Brandon Gets Parenting Advice From An EXPERT: White Sox Dave | The Yak 3-25-26

Summary

Podcast Summary: The Yak – "Brandon Gets Parenting Advice From an EXPERT: White Sox Dave"

Date: March 25, 2026
Host & Cast: Barstool Yak crew (Brandon Walker, Nick, KB (Kyle Bauer), Rone, Lil Sas, Kate, Steven Cheah, Big Cat, White Sox Dave, et al.)
Main Theme: Everyday hilarity centered around Barstool personalities—parenting, ballpark debates, nostalgia, and the White Sox—with a signature blend of banter, irreverence, and comedic self-deprecation.

---

Episode Overview

The Yak’s crew convenes for an extra lively (and classic) episode revolved around Brandon Walker’s parenting style, White Sox Dave's notorious advice, and diverging opinions about what it means to “grow up hard.” They dive into everything from laundry habits, the importance of parking lots at stadiums, collections, childhood disappointments, and even test hypothetical boundaries of parenting, all while poking fun at each other’s quirks and failures.

---

Key Topics & Discussion Points

1. Laundry Fails: White Sox Dave and the Smelly Situation

• [08:34] The group revisits White Sox Dave’s “mildew clothes” scandal.
  • Dave bought a new washer/dryer (or so the group thinks—later debunked).
  • Discussion on the futility of swapping appliances if laundry habits don’t change:
    • “What he described was, ‘I’m going to work, so I’m going to put clothes in the washer and get them out at the end of the day.’... Both are awful.” – Brandon ([09:11])
  • The group riffed on distinguishing "clothes stink" vs. body odor or the even rarer “poo guy.”
  • Hilarious debate over how long a shirt can last before “perma-stink.”
• [63:02] Dave admits some behavior change, bullied into it by the group.

2. Nostalgia & Kids’ Collections

• [39:45] The value (or not) of collecting for men—Pokemon cards, hats, bourbons, magazines, even fish tanks.
  • “Every man should have at least one collection.” – Brandon ([39:45])
  • Debate over hoarding vs. purging; Mark describes throwing away sentimental boxes from parents: “Stuff doesn’t do anything for me. I hate stuff. I want my house to look like a staged house that’s trying to be sold.” – Mark Titus ([42:01])

3. Infomercial Disappointments & Kidhood Letdowns

• [43:00] The crew reminisces about being fooled by childhood commercials—toys that overpromised (Marvin’s Magic Drawing Board, Fushigi, Creepy Crawlers, Easy Bake Oven).
  • “It was the first thing I worked for, like for an allowance... and the most disappointed I’ve ever been in my life.” – Nick ([44:18])

4. Simpsons, King of the Hill & Streaming vs. Cable TV

• [26:13] Discussion about revisiting The Simpsons and discovering you don’t like a main character (Homer).
  • “You know those guys you wouldn’t get along with in real life? That’s Homer.” – Nick ([26:34])
  • Nostalgic talk about TV syndication, appointment TV, and preference for cable/randomness vs. streaming curation ([31:49])

5. Parenting Advice & Critique: White Sox Dave v. Brandon

• Major, recurring segment where the panel interrogates Brandon’s parenting “softness.”
• [102:23] Dave, who doesn’t have kids, critiques Brandon for giving his kids too nice a car (a 2024 Jeep Wrangler) and not raising them “hard” enough.
  • “Anything nicer than what you got is soft. Anything less, is abuse.” – Brandon, mocking Dave ([111:38])
  • Dave claims he can judge good parenting despite no experience: “I think anybody can tell the difference between a good parent and a bad parent.” ([106:49])
  • Key exchange: “You don’t know what it’s like to have a happy child. You don’t know what it’s like to have any kind of child.” – Brandon ([107:01])
• [104:00] Hypotheticals: How to address bullies, underage drinking, buying cars for teens, and giving kids sugar.
  • On bullying: “We’re not going to get pushed around, but we’re not going to push around for the sake of being a punk.”
  • On teen cars: “My kid drives a decent little car.” – Brandon
  • On giving up on unathletic or artistic kids: “I’m talking post-birth abortion, Brandon.” – Dave ([116:27], comedic exaggeration)

6. Stadium Debates: Parking Lots vs. Urban Accessibility

• [33:09] White Sox Dave’s controversial take: dislikes parking lots, prefers stadiums in urban settings with public transport (Wrigley model), can’t fathom why fans want to drive.
  • Brandon and Eddie argue for the convenience—especially for suburban, family, and tailgate fans.
• [58:23] “You should have parking options and public transportation options. You don’t want 40,000 people doing the same thing.” – Brandon
• [64:22] Dave’s position: “If that [not having parking lots] is the best way to generate revenue for the organization so they can go and get good players, then I don’t care... I’d rather my team be good than have parking lots.”
• [70:09] Dave’s hard-line parenting: Kids don’t go to ballgames until they can use the bathroom on their own. “If I am ever smited with children, they have to be able to pee on their own.”

7. White Sox & Baseball Hope/Despair

• [80:30] Dave’s disillusionment with White Sox ownership, repeated rebuilds, low payroll, immense pessimism heading into the season.
  • Brandon: “I think your anger at baseball is an act. Every spring is new and hope-filled.”
  • Dave: “I'm in a holding pattern until ownership changes... I will out-survive this regime.”
• Chatter about “why stick with a team that’s not even trying,” and whether the stadium/parking debate is overblown.

8. Quickfire Moments & Quotes

• “Would you rather die of old age in a shelter or cancer in a house?” – Early, dark but funny riff on dog adoption ([02:04]).
• “Would you rather get hornier every year or less horny every year?” – Kyle instigates the classic Yak hypothetical ([02:17]).
• Extended tangent about “pooey guys,” bodily mishaps, and hygiene admissions (including KB's nightly "sauce" routine) ([13:13]).
• Childhood memories of team sports, hometown pride, and legendary middle school highlight tapes missing in action ([124:14]).

---

Notable & Memorable Quotes

• On Collection & Hoarding:
  “Every man should have at least one collection.” – Brandon ([39:45])
• On White Sox Fans’ Attachment to Parking:
  “I don’t understand White Sox fans obsession with parking lots.” – (White Sox Dave, summarized Multiple times, e.g. [56:09])
• On Parenting Softness:
  • “You don’t know what it’s like to have any kind of child…” – Brandon challenging Dave’s expertise ([107:01])
  • “If that’s what makes you happy, why does it need likes?” – Kyle, on Brandon’s mantiques ([37:13])
• On Hope and Sports:
  • “Every spring you’re looking forward to the summer… You haven’t had a ‘what if’ fantasy?” – Brandon ([82:00])
  • “I will outlast this regime.” – White Sox Dave, on waiting out White Sox ownership ([85:32])

---

Timestamps of Key Segments

| Timestamp | Segment | |-----------|------------------------------------------| | 08:34 | The Smelly Laundry Saga Resurfaces | | 26:13 | Simpsons/King of the Hill Debate | | 33:09 | Barstool Parking Lot Controversy | | 39:45 | On Collections & Hoarding | | 43:00 | Infomercial & Toy Disappointments | | 63:02 | Dave Bullied Into Laundry Reform | | 80:30 | White Sox Dave’s Pessimism & Ownership | | 102:23 | Parenting Advice: Jeep Wrangler “Soft” | | 111:38 | “Anything nicer than what you got is soft…” | | 116:27 | “Post-birth abortion…” (jokingly) | | 124:14 | The Mythic 30-TD Middle School Football |

---

Tone, Style & Atmosphere

• Comedic and irreverent: The Yak stays true to its chaos-loving, self-deprecating brand, with every serious topic undercut by absurdity and rapidfire banter.
• Camaraderie and Roasting: No one’s safe—parenting, hygiene, sports loyalties, and even personal histories get run through the grinder.
• Genuine nostalgia: Among the gags, real talk surfaces about growing up, collections, disappointments, and the passage of time.

---

Conclusion

Barstool’s Yak crew delivers yet again with playful, unvarnished, and occasionally deeply insightful takes on life’s everyday questions—parenting, fandom, and what really makes a man “hard” or “soft.” If you’re a fan of friendly arguments, random nostalgia, or want to know why White Sox Dave thinks not going to baseball games with your kids makes you a better parent, this episode is classic Yak through and through.

---

For full impact, recommended listening to enjoy the dynamic delivery and in-the-moment ad libs that make The Yak a Barstool staple.

---

Additional Highlights

• [102:23–113:06] – Extended “parenting debate” as the crew grills Brandon on everything from cars, drinking, to how he’d handle his sons wanting to pursue art.
• [43:00–44:18] – Nick’s heartbreaking story of being duped by the “Marvin’s Magic Drawing Board,” childhood disappointment at its finest.
• [116:21] – [117:07] – Dave claims, “If I was your height, I’d be in the NFL,” sparking a tangent on alternate reality careers and what could have been.
• [124:03–127:02] – Dave claims “I scored 30 touchdowns in 8th grade,” but has no way to prove it—a microcosm of the episode’s blend of bragging, skepticism, and nostalgia.

End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

Hey yak listeners. You can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube Prime. Members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[B]

Stelblue Coffee's new can lattes are here. Crafted with 100% Colombian coffee, each can is a good source of protein and comes in two smooth flavors. Espresso cafe mocha and espresso sweet cream. And whether you're braving your morning commute or chasing your pup, Stel Blue cans are for those always on the go and. And for those who care. Stella Blue is more than just great coffee. It's about giving back. I named the brand after my rescue dog, Stella, who inspired our mission to help more dogs find their forever homes. Every purchase supports animal rescue organizations. So when you drink Stella Blue, you're not just fueling your day, you're saving a dog's life. Try the new cans today. Taste the difference and make a difference. All new St Blue coffee can lattes now available at stellbluecoffee.com or subscribe on Amazon for 10% off.

[C]

Yak sponsored by Stella Blue Coffee. Get it in a can. Get the beans. You can't go wrong. 100% pure with a bunch of different flavors. My favorite is the mocha, the espresso mocha. And you save dogs. Dogs are dying left and right of a myriad of cancers and organ failures. And you can save them by buying Stella Blue. Stella Blue. Better ingredients, better coffee.

[A]

Did you steal Papa John's?

[C]

Did I? I knew it was one of the fast food channels.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

This game is corrupt.

[E]

I remember that commercial. Papa John's dogs are dying.

[A]

Yeah, that's right.

[B]

Organ failure, all sorts of cancers.

[C]

Yeah, Amira.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Carousel of rotating cancers, but only one at a time.

[A]

They can't get two at once.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting fact.

[B]

I don't think Stella Blue claims to say like cure cancer in dogs. Right. It just, it just aims to save the dogs or shelter.

[A]

But I would rather, I would rather die of cancer at a house than somebody shelter.

[F]

But an unadopted dog, that could lead to stress. That could lead to cancer. So ultimately, would you rather die of

[B]

old age at the shelter or die of cancer at the dog age of eight in a house.

[A]

Cancer in a house.

[B]

Cancer in a house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Would you rather get hornier every year or less horny every year?

[A]

Well, it's less horny.

[B]

I don't have a choice.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Oh, yeah. But yeah, this is called a hypothetical.

[A]

No, no. Imagine a society with like 80 year old just.

[B]

Yeah, well, I think they are 80 year olds. Are horny.

[A]

Are they horny?

[B]

I, I. The STD rate in nursing homes. I feel like we have this kind.

[A]

I think they just hand out virus on scrubs.

[B]

It was on scrubs where they were. They all had scds.

[A]

But if Viagra wasn't a thing, I don't think they're you.

[B]

But Viagra is a thing.

[A]

It is a thing.

[B]

I don't know. Less horn is.

[E]

Yeah. Are you. Are you hormonally less horny? I guess. Brandon. Or are you just shackled by the. The confines of marriage.

[A]

Oh.

[E]

And a lifestyle that is beating you down. Beating your penis down. Anytime you get an erection. The world around you is saying, no, stop that.

[A]

That's not going anywhere.

[E]

But when you get to be 80.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And maybe your wife has passed and you're in a nursing home.

[B]

Sure.

[E]

It's like it.

[B]

And I see that hot. Maybe 68 year old.

[E]

Yeah. Maybe. Maybe there's something there. Maybe.

[A]

I feel like the hormones could get you going.

[E]

Maybe you need some strange.

[A]

Strange.

[B]

Strange. Strange will put some pep in my step. There's no doubt about it. I just.

[A]

So maybe you either move closer to the office to get more pep in your step or you start. You have an affair.

[B]

I've been talking about the affair for years.

[C]

You're the guy. Everyone already expects it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the dudes that get money later in life.

[B]

Mm.

[D]

Do you?

[A]

I mean, it's commendable. You haven't. That I know of.

[B]

No. I haven't even looked for a newer model. I. I haven't even considered trading in yet, but my open's holding up pretty good.

[E]

Are you gonna patch it?

[C]

That would mean a lot to her.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

How would you go about patching things up with your wife when you.

[A]

Your kids have, like. Tommy will watch some certain episodes. Has he ever brought up.

[B]

Tom's actually at home on spring break right now. There's a very good chance he's watching now.

[A]

Oh, he's probably freaking out.

[B]

No, Tommy. Tommy. Tommy gets me. Thomas.

[A]

I think he'd be amped up over two Christmases.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What did he send you guys? The other day he broke the news

[A]

that Chuck Norris died.

[B]

That's right.

[E]

Respect.

[B]

I told him. I told him to quit bothering you guys.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah. You don't want to be texting y'. All.

[A]

He wished me a happy engagement.

[B]

He did?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He very much did.

[A]

And I asked for advice. He had none to give.

[C]

He also said there was a picture of honesty.

[A]

He sent.

[B]

What?

[A]

Picture of a bat.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Who sent him A bat.

[B]

Whatever weirdo's been sending him stuff at the house.

[A]

An adult man sent your son a bat?

[B]

Yeah, they won't stop saying.

[A]

And not like a baseball bat.

[C]

The deceased.

[B]

Yeah, they won't put an address on it and it's really bothering me.

[A]

Oh, that's pretty creepy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's pretty weird.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Doesn't matter. But yeah. So spring break's going on, Eddie. That's what's going on right now.

[A]

What's the barstool's doing a spring break house.

[B]

Are we?

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Is it?

[E]

Oh, really?

[G]

Right, Danny.

[F]

Maybe behind the scenes, but I don't know if that's been announced yet. But yeah, I think sometime next month.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

I don't know if they have. I don't.

[B]

What you said.

[F]

I don't.

[E]

Let's not announce it. Yeah, no, let's not even put it out.

[B]

Y' all want to do all the secret.

[E]

Let's make this the most secret barstool show we do. That is something that we try to do here.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Well, I think this is a great opportunity to make this the most secret show of all.

[F]

So last minute promotion.

[B]

We sometimes hate publicity.

[E]

Yes, it's.

[A]

It's weird because every other form of media will announce something a year before it comes.

[E]

I don't know why they do that.

[A]

And like, look, movies aren't successful or shows. We do it. Right.

[B]

Yeah. You'll kind of drop BBA a little surprise.

[A]

I didn't know it was coming out.

[E]

I didn't know when it was. I mean, I know we obviously did it. I didn't know the schedule.

[B]

It was a little surprised. I know they had done some. Some promo for it because I don't

[G]

think we were on the email because we're in the booth. Right.

[B]

Oh, maybe not. You're right.

[F]

I think everyone is just terrified of accidentally promoting something too early and spoiling it due to some people's mistakes in the past.

[B]

Yeah, that's why. Isn't it work?

[A]

Yeah, that's why.

[B]

Because he doesn't want to spoil.

[A]

I think he announced a game that we have that hasn't been announced yet. Yesterday. Because I think he thought it was the dozen.

[G]

I saw that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that what that was? Yeah, I assume. When I saw it, I thought it was the dozen too.

[A]

No, he tagged the dozen.

[B]

Yeah, but it was a different.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

They've announced your game, though.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The one that was.

[C]

You can.

[B]

Guys. Nikki, maybe put it up.

[C]

You can get [e-mail]. correct?

[A]

That's right.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Or we're playing tomorrow, Steve.

[B]

Yeah. Should be fun. Oh, you're doing a video?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Oh, I probably said that too early.

[B]

Oh, so there's. Okay.

[A]

So have we announced an embrace debate yet?

[F]

Oh, Jeff had to be fuming.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, wow. He's just really stupid.

[A]

Mintz.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's shocking, man.

[B]

It's. It's unbelievable. Good for him.

[A]

It's shocking.

[B]

God damn it. Good for him. Yeah. I mean, he could have unemployable anywhere else in the entire world, but people get mad.

[A]

But honestly, he should give people hope.

[B]

He should.

[A]

Because you'll never be as dumb as him, try as you might. And look what he's doing.

[F]

I love mints, though. Last week I put out like just some video, Planet Earth mints. I was narrating it. He was just digging his claws into some barbecue brisket and like using a paper towel to pat off all the sauce because he's watching what he eats. And people were like giving him so much in the comments and I was like, all right. I just tweeted this because I thought it'd be funny. And I was getting on a flight and I was like, hey, man, sorry about that. Obviously I didn't want that to happen. He's like, I'll be honest, I don't even know what you're talking about. Appreciate you putting me in content. That's what you need.

[A]

What was the barbecue video?

[F]

He was just after a nice session of like stomping on the trampoline. He was just eating barbecue food, but he's watching what he eats, so he just patted off all of the barbecue sauce. Have you ever seen him eat pizza? He just takes off all the cheese.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Did Dan ever post publicly the video that was a lot like what you did a couple years ago where Dan was standing on a street a couple of weeks ago and Mincy walked right by him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And Dan had his phone up video recording him and Mincy just walked by him and didn't.

[A]

He was on a call.

[B]

He wasn't on a call. Oh, no, no, he was just. He just had his talking to himself then I think he just was. Was walking by and didn't look.

[F]

When he's locked in, he's locked in.

[A]

Weight sucks. Dave, update. He did buy a new washer dryer.

[C]

Oh, he already purchased.

[A]

I think he purchased one.

[E]

That fast?

[B]

Uh huh.

[E]

That's hilarious.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

This microphone's got the mildews, but like

[A]

you said, that's not going to change anything.

[G]

No, you still got to be on it. To take that stuff out.

[B]

I really do think it'll be a month before it stinks because I just don't think. And I know front loaders have their issues, but what he described was, I'm going to work, so I'm going to put clothes in the washer and I'll get them out at the end of the day or it's the end of the night, I'm going to put them in the washer and I'll get them in the morning.

[G]

Yes.

[B]

Both are awful.

[G]

Correct.

[B]

Both are leading to mildew. So if he doesn't change his habits, nothing's going to change.

[G]

Correct.

[B]

Wonder how much it cost.

[A]

I think $3,500 on the dot.

[E]

If it really was the washer as he suggested, then 100% of the loads would have the smell.

[B]

That is true. Right.

[E]

Wouldn't every time you use the washer it would be a problem. Well, he did, but there are ways to not have it be the problem, and the ways are taking it out on top.

[B]

He said he cleaned it every now and then. That's not true.

[D]

There's.

[B]

That's what he said.

[E]

There is no world that he's actually cleaning it the. The way the. The manual says to clean it. Like, what does clean it mean to him? Clean it probably means, like running another load of clothes.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Put some soap in there with the clothes this time.

[B]

Putting clean clothes in there.

[F]

Yeah. It's like washing the outside of it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. That thing is spotless.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, you never want to tell somebody they smell bad because they would be very offended. He didn't. He didn't care.

[B]

No. He almost was combative. Like. Like, I. If you guys think it stinks, I don't give a. Because I don't care what you guys think.

[G]

Danny, you made the point. It's just. It's not bo, so.

[F]

Yeah, I think that's the difference. It's not bo. It's his clothes. So he's. He's fine, but it's not him.

[C]

It's just what he envelopes.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

It's what's covering every inch of my

[B]

body to the smeller matter.

[A]

No, if you were wearing a stinky shirt, I would think you stink.

[G]

Well, there.

[A]

But I think in his mind, I don't stink. It's all of my clothes.

[B]

Obviously, bo's the worst.

[G]

No. Poo. Like, if you're a pooey guy.

[B]

Well, how. How often do you meet pooey?

[G]

Like a guy who doesn't really thoroughly

[B]

wipe, you know, a pooey guy.

[G]

Oh, yeah.

[F]

Oh, there's poo guys. Yeah, there's pooey guys.

[B]

There's.

[G]

You know, you've never been with a guy where, like, he gets up from his seat at the couch and it just kind of smells like poo.

[A]

I think bad breath guys.

[F]

One.

[A]

One worst.

[G]

You think so?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, if there's a pooey guy around, I. I'm gu. You're hanging out with the wrong people.

[C]

They do. And sometimes they smell like poop where it shouldn't be.

[G]

So you got pooey guys.

[C]

Sometimes they like northern poop.

[A]

Where are you guys smelling? I can't hemisphere.

[C]

This is rare. And it's not like people I know personally, but you'll be out in public and somebody smells like poop, you guys are smelling. No, no, no, no.

[B]

What do you mean by northern poop?

[A]

Like, over the waist.

[C]

It's permeating, like their northern hemisphere, like their. Their head smells like poo.

[A]

If you can't. There's no man whose head smells.

[C]

I swear. Get out in public, you give it,

[F]

like, 30 seconds, and you realize it's not a fart.

[B]

All right. I was on the train in New York a couple years ago, and a pooh guy sat next to me. Yes, but that's. On the train in New York's a different animal. That. That shouldn't. Things exist there that don't exist here.

[G]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But that's supreme as far as stinky people goes.

[B]

Pooey people.

[G]

Yes.

[B]

Bad breath guys are bad po guys.

[F]

Second, I think bad breath guys are always close talkers as well.

[A]

Yeah, they don't know. Yeah, they don't know.

[B]

Wait, the pooey guys you're describing don't exist?

[A]

It's a.

[B]

People in New York.

[A]

Are you saying those are piss guys?

[B]

Are you saying that there are pooey guys who are employed, functioning members of society in your circle of friends?

[G]

Not in my circle. Former circle. Like I.

[B]

There.

[A]

You cut out a poop guy.

[G]

They're pooey guys. In college for sure.

[B]

College, I think, is different. I think. But I'm. I guess I'm thinking of our standing right now. We're all grown men. We're on our P's and Q's. We have jobs. But I guess in college there are some guys that roll out of bed and just never address certain things.

[E]

Wipe their ass. How do you be a pooey guy?

[A]

Maybe a wedgie.

[F]

They got too stuck up there. And some tread marks remained on the boxers.

[B]

I went to a basketball game last Year and the team was wearing white uniforms and this poor guy just had shit staining on his. On his white.

[A]

Not poor guy. That is the most fixable.

[G]

Yeah, but if he didn't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you mean he didn't know?

[F]

Can't not wear white if it's the uniform.

[B]

Yeah, it's just.

[A]

You guys don't get skid marks, do you?

[B]

No, not. Not. I'm not anymore.

[A]

Wait a minute.

[B]

I'm saying like 11 or 12. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't have to have my. I didn't have my butt down to a science. I. I know my. My butt to a. To a T now.

[G]

Jay gets a racer stripe once in a while.

[A]

You think so?

[C]

Yeah, my shit's. Yeah.

[A]

No, no, Kyle, yours is like, inflamed all the time.

[C]

My and Bolt underwear always have a cream sauce for the. That I rub on my itch.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[C]

It looks bad, though. It looks like. Like white every time I take them off.

[A]

You made yourself laugh.

[B]

I should say off like that Alfredo sauce.

[C]

Yeah, it looks like a little alfalfa.

[A]

How often do you use your. How often do you use your sauce?

[C]

Every night.

[E]

You saw it that much?

[C]

And a lot of men are. A lot of men are. My Achilles heel is that I don't mind it.

[A]

Yeah. Because you said the relief of the scratch is worth it.

[C]

Yeah, but I've tried.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I've realized how gross that is.

[A]

Do you subconsciously do it, like in your sleep?

[C]

No, but that's when I feel it. And I. You know, how do you apply?

[F]

Babe, get over here.

[A]

Yeah, myself, like, just like on. Do you put on toilet paper or do you.

[C]

Just my fingers and then I wash and.

[G]

Yeah. Where do you itch?

[C]

Do you know? Like the little hole. Yeah. In and around that area. And sometimes it gets way too. Yeah, the whole area.

[A]

If you know what that area is.

[C]

The ain't the anal area, so.

[E]

The rim.

[C]

Yeah. Along with us,

[A]

the depths.

[G]

Okay.

[C]

I try to avoid the depths.

[A]

How much. How often? How much tube do you use? Like a week.

[C]

Not a lot. It's just like a tiny, tiny.

[B]

How much?

[C]

Too smidgens.

[F]

Okay.

[C]

Yeah, I'm tapering off. I don't want this to be clipped.

[A]

No, no, but who did you accidentally send. Did you accidentally send some of your cream to the New York office?

[C]

Yeah, the Panakira to the and then live event.

[A]

Lisa opened it.

[C]

Yeah. Who's this Prank? Yeah. My address was saved.

[B]

Yeah. You know who I haven't talked to in a While. Ebony, you haven't talked to E.B. in a while. I haven't talked. I was talking to her like, once or twice a month, and now I haven't talked to her in a while. I need to call her. Do you follow her on Instagram and try not to. She sent me.

[A]

Try not to fall.

[B]

She sent me some disturbing pictures before that. I don't need to be seeing.

[A]

Oh, she. Her stories are incredible.

[B]

Yeah, I. I miss her. I need to call her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wonder what's. What's going on with her.

[B]

I don't know. I. Have you. Have you talked to her?

[C]

We get a decent dose. Like, I think we do, like two pods a year with her. And that's.

[B]

It's about right.

[C]

We get enough.

[A]

It's just us. It's a bye week for us. She just talks, and I will sit and just take it in.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Not bad.

[B]

Zah. You're also black. Have you talked to her?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

It's been a minute. It's been a couple months. Yeah. Since. Yeah. No, I need to check in on her. Yeah, I do too.

[A]

She wanted you bad.

[D]

Zah.

[B]

That's trouble. All them girls from the Bronx, man. What?

[A]

I don't.

[B]

Oh, really? You didn't go uptown? I went to Yankees game once. Further uptown? No, no. TJ just took me to get a steak sandwich at the Yankees game and that was it. There's something else up there, aren't they? Something else everywhere, though?

[F]

Something else.

[D]

I don't know.

[C]

I think Zaw's being honest. Like, the Bronx is comparable, like, compared to anywhere. El.

[B]

Different.

[C]

Us, I mean, I guess, quite.

[B]

Queens.

[C]

Queens is comparable, but the Bronx.

[A]

Yeah, the Bronx.

[E]

Yeah. The.

[B]

The. The.

[D]

Not to get too into the weeds of it, but the.

[B]

The Hispanics, right?

[G]

The.

[B]

The. Is it the Dominican Republic? Yeah, the Dominicans up there are. Well, how often were you going uptown? Z

[G]

probably.

[B]

Like, that's. That doesn't sound.

[A]

Once or twice a month.

[B]

There was a ting. I was chasing.

[A]

You're chasing a ting up town?

[B]

Yeah, there's a ting up there.

[A]

Was she a Hispanic? Dominican?

[D]

Yeah, somewhat. But that was. That was for like a year or so, but then.

[A]

Yeah, it was.

[D]

It was a hike coming from Jersey City.

[C]

You weren't chasing or chasing. You were. She was obliging, right?

[D]

Somewhat.

[A]

Oh, so you were by definition chasing her?

[E]

Actually, you were literally chasing her.

[B]

Yeah, actually. Running through the subway. Get over here.

[A]

Just every day. I mean, if she.

[B]

If she.

[D]

If she was obliging, she.

[B]

She would be here.

[G]

No.

[B]

Well, I Don't know if you wanted her to be here. You know, that might have been a thing for back then.

[D]

Yeah. No, but they're. They're crazy uptown.

[A]

Did you like that? It's.

[E]

It keeps.

[B]

It keeps things interesting. You know. It keeps you young.

[D]

It's. It's.

[B]

It was.

[A]

It was.

[B]

It was an experience.

[A]

It wasn't.

[B]

I didn't really dip my toes into that kind of. That kind of lady often.

[A]

What do you mean by to. You're leading me down a path. I think.

[C]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

I think that would.

[C]

For both parties.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think it'd be pretty fun. Wait a minute.

[B]

Not less of that.

[A]

Is there a name for that?

[B]

That's.

[A]

Nah. No weirdness.

[C]

I haven't heard, huh?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's a melting pot. It's like you're going to.

[E]

Like what?

[C]

Depending on the neighborhood. Like a very different. Like a country.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

There's. Like that. Woodlawn is like pretty much Ireland.

[B]

The parades up there were.

[A]

Were crazy up in the Bronx.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Like the Labor Day parade up there was the Caribbean. Folks were nuts up there.

[B]

And I should have taken advantage of that. Should have gone to more Caribbean parades in the Bronx.

[E]

Dip your toe in a Dominican.

[A]

I are.

[B]

You are.

[A]

I think I might love that. I think I might love that.

[B]

Dipping your toe.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I've never.

[A]

I've never thought about it.

[F]

I've never even seen it a. That too.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

That's not even a category anywhere.

[A]

I don't think it is.

[F]

Batch has probably done it.

[B]

Yeah. Betsy.

[A]

He probably knows the name for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

This little piggy's going.

[C]

It would fit. Well. Like a nugget in a sweet and sour packet.

[A]

Yeah, I guess so. Almost perfect little room, huh?

[B]

We're just talking about one. Just. Just the big.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Definitely.

[B]

Yeah. I don't think.

[E]

I don't have the dexterity. I don't think.

[A]

Oh, I think that's my most. That's my most.

[B]

Hey, My foot were cramped.

[E]

Because you'd have to tuck all your other toes to expose the one.

[B]

Right?

[A]

No, it's the big toe. You could just do the.

[B]

Yeah, but you gotta get the others out of the way.

[E]

So look, you got the hole right. You go like this. Her leg you're gonna hit.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Talk to like, get it.

[A]

Maybe that's why we aren't doing it.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

You know what I mean? And I don't know if I can tuck all my other toes to expose.

[B]

I got a big big toe too.

[A]

My second toe is bigger than my Big toe.

[B]

Oh, you see you can't do it.

[A]

It's a Greek foot.

[C]

You could never be a ballerina.

[E]

No damn.

[B]

Could you be in the army? Is that flat feet that keeps you out of there?

[D]

I don't know.

[B]

You guys got a plan for that? Because I think you all are back in the.

[A]

No, no, that was for people that you can enlist.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Draft age is still okay. I think some of the boys over there were worried. Cody said he was up like late, like nervous.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Cody's undraftable definitely for any sports league and any military.

[C]

What is the new age?

[B]

They took the enlistment age for the maximum from 34 to 42.

[C]

As it should be. So many dudes online, all of these fitness. These hybrid athlete 35 plus year olds are like training for war in their own words. They should be the one sentence well said. But I think it takes a different skill set.

[A]

Yeah. They're training more for a way that war's not fought anymore.

[C]

Yeah.

[E]

Why can't dudes just work out? Why? Why? Why are there so many dudes that

[C]

are gonna take their train? Yeah.

[E]

I get a lot of dad, like hypothetical. My algorithm's a lot of now that I have a kid. A lot of dads who are like, I don't do this for myself. I do this in case someone comes to kill my daughter. I'll kill him first.

[C]

Like there.

[E]

He's like doing push ups. You have to train as his daughter's like in the corner of the room. Like he's not paying any attention to her. And that's the video. And then I'm just like, she's putting

[B]

her finger in a light socket.

[E]

Like, why not just do push ups? Because you like just kind of want to burn off some steam or like, I don't know.

[C]

Now they have to be.

[E]

They have this hypothetical. It's always just like driving force to

[C]

be like this perceived Spartan.

[E]

Yeah, it is always.

[C]

It is a health and beauty routine.

[E]

Yeah. It's weird. It's really weird.

[A]

Kyle, I heard you made a little boo boo on wake up.

[C]

Did I?

[A]

You guessed a deli and he didn't know the deli.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, we are getting back into. It was getting back into baseball season. Right. And last year we had a bunch of baseball players come through.

[A]

Connor Griffin said it was horribly embarrassing for you.

[B]

That's an overreaction.

[C]

Really pulled me aside.

[A]

He was like, kyle up.

[B]

It was.

[C]

He was an ironclad peanut.

[B]

Roger.

[C]

You weren't getting anything out of him. You would assume he would know the Top rated sandwich shop in his small hometown. And he didn't. Yeah. Took a risk.

[B]

Yeah. He's not from Austin, Texas. He's from Carlsbad, New Mexico. Correct. What's his name? Rogers was the last name.

[E]

Who are we talking about?

[B]

Starting pitcher for the the O's. The opening day starter for the Orioles was on Wake Up Barstool this morning. He. Kyle did his thing where he said, did you like the sandwiches at sandwich shop X in your hometown? And the guy just completely.

[E]

No. Sold it.

[C]

Just like, I don't open.

[A]

I don't see the point of talking to active head coaches or athletes because if you expect to get anything.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're not. You're not.

[B]

But I. And I don't know if there's a

[A]

few that are outliers.

[B]

Like last year we had the baseball players. They were enraptured by Kyle. And you. The baseball players loved you two guys.

[A]

Kyle especially.

[B]

Kyle especially. Yeah.

[C]

Rose colored glasses. I think like two or three of them.

[B]

I think it was more than that. Zach Allen was certified fanboy. And then who's the other guy? Pascatino was all about. He was free, like Freelick.

[C]

But this is us also cherry picking guys who want to come to Barstool.

[A]

That's. That's it. And that only works about 60% of the time.

[B]

Yeah, but like, there's an overwhelming. There's a much bigger number of baseball players that want to stop by here than any other sport.

[C]

No, no. Yeah. They're my favorite athletes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They are head coaches. The worst. We've talked about this.

[B]

Yeah, they don't talk. Yeah. I don't. I shouldn't say what I. We had. We had two interviews today. We had Haynes King from Georgia Tech. Very talented football player. Very talented football player. Not the most electric interview you've ever seen.

[A]

It's not his job.

[B]

No, it's not. Yeah. I don't blame him. And it was. It was. It was a struggle. But he's a good football player. Seems like a decent dude. The. Is the Orioles pitcher's name Rogers? Why can't I remember his first name?

[A]

Steve Rogers.

[B]

Rogers. Captain Planet. Thank you.

[E]

Steve Rogers.

[B]

Devin.

[E]

Fred.

[B]

Kevin. Steve Rogers is Captain America.

[E]

Oh, is it Fred Rogers? Why do I know that name?

[G]

Tyler?

[C]

That's the titular Mr. No, Roger.

[B]

No, it's not Roger. God damn it. I'm letting you sit in it. I'm a dozen champion. Is it the friend phone a friend. You know, Ebo, I think my brain's going, what's going on? I just lose Track of small things. Kevin, Devin, Stefan. It's kind of close to that. Bevin.

[F]

Those aren't even names.

[E]

Bevin Rogers.

[A]

There's a V in it. Is it Bevin?

[B]

Bevin? Is it Bevin?

[A]

Yes. Wait, his name's Bevin?

[F]

It's a hard one.

[B]

Evan Valspar.

[A]

That's a paint.

[B]

Vexum.

[A]

That sounds like a paint.

[B]

Maxim. Venice.

[A]

Devin, Maxim magazine never showed full titty, right?

[B]

No, but they clocked.

[A]

They were in a weird.

[B]

Yeah, them and FHM were just getting. They were trying to tow the titty line. I don't know fhm, it was knockoff maximum. It was like the Cracked magazine to MAD magazine.

[A]

I don't know about Cracked magazine.

[B]

You don't know Cracked magazine?

[A]

No.

[B]

You don't know. You know MAD magazine?

[A]

I love Mad magazine.

[E]

You don't know Cracked?

[D]

I don't know.

[E]

Wow. Holy shit.

[B]

Crack. Seems like it should have been. Are you mocking or you know?

[E]

I'm not. Sorry. I don't know. That will never happen.

[B]

I'm glad. I'm glad. But doesn't he seem like a crack?

[E]

That's why I had the exact same reaction.

[B]

Yeah. Do you know?

[C]

Well, I've never heard of crack.

[A]

I've never heard of Cracked in my life.

[C]

Is it a website now?

[E]

It might be, but was for a long time. Yeah, it was.

[A]

Well, I've heard. I've heard the website. I didn't know it came from.

[B]

It's basically a co runner of a Mad magazine.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it looks like it is cracked.

[E]

And you don't watch. You never seen the Simpsons?

[C]

That looks funny.

[A]

Oh, I start. I'm on season six of the Simpsons.

[B]

Oh, you're doing it now?

[A]

Yeah, me and Kyle talked about this.

[C]

We don't like. I don't like Homer. We don't like Homer and I don't hate him.

[B]

Well, you're doing it too. For the first time.

[C]

I've been watching a little Homer.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Everybody's like, you guys would love the Simpsons.

[B]

Stop. Why don't you like Homer?

[A]

He's kind of. He's dumb like him.

[B]

But that. He's a. He's a cartoon character.

[A]

Yeah, but he's so.

[C]

I don't like me either.

[A]

You know those guys that you're just like. We would not get along.

[C]

Yeah, she wouldn't get along with him. I respect him, but he. He's not for me.

[A]

I like. I like the Simpsons. I don't like Homer.

[B]

But you like Peter Griffin.

[C]

Love Peter.

[B]

But he. Everything about Homer that you. You just say you don't like is way worse than Peter Griffin.

[A]

I. I met Peter when I was younger.

[B]

But you know, Homer, you know how

[A]

there's friends from your youth where you're just like, I wouldn't be friends with you if I met you now?

[B]

No. What?

[A]

I have all kinds of guys like that.

[B]

I just got all the best boys.

[A]

Really.

[B]

I just. Yeah, I just stay friends with everybody because I'm so goddamn likable.

[A]

You're not cutting anybody out.

[B]

You're right. I cut some guys out.

[F]

Some TV characters just age poorly. I could see myself hating Homer now,

[B]

but Homer Simpson is. Has in no way aged poorly.

[A]

I don't dislike home 60 right there in season one.

[B]

38. 39.

[G]

Daddy, are there any wrestlers you think you wouldn't like in hindsight?

[B]

I don't. If the attitude era happened now, I wouldn't like it as much as I did.

[G]

That's kind of what I'm.

[B]

I was 18, 19 years old. All the titties, the dick jokes, all that fantastic hit me. Right? It happened now. I wouldn't. That's like.

[A]

That's still your favorite thing.

[B]

I do love a titty, but I just. It was very. I think the crafts now, I wouldn't get it as much as I. As I got it back then. I wouldn't be walking around saying, suck it to everybody.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes, you would.

[B]

Although I do do that, don't I, Steven? You do that to me. You see me.

[A]

Wait, you do the suck it to Steve every time.

[B]

He does it to me too. Yeah. If we can ever catch each other's glance. Yeah, we do. Suck it. Yeah. Yeah. Wait, Nikki, who are your favorite Simpsons characters? Are you more of a Lenny guy?

[A]

I. I'm like, just, like, passively watching, and I'm six seasons in.

[B]

Who's a Lenny guy? Everybody's a Lenny guy.

[A]

Everybody's a Lenny.

[B]

Lenny's like the 15th.

[C]

I've never heard of him.

[B]

You never heard of Lenny? No, Stephen, Lenny's not that big of a character.

[F]

Give us some memorable Lenny moments.

[A]

Ch. Is Lenny your favorite?

[B]

Lenny is definitely up there.

[A]

Well, that.

[B]

That.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[F]

That's probably one.

[A]

One.

[B]

Lenny's Lenny.

[A]

The Simpsons doesn't go on this long without Lenny.

[G]

Like Lenny.

[B]

Oh, everybody. Okay, you like the side character, but he's not.

[G]

No, he's not the first person I would name.

[B]

Sure. Chief Wigam. Sure. Okay. That's. That's a better one. Mo. Most islak. Mo. Yeah. Barney. I mean, every time you see Barney, you see Moe.

[G]

Mo's great.

[B]

Okay. But. Yeah, but they. Flanders.

[G]

I kind of want to jump in. I'm Simpsons. I'm not a great Simpsons guy.

[C]

Oh, no, I can't.

[A]

No. I'm trying my best.

[E]

Ralph.

[F]

Ralph's great.

[G]

Comic book guy.

[A]

I like that.

[B]

Comic book guy's good. Yeah.

[E]

What a show.

[B]

It's a great show.

[A]

I put Homer and see great video

[B]

games and Crack magazine. Great magazine that I haven't thought about in 30 years. Comic book guy.

[E]

Nick's not a recommendation guy, though. And I think that's the problem here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't take recommendations.

[E]

If he stumbled upon the Simpsons on his own, he'd love it. But some. So many people in his life have said, you need to watch the Simpsons. So he goes in with.

[A]

I'm six seasons in.

[E]

Yeah, but you went in with the wrong attitude.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I mean.

[A]

Yeah, I did my arm. I had my arms crossed.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

Do you like it as much as like people say?

[A]

There's some moments that made me laugh. Yeah.

[B]

That's not a good. There should be a whole. All of it should make you laugh. It's so goddamn funny.

[F]

You don't sit down and just.

[B]

I guess you don't turn the Simpsons

[F]

on on streaming, though. You just catch it on tv.

[A]

I feel like I'm streaming Simpsons.

[C]

I laugh much less at great comedy. Well written comedy like 30 Rock and Veep. What makes you laugh out loud more of like. It's a tip of collapse. It's a tip of Kappa Looza. It's like I'm always respecting what they said instead of naturally cracking up.

[B]

Is it like farts that make you laugh out loud on camera or smart writing just makes you go, oh, wow.

[C]

Better than a laugh.

[A]

It's like, oh, wow.

[C]

It's like almost like jealousy.

[B]

Well done.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Huh. I probably watched the Simpsons faithfully for the first 15 years and whoa. Anything that happened the last 20.

[A]

So it was like appointment television. Go and sit down.

[B]

Yeah. And it was syndicated back when I had like three channels.

[A]

You know what I love?

[B]

It'll come on every afternoon after school.

[A]

Futurama.

[B]

Love. Really?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Will it fine show?

[A]

I think it's just like my age. I was young and started future. It's catching it young.

[B]

Yeah. You're king of the hill guy. Love.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

And see, that is the one show people would look at me and say, you're a king of the hill guy. And I was not a king of the hill guy. Have you tried it in the last 10 years? No, but I never caught on to it from the beginning. I'M kind of like the opposite of him. But if I don't, I'm the same as him. If I don't catch the beginning, I don't really get into it. You would really like it, though. There you go. There. That's what. That's exactly what you're describing. I tried it. It's fine. Oh, so you did try. Okay, it's fine. I just never really got into it. Is not something I want to pursue watching further. Okay.

[F]

Are you watching cable a lot? Are you always on streaming?

[B]

I have a switch at night. Usually about 9:30, I switch to streaming. But I will let cable tell me what to watch until then because I don't want to miss any sports. Yeah, I'm going around sports. If there's no sports on or the game's boring, I'll kind of see, you know, what movies on tnt. Like last night, Hoosiers was on. I watched the last 45 minutes of Hoosiers on cable TV.

[F]

Yeah. I think I'm all the way back on cable. I don't want to have to choose.

[B]

I still like. I still like something. An entity that gives you what to watch. Yeah. And you don't have to. Choosing is exhausting. Right.

[F]

If there's a new show out, yeah, I'll go on Netflix and watch it. But if not, give me the. Give me the Top Chef. Give me the Deadliest Cat.

[A]

Yeah, those have been around forever. I don't know who's watching the new show. Like, there's always commercials for Tracker. Watching Tracker. Who's watching 91 1, Nashville.

[B]

Somebody's got to be watching them, right?

[A]

A lot of people are watching Tracker

[B]

and 91 1. Who's watching fire Country?

[A]

I. I don't even know what Fire country is exactly. And what's the one Joel McHale's in?

[B]

Fire country.

[A]

Is he. Is he in Fire Country?

[B]

I don't know. It's just the only new show I know. It's on cbs. Comes on after football. Fire Country. It's about Fire Country, I believe that.

[E]

Where the fires happen.

[B]

Yeah. In the country.

[A]

Did you. Did you talk to White Sox Dave after the show yesterday? Was he upset or anything?

[B]

He did go out and buy a washer and dryer.

[G]

Yeah. Actually, no, he didn't seem to be. Which I was surprised by.

[A]

And he recorded with him today, right?

[G]

Yeah, he was fine. I. If we want to go down that path, I do have something that could, like the match and wind him up again, I think. Well, I think if you always want to.

[A]

So the thing Is like, I think it's almost our duty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To like. He needs that edge back.

[G]

Agreed.

[B]

I had a delicious drink at the vending machine yesterday and the vending machine still there.

[G]

Okay, yeah. I'll give you the topic if you

[B]

don't need to drink.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, let's.

[G]

So his thing is. So. So there's a lot of controversy. Not controversy. A lot of. A lot of hub above. About the White Sox stadium issue.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

And he is very anti parking lot and can't comprehend why anyone would want to drive to a ball game.

[A]

Does he think everybody's from nearby?

[B]

Oh, boy.

[E]

He.

[G]

He operates under 37 year old man who is fine taking Ubers. And yeah. I don't think he takes public transit.

[B]

So he wants it to be Wrigley.

[G]

Correct. He wants it. Yes. In a location that's closer to downtown, that is more public transit.

[B]

And see, I think one of the most appealing things. I went to one White Sox game last year. One of the most appealing things was I got in my car, drove there, parked right outside in a parking lot right outside the stadium. Walked in, got done, walked out, drove out. No problem.

[G]

I agree with you.

[B]

It was perfect.

[G]

There's no way you go to as many Hawks games if that's not the case either, right?

[B]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm not Uber into Hawks.

[G]

No. Exactly. So he just can't fathom why anyone cares about parking at the game.

[A]

Doesn't he tailgate and host tailgates?

[G]

He does, yes.

[B]

But Eddie, it's why I always say no to Bears invites, because it's a pain. I don't know where I'm gonna fucking park.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't want to get stuck in traffic. I'm not fighting the cold and then fighting traffic. I'll take one of them. Not both.

[G]

Correct. And I tell them like, can't you fast forward yourself to 50 year old you where you would enjoy that? And he just doesn't really.

[B]

Parking is such a big part of life.

[G]

I agree.

[B]

If I can't, like, if there's a restaurant downtown, it doesn't have a good parking situation. I'm just not going to eat there. I want to go. I want to make sure everywhere I go I can park a car and I can do it either for free or comfortably and conveniently.

[G]

Yeah. I hate paying for parking too.

[B]

I'll pay for it, but it has to be. It has to be a lot that's not going to be full. It has to be somewhere I pull in no problem and just. No, there's no headaches, I'm sure.

[A]

Do you valet?

[B]

I don't like to.

[A]

I hate when valet is at a restaurant that's not that fancy. Yeah, like Athenian room has valet. I don't know anybody's doing that.

[G]

Yeah, it shouldn't, but it's.

[B]

Yeah, but I still do feel fancy valeting.

[A]

But even though your car is filled, you have.

[B]

Well, it's filled today. I have my entire mostly sports studio on my car.

[A]

And where are you going to put that?

[E]

Back in the mostly sports.

[B]

Yeah, filter it back in the mostly sports studio.

[E]

Slowly.

[B]

Mark made me get rid of all my stuff. Yeah.

[E]

I decided I'm not enabling Brandon anymore with the mantiqui. I'm gonna be the hard ass. I'm gonna be the. The.

[A]

Wait, is this it right now?

[E]

Yeah. I'm gonna be the tough love.

[A]

The shelves are gone.

[B]

Everything's gone. I. I took it all down.

[E]

I'm not like Brandon.

[B]

He extinguished my fire.

[E]

When. Yeah, when Brandon comes into me and he's like, I found this cool item, I'm just gonna look and say, I don't care.

[A]

Look at that divide.

[E]

He has an addiction. And we've tried. We've tried interventions. We've tried everything possible. The one thing we haven't tried is just looking in the eye and say, I don't care. Or like, this is bad for you. And then I did it. And then it kind of worked. I actually got some results. He cleaned up his.

[B]

But what if.

[A]

And even the people online, when you put out a man taking video, they're giving you this feedback. Everybody should just ignore it. Next time Brandon posts a manti, it should get zero likes.

[B]

Why would you do that?

[A]

It should get zero likes.

[B]

Why would you do that?

[A]

Would that. That. Would that be why?

[B]

Why? Why? Okay, because it's all. If I got one thing in my life that makes me happy and I got one thing that I get to turn to and that gives me joy. Why? Why would y' all poo poo that?

[C]

Well, if it truly gives you joy, then the joy shouldn't rely on positive feedback.

[B]

You too, Kyle. You too. Of all people, I expected from Danny and I expected from Nick.

[C]

I want you to keep doing it, so why give a about.

[E]

Do it in your own home. Do it in your behind closed doors. Not to be doing it out in the open.

[B]

It's not.

[E]

You don't have to be swinging.

[A]

Don't be.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, look at me. Look at me. Don't push your lifestyle on me.

[E]

Yeah, man.

[B]

I want to see your Heads. Thank you.

[A]

I'm on your side as well, Brandon. I just wish you were a little tidier.

[B]

By the way, tj, we just did an hour and a half show and you not once said that. That you were on my side.

[D]

I just wish, like, I think my

[B]

thing is, like, I love that you

[A]

do it, but then you just, like, throw it on the floor.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I love that you get stuff, and I'm like, that's cool. But then you. How soon after you get something that you've always like, that you really liked, do you think about the next thing you're going to get every time?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like immediately after.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, it's fine. But, but, but, but Titus. Titus has taken a different tact and mostly studio. It is no longer. I am no longer allowed to be me.

[A]

But it's.

[B]

I'm a butterfly who. He is turning into a moth. And now. Is that what we want? We want moth flying all the way around here. We just want a studio full of moths.

[A]

That would happen if you keep buying these old things.

[B]

I don't have moths at my house. I'm a butterfly, almost able to fly and shine.

[A]

It almost seems like by clearing out the studio, it's encouraged you even more to get more shit.

[E]

No, that's made more room to buy more shit.

[B]

That's not the way we're going. Opening day tomorrow. We do have opening day tomorrow, but that's not the way we're going.

[G]

You said you're getting rid of this stuff, too, right?

[B]

I'm gonna get rid of this stuff, too. I'm taking. If y' all aren't gonna let me enjoy it, I'm taking my ball and going home.

[E]

How much do you enjoy the Michael Jordan, Larry Bird picture that's falling dangling.

[B]

Danny keeps. I fix it every day, and Danny tears it down every day.

[F]

So true. They're in denial.

[A]

There's nothing in your life, Mark, that you're like, I want to go buy this. I want to go. This is the next thing I want.

[E]

Well, I mean, if I did.

[B]

Bought that same house three times.

[E]

If I did. Yeah, yeah. At my house, I guess that would be.

[A]

Do you have a collection of anything?

[E]

No, don't. I don't think so. But again, again, I'm gonna put my foot down.

[B]

So here we go.

[E]

The problem is not collecting. The problem is you bringing it here. That's always been the problem. You have shit everywhere in this office, and I don't think that's an unreasonable request that, like, maybe the shared space with everybody Else you don't, you know, just throw everywhere.

[B]

On a different note, I think every man should have at least one collection.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

A collection of whatever he wants, but every man should have one collection. You have a collection.

[G]

I was telling Nick I'm cleaning out my parents house. I found my old Pokemon. I'm excited.

[A]

We're going to look through after the show.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

Kyle, you have a collection.

[C]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

I don't like design. One time I was like, I really want spumoni. So I was like, I should earn it. So I rented a Cannondale and wrote it 16 miles to Elmhurst to a bakery called Leza's. Got the spumoni. And I was like, all right. Yeah. And I ubered back home and that. And that was my first time thinking about it since, so. Did nothing for me any.

[B]

Do you have a collection? Hospital, probably. Yeah.

[F]

That and hats. But I don't even think I collect.

[A]

You're so electric.

[F]

50 hats. My parents threw out all my Pokemon cards like three years ago.

[A]

That's up.

[F]

And now it feels like you can't restart. Yeah, same with football cards.

[G]

But no, I've been getting a couple bourbons.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I like that.

[G]

Yeah. But I don't. I barely drink it though.

[B]

Collecting. You collecting it. To drink. You're collecting the bottles. So you're collecting like the. The n of the bottles or anything like that?

[G]

I. I don't know. I just. Whenever there's like a rare one. So my mom works at the grocery store and she'll like hold me one.

[B]

She'll make something come across.

[G]

Yes. And I'll be like, sure, I'll take it.

[B]

Whatever. Huh.

[G]

So I wouldn't say it's a collection,

[F]

but I feel like I can't start a collection till I have like a house. I have a small apartment I don't have room for and. And I'm just thinking of inevitably having to move it all.

[B]

Yeah, you know, that's true.

[F]

I want to, like, I want a fish tank. But you can't. You can't have a fish tank in an apartment, man.

[C]

You want a lot. Yeah. And then every moment that gives you a modicum of excitement is just a conscious countdown until your next misfortune.

[F]

Yep, exactly.

[A]

Damn.

[G]

Is anybody a purger in here, though? Like, isn't anyone? Like, not like anti hoarder, like, you throw.

[E]

That's me. Yeah.

[G]

Really?

[E]

That's me.

[G]

Your house is just.

[E]

I throw. I throw everything away.

[A]

Are you a sentimental guy?

[E]

No, not with stuff. With memories. Yeah.

[G]

Like, what do you have from Ohio State.

[E]

I have. I have, like, my jersey and, like, a couple pairs of shoes.

[G]

Okay.

[E]

It's about it.

[A]

But, like, if it got lost in a move, would you be gutted?

[E]

No, I don't think I would. I mean, I'm not, like, gonna just purposely throw it away. I like that I have it, but I. Yeah, I don't know. I've. I don't have an attachment to stuff. I think it's because my parents were that way, and I just kind of. My parents, every time they visit, they're just like, here's a box of shit from. Here's like, a toy you had when you were six we found in the attic, and I just throw it away. You throw it away?

[A]

Throw it away in front of them?

[B]

No.

[E]

I wait for them to leave, and I'm like, oh, thank you so much. And then they leave, and I just throw it away. I just don't. Stuff doesn't do anything for me. I hate stuff. I actually. And the older I get, the more it pisses me off, having stuff. I want to, like. I want my house to look like. Like a. Like a staged house that's, like, trying to be sold.

[G]

Show house.

[E]

Yeah. I don't want to have anything.

[G]

I'm jealous because I. I have a. Like, I got all my ESPN magazines. I don't want to throw them out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jeff DLO brought me a Marvin's Magic drawing board last time he was here, and it got me so amped up, and then I used it and got pissed off.

[B]

What's a Marvin's Magic draw?

[A]

Oh, it was the first time I

[C]

felt disappointment as a child all over television commercials, really. It was advertised as this, like, innovation of art. Like a toy that, like, could create colors and patterns that haven't been seen

[B]

before, I think I'm seeing.

[A]

But then it's a white frame filled with black goop.

[C]

Like, the best case scenario is, like, you create disappearing sludges.

[B]

They have neons and stuff.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

You're supposed to be able to draw like, a fish and then. But it just disappears instantly.

[A]

It's always the fish that was what they were selling.

[C]

Very dissatisfying.

[B]

You're. You're artistic. Could you ever draw anything on an Etch A Sketch? No.

[A]

No. But I like the ones where you would take the pen to it.

[B]

Yeah, those are good. My. My sister, obviously 16 years younger, and she had that era of toys that. That thing, and I would just. I would sit there at 17 years old, just drawing on it constantly.

[A]

Yeah, the.

[F]

I just catch Is impossible. I don't know anyone draw.

[B]

People can do it.

[C]

I was good at it.

[A]

Yeah, you were good at it.

[C]

I would always do West Virginia.

[B]

Yeah, you could do West Virginia.

[A]

You could turn both knobs at the same time and get non straight lines.

[C]

Yes.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

I don't think. I think you could do it too.

[A]

No chance.

[F]

Then on top of it. If you drop it, it'll erase.

[E]

Oh, fuck this.

[B]

That's the fish. There's the fuck.

[A]

Oh, dude.

[B]

That looks sick though.

[C]

That's not what.

[A]

We have it upstairs and it's.

[B]

It doesn't do that.

[A]

Sucks dick. But I remember it was the first thing I worked for, like for an allowance for. And I bought it and you had to wait for it to come in. The most disappointed I've ever been in my life.

[B]

What does it not do that says it doesn't work. Okay. All right.

[E]

Why does it work there?

[B]

It's working. There that is.

[A]

That's the world's strongest gi.

[B]

Were you getting fooled by a lot

[D]

of like TV products?

[E]

Oh, I'm everybody.

[B]

Those.

[A]

Those work.

[E]

Those were awesome.

[A]

I was making my mom buy the Fushigi. Oh yeah.

[G]

This was a golden era.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

We have a video coming out testing all these things out.

[B]

Oh really? Yeah.

[G]

You have creepy crawlers.

[A]

I had creepy. The other you. The oven. The mail. Easy Bake oven.

[G]

Yes, yes.

[A]

It was less gay because you couldn't eat it. And it was bugs. Shrinky dinks. I never got though. But I still had them.

[G]

Infomercials, man. Like, who's watching QVC nowadays?

[A]

My grandma.

[G]

Really?

[A]

Everything?

[B]

Yeah, your mom is.

[A]

I think she buys something on QVC daily. She like. I think all of her purchases are qb so.

[B]

My aunt does that too. Every day. She loves. But now does it just does QV show just send you to a website. You go on the website and buy it or is it still like the number and you call same way. I think she's. I think she's doing mostly online.

[G]

I don't know.

[A]

Was Joey Kamasta a QVC guy? Like he was on the channel.

[G]

Oh really?

[A]

Maybe a four in one. I think so.

[B]

Was on a foreign qvc.

[A]

I think he was like a sale.

[C]

I think like had a permanent role.

[F]

I think that's a weird thing to think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's something that got. Oh boy. I hope I'm at least close to right.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[G]

What's the infomercial?

[A]

You think about the shopping network over there. I'm selling makeup.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

In Moscow and Everyone says, what's Moscow? Like, that's like comparing Madison Avenue to,

[B]

like, the slums of, like, you know, the swamps or something.

[A]

Like where the slums hillbillies are.

[B]

It's not the same.

[A]

We have big gay influencers. You know the words. Big gay influencer. Talking about makeup.

[B]

But the thing is, my voice never made it to air. It was like a dubbed movie on top of my voice. So, like, I would talk to my translator, and whatever I say to him, he's telling the Russian person what I'm saying, then he tells me what they are saying, and then his voice goes

[A]

out to the air.

[B]

So my voice is like, obviously, like,

[A]

you know, people are allowed there. Okay. Lucky guess.

[C]

You were spot on.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Wow. Do you have one, though? Like what? Like the infomercial that stuck in your head the most.

[A]

I mean, it's got to be like

[C]

the Shamwa Sears AC unit. It's not an infomercial, but it's a commercial.

[B]

My mind's going like, the. The time life. Like album collections and then the time life, like year encyclopedias, almost.

[A]

Yeah, I remember those buzz ballads, the CD you could buy stuck in my head. And then Zoo books.

[B]

A lot of Smokey Robinson coming into my mind right now. It would be all, like, the hits of Motown now, and it would be. They still put now out. Oh, boy.

[A]

They gotta be in the hundreds.

[G]

They gotta be, right? They got a Spotify channel, I'm sure, right?

[B]

That was. Dude. Now 131. It's just Spotify playlist, maybe, right?

[G]

I'm just guessing.

[B]

I thought that was the first, like, 10 nows. 89. I would have thought higher.

[G]

Me too.

[B]

The first 10 nows I thought were the peak of music. I can have all 12 of these songs right here.

[G]

They're great.

[F]

What was on 10? Like, it's. It's gonna be me. NSync.

[A]

No, that was earlier.

[F]

I remember 14 was Stacy's mom.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You went up to 14?

[B]

Let me see. Now 14, see if he's right.

[F]

Stacy's mom.

[A]

I think now two was all star. Track one, maybe.

[G]

Thongs, I'm real by JLo.

[B]

Now two is all star.

[A]

I think now two was all Star.

[B]

So now 14. Crazy in love. Where's the love? My love is like, whoa. I don't see. What are we looking for now?

[A]

To orange. Now threes.

[F]

There it is.

[B]

Prepared Stacy's mom.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Boys of Summer by the Ataris here without you, mortal.

[A]

That's a good ass now.

[F]

Yeah, it's one of the best nows

[B]

that's a fucking good now. Right there.

[G]

Oh, R. Kelly, though.

[B]

That's fine still. Yeah.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's see. Now two. Now two, I guess. Is that orange? Maybe. Was it?

[F]

Oops. I did it again. Like, now one.

[A]

Do we break it?

[F]

Is that what?

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

Maybe one more time.

[A]

Where's All Starring Now Is it Now three? Track one. Good God.

[B]

My goodness. What an embarrassment.

[A]

I up big time. I don't know my nails.

[B]

Do you know Titus?

[A]

Okay, Track one on three.

[B]

Yes. I think.

[C]

Put them together yourself. Build your own house. Yeah.

[G]

Crazy.

[E]

Yeah. What?

[C]

Pittsburgh.

[B]

Old enough for Jock Jams.

[E]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah. With Jock Jams. Jock Rock.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Those are the only two I did.

[B]

Jock Rock was first, and it was pretty good. And then Jock Jam blew it out the water. Those are hard to, like, listen to now.

[A]

They're not.

[E]

They're not real.

[B]

You have to, like, get them on cd.

[A]

You don't have to see it to listen to the. The.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh. Because it was kind of one continuous thing.

[E]

Yeah. They don't have the interludes.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Same with the Space Jam soundtrack. That's, like, really hard to find. I've tried on, like, Spotify and YouTube and stuff. You can't really.

[B]

It's just joining.

[E]

You can't listen to it the way it was meant to listen.

[B]

It is funny listening to an old rap album on. On, like, Shuffle or something.

[A]

Oh, and you have the skits.

[B]

And you have. A skit has nothing to do with. Or the last. A song will end with the first 20 seconds of a skit and then just be attached to nothing.

[E]

Basketball Jones on the Space Jam soundtrack is Chris Rock doing the voice about when he was a young. I used to take that basketball with me everywhere. And then you just go on and on. You can't find that anywhere.

[B]

I ain't never been to town before.

[E]

That basketball was like a basketball to me. Yeah. And I tried to listen to it, like, a couple months ago. I can't find it. Can't find that song.

[F]

They still doing Kids bop?

[B]

Great question.

[C]

Yes. Kids love it.

[A]

Kids love Kids bop.

[C]

Yes.

[B]

But will they.

[F]

Will they even bother trying to remix a song that's just senile? Like, are they remixing? Not like us.

[B]

They remix everything.

[A]

But they didn't do, like, Wet ass.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[F]

If they could change the words.

[B]

I did it Wet Ass Bank.

[C]

They just, like, get rid of wet.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Oh, they just.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

They just say ass.

[F]

Or they'll be, like, certified in denial

[D]

or something like that.

[B]

Do we know if. If Kate made It out. Okay. To. To Florida.

[A]

I never thought for a second oh, I haven't worried.

[B]

Well, I mean the airport's been a thing I've seen in the news. Yeah.

[A]

O' Hare, though.

[B]

O' Hare's been better than others. But I still. I would be nervous to fly with two kids and possibly.

[A]

I don't think her kids are sitting together either.

[F]

Yeah. Did she tell you that they're all set up. Her pat and the kids are all split up on the flight and she was thinking she could change it, but I was like, not that easy. Especially with spirit.

[B]

She.

[F]

She knows she's the here, but she's not.

[B]

She's not miny. She's not that level. But sometimes I wonder how she gets through her day too.

[F]

She became a little aware of it.

[E]

Book a flight without having all the tickets back.

[B]

I think legally when you get to the gate they have to reassign you it and like the kids have to be with one of the adults. Especially if they're that young. Yes, yes, yes, yes. Yeah.

[F]

But then she was thinking, what if these seats are also other families? You can't move the. The families.

[B]

Then it's like Jenga at that point. You can't pull one out and put one.

[F]

So I'm sure she's doing well. Yeah, but it's a spirit flight.

[B]

You're expect.

[F]

You're expecting unaccompanied m m crying.

[B]

Grow up, Kate.

[C]

There's no way to sit next to a what? A four year old.

[B]

Leave for domestic flight four hours before takeoff, arrive at gate two hours before takeoff. Spring break with.

[A]

Yeah, that's me though too.

[B]

I do it.

[A]

I like being at the airport. It's just a mall.

[B]

Airport's a good place to chill.

[F]

Mm.

[B]

A real good place to chill. A lot of. A lot of food options. A lot of wandering options. I don't mind being at an airport. I hate getting to an airport.

[A]

I getting the rocking chairs at the Charlotte airport. Just looking out the window. Charlotte's a good airport, my man.

[B]

Yeah. A lot of. Lot of Bojangles.

[A]

Is there a lot of Bojangles or one.

[B]

There's multiple Bojangles in the Charlotte airport.

[A]

No shit.

[B]

I think so. Or I've been to the exact same place multiple times.

[A]

Might be it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's to say?

[B]

I we. You know, we had Luke Combs on the yak. We had Luke Combs on mostly. And I don't know how, but he put out an album the other day and I got a PR box. They sent me a PR Box. No kidding with it. With the record and with a couple other things. And send me a. They sent me a Bojangles gift card and it's my favorite gift I've gotten in a very long time. And there's not a Bojangles anywhere near me. But I'm gonna save that thing and I'm gonna put it my wallet and one day I'm gonna be at a Bojang.

[G]

They're coming here?

[B]

Yeah. South Bend, right?

[G]

No, Chicagoland area.

[B]

Bojangles is coming here. I thought you meant Luke Combs. He's coming to South Bend in a couple weeks. Oh, Bojangles coming here.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

I hope a goddamn dreams are coming true.

[A]

I've never had a Bojangles.

[E]

Yes. I didn't realize we don't have Bojangles here. No, we don't.

[G]

Yeah, but they are. They. But it was years ago. They announced it. I don't know how. They're not here yet, but should be soon.

[B]

They're good Southern. They're good chain. What's the thing to get a Bojangles? Well, they got breakfast. They got like boberry. Biscuits are good, but you know, just.

[A]

It's a boberry.

[B]

It's Blueberry very cereal. Some sort of berry. They call it Boberry Bojangles. I think it's with blueberry. They got that and then they got. The dirty rice is off. Off the chain. I shouldn't say off the chain.

[A]

Is there a fight?

[B]

They bend loud over there.

[A]

Who is it?

[B]

Show us the cave might be upstairs. No, they're slightly. Duck's smiling.

[E]

Dom is trying his hardest to look like he's working. Yeah. Massage chair.

[A]

I have my laptop.

[E]

My laptop and my phone. Just taking. Taking this hard at work.

[A]

But I send the.

[E]

These texts as my butt cheeks get.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

Rubbed on.

[A]

And I can still work just as hard while my ass is getting squeezed.

[C]

Yeah. It feels good, though.

[B]

I haven't sat in that chair yet because every time I see somebody sitting in that chair, they look like what?

[A]

That was. That was the news. That was the news.

[B]

Well, it's. It kind of went along with what I was saying.

[G]

Yeah. So it should be.

[B]

This should be here by now.

[F]

Yeah, they know.

[B]

Is that the Bulls?

[A]

Ron Harper.

[B]

I'll be damn. I will just be damn. I'm reading that. I'm gonna read an advertisement by Roback. Roback. R H O b a c k.com roback activewear. Best fit, best feel. Spring is here. Which means Roback Azalea collection is back. Your favorite Azalea design in several colors, new designs and new products. Secondly, Roback has launched two new products that you all should know about. First, their Tailwind sports shirt might be the most comfortable. Nice shirt out there. It's made for date night. The perfect combo of looking casual but nice and still comfortable. They also released a sweater polo that we're here for. Great stretch fabric, making it very comfortable and breathable. Use code YAK for 20% off your first purchase. That's 20% off all polos, hoodies, sports shirts and more. Use code YAK. Head over to roback.com r h o b a c k.com do you. Are you getting. Is Whitestack Steve here?

[G]

Yeah, he's here.

[B]

Get him down here. Because you said you had something to fire him up, right?

[G]

Well, if you have a conversation with him about why you love parking at a game, like, that's how he'll get going.

[B]

Oh, that was the thing you said. He's against White Sox ideas because they would. They would have parking.

[G]

He's. I don't understand White Sox fans obsession with parking lots.

[B]

I also. Can I talk to you real quick? And not him.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

I think with the White Sox, he's a little try hard on how much he's not going to like this team because this team is young and exciting and he is insistent that it is not.

[G]

No, he's. He's a block. He can't.

[B]

But he is. I think he's too in love with pretending that he doesn't care.

[G]

No, he just. He can't get over the fact that they don't spend money. And it has completely ruined every other aspect of the team.

[B]

But they.

[G]

The point where I want.

[B]

The reason they haven't spent money is because they have had this young wave coming. Now they've got the young wave coming through and they're about to start on the upswing.

[G]

You can argue with him about that, but he does not see it that way.

[B]

But he doesn't see anything the right way at all.

[G]

You're correct.

[B]

What I'm trying to tell you is he's stupid and I never say this to his face.

[G]

I understand.

[B]

Okay.

[G]

So if you are. Are you prepared to argue for parking lots?

[B]

Yeah, I'll argue for if I got to be the one to argue for parking lots. Che, you with me? I don't know why I thought you would be the one with me indifferent. You really don't seem like somebody who'd be indifferent about parking lots. Is it because you're. You're Asian? Don't want to drive. I drive all the time. Poorly. True.

[E]

I like.

[B]

I like stadiums that are more in the city that you could walk to or take public transportation.

[C]

What is this argument?

[A]

Every fan lives in the city.

[E]

I. I haven't said anything. I'm very much on Dave's side.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Big ass parking lot.

[E]

Parking lots are.

[C]

When you.

[A]

Tailgatings are the best part of any.

[C]

Well, yeah, you want tailgating space, but having to navigate and deal with the parking lot is very annoying.

[A]

What about parking garage? And again, what percentage of fans don't live in the city proper?

[C]

I mean, we have public transit. I think that should be the norm,

[B]

getting to and from a stadium. Okay.

[F]

So Dave's saying, like, even though he personally doesn't care about the parking lot, he still doesn't see why it's such a big factor.

[G]

Yes.

[F]

To other people.

[G]

Yes.

[F]

It shouldn't be a deal.

[B]

There's so many people in the suburbs.

[G]

I know. And I said, how did you get to games as a kid? He's like, my dad would drive me. I was like, yeah, well, that's my. Exactly.

[B]

I think. I think it's good to have a balance. You should have parking options and you should have public transportation options. You don't want 40,000 people all doing the same thing. Whether it's. It's. Although I guess Wrigley does it. Okay. But that's. I still train a lot of people. Training in. Right.

[G]

Yes. There's the red line right there.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

And there's a.

[B]

Like, Wrigley and Fenway are both neighborhood ballparks, and they're the two best ballparks in baseball. Right. But I. I like to go to Milwaukee, and I like the ease of getting to that parking lot and getting out of that parking lot.

[G]

And you probably don't like going to Wrigley as much.

[B]

I don't like going to Wrigley as much because of how I have to get there.

[A]

But if you live nearby Wrigley.

[B]

I live nearby Wrigley. It'd be sick.

[F]

But growing up, your dad would always have a guy by Wrigley who's laughing.

[B]

My dad's guy would have been a creature.

[E]

No. You could sit here.

[B]

So we're. We're split in the room about your White Sox take about parking. Lay it out for me. How much did your washer dryer cost?

[D]

I haven't gotten one yet.

[A]

I thought you bought one yesterday.

[B]

We were told you bought one yesterday.

[A]

You told me you got one yesterday.

[D]

Someone slid in my DMs that said yesterday, offering one. He just emailed me like you text me yesterday.

[B]

Both of these two people said you bought one yesterday.

[D]

I right. Have not talked.

[G]

You told me that.

[D]

What does the text say? Oh, I. I think I said I now. It's like at the forefront of my brain or something like that.

[B]

What did he say?

[A]

You said your girlfriend's name is making me buy a new washer and dryer.

[D]

Well, she has been making me do that for a while now. Hold on.

[A]

Oh, oh, she's been making you do that for years.

[B]

So you haven't bought a washer and dryer?

[D]

I have not bought her washer and dryer yet, but someone did DM me yesterday.

[A]

A better price than 3, 500.

[D]

I have not gotten quoted yet and someone DM me for a roof. They are out of Grand Rapids, I believe they said, and are going to be making the trip down to Chicago next week to do some measurements and quoting and all that.

[E]

How about that? Yeah, everything's coming up, Dave. That's right.

[B]

That's a scam.

[D]

I made sure it's not. How I asked them for the company names.

[B]

And.

[D]

And they. They were legit. I assume they were with me because they were Yak fans, obviously, right?

[A]

Yeah, but could he have just looked up a roof company and.

[D]

Sure, but I've already been in contact with him. He's not. I talked to his boss and everything.

[F]

Could be his friend who was the boss, though.

[D]

I'm sorry, could it have just been

[F]

like his friend who was the boss?

[D]

I mean, I called the number from the website.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

I think you're good.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Sounds like you've done everything you need to do with the roof so far.

[D]

Aside from pay for it, which is what I'm not looking for.

[A]

So, wait, you live in a condos, right?

[D]

Yeah, I'm the middle level. There's someone above me.

[A]

The roof shouldn't be your responsibility. Your middle.

[D]

It's part of the hoa. It's in the. It's in the language and the contract and all that. Sucks. I know.

[B]

Timeout. Help me out. You live in the middle. You want to get a new roof,

[D]

we have to get a new roof.

[B]

Right, but like, does the. Do the top people have a vote and a stake?

[D]

They there. We just met as a HOA Saturday on our common area deck and decided we're gonna do this.

[B]

But how is it up to you to find the. This is where I'm. It sounds like a committee.

[D]

I told them that I would source, I would gather quotes.

[B]

I told them they trust you to do that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Do they know you well?

[D]

No, they're both European.

[B]

Oh, boy. This sounds hilarious. This sounds like it could be fantastic.

[D]

I think it's gonna be very uneventful. I think I'll get some new roof, new washer, dryer, and that'll be the end of that saga.

[A]

You'll never stink again.

[D]

I probably will. I was actually. I was actually thinking about this yesterday. I think I know the exact moment that you were talking about. So what I was talking to you about yesterday, how I put the hoodie on and it kind of masked the smell.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

I did the ancient Chinese workout that morning and it's. You get kind of sweaty, but it's like not.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

You know, you're not pouring kind of glow. Yeah. That is that exasperated. The smell of my undershirt. And when I took that hoodie off that day, it was your most pungent.

[A]

I remember you being in almost like a dry fit esque.

[D]

That's exactly what it was. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[E]

Oh, the sweat activates the.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

The smell.

[A]

And then the microbes.

[E]

Interesting.

[G]

So that's a whole nother level of smell. Those are like the Under Armour.

[C]

Those shirts have a lifespan of three to five wears.

[D]

And I.

[C]

And they. They perma stink after that.

[D]

So one of them is a big 10 10K shirt from 2016. And that's one I wear out like constantly. And to your point. Yes. It should only be worn a handful of times. It's like my permanent undershirt. One of them. It's in the rotation for undershirts. I think I have to retire it now, though, unfortunately.

[E]

It sounds like you are changing your behavior a little bit.

[D]

Yeah, you guys bulled me into it.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

Well, it's not the first time.

[B]

Hey, I've been bullied into stuff before here.

[D]

Yeah. I can fall victim to peer pressure as easy as anybody.

[B]

Probably easier.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I dig my heels in too, when I don't like.

[B]

You also do that?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You're. You're at the same time easy to influence and very difficult to influence.

[D]

Well, if I agree with the point being made, then I agree with the point.

[E]

Well, let's dig your heels in. What do you think about this parking situation? Whatever. Whatever it is.

[B]

That new stadium.

[D]

Right, New stadium. Okay. So how long do you want to spend on this? Five minutes, tops.

[B]

Days.

[D]

Okay. Days. All right. I'm glad you said that. You made a comment. I believe it was you on the yak when we moved into this office. And the new stadium is kind of being Talked about. There are some concept images floating around.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

You said it would be one of the coolest games in all of the. I want to say pro sports, but you might have said baseball.

[B]

I probably said baseball. But where it was situated and what I saw, it was looking dead up at the skyline.

[D]

Yes, exactly. Ten minutes out of here. Not far. Honestly, about a two mile walk. Probably two and a half mile walk. I agree with that. And because of that location, they didn't purchase the lot of land across the river yet. That wasn't even talked about until last week. I don't care about parking lots so long as the product on the field is good. If that is the best way to generate revenue for the organization so they can go and get good players, then I don't care about parking lots as much as I love getting hammered.

[B]

Okay, well that's.

[A]

So you would rather your team be good than have parking lots?

[D]

Literally?

[A]

No.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's not.

[D]

Oh no.

[B]

This is not a point of contention

[D]

with White Sox fan base. It is a large point.

[A]

They would rather have a parking lot than win.

[G]

That's what.

[A]

Why is that? Why does that a decision?

[B]

No White Sox fans ever said that.

[G]

Well, Dave's whole point is I don't understand White Sox fans obsession with parking lots.

[A]

So they can go to games.

[B]

Yeah. So then bring the family Mo.

[D]

There's I want to say three places you can tailgate in major league baseball. Milwaukee, Sox park and then Kansas City. You can correct me from. There's a lot of Philadelphia. I'm not positive on that.

[B]

I am.

[D]

Okay. It's few and far between with parking and major baseball. State.

[B]

Dodgers, there's a lot. Dodgers have a huge park.

[C]

All parking lot.

[G]

Coliseum, you were there.

[A]

Pirates gate.

[D]

That's gone though.

[B]

Texas.

[D]

Do they target tailgate there at the new stadium?

[B]

They can. Got parking lots all around it.

[D]

I don't know if they allow tailgating though.

[A]

A lot of them. So you think three. You think three MLB stadiums have parking lots?

[D]

No, I'm not saying parking lots. I'm saying that people like to tailgate at Sox games. So they're like, no, can't take the parking lots away because we got a tailgate. We're not the north side team that goes to bars before games.

[F]

But what about for non tailgating purposes? Like just for being able to drive to the game and have somewhere to park.

[D]

Does Wrigley have parking around it?

[B]

Not a part, but yeah.

[D]

I mean there's like you can park in people's yards and they charge you money to do that. Yeah, you can park there. But they don't have their own like private parking lots.

[B]

But Wrigley is a long established neighborhood. This place isn't right. This place is kind of in a empty spot right now. So why not attach parking to it?

[D]

Prior to this recent purchase by the Ishbia family, they were going to put the Fire stadium there. Chicago Fire football team. Football.

[B]

And just say soccer.

[G]

I don't.

[D]

It was because they're the fc. I said football by mistake. I don't know why. They were going to have both stadiums on that plot and there wouldn't have been a single ounce of room for parking. And people were freaking out. They're like, oh, just keep the stadium in the same place. I'm like, they have won three playoff series ever in that location, new stadium and old stadium in the history of their existence. And they're all in the same year.

[F]

Okay, I'm kind of with you. Like you're basically saying it's still worth it to move there even if there's no parking lot. Which is kind of a different.

[B]

I don't mind.

[D]

I would see if my whole. This is what I was just to use a round number. Say 15, 000 people go to a random Tuesday night White Sox game.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Those people are the die hards that will go there. If it's in Tinley park, if it's at the current location, if it's on Mars, you know you need that overflow.

[B]

They're going on Mars.

[F]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

You need the overflow that you get at Wrigley. And to your. Why asked the original question. I asked. That'd be the coolest.

[G]

You.

[D]

In your own words, you said be one of the coolest in baseball. That's what the White Sox need to get that 30,000 plus people a game so they can pay for real players.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be awesome. I just don't. Wrigley is. Is a unique thing that kind of exists as. As just. You can't recreate Wrigley.

[D]

You can't recreate Wrigley. And the Dodgers are. The Dodgers. They have the 330 million dollar a year.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

TV money or whatever the number is.

[B]

What else I got parking.

[D]

But that's. They're the exception to the rule.

[E]

Which by the way.

[D]

How much? How much?

[E]

The worst thing in the entire world. I've heard parking lot.

[D]

I've heard. I've never been. But I heard it's.

[E]

If you go park, it is a bullet. Might as well just leave your Car there.

[B]

Yeah, I believe Paul Walker and Vin Diesel raced cars in Fast and furious in that parking lot. So did they. Pretty awesome parking lot. I don't know that I.

[D]

But all right. Nobody goes to Sox games, right?

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

Well, you've seen.

[B]

Yeah, I went. Nobody was there.

[D]

Yeah, nobody's there. So what is that? Parking lots. What purpose does that parking lot serve when it's completely empty? What revenue.

[B]

A place to park. When they do come, nobody goes.

[D]

But because they don't win.

[B]

Right. But when they do get good that now people have somewhere to park, they

[D]

can take an Uber. They can take an Uber. They can take a. The Red line. They can take the Metra into. They can. There's other modes of transportation. You can figure it out.

[B]

I'm bringing my two kids in car seats. I don't want to get them on a train.

[D]

Then you're an idiot for bringing kids in car seats to a baseball game anyways.

[A]

Yeah, you don't. Baseball game isn't a place for kids.

[B]

What

[D]

if I am ever smited with children? They have to be able to go and take a piss on their own without me worrying about them getting kidnapped.

[B]

You're not gonna take a five year

[D]

old or a four year old if he's too young to remember it. Like my first game was at Old Socks Park. I do not remember. My dad said it was four year old's first memory.

[B]

Dave.

[D]

It can be down the road. Then he can. He can be older and it can be his first.

[B]

You want to hold off his first memory till he's. Till he's old enough to pee by himself memory.

[D]

Yeah, I don't want. If I'm at a baseball game, I want to be focused on the baseball game.

[B]

You have never been further off. If you ever have a boy, you're not going to be able to fucking wait till you take him to a Sox game.

[D]

You know, that's a fair counterpoint. I'm sure it changes once you have kids and everything. But like I. As it stands right now, I would not want to take a five year old to a baseball game.

[A]

A five year old that's not yours.

[D]

Any five.

[B]

Like you're five.

[G]

You're also assuming White Sox naval have car seats.

[D]

No cradle strap in like your Carlos from Cradle them in the Uber hangover. Yeah, yeah. They just buckles them in, right?

[E]

That's right.

[D]

But yeah, I. I don't care about parking and I just Uber anyway, so. But don't matter to me.

[A]

But don't you tailgate a good bit.

[D]

Yeah. I show up to the parking lot with a case of beer. Do you drink it so bad? I don't have a car.

[A]

Is that, like, your favorite. Do you like. Is that your favorite part about White Sox games?

[D]

I can adjust. Yeah. And that's an issue. That. My favorite part about White Sox games. It was. Is what happens in the parking lot of White Sox games. That's a. That's a problem.

[B]

Do you feel bad getting in somebody else's car stinking?

[D]

No.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

It depends.

[B]

What.

[D]

It depends on who.

[B]

Like just an Uber driver, and you get in with your stinky hoodies.

[D]

Have you ever been in an Uber?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Those guys smell like more than.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

We're live.

[B]

Not all of them.

[D]

A good amount of them.

[B]

So you're just count. You're. You're playing defense against their smell with.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

I'll help you out. In my experience, the worst Uber drivers are white American men. You don't agree, but that's how I feel.

[E]

It's a great opportunity to say yes there.

[B]

Yep. He lobbed you a softball there. You're gonna hit it.

[D]

I nodded my head in acknowledgment.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[D]

Typically, they'll try to converse with you.

[E]

I think. I think you're making a lot of sense about the parking lot thing. It.

[D]

It's.

[B]

I don't think it's worth arguing about. Yeah, it's. It's. If that's what you think, that's what you think.

[D]

A lot of White Sox fans are, like, very. I'll use the. The quote from Shawshank. They're institutionalized by the product and what has been for the last hundred years at that location.

[B]

I also think you hate change. When it comes to the White Sox, you're. You're a dirty, stinking liar.

[D]

In what way?

[B]

You're not excited about the young core that's coming.

[D]

I think they have a great young chords that they haven't done anything to fill around the margins of that core.

[B]

Well, they're letting the core get their feet wet, and then they will.

[D]

Why waste. This is. You're already selling the fan base on the current core.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

So if you. If you're marketing that these are the guys you're here to watch, then build around them. They haven't done that.

[B]

I just think you're determined.

[D]

Third lowest payroll in baseball. They're surrounded by the Pittsburgh Pirates, Miami Marlins, Sacramento. If you even call them that. A's a couple other dog like Cincinnati.

[B]

It's Cincinnati's pretty good.

[A]

It's.

[D]

It's all these. But they don't spend money. It's all these teams that are flyover cities that are just dog. And then the Chicago White Sox at

[A]

28th in the league, you are the patron saint of the. Totally.

[D]

Until 2029, hopefully.

[C]

Do you think more baseball teams should prioritize spectacle, production, entertainment?

[D]

No, I think more baseball teams should prioritize winning.

[C]

I think that.

[D]

But I think so many. The first thing that's prior, so many baseball professional organizations across all they get

[C]

to what, July and they're out of contention for the playoffs right now. They have three months of meaningless games. You might as well lean into the entertainment, the theatrics.

[D]

They got a great food menu that

[C]

they should really up it.

[D]

They do, but that's what they do every year. They have like a celebration of their food menu and it's like a bunch of shit that looks incredible.

[C]

And we know the players should lean into it. Like if you're out of contention in August, like you should like dance a little bit like the bananas. Yeah.

[E]

Dance a little.

[D]

If.

[B]

If I banana ball, I'm.

[E]

Who are the mascots of the White Sox? Are they southpaw? Is he cute?

[D]

I think he's a cute looking guy.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

What is he?

[D]

Big bunny? Nosy? Green? Yeah.

[B]

Oh, that thing.

[A]

Green nose?

[B]

Yeah. It's like a fanatic ripoff.

[G]

Did you guys ask him about Hot Tub Time Machine yet or not?

[A]

I quoted it and he didn't get.

[E]

Oh yeah, that's a cute. That's a good mess.

[D]

Pretty cute Hot Tub Time Machine. I saw this yesterday. The

[B]

really like it. It is dozens of tweets about it.

[D]

It's an all time classic movie that doesn't get the near the shine it deserves. It's fucking hysterical.

[B]

You know that and that's. I get that it's a very, very good movie, but why I'm sure you have lots of classic movies really enjoy. Why is that?

[D]

I lean it because it's a very random, obscure one to lean into. It's just. It's. It's not talked about. So I talked about all and then obviously the Q Shack Q Sack shit started. Oh, man.

[E]

Can't wait to get home. Watch Hot tub time machine September 11, 2001.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

That's crazy.

[E]

My God.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[D]

I didn't notice that. That's the first time I've seen that one.

[B]

Ken.

[D]

Jack's good at Twitter.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why are you looking at me with.

[A]

Yeah, you're just staring at. Staring right at when it. When was last time you watched Hot Tub Time Machine?

[D]

I. It's. I can't watch anymore. It would be October 4th of 20. It would be before 10-4-21. Yeah.

[A]

Could you. We noticed it lined up as soon as you moved into your new place.

[B]

You haven't.

[A]

You haven't questioned your place with.

[D]

I don't think I have seen Hot Tub Time Machine since I've moved in there.

[E]

No.

[A]

So if you watched it right now and you. You have this thing with John Cusack, would you smile? Would you laugh?

[D]

I would have to, yeah. Lou from that movie. It's the bald guy from that era. I forget his name. He piece of shit in real life, apparently.

[B]

But why would you rob yourself of Hot Tub Time Machine just because you had one foul interaction with this man?

[D]

There is nothing more I love on earth than spite, Brandon. And pettiness.

[B]

It seems like Hot Tub Time Machine was close.

[F]

I think Cusack, which is not time, not as.

[B]

Is this.

[A]

Cusack's best movie.

[D]

Say anything's adorable. Yeah.

[A]

What about Gross Box Sign?

[D]

I haven't seen it.

[A]

Oh, man.

[D]

He is stinkers, though.

[E]

Oh, good. High Fidelity is a great.

[D]

Oh, he has the two. That's what it's called 2012, right?

[A]

2012.

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

The disaster.

[D]

Armageddon.

[B]

There's a movie. 2012. See in it.

[D]

Horrifically bad.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

He's like the lead knit.

[B]

I never saw it.

[D]

It's very bad.

[A]

Has he been in anything recently?

[D]

Not that I'm aware of.

[B]

He's in the White Sox movie back in the. He's in the 80s.

[D]

Yeah. Eight men out.

[B]

He's.

[D]

That's. He wore the uniform.

[B]

He did, yeah. Yeah. Damn sure did.

[A]

He's a fan.

[D]

Mm.

[B]

It's weird. Your. Your face and your. Your eyes right now are telling a different story than your mouth is. It's like you're looking at me with this intensity and this fire, and you're. I don't know. I know, but I'm not the only one. You're, like, staring daggers at me, but you're talking very normally. I can't. I can't decide what you're doing right now.

[D]

I'm not doing anything. You're just in my direct line.

[B]

But if you just turn your chair just a little bit, everybody's in your.

[G]

He's. He's on his heels, but he's not on his heels.

[B]

Like we're having a.

[D]

Yesterday I was playing full on.

[B]

You're playing defense.

[D]

Today I'm.

[B]

Today we're just throwing the ball around the Yard. Yeah, we're just playing a little pepper. That's all we're doing. We're just. This isn't that big of a deal. But you. I feel like you're seconds away from hitting me.

[F]

No, hit him already. Dave.

[B]

Just hit me. If you're going to hit me, hit me.

[D]

I'm not going to hit you.

[A]

You don't like Brandon, right?

[D]

I don't dislike him.

[G]

Okay, well, us all.

[B]

What? You don't. Okay, you don't like me and you don't dislike me. You're nothing.

[A]

Indifferent.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

No, I like Brandon.

[B]

That's fine. You got you. You got you. About to read one.

[A]

I was looking, but I don't.

[B]

You can read Planet Fitness, can't you? Or the other one.

[A]

Planet Fitness March is the most intense time of year for basketball fans. People at home. You're sitting on your couch. Why don't you get up and stay strong and recover so you can stay ready for what March brings? That's why Planet Fitness is brought brought its mobile Black Card spa bus tour back for a second year to bring recovery directly to fans so they can make March March's biggest moments. The mobile Black Card spa features some of the most innovative amenities that you can find in Planet Fitness Black Spa, including massage chair, recovery lounge, hydro massage.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Wow. I can't believe it's surprise. I think Ebo's in it. But you guys at home can rebound and recover this march with Planet Fitness. Join today in club or online or in the free Planet Fitness app. Hours, amenities and offers vary by club. Check out planetfitness.com or stop by your local club for more information. You must be 18 years older to enroll or 13 to 17 with a parent or guardian. Planet Fitness. Rebound and recover. Nick, did you see what I texted you?

[G]

No.

[A]

I got tipped off that Jack's Forest is Jack. Jack Forest's dad posted a picture with

[D]

KB in it on.

[B]

Oh, really? Facebook.

[A]

Oh, wait, I do see. Yeah. Pull that up.

[B]

I don't know how you want to handle. I'll just be looking at it when he gets.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, let's just have it up.

[B]

Up.

[A]

Howard Forest posted this on Facebook. Howard Forest.

[D]

That's the Oklahoma State kid, right?

[E]

Yeah.

[A]

Look at Dean. Really taken in the moment.

[B]

Yeah, let's just be looking good. Which one is. You might have to zoom in.

[A]

I hope that. I mean, where's. Where's.

[B]

Where's the dad is Howard.

[A]

There's.

[E]

Oh, I see those Kyle's buddies I see now.

[A]

Yeah, well, that's Kyle's dad to his right.

[B]

Oh, that's Kyle's dad.

[E]

Yeah, yeah.

[G]

Okay.

[A]

To his left is his boy Mac and then his boy Dell.

[B]

Second boy over there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All right. Well, yeah, Looks like they were having a good time.

[A]

A blast.

[E]

Dave, you're out on the White Sox. You out on baseball as a whole.

[D]

I'm angry with it.

[E]

Okay. So opening day here.

[D]

I love it.

[E]

Opening day. Being here does nothing for you at this point.

[D]

I will say this. Being so angry at the sport, it has made the offseason fly by. And it used to be like the longest four month stretch imaginable.

[E]

Yeah. Okay.

[D]

I would be like the kid ripping down the calendar dates every morning. Looking forward to it.

[A]

That kid

[D]

now.

[E]

So you're just indifferent. You're indifferent.

[D]

I'm. I'm in a holding pattern until ownership changes, until they figure out. Stop.

[E]

The white socks aside, like, are party. Do you. Do you appreciate Shohei Otani's.

[D]

Yeah, of course.

[G]

Of course.

[D]

Of course.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like

[E]

you'll never see the World Series we just had. Did you appreciate.

[D]

It was incredible.

[E]

Okay. Yeah, I. I have great baseball being played all across this country

[D]

starting. Yeah. I wish my team would take part in that again.

[E]

White socks aside. I was, but I.

[D]

Baseball is a much more regional sport, though. Like. Yeah, you have your team and then.

[B]

Right.

[E]

Which is again, why I say why. Sox.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like your anger is an act.

[D]

I'm sorry.

[B]

I think your anger at baseball is an act. I think baseball in its very nature, every spring is new and hope filled and everything. And I think you reject the hope even though it is there in front of your face.

[D]

Why? Why do you think that?

[A]

I think it's a defense mechanism to stop yourself from getting hurt.

[B]

Maybe that. Maybe that. I think the fun part of baseball is every spring it renews itself and everybody, even the worst team, has hope. And every. Every spring you're looking forward to the summer. Like, I.

[A]

You haven't had a what if fantasy.

[D]

Ed, can you answer the. Do the White Sox have hope this year?

[G]

I mean, there. There are things to be excited about.

[D]

Do the.

[C]

What's hope is hope winning 85 games and losing in the first round of the playoffs.

[D]

Yeah, but they're projected to win 20 games less than that. And that's what they're selling us. Like, I'll come see these young kids that are going to be a few of them. Great. Maybe. But they're only going to win 65 games this year.

[B]

You know the projections aren't real.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[D]

I know.

[B]

Yeah. But you said they're going to win 65 games this year.

[D]

Okay.

[A]

You could be surprised though, right?

[B]

60 wins, 70 wins would be a step in the right direction.

[D]

Is it?

[B]

It's like the Blackhawks this year. They're awful, but they're better league. Yeah.

[D]

Which means it's a salary floor league as well. They have to spend a certain amount of money.

[E]

I think you're justified in your. In your hatred of the White Sox.

[C]

Has there been a Cinderella story in professional sports in the last 10 years? Like an actual Cinderella story? When was the not necessarily a champion. Maybe a team that.

[D]

That Rockies team sticks out. They won like 20 in a row. Was it.

[B]

When was that? Leicester city, Lester City, 2016.

[A]

That's like the biggest story ever.

[B]

Yeah, but that. That is the best example.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

But that's a team that was spending as much as it could. I assume they just didn't.

[D]

I don't know how soccer works.

[E]

They just didn't have as much. Dave, your problem is that like your White Sox aren't even trying.

[D]

No, they don't try.

[B]

Can I say literally if you're not

[D]

trying to win, you're trying to lose.

[B]

The Patriots this year, their. Their win total.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Seven.

[D]

But football you can kind of flip. You can flag.

[B]

You can but still it was still

[D]

surprise the D backs a couple years ago. I'm sticking to baseball obviously.

[B]

And the Rangers the same.

[D]

And the Rangers. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So it could happen.

[B]

It could happen.

[D]

It's if they're buyers. But those teams, I don't think they were projected to be like 65 win teams.

[B]

I might have to probably Sox fan and sell the hope.

[G]

Just hear what he said. If they're buyers.

[A]

What if they're buyers? Is that good?

[D]

Can you take it from here?

[G]

I thought that was going to make them.

[A]

Why do you want really?

[C]

Why?

[F]

Because they're big.

[G]

What if we'll never be buyers?

[D]

They're perpetual sellers. They sell you on the rebuilt.

[A]

Then why don't you just completely quit them?

[D]

I can. It's in my blood.

[G]

He kind of has.

[D]

It's. It's. It's a holding pattern. I'm circling around 30,000ft waiting to land when the ISHB family takes over.

[A]

When is that?

[D]

It's complicated. Could be earliest 2029. Could be as late as 2034 or it might not be ever. There's agreements in place where they have the. Or Reinsdorf has the option after every year from 2029 through 2034 to sell to them if he doesn't take it, then he has. It'll go back to the next year. And then at 2034, Ishbia has the. The option to buy the club outright without any say. And if he doesn't do that, then

[A]

that's a long holding pattern, Dave.

[D]

I understand.

[C]

I will.

[D]

I. I did some push ups yesterday. I will out survive. I will outlast this current regime. That's a current word in.

[A]

It's giving you a reason to live

[D]

or stay alive if you want to get back to hope Springs eternal. There it is right there.

[G]

Without getting too dark.

[D]

It's just five years down the road. Not.

[G]

You know, Kyle, do you have anyone in your life where if they passed away, your life would be better?

[C]

Oh my God.

[A]

That was a good.

[F]

Without getting too dark.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I will never wish that on anybody.

[G]

I know you would never do that.

[D]

I would. And then like jokes aside, I wouldn't even joke about that.

[G]

I know.

[D]

You know, but at the same time, he is 90 and father time is undefeated. And that's not even me being cheeky or trying to be a dick, but 90s old. 90s old. Yeah. He just turned 90 like a month ago.

[G]

He did.

[F]

You still got that day on the calendar? Circled his birthday every year.

[D]

February 26, 1934.

[F]

What can you. What can you change your name to eventually from White Sox. Dave. Once you completely quit them.

[D]

I'm never gonna completely quit them.

[A]

If they ever moved that.

[D]

That's what it would be. Yeah.

[A]

And then you. What would you do? I could give up baseball or pick up a new team.

[D]

That I have no idea. I mean this people like to use them as the example or the team that's moving to Nashville whenever Nashville gets a team. But the way baseball works, it would never in a million years be allowed by baseball. You wouldn't move a team from the third market to like the 25th market.

[B]

They don't do. Well attendance wise though.

[D]

No, still you. If White Sox fan make up a third of Chicago, that's still much bigger than the entire entirety of Nashville.

[B]

Okay. Do we want to do the thing? Yeah. Kyle.

[G]

Kyle.

[C]

What?

[B]

Hey, Kyle.

[A]

Jax. What's his name?

[B]

Forest.

[C]

Jack's Forest.

[A]

And you know his father.

[C]

I do not.

[A]

I don't know why we're like making this like a big surprise.

[B]

Jax, Forrest's dad put a picture on Facebook.

[A]

Howard for Howard Forest.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

And you're on the Tron Man.

[B]

You're on the troll.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Were you sitting looking at Howard Smudge

[C]

on my penis, not my phone.

[A]

What was the Smudge on your penis.

[D]

The white cream.

[C]

Yeah, it was. What was that?

[A]

And is your dad tweeting?

[C]

My dad? I think he was tweeting, yeah.

[B]

Can I. Your dad, was he into wrestling before you came around or he get into it because of you?

[C]

But he wrestled in high school, obviously, you know, he wasn't like into watching college too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

But when you're a wrestling dad, like, you sacrifice everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And devote your life to traveling, purchasing.

[B]

It's a one week, very unique commitment.

[C]

Sacrifice your weekends, your days, your free time. So you get into it.

[D]

Is it an expensive sport? Like, I wasn't allowed to play hockey because I wanted to play hockey. And I. My parents are like, yeah, you can play hockey. Then they went to sign me up. They're like, absolutely not. You're not playing hockey. Because it was insanely.

[C]

Yeah, it's. I mean, to be, to compete nationally, I mean, obviously there's travel expenses, but I think it's, it's one of the more accessible sports financially. Yeah. Yeah.

[D]

You don't really need equipment.

[B]

Did you know how every weekend we see.

[C]

I did enjoy that. Thanks for bringing that up. Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I'm still, I'm still with it. You know how every weekend we see like a dad and a ref get into it, or dad push a ref, or dad push another dad or dad push a kid to do. Did your dad ever get in any altercations because of your wrestling matches?

[C]

No, he was the opposite.

[A]

He was ready.

[C]

He would like for you to lose. I was getting like pounded by Hunter Steber. He would start laughing. It wasn't like, did that motivate you more? No, there's. There's guys you face where you. The despair, the skill disparity is so big that, you know, like, you don't have a chance.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

And you're, it's like, you know, you kind. It's kind of comforting to be met with some levity.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When you wrestled a guy who didn't have a chance, did you like, delivery, feel bad? Did you pound sucks or did you carry him a little bit?

[C]

It sucks, especially at the local or high school level because you're facing guys who are. Maybe it's their first or second year. Meanwhile, you go to an elite club three to five days a week. So it's like you feel horrible.

[A]

So did you try to end it fast?

[C]

I would try to try to get the, the pin fast, but not too fast. And I don't want to break a record against some fish who just started wrestling. I don't think that there's. No. I think that's really bogus.

[D]

Did you ever wrestle chick?

[C]

I forget her first name. Not since like fifth grade. But there were a lot. There are a lot of 103, 106 pound chicks and a lot of them would make runs. And I remember there was an Ohio state qualifier one year. There was a girl and a dude with no legs.

[D]

I remember. I think I remember that guy.

[A]

Well, there's always a legless dude dominate

[D]

and it's like kind of bullshit because legs obviously weigh a lot of money. So their upper body.

[B]

Yeah. It's a huge advantage for them not have legs.

[E]

Yeah, they weigh a lot of money.

[D]

Why did I say weigh a lot? They weigh a lot. Legs weigh a lot.

[C]

Yeah, still it.

[B]

But once again you're saying that the legless man has an advantage over the legged man.

[D]

Yeah, obviously.

[G]

Did you guys talk about the cornhole guy yet?

[A]

Did we?

[B]

We did. Yeah.

[E]

Yeah, we did. Holy.

[A]

I know.

[E]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[C]

First off, he was like a champion.

[B]

I don't know what's more impressive, him shooting somebody or being a cornhole professional. Yeah, no, I do know cornhole professional is more impressive.

[C]

And we're always saying like oh, he's a limbless and then he has like nubs like. Like that. That's something.

[B]

Yeah. It's not nothing.

[C]

He's got elbows damn near nothing.

[B]

It's. It's closer.

[C]

But I feel bad for the dudes with actually nothing like nothing.

[D]

Nothing like he can pull a trigger kinda really.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Well, we know that like what he's using right now. That's something.

[E]

It is something. Yeah.

[C]

And those legs are something too.

[B]

He knows how to.

[A]

Those legs aren't something.

[C]

He's not legless.

[B]

He's kind of legless though.

[C]

That's a legless guy. Ends it scrotum. He's end of story.

[B]

He's more armed than leg.

[A]

If I. If I lost my leg from like

[C]

an armless guy ends at deltoid. No. No bulges.

[B]

Tell me where legless start. Where does legless start? Is this legless?

[C]

No, cuz he got some knees.

[B]

So would you quads all the way to.

[D]

If you can walk, then you're not legless.

[B]

That's not walking.

[A]

That's not walking.

[D]

He's walking through the.

[B]

He wasn't walking.

[E]

That's legless.

[C]

Is legless.

[A]

Well, he looks like he's quicksand.

[B]

That.

[A]

That is beyond.

[D]

I'm pretty sure that guy.

[A]

Is this just footless? This is legless still. If I'M missing knee. Under my knee. I still.

[C]

I think they're at knees. No, there's levels to legless then.

[B]

This your Pistorius argument, Mark? You and Donnie were talking about footless versus legless.

[E]

Yeah, yeah, we. We hash that out.

[C]

Yeah, we got.

[E]

We got sidetracked, cuz. Donnie said he loves Pastorius.

[B]

Yeah, big fan.

[E]

Huge fan of everything.

[B]

We can talk to him in a week and a half when he gets back on Tuesday.

[A]

Historius.

[D]

Oh, I had to text him on the side yesterday. Donnie. Because you guys threw me under the bus. Yeah, that was bullshit.

[A]

He's actually mad.

[G]

About what?

[A]

He's mad at us too.

[D]

Yeah, I know he's not mad at me anymore, but you. One of you two threw. Threw me under the bus with him yesterday. Like, acting like I was talking him for calling him semi pro compared to.

[B]

Oh, you do fly.

[A]

But you did.

[D]

But I didn't mean that. And like, I meant compared.

[B]

You called him an amateur.

[A]

You called him an amateur compared to this other guy.

[D]

Yeah, I didn't mean it as like a slight though. I meant. Well, yeah, it's like a very famous chef.

[B]

But if you say amateur compared to anybody else, that's saying amateur.

[D]

But you.

[B]

We said what you said.

[D]

You made it. You misconstrued it though, so I had to reach out, apologize. Hey, I didn't mean it that way.

[B]

And did he accept your apology?

[D]

He accepted it. Yes.

[B]

I bet he didn't.

[D]

He did. He did.

[B]

He's developed a lot of anger because of the way Nick treats.

[D]

Came in hot yesterday.

[C]

He did.

[B]

Nick has really been twisting the knife on this guy and he's been developing a lot of anger.

[G]

Is he actually mad at you?

[A]

Not me.

[B]

He doesn't get mad. Nick. Nick gets him mad at everybody else.

[A]

I didn't do anything yesterday.

[B]

You know what you did.

[D]

You know what you did.

[A]

You were the one that went off calling him privileged.

[B]

You know he is privileged. And that's not an insult. That's not a fucking insult. He grew up in a great family with a lot of money. Good for him.

[A]

People hate that.

[F]

It wasn't a compliment.

[B]

Did I say? Yeah. He's never worked for a thing in his life. That was probably too far. The guy works his ass off at barstool. So. So. And I've already apologized to him.

[G]

Do you have something against privileged people envy?

[B]

No.

[C]

Really?

[B]

No. I don't know. I don't. I don't know the answer to that question, but I. As insults go, you've got a lot of money. Is a pretty easy one to take, I think.

[E]

Do you.

[A]

I could handle that.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Do you like when privileged people try to talk about their struggle? Does that.

[B]

Donnie really doesn't. Because Donnie just struggles talking about anything.

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

Is it possible for privileged people to struggle, Eddie? Because I think you're right. Like, people don't like to hear that.

[A]

But, yeah, they certainly can.

[E]

Yeah. Don't you think, Eddie?

[B]

For the bad neighborhood in his town, he simply said under the bridge.

[E]

Under the bridge, yeah.

[A]

But we Google earthed it, and there were some spots that look just like middle class. Right down the middle.

[G]

Because I met a guy who was very privileged and he came out and said it right away, and I respected it so much. He's like, yeah, I'm a spoiled country

[B]

club kid, but if your worst spot is middle class, you've got a hell of a town.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Your worst spot, if the one place in your town, oh, you don't want to go over there, that's middle class. My God, what a place.

[E]

Speaking of privilege, we watched that on mostly sports yesterday. That video. The what? Who's the actor? What's the actor? That. On the motorcycle.

[A]

Oh, Alan Richter.

[B]

Jack Reacher.

[E]

Those houses are absurd.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It was such a pleasant neighborhood to look at.

[E]

That looks so fucking awesome. That cracked me up.

[B]

The body cam footage came out. Looks like he's been vindicated. Oh, yeah, looks like he is.

[A]

See that, Kyle? What is this the guy that plays Reacher? He was in Blue Mountain State. I like.

[E]

Okay.

[B]

Alan Richardson.

[E]

He got in a fight. He was driving, riding his motorcycle, and his neighbor, like, tried to stop him. He gets off the bike, they start fighting, but all I can pay attention to is this neighborhood. Look at all these houses. These perfectly panic hair bushes.

[B]

Oh. So we went over there.

[A]

Did Alan Subrin add this piano

[B]

in

[F]

a neighborhood like that? I could imagine it just naturally playing.

[C]

Got a battleground shirt.

[B]

I don't like the music, but that. Again, Titus, I'm with you. Every house is pleasant.

[E]

Yeah, it makes. It makes the video so funny.

[A]

Why this guy got stand in front of them.

[B]

There's something about the tufts of clouds in the sky too.

[E]

Those guys should be so idyllic. Drinking whiskey and cackling together. They should just be like, cheers, we did it. We're both rich as and they're fighting over how fast you're driving your motorcycle.

[D]

It didn't really look like he was going that fast.

[E]

Oh, is it?

[B]

I think multiple. It shows it. His body cam shows the speedometer at the at like 22 miles an hour.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Have you guys seen the new show Neighbors?

[A]

No. I heard it's very good.

[C]

Yes. So people are so bored that conflicts are what they live for.

[B]

I'd like to discuss this. HOAs are a thing that people often complain about that you see a lot of HOA content online. This HOA is awful. I'm in an hoa and I've been in one before and I have never once in my entire life had a problem. Am I having a unique experience?

[D]

You live in a subdivision, I'm assuming, right?

[B]

Kind of, yeah.

[D]

Like where I live, it's. It's by the building. So you're kind of at the mercy whoever controls it. And for us, it's whoever's lived there the longest. And I'm the second longest at this point, so.

[B]

You ever had a contentious thing with your hoa?

[D]

No. We're typically on the same page. We pay so little into it that we can't do anything with me. So it's just kind of a waste of money.

[B]

Peso Little died.

[A]

Who was that? Oh, your guy from the.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I had a car dealership back home that had a commercial with Seymour Trucks the lowest price. And then Peso Little, which was the Mexican character they had to get rid of eventually. Very, very racist. Oh, but the guy that owned the car dealership died. I don't think they do Peso Little and see more trucks and big markdowns. I forgot about big markdowns.

[D]

Barbara. Didn't he pass away?

[A]

So, Dave, if the person who's been there the longest moves out, sells their unit and you are in charge, number one. What are you gonna change? Are you gonna go mad with power?

[D]

We. When we had our powwow about the roof last weekend, we decided to up it from 150 to three a piece, so.

[A]

And how often you have to pay that monthly.

[B]

Okay, That's a big change.

[A]

Yeah, Double change.

[D]

Cuz we need to repair fucking everything in this building.

[B]

Okay. All right.

[D]

Yeah. I was getting frustrated at.

[B]

Sure.

[D]

The state of my dilapidated building. Not you.

[F]

Yeah, just fuck already. You too?

[A]

Yeah. Aren't you trying to move?

[D]

Kinda. Okay, if I see gonna give up

[B]

your spot in the hoa.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

That would mean. Yeah. If I see a place I'd love, I put an offer in and it. I was about a hundred thousand dollars short last week or two weeks ago and I went over by 50,000 or something. 75,000.

[B]

It's nasty out there.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Yeah. I think the HOAS are just based on who's in your neighborhood.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

You get lucky or.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

What do you. What do you pay, if you don't mind me asking?

[B]

120amonth. Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

Which I suppose that's like any other government or.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Organization or community in general is just.

[B]

What.

[D]

What do you get for it? Like snow removal and.

[B]

Snow removal. They cut my yard.

[D]

That's nice. That's a nice little perk, I think the.

[B]

The HOA president, my wife.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he does well.

[B]

He does. Yeah, he's good.

[E]

So you don't have to do it. No, perfect for you.

[B]

Yeah. So my Tuesday's opened up. I can get. I can go bowling and stuff. So. Yeah, that's pretty much it. Snow removal, yard cutting and that's all I need really. And I never had a problem. I've never. I never had an issue where I do something.

[D]

I will say, when Donnie came in hot yesterday, he did kind of have little mic drop moment when he threw your kids back into you. They don't even have to cut the grass. Like, I was the eldest male, so that was. I had to pick up the dog shit and do all the yard work because of that growing up. And that puts hair on your chest. It toughens you up. And your kids don't have to do that. They sound pretty privileged.

[A]

Just saying.

[C]

I was waiting for that. Yeah, finally.

[B]

Again, the fact that y' all think it's insulting to me, my kids are growing up, taken care of. Doesn't bother me at all.

[D]

You sound a little bothered.

[B]

I'm not bothered at all. And stop talking like a suave guy.

[D]

I'm not. I'm talking like.

[A]

You have one eyebrow.

[B]

Look at you. You're flexing your eyes. Why are you doing.

[A]

Is this a new thing?

[D]

No, it's not.

[A]

Suave. Gotcha day.

[B]

Yeah, what was that? Why'd you turn into a ladies man to tell me? You got me.

[D]

I've never turned into that in my life.

[B]

You just. You had a look about you, you.

[F]

You and your kids.

[E]

Brandon,

[B]

I had to cut. I had to cut grass coming up.

[D]

I kind of enjoy it.

[B]

I love cutting grass.

[D]

Mow it into patterns.

[B]

Yeah, we had.

[A]

You had to cut cocaine with baking powder.

[B]

I. It took three hours to cut our yard. So every Saturday was a big, big, big, big deal. And I. I love doing it.

[A]

I love to listen to music.

[F]

Give your kids chores that the HOA doesn't cover. Have them do your kids.

[D]

See, he's frustrated.

[B]

No stuff.

[F]

You're frustrated, Brandon. What do they do?

[B]

Yeah, they do chores. They Take the trash out.

[F]

I'm just trying to help you.

[D]

I don't call that a chore though. Cuz it's 30.

[B]

I don't give a good goddamn what you call it.

[F]

Raise the eyebrow.

[A]

Do you think he's raising his kids too soft?

[D]

Little bit. You don't think caring need Uncle David to come smack him around a little bit? Oh, actually teach him how to really live.

[A]

Dave, I would love you to give parenting advice.

[D]

It'd be great. Yeah.

[A]

So, Brandon.

[D]

All right, guys, I'm going to the ball game.

[A]

Do you have any kids spending too much on Roblox?

[E]

Dave, would you spank kids if you had them?

[A]

Let's give them a hypothetical scenario.

[D]

I got the wooden spoon growing up.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

You would spank?

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Get your child.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You don't have kids.

[D]

No.

[B]

You don't even want to take your five year old kid to a baseball game.

[D]

No.

[B]

So I'm not sure you're qualified to say anything to anybody about anything. I.

[F]

He has a dog. Same thing.

[B]

Not, not, not same, but like Dave, Dave hates a dog. And I came with the list the other day. I got to 40.

[A]

Dave. Dave hates a soft society, hates how soft societies come. And he sees you running, raising four soft people and he's going to have to step in.

[B]

No, no, my kids are.

[A]

It's almost his duty.

[B]

My kids are hard. I got hard boys.

[D]

All right, let me ask you a question. If. If you're coaching a. Your kids names are public, right?

[B]

No.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

If you're coaching up also, you don't know them. I've met them.

[B]

You don't know my kids names.

[D]

I'm asking a hypothetical question.

[C]

I'm interested. Yeah, go on.

[D]

I do know one of them.

[B]

That's the way Tommy's.

[D]

Yes, yes, yes. Okay. All right. If Tommy is dealing with a bully problem at school, what do you tell him?

[B]

It depends on what level of bullying are we talking about? Has the kid hit you? Because we're hitting them back if that happens.

[D]

Okay, thank you. That's what I was, that's what I was trying to lead you to.

[B]

If the kid, if the kids make it, if the kid's making fun of you, that's. That's something. That's a different matter entirely. If the kid's knocking the paper off your desk, that's a. There's, there's levels to this.

[E]

Like what do you think?

[C]

This.

[B]

We're not gonna get pushed around, but we're also not gonna push around for the sake of being a.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

Approved.

[B]

No.

[A]

Good.

[D]

I approve that parent.

[E]

That's good. That's really good. That's really good.

[B]

You have.

[E]

No, no, let me, let me throw another one at you. His kids want to like drink alcohol and they're, they're 16.

[D]

Absolutely.

[E]

Brandon, how do you handle your, your 16 year old comes up to you and is like, you want to be

[D]

the cool dad in the basement?

[E]

Dad, can you go get me some beer?

[B]

No.

[E]

What, what would you do?

[B]

A, I have a 17 year old. B, never once has considered drinking alcohol if that happened.

[D]

C, hypotheticals.

[B]

See, well, when they get out of my house and get 21, they can drink whatever they want.

[A]

What about freshmen in college?

[E]

Dave, what do you think about his parents?

[D]

And seen good caveat right there because that's when I started drinking illegally with my father and it wasn't a big deal because I was 20, so. But if I, if I were the father and my kid were 16 years old and was like, hey, can we drink in the basement? I would say, absolutely not. You're out of your mind.

[B]

But at no point did I say

[E]

I was like, so there you go. That's another one.

[A]

That's another one. You're doing it wrong.

[B]

I didn't say I was drinking. Letting the kids drink in the basement. I would never let my kids drink in the basement.

[E]

Yeah, what about no, right?

[D]

Never.

[A]

All right, 16 years old, they want a car.

[D]

They want a what car? They want a car, they'll get a 2500 dollar ish car that. It's like, hey, this is what you get. Crash it then. Then you're on your own for the rest of it.

[C]

So why should I not apply to just drinking one to three beers?

[A]

But Brandon works very hard. He wants to provide for his kids. Why can't he get him a nicer car?

[D]

He can't. If he wants the kids to grow up soft, he can do that. Yeah, yeah. Like, I grew up in a very. I grew up not wealthy. My parents had zero money, but I grew up in a really wealthy community. All my friends had like Camaros and Mustangs the day they turned 16. And I thought that was ridiculous. I had a 92 Buick Century.

[E]

Yeah, it's pretty ridiculous, Brandon.

[B]

I also grew up, up without a lot. And I, My kid drives a decent little car.

[D]

Yeah, yeah, it's fine.

[B]

Yeah, thank you. Yeah, I appreciate that.

[E]

Yeah.

[G]

An Audi.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yes.

[D]

What is it?

[F]

No, I think we should switch it out.

[D]

Yeah, I want, I want to, I want to judge on the quality of the car. I want to Judge your parenting based on the car you bought him?

[F]

What kind of car they got Brandon?

[A]

Why don't you tell me?

[D]

Why don't you lay it on great to tell me? Because he knows it's going to be a nice car.

[B]

Do you think you're qualified to judge anybody's parenting?

[D]

Yeah, I do.

[B]

Why?

[D]

I can tell that even though I don't have kids. I think anybody can tell the difference between a good parent and bad parent.

[B]

But you don't know what it's like to have a crying child. You don't know what it's like to have a sick child. You don't know what it's like to have a happy child. You don't know what it's like to have any kind of child.

[D]

What does that have to do with me being observant around?

[B]

You don't know what it feels like.

[C]

Field experience.

[B]

You don't know what it feels like.

[D]

You know, I was raised by parents. I saw how other, other people raise their children. I enough.

[A]

Give enough data data to raised by parents.

[D]

Offer some opinion like if you're the

[C]

wonder, we'll just make it really raised.

[D]

You're smoking cracked by two parents. Parent.

[B]

I agree.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why I don't smoke crack with my kids.

[D]

But by your, by what you're saying right now, I'm not qualified to make that, that statement.

[B]

I think you can say something like that. That's pretty safe ground right there. Don't smoke crack with your kids. Yeah, I think anybody can say that. I think a child could say that. But I don't think when it comes to parenting nuance, you, you belong telling anybody.

[D]

I'm not talking about the nuance. I'm talking about like you said you

[B]

could judge my kid based on what they drive.

[D]

I said I, I will judge your parenting in this for this big example. So what kind of car do they drive?

[B]

Do you.

[D]

Because he's smirking. I'm smirking. Because he's smirking.

[B]

I'm not smirking.

[C]

You know he's gonna be on. On an own compilation.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Destroying make and model.

[B]

Brandon, do you remember what I used to drive? I have a truck now the.

[D]

Can I say it?

[B]

Yeah, fine.

[D]

The Wrangler.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Is that his car?

[B]

2024 Jeep Wrangler. Yeah.

[D]

That's like a. At least seventy thousand dollar car.

[E]

I guess.

[D]

No, maybe more.

[B]

It doesn't matter what it is.

[C]

That's soft enough to make him a.

[A]

Yeah, it's a Jeep.

[D]

Yeah. That's a nice car.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So it's just soft though. That's the, that's softer now. That's your ruling.

[C]

Too nice of a car.

[D]

Yeah, it's.

[E]

That's really so nice. Yeah, it's too nice.

[D]

So you need to buy it off. Like the little Grammy talk. Took it to church and back. I don't, you know, I know it's got some dents in it.

[B]

Yeah, it's been weathered a little bit now. Tommy's gonna be. Tommy's gonna be 16 this summer. Summer I'm gonna have to buy Tommy a car. I. He's probably not getting as nice a car probably as the older one.

[D]

Yeah, well, that's going to cause a sibling rivalry with bad parenting.

[F]

You're playing favorites, Brandon.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Are these kids, Dave?

[D]

Honestly, based on this conversation, I think they might.

[C]

They're.

[F]

It's all.

[C]

It's over. So now you might as well throw in the towel.

[F]

Wow.

[A]

Did your parents pay for your college?

[D]

Absolutely. I had five siblings in college at the same time. So it was like where you getting a job? Not where you going to college.

[F]

You have a new sibling every time we talk.

[A]

Yeah. What's happening?

[D]

I have five siblings. There are six of us. Five of them were in college at the same time. Complicated family.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

You and Brandon both.

[D]

I like having a complicated family though.

[B]

I have four kids.

[F]

It's not a contest. Brandon.

[B]

I didn't say it was.

[D]

I didn't think it was.

[B]

I don't, I just don't know that you're qualified to be dispensing the advice you're dispensing.

[F]

He was raised by parents. He knows parents.

[D]

Where's the, what's the threshold though? Of what, what I am allowed to opine on with parenting because I, I gave a very like, far end.

[B]

Your stance on crack is exactly right.

[D]

Yeah, but like what. So where, where does the line stop? Where it's like, oh, you can't comment on that.

[B]

It's a good question. I don't think I know the line until we have crossed it. And I don't think we've crossed a line here. But I think you listening to the make and model of my kids car and then saying my kids are soft is.

[D]

I didn't say. I said that can lead to soft tendencies. I didn't say that. I'll say that. But when Mark says that right now,

[B]

Mark said so they're.

[D]

And I, I based that off of personal experience. Cuz like I said, I grew up in a wealthy town with. Once those kids got to college, a lot of them they didn't do well because they weren't under mommy and daddy's arms.

[B]

So my kids aren't.

[D]

I'm not saying that. I'm saying that. That. That does happen. I'm not even joking with them.

[B]

Bad. Yeah. Sure, sure, sure. I'm not right.

[E]

What are some other things that I would love? A parenting pod.

[C]

I need.

[E]

I need you to keep going. This is good. Cuz I. I'm. I'm a new parent, Dave, and I need. I need all your advice I can.

[G]

What about buying your kid a bat every. Every season? Or what about equipment?

[D]

That was about the nicest thing I got on a yearly basis. So I'll use that as the threshold for not spoiling.

[A]

You're the standard of. If you follow these steps, anything could be White Sox.

[B]

Dave, Anything nicer than what you got is soft. Anything. Anything less than what you got is abuse.

[D]

That's the most. Correcting the William Scale

[E]

raised by parents.

[B]

I don't know your parents, but they were perfect.

[E]

Perfect because you turned out the way you turned out and like. And then I wouldn't have any other way.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

In an ideal world, every kid turns out like you.

[A]

But you think the world would be better if everybody was you?

[D]

Yeah, I do think so. I got a great world view.

[A]

You're one of the most bitter. You're close angry people. And you stink.

[B]

You're a stinky angry man.

[D]

I'm not stinky today. I'm typically not angry. I'm angry when I'm in your presence. So I can see why you would assume that I'm angry constantly.

[F]

What about diet Dave? You were eating steak as a baby. Should he be doing the same? Toughing him up at an early age.

[D]

Steak was not in the WSD rotation growing up.

[F]

Pork chops, chicken.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

Dave, when should I. When should I get my daughter sugar? For the first time, I'll say this,

[D]

and this is even a joke. If your kids like pounding Sour Pat Cat, Sour Patch Kids and slamming soda all day long, I'd say that's bad parents parenting.

[E]

Yeah. And she's not. So when should I.

[B]

She's not a year old.

[E]

She hasn't. She hasn't. She hasn't had any sugar.

[B]

Eight.

[E]

Eight months.

[D]

Eight months.

[E]

Like almost nine months now. Okay, when should I like, introduce her to like, chocolate? When should I be like. Yeah, you know, there's. Here's a little. There's a little something.

[D]

Not. It's not that you're introducing her to chocolate or not. It's how you introduce it.

[E]

To her.

[F]

So be like hey, hey honey, this

[D]

pound office because when you turn 30 you're gonna put on on 40 pounds.

[E]

Okay. You do but when?

[D]

Maybe even earlier.

[E]

When should I do this though? When, when do we start this? When do I.

[D]

When you can have a, a somewhat normal conversation with her. When's that? 5? Yeah 5 ish. When do baby's teeth.

[E]

She's teething right now.

[D]

So when it's that early.

[B]

When, when they're five you, you don't take them to ball games and you tell them not to eat sugar.

[E]

No ice cream.

[D]

No, they can go to ball games. It's like I would or just on their own. So I'll take the train if you want to like I would be fine taking a kid all mental. I'll be, I'd be fine taking like my 5 year old kid to like a Tuesday night baseball game. But if it were like a playoff game. Absolutely not. You're staying home and you can watch it with your mom on the couch.

[B]

And you're telling me how to parent that you're not going to take your kid to

[D]

the focus is on the field, Brandon. I don't want to focus.

[B]

But how many you don't want to

[A]

give your kid that.

[B]

How many playoff games is your kid going to get seen?

[D]

As long as life based on my fandom, probably none ever.

[B]

No, that's not true.

[D]

I've seen in my Dave, tell World Series champ.

[G]

Tell them what he did. Tell them what you did during the World Series championship run for your dad.

[D]

What you do ID'd him all over. Yeah, I turned 16 like three days earlier.

[A]

Yeah, you turned six 16 three days

[D]

earlier then the game they won it

[A]

like 2000 moved your birthday.

[B]

Would you like come to my house for a day and observe my parenting?

[D]

Oh I love I would do that. Yeah.

[A]

And you'll and like take some notes.

[B]

Take some notes. Come up with your alternate plan. Brandon did this, I would have done that.

[A]

What if Tommy's playing a video game and you hear him say under his breath, you hear him say shit, no swearing.

[D]

It's fine. If I heard my 5 year old son say fuck, I wouldn't bat an eye. I wouldn't give a single shit because that's not soft.

[C]

What if your son son was like dad, I know how much it means to you. I'm just not interested in baseball or any other sport for that matter. I don't even want to attempt.

[D]

It'd be a tough relationship from that point.

[C]

I love you so much, dad. And I want to bond with you over things aren't for me.

[D]

No matter parents in this conversation right now, I think that I can speak for all of us when I say the main goal of having a son is to eventually live vicariously through him. Correct. So he can't be a pro athlete. Which I will be grooming my son to be in multiple sports.

[B]

He. Spoiler. He's not going to be.

[D]

He will be. He will not have a choice.

[B]

But no, that's not a choice issue.

[A]

You don't get to choose if he's a pro athlete.

[D]

Well, I get to choose if he's my son or not.

[F]

He's taking that thing to Turkey with him the first year. Stretching him out.

[C]

Dad, I'm just so sad. When I'm at practice, I just have no passion for the game. But I have. I'm interested in other things.

[D]

What are the other things?

[A]

Art.

[B]

Sewing.

[A]

Yeah, art.

[C]

Yeah, art. No, I'm really interested in art, dad.

[E]

Dad, at my happiest, when I'm.

[D]

I'm out, I want to create.

[B]

You're out of what?

[A]

Like you're cutting off. He's done.

[B]

You're out of the relationship.

[D]

I'm talking a post birth abortion. Brandon.

[B]

That's.

[F]

That's a murder.

[B]

It's a murder. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right.

[E]

Thanks.

[B]

Dave. It's two o'.

[E]

Clock.

[A]

I know, I know you joke around sometimes. You don't act.

[E]

Your.

[A]

Your son won't be a pro athlete, right?

[D]

Chances are I probably won't be.

[B]

Yeah, probably. Yeah, you're right, it won't be. But you'll still love the boy as much as you would.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

Yes, of course. Okay.

[D]

All right.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

My kids also not pro athletes. But that's because they're soft.

[A]

Yeah. Because you're big. You gave them good gene.

[D]

If I was your height, I wouldn't be here right now. I'd be in. Where would you various.

[B]

Where the would you be if you

[C]

were my various scores?

[D]

All of the professional, I think. NFL probably.

[B]

You'd be in the NFL if you were my height?

[D]

Yeah, probably.

[A]

At doing what?

[D]

Linebacker? Cracking skulls?

[C]

I.

[B]

No, no, you wouldn't.

[E]

I guess we can't prove you're wrong right now.

[A]

If you were his height.

[D]

No, I mean in my. We. If I were 25. In his height. Yeah.

[B]

I wish there was a way I could give you. I wish we had like a machine.

[D]

I think about this machine every single day of my life. Tried making your A56, loser. Yes, I think about this machine very regularly.

[E]

What is it? Some sort of Hot Tub Tie Machine.

[D]

Have you guys seen this movie?

[E]

Yes.

[B]

Do you?

[E]

Funny.

[D]

It's great. Yeah, that and Dewey Cox.

[B]

It's called Wall Card Dave of the

[D]

most underrated comedies ever.

[B]

I agree with Walard. I don't know. The Hot Tub Time Machine's underrated. I think people rate it very highly.

[D]

I don't. And compared to like the comedies of that era, I don't know that they do because it's kind of overshadowed by like the Hangover and everything.

[B]

TJ Are we fighting behind? Oh boy. All right, Eddie. Yeah, you'll read that one in a minute.

[G]

Okay.

[B]

Nick, you'll read that one.

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm going to tell you about American Home Shield. From breathtaking buzzer beaters to jaw dropping upsets, tournament season is full of ups and downs. But don't let unexpected appliance and home system breakdowns add to the emotional roller coaster. Nothing kills the vibe faster than watching your bracket implode or having your AC unit do the same. Thank goodness. AHS steps in like the ultimate bench player for covered home system and appliance issues. Things like your ac, plumbing, electrical and refrigerator are bound to break down without a home warranty. You'd have to go one on one with those expensive repairs. Luckily, you can team up with American Home Shield for a home warranty that can help protect even your oldest appliances and home systems. AHS will repair the covered item, and if they can't repair it, they'll replace it. Homeowners insurance is a good start, but it's not the whole game plan. An AHS home warranty covers things like that. Insurance doesn't like breakdowns caused by normal wear and tear on the stuff you count on every day. So while you're stressing about your bracket, don't stress about unexpected breakdowns. American Home Shield has your back. Plus, as a benefit to select plans, you can video chat with live repair experts to help fix home hassles over the phone. American Home Shield don't Worry, be warranty.

[G]

DraftKings Sportsbook, the number one sportsbook for live betting, is built for March. The tournament is unexpected. Rewards are guaranteed. Drafting Sportsbook is delivering the most generous rewards in the market, no matter what happens on the court. Because this isn't a tournament you bet and forget. It's one you react to. With DraftKings, the number one sportsbook for live betting, you're not betting what might happen, you're betting what's happening. Possession by possession, play by play, live lines, props. Next play out comes as the Chaos unfolds. The bracket will break, so don't just watch the unexpected. Betting it new to DraftKings. Bet just $5 and get 200 in bonus. Get 200 in bonus bets instantly. Download DraftKings sportsbook app now and use code YAK. That's code YAK to turn five bucks into 200 in bonus bets instantly. In partnership with DraftKings. The crown is yours.

[A]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800- Gambler or 1-800-MY-SET, NY call 877-8-HOPE and WHY or text HOPE and WHY. Connecticut. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boothill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass through May apply in Illinois 21 and over in in Ontario. Restrictions apply. Bonus bets expire seven days after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see sportsbook.draftkings.com promos Limited time offer Blue diamond almonds. They are more and the most flavorful nut mix. Mixed nuts, leveled up almonds, cashews, past pistachios in three signature blue diamond flavors. Honey roasted smokehouse and roasted sea salt. And the freshness is guaranteed. Best part. 5 grams of protein per serving so you can feel good about munching on them. Other mixed nuts are stale, bland. They can't match Blue Diamond's flavor and freshness. Upgrade to the flavorful nut mix Blue diamond almonds and more. How about that?

[G]

I thought you were a punt returner.

[B]

I was.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Why? Where'd that come from?

[G]

You said linebacker.

[B]

I, I, Yeah, I guess 65 Dave just turns into a match.

[A]

He was dealt.

[B]

Linebacking beast.

[G]

That'd be a mark. Mariani.

[B]

You didn't go with quarterback at six five.

[D]

Touch.

[A]

You don't touch.

[D]

I don't have touch.

[B]

Yeah, but if we're, if we're giving you 10 inches of height, I think we can find you some 6, 5

[E]

is too much height for a lot.

[C]

Can we simulate this?

[D]

I, I was assuming 6, 4, 6 5.

[B]

I'm like 64 and 78 or something like that. Yeah.

[C]

How do you think you do in like a professional 37 and under five foot three football league?

[D]

Five three. I'm not five three.

[C]

The, the average. I'm trying to simulate being simulated.

[B]

Six five. Okay.

[C]

Average opponent is five two to five three. Or maybe you're.

[E]

You're huge. You are. You are. You're, you're bigger than everybody else.

[D]

So that's kind of what it was for me in eighth grade. I, I was the kid. I was the biggest kid I, I, I started shaving when I was 12 years old. Okay. I was fully grown when I was 12, 13. And in eighth grade I was. You were shaving at 12, biggest kid on the team. And we had weight limits, so I was always like an ounce away from missing weight. And I was by far the fast. I was every bit as fast then as I am like now, I guess. And I would just run through the.

[A]

This 8th is a 37 year old.

[B]

Dave, you're your body right now. You.

[C]

That's as I am now.

[B]

You. Let's take, let's take you. We drop you on IMG Academy's 8th grade team. Like all the 8th graders they bring in from around the country. Do you think it's a too deep? Are you a starter?

[D]

I, yeah, I'd be close. Brandon.

[E]

Wow.

[B]

You'd be a starting line middle linebacker for IMG's eighth grade team.

[D]

I, so my buddy is the only.

[B]

These are the best athletes.

[D]

I know, I know, I know. Maybe not img, but like in Chicagoland, for a hot minute, I was like the kid that touched ball in the football field and I was gone in seventh, sixth, seventh, eighth grade.

[B]

But that was other use, right?

[D]

Yeah, but you said the original question was dropping on a football field of five, three people or less, and that kind of was the thing when I was in middle school.

[B]

Okay.

[D]

So I use that as the comparison. And like I said, if I probably scored a touchdown every four or five times I touched a ball that year,

[C]

those years, you would score a touchdown

[E]

like if you 25% of the time you touched.

[D]

Close, probably.

[E]

Wow.

[D]

So I scored like 30 touchdowns in eighth grade. I was scoring like four or five times a game.

[B]

You scored 30 touchdowns in eighth grade?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[F]

If we were to contact someone, would this story change?

[D]

No.

[F]

You're saying you're gonna be like, I said like 30 and it's gonna be like 21.

[D]

I don't know how you, how you do it.

[B]

Do what?

[D]

It's not like we kept stats or anything. I, I kept somebody somewhere, you know,

[E]

you had 30 because no one of stats.

[D]

You didn't, you didn't know how many points.

[E]

Well, yeah, but we kept stats that. You just said we didn't keep stats.

[B]

He can look it up.

[D]

I, I had those stats in my head. I knew how many touchdowns I scored earlier.

[B]

You're saying nobody at your middle school kept a record of have.

[D]

We were park district, so it was all dad's coaching.

[C]

You know the league, Dan. You guys know the league? He was in better.

[D]

I was in bgyfl. There would.

[F]

There would always be at least one volunteer scorekeeper or stack keeper. Like, I don't think it was an assigned role, but it was hard.

[B]

30.

[D]

Danny, respectfully, have you ever played football?

[B]

Yeah. Danny.

[F]

Fifth grade to Danny.

[E]

If you don't. If you aren't someone who walks in the shoes, you can't criticize.

[A]

Very oversized.

[F]

We get the name of the great school.

[B]

Cool. It's true.

[E]

That's one of the. I just said it was park district core tennis.

[D]

It was all volunteer coaches. It was all.

[F]

What was the park district?

[D]

Wheaton.

[G]

To be fair to Dave, I did hear from people around his parts that he was very good.

[F]

I believe that.

[B]

I. I don't. I don't doubt that he had a moment as a. As a great athlete. You know, I see him throw a ball. He throw a ball. You know, he's good. Scouted by, like, high schools, but, like, 30. A lot.

[D]

How many games Bennett wanted? Probably 10.

[B]

Three touchdowns a game.

[A]

He scored three touchdowns a game?

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Was your team undefeated?

[D]

Yes. I. I've lost one football game. My life. And it was when I got called up to the playoffs my sophomore year of high school. We lost in Lincoln, way east to one state. That's the only football game I've ever lost undefeated. Freshman year, sophomore year, then all three middle school years I played, we never. I never lost a quarterback. You stopped at sophomore year to focus on baseball? Well, Eric, that's why I did it. And it was the dumbest thing I've ever done because we won state. We beat Mount Carmel by a thousand that year.

[G]

Yeah, his high school was very good.

[D]

When we went for a long stretch of time, up until, like, 2015, my high school was kind of like the Bama of Illinois high school football.

[F]

The only reason I was doubting you is because I feel like you would have shown us a highlight tape 50 times.

[D]

I was about to say this. The only person who has the highlight tapes are my buddy's mom, who. Who they got divorced and she moved like. They don't talk anymore. I've been trying out there. I swear to God. They're out.

[E]

All right.

[D]

Well, I have. I've been trying to.

[E]

Like, we have a third.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

You're going to get the tapes.

[E]

Yeah, we're going to get tapes.

[D]

What is. What does Donnie have to do with it?

[E]

Well, Donnie. Me and Donnie are gonna do. We're gonna drive around the country and find his jerseys that he owes me.

[D]

Okay.

[E]

Because the keys are in Florida.

[D]

I can't imagine.

[E]

And then we're gonna go to Minnesota, the storage unit. And somewhere along the way, we will find this tape. Where does she handle. You think she lives around?

[D]

I. She does not live in Illinois. No.

[E]

Okay.

[D]

Well, he's estranged from her. That's why it sucks. Like, they don't talk to her. The mom, anymore.

[A]

The son doesn't.

[D]

The son doesn't. The. None of them do.

[A]

There's nobody else that has highlight tapes.

[D]

You don't think I. I could try to hit up my high school coach, who may have access to some freshmen, but by the time I got, like, my freshman year of high school, I only had a couple touchdowns because everybody started to catch up to me in size and everything.

[E]

I sort of understand your disposition now. Like, if. If the coolest you ever did is on a videotape somewhere and you can't access it and there's no record of it.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

And you're desperate to prove it, and everybody laughs in your face when you

[C]

revel in the pride.

[D]

I don't understand. Like, you have a similar kind of story that you've talked about. Everything kind of sucks your dick about,

[B]

but he played at Ohio State and

[E]

all of his mate. At me. I didn't. I wasn't attacking.

[B]

He was on a AAU team. Is very easy to look up.

[D]

So my. I played on the Bulls, White Sox travel program, and it was a very reputable travel program growing up.

[B]

Close.

[E]

Yeah, that's fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm on your side, Dave.

[B]

Okay, good, good, good.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

All right.

[F]

Yeah, we're gonna find those tapes.

[E]

I want to find the tapes for you.

[D]

Yeah, I want to find a tape.

[E]

Yeah, I think it'd be cool.

[B]

You've got a lot to find. I know you got to find keys.

[D]

It's a tape for every game from what I recall. So it's like.

[B]

That makes sense.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

And you think she still has the physical tapes?

[D]

She was the. Unless you chucked them, but she was the one who possessed them because she was the one who filmed them all. And we would. I would watch them in, like, when I was a freshman in high school, I'd be like, let's watch them. Let's watch them. And it was just me watching myself.

[E]

Myself.

[D]

Just. Here's the ball gone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who would you watch them with?

[D]

I would make my buddies watch them with.

[C]

And you were returning punts.

[D]

I.

[C]

Four touchdowns.

[A]

You had three punt return touchdowns a game?

[D]

No, just from running back.

[A]

A little bit of both.

[F]

You. You returned some for touchdowns. And you got some as running back?

[D]

I probably. I don't know how many I returned for a touchdown. I was probably just a very small handful, but I'm talking when I was playing running back.

[A]

Okay.

[E]

Yeah.

[F]

We need some good press about you out there. Too many people are posting the gum videos and all that. We need to combat it. So we need to get your.

[A]

Do you just look like you do now with full beard?

[D]

Yeah, not full beard. It was peach fuzz and. But I. I was the first one to grow sideburns. Everybody thought was the coolest thing on earth for Sideburn.

[C]

Sideburn Middle School.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Were any of the teachers, like, kind of India?

[D]

No. Oh, I was into a couple of them, but.

[A]

You ever shoot your shot?

[D]

No.

[A]

Damn.

[G]

You going tomorrow, Titus?

[E]

No, no, no. I want to, but Sweet sixteen got a lot times.

[D]

It start tomorrow night.

[B]

Night.

[E]

Six, I think. I mean, you could do both?

[D]

Yeah, you could do both. Don't you live walk distance?

[E]

No, I don't.

[D]

I thought you did.

[E]

No, I don't. Could do both. Yeah. Just make for a really long today. And I want to lock in on you.

[C]

Yeah. Do you don't want to allocate your energy to two different sports.

[E]

It's too much. I can't handle various sports.

[C]

No. Not at once.

[E]

Some men can. Yeah, some men could handle it.

[B]

I'm 12 year old.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Are we going next week? Are we going to go?

[E]

It's supposed to rain though, Eddie, right?

[B]

Yeah, we're going to go.

[E]

Oh, they might get the game in then and maybe.

[B]

Oh, when the Cubs come. Oh, yeah. When the Pirates come. Yeah, maybe. I got to get back from the Masters. That's two weeks from now.

[A]

Two weeks.

[D]

Can you guys take me to PNC this year?

[A]

We're planning on going.

[D]

I have yet to go.

[B]

Yeah. You want to bring Dave? No.

[D]

Oh, you guys are talking. You're not talking Wrigley Pirates. You're talking.

[A]

Oh, no, we're talking.

[B]

April is Wrigley Pirates, June is Pirate Pirates. Cards.

[D]

I will be inviting myself to that trip.

[E]

You know, hoist the cone.

[A]

You gotta hoist the cone with the boys.

[D]

What's hoisting?

[A]

You can't call yourself a baseball fan if you don't know about the noise.

[C]

The cone.

[D]

What is it?

[A]

And like you've never heard of hoisting the cone.

[B]

Come on, Dave, look it up. You're gonna come on our trip and you don't know how to hoist?

[A]

It's a pirate.

[D]

I can learn. We got six, four months. It sounds like three months. When's June 6th.

[B]

The cone right there.

[G]

Yeah.

[E]

Now you get it.

[A]

Like, what's the White Sox saying?

[D]

It changes every year. This year it's.

[B]

It's force the foam.

[F]

Try our milkshakes.

[A]

One sec.

[D]

I just saw it. It was super corny. They had the winner. Die trying. That was actually a good one in 05.

[B]

I think that's 50 Cent.

[D]

That's Get Richard. Die trying. Nice try, Brandon.

[B]

Jesus. All right, T.J. get the wheel.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm watching Dave scroll his phone already.

[D]

Feel the momentum. That's their.

[E]

Feel the moment.

[D]

Yeah. They got all the momentum.

[B]

Impossible to remember.

[A]

All right, let's feel the momentum.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you feel it?

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

I do.

[D]

I don't feel it.

[B]

You willingly don't feel it.

[D]

If there was momentum to be felt, I'd feel it.

[B]

That's the.

[F]

There.

[A]

All right, big cats with pca.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

Somebody tweeted this picture of them spot camp yesterday.

[C]

A really rich guy.

[F]

Also Pete, probably right around the corner.

[E]

Hell yeah.

[B]

Is he doing a reenactment of, like, 1920s baseball?

[E]

They're still. They're still in Arizona, huh?

[B]

I think they're probably on the way. Today has to be the day. I think that was. I think that photo was from yesterday.

[E]

From yesterday?

[B]

Yeah. Happy birthday to pca. Happy birthday.

[D]

Happy birthday, Pete.

[A]

I'm sure I'll appreciate that.

[B]

All right, tj, Spin it.

[D]

Uhoh.

[B]

We're just feeling about this. Oh, that's good. All right, see you tomorrow.

[D]

What does reset mean?

[A]

Happy birthday, Jacob. Love you guys. See you tomorrow.

[B]

Bye.