← The Wayback with Ryan Sickler
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- [00:01]
A
You know that big bargain detergent jug is 80% water, right? It doesn't clean as well. 80% water. I thought I was getting a better deal because it's so big. If you want a better clean, Tide pods are only 12% water. The rest is pure, concentrated cleaning ingredients. Oh, let me make an announcement. Attention shoppers, if you want a real deal, try Tide Pods. Stop paying for watered down detergents. Pay for clean. If it's gotta be clean, it's gotta be Tide pods. Water content based on the leading bargain liquid detergent.
- [00:30]
B
All right, guys. My new special Live and alive is streaming now on my YouTube. It dropped Friday, October 24th. Go watch it. Go watch it. I'm proud of it. This is all self produced. It's free, right? From me to you. Share it with everybody you know. Tag me in it, whatever. Go watch this special. Let's get this thing going. I want this one. Over a million views this time. You know what YouTube did last time? Let's show em what's up. And then they come in and they say, Mr. Sickler, you are lucky to be alive. You have massive pulmonary embolisms. They travel through your heart. Your heart is swollen twice its size. And we're gonna be honest with you, the next 48 hours are touch and go. You're probably gonna wanna make some calls. And I was like, my phone's dead. I was planning on three hours. You know what I'm saying? I came in with it on 66%. I didn' gassing it up. And I knew things were about to get wild when I heard one of the surgeons say, well, Mr. Sickler, you and your phone are about to have a lot in common. I said, oh my God. What kind of bedside manner is that for somebody with blue shield silver? You talking to me like I got the bronze package right now and I'm not really feeling it. So back your Kaiser Permanente attitude up and recognize my second tier status. Hey, baby, we gonna be here all day. We're gonna be here all day, baby. I like this kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back. Everybody. Ryan Sickler here. You know, I'm Ryan Sickler.com Ryan Sickler on all your social media starting this one like I start them all. Thank you. Thank you for watching this show. Thank you for supporting anything I do at all. It is genuinely appreciated. I love my job, I love this show and I love this guest. I'm very excited to have her here with me today. Been waiting a while on this one. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Karen Feehan, welcome to the Way Back.
- [02:38]
A
That was like overwhelming.
- [02:40]
B
Good, it's great to have you here.
- [02:41]
A
Thank you for having me.
- [02:43]
B
We've been chit chatting a little before and we're going to get into your stories but before we do that right there, plug everything you would like, please.
- [02:50]
A
November 7th I'm at the Hideout in Boston if you want to come watch me tell jokes. It'll be a really good show. I'll be doing that for around probably like 45 minutes to an hour. Really depends on you, I'll be honest.
- [03:01]
B
And then the following day 15 depends on that.
- [03:04]
A
That's up to you guys whether you guys are cool or not. And then November 8th I am co headlining a show in the New York Comedy Festival with Stacy K. She's a very funny comedian. That's going to be a good show. It's early too. It's at 6pm so you can maintain your circadian rhythm. If you really wanted to, you could be in bed by by 9. Check out my special. It's called Don't Serve me. My podcast is called Only Fiance. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. That's pretty much all I throw up there. That and stand up clips. Follow me on Instagram. Watch me on tires. Seasons one and two tweeted them to put me in season three.
- [03:41]
B
I start this podcast by asking my guests if they've ever sat back here in this way back seat. And you said that you have.
- [03:48]
A
Of course.
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B
You're a younger lady though. So who in your world had this car?
- [03:52]
A
No. Growing up like a few families here and there had. I feel like my friend. I don't know, I think Lindsay Barger maybe had one. I've sat back there, I've gotten in fights in that backseat.
- [04:05]
B
You fighting back there?
- [04:06]
A
I was pulling hair one time with like a part. We were part of a carpool crew and one day we had that and me and my friend we got in like a hair pulling fight. I really dominate. I have a thick head of Irish hair. It's hard to get. I mean she got some but she had this like thin hair. I don't know. She was maybe perhaps of Nordic descent. I forget but we were. I just yanked.
- [04:25]
B
Feel like you could snap it clumps.
- [04:27]
A
Of her hair out. Absolutely brutal. So yeah, great memories back there.
- [04:31]
B
It's going to take a while to get back there. Break that up too. It's not an easy seat to get to for a parent to shut it down.
- [04:38]
A
Especially when it's like shots and especially when neither of you want to get in trouble either. So there's this other layer of like, quietly, like, just like hurting the other person. So sick kids are disgust like sickos.
- [04:49]
B
Was it a. A carpool for school or sports or.
- [04:53]
A
School? School, mostly school.
- [04:54]
B
And how would that work? You like, somebody's parents would pick you.
- [04:57]
A
Up and they'd chit chat. They both had that mom haircut. It's like your haircut now.
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B
This is, this is 100%.
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A
And they chit chat in the morning.
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B
Janice had this haircut.
- [05:11]
A
You just like, knew not to mess around with that. I'm like, I'm not gonna give them any lip. I'm just gonna do it.
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B
Who's driving? Is it al parents? Like, someday your mom does it, one day this person does it. Is that sort of the thing? Or was it always like, this lady's coming with the station wagon getting everybody?
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A
It was always alternating and there was just different sensibilities each morning. Like, my mom was pretty laid back. She played some sweet tunes. Sometimes she'd have some snacks in the morning.
- [05:37]
B
Show me kids. We talk and we total of like.
- [05:40]
A
4 to 6, depending on age groups. Going to like, the private schools were like yards away from each other, like between the elementary and the high school. And there were years where like the oldest daughter on the other family side was just this like, brooding, moody, always late. Would make everybody else late and her mom would just scream at her for 20 minutes. It's just like, this sucks, dude. Can't wait to get out of this small town life.
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B
Where did you grow up?
- [06:07]
A
I don't know.
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B
You don't know?
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A
Massachusetts.
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B
Massachusetts. What's the town? Hi.
- [06:11]
A
I grew up in Marshfield, AKA M. Vegas. But I didn't go to Marshfield High. I went to Secret Heart.
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B
Okay. Whoa.
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A
Is that my old house?
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B
That's crazy.
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A
Oh, my God, it makes me feel sick.
- [06:21]
B
This is where you grew up? This is your first childhood home?
- [06:24]
A
Yes.
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B
That's a cute little house. Was it blue when you had it too, or did they paint it?
- [06:28]
A
It was like white with green shutters at one point.
- [06:31]
B
So what are we looking at? 231peterson. Wow.
- [06:34]
A
Tell me it looks cute.
- [06:36]
B
That is a cute little house. And it's a cute street too.
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A
Super safe.
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B
Yeah, it looks like it. Nice and green.
- [06:41]
A
So quaint. There's like a pond way, way over there. There's a marsh. That's where I'm like, behind you, like behind my house to the right, there's a marsh where I got fingered my Joe Mahoney. Let him finger me, dude. So romantic, though. He walked me around a whole mash. Like, this guy's in love with me.
- [07:07]
B
I love. You know what I like about you already? You've been like, depends on you guys if you're getting that last 15. He walked me around the whole marsh, half the mars. He's probably not putting a finger in.
- [07:18]
A
But he's going to tell everybody about this. Oh, they put little chairs over there. That's cute. That's like waspy cute.
- [07:23]
B
So tell me, the windows here, what are these rooms in the front of the house go from the left for.
- [07:29]
A
From the left. That was like the. Maybe the dining room, I would call it. There was like a hutch with, like, old plates in there and then, like, you know, back towards the porch and stairs. That's where the kitchen was.
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B
Okay.
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A
Then there's the upper level. Had three bedrooms up there, one bathroom.
- [07:44]
B
Is that like a master bed up there with the skylight in there?
- [07:47]
A
Once I got accepted into the Boston Ballet, I got the master bedroom. My dad. Dad put a ballet bar in the room that, like, faced the mirrors. And my older brother was banished to a corner on the right side of the house.
- [07:59]
B
Okay, so let's not just gloss over Boston Ballet. That's big. How old are you when you get accepted into that?
- [08:05]
A
I think I was like 11 or 12 when they were like, okay, wow. She. I was taking ballet five times a week. It was too much. It was crazy.
- [08:11]
B
Who wanted you to do that, mom? Or did you look a little. Look at a little tippy toes Karen over here?
- [08:20]
A
That's when I was an attendant in the Nutcracker at the Wang center in Boston. My parents used to just discuss. You hate it. She's like, it was a freaking.
- [08:30]
B
It looks like some of her ancestors would wear.
- [08:33]
A
She's like, this looks like child abuse.
- [08:36]
B
How old are you here? About 10 or 11.
- [08:38]
A
Yeah. And they would drop me off and then it was fun, though, because my uncle would come and he would pick me up and, like, take me out to dinner in Boston. And then some nights, it was always around Christmas, so the fam would get all dressed up and go see me in the Nutcracker. I was on stage for like 90 seconds, like.
- [08:55]
B
But still, that's the. That's not just the local play at the school.
- [08:59]
A
That was a fun night out. Yeah, I got a dollar performance. My dad's like, what do you want? I gotta check for 16 bucks. He's like, what do you want to do with it? I was like, cash it. I want, like, I wanted this Doll. That diaper like disintegrated in the water. It was like, you know, like you didn't know it's gender until you put it in water.
- [09:14]
B
Do you know what that was called? I want to look it up because I don't know.
- [09:17]
A
It was a cabbage. It was a, I think a version of cabbage patch. But you didn't know what gender it was until you tried to drown it.
- [09:27]
B
And we call it baptizing.
- [09:28]
A
Yeah.
- [09:29]
B
Okay.
- [09:29]
A
You listen for its screams. You're like, that's a girl or that's a boy.
- [09:33]
B
Sunday surprise. Is that the one?
- [09:35]
A
God, that sounds like gender reveal doll. Nah, that's got to be newer. I bet that's recent. It wasn't called that, but I mean, that's exactly what it was.
- [09:44]
B
And you'd put it in water. You're like, oh my God, I killed.
- [09:50]
A
You. It was so annoying because like, that's.
- [09:53]
B
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- [11:04]
A
It is quite confusing. It like makes you like think about like what you like more, boys or girls, what you want more. It's like you're disappointed that you get.
- [11:11]
B
A boy or you hold them under longer and you're like.
- [11:14]
A
And then, because then you're max. You have like a Wes doll. We had the best sledding in the back of my house cuz it was like two hills. There was a chick named Marnie. Cuz these people had a pool across the street. She taught us all how to swim.
- [11:25]
B
What kind of pool? Above ground or in ground?
- [11:27]
A
In ground.
- [11:28]
B
Yeah. See now, when we grew up, if you had an in ground pool, you had mud.
- [11:32]
A
That was the layboy mansion. You were Hugh Hefner.
- [11:36]
B
You have a slide on your pool right now.
- [11:39]
A
What do you guys do for work? Are you getting all this money?
- [11:43]
B
Exactly what money was to us. A pool. If you had liquid in the ground. Yeah, you were rich.
- [11:49]
A
You were the rich.
- [11:50]
B
Oh, here we go. Well, great job, King. Where's the marsh where she got fingered? Is that. Oh, over here. Here we go. Oh, man, that is a long walk around that marsh.
- [11:58]
A
He earned that finger bang. I'm telling you. I was like, is this guy Somalian? Is he a marathon runner? Where is this guy from? He's like.
- [12:06]
B
How old were you?
- [12:07]
A
13.
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B
Was that your first experience?
- [12:10]
A
I mean, that was my first, yeah, like when I like, I think when a guy really touched my vagina.
- [12:16]
B
A little more advanced than kissing and stuff.
- [12:17]
A
But like in kindergarten, I made a bet with this kid Toby. Like, show me yours, I'll show you mine in kindergarten. Maybe first grade.
- [12:26]
B
Okay. And that's more reasonable. Okay. That's so much better, you know? Whoa, whoa, whoa. That five, six years of big gap.
- [12:37]
A
Don't be gross. I was in first grade.
- [12:43]
B
So you tell this little boy, do you remember because you got in trouble or something?
- [12:46]
A
No, I remember because I got freaking dunked on because he never showed me his and I just was out there with my little out.
- [12:53]
B
Oh, not your boobs. You flashed the vagina. He's like, I'm not doing anything.
- [12:58]
A
I still don't have any boobs. This is the backyard. They have a fence back there. Fancy. What are they doing?
- [13:04]
B
You're the. Look at that. They got tired of kids slavery.
- [13:09]
A
Dude, when you pan back, why do I feel like there's going to be a bunch of human trafficked people?
- [13:14]
B
Okay, wait, so you tell this boy, I'll show you yours if you show me mine.
- [13:18]
A
I don't want to get back into it.
- [13:19]
B
But before we were talking about this episode, you said you were. You did something on a carnival ride.
- [13:26]
A
Oh, yeah.
- [13:27]
B
Or amusement park ride.
- [13:28]
A
Yeah, because I was hanging out with my friend Hillary Newcomb and she had huge tits at like age 12. She would later get a like, breast reduction like in. When we were seniors or juniors. So we were riding the dragon swing. What would you call it?
- [13:43]
B
Bring one up. This is it right here.
- [13:45]
A
But you would go to like, canopy, lake, pack. And you guys go fucking Salem, New Hampshire? Yeah.
- [13:53]
B
So you would drive up there?
- [13:54]
A
Yeah, on a bus with a bunch of kids.
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B
Oh, you'd bus.
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A
The school would be the end of the year trip.
- [13:59]
B
Oh, this is a school field trip. You're doing this, not just a summer.
- [14:04]
A
Now, did you want the rumor to go or not? You want to make waves. So you're at this park, you're trying to make waves.
- [14:12]
B
Water. It goes like this. It just keeps going right.
- [14:16]
A
Yet I'll be honest, there were times where I'm like, I'm too little for this ride. I'm gonna fall right out of this. I had to really hold on.
- [14:23]
B
It was. Was a bar that would close over your lap.
- [14:26]
A
That thing felt dangerous as hell.
- [14:27]
B
I don't actually think that's it, Kirsten. I think that's like a real pirate ship people get on.
- [14:31]
A
I think it might be right.
- [14:33]
B
No, no, it's supposed to swing up and down. We have a dragon right here at Santa Monica Pier.
- [14:38]
A
I'm not going on it.
- [14:39]
B
And I'm not going on there. That thing swings like that. Right? So you're sitting in that last seat.
- [14:45]
A
Yeah, the last one. And you flash the boys.
- [14:47]
B
Why are you. Is it a dare too? Or are you just saying I'm doing this?
- [14:50]
A
Yeah, your friend Hillary with, like, huge tits.
- [14:52]
B
Oh, she's doing it with you.
- [14:53]
A
She starts it and she's like, do it too. And I'm like, why? I don't want to. And she's like, just do it. I was like, all right. I love peer pressure. And they were like. And then everybody talked about. It's like, you won't believe what Hillary did. She flash your boobs. And Karen tried to flash whatever she's been. She's growing whatever.
- [15:10]
B
She's growing.
- [15:14]
A
Whatever. Whatever is under her. Calvin Klein.
- [15:18]
B
Some boy next to her was doing it.
- [15:23]
A
Whatever. She's growing under, like, whatever training bra.
- [15:27]
B
I'm telling you, man, ain't no I'm. You would. You're right. Do you want the story to go or not? I promise you, if some girl did that in seventh grade, we would all still be like, remember that time Karen flashed your tits on the. At the. At the school field trip? That never happened on a school field trip for us. All right. Vacations. Are you a vacation family at all? And if so, are you flying? Are you driving? And where are you going?
- [15:48]
A
Oh, man, we did it all. I remember so many. My mom got in a car accident. She got rear ended, so she got a pretty big Settlement. And then like, she was still in a neck brace. But like a month later she comes out. She's like, we're going to Disney World with the tickets. She's like, we're going to Disney World. We're like, are you gonna be okay? She's like, we're going.
- [16:11]
B
I can't look left or right, but we're going.
- [16:13]
A
We're going. We're staying in log cabins.
- [16:16]
B
And is that a fly from. Yeah, we flew that or Massachusetts.
- [16:19]
A
We flew that time. Yeah. My mom was so freaking cute, like, buying me, like, Minnie Mouse stuff and everything. It was just so cute. But yeah, we've also driven to Myrtle beach, which is like 16 hours.
- [16:30]
B
Yeah, I've been there.
- [16:31]
A
There's been multiple times where my brother has tickled me so much that I just, like, peep my pants and I just, like, let it go because I'm like, well, whose fault is this, you know?
- [16:39]
B
Did you stop at south of the border and get fireworks and like that when you would go to Myrtle Beach?
- [16:44]
A
No, I feel like my dad was like an actual, like, criminal. So, like, when he got married, like when he was younger, so I feel like when he got married, he really straightened up.
- [16:53]
B
He's. Get it out. There he is.
- [16:55]
A
Ah, could you die? What a great looking couple.
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B
That's your mom there too?
- [16:59]
A
Yeah.
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B
And you said they're still married, huh?
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A
47 years.
- [17:02]
B
That's great.
- [17:03]
A
How hot is that couple?
- [17:05]
B
They are a damn good looking couple.
- [17:06]
A
How cute.
- [17:07]
B
They look like a power couple. Like a political power couple.
- [17:09]
A
It looks like me and Shane Gillis.
- [17:17]
B
That's it.
- [17:21]
A
Where's my. I need like, like my bootleg Shane Gillis. I think that's like the. The next boyfriend guy for you, huh? Yeah. He's gonna be like one chromosome off even more so. Myrtle beach, we lost my brother.
- [17:34]
B
What do you mean you lost him? How many brothers and sisters do you have, by the way?
- [17:38]
A
I have an older brother and a younger sister. I'm right in the middle. That's why I'm so desperate for attention. But don't feel the need to procreate because, like, growing up, I was like, there's enough people. We lost my brother. He was like, hanging out with these other kids that all, like, they were from my neighborhood at home. They all happened to be in Myrtle beach at the same time. But, like, my mom doesn't really hang with those moms that hard. So we were a little like, we felt like the family on the outs a little. But my brother kind of like went with these Kids, they, like, walked into town, and then all the kids came back. But, like, my brother didn't, like, so we do not. Like, still to this day. I'm like, did they ditch him? Like, what happened? Or whatever? But, like, for three hours, we're, like, looking for him in Myrtle Beach.
- [18:17]
B
It was like, that's terrifying.
- [18:20]
A
We were panic stricken. And then he just, like, walked back into, like, the hotel lobby, I think.
- [18:25]
B
How old is he at the time?
- [18:26]
A
Maybe 13.
- [18:27]
B
Damn. Where was he? Did you ask him? Where the hell was he?
- [18:30]
A
I don't know. I don't. I don't.
- [18:32]
B
Does he know where the he was?
- [18:34]
A
Probably. And he'd probably be mad at me. He's like, karen, you're just gonna bring up the story. You don't remember where I was? He was doing something stupid. He, like, they were probably bebopping in and out of stores, and my brother just, like, locked into something. I don't know, he probably saw, like, a magazine with, like, tits on it or something. They ditched him because he was looking at him too long.
- [18:51]
B
They're. We're just gonna go look at your sisters on the dragon ride, bro.
- [18:55]
A
She's fun.
- [18:57]
B
When we were little, we lost my brother for a hot second in Ocean City. Ocean City, Maryland? You've been there? You've been down to Ocean City?
- [19:05]
A
I'm like, did I. I think I went with my one boyfriend. I'm like, what beach was that? No, that felt more like Jersey.
- [19:11]
B
Yeah, there's an Ocean City Jersey, too.
- [19:12]
A
Yeah.
- [19:13]
B
But he was doing the thing where he's a little kid and he's just like, walking and picking up seashells.
- [19:20]
A
Yeah.
- [19:21]
B
And he just gets in the water a little bit. He's walking, and next thing we turn around, this motherfucker is gone.
- [19:28]
A
What do you mean?
- [19:29]
B
He's nowhere to be found. And my freaking the fuck out. Well, that's where you think that's the worst thing. You think, oh, my God, he got pulled out and. No, he just fudgeing. Wandered down the damn beach as a little kid, not paying attention. So I even teach my daughter now because she goes. Goes to camp. She's in the ocean. I'm like, you find a spot on land and you look at that house or that whatever, and you always make sure you can still see that thing, because I'm telling you, five minutes in the ocean, you around, you turn around, you're like, that neighborhood ain't even here anymore. Like, yeah, you all the way down. So he. He just kept going. They were panicking, but Back in the day, they did the things where lifeguards would yell or bullhorn chair to chair if a kid was missing all the way down and found them way down there. I'll never forget that. That.
- [20:16]
A
That's terrifying.
- [20:17]
B
It's terrifying. Did you ever do this? I just thought of this. Did you ever go in a store with your parents and then split off and then go up to the front and page them and like that? Did you ever do that? No. Oh, we used to do this all the time, man. We would.
- [20:33]
A
Have you got a hold of the pager?
- [20:35]
B
Well, so one time I was in Kmart when I was a kid and I don't know, could not find my dad, My brothers.
- [20:42]
A
Yeah.
- [20:42]
B
Just couldn't find them. I'm not panicking. I just can't find them. I'm not sure if they left the store because it's in a little mall.
- [20:49]
A
Okay.
- [20:49]
B
So I just go up to the, you know, the customer service desk and I'm like, could you please wait?
- [20:54]
A
I have done this. It's a good prank.
- [20:57]
B
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- [23:25]
A
I worked at Marshalls, so, like, we could do that. And, like, towards the end, like, the last couple weeks, when I knew I was quitting, like, I would, like, play the penis game with, like, other people. Like, I would describe my penis, and then I, like, run away.
- [23:37]
B
I learned about that game on this show. What I even told my friends from.
- [23:41]
A
High school played that sitting in these seats. This is where it would start.
- [23:45]
B
So I'm so mad we didn't play that in high school. And I tell my friends that, and they're like, oh. I go, I know, bro. We'd have been suspended.
- [23:53]
A
Yeah, that's so. It's, like, the most.
- [23:55]
B
And then somebody's got to say it louder. Louder. We. We never. I can't believe that didn't make it to our school.
- [24:02]
A
It felt like such a group effort. You weren't afraid of it at the time. It was like. But then at the same time, it was kind of like getting caught with, like, the hot potato. Like, who's gonna say it the loudest? You're like, I have to say it louder. Like, you'd cry. You're like, I can't believe. Like, this guy just screamed it. And I just say it louder. You're like. And you're the one I wish I had to go to, like, the principal's office for being inappropriate multiple times.
- [24:26]
B
What's. Give me some examples of your inappropriateness.
- [24:29]
A
I would, like, right? Like, I would like.
- [24:31]
B
And real quick, sorry. Is this middle school or high school we're talking.
- [24:33]
A
What I'm thinking right now is, like, around sixth grade.
- [24:36]
B
Oh, okay. You're younger. All right.
- [24:37]
A
And I was like. But I was writing, like, dirty. But where I consider dirty like, notes to like boys. What would maybe be considered like, sex today. But we're talking about the years of your decades and decades ago.
- [24:50]
B
Raven would fly at the somebody.
- [24:55]
A
When I would hold my quill and dip it lightly in ink. What's.
- [25:00]
B
Why are you such a horny young lady pulling your boobs out? Such a good sex question. Writing it. Why are you so fired up so young?
- [25:09]
A
Why.
- [25:11]
B
Why you so far all revved up?
- [25:13]
A
Why you weren't.
- [25:15]
B
Oh, yeah, but I. I'm a boy, and I just always assumed it was full on testosterone. And that's my. That's my peak. That's when we're supposed. That's our 11, 17 high school.
- [25:26]
A
Oh, really?
- [25:27]
B
Oh, let me tell you something, Karen. You get into high school as a boy, and you put on a pair of sweatpants, and one day you realize, I ain't wearing sweatpants to high school anymore. I'm just holding that in my pocket. You're just walking hard on at that age.
- [25:40]
A
You're just a moving boner.
- [25:42]
B
Testosterone. Yes. You're a walking boner. Full of testosterone.
- [25:45]
A
I think I've been drinking Louis J. Gomez's coffee, and it's supposed. It has tongit Ali in it, and it's supposed to increase your testosterone production.
- [25:53]
B
Oh, yeah.
- [25:54]
A
Yeah. So I think I've been fired up, and I think.
- [25:57]
B
But, I mean, what was it when you were younger?
- [25:59]
A
Women are born with testosterone, too. I might have had high levels.
- [26:01]
B
You might have.
- [26:02]
A
I was also just, like, bossy in general. Like, my teachers would tell my parents, like. Like, she's not, like, playing. She's, like, organizing people and she's, like, giving them jobs.
- [26:12]
B
You give people responsibilities. You're doing this. You're doing.
- [26:19]
A
Mrs. Johnson was like. She's like. She keeps calling it playing house, but she's just making them, like, do stuff.
- [26:26]
B
In case you're handwriting notes to boys and you got big trouble for them. Who caught you?
- [26:31]
A
I think one of the boys or somebody, like, told, like, there was a rat. Like, there was a mole.
- [26:36]
B
You don't think maybe one of those boys took it home and their mom saw it, like.
- [26:40]
A
No, because it happened in real time. I remember we just got lunch. We were maybe we were laughing.
- [26:44]
B
What do they say? They bring you to the office.
- [26:45]
A
They're all nuns, so they really, like, shame You.
- [26:48]
B
It's a.
- [26:50]
A
Like when a nun reads something. Like a 12 year old.
- [26:52]
B
I'll tell you why you were all horned up. Because nuns are telling you you can't touch it.
- [26:57]
A
Don't touch it. Don't look at yourself.
- [26:59]
B
Don't look at it.
- [26:59]
A
All right. Pressing eyes on your own paper down.
- [27:02]
B
Ignore your feelings. Don't. No, no. Yeah. Okay. Now it makes sense why you're all horned up. You're a little ca. Like, girl.
- [27:08]
A
There you have it, everyone.
- [27:09]
B
And so what, do they take you there and do you get suspended? Like, what do they do?
- [27:13]
A
Yeah, suspended. Like that was the punishment, right? Always, like, spend more time with us. You would get detention. You'd have to stay after school. You, like, couldn't go have lunch. You'd have to have, like lunch alone. Oh, sometimes they would make us just walk around the playground, which feels a little child camp delivery. That Sacred heart. Yeah. Yeah. Whoa.
- [27:36]
B
When's the last time you were there?
- [27:38]
A
Like, I never have gone back. There's. I.
- [27:40]
B
There's no reunions or anything like that.
- [27:42]
A
There have been reunions, but my graduating class was like 89 people. It was small.
- [27:46]
B
It was, huh?
- [27:47]
A
Yeah.
- [27:48]
B
Is it all girls too, by the way?
- [27:50]
A
No, but we used to call it an all girls school that boys go to. Yeah. That's a great shot of the school. It looks beautiful.
- [28:00]
B
That's a big school.
- [28:02]
A
Well, we were all in there. Ages seventh, eighth.
- [28:05]
B
Oh, this is middle school and high.
- [28:07]
A
School seven through 12.
- [28:08]
B
Oh, wow. Okay, that makes sense. Did you get arrested?
- [28:13]
A
No, but I got in trouble with the cops a couple times.
- [28:17]
B
Why?
- [28:18]
A
Senior Skip Day. We went to this kid's house and we just sort of like, I think I've been hooking up with him the summer before, and he was always like, yeah, you can go to my house and party. It'll be fine. So we sort of went to, like, his family's private beach for Senior Skip Day and brought like a ton of booze.
- [28:35]
B
Talking like a bunch of people. Like a big party.
- [28:38]
A
Yeah. 20 people maybe. It was all pretty planned. And within like 10 minutes, there was a bunch of cops there. And we didn't get arrested, but we got yelled at. One time, two of my friends were arrested in New York for smoking weed. We were all smoking weed. Three of us, two guys and me. And the cops show up where? West Village. This was like, they were arresting people for smoking. This is a long time ago.
- [29:00]
B
Damn.
- [29:01]
A
They were arresting people for smoking weed. And the cop looks at me and goes, I didn't see you smoking. And I was like, I guess I wasn't smoking then. And I abandoned my friends.
- [29:11]
B
Listen, that's the right thing to do.
- [29:13]
A
What are you gonna do?
- [29:13]
B
That's the right.
- [29:14]
A
What are you gonna do?
- [29:15]
B
I'm gonna stand here with you.
- [29:17]
A
Are you guys okay? Oh, sorry. That was brutal. I think I made some phone calls.
- [29:22]
B
House.
- [29:22]
A
I was like, hey, get these guys out of jail.
- [29:24]
B
That's all you can do?
- [29:25]
A
That's all I can do.
- [29:26]
B
Tell me about parties growing up. Like, are you guys. What's a party for you or you throw? We. Because we would do field parties. If no one had a house doing house parties.
- [29:35]
A
We would just get in a truck and drive deep into the woods and, like, do whatever we were gonna do. Just in the back of a truck. That's what I remember. Like, me, I was, like, dating this kid, Brendan maloney. He was 6 foot 2, like, ginger, like, with freckles, just wicked funny guy. But we would just get hammered, and they'd be, like, in the back of a truck that his friend was driving, and we would just, like, hook up, get wasted.
- [29:59]
B
While the guy's driving, you guys have.
- [30:01]
A
A chaperone, and the guy would drive like crazy. Like, that was the fun of it. Like, we might die. One time I just went and, like, I think it was New Year's Eve, and I just, like, raided my parents liquor cabinet, but I really didn't know what I was doing. So we were mixing a lot of lights and darks, so I started vomiting very quickly. But my friends still wanted to hang out with me, so they kept dragging me from room to room, like, dropping.
- [30:31]
B
Me and, like, just, like, wanting you to be in there with them, but you're just dead, basically.
- [30:37]
A
I had, like, so many, like, memories of just being. Feeling, like, paralyzed. But it's like one of my, like, four of my friends would each have a limb, and they would just be like, come on, Karen, we're going. I'm like, I'll just stay here. Dude. Dude, I'm not really contributing right now.
- [30:50]
B
When did the ballet career stop?
- [30:53]
A
When the heroin began.
- [30:56]
B
I hope you're joking. I hope you're joking. Also hope you're not. Also hope you're not. What a tragic ending to such a promising battle.
- [31:13]
A
I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. No, I just wasn't that good.
- [31:23]
B
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- [32:52]
A
I also like sold it through with like a lot of my upper body stuff. I was like very charismatic. Like she's a great dancer and like she can't get her leg that high. Like so they like sit you down when you like hit puberty and they're like, listen, you're never going to be like, like the best, but you'll be in like the chorus. So if that's something you want to do, like yada yada. I was just like this.
- [33:14]
B
It's that cutthroat early on, huh? They just straight up like, yeah, it ain't gonna, ain't gonna happen for you.
- [33:19]
A
I want to bank on this, which is like kind of like merciful in some ways, in other ways heartbreaking. You still have the gift of choice, you know, you could like choose to not listen to them and like still pursue your passion of dance. I did some other kinds of dance, but I don't know. I think I was always meant to like speak because I would constantly get in trouble for making all the ballerina girls laugh, which is like making a librarian come. You guys. I don't know if you get that analogy, but it's not easy because they're standing there in B plus, like, in head. Head on a swivel.
- [33:55]
B
God, you just made me flashback to that stuff. It was different than it is now. Back when we would. Everyone didn't make the team. You had to try out for sports.
- [34:04]
A
Yeah, dude. I was saying this the other day for the auditions for the Nutcracker. These ages, let's say it's 8 to 12 or something, we all have numbers on, like, cattle. And you're dancing for these, like, grown men and women with clipboards, deciding whether you're good at this art or not. And a lot of the girls got parked, and you come down with an envelope and, like, a schedule. And, like, yeah, like, yay. And some girls were like, Clara. Some were party. And, like, the reindeers was like, oh, my God, these are the best parts. And then I come down and be like. Like, jello mold. Year two. Let's get it, Ma. Look, the flights. But then the girls who didn't cut envelopes. Like, you've never seen anything sadder than.
- [34:48]
B
It'S happening in front of you, right?
- [34:50]
A
Oh, that's the worst.
- [34:51]
B
Seeing the humiliation ritual happen to you. Also, of course, I'm not down there yet. No. But I'm saying a person. You over there.
- [34:59]
A
Like, I always got a part. I always got a part. I always got a part.
- [35:03]
B
But I remember you'd walk up and they'd say, if your name's not on the list, you didn't make the team. And here comes 20 people at the time at one time, all looking. You're like.
- [35:12]
A
But that's like. You know, that builds resiliency in people.
- [35:16]
B
I agree.
- [35:17]
A
It builds character if you use it correctly.
- [35:19]
B
I agree. What's the most trouble you remember getting in as a kid? And was it a school thing or a parent thing?
- [35:26]
A
I brought my sister home drunk.
- [35:28]
B
What do you mean?
- [35:30]
A
We, like, went out with these guys I was dating.
- [35:32]
B
So you were close enough you'd hang out like, you were good with your sister?
- [35:35]
A
Once, I think I was probably in college, like, a freshman or maybe a sophomore. So my sister was probably, like, a junior senior in high school. So. Yeah, I mean, I started drinking when I was 14, so I was like, colleen, you can come out. I was, like, dating these guys, and I. I was trying to make her be chill. I was like, don't drink too much. And she was like, you. And she, like, started doing shots of vodka, and she was up.
- [35:59]
B
That's, like, her first time drinking.
- [36:00]
A
Yeah, probably. Probably that much for sure, anyway. And so my mom is awake when we get home and she's in the kitchen with her bathrobe, like pacing and like she's making us talk to her. And my sister cannot. She's holding on. She's holding on to the kitchen table.
- [36:18]
B
Like totally slumped over the tables, head.
- [36:22]
A
Down, swaying, like checking in once in a while and like looking at me being like. And she's like, I can't hammer. And then my mom's like, Karen, what the hell? Like, has she been drinking? And I'm like, no. Which is just the funniest thing to say. She's obviously waiting it. So, yeah, that was huge. My was like grounded for a while after that. My mom was really mad because she's like, she just. She's like, I mean, you could have died, but like Colleen could have. And I love her more than I love you. I was like, I hear you. I get it. I'm sorry. She's like, I don't think you do. Like, she's. I can know she's gonna give me grandkids. And she's like, you are wasted space. Look how hot my mom is. That's a hot mom. Yeah.
- [37:08]
B
How old is she there? She have. She have you guys young, in her 20s for sure. Say she looks like maybe late 20s here.
- [37:15]
A
No, because I was like, probably in her 30s for sure. Yeah, probably late 30s.
- [37:19]
B
And you're number two.
- [37:21]
A
Yep.
- [37:21]
B
And she already had your sister at this point.
- [37:23]
A
Yep.
- [37:24]
B
That's a lady that's had three kids in the, what, 90s?
- [37:26]
A
Smoke show.
- [37:27]
B
Mom looks damn good, right? Yeah, she looks very young though. Like I would buy that. That's a 25 year old girl.
- [37:34]
A
Me too. It's because like, she didn't wear a lot of makeup too. It's like, it's like the natural look it presents as youthful. My mom's so cute. Oh, that's a good one too. Me and mom. Look at those bangs. Look at those 80s bangs. We both are rocking.
- [37:49]
B
Yeah.
- [37:50]
A
What are we now?
- [37:51]
B
Is her hair short there or just your arm might be under it.
- [37:55]
A
Yeah, it's like. It's like half up, half down. We probably both have the similar length hair in this picture. Actually. We're killing it together.
- [38:03]
B
Are you close still?
- [38:04]
A
Yeah, I talk to my mom every day.
- [38:06]
B
That's nice. Yeah, I'm making my daughter talk to me every day.
- [38:09]
A
That's good.
- [38:10]
B
I'm making it.
- [38:11]
A
That's good. No, my mom's a riot. She's. She's just funny as hell. This feels like it was like that was definitely at my grandparents house.
- [38:20]
B
I'm just looking at the list. Flashing tits on the dragon. It's.
- [38:26]
A
I know a lot of other. Like give me a thumbs up if you did that too. I'm sure a lot of people I've.
- [38:32]
B
Never seen even seen it. God damn it. I've never even seen it.
- [38:36]
A
You, I don't know. You're not getting dared enough on rides.
- [38:39]
B
I guess.
- [38:40]
A
I think like the movie Fear came out about the time that I was coming of age too.
- [38:44]
B
I remember that. The Marky Mark one, right?
- [38:46]
A
Oh, Marky Mark Wahlberg. Oh my God. He think it's her on the roller coaster.
- [38:51]
B
Then what? He's a psycho or something? Is it?
- [38:53]
A
Then he kills the family dog.
- [38:54]
B
Yeah, yeah, that's right. He's a psycho. Karen, thank you for doing this. This was a lot of fun.
- [39:00]
A
No problem.
- [39:02]
B
Promote it right there again, please. Your special.
- [39:04]
A
Check out my special don't serve me. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. There you can find episodes of my podcast only fans. And yeah, I have a show with Stacy K. November 8, part of the New York Comedy Festival. And I'll be in Boston November 7th at the Hideout. I feel like I'm gonna sneeze. I'm so sorry.
- [39:21]
B
It's okay. Take your time.
- [39:23]
A
That's it. That's all I can think of.
- [39:24]
B
That's great. Thank you for doing this.
- [39:26]
A
This was so fun.
- [39:27]
B
Go watch a special. Thank you guys for supporting this show. We'll talk to you all next week.