Session 107: Marcello Hernández

Summary

Podcast Summary: Therapuss with Jake Shane
Session 107: Marcello Hernández
Release Date: February 26, 2026

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Episode Overview

In this lively and heartfelt episode, Jake Shane welcomes his close friend, comedian Marcello Hernández, fresh off his new Netflix special American Boy. The conversation weaves humor and vulnerability as Jake and Marcello discuss career journeys, relationships, family, navigating success, and their personal therapy-worthy anxieties. As with all Therapuss episodes, the session ranges from tongue-in-cheek confessions to genuinely introspective moments, all colored by Jake’s signature quick wit, Marcello’s warmth, and plenty of laughter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Welcoming Marcello and Stand-Up Special Talk

• Jake introduces Marcello as one of his favorite people and a “marathon” standup who could be on stage for “10 hours straight” ([00:50-02:45]).
• Conversation opens on Marcello’s Netflix special American Boy—Marcello expresses deep pride and explains the creative intensity and support network that went into it:
  • “I’ve never worked that hard on anything before.” ([10:00])
  • Technical aspects: filming multiple nights, editing every moment, and even choosing which audience laughs were genuine for the final cut ([75:06-78:44]).
  • His mother’s role in making the filming special, including taking care of his vintage shirt between shows.

2. Relationships, Dating, and Love Languages

• Jake openly shares his dating woes—waiting on a late text for a date, feeling desperate, and discussing dating strategies ([03:17-06:45]).
• Marcello offers insight: “You have to at least pretend to be selective…If I see you say you go on three dates in one week, I might wake up sick” ([06:00]).
• Marcello describes meeting his girlfriend at a charity event and courting her for a year before they went out ([05:12]).
• Both discuss love languages—Jake’s is gossiping—and navigating intimacy and vulnerability in early dating ([08:23]).
• Jake: “My love language is talking and gossiping. I can’t gossip with someone I barely know” ([08:23]).
• Lighthearted banter about astrology, with Jake’s Scorpio traits analyzed ([07:41-08:17]).

3. On Friendship, Gifts, and Generosity

• Marcello surprises Jake with a series of thoughtful gifts from Marshalls (sleep mask, cozy socks, squishy stress toy, weighted blanket, new book, candle, and a plaque that reads “What if it all works out, Jake?”) ([10:17-12:54], [12:21-12:54]).
• Marcello: “You need to put this in your room. And you need to see it every day” ([12:47]).
• The pair reflect on the pleasures of giving, with Marcello preferring gifting now that he has some success compared to being “just a receiving guy” ([13:09-13:16]).
• Later, they discuss spending: Marcello likes to pay for his friends when out, but both agree they need to find a healthy balance ([36:31-39:57]).

4. Career Journeys and Breakthroughs

• Jake shares his pre-podcasting story: international marketing at a record label, assistant gigs, and being a self-professed “personality hire” ([17:05-17:43]).
• Marcello recounts hustling with multiple jobs—selling tickets, electricity, medications, and being a comedy club intern ([17:51-18:54]).
• His comedy takeoff: making Miami recap videos in his dad’s house during the pandemic, getting attention from online accounts, eventually writing and directing, and then getting discovered via Just For Laughs and SNL ([19:05-22:53]).
• Path to SNL: Marcello thanks Tim Dillon for pivotal encouragement: “If I didn’t move back to New York, he would fire me” ([21:16-21:19]).

5. Navigating Anxiety, Therapy, and ‘Seeing the Best’

• Jake: “What if it doesn’t?”
  Marcello: “What if it all works out?”
  — A recurring theme, underscored by Marcello’s gift and repeated encouragement to Jake to focus on positive outcomes ([12:47-12:51]).
• Both relate on the struggles of high stress, anxiety about social situations, and the pull of negative thinking.
• Marcello: “Give people the same grace that you wish that they gave you” (regarding waiting for text replies, [71:25-72:13]).

6. SNL and Comedy Industry Inside Scoop

• Marcello details the SNL work week, breaking down each day from writing to live performance, referencing advice from Jason Sudeikis ([47:06-49:05]).
• Recounts favorite show: Bad Bunny’s hosting, and the emotional impact of working with Spanish-language guests and sketches ([49:08-50:11]).
• On bombing: Detailing quick recovery as a “sports thing—when you have the worst game, you have to forget immediately” ([22:55-23:07]).

7. Family and Upbringing

• Both reminisce about their mothers, upbringing, and lessons learned from cultural backgrounds.
• Marcello shares the story behind his most notorious trouble with his mom—a prank call incident at age ten ([42:02-42:27]).
• Reflections on growing up with few chores, allowances, and the family dynamics shaped both of them ([52:13-52:41]).

8. “Tell Me What’s Wrong” Segment (Listener Dramas)

• Multiple audience-submitted dilemmas are discussed and prescribed from humorous, tongue-in-cheek, and genuine angles ([53:08-74:46]):
  • Friend with a lying problem: “I prescribe a few drinks towards the end of the night—just say, I’m not mad, but we have to talk about this” ([53:42-54:18]).
  • Twin sister/boyfriend betrayal: “Tell your mom! If you really want to be evil… that’s a lifelong effect right there” ([57:16-58:19]).
  • Parents divorcing, dad joining a “polycule”: “You’re at that age where you realize your parents are just grown-up children… I prescribe a group chat with the wives. Try to enjoy it” ([59:20-60:02]).
  • ‘Fake boyfriend’ lie gone too far: “Just be honest. Honesty, that’s what I learned…” ([73:19]).
  • Roommate romance triangle: “You’re jealous. …But this is sort of my problem too? No, it’s not. Don’t manifest problems that aren’t yours” ([74:29-74:36]).

9. Spirituality, Prayer, and Gratitude Practice

• Marcello leads a prayer of gratitude and intention with Jake—a rare and heartfelt moment for both ([61:13-64:25]).
  • Marcello: “I pray that you please give me the opportunity to have an amazing screening for my special and that everybody … laughs … and enjoys it. And I pray that tomorrow you keep everybody safe… and remind me to help other people when I can.” ([63:14])
• Jake expresses gratitude for his health, body, friends, and even upper-arm waxing.
• Jake: “You know what, I felt so good after praying… I feel amazing” ([65:15-65:18]).

10. Manifesting, Aspirations, and Closing Reflections

• Jake and Marcello discuss manifesting hopes—Jake wants Taylor Swift on the show, and Marcello expresses his admiration for icons like Bad Bunny, Karol G, and Jennifer Aniston ([67:21-68:32]).
• The episode closes with Marcello expressing pride in Jake: “You used to be an assistant at a record label, and now you’re making a real name for yourself… I’m proud of you and I’m grateful for you.” ([80:07-80:31])
• Jake’s closing reflection: “Maybe praying is good for me.”
  Marcello: “Even if it’s just a meditation. I think it’s a beautiful thing” ([80:00-80:07]).

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Notable Quotes and Memorable Moments

• On Selectivity in Dating:
  “At least pretend to be selective…You want them to feel special. When you tell them you have a date every other day—they go, okay…”
  — Marcello ([06:00])

• On Creating His Special:
  “I spent a week, nine hours a day with my director, going literally moment by moment, breath by breath, cutting to different camera shots…”
  — Marcello ([78:07])

• On Anxious Thinking:
  “What if it all works out, Jake?”
  — Marcello (with gift, [12:47])

• On Outgrowing Negative Feedback:
  “Whenever you think you have it all figured out, you’re wrong. And whenever you think you have nothing figured out and everything’s going bad, you’re wrong as well.”
  — Quoting Tom Hanks ([51:01])

• On Friendship:
  “Give people the same grace that you wish they gave you.”
  — Marcello ([71:25])

• On Living with Intention:
  “Start to live life with intention…Even if you just pray silently, you’ll feel good after.”
  — Marcello ([65:21-65:28])

• On Therapy and Honesty:
  “Accountability is big.”
  — Marcello ([73:19])

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [03:17-08:23] — Dating woes, love languages, and astrology
• [10:17-12:54] — Marcello brings gifts and the “What If It All Works Out?” plaque
• [17:05-22:53] — Jake and Marcello’s pre-fame job stories, creative hustles
• [47:06-49:05] — SNL weekly schedule and behind the scenes
• [53:08-74:46] — Audience therapy questions ("Tell Me What's Wrong")
• [61:13-65:28] — The Praying/Gratitude segment
• [75:06-78:44] — The making of American Boy special
• [80:07] — Marcello’s pride in Jake’s career arc

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tone & style

• Conversational, fast-paced, and playful banter
• Both speakers show genuine affection and candor
• Occasional real talk on mental health, creativity, and relationships, always with humor
• Signature blend of deep dives and tongue-in-cheek commentary

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Useful Takeaways

• Pursue creative projects with both independence and openness to collaboration.
• Lean into vulnerability with friends: celebrate, give, and accept support.
• Mindset matters—practice gratitude, live with intention, and remember “What if it all works out?”
• Be honest and direct in relationships—whether with friends, dates, or yourself.
• Sometimes, the best prescription is laughter, a little pettiness, and a group chat with the wives.

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For New Listeners:

This episode captures the spirit of Therapuss—open-hearted friendship, comedic riffing, and a safe space for both silly and sincere exploration of what’s “wrong” and what could go right. Marcello’s charm and Jake’s wit make this a welcoming therapy session you’ll wish you could join.

Transcript

[A]

ABC Wednesdays. The Emmy winning comedy Scrubs is all new.

[B]

This is a whole new chapter for me.

[A]

No more sad sack.

[B]

That's what I'm talking about. I want both of our sacks to be fun. You two idiots are perfect for each other.

[A]

From executive producers of Ted Lasso and shrinking.

[B]

We were all a part of this victory. Now get those nachos out of the preemie warmer. Nachos. Feels like there's more applause for the

[A]

nachos than my speech. The new season of scrubs Wednesdays, 8, 7 Central on ABC and stream on Hulu. Hey, welcome back to therapists. I filmed an intro for this yesterday during the blizzard, but I was told I had a booger in my nose so I had to refilm it. I don't know why I told you guys that, but there you go. We just had a huge. A huge blizzard in New York. So that's why I'm filming this on my phone, because we couldn't get the equipment in time. But I hope you guys enjoyed last week's episode on Netflix. I am currently on Broadway for all out with Jenny Slate, Nicholas Braun, Ray Romano. If you've already come and seen it, thank you so much for coming. I hope you loved it. If you haven't, tickets are available in my bio. I am on the show until March 8th. We are closing it out. It is written by the incredible Simon Rich and directed by Alex Timbers, who I adore. Just like it's been one of the greatest experiences of my a show tonight. I'm so excited. But for tonight's episode, we have the incredible Marcelo Hernandez, who I am very grateful and honored to call a close friend. I have known him for years. He is one of the best people I've ever met. He is hysterical. I've had the pleasure of seeing him live, which was just he really could get up on that stage and deliver standup for 10 hours straight like a marathon without taking a beat. Like, he is someone that I truly believe is made for this. He is so talented. So if you haven't seen his standup special American Boy, which is on Netflix, please go see it. It is incredible. He is incredible. Marcelo, I love you. As far as life updates with me, my psychiatrist is trying to get me to go on Wellbutrin. Brett, who's on it, says it's amazing. And then I have other people telling me it might make my anxiety worse. So I'm kind of just like going back and forth on, like, whether I should do that or not. I guess I think that's all the updates I have for you guys. Enjoy the episode. I'm sorry for the short, low quality intro. It is because of the blizzard, which was amazing. But also now there is slush everywhere and it is impossible to get anywhere. But enjoy the episode. I love you. You know, you're my first recording of this new set, new season, new everything.

[B]

I was gonna say it looks a little bit different, but I like it. I like. I like how it looks. I can see this.

[A]

Have you seen the show before?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

What's your favorite episode?

[B]

I don't know. I like to see you excited. You. You. You get very excited for almost everyone. But I don't know, I think the Renee rap one was really fun.

[A]

Oh. Oh, you do actually watch.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

Okay. Well, I'm so excited you're here. Well, everybody welcome Marcelo Hernandez. His new Netflix special, American Boy is out now. It's amazing.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

How was it? I was filming it. How was everything? I'm sorry, I'm so rusty. I haven't done this in like four months.

[B]

It's okay. You've been traveling, taking little thirst traps.

[A]

Yes, I see you.

[B]

Yes, I see him.

[A]

Yes. Did you like my thirst trap?

[B]

I think you're doing great, man. Thank you. Are you're looking for love, I imagine.

[A]

Yes, of course. I have a date tonight.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Well, he actually texted me at 6am trying to cancel. So I said. He said, I woke up, I feel sick. I was like, all right, so all good. We can rain check. He's like, no, no, no, let's keep it. So I said, okay. Are we still on for the same plan? I said that at 10am what time is it now? It's 3:30. He hasn't responded.

[B]

God, do you get. Do you not get germaphobia when they tell you they're feeling sick?

[A]

No, I'm pretty desperate.

[B]

You're. You're down.

[A]

I'm like, whatever.

[B]

Wow. And I think 6. A 6am cancel is pretty respectable.

[A]

So respectable. But he said. He said, I woke up, I don't feel good, but I can't tell if I'm just tired. So I said, okay, well, we can rain check if you want. He said, no, no, no. I just worked out, I feel fine, so let's keep it. So I'm like, okay, great. Sushi Fumi at 8:30.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And he never responded.

[B]

He woke up and the first thing that came to his mind was me. Right.

[A]

Speaking of relationships, are you. You're not married?

[B]

Not well, no, I was not married. It was A promo.

[A]

But that was promo. Promo for your Netflix special, of course.

[B]

Oh, you can tell by now they will have seen the second part.

[A]

Well, I thought you were married.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I thought that's what you did over break. Because you told me you were going to your. Didn't you? Weren't you at your girlfriend's house?

[B]

Yeah, I went to see her in Dominican Republic.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. How was that?

[B]

It was awes.

[A]

I love her.

[B]

I love the Dominican public. She's so cute. Have you met her before?

[A]

Really?

[B]

You have?

[A]

We spent literally an entire night together.

[B]

Is that true? Oh, yes, of course, of course, of course. I remember. Yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry.

[A]

We were in your sprinter van. Yes. We were smoking cigarettes.

[B]

We had a blast. Yes, I remember.

[A]

Like, we spent like at least four hours together.

[B]

A long time together. I don't. I. Yeah. Okay.

[A]

How'd you guys meet?

[B]

We met at a charity event in New York, and a friend of hers wanted me to make a video for her dad because her dad was a fan. And then she was like the friend, the. The uncomfortable friend that comes with the friend to do the asking for a video thing. And then I just saw her and I got her Instagram and a year later, we finally went out.

[A]

Love comes around.

[B]

It does.

[A]

It really comes for you.

[B]

It's for you.

[A]

I know.

[B]

That's just. What?

[A]

I have three days.

[B]

Well, you have three dates.

[A]

Three days.

[B]

Figure it out. If it's for you, you will have you. What do they say? You turned over every rock?

[A]

Yeah, Every rock has turned. Every rock has turned. Well, I have a date tonight. I have a date Friday. And I have a date Saturday.

[B]

You can't talk like that.

[A]

What?

[B]

You just can't say.

[A]

What do you want me to say? Just.

[B]

You have to. You have to at least pretend to be selective. And you know what I mean? At least put the. Like. At least be like, oh, yeah, I never say stuff like, I never go on dates so they feel special. Because if, for example, if I'm. If I'm a guy that asked you on a day. Right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm watching your podcast and I see you go, I have a date tomorrow. I have a date on Friday. I go, I'm canceling, actually. I might wake up sick.

[A]

Okay, so pretend to be selective.

[B]

Yes. At least hide it. You know what I mean? You want them to feel special, and when you tell them that you have a date every other day, they go, okay, well, there's confidence. They should be like, if I'm. If I'm the best one, I Should be the best one, but, like, yeah, I don't. Listen, I'm. I'm trying to date you. I don't want you to go on three dates in one week.

[A]

Right, of course.

[B]

You know what I mean.

[A]

So how did your relationship happen with your current girlfriend? You went on one day, and then you were like, okay. Is it.

[B]

No, we went on, like, 20 million dates.

[A]

Okay, so I have a question. How do you. Like, like, how do you, like, like, listen.

[B]

Right?

[A]

So, like, do you know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, of course I know what you mean.

[A]

Like, do you know what I mean?

[B]

I have a whole thing about it.

[A]

No, of course.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Your. Your mom didn't believe you had adhd.

[B]

It's fear. You. You listen out of fear.

[A]

But I'm not fearful.

[B]

But you have to be, because I think you have to be scared to make them feel bad, you know, and to make them feel like you don't care.

[A]

When's your birthday?

[B]

August.

[A]

Leo.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What are you guess.

[B]

Asparagus. I don't know, Dude. An octopus. A year of February. October.

[A]

October, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

But how old do you think I am?

[B]

Cancer.

[A]

Well, how old do you think I am?

[B]

How old now?

[A]

Yes. Wasn't that the original.

[B]

No. I thought you were asking me what sign you were.

[A]

Oh, well, you guessed it.

[B]

October, cancer.

[A]

Well, that would be June.

[B]

Virgo.

[A]

Scorpio.

[B]

Scorpio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Scorpio. That means that you have a thing. That means that you. You go, you think everything's good, and then they.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

Are you into astrology or is your girlfriend.

[B]

No, I just know what a scorpion is.

[A]

Oh, okay. My rising is Gemini and my moon is Gemini. Okay, so that means I don't come off as a Scorpio at all.

[B]

Okay. Except when you tell people that you have four dates. Well, that's very.

[A]

I like.

[B]

That's very Scorpio.

[A]

But I. At the. I. My. I think. Okay. I think my main issue with dating is that, like, my love language is talking and gossiping. I can't gossip with someone I barely know.

[B]

I hear you.

[A]

Do you know what I mean? I can't sit there and talk about someone I don't know. You.

[B]

Right. You know, that's tough for you.

[A]

It's tough. Remember the first time we met? No, I do.

[B]

Where?

[A]

It was at the snl. After. After.

[B]

I remember now.

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

I told you I was a big fan of yours and I wanted to see you.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then I went to your show.

[A]

Did you like it?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

I texted you yeah, but what, like, what do you really think, Jake? You're.

[B]

You're doing. You're doing something that no one has done. You know what I mean? Like, this is a new thing. Is like the podcaster that has to go and try to do live shows and you have to figure it out as you go. So I recognize that. So I'm not like, what I've been doing. Stand up for 10 years.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. So like, stand up. You can't watch me and be like, oh, no. And there's been a million stand ups before me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Like, there's not a million Jake Shanes that you were able to look at for inspiration.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You had to figure it out and you've done a great job and your audience likes it. They're having a blast.

[A]

Did they seem like they were having fun?

[B]

Yeah, 100%. And you're reading this. It was really fun.

[A]

What was your favorite part?

[B]

I like the. I like the texts. Yeah, I like the text.

[A]

Good crowd, Please.

[B]

Because you are also like the type of person to go through a text with someone one by one text, like you just did with me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like that's who you are.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You go, and then four hours later, I haven't heard back. And then, you know, then you talk about what that means and all that stuff.

[A]

Oh, speaking of hearing back.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Who is it?

[B]

It's my manager. You know how it is.

[A]

I know. Oh, yes. Well, you said that you. You told me that you had never worked on something as hard as you have your Netflix special.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you like? Can you expand on that? What do you mean by that? Well, God, I'm doing such a bad job at asking questions.

[B]

I brought you some gifts.

[A]

Well, I want to hear about the Netflix special first. But then I do want to.

[B]

Can I bring you the gifts? Because I think that you're having trouble listening, you're having a little bit of a time, and I want to give you a gift. I want to. I want to bring the vibe really high.

[A]

Okay. Presents. Presents.

[B]

Okay, presents. I'll be right back. I got you.

[A]

I'm glad. So many bags.

[B]

Okay, so I got you a bunch of stuff.

[A]

Do you. Did you do this on every podcast you went on?

[B]

I do. Like, I don't like to show up empty handed.

[A]

I say that it's very generous.

[B]

So first things first. This is a sleep mask.

[A]

Oh, my God. I actually love this.

[B]

I love to sleep with a sleep mask when we go on the road. Some of these hotels, they're not, like, perfectly blackout And I think this is going to help you with that. I brought you some cozy socks. I think you're going to like these.

[A]

Oh, my goodness.

[B]

You can put them on when you're getting your calm on. You seem to be the type of person that I think is. Gets very high, stressed out, of course. Guy. And so this is something you can grab onto and squish it. It's a squishy burger. I think that'll help you. And then I got an egg as well, just in case you get sick of one, you know?

[A]

Oh, my God. I love. Okay. Goodness.

[B]

Okay, that one's weird. And then you get sick of it. And then you can it. Is it slimy? Okay. Okay. I. I got you a candle. This is like. Everybody does the same thing. I got you.

[A]

Oh, Marshalls.

[B]

And then I got you a book. This is a book called the Honey Crisp Orchard. And I don't know, I kind of just grabbed one, but it's.

[A]

So what's. What's it about?

[B]

City life was treating her just fine until a sour turn of events knocks her out in one fail swoop.

[A]

What a car hitter.

[B]

I don't know what happened, but you can look at it one day.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then I got you a. A weighted blanket. This is all from Marshalls. None of this is expensive. Sorry.

[A]

Wait, no.

[B]

Okay. And then this is my favorite one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I saved it for last.

[A]

I know. I saw. You want to go grab it? And then you did it.

[B]

I didn't. I didn't. I saved it for last because this, I think, is. This is something I've been wanting to tell you.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, and it's something that I think you need to think about more often. I think. I think. Tell me if I'm wrong. Do you feel like Jake can be sometimes a person that is always thinking, like, what can go wrong?

[A]

We've been talking about.

[B]

You've been talking about this. So I got you this.

[A]

I already know what it says.

[B]

I got you this. And it is. It says this. What if it all works out, Jake?

[A]

So did you, Jake.

[B]

What if it all works out?

[A]

What if it doesn't?

[B]

You need to put this in your room. You need to put this in your room. And you need to see it every day.

[A]

Okay. Honestly, you know what? I will.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Great.

[B]

Mission accomplished.

[A]

So much.

[B]

I got you a bunch of kids. Of course.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Listen.

[A]

Oh, my God. I've never had somebody bring me so many gifts.

[B]

That's.

[A]

You must be so good at Christmas time.

[B]

I do like to be Christmas guy.

[A]

You Are.

[B]

Yeah, I am. I am.

[A]

What was your favorite Christmas you've ever had, ever?

[B]

Oh, I don't know. I definitely like Christmas better now because I have money and I can give stuff to people.

[A]

People. Okay.

[B]

For a long time I was just a receiving guy and I like better to be the one that is making stuff happen. My mom loves the real real.

[A]

I love the real real.

[B]

She loves the real real, and she saves stuff on the real real. And then on Christmas, I asked my sister to get in there and tell me what my mom saved, and then I buy it. And then my mom will like, call my sister and be like, some bought the boots. Yeah. And. And then I give her the boots on Christmas and she goes, you're the. And that's been a fun. That's fun.

[A]

Your mom seems awesome. Did she love your stand up special?

[B]

She's the best. I think she loves it. I think she's watched me talk about her so much, but I think she loves it. I think she's proud of me and I'm proud of her.

[A]

Oh, what was the first time she ever saw you do stand up about her?

[B]

I don't know. I've always had her somehow in the set, so probably from the beginning, since I was 18. And I try to make her look good as well, but I also want to, like, get this stuff off my chest, you know?

[A]

No, I mean, you did and you did. You did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What was your favorite bit that you do in your Netflix special?

[B]

I like the ending.

[A]

Ending's great.

[B]

I think. Stick around for the ending.

[A]

The ending's amazing.

[B]

The ending. When I came up with that, I was like, I was really proud of myself for the.

[A]

How do you come up with all of it and connect it all as one cohesive story?

[B]

It takes a lot of just, like, looking at it. I have transcriptions, so I get it all transcribed and then I read it. You know, I try to, like, look at how we can connect something to something else. My assistant Marty, who was a co producer on the special, she has been so helpful with me and, like, walking through stuff and, like, if I can't figure out how to connect something together, we sit down and we talk about it. I think you have to find. You have to not be afraid to invite people in a little bit. Ultimately, everything is your choice, but, like, invite people in. You're great at that. When I went to your show, he had a full. It looked like a bachelorette party. He has all these girls in the back and they're all talking about what he's gonna do and what you're gonna do and what you're gonna say. And I think it's really. It's good. Oh, yeah.

[A]

You said. You said it was like a family reunion.

[B]

It's. Yes. You have literally a family reunion at your shows. Is that every show?

[A]

No, Radio City was a lot.

[B]

That's a lot.

[A]

Did you come out after with me? No. You didn't? Oh, I blacked out.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I could feel you. I could feel that this was, like, a thing for you.

[A]

Oh, I was ready to get messy.

[B]

It was. Yeah. You were ready to get messy.

[A]

And then we went to Atlantic City the next night. Oh, my God. I know. Well, I had four shows in a row. I did dc, New York, Atlantic City. Went out after Atlantic City and then had to fly in a seaplane to Boston.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're living it up, man.

[A]

No, a se. Plane.

[B]

What. What's wrong with that? It's. I was supposed to. It's exclusive. It's only a few people.

[A]

Yes, it was. It flies so low to the ground that you don't need to put on airplane mode like that.

[B]

Okay, that's funny.

[A]

Like, I. I had. We were supposed to drive there, but we missed our car.

[B]

Right. And that's crazy to miss a car because a car isn't like a plane where it's like, last call. It's a car.

[A]

Well, no, no. What happened was I was supposed to wake up at 7 and I woke up at 11.

[B]

That's why to miss a car, you really gotta miss that guy.

[A]

Yeah, I missed it. And then the only way to get to Boston in time for the meet and greet and the show was by seaplane. Well, actually, Zach, my manager, said, I caught you a plane.

[B]

That's sweet.

[A]

And I said, okay, cool.

[B]

Let me ask you this, because obviously we're all very proud of you. You've been killing it.

[A]

No, I'm proud of you.

[B]

You have a new set, you're moving on up. It's great. Where were you before? Like, before we all got to know you? Like, right before you were starting to make these videos of, like. Do you know.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

The POVs. What? Sorry, I was about to try to say one. Where were you? What were you doing? What was the transition for you between. And I'm sure this is like a

[A]

no, so I actually never get tired of telling the story. So thank you so much for asking. I worked at a record label and my boss at the time became my manager.

[B]

Got it. What were you doing at the Record label.

[A]

I did international marketing, right? So, like, if a song was popping off in Germany, like, I would, like, like, look at the data and, like, have. Have them put spend behind marketing in Germany for the song. And then I became an assistant to this guy Zach, who's now my manager.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I was really bad at the job. Horrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was personality hire.

[B]

He says that makes sense. Yeah, I think you still are.

[A]

Yeah, I think so too.

[B]

This is the ultimate personality.

[A]

I think so, too.

[B]

I'm a personality hire. For sure.

[A]

You feel that way 100%. And you had a lot of jobs before you started working. What were you said? You said you would sell.

[B]

I sold tickets on the street.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I used to sell electricity. I used to go door to door in Brooklyn and stuff and ask people to give me their electric bill.

[A]

Would they be like, go get fucked 100%?

[B]

Yeah, every time. 100% of the time. But there was one girl that was, like, really good at it, and I think she thought I was, like, cute, and she took me to Gucci and she bought herself a belt, and she asked me if I wanted anything.

[A]

I was like, shut up.

[B]

I swear. And I was like, no, I'm okay.

[A]

You sat down?

[B]

No, of course not. It felt so weird. I also wasn't, like, into her or anything.

[A]

Oh, okay. Transactional.

[B]

Yeah. Felt transactional and. But it was like. It was very weird. And then I was also an intern at a comedy club. I used to, like, run food and clean the floor or whatever after the show. And I also sold medications. I had used to have a headset on during the pandemic. What did you sell during the pandemic? I used to sell, like, a gabapentin and stuff.

[A]

But I love gabapentin.

[B]

I love gabapentin.

[A]

You sell that?

[B]

I didn't sell the medication, but I would get it delivered to your house.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I get it delivered at your house at no additional cost to your insurance.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

So what's the upside?

[B]

The upside is that you don't have to go to CVS and it's the pandemic, and you're over 65. And I think that this is a time right now when people with everything that's going on. That's what they said we couldn't mention. Covid. You have to say, with everything that's

[A]

going on, why can't you mention covet?

[B]

Because it's illegal. Kind of. It sounds threatening. It's like, you're gonna die. So I would be like, with everything that's Going on. I think that it would be beneficial maybe for you to have these things delivered to your house and we can do it in a temperature controlled case directly to your house at no additional cost to your insurance. And you can give us some instructions. If let's say that the mailbox is a few minutes away from your house, we can make sure that this put there at a secure place so that you know and we know, but nobody else does, or if there's a dog or something like that, you're going to want to tell us that so that we can make sure that you get your medications and that you don't miss out on something as important as your medication.

[A]

Gabapentin.

[B]

Gabapentin, yeah.

[A]

Wow. And was that your favorite job?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

No.

[A]

And so when did you start, like.

[B]

Okay, so that's when I started making videos, when I was doing that. Okay.

[A]

Because you. I recently just saw these videos. They were like Miami weekend recaps that you would do. And it was like you would do these, like, quick five second sound bites of what happened in Miami that weekend. Is that what led you to snl?

[B]

Kind of. That was like the first step. That's what got me to move out of my house, is because I was making these out of my mom's, my dad's house, because I moved from my mom's to my dad's in the pandemic because I was scared that my mom and my sister were going to die. And I started to get really scary. I like spraying them down and I was making them get naked when they get back from the supermarket, throwing the clothes in the wash. Well, you guys

[A]

were in Miami too, so, like, nobody cared. Nobody cared.

[B]

I was coming from New York where there were like, people.

[A]

Yeah. I was dying in the street.

[B]

So I was freaking out. And I was at my dad's house. And so I would wake up before the job, I would write. And then after the job, I would go to my friend's house, I would hang out with him, I would tell them the stuff I had written. And then at the end of the week, I would film whatever our favorite idea was. And I, like, after my fourth or fifth one, this account reached out and asked me to make little videos for them.

[A]

And they paid you?

[B]

They paid me. And then after like a few months of doing that, I was like, you need to give me, you know, 500 bucks a week so that I can quit my headset job and do this full time. And then he was like, you need to get more responsibility. So then I became like the creative director of the account. And then I did that until SNL pretty much.

[A]

How did SNL come about?

[B]

So when I was doing that stuff in Miami, this guy from. This guy, Tim Dylan. You know Tim Dillon?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So he had me. Well, I asked him if I could open for him in Miami because I was like thinking I was starting to make waves in Miami. And he said he didn't care if I did or I didn't. So I grabbed my phone.

[A]

Wait, wait, what?

[B]

I said, can I open for you? And he said, I don't care. He actually said, I don't give a.

[A]

Wait. But was he serious?

[B]

Yeah, I guess. I think he was just like, you know, he's. It's also comedian to comedian. He's being funny. And so I grabbed the phone, I took it to the club, and I was like, he doesn't give a fuck. And I. Please do it. And then they were like, sure.

[A]

Oh, it was like that.

[B]

Yeah. And then he said yes. And then after the show, he invited me to go on the road with him. So I went on the road with him and he introduced me to caa. And like after I was on the road with him, I started getting on the road with other comedians as well. Gilbert Gottfried, Mark Vieira. I'd go on the road with them. And then CAA had signed me and then I was. He told me that if I. Tim Dylan told me if I didn't move back to New York, he would fire me, basically because he wanted someone that was working every day in the clubs in New York. So I got like a friend of mine that was moving out there to let me live with him for like a little bit of money because he was doing. He has too much money and I didn't have any money, so he let me like pay him.

[A]

What neighborhood were you were.

[B]

You were in? Union Square.

[A]

Okay. I grew up in New York, so.

[B]

Nice. Well, yeah, before the pandemic, I had moved to New York. I was in Bushwick first, then I was in the Lower east side in this guy's apartment, this bald guy. And he used to drink half a beer and put it back in the fridge.

[A]

Ew.

[B]

Very interesting. And then the pandemic, I had to move back into my parents house in Miami. And then I moved back to New York with my buddy. And then I was doing Stand up every night. I was hosting and all this stuff and just for Laughs is this big festival in Canada where a lot of people get discovered. And I got the audition for that and so I Auditioned for jfl. And then I went to Canada. I got it. And then in Canada, after I did the six minutes, my agent, Erica Lancaster, who is from caa, who used to work at snl, was like, I'm going to introduce you to them. And she introduced me to the people from snl, and then they invited me to do the audition process.

[A]

Wow. And so what's the worst you've ever bombed?

[B]

There's a few. There's probably a bunch of them. I'm good at blocking it out immediately. It's like a sports thing. Like, when you have the worst game of your life, you have to forget it immediately. And so I forget it immediately.

[A]

Like, you played soccer when you were a kid, Right?

[B]

And in college.

[A]

Oh, right. Where'd you go to college again?

[B]

I love this. Because there's nothing there.

[A]

I know. I know. Getting you. I know. I do.

[B]

I do love it.

[A]

My friends. Oh, my. My friends were. Do you still. Does your mom still live in Miami? Yes, my friends were just there for New Year's.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's fun.

[A]

Thank you, seatgeek, again, for sponsoring today's episode. Okay, so at this point, I am a week into Broadway, so if you want to come see me in All Out, A comedy about ambition at the Nederlander Theater, you can use my code therapist for 10% off your [e-mail] you can literally see anything on SeatGeek. Any live event, sporting comedy, live music, and Broadway. I am also just, like, so excited about all the shows that I'm planning on seeing. Robyn just announced a tour, and I'm, like, so excited to scream dancing on my own live. I've never done it, but, I mean, I've obviously done it out on a night, but I've never done it sung by Robin. So I am very excited. I'm going to use SeatGeek to get tickets to that. And then Lady Gaga is still on tour. BTS is on tour. Alex Warren is also going on tour. Like, there are just so many amazing people to see right now, and seatgeek is the place to get the tickets to see everyone. It is also basketball season if you want to see a basketball game. Also, as always, a comedy show. Once again, you can use code therapist for 10% off. And if you click the link in the description to download the app, it will automatically add the code therapist to your account for 10% off. I must reiterate. Winter is ending. We have to leave the house. We have to leave the house. We need to go outside, and we need to go to live events. Thank you again, seatgeek, for sponsoring today's episode. What are you therapist about today?

[B]

What am I therapist about? Nobody told me that I should have something to be therapist about. I'm looking at.

[A]

Do you want me to go first?

[B]

Oh, please.

[A]

Okay, so I'm therapist about a few things, right? Okay. My one thing is that the guy hasn't texted me back that I'm supposed to go on a date with later. I'm therapist about that. I'm therapist about the fact that I had a dream last night where my teeth were getting pulled. And when they were getting pulled, there was a string attached to the tooth that was like they had to cut off until I woke up like this at three. I woke up at one, and then I woke up at three, and then I woke up at six from each from a nightmare, different nightmare. And the one with the teeth pulling was just the worst. And so that set my day off horribly.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then I, I, I have to pee a lot, right? Like, in 10 minutes, I'm gonna have to go pee.

[B]

So. Should we work on your diet?

[A]

I have been.

[B]

What are you eating?

[A]

I had lamb chops last night.

[B]

That's not good.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's not. That's heavy.

[A]

What do you eat?

[B]

You should. I mean, I, I don't know. I try to eat, like, sushi as much as I can.

[A]

Well, that's where my date is supposed to be tonight, so. Thanks for bringing that one.

[B]

Bring it right back to that. No, I don't know. I eat chicken and rice all the time. Oh.

[A]

Every guy I've ever met, all they eat chicken and rice.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

Chicken and rice.

[B]

I just order chicken and rice.

[A]

From where?

[B]

From anywhere. Japanese places have a lot of chicken and rice. I have a Latin place next to my place in New York that they bring it to me, and it's great. But, yeah, chicken and rice feels safe. And rice is what they tell you to eat when your body is, like, not dealing well with other foods or

[A]

when, like, yeah, the brat Diet.

[B]

Diet. So I try to. I try to do that. I try to do a lot of rice. I'm trying to leave rice. I'm trying to do chicken in, like, greens. But I just. It's just so boring.

[A]

It's so boring.

[B]

It gets so bored.

[A]

My favorite thing about rice is when you. It's like, it. I describe it as, like, an empty canvas, and you can paint it with sauce, and it soaks up all the sauce.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you like what's the wet rice.

[A]

What?

[B]

The wet rice.

[A]

What?

[B]

The wet. It's a dish. Everybody eats it. The wet rice. It's like a saucy rice risotto. Yes.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's what you were referring to. It's pasta.

[B]

That's pasta. Oh, that's pasta.

[A]

But it's rice in the class of

[B]

pasta because they put. Because it's full of sauce.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Well, then you just said it's in

[A]

the class because it's like, who else

[B]

is in the class?

[A]

Like, if I'm like, going as an Italian restaurant, it's like pasta. And then under pasta is risotto.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, what's something like you wonder about straight men?

[A]

I wonder what it feels like to have sex with a vagina.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I heard somebody said once that it feels like you're sticking your dick in a warm hot tub.

[B]

Right. Do you have any other.

[A]

I just heard whoever out there agree with me, by the way. I just heard whoever out there. I heard him say damn.

[B]

All right, so that answers your question. What else?

[A]

Is that what it feels like?

[B]

Damn. What else you got?

[A]

I don't know. Like, what straight guys. What else do I have to ask about?

[B]

I don't know. Yeah.

[A]

Do you feel blessed that your metabolism is fast?

[B]

Oh, my God. You think gay guys have a slower metabolism?

[A]

Well, I'm. I think I'm the only one, so I'm. Yeah, I don't know.

[B]

I think our metabolism is the same. I think we need to get you off lamb chops, and I think we need to get you on, like, a lighter. You need lighter foods. Feel light. Feel fast.

[A]

Okay, so like what?

[B]

Like you can. Like before soccer games, you do carbs. You have a little bit of pasta and have a little protein, and then you're good to go. I want you to stay light because.

[A]

Do I look like I lost weight to you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Shut up. 100 swear.

[B]

And I. And I know you, so I know that you've been working on it. And I. When I met you, it was before you started working on it. So there's results. Okay, you're getting results.

[A]

I'm so excited for your premiere tomorrow night.

[B]

I know you're coming.

[A]

I'm gonna get tipsy.

[B]

Let's do it.

[A]

Are we gonna get drunk?

[B]

Yeah, we have a little after party, too.

[A]

Oh, well, that' like I heard.

[B]

Come on, let's have some fun.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm only in LA for a little bit, so we gotta do it.

[A]

I know you tried to get me to come out the other night.

[B]

I know. And you. And getting Jake to go out is so funny because he. He has never said no to me once. He never says no. He'll never say no. Instead, he'll go, okay, yeah, okay. Yeah. And then. And I don't hear from him until the next day at 5pm I know.

[A]

That actually is exactly what happened.

[B]

That's what you do.

[A]

Well, that is what I do. I don't say no. I say, like, if somebody were to ask me, like. Like, she'll ask me a question, Louise will ask me. I'll say, oh, just give me the night. I'll think about it.

[B]

Right. You never say no.

[A]

Never.

[B]

Maybe we gotta work on that. Maybe you should say no more. No is liberating.

[A]

I don't like saying no.

[B]

No, I can't.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

No, I'm sorry, I can't.

[A]

Oh, but I was in bed.

[B]

And then a guy like you will go, no, I'm sorry, I can't. I love you.

[A]

But I told you. I was like, I'm in bed. And you were like, get out of bed.

[B]

How many. Yeah, of course it was 6:00pm like, what? How many people do you say I love you to? Everybody.

[A]

Every single person. And they all. And people, if they don't feel comfortable, say, yeah. You didn't say it back to me. You said, all right, buddy. Love.

[B]

Yeah, it just. It felt. It feels fast.

[A]

But I do love you.

[B]

I know, but I. I. You know, I think you got to put some. You got to start to put some weight on that, you know?

[A]

I say love you to everyone. I say I love you to my. My barista every morning. Taylor. Hi, Taylor.

[B]

Hi, Taylor. Love you.

[A]

Yeah, she writes on my coffee every morning.

[B]

Does she say, love you too?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, that's sweet.

[A]

And if they. If they don't feel comfortable saying it back, they go, love.

[B]

How long? That's what I did. How long have you known her, Your barista?

[A]

A year.

[B]

Okay. That's a long time.

[A]

Yeah. She's everything. We have each other's numbers. We text.

[B]

Okay, so that's someone you love.

[A]

Yeah, I have your number.

[B]

Who's someone that. Yeah. Yeah. Who's someone. Who's someone. When you. When is it too soon to say I love you?

[A]

I say it as, like, word. I just say it like. That's my version. Goodbye. Love you.

[B]

And so let's say that I'm one of the three men you're going on a date with this week. And I'm watching this.

[A]

Oh, no, I've I've done that before by accident, and I'm like, I did not mean that.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I did not mean that.

[B]

So it does mean something,

[A]

I guess.

[B]

When do you have a different thing that you say to people that you like? Really?

[A]

I think, oh, my God, I hope I get a boyfriend this year. Now that I'm thinking about it. Yeah, I really. I really hope I do.

[B]

Why do you want to. I was asked, what are you. What do you guys like? What is the. The thing that you want to do with a boyfriend that you can't do now?

[A]

I want to binge watch television with someone and then, like, be able to have sex in the middle between episodes.

[B]

Wow. That's beautiful, by the way. That's beautiful. That might be one of the most relatable things you've ever said.

[A]

That's, like, what I want to do. That's why I want a boyfriend. I'm, like, sitting there and like, sometimes I'm watching TV and I'm like, oh, my God. Wouldn't it be so nice if I was laying on someone's chest right now?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Or I was making out with someone.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Have you ever seen Homeland?

[B]

Not yet. No, I haven't seen it.

[A]

Oh, my God. Strap in.

[B]

Why?

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm on season six.

[B]

Have you seen Pluribus?

[A]

It was. It was a lot of world building, and I'm just. I. I knew I was too stupid.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

I was like, you know what? I'm too stupid.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

It was like, giving the same amount of. Do you watch Player best?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

You finish?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What'd you think? I had Brett spoil the ending for me. Sorry.

[B]

No, that's not the ending. But I loved it. I think it's just. It's just crazy. And it's like in the bright. In the Breaking Bad vibe. Also, when. When we were watching it, all I could think of is the, like, the weird shots that they do, like, to transition between scenes. It's like, that guy is really amazing. The guy that made that show.

[A]

I love when people think about stuff

[B]

like that, because it's really sick. Like, if you. I. I am the guy now that I'm, like, rewinding to see the creative little touch that they did. Like, there's one thing where, like, someone gets hurt and there's, like, blood, and then you, like, in your head, all. The first thing you think of when someone gets hurt, it's blood. And then the next scene is someone making, like, a pink lemonade and the powder that they put in is red. And then when it's mixed with water, it made the water look like it was blood. And then you find out when it pulls out that she was just making, like, a lemonade.

[A]

What? Wait, what?

[B]

Did you hear what I said?

[A]

Yeah, I heard what you said.

[B]

Where were you when I was talking?

[A]

I was thinking about how funny. How funny it was when I asked you what it was like to have sex with the vagina. Your friend out there said, damn, that's what I was thinking about.

[B]

Fair enough. I said something that made sense.

[A]

You said that she got hurt, there was blood, and then the following scene, there was red blood. Lemonade.

[B]

Exactly. Isn't that interesting to you?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, fine.

[A]

What else are you watching?

[B]

Oh,

[A]

is this your least favorite podcast you've done this week?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, awesome.

[B]

But I also know you and like you, it's hard for you to piss

[A]

me off and love me.

[B]

I can't get therapist about this. Okay, you know what I'm therapist about?

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm therapist about when you have a great night. You have a fun night. You have a few drinks, you have the time of your life. You truly enjoy it. And why is it that the next day has to be so bad?

[A]

Oh, my God. You think that.

[B]

Do you know what I mean?

[A]

You don't.

[B]

You don't get hungover.

[A]

I do.

[B]

You get anxiety.

[A]

Oh, well, I do. You know, but you, you know, you need to know how to do it right.

[B]

Is that just the price that I pay?

[A]

You don't. You don't have, like, a routine. You don't lay in bed, you watch television, smoke. Well, you don't smoke anymore. Smoke a joint, order food, maybe get an iv.

[B]

You just. I have to work.

[A]

Well, I don't drink on the weekdays.

[B]

Never.

[A]

I try not to.

[B]

What if you had a big. This is a special occasion. I mean.

[A]

Yeah. Then that sucks, right? Yeah.

[B]

It's just the price you pay, I guess, for having fun is you have to have a horrible.

[A]

Are you hungover right now? Is that why you bring that up?

[B]

No, no. But it happened after the Critics Choice Awards. I went out with my friends.

[A]

I know. I got the call.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did I miss such a fun night?

[B]

It was so fun.

[A]

What did you guys do?

[B]

We went to Chateau and we just talked and had a blast.

[A]

You told me you were going to

[B]

the One and Alexander Skarsgard was there. Shut up. What? Yes. And you could have met him.

[A]

And he was drinking with you guys.

[B]

He was having fun. He was right by us. Yeah. I gotta talk to him. Gotta talk to his dad.

[A]

Have you been watching all the Oscar noms?

[B]

No, I, I haven't.

[A]

You haven't seen any?

[B]

No, but I, I, it's exciting to me to see people, you know, be rewarded for the stuff that they do.

[A]

Have you seen one battle after another?

[B]

No, I'm dying to see it. I got to share, like, a little moment with Leo at the Critics Choice Awards.

[A]

What was the little moment?

[B]

He was like, he was like, looking at some papers because I think he was gonna present or something, and I just got to be like, hey, man. And we met, we had met one time before, and he's just, he's cool. He seems that he's very like a cool guy. And all I've heard about him is that he's just a tremendously hard worker and he loves his mom and he, you know, hangs out with his mom and a lot of respect for that guy.

[A]

Did you bring your mom to the Critics Choice Awards?

[B]

And. No, she couldn't come. She's working. My mom is like a workhorse.

[A]

What does she do?

[B]

What does your mom like me?

[A]

She's like me.

[B]

She's you.

[A]

Yeah. Well, think. I always say, think about who could have made me. Right? Yeah. What does your mom do?

[B]

My mom, she works for a Belgian company. It's like she does sales at a Belgian company. And ever since I was a kid, she'd be like, up at 4am because this, the time difference, right? And then I would wake up at like 7:30, 7:45, and I'd be angry and she'd be like, you got no idea what it is. You know? I mean.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

But she's just. You have never met her.

[A]

No, I.

[B]

She'd love you, dude.

[A]

I. You know what? I think we would get along really well. I know, because she likes to go to the mall for 10 hours.

[B]

She likes to go to the mall for 10 hours. She likes to. And not anymore. She used to. Not anymore. Now she's like, online. She loves to be online and. But she didn't invite you to drink wine. She invite you to come over. She tell you have to stay with her. She goes, stay with me.

[A]

Oh, my God, I hate being alone.

[B]

She would love it. She would love it. You have to come meet her. You have to go to Miami.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Me show you.

[A]

I would like that. Because last time I was in Miami, I was like, I can't do this ever again. No, it's just intense. It's intense. There's like 24 hour clubs, there's multiple 24 hour clubs. Yeah, my friends went to the club at 7:00am the other night.

[B]

To space.

[A]

Yes, of course. Oh, okay. So are you planning on getting drunk for the after party?

[B]

I want to have a couple drinks. Sure. Yeah. What does a guy like you do with money?

[A]

I don't spend it. I'm Jewish.

[B]

And so you don't spend. What's your. What's your. What do you.

[A]

Well, no, I do spend. I. I go. What would you say I spend on Louise? Clothes. Clothes. Clothes. And travel. Like, I like.

[B]

You gotta travel.

[A]

Well, I do and I do. And if you ever want, like, I. I am a master class. And like, convenience is key.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Do you know there is a service that I just discovered today that the second you land, you get off the plane and they just drive you home.

[B]

It's from the plane.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And what's the service?

[A]

Delta vip.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I've done that before.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

But they don't take me home. They take me to my car.

[A]

Well, that's when I met.

[B]

How do I spend my money? I, like, lately, I think it's been like, I just love the take being with my friends and covering it. I need to stop doing that. But I've had a. Plenty of conversations about this that I need to like, chill about it.

[A]

You like doing that.

[B]

But I just do, like, like taking care of it. But I'm getting better about it because it's. It's a lot of money. You have to like.

[A]

I'm Chad. Hold on.

[B]

What. What are you about to do?

[A]

Call, pay.

[B]

And can I guess what the call is? This is a call where Peyton tells me that you have never paid for anything for them in their entire life.

[A]

Yeah, hi, I'm with Marcelo. We're doing therapists. Guess what I said. We're talking about how, like, first of all, say hi.

[B]

Hello, Peyton.

[A]

He's. He said. She says, miss you.

[B]

Oh, miss you too, he said.

[A]

I said what? He's like, how do you like to spend your money? I said, on clothes. Whatever. I said, how do you. Not at all. Yeah. Or that. And then I said, how do you like to spend your money? You'll. You'll never guess his answer. Am I supposed to guess? No, he says he likes to pay for his friends. Cool. I want you to get a notebook, get a pen, and take notes.

[B]

But, Peyton, I need to work on that because my friends will love me either way, right?

[A]

Like, yeah, but what I love if Jake, like, brought me on a date, like, every once every three years. Yeah, Jake, I Know it's not. I did. I did. Peyton was just on a vacation from hell. And I did offer to pay for her room, which I didn't do.

[B]

Okay, but of course you didn't.

[A]

However, Jake did get me a purse I had been wanting forever from every birthday. The Prada party. The. What was it? The Prada party. Party.

[B]

Party purse.

[A]

Yeah, it's a Prada bag with a rave on it.

[B]

With a what?

[A]

With a disco ball.

[B]

Oh, a disco ball.

[A]

It's the Prada party purse. But, well, to be fair, Peyton. We were at drinks, and Peyton started pulling up bags and saying, I want this one.

[B]

Also, to be fair, I think that you roll a lot deeper than I do. Like that.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

I don't go out with maybe as many people as you do. Like, when you.

[A]

How many people you go out with? We don't have many friends.

[B]

It's like three or four of us, max.

[A]

Yeah, that's. There's five of us.

[B]

Well, I'm. I'm trying to make you look better, but I don't think it's a good thing. I think I need to, like, relax about.

[A]

Okay. I think I need to work on it.

[B]

I think you're doing good. I think you guys can.

[A]

Can find a happy medium together.

[B]

Let's find. I love that. Thank you, baby.

[A]

Okay. Love you. Pay. Love you.

[B]

Have you ever been to Dominican Republic?

[A]

No.

[B]

Can you speak a little bit Spanish?

[A]

Okay, ask me a question.

[B]

Okay,

[A]

Sorry. One more time. How long have I studied Spanish for?

[B]

What bothers you?

[A]

Oh, I can't speak Spanish, actually, but.

[B]

Okay. There's nothing really there.

[A]

No. How was the Dominican Republic when you went?

[B]

It was beautiful.

[A]

It was beautiful.

[B]

You have to go. The people. It's. It's. It's a really. Just an unbelievable place. And it's beautiful, and I think it's on the rise, and I think that it's peaceful and the. It's a natural beauty.

[A]

Do you gossip a lot?

[B]

I wouldn't say I gossip a lot, but.

[A]

Does your mom?

[B]

Yeah, I think it's a mom thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I figure out who's doing what and what they did with what. And my mom also would always do the thing where my mom and my grandmother that you. They gossip about people they don't even know. They would just do, like, if they see a news story about, like, a child that was abducted, immediately they're coming to me and being like, you're a child. That could have been you. And what, to live my life in fear that that could have been Me.

[A]

What is the most trouble you've ever gotten into with your mom ever? Because in your special, you talk a lot about how you got in trouble at the mall. How you got in trouble.

[B]

That's the one. The phone call.

[A]

Really?

[B]

That's the biggest thing I've ever done.

[A]

But you said you punished yourself.

[B]

Well, yeah, but, I mean, it was like I was already punished. It was like I felt like punishing myself. I didn't punish myself. I just felt like I felt so bad about it. It was like, truly like. It was. We haven't taught. We still don't talk about it. Because it was that bad.

[A]

Because he basically, like, told everyone on the bus that he. His parents let him smoke cigarettes and drink. How old were you? 10?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he got a call from CPS being like, we're gonna take you away. It turns out it was just his mom's friend with him. Yeah, but his mom was, like, every single day for two weeks when he would go to school would be like, all right, well, I have to go pee in a cup to prove that I'm not on drugs. It was all a lie. The whole thing was a ruse.

[B]

Yeah, it was a ruse. I got ruised. But that was, like, probably the worst thing I ever did. That. And then it was just, like, little stuff, you know? I mean, like, I had a good kid. I was not. I was not really a great. I was a good kid. Like, I never did anything insane, but I definitely was. Like, I would get a lot of trouble in school. A lot of times that my mom is like, I'm working until 4pm you can't miss the bus. And then I get a detention, and then I have to miss the bus. And many times she would have to pick me up at school at, like, 7, 8pm Stuff like that. I never had, like, any, like, drug or alcohol abuse situation.

[A]

I think the most trouble I ever got in was when I blacked out and broke my wrist. And my mom had told me two days prior that she was okay with me drinking a little. And then she was like, you know, like, you would have a drink here and there. And I was like, oh, okay, great. And then I broke my wrist.

[B]

Oh, my God. I never got in any trouble like that. Like, no police trouble. Oh, one time. This was really bad. One time I. I crashed my car, texting and driving, and I hit a person. And they came out of the car. Like, I didn't hit, like, a human, I hit a car. But the people came out, like, my neck, my back.

[A]

Did you have to, like, handle it through insurance or.

[B]

I don't even. I don't even remember. I think my mom and they were like. But they did this. The thing about scaring me, like, we. You might have to go to court.

[A]

Well, you could have. You hit someone.

[B]

I know. It was really bad.

[A]

You know, the guy still hasn't texted me back. The guy that I'm.

[B]

Are you serious?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So it's getting worse. I think also when you're with a friend and you're having a conversation, you can't relax about it, but the time is not passing that.

[A]

How has he not texted me? I'm so sorry.

[B]

Can I call him?

[A]

No. We have a date in four hours. I'm actually so confused. Should I text him?

[B]

What if I just call him from my phone just to see if he's on his phone and he won't even know it's me. Can we please do that? He won't even know it's me. Yeah. Safe. Yeah.

[A]

Now.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This is really good.

[B]

Here we go. Do not disturb. I'm doing double. I'm doing double. You just have to. It's part of the thing.

[A]

Is not available.

[B]

Shut up.

[A]

Hang up.

[B]

Hello, I'm calling in regard to the car on sale in the Facebook marketplace. Call me back, please. Thank you. I don't think that's bad. Hello?

[A]

I have to go pee. I have to go pee. Well, I won't. So did he decline your call?

[B]

He declined the call. He's. Yeah. But also I feel like he's really in something that's busy.

[A]

Yes, he's busy.

[B]

That makes me feel like you're. You're. You're. Okay. It's not that bad.

[A]

I need a boyfriend. I'm going to crash out. I'm going to crash out.

[B]

And if he calls you, he's not going to call you back. I wanted the voice mode to be a person you don't call back.

[A]

Well, you're calling about the car on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah.

[B]

Which is a. About that on the fly.

[A]

Okay, so we're about to get into the. Tell me what's wrong before we do. I do have to pee my pants.

[B]

Okay, great. Let's take a break.

[A]

This episode of Therapuss is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah, so I actually have my best friend Alice on the phone with me right now. Alice, we just got back from Japan together. Would you like to tell the pussies how you booked every single one of our stays? I really did. My big one. It took me about Four days to make sure I was booking the right places, the right things. And we got such good deals on booking.com and, like, we'll be using time and time again. Like, how amazing were those deals, Alice? Obviously, they weren't free, but, like, they were. They were close.

[B]

Yeah,

[A]

you heard it here first, as you always do with booking.com. i've used it on tour. I use it on my recent trip. Like, you literally just put in, okay, we're with four people. We need two beds. We want to tear it. Like, they really just make it so much easier, especially when you're traveling with a group. Everybody has such different needs for where they want to stay. And booking.com just makes it so easy. So, literally, thank you, booking.com for helping my trip with Japan and helping me book, obviously, all of my tour spots. Also, at this rate, I have been in New York for a week now for. For Broadway, and I booked it on booking.com because I wanted to make sure I was near a gym, somewhere I could get coffee, just, like, walking distance to, like, anything I would need. So, seriously, thank you, booking.com I would literally use it for everywhere I go, and it's been the most helpful. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.combooking. yeah. Book today on the site or in the app. Okay, so tell me about the SNL schedule. I know the. Okay, well, I guess people watching want to know the SNL schedule is. What do you. Are you. Do you write?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, so you write.

[B]

So I'll tell you. Jason Sudeikis, name drop alert.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He told me that people always ask him about the SNL schedule, and he had to find a quick way to explain it to someone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he gave it to me so that I can do it, and then it makes my life easier. So on Monday, we talk about it.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

We talk to the host. You talk to the writers. Everybody talks on Monday. Monday, set schedule. Set meetings for Tuesday. On Tuesday, we write. All day, all night, we write. And on Tuesday, there's that dinner that we all go to with the host, that the Lauren and the producers, they select some cast to join them at dinner with the host.

[A]

Okay. You guys get drunk?

[B]

No. Because you got to go back to the office.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

So you can have one, maybe, but you gotta go back and be a person. So Tuesday we write. Wednesday, we read. So on Wednesday morning, you send in all your sketches. At Wednesday afternoon, we all sit at the table and we read 38 to 40 sketches. So it takes hours. So we're done at like 8:39. You sit at that table for a long time. And then from 9 to like 10, 10:30, they pick what's on the show. So then on Thursday, there's rewrites all day. So the ones that were picked, you meet up with all the writers and you rewrite the sketches. You find out which moments weren't that good, you try to make them better. And then on Thursday night, I believe there's a few rehearsals as well. And then Friday is when you record everything that's pre recorded. And also you rehearse a lot of the other sketches.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then on Saturday you do. Usually you get there at like noon, and then you're there until 1:30am when it's over. So Saturday we're rehearsing all day. And then at 8pm we do the dress rehearsal. And then at 10pm we find out what was cut between dress and air. 10, 10:30. And then at 11:30 we do the show. Show.

[A]

What has your favorite show you've ever done, Ben?

[B]

I think the one that was most emotionally like the one that made me cry was with Bad Bunny when he hosted the first time, and he brought like, obviously, like I was helping people that were putting Spanish into his sketches. I felt like, important and like, useful. And that was really nice. And then we had this protective mom sketch that I had done with Pedro where he's my mom. And we, you know, Lauren and the producers thought it was maybe we bring it back for that one. Then we brought it back and I got to write it and put Bad Bunny as my aunt and Pedro as my mom. And it was funny and we had a great time. And I think after that show, I remember like going to the after party and seeing my friends and just crying.

[A]

Oh, it was like big, like hysterically sob.

[B]

Yeah, like, like, oh. But it was like, you know, it was a moment.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

I felt like I had like really, like, done something. Yeah, that was a big one.

[A]

And then what is on the flip side? A sketch where you, you got off stage, you're like, I literally, I've never bombed that hard in my life.

[B]

It happens a lot. Like at dress rehear, some of the sketches just don't work. And you just, you get cut and you get cut. We've done a few that just don't work. But I, I pride myself on, like, it's okay to be like for a second to be like, damn or whatever, but, like, I don't get too low and I try not to get too high either.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because then. Yeah. You ever heard the song Happy and Sad by Casey Musgraves?

[B]

No.

[A]

You should listen to it.

[B]

Yeah. It's a good one.

[A]

It talks about, like, when you're feeling really happy, you're like, oh, my God, something bad's gonna happen.

[B]

Right. It's tough. And, oh, Tom Hanks has a great quote that I saw him do on a YouTube thing where he's like, whenever you think you have it all figured out, you're wrong.

[A]

That's the quote.

[B]

And then whenever you think that you have nothing figured out and everything's going bad, you're wrong as well. Oh, if you would just give me a second.

[A]

Yeah, that was a less a lesson in patience for me.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Well, let's. Before we get into the Tell me what's wrongs, I am going to see. But still no response. That's cool.

[B]

Well, he ignored the call. He's busy. Pass me one of those stress balls. You're making me stressed. I didn't realize they were gonna be so sticky, Jake. I'm sorry.

[A]

I like it.

[B]

Oh, it's slimy. I'm sure it'll get dry the longer you have it.

[A]

What was your favorite place when you would go to the mall with your mom and you said you hated it? Which actually was probably the most shocking part of your special. Because I love them all.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Well, I guess that doesn't mean you would like it, but what was your

[B]

favorite place to go to or different. You.

[A]

In the mall.

[B]

My favorite place to go to in the mall. I don't know. I really didn't enjoy it, But I will say that I would go.

[A]

Now you want to go to the mall?

[B]

I would go to the mall. I would go to the mall. I go to the mall with you. I go to the mall with my mom. I would go to the mall. I have a good time. I also think back, then you have no money.

[A]

Right? Right. You're like, what am I doing?

[B]

And. Yeah. And wanting something is scary because your mom is like, really? Mr. C in math.

[A]

Did you have an allowance as a kid?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I would get, like, Sometimes my parents would drop me off at a place called Sunset Place, and that's where you do lose your laps and you have your first kiss and all that stuff. And they would give me 20 bucks. I'd get up.

[A]

They'd be like, my parents would give me 20 as well.

[B]

You do that. But I never had an allowance. I never had, like, chores. I never was like, oh, I took out the trash. I deserve Money. My mom was like, no, this is my house. And I pay rent.

[A]

You know, I didn't.

[B]

Or mortgage.

[A]

You know, I didn't do chores as a kid.

[B]

Never did chores.

[A]

Never not.

[B]

What do you think that it's hurt you in your older life?

[A]

Absolutely. I didn't know how to laundry until I got to college.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I didn't know how to do the dishwasher until I moved into my second apartment in college.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

Well, so to tell me what's wrong, you obviously know, since you've seen the show, of course. And we prescribe stuff, Right. My Best friend of 10 plus years has a lying problem. Recently, she's been retelling stories that I'm a part of, and she's adding things that are untrue and always end up making me look bad and her look good.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I've been there. Other friends have noticed it too. Okay, well, that's the first part. And she even fabricated a story and told my co workers, which made me really uncomfortable and I had to do damage control. What do I do? So it's awkward when you have a friend like that because they'll never. Because they already have the lying problem. Like, that's seeded into them. They will never look at you and tell you that they lied.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

I know so. You'll say you just lied. They'll say, no, I didn't.

[B]

Even if you put the pressure on.

[A]

Yeah, they'll say, no, I didn't. You're lying.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I don't really know what to say.

[B]

I think you need to have, like, more faith in people.

[A]

Oh, my God. You know what I prescribe?

[B]

What?

[A]

Do you remember in the episode of Pluribus where she gave her the truth serum?

[B]

Yes, that. The truth serum, which is heroin, tequila.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

Or something.

[A]

Oh, sorry. I. Because didn't she ask for heroin and Pluribus?

[B]

Yeah, but that was not. Had nothing to do. Whatever. I. I prescribed like a. Like a. Let's have drinks with this girl and have a lot of drinks. Like, a lot eat. Not drinks that towards the end of the night when you're black out, you go, hey, I'm not mad, but we have to talk about this.

[A]

Do you watch the Real Housewives?

[B]

A little bit with my family. Yeah.

[A]

Which ones do you watch? Because that is something that they would do.

[B]

My sister does. My sister does Miami. Salt Lake City.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

Of course. Salt Lake City is apparently the best one.

[A]

It is the best one. Do you watch Salt Lake City?

[B]

A little bit, yeah. Who's your favorite I don't have a favorite.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

I don't have a favorite, but my favorite.

[A]

Lisa Barlow. I'm very important to God. Have you heard her say that?

[B]

No. What did she say?

[A]

She said I'm very important to God.

[B]

To God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay. That's funny. I like Miami. I like in Miami.

[A]

Miami is one of the best, too.

[B]

Miami is one of the best. I like the girl that's with the firefighter.

[A]

I don't watch Miami, so I wouldn't know. But I do know that it is considered one of the best.

[B]

I watch.

[A]

I only watch Salt Lake.

[B]

Miami's really good, though.

[A]

So you watched my sister?

[B]

Yeah, I sit down with my sister sometimes and I watch the Housewives with her. It's. It's television, people. You can. You can hate on it all you want. It's television. It's good tv.

[A]

Some of the best actors in the world watch Housewives.

[B]

The stuff happens. It's drama. It's. Would you. Can you believe her? I love that. I don't find myself to be a very dramatic person. Like, I don't, like, get there very often. So it's nice to see people get there over stuff that's not that important.

[A]

You're not dramatic?

[B]

Not that dramatic. I think I definitely am dramatic, but I think that level is kind of performative.

[A]

You know what I would prescribe, actually? Real House Girl. Yes. Real Housewives of New York City. Scary island episodes. Because Kelly Benson. Or maybe not Scary island, but just like that whole season with Kelly Benzimone in general because she just lies through her teeth. My friend. My friend Gwyneth. Remember that?

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

She's just a liar. And you just. You can't. You have to just, like, deal with it.

[B]

Right. But only if you love this person do I recommend having the drinks and doing the thing.

[A]

My twin sister and my boyfriend have been hooking up behind my back for months.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I found out through a mutual friend that told me when we were a little drunk last weekend.

[B]

See? You see how they. You see how the information gets out?

[A]

Yes. I feel so betrayed by both parties, obviously, and have no idea what to do with this information. I haven't told them I know yet. And it's taking everything for me not to murder them both. How do I handle this? In the most evil way possible.

[B]

Whoa. In the most evil way. My twin sister is hooking up with my boyfriend behind my back.

[A]

Are you. Would you consider yourself to be a petty person?

[B]

Not too petty, no.

[A]

I also don't think I'm petty. She would disagree.

[B]

Petty to me is like if somebody, like if you find out that someone's been talking to someone else behind your back and they tell you, you post like a story with the person that told you that stuff, you know what I mean? That to me is like petty behavior that's calculated. That's calculated and petty.

[A]

Oh, but if I thought I had

[B]

the opportunity to do that and I didn't do it.

[A]

Oh, you do you get your feelings hurt if you find out someone's speaking about you, about behind your back?

[B]

No.

[A]

Neither do I.

[B]

No. Well, because. Because what? Because what? Because there's no such thing as what? Bad press, honey.

[A]

You believe that?

[B]

I don't know, I just wanted to say it. Okay, what do we prescribe to this girl? Oh, no, how do we prescribe? She wants the most evil solution.

[A]

I mean, I mean, the, the classic response is like a rom com where like, John Tucker must die, which I've prescribed many a times, however.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

You never seen John Tucker must die?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, it's fabulous.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

You would love it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

I, I recommend something crazy.

[A]

Oh, I actually know what I recommend,

[B]

I recommend something crazy, but this has lifelong effects.

[A]

Okay, What?

[B]

Tell your mom.

[A]

Oh, yeah, because it's her, it's sister,

[B]

you know what I mean? And it's like. And they look the same and it's hard to pick one, but when you find out something like this, I would

[A]

prescribe Girls on HBO specifically because Hannah, the main character's boyfriend, starts hooking up with her best friend behind her back and she writes a think piece on it.

[B]

Oh my God, yeah. Naming names?

[A]

No, but they know. My parents of 20 plus years just

[B]

told me this was an evil solution to, to send it to you. So you read it on here? Oh yeah, this was part of it already.

[A]

So, like, if you know, you know,

[B]

if you know, you know now, and if you really want to be evil, tell your mom.

[A]

Tell your mom.

[B]

Tell your mom.

[A]

What would your mom do if she found that out? Like, let's say it would just be

[B]

like, I still love you, and you'll always question if that's true, really? You know what I mean?

[A]

What?

[B]

Because you were like, she'll be like, she'll tell you that's wrong and that you did the wrong thing and that you should never betray your sister like that, and then for the rest of your life you'll kind of live with that guilt of like, I let my mother down in a crazy way.

[A]

God, I don't have that guilt?

[B]

No, no. Do you have any siblings? Yeah, exactly.

[A]

I'd be like, look, desperate times.

[B]

What?

[A]

Probably like, I don't know.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

My parents of 20 plus years just told me at the ripe age of 24.

[B]

The parents of 20 plus years, just. That's just your parents. What?

[A]

Okay, I guess you're right.

[B]

Yeah. She was telling us her age.

[A]

That's what she was. My parents just told me at the age of 24 that they're getting divorced and my dad is joining a polycule. What is that?

[B]

Oh, that's when you have sex with multiple people. It's a relationship with multiple.

[A]

The weirdest thing is my mom is totally fine with it. Well, obviously, like they've been talking about it. Please, how do I cope with this? It's so weird. Even though I'm already out of the house. Oh, you just have to. It's, it's. It's. You're at that age where you're like, oh my God, my parents are just grown up children. They don't know what they're doing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Do you ever feel that way? Like, oh my God, my parents are just grown up children.

[B]

I prescribe a group chat with the wives.

[A]

Why?

[B]

Just get in there, start to have some wine and try to enjoy it. They feel guilty too. They just took a normal family. The other people in the polycule, I think that the other people in the public on the polygon, I think that they feel bad too. They're like, oh my God, this guy had a normal life and then now because of the polycule, it's gonna. It's all kind of gonna be different now. So use that guilt to kind of have some fun. Try to have some fun. Try to make them, you know, get you some gifts.

[A]

Yeah. Double Christmas.

[B]

Yeah. With that, it's probably like triple, quadruple Christmas.

[A]

Well, your parents are divorced, right?

[B]

My parents are divorced.

[A]

So do you get double Christmas?

[B]

I get double Christmas, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I get double Christmas. I also have a. I have a mom, I have a stepdad, and I have a dad. And my mom and my stepdad, they got divorced. And then they got back together.

[A]

Wow. Oh my God. Love your mom's energy.

[B]

She's just.

[A]

Didn't work. Let's try it again.

[B]

Literally. And the. The real savage move is to divorce. Is like, whatever that problem was. It was. Let's. We're divorced, right? And then if you can repent, huh? Take your time. Repent away from me. Me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know what I mean? And then you're a religious Man, I believe in God. Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I believe in God. I pray.

[A]

You pray? I pray. You pray before every show.

[B]

I don't pray before every show. I prayed before my special. I pray every time I get on a plane and I pray every once in a while on my own. I do want to. I've been trying to do this. I want to pray every night.

[A]

Okay. Does your girlfriend also pray?

[B]

I think she does have a relationship with God, yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's beautiful.

[B]

But I want to pray at night. I want to pray at night. I used to do this where you pray at night and you talk about what you want for the what you're thankful for for today and what you want for tomorrow.

[A]

Okay, let's practice that right now.

[B]

Okay, ready?

[A]

All right. What are you thankful for for today?

[B]

Are we really gonna pray?

[A]

Oh, okay. Yes.

[B]

Because if we're gonna pray, we're gonna pray.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay, ready? Let's do a little prayer. Let's do a little prayer. All right. The father God, I am thankful for my friends, for my family, for my health. I'm thankful for this week in la. I've been able to share a lot of time with people that I ad that I respect. I am grateful for my special that is coming out. Thank you for allowing that to happen without a hitch. And thank you for giving me the opportunity to have this week to promote it and to try to get people to watch it because you know how much work I put into it. That's what I'm grateful for today. I'm grateful for my family, for my friends, for my relationship, and for the people on my team that make me a better person and make me work very hard. Jake, what are you thankful for for today?

[A]

Okay. Thank you, God, for giving me the health to be able to work out this morning. I loved my workout. Thank you for letting me have this space to interview my friends and talk to them. I would actually really appreciate it if you had the guy that I'm going on the date with tonight text me back. I've been waiting and I need to know if I need to show up Sushifumi at 8.30pm or not. But other than that, I am so grateful. I'm grateful for my body. I feel like I've been looking a little slimmer these days. So thank you for that. I know that's both you and me together and I'm grateful for. You know, I was actually looking in the mirror today and I decided that I really liked my hair. So I'm grateful for my hair. I'M grateful for. Okay, so I know that this is. This is like off and on, but, like, I am grateful for European Wax center, even though that it's poorly run. I am grateful for them because I feel really comfortable with my upper arms right now because they're waxed.

[B]

And thank you for that.

[A]

And thank you. Amen.

[B]

And then. No, no, now, now we do what we want for tomorrow.

[A]

Oh, okay, okay. Oh, I already jumped the gun on that one.

[B]

It's okay. And for tomorrow, I pray that you please give me the opportunity to have a amazing screening for my special and that everybody comes and that they enjoy it and that they feel identified and that they feel that they had a moment of release and that they laugh. And I also pray that tomorrow you keep everybody safe in my family and in my friends, and that my girlfriend has a safe flight from New York to LA to come see the screening. And I pray that tomorrow you also remind me whenever I can to help other people when it's possible. And. And amen. And now you. For tomorrow.

[A]

Okay. For tomorrow, I'm going to the store at 11am and I want them to have the size of the blue and white striped shirt that I really want. So I pray for that. I pray that I do a good job in my workout after I buy the shirt. If they have my size, wink, wink. And I pray that I find joy in my day tomorrow.

[B]

On that. That was sweet. That was sweet.

[A]

That was so fun. I do pray that they. I have this shirt.

[B]

Just be grateful. Be grateful.

[A]

Is that what religion is? You think just gratitude or.

[B]

No, I think it's gratitude. I think people.

[A]

Oh, my God. I saw that too.

[B]

Yeah. I think people.

[A]

Is that a fly?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

It was God.

[B]

It was God.

[A]

It was.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

It was.

[B]

And what did I do? I went, get away from me.

[A]

No, no. But you were just startled by his presence sense.

[B]

Thank you. That's sweet. I think it's that. I think it's you being grateful for the world that you have. And I think it's also when things go bad, you. You need someone that you want to be on your side. And I think it's, you know, it's true that, you know, he's always listening. And I think it's also just placing intentions into the world is. I think it's a healthy thing.

[A]

I do that in silently.

[B]

Good.

[A]

You know what? I felt so good after praying.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Oh, my God, I feel amazing.

[B]

And imagine doing that every night before you go to sleep.

[A]

You just Feel like, oh, I'm putting it out there.

[B]

I'm putting it out there, out there. And then now you start to kind of live life with intention.

[A]

I keep on going out, and I cannot get a hint for the life of me in multiple ways. I never know when to go home. Girl. Same. I never know when I'm too drunk, but mainly. Well, obviously, that's the point of being drunk, but mainly, I never know when someone is into me. I've had experiences where I make the first move and it feels completely. So how can I trust that someone is doing the same to me? I fumbled the bag so hard so many times. How. How. How do I know when someone is flirting with me instead of just bantering or humoring me? Please. It's such a problem. I totally relate to that.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

How do you know. How do you. How did you know when someone was. When your girlfriend was flirting with you?

[B]

We went on a bunch of dates. I think it took time, patience, I think. I think also sometimes you have to make a move and see what the reaction is. I think, you know, if you go on a bunch of dates and you're saying goodbye, you can ask to kiss or to see if it's okay. And I think. I think I really respect people that go, are you flirting with me or are you just humoring me? I think that to me, oh, my

[A]

God, if I go on my date today, I'm gonna use that line.

[B]

It's good, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you flirting with me? Are you interested in me or are you just playing with me? Are you just. Are you just being nice? And I think that's, like, a cute and honest way to get it out of the way, and then, you know, and then maybe you get a person that's. That's, you know, really honest. And it's like, you know what? Honestly, I am just being nice. I am seeing someone or I'm not

[A]

looking for anything, so why go on the date?

[B]

No, not on the date. Just like, a random person at a bar.

[A]

Okay, sorry. That hit home for me. That one really hit home for me.

[B]

Let's manifest something before we get to the next. The next one.

[A]

I'm gonna manifest that. He texted me back. He did it.

[B]

No, he didn't. He's busy.

[A]

Dude.

[B]

He rejected two calls back to back. What if that was the biggest opportunity. Opportunity of his whole life?

[A]

Well, it said from an unknown number.

[B]

That was, by the way, it kind of was a big. One of the biggest opportunities of his whole life. And I think he passed. He passed.

[A]

I Can't believe he didn't text me back.

[B]

Jake, relax. What was I gonna tell you? Oh, who do you want on the show that you haven't had on?

[A]

Taylor Swift.

[B]

That's okay. That's.

[A]

Have you met Taylor Swift?

[B]

I met her once, yeah.

[A]

Was she lovely?

[B]

She was sweet. She was with Travis at an after party, and I brought. I brought shots, and we did, like, a shot together. She's cool.

[A]

Who is the most starstruck you've ever been to meet on snl?

[B]

Now, I think for me, because I listen to a lot of Spanish music. When I saw Bad Bunny, I was kind of freaking out. Carol G. I was freaking out. I think for me, it's like, those people really are like, whoa. And then I think I would freak out if I ever saw, like, Jennifer Aniston. Like, I think she's a legend.

[A]

One time I was waving at someone,

[B]

and we watched the morning show.

[A]

Oh, you watch the morning show?

[B]

Yeah, I watch it.

[A]

Brett loves that show. My roommate.

[B]

I watch it a lot.

[A]

I once was waving at someone, and Jennifer Aniston was staying in the same hotel as me, and she thought I was waving at her, and she said, oh, no. And I said, oh, no. But it was like, Jennifer Aniston.

[B]

You said, oh, no, no.

[A]

I was just like, oh, my God, that's so awkward. Like, I just had that. And it was with Jennifer Aniston.

[B]

She's a legend, isn't she?

[A]

Was she the one that was dating Justin Thoreau? Yes, they were dating. Yes, they. Yes. Yes, they were. Have you ever seen the Leftovers?

[B]

No.

[A]

Fantastic.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Talk about God, right? You know, I have a show coming out.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, on Hulu, and I'm making it with Paul Briganti.

[B]

Oh, nice. What is it called?

[A]

Untitled, as of now, but okay.

[B]

And it's all about you, of course. Oh, my God.

[A]

You worked with Paul for a while.

[B]

You're not gonna invite me? No, we wouldn't. We didn't. We didn't overlap.

[A]

You didn't overlap?

[B]

No. Oh, you're gonna invite me to do the show?

[A]

Yeah, I. I've actually thought of you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But if you're not too busy, you have, like, 10 different movies coming out this year. Got Shrek?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that insane?

[A]

Have you filmed Truck already?

[B]

Yeah, it's been. It's all voiceover, obviously.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Got it. Yeah. It's crazy.

[A]

What's your Shrek voice?

[B]

It sounds a lot like me.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

It sounds a lot like me.

[A]

And you play Shrek, son.

[B]

I play One of Shrek Sons.

[A]

Yeah, one of. Yeah, he's getting around.

[B]

No, it's. He's very fertile. But that's really crazy. Exciting. And I did one with Kevin Hart and it's coming out in July.

[A]

Oh, yes, I've heard about this. What's it called again?

[B]

72 hours.

[A]

And what's it about?

[B]

It's. It's like. It's a boys movie. It's like the boys. It's for everyone. But it's. Because there's a bunch. There's a big, like, girls moment as well. But it's.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Like. Like, there's a group of girls in it that are hilarious and there's a group of boys, and Kevin is, like, in the boys group, and we are. It's like a bachelor party movie.

[A]

Okay. So what do you think the biggest difference between boy and girl humor is?

[B]

I don't know, because I think I have a little bit of girl humor.

[A]

You do, because you grew up like your mom and your sister in the house of woman man.

[B]

I don't know. I guess I think Shane Gillis is boy humor.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

You know what I mean? And then I think I am, like, I'm in the middle.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like I was a very much a guy because I played sports and stuff, but I grew up with a lot of women, and I'm. I feel comfortable, like, hanging with women. The wine nights with my aunt, talking, you know, I mean, I talk about it like. So, like, when I was younger, I felt like a real guy at school. And then I would come home and my sister would be like, I met someone. I'd be like, shit, show me a picture.

[A]

Really? How old?

[B]

How.

[A]

What's your age difference with your sister? Three years older. She's older.

[B]

She's younger.

[A]

She's younger.

[B]

She's amazing. She's an architect. She. Well, she studied architecture and then she got into interior design.

[A]

Isn't your girlfriend an architect as well?

[B]

She is. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Listen, listen, guys. You did. Listen about that. She's a badass.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She makes furniture and stuff.

[A]

Yeah. She's showing me on the Sprinter in which you forgot we hung out on.

[B]

We did hang out on it. Yeah. My sister is like my sister. I am the loud one and she's the quiet one. And she has such, like, a spidey sense for people, and she kind of like. She just is great at analyzing things. You know what? Something that she does that I'm really jealous of that I think we need to do. What is. I'll Be like, something will happen with any of my friends or anybody, and I'll be like, this happened with this person. What's going on? And she's like, you have to wait. Like, don't jump to a judgment. Give it a little bit of time. Time.

[A]

Your sister says this.

[B]

She's like really emotionally intelligent and.

[A]

Oh, I. I don't got that.

[B]

It's literally what it is. It's like you're saving your energy. Because I want. I come up to her with a problem and I'm like, I'm ready to be pissed. I'm ready to get therapist about this. And then she's like, chill, Whoa.

[A]

When's your birthday?

[B]

She's June 20th.

[A]

Gemini.

[B]

Gemini.

[A]

I'm telling you, she says this and

[B]

she says this stuff. She's also therapies.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But I think also, like, for example, the texting thing, like, if someone's not texting me back and I'm like, what's going on? Or like, you know, a business thing isn't happening. And I'm like, it's not happening. Why won't they answer? I sent like a text with a request and I'm not getting anything. She's like, relax. People are busy. Things happen. Sometimes I don't text back. Sometimes you don't text back. So give people the same grace that you wish that they gave you.

[A]

Dang. Wow. Let me just check if he texted me back though. Though I do want to see. Okay, so he still hasn't texted me back.

[B]

You're giving this guy so much power. You know that?

[A]

That power is mine.

[B]

That power is yours. And when. What are you a bad. Okay.

[A]

Wow. I want to hang out with you all the time.

[B]

We do need to hang out more.

[A]

We do.

[B]

That's a fact.

[A]

That's a fact. You gonna. When are you going back to New York?

[B]

Sunday morning.

[A]

I leave New York Sunday morning.

[B]

Okay. All right, next. There. Next one.

[A]

I've had to keep up a lie about my, quote, fake boyfriend for way too long at this point. It started as a joke for my family members over the holiday. Someone took it seriously, though, and it got back to their daughter. My friend who was over the moon about this for me and told a bunch of people. Who cares? They've all been super supportive and none of them are people I'm crazy close with. It has been literally six weeks of this now, and I want to nip it in the bud before the holiday season is over. Without too many follow up questions or people thinking I'm a freak. Help. You just Say it's a joke that got out of control and you didn't know how to end it. You just need to be honest. Honesty. That's what I learned. Whenever I would get in trouble at school, I would just pick, oh my God, I did it. I'm sorry.

[B]

Yep, accountability is big.

[A]

You want to know why I did that? Because one time I lied and the principal brought in the other person. Like I. I had been playing the field with both people and they, oh my God, I'll never forget it. Let's just say their names were like Jenny and Casey. And Jenny and Casey got into a blowout. Fight. Fight. And the principal brought both Jenny and Casey in. And I had been like talking about Casey with Jenny and about Jenny with Casey and they brought them in and I literally was sitting there and they looked at me like, get, pick a side. I was 11.

[B]

Wow. It was horrible. You were meant to do this.

[A]

Do what?

[B]

This is what you're doing.

[A]

Okay. Thank you. Jake and guest. So you, me and my best friend had to get a new roommate because our lease was up and our other roomie moved out. We found this amazing girl, we're both boys. Who seemed really nice, sweet and energetic. Flash forward not only two weeks in and my friend and her have already started to flirt hardcore around the house and have already kissed. So you're jealous? I'm happy for the two of them, but we're in a year long lease and I don't want the whole thing to blow up. You're jealous. I know you don't. I know you say don't get involved, but this is sort of my problem too. No, it's not.

[B]

No, it's not. And the whole thing of like. I don't want the whole thing to blow up. Why are you manifesting that? That maybe you wanted to. Yeah. Blow up.

[A]

Yeah. Maybe cuz you had a crush on the girl or you have crush on the boy.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Wait, we didn't even really talk about your Netflix special. I don't think we talked about it enough.

[B]

Talk a little bit about.

[A]

I don't think we talked about it enough.

[B]

Talk a little bit about.

[A]

It's fantastic. American Boy. It's out on Netflix now. It would have already been out at this point, but the direction is incredible. Who directed it?

[B]

Nicholas Goosen. He works with Adam Sandler. He's done a bunch of cool.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

How you said it's the hardest you've worked on anything ever and I know we kind of touched on that earlier. What did you mean by that?

[B]

So basically, when you. When you first. When you film a special, before I film the special, I. And I said this yesterday on the Dax Shepard show. But it was crazy because I was freaking out and I was trying to get guidance from anybody, like, help. And I called Dave Chappelle because he has done a million of these, right? And I called him and he told me. He gave me a few pieces of advice and actually said this on Tiger Belly, not on the show. But he told me just little things to remember about the cameras, about the lighting of the audience and stuff that I wouldn't have thought of. That was very technical stuff that I needed to hear. And so I came in with that mindset of like, okay, I'm gonna do everything I can to make this as good as possible. And so we did that. It was also drama because the shirt that I wanted to wear for the special, we tried to get multiples because you sweat through the shirt and you need another one. The shirt is a one of one vintage shirt. So there's no multiples. There's one shirt. So after I finished each show, my mom, who was there the whole week, she's taking it off, she's spraying, she's doing the thing with a air blow

[A]

dryer that was shot over multiple nights.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That wasn't one night.

[B]

No.

[A]

You've done an excellent job making me think. Wow. Talk about movie magic.

[B]

Movie magic. I'm so glad you said that.

[A]

I was nervous about that was over multiple. I really.

[B]

Six. No. Yes. No.

[A]

And your best friend out there sat front row every time. Yeah.

[B]

Well, no, he was at. That was movie magic.

[A]

Oh, okay. Did you guys plan the dap up?

[B]

I planned the dap up.

[A]

Okay. Because it was really smooth.

[B]

I actually made. I. I decided the entire seating chart based on the dap up.

[A]

Really well. It was very smooth and worked.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

It was amazing. And your mom introducing you was also very sweet.

[B]

She's adorable. And. Yeah, so that part was crazy. The shirt thing was a fiasco. And then it was doing the shows. Great. Have a fun night. Afterwards, after party, everybody's there. My. All my family came to visit me. My uncle passed away right before, so it was like kind of like in memory of him and my tio Pepito, who I love so much. And I have a letter P here. My girl got me this necklace and it has beautiful. And his, you know, his widow came and his kids, who I love so much, Jose, Ignacio and Nico and Biki. And I got to see them and they got to see me do this thing. And a lot of my family and friends and my dad and my stepdad and everybody was there, and my sister, of course. And it was a big moment. Have fun. And then afterwards, two weeks later, you have to get into editing. And the editing was insane. I spent a week, nine hours a day with my director going literally moment by moment, breath by breath, cutting to different camera shots. I know every shot of the show. I am like. I had to watch it so many times. We did an audio pass where we just listened to it. Then we had to do a visual pass, and then we did. I probably did like four or five different sessions on my own where I went through it, and I want. And I wrote notes. Notes on everything.

[A]

What's an example of a note? Like, why would you cut.

[B]

I don't want to cut to this camera angle because my face. You can't really see my face in this. And you have to see my face because it's a reaction. I don't like this shot. I think it's too dark. I don't think. I think because it's too dark, you're kind of gonna lose interest. I think we're cutting too much between these two jokes. I think we should stick in one camera shot a lot of that stuff. And then. And then you're doing audio stuff. Like, he's so sick of listening.

[A]

What? No, I'm not.

[B]

It doesn't matter. You're doing audio shots. No, I'm not.

[A]

Why would you that? I don't know.

[B]

I just felt it.

[A]

I thought I was doing it. Literally, as I'm listening to you, I'm like, wow, I'm really interested in this.

[B]

Okay, great. So I'm glad. Maybe I'm just. I'm just projecting. Listen. So the audio passes. Are you listening to it and being like, I didn't like that laugh. Was that the real laugh? Did you bump it up? Did you bring it down? What did you do to that? Is that fake? It sounds too loud. I think that. That you. You. You juiced up. You bumped it. I don't want to bump it. I don't want to. To lie. I want it to be real. If they didn't laugh that hard, then they didn't laugh that hard. So it was like doing that a lot. And it was a lot.

[A]

So what? So how.

[B]

My brother, my stepbrother watched the whole thing and gave me notes. I had to send it to another friend of mine who watched it and gave me notes. You know, my mom would watch it and think, about, you know, my mom was like, I have flyaways in my hair. Can we fix that with. With movie magic?

[A]

Did you fix it? Yes.

[B]

So it was. It was just so much. So much investment into it. And then even till now, this. This is investing in it. This is working on it, promoting it, and doing all this stuff. And I had never really done podcasts before.

[A]

We've been speaking about this for quite

[B]

some time about this. You've been. I've been wanting to do your show, and I haven't been able to because I told you I wanted to have my special done.

[A]

You did tell me that.

[B]

And I did. Now here I am.

[A]

You're a man of your word.

[B]

Thank you very much.

[A]

And I love you.

[B]

I love you, too.

[A]

Do you mean it?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Okay. Well, today I learned that. That maybe praying is good for me.

[B]

You should try it.

[A]

Yeah, I should try it.

[B]

Even it's just a meditation. I think it's a beautiful thing.

[A]

Yeah, I agree. Well, Marcelo, thanks for coming on the show.

[B]

You're welcome. Coming. And I want to tell you that I'm very, very proud of you. And this is so exciting. And you just sold this to Netflix and you used to be an assistant at a record label and you made it out and you're making a real name for yourself and you're sitting here next to some super famous people. I'm watching you reach. Every person that you've wanted is coming, and Taylor is coming. I'm going to manifest it. She will do it.

[A]

It.

[B]

And I'm proud of you and I'm grateful for you, and I hope you enjoy your gifts.

[A]

I love you. Thank you for my gifts. I'm proud of you and I'm grateful for you as well.

[B]

Thank you. And love, bro.

[A]

Love you want to give a little Bye.

[B]

Goodbye.

[A]

Yay.

[B]

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