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Brandon
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Kyle
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Kate
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Brandon
That's good work. That's good work, Kyle. Off the rip. I guess you committed a crime this morning.
Kyle
What crime?
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
What?
Brandon
Did you see a naked man that you know in the gym and take a picture of him?
Kate
Oh yeah.
Kyle
Yeah.
Kate
It wasn't naked.
Brandon
Yeah. It was just a towel.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
Okay. Was it Cody?
Kate
It was Cody.
Tate
Took a picture of Cody in the locker room.
Kate
He was right in front of me. Didn't notice me. Yeah, it's weird that he was in his towel, but.
Brandon
No, it's weird. No, it's not it's not in the locker room. Yeah, I think it's a.
Tate
No, it's.
Kate
I'm saying it's weird that I took
Kyle
a picture of it.
Tate
Probably.
Kate
Yeah. I don't think it was that weird.
Brandon
But he ran around. He's like, do you know where Kyle is? He sent me this and didn't.
Lucas
Then.
Kate
Did he mention anything else about the photo?
Brandon
He said you sent it to him. He said, what the. And you never responded.
Kate
Yeah.
Kyle
So you.
Kate
Well, I add. Did he talk about the ooze?
Brandon
You added ooze to the.
Kate
Yeah, that's the whole thing. A trail of ooze.
Brandon
I don't think he noticed the trail of ooze. What. He must. That must just be something that happens to him. I guess. I just heard him show the photo to Evo, and he said, this has got to be AI.
Tate
Right.
Kate
The. The ooze was.
Eddie
I think the photo.
Kyle
Yeah, the.
Kate
The photo was actually him. I just added. I said to make it subtle. A subtle trail of ooze.
Tate
You didn't say hello to.
Kate
I said, not too thin. I made him go thinner.
Kyle
He didn't know you were in the room until he got the picture?
Kate
No, I didn't.
Tate
That's fun. That's fun. That's just good, clean fun.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
So you took the picture of him and then turned around.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
Nice.
Kate
Didn't want to talk.
Kyle
What. What state of undress was he. And was it fully. It was just a. Just nothing but a towel covering up
Tate
parts all around the waist.
Kate
Towel around the waist. Yeah.
Tate
Classics.
Kyle
I.
Kate
That's just like a shirtless dude.
Kyle
Yeah. Agreed.
Brandon
Oh, you could see his ass pretty clear.
Lucas
I could see him doing.
Brandon
Tall around the hair, definitely. I didn't know Cody was at East Bank. He's got it like that.
Kate
Yeah, apparently,
Tate
that's tough for the rest.
Kate
Not about dick.
Tate
That's a great gym.
Malice
It is.
Tate
Yeah.
Kate
It's spacious.
Tate
You pay a premium.
Kate
Everyone wears the same clothes. Everyone's the same, which isn't bad.
Tate
A lot of movers.
Kate
And it's nice that no one's obnoxious. No one's. Yeah, they look like they suck, but, yeah, it doesn't affect you at all.
Kyle
So. But again, I guess, like, Cody has in his house a hospital bed.
Tate
That's what I'm saying.
Kyle
And he somehow belongs to what sounds like a really nice gym. I would. Would not have put him in a really nice.
Tate
Probably the nicest gym in Chicago.
Eddie
I think Jordan used to work out there.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
So Jordan and Cody and Dean.
Kate
I don't know what? Yeah. Cody doesn't need to be there.
Brandon
Should we get him to cancel?
Kate
I think we should. He's just, like, on the turf, touching his toes, jumping jacks.
Kyle
What color was the ooze?
Kate
I told him to make it, like, translucent off white.
Kyle
Okay. All right.
Eddie
That's how they're making the old office a gym.
Kyle
Really?
Eddie
Yeah. I'm Belmont Anytime Fitness. Yeah.
Brandon
That's not that big of a how.
Eddie
I don't know.
Lucas
Anytime Fitnesses are pretty small, though.
Tate
Are they?
Kyle
They're. It's gonna have to be. Yeah, that thing was just.
Lucas
That would be a bigger Anytime Fitness location.
Brandon
Honestly, they're that small.
Lucas
Yeah.
Brandon
I don't. I don't know if that building's conducive for a gym. You have to have the keys to go use the shared bathroom.
Kyle
Yeah.
Lucas
Below a dentist.
Eddie
Yeah.
Kyle
Right beside a restaurant with the best cinnamon rolls I' my life.
Sass
Oh, an.
Brandon
You'll get robbed right out in the front.
Sass
Yeah, that too.
Kate
Cards.
Tate
Right.
Kyle
I think it's.
Brandon
I got robbed on a rainbow crosswalk.
Sass
Whimsical.
Lucas
Digitally.
Brandon
Digitally eobbed.
Tate
Yeah.
Eddie
Was that, like, weeks into you being here?
Brandon
One week.
Kyle
I was going to say that was early.
Brandon
Yeah. It might have been my first time going to that office. Set the town.
Lucas
I remember you. You ran in like. Danny, hold me. Hold me. I don't know what just happened.
Tate
That is true.
Brandon
That is true. And you're like, this happens to me all the time.
Lucas
Give me your phone.
Tate
Better. You nostalgic for that office? You miss it?
Brandon
Well, you weren't there for that long,
Eddie
were you There for like, two years.
Tate
Oh, that's it?
Eddie
Three years? Yeah. Farmers insurance? A little bit. Yes. The first one. Yes.
Kyle
Are you nostalgic for a time when you guys were the only ones out here and. And the rest of us, weren't it?
Brandon
To us, straight Ed.
Eddie
Truly. Truly. No. At a time, yes. Now? No.
Kyle
What was the.
Brandon
When it just happened.
Eddie
Yeah. When it just happened. There was a lot of movement, you know.
Kyle
Well, getting used to it.
Brandon
How did it feel when people were coming out here and then here for a month and they were given restaurant wrecks of stuff that you. You know, like, I'm sure I was obnoxious with Bird's Nest. I acted like I discovered.
Eddie
That's funny.
Kate
Yeah.
Tate
All right.
Eddie
Yeah. No, I mean, that's fine.
Kate
We stripped you of your identity.
Eddie
Yeah.
Danny
Yeah.
Eddie
Like, you know, I mean, it was
Brandon
the thing that you've been doing forever, and we just came and just decided it.
Kate
Yeah.
Eddie
Yeah. What are you gonna do Just gotta get over it.
Brandon
Don't have to.
Kyle
You could harbor resentment for the rest of your life. You think White Sox. Dave's used to it.
Kate
You had to get over me.
Eddie
No, not you, dude.
Kate
Just us.
Eddie
Could never get over.
Lucas
I think you still have the title. You do a series showing people around.
Brandon
Yeah.
Kate
You're still very much the Chicago guy.
Brandon
Oh yeah. But like when it was first happening, were you like monitoring everybody that was announcing that that were coming here? Because I know it was kind of like a slow roll of people saying when they. If they were coming out here or not.
Lucas
He made them choose Cubs or socks right on the spot.
Eddie
No, I think everyone chose Cubs. Yeah. Like, I don't think anyone chose the songs.
Lucas
We were four blocks away from Wrigley at the.
Eddie
To be honest.
Danny
Smokes.
Tate
Kate and Nikki smokes socks.
Kyle
Are you.
Sass
We have. I bought it. We bought a 10 pack for this.
Eddie
Hell yeah.
Lucas
Well, yeah, Obviously Dave.
Brandon
Oh yeah, yeah.
Tate
Dave.
Brandon
Yeah.
Eddie
Smokes is not real though. He's just like. He goes to both opening days and
Kyle
just hey, duh, what a life. Yeah, he's going to both opening days.
Eddie
Yeah.
Tate
You know what I found out this morning and this is embarrassing because I'm sure you knew this already. The, the Cubs and Socks don't ever play at home on the same day. Like not at. It's happened before. But I, I Because on. For mostly sport. I was looking for an idea and I thought like, well, if we went to a Cubs game the afternoon, a Socks game at night. Because I, I've heard of people have done that before.
Eddie
Yeah, there's.
Tate
They just, they just. It just doesn't. That just doesn't happen this year.
Eddie
If you get lucky, it happens twice a year.
Tate
Yeah. I think it's because of like rain outs or something. Like MLB purposely doesn't make that happen. I guess it's obvious. But if it was obvious, why didn't I know it? Yeah, no, they want like one team at home.
Eddie
I think it's the same with Mets, Yankees too.
Tate
They want one team at. In Chicago. Like if you want to go to a baseball, there's always someone playing at home.
Brandon
That's pretty co. Yeah. Did you know that Ed?
Eddie
They do play each other. Yeah.
Brandon
I don't know if it's the same
Kyle
for baseball, but for soccer it's a policing issue.
Brandon
So Arsenal and Arsenal and Tottenham can't play same.
Tate
I thought I. Yeah, I don't pay that much attention to the White Sox, but I would have assumed you could do it like once a month maybe. Like try to do a double header.
Eddie
I want to say we look doesn't happen. There was like, There was like it. It's not every year. It's typically there's none, but sometimes you get like one or two. Yeah, like a Memorial Day. I had one like last year, the year before.
Kate
What's the most amount of games it would be possible to see in one day?
Tate
Three, four baseball games.
Kate
Yeah, it's.
Kyle
I think if you're on the east
Lucas
coast, three would you have to stay the full game?
Tate
Yeah, you could do three on the east coast.
Sass
But what if you had a private jet? How many could you do in one day? Oh, starting on the east coast at head.
Kate
What's the earliest a game could be?
Brandon
What's the tightest cluster of stadiums?
Kate
Well, like Milwaukee, New York Mets, Philly.
Kyle
Get to Philly. Then you could decent fly Baltimore.
Brandon
Philly.
Kate
Oh yeah, Philly, Baltimore, D.C. then fly from New York. You could do. Yeah, you could do five.
Brandon
Okay.
Kyle
Yeah. But you just going for an inning and then leaving. Is that what we're talking about? Are we talking about taking in.
Brandon
That'll be fine.
Kyle
Okay.
Kate
Yeah.
Kyle
Sitting down on a seat watching a full inning.
Kate
Yeah.
Kyle
You might be able to get more then.
Danny
I have a. I have a pipe dream in a couple years when my kids are a little bit older. I want to buy a Mercedes Sprinter van and I want to go across the country in 30 days and I'll try and see 30 ballparks with my kids.
Kyle
That's a beautiful goal.
Danny
Stay at the game for the whole time.
Brandon
Just rent the Sprinter van.
Danny
Mercedes Sprinter brand's like my dream car like that.
Kyle
I just want to.
Tate
Just to have just your everyday.
Kyle
That's quite the interesting dream car.
Brandon
Those aren't that practical, are they?
Danny
They're pretty tall, they're cool. They're comfortable inside. You can just park, maybe take a nap.
Kyle
Yeah, I guess. I guess you could do all those things.
Brandon
Yeah, I guess you can park it
Kyle
as a dream car. I don't know how many people have that as their dream. But you know, you being a family man and wanting to get your. Get everybody in there comfortably. I could see that.
Lucas
Yeah.
Danny
Like road trip it. I feel like. Are they still making RVs?
Kyle
Yeah.
Danny
Okay. So I feel like that's kind of the modern day rv, but it's like,
Kyle
well, the modern day rv. Is the RV more practical? Practical?
Eddie
He might just be car illiterate.
Brandon
Like are you car illiterate?
Danny
What do you mean?
Eddie
He said on our show, he said on Dog Walk the other day, in the brain class that if you a convert. We. We asked would you rather a convertible or a giant. A big ass truck. He's like, convertibles mean you have a small dick.
Danny
Oh yeah.
Lucas
Yeah.
Tate
That's.
Brandon
That's the most big truck thing ever.
Kyle
Big truck. Yeah.
Danny
I. I never. I thought that that was a convertible thing. I also totally.
Kyle
I think convertible means you're old and you have a small midlife.
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
He's not wrong. Convertible could mean the same.
Brandon
I can't picture an old man with a small dick.
Kyle
What? I can picture an old man with a small dick.
Brandon
I don't think so.
Kyle
It's in my mind right now. Yeah.
Eddie
Really long balls.
Kyle
Yeah.
Kate
There's like a composite yearbook of old men with small dicks in my brain.
Brandon
Right.
Kyle
You don't believe our dicks get bigger as we age, do you?
Brandon
I imagine gravity takes a toll.
Sass
Dark. But didn't they say Harvey Weinstein had like a button dick?
Brandon
It was.
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
That was his defense.
Tate
Convertibles, midlife crisis.
Brandon
I couldn't even fuck her.
Tate
Yeah, that's that stereotype. If you're driving.
Kyle
Truck is. Look at me. Car.
Tate
Yes.
Kyle
Big loud truck is. Look at me. I have a tiny dick.
Tate
Like a lifted lifted truck.
Kyle
Yeah. With the pipes.
Kate
A button dick.
Sass
Yeah.
Tate
Dick.
Brandon
That was his defense. You know, I must move. I seriously thought about moving back to New York when I first came out here.
Kyle
Did you?
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
I hated where I lived my area. But I blame white. I showed you the text. I didn't know really know any of you guys besides White Sox. Dave. I sent him my apartment like that I was going to sign for. And he was like, that's my. That's my favorite spot in the city. And there was nothing.
Eddie
I told you though.
Brandon
But I after I signed you were like, dude, no.
Kyle
Oh, that first spot over there.
Sass
Yeah, yeah, that's where it is now.
Brandon
South Southern third in Michigan.
Sass
Oh, south loop.
Brandon
There was below south.
Kyle
There was nothing over there.
Brandon
Nothing.
Sass
It's kind of sterile. I had.
Brandon
It was just. I would look out my window and there'd be people doing donuts at red lights.
Tate
Have you asked him since. Have you been like, dave, you said this was your favorite spot. But like why.
Brandon
Yeah, why?
Kyle
He does not know the said it
Brandon
was his favorite spot in the city.
Kyle
He didn't the area, but he pretended he wanted to.
Kate
This is after you signed?
Brandon
No, I was about to sign. He was what pushed me over the edge.
Tate
And then.
Brandon
Cuz I always like to live like a little bit further than normal. I like lived in F in New York. And then I showed you, and you were like, dude, I wouldn't do that if I were you. And I had just signed.
Eddie
Yeah, it sucked.
Kyle
It's all just gray over there.
Lucas
Yeah. I mean, I could see how he spins it into his favorite area, but it shouldn't be an area you live. It's, like, where all the tourist things are. People hang out there after work. Like, no, there was not.
Kyle
Not this.
Lucas
Like, they work down there and then maybe go to the bars. There was no South, Lou.
Brandon
There was nobody.
Kyle
You know how there's traffic everywhere in the city? Not there.
Brandon
There were no.
Kate
No. Like, bistros.
Brandon
No.
Kate
Coffee shops, cocktail bar.
Brandon
I walked three blocks to a hotel, and that blows. It was below the South Loop.
Eddie
Oh, it's below.
Brandon
Yeah.
Lucas
It's like an abandoned city.
Brandon
Yeah.
Eddie
Oh.
Brandon
The only thing I could see on my window was an abandoned Pizza Hut.
Eddie
Where did.
Kate
I had a bad experience?
Tate
At a grocery store. What was it called?
Kate
Pete's.
Sass
Oh, yeah. Pete's. Yeah.
Kyle
What happened?
Tate
It was just.
Kate
It was chaotic and dirty.
Eddie
Bad meat.
Kyle
Oh, no, I hate bad meat.
Kate
It's like two people in Bambi T shirts.
Brandon
2.
Kate
It's two different Bambi shirts.
Brandon
That's. That's. You got to get the out of there.
Eddie
I can't believe he said that was his favorite place.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
It really fucked me.
Kyle
I can. I just feel like you. You said this. You said area A. I sent the
Brandon
Zillow of the apartment.
Kyle
In his mind, he had no idea what it was, but he's like, yeah, that's awesome. That's. That's great.
Lucas
Yeah. Did he ever say the word South Loop? Like, did he actually know which name
Brandon
I sent the Zillow? He probably just didn't open the link.
Tate
Yeah. No matter what you sent him, he was.
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
Oh, that place is. That area is awesome.
Brandon
Because he's very proud of Chicago.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
And so he was probably like, yeah, yeah, it's great.
Eddie
We haven't had that many people pull the ripcord, right. Like who? Fasoli and Gooch.
Tate
Solely.
Brandon
Pug wasn't here for very long at all.
Sass
I feel like that stuff was more for wanting to be in your family again and not because they didn't like the city.
Brandon
Yeah, it's. Yeah, it's the family. Yeah.
Sass
Yeah.
Tate
Family. Yeah.
Brandon
People that are born in the New York area never leave.
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
Love it here.
Brandon
Yeah, I do, too.
Kate
It's a perfect May. Friday.
Kyle
Yep.
Kate
It ain't bad.
Tate
Summer's right around the corner, boys.
Eddie
Smokes was devastated today.
Brandon
I have that was cold.
Eddie
Yeah.
Lucas
So get me on the phone with the mayor.
Brandon
Yeah.
Lucas
You know, he doesn't control the weather.
Brandon
His Tik Tok was concerning Smokes is. I just, like, I don't. I don't love. I. I have no interests. I don't do anything.
Sass
What?
Tate
What? Huh?
Brandon
I don't like anything.
Kyle
But isn't he. Isn't he just lying?
Brandon
Yes.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
He, He.
Kyle
He loves a lot of things. He does a lot of things.
Brandon
He has fun every single day.
Kate
Really easily excited.
Kyle
Yeah. Every weekend he's doing, nothing interests me anymore.
Eddie
Like, I really just do not care about anything. I used to love sports. Could care less outside of like my home teams, like the Dolphins, Heat, Panthers.
Brandon
So outside of my favorite teams, but,
Eddie
like, I don't care to follow all 32 teams. I don't have any hobbies that I'm passionate about. Like, I just don't care. And it sucks. Like, I. I wish I had like something I was passionate about talk on
Brandon
here, but I. I got nothing. I like to work out.
Eddie
I don't love it. I definitely don't like filming myself working out.
Kyle
I hate this like a dweeb.
Eddie
I love playing golf.
Brandon
He's using this to try to get
Kate
the music. Like, he added a sad song. That's funny.
Tate
So he said he loves watching his favorite teams. He loves playing golf and the gym. He only likes going to the gym. He doesn't love it.
Brandon
But outside of that, going to new restaurants.
Tate
Yeah. I mean, yeah, I like it a lot. Do I love it though?
Brandon
So he went from being just loving everything to just. Don't get me wrong, he's fine.
Kyle
Hating everything for Tik Tok. Yeah, he loves. He's fine.
Tate
He's.
Brandon
That was concerning. Has anybody checked in with him?
Kate
He just did a bender in Vegas. He's probably, you know, brain's got a reset.
Sass
Reset Dopamine.
Kyle
He did say. I saw that.
Brandon
Just got paid to blackout and fuck.
Kyle
Yeah, I saw that. Try Legos. I came in this morning, I said, what are you gonna do? He said, maybe Legos.
Brandon
I don't get Legos. And you think I'd be the type of guy that would be like legos?
Kyle
I.
Kate
You don't like or you don't get?
Brandon
I don't. It's fun to build. Yeah, but then when you're done. No, but like, But I don't get the people that, like, show them off.
Eddie
Really?
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
That is surprising that you're.
Brandon
Yeah, I know.
Kyle
That's.
Brandon
I don't think it looks as good as if you would just get, like, the actual model of it.
Kyle
But I don't think you're showing off.
Brandon
It's weird that you're proud of completing this children's toy.
Lucas
It's almost like.
Kate
Is it hard?
Kyle
No, I don't think it is hard.
Brandon
No, the instructions are very. Is it harder?
Tate
Just. They're hard.
Kyle
No, they're hard. No, they're not.
Kate
Requires skill or just tedious?
Brandon
No, it's tedium. The instructions are as clear as day. But that's hard, right?
Kyle
But then that's.
Tate
Yeah, I like it.
Brandon
I like it.
Kyle
But something that takes three weeks to put together is hard.
Brandon
No, it's just a lot harder.
Kyle
A lot.
Brandon
It's a lot.
Kyle
I think it's. It's hard to stay focused that way.
Brandon
I just never got the Lego Craze. And they're crazy expensive.
Kyle
My kids love them, and I just. I can just buy one and I never have.
Eddie
As a kid, though, someone gifted you a 224 piece. Chansey would throw it out the window.
Brandon
No, I would build the Chansey ad, but then I wouldn't know what to do with it when I'm done.
Kyle
What's a Chancey? What's a chance?
Brandon
It's a Pokemon.
Sass
You know what I like? Lego makes, like, flower bouquets and now stuff that's, like, kind of actually cute to have around.
Eddie
Have you taken the kids to Legoland?
Kyle
Are you begging for.
Sass
Not yet.
Eddie
It's actually sick.
Kyle
If anybody wants Mother's Day, she's just begging for flowers. Let her beg.
Sass
But they do make, like, cute stuff to put out in your house. Now they're, like, catching on.
Brandon
Yeah, but if, like, you're an adult and somebody's like, yeah, this is my Lego roses. Yeah, but it's for adults.
Sass
Like, it's marketed to adults.
Tate
You're collect a lot of, don't you?
Sass
Huh?
Tate
You collect a lot of, though, don't you?
Brandon
I don't like dis.
Tate
I agree.
Kate
I don't.
Tate
I'm not a collector. I don't display in my house. I collect. I have stuff that I have, but that one. Walls. Legos would make sense because you actually are building it. Like, that makes more sense to me than some of the. You have. Brandon, Just being honest.
Kyle
Yeah, you moved, right?
Tate
Yeah, I'm just being honest. At least you. You at least. Like, I'd be like, yeah, I built that thing.
Kyle
I didn't put any sweat equity into stuff I bought. Yeah, you're right. Where's agent Elvis?
Brandon
Oh, yeah, Asian Elvis made the move.
Kyle
Okay. All Right.
Brandon
I didn't let the movers touch it. I put it my own car.
Kyle
Okay, good. Yeah.
Brandon
I love Asian Elvis. Wearing a pirate's hat.
Kyle
Is he?
Brandon
I got him a, a big fitted one so it could fit on his head and he's got one on in the basement.
Kyle
Good for Asian Elvis.
Brandon
Yeah.
Danny
I have a question loosely pertaining to Legos. So at my local mall there is a Lego store and they do this. But I have seen other stores in the mall do this. I want to get your guys take on it. They have a line outside and like not technically a security guard but someone that works the store and they intentionally hold people outside to make sure the store is not full. But they do this even if the store is pretty open to like, I don't know, generate demand or interest or something like that. It kind of pisses me off. But I hate Legos.
Eddie
I've seen.
Kyle
There was not a question anywhere.
Danny
How do you feel?
Tate
Also that was not loosely related at all. That was very directly related.
Brandon
Climb.
Tate
I hate Legos.
Danny
The LEGO store does do this. But I do, I have seen like the Nike store do this. Like Victoria's Secret do this. Like pretty big name stores.
Kyle
Like if I see Ross Dress for
Sass
less in San Francisco.
Brandon
Oh my God, that has to be the hardest job in America.
Kate
Oh my God.
Kyle
If I see any line to get into a store in a mall, I'm just not going to that store.
Brandon
Won't do it.
Kyle
Whenever Nike they do it. The gurney mall that I go, Nike will have a little line out there. Fuck it, I'll just go online because why would you stand in a line in a mall?
Tate
Yeah, Lego could be doing it because it's kids, you know, like you don't want to have too many kids like running around and being chaotic and yeah, you know like it's less about artificial demand maybe and more about like limit how many people are in there so there's not full blown chaos.
Kyle
See jewelry stores, a lot of lines and malls these days.
Brandon
Yeah, really?
Sass
Really?
Brandon
Yeah, really.
Sass
I've never seen that.
Brandon
Yeah, one of those high fluten stores though. It'll be like appointment shopping too.
Sass
Some of them you have to be like invited to TJ.
Kyle
Did you just learn highfalutin 30, 40 minutes?
Kate
I don't know if that was good uses. I don't know what that means. It sounds like a disease.
Brandon
Yeah, I would have said hoity toity as well.
Eddie
The line doesn't make you look though.
Brandon
They didn't let me and Kyle and Bape.
Kyle
Right.
Kate
We couldn't even get into bape.
Brandon
We couldn't get to bape.
Kyle
What's babe?
Kate
Bape is like, oh, the ape.
Brandon
The baby bathing ape.
Kyle
Oh.
Brandon
They looked at us. They're like, no. And then this one guy walked in. We.
Kyle
But y' all look like bathing ape guys, right?
Brandon
No, I don't think so.
Sass
I've never even tried to go into a high end store. I'm so intimidated by them.
Brandon
It was humiliating.
Kate
This sucks to me. I don't know.
Tate
Huh.
Kyle
These aren't.
Lucas
Are these still in?
Eddie
Yeah, I thought.
Kyle
I don't even know.
Lucas
I got me.
Brandon
They had a little bit of a resurgence.
Kyle
I don't think I could wear those.
Brandon
I think Nikki smokes. His backpack has that face on it.
Kyle
Yeah, but it's not.
Brandon
It's not Bape.
Kyle
Spank Bape Spray. Spray ground.
Tate
Oh, my God.
Brandon
He's wearing Spray Spray ground.
Tate
Trying to pass it off as bape.
Kyle
No way.
Kate
Rocking the spray.
Eddie
Is that expensive or just in?
Sass
Huh?
Kate
It's expensive and it's like cool street wear, I think.
Sass
I don't know what Spray ground.
Brandon
It's like a backpack company.
Tate
Okay.
Brandon
Okay.
Kyle
I don't like that name.
Tate
Spray Ground.
Kyle
Spray Ground.
Tate
That's weird.
Lucas
Why are you dressed for Easter Mass?
Kyle
Brandon dressed for Kentucky. Our day at the races on mostly sports. Oh, yeah, yeah.
Lucas
That's why Connor was wearing that hat.
Kyle
That's why Connor was wearing the hat. Mark was wearing a. Mark was a racehorse seconds ago.
Tate
Slash jockey.
Kyle
Yeah. You're a racehorse.
Tate
Shohei Ohtani of horse racing.
Kyle
Yes.
Tate
He's the horse and the jockey at the same time.
Kyle
CJ was dressed as a kangaroo for some reason.
Tate
Yeah, yeah. He does it all.
Kyle
Why is the horse on top of the jockey now to think about it? Yeah.
Tate
Don't overthink it. Don't overthink it.
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
Just point me to the gate and tell me. Tell me what the race starts.
Kate
Who do you think would win a 100 meter body carry? You have to hold. You have to carry someone your own body weight. Would it still be like a Olympic sprinter or more of a strong guy?
Sass
How are you? Are you allowed to carry them anyway on your shoulder?
Kate
I think it'd be the strong cross boat. Wouldn't be amazing.
Sass
Yeah, there's that big wife carrying race in like Scotland or something.
Brandon
You have to have a big wife.
Sass
Yeah, it's people. It's like kind of a big thing. Like people take it pretty seriously.
Kyle
So is it like big dudes with tiny wives? Would that be so I think you
Sass
get the whole gamut but, yeah, it's us. That's usually.
Brandon
But the dude with like. Yeah, the dude with the smallest wife probably wins.
Sass
Yeah.
Kyle
Huh.
Kate
What if some dude who would win. Who's the biggest dude with the tiniest wife?
Sass
That's. What if there's a guy out there looking for a tiny wife just to use her for the race?
Tate
Shaq had that tiny girlfriend, though.
Brandon
I think her name, Tiny. Right. From Flavor of Love.
Tate
The picture I'm talking about where they did the math.
Eddie
Yeah, but it was hoops. No.
Brandon
Was it hoops? Yeah.
Lucas
I mean, he's ti's wife.
Brandon
Oh, shit. Okay. Thanks, Danny.
Eddie
Lots of hoops.
Brandon
I loved those shows.
Eddie
They're great.
Kyle
Never watched.
Eddie
I don't understand.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
Yeah. That one was nuts.
Tate
Shaq would win with her.
Kate
Yep.
Kyle
I don't. I don't know how much mobility Shaq's got left in his body, though.
Brandon
Yeah. You just throw her.
Kyle
I don't think you can throw.
Kate
You're allowed to throw her in this race.
Tate
Thrower across the finish line.
Kyle
Can I go back to Kyle's? I'm really focused on this, so. All right, you got Usain Bolt, who's the fastest man in the world, but can he carry?
Kate
I think as soon as you add the element of caring becomes a strength competition. So he's not pausing.
Tate
I think, like, guys like you would be the best.
Kate
Guys like me would be the best
Tate
because it's cardio plus strength. Right. But also everyone. Also low body weight. Yeah.
Sass
Guys with sturdy legs.
Kyle
Yeah.
Kate
Probably rugby guy.
Kyle
I don't know, like 130 pound wrestler. Just carrying 130 pound. That was probably right.
Brandon
So did you set up this hypothetical so we'd pick you guys to go.
Tate
Oh, my God, it's Kyle.
Kate
Best in the world. Hold on, Ed.
Kyle
I'm just.
Brandon
I'm shocked with the Internet's response with the hypothetical from Brain Clash about the yo yo. Yes.
Tate
What is this?
Brandon
We asked Che and White Sox Dave, would you rather be the world's best yo yoer or the thousandth best football thrower in the world? And everybody said, best yo yoer.
Kate
I definitely yo yoer.
Kyle
I agree. I agree 100% with Chef. I'd rather be the thousandth best football.
Kate
What's that gonna do for you?
Brandon
You're a D1 quarterback.
Kyle
You're a D1.
Kate
Oh, you're talking about. You go back.
Kyle
You're the man in high school.
Brandon
Yeah. Oh, yeah.
Sass
Is this of all time like your prime?
Brandon
I guess it would be the living.
Kate
This is just throwing. Just throwing. Not the many Many skills it takes to be a quarterback.
Brandon
No, but having the throwing in the top under one percentile would be.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
Helpful.
Lucas
A couple things. We looked up the most famous Yoyoer. Not that famous. No one knew him.
Brandon
And if you win the tournament, there's no prize.
Lucas
Couldn't even tell you how much he made. Wasn't very much. Secondly, you can casually show off that you're the thousand best best thrower. Especially at a company like this. All the competitions we have, anytime you bring out a yo yo, it's forced, but it's.
Kate
They have competitions.
Brandon
Being good at throwing a football is worth it for the free college.
Kate
But thousands best would be like what, like D2?
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
You could be a backup on D1.
Danny
Backup D1. I think if you think about all the guys that are in the NFL, including practice squad guys that are done with.
Tate
But this isn't. Is it quarterback or thrower of the football?
Brandon
Just thrower.
Tate
Because that's. There's so much more at a quarterback than just throwing it.
Brandon
But having the throwing figured out is big.
Danny
You could also be starting quarterback at Georgia Tech.
Kate
I wouldn't trust myself to be a successful quarterback with just the arm.
Tate
No.
Kyle
If you had the thousandth best arm in the world, you. You'd be. You'd have a pretty good leg up.
Danny
And being a good quarterback, they're giving you reps. Yeah.
Lucas
You dominate high school.
Sass
But in the bar, like you're out and about in the city or the bar, you can't. Yo yo. You can just pull it out and be like, check this out. You can't just.
Tate
You're not yo yo.
Kyle
Yeah.
Kate
Being the best in the world, it gets old immediately.
Sass
But you get hired, go all over the place.
Brandon
That's fun once.
Sass
That's cool. I wish we had someone. Right.
Kyle
That guy wishes he could throw a football.
Tate
That's 100% the answer.
Brandon
But it was unanimous.
Kate
Yo yo.
Tate
Right?
Kate
Yes.
Tate
Without question.
Sass
Yes. Yo yo, I'm 100.
Kyle
Yo yo, I'm football.
Brandon
Thank you. Yeah. But everybody online went yo yo as well.
Kyle
Now wait a minute. Let's keep watching this because this is kind of sick. Oh boy.
Brandon
Is it still.
Kyle
Oh,
Sass
I feel like if you could pair this with like a cool message, you could do the church tour. You could do.
Kyle
You can make church tours. Not cool.
Brandon
I don't want to do.
Kate
I would not want to do.
Sass
But I mean you could make bank. You could like.
Kate
Yeah, it's definitely monetize it. Monetize it.
Lucas
People are assuming though, is like rich and famous and he's just not.
Eddie
And it's up to you to monetize.
Kyle
Yeah.
Eddie
How many quarterbacks to colleges carry? Like five.
Kyle
Yeah. Three. Three to five. Yeah.
Tate
But again you're saying quarterback. I think, I think you guys are underselling what it takes to be a good quarterback.
Eddie
Fair.
Brandon
But you're having a big chunk of it.
Tate
I, I don't. I don't know if that's the biggest chunk.
Kate
Throwing the mental.
Tate
I don't think throwing is the biggest chunk.
Kyle
I think mental having the arm is the biggest chunk.
Tate
The brain is the biggest brain.
Kate
Yeah.
Tate
By far the biggest.
Brandon
There's a lot of guys that have an arm that don't have a brain that make it to the NFL.
Tate
I. I don't know. I don't.
Kate
You need to be athletic as Sage Rosenfels was stupid.
Brandon
That's who I was thinking of.
Kyle
I have no idea. I just made up a name.
Tate
Yeah. I would say the opposite. Like Sage was probably on his brains. Yeah.
Danny
Do you guys hear White Sox Dave argue this? It was tough. Have the responsibilities of doing the work. You don't have the pressure of playing and performing in the big game. Being the thousandth best quarterback in the world would be awesome and any one of our college experiences would be way better if we were that wrong.
Kyle
Okay.
Danny
If you, if you can name one yo yoer I will concede a professional name.
Brandon
Can you?
Kyle
No.
Danny
I wouldn't have taken that side if
Kyle
I had the first pick.
Danny
I would have taken thousand dollars quarterback.
Brandon
That's the thousandth best quarterback. Might be the backup at North Central.
Kyle
That's what I'm saying.
Brandon
Like dude, that guy's the man. No he isn't Stephen. I promise you he's not. I went there. He's going to nobody.
Tate
I agree with that. I agree with Dave. I think you overstate like his math guy being the man. The man. Like there are dudes that, that are that are the third string quarterbacks on college campuses and nobody gives a che.
Brandon
Brought up Caleb Presley.
Kyle
I don't think the backup at North Central is the thousandth best quarterback on the world.
Lucas
Yeah, agreed.
Kate
Caleb's the man. But he's also hilarious and sexy.
Brandon
Yeah.
Kyle
You also got to assume how many of the thousands best thousand best throwers are playing baseball or maybe even another sport that get out of your. Maybe. Maybe the thousandth best thrower is actually
Brandon
the top thousand is so good.
Kyle
200th best quarterback. I don'. Know. I don't, I don't know.
Tate
I. I think we're conflating quarterback with Throwing the football.
Kate
Yeah. If it's quarterback, I would probably pick quarterback.
Tate
Yeah.
Danny
So we got an unsolicited text yesterday from Malice, and it was just to me and White Sock Dave and White. And Malasac was agreeing with yo yoing and White Socks Dave. White Sock Dave proceeded to make his argument somehow much worse over text. I. I'll read it. Not to mention, there wouldn't be one single person who's the thousandth best. There'd be a tie for thousandth with the best thousand up.
Tate
What?
Kyle
Oh, yeah.
Tate
Happen.
Kate
Let him there.
Brandon
I don't get what.
Tate
Why would. What does that mean there be a tie?
Kate
A thousand.
Tate
I think. I think he's thinking the person that's in charge of ranking just gets lazy. Like, once he gets to a thousand, he's like just it. Everybody's kind of a tie for.
Kate
Elaborate on that argument.
Danny
No, we just talked about how bad of a point that was.
Lucas
He was just trying to casually change the hypothetical.
Brandon
Yeah, I don't get that at all.
Tate
Worse than the guy whose side you're on. Makes it really bad. Now you have to wear it.
Kyle
Yeah. All right. What's your day look like? Best yo yo in the world. Mark, you're the best yo yo in the world tomorrow. What is that? What is that? I'm not arguing here nor there. I just really am curious about the flesh.
Tate
I think. I think the best in the world would be sweet. I think if I was certified best in the world in anything, I'd be like, that's safe. If I could wake up today and like, I'm having my morning coffee and I'm looking at the sunrise, take a deep breath, and I just say to myself, God damn, there are how many billion people on this planet? None of them are better than me.
Kyle
You're the best, right?
Tate
That feels. That feels.
Brandon
That's the best argument.
Tate
That feels really good.
Kate
And it's small, but I think it's a big enough of a niche community where you could revel in that being the man in that community.
Brandon
Are there conventions?
Tate
There would have to be.
Kyle
Yo yo yo yo ho.
Sass
Get a yo yo sponsorship. There's got to be yo yo groupies.
Malice
No.
Sass
Yes.
Kate
Probably not.
Sass
I think every group is for everything. Yeah.
Brandon
I think that's just women also. You that sleep with men also.
Tate
You could do it by yourself. Football by yourself.
Brandon
Really?
Kyle
So now you need a foot if you're that good.
Brandon
Even if you were the best yo yo in the world, you would show me once and I would. That would be enough.
Tate
But then I, I then check you off. Guess, guess what, on to the next. I could just do that forever.
Kate
It was probably a yo yo or making a living on TikTok.
Kyle
How much? Yeah, how much work does it. Is it to become the best yo yo in the world? How much yo yoing a day? Imagine eight hours a day.
Kate
So much.
Brandon
A ton of work.
Sass
Remember that guy? I'm gonna kick your ass.
Brandon
Oh, yeah, the guy.
Sass
We loved that guy. And he wasn't even the best.
Kyle
That was just your fellow Friday guy.
Brandon
No, somebody came up to the bar and thought I was him. Is how that sparked.
Kyle
Ah. Oh, that guy's still doing it.
Brandon
Oh yeah.
Kate
Every day.
Sass
He's not even best in the world.
Lucas
So we bring Davon to try to
Eddie
explain that he's, he's at a wedding, I believe. Unfortunately, we can call him though. He's driving to Michigan.
Tate
How many quarterbacks are there actively playing football right now? College or College or CFL? UFO past high school.
Kyle
So NFL is 32 times three, right? Four plus.
Eddie
Back to squad.
Brandon
So that's the practice squad.
Kyle
So let's say there's 100 and 120 in the NFL. Okay, let's, let's add a, I don't know, 70 for CFL, UFL. College.
Brandon
A lot of college.
Tate
A lot of college.
Eddie
You could be a registered freshman. FIU 500.
Kate
You gotta do FCS 777.
Tate
It's saying 777 quarterbacks.
Kate
So we're at a thousand colleges with football programs.
Tate
Oh, 777 colleges with football programs.
Brandon
So you'd start times three out of college. I did the math and it said you'd start at like Murray State. I think that'd be cool.
Kyle
Well, I think this is, this is counting just quarterbacks though, right? Against. Not counting retired guys who are probably still in the top 1,000.
Brandon
Right.
Kyle
Got baseball players who got drafted in football but wouldn't play baseball, who are in the top thousand. So I think, I don't know. And now I'm kind of just wanting to say this would be a lot simpler if I just went into yo yo and was the best in the world.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
Yeah.
Sass
Do they ever do a gathering Yo Yo? They'd have a great time.
Kyle
We're not allowed.
Sass
No. Like a quarterback's gathering.
Kyle
A quarterback club.
Kate
Oh, my God.
Sass
I feel like that would love that. They'd kind of love that because I feel like they set themselves apart from the rest of the team.
Kate
They should.
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
Well, I think every part of the NFL team is kind of set aside
Sass
Like a quarterback convention.
Kyle
Like the tight ends talk to the tight ends. The kickers talk to the kickers. Centers talk to the centers.
Eddie
Yeah.
Tate
They're all, like, kind of friends with each other. Yeah.
Kyle
They're all boys. They're all dudes.
Tate
Huh.
Sass
They should do a meetup.
Kyle
That'd be cool. Is there a Yo yo convention? Almost certainly there is.
Brandon
Has to be. Has to be.
Kyle
There's been many. Is Yo Yoing big around the world? Not big around the world. Is every country familiar with what a Yo yo is? No.
Brandon
I bet you there's some where they
Kyle
think it's wizardry or something.
Kate
Yeah.
Sass
Kill you for it.
Kyle
Well, I don't know. Because they're a believable.
Brandon
Yo yo has been around for a long time.
Kyle
It really has. It's just a. What do you even call it? It's a thing on a string. We've had strings forever.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
But yo yo tech has gotten better. It's in Las Vegas.
Kyle
Everything.
Danny
Smokes. Could pull there.
Sass
Yo yo league.
Brandon
Definitely.
Sass
Is there a Chicago yo yo leak? There's gotta be.
Kyle
Is yo yo give me a nerdier activity. Rubik's Cube comes to mind. Like the. The best. We had Sante in here doing it. But like, the best Rubik's Cube put together in the world is just. Just a nerd. Right?
Brandon
Rubik's Cubes more. That would be more powerful.
Kate
Yeah.
Kyle
Really?
Brandon
Yeah. Big with the youth. I think this is probably equivalent with like, Pogo Stick.
Kyle
The best juggler in the world.
Brandon
That's cooler, too.
Tate
That's way cool.
Kate
Yeah.
Kyle
Okay. All right.
Tate
I think cup stacking is the nerdiest thing. Yeah.
Kyle
That's a bad one.
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
Cup stacking's brutal.
Brandon
Blew up for like six months.
Kyle
It was hot there for a while.
Tate
I don't think it takes brain power or athleticism. Neither one.
Brandon
You just have to be bad at everything. There's rungs to things that you fail at.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
And so everyone wants to be a football player or musician. And then it goes down from there.
Kyle
Yeah.
Brandon
And then you stop at what you are good at.
Kyle
And you gotta bounce off a lot of rungs to get the cup stacking.
Brandon
I think you do.
Kyle
Steven, what were you saying?
Danny
Can I show you guys a sick guy I stumbled upon the other day?
Kyle
Danny?
Sass
Yeah.
Danny
A guy who's awesome at speed bag boxing. And he's like an old dude and he just crushes.
Kyle
Yeah.
Tate
That's cool.
Danny
That is very cool.
Kyle
You always think it's got to be a fast or strong guy, but it's really just about rhythm?
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
He makes this look wow. Way easier than it would.
Sass
I've never done this before, and in my mind it does seem very. It like looks easy.
Brandon
When people are so good at something that looks easy, it's like a disservice to the hobby.
Kyle
Kate, if any of us had this hanging down bag here right now, we tried to do it. It would look like the most uncoordinated thing you've ever seen in your life.
Sass
I've never tried one.
Jay
And what I just did there was
Malice
real simple cadence punching.
Kyle
There's been a few questions among some
Malice
of the speed baggers on. On Speed Bag Form.
Kyle
Probably on Instagram.
Brandon
You think that's a piece military punching speed bag?
Sass
I wouldn't be shocked. It's not gray. Like it's sideburns.
Kyle
Speed bag gathering. Is it in Vegas? Oh, it's in Keyport, New Jersey.
Brandon
Art of the bag.
Kyle
Why was that so funny, Jay?
Danny
That's a rough convention site.
Kyle
Keyport, New Jersey.
Kate
Yeah.
Kyle
All right. Do speed bags have to be in the dingiest corner of a building?
Brandon
Yes.
Eddie
I think he's on a stool.
Tate
What is.
Sass
What does this work on for feedback so high?
Tate
Practical first boxing. Timing.
Kyle
Timing accuracy.
Eddie
You could move your arms. Like having fastness, man. It's like balloon burst.
Brandon
If you're not in like a perfect rhythm, not going to come back.
Eddie
Mario Party, dude.
Kate
Balloon burst reference. Oh, my God, dude.
Eddie
Do you know what I'm talking about?
Kate
No one knows the name of that balloon.
Brandon
I know. Hexagon Heat. Is this Mario Bumper Balls?
Kate
Yeah.
Sass
Yeah.
Lucas
Pizza. Pizza.
Eddie
And like, you can't just mash. There's like a. Oh, is it the bowser balloon? Yeah.
Brandon
Oh, yeah.
Kate
Okay.
Tate
Bren, is it. Is it a.
Kate
No, that was. That was on a.
Tate
Is it intuitive to you to be good at that? Would be good at getting in a ring and with a 240 pound man trying to punch your face off?
Kyle
No, but I think it's one of those better for this rudimentary skills. Right. Like it's a building block of a
Brandon
skill that seems like practice for drum line.
Kyle
Right?
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
Yeah.
Tate
I think if it does feel like if you drum, a drummer would be good at that.
Kyle
If you can do this well in a rhythm, maybe I can teach you do the other shit.
Tate
Yeah. Is that what it is?
Kyle
Building block?
Brandon
It's like. Like practicing dribbling in front of a conga line.
Sass
I bet you'd be incredible.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
Okay. That was funny.
Kyle
She thinks now she has a perfect pussy, she can say anything.
Brandon
No, I think that was clever. I think that was clever and funny.
Sass
I was distracted, but silence is hard because you go like this in the front of a con.
Brandon
I've never been the front of a conga line.
Kyle
I've never been in a conga line.
Brandon
Yeah, that's. I should have said that. I'm always in the middle. The middle of the conga line. Always a bridesmaid.
Sass
I feel like in the 80s, I. Of course I wasn't, but I feel like my idea of the 80s is that in the middle of like a Bennigans on a Friday night, those would
Brandon
just break out in conga lines.
Sass
Yeah. I think conga lines were, like a thing for a while.
Kyle
I think the TJ TGIF sitcoms tricked us into thinking they were conga lines.
Tate
There's one in Cheers. I know Cheers did one.
Kyle
Full House will break into a conga line. You think, oh, wow, this is going to be part of my life when I get older.
Sass
But no, it's not.
Tate
Why do they do that?
Lucas
And you need very.
Brandon
Like, they're not fun and don't look. They're not fun.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
If I see one going around a wedding, I'm.
Kyle
TV convinced me that you want to
Brandon
start one of Cody's.
Kyle
There'd be more conga line.
Brandon
Kyle, you got to start.
Kate
Break the record.
Brandon
Halibut Man. Starting the conga line.
Kate
Yeah.
Lucas
You can't just conga to any song.
Kate
Halibut.
Kyle
TV convinced me there'd be more conga lines and there'd be more usage of that. For He's a Jolly Good Fellow song. Those were all over tv.
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
And you don't see them anymore.
Danny
And Quicksand ranked best to worst TGIF shows.
Kyle
Oh, well, best is Family Matters. Second is Full House.
Brandon
Third.
Kyle
I was never kind of. I was too old for Boy Meets world. Hanging with Mr. Cooper was really good, but probably Boy Meets World, then hanging with Mr. Cooper, then step by Step. I didn't like Step by Step. Not a step by step guy. Not a step by step guy.
Kate
You're a seasoned Summers guy, right?
Kyle
Not really a Summers guy.
Brandon
How important is a theme song for you?
Kyle
You really important.
Brandon
Because I think Malcolm in the Middle is one of my favorite shows. But the theme song's Awful.
Kate
Is a theme song. Is it a known song?
Brandon
No, it's just. It's just.
Tate
It's.
Brandon
It's a ear sore.
Kate
It is important.
Lucas
Yeah. I don't like how Baller's Head right above it.
Kate
I love that.
Kyle
Really?
Kate
It's my favorite song, too.
Lucas
It's gonna ruin it for you, isn't it? And I feel like it's kind of cheap. You got to make your own jingle.
Eddie
A theme song is good when you don't want to skip it.
Kyle
Hey, back in the. Back in the day, they were more important than they are now. Right? Like, all the old ones had good ones.
Brandon
Like, now there's a button to skip.
Kate
Skip it.
Kyle
Yeah. And the office of Parks and Rec just had little. Yeah, just give me a good theme song, though. Yeah, they're okay, but they're nothing like the productions. We used to have.
Kate
60 minutes as a good one.
Eddie
Not bad.
Kyle
Like Cheers. Cheers was a fucking production.
Eddie
That was Simpsons, Sopranos.
Danny
Baywatch was great.
Kyle
Yeah.
Lucas
It was perverted.
Kyle
Some people stand in the darkness. Jay bringing it back.
Eddie
Growing Pains.
Danny
Afraid to step into the light.
Sass
Yeah.
Lucas
You weren't a Growing Pains guy.
Kyle
Not really, no. It's more of an NBC sitcoms guy than abc. It wasn't until TGIF I got into Family Matters. I. I think I just like black people on TV better than white people.
Lucas
Yeah.
Danny
Are you Martin or Seinfeld?
Brandon
Oh, come on.
Kyle
I mean, I'm more of a. I'm more of a Seinfeld guy now, but When I was 13, 14, 15, I was 100% more Martin. I fucking loved Martin. Back in the day, Martin was like, appointment television.
Brandon
Is Martin the black comparison to Seinfeld?
Lucas
I've heard that, yeah.
Brandon
Really? Where have you heard that?
Lucas
Internet. Black Internet.
Brandon
Oh, yeah.
Eddie
I'd love to sit down and watch Martin with you.
Kyle
I could watch Martin, you know. Got some Cosby show crossover there. Cold Cockroach Tommy's on there. Pam, you know them all. Gina.
Kate
Three birthdays today.
Kyle
Are they today?
Kate
They are actually today.
Kyle
Oh, there's an anniversary today, too.
Kate
What is that?
Kyle
It's the first of the month.
Brandon
Is this the one?
Kyle
Today's the day.
Tate
Oh, boy. The actual first of the month. Yeah.
Kyle
Sorry.
Kate
Chet Holmgren. Mer, the impractical Joker. Hamzat Chamayev, the Chechen martial artist monster. Who y' all swapping heads with?
Tate
See the martial artist.
Kyle
I only know Holmgren's head.
Eddie
I don't know, like, for appearance wise.
Brandon
Yeah. Am I looking like Chet Holmgren?
Kate
You get his head?
Eddie
Yeah.
Kate
Okay.
Brandon
Oh, no.
Kyle
Can't be homegrown. But which impractical joker is. Right. But which one? I don't know.
Brandon
The one the three wise men brought.
Kyle
Right, But I don't. Give me the Chechen.
Brandon
Fine.
Tate
That's fine.
Kate
But you gotta realize that's probably gonna look really long on your body.
Sass
Yeah, you're right.
Kate
Or that. And you got to go back in time and woo your wife.
Brandon
And that's a cleft.
Tate
Yeah.
Kate
One of these man's heads.
Sass
What's going on under that beard?
Kyle
It can't be good.
Sass
I'm on all three.
Kyle
What?
Brandon
Huh?
Sass
I can't any of these three. I think I'm going murdered on my body.
Kyle
It's pretty easy, Mur. You put that seven foot head on my body, it's gonna look. It's gonna look weird. That's just. That's pretty standard head.
Brandon
That's a good. That's a. It's a. It's a fine head.
Tate
Who's. Who's feeling the most physical pain right this second?
Kate
Well, out of those three.
Tate
Out of those three. Yeah.
Brandon
Chat.
Kate
That's a good question.
Kyle
I think it's the fighter, right.
Kate
He's out of shape.
Tate
Yeah. Mer's just your run of the mill middle aged man who.
Brandon
That's a. That's an interesting.
Tate
Maybe played indoor soccer the other day. 48 hours later is still feeling it.
Kyle
Does my head now go on the fighter's body?
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
You also get to enjoy that.
Kyle
He's got to get in the ring with this thing.
Brandon
Yeah, I think that's fine.
Kyle
Do you imagine this thing getting pummeled though?
Brandon
Yeah. We got nothing to lose.
Kyle
It'd be fucking amazing.
Eddie
Tagged.
Kyle
Huh?
Tate
When did you last fight?
Kyle
He's fighting next weekend.
Tate
Oh, so he's in training. So he's probably the answer.
Kyle
He's more. He's more tired than her pain though, right?
Tate
Yeah, yeah. It's chilling right now.
Kyle
Yeah.
Tate
Waiting for the next round.
Kyle
And Mer's probably chilling too. I don't know.
Eddie
I think he's cut quite a bit too.
Brandon
Last fight was.
Kyle
Yeah. He can't show all the jokes.
Eddie
Yeah.
Tate
Yeah. Mer may have just gotten hit in the balls right now. Oh my God. He might be filming something right now. And he just got hit in the dick.
Brandon
So it could have come.
Kyle
Hamza.
Lucas
Yeah.
Brandon
Both just got in the balls.
Kyle
We have a. Interesting. We shot the soccer the other day and there's. There's a ball shot coming. It's a good ball shot. Yeah.
Brandon
I didn't see.
Kate
He's amongst us and he wasn't on the field.
Brandon
Somebody.
Sass
Somebody stopped a ball with their penis.
Brandon
Oh, yeah.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
No spoilers, but it was black penis.
Tate
It was a header.
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
I'm thinking of a different one.
Kyle
I was too. Oh yeah. Mine was on the field, but I guess that's too much.
Brandon
How many balls?
Kate
Mine wasn't on the field.
Kyle
I know that wasn't.
Brandon
The medic got some reps in.
Sass
Yes, he did.
Kyle
Okay. He did. He looked like Nick Saban.
Sass
He did. I kept looking at him because he looks so familiar.
Brandon
You. You said something where you said his head looks like Nick Saban.
Kate
But you don't have to say that
Brandon
when somebody says you look like somebody. I think it's their face.
Kyle
I think it was one of Kyle's head swaps. Oh, yeah, I think it was.
Brandon
His body looks just like Nick because
Kyle
He was, like, 5:1 buddy. His. His half was Nick Sapien.
Brandon
It was. And then the one of. There was a guy there looked like Larry Bird.
Kyle
No, that was Kate. Hey, now, whatever happened to that guy that called you Larry Bird? Probably in jail or something. Probably was one of the rough and rowdy fighters.
Sass
I was actually kind of afraid to go to Rough and Rowdy after that because he said his wife would be there looking for me every time.
Kyle
Can I tell y' all when I. When I started in 2019, I think my first week in New York, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, and then Friday, they had a rough and rowdy, and the rough and rowdy guys were there that week. And I thought. I thought the rough and rowdy fighters were some of the biggest stars in the company. I thought it went like Dan Day or Dave. Dan.
Kate
She's at the reset.
Kyle
Yes, I thought I did, too.
Kate
I thought these were bona fide celebs, honestly.
Kyle
Thought these were the biggest deals we had. And turns out, you know, but. But, like, that week, I was in awe of guys I was meeting. You're right. She was at the Rosette, and I can't remember.
Sass
The dragon boy was another. He would get brought out in the trash can.
Kyle
What was it? Trailer park that did that to you? That said that to you, Travis?
Kate
What caused that? Yeah, I remember. Yeah, you said something.
Sass
They asked us to, like, drum up
Kyle
drama or whatever, put lines out there, right.
Sass
I was, like, poking fun at him. But then he took it, like, pretty seriously and was like, I'll kill you.
Kate
Really?
Sass
And behind the scenes, his wife, like, wanted to fight me. They're like, we don't know if you can go to the next one, because they, like, really hate you.
Kyle
Wow.
Brandon
Good Lord.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
Did you buy him a couch?
Sass
I did. I bought him a couch. 10 grand.
Brandon
Titus, you weren't there for that. Kate hired a stripper to come into the Yak.
Tate
Oh, I think. I think I watched this episode.
Brandon
She got in trouble and also bought the stripper a couch.
Tate
I remember I remember watch a nice couch.
Sass
A sectional.
Kyle
Yeah, Like a multi thousand dollar couch
Sass
was why I had promised like kind of tongue and I was like, if I win, it's all going to you. I was like, I. But I said it out loud on camera. But I didn't really think I was going to win and I didn't really think what?
Tate
Win what?
Kate
When?
Sass
What it was. Remember we were all selling T shirts with our name as the code. There was a big plush and I was like, if I win, it's all going to. So I brought a lady dancer in to hold up the sign with my code and like dance on people. It was maybe a little much, but also I didn't think she was going to do all that and wear that. I thought it was going to be because I had explained it beforehand. I was like, you don't need to go crazy. And then like we almost had a full butthole at like genuinely. She was. Remember she was wearing like.
Kate
I wasn't there.
Sass
She was wearing like a string over.
Kyle
I wasn't there that day either.
Brandon
I wasn't either. It was, I think it was just you and Sass and people got so mad at sass for not getting danced on.
Sass
I know. I was like, I actually felt bad that I put them in that position afterwards. And then. And afterwards Dave Fortnight was there and he like came up and was like, yeah, you're pretty close today. Like, hey, angry email.
Brandon
Yeah, angry email to the whole company.
Sass
Angry email. Yeah, it was a whole to do.
Brandon
You had to buy a couch.
Sass
And then she hit me up afterwards and was like, well, I have it on tape what you said. Like, you owe me. And she had like these two handler guys. And I was like, oh, handler, handler guys. I don't know how that shit works.
Kyle
So you almost got fired.
Sass
Yeah.
Kyle
Cost yourself a bunch of money.
Sass
Ton of money.
Kyle
Almost got beat up.
Sass
And then after taxes, I ended up getting like, like just like maybe a grand or two. Like it was. I mean, I'm dumb. I know. You don't have to tell me.
Kyle
Is that your only. How many close calls you have with Dave as far as like getting run out of here? I've had one. I've had the one.
Sass
That's the. Probably the biggest one.
Kyle
Yeah.
Brandon
Yeah. You had two.
Kyle
I got two, yeah. Oh, yeah. I guess the push of Devlin too.
Sass
Yeah, I got us sued. I used all. I didn't know you couldn't use Zillow photos in a blog. Oh, yeah, I just cut and paste the. I think the Godfather.
Brandon
Oh, I Don't think that's firing.
Sass
One of the Godfather houses was up for sale and I used every single photo in the blog. So I guess it was like sued times.
Brandon
Kyle. We had a close call with a meeting with Nardini of. We almost. We got. We got in trouble. Copyright. No, no, it was like. I think it was. I think it was some people that worked at the bar stool bar wanted us fired. The bar stool? I believe so.
Tate
For what?
Brandon
We probably made a bad joke.
Kate
Yeah. I remember now.
Brandon
Okay.
Kate
Yeah, they weren't. Yeah.
Eddie
This one.
Brandon
Yeah.
Eddie
Oh, wow.
Brandon
Yeah. Gone now they were freelance one too.
Kate
What do we call them?
Eddie
Oh, okay.
Brandon
And then they were like.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
They reached out. Yeah. Wanted us gone.
Eddie
I remember now.
Kate
Call.
Brandon
Yeah, that was a tough one.
Kate
Called him that before I knew him. Never met him.
Kyle
Yeah.
Kate
Yeah, right.
Brandon
Never thought we would.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
That sucked. I think. Yeah. Everybody's had a brush.
Kyle
Hey, do you have it?
Eddie
Trying to think he. Oh, we. Probably the most mad he's been at me is we did a fast food draft and we didn't draft one of the big sponsors and he was very angry about that.
Brandon
Okay, well, that shows that you guys are moral, you know, with the drafts that you can't be bought.
Eddie
Yeah. Yeah, exactly.
Brandon
You should have done it.
Sass
That's the worst feeling is when Dave email goes out and you're the subject of it. I did it again. I did a parody of a Mariah Carey song to sell merch last winter. I didn't know you couldn't even do parody without the music background. And I was the subject of an email that went out and it's just
Danny
like, do you low key, lead the league? And Dave emails probably kind of about you.
Sass
Like, probably. I've had like three or four.
Brandon
When Sass first started, he was getting in trouble a lot too.
Kyle
Rico's got him. Right. Mitzi.
Tate
Mitzi is the leader. Yeah.
Kyle
Yeah. Mincy's got a ton of them. Even some that don't get that public. Yeah, well, he's got a ton of them.
Brandon
Really. It's a lot of the people that blog a lot getting.
Tate
I will say there when we get those emails, I. I like to laugh at who's the. The target of them, but it's almost always stuff that I would have done.
Sass
Yeah.
Kyle
Like.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
Oh, yeah.
Tate
Like that example Kate. I'm like, kate, you idiot, of course you can't.
Kate
Oh yeah.
Tate
Like I would have thought that's. I'm glad. I'm glad my co workers are. Are falling on the.
Sass
Yeah, I know. Yeah. I Had no idea. In the early days there. Well, like, wasn't a ton of guidance on, like, do's. And it's like we all kind of kept finding out the hard way.
Eddie
And
Sass
see what.
Tate
What I.
Sass
What email I get this year.
Brandon
Yeah, you're due.
Sass
You're new.
Brandon
Which is funny because you only mean.
Sass
Well, I tried.
Eddie
That's kind of crazy.
Brandon
So what do you mean?
Eddie
The hand, like, the Handler show. They were in, like, a group text with you or what?
Sass
Oh, yeah.
Eddie
And they were all like, hey, remember you told her?
Sass
And then she kept reaching out.
Brandon
It was like, didn't a porn star get mad at you?
Sass
Probably. I don't know.
Brandon
And, like, you were like. Was there.
Kate
It's a horrible.
Brandon
You were DMing with A. Oh, oh.
Sass
She got her titty ice hockey game. Exploded her implant.
Kyle
Right.
Kate
I don't know this.
Sass
And she hated everybody here. But I wrote about that with Mia Khalifa. Yes. Yes. And I. She DM me to be like, thanks. You're the only person at barstool who, like, doesn't suck because I wrote a nice blog about her getting hit. And then. Then we got. I forget what I did to get on her bad side, but then I got on her bad side, and then she was in the DMs yelling at me.
Tate
Oh.
Sass
I was like, okay, so, yeah, that was Mia Khalifa.
Eddie
So how do you end up in these situations so often?
Sass
And it's like, I try to be thoughtful of people and like, you do. I try to consider.
Brandon
Yeah, it's your biggest mistake.
Tate
Yeah. Was it DeSean Watson that dunked on her or is an NBA player and they're playing.
Brandon
It was deshaun Watson.
Tate
It was desean Watson.
Sass
I was like, I don't remember that at all.
Kyle
Wait.
Kate
Oh, you mean literally dunked on?
Tate
Literally. Yeah, he was. There's a clip of him talking on me playing on a mini hoop in his, like, apartment or something, and he just
Sass
couldn't help himself. He had to do it.
Eddie
That's sick.
Sass
Yeah.
Tate
Kate, you got a big one yesterday. Here it is.
Kyle
I guess that's it.
Tate
Oh, I thought. I thought the other way around.
Brandon
Rejected it.
Danny
Remember that trend where someone would walk up behind someone with a mini hoop and then somebody else would. That was a pretty good trend.
Brandon
Yeah, I liked that trend.
Tate
Okay. You got. You got a big win, though, yesterday. You're spot on about the J.P. morgan.
Sass
I know.
Brandon
You saved us.
Sass
I know.
Tate
Yeah, you did save us.
Sass
I didn't wanna. Just want to be sure because I just. We don't talk like that.
Kyle
This This.
Sass
I don't think we talk like that.
Kyle
This dude, man, he just came up with some, like, fan fiction about this woman apparently.
Kate
But he's. The Internet deemed him so ugly that. Yeah, there's no way they said he
Brandon
looks just like that meme. The brain rot meme.
Sass
Apparently he was like, originally when he was looking to sue, he was. He was using AI to come up with this stuff. And it was going to be originally about, like, a man.
Kyle
He was insulting his own wife.
Tate
The Shed. Right, right.
Brandon
You knew because a woman would never call her breasts cannons.
Kate
No, you did say that.
Tate
Yeah.
Brandon
A TED giveaway.
Sass
But I saw a lot of people starting to say the same thing. It was like. Like, ladies are not. We don't. Howitzer.
Kate
Sure.
Sass
Cannons. Let's not get crazy.
Brandon
Yeah, he has that woman spoke.
Kate
Yeah.
Tate
Poor woman.
Brandon
And does she have cannons?
Kate
She is the now like the memified mascot of corporate rape.
Sass
Yeah.
Tate
Brandon, I think you saw some AI
Kate
and they gotta stop doing it. They're doing it to Ronda Rousey, Marsha Brady and now this girl. They're aiing bigger tits. I think it's heinous.
Kyle
They're doing.
Brandon
It's a Marcia Brady.
Kyle
Yeah.
Brandon
No, they're not.
Kate
Yes, you're not.
Brandon
You saw Marshall.
Eddie
She's a nick scan the other day. Yeah, she was looking good.
Kate
That should be very illegal. I think it might be.
Sass
Unless it's the yak intro, then I'm cool with it.
Brandon
Yeah, you're right. We did do that to you.
Kate
Yes, we did.
Sass
But. Yes. No. That shit's getting bananas. It sucks.
Brandon
Are they just like, stacking these women just for like, more stacking, like.
Kate
It's not titlis women either. No, they're just making them. The prop must be a little bigger, a little more seen. Yeah, I don't like that.
Sass
Is this true or did I get God on this? I saw a tweet the other day that Jamiroquai dumped Winona Ryder.
Kate
That's all over it.
Kyle
Her tits are too big and she wants sex too.
Brandon
Shockingly. Like they. They present bigger in real life than
Kyle
they do on screen and she wanted to too much.
Tate
What?
Sass
Is that true or did I get.
Kyle
I don't know, but they. I at this point, like.
Sass
And does it matter?
Brandon
I read that as well.
Kate
Everyone's like this dude gay as she was in.
Kyle
No, she was dating the lead singer. He said he broke up with her because she wanted to have sex too much and her tits were bigger than they appear on tv.
Brandon
That just can't be true.
Sass
He was like overwhelmed by them. I don't know if that's.
Tate
That's a.
Sass
What a weird thing to make up if it's not true. But then again, I saw it and I was like.
Kyle
I mean, the one. The quote I saw. Yeah. I don't even want to say if it is. AI.
Lucas
We are in the dead Internet.
Sass
Yeah.
Lucas
Era already and we just haven't.
Kate
Yeah.
Lucas
Addressed it yet.
Sass
I got one of those bricks where you like tap your phone on it and it just. All the apps disappear off your phone so your phone becomes useless.
Kyle
Non stop demands for sex.
Tate
Bigger than they look on film.
Kyle
Wow. There's no way.
Tate
Maybe it was just like a parting gift. Maybe he was. He felt bad. He broke up with her to set her up for she's gonna Cry World. Listen, honey, I'm sorry, but I'll do you a favor on the way out.
Kyle
She's a big titted sex.
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
You'll be fine. You'll be fine. Watch this.
Brandon
That's actually really nice.
Danny
That would be.
Tate
Yeah.
Kate
Such a kind thing.
Eddie
Her and Ryan Khalil.
Lucas
Yeah.
Brandon
Oh, yeah. He was bothered by that, wasn't he?
Eddie
I think he's doing her.
Sass
He was really upset.
Brandon
Oh, my God.
Kyle
I think he's suing that his wife said he had a big dick. Yeah.
Brandon
That's the reason they. Yeah, he could. They just couldn't.
Eddie
Ryan or Matt. I don't know.
Sass
That Jamaica Wine music video back in the day blew me away.
Brandon
Still does.
Kyle
To this Virtual insanity.
Sass
Virtual insanity. Is it at the moving Sidewalk.
Tate
Is he one guy? Is it a band?
Kyle
I think it's a band.
Tate
It's a group.
Brandon
Is it? I think it's Jamir Kwai Paula situation.
Kyle
It's a. It's a. It's a group.
Brandon
So he's.
Tate
I thought it was a group, but
Brandon
I. I thought it was a guy.
Kate
Yeah, I thought too.
Kyle
He's the lead singer of Jamaic.
Sass
The whole band dumped Winona Ryder because her tits were too big.
Kyle
Yeah.
Danny
Did you have a Jamiroi action figure?
Sass
Oh, yeah. You were gonna eat it?
Brandon
Oh, yeah.
Kate
So who was that? Was that jk?
Brandon
That must have been a JK action figure.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
It was really quality.
Malice
What?
Kyle
We were never going to be able to eat it. That's too many members.
Sass
Holy wow.
Brandon
Who hasn't been in Jamaraquai? Go to the past members.
Kyle
How many of those? I don't think. Wow. Good Lord. Dude, they had Howard with it.
Sass
Are they still touring?
Kyle
Nick Tide man is just an Alabama fan. Oh, oh, oh.
Brandon
T. Bob's enemy in this office. He should not be showing his face.
Lucas
Yeah, he brought his kid in for good pr Smart.
Brandon
What he did was inexcusable.
Sass
You have an airplane quad.
Malice
Bob.
Brandon
Go get him.
Kyle
Brandon, go get him. Terrified.
Brandon
Did you hear about the T. Bob drama?
Sass
I witnessed the whole thing.
Brandon
You didn't stop him.
Sass
So here's what happened. A bunch of us were hanging out in the kitchen, a lot of us who don't bring food. There's that big silver fridge. And when you're hungry, you go rooting around in there because there's a lot of leftovers and stuff. And there's a bunch of items just wrapped in foil. Mystery balls. It could be anything. There's like 20 in there right now. Mystery foil balls. And he's fiddling around, and T. Bob finds a foil ball. And he opens it up, and it looks like an old, stale breakfast sandwich.
Brandon
It looks like an old, stale breakfast sandwich.
Sass
It looked kind of good. It looked kind of good. But he said it felt stale, like he was squeezing the thing. He's like, this feels like stale bread. Whatever. He asked all of us, do you think it's okay to eat this? We all looked at each other and said, yes, sure, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which. But don't tell Lucas that. And so then he took a big old bite out of it, and he was like, oh, fuck, no, it's really good. And so he knew right away that it was too good to. So he, like, wrapped it back up
Tate
and put it in there.
Lucas
And then Lucas, there's a full investigation.
Tate
No way.
Lucas
Full investigation coming soon.
Brandon
I heard differently. I heard somebody say, I think that's Lucas's, and he still did it.
Lucas
Well, here's the thing. So Lucas usually brings. Brings a breakfast sandwich every morning, but it's always sourdough or wheat bread or something. He never goes, bagel. So me and Miresh were kind of like, oh, I don't know if that's his. Plus there were two. So that was kind of throwing us off. So after that all happened, I naturally go upstairs, start filming Lucas. I'm like, hey, did you bring a breakfast sandwich today by any chance? He goes, yeah. And I go, it wasn't bagel, was it? He goes, yeah. And then I bring him downstairs. Everyone is, like, eyeing him. He's like, what's going on? And then he goes in the fridge, and he's like, oh, my sandwich is still here.
Kyle
And we're like, oh, phew.
Lucas
And he's like, wait, where's my other sandwich? It turns out he brought Two. Then we went on a manhunt for T. Bob. Finally tracked him down while he was taking a. In the bathroom.
Malice
And.
Lucas
And then, yeah, Lucas went into the
Sass
investigation genuinely, like, genuinely saying, I'm gonna beat.
Lucas
I'm gonna beat his ass. He didn't know it was T. Bob for, like, the first 10 minutes.
Tate
Did Lucas label the sandwiches?
Lucas
He did not.
Brandon
I feel like you can't just eat somebody's.
Sass
But go look in that fridge right now. There's literally like 20 mystery foil balls.
Brandon
I just don't think you do that.
Eddie
I don't know.
Brandon
And he waited an hour in line and pop up bagels.
Lucas
And it's not like we had bagel breakfast sandwiches delivered recently. You know, you're not marking those as leftovers.
Brandon
Yeah, but I know it's hard to be on Lucas's side, but you almost have to.
Lucas
It's in your. Yeah, that's about the principle.
Tate
It said that's the wrong fridge. That's the leftovers.
Sass
The leftovers fridge.
Eddie
We got multiple fridges upstairs, downstairs.
Tate
How hard would it be to post note on it?
Kate
That's our fridge.
Tate
Write your note.
Kyle
Just write your name.
Sass
Whenever I have personal, I squirrel it away.
Lucas
There are so many options to hide your stuff too. There's a fridge upstairs, a fridge back there. No one uses.
Brandon
I think T. Bob took the bite after being told cold. I think that's Lucas's.
Kate
That's a big. A big factor.
Lucas
He did. But then we all said, oh, he usually goes with sourdough bread. He's been doing it for months. I've never seen him go bagel.
Tate
Interesting.
Lucas
But I still didn't tell him to
Eddie
do the hour in line is.
Brandon
Yeah.
Eddie
Key factor.
Sass
Are we down bad enough for bagels here that. That's what people are doing?
Lucas
It's insane. Bagels here are just circular bread. Like, we don't really have.
Eddie
Yeah, we don't got.
Brandon
Why not? Why? Why?
Eddie
I don't know. It's just not.
Lucas
I didn't know it was such a thing until I. It's like New York for the first time.
Sass
The demand is here. Why wouldn't more people be like, yeah, let me sell some good bagels.
Eddie
Yeah. Like I told you about that one place. It's. It's good, but it's not like, yeah,
Sass
we get it every now and then. It's okay.
Eddie
It's okay.
Sass
It's expensive as.
Eddie
Yeah.
Sass
And that's bagel price talk.
Brandon
Damn.
Kate
Yeah.
Sass
Great rugala, though, if anybody wants to know where it is. Okay. Pretty good. Yeah. There's no world where I'm doing that.
Kyle
That's.
Brandon
That's pop up bagels where Lucas was waiting in to get those bagels.
Tate
Oh, well, ye is funny now. This is now funny now. Now. Now I'm firmly on T Bob's side. This is very funny.
Kyle
Stole that bagel.
Tate
L just waited in this line. Brought bagels and then just put them in the fridge.
Sass
Yeah, yeah.
Tate
Now I'm on T. Bob's side.
Brandon
That's funny because he waited in that.
Tate
Yeah, it's just made. It's just funny. That's just.
Kyle
There's not a bagel in the world to wait in that line for.
Brandon
I guess that's how bad people want bad bagels. Good bagels here.
Kyle
I. I just. Even in. In New York, I just. A good bagel doesn't.
Brandon
That's just a bagel doesn't do anything for me either. Brandon.
Sass
Oh, I love.
Tate
I don't get it either.
Kyle
I don't.
Sass
It's just something when, you know, you
Brandon
know, I think it's inconvenient to have for a sandwich bread. There's a big hole in them.
Sass
Oh, yes.
Kyle
It's unwieldy.
Sass
Scoop out the extra bread and then
Kyle
you really take out the. The bagel part.
Sass
Not all. There's a ratio. There's an art to it.
Kyle
I would never. I don't know. There's not a food item I would wait in that line for.
Kate
No,
Kyle
I just. I'm anti lion.
Tate
I line as well.
Kyle
I'd rather eat.
Tate
Compare notes on this before.
Kyle
Like, if they have 100% food somewhere with a line, but they have an 85% food and there's no line. I'm. I'm fine with the 85 food.
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
I just don't want the line. A line.
Tate
Eight lines.
Kyle
Lines are stupid.
Eddie
You like people that dig out their bagels.
Sass
That's what I do.
Kyle
Why are they. Why are you buying a bagel then?
Sass
Like I said, there's a ratio to it. I don't dig it all up. I take just enough out that there's. That it's not too much bread to the outside, crisp, and then it doesn't overpower.
Kyle
It's the only food I've heard where you get rid of some of the
Sass
food I put on it.
Kyle
Why are you getting rid of some of the food?
Sass
I do it with, like, hoagie bread too. You scoop it out, make a boat.
Eddie
Panera is under fire right now for that.
Brandon
What's going on?
Eddie
They made these, like, salad stuffers and apparently it's only half a salad in there. And they don't do anything with the scooped out bread.
Kyle
Oh, my God.
Eddie
At the end of the day, it's just a mountain scooped up bread. And I think they just throw it out.
Brandon
What are they supposed to do with the scooped out bread, though?
Eddie
Give it to a bird.
Brandon
Yeah, I forgot about birds
Tate
and bird.
Kyle
I don't like how you have to be careful of what you give to birds because you'll, you know, give them certain foods. You know, they stopped doing rice at weddings because the birds were choking on them.
Brandon
Yeah. Pigeons were exploding. I don't think you're supposed to give bird bread to birds.
Kyle
Yeah, get better birds.
Brandon
I don't think so. Tell us my favorite thing. Yeah, right.
Malice
Huh?
Kyle
All right. Can I tell you guys about. About Mountain Dew?
Brandon
Tell us right now.
Kyle
Yeah, I'm gonna tell you. Summer's coming. Me and Titus are going to Cree later this summer.
Tate
Right.
Brandon
Nice.
Tate
And, you know, almost one full year,
Kyle
we might do some landscaping at Titus's house.
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
Might be doing some other things with. Mostly sports. Nothing goes better with a nice summer event than. And hanging out with your friends. And the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew was proudly born in the foothills of Tennessee. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you guys. We started reading that part of the ad, like, on Monday. I did not know Mountain Dew was born in the foothills of Tennessee. Had no idea whatsoever. Enjoy the refreshing citrus kick of Mountain Dew and American original. Grab a Dew. It's been tasting great since 48. Tasting great since 48. Mountain Dew didn't know that was a Tennessee product.
Brandon
I didn't either.
Sass
It's delicious.
Brandon
Fun little fact.
Danny
I had a video come across my desk that I thought was very interesting. I wanted to bring up.
Kyle
Do you even have a desk?
Danny
What do you think I'm sitting at?
Kyle
Well, that's just. You're sitting in here. That's. You don't sit there to work.
Danny
Sometimes I do.
Kyle
All right. Anyway,
Tate
that was pretty swift, Ray J.
Kyle
Did you guys.
Danny
Did you guys see this?
Lucas
Which video?
Brandon
Go ahead and pull that up. Heard about this.
Danny
Ray J's claiming he's slept with 11,500 women.
Kate
First off, Ray J said he was about to die.
Brandon
Yeah, he was performing Blood coming out of his eyes.
Sass
Why?
Brandon
I think it was a. A stunt. Oh, maybe.
Sass
What is he? He's a singer.
Kyle
Ray J.
Danny
The original Kim K. Sex video guy.
Sass
I know that.
Kyle
Brandy's brother.
Sass
Oh, Brandy's brother.
Tate
Okay. Okay.
Sass
That's why I thought he knew her.
Kyle
Am I something no, you're right. Yeah, you're right.
Danny
Did you guys see this clip?
Kyle
This is actually a podcast recently stating
Malice
that you have slept with 11,500 women. I did a booby trap party when I reached 10,000.
Kyle
What?
Malice
Yeah. So we did a celebration booby trap, celebrated my 10,000. I had about 400 or 500 girls that I with. Came through, supported. It was a. It was a massive.
Kyle
You're talking about different partners.
Malice
10,000. I think, yeah. A little bit more now.
Kyle
Different partners.
Malice
What you mean? Like, this could go for how many times you've had sex? No, no, no. These are 10,000 different people.
Kyle
You said 11.
Malice
It's at, like, 12. Five now. But I wanted it to get to, like, 11. So it. I was guaranteed 10. Okay. I didn't want to be at 9. 9,000, and I was really. I wanted to be at 11. Then I said, okay, we make. We went to 10.
Tate
Okay?
Malice
So to make sure I was older.
Kyle
Do you know that what the average
Tate
is with the average?
Malice
What, like you're 45? No. Okay. I can only fuck a thousand more bitches. I can't do any more. But the average of the volume of
Kyle
different sex partners, do you know what that is?
Malice
What do you mean? Like, I understand the math and the skill.
Kyle
So that's sleeping with a little over one and a half women a day for 30 years.
Malice
Yeah, the math is different. Cause when we're on tour, we're thinking five to ten.
Brandon
A day.
Kyle
A day, bro.
Malice
A day. So you're scaling it.
Kate
You're scaling it.
Malice
These niggas got way more bodies than me. I got, first off, some of my friends, some of my homegirls, they fuck 45,000 niggas a year.
Kyle
Fuck him. Who?
Lucas
Bonnie Blue.
Malice
All right, bro, I'm not capping.
Kyle
Uh, oh, uh, oh.
Malice
Some of your homegirls, they at least fuck.
Kyle
Yeah.
Malice
45,000 a year. No, like, maybe 45,000.
Kyle
It's only 365 days in a year. What kind of bender they gotta go
Malice
on to make that math make sense? Brothels and stuff like that? Actually, Marlon, but I don't think, like, that's. What's your body count? 20,000.
Kyle
No.
Malice
10,000 for sure.
Kyle
No, bro, there's no way,
Sass
you know,
Malice
he was running through for sure. 10 after every game.
Kyle
No, bro, that's too much energy, bro.
Malice
10 after for you, that's nothing.
Kyle
No, no.
Malice
So where you at?
Eddie
5,000?
Malice
Not 5,000. Six.
Brandon
Not six.
Malice
Four. We like four. No, you fuck sure four. I don't even crack a thousand, bro. All right, we're not being honest.
Kyle
A thousand.
Eddie
Just.
Kyle
Just think about this.
Tate
Just keeps going.
Malice
Thousand women, right?
Lucas
This is like a White sox tape.
Sass
Yes.
Kyle
365. 365.
Kate
The iPad cap.
Malice
I think if you're like 19.
Kyle
365.
Brandon
Big ass buttons.
Tate
Unbelievable.
Kyle
Five is 360. 518.
Malice
25,000 women.
Lucas
He's got boobs.
Malice
That's five years.
Kyle
No, no. Heck no.
Malice
So where are you 4,000?
Kyle
No, bro, quit it.
Kate
Rachel, Rachel,
Malice
I want you to continue to be a role model. But you said you was a savage, bro.
Kyle
Let me tell you something.
Malice
That's not my vibe, okay?
Kyle
If I'm giving you a rough answer, it doesn't even scratch a thousand.
Malice
Got it.
Kyle
Just being honest. Okay.
Malice
And I'm flying
Tate
back with the glasses.
Malice
I never want to put a body. I just want transparency in this.
Eddie
I want.
Kyle
I'm giving you transparency.
Malice
You mad that I ain't hitting hoes like that, bro?
Kyle
Look, women.
Malice
You make me. First off, you hit. You hit one. You hit one, you hit. You hit one of the family that you wanted to hit that we was talking about. You already had 20,000. I never hit that. I know, but once you do. You already had 20,000 bodies off one twice.
Kyle
What? How you get into your number, though?
Malice
Because now how you get into your number is how I'm getting to my
Kyle
number is two different ways.
Malice
So the girls that just doing 45,000 bodies, right? If you fuck one of them, you're at 45,000 bodies.
Kyle
Oh, so you're talking about having unprotected
Malice
sex with people who are actively having
Kyle
sex, and you're taking on those members, all those spirits.
Malice
So that's what. That doesn't count for me. I'm one by one.
Brandon
One.
Malice
I'm talking about you.
Brandon
Oh, my God.
Tate
Oh, my God.
Malice
I'm one by one. I'm 10,000, 12,000. One person at a time. And shout out to Wilt Chamberlain. He's at like 25,000.
Kyle
That's a lot, bro.
Malice
Will Chamberlain has a world record. Like I said, a thousand is the only. Is all I can do left in my. In my world looks.
Kyle
So you've been a part of a brothel, though?
Malice
Have I been a part of a brother?
Tate
Glasses, he's addicted.
Kyle
How many threesomes have you ever had?
Sass
Can we play a drinking game where
Malice
every time he probably bought 5,000.
Brandon
Is that 5,003.
Malice
That eggs was 10,000. That's not.
Kyle
That was the most amazing video. Have you seen the.
Lucas
Have you seen the video where he challenges the interviewer to break his line of sunglasses.
Tate
Yes.
Lucas
We gotta pull that.
Kate
That was him.
Brandon
Ray J is so funny.
Eddie
That's almost a must watch clip.
Kate
That was a great.
Tate
That reminded me of the musician clip, that.
Kyle
Oh, yeah.
Tate
They're just like, oh, yeah.
Brandon
Confused about magician and musician.
Kate
Yeah, that was.
Eddie
Oh, yeah.
Tate
And they're just confused about basic. They're just talking past each other about basic math. It reminded me of that.
Kyle
Yes.
Brandon
Frivolous with your products, man. You're slapping the table.
Lucas
They're flying everywhere.
Brandon
You're tossing the glasses.
Malice
They're unbreakable.
Brandon
Unbreakable.
Malice
They're unbreakable. Breakable.
Brandon
Step on it right now.
Malice
No, you step on them.
Kate
It's your product.
Malice
You step on them. Go ahead, Speedy, step on them. I can't do that. You can.
Brandon
I bet you I can break these.
Malice
They're unbreakable, Speedy.
Brandon
They're not unbreakable.
Kate
Speedy.
Brandon
Don't tell me it's an unbreakable.
Kyle
Listen.
Eddie
Don't challenge me.
Brandon
Listen, Listen. Don't challenge me. Rachel.
Malice
Listen. Speedy. They're unbreakable. They cannot break. It's impossible. I don't care.
Kyle
This guy, the funniest guy in the
Lucas
world, he also had his own dating show, A Shot at Love with Ray J.
Brandon
He did.
Lucas
He stacked up a couple threesomes there.
Kyle
5,000 threesomes.
Tate
5,003.
Brandon
But his total body count, like, is the majority of his sex threesomes.
Kyle
Well, that's 10,000 right there.
Tate
So he's.
Sass
He's.
Tate
He's trolling. Yeah, he was just saying,
Brandon
Che, you need to have that debate where I. I'm convinced you probably. It's probably five, not three. I'm telling you, you're probably scratching five.
Danny
This came across.
Kate
Yeah, you've got to be at five.
Danny
This came across my desk at, like, 12:15, 12:31 night. And I. I was gonna tweet it out, but I didn't. But I would love to have a debate show with Ray J. Just talking about our different experiences.
Brandon
Former sponsor.
Kyle
What?
Brandon
Oh, Raycon. Raycon Earbuds is Ray J. He does it all.
Tate
Wow.
Kyle
Yeah. Are you serious?
Brandon
Yes. Raycon. The rayon.
Kyle
The fact that Cam Newton was sitting there saying he's around a th.000, and Ray J just refused.
Brandon
Cam said he's not scratching a th.000. Well, but doesn't Cam have a lot?
Kyle
He's just. The fact that you're thinking of a th.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
Scale.
Kate
A thousand.
Tate
That's almost a thousand.
Kate
A thousand is insane.
Tate
It's almost exact.
Kate
Round it up.
Tate
That's about a. Doing my math, right? Yeah, yeah, it's about.
Kyle
A thousand is an unfathomable number.
Brandon
Oh, my God.
Kyle
It's a crazy number. And then he was accusing him lying.
Brandon
Brandon, are you at a thousand fucks?
Kyle
Oh, boy. Nick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell yeah, brother. Yeah.
Brandon
Damn, man.
Kyle
Yeah, I hope so.
Tate
Yeah, I don't know. That's a great question.
Kyle
20. 20.
Sass
Get him the iPad.
Kate
Yeah, you got it. Who has an iPad?
Tate
Swipe to page four. Here. A calculator.
Kyle
No, I don't think so. I don't think so.
Brandon
You're probably close.
Kate
How long have you been.
Brandon
A while with your wife?
Kyle
Life. 20 years.
Kate
20 years? Yeah.
Sass
That's not that crazy.
Brandon
Are you once a week?
Kate
That would be 18 times a year for 20 years.
Kyle
That's what I think. Oh, you're probably over. But it'd be 50 times a year for 20 years. Right? That's a thousand.
Kate
Never mind. I forgot. Oh, then yeah, I only have an iPhone.
Kyle
Yeah, for sure.
Brandon
IPad for that kind of math.
Kyle
That's once a week.
Brandon
Wait, Che. Are you calculating if you're at a thousand?
Danny
I'm a four figure guy.
Brandon
I'm in.
Kyle
So, yeah, a thousand.
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
Not.
Danny
Not crazy yet based on age.
Kyle
Yeah, I was thinking it's definitely. Yeah, that's once a week for over 20 years.
Malice
Okay.
Kyle
Yeah, I think.
Danny
Yeah, it's like one and a quarter times.
Brandon
Yeah.
Kate
Was Ray J ever, like, famous?
Brandon
He had a hit song.
Sass
What?
Kate
Was he ever touring the world, like, selling out arenas?
Tate
He had to have been, because why
Kyle
else Eminem rapped about him?
Lucas
He was relevant. He was relevant enough.
Tate
He was really. Because like when the tape came out, it was like, Ray J. And everyone wasn't like, who the is raging, Right?
Kate
He was known.
Tate
Yeah.
Lucas
Tape came out. VH1 show. Then he had Tie Me Down. That was a huge song.
Brandon
DJ Sexy. Oh, that's a good song.
Danny
Yeah.
Brandon
And I hit it first.
Kate
I hit it first.
Brandon
It was about Kim Banger.
Kate
That was a really good card.
Eddie
Wow.
Sass
Does Brandy embrace him? Is Brandy like, that's my brother A.J. or is she like, oh, boy, I
Brandon
don't know what Brandy's up to.
Lucas
I think it was little Bow Wow in an interview recently saying, like, Ray J is responsible for so many people. Ben Staples.
Kyle
Yes, yes. He was a good. He was a R B producer.
Brandon
Okay.
Kyle
Back in the day. Okay.
Kate
Yeah.
Tate
That also suggests that he's actually counting, like once you get to a certain number, you have to actively.
Sass
Yeah.
Tate
Make tally marks. And that's wild.
Brandon
Yeah.
Kate
A lot of this. More discipline to keep track, to log everything.
Tate
Like, have your notebook where you're writing and be like, I lost my notebook.
Brandon
But it sounded like he was estimating because he didn't have notes at. He didn't have his 10,000th party until he hit 11, 000, just in case he missed some.
Tate
That's what, that's so funny. Trap is the booty trap.
Sass
A strip club.
Tate
You sleep with one woman who slept with 45, 000. Now you've slept up with 45,000.
Brandon
But I don't do that.
Tate
And Cam was like, oh, I get how you got such a big number. And he's like, no, no, no, no. That's you. I count. He's very funny. He's, he's just funny.
Kyle
He thinks he's around a woman who's 45,000 men.
Eddie
Yeah.
Tate
In a year.
Kyle
The math on that.
Tate
45,001 year. He's just trolling.
Kyle
Yeah, he's trolling.
Tate
Why did he just leave?
Kyle
He's very good at trolling then. Because he keeps the, the. I wish I had glasses on. He keeps a straight face.
Tate
He's had sex with 21 women, and he just thinks it's funny to go, you know, to go on these interviews and talk like this.
Eddie
Why does he only have a thousand left, too?
Sass
I think he's tired again.
Kate
He claimed that he had a terminal illness, like, six months ago, saying that he only had three months left to live.
Brandon
He was performing with a heart monitor, like, intentionally having it pop out.
Kate
Blood was spewing out of his mouth on stage.
Sass
What?
Brandon
Oh, he might be hilarious.
Tate
I think she's hilarious.
Brandon
Yeah. Come see me on tour. I'm dying. That would work.
Sass
Add him to the act.
Kyle
Blood streaming from his eyes.
Brandon
Oh, his eyes.
Kate
Which is a common thing.
Brandon
He denied faking it.
Sass
Huh.
Kyle
All right.
Eddie
Wow.
Sass
Okay.
Kyle
I, I, I'm gonna tell you right now, I need more Ray J in my life.
Sass
I think if you're ever in Chicago,
Kyle
when Cam is the measured one in an interview.
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
When he's the. Because, you know, Cam will get out.
Brandon
Cam's been very vocal about his small penis.
Kyle
I love Cam, too. Has he?
Brandon
Yeah.
Kyle
Camden.
Kate
Tell me not because he's like the.
Danny
I think he's.
Kyle
He's been perfect, man.
Brandon
He said that's just not one of his things.
Lucas
He's always been like this. What was the thing with the rapper? Fabulous. Like, he punked out fabulous at some big party because he was making fun of him for playing the piano in the lob.
Kyle
No one Talking about Ray J Or.
Lucas
Yeah, Ray J. I have no idea.
Kate
Enough about.
Lucas
Yeah, I think that was the big moment where everyone's like, okay, this guy's a little deranged.
Kyle
A little cold in here, Kate.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
Cranking it up.
Kyle
Eddie, you do that?
Eddie
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Kyle
So Big Cat and the PMT boys are off to Vegas.
Brandon
I guess that's right.
Tate
Yep.
Sass
Yep.
Kyle
And now they've got a Game 7 between the Sixers and the Celtics in the midst of all this.
Brandon
Wow.
Tate
Right?
Sass
There's a Phillies game, Kentucky Derby, 76ers and Flyers on the same day. It's a lot for me.
Kyle
And Olivia Rodrigo hosts Saturday Night Live for Connor Griffin.
Brandon
Connor Griffin. Very excited for that.
Tate
Are they making. Surely they'll. They'll be there. Will be content that comes out of this. I think I know. Like the.
Kyle
They said they were gonna put clips out of it, especially of the Sixers Celtics game. I don't know about the rest of it.
Sass
You see Rebecca Romain saying wood to Zach?
Lucas
No.
Tate
Oh, wow.
Sass
Holy tweeted about him this morning.
Kate
So do it then.
Brandon
Yeah, yeah, Him.
Sass
Move it. Do you think. You know, like, every holiday Christmas party has that one person that takes it a little too far. Is there anybody on your radar that you're thinking this is the one to watch this weekend?
Tate
There.
Lucas
Look at that.
Kyle
I know, right? It's Max.
Brandon
Wait, what.
Tate
What is this?
Lucas
Yeah. What's. This picture?
Kyle
That's Zach and high school basketball.
Tate
That's real. High school.
Danny
That's real.
Brandon
Is that real?
Sass
I don't know.
Tate
42 points yesterday.
Kyle
No, he didn't.
Brandon
No, he didn't score 42.
Kyle
That's not.
Malice
No.
Tate
What's.
Kyle
Is it a real picture?
Brandon
Might be.
Kyle
Boy's got pretty eyes. Yeah.
Danny
It's not. It's not.
Tate
How would that not be a real picture?
Kyle
Oh, that's pf. Pftgm.
Lucas
Of course.
Eddie
I think Shane's a wild card. He's a guy to watch.
Brandon
Oh, I think he's memes.
Eddie
You think Memes gotta watch.
Brandon
Yeah.
Tate
Really?
Kyle
What's the. What's the Dante role here? Just. Is he gonna try to blend into the Pac. The boys, or is he going to try to.
Lucas
There's no blending in with him.
Kyle
Okay. I like Max's brother being represented by Max. Both.
Sass
Godspeed, boys. Godspeed.
Danny
What of the bottom listed people? I feel like at least one of those people is going to show up to something. Who do you think it'll be, Biz?
Kyle
It's either Rico Bosco or Jersey Jerry.
Tate
Shalam.
Sass
I wouldn't be stunned by Kyle Long.
Lucas
Yeah. Kyle Long for sure.
Kyle
Ron, Carmelo Anthony could Bill Raftery has been lurking
Brandon
any of these guys.
Sass
Miles Teller. He's a fun guy. And he's a Philly.
Kyle
Yeah.
Sass
Philly fan.
Brandon
$150 million.
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
Didn't he just sell a company?
Tate
Yeah, he did. Yeah.
Brandon
Long drink.
Tate
He did. Oh, he was.
Kate
Long drink.
Sass
Oh, I didn't know that.
Brandon
Good for Miles.
Danny
I feel like Jake Bobo is the name to watch.
Brandon
Okay.
Kyle
I don't know if that's ever true.
Brandon
Big touchdown.
Eddie
Bet that Max.
Kyle
You're right.
Brandon
Like a shitload of money on. And they had him on PM2.
Kyle
Yeah.
Tate
What's Chalamet's approval rating right now?
Kate
The streets a little bit lower than it was.
Tate
Take a little bit of a hit.
Kate
Yeah. They dissed ballet and opera.
Tate
That's right.
Brandon
That was an old clip.
Kyle
But is that real outrage or is that just. We're seeing it because it's only top. Top tier, top crust of the Internet. Top line.
Tate
Like the ballerina.
Kyle
We see some certain things on the Internet that isn't real life. Like, people don't actually think that.
Tate
Yeah, but I think that's where he died. Like, that's what I mean. Like, that's the. He's in that space. He's in the celebrity. Like, let's just. Let's break down what he's wearing today and decide whether he's a piece of shit or not.
Brandon
I think the Nick.
Tate
That's the world he lives in.
Lucas
Him.
Brandon
His Knicks fandom helps him out a lot, right?
Eddie
Yeah, but he was, man. Spreading on Tina Fey.
Brandon
I don't think he wanted to see that.
Kyle
We looked at this and I don't think he was. I think she was being meek and timid. I think she. She was not trying to explore her space. And that's on. I feel like he's being his. His parameters there seem. Okay.
Brandon
He seems like he's the width of
Kyle
the chair right And I feel like she is just making a decision to stay within the parameters of her chair.
Eddie
Yeah.
Kyle
Don't be starting rumors.
Tate
Your thoughts. I, I, that look like man spread it to you?
Eddie
I think his pants were, were creating an illusion that he was.
Tate
Yeah.
Lucas
You were pissed at him, right? You like the opera?
Eddie
Yeah, I, I, I've been to a few. See, there's Marsha Brady.
Kyle
See, I would have put Stiller next to Faye. How do they figure out where to put everybody? I think Stiller and Faye would have had something to talk about. I don't know what Chalamet Fair they're talking about. That's still her, right?
Tate
Marshall's on the far right.
Kate
He knows his.
Kyle
Yeah.
Danny
Yes.
Tate
Are they, Is she with Stiller?
Kyle
Huh?
Eddie
Yeah.
Kyle
Really?
Eddie
They're married.
Sass
They've been together forever.
Brandon
Wait, really?
Sass
Yeah.
Brandon
That's not forever.
Kyle
That's not Marcia Brady.
Tate
That's not Marshall Brady.
Kyle
From the movie, from the, the 90s movie. Right, right.
Tate
Oh, my God.
Kyle
Yeah.
Brandon
What the.
Tate
Eddie, I like you, but what the was that?
Kyle
You can't call her Marcia Brady.
Eddie
She played Marsha.
Tate
Oh, my God.
Kate
You.
Kyle
Marshall Brady's the one that played her on the TV show.
Sass
She's also in Zoolander.
Kyle
Right.
Brandon
Wait, that's not his. No, that he divorced her, right?
Sass
They're back together.
Kate
Oh, yeah.
Kyle
That's the same woman.
Brandon
Oh, they have been together.
Tate
Christine. Oh, Mike, you were talking about Christine Taylor the whole time.
Eddie
It says in their Wikipedia they were separated.
Kyle
Right, but you can't say she, she. She's not Marsha Brady. Sheep.
Tate
That's not Marsha Brady. But she's my Marshall. That's not Marsha.
Brandon
That's not your Marshall. That's nobody's Marshall.
Kyle
MARSHALL Brady's Maureen McCormick. Dude, that's Marsha Brady.
Eddie
Stick up for me.
Danny
No, Jay, I'm with Eddie. I was a little bit older for the.
Kyle
No, but you can't.
Tate
But that's not how any. That's not.
Danny
No, but that's how I.
Tate
That's. And you're wrong. That's what we're telling you.
Danny
That's fine. I've been wrong before.
Tate
Like, that's insane, Eddie.
Kyle
It's like Spider man to say, yeah,
Sass
Michael Keaton kind of how I see her.
Eddie
Yeah, I saw that in theaters. Yeah.
Kyle
No, no, I'm just now pissed off.
Lucas
Who's your Batman then? Michael Keaton?
Eddie
George Clooney.
Kyle
That's.
Eddie
No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding about that.
Kyle
Trying to think of other remakes in the 90s where they played a famous Character that there's just not that character. But I can't. I'm doing a superhero. Yeah. Doing a poor job.
Eddie
It's a good question, though. Saw Devil Wears Prada, too, yesterday.
Kyle
How was it?
Eddie
It's pretty solid.
Brandon
Is Carl Anthony Towns in it?
Eddie
He is. He is.
Brandon
How's he do?
Kyle
Okay, check. Now you're just spamming that face.
Danny
Little surprise face. I didn't know that cat was in the.
Eddie
Yeah, it's a. It's a good role for him.
Danny
Is it good?
Lucas
The dress girl?
Eddie
Yeah, solid.
Kyle
I kind of like the first one.
Eddie
Yeah, it was solid. Not as good as the first one, but they did a fine job.
Lucas
Was there a lot of random cameos, I heard, like Paige to Sorbo's in it.
Eddie
Yeah, there's a decent amount.
Kyle
Is it out yet, or do you have a hookup?
Eddie
It came out last night.
Kyle
Okay.
Brandon
All right. But you do have a hookup, don't you?
Eddie
No, No, I don't got.
Kyle
I've been wanting to talk to Jeff D. Lo or something. I need to get a hookup. I want to see the he man movie before everybody else.
Eddie
Oh, the screener?
Kyle
Yeah, I want to see it. I don't know how to. How to pull that off. That is a weird one to want to see early, but I gotta see.
Eddie
If it's a certain studio, I may be able to help you.
Lucas
Yeah.
Kyle
So you do have a hookup?
Eddie
Well, me and Nick saw it. Marty supreme early.
Brandon
No, we did.
Kyle
Wait a second. So you have a hookup, Eddie. So you have a hookup.
Eddie
But it depends if it's the right studio.
Kyle
Well, holler if you hear me.
Eddie
I will. I did. I asked you to see the wrestling movie.
Kyle
Oh, yeah. And I said no. Early.
Eddie
Yeah. What?
Kyle
A wrestling movie?
Eddie
Von Erich one.
Kyle
Oh, yeah. That wasn't one you needed to see early. That wasn't one you need to see with somebody else either.
Eddie
Yeah.
Kyle
I proudly went and saw that by myself. And it was the right decision.
Eddie
Yeah.
Brandon
You cry in the theater?
Kyle
Oh, yeah.
Eddie
Bad.
Kyle
Bad. I was crying, walking. I was. I was on the sidewalk. Thing came out December. I was on the sidewalk. The cold was just stinging the tears to my face, and people were walking by, and, like, they weren't. They came from the same movie, and they weren't as outwardly crying as I was, and I was judging them.
Kate
You were flowing after the movie.
Kyle
I was flowing after the movie, yeah. Outside on the sidewalk. Correct. It was. You seen it?
Kate
I haven't seen it.
Kyle
It's the. It's like, really outside of My girl. It's the biggest tear movie of my life.
Eddie
Wow.
Kyle
My girl's the number one. Crying actual tears out of my face. I don't know how many times I've cried actual tears. Like Field of Dreams when they play catch at the end, I always get a little, you know, your, your. Your eyes moist up, but I'm talking. It's running, I think.
Kate
Felt good.
Kyle
Just. It does feel good every now and then to just. Just get a good cry out.
Tate
Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Eddie
Yeah. It was a sad one. Were you crying about the brother? They didn't show.
Kyle
I didn't think about it at the time. I was just kind of locked in on what they did show me, which was death, death, death, death, death.
Eddie
It's the craziest part.
Sass
I've never even seen the movie, but I've. Some of the clips pop up and they. The clips make me cry.
Kyle
Well, the real life story is even sadder. They actually left out a brother like you said.
Brandon
They said it'd be too sad if
Lucas
they did it right.
Kyle
Yeah, they said that one extra.
Danny
Speaking of wrestling, Brandon or Nick, maybe you know the answers. Did Harry Von Erich or Nick.
Brandon
Yes, Steven
Danny
Kerry Von Erich, Texas Tornado. Was he at a period of time, was he playing the Ultimate Warrior?
Kyle
No or no? No.
Brandon
I'll give this one to you.
Kyle
No, he was not. He was just gracious. There was a lot of guys like that back then that. That had the same sort of vibe. Did you see I'm Sting was early. Sting and face paint, they were. They're very similar. Yeah.
Danny
Did you see the reporter ask Jalen Brunson about WrestleMania last night?
Kyle
I did not.
Danny
You will like this.
Kyle
Okay.
Malice
Jalen, congratulations to you, man. I'm lifelong Nick fan, been through some terrible years, but you guys definitely bringing a lot of glory back to the city. Thank you for that. Real quick, outside of the playoffs, as a wrestling fan, what did you think of Roman winning? That mania and the bloodline getting back together?
Kyle
See, these are the questions I got. I want to ask.
Brandon
I want to ask.
Kyle
If I would have asked you that first, you would have killed me. Well, you should have asked the first.
Eddie
Very excited.
Kyle
Very excited. I have a handshake with one of our trainers and we acknowledge him before every. Before every game. So Jalen, knowledge Roman Reigns. Oh, yeah. Oh, no.
Tate
What is it when people killing that reporter Steve or no.
Danny
Are they. I feel like it's a celebrated moment. I think it's cool whenever you see an athlete talk about not necessarily the like. Obviously it's a big Game last night. The only way. 51.
Tate
Yeah.
Kyle
If that question definitely needs to be towards, like, the back half of the press conference. Sure. Yeah.
Tate
I just felt like the way he introed it, I felt like that was. That was chum for people to.
Kyle
Yeah.
Tate
Lose their minds where he's like, what's up, man? Big Knicks fan here.
Brandon
It happened to that lady.
Tate
Yeah. Yeah. My heart's been broken, bro. But thanks so much anyway.
Kyle
Oh, the Jacksonville lady. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Danny
Is it. Is it cool if you are a big wrestling fan and someone discovers that and asks you about that? I haven't really been in that.
Kyle
I think so. I think so. So I think big wrestling fans like to know they're in the presence of other big wrestling fans. Right. Like, Kittle wears it on a sleeve. Kittle's like, cut off press conferences so he can make raw that night. I think that's.
Tate
What was that face?
Kyle
I don't know. He keeps making faces.
Tate
What was that?
Lucas
Who?
Kyle
Che.
Tate
Who was that reaction?
Danny
I laughed. I thought that was a funny thing.
Kyle
Yeah, but you threw your head back and laughed very hard.
Brandon
It was that in New Jersey got him today.
Danny
Are you judging my laughs?
Kyle
We're gatekeeping laughs a little bit now.
Danny
Let me laugh.
Tate
You said Kittle cut off his press conferences.
Kyle
Yeah, I did. I didn't laugh. He snapped Aura frames or frames is a great way to mix things up from the standard Mother's Day playbook. Guys, it's. It's. It's a weekend. Two days away. Yep, nine days away. They're trying to sneak an early Mother's Day passes. We're not gonna let it happen.
Lucas
Warning.
Kyle
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Lucas
Eddie, where would you go for your bachelor party?
Eddie
It's a great question.
Brandon
Put in bay.
Eddie
Is it put in bay or Key west would probably be the front runner.
Brandon
Oh, how was Key west with Dana?
Eddie
It was Good, good. It was a fun time. Got some good stuff. Went to some absolute bar that wasn't like even like next level dive, but it was fun. We went to a vibrator race or what?
Malice
Excuse me?
Eddie
Yeah, a vibrator race.
Kyle
Okay.
Eddie
Yeah, they like.
Kyle
Were they riding on them or.
Eddie
No, no, they set up four vibrators and like on like a track at this place called Mary Ellens is a bar and it's like a fundraiser and then they turn them on and whichever one reaches the finish line at the end.
Brandon
Did you bet?
Kyle
People go to some stupid ass races these days.
Eddie
Yeah, we, we, we. We had a horse in the race. I forget what it was called.
Brandon
It was horse.
Eddie
Yeah.
Brandon
Took the biggest one.
Eddie
It was like Puss Puss Pass or something. Like something like that.
Brandon
Okay.
Eddie
Pass or something like that. Whatever it was, that was. It was weed themed.
Kate
What made that bar? So you said it shitty?
Eddie
Yeah.
Kyle
Was it trying to be shitty?
Eddie
Yes, it was trying to be shitty, but. But also not like what.
Brandon
What do you mean by like what? What made it so much shittier than a dive you've been to.
Eddie
There was broken microwaves all over the place.
Brandon
That's shitty.
Kyle
That's a weird thing to have.
Kate
Broken core.
Eddie
Yeah, there was three broken microwaves.
Lucas
Could you smoke in there? Because when I was in Fort Lauderdale, I was surprised by the amount of bars you could still smoke. Yeah, you could smell cigarette vending machines. Is that state law?
Eddie
They didn't have his vending machines there,
Lucas
but just go by bar.
Kyle
By bar, probably.
Eddie
They had a hole in the wall.
Kyle
The guy got a little on the nose, huh?
Eddie
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. True.
Kyle
A little bit.
Eddie
He got rid of all his dildo.
Lucas
Looks really realistic.
Eddie
He got rid of all his coolers and his taps and he just fills up like they got rid of their refrigerator. Sorry. And they filled up big coolers with ice and that's how you got your beer.
Sass
Wait, is that why they call them hole in the wall bars?
Brandon
Because there's like a literal.
Sass
Like a glory hole? Is that what I'm holding them?
Brandon
No, I just thought meant like beat up.
Kate
What?
Brandon
Yeah. What is. Where'd that come from?
Kyle
I don't know.
Eddie
It's a good question.
Brandon
The vibrator races.
Kyle
Mary Ellen's bar. I hear Mincy.
Eddie
Yeah. This wasn't a hole in the wall, but yeah, they have the vibrator.
Kyle
If you don't like loud music, lasers, giving to charity and laughing, this is not the show for you.
Eddie
And every time you hit $100 on a bid for your Dildo. You have to go up there and. And slam a dildo on a symbol.
Brandon
Did you do it?
Eddie
Dana did it. And he missed four times.
Brandon
He missed the symbol?
Kyle
Yes, 0 for 4 with the dildo.
Eddie
He couldn't stick it. It was embarrassing.
Brandon
Is it all on camera?
Malice
Yeah.
Kyle
Nice.
Kate
Was the crowd, like, old or young?
Kyle
Old.
Eddie
Old.
Lucas
Gay.
Eddie
There were some gays for sure, but I would say, like, yeah, like 70 old. Yeah, 70, 30 old. Not like 70 years old, but like 70, 30 old.
Danny
Oh, isn't there one street in Key west that's like a fully gay bar street?
Sass
I feel like every city kind of has that.
Eddie
Yeah, I don't think it's fully gay, but there's definitely gay bars on Duvall.
Danny
That's it. That's it.
Eddie
Yeah. So I could see that. Trying to find the bar.
Kyle
I've never been down there. No, No. I want to go, but I've just never been to Key west but Miami. Been everywhere in Florida but Key West. Where would you pick, Nick for a bachelor party?
Brandon
Yeah, I want to do a renaissance fair.
Eddie
Nice.
Brandon
Yeah, I think that'd be fun. But I don't know.
Lucas
Is any part of you, like, you want to go to a new place since it's your bachelor party?
Eddie
I would hate to be disappointed.
Brandon
Yeah, you know, I'd rather all your boys are there.
Kyle
Like, it's true.
Eddie
Yeah, like, there's really no way to be. I also wouldn't rule out, like, just doing, like a house by the lake and just chilling there and drinking beers in a pool.
Sass
That's great.
Brandon
Okay. What about Bachelorette?
Sass
I had one a long time ago and it was awesome. It was just. I'm a low key. I feel like the more. The more my bridesmaids would have had to pay to go, the more anxious I would have felt. So I just did Jersey Shore during my beach week vacation.
Kate
Jersey Shore is great.
Sass
It was perfect. It was so much fun. Just did a bar crawl and then at the end, all my family joined me at the last bar. It was awesome. I still. I don't regret that part. That was fun.
Eddie
How many girls there?
Sass
I had like 11 bridesmaids.
Tate
Whoa.
Eddie
Wow.
Kyle
Wow.
Sass
11 or 12 or something like that. Goodness. I know.
Eddie
I'm going to Sydney Wells in a couple weeks. She said her. Her. Her Future husband is 18.
Malice
Whoa.
Brandon
Popular guys.
Sass
Wow.
Kate
18 dudes.
Eddie
18.
Lucas
You gotta narrow that. You gotta narrow that down.
Eddie
Yeah, it's a lot of dudes.
Tate
It's a lot of dudes.
Brandon
What's like traditional four?
Tate
I didn't have that Many guys at my wedding.
Kyle
At the wedding.
Tate
Guests. Yeah, I didn't have that many guests.
Sass
That's.
Tate
I weren't that many men in total at the wedding.
Sass
Yeah, my tight knit group from school from like the girls I grew up with in school. And then I had my tight knit group of cousins and then I grew up in a neighborhood with a like tight knit group of girls. So I had like my three main groups and I was like, I can't
Brandon
any like marine gals or no rugby
Sass
gals, but a bunch. But Marine. The bunch of the marines did come to my wedding. I just didn't want to put that on them because we were in California and didn't want to make them travel.
Brandon
Right.
Sass
But don't want to burden anybody on your wedding. Gotta be careful not to make it about you. So keep it small. But it was low. I had. I feel like the low key ones are like my favorite ones. I've been to have been like chill.
Eddie
I agree with that.
Lucas
I don't know weddings or bachelor, bachelor
Sass
bachelorette parties where you're not spending like $20,000 to. Yeah, whatever.
Eddie
You just went on like an extravagant one. Right?
Kyle
Yeah.
Lucas
It wasn't as crazy as I thought.
Eddie
No.
Lucas
Florida, Fort Lauderdale, a little bit of Miami.
Sass
But then again it's nice to have an excuse to go somewhere you normally wouldn't. So I kind of get that too.
Eddie
Too. Yeah.
Kyle
I played 18 balls of golf with. With eight of my buddies.
Brandon
Nice.
Kyle
Yeah. Dr. Ned Miller, Phil Bradley Barton.
Brandon
You're doing one, Kyle.
Kate
Yeah.
Eddie
Are you?
Kate
I think I just want to do a lake.
Eddie
Nice. Yeah. That's perfect.
Tate
That's the way to do it.
Kyle
Like a.
Eddie
That's perfect too.
Tate
You inviting going solo.
Kate
That would.
Brandon
That would be so awesome. That would be great.
Kyle
Yeah.
Brandon
Going to Bangkok for a month.
Tate
Let's go chill in a cabin for by a lake by yourself. It's a hell of a bachelor.
Kyle
Would be amazing.
Eddie
Wouldn't be the worst. Damn.
Kyle
We have. We hit all the ads.
Brandon
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Kyle
what are we gonna do about the fact that it's May 1st and it's 40 degrees out?
Tate
It's awful, dude.
Kyle
Yeah, sucks.
Tate
It's so.
Brandon
I'm sure people that live like west coast, close to the ocean where it's warm all the time have. There's people there hate about that 90% of the company.
Kyle
The country right now is better than this, right?
Tate
Yeah. Yeah. It's true, Brandon. Yeah.
Kyle
Well you could be in Alabama right now. It's fucking amazing.
Tate
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Eddie
That's what I'm going back to the Chicago talk. That's what I'm most curious about is I feel like it has a run and then you get tired of the weather and then people leave.
Tate
That's why I want to leave. I don't know when it's going to happen. I'm not saying I have it planned but like that's when I leave. Eventually it's going to be because of that.
Eddie
Yeah.
Tate
I don't know if that's 30 years from now or is that the reason you're a couple months.
Kyle
Well, she left in January.
Tate
Yep.
Kyle
Yeah.
Tate
That's tough.
Kyle
Yeah. I would imagine weather had a lot to do with it.
Brandon
Was that her first like winter, huh? Yeah.
Tate
I mean Chicago is a great city. Nobody retires here to here. Nobody's like I'm from Miami. I winter wanted to settle down so we sold our house. We moved Chicago. Now I've been. Now that we're in our 70s.
Eddie
Correct. Like all the great parts.
Tate
Eventually get out to Chicago to retire.
Eddie
Yeah. By the weather.
Sass
That's. I wonder if people in Ireland because like I've been a few times and it. It is just like constantly raining and cloudy and whatever and it's beautiful. But I feel like after a while if I traveled outside of Ireland and I like went to visit Florida or whatever, I would have to get out of there after a while. I don't know if I could do
Kate
that my whole life in England. Yeah.
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
It's awful.
Sass
A little dreary sometimes. I don't think I could do it in the long haul.
Tate
Anybody in this room looking to be a late ad to the Barstow after dark stream next week?
Brandon
No.
Kyle
You're. That's. You're one of the brain Trust on this.
Brandon
Well, I sat. I, I, it's, it's their, it's their child.
Kyle
Huh.
Brandon
I sat up there and just.
Kyle
You counseled him with the child?
Brandon
No, we did. I just, we just bounced ideas off of each other. I don't know what they're using, but.
Kate
Yeah.
Brandon
Tate's expecting to go like three days.
Lucas
How long do you think it'll go? Actually tape.
Brandon
I think it might be shorter.
Kyle
Do you know what room they're doing it in?
Brandon
Yes. What the, the, the pro football room.
Kyle
Oh, the studio back there.
Eddie
When I saw your text response, I was out.
Kyle
Yeah.
Brandon
That's fair.
Kyle
They're really putting a porta potty in there.
Brandon
Yeah.
Kyle
That I wouldn't last 10 minutes.
Tate
Yeah.
Lucas
So what are the rules on that?
Brandon
Only piss.
Lucas
But you can get up whenever.
Brandon
Yeah, I guess.
Kyle
Well, how do you wait.
Sass
Only.
Brandon
What if you. It's only piss. You have to go to the bathroom to shit. But you. There's again, it's, it's significant. It's much more there changes their child and yeah, it's just pissed. But $30,000 is a lot of money.
Sass
Yeah. Shout out Ethan.
Kate
He got in like the camps is in the mix. I don't know. Like, I'm torn on how he will do.
Sass
He's a poker guy, probably amazing.
Kyle
Right.
Brandon
I think he's good at being bored,
Kate
but he's also hardwired to like quit.
Kyle
He doesn't know how to get $30,000.
Tate
But it's also.
Brandon
But how do you quit me exactly?
Tate
The two things we know that he does is nothing and quitting.
Sass
Yeah.
Kate
So what's he gonna do?
Tate
Which one's gonna win out here?
Sass
Nothing. Into work.
Tate
Oh my God.
Kyle
Oh.
Brandon
Also like, this is the same amount of money he won in poker. He doesn't care about that. Right, Right.
Kate
Seems to not.
Kyle
If he could just keep stacking thirty thousand dollar wins, he could, he could have some serious money waiting for him at some point.
Lucas
Mint is in this, right?
Kyle
Yeah. He'll win.
Sass
But there's gonna be challenges throughout.
Brandon
There will be.
Malice
Yeah.
Kyle
Is it a hand?
Brandon
I think there's like a challenge every hour.
Kyle
It's like a hand on a thing.
Brandon
You have to. Yeah. You have to keep your hand on it.
Tate
And there's no, there's no phones. No, no phone books. No.
Kyle
Let me see him again. I want to see who the first one out is.
Tate
No media of any kind. Right.
Sass
This is next week.
Lucas
So hand on the thing. Are some of them, are they all standing then or does it just depend what area you have like if you're able to sit Crouch.
Kyle
Tommy's already shown he can stand with his hand roll thing for a while. Well, he was.
Brandon
That was balancing with his foot it.
Kyle
All right.
Brandon
I don't think some of these people make it three hours.
Kyle
Dante won't make it.
Lucas
How long do you think think it'll take till the first person.
Kyle
You better watch Spider. He.
Brandon
Somebody will accidentally just take their hand off of it. Right. Not quit.
Kyle
Kic will fall asleep and fall over
Eddie
the dogs in it.
Kate
Oh, nice.
Brandon
I think the people with kids are at a huge disadvantage, right?
Sass
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Brandon
I think this is Blutman's to lose.
Kyle
I think it's Spider to lose.
Eddie
Deutsch, man.
Tate
Blman's going to want to watch ball.
Kyle
Yeah, can't go.
Brandon
What ball going on right now. Is he wanting to watch Stanley Cup? Oh, yeah.
Tate
Playoffs. Yeah.
Danny
Isn't there an element of like solitary to this? So like they won't know there's 30 of them. How does this work exactly? Because they're all touching something. But didn't I hear something about like in Tate's video, doesn't he say that people won't know when it ends?
Brandon
Okay, Barcelona next week.
Jay
And I want to get this information out now. We are moving it up to Monday immediately following the yak for the following reason. It's going to be a fucking long one. So here's the deal. Our great friends at DraftKings are putting up $30,000 in the form of a 20k bonus bet and $10,000 in cash. And they said, tate and Lucas, how do you want to give it out? And at that moment, it was honestly like the scene in Batman the Dark Knight where the Joker explains how he got his scars. Then he breaks the pool stick in front of the three mobsters and he says, hey, who wants to join our team? Except we only have one spot, so let's have tryouts. So that's what we're doing, except we're doing it with 22 Barstool employees all locked inside the same room. No phones, no clocks, no watches, Port a potty in the corner. And we're going to have tryouts for $30,000. And I'm not talking about people. And I can't believe I'm saying this, that wouldn't do anything for 30k. I'm talking about the Rico Boscos, the Nikki Smokes, the Mincey's who would do anything, but also the absolute characters in our company who may just stay in that room for weeks to win, such as Meek Phil Blutman, Mikey Betts, Reed is in it. And we've got people like Deutsch, Katic, Dana Beers, who all say they're going hard card for the money. So the premise is this. We're putting a huge DraftKings branded golf cart right in the middle of the room. Everyone must put their hand on it. If you let go, you're out. And then we've made a schedule where at the top of every hour, the viewers will know there's going to be some sort of action, whether that's a game to send someone home or a game to give someone a reward or a game to dish out a punishment to someone else or to get some food, whatever that may be. Just know that the events in this stream were planned by a committee of Ohio, Miles Tate Lucas and Nick Torani
Tate
throwing your name on it.
Brandon
Thank you, Tate. Yeah, I know it's.
Tate
It's producer credit.
Brandon
I appreciate that, but those guys, they love what they do.
Kyle
What's wrong with Dan Marino?
Lucas
What happened?
Brandon
What do you mean?
Kyle
It was trending. Oh, that. Oh. Oh, why is he trending? Is he okay? I'm sorry. That Dan Marino right beside Tate's big fat face.
Tate
Someone put titties on him in a Photoshop.
Brandon
Yeah, they made him stack.
Tate
He's just got fat titties, probably. Oh, no.
Kyle
What?
Sass
Just kidding.
Kyle
Oh, well, that's not okay.
Brandon
But, Kate, what if it's true?
Sass
Oh, don't do that to me, Dan.
Kyle
I can't tell why he's trending.
Sass
Please be okay.
Tate
Just click on it.
Kyle
No, I didn't really, I was. No, because I didn't.
Brandon
It's not leading to anything.
Lucas
The only thing I'm seeing is hypothetical. Donovan McNabb is not available. Who is the best? He seems NFL history without a single super bowl ring.
Kyle
He seems fine.
Danny
There's a bunch of Dan Marino, huge nutrisystem guy, right?
Kyle
I think they paid him to hawk their product.
Danny
Oh, he was like one of. He was like the nutrisystem guy, right?
Kyle
Yeah, he was one of them. He was one of them. They still make that? Nutrisystem? I don't know. Slim fast?
Sass
I think so. Nick, somebody tagged us at the start of the show. They were building a Lego set with the yak in the background.
Brandon
They're like, hey, no, I shouldn't. I shouldn't.
Sass
What the.
Brandon
I just don't get it. I wish I liked Legos.
Kyle
You not liking Legos is like you not liking the Simpsons for a while.
Brandon
I know. I like it now. I just never had them. I guess I've never really done it.
Kyle
Yeah. Y' all want to spin the wheel, see if we get final wet or any other manner of thing?
Tate
Hijinks. Yeah, with some hijinks on this Friday after.
Sass
Yeah.
Kyle
Wow.
Brandon
But everybody has to get wet one
Kyle
more time, so it's not final at all.
Tate
Good point.
Kyle
All right, we'll see you guys Monday. Big Cat will be back. Huh?
Eddie
I think he's doing Netflix, right?
Kyle
Is he? Oh, they got the live show. We'll be back. Big Cat will be back eventually. Is that okay? Say eventually.
Eddie
I'm just.
Sass
Happy weekend.
Kyle
All right. God bless you, Dan Marino. It's the act.
Tate
It's the act.
Brandon
Get your straws Y stylist for a while.
Tate
It's the act.
Kyle
It's the act.
Tate
It's the act.
Brandon
Yeah.
Kyle
It's time to talk shop or do a young Yankees.
Malice
Later.
Kyle
Have a good weekend. Stay safe. Love you guys.
Eddie
Bye.
Brandon
Drop your Kentucky Derby predictions in the comments. I got commandment.
Sass
All right.
Lucas
Love you guys.
Kyle
See you tomorrow.
The Yak Podcast | Ep. "Would You Rather Be The World's BEST Yo-Yoer Or The 1,000th Best Quarterback?" (May 1, 2026)
On this episode of The Yak, hosts Kyle “KBNoSwag” Bauer and his Barstool Sports ensemble—Nick, Brandon, Rone, Lil Sas, Kate, Steven Cheah, and Big Cat—dive into the ever-important debate: Would you rather be the world’s best yo-yoer or the 1,000th best quarterback? Along the way, they detour into gym locker room shenanigans, Chicago nostalgia, adult Lego obsessions, Ray J's questionable "body count," wild bachelor party ideas, and Barstool behind-the-scenes hijinks. The conversation stays irreverent, hilarious, and self-aware, with the group poking fun at each other, dissecting internet culture, and poking holes in each other's hypotheticals.
"He was right in front of me. Didn't notice me. Yeah, it's weird that he was in his towel, but…” – Kate (02:47)
“They want one team at home in Chicago...” – Eddie (09:03)
“It’s weird that you’re proud of completing this children’s toy.” – Brandon (18:04)
“I’d rather be the thousandth best football thrower.” – Kyle (26:11)
“Being the best yo-yoer, it gets old immediately.” – Kate (27:42)
“If I could wake up today…None of them are better than me.” – Tate (32:07)
“Back in the day, they were more important than they are now. All the old ones had good ones.” – Kyle (41:57)
“That’s sleeping with a little over one and a half women a day for 30 years.” – Kyle (70:22)
“A thousand is an unfathomable number.” – Kyle (77:11)
“That's the worst feeling is when Dave email goes out and you're the subject of it.” – Brandon (52:28)
“We had a horse in the race...Puss Puss Pass or something like that. It was weed-themed." – Eddie (96:27)
“There's no phones. No clocks. No watches. Porta potty in the corner...” – Jay (109:45)
On Locker Rooms:
“So you took the picture of him and then turned around. Nice.” – Brandon (03:46)
On Being a Yo-Yoer:
“Being the best in the world, it gets old immediately...You could definitely monetize it.” – Kate (27:42)
On Legos:
“I just never got the Lego craze. And they're crazy expensive.” – Brandon (18:34)
“If you're an adult and you're like, yeah, this is my Lego roses...But it's for adults.” – Sass (19:08)
On Chicago Living:
“It's like an abandoned city. The only thing I could see out my window was an abandoned Pizza Hut.” – Brandon (14:14)
On Adulting:
“I have no hobbies that I'm passionate about. Like, I just don't care. And it sucks.” – Eddie (16:24)
On Bachelor Parties:
“I'd rather just do a house by the lake and drink beers in a pool.” – Eddie (99:38)
On Endurance Streams:
“No phones, no clocks, no watches, porta potty in the corner, and we're going to have tryouts for $30,000.” – Jay (109:45)
The whole episode blends light-hearted mockery, ranting, and bragging—with real, hilarious insight into how social status, hobbies, and “being known for something” can be overblown, overrated, or totally random. Whether debating yo-yo tours or bemoaning cold Chicago weather in May, the crew keeps it playful, anchored in both real experiences and tongue-in-cheek hypotheticals.
No matter your camp—world’s best at something useless or “merely” D1-level—you’ll leave wishing someone would sponsor your next group outing, or at least that you could ballpark your own “body count” without an iPad.
For the definitive answer on yo-yoer vs. quarterback? No consensus—just great laughs and pointless, passionate arguments.