Would You Rather Be The World's BEST Yo-Yoer Or The 1,000th Best Quarterback? | The Yak 5-1-26

Summary

The Yak Podcast | Ep. "Would You Rather Be The World's BEST Yo-Yoer Or The 1,000th Best Quarterback?" (May 1, 2026)

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Episode Overview

On this episode of The Yak, hosts Kyle “KBNoSwag” Bauer and his Barstool Sports ensemble—Nick, Brandon, Rone, Lil Sas, Kate, Steven Cheah, and Big Cat—dive into the ever-important debate: Would you rather be the world’s best yo-yoer or the 1,000th best quarterback? Along the way, they detour into gym locker room shenanigans, Chicago nostalgia, adult Lego obsessions, Ray J's questionable "body count," wild bachelor party ideas, and Barstool behind-the-scenes hijinks. The conversation stays irreverent, hilarious, and self-aware, with the group poking fun at each other, dissecting internet culture, and poking holes in each other's hypotheticals.

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Main Topics & Discussion Points

1. Gym & Locker Room Fiascos (02:20–05:00)

• Kate describes sneaking a (non-naked) photo of a colleague, Cody, in a gym locker room, adding playful “ooze” to the image. The group debates how weird (or not) this is.

  "He was right in front of me. Didn't notice me. Yeah, it's weird that he was in his towel, but…” – Kate (02:47)

• Discussion on the luxurious but “samey” gym culture in Chicago.

2. Chicago Nostalgia and Moving Stories (06:08–14:17)

• Moving offices and the changing “Chicago Barstool” identity; adapting to newcomers and sharing recs.
• Old office memories, being robbed digitally on the first week, and lamenting sterile neighborhoods.
• Bad grocery stores in "South Loop," abandoned pizza huts, and questionable life advice on picking neighborhoods.

3. Sports Oddities—Baseball Double-Headers & Dream Trips (08:24–11:31)

• Whether Cubs and Sox ever play at home on the same day.

  “They want one team at home in Chicago...” – Eddie (09:03)

• Fantasizing about hitting multiple baseball games in a day and Danny’s dream of a month-long road trip in a Mercedes Sprinter van to see 30 ballparks.

4. Adult Legos, Collecting & Mall Culture (17:15–21:32)

• Group debates the adult Lego craze, collecting, and the pride (or shame) in displaying Lego creations as a fully-grown person.

  “It’s weird that you’re proud of completing this children’s toy.” – Brandon (18:04)

• Discussing line strategies at mall stores (especially Lego), and the psychology behind them.

5. Would You Rather: Best Yo-Yoer or 1,000th Best QB? (25:53–34:43)

• The core hypothetical: prestige and hidden benefits in being extremely good at a niche activity versus just very good in a highly visible one.

  “I’d rather be the thousandth best football thrower.” – Kyle (26:11)
  “Being the best yo-yoer, it gets old immediately.” – Kate (27:42)
  “If I could wake up today…None of them are better than me.” – Tate (32:07)

• Digression into the mental vs. physical components of being a quarterback, and how little fame comes with being a top-tier yo-yoer.

6. Niche Talents and How We Value Them (36:02–37:00)

• The group riffs on speed bag boxing, cup stacking, Rubik’s cubes, and how oddball skills stack up on the “cool vs. nerd” spectrum.
• The vibe: even excellence in obscure skills impresses…for about a minute.

7. Sports, TV, & Theme Songs (41:11–43:02)

• Tangent into theme songs—are they still as important as in the 90s?

  “Back in the day, they were more important than they are now. All the old ones had good ones.” – Kyle (41:57)

8. Ray J’s Wild Sex Claims & Counting “Body Count” (68:29–81:12)

• Viral clip discussion: Ray J claims to have slept with 10,000+ women, with elaborate (hilarious) justifications.

  “That’s sleeping with a little over one and a half women a day for 30 years.” – Kyle (70:22)

• Rapid-fire riffing on the math, the trolling, and whether anyone is actually tracking to a thousand lays.

  “A thousand is an unfathomable number.” – Kyle (77:11)

9. Behind the Scenes at Barstool—Faux Pas and Almost Getting Fired (49:44–53:16)

• Anecdotes of run-ins with HR (bachelorette party with a stripper, legal threats over blog photos, upsetting sponsors), leading to “close call” Dave Portnoy emails, and “falling on the sword” for the team.

  “That's the worst feeling is when Dave email goes out and you're the subject of it.” – Brandon (52:28)

10. Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties, Lake Retreats, & Dildo Races (95:48–102:35)

• Ideal bachelor/bachelorette party plans, ranging from Key West “vibrator races,” Renaissance fairs, to simple lake cabins with friends.

  “We had a horse in the race...Puss Puss Pass or something like that. It was weed-themed." – Eddie (96:27)

11. Barstool's Upcoming "Hand-On-a-Golf-Cart" Endurance Stream (105:10–108:14)

• Explaining rules and hypotheticals for Barstool’s new challenge: 22 employees keep a hand on a golf cart for days to win $30k—with porta potty, hourly challenges, and twists.

  “There's no phones. No clocks. No watches. Porta potty in the corner...” – Jay (109:45)

12. Weather Woes, Chicago Life, and Retirement Dreams (103:28–105:04)

• Bemoaning the cold Chicago spring and pondering if bad weather drives people away in the long term.

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Memorable Quotes & Segments (Timestamps)

• On Locker Rooms:
  “So you took the picture of him and then turned around. Nice.” – Brandon (03:46)

• On Being a Yo-Yoer:
  “Being the best in the world, it gets old immediately...You could definitely monetize it.” – Kate (27:42)

• On Legos:
  “I just never got the Lego craze. And they're crazy expensive.” – Brandon (18:34)
  “If you're an adult and you're like, yeah, this is my Lego roses...But it's for adults.” – Sass (19:08)

• On Chicago Living:
  “It's like an abandoned city. The only thing I could see out my window was an abandoned Pizza Hut.” – Brandon (14:14)

• On Adulting:
  “I have no hobbies that I'm passionate about. Like, I just don't care. And it sucks.” – Eddie (16:24)

• On Bachelor Parties:
  “I'd rather just do a house by the lake and drink beers in a pool.” – Eddie (99:38)

• On Endurance Streams:
  “No phones, no clocks, no watches, porta potty in the corner, and we're going to have tryouts for $30,000.” – Jay (109:45)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Locker room/ooze story: 02:30–05:15
• Baseball schedule quirks: 08:24–09:50
• Sports nerd hypotheticals (yo-yoer v. QB): 25:53–34:43
• Niche hobby debates: 36:02–37:00
• Ray J’s “body count” segment: 68:29–81:12
• Barstool near-disasters: 49:44–53:16
• Bachelor/bachelorette party talk: 95:48–102:35
• Barstool hand-on-golf-cart stream: 105:10–108:14

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Overall Tone & Takeaways

The whole episode blends light-hearted mockery, ranting, and bragging—with real, hilarious insight into how social status, hobbies, and “being known for something” can be overblown, overrated, or totally random. Whether debating yo-yo tours or bemoaning cold Chicago weather in May, the crew keeps it playful, anchored in both real experiences and tongue-in-cheek hypotheticals.

No matter your camp—world’s best at something useless or “merely” D1-level—you’ll leave wishing someone would sponsor your next group outing, or at least that you could ballpark your own “body count” without an iPad.

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For the definitive answer on yo-yoer vs. quarterback? No consensus—just great laughs and pointless, passionate arguments.

Transcript

[Brandon]

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[Kyle]

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[Danny]

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[Kate]

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[Brandon]

That's good work. That's good work, Kyle. Off the rip. I guess you committed a crime this morning.

[Kyle]

What crime?

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

What?

[Brandon]

Did you see a naked man that you know in the gym and take a picture of him?

[Kate]

Oh yeah.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Kate]

It wasn't naked.

[Brandon]

Yeah. It was just a towel.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Okay. Was it Cody?

[Kate]

It was Cody.

[Tate]

Took a picture of Cody in the locker room.

[Kate]

He was right in front of me. Didn't notice me. Yeah, it's weird that he was in his towel, but.

[Brandon]

No, it's weird. No, it's not it's not in the locker room. Yeah, I think it's a.

[Tate]

No, it's.

[Kate]

I'm saying it's weird that I took

[Kyle]

a picture of it.

[Tate]

Probably.

[Kate]

Yeah. I don't think it was that weird.

[Brandon]

But he ran around. He's like, do you know where Kyle is? He sent me this and didn't.

[Lucas]

Then.

[Kate]

Did he mention anything else about the photo?

[Brandon]

He said you sent it to him. He said, what the. And you never responded.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

So you.

[Kate]

Well, I add. Did he talk about the ooze?

[Brandon]

You added ooze to the.

[Kate]

Yeah, that's the whole thing. A trail of ooze.

[Brandon]

I don't think he noticed the trail of ooze. What. He must. That must just be something that happens to him. I guess. I just heard him show the photo to Evo, and he said, this has got to be AI.

[Tate]

Right.

[Kate]

The. The ooze was.

[Eddie]

I think the photo.

[Kyle]

Yeah, the.

[Kate]

The photo was actually him. I just added. I said to make it subtle. A subtle trail of ooze.

[Tate]

You didn't say hello to.

[Kate]

I said, not too thin. I made him go thinner.

[Kyle]

He didn't know you were in the room until he got the picture?

[Kate]

No, I didn't.

[Tate]

That's fun. That's fun. That's just good, clean fun.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

So you took the picture of him and then turned around.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Nice.

[Kate]

Didn't want to talk.

[Kyle]

What. What state of undress was he. And was it fully. It was just a. Just nothing but a towel covering up

[Tate]

parts all around the waist.

[Kate]

Towel around the waist. Yeah.

[Tate]

Classics.

[Kyle]

I.

[Kate]

That's just like a shirtless dude.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Agreed.

[Brandon]

Oh, you could see his ass pretty clear.

[Lucas]

I could see him doing.

[Brandon]

Tall around the hair, definitely. I didn't know Cody was at East Bank. He's got it like that.

[Kate]

Yeah, apparently,

[Tate]

that's tough for the rest.

[Kate]

Not about dick.

[Tate]

That's a great gym.

[Malice]

It is.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kate]

It's spacious.

[Tate]

You pay a premium.

[Kate]

Everyone wears the same clothes. Everyone's the same, which isn't bad.

[Tate]

A lot of movers.

[Kate]

And it's nice that no one's obnoxious. No one's. Yeah, they look like they suck, but, yeah, it doesn't affect you at all.

[Kyle]

So. But again, I guess, like, Cody has in his house a hospital bed.

[Tate]

That's what I'm saying.

[Kyle]

And he somehow belongs to what sounds like a really nice gym. I would. Would not have put him in a really nice.

[Tate]

Probably the nicest gym in Chicago.

[Eddie]

I think Jordan used to work out there.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

So Jordan and Cody and Dean.

[Kate]

I don't know what? Yeah. Cody doesn't need to be there.

[Brandon]

Should we get him to cancel?

[Kate]

I think we should. He's just, like, on the turf, touching his toes, jumping jacks.

[Kyle]

What color was the ooze?

[Kate]

I told him to make it, like, translucent off white.

[Kyle]

Okay. All right.

[Eddie]

That's how they're making the old office a gym.

[Kyle]

Really?

[Eddie]

Yeah. I'm Belmont Anytime Fitness. Yeah.

[Brandon]

That's not that big of a how.

[Eddie]

I don't know.

[Lucas]

Anytime Fitnesses are pretty small, though.

[Tate]

Are they?

[Kyle]

They're. It's gonna have to be. Yeah, that thing was just.

[Lucas]

That would be a bigger Anytime Fitness location.

[Brandon]

Honestly, they're that small.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

I don't. I don't know if that building's conducive for a gym. You have to have the keys to go use the shared bathroom.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

Below a dentist.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Right beside a restaurant with the best cinnamon rolls I' my life.

[Sass]

Oh, an.

[Brandon]

You'll get robbed right out in the front.

[Sass]

Yeah, that too.

[Kate]

Cards.

[Tate]

Right.

[Kyle]

I think it's.

[Brandon]

I got robbed on a rainbow crosswalk.

[Sass]

Whimsical.

[Lucas]

Digitally.

[Brandon]

Digitally eobbed.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Was that, like, weeks into you being here?

[Brandon]

One week.

[Kyle]

I was going to say that was early.

[Brandon]

Yeah. It might have been my first time going to that office. Set the town.

[Lucas]

I remember you. You ran in like. Danny, hold me. Hold me. I don't know what just happened.

[Tate]

That is true.

[Brandon]

That is true. And you're like, this happens to me all the time.

[Lucas]

Give me your phone.

[Tate]

Better. You nostalgic for that office? You miss it?

[Brandon]

Well, you weren't there for that long,

[Eddie]

were you There for like, two years.

[Tate]

Oh, that's it?

[Eddie]

Three years? Yeah. Farmers insurance? A little bit. Yes. The first one. Yes.

[Kyle]

Are you nostalgic for a time when you guys were the only ones out here and. And the rest of us, weren't it?

[Brandon]

To us, straight Ed.

[Eddie]

Truly. Truly. No. At a time, yes. Now? No.

[Kyle]

What was the.

[Brandon]

When it just happened.

[Eddie]

Yeah. When it just happened. There was a lot of movement, you know.

[Kyle]

Well, getting used to it.

[Brandon]

How did it feel when people were coming out here and then here for a month and they were given restaurant wrecks of stuff that you. You know, like, I'm sure I was obnoxious with Bird's Nest. I acted like I discovered.

[Eddie]

That's funny.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Tate]

All right.

[Eddie]

Yeah. No, I mean, that's fine.

[Kate]

We stripped you of your identity.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Like, you know, I mean, it was

[Brandon]

the thing that you've been doing forever, and we just came and just decided it.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Yeah. What are you gonna do Just gotta get over it.

[Brandon]

Don't have to.

[Kyle]

You could harbor resentment for the rest of your life. You think White Sox. Dave's used to it.

[Kate]

You had to get over me.

[Eddie]

No, not you, dude.

[Kate]

Just us.

[Eddie]

Could never get over.

[Lucas]

I think you still have the title. You do a series showing people around.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kate]

You're still very much the Chicago guy.

[Brandon]

Oh yeah. But like when it was first happening, were you like monitoring everybody that was announcing that that were coming here? Because I know it was kind of like a slow roll of people saying when they. If they were coming out here or not.

[Lucas]

He made them choose Cubs or socks right on the spot.

[Eddie]

No, I think everyone chose Cubs. Yeah. Like, I don't think anyone chose the songs.

[Lucas]

We were four blocks away from Wrigley at the.

[Eddie]

To be honest.

[Danny]

Smokes.

[Tate]

Kate and Nikki smokes socks.

[Kyle]

Are you.

[Sass]

We have. I bought it. We bought a 10 pack for this.

[Eddie]

Hell yeah.

[Lucas]

Well, yeah, Obviously Dave.

[Brandon]

Oh yeah, yeah.

[Tate]

Dave.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Smokes is not real though. He's just like. He goes to both opening days and

[Kyle]

just hey, duh, what a life. Yeah, he's going to both opening days.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Tate]

You know what I found out this morning and this is embarrassing because I'm sure you knew this already. The, the Cubs and Socks don't ever play at home on the same day. Like not at. It's happened before. But I, I Because on. For mostly sport. I was looking for an idea and I thought like, well, if we went to a Cubs game the afternoon, a Socks game at night. Because I, I've heard of people have done that before.

[Eddie]

Yeah, there's.

[Tate]

They just, they just. It just doesn't. That just doesn't happen this year.

[Eddie]

If you get lucky, it happens twice a year.

[Tate]

Yeah. I think it's because of like rain outs or something. Like MLB purposely doesn't make that happen. I guess it's obvious. But if it was obvious, why didn't I know it? Yeah, no, they want like one team at home.

[Eddie]

I think it's the same with Mets, Yankees too.

[Tate]

They want one team at. In Chicago. Like if you want to go to a baseball, there's always someone playing at home.

[Brandon]

That's pretty co. Yeah. Did you know that Ed?

[Eddie]

They do play each other. Yeah.

[Brandon]

I don't know if it's the same

[Kyle]

for baseball, but for soccer it's a policing issue.

[Brandon]

So Arsenal and Arsenal and Tottenham can't play same.

[Tate]

I thought I. Yeah, I don't pay that much attention to the White Sox, but I would have assumed you could do it like once a month maybe. Like try to do a double header.

[Eddie]

I want to say we look doesn't happen. There was like, There was like it. It's not every year. It's typically there's none, but sometimes you get like one or two. Yeah, like a Memorial Day. I had one like last year, the year before.

[Kate]

What's the most amount of games it would be possible to see in one day?

[Tate]

Three, four baseball games.

[Kate]

Yeah, it's.

[Kyle]

I think if you're on the east

[Lucas]

coast, three would you have to stay the full game?

[Tate]

Yeah, you could do three on the east coast.

[Sass]

But what if you had a private jet? How many could you do in one day? Oh, starting on the east coast at head.

[Kate]

What's the earliest a game could be?

[Brandon]

What's the tightest cluster of stadiums?

[Kate]

Well, like Milwaukee, New York Mets, Philly.

[Kyle]

Get to Philly. Then you could decent fly Baltimore.

[Brandon]

Philly.

[Kate]

Oh yeah, Philly, Baltimore, D.C. then fly from New York. You could do. Yeah, you could do five.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Kyle]

Yeah. But you just going for an inning and then leaving. Is that what we're talking about? Are we talking about taking in.

[Brandon]

That'll be fine.

[Kyle]

Okay.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Sitting down on a seat watching a full inning.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

You might be able to get more then.

[Danny]

I have a. I have a pipe dream in a couple years when my kids are a little bit older. I want to buy a Mercedes Sprinter van and I want to go across the country in 30 days and I'll try and see 30 ballparks with my kids.

[Kyle]

That's a beautiful goal.

[Danny]

Stay at the game for the whole time.

[Brandon]

Just rent the Sprinter van.

[Danny]

Mercedes Sprinter brand's like my dream car like that.

[Kyle]

I just want to.

[Tate]

Just to have just your everyday.

[Kyle]

That's quite the interesting dream car.

[Brandon]

Those aren't that practical, are they?

[Danny]

They're pretty tall, they're cool. They're comfortable inside. You can just park, maybe take a nap.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I guess. I guess you could do all those things.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I guess you can park it

[Kyle]

as a dream car. I don't know how many people have that as their dream. But you know, you being a family man and wanting to get your. Get everybody in there comfortably. I could see that.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Like road trip it. I feel like. Are they still making RVs?

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Okay. So I feel like that's kind of the modern day rv, but it's like,

[Kyle]

well, the modern day rv. Is the RV more practical? Practical?

[Eddie]

He might just be car illiterate.

[Brandon]

Like are you car illiterate?

[Danny]

What do you mean?

[Eddie]

He said on our show, he said on Dog Walk the other day, in the brain class that if you a convert. We. We asked would you rather a convertible or a giant. A big ass truck. He's like, convertibles mean you have a small dick.

[Danny]

Oh yeah.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Tate]

That's.

[Brandon]

That's the most big truck thing ever.

[Kyle]

Big truck. Yeah.

[Danny]

I. I never. I thought that that was a convertible thing. I also totally.

[Kyle]

I think convertible means you're old and you have a small midlife.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

He's not wrong. Convertible could mean the same.

[Brandon]

I can't picture an old man with a small dick.

[Kyle]

What? I can picture an old man with a small dick.

[Brandon]

I don't think so.

[Kyle]

It's in my mind right now. Yeah.

[Eddie]

Really long balls.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Kate]

There's like a composite yearbook of old men with small dicks in my brain.

[Brandon]

Right.

[Kyle]

You don't believe our dicks get bigger as we age, do you?

[Brandon]

I imagine gravity takes a toll.

[Sass]

Dark. But didn't they say Harvey Weinstein had like a button dick?

[Brandon]

It was.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

That was his defense.

[Tate]

Convertibles, midlife crisis.

[Brandon]

I couldn't even fuck her.

[Tate]

Yeah, that's that stereotype. If you're driving.

[Kyle]

Truck is. Look at me. Car.

[Tate]

Yes.

[Kyle]

Big loud truck is. Look at me. I have a tiny dick.

[Tate]

Like a lifted lifted truck.

[Kyle]

Yeah. With the pipes.

[Kate]

A button dick.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Dick.

[Brandon]

That was his defense. You know, I must move. I seriously thought about moving back to New York when I first came out here.

[Kyle]

Did you?

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

I hated where I lived my area. But I blame white. I showed you the text. I didn't know really know any of you guys besides White Sox. Dave. I sent him my apartment like that I was going to sign for. And he was like, that's my. That's my favorite spot in the city. And there was nothing.

[Eddie]

I told you though.

[Brandon]

But I after I signed you were like, dude, no.

[Kyle]

Oh, that first spot over there.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, that's where it is now.

[Brandon]

South Southern third in Michigan.

[Sass]

Oh, south loop.

[Brandon]

There was below south.

[Kyle]

There was nothing over there.

[Brandon]

Nothing.

[Sass]

It's kind of sterile. I had.

[Brandon]

It was just. I would look out my window and there'd be people doing donuts at red lights.

[Tate]

Have you asked him since. Have you been like, dave, you said this was your favorite spot. But like why.

[Brandon]

Yeah, why?

[Kyle]

He does not know the said it

[Brandon]

was his favorite spot in the city.

[Kyle]

He didn't the area, but he pretended he wanted to.

[Kate]

This is after you signed?

[Brandon]

No, I was about to sign. He was what pushed me over the edge.

[Tate]

And then.

[Brandon]

Cuz I always like to live like a little bit further than normal. I like lived in F in New York. And then I showed you, and you were like, dude, I wouldn't do that if I were you. And I had just signed.

[Eddie]

Yeah, it sucked.

[Kyle]

It's all just gray over there.

[Lucas]

Yeah. I mean, I could see how he spins it into his favorite area, but it shouldn't be an area you live. It's, like, where all the tourist things are. People hang out there after work. Like, no, there was not.

[Kyle]

Not this.

[Lucas]

Like, they work down there and then maybe go to the bars. There was no South, Lou.

[Brandon]

There was nobody.

[Kyle]

You know how there's traffic everywhere in the city? Not there.

[Brandon]

There were no.

[Kate]

No. Like, bistros.

[Brandon]

No.

[Kate]

Coffee shops, cocktail bar.

[Brandon]

I walked three blocks to a hotel, and that blows. It was below the South Loop.

[Eddie]

Oh, it's below.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

It's like an abandoned city.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Oh.

[Brandon]

The only thing I could see on my window was an abandoned Pizza Hut.

[Eddie]

Where did.

[Kate]

I had a bad experience?

[Tate]

At a grocery store. What was it called?

[Kate]

Pete's.

[Sass]

Oh, yeah. Pete's. Yeah.

[Kyle]

What happened?

[Tate]

It was just.

[Kate]

It was chaotic and dirty.

[Eddie]

Bad meat.

[Kyle]

Oh, no, I hate bad meat.

[Kate]

It's like two people in Bambi T shirts.

[Brandon]

2.

[Kate]

It's two different Bambi shirts.

[Brandon]

That's. That's. You got to get the out of there.

[Eddie]

I can't believe he said that was his favorite place.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

It really fucked me.

[Kyle]

I can. I just feel like you. You said this. You said area A. I sent the

[Brandon]

Zillow of the apartment.

[Kyle]

In his mind, he had no idea what it was, but he's like, yeah, that's awesome. That's. That's great.

[Lucas]

Yeah. Did he ever say the word South Loop? Like, did he actually know which name

[Brandon]

I sent the Zillow? He probably just didn't open the link.

[Tate]

Yeah. No matter what you sent him, he was.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Oh, that place is. That area is awesome.

[Brandon]

Because he's very proud of Chicago.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

And so he was probably like, yeah, yeah, it's great.

[Eddie]

We haven't had that many people pull the ripcord, right. Like who? Fasoli and Gooch.

[Tate]

Solely.

[Brandon]

Pug wasn't here for very long at all.

[Sass]

I feel like that stuff was more for wanting to be in your family again and not because they didn't like the city.

[Brandon]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's the family. Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Family. Yeah.

[Brandon]

People that are born in the New York area never leave.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Love it here.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I do, too.

[Kate]

It's a perfect May. Friday.

[Kyle]

Yep.

[Kate]

It ain't bad.

[Tate]

Summer's right around the corner, boys.

[Eddie]

Smokes was devastated today.

[Brandon]

I have that was cold.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

So get me on the phone with the mayor.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

You know, he doesn't control the weather.

[Brandon]

His Tik Tok was concerning Smokes is. I just, like, I don't. I don't love. I. I have no interests. I don't do anything.

[Sass]

What?

[Tate]

What? Huh?

[Brandon]

I don't like anything.

[Kyle]

But isn't he. Isn't he just lying?

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

He, He.

[Kyle]

He loves a lot of things. He does a lot of things.

[Brandon]

He has fun every single day.

[Kate]

Really easily excited.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Every weekend he's doing, nothing interests me anymore.

[Eddie]

Like, I really just do not care about anything. I used to love sports. Could care less outside of like my home teams, like the Dolphins, Heat, Panthers.

[Brandon]

So outside of my favorite teams, but,

[Eddie]

like, I don't care to follow all 32 teams. I don't have any hobbies that I'm passionate about. Like, I just don't care. And it sucks. Like, I. I wish I had like something I was passionate about talk on

[Brandon]

here, but I. I got nothing. I like to work out.

[Eddie]

I don't love it. I definitely don't like filming myself working out.

[Kyle]

I hate this like a dweeb.

[Eddie]

I love playing golf.

[Brandon]

He's using this to try to get

[Kate]

the music. Like, he added a sad song. That's funny.

[Tate]

So he said he loves watching his favorite teams. He loves playing golf and the gym. He only likes going to the gym. He doesn't love it.

[Brandon]

But outside of that, going to new restaurants.

[Tate]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, I like it a lot. Do I love it though?

[Brandon]

So he went from being just loving everything to just. Don't get me wrong, he's fine.

[Kyle]

Hating everything for Tik Tok. Yeah, he loves. He's fine.

[Tate]

He's.

[Brandon]

That was concerning. Has anybody checked in with him?

[Kate]

He just did a bender in Vegas. He's probably, you know, brain's got a reset.

[Sass]

Reset Dopamine.

[Kyle]

He did say. I saw that.

[Brandon]

Just got paid to blackout and fuck.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I saw that. Try Legos. I came in this morning, I said, what are you gonna do? He said, maybe Legos.

[Brandon]

I don't get Legos. And you think I'd be the type of guy that would be like legos?

[Kyle]

I.

[Kate]

You don't like or you don't get?

[Brandon]

I don't. It's fun to build. Yeah, but then when you're done. No, but like, But I don't get the people that, like, show them off.

[Eddie]

Really?

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

That is surprising that you're.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I know.

[Kyle]

That's.

[Brandon]

I don't think it looks as good as if you would just get, like, the actual model of it.

[Kyle]

But I don't think you're showing off.

[Brandon]

It's weird that you're proud of completing this children's toy.

[Lucas]

It's almost like.

[Kate]

Is it hard?

[Kyle]

No, I don't think it is hard.

[Brandon]

No, the instructions are very. Is it harder?

[Tate]

Just. They're hard.

[Kyle]

No, they're hard. No, they're not.

[Kate]

Requires skill or just tedious?

[Brandon]

No, it's tedium. The instructions are as clear as day. But that's hard, right?

[Kyle]

But then that's.

[Tate]

Yeah, I like it.

[Brandon]

I like it.

[Kyle]

But something that takes three weeks to put together is hard.

[Brandon]

No, it's just a lot harder.

[Kyle]

A lot.

[Brandon]

It's a lot.

[Kyle]

I think it's. It's hard to stay focused that way.

[Brandon]

I just never got the Lego Craze. And they're crazy expensive.

[Kyle]

My kids love them, and I just. I can just buy one and I never have.

[Eddie]

As a kid, though, someone gifted you a 224 piece. Chansey would throw it out the window.

[Brandon]

No, I would build the Chansey ad, but then I wouldn't know what to do with it when I'm done.

[Kyle]

What's a Chancey? What's a chance?

[Brandon]

It's a Pokemon.

[Sass]

You know what I like? Lego makes, like, flower bouquets and now stuff that's, like, kind of actually cute to have around.

[Eddie]

Have you taken the kids to Legoland?

[Kyle]

Are you begging for.

[Sass]

Not yet.

[Eddie]

It's actually sick.

[Kyle]

If anybody wants Mother's Day, she's just begging for flowers. Let her beg.

[Sass]

But they do make, like, cute stuff to put out in your house. Now they're, like, catching on.

[Brandon]

Yeah, but if, like, you're an adult and somebody's like, yeah, this is my Lego roses. Yeah, but it's for adults.

[Sass]

Like, it's marketed to adults.

[Tate]

You're collect a lot of, don't you?

[Sass]

Huh?

[Tate]

You collect a lot of, though, don't you?

[Brandon]

I don't like dis.

[Tate]

I agree.

[Kate]

I don't.

[Tate]

I'm not a collector. I don't display in my house. I collect. I have stuff that I have, but that one. Walls. Legos would make sense because you actually are building it. Like, that makes more sense to me than some of the. You have. Brandon, Just being honest.

[Kyle]

Yeah, you moved, right?

[Tate]

Yeah, I'm just being honest. At least you. You at least. Like, I'd be like, yeah, I built that thing.

[Kyle]

I didn't put any sweat equity into stuff I bought. Yeah, you're right. Where's agent Elvis?

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah, Asian Elvis made the move.

[Kyle]

Okay. All Right.

[Brandon]

I didn't let the movers touch it. I put it my own car.

[Kyle]

Okay, good. Yeah.

[Brandon]

I love Asian Elvis. Wearing a pirate's hat.

[Kyle]

Is he?

[Brandon]

I got him a, a big fitted one so it could fit on his head and he's got one on in the basement.

[Kyle]

Good for Asian Elvis.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Danny]

I have a question loosely pertaining to Legos. So at my local mall there is a Lego store and they do this. But I have seen other stores in the mall do this. I want to get your guys take on it. They have a line outside and like not technically a security guard but someone that works the store and they intentionally hold people outside to make sure the store is not full. But they do this even if the store is pretty open to like, I don't know, generate demand or interest or something like that. It kind of pisses me off. But I hate Legos.

[Eddie]

I've seen.

[Kyle]

There was not a question anywhere.

[Danny]

How do you feel?

[Tate]

Also that was not loosely related at all. That was very directly related.

[Brandon]

Climb.

[Tate]

I hate Legos.

[Danny]

The LEGO store does do this. But I do, I have seen like the Nike store do this. Like Victoria's Secret do this. Like pretty big name stores.

[Kyle]

Like if I see Ross Dress for

[Sass]

less in San Francisco.

[Brandon]

Oh my God, that has to be the hardest job in America.

[Kate]

Oh my God.

[Kyle]

If I see any line to get into a store in a mall, I'm just not going to that store.

[Brandon]

Won't do it.

[Kyle]

Whenever Nike they do it. The gurney mall that I go, Nike will have a little line out there. Fuck it, I'll just go online because why would you stand in a line in a mall?

[Tate]

Yeah, Lego could be doing it because it's kids, you know, like you don't want to have too many kids like running around and being chaotic and yeah, you know like it's less about artificial demand maybe and more about like limit how many people are in there so there's not full blown chaos.

[Kyle]

See jewelry stores, a lot of lines and malls these days.

[Brandon]

Yeah, really?

[Sass]

Really?

[Brandon]

Yeah, really.

[Sass]

I've never seen that.

[Brandon]

Yeah, one of those high fluten stores though. It'll be like appointment shopping too.

[Sass]

Some of them you have to be like invited to TJ.

[Kyle]

Did you just learn highfalutin 30, 40 minutes?

[Kate]

I don't know if that was good uses. I don't know what that means. It sounds like a disease.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I would have said hoity toity as well.

[Eddie]

The line doesn't make you look though.

[Brandon]

They didn't let me and Kyle and Bape.

[Kyle]

Right.

[Kate]

We couldn't even get into bape.

[Brandon]

We couldn't get to bape.

[Kyle]

What's babe?

[Kate]

Bape is like, oh, the ape.

[Brandon]

The baby bathing ape.

[Kyle]

Oh.

[Brandon]

They looked at us. They're like, no. And then this one guy walked in. We.

[Kyle]

But y' all look like bathing ape guys, right?

[Brandon]

No, I don't think so.

[Sass]

I've never even tried to go into a high end store. I'm so intimidated by them.

[Brandon]

It was humiliating.

[Kate]

This sucks to me. I don't know.

[Tate]

Huh.

[Kyle]

These aren't.

[Lucas]

Are these still in?

[Eddie]

Yeah, I thought.

[Kyle]

I don't even know.

[Lucas]

I got me.

[Brandon]

They had a little bit of a resurgence.

[Kyle]

I don't think I could wear those.

[Brandon]

I think Nikki smokes. His backpack has that face on it.

[Kyle]

Yeah, but it's not.

[Brandon]

It's not Bape.

[Kyle]

Spank Bape Spray. Spray ground.

[Tate]

Oh, my God.

[Brandon]

He's wearing Spray Spray ground.

[Tate]

Trying to pass it off as bape.

[Kyle]

No way.

[Kate]

Rocking the spray.

[Eddie]

Is that expensive or just in?

[Sass]

Huh?

[Kate]

It's expensive and it's like cool street wear, I think.

[Sass]

I don't know what Spray ground.

[Brandon]

It's like a backpack company.

[Tate]

Okay.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Kyle]

I don't like that name.

[Tate]

Spray Ground.

[Kyle]

Spray Ground.

[Tate]

That's weird.

[Lucas]

Why are you dressed for Easter Mass?

[Kyle]

Brandon dressed for Kentucky. Our day at the races on mostly sports. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Lucas]

That's why Connor was wearing that hat.

[Kyle]

That's why Connor was wearing the hat. Mark was wearing a. Mark was a racehorse seconds ago.

[Tate]

Slash jockey.

[Kyle]

Yeah. You're a racehorse.

[Tate]

Shohei Ohtani of horse racing.

[Kyle]

Yes.

[Tate]

He's the horse and the jockey at the same time.

[Kyle]

CJ was dressed as a kangaroo for some reason.

[Tate]

Yeah, yeah. He does it all.

[Kyle]

Why is the horse on top of the jockey now to think about it? Yeah.

[Tate]

Don't overthink it. Don't overthink it.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Just point me to the gate and tell me. Tell me what the race starts.

[Kate]

Who do you think would win a 100 meter body carry? You have to hold. You have to carry someone your own body weight. Would it still be like a Olympic sprinter or more of a strong guy?

[Sass]

How are you? Are you allowed to carry them anyway on your shoulder?

[Kate]

I think it'd be the strong cross boat. Wouldn't be amazing.

[Sass]

Yeah, there's that big wife carrying race in like Scotland or something.

[Brandon]

You have to have a big wife.

[Sass]

Yeah, it's people. It's like kind of a big thing. Like people take it pretty seriously.

[Kyle]

So is it like big dudes with tiny wives? Would that be so I think you

[Sass]

get the whole gamut but, yeah, it's us. That's usually.

[Brandon]

But the dude with like. Yeah, the dude with the smallest wife probably wins.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Huh.

[Kate]

What if some dude who would win. Who's the biggest dude with the tiniest wife?

[Sass]

That's. What if there's a guy out there looking for a tiny wife just to use her for the race?

[Tate]

Shaq had that tiny girlfriend, though.

[Brandon]

I think her name, Tiny. Right. From Flavor of Love.

[Tate]

The picture I'm talking about where they did the math.

[Eddie]

Yeah, but it was hoops. No.

[Brandon]

Was it hoops? Yeah.

[Lucas]

I mean, he's ti's wife.

[Brandon]

Oh, shit. Okay. Thanks, Danny.

[Eddie]

Lots of hoops.

[Brandon]

I loved those shows.

[Eddie]

They're great.

[Kyle]

Never watched.

[Eddie]

I don't understand.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Yeah. That one was nuts.

[Tate]

Shaq would win with her.

[Kate]

Yep.

[Kyle]

I don't. I don't know how much mobility Shaq's got left in his body, though.

[Brandon]

Yeah. You just throw her.

[Kyle]

I don't think you can throw.

[Kate]

You're allowed to throw her in this race.

[Tate]

Thrower across the finish line.

[Kyle]

Can I go back to Kyle's? I'm really focused on this, so. All right, you got Usain Bolt, who's the fastest man in the world, but can he carry?

[Kate]

I think as soon as you add the element of caring becomes a strength competition. So he's not pausing.

[Tate]

I think, like, guys like you would be the best.

[Kate]

Guys like me would be the best

[Tate]

because it's cardio plus strength. Right. But also everyone. Also low body weight. Yeah.

[Sass]

Guys with sturdy legs.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Probably rugby guy.

[Kyle]

I don't know, like 130 pound wrestler. Just carrying 130 pound. That was probably right.

[Brandon]

So did you set up this hypothetical so we'd pick you guys to go.

[Tate]

Oh, my God, it's Kyle.

[Kate]

Best in the world. Hold on, Ed.

[Kyle]

I'm just.

[Brandon]

I'm shocked with the Internet's response with the hypothetical from Brain Clash about the yo yo. Yes.

[Tate]

What is this?

[Brandon]

We asked Che and White Sox Dave, would you rather be the world's best yo yoer or the thousandth best football thrower in the world? And everybody said, best yo yoer.

[Kate]

I definitely yo yoer.

[Kyle]

I agree. I agree 100% with Chef. I'd rather be the thousandth best football.

[Kate]

What's that gonna do for you?

[Brandon]

You're a D1 quarterback.

[Kyle]

You're a D1.

[Kate]

Oh, you're talking about. You go back.

[Kyle]

You're the man in high school.

[Brandon]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Sass]

Is this of all time like your prime?

[Brandon]

I guess it would be the living.

[Kate]

This is just throwing. Just throwing. Not the many Many skills it takes to be a quarterback.

[Brandon]

No, but having the throwing in the top under one percentile would be.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Helpful.

[Lucas]

A couple things. We looked up the most famous Yoyoer. Not that famous. No one knew him.

[Brandon]

And if you win the tournament, there's no prize.

[Lucas]

Couldn't even tell you how much he made. Wasn't very much. Secondly, you can casually show off that you're the thousand best best thrower. Especially at a company like this. All the competitions we have, anytime you bring out a yo yo, it's forced, but it's.

[Kate]

They have competitions.

[Brandon]

Being good at throwing a football is worth it for the free college.

[Kate]

But thousands best would be like what, like D2?

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

You could be a backup on D1.

[Danny]

Backup D1. I think if you think about all the guys that are in the NFL, including practice squad guys that are done with.

[Tate]

But this isn't. Is it quarterback or thrower of the football?

[Brandon]

Just thrower.

[Tate]

Because that's. There's so much more at a quarterback than just throwing it.

[Brandon]

But having the throwing figured out is big.

[Danny]

You could also be starting quarterback at Georgia Tech.

[Kate]

I wouldn't trust myself to be a successful quarterback with just the arm.

[Tate]

No.

[Kyle]

If you had the thousandth best arm in the world, you. You'd be. You'd have a pretty good leg up.

[Danny]

And being a good quarterback, they're giving you reps. Yeah.

[Lucas]

You dominate high school.

[Sass]

But in the bar, like you're out and about in the city or the bar, you can't. Yo yo. You can just pull it out and be like, check this out. You can't just.

[Tate]

You're not yo yo.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Being the best in the world, it gets old immediately.

[Sass]

But you get hired, go all over the place.

[Brandon]

That's fun once.

[Sass]

That's cool. I wish we had someone. Right.

[Kyle]

That guy wishes he could throw a football.

[Tate]

That's 100% the answer.

[Brandon]

But it was unanimous.

[Kate]

Yo yo.

[Tate]

Right?

[Kate]

Yes.

[Tate]

Without question.

[Sass]

Yes. Yo yo, I'm 100.

[Kyle]

Yo yo, I'm football.

[Brandon]

Thank you. Yeah. But everybody online went yo yo as well.

[Kyle]

Now wait a minute. Let's keep watching this because this is kind of sick. Oh boy.

[Brandon]

Is it still.

[Kyle]

Oh,

[Sass]

I feel like if you could pair this with like a cool message, you could do the church tour. You could do.

[Kyle]

You can make church tours. Not cool.

[Brandon]

I don't want to do.

[Kate]

I would not want to do.

[Sass]

But I mean you could make bank. You could like.

[Kate]

Yeah, it's definitely monetize it. Monetize it.

[Lucas]

People are assuming though, is like rich and famous and he's just not.

[Eddie]

And it's up to you to monetize.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

How many quarterbacks to colleges carry? Like five.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Three. Three to five. Yeah.

[Tate]

But again you're saying quarterback. I think, I think you guys are underselling what it takes to be a good quarterback.

[Eddie]

Fair.

[Brandon]

But you're having a big chunk of it.

[Tate]

I, I don't. I don't know if that's the biggest chunk.

[Kate]

Throwing the mental.

[Tate]

I don't think throwing is the biggest chunk.

[Kyle]

I think mental having the arm is the biggest chunk.

[Tate]

The brain is the biggest brain.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Tate]

By far the biggest.

[Brandon]

There's a lot of guys that have an arm that don't have a brain that make it to the NFL.

[Tate]

I. I don't know. I don't.

[Kate]

You need to be athletic as Sage Rosenfels was stupid.

[Brandon]

That's who I was thinking of.

[Kyle]

I have no idea. I just made up a name.

[Tate]

Yeah. I would say the opposite. Like Sage was probably on his brains. Yeah.

[Danny]

Do you guys hear White Sox Dave argue this? It was tough. Have the responsibilities of doing the work. You don't have the pressure of playing and performing in the big game. Being the thousandth best quarterback in the world would be awesome and any one of our college experiences would be way better if we were that wrong.

[Kyle]

Okay.

[Danny]

If you, if you can name one yo yoer I will concede a professional name.

[Brandon]

Can you?

[Kyle]

No.

[Danny]

I wouldn't have taken that side if

[Kyle]

I had the first pick.

[Danny]

I would have taken thousand dollars quarterback.

[Brandon]

That's the thousandth best quarterback. Might be the backup at North Central.

[Kyle]

That's what I'm saying.

[Brandon]

Like dude, that guy's the man. No he isn't Stephen. I promise you he's not. I went there. He's going to nobody.

[Tate]

I agree with that. I agree with Dave. I think you overstate like his math guy being the man. The man. Like there are dudes that, that are that are the third string quarterbacks on college campuses and nobody gives a che.

[Brandon]

Brought up Caleb Presley.

[Kyle]

I don't think the backup at North Central is the thousandth best quarterback on the world.

[Lucas]

Yeah, agreed.

[Kate]

Caleb's the man. But he's also hilarious and sexy.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

You also got to assume how many of the thousands best thousand best throwers are playing baseball or maybe even another sport that get out of your. Maybe. Maybe the thousandth best thrower is actually

[Brandon]

the top thousand is so good.

[Kyle]

200th best quarterback. I don'. Know. I don't, I don't know.

[Tate]

I. I think we're conflating quarterback with Throwing the football.

[Kate]

Yeah. If it's quarterback, I would probably pick quarterback.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Danny]

So we got an unsolicited text yesterday from Malice, and it was just to me and White Sock Dave and White. And Malasac was agreeing with yo yoing and White Socks Dave. White Sock Dave proceeded to make his argument somehow much worse over text. I. I'll read it. Not to mention, there wouldn't be one single person who's the thousandth best. There'd be a tie for thousandth with the best thousand up.

[Tate]

What?

[Kyle]

Oh, yeah.

[Tate]

Happen.

[Kate]

Let him there.

[Brandon]

I don't get what.

[Tate]

Why would. What does that mean there be a tie?

[Kate]

A thousand.

[Tate]

I think. I think he's thinking the person that's in charge of ranking just gets lazy. Like, once he gets to a thousand, he's like just it. Everybody's kind of a tie for.

[Kate]

Elaborate on that argument.

[Danny]

No, we just talked about how bad of a point that was.

[Lucas]

He was just trying to casually change the hypothetical.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I don't get that at all.

[Tate]

Worse than the guy whose side you're on. Makes it really bad. Now you have to wear it.

[Kyle]

Yeah. All right. What's your day look like? Best yo yo in the world. Mark, you're the best yo yo in the world tomorrow. What is that? What is that? I'm not arguing here nor there. I just really am curious about the flesh.

[Tate]

I think. I think the best in the world would be sweet. I think if I was certified best in the world in anything, I'd be like, that's safe. If I could wake up today and like, I'm having my morning coffee and I'm looking at the sunrise, take a deep breath, and I just say to myself, God damn, there are how many billion people on this planet? None of them are better than me.

[Kyle]

You're the best, right?

[Tate]

That feels. That feels.

[Brandon]

That's the best argument.

[Tate]

That feels really good.

[Kate]

And it's small, but I think it's a big enough of a niche community where you could revel in that being the man in that community.

[Brandon]

Are there conventions?

[Tate]

There would have to be.

[Kyle]

Yo yo yo yo ho.

[Sass]

Get a yo yo sponsorship. There's got to be yo yo groupies.

[Malice]

No.

[Sass]

Yes.

[Kate]

Probably not.

[Sass]

I think every group is for everything. Yeah.

[Brandon]

I think that's just women also. You that sleep with men also.

[Tate]

You could do it by yourself. Football by yourself.

[Brandon]

Really?

[Kyle]

So now you need a foot if you're that good.

[Brandon]

Even if you were the best yo yo in the world, you would show me once and I would. That would be enough.

[Tate]

But then I, I then check you off. Guess, guess what, on to the next. I could just do that forever.

[Kate]

It was probably a yo yo or making a living on TikTok.

[Kyle]

How much? Yeah, how much work does it. Is it to become the best yo yo in the world? How much yo yoing a day? Imagine eight hours a day.

[Kate]

So much.

[Brandon]

A ton of work.

[Sass]

Remember that guy? I'm gonna kick your ass.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah, the guy.

[Sass]

We loved that guy. And he wasn't even the best.

[Kyle]

That was just your fellow Friday guy.

[Brandon]

No, somebody came up to the bar and thought I was him. Is how that sparked.

[Kyle]

Ah. Oh, that guy's still doing it.

[Brandon]

Oh yeah.

[Kate]

Every day.

[Sass]

He's not even best in the world.

[Lucas]

So we bring Davon to try to

[Eddie]

explain that he's, he's at a wedding, I believe. Unfortunately, we can call him though. He's driving to Michigan.

[Tate]

How many quarterbacks are there actively playing football right now? College or College or CFL? UFO past high school.

[Kyle]

So NFL is 32 times three, right? Four plus.

[Eddie]

Back to squad.

[Brandon]

So that's the practice squad.

[Kyle]

So let's say there's 100 and 120 in the NFL. Okay, let's, let's add a, I don't know, 70 for CFL, UFL. College.

[Brandon]

A lot of college.

[Tate]

A lot of college.

[Eddie]

You could be a registered freshman. FIU 500.

[Kate]

You gotta do FCS 777.

[Tate]

It's saying 777 quarterbacks.

[Kate]

So we're at a thousand colleges with football programs.

[Tate]

Oh, 777 colleges with football programs.

[Brandon]

So you'd start times three out of college. I did the math and it said you'd start at like Murray State. I think that'd be cool.

[Kyle]

Well, I think this is, this is counting just quarterbacks though, right? Against. Not counting retired guys who are probably still in the top 1,000.

[Brandon]

Right.

[Kyle]

Got baseball players who got drafted in football but wouldn't play baseball, who are in the top thousand. So I think, I don't know. And now I'm kind of just wanting to say this would be a lot simpler if I just went into yo yo and was the best in the world.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Do they ever do a gathering Yo Yo? They'd have a great time.

[Kyle]

We're not allowed.

[Sass]

No. Like a quarterback's gathering.

[Kyle]

A quarterback club.

[Kate]

Oh, my God.

[Sass]

I feel like that would love that. They'd kind of love that because I feel like they set themselves apart from the rest of the team.

[Kate]

They should.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Well, I think every part of the NFL team is kind of set aside

[Sass]

Like a quarterback convention.

[Kyle]

Like the tight ends talk to the tight ends. The kickers talk to the kickers. Centers talk to the centers.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Tate]

They're all, like, kind of friends with each other. Yeah.

[Kyle]

They're all boys. They're all dudes.

[Tate]

Huh.

[Sass]

They should do a meetup.

[Kyle]

That'd be cool. Is there a Yo yo convention? Almost certainly there is.

[Brandon]

Has to be. Has to be.

[Kyle]

There's been many. Is Yo Yoing big around the world? Not big around the world. Is every country familiar with what a Yo yo is? No.

[Brandon]

I bet you there's some where they

[Kyle]

think it's wizardry or something.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Kill you for it.

[Kyle]

Well, I don't know. Because they're a believable.

[Brandon]

Yo yo has been around for a long time.

[Kyle]

It really has. It's just a. What do you even call it? It's a thing on a string. We've had strings forever.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

But yo yo tech has gotten better. It's in Las Vegas.

[Kyle]

Everything.

[Danny]

Smokes. Could pull there.

[Sass]

Yo yo league.

[Brandon]

Definitely.

[Sass]

Is there a Chicago yo yo leak? There's gotta be.

[Kyle]

Is yo yo give me a nerdier activity. Rubik's Cube comes to mind. Like the. The best. We had Sante in here doing it. But like, the best Rubik's Cube put together in the world is just. Just a nerd. Right?

[Brandon]

Rubik's Cubes more. That would be more powerful.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Really?

[Brandon]

Yeah. Big with the youth. I think this is probably equivalent with like, Pogo Stick.

[Kyle]

The best juggler in the world.

[Brandon]

That's cooler, too.

[Tate]

That's way cool.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Okay. All right.

[Tate]

I think cup stacking is the nerdiest thing. Yeah.

[Kyle]

That's a bad one.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Cup stacking's brutal.

[Brandon]

Blew up for like six months.

[Kyle]

It was hot there for a while.

[Tate]

I don't think it takes brain power or athleticism. Neither one.

[Brandon]

You just have to be bad at everything. There's rungs to things that you fail at.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

And so everyone wants to be a football player or musician. And then it goes down from there.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

And then you stop at what you are good at.

[Kyle]

And you gotta bounce off a lot of rungs to get the cup stacking.

[Brandon]

I think you do.

[Kyle]

Steven, what were you saying?

[Danny]

Can I show you guys a sick guy I stumbled upon the other day?

[Kyle]

Danny?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Danny]

A guy who's awesome at speed bag boxing. And he's like an old dude and he just crushes.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tate]

That's cool.

[Danny]

That is very cool.

[Kyle]

You always think it's got to be a fast or strong guy, but it's really just about rhythm?

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

He makes this look wow. Way easier than it would.

[Sass]

I've never done this before, and in my mind it does seem very. It like looks easy.

[Brandon]

When people are so good at something that looks easy, it's like a disservice to the hobby.

[Kyle]

Kate, if any of us had this hanging down bag here right now, we tried to do it. It would look like the most uncoordinated thing you've ever seen in your life.

[Sass]

I've never tried one.

[Jay]

And what I just did there was

[Malice]

real simple cadence punching.

[Kyle]

There's been a few questions among some

[Malice]

of the speed baggers on. On Speed Bag Form.

[Kyle]

Probably on Instagram.

[Brandon]

You think that's a piece military punching speed bag?

[Sass]

I wouldn't be shocked. It's not gray. Like it's sideburns.

[Kyle]

Speed bag gathering. Is it in Vegas? Oh, it's in Keyport, New Jersey.

[Brandon]

Art of the bag.

[Kyle]

Why was that so funny, Jay?

[Danny]

That's a rough convention site.

[Kyle]

Keyport, New Jersey.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

All right. Do speed bags have to be in the dingiest corner of a building?

[Brandon]

Yes.

[Eddie]

I think he's on a stool.

[Tate]

What is.

[Sass]

What does this work on for feedback so high?

[Tate]

Practical first boxing. Timing.

[Kyle]

Timing accuracy.

[Eddie]

You could move your arms. Like having fastness, man. It's like balloon burst.

[Brandon]

If you're not in like a perfect rhythm, not going to come back.

[Eddie]

Mario Party, dude.

[Kate]

Balloon burst reference. Oh, my God, dude.

[Eddie]

Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Kate]

No one knows the name of that balloon.

[Brandon]

I know. Hexagon Heat. Is this Mario Bumper Balls?

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

Pizza. Pizza.

[Eddie]

And like, you can't just mash. There's like a. Oh, is it the bowser balloon? Yeah.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Tate]

Bren, is it. Is it a.

[Kate]

No, that was. That was on a.

[Tate]

Is it intuitive to you to be good at that? Would be good at getting in a ring and with a 240 pound man trying to punch your face off?

[Kyle]

No, but I think it's one of those better for this rudimentary skills. Right. Like it's a building block of a

[Brandon]

skill that seems like practice for drum line.

[Kyle]

Right?

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tate]

I think if it does feel like if you drum, a drummer would be good at that.

[Kyle]

If you can do this well in a rhythm, maybe I can teach you do the other shit.

[Tate]

Yeah. Is that what it is?

[Kyle]

Building block?

[Brandon]

It's like. Like practicing dribbling in front of a conga line.

[Sass]

I bet you'd be incredible.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Okay. That was funny.

[Kyle]

She thinks now she has a perfect pussy, she can say anything.

[Brandon]

No, I think that was clever. I think that was clever and funny.

[Sass]

I was distracted, but silence is hard because you go like this in the front of a con.

[Brandon]

I've never been the front of a conga line.

[Kyle]

I've never been in a conga line.

[Brandon]

Yeah, that's. I should have said that. I'm always in the middle. The middle of the conga line. Always a bridesmaid.

[Sass]

I feel like in the 80s, I. Of course I wasn't, but I feel like my idea of the 80s is that in the middle of like a Bennigans on a Friday night, those would

[Brandon]

just break out in conga lines.

[Sass]

Yeah. I think conga lines were, like a thing for a while.

[Kyle]

I think the TJ TGIF sitcoms tricked us into thinking they were conga lines.

[Tate]

There's one in Cheers. I know Cheers did one.

[Kyle]

Full House will break into a conga line. You think, oh, wow, this is going to be part of my life when I get older.

[Sass]

But no, it's not.

[Tate]

Why do they do that?

[Lucas]

And you need very.

[Brandon]

Like, they're not fun and don't look. They're not fun.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

If I see one going around a wedding, I'm.

[Kyle]

TV convinced me that you want to

[Brandon]

start one of Cody's.

[Kyle]

There'd be more conga line.

[Brandon]

Kyle, you got to start.

[Kate]

Break the record.

[Brandon]

Halibut Man. Starting the conga line.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

You can't just conga to any song.

[Kate]

Halibut.

[Kyle]

TV convinced me there'd be more conga lines and there'd be more usage of that. For He's a Jolly Good Fellow song. Those were all over tv.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

And you don't see them anymore.

[Danny]

And Quicksand ranked best to worst TGIF shows.

[Kyle]

Oh, well, best is Family Matters. Second is Full House.

[Brandon]

Third.

[Kyle]

I was never kind of. I was too old for Boy Meets world. Hanging with Mr. Cooper was really good, but probably Boy Meets World, then hanging with Mr. Cooper, then step by Step. I didn't like Step by Step. Not a step by step guy. Not a step by step guy.

[Kate]

You're a seasoned Summers guy, right?

[Kyle]

Not really a Summers guy.

[Brandon]

How important is a theme song for you?

[Kyle]

You really important.

[Brandon]

Because I think Malcolm in the Middle is one of my favorite shows. But the theme song's Awful.

[Kate]

Is a theme song. Is it a known song?

[Brandon]

No, it's just. It's just.

[Tate]

It's.

[Brandon]

It's a ear sore.

[Kate]

It is important.

[Lucas]

Yeah. I don't like how Baller's Head right above it.

[Kate]

I love that.

[Kyle]

Really?

[Kate]

It's my favorite song, too.

[Lucas]

It's gonna ruin it for you, isn't it? And I feel like it's kind of cheap. You got to make your own jingle.

[Eddie]

A theme song is good when you don't want to skip it.

[Kyle]

Hey, back in the. Back in the day, they were more important than they are now. Right? Like, all the old ones had good ones.

[Brandon]

Like, now there's a button to skip.

[Kate]

Skip it.

[Kyle]

Yeah. And the office of Parks and Rec just had little. Yeah, just give me a good theme song, though. Yeah, they're okay, but they're nothing like the productions. We used to have.

[Kate]

60 minutes as a good one.

[Eddie]

Not bad.

[Kyle]

Like Cheers. Cheers was a fucking production.

[Eddie]

That was Simpsons, Sopranos.

[Danny]

Baywatch was great.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

It was perverted.

[Kyle]

Some people stand in the darkness. Jay bringing it back.

[Eddie]

Growing Pains.

[Danny]

Afraid to step into the light.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

You weren't a Growing Pains guy.

[Kyle]

Not really, no. It's more of an NBC sitcoms guy than abc. It wasn't until TGIF I got into Family Matters. I. I think I just like black people on TV better than white people.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Are you Martin or Seinfeld?

[Brandon]

Oh, come on.

[Kyle]

I mean, I'm more of a. I'm more of a Seinfeld guy now, but When I was 13, 14, 15, I was 100% more Martin. I fucking loved Martin. Back in the day, Martin was like, appointment television.

[Brandon]

Is Martin the black comparison to Seinfeld?

[Lucas]

I've heard that, yeah.

[Brandon]

Really? Where have you heard that?

[Lucas]

Internet. Black Internet.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah.

[Eddie]

I'd love to sit down and watch Martin with you.

[Kyle]

I could watch Martin, you know. Got some Cosby show crossover there. Cold Cockroach Tommy's on there. Pam, you know them all. Gina.

[Kate]

Three birthdays today.

[Kyle]

Are they today?

[Kate]

They are actually today.

[Kyle]

Oh, there's an anniversary today, too.

[Kate]

What is that?

[Kyle]

It's the first of the month.

[Brandon]

Is this the one?

[Kyle]

Today's the day.

[Tate]

Oh, boy. The actual first of the month. Yeah.

[Kyle]

Sorry.

[Kate]

Chet Holmgren. Mer, the impractical Joker. Hamzat Chamayev, the Chechen martial artist monster. Who y' all swapping heads with?

[Tate]

See the martial artist.

[Kyle]

I only know Holmgren's head.

[Eddie]

I don't know, like, for appearance wise.

[Brandon]

Yeah. Am I looking like Chet Holmgren?

[Kate]

You get his head?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Okay.

[Brandon]

Oh, no.

[Kyle]

Can't be homegrown. But which impractical joker is. Right. But which one? I don't know.

[Brandon]

The one the three wise men brought.

[Kyle]

Right, But I don't. Give me the Chechen.

[Brandon]

Fine.

[Tate]

That's fine.

[Kate]

But you gotta realize that's probably gonna look really long on your body.

[Sass]

Yeah, you're right.

[Kate]

Or that. And you got to go back in time and woo your wife.

[Brandon]

And that's a cleft.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kate]

One of these man's heads.

[Sass]

What's going on under that beard?

[Kyle]

It can't be good.

[Sass]

I'm on all three.

[Kyle]

What?

[Brandon]

Huh?

[Sass]

I can't any of these three. I think I'm going murdered on my body.

[Kyle]

It's pretty easy, Mur. You put that seven foot head on my body, it's gonna look. It's gonna look weird. That's just. That's pretty standard head.

[Brandon]

That's a good. That's a. It's a. It's a fine head.

[Tate]

Who's. Who's feeling the most physical pain right this second?

[Kate]

Well, out of those three.

[Tate]

Out of those three. Yeah.

[Brandon]

Chat.

[Kate]

That's a good question.

[Kyle]

I think it's the fighter, right.

[Kate]

He's out of shape.

[Tate]

Yeah. Mer's just your run of the mill middle aged man who.

[Brandon]

That's a. That's an interesting.

[Tate]

Maybe played indoor soccer the other day. 48 hours later is still feeling it.

[Kyle]

Does my head now go on the fighter's body?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

You also get to enjoy that.

[Kyle]

He's got to get in the ring with this thing.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I think that's fine.

[Kyle]

Do you imagine this thing getting pummeled though?

[Brandon]

Yeah. We got nothing to lose.

[Kyle]

It'd be fucking amazing.

[Eddie]

Tagged.

[Kyle]

Huh?

[Tate]

When did you last fight?

[Kyle]

He's fighting next weekend.

[Tate]

Oh, so he's in training. So he's probably the answer.

[Kyle]

He's more. He's more tired than her pain though, right?

[Tate]

Yeah, yeah. It's chilling right now.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Waiting for the next round.

[Kyle]

And Mer's probably chilling too. I don't know.

[Eddie]

I think he's cut quite a bit too.

[Brandon]

Last fight was.

[Kyle]

Yeah. He can't show all the jokes.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Yeah. Mer may have just gotten hit in the balls right now. Oh my God. He might be filming something right now. And he just got hit in the dick.

[Brandon]

So it could have come.

[Kyle]

Hamza.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Both just got in the balls.

[Kyle]

We have a. Interesting. We shot the soccer the other day and there's. There's a ball shot coming. It's a good ball shot. Yeah.

[Brandon]

I didn't see.

[Kate]

He's amongst us and he wasn't on the field.

[Brandon]

Somebody.

[Sass]

Somebody stopped a ball with their penis.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

No spoilers, but it was black penis.

[Tate]

It was a header.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

I'm thinking of a different one.

[Kyle]

I was too. Oh yeah. Mine was on the field, but I guess that's too much.

[Brandon]

How many balls?

[Kate]

Mine wasn't on the field.

[Kyle]

I know that wasn't.

[Brandon]

The medic got some reps in.

[Sass]

Yes, he did.

[Kyle]

Okay. He did. He looked like Nick Saban.

[Sass]

He did. I kept looking at him because he looks so familiar.

[Brandon]

You. You said something where you said his head looks like Nick Saban.

[Kate]

But you don't have to say that

[Brandon]

when somebody says you look like somebody. I think it's their face.

[Kyle]

I think it was one of Kyle's head swaps. Oh, yeah, I think it was.

[Brandon]

His body looks just like Nick because

[Kyle]

He was, like, 5:1 buddy. His. His half was Nick Sapien.

[Brandon]

It was. And then the one of. There was a guy there looked like Larry Bird.

[Kyle]

No, that was Kate. Hey, now, whatever happened to that guy that called you Larry Bird? Probably in jail or something. Probably was one of the rough and rowdy fighters.

[Sass]

I was actually kind of afraid to go to Rough and Rowdy after that because he said his wife would be there looking for me every time.

[Kyle]

Can I tell y' all when I. When I started in 2019, I think my first week in New York, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then Friday, they had a rough and rowdy, and the rough and rowdy guys were there that week. And I thought. I thought the rough and rowdy fighters were some of the biggest stars in the company. I thought it went like Dan Day or Dave. Dan.

[Kate]

She's at the reset.

[Kyle]

Yes, I thought I did, too.

[Kate]

I thought these were bona fide celebs, honestly.

[Kyle]

Thought these were the biggest deals we had. And turns out, you know, but. But, like, that week, I was in awe of guys I was meeting. You're right. She was at the Rosette, and I can't remember.

[Sass]

The dragon boy was another. He would get brought out in the trash can.

[Kyle]

What was it? Trailer park that did that to you? That said that to you, Travis?

[Kate]

What caused that? Yeah, I remember. Yeah, you said something.

[Sass]

They asked us to, like, drum up

[Kyle]

drama or whatever, put lines out there, right.

[Sass]

I was, like, poking fun at him. But then he took it, like, pretty seriously and was like, I'll kill you.

[Kate]

Really?

[Sass]

And behind the scenes, his wife, like, wanted to fight me. They're like, we don't know if you can go to the next one, because they, like, really hate you.

[Kyle]

Wow.

[Brandon]

Good Lord.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Did you buy him a couch?

[Sass]

I did. I bought him a couch. 10 grand.

[Brandon]

Titus, you weren't there for that. Kate hired a stripper to come into the Yak.

[Tate]

Oh, I think. I think I watched this episode.

[Brandon]

She got in trouble and also bought the stripper a couch.

[Tate]

I remember I remember watch a nice couch.

[Sass]

A sectional.

[Kyle]

Yeah, Like a multi thousand dollar couch

[Sass]

was why I had promised like kind of tongue and I was like, if I win, it's all going to you. I was like, I. But I said it out loud on camera. But I didn't really think I was going to win and I didn't really think what?

[Tate]

Win what?

[Kate]

When?

[Sass]

What it was. Remember we were all selling T shirts with our name as the code. There was a big plush and I was like, if I win, it's all going to. So I brought a lady dancer in to hold up the sign with my code and like dance on people. It was maybe a little much, but also I didn't think she was going to do all that and wear that. I thought it was going to be because I had explained it beforehand. I was like, you don't need to go crazy. And then like we almost had a full butthole at like genuinely. She was. Remember she was wearing like.

[Kate]

I wasn't there.

[Sass]

She was wearing like a string over.

[Kyle]

I wasn't there that day either.

[Brandon]

I wasn't either. It was, I think it was just you and Sass and people got so mad at sass for not getting danced on.

[Sass]

I know. I was like, I actually felt bad that I put them in that position afterwards. And then. And afterwards Dave Fortnight was there and he like came up and was like, yeah, you're pretty close today. Like, hey, angry email.

[Brandon]

Yeah, angry email to the whole company.

[Sass]

Angry email. Yeah, it was a whole to do.

[Brandon]

You had to buy a couch.

[Sass]

And then she hit me up afterwards and was like, well, I have it on tape what you said. Like, you owe me. And she had like these two handler guys. And I was like, oh, handler, handler guys. I don't know how that shit works.

[Kyle]

So you almost got fired.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Cost yourself a bunch of money.

[Sass]

Ton of money.

[Kyle]

Almost got beat up.

[Sass]

And then after taxes, I ended up getting like, like just like maybe a grand or two. Like it was. I mean, I'm dumb. I know. You don't have to tell me.

[Kyle]

Is that your only. How many close calls you have with Dave as far as like getting run out of here? I've had one. I've had the one.

[Sass]

That's the. Probably the biggest one.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Yeah. You had two.

[Kyle]

I got two, yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess the push of Devlin too.

[Sass]

Yeah, I got us sued. I used all. I didn't know you couldn't use Zillow photos in a blog. Oh, yeah, I just cut and paste the. I think the Godfather.

[Brandon]

Oh, I Don't think that's firing.

[Sass]

One of the Godfather houses was up for sale and I used every single photo in the blog. So I guess it was like sued times.

[Brandon]

Kyle. We had a close call with a meeting with Nardini of. We almost. We got. We got in trouble. Copyright. No, no, it was like. I think it was. I think it was some people that worked at the bar stool bar wanted us fired. The bar stool? I believe so.

[Tate]

For what?

[Brandon]

We probably made a bad joke.

[Kate]

Yeah. I remember now.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Kate]

Yeah, they weren't. Yeah.

[Eddie]

This one.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Oh, wow.

[Brandon]

Yeah. Gone now they were freelance one too.

[Kate]

What do we call them?

[Eddie]

Oh, okay.

[Brandon]

And then they were like.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

They reached out. Yeah. Wanted us gone.

[Eddie]

I remember now.

[Kate]

Call.

[Brandon]

Yeah, that was a tough one.

[Kate]

Called him that before I knew him. Never met him.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Yeah, right.

[Brandon]

Never thought we would.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

That sucked. I think. Yeah. Everybody's had a brush.

[Kyle]

Hey, do you have it?

[Eddie]

Trying to think he. Oh, we. Probably the most mad he's been at me is we did a fast food draft and we didn't draft one of the big sponsors and he was very angry about that.

[Brandon]

Okay, well, that shows that you guys are moral, you know, with the drafts that you can't be bought.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly.

[Brandon]

You should have done it.

[Sass]

That's the worst feeling is when Dave email goes out and you're the subject of it. I did it again. I did a parody of a Mariah Carey song to sell merch last winter. I didn't know you couldn't even do parody without the music background. And I was the subject of an email that went out and it's just

[Danny]

like, do you low key, lead the league? And Dave emails probably kind of about you.

[Sass]

Like, probably. I've had like three or four.

[Brandon]

When Sass first started, he was getting in trouble a lot too.

[Kyle]

Rico's got him. Right. Mitzi.

[Tate]

Mitzi is the leader. Yeah.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Mincy's got a ton of them. Even some that don't get that public. Yeah, well, he's got a ton of them.

[Brandon]

Really. It's a lot of the people that blog a lot getting.

[Tate]

I will say there when we get those emails, I. I like to laugh at who's the. The target of them, but it's almost always stuff that I would have done.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Like.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah.

[Tate]

Like that example Kate. I'm like, kate, you idiot, of course you can't.

[Kate]

Oh yeah.

[Tate]

Like I would have thought that's. I'm glad. I'm glad my co workers are. Are falling on the.

[Sass]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. I Had no idea. In the early days there. Well, like, wasn't a ton of guidance on, like, do's. And it's like we all kind of kept finding out the hard way.

[Eddie]

And

[Sass]

see what.

[Tate]

What I.

[Sass]

What email I get this year.

[Brandon]

Yeah, you're due.

[Sass]

You're new.

[Brandon]

Which is funny because you only mean.

[Sass]

Well, I tried.

[Eddie]

That's kind of crazy.

[Brandon]

So what do you mean?

[Eddie]

The hand, like, the Handler show. They were in, like, a group text with you or what?

[Sass]

Oh, yeah.

[Eddie]

And they were all like, hey, remember you told her?

[Sass]

And then she kept reaching out.

[Brandon]

It was like, didn't a porn star get mad at you?

[Sass]

Probably. I don't know.

[Brandon]

And, like, you were like. Was there.

[Kate]

It's a horrible.

[Brandon]

You were DMing with A. Oh, oh.

[Sass]

She got her titty ice hockey game. Exploded her implant.

[Kyle]

Right.

[Kate]

I don't know this.

[Sass]

And she hated everybody here. But I wrote about that with Mia Khalifa. Yes. Yes. And I. She DM me to be like, thanks. You're the only person at barstool who, like, doesn't suck because I wrote a nice blog about her getting hit. And then. Then we got. I forget what I did to get on her bad side, but then I got on her bad side, and then she was in the DMs yelling at me.

[Tate]

Oh.

[Sass]

I was like, okay, so, yeah, that was Mia Khalifa.

[Eddie]

So how do you end up in these situations so often?

[Sass]

And it's like, I try to be thoughtful of people and like, you do. I try to consider.

[Brandon]

Yeah, it's your biggest mistake.

[Tate]

Yeah. Was it DeSean Watson that dunked on her or is an NBA player and they're playing.

[Brandon]

It was deshaun Watson.

[Tate]

It was desean Watson.

[Sass]

I was like, I don't remember that at all.

[Kyle]

Wait.

[Kate]

Oh, you mean literally dunked on?

[Tate]

Literally. Yeah, he was. There's a clip of him talking on me playing on a mini hoop in his, like, apartment or something, and he just

[Sass]

couldn't help himself. He had to do it.

[Eddie]

That's sick.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Kate, you got a big one yesterday. Here it is.

[Kyle]

I guess that's it.

[Tate]

Oh, I thought. I thought the other way around.

[Brandon]

Rejected it.

[Danny]

Remember that trend where someone would walk up behind someone with a mini hoop and then somebody else would. That was a pretty good trend.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I liked that trend.

[Tate]

Okay. You got. You got a big win, though, yesterday. You're spot on about the J.P. morgan.

[Sass]

I know.

[Brandon]

You saved us.

[Sass]

I know.

[Tate]

Yeah, you did save us.

[Sass]

I didn't wanna. Just want to be sure because I just. We don't talk like that.

[Kyle]

This This.

[Sass]

I don't think we talk like that.

[Kyle]

This dude, man, he just came up with some, like, fan fiction about this woman apparently.

[Kate]

But he's. The Internet deemed him so ugly that. Yeah, there's no way they said he

[Brandon]

looks just like that meme. The brain rot meme.

[Sass]

Apparently he was like, originally when he was looking to sue, he was. He was using AI to come up with this stuff. And it was going to be originally about, like, a man.

[Kyle]

He was insulting his own wife.

[Tate]

The Shed. Right, right.

[Brandon]

You knew because a woman would never call her breasts cannons.

[Kate]

No, you did say that.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

A TED giveaway.

[Sass]

But I saw a lot of people starting to say the same thing. It was like. Like, ladies are not. We don't. Howitzer.

[Kate]

Sure.

[Sass]

Cannons. Let's not get crazy.

[Brandon]

Yeah, he has that woman spoke.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Poor woman.

[Brandon]

And does she have cannons?

[Kate]

She is the now like the memified mascot of corporate rape.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Brandon, I think you saw some AI

[Kate]

and they gotta stop doing it. They're doing it to Ronda Rousey, Marsha Brady and now this girl. They're aiing bigger tits. I think it's heinous.

[Kyle]

They're doing.

[Brandon]

It's a Marcia Brady.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

No, they're not.

[Kate]

Yes, you're not.

[Brandon]

You saw Marshall.

[Eddie]

She's a nick scan the other day. Yeah, she was looking good.

[Kate]

That should be very illegal. I think it might be.

[Sass]

Unless it's the yak intro, then I'm cool with it.

[Brandon]

Yeah, you're right. We did do that to you.

[Kate]

Yes, we did.

[Sass]

But. Yes. No. That shit's getting bananas. It sucks.

[Brandon]

Are they just like, stacking these women just for like, more stacking, like.

[Kate]

It's not titlis women either. No, they're just making them. The prop must be a little bigger, a little more seen. Yeah, I don't like that.

[Sass]

Is this true or did I get God on this? I saw a tweet the other day that Jamiroquai dumped Winona Ryder.

[Kate]

That's all over it.

[Kyle]

Her tits are too big and she wants sex too.

[Brandon]

Shockingly. Like they. They present bigger in real life than

[Kyle]

they do on screen and she wanted to too much.

[Tate]

What?

[Sass]

Is that true or did I get.

[Kyle]

I don't know, but they. I at this point, like.

[Sass]

And does it matter?

[Brandon]

I read that as well.

[Kate]

Everyone's like this dude gay as she was in.

[Kyle]

No, she was dating the lead singer. He said he broke up with her because she wanted to have sex too much and her tits were bigger than they appear on tv.

[Brandon]

That just can't be true.

[Sass]

He was like overwhelmed by them. I don't know if that's.

[Tate]

That's a.

[Sass]

What a weird thing to make up if it's not true. But then again, I saw it and I was like.

[Kyle]

I mean, the one. The quote I saw. Yeah. I don't even want to say if it is. AI.

[Lucas]

We are in the dead Internet.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

Era already and we just haven't.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

Addressed it yet.

[Sass]

I got one of those bricks where you like tap your phone on it and it just. All the apps disappear off your phone so your phone becomes useless.

[Kyle]

Non stop demands for sex.

[Tate]

Bigger than they look on film.

[Kyle]

Wow. There's no way.

[Tate]

Maybe it was just like a parting gift. Maybe he was. He felt bad. He broke up with her to set her up for she's gonna Cry World. Listen, honey, I'm sorry, but I'll do you a favor on the way out.

[Kyle]

She's a big titted sex.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Watch this.

[Brandon]

That's actually really nice.

[Danny]

That would be.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Such a kind thing.

[Eddie]

Her and Ryan Khalil.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah. He was bothered by that, wasn't he?

[Eddie]

I think he's doing her.

[Sass]

He was really upset.

[Brandon]

Oh, my God.

[Kyle]

I think he's suing that his wife said he had a big dick. Yeah.

[Brandon]

That's the reason they. Yeah, he could. They just couldn't.

[Eddie]

Ryan or Matt. I don't know.

[Sass]

That Jamaica Wine music video back in the day blew me away.

[Brandon]

Still does.

[Kyle]

To this Virtual insanity.

[Sass]

Virtual insanity. Is it at the moving Sidewalk.

[Tate]

Is he one guy? Is it a band?

[Kyle]

I think it's a band.

[Tate]

It's a group.

[Brandon]

Is it? I think it's Jamir Kwai Paula situation.

[Kyle]

It's a. It's a. It's a group.

[Brandon]

So he's.

[Tate]

I thought it was a group, but

[Brandon]

I. I thought it was a guy.

[Kate]

Yeah, I thought too.

[Kyle]

He's the lead singer of Jamaic.

[Sass]

The whole band dumped Winona Ryder because her tits were too big.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Did you have a Jamiroi action figure?

[Sass]

Oh, yeah. You were gonna eat it?

[Brandon]

Oh, yeah.

[Kate]

So who was that? Was that jk?

[Brandon]

That must have been a JK action figure.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

It was really quality.

[Malice]

What?

[Kyle]

We were never going to be able to eat it. That's too many members.

[Sass]

Holy wow.

[Brandon]

Who hasn't been in Jamaraquai? Go to the past members.

[Kyle]

How many of those? I don't think. Wow. Good Lord. Dude, they had Howard with it.

[Sass]

Are they still touring?

[Kyle]

Nick Tide man is just an Alabama fan. Oh, oh, oh.

[Brandon]

T. Bob's enemy in this office. He should not be showing his face.

[Lucas]

Yeah, he brought his kid in for good pr Smart.

[Brandon]

What he did was inexcusable.

[Sass]

You have an airplane quad.

[Malice]

Bob.

[Brandon]

Go get him.

[Kyle]

Brandon, go get him. Terrified.

[Brandon]

Did you hear about the T. Bob drama?

[Sass]

I witnessed the whole thing.

[Brandon]

You didn't stop him.

[Sass]

So here's what happened. A bunch of us were hanging out in the kitchen, a lot of us who don't bring food. There's that big silver fridge. And when you're hungry, you go rooting around in there because there's a lot of leftovers and stuff. And there's a bunch of items just wrapped in foil. Mystery balls. It could be anything. There's like 20 in there right now. Mystery foil balls. And he's fiddling around, and T. Bob finds a foil ball. And he opens it up, and it looks like an old, stale breakfast sandwich.

[Brandon]

It looks like an old, stale breakfast sandwich.

[Sass]

It looked kind of good. It looked kind of good. But he said it felt stale, like he was squeezing the thing. He's like, this feels like stale bread. Whatever. He asked all of us, do you think it's okay to eat this? We all looked at each other and said, yes, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which. But don't tell Lucas that. And so then he took a big old bite out of it, and he was like, oh, fuck, no, it's really good. And so he knew right away that it was too good to. So he, like, wrapped it back up

[Tate]

and put it in there.

[Lucas]

And then Lucas, there's a full investigation.

[Tate]

No way.

[Lucas]

Full investigation coming soon.

[Brandon]

I heard differently. I heard somebody say, I think that's Lucas's, and he still did it.

[Lucas]

Well, here's the thing. So Lucas usually brings. Brings a breakfast sandwich every morning, but it's always sourdough or wheat bread or something. He never goes, bagel. So me and Miresh were kind of like, oh, I don't know if that's his. Plus there were two. So that was kind of throwing us off. So after that all happened, I naturally go upstairs, start filming Lucas. I'm like, hey, did you bring a breakfast sandwich today by any chance? He goes, yeah. And I go, it wasn't bagel, was it? He goes, yeah. And then I bring him downstairs. Everyone is, like, eyeing him. He's like, what's going on? And then he goes in the fridge, and he's like, oh, my sandwich is still here.

[Kyle]

And we're like, oh, phew.

[Lucas]

And he's like, wait, where's my other sandwich? It turns out he brought Two. Then we went on a manhunt for T. Bob. Finally tracked him down while he was taking a. In the bathroom.

[Malice]

And.

[Lucas]

And then, yeah, Lucas went into the

[Sass]

investigation genuinely, like, genuinely saying, I'm gonna beat.

[Lucas]

I'm gonna beat his ass. He didn't know it was T. Bob for, like, the first 10 minutes.

[Tate]

Did Lucas label the sandwiches?

[Lucas]

He did not.

[Brandon]

I feel like you can't just eat somebody's.

[Sass]

But go look in that fridge right now. There's literally like 20 mystery foil balls.

[Brandon]

I just don't think you do that.

[Eddie]

I don't know.

[Brandon]

And he waited an hour in line and pop up bagels.

[Lucas]

And it's not like we had bagel breakfast sandwiches delivered recently. You know, you're not marking those as leftovers.

[Brandon]

Yeah, but I know it's hard to be on Lucas's side, but you almost have to.

[Lucas]

It's in your. Yeah, that's about the principle.

[Tate]

It said that's the wrong fridge. That's the leftovers.

[Sass]

The leftovers fridge.

[Eddie]

We got multiple fridges upstairs, downstairs.

[Tate]

How hard would it be to post note on it?

[Kate]

That's our fridge.

[Tate]

Write your note.

[Kyle]

Just write your name.

[Sass]

Whenever I have personal, I squirrel it away.

[Lucas]

There are so many options to hide your stuff too. There's a fridge upstairs, a fridge back there. No one uses.

[Brandon]

I think T. Bob took the bite after being told cold. I think that's Lucas's.

[Kate]

That's a big. A big factor.

[Lucas]

He did. But then we all said, oh, he usually goes with sourdough bread. He's been doing it for months. I've never seen him go bagel.

[Tate]

Interesting.

[Lucas]

But I still didn't tell him to

[Eddie]

do the hour in line is.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Key factor.

[Sass]

Are we down bad enough for bagels here that. That's what people are doing?

[Lucas]

It's insane. Bagels here are just circular bread. Like, we don't really have.

[Eddie]

Yeah, we don't got.

[Brandon]

Why not? Why? Why?

[Eddie]

I don't know. It's just not.

[Lucas]

I didn't know it was such a thing until I. It's like New York for the first time.

[Sass]

The demand is here. Why wouldn't more people be like, yeah, let me sell some good bagels.

[Eddie]

Yeah. Like I told you about that one place. It's. It's good, but it's not like, yeah,

[Sass]

we get it every now and then. It's okay.

[Eddie]

It's okay.

[Sass]

It's expensive as.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Sass]

And that's bagel price talk.

[Brandon]

Damn.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Great rugala, though, if anybody wants to know where it is. Okay. Pretty good. Yeah. There's no world where I'm doing that.

[Kyle]

That's.

[Brandon]

That's pop up bagels where Lucas was waiting in to get those bagels.

[Tate]

Oh, well, ye is funny now. This is now funny now. Now. Now I'm firmly on T Bob's side. This is very funny.

[Kyle]

Stole that bagel.

[Tate]

L just waited in this line. Brought bagels and then just put them in the fridge.

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tate]

Now I'm on T. Bob's side.

[Brandon]

That's funny because he waited in that.

[Tate]

Yeah, it's just made. It's just funny. That's just.

[Kyle]

There's not a bagel in the world to wait in that line for.

[Brandon]

I guess that's how bad people want bad bagels. Good bagels here.

[Kyle]

I. I just. Even in. In New York, I just. A good bagel doesn't.

[Brandon]

That's just a bagel doesn't do anything for me either. Brandon.

[Sass]

Oh, I love.

[Tate]

I don't get it either.

[Kyle]

I don't.

[Sass]

It's just something when, you know, you

[Brandon]

know, I think it's inconvenient to have for a sandwich bread. There's a big hole in them.

[Sass]

Oh, yes.

[Kyle]

It's unwieldy.

[Sass]

Scoop out the extra bread and then

[Kyle]

you really take out the. The bagel part.

[Sass]

Not all. There's a ratio. There's an art to it.

[Kyle]

I would never. I don't know. There's not a food item I would wait in that line for.

[Kate]

No,

[Kyle]

I just. I'm anti lion.

[Tate]

I line as well.

[Kyle]

I'd rather eat.

[Tate]

Compare notes on this before.

[Kyle]

Like, if they have 100% food somewhere with a line, but they have an 85% food and there's no line. I'm. I'm fine with the 85 food.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

I just don't want the line. A line.

[Tate]

Eight lines.

[Kyle]

Lines are stupid.

[Eddie]

You like people that dig out their bagels.

[Sass]

That's what I do.

[Kyle]

Why are they. Why are you buying a bagel then?

[Sass]

Like I said, there's a ratio to it. I don't dig it all up. I take just enough out that there's. That it's not too much bread to the outside, crisp, and then it doesn't overpower.

[Kyle]

It's the only food I've heard where you get rid of some of the

[Sass]

food I put on it.

[Kyle]

Why are you getting rid of some of the food?

[Sass]

I do it with, like, hoagie bread too. You scoop it out, make a boat.

[Eddie]

Panera is under fire right now for that.

[Brandon]

What's going on?

[Eddie]

They made these, like, salad stuffers and apparently it's only half a salad in there. And they don't do anything with the scooped out bread.

[Kyle]

Oh, my God.

[Eddie]

At the end of the day, it's just a mountain scooped up bread. And I think they just throw it out.

[Brandon]

What are they supposed to do with the scooped out bread, though?

[Eddie]

Give it to a bird.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I forgot about birds

[Tate]

and bird.

[Kyle]

I don't like how you have to be careful of what you give to birds because you'll, you know, give them certain foods. You know, they stopped doing rice at weddings because the birds were choking on them.

[Brandon]

Yeah. Pigeons were exploding. I don't think you're supposed to give bird bread to birds.

[Kyle]

Yeah, get better birds.

[Brandon]

I don't think so. Tell us my favorite thing. Yeah, right.

[Malice]

Huh?

[Kyle]

All right. Can I tell you guys about. About Mountain Dew?

[Brandon]

Tell us right now.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I'm gonna tell you. Summer's coming. Me and Titus are going to Cree later this summer.

[Tate]

Right.

[Brandon]

Nice.

[Tate]

And, you know, almost one full year,

[Kyle]

we might do some landscaping at Titus's house.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Might be doing some other things with. Mostly sports. Nothing goes better with a nice summer event than. And hanging out with your friends. And the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew was proudly born in the foothills of Tennessee. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you guys. We started reading that part of the ad, like, on Monday. I did not know Mountain Dew was born in the foothills of Tennessee. Had no idea whatsoever. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew and American original. Grab a Dew. It's been tasting great since 48. Tasting great since 48. Mountain Dew didn't know that was a Tennessee product.

[Brandon]

I didn't either.

[Sass]

It's delicious.

[Brandon]

Fun little fact.

[Danny]

I had a video come across my desk that I thought was very interesting. I wanted to bring up.

[Kyle]

Do you even have a desk?

[Danny]

What do you think I'm sitting at?

[Kyle]

Well, that's just. You're sitting in here. That's. You don't sit there to work.

[Danny]

Sometimes I do.

[Kyle]

All right. Anyway,

[Tate]

that was pretty swift, Ray J.

[Kyle]

Did you guys.

[Danny]

Did you guys see this?

[Lucas]

Which video?

[Brandon]

Go ahead and pull that up. Heard about this.

[Danny]

Ray J's claiming he's slept with 11,500 women.

[Kate]

First off, Ray J said he was about to die.

[Brandon]

Yeah, he was performing Blood coming out of his eyes.

[Sass]

Why?

[Brandon]

I think it was a. A stunt. Oh, maybe.

[Sass]

What is he? He's a singer.

[Kyle]

Ray J.

[Danny]

The original Kim K. Sex video guy.

[Sass]

I know that.

[Kyle]

Brandy's brother.

[Sass]

Oh, Brandy's brother.

[Tate]

Okay. Okay.

[Sass]

That's why I thought he knew her.

[Kyle]

Am I something no, you're right. Yeah, you're right.

[Danny]

Did you guys see this clip?

[Kyle]

This is actually a podcast recently stating

[Malice]

that you have slept with 11,500 women. I did a booby trap party when I reached 10,000.

[Kyle]

What?

[Malice]

Yeah. So we did a celebration booby trap, celebrated my 10,000. I had about 400 or 500 girls that I with. Came through, supported. It was a. It was a massive.

[Kyle]

You're talking about different partners.

[Malice]

10,000. I think, yeah. A little bit more now.

[Kyle]

Different partners.

[Malice]

What you mean? Like, this could go for how many times you've had sex? No, no, no. These are 10,000 different people.

[Kyle]

You said 11.

[Malice]

It's at, like, 12. Five now. But I wanted it to get to, like, 11. So it. I was guaranteed 10. Okay. I didn't want to be at 9. 9,000, and I was really. I wanted to be at 11. Then I said, okay, we make. We went to 10.

[Tate]

Okay?

[Malice]

So to make sure I was older.

[Kyle]

Do you know that what the average

[Tate]

is with the average?

[Malice]

What, like you're 45? No. Okay. I can only fuck a thousand more bitches. I can't do any more. But the average of the volume of

[Kyle]

different sex partners, do you know what that is?

[Malice]

What do you mean? Like, I understand the math and the skill.

[Kyle]

So that's sleeping with a little over one and a half women a day for 30 years.

[Malice]

Yeah, the math is different. Cause when we're on tour, we're thinking five to ten.

[Brandon]

A day.

[Kyle]

A day, bro.

[Malice]

A day. So you're scaling it.

[Kate]

You're scaling it.

[Malice]

These niggas got way more bodies than me. I got, first off, some of my friends, some of my homegirls, they fuck 45,000 niggas a year.

[Kyle]

Fuck him. Who?

[Lucas]

Bonnie Blue.

[Malice]

All right, bro, I'm not capping.

[Kyle]

Uh, oh, uh, oh.

[Malice]

Some of your homegirls, they at least fuck.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Malice]

45,000 a year. No, like, maybe 45,000.

[Kyle]

It's only 365 days in a year. What kind of bender they gotta go

[Malice]

on to make that math make sense? Brothels and stuff like that? Actually, Marlon, but I don't think, like, that's. What's your body count? 20,000.

[Kyle]

No.

[Malice]

10,000 for sure.

[Kyle]

No, bro, there's no way,

[Sass]

you know,

[Malice]

he was running through for sure. 10 after every game.

[Kyle]

No, bro, that's too much energy, bro.

[Malice]

10 after for you, that's nothing.

[Kyle]

No, no.

[Malice]

So where you at?

[Eddie]

5,000?

[Malice]

Not 5,000. Six.

[Brandon]

Not six.

[Malice]

Four. We like four. No, you fuck sure four. I don't even crack a thousand, bro. All right, we're not being honest.

[Kyle]

A thousand.

[Eddie]

Just.

[Kyle]

Just think about this.

[Tate]

Just keeps going.

[Malice]

Thousand women, right?

[Lucas]

This is like a White sox tape.

[Sass]

Yes.

[Kyle]

365. 365.

[Kate]

The iPad cap.

[Malice]

I think if you're like 19.

[Kyle]

365.

[Brandon]

Big ass buttons.

[Tate]

Unbelievable.

[Kyle]

Five is 360. 518.

[Malice]

25,000 women.

[Lucas]

He's got boobs.

[Malice]

That's five years.

[Kyle]

No, no. Heck no.

[Malice]

So where are you 4,000?

[Kyle]

No, bro, quit it.

[Kate]

Rachel, Rachel,

[Malice]

I want you to continue to be a role model. But you said you was a savage, bro.

[Kyle]

Let me tell you something.

[Malice]

That's not my vibe, okay?

[Kyle]

If I'm giving you a rough answer, it doesn't even scratch a thousand.

[Malice]

Got it.

[Kyle]

Just being honest. Okay.

[Malice]

And I'm flying

[Tate]

back with the glasses.

[Malice]

I never want to put a body. I just want transparency in this.

[Eddie]

I want.

[Kyle]

I'm giving you transparency.

[Malice]

You mad that I ain't hitting hoes like that, bro?

[Kyle]

Look, women.

[Malice]

You make me. First off, you hit. You hit one. You hit one, you hit. You hit one of the family that you wanted to hit that we was talking about. You already had 20,000. I never hit that. I know, but once you do. You already had 20,000 bodies off one twice.

[Kyle]

What? How you get into your number, though?

[Malice]

Because now how you get into your number is how I'm getting to my

[Kyle]

number is two different ways.

[Malice]

So the girls that just doing 45,000 bodies, right? If you fuck one of them, you're at 45,000 bodies.

[Kyle]

Oh, so you're talking about having unprotected

[Malice]

sex with people who are actively having

[Kyle]

sex, and you're taking on those members, all those spirits.

[Malice]

So that's what. That doesn't count for me. I'm one by one.

[Brandon]

One.

[Malice]

I'm talking about you.

[Brandon]

Oh, my God.

[Tate]

Oh, my God.

[Malice]

I'm one by one. I'm 10,000, 12,000. One person at a time. And shout out to Wilt Chamberlain. He's at like 25,000.

[Kyle]

That's a lot, bro.

[Malice]

Will Chamberlain has a world record. Like I said, a thousand is the only. Is all I can do left in my. In my world looks.

[Kyle]

So you've been a part of a brothel, though?

[Malice]

Have I been a part of a brother?

[Tate]

Glasses, he's addicted.

[Kyle]

How many threesomes have you ever had?

[Sass]

Can we play a drinking game where

[Malice]

every time he probably bought 5,000.

[Brandon]

Is that 5,003.

[Malice]

That eggs was 10,000. That's not.

[Kyle]

That was the most amazing video. Have you seen the.

[Lucas]

Have you seen the video where he challenges the interviewer to break his line of sunglasses.

[Tate]

Yes.

[Lucas]

We gotta pull that.

[Kate]

That was him.

[Brandon]

Ray J is so funny.

[Eddie]

That's almost a must watch clip.

[Kate]

That was a great.

[Tate]

That reminded me of the musician clip, that.

[Kyle]

Oh, yeah.

[Tate]

They're just like, oh, yeah.

[Brandon]

Confused about magician and musician.

[Kate]

Yeah, that was.

[Eddie]

Oh, yeah.

[Tate]

And they're just confused about basic. They're just talking past each other about basic math. It reminded me of that.

[Kyle]

Yes.

[Brandon]

Frivolous with your products, man. You're slapping the table.

[Lucas]

They're flying everywhere.

[Brandon]

You're tossing the glasses.

[Malice]

They're unbreakable.

[Brandon]

Unbreakable.

[Malice]

They're unbreakable. Breakable.

[Brandon]

Step on it right now.

[Malice]

No, you step on them.

[Kate]

It's your product.

[Malice]

You step on them. Go ahead, Speedy, step on them. I can't do that. You can.

[Brandon]

I bet you I can break these.

[Malice]

They're unbreakable, Speedy.

[Brandon]

They're not unbreakable.

[Kate]

Speedy.

[Brandon]

Don't tell me it's an unbreakable.

[Kyle]

Listen.

[Eddie]

Don't challenge me.

[Brandon]

Listen, Listen. Don't challenge me. Rachel.

[Malice]

Listen. Speedy. They're unbreakable. They cannot break. It's impossible. I don't care.

[Kyle]

This guy, the funniest guy in the

[Lucas]

world, he also had his own dating show, A Shot at Love with Ray J.

[Brandon]

He did.

[Lucas]

He stacked up a couple threesomes there.

[Kyle]

5,000 threesomes.

[Tate]

5,003.

[Brandon]

But his total body count, like, is the majority of his sex threesomes.

[Kyle]

Well, that's 10,000 right there.

[Tate]

So he's.

[Sass]

He's.

[Tate]

He's trolling. Yeah, he was just saying,

[Brandon]

Che, you need to have that debate where I. I'm convinced you probably. It's probably five, not three. I'm telling you, you're probably scratching five.

[Danny]

This came across.

[Kate]

Yeah, you've got to be at five.

[Danny]

This came across my desk at, like, 12:15, 12:31 night. And I. I was gonna tweet it out, but I didn't. But I would love to have a debate show with Ray J. Just talking about our different experiences.

[Brandon]

Former sponsor.

[Kyle]

What?

[Brandon]

Oh, Raycon. Raycon Earbuds is Ray J. He does it all.

[Tate]

Wow.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Are you serious?

[Brandon]

Yes. Raycon. The rayon.

[Kyle]

The fact that Cam Newton was sitting there saying he's around a th.000, and Ray J just refused.

[Brandon]

Cam said he's not scratching a th.000. Well, but doesn't Cam have a lot?

[Kyle]

He's just. The fact that you're thinking of a th.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Scale.

[Kate]

A thousand.

[Tate]

That's almost a thousand.

[Kate]

A thousand is insane.

[Tate]

It's almost exact.

[Kate]

Round it up.

[Tate]

That's about a. Doing my math, right? Yeah, yeah, it's about.

[Kyle]

A thousand is an unfathomable number.

[Brandon]

Oh, my God.

[Kyle]

It's a crazy number. And then he was accusing him lying.

[Brandon]

Brandon, are you at a thousand fucks?

[Kyle]

Oh, boy. Nick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, brother. Yeah.

[Brandon]

Damn, man.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I hope so.

[Tate]

Yeah, I don't know. That's a great question.

[Kyle]

20. 20.

[Sass]

Get him the iPad.

[Kate]

Yeah, you got it. Who has an iPad?

[Tate]

Swipe to page four. Here. A calculator.

[Kyle]

No, I don't think so. I don't think so.

[Brandon]

You're probably close.

[Kate]

How long have you been.

[Brandon]

A while with your wife?

[Kyle]

Life. 20 years.

[Kate]

20 years? Yeah.

[Sass]

That's not that crazy.

[Brandon]

Are you once a week?

[Kate]

That would be 18 times a year for 20 years.

[Kyle]

That's what I think. Oh, you're probably over. But it'd be 50 times a year for 20 years. Right? That's a thousand.

[Kate]

Never mind. I forgot. Oh, then yeah, I only have an iPhone.

[Kyle]

Yeah, for sure.

[Brandon]

IPad for that kind of math.

[Kyle]

That's once a week.

[Brandon]

Wait, Che. Are you calculating if you're at a thousand?

[Danny]

I'm a four figure guy.

[Brandon]

I'm in.

[Kyle]

So, yeah, a thousand.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Not.

[Danny]

Not crazy yet based on age.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I was thinking it's definitely. Yeah, that's once a week for over 20 years.

[Malice]

Okay.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I think.

[Danny]

Yeah, it's like one and a quarter times.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kate]

Was Ray J ever, like, famous?

[Brandon]

He had a hit song.

[Sass]

What?

[Kate]

Was he ever touring the world, like, selling out arenas?

[Tate]

He had to have been, because why

[Kyle]

else Eminem rapped about him?

[Lucas]

He was relevant. He was relevant enough.

[Tate]

He was really. Because like when the tape came out, it was like, Ray J. And everyone wasn't like, who the is raging, Right?

[Kate]

He was known.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

Tape came out. VH1 show. Then he had Tie Me Down. That was a huge song.

[Brandon]

DJ Sexy. Oh, that's a good song.

[Danny]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

And I hit it first.

[Kate]

I hit it first.

[Brandon]

It was about Kim Banger.

[Kate]

That was a really good card.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Sass]

Does Brandy embrace him? Is Brandy like, that's my brother A.J. or is she like, oh, boy, I

[Brandon]

don't know what Brandy's up to.

[Lucas]

I think it was little Bow Wow in an interview recently saying, like, Ray J is responsible for so many people. Ben Staples.

[Kyle]

Yes, yes. He was a good. He was a R B producer.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Kyle]

Back in the day. Okay.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Tate]

That also suggests that he's actually counting, like once you get to a certain number, you have to actively.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Make tally marks. And that's wild.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kate]

A lot of this. More discipline to keep track, to log everything.

[Tate]

Like, have your notebook where you're writing and be like, I lost my notebook.

[Brandon]

But it sounded like he was estimating because he didn't have notes at. He didn't have his 10,000th party until he hit 11, 000, just in case he missed some.

[Tate]

That's what, that's so funny. Trap is the booty trap.

[Sass]

A strip club.

[Tate]

You sleep with one woman who slept with 45, 000. Now you've slept up with 45,000.

[Brandon]

But I don't do that.

[Tate]

And Cam was like, oh, I get how you got such a big number. And he's like, no, no, no, no. That's you. I count. He's very funny. He's, he's just funny.

[Kyle]

He thinks he's around a woman who's 45,000 men.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Tate]

In a year.

[Kyle]

The math on that.

[Tate]

45,001 year. He's just trolling.

[Kyle]

Yeah, he's trolling.

[Tate]

Why did he just leave?

[Kyle]

He's very good at trolling then. Because he keeps the, the. I wish I had glasses on. He keeps a straight face.

[Tate]

He's had sex with 21 women, and he just thinks it's funny to go, you know, to go on these interviews and talk like this.

[Eddie]

Why does he only have a thousand left, too?

[Sass]

I think he's tired again.

[Kate]

He claimed that he had a terminal illness, like, six months ago, saying that he only had three months left to live.

[Brandon]

He was performing with a heart monitor, like, intentionally having it pop out.

[Kate]

Blood was spewing out of his mouth on stage.

[Sass]

What?

[Brandon]

Oh, he might be hilarious.

[Tate]

I think she's hilarious.

[Brandon]

Yeah. Come see me on tour. I'm dying. That would work.

[Sass]

Add him to the act.

[Kyle]

Blood streaming from his eyes.

[Brandon]

Oh, his eyes.

[Kate]

Which is a common thing.

[Brandon]

He denied faking it.

[Sass]

Huh.

[Kyle]

All right.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Sass]

Okay.

[Kyle]

I, I, I'm gonna tell you right now, I need more Ray J in my life.

[Sass]

I think if you're ever in Chicago,

[Kyle]

when Cam is the measured one in an interview.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

When he's the. Because, you know, Cam will get out.

[Brandon]

Cam's been very vocal about his small penis.

[Kyle]

I love Cam, too. Has he?

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Camden.

[Kate]

Tell me not because he's like the.

[Danny]

I think he's.

[Kyle]

He's been perfect, man.

[Brandon]

He said that's just not one of his things.

[Lucas]

He's always been like this. What was the thing with the rapper? Fabulous. Like, he punked out fabulous at some big party because he was making fun of him for playing the piano in the lob.

[Kyle]

No one Talking about Ray J Or.

[Lucas]

Yeah, Ray J. I have no idea.

[Kate]

Enough about.

[Lucas]

Yeah, I think that was the big moment where everyone's like, okay, this guy's a little deranged.

[Kyle]

A little cold in here, Kate.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Cranking it up.

[Kyle]

Eddie, you do that?

[Eddie]

Yep. Reese's. Remember school lunch as a kid and those times you scored are Reese's. You're basically a kid in heaven. Now you can go back to that same feeling. Reese's is dropping two limited edition cups, the return of a Reese's Strawberry, PB&J, and the new Reese's marshmallow cup. Younger, you would have. Younger, you would have done anything to get one of these. Luckily, adult you can, but only for a limited time, so grab one before they're gone. Reese's the official candy partner of Barcelona sports. Get Reese'[e-mail] races.

[Kyle]

So Big Cat and the PMT boys are off to Vegas.

[Brandon]

I guess that's right.

[Tate]

Yep.

[Sass]

Yep.

[Kyle]

And now they've got a Game 7 between the Sixers and the Celtics in the midst of all this.

[Brandon]

Wow.

[Tate]

Right?

[Sass]

There's a Phillies game, Kentucky Derby, 76ers and Flyers on the same day. It's a lot for me.

[Kyle]

And Olivia Rodrigo hosts Saturday Night Live for Connor Griffin.

[Brandon]

Connor Griffin. Very excited for that.

[Tate]

Are they making. Surely they'll. They'll be there. Will be content that comes out of this. I think I know. Like the.

[Kyle]

They said they were gonna put clips out of it, especially of the Sixers Celtics game. I don't know about the rest of it.

[Sass]

You see Rebecca Romain saying wood to Zach?

[Lucas]

No.

[Tate]

Oh, wow.

[Sass]

Holy tweeted about him this morning.

[Kate]

So do it then.

[Brandon]

Yeah, yeah, Him.

[Sass]

Move it. Do you think. You know, like, every holiday Christmas party has that one person that takes it a little too far. Is there anybody on your radar that you're thinking this is the one to watch this weekend?

[Tate]

There.

[Lucas]

Look at that.

[Kyle]

I know, right? It's Max.

[Brandon]

Wait, what.

[Tate]

What is this?

[Lucas]

Yeah. What's. This picture?

[Kyle]

That's Zach and high school basketball.

[Tate]

That's real. High school.

[Danny]

That's real.

[Brandon]

Is that real?

[Sass]

I don't know.

[Tate]

42 points yesterday.

[Kyle]

No, he didn't.

[Brandon]

No, he didn't score 42.

[Kyle]

That's not.

[Malice]

No.

[Tate]

What's.

[Kyle]

Is it a real picture?

[Brandon]

Might be.

[Kyle]

Boy's got pretty eyes. Yeah.

[Danny]

It's not. It's not.

[Tate]

How would that not be a real picture?

[Kyle]

Oh, that's pf. Pftgm.

[Lucas]

Of course.

[Eddie]

I think Shane's a wild card. He's a guy to watch.

[Brandon]

Oh, I think he's memes.

[Eddie]

You think Memes gotta watch.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Really?

[Kyle]

What's the. What's the Dante role here? Just. Is he gonna try to blend into the Pac. The boys, or is he going to try to.

[Lucas]

There's no blending in with him.

[Kyle]

Okay. I like Max's brother being represented by Max. Both.

[Sass]

Godspeed, boys. Godspeed.

[Danny]

What of the bottom listed people? I feel like at least one of those people is going to show up to something. Who do you think it'll be, Biz?

[Kyle]

It's either Rico Bosco or Jersey Jerry.

[Tate]

Shalam.

[Sass]

I wouldn't be stunned by Kyle Long.

[Lucas]

Yeah. Kyle Long for sure.

[Kyle]

Ron, Carmelo Anthony could Bill Raftery has been lurking

[Brandon]

any of these guys.

[Sass]

Miles Teller. He's a fun guy. And he's a Philly.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Sass]

Philly fan.

[Brandon]

$150 million.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Didn't he just sell a company?

[Tate]

Yeah, he did. Yeah.

[Brandon]

Long drink.

[Tate]

He did. Oh, he was.

[Kate]

Long drink.

[Sass]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Brandon]

Good for Miles.

[Danny]

I feel like Jake Bobo is the name to watch.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Kyle]

I don't know if that's ever true.

[Brandon]

Big touchdown.

[Eddie]

Bet that Max.

[Kyle]

You're right.

[Brandon]

Like a shitload of money on. And they had him on PM2.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tate]

What's Chalamet's approval rating right now?

[Kate]

The streets a little bit lower than it was.

[Tate]

Take a little bit of a hit.

[Kate]

Yeah. They dissed ballet and opera.

[Tate]

That's right.

[Brandon]

That was an old clip.

[Kyle]

But is that real outrage or is that just. We're seeing it because it's only top. Top tier, top crust of the Internet. Top line.

[Tate]

Like the ballerina.

[Kyle]

We see some certain things on the Internet that isn't real life. Like, people don't actually think that.

[Tate]

Yeah, but I think that's where he died. Like, that's what I mean. Like, that's the. He's in that space. He's in the celebrity. Like, let's just. Let's break down what he's wearing today and decide whether he's a piece of shit or not.

[Brandon]

I think the Nick.

[Tate]

That's the world he lives in.

[Lucas]

Him.

[Brandon]

His Knicks fandom helps him out a lot, right?

[Eddie]

Yeah, but he was, man. Spreading on Tina Fey.

[Brandon]

I don't think he wanted to see that.

[Kyle]

We looked at this and I don't think he was. I think she was being meek and timid. I think she. She was not trying to explore her space. And that's on. I feel like he's being his. His parameters there seem. Okay.

[Brandon]

He seems like he's the width of

[Kyle]

the chair right And I feel like she is just making a decision to stay within the parameters of her chair.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Don't be starting rumors.

[Tate]

Your thoughts. I, I, that look like man spread it to you?

[Eddie]

I think his pants were, were creating an illusion that he was.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

You were pissed at him, right? You like the opera?

[Eddie]

Yeah, I, I, I've been to a few. See, there's Marsha Brady.

[Kyle]

See, I would have put Stiller next to Faye. How do they figure out where to put everybody? I think Stiller and Faye would have had something to talk about. I don't know what Chalamet Fair they're talking about. That's still her, right?

[Tate]

Marshall's on the far right.

[Kate]

He knows his.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Danny]

Yes.

[Tate]

Are they, Is she with Stiller?

[Kyle]

Huh?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Really?

[Eddie]

They're married.

[Sass]

They've been together forever.

[Brandon]

Wait, really?

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

That's not forever.

[Kyle]

That's not Marcia Brady.

[Tate]

That's not Marshall Brady.

[Kyle]

From the movie, from the, the 90s movie. Right, right.

[Tate]

Oh, my God.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

What the.

[Tate]

Eddie, I like you, but what the was that?

[Kyle]

You can't call her Marcia Brady.

[Eddie]

She played Marsha.

[Tate]

Oh, my God.

[Kate]

You.

[Kyle]

Marshall Brady's the one that played her on the TV show.

[Sass]

She's also in Zoolander.

[Kyle]

Right.

[Brandon]

Wait, that's not his. No, that he divorced her, right?

[Sass]

They're back together.

[Kate]

Oh, yeah.

[Kyle]

That's the same woman.

[Brandon]

Oh, they have been together.

[Tate]

Christine. Oh, Mike, you were talking about Christine Taylor the whole time.

[Eddie]

It says in their Wikipedia they were separated.

[Kyle]

Right, but you can't say she, she. She's not Marsha Brady. Sheep.

[Tate]

That's not Marsha Brady. But she's my Marshall. That's not Marsha.

[Brandon]

That's not your Marshall. That's nobody's Marshall.

[Kyle]

MARSHALL Brady's Maureen McCormick. Dude, that's Marsha Brady.

[Eddie]

Stick up for me.

[Danny]

No, Jay, I'm with Eddie. I was a little bit older for the.

[Kyle]

No, but you can't.

[Tate]

But that's not how any. That's not.

[Danny]

No, but that's how I.

[Tate]

That's. And you're wrong. That's what we're telling you.

[Danny]

That's fine. I've been wrong before.

[Tate]

Like, that's insane, Eddie.

[Kyle]

It's like Spider man to say, yeah,

[Sass]

Michael Keaton kind of how I see her.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I saw that in theaters. Yeah.

[Kyle]

No, no, I'm just now pissed off.

[Lucas]

Who's your Batman then? Michael Keaton?

[Eddie]

George Clooney.

[Kyle]

That's.

[Eddie]

No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding about that.

[Kyle]

Trying to think of other remakes in the 90s where they played a famous Character that there's just not that character. But I can't. I'm doing a superhero. Yeah. Doing a poor job.

[Eddie]

It's a good question, though. Saw Devil Wears Prada, too, yesterday.

[Kyle]

How was it?

[Eddie]

It's pretty solid.

[Brandon]

Is Carl Anthony Towns in it?

[Eddie]

He is. He is.

[Brandon]

How's he do?

[Kyle]

Okay, check. Now you're just spamming that face.

[Danny]

Little surprise face. I didn't know that cat was in the.

[Eddie]

Yeah, it's a. It's a good role for him.

[Danny]

Is it good?

[Lucas]

The dress girl?

[Eddie]

Yeah, solid.

[Kyle]

I kind of like the first one.

[Eddie]

Yeah, it was solid. Not as good as the first one, but they did a fine job.

[Lucas]

Was there a lot of random cameos, I heard, like Paige to Sorbo's in it.

[Eddie]

Yeah, there's a decent amount.

[Kyle]

Is it out yet, or do you have a hookup?

[Eddie]

It came out last night.

[Kyle]

Okay.

[Brandon]

All right. But you do have a hookup, don't you?

[Eddie]

No, No, I don't got.

[Kyle]

I've been wanting to talk to Jeff D. Lo or something. I need to get a hookup. I want to see the he man movie before everybody else.

[Eddie]

Oh, the screener?

[Kyle]

Yeah, I want to see it. I don't know how to. How to pull that off. That is a weird one to want to see early, but I gotta see.

[Eddie]

If it's a certain studio, I may be able to help you.

[Lucas]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

So you do have a hookup?

[Eddie]

Well, me and Nick saw it. Marty supreme early.

[Brandon]

No, we did.

[Kyle]

Wait a second. So you have a hookup, Eddie. So you have a hookup.

[Eddie]

But it depends if it's the right studio.

[Kyle]

Well, holler if you hear me.

[Eddie]

I will. I did. I asked you to see the wrestling movie.

[Kyle]

Oh, yeah. And I said no. Early.

[Eddie]

Yeah. What?

[Kyle]

A wrestling movie?

[Eddie]

Von Erich one.

[Kyle]

Oh, yeah. That wasn't one you needed to see early. That wasn't one you need to see with somebody else either.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

I proudly went and saw that by myself. And it was the right decision.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

You cry in the theater?

[Kyle]

Oh, yeah.

[Eddie]

Bad.

[Kyle]

Bad. I was crying, walking. I was. I was on the sidewalk. Thing came out December. I was on the sidewalk. The cold was just stinging the tears to my face, and people were walking by, and, like, they weren't. They came from the same movie, and they weren't as outwardly crying as I was, and I was judging them.

[Kate]

You were flowing after the movie.

[Kyle]

I was flowing after the movie, yeah. Outside on the sidewalk. Correct. It was. You seen it?

[Kate]

I haven't seen it.

[Kyle]

It's the. It's like, really outside of My girl. It's the biggest tear movie of my life.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Kyle]

My girl's the number one. Crying actual tears out of my face. I don't know how many times I've cried actual tears. Like Field of Dreams when they play catch at the end, I always get a little, you know, your, your. Your eyes moist up, but I'm talking. It's running, I think.

[Kate]

Felt good.

[Kyle]

Just. It does feel good every now and then to just. Just get a good cry out.

[Tate]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Eddie]

Yeah. It was a sad one. Were you crying about the brother? They didn't show.

[Kyle]

I didn't think about it at the time. I was just kind of locked in on what they did show me, which was death, death, death, death, death.

[Eddie]

It's the craziest part.

[Sass]

I've never even seen the movie, but I've. Some of the clips pop up and they. The clips make me cry.

[Kyle]

Well, the real life story is even sadder. They actually left out a brother like you said.

[Brandon]

They said it'd be too sad if

[Lucas]

they did it right.

[Kyle]

Yeah, they said that one extra.

[Danny]

Speaking of wrestling, Brandon or Nick, maybe you know the answers. Did Harry Von Erich or Nick.

[Brandon]

Yes, Steven

[Danny]

Kerry Von Erich, Texas Tornado. Was he at a period of time, was he playing the Ultimate Warrior?

[Kyle]

No or no? No.

[Brandon]

I'll give this one to you.

[Kyle]

No, he was not. He was just gracious. There was a lot of guys like that back then that. That had the same sort of vibe. Did you see I'm Sting was early. Sting and face paint, they were. They're very similar. Yeah.

[Danny]

Did you see the reporter ask Jalen Brunson about WrestleMania last night?

[Kyle]

I did not.

[Danny]

You will like this.

[Kyle]

Okay.

[Malice]

Jalen, congratulations to you, man. I'm lifelong Nick fan, been through some terrible years, but you guys definitely bringing a lot of glory back to the city. Thank you for that. Real quick, outside of the playoffs, as a wrestling fan, what did you think of Roman winning? That mania and the bloodline getting back together?

[Kyle]

See, these are the questions I got. I want to ask.

[Brandon]

I want to ask.

[Kyle]

If I would have asked you that first, you would have killed me. Well, you should have asked the first.

[Eddie]

Very excited.

[Kyle]

Very excited. I have a handshake with one of our trainers and we acknowledge him before every. Before every game. So Jalen, knowledge Roman Reigns. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.

[Tate]

What is it when people killing that reporter Steve or no.

[Danny]

Are they. I feel like it's a celebrated moment. I think it's cool whenever you see an athlete talk about not necessarily the like. Obviously it's a big Game last night. The only way. 51.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

If that question definitely needs to be towards, like, the back half of the press conference. Sure. Yeah.

[Tate]

I just felt like the way he introed it, I felt like that was. That was chum for people to.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tate]

Lose their minds where he's like, what's up, man? Big Knicks fan here.

[Brandon]

It happened to that lady.

[Tate]

Yeah. Yeah. My heart's been broken, bro. But thanks so much anyway.

[Kyle]

Oh, the Jacksonville lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Danny]

Is it. Is it cool if you are a big wrestling fan and someone discovers that and asks you about that? I haven't really been in that.

[Kyle]

I think so. I think so. So I think big wrestling fans like to know they're in the presence of other big wrestling fans. Right. Like, Kittle wears it on a sleeve. Kittle's like, cut off press conferences so he can make raw that night. I think that's.

[Tate]

What was that face?

[Kyle]

I don't know. He keeps making faces.

[Tate]

What was that?

[Lucas]

Who?

[Kyle]

Che.

[Tate]

Who was that reaction?

[Danny]

I laughed. I thought that was a funny thing.

[Kyle]

Yeah, but you threw your head back and laughed very hard.

[Brandon]

It was that in New Jersey got him today.

[Danny]

Are you judging my laughs?

[Kyle]

We're gatekeeping laughs a little bit now.

[Danny]

Let me laugh.

[Tate]

You said Kittle cut off his press conferences.

[Kyle]

Yeah, I did. I didn't laugh. He snapped Aura frames or frames is a great way to mix things up from the standard Mother's Day playbook. Guys, it's. It's. It's a weekend. Two days away. Yep, nine days away. They're trying to sneak an early Mother's Day passes. We're not gonna let it happen.

[Lucas]

Warning.

[Kyle]

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[Lucas]

Eddie, where would you go for your bachelor party?

[Eddie]

It's a great question.

[Brandon]

Put in bay.

[Eddie]

Is it put in bay or Key west would probably be the front runner.

[Brandon]

Oh, how was Key west with Dana?

[Eddie]

It was Good, good. It was a fun time. Got some good stuff. Went to some absolute bar that wasn't like even like next level dive, but it was fun. We went to a vibrator race or what?

[Malice]

Excuse me?

[Eddie]

Yeah, a vibrator race.

[Kyle]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Yeah, they like.

[Kyle]

Were they riding on them or.

[Eddie]

No, no, they set up four vibrators and like on like a track at this place called Mary Ellens is a bar and it's like a fundraiser and then they turn them on and whichever one reaches the finish line at the end.

[Brandon]

Did you bet?

[Kyle]

People go to some stupid ass races these days.

[Eddie]

Yeah, we, we, we. We had a horse in the race. I forget what it was called.

[Brandon]

It was horse.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Took the biggest one.

[Eddie]

It was like Puss Puss Pass or something. Like something like that.

[Brandon]

Okay.

[Eddie]

Pass or something like that. Whatever it was, that was. It was weed themed.

[Kate]

What made that bar? So you said it shitty?

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Was it trying to be shitty?

[Eddie]

Yes, it was trying to be shitty, but. But also not like what.

[Brandon]

What do you mean by like what? What made it so much shittier than a dive you've been to.

[Eddie]

There was broken microwaves all over the place.

[Brandon]

That's shitty.

[Kyle]

That's a weird thing to have.

[Kate]

Broken core.

[Eddie]

Yeah, there was three broken microwaves.

[Lucas]

Could you smoke in there? Because when I was in Fort Lauderdale, I was surprised by the amount of bars you could still smoke. Yeah, you could smell cigarette vending machines. Is that state law?

[Eddie]

They didn't have his vending machines there,

[Lucas]

but just go by bar.

[Kyle]

By bar, probably.

[Eddie]

They had a hole in the wall.

[Kyle]

The guy got a little on the nose, huh?

[Eddie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. True.

[Kyle]

A little bit.

[Eddie]

He got rid of all his dildo.

[Lucas]

Looks really realistic.

[Eddie]

He got rid of all his coolers and his taps and he just fills up like they got rid of their refrigerator. Sorry. And they filled up big coolers with ice and that's how you got your beer.

[Sass]

Wait, is that why they call them hole in the wall bars?

[Brandon]

Because there's like a literal.

[Sass]

Like a glory hole? Is that what I'm holding them?

[Brandon]

No, I just thought meant like beat up.

[Kate]

What?

[Brandon]

Yeah. What is. Where'd that come from?

[Kyle]

I don't know.

[Eddie]

It's a good question.

[Brandon]

The vibrator races.

[Kyle]

Mary Ellen's bar. I hear Mincy.

[Eddie]

Yeah. This wasn't a hole in the wall, but yeah, they have the vibrator.

[Kyle]

If you don't like loud music, lasers, giving to charity and laughing, this is not the show for you.

[Eddie]

And every time you hit $100 on a bid for your Dildo. You have to go up there and. And slam a dildo on a symbol.

[Brandon]

Did you do it?

[Eddie]

Dana did it. And he missed four times.

[Brandon]

He missed the symbol?

[Kyle]

Yes, 0 for 4 with the dildo.

[Eddie]

He couldn't stick it. It was embarrassing.

[Brandon]

Is it all on camera?

[Malice]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Nice.

[Kate]

Was the crowd, like, old or young?

[Kyle]

Old.

[Eddie]

Old.

[Lucas]

Gay.

[Eddie]

There were some gays for sure, but I would say, like, yeah, like 70 old. Yeah, 70, 30 old. Not like 70 years old, but like 70, 30 old.

[Danny]

Oh, isn't there one street in Key west that's like a fully gay bar street?

[Sass]

I feel like every city kind of has that.

[Eddie]

Yeah, I don't think it's fully gay, but there's definitely gay bars on Duvall.

[Danny]

That's it. That's it.

[Eddie]

Yeah. So I could see that. Trying to find the bar.

[Kyle]

I've never been down there. No, No. I want to go, but I've just never been to Key west but Miami. Been everywhere in Florida but Key West. Where would you pick, Nick for a bachelor party?

[Brandon]

Yeah, I want to do a renaissance fair.

[Eddie]

Nice.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I think that'd be fun. But I don't know.

[Lucas]

Is any part of you, like, you want to go to a new place since it's your bachelor party?

[Eddie]

I would hate to be disappointed.

[Brandon]

Yeah, you know, I'd rather all your boys are there.

[Kyle]

Like, it's true.

[Eddie]

Yeah, like, there's really no way to be. I also wouldn't rule out, like, just doing, like a house by the lake and just chilling there and drinking beers in a pool.

[Sass]

That's great.

[Brandon]

Okay. What about Bachelorette?

[Sass]

I had one a long time ago and it was awesome. It was just. I'm a low key. I feel like the more. The more my bridesmaids would have had to pay to go, the more anxious I would have felt. So I just did Jersey Shore during my beach week vacation.

[Kate]

Jersey Shore is great.

[Sass]

It was perfect. It was so much fun. Just did a bar crawl and then at the end, all my family joined me at the last bar. It was awesome. I still. I don't regret that part. That was fun.

[Eddie]

How many girls there?

[Sass]

I had like 11 bridesmaids.

[Tate]

Whoa.

[Eddie]

Wow.

[Kyle]

Wow.

[Sass]

11 or 12 or something like that. Goodness. I know.

[Eddie]

I'm going to Sydney Wells in a couple weeks. She said her. Her. Her Future husband is 18.

[Malice]

Whoa.

[Brandon]

Popular guys.

[Sass]

Wow.

[Kate]

18 dudes.

[Eddie]

18.

[Lucas]

You gotta narrow that. You gotta narrow that down.

[Eddie]

Yeah, it's a lot of dudes.

[Tate]

It's a lot of dudes.

[Brandon]

What's like traditional four?

[Tate]

I didn't have that Many guys at my wedding.

[Kyle]

At the wedding.

[Tate]

Guests. Yeah, I didn't have that many guests.

[Sass]

That's.

[Tate]

I weren't that many men in total at the wedding.

[Sass]

Yeah, my tight knit group from school from like the girls I grew up with in school. And then I had my tight knit group of cousins and then I grew up in a neighborhood with a like tight knit group of girls. So I had like my three main groups and I was like, I can't

[Brandon]

any like marine gals or no rugby

[Sass]

gals, but a bunch. But Marine. The bunch of the marines did come to my wedding. I just didn't want to put that on them because we were in California and didn't want to make them travel.

[Brandon]

Right.

[Sass]

But don't want to burden anybody on your wedding. Gotta be careful not to make it about you. So keep it small. But it was low. I had. I feel like the low key ones are like my favorite ones. I've been to have been like chill.

[Eddie]

I agree with that.

[Lucas]

I don't know weddings or bachelor, bachelor

[Sass]

bachelorette parties where you're not spending like $20,000 to. Yeah, whatever.

[Eddie]

You just went on like an extravagant one. Right?

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

It wasn't as crazy as I thought.

[Eddie]

No.

[Lucas]

Florida, Fort Lauderdale, a little bit of Miami.

[Sass]

But then again it's nice to have an excuse to go somewhere you normally wouldn't. So I kind of get that too.

[Eddie]

Too. Yeah.

[Kyle]

I played 18 balls of golf with. With eight of my buddies.

[Brandon]

Nice.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Dr. Ned Miller, Phil Bradley Barton.

[Brandon]

You're doing one, Kyle.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Eddie]

Are you?

[Kate]

I think I just want to do a lake.

[Eddie]

Nice. Yeah. That's perfect.

[Tate]

That's the way to do it.

[Kyle]

Like a.

[Eddie]

That's perfect too.

[Tate]

You inviting going solo.

[Kate]

That would.

[Brandon]

That would be so awesome. That would be great.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Going to Bangkok for a month.

[Tate]

Let's go chill in a cabin for by a lake by yourself. It's a hell of a bachelor.

[Kyle]

Would be amazing.

[Eddie]

Wouldn't be the worst. Damn.

[Kyle]

We have. We hit all the ads.

[Brandon]

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[Kyle]

what are we gonna do about the fact that it's May 1st and it's 40 degrees out?

[Tate]

It's awful, dude.

[Kyle]

Yeah, sucks.

[Tate]

It's so.

[Brandon]

I'm sure people that live like west coast, close to the ocean where it's warm all the time have. There's people there hate about that 90% of the company.

[Kyle]

The country right now is better than this, right?

[Tate]

Yeah. Yeah. It's true, Brandon. Yeah.

[Kyle]

Well you could be in Alabama right now. It's fucking amazing.

[Tate]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Eddie]

That's what I'm going back to the Chicago talk. That's what I'm most curious about is I feel like it has a run and then you get tired of the weather and then people leave.

[Tate]

That's why I want to leave. I don't know when it's going to happen. I'm not saying I have it planned but like that's when I leave. Eventually it's going to be because of that.

[Eddie]

Yeah.

[Tate]

I don't know if that's 30 years from now or is that the reason you're a couple months.

[Kyle]

Well, she left in January.

[Tate]

Yep.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Tate]

That's tough.

[Kyle]

Yeah. I would imagine weather had a lot to do with it.

[Brandon]

Was that her first like winter, huh? Yeah.

[Tate]

I mean Chicago is a great city. Nobody retires here to here. Nobody's like I'm from Miami. I winter wanted to settle down so we sold our house. We moved Chicago. Now I've been. Now that we're in our 70s.

[Eddie]

Correct. Like all the great parts.

[Tate]

Eventually get out to Chicago to retire.

[Eddie]

Yeah. By the weather.

[Sass]

That's. I wonder if people in Ireland because like I've been a few times and it. It is just like constantly raining and cloudy and whatever and it's beautiful. But I feel like after a while if I traveled outside of Ireland and I like went to visit Florida or whatever, I would have to get out of there after a while. I don't know if I could do

[Kate]

that my whole life in England. Yeah.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

It's awful.

[Sass]

A little dreary sometimes. I don't think I could do it in the long haul.

[Tate]

Anybody in this room looking to be a late ad to the Barstow after dark stream next week?

[Brandon]

No.

[Kyle]

You're. That's. You're one of the brain Trust on this.

[Brandon]

Well, I sat. I, I, it's, it's their, it's their child.

[Kyle]

Huh.

[Brandon]

I sat up there and just.

[Kyle]

You counseled him with the child?

[Brandon]

No, we did. I just, we just bounced ideas off of each other. I don't know what they're using, but.

[Kate]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

Tate's expecting to go like three days.

[Lucas]

How long do you think it'll go? Actually tape.

[Brandon]

I think it might be shorter.

[Kyle]

Do you know what room they're doing it in?

[Brandon]

Yes. What the, the, the pro football room.

[Kyle]

Oh, the studio back there.

[Eddie]

When I saw your text response, I was out.

[Kyle]

Yeah.

[Brandon]

That's fair.

[Kyle]

They're really putting a porta potty in there.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

That I wouldn't last 10 minutes.

[Tate]

Yeah.

[Lucas]

So what are the rules on that?

[Brandon]

Only piss.

[Lucas]

But you can get up whenever.

[Brandon]

Yeah, I guess.

[Kyle]

Well, how do you wait.

[Sass]

Only.

[Brandon]

What if you. It's only piss. You have to go to the bathroom to shit. But you. There's again, it's, it's significant. It's much more there changes their child and yeah, it's just pissed. But $30,000 is a lot of money.

[Sass]

Yeah. Shout out Ethan.

[Kate]

He got in like the camps is in the mix. I don't know. Like, I'm torn on how he will do.

[Sass]

He's a poker guy, probably amazing.

[Kyle]

Right.

[Brandon]

I think he's good at being bored,

[Kate]

but he's also hardwired to like quit.

[Kyle]

He doesn't know how to get $30,000.

[Tate]

But it's also.

[Brandon]

But how do you quit me exactly?

[Tate]

The two things we know that he does is nothing and quitting.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kate]

So what's he gonna do?

[Tate]

Which one's gonna win out here?

[Sass]

Nothing. Into work.

[Tate]

Oh my God.

[Kyle]

Oh.

[Brandon]

Also like, this is the same amount of money he won in poker. He doesn't care about that. Right, Right.

[Kate]

Seems to not.

[Kyle]

If he could just keep stacking thirty thousand dollar wins, he could, he could have some serious money waiting for him at some point.

[Lucas]

Mint is in this, right?

[Kyle]

Yeah. He'll win.

[Sass]

But there's gonna be challenges throughout.

[Brandon]

There will be.

[Malice]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Is it a hand?

[Brandon]

I think there's like a challenge every hour.

[Kyle]

It's like a hand on a thing.

[Brandon]

You have to. Yeah. You have to keep your hand on it.

[Tate]

And there's no, there's no phones. No, no phone books. No.

[Kyle]

Let me see him again. I want to see who the first one out is.

[Tate]

No media of any kind. Right.

[Sass]

This is next week.

[Lucas]

So hand on the thing. Are some of them, are they all standing then or does it just depend what area you have like if you're able to sit Crouch.

[Kyle]

Tommy's already shown he can stand with his hand roll thing for a while. Well, he was.

[Brandon]

That was balancing with his foot it.

[Kyle]

All right.

[Brandon]

I don't think some of these people make it three hours.

[Kyle]

Dante won't make it.

[Lucas]

How long do you think think it'll take till the first person.

[Kyle]

You better watch Spider. He.

[Brandon]

Somebody will accidentally just take their hand off of it. Right. Not quit.

[Kyle]

Kic will fall asleep and fall over

[Eddie]

the dogs in it.

[Kate]

Oh, nice.

[Brandon]

I think the people with kids are at a huge disadvantage, right?

[Sass]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Brandon]

I think this is Blutman's to lose.

[Kyle]

I think it's Spider to lose.

[Eddie]

Deutsch, man.

[Tate]

Blman's going to want to watch ball.

[Kyle]

Yeah, can't go.

[Brandon]

What ball going on right now. Is he wanting to watch Stanley Cup? Oh, yeah.

[Tate]

Playoffs. Yeah.

[Danny]

Isn't there an element of like solitary to this? So like they won't know there's 30 of them. How does this work exactly? Because they're all touching something. But didn't I hear something about like in Tate's video, doesn't he say that people won't know when it ends?

[Brandon]

Okay, Barcelona next week.

[Jay]

And I want to get this information out now. We are moving it up to Monday immediately following the yak for the following reason. It's going to be a fucking long one. So here's the deal. Our great friends at DraftKings are putting up $30,000 in the form of a 20k bonus bet and $10,000 in cash. And they said, tate and Lucas, how do you want to give it out? And at that moment, it was honestly like the scene in Batman the Dark Knight where the Joker explains how he got his scars. Then he breaks the pool stick in front of the three mobsters and he says, hey, who wants to join our team? Except we only have one spot, so let's have tryouts. So that's what we're doing, except we're doing it with 22 Barstool employees all locked inside the same room. No phones, no clocks, no watches, Port a potty in the corner. And we're going to have tryouts for $30,000. And I'm not talking about people. And I can't believe I'm saying this, that wouldn't do anything for 30k. I'm talking about the Rico Boscos, the Nikki Smokes, the Mincey's who would do anything, but also the absolute characters in our company who may just stay in that room for weeks to win, such as Meek Phil Blutman, Mikey Betts, Reed is in it. And we've got people like Deutsch, Katic, Dana Beers, who all say they're going hard card for the money. So the premise is this. We're putting a huge DraftKings branded golf cart right in the middle of the room. Everyone must put their hand on it. If you let go, you're out. And then we've made a schedule where at the top of every hour, the viewers will know there's going to be some sort of action, whether that's a game to send someone home or a game to give someone a reward or a game to dish out a punishment to someone else or to get some food, whatever that may be. Just know that the events in this stream were planned by a committee of Ohio, Miles Tate Lucas and Nick Torani

[Tate]

throwing your name on it.

[Brandon]

Thank you, Tate. Yeah, I know it's.

[Tate]

It's producer credit.

[Brandon]

I appreciate that, but those guys, they love what they do.

[Kyle]

What's wrong with Dan Marino?

[Lucas]

What happened?

[Brandon]

What do you mean?

[Kyle]

It was trending. Oh, that. Oh. Oh, why is he trending? Is he okay? I'm sorry. That Dan Marino right beside Tate's big fat face.

[Tate]

Someone put titties on him in a Photoshop.

[Brandon]

Yeah, they made him stack.

[Tate]

He's just got fat titties, probably. Oh, no.

[Kyle]

What?

[Sass]

Just kidding.

[Kyle]

Oh, well, that's not okay.

[Brandon]

But, Kate, what if it's true?

[Sass]

Oh, don't do that to me, Dan.

[Kyle]

I can't tell why he's trending.

[Sass]

Please be okay.

[Tate]

Just click on it.

[Kyle]

No, I didn't really, I was. No, because I didn't.

[Brandon]

It's not leading to anything.

[Lucas]

The only thing I'm seeing is hypothetical. Donovan McNabb is not available. Who is the best? He seems NFL history without a single super bowl ring.

[Kyle]

He seems fine.

[Danny]

There's a bunch of Dan Marino, huge nutrisystem guy, right?

[Kyle]

I think they paid him to hawk their product.

[Danny]

Oh, he was like one of. He was like the nutrisystem guy, right?

[Kyle]

Yeah, he was one of them. He was one of them. They still make that? Nutrisystem? I don't know. Slim fast?

[Sass]

I think so. Nick, somebody tagged us at the start of the show. They were building a Lego set with the yak in the background.

[Brandon]

They're like, hey, no, I shouldn't. I shouldn't.

[Sass]

What the.

[Brandon]

I just don't get it. I wish I liked Legos.

[Kyle]

You not liking Legos is like you not liking the Simpsons for a while.

[Brandon]

I know. I like it now. I just never had them. I guess I've never really done it.

[Kyle]

Yeah. Y' all want to spin the wheel, see if we get final wet or any other manner of thing?

[Tate]

Hijinks. Yeah, with some hijinks on this Friday after.

[Sass]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

Wow.

[Brandon]

But everybody has to get wet one

[Kyle]

more time, so it's not final at all.

[Tate]

Good point.

[Kyle]

All right, we'll see you guys Monday. Big Cat will be back. Huh?

[Eddie]

I think he's doing Netflix, right?

[Kyle]

Is he? Oh, they got the live show. We'll be back. Big Cat will be back eventually. Is that okay? Say eventually.

[Eddie]

I'm just.

[Sass]

Happy weekend.

[Kyle]

All right. God bless you, Dan Marino. It's the act.

[Tate]

It's the act.

[Brandon]

Get your straws Y stylist for a while.

[Tate]

It's the act.

[Kyle]

It's the act.

[Tate]

It's the act.

[Brandon]

Yeah.

[Kyle]

It's time to talk shop or do a young Yankees.

[Malice]

Later.

[Kyle]

Have a good weekend. Stay safe. Love you guys.

[Eddie]

Bye.

[Brandon]

Drop your Kentucky Derby predictions in the comments. I got commandment.

[Sass]

All right.

[Lucas]

Love you guys.

[Kyle]

See you tomorrow.