In this episode, hosts Paul Brandes and Jacob Nannie welcome back guest Jay Stringer, a licensed counselor, researcher, and author. They discuss themes from Jay Stringer's book, Desire focusing on how our desires—especially those surrounding sexuality and brokenness—shape our lives, relationships, and spiritual growth. The conversation unpacks the importance of understanding the roots of our desires rather than simply suppressing or indulging them, inviting listeners to approach their inner struggles with curiosity, honesty, and grace.

3 Main Takeaways:

1. Desires Are Not Random—They’re Instructive

Jay Stringer emphasizes that our desires and even our struggles—especially those relating to sexuality—are not arbitrary or meaningless. Instead, they are deeply connected to our personal stories, family dynamics, and past wounds.

2. Honor and Honesty Go Hand-in-Hand

A recurring theme is the importance of holding both honor and honesty together when examining our personal stories and relationships, particularly regarding family of origin.

3. Symptoms and Temptations Are Invitations to Deeper Discipleship

Instead of viewing symptoms (like sexual compulsion, low desire, overeating, etc.) only as problems to be eradicated, Jay Stringer encourages treating them as “holy men”—signals calling for our attention.

Resources:

Timestamps:

00:03:12 — Jay Stringer discusses why it's important to distinguish between a symptom and the desire behind it, laying the groundwork for understanding sexual brokenness and desire.

00:06:27 — Jay Stringer addresses how to reread biblical stories (like David’s) through the lens of unmet longings and untransformed pain.

00:12:19 — Jay Stringer introduces the concept of holding together "honor and honesty" regarding our personal and family stories as foundational for true healing.

00:16:21 — Jay Stringer shares real-life client examples demonstrating how sexual struggles and desires are often rooted in specific, unresolved early-life wounds.

00:23:50 — Jay Stringer offers pointed, practical questions for listeners to ask themselves in moments of temptation, emphasizing curiosity over accusation.

Keywords

Desire, Sexuality, Sexual brokenness, Symptoms, Healing, Intimacy, Family of origin, Formation

Power and abuse, Honesty and honor, Story and narrative, Curiosity, Temptation, Arousal template, Shame, Transformation, Grief, Protest, Discipleship, Kingdom of God, Neuroscience

Legacy, Therapy, Vulnerability