the cops are coming. This is harassment. Do not call us again. We hung up and I think we like hid out in her garage for probably three hours. Her parents came home. No, I'm not even joking. We were so scared. We were like, her garage had like a gap in the door and we're like, we're hiding behind the John Deere lawnmower. We can't even play our game cuz we can't be seen outside. It probably took us a couple months before we called them again. But my grandma orders me stuff off there all the time. And when I told her that, she was like, you did that still?

Ryan Sickler (20:04)

Is QVC still going?

Kirsten Schwickerath (20:05)

Oh yeah. She just sent me a Christmas blanket a couple weeks ago. She sends me one every season.

Ryan Sickler (20:10)

I remember that would be on just running 24 7. So we would do the same thing. But this is the 80s. And we would call and I would be like, all right. Because they would be. They'd be like this brand new RC car and you know, blah, blah, blah. I'm like, okay. So I would call and I'd get through. And I. They'd say, what would you like to talk about? I'm like, I just want to say how great the remote control car is. We have a couple of them. We love them, you know, and they go, okay. And then they would put you on the air. You know, you got on. Yeah, we would get on.

Kirsten Schwickerath (20:38)

That was our dream.

Ryan Sickler (20:39)

And we would be like. They like, okay, call her or whatever. And we were like, my son's hair is stuck in the wheels. It's not. We would have a friend in the backseat scream like. Like, how do we handle this? Okay, dude. We would get on there and get kicked off.

Kirsten Schwickerath (20:55)

I'm so mad. We weren't that clever with it.

Ryan Sickler (20:57)

That's. We would freak out.

Kirsten Schwickerath (20:58)

We were just straight harassed.

Ryan Sickler (21:01)

We would be like, it's a wonderful blanket. We do that sometimes. But the remote control car, we like, how do we get it out? How do we get it out? They just have him screaming like it's. It's pulling my hair out.

Kirsten Schwickerath (21:12)

Oh, my God, that's so. No, we never did. I almost wish we would have. No, but no. We were honestly just being little at the time. I was gonna say, you said breaking car washes. That's a quick one. But my sister Sherry, who you just saw 12 year gap, but definitely very close, you know, always was like a really cool big sister when I was younger. So cool that she would just put my. My high seat up in the front seat of her car. You know, like when I was young, she would put my. What. I mean, what do they call my booster seat? Yeah. Not high CG's. She would put my booster seat in the front of her. I think it was a Buick. It was all maroon interior. It had the seat belts on the door that would choke you if you didn't move in time. Yeah. And I just remember that. I mean, one of my earliest memories is she taken me to a car wash, introducing me to Tenacious D, our favorite band together. She shown me, like, these songs and like, him going through the drive thru when he's like, take two nuggets and shove them up your ass. I'm five years old and she's showing me this.

Ryan Sickler (22:01)

That was one.

Kirsten Schwickerath (22:02)

And now. Yeah. So I'm five years old, we go to a car wash, and she runs her car into him, breaks it and just says, get in the car. And we just left.

Ryan Sickler (22:10)

How'd she break it?

Kirsten Schwickerath (22:11)

She ran her car into it. Like, she just drove the front end into, like, the dryer. So I don't even know what part it was, but she broke it and she was just like, stay in the car. And we took off. And she still brings it up to me this day because she was like, your booster seat was in the front seat. Like I had a back seat and it was open. I just thought, hey, why not throw my 5 year old sister up here?

Ryan Sickler (22:28)

Roll like this?

Kirsten Schwickerath (22:28)

Yeah, pretty much. So I had to throw that one in just because I. I mean, could you imagine seeing a kid in a booster seat up front today?

Ryan Sickler (22:34)

No. I don't know.

Kirsten Schwickerath (22:35)

Same.

Ryan Sickler (22:36)

You'll be all over the place. They'll be viral. What's car bridge?

Kirsten Schwickerath (22:40)

All right, so car bridge is, I think, the first wreck I ever got into. And I was, I kind of mentioned it briefly earlier, but my dad being the man, he was at the salvage yard. It was always salvage title cars. It was always something wrecked and fixed and it worked.

Ryan Sickler (22:57)

Honda Civic with original room salvage car.

Kirsten Schwickerath (22:59)

Hell yeah. So ours was always Ford Tauruses and they always worked great. But there was like a little something to them. So like my first one was this red one. It was really great till you hit about 35 and then it would stop. So you'd have to switch. It would start sputtering. So you'd have to switch the keyback coast, put it into neutral, coast it up for a little longer, then turn the key back on and put it on the drive and then you're good the rest of the drive. But you had to do that every time. About five minutes into the drive. What was it wrong with it? Yeah, I have no idea.

Ryan Sickler (23:29)

That would do that.

Kirsten Schwickerath (23:30)

I don't know. He would. I don't know. I don't know, Carter. I know more about my microwave than I do my car. And my dad's a mechanic. He was a mechanic for 30 something years. Probably the blinker fluid. No, I don't know. So, yeah, that was my red car. But carbridge was. We had a snow day. Well, we had a two hour delay one year. And it should have been a. Should have been just canceled, but they didn't. And the thing about my hometown, it's called Melcher, Dallas. And the reason is because it was actually two separate towns. And there's a railroad track that goes between the towns and that what's. What used to split them. So there's this big historic or not. Not big historic, but when it's a thousand people in the town, it's pretty historic. This wooden bridge that goes over the railroad tracks.

Ryan Sickler (24:10)

Okay.

Kirsten Schwickerath (24:10)

Taking my little sister to school one day because it's a Snow day, everyone's at work. I'm being super careful. It doesn't look like it here, but let me tell you, she didn't have one. But she was in the back seat. She was in the back seat. I'm approaching the bridge, I know it's so icy. And I see someone coming off the bridge. And in my mind I'm like, I'm not even gonna try and go at the bridge until it's completely clear. And I'm saying this to say that I know I was being safe. So I stopped, the car gets off, I go to hit my gas and my tires just start spinning and I'm not moving. I'm just heading straight for the edge of this bridge and I can't do anything. I'm only going like two miles an hour. We hit this bridge, very anti climatic. Okay, so super anti climactic hit my sister's, I think it says in the article there, she's like six at the time we hit. And she goes, what was that? I'm freaking out. I'm freaking out. I had a thing of cupcakes I made the night before to give to my homecoming. My or my dance partner that agreed to dance for like drill team. They're getting smashed on the ground. My sister's laughing until she realized. I'm panicked. But if you look this picture right here, this is what stops my car from going down the embankment and into the railroad tracks. And as soon as we hit, I stop. We hit. I go to get my sister's little door open, my little sister's door open, and I hear the train coming. I'm not even joking. So if we would have gone any.

Ryan Sickler (25:33)

Faster right there too.

Kirsten Schwickerath (25:34)

Listen. Car drove away fine, did more damage to the bridge. They had to replace like four boards on the bridge. The dad, my dad took my car to the high school lot. I drove it home that day.

Ryan Sickler (25:44)

Really?

Kirsten Schwickerath (25:44)

Swear to God, the car was fine.

Ryan Sickler (25:46)

No, yeah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (25:47)

But yeah, that's look like you're about.

Ryan Sickler (25:49)

To tip over there too.

Kirsten Schwickerath (25:50)

Oh, it's. I mean, I would say from here you can kind of see right here. And that's not even the end. So it's right. Probably like a 30 foot, 35 foot drop. And yeah, it's like we hit. I have a second tracks have a second where I'm like, okay, calm down, get Sadie out. And then I just hear. And so yeah, if we, I mean if we would have been going like a little bit faster, probably would have been trained meat. Yeah, it was a slow, it was a slow Day. It was a very slow day. Through the newspaper that day.

Ryan Sickler (26:17)

Leaves uninjured girls.

Kirsten Schwickerath (26:18)

We were so fine. They're like, yeah, they hit a bridge. Union. Union Pacific's down there. Put new wood on the thing for the. I mean, for probably five years after this. You could see these three boards were always a different color. So everyone just knew, like, oh. Yep. That's where she put her car through the bridge.

Ryan Sickler (26:32)

Tell me about pet cemetery.

Kirsten Schwickerath (26:33)

So pet cemetery. You. I think you know by now. I'm a huge animal lover. I always have been.

Ryan Sickler (26:39)

Oh, look at little.

Kirsten Schwickerath (26:40)

Look at that. What is that haircut? All of them. All of them are haircuts like that. I don't know what.

Ryan Sickler (26:46)

Look at little Kirsten. Who's. Who's the kitty here?

Kirsten Schwickerath (26:49)

So I was. I think that this was Crooktail. We had a bunch of cats. We. For a while, we had them in pairs. So we had Green Bay and Packer first, and then we had Fatty and Skinny. And I think that this one's Crooktail, and that's because something happened and he had a crooked tail. So I think that's who that is. There always been a huge animal lover, but we also live on a highway now. Yep. I mean, I consider Princess like.

Ryan Sickler (27:11)

I mean, yeah, this is your girl right here.

Kirsten Schwickerath (27:14)

We really are lucky to have Princess as a dog out here. One of my, like, most memorable cats growing up, though, was a cat named Cheese. A little yellow tabby cat. And I'm trying to think if. I don't remember how we got him, but he was an outdoor cat. I love this thing. He was just so like, would let me do anything, dress him up, would follow me around the timber. Just real, like, Disney princess type, where you're like, hey, this animal is mine. Loved him. Until I get the call that Dad's like, hey, Cheese got killed. Got hit by a car. And this was tough because I think Cheese was one of the animals that my dad was like, fine, we'll do it. But, like, I'm sick of getting cats. I'm sick of getting dogs because they get injured or they get hit on the highway. And he just couldn't do it. Couldn't see me doing it, but I would still beg for it. So then Cheese gets killed. It's terrible. I think that's, like, the first memory I have of just having dreams where I was like. I was probably, like, in. I think I was in third grade, whatever age that is, having dreams of him and just not even knowing how to process that. Like, my cat's gone. I'm never gonna see him again. Three months go by and then I get a call from my dad. I was at my mom's house, they had to split custody. And I get a call and my dad's like, can you come out? You're gonna help us decorate for Halloween. I was like, that's fucking weird. But yeah, Bernie would. But I don't know how you need my help. But sure, I'll come out there. And they bring me out to the house and I come in and I'm just sitting there. I'm like, what are we doing? And a orange cat comes down the hallway and comes straight up to me and it's Cheese.

Ryan Sickler (28:36)

Nuh.

Kirsten Schwickerath (28:37)

It's Cheese. No joke. It was Cheese. Dad buried the neighbor's cat. We thought it was our cat. My dad. We didn't know our neighbor's cat was missing. He buried it. Looked almost identical. Cheese comes back. The only thing from where?

Ryan Sickler (28:52)

Where was he?

Kirsten Schwickerath (28:54)

No idea. Three months he's gone, he comes back. The only thing different is his. He like lost his voice. So when he tried to meow, he was just like kind of thing. But from that point on, he was an indoor outdoor.

Ryan Sickler (29:05)

Definitely cheating.

Kirsten Schwickerath (29:06)

It was. There was not. As soon as he saw me and him up, like, we knew it was Cheese. And there was no mistakingly like the way he approached my dad. He just had a very like distinct mannerism around certain people. And it was like, that's definitely him. And then after that point, he became indoor, outdoor. And he had bells on the front door. He'd ring him to let us know when he wanted to go out. And he was just. He was our little guy.

Ryan Sickler (29:27)

That's an awesome story.

Kirsten Schwickerath (29:28)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (29:29)

Jeez.

Kirsten Schwickerath (29:29)

Yeah.

Ryan Sickler (29:30)

That's why you call it pet cemetery.

Kirsten Schwickerath (29:32)

Yeah. Because I mean, I'll never forget my dad thought he was funny too. When he. Afterwards he was taking me back into my mom's, he's like, let me just go check the grapes real quick. And then he came back up screaming. He's like, it's not in there. Came back. I'm like, you idiot.

Ryan Sickler (29:45)

So, yeah, show us some of your pictures here.

Kirsten Schwickerath (29:47)

Let's see what you got here. Oh, so that's my dad there.

Ryan Sickler (29:50)

Is that a turkey on?

Kirsten Schwickerath (29:51)

Yeah, that's turkey you can actually see there. So he can't turn his hand past that point. So that's the arm that's tore off. He can hold his hand to about that degree. He can't go past that.

Ryan Sickler (30:01)

Got it.

Kirsten Schwickerath (30:02)

So that's why he's holding it that way. Oh, that's just me again.

Ryan Sickler (30:05)

Look, a little curse. Ah, that's a good one.

Kirsten Schwickerath (30:09)

That's my grandpa.

Ryan Sickler (30:12)

I see your mom.

Kirsten Schwickerath (30:13)

Yeah, yeah. I. You know what's so funny that you say that as I actually made her a gift, like a couple years ago where I, after he had passed, overlaid her and him so it looked like they were together. And I was like, damn, they do look alike. So it's interesting hearing you say that. That's just my dad and me and us. Look at.

Ryan Sickler (30:30)

Look at little big bird over here. Wait, okay, hold on.

Kirsten Schwickerath (30:34)

I was gonna say I have another one of these. That's just this standalone that will come across. I also right there, shout out to Fish. That's my best friend, Fish. We started daycare together. His real name's Jacob, but he day one, number one, my best friend. Yep, that's him. And I kind of cropped it. But our other friend, Hunter over there, I had 15 kids in my class. Like, I can tell you, everyone's first, last name, birthday.

Ryan Sickler (30:55)

Still looks like you're all in the back of a pickup truck. Would never be allowed to do today.

Kirsten Schwickerath (30:59)

Yep. This was our homecoming parade in preschool. So they put about. I don't know, we probably had about 15 at that time, too. Fifteen preschoolers in the bed of one truck and drove them around the town. But I was Big Bird. I have a standalone of me of just this that my mom put on a hoodie for Devin before we were together. And it says raised on the streets. Yeah. So I have that somewhere. Now this.

Ryan Sickler (31:21)

Who's that? Your catfish?

Kirsten Schwickerath (31:22)

That's my catfish. That's also my second chin.

Ryan Sickler (31:25)

Starbury. What is that?

Kirsten Schwickerath (31:27)

Yeah, I don't remember. There was a store that opened up in Iowa for a while. This was my big tomboy phase. This was like Dale Earnhardt hat backwards phase.

Ryan Sickler (31:36)

This Chris, you. Chris here.

Kirsten Schwickerath (31:37)

Curtis. Curtis, Kurt. Curtis. Sometimes. Yep. Yeah. I can't. I wish I could remember. If someone remembers the name of that store. I feel like it was something. Something done. It was not Brooks and done. But that's where my mind's trying to go. It was some random store that opened up in a mall. Southridge Mall in Des Moines. If anyone from Iowa is listening, it's closed now. But that was that brand. It was only around. And, you know, I had those. And I had basketball shoes. I wore shorts. That's. I mean, I hate to say it, but that's the same. That's the exact person that Kayla Bobby was trying to keep from her brother on the lawnmower.

Ryan Sickler (32:10)

I gotta protect.

Kirsten Schwickerath (32:11)

Gotta keep them away. But, yeah, I actually caught that myself. I threw my pole in the river. I threw my pool into the red rock first. I casted it out. My mom ended up reeling my pole back in a little bit later and then ended up catching that guy.

Ryan Sickler (32:23)

It was on it.

Kirsten Schwickerath (32:25)

No, I got. I got. No. Could you imagine? No. Yeah. No, no. I got the pullback, then cast it out and got that.

Ryan Sickler (32:32)

Oh, look at cursed mvp. Better here, though. Hey, bangs or bangs are the same.

Kirsten Schwickerath (32:40)

Hey, that's like. That's after they grew out. I cut them.

Ryan Sickler (32:42)

Yeah, they look like. Oh, you cut those?

Kirsten Schwickerath (32:44)

I. I mean, no, not those. That's after I'd cut them. Did. Did Stella ever do a haircutting phase?

Ryan Sickler (32:49)

Never.

Kirsten Schwickerath (32:50)

I'm surprised. I feel like every kid has, you know, what, a scissor phase. And mine was in kindergarten.

Ryan Sickler (32:55)

She did, like, maybe ends.

Kirsten Schwickerath (32:57)

Oh, she did good bangs. She might have a career then.

Ryan Sickler (33:00)

Yeah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (33:00)

I went in the style. And right before picture day, my mom was so mad. Oh, okay.

Ryan Sickler (33:07)

It says to be or not to be a pirate here.

Kirsten Schwickerath (33:09)

All right. I. I was telling you this a little bit outside. I've never actually shared. I think the first time I shared this with anyone was, like, a couple, maybe like a week ago when my sister was here. I was inspired by Andrea. Jen's piss stories.

Ryan Sickler (33:21)

Yeah.

Kirsten Schwickerath (33:22)

Finally come out with my piss story.

Ryan Sickler (33:24)

Because, too, she was pissed.

Kirsten Schwickerath (33:26)

Man, this.

Ryan Sickler (33:26)

You never told your husband this, though?

Kirsten Schwickerath (33:29)

I think I told him. I think I told him this as I was getting this stuff together. Just. It's one thing that escaped my mind. But at the time, I think I had to have been a freshman in high school at this point. I think, yeah, freshman in high school. I did all the plays. I was in the thespian. I was in thespian group. So you can see up there. Troop 6, 4 7, 9. I didn't know that. I just read it. I had never told anyone this until now, but we did a play. This is the first play ever that they're like, you're gonna do a singing.

Ryan Sickler (33:57)

Part and how old are you?

Kirsten Schwickerath (33:58)

I don't know. Probably like 14.

Ryan Sickler (34:01)

Okay. It's older than I thought you were.

Kirsten Schwickerath (34:03)

I'm trying to think. I don't know. When do you get your. Yeah, I think I got my license sophomore year. I had to be a freshman. So. Yeah, I don't remember what my part was. I don't remember any of that because all I remember is. I think it was, like, probably night two of the show. We're out there I know my singing part's coming up. I was fine the first night. I can't even really sing, but no one else can, so I look good in comparison. So I'm not worried about that. But what I'm worried about is. Up is all of a sudden I'm like, I gotta pee. And I know that this scene just started. I'm doing everything I can to not draw attention to myself. And basically doesn't work because I piss myself on stage.

Ryan Sickler (34:38)

Are you sitting in a chair?

Kirsten Schwickerath (34:40)

No, I'm standing in a group with other people.

Ryan Sickler (34:43)

Do they see it? Do they look down?

Kirsten Schwickerath (34:45)

I don't. I do not think so.

Ryan Sickler (34:47)

Dress pants. What are you wearing?

Kirsten Schwickerath (34:48)

I'm in. I am in pirate attire. I'm in cargo pirate paint. I'm in, like. It's like the pirate type. And they're not the red and black. They're like the canvasy material. So, like, I could do not. I'm just. I'm sitting there, I'm like. I'm clinched so hard. That was probably my first introduction to a Kegel. Because I was holding on and I was like, please just don't. Like. I'm trying to, like, be in the scene. I'm just like, don't piss, don't piss, don't piss. And it's. You know, it doesn't just come out. It's like a slow trickle. And it's like I held it just long enough that I'm like, all right, as soon as lights are off, we gotta go. So it's like the last. My piss comes out as the lights are coming down. It's almost poetic in my own area, I'm just like. I take off running. The one person who does know this is Ms. Anderson. Thank you so much. Because I run to her and I go, I pissed my pants. I don't know what to do. I have to sing in a second. She was so nice. She's like, give me your pants. She changed me. Whatever. But the worst part was I got up there, didn't to then go sing the next scene. No one knows. Pants are dry as now, but I see, like, two foot. I see two footprints in the riser. Someone tracked through my piss. No one said anything. No one in the play ever was like, hey, what's up with that? No one said anything. And the thing was, is, it's like, we're a small school, so these are just wooden risers. For the next three years that we did plays, I could just see that outline of that little piss spot. Like, I'm not even joking. It was just not. Not very apparent. But it was enough to be like.

Ryan Sickler (36:08)

Yeah, that's where my.

Kirsten Schwickerath (36:10)

You really. You really pissed yourself, actually. And yeah, I had never. I held on to that for. So I was so scared that someone knew or someone. I mean, I. That was the moment. I was like, oh, my God, my life's over. This is it. It. This is where it ends. Like, I'm never gonna recover.

Ryan Sickler (36:21)

Pee pants.

Kirsten Schwickerath (36:22)

I did. I pissed my pirate pants. And then I went on saying, great. No one even knew. And I'm so happy to share it here now because you know what? But yeah, that was the play. I had to ask my mom. I was like, I can't remember the name of the play just because I think I blocked it out. I just knew it's the only one. I sang it.

Ryan Sickler (36:37)

I get nervous before every stand up show. It's a 50 50. I could ship myself every show. Thank you. Thank you for doing this. You know I love you.

Kirsten Schwickerath (36:45)

I love you too.

Ryan Sickler (36:46)

I really do. I'm so grateful to have you here. You're killer. And everybody is right about you. You're the best. So thank you very much.

Kirsten Schwickerath (36:56)

The fans are the best. They really are. They're really kind to me.

Ryan Sickler (36:59)

We do.

Kirsten Schwickerath (37:00)

Yeah. And you're the best. You really are the best.

Ryan Sickler (37:02)

Thank you.

Kirsten Schwickerath (37:02)

Let me give you your flowers real fast because we talk about it all the time. Like you make. Comedians are a little mentally ill, but I'll say, hey, for being mentally ill, you're my favorite one. You treat me so great. No, you do. You treat me so great. It's one thing to find a job outside of college that you enjoy. It's another to find a job in like a dream career. It's another to find one in a dream career and then be working for someone like you who, you know, lets me know that I'm respected. And I really appreciate that.

Ryan Sickler (37:28)

Thank you. I love you. And don't get it twisted. I tell everybody I'm. I'm a mental patient. All right? I just, I'm. I'm allowed to have a wristband and wander the property. I could come over and maybe help you rake leaves and I might even be allowed to cross the street and go to the corner store and get a snack. But make no mistake about it, there's a lights out, you know what I'm saying? And I need to be back on the property. But I do love you and I'm so grateful. We're so grateful to have you and we're grateful to have you guys. Thank you. Thank you for watching, supporting anything you do that supports and helps us. We genuinely thank you for it. Come see me on the road. Tickets are@ryancickler.com we'll talk to you all next week.

Kirsten Schwickerath (38:16)

Ram.