Podcast Summary: The Wayback with Ryan Sickler

Episode 97: "I Crashed Into My Crush" with Cristina Mariani

Date: November 6, 2025

Main Theme & Purpose

In this lively, nostalgia-drenched episode, Ryan Sickler welcomes comedian and musician Cristina Mariani for a deep dive into her unique childhood between California and Italy, her musical journey with the accordion, early crush misadventures—including literally crashing into her crush's car—and the family dynamics that shaped her sense of humor and budding career in comedy. The conversation is filled with playful banter, relatable coming-of-age stories, and heartfelt reflections, all delivered in a warm, irreverent tone.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Between Two Worlds

• Born in California, Raised in Italy:

  • Cristina was born in Stockton, CA, but moved to Corfino, Tuscany, Italy at age 4-5 to live closer to her family’s roots.
  • Italian was her first language, influenced by her Italian mother who predominantly spoke it at home.
  • Quote:

    "Italian was my first language... my mom, she only speaks Italian, basically." – Cristina (06:31)

• Tiny Italian Village Experience:

  • Describes attending a minuscule Catholic school with only 4 kids per class; her sister was the only one in her grade.
  • Quote:

    "Yeah, it was tiny...my sister was the only one in her class." – Cristina (06:13, 09:28)

• Family Vacation Traditions:

  • Family trips to Sardinia involved overnight cruise ships from Tuscany—vacations would feel like a month to young Cristina.
  • Never traveled outside Italy during her youth.

• Return to America:

  • The family moved back when Cristina was 11 due to her father’s frustration with the limitations of small-town Italian life.
  • Re-entered Catholic school in Stockton, experiencing culture shock and transition.

2. School Life and Activities

• Catholic School & Small Classes:

  • Noted the difference between tiny classes in Italy and private Catholic school in the US.
  • Maintained strong academic interest, despite feeling some teenage depression in high school.

• Music & the Accordion:

  • Played piano in jazz band, but wanted to play accordion—was denied by the music teacher.
  • Accordion skills learned in Italy where an instrument happened to be in the house. Became proficient and even recorded a CD (sold copies at a local deli—John’s Deli in Stockton, a staple among local Italians).
    • Quote:

      “I actually had a CD and everything... did shows and sold them at John's Deli.” – Cristina (13:59, 14:27)

  • Earned money through an accordion club that performed in retirement homes; won accordion scholarships multiple years running.
    • Quote:

      "To the person who...I don't know how they picked...but I won like almost every year." – Cristina (16:34)

  • Discussed mechanics between traditional and electric accordions.
  • Covered ‘50s standards like Frank Sinatra’s “New York, New York.”
    • Quote:

      “Yeah, I can play that on the accordion.” – Cristina (13:27)

  • Accordion as practice and performance, and the joy of entertaining seniors.

3. Childhood Obsessions & Pop Culture

• Dinosaur Fascination:
  • Cristina was obsessed with dinosaurs, especially ‘The Land Before Time’ series ("watched every single one").
• Childhood Media:
  • Grew up on VHS and DVDs, describing ‘The Land Before Time’ and classic Disney movies as emotional touchstones.
    • Quote:

      “The Lion King was another one, but that's the one that made me cry, too. The scene when Mufasa dies... I watched it recently and I started crying. It's, like, that's so sad.” – Cristina (20:35)

4. Infamous “Crush Car Crash” Story

• Not Allowed to Drive at 16:
  • Cristina’s father forbade her from getting her driver’s license in high school—she “really wanted to know what it felt like to park in the high school lot.” (21:24)
• Secret Driving Attempt Gone Wrong:
  • At 16, with no license and little driving experience (only had occasionally driven a friend’s car), she took her parents’ car without permission to live out her wish.
  • Pulled into the school lot, parked next to her crush's sports car, and—due to nerves—inadvertently crashed into it.
    • Quote:

      “Unfortunately, my bullet game was weak, and I crashed into his car. Yeah, I really f***ed it up.” – Cristina (24:05)

  • Panicked, left the scene ("hit and run"), tried (unsuccessfully) to cover up the damage using acrylic paint from her art class.
  • Dad quickly noticed, leading to confessions in escalating stages of severity, ending with the truth about the hit and run.
    • Quote:

      “Did you put white out on the car? Did you try to cover it with white out? And he gets so pissed again.” – Cristina (26:34)

  • Cristina dreaded having to confess to her crush (she’d never spoken to him before), finally approaching him and mutually resolving the accident with both families (her dad did the repairs himself).
  • Never confessed her feelings due to past rejection trauma.
    • Quote:

      “I never... I always kept my crushes a secret... In middle school I had a crush and he was like, ‘Christina? She's ugly.’ After that, I never revealed a crush ever again.” – Cristina (29:03)

Memorable Segment

• Crash Story (with timestamps):
  • Secretly takes car and crashes: 23:06–24:30
  • Attempts to cover damage with paint: 24:53–25:40
  • Dad discovers and questions: 25:40–26:34
  • Hit and run confession & aftermath: 27:19–28:49
  • Reason for hiding crushes: 29:03

5. Family Dynamics & Early Comedy Roots

• Making Dad Laugh:

  • Cristina’s father was a “tough audience,” but getting him to laugh was her favorite childhood accomplishment.
    • Quote:

      “…making my dad laugh was, like, one of my favorite—it's still one of my favorite things to do. Because he doesn't laugh at a lot...when you make him crack, you could tell.” – Cristina (30:46)

  • She continues to value his opinion, though he’s never seen her perform live or commented much on her comedy videos.
  • Mom’s humor is “sweeter”; performance bits sometimes need translation.

• Siblings, Family Truths, and Pets:

  • Reveals later in life her parents gave away her childhood cat (which she’d believed ran away)—her sister broke the news.
  • Quote:

    "We had a cat briefly in Italy, but then it ran away. And by that I mean my parents got sick of it and they gave it away. But they didn't want to hurt our feelings..." – Cristina (32:41)

6. Drinks, Alter-Egos, and Touring

• Cristina’s Drinks:
  • Prefers Bloody Marys (always on the hunt for “World’s Best”) and espresso martinis, depending on her mood.
  • Has a “drunk alter ego” named Stasi who is “confident and cool.”
    • Quote:

      “Drunk me becomes Stasi, my alter ego. And she's an espresso martini girl. But Cristina is like... Bloody Marys.” – Cristina (34:44)

• Touring:
  • Actively performing live stand-up (dates on website/Instagram), focus has shifted completely from music to comedy, which is “working well.” (13:46)
• Plug Section:
  • Instagram: @creamery ("C R I I M A R I I")
  • Website: christinamariani.com

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Leaving Italy:

  "My dad, you know, he's always been really ambitious, always wanted to have projects... I think he needed more." – Cristina (08:50)

• On Teenage Rejection:

  “In middle school...I had a crush on a kid and he found out...he was like, ‘Christina? She’s ugly.’ After that, I never revealed a crush ever again.” – Cristina (29:03)

• On Making Her Dad Laugh:

  "All my other siblings were like, oh, Christina is the only one who could make him laugh..." – Cristina (31:06)

• On Accordion Culture:

  “Accordion is kind of cooler than you think—I think they use it in modern music, too.” – Cristina (17:23)

• On Drunk Alter Ego:

  “Drunk me becomes Stasi, my alter ego. And she's an espresso martini girl.” – Cristina (34:44)

Important Segments & Timestamps

• Cristina’s Move to Italy and Language Origins: 05:19–06:53
• Tiny Italian School & Village Life: 06:00–09:33
• Accordion, Jazz Band, and John’s Deli CD: 10:49–15:43
• Earning With Accordion/Retirement Homes: 16:28–17:20
• Dinosaur Obsession/Land Before Time: 18:45–20:00
• The Crush Car Crash Story: 22:13–29:01
• Comedy Roots—Making Her Dad Laugh: 30:46–32:13
• Pet Revelation & Family Gullibility: 32:39–33:31
• Bloody Marys & Alter Ego 'Stasi': 33:39–35:16
• Tour Plug: 35:48–36:02

Tone & Language

Playful, self-deprecating, and candid—Cristina shares stories with honesty and humor, often deflecting embarrassment with wit. Ryan’s warmth creates a confessional, supportive vibe, supporting each story with empathy or matching it with his own awkward childhood anecdotes.

For New Listeners

This episode is a rich, relatable ride through the quirks and pitfalls of adolescence, immigrant family life, and artistic growth. Cristina Mariani’s stories of accordion glory, Disney-induced tears, and the ultimate high school cringe (crushing her crush’s car) are delivered with disarming charm and frequent comic punchlines. Her reflections on honesty, comedy, and resilience give depth to the laugh-out-loud moments, making it a rewarding listen—or read—for anyone navigating their own “way back.”