Our Hoosiers (Barely Alive) Check in From Miami | The Yak 1-20-26

Summary

The Yak: "Our Hoosiers (Barely Alive) Check-in From Miami"

Date: January 20, 2026
Hosts/Regulars: KBNoSwag (Kyle Bauer), Nick, Brandon Walker, Rone, Lil Sas, Kate, Steven Cheah, Big Cat, Dana, Connor Griffin, others
Location: Barstool Sports, The Yak Studio

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Episode Overview

This episode is a wild, free-form check-in after Indiana’s National Championship, with the Yak crew celebrating, sharing stories from Miami, ribbing each other about parties and basketball team "tryouts," and dissecting both personal and Barstool office drama. Featuring hangover reports from Katic and White Boy Rick direct from Miami, debates on the ultimate "guy/lad/bro/dude" taxonomy, reflections on team sports and the meaning of friendship, and recurring inside jokes about magicians, blowup dolls, and Barstool basketball struggles. The usual office chaos and personal oversharing shape a vibrant, comic, and thoroughly Barstool hour and a half.

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Main Topics & Discussion Highlights

1. Indiana’s National Championship: Aftermath from Miami

• Check-in from Katic and White Boy Rick (1:44:00)
  • Both are extremely hungover/possibly still drunk after celebrating IU’s first football national championship (“We're in rough shape, but we're national champions, so we're great.” – Rick, 36:46).
  • Stories from legendary Miami club E11EVEN and Prime 112 dinner—Rick admits, “At some point at like 3 or 4am it just became like a strip club.” (33:31).
  • Emotional moments: Katic “cried on TV this morning,” Rick posts about his mom, then starts Twitter beef with Miami fans.
  • Reflections on being a downtrodden Indiana fan suddenly on top—“Is this as good as it ever gets?” Discussion about the emptiness that might follow as a fan.

2. Barstool Juggernauts Basketball Team

• Tryout/Practice Debrief (2:53)
  • Practice involved high-effort running (“I had the boys running… five minutes and they're gassed.” – Big Cat, 3:26).
  • Discussion of team strategy: The new play is to give Rick the ball constantly (“I want 33 of those points to be coming from Rick.” – Big Cat, 4:08).
  • Some self-deprecation: “We're gonna lose by 25.” – Host (4:43), skepticism about the team’s fitness, and hope if their ringer Deutsche plays.
  • Debate over jumpsuits vs. suits for coaching; nostalgic riffing on “Hoosiers” and Jimmy Chitwood.

3. “Guy/Man/Lad/Dude/Bro” Taxonomy

• Literal taxonomizing of male identity terms (13:00+)
  • The group argues over who on show is a "lad," "guy," "bro," etc.
  • “Dana, you’re the most dude guy I know.” – Nick (13:04)
  • The playful bickering about what makes someone a “chump,” a “man,” a “lad,” etc.

4. Classic Yak: Gross-out Stories, Blowup Dolls & “Points” Games

• Dana’s revelations about high school points-based challenges and blowup doll incidents, and the shame/humor involved.
  • Notable: “If you’re actually a blow up doll, you’re just one step away from being a serial killer.” – Big Cat (7:47)
  • Tangent on whether using a blowup doll for pranks is more or less shameful than earnest use.
  • Nostalgia and reflection on maturing, but the crew is tempted to restart a points system in Chicago (“It’s a high school thing. We’re all 16-33 now.” – Dana, 10:46).

5. Magic, Magicians (“Jicks”), and FOMO

• Barstool staff is salty after Connor Griffin had a magician at a Penn State-heavy birthday party—and didn’t invite Yak or the rest of the staff.
  • “He looked me in the eye and said, it’s a Penn State only party.” (Mark Titus, 98:16)
  • Inside Barstool term “jick” for street magicians and riffs on “J Week.”
  • Discussion of magic’s appeal: “Dana is probably top of the list of guys that could get their mind blown over and over and never stop.” – Big Cat (28:31)
  • Ongoing inside joke: all future magic shows will exclude Connor and his Penn State clique. Hilariously petty.

6. Office/Content Drama: Parties, Applying for Dating Shows, Barstool Confessional

• Connor is roasted for excluding coworkers from his birthday/magician party.
• Update on dating show applicants: “He’s a good looking guy…an eligible bachelor.” – Big Cat (87:23)
• New Barstool “confessional booth” for anonymous complaints, mostly generating gripes about Mikey Bets so far.

7. Mascot Acquisitions & Fellas Friday

• PFT delivers “Bucky Badger” mascot suit to the office; jokes about mascot collections and group costumes.
• Segment where they highlight the “Fella of the Week”—this time, an Aussie “wave fighter” (random TikTok dude who literally shadow-boxes the ocean).
  • “If you don’t got guys like Dave out there, then you get tsunamis.” – Big Cat, 85:50.

8. Personal Tangents, Parenting, Hypotheticals, Reflections

• Brandon’s musings about where his life might have gone: “If you simulate my life 100 times, 70 of them end up in prison.” (58:56)
• Speculation on which Barstool employee’s disappearance would take the longest to notice.
• Boyish nostalgia (“Wouldn’t it be sweet to be a baby again?”).

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• “We're in rough shape but we're national champions so we're great.” – White Boy Rick, (36:46)
• “I want us to win this game 35 to 32, and I want 33 of those points to be coming from Rick.” – Big Cat, (4:08)
• “If you’re actually a blow up doll, you’re just one step away from being a serial killer.” – Big Cat, (7:47)
• “This is like when I came in here and talked about butt chugging.” – Dana, (9:55)
• “Dana, you’re the most dude guy I know.” – Nick, (13:04)
• “It’s a high school thing. We’re all 16-33 now.” – Dana, (10:46)
• “I just wanted to leave a legacy in the locker room for the guys.” – Katic, (33:03 – emotional, half-drunk championship reflection)
• “Connor Griffin, can you tell us why you didn’t invite us?” – repeated by Big Cat and others, throughout the Connor grilling (esp. 98:16+)
• “He was a Penn State only party.” – Mark, paraphrasing Connor, (98:16)
• “If you don’t got guys like Dave out there, then you get tsunamis.” – Big Cat, on TikTok ‘wave fighter’ (85:50)
• “If you died though, we’d all actually have to quit.” – Brandon, on Kyle/KB, (109:14)
• “Have you ever lived in an apartment with common areas? Never…But for the magician specifically, we needed more room so we rented…” – Connor, (88:50)
• “I am the kicker. Nobody likes me here.” – Brandon, during NFL job debate, (52:39)

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Timestamps – Key Segments

• 00:53-04:41: Barstool basketball team practice recap, “tryouts,” running, and the feed-Rick offense.
• 13:00-14:19: “Guy/bro/dude/lad” taxonomy debate.
• 28:09–32:00: Dana’s stories of being easy prey for magicians; card tricks at bars and the joy of being “jicked.”
• 36:46–41:15: Live from Miami hotel—Katic and White Boy Rick, championship celebration stories, and Twitter beef.
• 47:10–55:00: Friendship rankings, bachelor party Usher stories, and the bittersweetness of being a “side character.”
• 65:01–70:00: Hunt for the “Coldest Guy in Chicago” from the viral Bears game clip; cane burping soundboard.
• 80:47–85:22: TikTok wave-fighter “fella of the week” segment.
• 98:16–103:56: Connor gets grilled for not inviting Yak crew to his magician birthday bash; fire code, “Penn State only” excuses.

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Memorable Themes & Inside Jokes

• “Points” System – High school game for dares and pranks; would thrive in Barstool’s current Chicago office.
• Barstool Magic (Jicks & J Week) – Yak’s ‘jick’ term for magicians, magical FOMO, and desire to outdo Penn State party.
• Connor’s “Penn State Only” Affair – Running joke and sore point; exclusion from parties, resulting classic Barstool mock outrage.
• Mascot Mania – Bucky Badger, mascot collecting as a degenerate hobby, and dreams of an all-mascot office/fan section.
• Personality Taxonomy – Amusing debate about what archetype each host is (“chump, man, guy, lad, bro, dude,” etc.).
• The “Coldest Guy” – New meme/viral Barstool favorite, subject of a hunt for podcast follow-up.

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The Yak Experience: Takeaways for New Listeners

This episode is classic Yak—unfiltered, hilarious, meandering but always grounded in the chemistry of its hosts. It’s a cocktail of sports, inside-office bickering, oddball observations, and gleefully immature stories. Expect quick topic jumps, self-satire, relentless peer roasting, and hyper-insider jokes (often explained in real time). The show’s tone is raucous but affable, its best moments arising from genuine camaraderie, embarrassment, and comfort with oversharing—the weird, the gross, the sublime, and occasionally, the touching.

If you’re new to Yak or Barstool, this episode serves as both an initiation to their unique lexicon and an introduction to the personalities and deep-running jokes that fuel their fanbase.

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Episode At-a-Glance

• Championship aftermath: Live, bleary celebration from Miami after IU’s unlikely win.
• Barstool basketball: Out-of-shape, overconfident, and comedically dysfunctional as ever.
• Friendgroups, exclusions, parties: Connor gets (deservedly) clowned for snubbing coworkers from his birthday.
• "Guy/lads" debate: Important, not especially productive, classic Yak.
• Blowup dolls, magic, and “points”: Unapologetic college/teen hijinks nostalgia.
• Wave-fighting fella: New internet hero.
• Mascots & softballs: Bucky Badger joins the crew; ambitions for year-round Juggernaut sports.
• Plans for upcoming content: Woman’s dating show, spellbinding magician visit, and more.

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Listen for:

• Hangover stories live from Miami hotel lobby.
• Abundant shots at Connor Griffin for excluding his coworkers from his “Penn State only” magician party.
• Yak’s unique taxonomy of “guy/bro/lad/man/chump.”
• Tales of Barstool’s basketball struggles and high school “points” system nostalgia.
• Tender and absurd moments—emotional championship tears, toting magic forks, wave-punching, and confessional rants.

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Note: Skips all sponsorship, ad reads, and non-content as requested.

Transcript

[A]

Hey, Yak listeners. You can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music.

[B]

3, 2, 1.

[A]

You the robot.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

I'm the coolest one out of all of us.

[C]

Incredible.

[B]

Hello, it's the Yak. Welcome in Stone Blue coffee.com stbluecoffee.com ready to drink cans, cold brew K cups, ground beans, everything whole beans. StBlue Coffee.com Save some dogs. StBlue Coffee.com hey, everyone. How we doing?

[C]

So is our boy in surgery right now?

[B]

He is as we speak.

[C]

We're getting pre op, maybe.

[B]

Oh, actually, I don't know what time his surgery is.

[C]

11:30 was the time he said. Was that when he was gonna be done or when he started?

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

I'm scared for him.

[A]

I'm scared for him. And a few people DM'd him and they were like, hey, I got this surgery and it doesn't work.

[B]

And so that was his.

[A]

That was his last thought going under.

[C]

Did anybody DM him? Say, I got the surgery and it changed my life?

[A]

I don't think people would do that.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Dana's here. Dana's here.

[D]

What's going on, big boy? How we doing? I'm getting bigger, man.

[C]

Yeah, I noticed that yesterday.

[B]

Was that mean?

[D]

I would thought about that comment all night.

[C]

Yeah, what was it? I said, dana, you're looking fat as.

[B]

Yeah, that's mean.

[D]

Usually it just brushes off, but I was like, I think I am getting fat again.

[C]

No, and I. And I meant for that to land it landed. Yeah.

[A]

If I weren't so tall, it would be like distracted.

[E]

Yeah.

[B]

Did I hurt your feelings at all during basketball practice?

[D]

No, no, that was all love. That's like the coach that I was.

[B]

Calling you a fat fuck.

[D]

That was just fun. I'm usually okay with it, but Brandon's just. I was like, oh, fuck. Maybe I am getting.

[C]

Cause I said it from like 40ft away too.

[B]

Oh, I made sure like called your shot.

[D]

Well, my shirt. I think it was my shirt.

[C]

We weren't in direct contact. I had to really. I had to be like, dana, over here. Over here. Dana, you look fat as fuck, but.

[A]

You don't look fat right now.

[D]

No, but every time I walk by the mirror now, I'm like, okay, keep an eye on this. Make sure it doesn't get out of control, buddy. Are you a grilled chicken?

[F]

When the weather turns, you'll. You'll shed some pounds. Does it happen?

[D]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. Oh, I'm the biggest. I think big cats like this, too. Like.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Fluctuation guy.

[B]

Well, it's more that when we get tan.

[D]

Yeah, yeah. Look so much hotter.

[B]

So I don't do anything.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

I do a little bro glow these days.

[B]

You know what that is?

[A]

Oh, yeah, the male self tanner.

[B]

Yeah, that's smart, bro. Glowing.

[D]

Pretty fun.

[G]

We.

[B]

You missed a really good practice, Titus. Yeah, I know you still might show.

[D]

Up, dude, but I almost puked.

[B]

I had the boys running.

[D]

Almost puked.

[F]

Did we touch a basketball or is it just.

[B]

Yeah, no, we. I basically was like, hey, look. I said to him before the practice. I was like, hey, look, guys, we're in whatever week six of the season. I think this is a regular season finale. It is. I was like, the last game of the regular season. We're not going to fix our cardio at this point. The only thing we can fix is learning how to shoot a little bit better while we're out of. While we're really tired.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

So I ran them for five minutes, which that's all it takes to get these boys tired. Five minutes and they're gassed. And then we shot.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was ugly shooting.

[F]

Were there any surprises? Was there. Was there anybody that showed up? This wasn't a tryout. This was a practice, but also kind of a tryout.

[B]

Kind of. I wanted to see effort.

[D]

Connor Griffin is just. He's the guy.

[F]

Was there anybody new? Is there anybody that hasn't played a game that showed up for the practice?

[B]

No, no. We installed one and only play, which is just going to be the. I said. I said to them straight up, rick is in Miami still. I was like, I want us to win this game 35 to 32, and I want 33 of those points to be coming from Rick.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

So that's the whole offense. Feed Rick.

[D]

The other team's probably watching right now.

[B]

Yeah, that's fine. But it was good. They were running. They were running. High effort, practice. Everyone bought in. I was excited that everyone was not, you know, no one was complaining because there was a couple times where I given the state. The conditioning state of the team, it was borderline. Was the like. Like the NCAA could show up and be like, you're gonna kill these boys. And. And. And we can't have that. So it was one of those situation.

[D]

Live stream, tomorrow at 7. Check it out. Everybody gonna be fun.

[H]

Well, the game's gonna be live stream.

[D]

Yep.

[H]

Nice.

[A]

You're gonna lose by 25.

[F]

Yeah, we're not.

[D]

No, we're not. Don't do that.

[B]

Probably Deutsch is gonna be there, though.

[A]

Like.

[B]

Yeah, he's here tomorrow. Oh, yeah. He's gonna have to play.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

That's gonna win. Yeah, I'm gonna. And Titus might be there.

[F]

I might be there.

[A]

To play.

[F]

Yeah, I might play.

[B]

Possibly. Jimmy Chitwood. You should just come. And if we need you late, you.

[H]

You.

[B]

Yeah, that'd be nice.

[D]

Is this the tool?

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

No, he.

[C]

That's the one I've never come across.

[B]

Yeah, no, he. That one.

[D]

No, he didn't.

[B]

Yes, he did.

[F]

That's why he brought it in. Why it's in that chair.

[D]

Don't do that.

[E]

Smell your fingers.

[A]

He never came around it.

[G]

It was just around.

[F]

He said he pulled it off. He pulled it off when he was about to come. No, he didn't come.

[C]

Look, we all have our own. He took. That's the chair.

[D]

He was gullible. I'm not that gullible.

[B]

That was his chair.

[C]

Well, this is the one time you're.

[A]

Were you a guy that was sticking his dick in things?

[D]

No.

[A]

Never.

[D]

Nope.

[C]

Not.

[B]

No. He was getting his dicks.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[D]

I didn't stick my dick in anything. No, there was a guy in my.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[C]

Just say.

[D]

Just say it quick.

[A]

Just say it quick. There was a guy.

[H]

Say the item.

[A]

Well, Dana, now it's implied that you stuck your dick in a guy.

[D]

I am pleading the fifth on this, okay? On my own.

[C]

Stupid.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay.

[A]

Have any of your friends ever been like, dude, you gotta chill with talking about me?

[D]

No. Well, yeah, okay, But I don't do it as much anymore.

[C]

Even the one who's too ugly to get married?

[F]

Stop.

[D]

Dude.

[B]

No, it's not too ugly.

[D]

He's hot.

[C]

Too poor.

[B]

No, he can't settle. Oh, my God.

[D]

We're not doing.

[A]

Oh, I met him.

[B]

He's. He's. He's one of those guys. He gets little, like, after a couple weeks. No, he's actually a decent jacked dude.

[D]

But that's not important.

[F]

But he won't grow up.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Come on. He doesn't deserve this. He didn't ask for any Peter Pan situation.

[A]

He's doing it to himself.

[C]

We don't know who he said.

[A]

Dana, stop.

[D]

I disavow.

[A]

Maybe one day.

[C]

Well, if Dana's not going to tell on all his boys, we don't have a show. I don't know what the. We're going to do.

[B]

All right?

[D]

There was a guy in my grade who couches.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

How do you.

[B]

Went to high school with J.D. vance?

[A]

Yeah, I think couches were kind of. It's probably couches were humped more off.

[D]

I think there were multiple guys that were.

[C]

They're super.

[D]

Actually, I have stuck my dick in a blowup doll.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[F]

I don't think.

[A]

Yeah, I think blowup dolls are more pranks than they're not.

[D]

It didn't feel good at all.

[A]

There's no way it feels.

[D]

It was just plastic.

[B]

Dude.

[H]

I think Joey Kamasta talked about, like, somebody got as a joke and he, like, was like it all. I think. Sorry if I'm wrong, but I just don't.

[A]

I don't think it would feel. It's just a.

[D]

And it didn't have a hot face either.

[E]

No.

[G]

I don't think.

[A]

None of them have hot faces or body.

[D]

Yes, some of them have porn stars. Blow up dolls. Yes. Dude, I didn't know this.

[F]

I've never seen blow up dolls.

[D]

Yeah, blow up dolls.

[C]

Some of them.

[D]

Jay, I know, like, help me out here.

[B]

I don't want to kink shame, but, like, if you actually are a blow up doll, you're just one step away from being a serial killer.

[A]

I think.

[B]

I think it's like the last thing.

[A]

You do pre arrested.

[B]

Right? It's the last thing you do before, like. All right, maybe I'll just start strangling.

[A]

That's a level of horny that you shouldn't get to. A couch is more acceptable than.

[B]

Yes.

[H]

All right.

[D]

What.

[E]

What porn star was on your doll?

[D]

Mine didn't have one. Well, I'm saying there are ones that have them. What did you telling you?

[C]

You're.

[A]

You weren't yours? What, you weren't attracted to yours?

[D]

No.

[H]

Did you feel shame as it was happening?

[D]

Yes, it was. I was sitting like this against the wall.

[B]

Oh, God.

[D]

It was going on.

[F]

All right, and.

[D]

And what am I doing?

[F]

Is it mouth or is it the butthole? What?

[B]

Did you switch back and forth?

[D]

Oh, no, it was vagina.

[F]

It's vagina.

[B]

Did you do any mouth?

[A]

Did you pull out?

[F]

Did you try them out?

[D]

I don't remember if I did mouth. I don't think I did mouth because it wasn't a hot.

[B]

Were you kissing it? But no. You kiss it a little?

[D]

No, no, dude. No, I'm not kissing.

[A]

Did you grab the titty?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. No, but they're just like, little pointy, like.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What'd you do after cone tits? Just threw it out.

[D]

But it was for the boys, though, so it wasn't like, for me.

[F]

What do you mean?

[B]

No, I was like, oh, What?

[C]

They were cheering you on for the.

[D]

How many there? But there was like. It was points.

[C]

It was points.

[D]

It was points.

[B]

Wait, so you. Wait, this is actually kind of up. You're telling me that you like, you have a group of friends and you made one of your group of friends like something and then report back?

[F]

That's.

[A]

That's a little im.

[C]

I get it.

[D]

I get. Was points.

[B]

It was like, we're basically.

[D]

It was only like four points.

[B]

We're basically doing a point system with Mikey Betson.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

What. What, what will he do?

[B]

Yeah, he doesn't have any points.

[E]

Starting now.

[C]

Did you guys ever have a final score or is it still running today?

[D]

No, no, no, it's, it's, it's. It's.

[C]

Was there a winner?

[D]

No, we just were like, all right, we're going to college.

[C]

That was stupid.

[B]

Oh, all right.

[F]

So see you guys. Yeah, that was.

[D]

I can't believe. I mean, I thought.

[B]

Yeah, everyone had points.

[D]

This is like when I came in here and talked about. But.

[A]

But chugging.

[D]

Chugging.

[B]

I was a.

[D]

Butt plugs.

[B]

Yeah, boofin. You boofed?

[D]

Yeah, apparently no one else did.

[F]

Anybody?

[C]

You thought we were all shitting on our boys chest?

[D]

No, no. You tell me. Jay has never fucked a blow up doll. Come on.

[C]

Oh, yeah, Chase.

[B]

How many? Oh, not to bring up some bad stuff, but how many points would you hypothetically give your boy if he shits clean out of his shorts? That's. God, that would be a lot of points, actually. And then also the expired lobster's got to be points. Yeah, this expired lobster day would have been good.

[F]

Yep.

[B]

Yep. Eat this expired lobster poop out of your shorts. Yeah, we might need to bring back a point system. No, that would be fun.

[A]

That would be fun.

[B]

That would be fun.

[C]

Oh, too old now.

[D]

It's a high school thing. We're all 1633 now.

[A]

You've matured, Dana.

[D]

I have?

[F]

Unlike. But your one friend hasn't.

[B]

No, he'll never.

[D]

Not fair to him. He doesn't ask for that.

[F]

He's 16 forever.

[D]

What if he's watching?

[F]

He probably wants to do points still.

[B]

He was really bad. He was watching. Just. Dude, settle down. It's not that scary.

[F]

Was there anybody that was like, really, really bad at stuff?

[D]

Like, well, just let's move on.

[F]

Like, they would try to get points, but they just couldn't for some reason. Yeah, they're like, man, I tried to shove this up my ass.

[D]

No, no, none of that.

[F]

None of that.

[E]

50 points if you settle down with them.

[F]

I. I airballed Yeah, I just keep air balling. Oh, my God.

[C]

Your other boys are chanting airball. Oh, no, no.

[D]

It was pretty much just me.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

Well, it was a way to get you to do.

[D]

Yes, it was all me.

[C]

And they were like, tell.

[D]

Oh, good time.

[C]

All right.

[D]

Hot start to the show.

[C]

Dana's pitching a shutout again. He's the only one sticking this up his ass.

[D]

I wouldn't hate a point system here, actually.

[A]

Yeah, I think it could work.

[C]

That could work. Dana. I don't know who all would sign up for the point system.

[A]

A lot of people.

[C]

Nikki smokes, bets. James. Say, have you ever eaten the. Donnie.

[D]

Chef Donnie would be good at it.

[A]

Chef Donnie would love a point.

[D]

Love points.

[C]

He probably. Max would love numbers. Part of it.

[F]

Yeah. Max would love points.

[C]

Yeah, Points might be. Might be a thing. Dana.

[D]

Might have done it again. I might have done it again.

[A]

This brain you have, you've thought of some great shit.

[F]

You got a lot of plates spinning right now. Like, a lot of really good shit going.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Station and the trying things and basketball team.

[C]

The big boys podcast is taking off. Yeah. Mostly hoops.

[A]

Mostly hoops and live bet, lads.

[D]

Live BET, lads. Sports one.

[F]

You're killing it.

[A]

So you guys live, but what makes you lads is the hats.

[D]

I don't know. We didn't come up with it.

[A]

You were tasked with the live at last.

[F]

I just do what I'm told.

[C]

I wouldn't call you a lad.

[A]

They were hats. When they wear little hats, boys live like little lads.

[C]

I think. I think you're a dude. I don't think you're a lad.

[D]

I'm. I don't want to be whatever you want me to be. A dude, a lad, a girl. I'll do whatever.

[A]

I think you're the. You're the most dude guy I know.

[C]

Yeah. Like Dana. You're a guy. Dana's a dude.

[H]

But I can see if you were in Ireland or something, the boys would be like, that's a lad.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[H]

Yeah, I see you being a lad. A lad is a dude.

[A]

And he's too big to be a lad.

[C]

Is he a bro?

[A]

No, I'm a dude.

[C]

You're a dude. You're a dude. Yeah.

[A]

Giza. Giza.

[B]

No, he's a giza.

[D]

Like the pyramids.

[C]

Yeah, like the pyramids. That's what he's saying.

[D]

He said giza.

[A]

You're a dude. Kate, you're a dude. Danny's a guy, man.

[G]

Man.

[A]

And I'm. I think I'm the only boy on the Show.

[C]

Yeah, you're a boy. Yeah.

[H]

This is a boy.

[D]

Danny might be a boy.

[A]

Lucas.

[C]

Oh, Danny's not a boy.

[E]

I could be a dude and a guy.

[C]

I think you're a guy.

[A]

I think Kyle's a lady.

[H]

Kyle could be a lad. Yeah.

[E]

And a man, though.

[A]

He could be.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Interesting.

[C]

Like ankle Dan's a man. Yeah, well, a dude.

[D]

He might be a dude.

[C]

Dana's a dude. Danny's a guy. I'm a man.

[B]

Oh, you're a chump.

[D]

Oh.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Jump is a good one.

[D]

We gotta bring back somebody said twerp the other.

[C]

Why'd you go straight to chump? Like.

[B]

I don't know. It just popped in my head. Okay, well, I think I'm a guy.

[C]

I called you a man.

[A]

You're a guy.

[B]

I don't think I'm a man. I think you're a man.

[C]

I'm a man.

[B]

You're a man. I'm a guy.

[C]

Why'd you change me from man to chump?

[B]

I don't know if chump feels. I mean, you're acting like a chump right now. Wait, what makes you lad? You just put on little hats.

[D]

I didn't. We didn't come up with it.

[F]

Yeah, it doesn't make any sense.

[D]

It just. It's McCarthy.

[B]

KDICK ON.

[D]

I do whatever Jack tells me to do.

[B]

Cave's gonna join us in. In 10 minutes. I'm wake up barstool. Today was. God damn it was that so funny. He was crying.

[D]

Love that.

[B]

He cried like four times. One of them was because he was talking about his bacon.

[A]

It was so thick.

[B]

So.

[A]

The bacon was so thick, man.

[B]

Yeah, he just started re he like. We didn't ask him and he just started talking about his dinner two nights ago.

[A]

He would start a sentence and have no idea how it ended. It would just taper off into something else.

[G]

Was good.

[A]

It was good.

[B]

Yeah. What a night for. What a noise. Incredible.

[D]

So happy for my boy.

[C]

We.

[D]

We had this boat and we were in Miami beach, like downtown Miami Beach.

[C]

The.

[D]

The hotel stayed as in Marimer, Florida. So it was 30 minutes. So an hour round trip.

[B]

I met.

[A]

It's a kid reading a book report.

[D]

All the boys and the girls at the Prime 112 restaurant. Dad, you ever eat there?

[B]

Yeah, I have eaten there before. Pretty cool. Yeah.

[C]

And then so.

[D]

So we rolled up.

[C]

Not we.

[B]

I rolled up. Everyone was already there. They had two big pieces of bacon.

[D]

For me, so I ate the pieces of bacon. So all the oysters were eaten. I don't really like Sounds like a book report.

[B]

It's like talking like a six year old. Did you have your little bacon? What was for lunch then I ate the two pieces.

[F]

What was the what? The question.

[A]

No question.

[B]

It. There really wasn't. It was like he was shy. Well, he was. He couldn't get over the fact that he was. It was 6:30 in the morning.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

And then what? Whoa.

[C]

Holy.

[B]

Whoa. Bucky.

[C]

Why?

[A]

Bucky.

[C]

Badger walking.

[B]

What the hell? Why is Bucky here?

[H]

What are you doing here?

[C]

What's going on?

[F]

Huh?

[B]

Why is Bucky here?

[A]

Big git.

[B]

I love Bucky.

[H]

Wow.

[B]

Bucky used to live in my. Well, one of the Buc EE's lived in my apartment at Wisconsin. And I always was so close to wanting to steal the. The. The head because they had. We had shared laundry in the basement. I was like. So I'd see it every now and then.

[G]

He would just.

[A]

He would wash the head.

[B]

Yeah, well, he'd have like the head. Bring the whole thing down and he would just like. Because there was a sink there too. And they'd wash the actual costume or mascot.

[C]

What?

[B]

What's Bucky doing here?

[D]

What was that?

[B]

Ryan? Why is Bucky here?

[H]

Bucky's just here. Oh, he's getting so last week.

[C]

The Oregon Duck. Is this just a furthering of the.

[B]

Collection he bought Bucky?

[C]

It's just a furthering of theft. Yeah.

[B]

Pft. He said he was buying another one.

[A]

Yeah, he said he's addicted to buying those.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is a really niche market mascot now.

[C]

And they're not cheap.

[D]

Is that Pft?

[C]

I assume it is, but he might have put somebody.

[B]

I'm happy we got it. We could use it.

[H]

That is a cute little mascot.

[F]

Hi, Bucky.

[H]

Hi, Bucky.

[B]

Bft. Did you get some of the lunch? That was a test.

[D]

You passed.

[B]

I love it. I love it. You bought this? It's so sick.

[H]

Great sweater.

[B]

It's awesome. Hey, I thought if the Juggernauts are.

[C]

Going to turn this thing around, they should have a mask.

[B]

Oh, hell yes. Yes. I don't know if there's anybody. Mikey Betts. He's not the coach anymore. He's technically a player, but he didn't show to practice this thing.

[A]

Are you dying in there?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're seeing me.

[B]

I love it. Pft. I want to put it on.

[D]

Out of breath.

[B]

I'm addicted to.

[H]

But.

[B]

Well, the chin strap was coming. I'm addicted to buying mascot costumes. This is the last one I'm gonna buy. But yeah, if. If somebody wants to be Bucky. The badger. Dude, I fucking love for the ugger.

[D]

Not.

[B]

We got it right here. Yeah, I love it. Look. How's it looks?

[C]

Awesome. So how many mascots I was saying.

[B]

When you walk by? I. I used to have a Bucky in my building when I was at school and I used to see them washing the mascot uniform and I always like, I want to steal it. I think somebody should be. Somebody should be Bucky for the Uggernauts. The only problem is you can't really see shit out of it.

[C]

That's.

[A]

Where are the eye?

[B]

It's not a problem. It's the mouth. It's not a problem at all. Oh, that doesn't seem.

[A]

Wait, that's in the dead center.

[B]

You just. Yeah. Put this on real quick.

[A]

Are you just cross eyed in there?

[B]

Yeah. It sucks to look at it. That thing is awesome. It's also very hot.

[A]

Who. Where are you getting mascot?

[B]

I got a secret connection. Yeah, we got to get more. We got to get all of them. Danny should do the Gauntlet as Bucky.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[G]

Danny.

[B]

Hey, listen, Lee Corso's done.

[C]

There's a.

[B]

There's a spot for mascots. Giant mascots, but yeah. So I'm going to donate this to the Uggernauts. Oh, thank you.

[F]

Perfect.

[C]

We need it.

[B]

All right, we'll have. You know what? We'll have Zach put it on and he'll do this. We'll do a hybrid. He'll be like the St. Joe's hawk, but for Bucky. And he'll have to just flap his wings the whole time.

[F]

Love it.

[B]

I'm so. I'm so relieved. It was pfd.

[A]

He can't see.

[B]

I'm so relieved it was pft. And not like someone being like, I got you bucky for $300.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And I was going to suck. Just be like, oh, we got to.

[C]

Have to have a.

[B]

Someone who doesn't want to be here. That's awesome. That thing is awesome.

[G]

It's quality.

[B]

By the way, Friday magician.

[A]

You got him.

[F]

The spellbinder.

[A]

Connor Griffin.

[B]

Can't.

[A]

Can't come.

[F]

No, Connor's not allowed.

[B]

He's got to close his eyes the entire time, actually. He'll sit on the court. Headphones, blindfold.

[F]

Yes.

[A]

I'd be fine if the spellbinder cut him in half.

[B]

Yeah, but yeah, we, we. I mean, we. I love doing Jick week when we did it like two years ago.

[C]

So.

[B]

Yeah, we have at least one that.

[A]

Was right off the tongue.

[B]

What is that?

[C]

You don't know J Week J week. You know about.

[E]

We should be saying that.

[B]

No. Yeah.

[C]

No, that's a J ass thing to say.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

You never. You don't. You don't believe in jicks. You don't like J is.

[F]

Do you not like Jason.

[B]

We use. You were saying. Yeah, like, JKs keep taking our jobs.

[D]

I don't think you can say that.

[B]

Go back to where you came from. This is old Yak lors. Probably four years ago, we came up with the. The idea that if you call a magician a jick, it sounds like a terrible, terrible, but you can say it.

[C]

I guess so.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

And I feel like you guys have said it to magicians who on the show were like, what?

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

What? Call me a jit ship.

[H]

Yep. You're right.

[B]

Yeah, that's. I. I understanding why Danny's upset.

[C]

Magician Wick was awesome.

[B]

He was saying Danny was like, yeah, these chicks are playing their music too loud.

[A]

I only say that if they cut me off in traffic.

[E]

We need him to one up his performance at Connor, so, like, we need three dubs.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We need to get crazy with it. Yeah, I'm excited. A little Friday.

[D]

What happened?

[B]

What.

[D]

What happened with Connor?

[B]

He got a J and didn't invite us.

[F]

Didn't invite anybody here?

[H]

Like.

[C]

No, no, no.

[F]

Nobody from the office was invited except the people that were involved.

[H]

And not just any Jake. Like, this guy has been super viral. Like, me and my girlfriends have been sending each other this chick for, like, months and months and months.

[F]

He looked.

[C]

Now it does feel. He looked.

[F]

Me and others in the.

[H]

Yeah, you know what?

[F]

It's Penn State people only.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

And then this. And then this video from McKenzie emerged. Where Zoopy.

[B]

Not Penn State.

[A]

I think he blogged about it.

[F]

Yeah, he blogged about his first blog.

[A]

First barstool.

[F]

First blog with Hardy that.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Rubbing our noses in it.

[A]

Yeah.

[H]

And his tweet of it went, like, very viral. I feel like.

[C]

Wait for the announcement.

[B]

Oh, and they had little hats, too.

[G]

Are they.

[A]

They're partying.

[B]

That's what we were saying. Where the Are they? You know what it is? You know where I think they are in this. Oh, man.

[G]

Connor.

[B]

I hate Connor.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

I just. I just had a revelation. I hate Conor because he. He's the dude who, when he gets. When he. When he signs a lease in an apartment building. The, like, common area that no one uses.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

They're like, oh, we got a roof tech. Or like, oh, we got this common area with a big TV and, like, a foosball table. Connor signs up and Uses that space.

[A]

Oh, that fits his personality so perfectly.

[E]

Utilizing the amenities.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's like, oh, I got the best amenities here. They got a. A ping pong table.

[A]

Yeah, we should.

[B]

I should actually, you know, I should use this to my advantage. Connor is. Is one of those guys that we. We should just go. No salary, but you get a beanbag chair. He would be. He would do that. Yeah, yeah. He's like a. He's like a Google team spirit guy.

[F]

You can rent out the movie theater.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Has three seats in it.

[B]

Yeah. We're not going to be doing. We're not gonna be doing bonuses this year, but popcorn Friday when the lobby.

[H]

Has cheese and wine.

[G]

Yeah.

[H]

Down there.

[B]

Like, this is actually the signal. Like, we, you know, we. We work hard, but we. We party even harder because they have a keg for 30 minutes on Fridays.

[A]

He would have so much fun on, like, one of those pedal bars in Nashville.

[B]

Oh, God. He's a pedal bar guy.

[A]

We go one more la.

[B]

Oh, man. Segway Tours. Oh. Oh, Griff.

[F]

The excuse he gave Dana was that it wasn't his party and that he was. He could only bring so many people and it, like, wasn't his thing. And that video comes out. He's sitting front row with the magician.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Spill, bud.

[H]

Like, yeah.

[F]

He was pretending to be, like, too timid to ask if I could bring a couple more buddies. Like, it's not really my party.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's not your party.

[C]

It's like.

[F]

It's more of a party where I'm just gonna kind of sit off to the side and, you know, just.

[A]

It's a friend of a friend of.

[F]

A friend type thing.

[D]

I got.

[B]

All you had to do too was invite me. I would have said, no, no check. Then he could have gotten off by being like, well, I invited one of you. Is a free invite.

[C]

What? I said, yeah. We were in the mostly studio. I said, if you invited me and I don't go, you. You're then covered for the room.

[B]

Correct.

[F]

One of the most valuable things you can figure out is who's gon say no to things and invite them to everything.

[G]

Yeah, exactly what I did for my birthday.

[B]

Yeah. TJ invited me to his birthday.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

It was really nice. Oh, I actually touched.

[A]

I got invited to TJ's birthday. Couldn't go, but I invited somebody to TJ's birthday.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Tim woods showed up, is having a great time.

[A]

I said, location.

[D]

Hell yeah.

[A]

I was like, you want to go to TJ's birthday?

[B]

Tim woods is a man.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

TJ, I didn't text you about that.

[G]

That was fine.

[B]

It was awesome.

[C]

Tim woods hung out here that entire day and just a smiling dude.

[H]

Just lovely guy.

[B]

Yeah, I got it. I like like three different times I went to the kitchen, just struck up like a 15 minute conversation with him.

[C]

Every time we work in the golf simulator, me and maybe Wyatt and Tim woods just walked over, said nice hit and just was smiling the whole time. Made this feel good.

[B]

He might be my number one, like side character at Barstool Far and away. Like he's just. Everything about him is.

[F]

I don't want to step on PMT's toes too much.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

We utilizing him enough, we could utilize. I don't know how to utilize it more, but every time.

[B]

He should come to camp.

[F]

Every time I experience camp would be good.

[B]

He should come to camp and run a huge D D game with everything. And it's like that. That picture right there is like heaven in hell. Because it's like my least favorite person in the world and my most favorite.

[D]

Yeah. In the world. Yeah.

[A]

The thing about Tim woods is you could be talking about anything and he's more interested in it than you.

[B]

Correct.

[A]

He wants to hear more and it makes you feel good.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[D]

He's the man.

[F]

Does Lucas still work here?

[A]

I don't think.

[F]

I haven't seen him in.

[B]

We should get him a yug.

[F]

I haven't seen him in Asia.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

You see his mom and his dad Rose. I love his parents.

[D]

I think he needs a.

[B]

His parents could get a job.

[C]

Lucas.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Good parents.

[B]

Dude. Did you see the text exchange? I didn't. Parents were roasting him.

[A]

Yeah, they know.

[C]

What?

[B]

They hate him too.

[A]

They know they fucked up bad.

[B]

I would just imagine Lucas's parents, like watching when we antique him and being like, yes. His mom said, I have an idea for Barstow After Dark. Maybe the new guy can teach you how to chug a beer. Challenge isn't over until you beat him or can chug the whole beer in one shot. And then his dad said that would be longer than Jerry's hole in one shot. Roasting. They hate his guts. Oh yeah.

[D]

I got jicked a few weeks ago.

[B]

Oh, you did?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

What happened?

[D]

I was at a bar and this.

[B]

Someone pickpocketed.

[C]

There was a.

[D]

A jick and he just me for like two hours.

[A]

Did it work?

[G]

Yes.

[D]

Due to like, especially when you're buzzing a little bit.

[C]

Are we sure he knows? Like, how's he using it? What happened to you? He was doing tricks.

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[D]

And yeah, there's nothing cooler than magic. I'm kind of with Connor Griffin.

[B]

Wait, he was. He just showed up to the bar and was jicking you.

[D]

He was the bartender's boyfriend and he was just hanging out on the edge and they're like, oh. He was like, hey, my boyfriend does.

[B]

Oh, that guy is so nervous is his girlfriend's gonna get. Hey, honey, you're work. You're working tonight. Mind if I just show up and do some magic? A couple dudes disappear. Oh, you got a shift. You got. You're working to double tonight. That's all right. I got enough. I. I learned a new trick.

[C]

I'm not doing anything.

[A]

Copy that. Soon, babe. You can't bring dubs.

[B]

That's the most. That's the most not invited guy ever. Let me just stand in the corner and do some magic for people while you bartend.

[C]

End.

[D]

He's mind blowing. Really good at it.

[F]

What was he doing?

[H]

Car.

[D]

Well, I'm the easiest, like, get jicked guy ever.

[B]

Yeah, you are.

[F]

So card tricks.

[D]

Card tricks?

[F]

Yes.

[D]

A lot of card tricks.

[A]

And were you, Were you asking for more and more?

[D]

Yes. Kept rifling them off.

[B]

Feel like you are the perfect.

[D]

Yeah, dude. I, I, I ran. I kept, like, getting up and running.

[B]

You could. You did?

[D]

Yeah. Like, that was my reaction.

[B]

Dana is probably top of the list of guys that could get their mind blown over and over and over and over and over and never stop.

[D]

Absolutely.

[C]

Even above Che. You think?

[B]

Ah, Chase. Pretty high up there. Yeah. Mind blown.

[C]

Guys love magic.

[D]

Magic is so sick. I wish I was at Connor's thing, dude.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

You guys.

[B]

Do you guys ever follow the accounts that they try to teach you how to do them?

[A]

I don't want to learn.

[H]

I don't.

[D]

I don't want to know. No.

[B]

I'm so dumb. Like, they'll do it and show me, and I'll just be like, wow. I don't. I still don't know how holy. They'll, like, be behind. It'll be behind their hands. And I'll see, like, the extra cup or something. Like, I still don't get it.

[E]

I feel like the card ones are easy.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

And in the hospital, they would keep coming around and around, eventually be like, the same trick. So I'm like, all right. I would, like, try to study it every time. And every time it would be like, you pick the nine of hearts or something. And next thing you know, it's like on the other side of the window. But they would really have, like a full deck. And then, like, another full deck of just 9 of hearts over it.

[B]

Oh, that's smart.

[A]

I used to spend all my allowance on penguinmagic.com trying to learn. And I bought a DVD on how to bend fork tines with my mind.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I, like, thought I knew how to do it. And then the first, like, high school football game I went to alone, I had a pocket full of forks.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

I was in, like, eighth grade. I was, like, just jingling, jangling around.

[B]

My buddy was like, you're my.

[A]

That's silverware. I never had the nerve to bring them out. Unbent forks in my pocket.

[D]

Humiliating. You just gave up.

[A]

My dad was so disappointed. Like, he was excited to bring me to, like, this high school football game. I was in eighth grade, and I just had a pocket full of fun forks.

[F]

Football game.

[B]

He hears you jingling.

[D]

Just waiting for my moment.

[B]

Yeah. God damn it. He brought his forks.

[A]

Brought his forks, didn't he?

[B]

This goddamn kid trying to show him a man's sport, and he brought forks.

[A]

If I could, I. I don't think I was ever good at it either.

[C]

It's good.

[B]

I mean, I kind of wish I got into magic because, like, there are those kids that get into magic when they're, like, younger, and they just have. Yeah, they're not good, but they have, like, two to three tricks that they can do at any time.

[F]

I want one trick.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Just one trick.

[B]

Give me a trick. I got nothing. The only one I got is when someone's, like, asked to take a picture, and I hold the phone, and then I just pretend to run away.

[G]

All learn.

[B]

And then I go, ha, ha. That's it.

[C]

Well, was it part of the allure of jikwig? We were teaching Mincy how to do a trick.

[F]

That's right.

[C]

Every single day, we're trying to teach Mincy how to do a trick, and it just never.

[B]

Well, no, he did.

[C]

Did he do it.

[B]

He learned how to disappear. He's in Mexico.

[C]

He's flying high above the Gulf of Mexico right now.

[B]

Yep. You got to stream with him last night.

[C]

I did.

[B]

It's been great. Did you end up betting Miami?

[C]

I did.

[B]

Okay, so that's good.

[C]

Nope. Nope.

[B]

Honey line.

[A]

Oh.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Well, at least you got a little thrill.

[C]

I did get a thrill. There was the moments where I at least have the satisfaction of knowing this is a decent bet.

[B]

This is in the game. You were in the game.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, we're in it. Is. Is our guy Katic and white boy Rick here or no. Yo, there they are boys.

[C]

Oh, my gosh.

[B]

How we doing?

[F]

Oh, Rick.

[D]

We're in rough shape, but we're national champions, so we're great.

[B]

Are you guys drunk or just hu. Over all?

[D]

Still very drunk, I think.

[B]

Okay. Okay. And how was 11?

[D]

So sick. Unbelievable.

[B]

Is that the first time. Is that the first time you guys went to 11? Yeah. It's the greatest place on Rick.

[A]

Is your head on crooked?

[D]

It might be.

[A]

No, other way.

[B]

Other way.

[F]

Other way.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

There you go.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

You're good now, Rick.

[B]

So we saw Kic. You know, he got a shout out. It was awesome. He cried. He cried on TV this morning. Would you like to actually talk about the guys in the locker room real quick, Katic, what it means to you? It's.

[G]

It's everything.

[D]

This is. This is everything I've ever wanted. I just wanted to leave. Like I said earlier on on love, like, leave a legacy.

[C]

Is his mustache.

[A]

Yeah, your mustache.

[C]

Your mustache.

[A]

What happened to you?

[B]

You didn't put your mustache on the wrong way.

[C]

Mustache is cr.

[E]

You guys are topsy Turv.

[A]

You boys partied so hard, you got.

[C]

No, I won't. Your mustache is crooked.

[F]

He's got pink lips. You're taking pink lips.

[D]

Their eyes are.

[C]

Yeah, their eyes are popping. They look good.

[E]

White walkers.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I just wanted to leave a legacy in the locker room for the guys and.

[C]

Sorry.

[D]

I think I. Yeah, it was awesome.

[B]

Yeah. What about that bacon?

[D]

Bacon was nuts. It's awesome. Very good. That prime 112 is a great restaurant.

[B]

We're bacon. You weren't invited to that?

[D]

I got invited to enough. I can't complain.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. 11 is. It's the greatest place on earth. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

How many times have you got it?

[D]

At some point at like 3 or 4am it just became like a strip club.

[B]

No, it is. Yeah. No, the way I describe it is you just go to a club, and then there's like, 300 incredibly hot strippers that will just walk up to you randomly and be like, you want a lap dance? And you're just like, okay.

[D]

I had a girl that was like. I thought she was hitting on me. And then I was like, wait, do you work here? And she's like, yeah. And then I was like, oh, okay.

[C]

Can I talk to white boy Rick real quick? Yeah, White boy Rick. I thought last night was very endearing when you. Endearing when you shared the photo of your mother. It was an incredible story. It's awesome. It's beautiful. And I was like, God damn. This is sports, man. Sports really do it. This makes me feel good. Ten minutes later, you're tweeting random Miami fans threatening, wanting to fight them at the corner of 23rd and Palm.

[B]

You're talking about dragging your nuts on people. You're like, if you hear that clapping, it's my nuts.

[C]

You were likable for 30 seconds, and it was like, wow. And then you were just trying to fight everybody in. In the world.

[D]

That's fair. That's a fair assessment of the night.

[B]

I liked it, though. You. That's who you are on Twitter. You go hard on Twitter.

[D]

Y.

[B]

What were you guys nervous at all that you were going to lose the game? Because it was very tight.

[D]

The.

[A]

The.

[D]

The momentum kind of swung very quickly in that second half. And there was a like, like, whole first half. It was juiced in the stadium. It was an Indiana home game. And then they ripped off that long run. And then I think we had a three and out. And that's when I was like, okay, wait. Like, I don't know. The stadium got a little quiet at that point.

[C]

I thought.

[D]

I thought after we blocked the punt. Blocked the punt and score. I thought that was going to be the wraps.

[B]

And then.

[D]

Like, dude, it's, It's. I don't get me crazy now. I don't know how as much is.

[A]

Your shoulder connected to your jaw, Rick.

[C]

I don't get direct on a string. I think.

[A]

Okay, yeah, Rick. Okay. Yeah, you're good.

[C]

It's like when you start talking K. Your. Your mustache lifts up on the right side. Like, it's, it's you guys.

[B]

Your eyes are popping.

[D]

Your eyes are both your eyes. Good, man.

[F]

Where are you right now?

[D]

We're in our hotel lobby. Our checkout time was very strictly enforced, and now we have, like, five hours.

[B]

Oh, no. Why didn't you guys fly back when Tate flew back?

[D]

I, I, I think there wasn't, like, too many flights.

[B]

Ah, got it.

[A]

Go party.

[D]

Wow, your eyes are up.

[C]

Yours too.

[B]

You guys should go party.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

What else you got to do? There are beers at this hotel, I think.

[C]

I, I've.

[D]

I've cracked a lobby beer.

[B]

Okay. Anything else from last night? That's. What time did you guys get home?

[D]

I think, like, 7:30. Yeah.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

I called. I left 11 at, like, 6.

[G]

Well, we didn't.

[B]

We didn't even get to the team.

[D]

Hotel until 1:32am yeah. And then took forever to get an Uber. And then I still haven't even closed my eyes once.

[B]

Yeah, you're in.

[D]

He's in better shape than me. And I've actually slept.

[B]

It.

[D]

It doesn't really make sense.

[B]

Yeah. And you. You. You slept three hours on Monday.

[C]

He did?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Who? Me?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[D]

I don't know. Wired, baby.

[A]

Rick, are you going to be ready to play basketball?

[D]

Oh, my God. We got yogur nuts tomorrow.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Oh, yeah.

[D]

You'll be ready.

[B]

Yeah, we do.

[F]

That's your savior on the left.

[B]

That is literally. I said it.

[D]

If I'm not ready, who's going to be ready for.

[B]

I said to the team, if we score 35 points, we're in 30. 33 of them to come from Rick.

[D]

I'm ready, coach.

[B]

Okay, you better be.

[D]

9:30 walkthrough.

[B]

9:30 walkthrough.

[D]

I'll be there.

[B]

Are you sure? Because you can also sleep. I need you to sleep.

[D]

I got. But how is he gonna know the play?

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[D]

We gotta play now.

[B]

We got one play. That's more than we've had before. The install was rough. It took about 20 times to perfect it. Yeah, okay. All right. Anything else, boys? What a night. What a hell of a night.

[D]

Thanks again. Thank you, Big cat. Yes, and I would just like to congratulate Brandon on a great run as Barstools college football expert.

[C]

I will be, by the way.

[B]

You're not.

[C]

You're not it either, dumbass.

[B]

You're not.

[C]

You're not it.

[D]

Why?

[B]

I. I. Did you not see my.

[C]

They lied to you.

[B]

That's why they didn't lie to him. You have a higher title for.

[C]

Nelli took it.

[D]

Brandon, I said you can work for me. As my subordinate.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Your restitution will have to be made.

[C]

He's not likable enough. You're.

[B]

You're the.

[C]

Oh, God.

[B]

PMT Supremes College football ball knower. Do you accept?

[D]

I accept.

[B]

I love that. I love that.

[D]

And Brandon, we're happy to have you on board as an intern.

[C]

All right. That'll be funny for everybody.

[D]

Miss you, K. I love you, Dana. Dude, I miss you, man. Are we going back to Denver?

[C]

We are.

[D]

Dude.

[F]

Dude.

[B]

You say you miss him? You. You haven't been with him for like 48 hours.

[D]

Yeah, I miss him, dude. Love, Dana.

[B]

Dude, you guys want us to leave?

[C]

They might cry over you.

[B]

Guys need a second, just the two of you? Miss you, dude.

[A]

See you, Rick.

[D]

Let's go.

[C]

Let's go to.

[F]

What? What was that. What was that gesture?

[A]

Well, yeah.

[F]

Wait, Katic.

[A]

What? What did you say?

[F]

Let's.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[G]

You miss him.

[F]

That's what you do today.

[A]

I'm really happy for you both. It's inspiring. As a fan of a school that I never thought could win a championship.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Thank you. It's all. Thank you, guys. I never thought we'd win it either. Mark, how was Coach Titus last night?

[F]

He was very emotional, Rick. He was very emotional. He was. He was on. Yeah. Cannot believe it. It's. Yeah.

[D]

Yeah. A lot of tears in the stadium last night.

[F]

Decades and dec. Decades of futility.

[D]

Yep.

[F]

Incredible. It's got to give you hope that Notre Dame could do it someday, huh? All right, boys.

[B]

Safe flight back. Safe flight back. Good work this week. Although you just kind of just had the best night of your life. So you didn't do that.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Like, where do we. Where do I go from here?

[B]

Back to work the.

[D]

Right.

[E]

The real games tomorrow.

[C]

Mexico is tomorrow.

[D]

I've hit the peak.

[B]

Yeah, you really did. And this is kind of. This is kind of because he. Rick, had game five when we went up to Milwaukee, that was the day that Indiana beat Oregon, so it was, like, the happiest day of his life. And the Bears were eliminated from the playoffs on Sunday. And he's.

[F]

That's right.

[B]

Happiest day of his life.

[F]

I remember that game five. Like, you didn't even care the Cubs lost.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

We're so happy that IU beat Oregon.

[B]

Like, do you realize the Bears are no longer in the playoffs?

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

He said it. Season's over.

[D]

Indiana.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

Indiana helps getting over the Bears loss, but it's also, like, for the first time in my life, the Bears have a quarterback and a head coach. Like, I'm.

[B]

True.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

True. Okay.

[B]

All right, boys, Congrats again. We'll see you tomorrow. All right.

[F]

See you, boys.

[B]

For you guys, those guys had a hell of a night.

[F]

I do think. I do think it kind of let me work through this.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Might suck to be an Indiana football fan, because there's. There's literally nothing that will ever be better than that. And maybe you just, like, retire as a fan If Indiana goes 16. Zero next year.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

It's not going to be as good.

[B]

And did it happen too fast?

[F]

And too fast?

[B]

Like, could it have been a little bit more of. Because, like, they went from not even sniffing it to being in it so fast.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

No, that's still. Yeah.

[F]

They got their. They got their first taste of heroin, and they're going to be chasing the dragon.

[B]

Yes. And then they od.

[F]

Never. They will never get it.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

But at least they got to feel it.

[B]

Yeah. No, it is incredible.

[C]

How does mustache get on crooked.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

They were. Something happened where they were reassembled last, and it's not right.

[B]

They went to the factory.

[C]

Taken apart at 11.

[B]

11. 11 can take you apart as a human being.

[C]

But then, like, 11 was closing, so they had to put them back together in a hurry.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah.

[G]

I've been.

[B]

I've been twice, Brandon, to answer. And both on the same weekend because I went. One of my best friends was having his bachelor party in Miami, and he wanted to do 11, so I got us all a table. And then he had so much fun. He's like, can we just do this again tomorrow night? He's like, can you cancel the dinner and stuff? I was like, I guess. And I also felt like the biggest loser ever because I called to get the table and everything. And I was like, we'll be there, like, around like 10:30 after dinner. And the guy was like, dude, the, like, the line doesn't start till like one in the morning.

[E]

How late is it open?

[B]

It doesn't close.

[H]

The party there, like, started as the sun comes.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

The line, when you leave. When we left at like 5 in the morning, the line was down the block.

[D]

What makes it so fun?

[B]

Because it's a. It's like the coolest club ever. And then it's also a strip club.

[C]

That's not a place I could even.

[H]

That doesn't fit in at clubs. Could I have fun there?

[A]

I. I don't.

[C]

Maybe.

[A]

I don't think I'm built for it.

[C]

Yeah, I can't.

[B]

I didn't think so either. But if you get. If you get a table at any of these places, you're built for. For it because then they just treat you like.

[F]

Is it. Is there a quiet corner that, like, fries?

[B]

They're like Cirque du Soleil going on. And then, yeah, just like this 10 out of 10 will come up and be like, they got a dark point on you. You're like, yeah, how much?

[A]

Brandon, I can't see you in a strip club.

[C]

I can't. I can't.

[B]

But again, it's not. You don't feel like you're in a strip club. That's the crazy part.

[A]

Except for the strippers.

[B]

Right? Well, but it's also like, like, Rick said he. He got duped and was like. Like thought he was macking on some.

[A]

Chick and was like, oh, that's on Rick.

[F]

Yeah.

[H]

I don't think proud of it. He sniffed it out. He figured it out.

[B]

What a place to. That's got to be a Top. It's like that or Vegas to win a championship in.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like there's some bad places to win championships.

[C]

Yeah. Like winning one in Minneapolis probably wasn't.

[B]

Yeah. Or like Houston.

[A]

Yeah, Houston would be fun, I think.

[C]

New Orleans probably.

[D]

Sean.

[B]

New Orleans.

[F]

New Orleans. A lot of fun.

[B]

New Orleans would be great. LA would probably be fun.

[C]

Probably.

[F]

I think every.

[C]

Probably fun to wear. Win a championship wherever you are.

[B]

Yeah. But there's definitely some better places.

[C]

Yeah. I would rank Miami and Vegas at the top. Just depends on how long everything is open. Like, I don't think Houston's going to be open past 3am Even if you want a championship.

[H]

Yeah.

[B]

Boys had a night. They had a night. By the way, Mikey Betts said he would be the mascot tomorrow.

[C]

There we go.

[F]

He's going from head coach to mascot head coach.

[B]

So briefly, player who didn't show up to practice.

[C]

Do you think that's happened in sports that ever happened?

[B]

That's actually the most amazing sports story of all time.

[F]

Of Indiana football.

[D]

This poor opposing team have no idea what's going on.

[C]

They're going to beat you about 20.

[H]

Yeah.

[A]

They don't give a.

[C]

And they're bringing ringers. I know they're playing the barstool team, but, like.

[B]

Yeah, they.

[D]

They're just going to be like, so confused.

[A]

This might be your worst loss yet.

[B]

Stop it. If we have Deutsche, we're gonna win this game.

[C]

Have you given. Are you gonna be a suit guy or what?

[B]

Maybe jumpsuit.

[C]

Jumpsuit.

[B]

I would. I would like if. If Jimmy Chit would show up. But I'm not gonna force him.

[C]

Being Mark Titus.

[B]

Correct. I don't want to make him.

[C]

You want to say it here, publicly on this live broadcast.

[F]

That's how Norman Dale handles.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Listen.

[D]

It's a bad slate this week.

[C]

Yeah. Balls in his court.

[B]

I don't care if he's on the floor. Yeah. It's bad slate tomorrow night.

[D]

It's bad slate this week.

[B]

I thought there were some good games tonight.

[C]

Tonight's okay.

[F]

Not too bad tonight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Not great.

[F]

Just saying it's been a great run so far.

[D]

I'm just saying if there's any week to play basketball with your co workers, it's this week.

[F]

This week.

[B]

Use them. Could use them, by the way. Oh, Steve, why don't you do the DraftKings? Ready?

[A]

You got it.

[C]

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[D]

Chinese food's looking good.

[B]

Go get something though.

[C]

Well, why are you looking at it?

[B]

So what?

[C]

I gotta posted a picture of it.

[D]

It's really good.

[H]

I got to watch him try a food. What was it?

[B]

Bon me.

[H]

And he literally jumped out of his chair and screamed when he realized it was cucumber.

[D]

Those are gross.

[A]

You think they're gross?

[C]

Like, I don't think I've ever had a bon me either. It's a sandwich, right?

[D]

It's just fun. It has a sandwich.

[F]

Every banh mi has cucumber.

[B]

You never. You don't like cucumbers? Dana tries.

[D]

I'll eat them, but I don't love them.

[B]

Oh, that was a little mean to me yesterday during the practice when I we're doing.

[D]

It was great.

[B]

There was just one guy had to go up and down the court. So we all were watching and. And I. Dana just kept on missing shots. And I was like, let's do a new segment. Dana tries to hit a shot.

[D]

You fat.

[B]

And I was.

[D]

And I made it once you start it.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Look at this little pressure. Look at the adversity. Chicken. Yeah, that looks.

[C]

God damn it.

[B]

I keep Forgetting Tuesdays.

[C]

I know. Keep forgetting.

[B]

We don't do every day. Yeah, I stayed here Tuesdays.

[C]

I just.

[E]

Oh yeah.

[B]

How was.

[A]

How did hotel change things?

[C]

It. It did change everything. I got eight hour, eight good hours of sleep.

[A]

And did Barstool pay for it or you?

[C]

Barstool did.

[A]

Why don't you?

[C]

Yeah, well, it's a one time thing. I'm not going to ask Barstool to do that a lot. Once a year with the national title game and I got to do a live show afterwards. I was. I wasn't done till 12:30. So I went. I slept from 12:30 to 8:30.

[A]

That's got to be pretty good.

[D]

Happened to the apartment complex.

[A]

We were gonna get just one apartment.

[B]

I know.

[C]

Yeah. I thought we were getting a complex.

[A]

I think it would get gross immediately.

[C]

I feel like Mintz what's. Even though Mince has an apartment that's four blocks away, he would just live there.

[B]

But I should do it because it does make financial special sense. The idea was for me to. I was gonna buy an apartment and just lease it back to bars because we spend so much on hotels. Like Stu comes once a week. I just need someone to do it for me.

[A]

I would love to. It would be a meek fill in stew. Yeah, that'll be incredible.

[B]

I just need someone to do it for me.

[A]

And mints.

[D]

But you know it's not gonna get cleaned up.

[F]

Who's gonna clean that?

[B]

Oh, you get a cleaning lady.

[A]

Oh, but people need people response disrespect some level.

[C]

I think we have more adults here than you think. Think only out of 100 people. I think you'd have to worry about 3 to 5 out of 100.

[A]

Yeah, but the damage those 3 to 5 could leave in their way.

[C]

Like in this room. I'm not worried about anybody in this room.

[B]

No.

[E]

I think a lot of it is they're getting in at night and leaving first thing in the morning. So they don't feel obligated to have to clean up. Cuz whoever was there before probably did the damage.

[A]

I don't think anybody would use it as a shack.

[B]

Oh definitely.

[E]

I think they would just be using.

[A]

It somebody would use as a fuck show.

[B]

A boom boom room shack.

[F]

I think the second you say you can't use it as a shack that that turns me. I get horned up. Even thinking about it how you're supposed.

[D]

To even just call it the shack.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

We just call it the shack and just put cameras.

[C]

If we call it the shack ironically, nobody ever really Would want to. In there.

[G]

We could make it.

[A]

It's lame to. In the shack.

[H]

Oh, you at the.

[C]

Oh, yeah. Okay.

[B]

Having only fans. They will pay for the mortgage.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

In the.

[C]

So now we're just doing porn.

[B]

Yes, Porno it. Listen, Bella Danger, like, directly on the broadcast.

[A]

Yeah, I perked up too much on the broadcast when that popped in. And just like, I got caught also.

[B]

I got a question, Brandon, maybe you know the answer to this is. Well, the former college football expert Michael Irvin. Is he just a coach?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What was that?

[C]

He's giving, like, motivational speeches over there. He's talking to him. He's miked up, too.

[B]

Yeah, he was miked up and he was just walking up and down the sideline. Like, I get being on the sideline, but this was.

[C]

Yeah, he's coaching him.

[B]

Like, way to go. Way to go, boys.

[C]

Way to go, D. Way to go.

[B]

D. I guess it's cool. He's an NFL hall of Famer.

[C]

We gotta fight all damn day. Carson Beck was about to go on the field for the last drive and then Ray Lewis gave him the motivational speech. Ray Lewis got in his face and was like, all right, this is the time.

[F]

I will kill you.

[B]

If you.

[F]

Us up, I will kill you.

[A]

That would motivate the out.

[B]

Yeah. Be so scared.

[A]

Did Carson Beck just left, Just walked off the field?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, he.

[F]

Which I guess, like football, it's hard because there's no line to shake hands, but there is sort of an expectation to go find at least a couple, I feel like opponents.

[B]

You find the.

[C]

You know, you find the quarterback, you find your position. Right. If you're a kicker, you find the kicker. Kicker, yeah.

[F]

Do they do. Do the kickers find the kickers?

[C]

I think they do.

[F]

Like the backup holder.

[C]

I think that's the only ones. They talk. The specialists talk to the specialist.

[F]

You think after the game, they go dap up. And I think so. It's a good game.

[B]

We were talking about it.

[C]

I think that's who they're assigned to dap up.

[F]

They never make it on tv. So I would know.

[B]

In the gambling cave on Saturday. We're talking about, like, if you could pick one position to be awesome at in the NFL, what would you pick?

[A]

Kicker. Kicker.

[B]

But then, I mean. So someone said that quarterback. I. I think most of the people in this room have a better life than an NFL kicker.

[C]

I doubt that.

[B]

No. What up.

[C]

I'll never get glory saying, be great at, though. A great kicker has security. A great kicker can say somewhere 10 years.

[B]

But I like to be. If I said journeyman kicker, average kicker. I feel like everyone in this room has a better life.

[C]

A journeyman kicker who will play three games somewhere, get cut, go three games somewhere that's not.

[B]

You guys have a better life right now than Tyler Lewis.

[G]

Loop.

[F]

Yes.

[B]

Without a doubt.

[C]

I don't think so.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He's a rookie. They got him for those moments.

[B]

Yeah. And he blew it.

[A]

He got it out of the way, though.

[B]

He'll be back if he does it one more time.

[C]

I think kickers.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Kicker's a sweeter life than you're giving it credit for. I know there's a lot of pressure. All I got is kick.

[B]

Everyone doesn't like you on the team, I bet you. What do I care if you're great?

[C]

Nobody likes me here.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. You use.

[C]

I am the kicker. Sure.

[A]

What's a position that doesn't get death threats via Internet?

[B]

I was gonna say, like, I would like a six.

[C]

Offensive guard.

[B]

A sick. A sick tight end would be awesome.

[A]

Linebacker.

[B]

Quarterback would just be so much pressure.

[A]

Offensive end.

[C]

But it's so much money and fame.

[B]

Yeah, but you can make a lot of money and fame if you're a good tight end, but you can't.

[C]

You can't, like, marry a pop star if you're a tight end. You can do that if you're a quarterback.

[A]

You're right.

[D]

Gronk. Didn't Gronk marry a pretty hot girl?

[B]

Talking about Kelsey and Taylor Swift, dude.

[D]

All right, that one went my head.

[C]

Holy.

[D]

I don't. I'm not good with the quips.

[B]

That wasn't a quip.

[C]

That was just a.

[B]

Whatever.

[F]

Quarterback. You got to create a bubble. You can't.

[B]

Yeah, there.

[F]

There are, like, three guys. Even Josh Allen is awesome, but you.

[B]

Got to be so ins.

[F]

But Josh Allen, after the playoff game, it's like you can't. You can't get online. You can't.

[C]

Right. Of the top five lives in football, they're all five quarterbacks, are they not? Tell me. I guess Kelsey.

[B]

But Kelsey's got a pretty damn kicker.

[F]

Because the thing about a quarterback is you do get hit. And it would take one hit, as I said yesterday, one hit for me to just go this.

[C]

Yeah, Justin Herbert's just really pretty good.

[B]

But he just gets.

[C]

Look at his life.

[F]

He gets killed.

[A]

Yeah, he's in.

[B]

I'd rather be more Chase than Justin Herbert.

[A]

Everybody just seems way more fun than.

[B]

Yeah, Jamar Chase would be an awesome. Some life.

[D]

But I feel like you're at any given moment, you could get your head taken off.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

And have CTA for the rest of your life.

[F]

I don't want that.

[B]

Yeah. But wide receiver, like, if you're a really good wide receiver, you can, you could just be like, I need the ball more. And everyone's like, yeah, he's right.

[F]

You'd be like, jay JSN doesn't really get hit a lot. He, like, he's really good at falling down.

[B]

Like Doug Baldwin's. Maybe the answer. Tyler Lockett or Tyler Lockett. That's what I'm thinking of. Tyler Lockett just going down all the time.

[F]

He's.

[C]

Yeah, she'd rather be Sam Darnold than any of those guys.

[E]

No.

[C]

Yeah, the quarterback is.

[B]

No, that's the fame of the money guys. Oh, but Sam Darnold's got to be.

[F]

Thinking, there's more fame and money.

[C]

C.J. stroud's terrible.

[B]

He's about to get 50 year. Think about being Sam Darnold in the back of the head. Your head. You're just like, am I going to be Sam Darnold again?

[F]

CJ Stroud is one of the. I'm doing the KB thing, but CJ Stroud is one of the 50 to 100 best human beings that have ever walked the face of the earth at what he does. And he is a. He's, he's trash.

[B]

He's objectively ass.

[C]

Okay.

[F]

I got aren't enough insults you can.

[B]

Throw his so much ass.

[C]

What about star defensive end?

[B]

That's good.

[C]

Star defensive end. You're hunting quarterbacks.

[B]

Neil Hunter.

[A]

Kyle has 30 minutes on CJ Stroud on Anus this week.

[B]

He's ass.

[G]

No, don't.

[B]

You know, you know, he's asked when he, he did a press conference after the game and he was just like, you know, I'm still going to be me. I'm still going to be C.J. stroud. He's going third person being like.

[A]

But his, his. He doesn't help himself. Like ranking himself third.

[F]

No, no, his face doesn't help either.

[B]

Well, no, it's. It's a doppelganger guy's face that kills it.

[A]

That guy that looks like the guy.

[B]

That just always goes viral every time. CJ Stroud plays like ass.

[D]

Yep.

[B]

And he does play like ass a lot.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Jason Tatum as well.

[B]

Can you post him? That poor guy.

[C]

How'd you like the. How do you like the young goats coming together in Chicago like they are?

[B]

That was pretty sick last night.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

PCA. And PCA has also just been, I think just been. He's Mr. Chicago out for like three weeks. Yeah.

[E]

He's like, is he selling a book or something?

[B]

I don't know. See him everywhere I went from.

[E]

See him nowhere.

[C]

He was out with barstool.

[B]

Yeah. This was sick though. This was sick.

[D]

That's sick.

[B]

Whitney was trying to give me shipping. Like he shouldn't be smiling. Come on.

[C]

Yeah. Also look at that baby trying to get in. Do you think it's.

[B]

Do you think it's weird though? Like if you get. If you get linked up. Let's just say. And obviously I. I love all three of these guys. So they had a picture of Bedard playing while PCA and Caleb were watching. But if you're a young athlete in a city and like there's other stars and you link up with them, do you think in the back of your head there's a little bit of pressure? Like, what if I start sucking and like, these guys aren't going to want to hang out with me anymore?

[C]

No.

[B]

I think cuz that that would kill the club. Yeah. Where it's like, yeah, like, oh, we're the young up and comers. It's like one of you might not be good in a few years. And then what? And then what?

[C]

I think that's outweighed by the sheer thought that there's three of these guys and I'm one of the three. Holy. Is this right?

[B]

Everything's open right now, but like if it doesn't pan out for one of them, is it awkward? Then you're like, remember when we were like the Brat Pack?

[A]

Hey guys, you going to the game tonight?

[B]

Yeah, right?

[A]

Nah, man.

[B]

Nah, dude, you're hitting 205. You're not going to game now. You haven't scored a goal in like a month. Month. I don't know how sweet. That's also just like, I think this, these are always the hypotheticals. You're like athlete brain versus just regular guy brain. Where it's like I would just the whole time be like, what if I suck today? Whereas these guys are.

[F]

You can't think.

[B]

They're fully confident all the time.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't even.

[B]

Yeah. Like, Caleb Williams goes on the field, he's like, I'm gonna score. I'd get on the field, I'd be like, we're. We're kind of also. We're down 21 3.

[A]

We're.

[C]

How sweet would it be to be a baby? That'd be awesome.

[A]

Would you like to be a baby?

[C]

I was just thinking that baby's sitting there in the picture. Like, you get to experience childhood and you get to go through everything and everybody takes care of you. Being a baby would be pretty sweet.

[F]

Sucking titties.

[C]

Sucking titties all day long. Look at that baby. That baby's got his whole life. That baby's got his whole life. That baby gets to watch cartoons for the first time. He gets to eat lasagna for the first time. What did he see? That baby. That baby's a star in that picture, man.

[E]

That baby knows.

[B]

Is it crazy that I. Whatever. I think, like, what I like saying right now, Brandon, I understand. But every time I think about, like, would it be cool to be a baby again? It's like. But then you'd have to do homework again. Yeah, I would do anything to not do homework again.

[C]

Tests, I think. Yeah. I think they're doing less homework these days than we did.

[B]

Oh.

[C]

In fact, I know they're doing less.

[B]

Homework was so shitty.

[A]

Brandon, is that Mark waking up early?

[C]

No, my kids. I got good. Well, two for three. I got two good students.

[F]

If you run your life back, what are the chances it's better than it is right now?

[C]

Oh, no. I hit a. I had a lottery that I couldn't repeat.

[B]

Right.

[C]

If you simulate my life 100 times, 70 of them end up in prison.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. 90 of them end up working at a mill. So I. I don't. I'll just. I'll keep that.

[B]

I don't think you know how numbers work. You just went to. 160 out of 100 and which kids?

[C]

95 of them.

[G]

You think you'd be in a mill or a plant?

[C]

I'd be at a plant. Yeah. I'd be.

[B]

Are you the best story in college football?

[A]

You're Indiana.

[B]

Move over, Indiana. It's actually. Brandon.

[C]

I'm a longer. A longer shot than they are.

[A]

Yeah, you're kind of like Signetti. Like, you got a later start in this.

[C]

Yeah. Kind of like an.

[A]

Yeah, you're cocky.

[C]

Cocky. Yeah.

[A]

You can't go anywhere else because you're just too old.

[C]

What am I gonna do? This is my one shot.

[D]

Imagine there was no Brandon.

[A]

That would suck.

[D]

I would suck.

[C]

I would suck. Thank you, Dana.

[B]

Let me think about it.

[F]

Imagine.

[C]

Don't think too hard.

[D]

No.

[F]

Brandon.

[C]

Chair would be.

[D]

What would you do at a plant? You'd be carrying.

[C]

Oh, I. I would be. I would. I would get close. I'd become like an assistant. Assistant super shift supervisor. But I'd never be the shift supervisor. And I complain all the time to the shift supervisor. I never. I'd never rise above a certain rank. Okay.

[B]

I just thought of the meanest hypothetical. We're not gonna do it. But.

[A]

But if you were, you could hint at it.

[B]

What content person. Would it take the longest for you to notice they weren't here anymore?

[C]

I mean, I. I have some unfortunate answers.

[B]

You would notice that Mincy's not here.

[C]

Mincy would not be on that list. Yeah, I would notice that immediately.

[B]

You notice it right away.

[C]

You have to notice it because he's never here.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, you don't have a choice.

[B]

Yeah. No, don't do this type.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like when we ranked everyone in sass last.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

He still has a. So a rightful grudge. Yeah, that was up.

[B]

That was me.

[C]

No, we picked him second to last. Right?

[A]

Yeah, but we know what that meant.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And he was like 19 at the time.

[G]

We're all adults.

[B]

It was all. Because I did. We did that at a bachelor party I went to once where we were all just up at like three in the morning back at the hotel, and we just. One of the guys just pulled out a. A big piece of paper and was like, all right, Rank your best friends. So funny, dude. It was so funny.

[D]

Crazy.

[B]

Everyone just started getting their feelings hurt. It was.

[H]

That would tear. A bachelorette party. That would not.

[E]

Probably be easier to do it there, though, because you usually have random outliers.

[B]

Yeah, brother.

[E]

The cousin or something.

[B]

Yeah, it was. It was hurtful.

[D]

That makes me.

[E]

I mean, that's what MySpace was back in the day. You just open.

[C]

It was.

[B]

It was only hurtful for the. I mean, if you're the. You know, when you're like the middle of the pack and that's a great place to be when you're like the fifth best friend.

[A]

I'm. No, I. I'm never going to be a best man, dude. I'm a. I'm a middle.

[B]

I've always said the. The greatest place to be best friend. The greatest place to be in a friendship is invited to the. To the bachelor party, not in the wedding.

[G]

That's it.

[B]

Because then you don't have to do. You have to be relied on. You have to plan anything.

[A]

I'm like, end of the bench Usher at weddings.

[B]

Usher is such a slight slap in the face.

[A]

I know.

[B]

They're just like, oh, yeah. I guess.

[E]

Yeah, you're my ninth best friend.

[B]

You could have easily added another. Another groomsman. Instead you're like, here, pass this out to Nana. You're not and then. And then they'll, like, have the Usher in, like, one single picture where it's like the whole group's together and they're like, you know what? I had the Usher in. You'll never see that picture.

[D]

Back in the MySpace days, I had two best friends who were twins. They had a top eight, and I couldn't decide which one to do. And I just randomized it pretty much, and it caused a lot of drama.

[B]

Wait, so where did the twins land?

[F]

But if it's top.

[D]

Yeah, they were one and two, I'm saying. But I couldn't decide which one was my better friend. And when I picked Ben over Brandon, everyone was like, what the fuck? You picked who over Ben over Brandon.

[F]

Ben over Brandon?

[D]

Yeah.

[F]

You regret. Is that something?

[E]

Ben over.

[C]

Why? I don't think it should ever be over Brandon.

[B]

It doesn't sound like it was random.

[D]

They both had. It wasn't random. I like you, like, a little bit better. Yeah, but it was. They both had great qualities.

[E]

Well, it boiled down to, were you first on either of them?

[D]

I just played more basketball with Ben.

[A]

Yeah, that's perfectly fair.

[C]

How about these days? You still tight with Ben and Brandon?

[D]

No, not anymore. They're great kids, but I haven't seen them in a while.

[F]

Bend over, Brandon.

[A]

Bend over.

[D]

Bend over, Brandon.

[C]

Yeah. Nice.

[B]

You are a whip guy.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Look at you.

[D]

That's right.

[F]

Thanks, Dana.

[B]

You're quipping it up. I really want an update on KB on text group.

[F]

The procedure is. Is just an injection to the throat.

[H]

Yeah.

[F]

I don't understand Botox.

[A]

It's like Botox. I think it's paralyzing something to make.

[H]

Them burp, but they have to take them out for it. It's like. So they're going in pretty far.

[C]

If. If the 11:30 time I'm remembering is correct, then he's either down preparing for surgery or is down coming out of surgery. Like, he's definitely. Definitely. Yeah, definitely in. In a state of anesthesia right now.

[F]

It feels like it wouldn't take that long to do the procedure.

[C]

I would think so.

[F]

Syringe.

[C]

You knock him out. Do what you got to do. Get out of there.

[E]

Can you do anesthesia for only, like, 10 minutes, though, or does it have to be at least like, 30 every time?

[B]

I don't know.

[D]

So he just. He doesn't burp or he never has.

[B]

Burped or he's gonna burp for the first time tomorrow.

[A]

It gets very uncomfortable. He gets, like, a pressure build up so he can't eat and drink in the same sitting. He has to eat his whole meal, then drink.

[B]

Tj, do you have the drop of. He made that noise. Remember when he, like, bubbled.

[A]

That was. It was before my time, I think.

[B]

Oh, yeah, by the way, the I. Because I just texted Kyle in the group text. The Hawaii news now is looking for our cold guy. We gotta find him first.

[A]

Yeah, we should find.

[B]

Yeah, we gotta have him on the show.

[A]

Wanted to be on tv.

[B]

Yeah, we gotta get him on the act.

[A]

I would love to find him.

[B]

I think he's flying back today.

[A]

So that's a long flight. H. 18 hour round trip.

[B]

Josh can find him. He can track him down.

[A]

He can get anybody.

[B]

Yeah. The Spectator was high on a barstool sports podcast for leaving W to watch the Chicago Bears play against the Los Angeles Rams on January 19th. Do you know we find him.

[A]

Look how nobody's ever been colder. Nobody has ever been colder than him.

[E]

The first line in the article is, he was the coldest human on earth. That's how celebrity podcaster Dan, big.

[C]

Football fan from Hawaii. He was.

[B]

Dude. Eddie could back it up. He was the coldest man on earth in that. In that spot. Oh, man, we gotta find him. Oh, yeah. Here we go.

[C]

Here, guys.

[G]

Three birthday themes and then my birthday theme in here.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[F]

Not yet maybe.

[B]

What the hell was that?

[F]

Someone just hit a bong in your throat.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Oh, what was that?

[C]

Was it for real?

[F]

That's what happens when I try to burp. I can't burp.

[A]

Never had it. I was to a bong.

[B]

That was great. Those sounds.

[A]

Yeah, that was insane.

[C]

I hear it again. Oh, my God.

[A]

Sounds like it's like a cartoon lab.

[B]

Yeah, sounds like a soundboard. Play one more time. That's so insane.

[C]

Different themes will be your guys.

[G]

Three birthday themes.

[C]

Themes and then my birthday theme in here.

[H]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

What the hell was that? Like a coffee maker.

[C]

So funny.

[F]

Oh.

[E]

Oh, we should have made him do that one last time.

[F]

Yeah.

[H]

Oh, I hope it works for him.

[G]

That is, if you look at the side effects of that disease.

[A]

It does say, like, throat gurgling noise.

[B]

Oh, man, it's crazy. Pretty clear diagnosis, by the way. I think Roan's gonna be here next week for three on three.

[D]

Three.

[B]

Oh, and France.

[F]

Hell yeah. Oh, hell yeah.

[B]

What about Sasso? I don't know if Sas man's gonna be here. I doubt it.

[D]

We do have a problem, Big Pat.

[B]

What?

[D]

It's potentially at the same time as our playoff game.

[B]

Well, we don't we're not in the playoffs.

[F]

Okay.

[D]

So if we don't win, we're out.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

All right. We're kind of hoping we lose.

[B]

No, no, no, no. How about this? Let's go out tomorrow night. Night. Let's win a basketball game and then let's just forfeit the rest of the season. Okay. And then we try again.

[D]

I am in for that.

[B]

We try again.

[C]

So this is it, regardless.

[D]

I would much rather play.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

On three.

[B]

This is it.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you know what? This is it, regardless. So let's put it all out there. Let's not leave anything back.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

Tomorrow's our last game. Are we going to do a spring basketball league?

[D]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

We also should. I think the Juggernaut should just be a year round thing. Like we should probably play 16 inch softball. Juggernauts.

[F]

Yeah.

[D]

Maybe we'll do a documentary on our softball team.

[B]

That would be awesome.

[F]

It's just always called the Juggernaut.

[B]

It's always the team.

[D]

Do you guys already have a softball team?

[B]

Yes, but we.

[C]

That was the Pugs though.

[B]

Pugs.

[D]

That's what. Yeah.

[B]

So Pug left the group chat today.

[D]

No. So sad.

[C]

I saw that he's not. Is he leaving the company or.

[B]

His, his, his. He's originally from New Jersey. His wife's from New Jersey. His wife wanted to move back closer to. Of family. So. Yeah, they bought a house in New Jersey.

[C]

We.

[B]

I knew. We knew this was coming for like a year. But it's still sad.

[C]

He got his blitz machine though.

[B]

Look at this. So sad. He gave like a final goodbye and then just. And like without anyone being able to respond quick enough, it was like, see you guys. Like, thanks for everything. Let me know if you need anything. Peace sign. Pug left the conversation.

[C]

It's kind of a baller move though.

[B]

It is, it is.

[F]

Seems like he might be happier year.

[C]

He.

[B]

Very much.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

He's the person I saw the most outside of the office.

[B]

Really? Yeah. Well, he's tapping in.

[C]

He live close to you?

[A]

I probably every time I stepped out, I saw him on the streets.

[B]

Hopefully he keeps tapping in. Everyone go follow him on tapping.

[F]

I think I might.

[B]

I didn't know what that was. Oh, it's a he. He reviews beers. And every review like, oh, untapped. Every review is like 4.4out of 5 and he's just like. It was pretty good.

[A]

I guess that's pretty fair.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

I think I'm the same Nick. I think I saw him a lot outside the office now constantly. I don't do much, but every time I would leave and go to a bar or something.

[B]

Well, he lived by us.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was like cvs. I'd see Pug. I be he'd be walking out of a restaurant. I'd be walking past more than anybody.

[C]

I don't see any of y' all out.

[D]

No.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

I got popcorn chicken last night. You didn't see me across the street?

[C]

No.

[A]

Oh, you weren't home.

[B]

Oh. Oh, by the way, I have something you have to do for me also.

[C]

That place closed. Yeah.

[A]

The KFC closed.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This. This Del Blue ready to drink cans are gonna start being in in store soon.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

And I think one of the first states is Wisconsin.

[C]

Okay. So I have to go take a picture or bring it to you. Okay. Done. Yeah, done.

[B]

Showing it.

[C]

I Right across the border. Two of these a day. Yeah.

[B]

Your coffee, guy.

[C]

Now it doesn't feel like coffee to me. That's why it's so good.

[B]

It's perfect.

[C]

I've never liked coffee in my life, but I like these.

[B]

Look at that. We gotta put that on the website.

[C]

Pretty good advertisement. So I'll go. I'll go in Wisconsin and get that for you.

[B]

Let me do Flavortown. The playoffs are here, and it's time to raise your game. Wait, what's the coming. What's that coming down the tunnel? It's Guy Fieri's Flavortown sauces. Just in time to help you tailgate or pregame game hit different. Just like championship Sunday in the NFL. This weekend, it's full of amazing matchups. We want to talk about some sauces that will pair perfectly with your next meal. Guy Fieri's Flavortown sauces slather on the bold flavors and elevate your game. You can't bring that weak stuff. It's the playoffs. That's why you bring the big guns. With Guy Fury's Flavortown sauces. The time of year demands bold flavors. Flavortown just hits different man sauces and seasonings for a flavor blitz delivered directly to your dome home. Personally, I love a chicken wing right off the grill, slathered in OG Buffalo sauce. Or a nice rack of ribs and smoking hickory BBQ sauce. Grab Flavortown sauces and seasonings. Wherever you get your groceries, you must take these sauces to the house. You can grab them or you get your groceries. Remember, Flavortown sauces just hit different. Did you guys see that? There's like a. A snow apocalypse about to happen, but it's not gonna hit us like a major ice storm. Right. It's like the best feeling ever.

[A]

Where's it going to hit?

[B]

It's going to hit the entire.

[H]

The South.

[B]

Like, like, yeah, the northern part of the south. Like, like, basically West Virginia, Pennsylvania, Virginia, North Carolina.

[A]

I'm glad.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

How bad we talking?

[B]

Like, really?

[H]

The weather guy, the Twitter weather guys are doing that thing.

[B]

They're saying that it's like, like, be ready for the worst ever, but it's.

[A]

Like, it's going to be negative 13 here.

[B]

Yeah, we're just getting cold. Yeah. This is going to be the, this is, this is the 10 days that are just really test us.

[A]

I have an outdoor shoot, like, all day on Thursday. I'm out Thursday.

[B]

Okay, you're out Thursday. Dina, you in Thursday.

[D]

Okay.

[G]

Love that.

[A]

It's gonna suck.

[F]

Yeah.

[E]

This, this is a bad winter already. I, I would.

[B]

Although we had a great first part of January.

[D]

It was like 50.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[E]

I, I, you're right. But I think this is gonna last till, like, April.

[B]

No, don't say that.

[E]

Trying to reverse.

[B]

Why would you say that?

[E]

That's telling you the truth.

[D]

The snow is, like, a little bit.

[C]

Each day is, like, slowly breaking me.

[B]

It's, it's like, yeah, shovel every day. Yeah.

[H]

It's icy, too. You guys see that bus hit the telephone pole over there? I skidded out there in my car and almost hit a car in front of me, and I was like, oh. And then I went to BURGER Baron like, 10 minutes later, and a bus had slammed into the. It's icy on the roads, too. There's, like, patches everywhere.

[B]

Got to be careful.

[A]

Danny, you released the first barstool confessional?

[E]

Yeah. The second phone booth there will now be known as the booth of truth or the truth booth. There's a confessional box in there. It's locked up. If you have any anonymous tips, confession, complaint, concern, put it in there. We'll investigate.

[B]

What do we get?

[E]

What for?

[C]

For a tip.

[E]

A resolution. Yes. Brand, Brandon.

[C]

I could understand why someone would put a complaint in there, or even something they'd like investigated. Why would anybody confess to anything and put. And put it in that box?

[H]

Look at what serial killers do. It's like a nice.

[A]

Well, it's more of a tattle box.

[E]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

You're confessing on somebody else's behalf. I'm confessing that Nick does stupid shit. Something like that.

[E]

Well, in prior instances, no one came forward about the bathroom incidents. Maybe this is a safer space for them to do it. And then we could, we could talk. Me and them could Talk one on one, and we could take it from there. Then if we have to take it up to the higher court, so be it.

[C]

So if I was here working out one morning, and I accidentally broke a window over there, and people got here and said, hey, there's a window broken, I could use a confessional box to say I broke the window.

[A]

Get it off your chest.

[E]

Yeah.

[C]

Okay.

[E]

Correct.

[B]

So have you gotten anything yet?

[E]

2. The one I did the video on was someone saw Mikey Betts sneaking vials into work. Ended up just being oic.

[B]

Okay.

[F]

And.

[E]

And the second one was from. Was just today. We did it on Donnie Stream. Mikey Bets has been telling me about this before the Detective Daves, he's just being refused to get added to the Chicago email list.

[C]

So we're two for two on both these things being Mikey Bets.

[A]

Wait, he's refusing to be added?

[E]

No, he's been asking multiple people, he says, and no one will add him to the email list. So he. He misses out on, like, the lunch emails or any. Any. Any kind of group meeting thing we have going on here. So we'll get to the bottom of that. But what was the one this morning? White Sox Dave stole Nikki Smokes, his uncle pen.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

These are just really high crimes we're talking.

[A]

Yeah, you're really getting to the bottom of these. The first one was great, though.

[E]

Appreciate it.

[G]

You also, Mikey asked Mikey Bets, and he confessed to, like, 12 different things in that video.

[A]

Napping, smoking, the pen.

[B]

It's like, would not stop confessing.

[E]

Not washing his hands.

[B]

Hands. That's why he's the best. He's a true scumbag. Yeah. I mean that in a very endearing way. Like, I'm not saying that in a mean way.

[C]

He's the worst of the worst, but he's the best at it.

[B]

Yeah. Because he's not. You know what it is? He's open about it. Like, if he did some of his behavior but he didn't say that he was doing it, you'd be like, dude, that guy. Like, he's. Why is he stealing?

[A]

Like, well, that's white.

[G]

So.

[C]

Dave.

[B]

Yeah, right, Right.

[A]

He's honest. White Sox day.

[B]

Yeah, he is.

[E]

He's like a sleazy uncle.

[B]

Positive regression White Sox Dave. Okay.

[D]

Recently.

[E]

What, does Mikey just have the munchies? Michael, take a seat.

[B]

I just did.

[E]

Here, please.

[A]

He walked past that.

[E]

I assume you already know what I'm gonna ask you.

[G]

No, I have no idea.

[C]

Really?

[B]

No, I have no idea.

[A]

I did take a nap here.

[B]

Here. Like, Friday.

[C]

Where? Right There, next to her.

[B]

No, no, she was. She was.

[A]

She wasn't on the couch.

[B]

She was actually on the floor.

[E]

How long was the nap?

[A]

40, 47 minutes.

[B]

47 minutes? What I do. I have no idea what I did. I always fl.

[C]

I. I don't wash my hands.

[B]

Wait, so you just got him confessing? Yeah, I don't know. 15 seconds. Not long enough.

[F]

Really?

[E]

How long does it take you to say the Alphabet?

[B]

I don't know, I never counted.

[E]

Say the Alphabet, please.

[D]

Hold on, I get.

[E]

Are you looking up the Alphabet?

[B]

C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K. Oh, it's like a serial killer elementop. Q, R, S, T, U, V, W.

[F]

X.

[B]

Y and Z. 10 seconds and there's still more to it.

[E]

Probably more used to saying it backwards, aren't you?

[B]

Z, Y, X, W, T, U, V. And are you drunk? No, man. I did rip the pen.

[E]

Oh, so you're high?

[B]

Yeah, I'm little. Well, that was like 9 o' clock or 8 o'.

[F]

Clock.

[E]

So now we're getting somewhere. Somewhere. Sit back down.

[C]

So you're welcome.

[B]

Folks, feet off the table, please.

[D]

Can I.

[B]

Can I just grab a drink really quick? I got a Lucy in my mouth and a Gimol. It's a little drop. It's called cotton mouth.

[E]

Oh, look, he's got the giggles too. Dude, what other drugs have you been experimenting with?

[B]

I'm only a weed guy. Oh, Ozempic. I didn't take my oic. Is that what it is?

[F]

All.

[B]

All you've been doing is.

[C]

Beer.

[E]

I also might have recruited a remote forensic specialist to the Barstool Investigation Bureau. And that is none other than the Yak idol bronze medalist Papa Best.

[B]

Where did he come from? Oh my God, Danny, this is great. Where is he?

[H]

See it? In an aquarium.

[B]

That's more than one piece.

[E]

I never said I was only grabbing one. You're going to Turkey in a month anyways. Don't be greedy. Well, turns out those vials of drugs were really just a hard depressant. That's what we call bad lead in the biz hang out. But we did find out this farm animals getting cremated then dozing off with sex dolls. Feels wrong releasing him back into the wild. But my hands are tied. Into the jail cell.

[C]

Finished.

[E]

Get your energy drink and get out of here. I'm eating an energy drink.

[A]

These are all just going to be complaints about Mikey Bets.

[C]

Yeah, I think it's going to be his series.

[A]

Have you gotten any non Mikey Betts complaints?

[E]

No, but I just put it up there yesterday. So give it time.

[C]

I mean, I wouldn't rule out like, it feels like we're in a good season now, but I wouldn't rule out like Annika confessing something about Nikki smokes and. Yeah, you have to investigate that. That would be maybe season one finale or something.

[E]

That's what we're working towards. And every time, no matter the crime, I'll be stealing someone's hair and sending it off to Papa Bus.

[B]

Tim woods, by the way, text me.

[A]

He's in for amazing.

[B]

Yeah, amazing.

[E]

You should include him for like, like if we do surviving again, like a one off challenge.

[B]

Oh, yeah. But him doing like, we'll do a DND live. Live stream of D and D with him would be awesome. Him, he's best.

[E]

We got to bring werewolf back. I've been watching, been watching that trader show. We should do something like that.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I think we're working on something like that.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

Nice couple werewolf streams.

[G]

Did you see Anaka and Jerry's clip from.

[B]

Yes. I was sitting in my office when.

[C]

This happened, trying to hook her up or something. I saw it, but I didn't want.

[A]

He tries to hook his boys up a lot.

[B]

Are you on the market or no?

[A]

What?

[B]

Are you on the market or no? Are you on the market?

[C]

Anaka, you're live to tape.

[B]

I got, I got, I got. I got a friend who's interested. His name is Vincent.

[H]

How tall is Vincent?

[B]

I can't do it.

[D]

I can't do it.

[B]

And then Jerry and then I don't know if Donnie still got it, but Jerry was just like, how can he get in touch? And Anaka's like, well, I'll follow him and he can follow me. And Jerry's like, well, he already followed as you.

[C]

All right, Vincent.

[D]

There you go.

[A]

I think he's been trying to hook up his boy Vincent for a while.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, good old Vincent.

[A]

Poor Vincent, man.

[B]

I know we talked about Fellow Fridays and we got to do one. I can, I. Can I give you guys one to. Yeah, please.

[E]

Please.

[C]

Fellas are always in.

[B]

Tell me if I'm on the right path because I just found this guy. He's only got like 7,000 followers. I'm going to say it to you, TJ, maybe play his first video. Like his oldest video first tj. This is really stupid. So you guys might just be like, this guy sucks. And I'm. I'm putting myself out there. That's fine. You know, this is what we do on this show. We put ourselves out there. I just sent it to you tj? I kind of love this guy though.

[E]

Is it another hot guy?

[B]

No.

[C]

Ugly guy.

[B]

Yeah. I wouldn't. I wouldn't. Oh, confirmed.

[E]

Do we have any updates on the applicants for Connor's dating show? How many there?

[H]

No, I think it's gonna be a lot.

[E]

I saw him begging for yesterday.

[A]

Who's was he begging for?

[E]

Who would you sign up? Date me.

[F]

Who knows the number? TJ, do you know?

[B]

Give me 10 seconds, I can tell you nine.

[H]

Have any of you had lady friends? Being like, should I apply?

[F]

Absolutely no.

[B]

Hell no.

[C]

I just can't imagine.

[H]

But any of your wife's friends. Would you recommend?

[B]

Got 73 replies. But that's.

[A]

I mean they could be dudes. I think Connor would be pretty high on the list of me recommending.

[H]

Yeah, I think so too. Like I would love if I had a cousin that I would like love. I feel like he's a good.

[C]

I just simply said it because I'm. I'm just old. I don't have any. Any ladies in my.

[F]

No, not Connor rotation.

[B]

No.

[H]

What's.

[B]

What would your wait go to his first video? Yeah. Cuz it sets the stage. Hi, my name's Dave. I'm a Wave fighter and this is my account for showing the world about.

[F]

What it means to fight waves.

[B]

Thank you. That's it.

[A]

That's the first Australian lisp I've ever heard.

[B]

Yeah. And then he just. He goes out there and he just fights waves.

[F]

Yeah.

[B]

Please to wait for one to come in. Sometimes it like takes a little bit of time like that. That's all he does. He just beats the out of waves because of my. Oh, oh, this guy rules, right?

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Y.

[A]

He's really good.

[D]

It. Oh, it also looks like he just asked a random.

[B]

Yeah, he did in this one. Ask a German couple.

[D]

What are they thinking? They're just like, I love this guy.

[B]

A quick fight look at belong to beach this morning. It's absolutely beautiful.

[D]

Lovely German couple helped me out with.

[G]

The filming and that was just excellent.

[B]

Thank you. Thank you. German people. You love the German people here in Australia. Yeah, he just goes in. Yeah, this is Dave.

[F]

He's coming to check out Byron. Do a bit of a fight.

[B]

Not many people out today due to inclement weather, but that's not too bad.

[F]

I'm gonna get out there and do some punches. Maybe some kicks as well too. Have a good fight with the waves.

[B]

I love this guy.

[H]

You're in the ground.

[B]

He was just on my algorithm.

[D]

Was this an algorithm?

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Oh, he's in the Rain.

[B]

Oh.

[D]

Yeah. Let's blow this guy.

[B]

Brandon, you don't like this guy?

[F]

Oh, I don't know what happened at.

[B]

The end of those last two clips. They just sort of cut out. I think we had some issues with.

[F]

The cameraman, and I'm not gonna hire that guy again.

[B]

Yeah, he just. Every day he just goes out and beats the. Oh, look at that action shot. Imagine being on the shore and just being like, is that guy fighting that witch wave?

[C]

Be the.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

We need to get him zoomed in.

[B]

Guy's amazing. We got to zoom him in. We gotta. Byron, Wave fighter.

[A]

Oh, he's got big ones.

[B]

Yeah, he's getting bigger. He's. I. I caught him at, like. I think he gained a thousand since last night when I followed him.

[A]

Oh, man, he's really good at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah, he is.

[C]

Oh.

[B]

Oh, that little one stood no chance.

[A]

Brandon, you're out.

[B]

He's stuck.

[C]

I haven't said anything. I'm just. I'm just soaking it in.

[B]

Oh, elbow.

[A]

I'd love to talk to this guy.

[B]

Yeah. What made him start to wave fight?

[C]

Well, that one. Wave got it.

[B]

Dave the bar and wave fighter here just come down and bing this RV for a quick fight using me 50 fists in the elbows, seeing what the waves are all about down here. Sometimes I ask myself, what does it all mean?

[D]

What are the waves trying to tell me?

[B]

Then I stop, and I think.

[F]

All.

[B]

Questions in life can be answered with this. Dude. He's a beast.

[F]

Incredible.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We got to get him on. He's just fighting Byron Bay. You don't like him, Brandon?

[D]

That's a good algorithm.

[C]

I didn't say anything. I just took it in. I just.

[B]

But you're just not. You're not.

[C]

I'm not as in love with him as you guys are, but I'm not.

[B]

Gonna do those waves.

[C]

No, see, what you guys are doing is you're. You're casting me as the guy who doesn't like him. I'm not saying that. I'm just. I didn't fall in love with him as instantly as you guys.

[A]

Towards the end, it seemed like he was aware.

[F]

You're a wave guy.

[B]

You're a team wave.

[F]

He loves waves.

[B]

What? If you don't got guys like Dave out there, then you get tsunamis.

[C]

So I. I spent most of that video just being jealous that he lives close enough to beach. He can just go down there and fight waves whenever he wants.

[A]

Could you imagine Titus?

[F]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Did you ever fight waves?

[F]

Someday. I just surfed them really? Yeah, I just.

[B]

You went with him?

[F]

We would hang 10. It's a little term I came up with.

[A]

What's that mean?

[B]

Sick. That's so sick.

[F]

Ten fingers in the. You go like this on the wave.

[B]

You wave to the waves.

[F]

I'm hanging tattoo.

[B]

I'm a wave. Wave ever.

[F]

I'm out here just hanging 10, man.

[A]

I don't know if I've had any fellas I'm.

[B]

Yeah, we gotta find.

[C]

I'll be on the lookout. I do think we should just be able to drop a fella every now and then. We don't wait till Fridays.

[B]

Yeah, I just. I saw that guy last night. I was like, I love this guy. He's just fighting waves for no real reason.

[E]

Someone's got to do it.

[B]

Someone does have to do it.

[E]

I mean, GA was technically a fight fella.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Jesus.

[E]

A hell of one at that Joke gal.

[B]

What a legend. All right, so 70 applicants. TJ73.

[C]

Well, based on my mind, that's probably 20 chicks.

[A]

Yeah, that might be fair.

[C]

Two out of every seven is going to be a chick that could be in the competition. When I did this last time, I.

[D]

Think it was like 80% women, so.

[F]

Wow.

[C]

Yeah. There's a lot of questions you have to answer, so.

[B]

Yeah, like, do you. Do you know what Connor looks like?

[C]

Yeah, he's a good looking guy.

[B]

He is a good looking guy.

[C]

He's an eligible bachelor.

[B]

This is very much. This is a catch put together and he's responsible.

[C]

He's going to enjoy the process and really. And he'll take the woman out on a date.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Just want it to be over.

[B]

He might be Chevrolet's last stand. I can never say that word.

[C]

Stand.

[E]

Stand.

[B]

Stand.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

All right, so everyone fill out their applications. If you have a woman in your life who could date Connor, or if.

[C]

You are a woman, why does he look so big?

[B]

Date Connor Bumble. So how's everyone feeling stepping in the new year? I dropped my resolutions pretty fast, but maybe that's the point. You don't need a whole new you to find someone great. You just need to show up as a your real self through Bumble. Profiles on Bumble are designed to show your personality, interests and lifestyle style in a rich visual way. You can quickly get a genuine sense of someone's vibe and have natural conversations through prompts. Prompts take the pressure off small talk, make it easier for others to start real conversations. They help your profile feel intentional and relatable. So you invite matches who get your vibe from the start and chats feel more natural and easy. More people should use vumble. Get Bumble. Get your vibe down on Bumble. Download the app now. We're going to find Connor. Love Connor. I brought you in because I have a simple question for you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And you have to be honest. Sure. Does your apartment building have any common areas?

[G]

Ours does not.

[B]

But the have you ever lived in an apartment with common areas?

[G]

Never. But the one that we were in for the.

[B]

So you were using one that was.

[G]

Yeah, it was.

[B]

You are a common area apartment.

[G]

That wasn't my idea. It was at my friend's apartment building and it was her apartment that we were using for the pre game but for the magician specifically. We needed more room so we rented.

[B]

Out the did you hear the news that Friday?

[G]

Yes.

[B]

You will not be allowed to watch that.

[G]

That's fine.

[B]

We the the office.

[G]

We will have the spellbinder in here. You're gonna I will be excluded.

[B]

You're gonna know. You're gonna sit out there blindfold headphones with music playing which totally fine.

[A]

No, I'm fine with him hearing the awe.

[B]

Oh yeah.

[A]

Not you but I see the awe.

[G]

I saw the full thing. I I, I saw it.

[C]

Oh, he's got other stuff.

[G]

More.

[B]

He said he's going to do more.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

I would love that.

[C]

He didn't give you guys the good stuff.

[G]

Yeah, I don't know. I, I think he gave us more than plenty.

[C]

I, I, yeah.

[G]

I don't know what he would show you guys that he didn't show us.

[C]

Or just a Penn State party and I mean a Penn State party alone.

[F]

He's not going to bring just a Penn State party.

[A]

And you were such a wallflower.

[B]

Only Penn Staters, you guys.

[C]

You weren't control that at all.

[G]

No.

[B]

No. Did you go the.

[G]

No, we did not. We did not do what we are.

[E]

We did.

[A]

I saw, I saw you peek in the corner in that video.

[G]

I know.

[D]

I.

[C]

I.

[G]

So the thing was and we did this on mostly but it was it was a co birthday party for me and my friend.

[A]

It was your birthday.

[C]

When was your birthday Birthday? It was a month ago.

[B]

Yes.

[G]

And that was why it was like this weird thing where technically I was attached to the party but but I think it was just because we wanted to do a magician and this would be like a better way of evening out the cost and everything. We split it up. I don't know.

[B]

So who from the office came?

[G]

It was Peyton who was a Penn Stater. Zupi. One of my boys who I I owed him a Favor because I stomped in his crumble cookies. Mad Dog who was not at my actual birthday. Ben Stader and then Mackenzie. The four of them are like those.

[B]

Are your fave four.

[G]

I hang out with them all.

[B]

Did you.

[A]

Why did you tell Typ?

[B]

That's a fab five when you add Conor.

[G]

I said it was a Penn State party because it was primarily. It was 35 people, 40 people there. They were for the most part all Penn Staters.

[F]

How many had already. How many people were there?

[G]

They had already been invite. It was between 35 and 40.

[F]

Well, you have to have the exact number. I said there was an exact number.

[B]

I'll find the capacity.

[F]

One of the media was that one more person would have the, the, the, the walls would have burst.

[G]

I, I was given that room. The friend I was doing it with was the. Who was planning the party. And the common area.

[B]

Was this a fire code thing with the common area?

[G]

It was a 25 person maximum. We are.

[C]

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

[B]

So you guys are.

[F]

So you guys don't about the rules anyway. What's one more person?

[G]

But it was about fitting the amount of people in her apartment. Her apartment was barely big enough to fit anybody and people kept wanting to bring plus ones.

[B]

I would have happily.

[G]

I was given a quota.

[B]

I would have happily just attended the comedy.

[F]

That's what I said.

[G]

Which it would not have flown.

[B]

Why?

[G]

Because there was a certain amount of people that we had to put on a list at the front desk and we were already over that. But we had a good. The doorman was nice enough to let us go a little bit over, but we couldn't expand outside of that. And I knew if I invited one person from mostly sports or one person from the act, then I would have had to invited everybody from mostly sports or everybody from the act and it would have blown over. And I, I, I was already.

[F]

So instead you invited Zupy.

[G]

Yeah, Zoopy's my, my guy.

[B]

So you invited someone. You invited someone from Pick him, but you didn't invite everyone?

[G]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Apparently like macro as well.

[B]

Y. Yep.

[G]

I, Yeah, I don't, I don't know what else to say. If there was a quote I had and yes, it was half my party, so Mark.

[F]

But it was, it was not his guys.

[B]

No, none of us are his guys.

[G]

I, you guys are all my. I, I have guys.

[C]

How could we be. How could Mark be the guy if Zup's the guy?

[B]

So hurtful. Because, you know, every weekend all I want to do is hang out with you guys and that's that's the thing.

[G]

Yeah, that's the thing that you guys do is that you make it sound like after the fact.

[C]

But, Conor, that's one free no right there.

[B]

Yeah, you had a free no. You had a free no.

[C]

I' free no.

[B]

The best free no.

[G]

Invite somebody who's going to say no.

[B]

Why? That's the thing.

[C]

You could.

[B]

Then you don't have to worry about fire capacity, you dork.

[F]

No, it's because you're content now. Like if.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. He's competing with you because. Yeah, he changed.

[F]

Yeah, I just. I. I'm. I'm competition. I. There's only so much.

[C]

He's not contest. Right.

[F]

That's right. There's only so much airtime at barstool. Yeah. Mark, I'm gonna stab him in the back so I can try to get his airtime.

[C]

If McKenzie.

[G]

If MacKenzie doesn't post that video and she had ever wr. Post a video, it's fine. But if she doesn't.

[C]

But it is her fault if she.

[G]

Doesn'T post that video, then, like, there is nothing with my face in.

[C]

Like, there's nothing you post.

[G]

I did, but you.

[B]

You.

[G]

I did, but no one's had more.

[B]

Fun in the world than that.

[G]

It was a. It was a great time. But, hey, it led to us getting the spellbinder on the yak, which I was going to. I was going to propose it for mostly sports.

[F]

I bet you were.

[G]

Yeah, absolutely.

[F]

What happened? Why didn't.

[B]

Because.

[G]

Because within the next 45 minutes, you guys brought it up on the act and said, let's make it a yak thing.

[F]

So. Oh, man, what a coincidence.

[G]

But spellbinder, I was.

[B]

You're gonna have to go and tell Zoopy, Mackenzie, Peyton, and Mad Dog. They will also have blindfolds.

[G]

Okay, that's. That's fine. But, yeah, it was. It was a quota I had of who I could invite. And yes, it looks like I am the one who's, like, the leader of that party there. Just because I was a showman and I. Oh, you were.

[A]

You were in the direct center and turned around and scream.

[G]

The guy, he wanted an intro and he wanted a sign off, and I. I gave it to him and that was it.

[F]

What was your intro?

[G]

The intro. I. I gave a quick spiel. I. I said, guys, thanks for coming.

[A]

This was your party.

[G]

As I said, it was half my party, but it was not at my apartment building and it was not my party room, and I was not the one planning it and putting together the. The invite list. I Had a certain number of people I could. I was allowed to. To bring.

[C]

All right. Dating show.

[G]

Dating show.

[C]

Dating show.

[G]

Can't wait.

[B]

Okay, good talk.

[G]

But yeah, we're on to that.

[F]

You seen any of the. The women that have submitted yet?

[D]

No.

[G]

I got some dudes who DM me and they're like, hey, obviously I'm not a chick, but it still would be cool to hang out. Right. And so that they. They applied.

[C]

Oh.

[G]

Which is nice.

[C]

Are you. Hangout show isn't a bad idea. Yeah.

[H]

Hang out.

[G]

Show. Show.

[F]

Are you limited it to just women?

[G]

I. I would.

[B]

I thought there's eight guys.

[C]

Limit yourself.

[B]

Eight guys out of the 73 and 10 unisex names.

[G]

Okay. As long as we get more than malisex. That's what I've been saying from the beginning. That's fine. As long as we get more applicants.

[C]

Malik wasn't interested. It didn't matter the number of malice I got because he wasn't interested in any of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You're going to be interested in all of them.

[G]

Yeah, I. I am.

[C]

You might need a smaller number is what I'm saying. Like 30 good candidates is better than 80. Shady. So. So. Candidates.

[F]

Ah.

[C]

Yeah.

[G]

We'll see. I don't know. The world's kind of my oyster here, so we'll see where it goes.

[A]

What if it's the perfect girl and then at the end she's like. I need you to acknowledge that Joe Paterno knew.

[G]

That's.

[E]

That there's.

[G]

You guys keep bringing this up. There's no scenario that that happened that could happen.

[B]

We'll make it a scenario.

[G]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

No, that's the part the. The. That you guys are gonna do during this.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Bringing to light sex crimes.

[G]

No, no, no, no, no. I'm saying just in terms of the range.

[B]

Probably don't want the Epstein list. Enough with that.

[G]

I'm saying the wrinkles and the stuff that you guys bring to the table throughout this. I'm very excited.

[B]

World is my.

[G]

She's so.

[A]

Do you want her to be pro or anti?

[F]

Paternal. She's a 10, but she. She thinks Joe.

[B]

Yeah, she's a 10. She's a 10, but she's bothered by pedophilia.

[F]

What do I do?

[A]

Agree to disagree. Babe, can we just not talk about.

[C]

About it?

[B]

Our first fight won a lot of football games, babe.

[G]

But yeah, we. We'll see how.

[E]

Have you DM'd any girls that you know? Telling them to apply?

[B]

No, Connor's got a spreadsheet. He's like, actually, if you look at the wins the Penn State had under Joa and the kids that were raped, not that bad of a ratio.

[F]

Wins per victim ratio.

[B]

Boy, it's wins.

[A]

Wpb, you got a F factor.

[F]

That one of the highest in college football history.

[G]

I have not DMed anybody.

[E]

And the list is down to four.

[B]

So.

[G]

Okay, yeah, fingers crossed. It all goes well. Hope you guys apply. If anybody. Any women out there are listening, just.

[B]

Know that if you apply, there's a good chance you won't get invited to Connor's birthday.

[G]

That's.

[C]

Oh, that's guaranteed.

[B]

Yeah. You could be dating him for years and there could be a fire.

[C]

Mark's had him too.

[G]

Magic.

[F]

And he held my baby.

[B]

You have held baby?

[C]

I saw his wife spread.

[B]

What?

[C]

Yeah. Saw his wife spread.

[F]

He enjoyed my wife's spread. No, called it phenomenal.

[A]

Did you go back for seconds?

[F]

Said my wife, Nick. I went back for my wife spread.

[A]

You went to a spread?

[F]

Thrice thirds on said my wife has a phenomenal spread. Wouldn't get enough of it.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[G]

Which you go back and you watch the tape. I did not say that your wife. I did not say the sentence that you said. But it was.

[F]

I think you did my house.

[B]

House.

[G]

I never in your house ever.

[B]

Oh, wow. You're too good to in his house.

[G]

No, I. I told him that's crazy.

[A]

Now hold it for the common area before.

[B]

Yeah, I don't want to use one of his gross bathrooms. Oh, you.

[F]

This is.

[G]

I love Mark. Mark's taking this the hardest of anybody.

[C]

I am.

[D]

And he should.

[F]

On top of it all, on Friday, I looked you in the eye and I asked what you had going on, which, like. Like Dan and Brandon. I would have just said, oh, well, have fun, man. I can't make it. I gotta go home. But you look. You looked me in the eye and you said, it's a Penn State only party, otherwise.

[G]

I did not say it was only party. I said it's a lot.

[F]

Okay, well, that's misleading. You said it's a. And I'm going to a party.

[B]

Thanks so much for the invite.

[A]

You never said my party.

[G]

Yeah, because it didn't feel like it was my party. But look at you. Technically, yes.

[F]

All you had to do is just say, I got a party. You want to come? And I would have said, absolutely.

[C]

Stop.

[G]

Stop throwing that up there.

[F]

I also said absolutely not.

[B]

I said, hell, no.

[F]

We would have been cool.

[G]

I also knew that.

[A]

Yeah.

[G]

If I had said, well, technically, it's. It's half my Birthday party. You guys would have called me, like, gay or something.

[F]

And then.

[G]

Then that would have been it.

[B]

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

[H]

Honor.

[B]

Whoa.

[G]

Just. You know.

[C]

And we're going to.

[E]

We're live.

[A]

I. I'm going to have to defend Conor on that one. We would have smelled blood in the water.

[C]

Exactly.

[G]

Yeah, that.

[B]

Absolutely.

[G]

I was half birthday.

[B]

What are you gay?

[G]

But no, but again, it was not for my half birthday. It was half of my party.

[F]

Because it was.

[G]

We were.

[A]

So did the other birthday boy or girl scream and do an intro and.

[G]

No, because they don't have that flair. I love them, but they're.

[B]

They're not. You don't have the Connor Griffin.

[G]

They're not the ones who are gonna get up and introduce the spellbinder like that.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[G]

So that's. That's why I was kind of the one. But anyway, yeah, I apologize. I'm never. I said her mostly. I'm never.

[C]

Never.

[B]

Don't apologize.

[G]

No, I'm never mixing my personal life and my work life ever again. Those stay completely.

[C]

You're doing a dating show at work.

[G]

No, I'm saying. But like, my friends, my personal life. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm saying my friends from out of work will never mingle with my friends from work.

[C]

That's not your choice. If I decide I want to hang out with somebody on your volleyball team, that's up to them.

[G]

Also, that was the other thing, too.

[B]

Wait, am I not.

[F]

Oh, Dana, good. I Juggernauts volleyball team. And we beat the. Out of Connor. Out The.

[B]

Out of Connor, so it wouldn't be hard. Did I just get disinvited from the pig roast?

[G]

No, you. You will get invited to the pig roast because that was a very special moment last year where. Yeah, that. That worked totally fine.

[B]

I'm there.

[D]

That.

[A]

That was.

[G]

That was totally pig part three.

[B]

The pig roast is literally 100 yards.

[D]

Exactly.

[B]

It's the only way to ever go.

[G]

But you know the. A lot of the people who are at this part. Party. Oh, there's Mad Dog. A lot of the people.

[C]

Oh, how'd you like the magician?

[B]

Oh, yeah. Spell you're not getting. You're blindfolded. On Friday when he comes in, he's coming in. We're gonna put you on the court, and you can be blindfolded for the whole thing.

[C]

You.

[B]

Mackenzie Payton.

[F]

Look at her.

[B]

See, they want to hear.

[H]

Look she blow about her because she's.

[B]

We can't let him hear.

[C]

Yeah, she's got the spellbound.

[B]

She's been spellbound. The words he says are almost, if.

[F]

Not more spellbinding than all right, so.

[D]

No.

[B]

No hearing.

[F]

Did you go to Penn State?

[B]

Oh, you didn't go to school. Do you think Joe put knew? Yeah.

[A]

Were you. Were you uncomfortable at the party not being a Penn State person?

[B]

Were you uncomfortable knowing that you guys had gone over capacity? The fire code.

[F]

In the party room?

[B]

Yeah. Did we get in trouble for that?

[G]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm about to call in, actually.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Tattle.

[B]

I'm gonna tattle.

[A]

Get him a fine.

[B]

I'm gonna tattle.

[F]

I did feel uncomfortable that we were right.

[G]

And that was another part of it too.

[A]

Is that so you probably would have felt better if there were more non Penn State people there.

[F]

Yeah.

[G]

But there was a limit.

[C]

Yeah.

[F]

Was there room. Was there any room for like one.

[G]

Or two more people?

[C]

Look like.

[F]

Yeah.

[C]

Yes.

[G]

It was tight.

[A]

Let's pull the video back up.

[B]

A little tip. Next time you're with a bunch of Penn Staters, you should be like, hey, listen, guys, whatever guys and boys do together, it's not my business.

[G]

So I. I should also point out that, yeah, like, a lot of it was like, people on my volleyball team. And Mark has on my volleyball team.

[B]

Good stop.

[G]

Brandon has on my volleyball team. Non stop.

[F]

Never won.

[G]

We want a playoff game.

[C]

So I don't have the playoffs at 0 and 9 on your block.

[G]

Thank you, Mad Dog. I. I appreciate it.

[C]

Yeah, so you should.

[B]

But no, I have.

[F]

Wait a second. You on your volleyball team more than anyone. Yeah.

[C]

You said too many tricks.

[F]

We ask you why you keep losing? You're like, my teammates are ass.

[G]

Down. They really let us down.

[B]

Specifically, he said the women were bad. Sorry about him.

[G]

No, but it was because we were injured.

[B]

I hope no ladies are watching this.

[H]

I thought he was.

[G]

We were injured and the women are bad.

[F]

Out. Man.

[H]

Set eyebrows and thinks.

[G]

I know.

[H]

Wiggle them.

[F]

Dana, we should. I like to start a volleyball team.

[G]

Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Kate also saying she thought Connor was different. Like, sneaky. Hurts because she's saying she thought Connor was different than us.

[C]

Yeah.

[H]

I thought you were very separate from a group of people.

[A]

Let's steal all Connor's friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[G]

Stop.

[A]

Dude. Go out.

[F]

Just steal his whole life.

[B]

So down.

[G]

But, Nick, you could attest to this, like you said or I think you said this when we first.

[B]

Sounds like you didn't say it.

[G]

No, it was either. You were KB when we first got to Chicago, you were like, yeah, like, I have friends outside of work. Like, you have like a Crew.

[B]

No, I'm good.

[G]

And I just have.

[A]

Greg.

[D]

Not.

[A]

Not green.

[B]

Greg, you took green. Greg, I'd be so mad at you. Yeah, we got to see green. We'll do that later. He was so green last night. Yeah, and he bet he was like the. I mean the six and a half.

[C]

He was spiking the football on. Six and a half at minus 160. Yeah.

[B]

All right, Connor, you're dismissed.

[G]

It's nice to have people you know.

[A]

Outside work and hit the showers, hit the shower.

[C]

You're done. Think about what you did here today.

[G]

Appreciate you guys apply to the dating show. Love you all.

[F]

This is gonna be a lot.

[C]

We'll get this next guy out.

[F]

It's gonna be a lot of.

[B]

We're gonna. We're gonna sewer this guy.

[G]

I'm gonna be an. I guess.

[A]

Yeah, you're not gonna be an.

[D]

Well, I. I feel like an.

[C]

So hurry up and go. I want to say something.

[A]

All right, sounds good.

[B]

I do too.

[C]

Yeah. We gotta steal his friends.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

We not only got to steal his friends, but I just had a content idea for when we get to the final. Whatever. What are we going to do, like 8? Uhhuh. We'll just have the first. You know how we did the dates in the gambling cave?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

We'll just have Connor and the girls watching the JOA documentary.

[A]

That's a really good idea.

[B]

Have in just live reaction.

[A]

That's a very good idea.

[F]

Idea. Yeah, it's a great idea.

[B]

And just watching him watch it be like. But he won so many games.

[A]

This part can't be true.

[B]

Oh, man. Still won't tell us what he knows.

[C]

Never will.

[B]

Never will.

[C]

But he knows.

[B]

He knows.

[A]

He walks exonerate.

[B]

Yeah.

[F]

Connor knows.

[B]

If only I had a microphone in a camera.

[A]

The time just isn't right.

[F]

Oh, man.

[A]

It would be funny if he did have info that.

[B]

Yeah, he just completely cleared his name. He. Yeah. Okay. What else we got? Steven, you got anything good for us today? Oh, yeah. Let's see.

[F]

Road with Indian all tournament. Why stop now? So far still great.

[B]

Minus 1 160. Was he doing a ladder?

[D]

Steven, nobody loves anything more than Bar.

[F]

I love Greg.

[B]

It has powers. It has powers. Indiana minus six and a half. Come on, You. You have powers.

[C]

The.

[H]

Wait, wait, wait.

[C]

That's when they went up 10 early in the fourth quarter.

[H]

So before we. I thought he. The first time he was green. Yeah, I thought there was like a neon bar sign or something that was.

[C]

At a pool or something. Yes.

[H]

Oh, so he did just go get green. Light.

[C]

That's when he got a green light.

[A]

Bulb in the green gray.

[C]

There was one. The one that I didn't like was he just put a green filter over the screen.

[H]

I saw that one.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

That sucked.

[E]

Cheating.

[B]

It's the most. It's the most.

[C]

You have to take injections to turn himself green.

[B]

It's also the most yak thing possible where it's like he's going to go at all lengths to be green all the time and we're going to forget in like a week.

[A]

It's the next with the purple hat.

[H]

Green Greg.

[A]

His career now is green, man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's was a sent a passing.

[B]

Sentence and the moment and the moment has passed.

[A]

He's stuck as green Greg forever and.

[B]

We don't give a. I want him.

[E]

To have to do like an apology video. Yeah, Serious video.

[F]

I love him. I love him.

[G]

Oh, I do too.

[F]

I think he might be the best to ever do it. I really do. Every video he's put out, I've laughed.

[D]

Every time he comes up, you light up.

[F]

I do. Chomp, chomp. That's so good. By the way, Florida basketball has been like on a tear since he made that video.

[B]

Oh, yeah, it's true.

[F]

So I want. I almost want Florida to win the championship again and that be the start of their debut DVD is just.

[B]

Oh, man.

[H]

Green Greg.

[B]

Green Greg. We do the last ad, Brandon. I think it's the tax act ad.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Thanks, buddy.

[C]

Yeah, I am Mr. Tax Act. Tax act makes filing easy. With step by step guidance, your maximum refund is guaranteed. You won't find a bigger refund with any other tax filing software. Tax act gives you tax tips throughout the filing process to help you along the way. With expert assist, you can talk to a credentialed tax expert located right here in the United States of America. Their customer care team is here to answer your questions when you need help. TaxAct helps find you the deductions and credits that you deserve. With step by step guidance and trusted tools, you'll feel confident filing with TaxAct, the simplest, easiest way to get your taxes done. Tax act fact.

[B]

Is Donnie going to do his report? Oh, is he back? He might not be back.

[A]

He gets back this evening.

[H]

I haven't seen him.

[B]

All right, so tomorrow he's got to do his. We're going to get a burp and crystal mat.

[H]

Crystal.

[C]

Let me text him tomorrow's birthday and wow. I'm two days in one.

[B]

Nervous about Kyle. I want to know if he's okay again.

[C]

I. I I don't remember. I think he's right in the middle of it right now. I think you're not going to hear from Kyle to like three, four o'.

[B]

Clock. You think so?

[C]

Yeah, he said 11:30 was the appointment.

[A]

So I don't think we're going to hear from Kyle till we see him tomorrow.

[C]

I'm going call him cuz he said.

[H]

He was going to be out of it, right?

[A]

I think so.

[C]

I think you're going straight to no train.

[H]

Be great if you just did a huge burp right into the. Yeah, right into the phone.

[B]

It's funny because comical burpees. The, the. When we got dark for a couple episodes and we were talking about like whose death would bum us out.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Kyle would be number one for me. Yeah, easily.

[H]

I think everybody would be pretty.

[B]

Yeah. No, but Kyle would be.

[C]

No, everybody be bummed the Kyle died.

[B]

Yeah. No, I'm saying yeah, like he would be number one.

[A]

I don't think I'd recover. I think I'd have to quit.

[G]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you would.

[G]

Yeah.

[A]

That's all I got is Kyle.

[C]

Well, here's the thing. If you died though, we'd all actually have to quit.

[A]

There would be no more.

[C]

There'd be no more job.

[B]

No, you guys, Kyle.

[C]

We'd still at least have the option to stay employed.

[B]

We'd quit. We'd all quit for Kyle.

[C]

Danny, we just changed the intro a little bit.

[A]

We could rename the show Kyle. Oh, as in like a good podcast name.

[B]

That is a good podcast named Kyle.

[F]

Welcome to Kyle.

[C]

Welcome to Kyle.

[B]

We sure miss him. That's the show.

[A]

All right.

[C]

All right.

[B]

That's the episode.

[C]

Kate. We'd have to have tryouts for. For a new female.

[H]

And my ghost would haunt her if she was hotter.

[B]

Well, that's almost pretty automatic.

[F]

Sorry.

[B]

Do you always wear glasses?

[H]

I go back and forth.

[B]

I was gonna say I feel like these are big. Yeah, I like them.

[H]

These are my target ones.

[C]

Hair carrying glasses.

[B]

Yeah, I like them.

[H]

If the moon were by the chase, would you eat the. Anyway, it's good.

[B]

Glasses.

[H]

Thanks.

[B]

I need to start. I start wearing blue light glasses.

[C]

I, I'm afraid I might have to go like two actual glasses.

[B]

Oh, no way.

[C]

I've been doing readers. The. The ones you can buy in the store and I.

[F]

Your readers are so weak. I was blown away by how I thought Mark.

[C]

I think I grabbed somebody else's glasses. I. So Tommy in my house actually needs glasses. Glasses. And I think I accidentally grabbed his because I, I. Those are too strong.

[F]

Those are so strong and glasses you have.

[B]

That's probably how you got a migraine.

[C]

I realized driving home or I realized going to the hotel yesterday. What? So I. I went to my boys this weekend and I said, hey, boys, this, this. This year we're. I'm gonna take a trip. We're gonna be a boys trip. I'm gonna take you guys or, you know, anywhere in America. I gave Tommy a map of America and I said, wherever you want to go. You want to go to Yellowstone, you go to Alaska, you go anywhere. Where do you want to go? And Tommy said, texas. And I said, what? And he said, I want to go to Austin, Texas.

[B]

Let's do it.

[C]

And I said, why?

[B]

He said, probably teen mom.

[C]

He said, I just always thought Austin, Texas was a cool place. So what in the fuck are me and my boys going to do?

[H]

But they have that back party spot where you can rent the tanks and shoot the.

[B]

What are you talking about? You're going to empty house.

[C]

I thought we would go. In my mind, when you think about your boy, boys, you're going to be rugged. You're going to go hiking.

[A]

A wilderness adventure.

[F]

Dude, you do a float with them?

[B]

Yeah, float with them.

[D]

You go.

[C]

You go hiking. I thought we'd do.

[H]

They got good hiking.

[C]

Shoot ptarmigan.

[D]

They have a good lake. They have a lot of lakes.

[F]

I'll do that with you good lakes. We'll shoot Tarmian together.

[C]

Will you do that with my boys so I don't have to go?

[F]

Yeah, I'd do that with your boy. Shoot Tarmian.

[C]

All right, so Austin, Texas is where. Of course, I am going to ask my good boy. He'll have a better answer.

[D]

What was the steakhouse that.

[C]

Wherever you want.

[D]

Dana, did you go with Billy when.

[C]

He, like, threw up everywhere where he.

[B]

Had to eat sour?

[C]

That wasn't me.

[B]

That was pft.

[E]

Pft.

[B]

That could be a fun family event.

[C]

For the fellas growing up.

[B]

I need a snake.

[A]

A big giant steak in an hour.

[C]

Oh, the old 96er.

[A]

Was it 96oz?

[B]

That's so much steak. That's so much steak.

[C]

It's a good movie.

[A]

Oh, I don't know.

[B]

The movie.

[A]

Movie?

[C]

Yeah, the old 96er.

[H]

Anybody you ever see that? I'm on a documentary. I'm thinking of documentaries again. It's like Ms. Rattlesnake. There's a high school outside Austin, Texas, where the girl can only be prom queen if she, like, grabs a rattles. They like, put all these awesome, prettiest girls in school in, like, A roundup. And like you, she has to kill a rattlesnake.

[B]

Kill it?

[H]

I think so. And then I think she, like, wears it.

[B]

Oh, that's bad skin.

[H]

Awesome as her sash or something. Little Miss Rattlesnake or something like that. Highly recommend. It's old, but have him do that.

[C]

Haven't become Little Miss Rattlesnake.

[H]

Come, Little Miss Rattlesnake.

[C]

Okay, so you want me to have him transition to a female and kill a snake?

[D]

Do the boys play any golf?

[C]

The youngest boy does.

[D]

Maybe take them out, hit some balls.

[C]

I don't know.

[F]

You'd have a good time.

[C]

We have one vote so far, and that's Austin, Texas.

[E]

Take him to the mothership.

[F]

They didn't give you a reason why Austin?

[C]

He just said it. Sounds like I. I think it's a cool place.

[A]

Have Tommy.

[C]

It's possible he's a Joe Rogan guy.

[F]

Joe Rogan?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So we're going to have to find out as I dig deeper into this.

[B]

Oh, Tommy on Joe Rogan.

[A]

That would be the funniest visual.

[C]

But again, I'm going to ask my other two boys today.

[F]

Austin, what are you hoping for? What if you nudge him in a direction? What do you.

[C]

I felt like we would be in the either Pacific Northwest or, you know, the outdoors. Hiking. And at one point. Point I would. I would look out over a valley, and I look back at my boys. I'd look out over the valley, and I'd have a moment like, yeah, you did it.

[F]

Yeah. The parking lot's, like, 25ft that way, but it doesn't matter.

[C]

Instead, Tommy's got us at, like, an Applebee's in Austin, and I'm looking around the parking lot like, yeah, I did it. And I just don't think that's gonna feel right.

[H]

Do you plan on actually hiking and camping with these boys?

[C]

I don't like that tone at all.

[H]

Well, do you?

[C]

I can.

[B]

That was the appropriate.

[H]

Sorry.

[C]

I can camp. Camp. Hiking's a little bit much for me, but I can. I can camp.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

We've camped in the backyard before. You know, just sleeping.

[B]

Hiking is just.

[H]

I have a hard time picturing you hiking. It's just for some reason.

[F]

What is that reason you think?

[H]

I can't put my finger on it.

[C]

But I've asked you for hiking.

[E]

Walking uphill at eight Sasquatch sightings that day.

[C]

That was too hard of a lot.

[B]

No, that's good.

[C]

You overlapped it.

[B]

I needed that one.

[C]

Take it.

[B]

That was a good laugh.

[E]

Why don't you try to sway him, like show him some brochures for where?

[C]

I might. I might. I might take him to Google. Maybe a little street view.

[F]

Maybe go to Montana.

[C]

That's what I was thinking.

[F]

Oh, you want Montana Bad.

[C]

Wide open spaces. Something like that.

[A]

Take him spelunking.

[C]

New faces.

[A]

Get Tommy the cake room.

[C]

To making my big mistakes.

[B]

Oh, what was that song?

[F]

Yeah, the Chicks.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Got to love the Chicks.

[F]

The Chicks.

[A]

Oh, chicks and Lady A. My two friends, Dave.

[C]

They're unfortunate.

[A]

The Chicks.

[B]

Whoa. Hey. He's not with us, Kate.

[H]

Yeah, what the hell?

[B]

I thought you were different, too.

[F]

It's only one of them. Sheesh.

[A]

And we all.

[F]

Okay, first of all, it's just one Brandon. Secondly, you can't say that.

[B]

Can't?

[F]

That's so rude.

[B]

You can't say.

[C]

Say that. Oh, boy.

[A]

If you were a single man, you wouldn't turn down one of the chicks.

[C]

I love their music.

[F]

Brandon, if we go hunting, Taran, would you be able to shoot a tarigan?

[C]

Yeah, I wouldn't want to.

[B]

What are ptarmigans?

[C]

Chicken, wild chick, wild game, Chickens.

[A]

Why don't you let Titus take that?

[C]

I, I. That's the whole thing. I come from a hunting family, and I. I don't. I can't kill an animal.

[F]

Luke. From the outdoor boys, the YouTube channel that Brandon's with. And I. I watch a lot, too. What?

[C]

The way you always put it off on me.

[F]

You were obsessed with it, weren't you?

[C]

I love him. I love him. I love him. But you love him just as much.

[F]

I now love him just as much. But I don't want to take ownership of your thing. Yeah, but the guy just loves shooting. Tarmagon. Just loves it. He's, like, addicted to it. He'll. He'll just be working on some other tasks.

[A]

Is it the silent P that gets you?

[C]

His video.

[B]

His video.

[F]

Gotta watch his videos to understand. Like, he's just like, building a log cabin. And he's just like. So what you're gonna want to do is. Hold on. Ptarmigan. He's like, I think I just heard a tarigan over there.

[C]

And he'll be.

[F]

It's always like, I have to shoot it.

[C]

He'll be in the car, and he'd be like. So we're driving out to this. This. This great estate is thousands of acres of pristine, beautiful land. And we're going to build an igloo out of nothing but rocks and ice. And we're.

[F]

Yes.

[C]

And he pulls the car over.

[F]

Car over. He's like, there's some tar. Think I can shoot him? And then he shoots him. And then you're like, hell, yeah.

[B]

Fuck, yeah.

[F]

And it's. It makes me want to shoot one. I don't know what they did to him, but, like, this guy fucking hates.

[A]

Don't love the taste.

[C]

Oh, he loves it.

[F]

Love the taste. Yeah.

[C]

And that's the. To me, that's the catch of his entire videos. Because he'll be. He'll build this incredible shelter out of nothing but logs and everything. And then he'll. He'll say, all right, time for dinner. And he'll go into his bag and he's got these beautiful, delicious moose ribs. Or he's got these. He'll just make this delicacy meal right. Right over the fire. It's unbelievable.

[F]

Great video.

[A]

He's back, right?

[C]

He's great. I think he did a couple. I. I haven't watched him yet. I'm saving them for whatever.

[B]

Oh. I was like, kb. Yo, are you alive?

[F]

I'm all good.

[B]

Let's go. How'd it go?

[F]

It was super quick, but I didn't Not. I didn't love being awake.

[C]

Oh.

[H]

What?

[A]

What?

[F]

Yeah, so I didn't even realize. I go in, and he just.

[C]

He just numbed it up, and I.

[F]

Had to get that, to be honest. It still feels weird, and I'm a little shaken up.

[C]

Okay.

[B]

All right, we'll rest up. Yeah, we're good. All right.

[F]

Said one to two days for burps, so it's not immediate.

[B]

Okay, so we might not burp tomorrow, but we'll try.

[F]

We're gonna try tomorrow.

[B]

Okay. Love it. Love it. All right, well, we were worried about you, so we'll see you tomorrow. All right.

[F]

I'll be fine.

[D]

Perfect health tomorrow.

[B]

All right. Love it. See you tomorrow.

[C]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

See you. Damn, didn't go under.

[B]

That's crazy.

[D]

That's really so weird. Nuts.

[A]

I. I know. Kyle. They told him everything. He just didn't. Didn't know. Yeah, it wasn't that the whole time.

[B]

Why it got postponed the first time.

[C]

Was because of the anesthetic.

[B]

Yeah.

[H]

Yeah.

[A]

Allergic, right? I'm glad he's good.

[F]

Can't wait to hear him burp.

[B]

He's alive. All right.

[A]

Thank God.

[B]

She spin the wheel, Brandon?

[C]

Yeah, spin it, Brandon.

[B]

Thank you, Dana.

[C]

You'll be here Thursday, Dana?

[D]

Yes, I will.

[B]

Tomorrow's a big day. Need everyone getting their sleep. And I'm bringing a breathalyzer.

[D]

Yep, that was a one time thing.

[B]

All right. Good show. See everyone tomorrow.

[G]

See you guys tomorrow.

[A]

Love you.

[B]

Bye.