The Yak — "Dana Gets Panic Attacks From Thinking Too Hard About Space"

Barstool Sports – March 9, 2026

Overview

In this episode of The Yak, the Barstool crew—featuring Kyle "KBNoSwag" Bauer, Nick, Brandon Walker, Rone, Lil Sas, Kate, Steven Cheah, Big Cat (absent today), and guests—dive into their signature brand of wild, irreverent banter. Topics range from Minnesota suburb rivalries and the decline of beer culture, to existential spirals about space, old movie nudity, and absurd musings about life changes and masculinity. It’s a quintessential hangout: fast-moving, hilarious, sometimes thoughtful, and always unpredictable.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Minnesota Hockey & Suburb Rivalries

[03:01–08:30]

• Discussion starts with a recap of Edina High School’s hockey loss and resulting brawl, sparking roast battles about which Minneapolis suburbs are the most bougie.
• The crew examines Edina’s reputation as the "rich kid" town, comparing it to other affluent US suburbs.
• They use virtual maps and Zillow to tour Edina, laughing at how hard it is to even find a "bad" part of town.
• Quote (Kyle, 03:27): “When I think hockey players from Edina, I don't think of people that lose their cool. It’s working class, humble… stuff isn’t going right, and you just snap?”

2. Engagement Epidemic at Barstool

[08:37–09:57]

• Many staffers have recently gotten engaged, and Nick brings up how saturated the Barstool office is with engagements.
• Jokes arise about someone inevitably calling off a wedding, and if a marriage can survive breaking off an engagement.
• Gentle roasting of proposal photos and the perils of posting milestones online.

3. Social Commentary: Drinking Habits & “Bringing Beers Back”

[14:49–18:44]

• Stephen Cheah laments the cultural decline of beer drinking among Gen Z, launching his campaign to "bring back beers."
• They debate whether it matters if young people are giving up alcohol, with Stephen drawing a line between "sober" people (for a reason) and "pussies."
• Socializing, health, and shifting generational norms are dissected.
• Memorable exchange:
  • Stephen: “There's a difference between being sober and being a pussy… A sober person went sober for a reason. I'm talking to the guys who just, like, don’t want to go out.”
  • Dana: “I think it’s healthy for 23 to 28-year-olds to go out and drink socially… relationship building and bonding.”
• They riff on St. Patrick’s Day plans and ridiculous “beers per night” hypotheticals (Stephen pegs a hardcore outing at "40 beers" [19:53]).

4. Pets, Puppies, and Becoming Domesticated

[21:13–23:17]

• Stephen is getting a mini dachshund puppy (Ralphie), cueing jokes about dog-owner resemblances and navigating pet parenthood.
• Adorable fears: will he sit on the tiny dog by accident?
• Recounts from others about intense dog training regimens ("sleepaway camp for male dog owners, but without the dogs" [21:36]).

5. Old Age, Horniness, and Nursing Home Realities

[28:25–31:16]

• Extended bit on elderly sexuality: “When do men lose their boners?" and tales of randy grandmas.
• Discussion about STD rates in retirement communities: “The Villages in Florida—like, the highest rate,” Brandon notes [30:29].
• Stories about Ocala, FL, including a legendary octogenarian “leech” named Dennis who secures housing via old-lady hookups.

6. Movie Nudity: A Walk Down Boob Memory Lane

[44:31–48:04]

• Everyone shares formative movie nudity experiences: Airplane (Danny), Animal House (Stephen), Sixteen Candles (Mike), and Titanic (TJ).
• Riffs about when movie nudity was more common; how Mr. Skin and “pause-and-rewind” culture shaped youthful sexuality.
• Quote (Danny, 44:55): "Terrific titties in Titanic—Kate Winslet's…"
• Debate on modern lack of nudity on-screen, replaced with more male frontal, especially in HBO shows.

7. Existential Terror: Dana’s Space-Induced Panic Attacks

[56:12–58:34]

• Kyle asks Dana if pondering space excites or terrifies him. Dana admits it’s completely paralyzing: “No joke—I had to go on medicine because I thought about it too much” [56:15].
• The endlessness of space, Earth’s insignificance, and brain-melting cosmic questions trigger his anxiety.
• The crew commiserates, but Brandon tries to lighten the mood: “Wake up, Dana. You’re in a coma. This is all fake!” [58:34].
• Memorable moment: This segment is the namesake for the episode.

8. “Mantiquing,” Collecting, and E-Commerce

[70:39–74:48]

• Brandon and Danny discuss their hobby of collecting sports memorabilia, “mantiquing,” and buying large lots from regional collectors.
• The thrill of “the hunt” versus just buying singles on eBay or Facebook Marketplace.
• Craigslist and Facebook Marketplace horror stories (buying a bike from a guy behind Burger King—“it was stolen” [74:52]).

9. Food as Social Currency

[75:51–77:58]

• Deep cuts on Facebook Marketplace food offers: “eggs by Toya,” home-cooked meals out of strangers’ homes, and weird Southern foods.
• Danny recounts a TikTok-inspired quest for a Southern restaurant in Waukegan—“I've been looking for y'all for a while!”—resulting in pork chops, collard greens, and Mac & cheese [77:33].

10. Peanut Butter’s Versatility (and Other Food Debates)

[88:09–89:14]

• They marvel over peanut butter’s adaptability—from celery to hot dogs to chili, and even Big Macs. ("Isn't it crazy? It just works.” — Dana [88:32])
• Quick-fire school lunch memories: salami sandwiches, “mustard sandwiches,” and the omnipresence of Munchos.

11. Miscellaneous Yak Shenanigans

(Sprinkled Throughout)

• Pickpocketing as art: Should it be legal if it’s done skillfully? (“If you’re magically snatching someone’s wallet, that’s yours!” — Dana [79:26])
• Best "Michaels" draft controversy: Michael Jordan vs. Michael Jackson, why Mick Jagger shouldn’t have counted, etc.
• The perils of living next to the L train (Chicago): “You're standing on the platform, you'll be able to see, like, the crumbs in my urethra.” — Dana [49:45]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• [03:27] Kyle: “When I think hockey players from Edina, I don't think of people that lose their cool. You know… it's just not what Edina’s about.”
• [19:53] Stephen: “St. Patrick's Day? 40 [beers].”
• [23:32] Brandon (on mini dachshunds): “They're just so easy to accidentally sit on.”
• [30:29] Brandon: “The Villages in Florida—like, the highest [STD] rate, they get after it.”
• [44:55] Danny: “Terrific titties in Titanic — Kate Winslet’s…”
• [56:15] Kyle & Dana:
  • Kyle: “Dana, when you think about space, does it excite you or terrify you?”
  • Dana: “Terrify. No joke—I had to go on medicine because I thought about it too much.”
• [58:34] Brandon: “Wake up, Dana! You’re in a coma. This is all fake!”
• [70:21] Danny: “I buy just collections and end up taking it apart. I love the hunt.”
• [75:24] Danny: “I bought a stolen bike. The guy said, ‘Just take the bike, man.’”
• [79:26] Dana: “Pickpocketing should be legal. If you can magically snatch someone’s wallet… that’s yours.”
• [88:32] Dana: “Peanut butter. Isn’t it crazy? It just works.”
• [49:45] Dana (on his new L-train apartment): “You’ll be able to see, like, the crumbs in my urethra.”
• [56:55] Brandon (on space): “It just makes you feel, like, insignificant…”
• [77:33] Danny: “…Guy on TikTok talking about his Southern food restaurant in Waukegan. I went… it was excellent.”

Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Topic | |:---------:|:----------------| | 03:01–08:30 | Edina Hockey, Suburbs, Zillow crawl | | 08:37–09:57 | Engagement Epidemic, Proposal Jokes | | 14:49–18:44 | Beer Culture Decline, “Sober vs. Pussy”, Socializing | | 21:13–23:17 | Puppy Parenting, Dog Training, “Mini Dachshund” | | 28:25–31:16 | Elderly Sex Lives, STDs in Nursing Homes | | 44:31–48:04 | First Movie Nudity, Titties Hall-of-Fame | | 56:12–58:34 | Dana’s Space Anxiety, Existential Freak-Out | | 70:39–74:48 | Memorabilia Collecting, “Mantiquing”, eBay Tales | | 75:51–77:58 | Facebook Marketplace Food, Southern Dinners | | 88:09–89:14 | Peanut Butter Versatility, School Lunches | | 49:45 | Dana’s L-Train Apartment Saga | | 79:26 | “Pickpocketing should be legal” bit |

Tone & Language Notes

• Language: Candid, sometimes coarse, always irreverent ("pussy," "titties," "crumbs in my urethra")
• Dynamics: Freewheeling, self-deprecating, with classic group-roast energy and occasional bursts of actual insight.
• Atmosphere: Affable chaos; topics are dropped and revisited at random, often going from big-picture ideas to personal anecdotes in seconds.

For New Listeners: Why This Yak?

This episode is a prime example of The Yak’s “anything goes” comedy—hopping from Minnesota hockey talk to the decline of beer, to space-induced mental spirals and peanut butter hot dogs. Real-life banter, quick wit, and honest moments (like Dana’s existential dread) keep the show as unpredictable as it is honest. Not just a sports podcast—a hangout with sharp, unfiltered, and sometimes surprisingly deep personalities.