The Wayback #56 | Hannah Berner

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Wayback #56 | Hannah Berner

Release Date: January 23, 2025

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Introduction

In episode #56 of "The Wayback with Ryan Sickler," host Ryan Sickler welcomes comedian and content creator Hannah Berner to share her nostalgic journey through life. The conversation delves into Hannah's upbringing, family dynamics, athletic pursuits, and formative experiences that have shaped her into the artist she is today.

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Early Life and Family Background

Hannah opens up about her Italian heritage, highlighting the strong influence of her grandparents from Brooklyn. She paints a vivid picture of her childhood, filled with lively family anecdotes and cultural traditions.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [04:02]: "Half my family's Italian. The other half is like, European Mutt, which I feel like is just so New York."

She humorously recounts her grandfather's unique methods of ensuring the family had fresh ingredients, such as chasing chickens for homemade chicken parmesan, showcasing the spirited environment she grew up in.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [04:35]: "Grandpa used to run around, catching chickens so we could make chicken parmesan. It was crazy back in the day. The way back was wild."

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Sibling Relationships

A significant portion of the discussion centers around Hannah's relationship with her younger brother, who is 22 months her junior. She shares heartfelt and humorous stories about growing up together, navigating sibling rivalry, and the bond that kept them united despite the occasional conflicts.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [05:18]: "I have a distinct memory of my brother and I being left alone, eating dinner, and just not knowing how to handle each other."

An unforgettable moment she describes involves a dinner table altercation where a thrown meatball leads to both siblings realizing the importance of their alliance.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [06:10]: "We were both mad at each other, but instantly realized we needed to form an alliance to cover up the mess."

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Sports and High School Experiences

Hannah delves into her athletic background, discussing her involvement in softball, basketball, tennis, and golf. Her competitive nature is evident as she recounts striving to excel in each sport, often prioritizing winning over teamwork.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [10:17]: "I was a ball hog because I wanted to win. It was frustrating for the other girls, but it made sense to me because I was trying to make my dad proud."

She shares a memorable basketball incident from middle school where her overzealousness led to a crucial mistake during a game, highlighting the high expectations placed upon her.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [11:02]: "I shot at the wrong basket and missed. My dad was double mad at me, which really defined our relationship."

Hannah also touches on her transition from team sports to individual pursuits like tennis, driven by both passion and paternal pressure.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [17:35]: "I loved playing sports, but being a ball hog wasn't conducive to team spirit. That's why I shifted towards tennis, where it was all about individual performance."

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High School Jobs

Transitioning from sports, Hannah discusses her ventures into the workforce during high school. She worked at a Korean barbecue restaurant, where a shifting review led to overwhelming demand, testing her ability to manage high-pressure situations without modern technological aids.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [19:45]: "Running the hostess desk at the Korean barbecue place felt like managing a frenzy without any guidance. It was exhilarating and terrifying all at once."

Additionally, she shares her unique experience teaching tennis to elderly clients, balancing professional responsibilities with personal interactions.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [23:20]: "Playing tennis with rich older men and getting paid by the set was both empowering and a bit humiliating. It made me question my journey in sports."

A standout moment from her high school job includes meeting Chelsea Handler during a doubles game, adding an unexpected twist to her career narrative.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [24:24]: "I met Chelsea Handler while teaching tennis. She casually told me, 'I got lucky,' when I asked for success advice. That was legendary."

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Reflections and Insights

Throughout the episode, Hannah reflects on her relationships with her parents, especially her father, whose strictness and humor have had a profound impact on her life. She shares how her father's pranks and high expectations led to both bonding moments and personal growth.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [12:16]: "My dad thought it would be funny to trick us into jumping into excessively hot tubs. It was hilarious but also a bit traumatic."

Hannah also highlights the influence of her grandmother, an 83-year-old Instagram icon, emphasizing the role of strong female figures in her life.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [30:15]: "Nana still got it. She's posting beautiful photos every day, showcasing her elegance without any plastic surgery."

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Conclusion

In wrapping up, Ryan and Hannah share light-hearted moments about family dynamics and personal anecdotes that underscore the show's nostalgic and reflective essence. The episode offers listeners an engaging and heartfelt glimpse into Hannah Berner's past, illustrating how her early experiences have shaped her comedic voice and personal philosophy.

Notable Quote:

Hannah Berner [32:14]: "We ride at dawn. Go watch it. Burner phone giggly squad. If you want more jokes, you know where to find us."

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Final Thoughts

"The Wayback #56 | Hannah Berner" is a rich tapestry of memories, humor, and heartfelt reflections. Ryan Sickler skillfully guides the conversation, allowing Hannah to navigate through pivotal moments of her life with authenticity and wit. This episode is a must-listen for those interested in the behind-the-scenes stories that inform and inspire a comedian's journey.

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Transcript

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[Ryan Sickler]

Ameca Insurance we know it's more than just a car or a house. It's the four wheels that get you where you're going and the four walls that welcome you home. When you combine auto and home insurance with Ameca, we'll help protect it all. And the more you cover, the more you can save Ameca. Empathy is our best policy. Guys, we have a new tier on our Patreon and it includes exclusive bonus content. Listen up. Right now, for just $5, you get the Honeydew a day early. You get it ad free and you get a full bonus episode of the Honeydew with you all where listeners highlight their low lights. And it's gonna stick that way. Five bucks. And for just $3 more, you're also going to get the Way Back a day early and ad free. But that's not all. You'll get exclusive bonus content with the guests, some fun segments, maybe some games and we'd love to get you guys involved. And that's all for only $3 more. And there's no censorship on any of the Patreon episodes. Subscribe now. Hey baby, we gonna be here all day. We gonna be here all day, baby. I like this kind of party. Welcome back to the Way Back everybody. I'm ryan sickler. Ryan sickler.com and Ryan Sickler on all your social media. And I want to thank you. Thank you for whatever you do to support whatever I do. I appreciate your support of this show. This show is so much fun. This is one you got to watch. If you're not watching, I'm telling you, you're missing out. Put a lot of effort into the show and a lot of digging through people's past and socials and things like that to bring you the best story. All right, that is it, you guys. I'm very excited. Sitting back here in the Way Back with me. Please welcome Hannah Burner. Welcome to the Way Back, young lady.

[Hannah Burner]

Thank you for having me, Ryan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for being here.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm scared about what we're going to find from my past that I've been hiding. You're about to get exposed Barbara Walter style.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, before we do that, please promote everything you'd like.

[Hannah Burner]

Yep. My Netflix special is out. We write at dawn. Watch it. Check it out. I got a podcast called Giggly Squad, if you like to giggle. And Burner Phone with my husband. He's a giggler.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love Burner Phone. It's so good.

[Hannah Burner]

Thank you. Thank you. It was. Honestly, the name was good, so I was like, now we have to do it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Of course.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So this show's all about the way back growing up. Elementary to high school is where we try to stay in that pocket here and. But you come from an Italian family. I wanted to start with that.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. So half my princess, she doesn't like Italians. Half my family's Italian. The other half is, like, European Mutt, which I feel like is just so New York. Like, I'm just a New Yorker, which is funny because you're from Maryland, but we're like, the same kind of.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. But my grandma is from Brooklyn originally. My mom was born in Brooklyn.

[Hannah Burner]

So they start in Brooklyn.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, they were. They got out.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, they got out. Good for them. It's funny, my grandpa was a, like, a basketball coach, one of those that you see in the movies that would, like, pull a kid out of jail and be like, you're going to be a star. You're going to college. Like, create, like, throwing shoes and stuff. Like, just too intense. But, like, he was like, we're staying in Brooklyn when everyone else was like, let's get out of here. So anyway, my Italian side. Yeah, Brooklyn. And there's a lot of crazy stories. Like, they, like, grandpa used to run around and, like, there'd be a chicken outside and they'd have to get them so they can make the chicken parmesan. I'm like, that was crazy happening back in the day. The way back was wild.

[Ryan Sickler]

I ain't making chicken parm like that. I promise you, man. I ain't ever making chicken farm like that. Well, they would like, better be an apocalypse.

[Hannah Burner]

The grandpa was like a butcher. He was like a butcher. Then there's a baker. They had all.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's when you had to do real back then. Yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

You had to like, work for your food.

[Ryan Sickler]

So how many siblings do you have?

[Hannah Burner]

I have one younger brother who's how much younger? Like 22 months. He's younger than me, but he's always like, he was born like a 42 year old man. Like, he's just like mature, normal. Like everything I do is just like, oh, my God, I can't handle this. So, yeah, the fact that I am now a comedian, my brother's like, oh, okay, that makes sense now because you're annoying for like 30 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

What kind of stuff did you ever have to share a room?

[Hannah Burner]

We did. We did the bunk bed stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

You did.

[Hannah Burner]

I have a distinct memory of my brother and I being left alone. Like, you know, you start to get to that age where your parents are like, hey, we're gonna go. We'll be back in like an hour. You're eating dinner. Just don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

So you're the older one then you got to be the responsible one, right? How old are you? Do you remember?

[Hannah Burner]

I remember I must have been like age 7, 9. I don't know. Yeah, it was wild back then. Maybe I was 10, I don't know, 22. I don't know. But I. I remember he. He would say stuff to annoy me. Like he knew what to say to piss me off and he was knowing me. And then finally I would snap. And I remember we're eating meatballs and I threw a meatball at him and it hits off his head, gets on the wall, and we're both like, oh, isn't that great?

[Ryan Sickler]

Both know, together. No.

[Hannah Burner]

And immediately, like, you're mad at each other. And then immediately you're like, we need to come together. We need to form an alliance.

[Ryan Sickler]

This fight.

[Hannah Burner]

Going to this fight, mom is getting. I'm like, tomato sauce. How to get tomato sauce on the wall. I just remember, like, it couldn't have gotten more all over the wall. We're panicking. We've never cleaned anything we don't know how to clean. It's all over. And, you know, it's like has bumps in it and it's getting in the creases. I'm like, where? When do we have a crease? Oh my God. I remember my mom came home and she. Are you guys kidding me? You. I'm gone for six minutes. But I. It was like that where I would always get in trouble. Cuz he would be like in my ear annoying me. And then I would. Cuz I was stronger eventually like hit him or do something too far. And he'd be like, hannah, hit me. I'm like, yeah, don't get mad at how I responded to your shitty attitude.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

So. But then eventually he got big enough where I was like, okay, I'm not gonna hit you.

[Ryan Sickler]

I like that you're. See, I have a twin brother. We were fraternal twins, but same always had to share a bed.

[Hannah Burner]

I mean, excuse me, what's the point of fraternal twins? There's no point.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's just boring time. Two people, that's all. That's all you had to show fun for everybody. No, I said I made a mistake saying I was laughing if we had to share a bit. We had bunk beds, top, bottom for a while and then we got sick of. We're like, let's put them side by side. Because then we would jump across them, you know what I mean?

[Hannah Burner]

That's. Boys love to almost break all their bones.

[Ryan Sickler]

And this is one time where we were both fighting each other, but then had to like rat, like put it aside, you know, we're wrestling in the room and I get him in a headlock, like a front headlock, like this. And he's behind me and I decide I'm gonna run from my bed. It's a twin bed, you could think about a step and a half. And I'm gonna jump the gap and I'm gonna just slam him down on his bed and I rock him back and I jump and I go over and I just DDT him down on that fucking bed. But my knee, when it hits the bed, it just, you know, springs forward like this and it goes. And it goes right through the goddamn wall. I mean the wall, the whole wall, the drywall. And right away we're like, both of us, stop. Put it all down. Like what are we gonna do? Like, what do you mean what are we gonna do? We can't put a poster over that shit. It's right next to the bed. Dude, we could. We were, we got in so much trouble and we were like, we're gonna fix it. We're gonna fix it.

[Hannah Burner]

We were like, should we see, like, a car hit it, like, what's driving.

[Ryan Sickler]

Seventh grade, for God's sake. But we cut a square in it, like we were told, because that's how you're supposed to start. You cut it square, and then we just never fixed it. Cold air would blow through that. The winter night, you'd hear, that's so funny.

[Hannah Burner]

It reminds me, like, when guys are older and you start dating them and you're like, what. What happened over there? And they're like, oh, the jets lost. And you're like, okay, okay. Thank you. Check, please. I had a guy that dated. The door was just bashed in. And I'm like, was they robbery? And he's like, no. Yeah, the Giants had a bad game. And I'm like, let's go to therapy. Yeah, but, you know, good punch will never hurt anybody except the person who punched it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me about. Because I know you're a tennis. Tennis pro. I was going to say prodigy, but.

[Hannah Burner]

You were a pro.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me about some of the, like, you know, sports stories growing.

[Hannah Burner]

I love. I loved playing sports, but I was. I was athletic, so I was a ball hog. Because I was like, we want to win, right? Well, you guys suck. There's a reason. Reason I became a tennis player because, like, team sports were not good. No. I remember I was on the softball team, right? And I was like, first of all, obviously, I'm pitching. All you fucking losers, I'm pitching. You're. And like, a lot of the girls didn't even want to be there. Like, it was a level of softball where, like, there. It was a low level, but I was, like, trying to win. So I would pitch it, and then wherever it would go, I would run and catch it. And then, because the girl couldn't catch it at first, I would sprint to first slide and get the girl out. And my coach loved it. The coach was like, mvp. And I'd be like, yeah. And all the other girls are like, why are we here?

[Ryan Sickler]

Right?

[Hannah Burner]

Why do we played every position? And then my dad was like, maybe there's a better sport for you. And I would do that with basketball. I was a ball hog, but we'd win.

[Ryan Sickler]

But you were good at the sports.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, because I wanted my dad to love me. Yeah. Yeah. Basketball. My dad would get pretty. I remember once he told me, he's like, whatever you do, don't foul. I remember, like, putting my hands up, and the girl kind of faked me out, and I accidentally just smacked her, and it, like, echoed across the gym. My dad was like, what the. The hell did I just tell you to do? And I was like, I'm so sorry. So, yeah, there's so many sp moments. Oh, my gosh.

[Ryan Sickler]

You have a. Most embarrassing.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, the most embarrassing moment was we're playing, and everything was, like, high pressure. Like, it could be the stupidest game.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old are you at this, too? Middle school?

[Hannah Burner]

I. At this point, yeah, I was young and then. But this basketball story, I must have been, like, 10 or 11, and my dad took it seriously. And I show up, and I'm wearing, I think, a gray shirt underneath my jersey. And the ref was like, whoa, you're not allowed to wear a gray. There was, like, some weird rule. And I was like, but I'm a. I'm a star. I got to play. So my dad gets someone to go home and grab a white shirt. So I'm like, put me in, coach. Put me in. And we're losing. I'm, like, freaking out. Like, put me in. So they gave me the right shirt, and I jump out there, and I remember. I just remember the ball being passed to me, and suddenly a girl was, like, playing defense on me. And I see the basket, and I just try to shoot it in the basket. Turns out I was shooting at the wrong basket. And then my dad not only got mad that I shot the wrong basket, but that I missed. So he's double mad at me. And to this day, he's like, remember, you shot the wrong basket and you fucking missed. And I'm just like, that's just my relationship with my dad. And we left so hard because I was all disoriented, and this girl was playing full court def. So there's laughter in the mistakes for sure. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Tell me about your dad. You said you would go on, like, what, vacations with your dad or what?

[Hannah Burner]

You said my dad was funny. Well, my dad and I are very similar. We're big jokesters. And he thought it would be funny to, like, prank us. I remember we went on one vacation and, like, why dads love a hot tub. Now I know, because, you know your lower back's hurting. I get it. It's happened to the best of us. Take some avil. Get in that hot tub.

[Ryan Sickler]

I tell my daughter, I'm like, I'm way over in that hot tub.

[Hannah Burner]

There's always one bald dude in the hot tub at resort. You're like, what's up, man? Same guy and my dad, every resort, my dad loved it, like, really hot. Like, it had to be, like, the hottest ever. And I remember once he would like, trick my brother and be like, it's not that bad. It's not that bad. My brother would jump in and then you'd hear like, my. My mom was like, this is not funny. Like, you're giving our kids 10 degree burns. Like, this is not a joke. My dad thought it was the funniest thing to, like, trick us to jump into hot burning to boil his children so that I remember. Then we'd like run in the pool and you'd hear us just like, be like. And there'd be steam. But yeah, my. My dad did like to prank. My dad would do this thing where, like, he would see something like some kids playing or something. Be like, five bucks if you join this. Or, like, there'd be like, people like, he would dare me to do embarrassing things. And I wanted the five bucks and he wanted to laugh. And I got in a lot of trouble by. For my mom for doing things because my dad was like, hey, $5 if you, like, join that, like, taekwondo class right there. And I would just like, do it. So, yeah, he me up.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's good. I like it. I do that. I embarrass my daughter all the time. Like, I'll yell something out of her window and I'll. I can roll it down from up here now. You know what I mean? And she's so used to it now. She did. She said something to me and I go, oh, yeah. And I go to roll her win. And it must have gone like this. And she fucking flew. Flew and ducked down forward so fast. It made me start laughing so hard. I was so proud. I was like, yeah, you know, it's about to come now. You're used to. She's ready. One of her friends came with us and we were doing stupid in the car and the girl looks at her and goes, oh, my God.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest. For Albertsons and Safeway this new year, make sure you take some time to take care of yourself and your family. Stock up on your favorite personal care Items now through January 28th and earn four times the points to use towards discounts on groceries or fuel. Shop in store online or in the app for items like Pantene shampoo, Old Spice Body Wash, Campers, Swaddlers diapers, Venus razors, and Crest Complete toothpaste. And earn four times points on your purchase offer. Ends January 28th. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you embarrassed? And my daughter just goes, this is normal. Just like that. And I was like, fuck it.

[Hannah Burner]

It's funny, though. I feel like when your dad's actually funny, he doesn't. He can't really embarrass you because I remember my dad is one of the funniest people I know. He would try to embarrass me all the time, but he was, like, actually funny because he was, like, self aware. It's when your parents don't know that they're being funny that I think it's embarrassing. You're like, mom, not that my dad was trying to make us laugh, so it works. So I appreciate that. But, yeah, it definitely could have. There were moments where he couldn't have, shouldn't, probably shouldn't have pranked us. As you can tell, I'm traumatized by it.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about camps and stuff? Did you do summer camps?

[Hannah Burner]

I did do a lot of tennis camps and I had.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are they sleepover camps or they day camps?

[Hannah Burner]

I did a sleepover camp for like a week. And it was an interesting time because I think I was like 13, 14. I started to realize, like, oh, I have crushes on boys. And I was like a very normal kid, except I happened to be a tennis player and I went to this tennis camp and I remember I had a crush on this boy and I was too nervous to talk to him. And at the end of the camp, there was a tournament where all the kids would play. And I get to the finals, and who am I playing? The guy I have a crush on. And I have my dad's voice in my head, which is like, don't ever let a boy distract you. Like, focus on yourself. So, like, I know one thing. Killer instinct. I'm like, I gotta win. He broke all of his rackets and never talked to me.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, nah, you beat him so bad, you ruined your shot.

[Hannah Burner]

Afterwards, I was like, I'm so sorry. And afterwards I remember, like, I won the tournament. I was like, do you think he likes. And fast forward, years later, my dad said he heard, like, because tennis is a small. You know, everyone plays. Everyone knows everyone. He saw this boy go in front of my match, talk to his friend and go, oh, yeah, that's this girl. Like, she's the only girl who ever beat me or something. And my dad was, like, so proud. And I'm like, yeah, but I didn't have a boyfriend Till I was 18, dad, because of you. But anyway, because I wanted to make you love me. I just remember being like, he hates me. My boy hates me.

[Ryan Sickler]

What other sports did you play? Because you were good at all of them. I liked softball. You said you played softball.

[Hannah Burner]

I played basketball. I played tennis. I played golf.

[Ryan Sickler]

Which you're a golfer, too.

[Hannah Burner]

I'm really a retired old man. Deep down. I. I love golf. And yeah, I play. I played a lot back in the day. I. And I think it definitely. It was fun. It was fun sport, but a little boring compared to, like, the other sports where I could run around. But, yeah, my dad trained me to just be, like, really good. In retirement one day, I used to.

[Ryan Sickler]

I used to pitch. And I was decent. I was decent. I was better than most. I was always on the all star teams and all that stuff. But I remember friends that get older, like, man, you sucked at pitching. I'm like, no, no, no. You sucked at fielding. Like, they want you to throw a no hitter. I'm like, no. They're supposed to hit a ground ball right at you, and you're supposed to feel it cleanly.

[Hannah Burner]

They're sabotaging.

[Ryan Sickler]

Throw it to your record. Yeah, these.

[Hannah Burner]

These dumb kids over your head in.

[Ryan Sickler]

The outfield for a triple when it should be an out in your glove.

[Hannah Burner]

Like, smelling the dandelions.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nolan Ryan. No hitters out there. I'm like, no, catch the ball.

[Hannah Burner]

That is so.

[Ryan Sickler]

The worst kid was always right field. That's where we always put the worst kid.

[Hannah Burner]

But it's funny, I think the parents are the funniest part of sports because you see how, like, you know, they're getting divorced. Their life's not going well. This win, this win is everything for them. They're like my kids. They're so intense. They're fighting with the parents. Meanwhile, the kids picking his nose, like, could give less of a.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you seeing. Because tennis is a feel like it's a money sport. So are you seeing a lot of parent meltdowns when you're hands are keying cars?

[Hannah Burner]

Like, it's crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Can you tell me some of that.

[Hannah Burner]

Parents are fighting because it's one. It's like, it literally feels like west side Story. It's like my family versus your family. And it's just like the two dads watching. It's crazy tension. And then like if someone cheats or that kind of stuff, it gets ugly. And then these are just two kids with their brain not fully formed, like trying to hit a ball. And these parents are like World War iii. It's craziness.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, tell me about some high school jobs.

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, yeah. So in high school I was. I was like, I'm just gonna get a job.

[Ryan Sickler]

And what made you want to do that? Did you just want money and freedom?

[Hannah Burner]

So I actually had come back from a tennis academy and I was feeling a little lost.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay.

[Hannah Burner]

And I was like, I'm just gonna take a job, make some money and kind of get out of my own head. Honestly, it's good to work. Get away from your own thoughts. I don't want to sit there with the reality of our existence. So anyway, I. There's this Korean restaurant on the corner, Korean barbecue. And. Yeah, right. So I didn't know about Korean barbecue. This place slapped. This place was so good. It was just me and a notepad. I never did it before. And I'm getting people in. It's in Brooklyn. And a New York Times article comes out basically saying, like, this Korean barbecue place in Brooklyn is really good. The next day the place would get slammed. Like people coming from Manhattan being like, I want my table. And like being like, hey, here's $50. Can you get me four people in that two top back there? So I start running like this insane like drug ring where like people are getting so mad at me because they want theirs. And it's just. I'm a 16 year old girl who's confused. I didn't even have technology, but it was like such a fun rush of like you have this power of being able to like get as many people sat in a night and getting paid nothing but like the adrenaline, but also the fear of like people just looking.

[Ryan Sickler]

At you, like sitting there forever, just.

[Hannah Burner]

Being like, is it. Is it time? So I have a lot of empathy for hostesses, but I also will be judging at hostesses when they're like. That was a hard thing to say.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know. I love how you. I struggle with. Gasps. Putting an S on the end. The gas.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, that's unnecessary.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's unnecessary.

[Hannah Burner]

Someone did that to. With people.

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you are the. Did I hear. Gasps, gasps why we gotta say that? It's hard for me to say. I can't go ask.

[Hannah Burner]

Okay, now you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Me up.

[Hannah Burner]

Now I'll never hear it.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is hard for me to say. Gas.

[Hannah Burner]

So what was I gonna say? I was gasping. I was gasping.

[Ryan Sickler]

You were talking about hostesses.

[Hannah Burner]

Oh, yeah. Sometimes I'll judge them, though, because, you know when you're just like, how long? And they'll be like 30 minutes. When, like, if they. If they're exact, they'll be able to move more people. If they're like, hey, it's actually 20 minutes in this. But if they're lazy, they'll be like, it's a long time because they don't want to, you know, do the job correctly. So I'm pretty. You know, I'll get snotty with it. I'll be like, she can figure it out more.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you have any other high school jobs growing up?

[Hannah Burner]

I taught tennis.

[Ryan Sickler]

You taught tennis to, like, kids?

[Hannah Burner]

Little spoiled brat.

[Ryan Sickler]

How was that?

[Hannah Burner]

It was so funny because they would. Dealing with kids who have, like, weapons and balls, that is. They'd be like, they turn on me sometimes. I'm getting hit by balls. They're throwing stuff. They don't listen to anything. And then the parents come to pick them up, and you're like, jimmy was so good today. It couldn't have been easier. So much fun. And then you're like, you little fucking devil. Get out of here. Get out of here. You feel creepy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dads and shit.

[Hannah Burner]

It's funny, A lot of the dads would just be, like, obsessed if I. They found out I play tennis, and they're like, oh, I want to play. Let's hit. I was a tennis prostitute for a while.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean?

[Hannah Burner]

So I had a sugar grandpa.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you mean? Is this a thing in the tennis world, or you just say this?

[Hannah Burner]

It was my thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay?

[Hannah Burner]

After college, one of my grandpa's older friends loves tennis, and these rich guys, they pay pros to come to their tennis court to teach. So you're kind of like an on call.

[Ryan Sickler]

No. No Tennis. Okay. So that's.

[Hannah Burner]

Get a. You know, I. I don't know how this man even texted. He was like, 82, and he would pay me to give him lessons and, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

And he would play.

[Hannah Burner]

He could only last for, like, 20 minutes. But, like, we'd sit. He'd. He'd, like, ask about how to use his phone, and you're there to help.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, no.

[Hannah Burner]

He would be like, how do I call my grandchild? And. But he was never creepy. It was very nice.

[Ryan Sickler]

But so funny. You said he lasted, like, 20 minutes. It does sound like a ton of slot it. Totally.

[Hannah Burner]

And then he did this thing where he would pay me not by the hour, but to play, like, two sets with his friends. So there'd be three guys, and they want to play with, like, someone good. So whoever I'd play with, the same.

[Ryan Sickler]

Age, they're all, are you just crushing senior citizens over there?

[Hannah Burner]

A hundred percent. Because the guy who I'd be playing with would be like, let's beat this. I hate this guy. So he's putting pressure on me to win. I'm feeling bad, but I'm getting paid by the set, not the hour. So I go in, they'd each pay me money, and I'd win six love six one, and get out of there. And it was like, a really good gig. That's how I met Chelsea Handler.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

Because Chelsea Handler one time showed up to be in one of these doubles games because she was dating some guy in the Hamptons. And I was like, that's Chelsea Handler. And I actually asked her, I was like, do you have any advice to, like, be successful one day? And she looked at me and she goes, I got lucky.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a perfect.

[Hannah Burner]

So she also was. I played with her, and she was like, let's beat these guys. I'm not around. I was like, chelsea, I love you. So it was one of those things. And so, yeah, I would just. I would get paid by old men to, like. Yeah. Beat their asses.

[Ryan Sickler]

I didn't even know that.

[Hannah Burner]

It was kind of dominatrixy. Yeah. Think about it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now they just want you to come over and punish them on their court.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. And it was never creepy. They, like, really were like. They wanted someone who was really good to be there. And I was, you know, were they.

[Ryan Sickler]

Old, like pros or good themselves back in the day? And just want to see where they still.

[Hannah Burner]

It was like a mix. But it's a. A lot of these guys, they just love tennis. They love it so much, and they want someone who kind of can like, make the game a little elevated. But it was also depressing for me because in my head, I'm like, I'm a failed professional and now I'm playing tennis with 83 year olds. But at least I'm making money.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, you are.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

What about concerts? Did you ever go to concerts? What's your first.

[Hannah Burner]

I hate concerts. I. I'm not gonna pretend I hate concerts. They give me anxiety.

[Ryan Sickler]

Never been.

[Hannah Burner]

I don't want to stand that long. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Standings.

[Hannah Burner]

I can't also, like, let's be honest, you know, three of the, like, 18 songs, and you know when a song starts and you're like, okay, I'm not into this. And you're like, also, I don't do drugs. So, like, I feel like that's why not. I don't do. I can't handle drugs. Like, melatonin is, like, the craziest drug. I'll do. I'll get. That shit's my ayahuasca. I'll get. I'll be out for 36 hours. Call the police. Yeah. I mean, I grew up, like, I loved In Sync and I loved, like, Ja Rule.

[Ryan Sickler]

Did you know Kirsten gets it? When you shared the room with your brother, did you have, like, your posters on your side and he had his on his side?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, we did. We. It was a lot. Like, my mom would put up, like, a drawing we made, and it's, like, the worst you've ever seen. It's, like, framed, and it looks like some, like, gang sign or something. Like, that's a house. That's my house and my family. It's like a slur in, like, Japanese. You don't even know that you wrote it. And, like, that's. My daughter made it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, God.

[Hannah Burner]

But actually, we didn't even decorate that much. My brother. My brother liked video games. He was really into, like, Call of Duty. Like, I. I remember walking in the room, and he'd be like, I'm in a battle right now. Like, and he. He'd be, like, yelling at adults and stuff, like, fighting with adults. He's like, yeah, Jim, he's fighting with his wife right now. But I'm telling you to focus on the. Whatever. They were shooting each other up. It was crazy. He's like, tell her something. My brother was trying to solve marriages. He was, like, 13 years old. He was like, yeah, I'm playing with a war veteran.

[Ryan Sickler]

He had crazy.

[Hannah Burner]

Actual war veterans. Veteran. Just, like, it was crazy. He's like, yeah, this guy's been through a lot. I'm like, yeah, he has no legs. Yeah, no. My brother had the headset and everything. But my brother was weird because he was such a nerd. Like, love video games, but, like, just had a six pack. He was just genetically had a six pack and was athletic. So, like, girls would like him, but all he wanted to do was play Call of Duty. And I was like, this is, like.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's typical boy, though. Yeah.

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah. Like, I was like, you can't tell that girl likes you. And he's like, what?

[Ryan Sickler]

I got. I got.

[Hannah Burner]

I got to see my.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got Jim in the bush tonight, man. We got. I got to get his ass out.

[Hannah Burner]

Literally. Literally. Literally. I remember I'd go in school, my brother, like, he was, like, handsome, and we went to the same school.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, also, I guess if you're a senior, he's probably a sophomore, right? At one point. Yeah, I remember your friends. Date your brother.

[Hannah Burner]

I won the locker room. It was like, you knew some of the younger girls. I remember one girl. There were, like, three girls crying at one point. I'm like, what's going on? They're like, your brother. I'm like, what did he do? It's like he. He was always. You know, he was not a fuck boy, but, like, girls liked him. But I did think it helped me with, like, my relationship, the future, when the fact that, like, my best friend, my brother. I saw what guys are actually, like, who, like, are the ones that girls put on pedestals. I'm like, he's an idiot. Oh, yeah, that's me. That's me and my brother. I. I love how they're like, take a picture. And I took a Super Soaker, and I'm like, let me shoot him between the eye. So now it looks like I was the violent one. I did have amazing calves as a kid. Yeah, I was very athletic with those calves. My dad was like, she's gonna get a good vert. She's gonna have a good vert. My mom wanted me to be cute. She put a scrunchie in my hair, and I'm like, I'm gonna shoot up my brother.

[Ryan Sickler]

What would you get into? He's into video games. What are you doing?

[Hannah Burner]

I was trying to get my dad's approval. No. My dad would be like, let's go train. And my brother would be like, you. And I'd be like, how high do you want me to jump? But it's funny. I did wear. My mom wanted me to, like, wear cute hats and matching sets, and I hated, like, outfits. I was very, like. I just wanted to wear clothes that I could run around. Oh, those are my favorite sandals. Those are my favorite sandals. I wore them with every outfit.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not happy now?

[Hannah Burner]

So I was trying to model, like, my grandma. Actually, I have a very beautiful grandma. She's 83, and she has an Instagram. It's called Nana. Still got it. Oh, there's. So that's her on the right.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old is she there?

[Hannah Burner]

She's. I don't know what she is. But you have to go to her Instagram. Nana still got it. I think I tagged her in that. She's a very. She's pretty big online.

[Ryan Sickler]

Is she?

[Hannah Burner]

Yeah, she's 23, 000 followers and. Oh, that's. That's us. She's posting stuff. She. They don't make them like her anymore. She only. Oh, this is her yesterday. She has my. Her dad, her husband take photos of her every day just to show how beautiful she still is. Never had plastic surgery.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good for her.

[Hannah Burner]

Just. She's the one with the good eggplant parmesan.

[Ryan Sickler]

Look how she's the one. Look at that.

[Hannah Burner]

She's gorgeous. Yeah, she wrot legs and more legs. She's basically an Instagram.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's the thing I really believe. I believe women like your grandma. If. If we got it. Cuz men do it too with Botox and. But if we just let mother Nate. Look at her. That's her husband taking those.

[Hannah Burner]

She posted that this month.

[Ryan Sickler]

Damn grandma.

[Hannah Burner]

So great.

[Ryan Sickler]

How old is she?

[Hannah Burner]

She's 83 in those photos. She's younger, but you know those Instagram models who would post something kind of slutty and then have like an inspirational quote. I say that's what she's like. She'll post the hottest photo just being like, life is good. Believe in yourself.

[Ryan Sickler]

Live love chocolate.

[Hannah Burner]

Live love chocolate. Like none of we could see your labia. That's me and my brother.

[Ryan Sickler]

I feel like if we just let mother nature do what it wants to our bodies and our faces is on the other side. You'll look better. It's the in between that everyone's so worried about. But you know, I don't know that if your grandma had a bunch of plastic surgery and stuff, if she look.

[Hannah Burner]

As good as she looks, I agree 100%. She's afraid of needles. Otherwise she would have done it all. She would done. But she's a. She doesn't have her ears pierced.

[Ryan Sickler]

Hannah Burner. This was a really fun episode. Thank you so much.

[Hannah Burner]

So much fun. Thank you so much for having me and thinking about the way back.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, right there. Promote your special. Your podcast.

[Hannah Burner]

We ride at dawn. Go watch it. Burner phone giggly squad. If you want more. More jokes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you, Hannah Burner.

[Hannah Burner]

Thank you.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's been a pleasure.

[Hannah Burner]

Cheers.

[Ryan Sickler]

Cheers. As always, Ryan Sickler on all your social media. We'll talk to y'all next week.

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