97: The Wayback #97 | Cristina Mariani - I Crashed into My Crush

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback with Ryan Sickler

Episode 97: "I Crashed Into My Crush" with Cristina Mariani

Date: November 6, 2025

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Main Theme & Purpose

In this lively, nostalgia-drenched episode, Ryan Sickler welcomes comedian and musician Cristina Mariani for a deep dive into her unique childhood between California and Italy, her musical journey with the accordion, early crush misadventures—including literally crashing into her crush's car—and the family dynamics that shaped her sense of humor and budding career in comedy. The conversation is filled with playful banter, relatable coming-of-age stories, and heartfelt reflections, all delivered in a warm, irreverent tone.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Between Two Worlds

• Born in California, Raised in Italy:

  • Cristina was born in Stockton, CA, but moved to Corfino, Tuscany, Italy at age 4-5 to live closer to her family’s roots.
  • Italian was her first language, influenced by her Italian mother who predominantly spoke it at home.
  • Quote:

    "Italian was my first language... my mom, she only speaks Italian, basically." – Cristina (06:31)

• Tiny Italian Village Experience:

  • Describes attending a minuscule Catholic school with only 4 kids per class; her sister was the only one in her grade.
  • Quote:

    "Yeah, it was tiny...my sister was the only one in her class." – Cristina (06:13, 09:28)

• Family Vacation Traditions:

  • Family trips to Sardinia involved overnight cruise ships from Tuscany—vacations would feel like a month to young Cristina.
  • Never traveled outside Italy during her youth.

• Return to America:

  • The family moved back when Cristina was 11 due to her father’s frustration with the limitations of small-town Italian life.
  • Re-entered Catholic school in Stockton, experiencing culture shock and transition.

2. School Life and Activities

• Catholic School & Small Classes:

  • Noted the difference between tiny classes in Italy and private Catholic school in the US.
  • Maintained strong academic interest, despite feeling some teenage depression in high school.

• Music & the Accordion:

  • Played piano in jazz band, but wanted to play accordion—was denied by the music teacher.
  • Accordion skills learned in Italy where an instrument happened to be in the house. Became proficient and even recorded a CD (sold copies at a local deli—John’s Deli in Stockton, a staple among local Italians).
    • Quote:

      “I actually had a CD and everything... did shows and sold them at John's Deli.” – Cristina (13:59, 14:27)

  • Earned money through an accordion club that performed in retirement homes; won accordion scholarships multiple years running.
    • Quote:

      "To the person who...I don't know how they picked...but I won like almost every year." – Cristina (16:34)

  • Discussed mechanics between traditional and electric accordions.
  • Covered ‘50s standards like Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York.”
    • Quote:

      “Yeah, I can play that on the accordion.” – Cristina (13:27)

  • Accordion as practice and performance, and the joy of entertaining seniors.

3. Childhood Obsessions & Pop Culture

• Dinosaur Fascination:
  • Cristina was obsessed with dinosaurs, especially ‘The Land Before Time’ series ("watched every single one").
• Childhood Media:
  • Grew up on VHS and DVDs, describing ‘The Land Before Time’ and classic Disney movies as emotional touchstones.
    • Quote:

      “The Lion King was another one, but that's the one that made me cry, too. The scene when Mufasa dies... I watched it recently and I started crying. It's, like, that's so sad.” – Cristina (20:35)

4. Infamous “Crush Car Crash” Story

• Not Allowed to Drive at 16:
  • Cristina’s father forbade her from getting her driver’s license in high school—she “really wanted to know what it felt like to park in the high school lot.” (21:24)
• Secret Driving Attempt Gone Wrong:
  • At 16, with no license and little driving experience (only had occasionally driven a friend’s car), she took her parents’ car without permission to live out her wish.
  • Pulled into the school lot, parked next to her crush's sports car, and—due to nerves—inadvertently crashed into it.
    • Quote:

      “Unfortunately, my bullet game was weak, and I crashed into his car. Yeah, I really f***ed it up.” – Cristina (24:05)

  • Panicked, left the scene ("hit and run"), tried (unsuccessfully) to cover up the damage using acrylic paint from her art class.
  • Dad quickly noticed, leading to confessions in escalating stages of severity, ending with the truth about the hit and run.
    • Quote:

      “Did you put white out on the car? Did you try to cover it with white out? And he gets so pissed again.” – Cristina (26:34)

  • Cristina dreaded having to confess to her crush (she’d never spoken to him before), finally approaching him and mutually resolving the accident with both families (her dad did the repairs himself).
  • Never confessed her feelings due to past rejection trauma.
    • Quote:

      “I never... I always kept my crushes a secret... In middle school I had a crush and he was like, ‘Christina? She's ugly.’ After that, I never revealed a crush ever again.” – Cristina (29:03)

Memorable Segment

• Crash Story (with timestamps):
  • Secretly takes car and crashes: 23:06–24:30
  • Attempts to cover damage with paint: 24:53–25:40
  • Dad discovers and questions: 25:40–26:34
  • Hit and run confession & aftermath: 27:19–28:49
  • Reason for hiding crushes: 29:03

5. Family Dynamics & Early Comedy Roots

• Making Dad Laugh:

  • Cristina’s father was a “tough audience,” but getting him to laugh was her favorite childhood accomplishment.
    • Quote:

      “…making my dad laugh was, like, one of my favorite—it's still one of my favorite things to do. Because he doesn't laugh at a lot...when you make him crack, you could tell.” – Cristina (30:46)

  • She continues to value his opinion, though he’s never seen her perform live or commented much on her comedy videos.
  • Mom’s humor is “sweeter”; performance bits sometimes need translation.

• Siblings, Family Truths, and Pets:

  • Reveals later in life her parents gave away her childhood cat (which she’d believed ran away)—her sister broke the news.
  • Quote:

    "We had a cat briefly in Italy, but then it ran away. And by that I mean my parents got sick of it and they gave it away. But they didn't want to hurt our feelings..." – Cristina (32:41)

6. Drinks, Alter-Egos, and Touring

• Cristina’s Drinks:
  • Prefers Bloody Marys (always on the hunt for “World’s Best”) and espresso martinis, depending on her mood.
  • Has a “drunk alter ego” named Stasi who is “confident and cool.”
    • Quote:

      “Drunk me becomes Stasi, my alter ego. And she's an espresso martini girl. But Cristina is like... Bloody Marys.” – Cristina (34:44)

• Touring:
  • Actively performing live stand-up (dates on website/Instagram), focus has shifted completely from music to comedy, which is “working well.” (13:46)
• Plug Section:
  • Instagram: @creamery ("C R I I M A R I I")
  • Website: christinamariani.com

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Leaving Italy:

  "My dad, you know, he's always been really ambitious, always wanted to have projects... I think he needed more." – Cristina (08:50)

• On Teenage Rejection:

  “In middle school...I had a crush on a kid and he found out...he was like, ‘Christina? She’s ugly.’ After that, I never revealed a crush ever again.” – Cristina (29:03)

• On Making Her Dad Laugh:

  "All my other siblings were like, oh, Christina is the only one who could make him laugh..." – Cristina (31:06)

• On Accordion Culture:

  “Accordion is kind of cooler than you think—I think they use it in modern music, too.” – Cristina (17:23)

• On Drunk Alter Ego:

  “Drunk me becomes Stasi, my alter ego. And she's an espresso martini girl.” – Cristina (34:44)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Cristina’s Move to Italy and Language Origins: 05:19–06:53
• Tiny Italian School & Village Life: 06:00–09:33
• Accordion, Jazz Band, and John’s Deli CD: 10:49–15:43
• Earning With Accordion/Retirement Homes: 16:28–17:20
• Dinosaur Obsession/Land Before Time: 18:45–20:00
• The Crush Car Crash Story: 22:13–29:01
• Comedy Roots—Making Her Dad Laugh: 30:46–32:13
• Pet Revelation & Family Gullibility: 32:39–33:31
• Bloody Marys & Alter Ego 'Stasi': 33:39–35:16
• Tour Plug: 35:48–36:02

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Tone & Language

Playful, self-deprecating, and candid—Cristina shares stories with honesty and humor, often deflecting embarrassment with wit. Ryan’s warmth creates a confessional, supportive vibe, supporting each story with empathy or matching it with his own awkward childhood anecdotes.

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For New Listeners

This episode is a rich, relatable ride through the quirks and pitfalls of adolescence, immigrant family life, and artistic growth. Cristina Mariani’s stories of accordion glory, Disney-induced tears, and the ultimate high school cringe (crushing her crush’s car) are delivered with disarming charm and frequent comic punchlines. Her reflections on honesty, comedy, and resilience give depth to the laugh-out-loud moments, making it a rewarding listen—or read—for anyone navigating their own “way back.”

Transcript

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Hmm, it's gotta be when I'm really craving it and it's convenient.

[Christina Mariani]

Could you be more specific?

[Ryan Sickler]

When it's cravinient.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay.

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Like a freshly baked cookie made with real butter, available right down the street at a.m. p.m. Or a savory breakfast sandwich I can grab in just a.

[Christina Mariani]

Second at AM pm. I'm seeing a pattern here.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, yeah, we're talking about what I.

[Christina Mariani]

Crave, which is anything from am pm.

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[Christina Mariani]

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[Christina Mariani]

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Book [e-mail] Guys, it's been, I think, a little over a week now, and I can't thank you enough for all the kind words and the great feedback on this special. I am Going to sit here and pat myself on the back. I went from almost being killed to release in this special and it's been a two and a half year labor of love and we crushed it. I found every single person to work on this within a single dad budget living in this expensive ass city of Los Angeles. And I'm going to say we crushed it. We did. This is nothing like my last special. This special is special and it's a bit of a one man show. A retelling of a near death experience. Live and alive streaming on my YouTube now. And go give it some extra love because YouTube demonetized it within two days. Somebody complained about it, they took it out of the algorithm. We fought, they got us back in there, but it's already killed the momentum. So it is what it is. Go over there, tell everyone, share, everyone, like comment, help to get back in that algorithm. All right. And while you're there, go to the store. All right. Go to ryancickler.com click on the merch. We got a fall clearance sale going on right now. You're going to get a free t shirt and three free gifts with every apparel purchase. We got $10 tees and hats. We got $20 hoodies and pants. That's joggers, that's night pants. I'm telling you, you're not going to find this sale anywhere else. Get it now. When they're gone, they're gone. Christmas is coming. Go to the merch store now. Get your fuck Steve shirts. Get your, get your honeydew merch. Go get it now. Hey baby, we going to be here all day. We going to be here all day, baby. I like that kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back. Everybody. Ryan Sickler over here. Ryan sickler.com Ryan Sickler on all your social media and starting this episode like I start them all by saying thank you. Thank you for watching this show. Thank you for watching anything that I do. Please go watch my new special on my YouTube right now. Streaming. It's free. Go check it out, support it. All that good stuff. Live and Alive is available now on my YouTube and look, I'm very excited to have this guest back here with us. Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Christina Mariani. Welcome to the Way Back, Christina. Thank you, thank you for being here. Before we talk about your nostalgic days right there. Promote everything and anything you would like, please.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay. I'm on tour right now. You can find the dates on my Instagram Creamery. C R I I M A R I I or my website, christinamariani.com. i think that's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're out there a lot too, right now. Good for you.

[Christina Mariani]

Thanks.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you like it? Do you like hitting the road?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I like it a lot.

[Ryan Sickler]

Go see her live on. See you out there. Crushing it and selling tickets and stuff. So we were talking before we started this podcast. I had no idea you were a California girl. You're from. From Northern California originally. You said Stockton, right?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you grow up, you start in Stockton and then you move to Italy at what age?

[Christina Mariani]

Four or five.

[Ryan Sickler]

Four or five?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why does your family go to Italy?

[Christina Mariani]

Because, you know, family, my. All of their family was in Italy.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so it's not for work or anything like that, or dad got a job or mom got a job or it's like you have relatives there?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, all the relatives are in Italy. So I think my parents just wanted to be closer to them.

[Ryan Sickler]

And is that both your mom and dad are both from that area? And where do you go? What's the. What's the town or place called?

[Christina Mariani]

It's called Corfino.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can we look it up? Kirsten?

[Christina Mariani]

Okay, there it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is this where you went?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it was like I had three other kids in the class.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it was tiny.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, it's the tiny little place.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that's. If you go up that road, that's.

[Ryan Sickler]

This looks familiar to you?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, my house is right there, actually.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where?

[Christina Mariani]

If you look to. To the left. Do you see the one back there under construction? That one? That's where we lived.

[Ryan Sickler]

That was your house? Yeah, for when you were there in elementary school. So you speak Italian then, I'm sure. Yeah. Did you speak before you went there?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did?

[Christina Mariani]

I knew Italian was my first language.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, really?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. My mom, she only speaks Italian, basically. So still. Yeah, I mean, she understands English and she has broken English, but she always speaks Italian at home. And my dad, he had his own business, so my mom was mostly who I was around. And before we moved to Italy and so I just spoke with my mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what brought them to Stockton then?

[Christina Mariani]

That's where we were, I think.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did they in Italy and go to Stockton together or they met in Stockton?

[Christina Mariani]

No. So my dad lived in Stockton with his family and that's where he grew up. And then he would go vacation in Italy and that's how he met my mom.

[Ryan Sickler]

No way. Damn. Just on vacation. He must have loved your mom.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And they're still together, you said. Wow.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. So you're over there for all of elementary school. And where would you guys go to vacation when you're in Italy? Like, what's a family vacation over there?

[Christina Mariani]

It was in Sardinia. It's an island. It's not Sicily. It's the other one, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

This one here?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that one.

[Ryan Sickler]

So would you take a boat over here?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. So from Tuscany there, we would go to the coast and then just take, like, a cruise ship overnight. So then we would fall asleep and we'd wake up and we'd be on the island.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then. Do you stay here for, like a week, or is that what happens?

[Christina Mariani]

I honestly. Because, you know, when you're a kid, your sense of time is a lot. To me, it felt like we would stay for a month, you know, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, who was it we had over here? We had Shane Todd on, who's from Ireland. And so, you know the way in the States, you're like, I live in California. We're going to Miami for an Austin or Chicago for a vacation. They're going to Spain and stuff like that. Did you guys go to other countries ever or you stay in Italy?

[Christina Mariani]

No, we stayed in Italy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so then why do you guys come back to the states when you're 11?

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, I. I think my dad couldn't take it anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

And mom was all right with that, though?

[Christina Mariani]

Mom? Yeah, my mom, you know, she's with her family. She. She liked it, but she also saw how sad my dad got being there. And, you know, those tiny towns, everybody's just in each other's businesses. And my dad's really that small, too.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's tiny. Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And my dad, you know, he's always been really ambitious, Always wanted to have projects, and it's just. I think he needed more.

[Ryan Sickler]

I see. So then when you come back here, where are you going to middle school?

[Christina Mariani]

I'm going to Enunciation School.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what it's called.

[Christina Mariani]

Catholic. I went to Catholic middle school, elementary school in Italy, too. It was in a church. That's what our school was. We didn't have an actual school. That's how tiny the town was. We did.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everything's just in that building. Then there's just one building. And you had how many people in your class?

[Christina Mariani]

And get four, including me.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then the whole time.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, the whole time. My sister was the only one in her class.

[Ryan Sickler]

The only one, yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

So we all kind of just stayed in one class.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

It was like 12 kids in first through fifth grade.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, no. This is your middle school?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, this is the one in yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now, did you walk? Were you a walker in middle school? Or did you drive or bus in Stockton? Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

That's crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is it?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

To walk.

[Christina Mariani]

No, especially this area. Yeah, it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you the home of the what, what's your mascot here in middle school?

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

The Annunciation School, The Cross.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, the saints. That's what it was.

[Ryan Sickler]

When one can't think of something, it's saints. All right, so you're doing middle school here and then where's high school?

[Christina Mariani]

St. Mary's Were you a good student? You know, I was kind of depressed in high school, so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Why?

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know, just probably, you know, teenage stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you do well though?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've always liked school. Yeah?

[Ryan Sickler]

How. What's like you go from class of five? What's your graduating class at this school?

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

California high schools are big. This one wasn't as big.

[Christina Mariani]

This one because it's private still.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, that school's private.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, Private Catholic school.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you, you. We were talking before and you said you, what were your extracurriculars growing up? You had a musical instrument you would play?

[Christina Mariani]

All right, I. Well, I was in jazz band in high school, but I played the piano in jazz band. I asked to play the accordion, but he, he wouldn't let me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you already know how to play it at that point?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wait, he had an in house accordion player and they said no. You got one in house already?

[Christina Mariani]

No, no, they didn't. They didn't want an accordion player.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know. So I'm saying, but why not? You can do it. They don't have to teach you how to do it. Like you come ready to go.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know. I don't know. Maybe the music teacher wanted to know how to play the instrument, to have it in the band so he can like. Because I think he knew how to play all the other instruments. Also. The accordion is kind of like a one man band, you know, it's its own thing. Yeah. It stands.

[Ryan Sickler]

What makes you learn the accordion?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, we just had one in, in the house in Italy when we lived there. There was just an accordion lying around and, and I played the piano.

[Ryan Sickler]

So it's. I want to do more than just around with this thing.

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I tried it because, well, half of it I already knew how to play the piano. So it's the same. And then.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, tell me about it. Like, is it a whole like left brain, right brain thing at the same.

[Christina Mariani]

Time going on to do you mean like both.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like you know how didgeridoos. You have to do the cyclical breathing the entire time. They're not actually taking a breath. Are you able to think?

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[Ryan Sickler]

The same time is what I guess I'm asking in a very. Yeah, dumb way.

[Christina Mariani]

No, no, no, I know. I know what you mean. It's definitely like if it's a simple bass pattern, like just four or three notes and you just alternate back and forth, which is a lot of the songs, then that's easy. Cuz this kind of goes on autopilot.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then you're going off and then.

[Christina Mariani]

I'm going off on the other side, you know. And this is just kind of like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Carrying the T. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

This is just. This is what the drums would be, you know, like the. The bass or whatever and. But sometimes the base is the one with the complicated. And then that gets kind of like, oh, I'm doing two different things.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. Now you're.

[Christina Mariani]

It's kind of like tapping your head and rubbing your.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Christina Mariani]

Belly at the same time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you do any popular music cover?

[Christina Mariani]

Any from the 50s? Like.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like what?

[Christina Mariani]

Like Frank Sinatra.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah. Like what?

[Christina Mariani]

Like New York. New York. I can play that on the accordion.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

When's the last time you picked it up and actually played it? I saw you. I'm pretty sure I saw you on a clip playing the accordion.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. This year I don't play it a lot. I really have just moved my focus to comedy.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you shifted off the Accord.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I think it's working well.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. You needed to do something.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good call.

[Christina Mariani]

It's serious.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where do you think you'd be right now if you put four years into the accordion? Where you think you'd be?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, I actually had a CD and everything.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Christina Mariani]

Yes, sir.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bring it up right now.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know if it's online.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hold on, let's look. Can we look?

[Christina Mariani]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

How do you have A CD that's not online.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because everything.

[Christina Mariani]

No, no, no. Because I would. I made it. And then I would do shows and I would play.

[Ryan Sickler]

I see. And then I would sort of thing. Yeah, your case.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And then I would sell them.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then. Here you go. This is me playing it.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So people out there have a cop.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, this is out there.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have a cop go online and get.

[Christina Mariani]

What was a copy. Local deli, they sold copies.

[Ryan Sickler]

What deli?

[Christina Mariani]

It was called John's Deli.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's look up John's Deli Curse.

[Christina Mariani]

But I don't think they want to.

[Ryan Sickler]

See who supports you. Who do you know at John's that was like, we got you, girl.

[Christina Mariani]

John.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a great answer. Yeah, that must be the guy. So who did you go in and tell them you'd like that? Oh, see, it's. Aha. That's. That's not J O H N. That's like John Marco or something's place.

[Christina Mariani]

John. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. So who, you know John, do you go in and ask him, will you do this? Or is he like, hey, you want to do that here?

[Christina Mariani]

I'll say, I don't remember. I think my dad probably.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, you imagine?

[Christina Mariani]

Huh?

[Ryan Sickler]

So could you imagine if that's him right there?

[Christina Mariani]

No, no, John's dead.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I'm sorry. Would he play it in like the restaurant, like on the speakers for you and stuff?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, sometimes that's night.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who is he to you? Why?

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Family friend or just all kind of.

[Christina Mariani]

All the Italians in Stockton, you know, they all know. He probably related somehow. I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

I miss like Baltimore had a great Little Italy festival. You look this up, Kirsten. It's called the San Gennaro. It's. I think it's G E N N A R O. And I know I'm butchering all this stuff.

[Christina Mariani]

It's okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

And so they have such a good festival, the food is so good. And then you can go down to the basement of the churches and on the side play a little bingo for catch. Quiet catch.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, nice. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

See, they have bocce ball courts there and everything that are really well done. And they still have a kickass Little Italy in Baltimore. And in the summers they'll do a screen on the wall and they'll do outside movies and you can still walk around, get late night canolies, things like that. So you were saying that you actually would earn money with the accordion too, where you would go, where to play it.

[Christina Mariani]

Just, you know, I was Part of an accordion club.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. And you know, every year they would give out like an accordion scholarship. And I would like. To the person who, you know, I don't know. I don't know how they picked the person, but I won like almost every year, like I would get the scholarship. So.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you remember how much it was?

[Christina Mariani]

It was like a couple hundred dollars. Yeah, but it was nice.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then you would get that money for just playing it. And you go where you go do retirement homes.

[Christina Mariani]

You were saying during the summers I would.

[Ryan Sickler]

Through the group. Okay, that's what I wanted to ask you. Just something you wanted to do, was it a way to get more accordion playing time? Did. Was there a relative in the retirement center?

[Christina Mariani]

No, it's just, you know, it's just. It was nice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did they like it?

[Christina Mariani]

They loved it. Yeah, they loved it. It was.

[Ryan Sickler]

I feel like that's an instrument from their era too. You know what I mean?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Accordion.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I. I think. I think the accordion is kind of cooler than you. They use it in modern music too.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm saying I wanted to hear you with it in jazz. I know, they plug it in and everything now. Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

But is yours an electric.

[Christina Mariani]

No, but I have played an electric accordion.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is that like wildly different?

[Christina Mariani]

Yes, because you don't need to use the bellows in an electric accordion. You can just play it like. But it's weird because I got so used to like moving the Bellas like this that it feels wrong to not.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't have to move at all, huh?

[Christina Mariani]

No, just you just play and then you can make them sound like anything too.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's cheating, huh?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, it's kind of like a keyboard. How? Like keyboards, like the electric ones, you can change the sound and the pitch and all that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, but you're a traditionalist with your accordion.

[Christina Mariani]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you own accordion. Do you still have your own accordion?

[Christina Mariani]

It's in. It's at my parents house. My. You know. But yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you're just in there by yourself with the accordion? You don't have a friend who comes in with a guitar or something? Just one man banded it in there?

[Christina Mariani]

No, sometimes me and my accordion teacher would like play together, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's cool. How long are you in there?

[Christina Mariani]

Like an hour for lessons or just.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like shows entertaining the old folks?

[Christina Mariani]

Like an hour or so.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. That's great. And you're getting an hour playing time.

[Christina Mariani]

It was practice and they're happy.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I was asking you before we recorded too, like what you Were. I was like, what was your thing? What were you into? And right away you said dinosaurs. Like, right away.

[Christina Mariani]

When I was. Yeah, when I was a kid.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, what got you into dinosaurs?

[Christina Mariani]

I don't know. I mean, they're cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you have toys?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I had all the, like, figures. The figures. The Land Before Time, like, figures.

[Ryan Sickler]

And that was the show you.

[Christina Mariani]

That was when I was obsessed with. They watched every single one of them.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's before your time, too.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. But I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Land Before Time, before you.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What did you find it on? What's that? On Netflix or something or streaming somewhere?

[Christina Mariani]

Not I. Now they have it on Netflix. They have the Land Before Time movie, but back then it was the video. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You would watch these.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're a throwback. You'd put a VHS in or a DVD and watch it.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it was like, right before they stopped.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. The.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn. I didn't know that.

[Commercial Announcer]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

There's so many of them. They're all good, too. The first one's sad when his mom dies. That's one of the saddest moments on.

[Ryan Sickler]

That sets off the whole story, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I mean, they. I feel like they always do, baby. You know, Bambi. Disney does that.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Disney does. Like to kill.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, they do kill them.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

They don't even care about it.

[Christina Mariani]

Maybe they're trying to normalize it for.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

Kids. So they don't. But that's kind of dark, you know?

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I. You know, my daughter's now, she's 11, but, you know, growing up, I'm watching Frozen and all that, and those parents.

[Christina Mariani]

Are gone and they kill both in Frozen.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's what I'm saying. Those parents are gone. You know, I mean, they don't tell you what happened. I'm like, well, let's. Let's watch the whole movie and see if they make a magical return. Oh, they didn't. All right. Yeah, they did.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you were into Disney movies, too.

[Christina Mariani]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

What'd you like?

[Christina Mariani]

I liked the Little Mermaid. The Lion King was another one, but that's the one that made me cry, too. The scene. Yeah, the scene when Mufasa dies and Simba goes. And I watched it recently and I started crying. It's like, that's so sad.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or memory. You're not going to get. No, it'll always make you cry. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Mariani]

It's kind of like the scene in the Godfather.

[Ryan Sickler]

Disney. There you go again.

[Christina Mariani]

And also, like, I don't know, you know, the scene in the Godfather. The End of Godfather, like part three. And his daughter gets shot right in.

[Ryan Sickler]

Front of him and on the steps.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, my dad always cries at that scene that I think the Lion King is my version of that.

[Ryan Sickler]

I see, you know? Yeah, yeah. He's crying because the daughter.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, because the dad.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you also told me that your dad wouldn't let you get a license at 16. Is that right?

[Christina Mariani]

That's right. And I really. I really wanted to know what it felt like to park in the high school parking lot because everybody had their own parking. I didn't get to do that ever.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not even when.

[Christina Mariani]

Well, the. The one time that I stole the car.

[Ryan Sickler]

When you turn 18, are you out of high school or is that during high school? Are you a summer or fall baby?

[Christina Mariani]

No, I'm out of high school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, so you never get to drive to high school?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, never get to drive to high school.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what happened legally?

[Christina Mariani]

Well, one time my parents were gone and they left the car in their driveway, and I was home alone. And I don't know, I just thought, maybe I'll try driving it to school. I'll park and then I'll drive back home and nobody will be the wiser.

[Ryan Sickler]

And now do you, at this point, do you have a learners or anything?

[Christina Mariani]

Nothing.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old are you?

[Christina Mariani]

I'm 16.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, you're 16.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right.

[Christina Mariani]

I'm 16 at this point. And I'm like, well, I should. You know, this is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you had any training? Have you been on the road doing any kind of hours? Do know how to drive a car? You know, that's enough. That ain't a. I'll tell you what, I ain't getting in with that answer. Like, no, no, no.

[Christina Mariani]

Because I pretty sure one of my friends in high school would let me drive her car when she felt like she was. She was. She didn't want to drive, so she let me. And I was excited because I wanted to drive really bad. I didn't. I was debating whether I should say that, but this a while ago, I don't. It doesn't matter anymore.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what happens? Mom and dad are gone. They leave the car.

[Christina Mariani]

They leave the car. So I just have the bright idea of taking the car keys and going out and driving it to my school.

[Ryan Sickler]

And, like, for the day, you're parking at school and you're gonna go do a day, and then you're gonna go.

[Christina Mariani]

No, this is after school. I just really wanted to feel the ride. I wanted to feel what it felt like. All the other kids seemed so cool, and I Just like. Just. I just want to know what it's like to pull into a spot. Just sit there for a minute, and then pull it back out. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

How far do you live from the school?

[Christina Mariani]

Like, 10 minutes. Okay, from the school.

[Ryan Sickler]

And is it surface streets you could take the whole way? No freeway or.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, it's not too bad. Everything was fine up until I got to the parking lot, and I. And so I pull in, right? And I'm right next to. To the sports car. Like, I don't know why I picked that spot. I knew whose car it was, too. It was the guy who I had a crush on in high school.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's why you picked it?

[Christina Mariani]

Probably why I picked it. But unfortunately, my bullet game was weak.

[Commercial Announcer]

And I.

[Christina Mariani]

And I crashed into his car. Yeah, I really it up because it was a sports car car, and this was like a Suburban, so it was like a bigger car.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're taking a suburban out.

[Christina Mariani]

Salon that was in the lot.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what are you, like, backing out and you're. You hit it.

[Christina Mariani]

I did it. I turned a little bit too soon, and I hit it, and it's bad. Oh, I. You could tell there was a big dent in there. It was like. And I was freaking out, and so.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I wait real quick. How up is your car?

[Christina Mariani]

A little scratch. But his was really. Yeah, yeah. Damaged. Because I couldn't. I was like, ah, can I. Anyway, I'm freaking out. I drive to. I. I do art. Like, I paint. So there's this art studio I'd go to after school. And so I drove there, and I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Asked, you hit and run?

[Christina Mariani]

Yes, but let me.

[Ryan Sickler]

I hear you.

[Christina Mariani]

But I panicked. So I went. And I was like, let's do damage control on this car so when my dad gets home, he doesn't kick my ass if he doesn't know. And then go to the art studio, and I get acrylic paint. I swear to God. And teacher was like, okay, let's try to hide it. So then we're.

[Ryan Sickler]

Acrylic paint on the car.

[Christina Mariani]

Acrylic paint. And I wasn't. It wasn't working. It wasn't working. And I was freaking out. And I was like, all right, well, let me take it home and let me try to park it in a way that my dad won't know that, you know, I took the car and I parked it horribly. He immediately noticed as soon as he walked home, I was just at home waiting by the window. Like, is he gonna notice? He immediately notices. He goes. He checks out the car.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you saw him doing all this. He's doing the 360.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. Like, oh, my God, he's gonna beat my ass. And he's so mad. He's so pissed off. He's like. He's like, what'd you do? And I was just like. At first I was like, I drove it around the block. And he was like, okay. He was pretty pissed. And I'm like, but, you know, it was kind of longer than around the block. I took it to school and he took it to school. And I was like, yeah. And, you know, I crashed it. And here's somebody. He's like, what? It is Just getting more and more livid. But I'm waiting in between, like a few minutes for him to just like, kind of process. And then I keep adding more and more bad stuff. And he didn't even notice that it was hit. That's how little it was. And he was like, you hit the car? And then he goes back out and he sees the scratch, but he's like, did you put white out on the car? Did you try to cover it with white out? And he gets so pissed all over again. And long story short, the next day, I had to tell.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was gonna say wendy, all right, but when do you tell dad, by the way? I hit a car and I didn't say anything. Do you tell him that?

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[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that was the very last piece of information because I didn't want to tell him that part, but I was worried there was cameras in the lot.

[Ryan Sickler]

And see, that's something we never had to worry about back in the day. And now you're right.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I was like, what if there's cameras? It was. I. I think it was pretty obvious. And anyway.

[Ryan Sickler]

And no one else saw it though.

[Christina Mariani]

No one else saw it. And I don't know, I was just freaking out and I really didn't want to tell the guy that I was the one, especially because I left and I would have to tell him the next day. So I was trying to figure out, how do I tell this guy who I'VE had a crush on for two years.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two years. But did he know? Had you ever. This is the first time you're also having to approach the guy you've been in love with for two years.

[Christina Mariani]

Never talked to him before. Just admire from afar, by the way. No, no. I went up to him and I was shaking.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was like, hey, where do you see him? In class.

[Christina Mariani]

In class. We had a class together and I was like. So yesterday I pulled out. I might have scraped it. I wasn't sure. It was so light. And he's like, no, yeah, you did. He was like, yeah, you definitely did. I'm like, my bed. And. And then, you know, we meet with him. Me and my dad meet with him and his dad, and my dad, he's a. Does auto body on cars. So he fixes his car and they like. But yeah, that was. That was that story.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you ever have the balls to ask him out?

[Christina Mariani]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Christina Mariani]

Oh, my God, no. No, no, I. I never. I always kept my crushes a secret. They would never know why.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not one of them ever.

[Christina Mariani]

No one ever. In middle school one time I had a crush on a kid and he found out about it because I told somebody and he was like, christina, she's ugly. And so after that, I never revealed a crush ever again.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm sorry. I don't blame you. I had a girl one time. My neighbor was trying to hook me. This is like seventh grade. Trying to hook me up with like another seventh grader. And she brings her over to our house and she looks at me and she goes, ew, I've never forgotten.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, I got the elevator up and down. I got it. Ew. Let's go.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was like, all right.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, yeah. You remember that stuff when you're a kid, you know, and you're like, what do you mean? And that's even before, you know, that you're a weird looking kid. Like, I didn't know until, like, people's kids would like, be me. Like, I didn't know. And then that's how like, oh, man, this kid. I've never. So that's why saying anything ever again, I kept a secret. My God. No one has to know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you go to homecoming dances or proms or any of that stuff?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I went to prom.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you go with a date or did you go with a group of friends?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or you. So a guy friend, though.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I see. Yeah, we. My senior year, a lot of people sort of figured it out. Like it was really expensive to Go to dinners and hotel parties and all this stuff. So a lot of people, instead of going with their date or whatever, just went as a group.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, there were like five guys and five girls that we all knew that were just friends, and they were like, just forget that. Let's all just go hang together. And they did that. I like that.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, no, it was. It was okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want to ask you about. You said, talking to me about your dad. Like, you always wanted to make your dad laugh, and your dad was a really tough audience.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. So I've only been doing comedy four years, but really, I feel like I've been, like, practicing forever because making my dad laugh was, like, one of my favorite. It's still one of my favorite things to do. Yeah. Because it's like, he doesn't laugh at a lot. He's like, pretty serious guy, but then when you make him laugh, he just, like, does this, like, weaselly laugh, and it just. You could tell he's just like. And so, like, I got really good at making him laugh, and it would make me feel good. And all my other siblings were like, oh, Christina is the only one who could make him laugh. But, like, you know, I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you remember one of the times you got him to laugh, like, really hard?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, I remember where we were, but I don't remember what it was that I said that made him laugh. I remember one of them was. We were on a. In a. On a layover flight. We were like in Germany or something like that, like, going from Italy to the US and it was like, Italy over, Super random. We were eating and I said something. I think I roasted my brother, and he just couldn't stop laughing. And I remember. I don't remember what I said about him, but.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's he like now? Has he seen you live?

[Christina Mariani]

No, he hasn't seen me.

[Ryan Sickler]

He hasn't?

[Christina Mariani]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

Has he seen any of your clips? What makes him laugh now? Has he called you and been like, hey, that one is a good one? Has he done that?

[Christina Mariani]

No, he doesn't.

[Ryan Sickler]

He doesn't do that?

[Christina Mariani]

No, he doesn't do that. But his sense of humor is, like, exactly like mine. He's. I mean, that's where I get my fucked up sense of humor is like, you know, I think my whole family is kind of like that.

[Ryan Sickler]

And your mom still speaks, you said mostly Italian. Does she watch your shows and jokes? Does it translate for her?

[Christina Mariani]

I think she understands most of them. Her sense of humor is. Is. She's sweeter. She's not like Me and my dad. She'll. Sometimes I'll say something and my dad will laugh and she'll be like, you know, I shouldn't have said his name.

[Ryan Sickler]

You get that? Kirsten?

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you grow up with pets?

[Christina Mariani]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

No pets.

[Christina Mariani]

No pets. We had a cat briefly in Italy, but then it ran away. And by that I mean my parents got sick of it and they gave it away. Yeah, they gave it away, but they didn't want to hurt our feelings. So I just found out that that's what happened. I thought it ran away so I.

[Ryan Sickler]

Would look, is it a while when you find that shit out later in life? You're like, you did what? Yeah. So wait, just recently, they told you they gave it away?

[Christina Mariani]

No, my sister told me. She was like, christina, what are you talking about? They gave the cat away? I'm like, what?

[Ryan Sickler]

How come some siblings, they tell to and the other ones, they don't, you know?

[Christina Mariani]

I think my sister's been more. She's always been less. Like, less. Her head's in the clouds. She's more like, I'm really gullible, too, so I believe everything. I'm like, what? Really? Like, I'll just, you know.

[Ryan Sickler]

And she'll be like, come on.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah. I'm such a sucker for marketing, too. Do you know how many Best World Bloody Marys I've had?

[Ryan Sickler]

Ah, that's your drink.

[Christina Mariani]

You go for a lot of Bloody Mary. I'm just like, well, maybe this one is the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you going to Maryland to do any shows, Goobies or any of those spots?

[Christina Mariani]

No, not that I. Yeah, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

Kirsten, look this up for me, please. Look up Bloody Mary with an old bay rim. Listen to me, okay? When you get to Maryland, Old Bay is like Zatanes in New Orleans, okay? Old Bay is everything in Maryland. We put her on crab, seafood, blah, blah, blah. Oh, those look like some of these get. Some people do Bloody Marys get crazy. Put the whole lobster on it.

[Christina Mariani]

And that's why I like Bloody Mary.

[Ryan Sickler]

But these, they'll do like this, and then they'll take obey, and instead of like citrus salt or whatever on the rim, it's Old Bay rimmed. And it's so good.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, that sounds great.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's so good. And the other thing they would do too, and I'd never had this because it's just. It's just the flavor of a crab feast. But they would take a beer, a pint glass, and just Old Bay rim it and put the beer in it, and then you're getting the Old Bay and the beer. I'm like, oh, this is my childhood right there, girl. Bloody Marys. That's it, huh?

[Christina Mariani]

I like Bloody Marys and I like espresso martinis. So it really depends on the mood that I'm in or the per. Or who I am. Drunk me. It becomes Stasi, my alter ego. And she's an espresso martini girl. But Christina is like, you have an alter ego? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who's. Tell me about Stasi.

[Christina Mariani]

She's. She's really confident and cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you don't think you're confident and cool. I mean, more confident and cool.

[Christina Mariani]

Yeah, yeah. Like a different kind of confident cool.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like one that will Stasi. Roll up to somebody and punch them if they need to be punched if they ask. Great answer. Christina would say, let me have a couple bloody mares. My friend's gonna punch you in your face.

[Christina Mariani]

Like, I'm hungry. Let's have a Bloody Mary.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for doing this, Christina. It's really a pleasure to have you here. Before we go right there again, one more time, all your plugs, please.

[Christina Mariani]

Okay. My website is christinamariani.com. my Instagram is creamery C R I I M A R I I and I'm on tour right now, so it's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where your dates are. They can find them all on your Instagram and everything. Go see Christina on tour. Watch my special on my YouTube now. Thank you, guys. We'll talk to y' all next week. J.