The Yak – "Should We Make Klemmer Start Looksmaxxing?" | March 17, 2026

Main Theme / Purpose:

This episode of The Yak is a freewheeling recap and roast of Barstool Sports' latest "Pros vs. Joes" basketball stream and general catch-up on office shenanigans, health and fitness trends, junk food, car pride (and shame), and in true Yak fashion, ribbing on each other’s hang-ups from gym habits to collectible hoarding. It also explores wildly tangential topics – from viral meme streams, trash supermarket pranks, to body anxieties and the odd suggestion that cohost Klemmer needs to get on the "looksmaxxing" bandwagon.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Pros vs. Joes Basketball Stream Recap

• Spring Training & Scottsdale: The show opens ribbing Nick on his trip to Scottsdale, with the group riffing on why people actually visit Phoenix and its "dead downtown" (03:16, 04:30).
• You Got Me Fucked Up Moment: Major discussion about the viral confrontation between Nikki Smokes and Jason Williams during the stream, especially the phrase "you got me fucked up", with the panel analyzing its real meaning and cultural significance.
  • “You got me fucked up though. It’s basically saying like, you have put me in a spot now where I can’t be held accountable for what I’m gonna do.” – Roan (07:12)
• Stream Organization & Chaos: Talk about the disorganization on the Joes’ team, the stream’s wild energy, and White Sox Dave’s postgame meltdown (12:29, 13:03).
• Levels to the Game: Titus and Roan reflect on just how big the gulf is between even a lower-level D1 player (Kamari McGee) and regular dudes, marveling at Kamari’s easy dominance over a swarm of Joes.
  • “The levels to basketball players are insane.” – Titus (11:16)
  • “He averaged six points a game at Wisconsin, and last night he was unconscious.” – Roan (16:17)

2. Office Pranks, Locker Room Antics & The Pathetic Titans

• Barstool’s Prank Economy: The panel details ongoing prank war stories, such as black beans hidden everywhere, swapping out keys, and flying nuggets in backpacks (64:00-65:29).
• Locker Room Hazing Tales: Titus recalls old college rituals involving "balls" and bodily humor, lamenting that such traditions might be dying out (65:44-66:55).
• Branding as 'Pathetic Titans': Roan coins the office as "a house of pathetic Titans" – big dudes who, outside the gym, would have been warriors but instead are average desk jockeys with misplaced pro confidence (17:46-18:05, 29:46).

3. Gym Talk, Looksmaxxing, and Fitness Fads

• Working Out and Gym Soft-Launches: Brandon discusses his new home gym, cutting out sweet tea, and being grilled for supposed “trauma buying” of memorabilia as a substitute for personal improvement (73:46-78:40).
• Peptides, Ozempic & HGH: Debate about the influx of pharmaceutical and supplement "looksmaxxing" (self-improvement) trends, with some advocating for a full-on “Klemmer transformation” for content (117:44-121:28).
  • “Should we make Klemmer start looksmaxxing?” – Title theme, with group fantasizing about using his own body as content.
• Concerns Over Genetic Cheating: Nick wonders if the widespread use of these drugs will just make traditionally "dorky" guys look hot but still feel dorky.
  • "Some people are just genetically a dork, but now... they're jacked and confident—but you can't lose the dork in you." – Nick (119:02)

4. Junk Food, Supermarkets & Grocery Pranks

• Trader Joe's & Grocery Store Chatter: Debates about the “tier ranking” of Trader Joe’s, animatronic-filled grocery chains like Stu Leonard’s, snacking favorites, and childhood nostalgia for grocery play areas (44:00-50:12).
• Supermarket Pranks & Loss Prevention: Dave relates his dad’s career in loss prevention and the hilarious lengths some thefts would go, like months-long steak-lifting operations (51:11-52:03).

5. Car Pride, Car Cringe & Road Life

• Bad Cars, Bad Pride: Roan embarks on organizing a “crummy car meetup” after stories of Jackie and Danny’s hilariously busted and rusted vehicles (104:13-105:07).
• Debating Car Culture’s Role in Dating: The group ponders whether women are actually swayed by car status and if guys just use cars as an “extension of personality” (108:47-111:24).
  • “I walk around with a little more swag since I got my new car.” – Roan (109:49)

6. Documentaries Obsession

• Documentaries as Life School: Kate admits to bingeing docs to the point where she thinks a doctorate in documentaries might exist; Roan and Nick joke about her ability to turn any bar chat into a docu-fact moment (85:05-85:26).

7. Miscellaneous Highlights

• Bizarre Promotions & Tragedy Nights: Joking about wild baseball or team promotions based on historical tragedies, and when it's OK to have Titanic or Edmund Fitzgerald night (54:15-57:29).
• Internet Anonymity: A brief but impactful exchange on how online discourse would change if everyone’s real face was next to their takes (99:31-100:17).
• Classic Yak Wheel & Outro Bits: Closer includes the classic wheel spin, Slim Jim ad read, and mock 19th-century "proprietary tonic" pitches (124:52–125:10).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On “You got me fucked up”:
  • “If I, like, start beating your ass, it’s your fault.” — Roan (07:23)
• On Office Confidence:
  • “The confidence of a professional, but just average.” — Dave (17:49)
• On Pros vs. Joes:
  • “There’s a critical mass where there’s too many [Joes].” — Danny (36:46)
  • “The strategy of the Joes being like, ‘We’re only gonna shoot twos, the thing we suck at’, when we have a significant man advantage, was so bizarre to me.” — Roan (13:49)
• On Gym & Sweet Tea:
  • “I stopped drinking sweet tea… because I have titties. I’m trying to get rid of them.” — Brandon (73:47)
• Self-Sabotaging Shopping:
  • “Everything he buys, he thinks it'll fix him, but it actually deepens the wound somehow. The paradox.” — Titus (78:35)
• On AI’s Downside:
  • "Stop thanking [AIs], it’s costing billions and draining lakes." — Nick (83:03)

Important Timestamps

• [06:12] – The "You got me fucked up" explanation
• [11:00] – Kamari McGee’s domination and basketball “levels”
• [19:19] – Why pro athletes love "Pros vs. Joes" contests
• [29:46] – The “pathetic titans” origin story
• [44:00] – Trader Joe’s and grocery tier ranking
• [51:11] – Grocery store theft & loss prevention tales
• [65:44] – Locker room hazing, "balls" stories
• [73:47] – Brandon quits sweet tea for health/body goals
• [78:35] – True reason behind memorabilia hoarding
• [117:44] – The “looksmaxxing” discussion and potential Klemmer body transformation challenge
• [119:02] – The dork-to-hunk pipeline via pharma
• [124:52] – Old West tap dancing and Yak wheel spin outro

Language and Tone

• Conversational, sarcastic, deadpan, and gleefully irreverent
• Inside jokes abound—participants riff on each other, mock themselves, and rapidly switch topics in a classic Barstool group dynamic
• Plenty of pop-culture referencing—always self-aware and in on the bit, especially when discussing sports, AI trends, diet fads, and memeable moments

For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

The Yak on 3/17/26 is a dense, hilarious, and chaotic look into Barstool’s internal world—equal parts sports, life, and roasting. Big stories: the fallout from the Pros vs. Joes game (with group analysis of virality and embarrassment), self-improvement culture (and all its potential for content gold), a blizzard of random, niche debates, and existential ribbing about why people buy so much stuff, care so much about knees, or why anyone would inject anything at all. Throughout, the crew affectionately skewers both themselves and each other, creating the kind of in-group dialogue that’s Barstool at its best.

Fun challenge made during the episode: Should Klemmer get on "looksmaxxing" for content? The jury—and the wheel—are still out on that.