Session 109.5: Oscar Nominee Meg Stalter Returns

Summary

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Therapuss with Jake Shane

Session 109.5: Oscar Nominee Meg Stalter Returns

Date: March 15, 2026
Guest: Meg Stalter
Episode Theme: An unfiltered, hilarious, and semi-therapeutic pre-Oscar therapy session with actress and comedian Meg Stalter as she preps for the Oscars, recaps her chaotic life, career, and discusses fame, friendships, family, and best supporter nominations—all with Jake Shane’s signature tongue-in-cheek therapy.

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Episode Overview

In this special Oscar Day episode, Jake Shane welcomes back the irrepressible Meg Stalter—now an Oscar nominee for Best Supporter—for an off-the-rails, deeply funny, and surprisingly touching catch-up. Between razor-sharp banter and surreal storytelling, the pair dissect the peculiarities of Oscar season, chaotic family life, industry friendships and feuds, wild afterparties, and the blurred lines between comedy, drama, and reality. True to the Therapuss format, the session swings between cheeky improv, therapy parody, career reflections, and genuine emotional moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Oscar Nominee Meg: Navigating Surreal Success

• Meg’s Nomination: Meg passionately explains her Oscar nod for "Best Supporter" in her new film Suddenly Tuesday—a unique category ("a separate tier than supporting actress... there's Best Actress, Best Supporting, Best Supporter" [06:13]).
• Role in Suddenly Tuesday: Meg stars as a mother who gets hit by a car, dies, and returns as an essential worker at a hospital ("…enjoying motherhood and then gets hit by a car and comes back as an essential worker." [06:41]).
• On Awards & Recognition: Lighthearted exasperation ensues as Jake dithers about the specifics of her nomination while Meg clarifies category logistics and jokes about being "blindsided" on Oscar night (06:19-07:34).

2. Hollywood Friendships & Frenemies

• Jennifer Lawrence Feud: Meg riffs on a fictional rivalry with J-Law after losing the role of Katniss ("We had a huge falling out. I was supposed to be Katniss." [03:03]).
• Jesse and Chloe’s Betrayal: Meg humorously laments being cut from a film by director Chloe and feeling "cut off" from both her and Jesse ("I feel like she and the editor had everything to do with me being cut… I would love to be in one of her new movies..." [04:53]).
• Fashion Week Snub: Both joke about attending the same Calvin Klein show but missing each other, citing elaborate disguises ("I was dressed as a big, tall person…" [14:22]).

3. Family, Kids, and Bizarre Blended Households

• Kids Dynamics: Meg describes her children—one now living with her ex-husband due to not adjusting to Meg’s new boyfriend, Shazam, who "works at a movie theater and looks just like Jacob Elordi without the jawline" (09:14).
• Parenting Styles: Meg discusses financially supporting Shazam and his 15 dogs, and making unique parenting choices (“Dogs live on the street so they could eat off, like, whatever… financially supporting Shazam right now, if that’s what you’re asking.” [11:22]).
• Child Actors Debate: The session plays with parenting anxieties and the ethics of letting children into the industry ("I am protecting my children from the industry. And you’re a psychopath if you think that Monica should be in a commercial…." [15:35]).

4. Hollywood Party Lore & Blind Items

• Party Antics: Rumors and "blind items" about Meg’s supposed wild afterparties are addressed, with Meg demystifying ("We’re just kissing, but we’re kissing. We’re playing truth or dare, but yeah…" [17:54]).
• Craziest Moments: Recalls a “three-way kiss between Christopher Guest, Monica Lewinsky, and Christina Aguilera—the new one” (18:16).

5. Truth or Dare Confessions

• On-Set Meltdowns: Meg confesses to backstage drama at last year’s Oscars, pulling a producer’s headset and having her team pay off NDAs when a nomination didn’t materialize ("...my publicist to tell me I was nominated. And I guess he was kidding, but I was very upset...I pulled that person's hair and headset, I mean, that was for the dog." [19:39-20:16]).
• Jake’s Confession: Admits to angrily peeing in Meg’s car ("Is it true that you got into my car, pissed on the floor, jumped out, ran off?" [18:51]).

6. Film, Fame & Funny Details

• Suddenly Tuesday Details: Reprising the premise, Meg describes her dramatic monologue and working with Adam Sandler as her husband—"He is standing there with a big bowl of oatmeal. I wake up and see him…" (23:38). The role involved both comedy and emotional work, with an intimacy coordinator whom Meg jokes about hooking up with (24:23).
• Other Projects: Meg teases a buddy comedy with Candace Owens, The Florida Project, and shouts out her Netflix film Korra Bora (30:36-31:00).
• Notable Industry Stories: The episode is peppered with surreal stories, including a notorious panty-pulling incident with Katherine Heigl ("She pulled my panties down..." [25:31]) and gags about film auditions (like being up for male roles in "Die, My Love" [27:39]).

7. Underlying Emotional Beats

• Real moments of support, concern, and exhaustion emerge amidst the banter, especially as Meg expresses genuine pride for her projects and support for Jake ("All joking aside, I am really excited for you and your future and… really happy…" [30:10]).
• The session parodies therapy, but spotlights the need for understanding, acknowledgement, and healthy boundaries within both Hollywood and personal relationships.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Hollywood’s Cut-Throat Nature:

  • Meg: "There was a long audition process and I couldn’t do some of the physical activity that they needed Katniss to do. But I thought having a stunt double was a thing… I’m sure there’s probably some things she can’t do." (03:15)

• On Oscar Categories:

  • Meg: "I am nominated for best Supporter. That is a separate tier than supporting actress…there’s Best Actress, Best Lead, Best Supporting, Best Supporter." (06:10)

• On Parenting & Modern Families:

  • Meg: "My oldest is living with her daddy right now because I do have a new boyfriend. He’s not adjusting to having stepdaddy in the house." (09:02)

• On Hollywood Gossip:

  • Jake: "You’re doing no favors to the blind items about you on TikTok." (17:47)
  • Meg: "We’re just kissing…we’re playing truth or dare…but yeah, I mean, I guess." (17:54)

• Truth or Dare:

  • Meg: "Is it true that you got into my car, pissed on the floor, jumped out, ran off?"
  • Jake: "I was really upset with you…I know the smell of your piss." (18:51-19:02)

• On Comedy vs Drama:

  • Meg: "I’ve been working on comedy for 12 years of my life." (27:08)

• Oscar Meltdown Admission:

  • Jake: "Is it true that last year when you were at the Oscars, you threw a huge fit backstage when you realized you weren’t nominated…?"
  • Meg: "Yes…and it was for a movie called Marley and we. It was really upsetting…I even messaged the dog’s mom and said, ‘We’re winning.’" (19:06-20:04)

• Genuine Support:

  • Meg: "With all joking aside, I am really excited for you and your future and I'm really, really excited about the Netflix thing" (30:10)

• On Children & Work:

  • Meg: "You get to dedicate all of your time to being an actor and none of your time to taking care of children. How happy are you?" (34:30)

• On Being Sick Online:

  • Meg: "You are addicted to attention…Wait till tomorrow. You don't need to post a video every time you sound sick." (35:02)

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Key Timestamps

• Oscar Nominee Chat & Jennifer Lawrence Feud: 03:01 – 03:33
• Cut From Chloe’s Movie / Awards Disappointment: 04:28 – 05:10
• Best Supporter Category & Suddenly Tuesday: 06:10 – 07:34
• Meg’s Kids and Home Life Details: 08:48 – 11:16
• Financially Supporting Shazam, Parenting: 11:22 – 11:41
• Child Actors Debate/SVU: 15:20 – 16:10
• Blind Item Rumors & Oscar Afterparty Kisses: 17:47 – 18:42
• Truth or Dare & Oscars Meltdown: 18:51 – 20:16
• Suddenly Tuesday Role, Adam Sandler Monologue: 22:44 – 24:09
• Buddy Comedy w/ Candace Owens, Netflix Shoutout: 30:36 – 31:09
• Genuine Emotional Moment, Support: 30:10 – 32:26
• Discussion on Being Sick and Posting Online: 35:02 – 35:44

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Tone & Style

True to Jake Shane’s ironic “therapist” persona and Meg Stalter’s offbeat persona, the tone is sharp, eccentric, and self-aware—veering from parodies of celebrity interviews and therapy, to surreal improv, to actual warmth and relatability. The humor moves fast, with improv-style exaggeration, but honest discussions about support, fame, and boundaries peek through.

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Summary for New Listeners

Without needing to know the backstory, this episode offers a rollicking, character-driven riff on both Hollywood absurdity and real emotional stakes. Meg Stalter, at her improvisational best, spins tales of feuds, fake families, and chaotic Oscar prep, while Jake and Meg volley between sarcasm, empathy, and therapy cliches. Underneath the comedy, there’s a window into the anxieties and camaraderie of artists—making this a hilarious and oddly validating episode for anyone negotiating chaos and ambition.

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Recommended Listen For: Fans of comedy improv, slightly surrealist Hollywood stories, those who appreciate meta-commentary on fame, and listeners who want a dose of big-hearted, biting humor on the eve of the Oscars.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

Don't worry about what? Sorry. Hey, you're not dressed up.

[A]

Oh, I. My outfit's getting steamed for the show.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, it's okay. I can take them. Okay, that's cool.

[B]

Hey, Oscar days.

[A]

Oscar day. Are you excited?

[B]

So. One second, let me settle in. Hi.

[A]

Hey. Are you excited?

[B]

Yeah. Sorry, I didn't know this was going to work out. I saw a video of you last night. You looked really sick.

[A]

What video?

[B]

Like, you sounded sick.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

Well, So. I didn't know if you'd cancel on me.

[A]

No, I would never cancel on you. I mean, everyone thought you were supposed to be nominated tonight. What happened with that?

[B]

You still sound like you're losing your voice.

[A]

Oh, I'm not.

[B]

Do you have a coveted test?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Not that high.

[B]

Production. Oh, first, let me show you the dress.

[A]

Okay. Let me see. It's beautiful. It's beautiful. Yep. Wow. I love it.

[B]

Designer.

[A]

Prettiest girl in America.

[B]

Yeah. I got a new tattoo.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

The thing about this. Oh, the camera can't really fully pick up. Okay. Just getting a. So the thing about this dress, I guess I'll just. Yeah, you kind of show the camera, but I'll just like this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Wait. Sorry. So the thing about this dress is Veronica Mars styled me. And the thing about this is it kind of lower. It goes kind of like the. The cut of the dress is just, like, hanging right on the butt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, right below. Right above the butt, which I. I kind of wanted it to be such an effortless feel. Like sometimes you see the underwear, sometimes you don't.

[A]

Yeah, it's like when you remember when Jennifer Lawrence wore the Calvin Klein dress.

[B]

I don't really remember. I don't really remember that.

[A]

Oh, are you not. You guys not Close. Like that.

[B]

I mean, we had a huge falling out. It was supposed to be Katniss.

[A]

Oh, you were.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, like, what happened? Did the agents. Like.

[B]

I just really didn't have time for this today.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

There was a long audition process and I couldn't do some of the physical activity that they needed Katniss to do. But I thought having a stunt double was a thing. But because it wasn't, I couldn't do some of the physical activity. I'm sure there's probably some things she can't do.

[A]

Right. Like, what do you think she can't do?

[B]

Have a good attitude.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Around her friends.

[A]

Yeah. Because you guys know more.

[B]

We've had such a huge, huge, huge falling out. I. I sent her flowers during the. The premiere of the Hunger Games, too. The second one, I couldn't do it during the first one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I couldn't bring myself to doing that. And then the second one, I did send her flowers and she is. She's said nothing about them.

[A]

She didn't even text you?

[B]

She didn't know who sent them, probably.

[A]

But did it say from Meg?

[B]

No. She should know who they're from.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know, so she didn't mention anything about that.

[A]

Right. Have you spoken to Jesse since she didn't really help you out at the Actor Awards?

[B]

I've spoken to Jesse probably every morning since I met her.

[A]

Because we're good friends and you were on set.

[B]

Yeah. It's not quite her fault.

[A]

Whose fault is it?

[B]

The editor in Chloe's?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I love her.

[A]

How did you find out you got cut?

[B]

I found out. Son of a. I found out at the award show. You son of a.

[A]

You didn't see the movie before?

[B]

I. You didn't see my clip online that went viral?

[A]

No, I did. You don't watch stuff with a hundred

[B]

thousand likes on it.

[A]

Yeah. You don't watch stuff that you're in, but your agents. No one told you?

[B]

I love Chloe. I love her stuff. Personally, I feel very cut off from her.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel like she and the editor had everything to do with me being cut from the movie.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

And I would love to be in one of her new movies when she comes out with a new one. So we will have to come back together.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Even though I love that woman, I would die. I would. I wouldn't die for her.

[A]

He wouldn't die for you either. How are your kids?

[B]

Why would you. Why did you say earlier that I wasn't nominated?

[A]

I didn't say that.

[B]

You said you Thought you're going to be nominated. You're not. Yes, I am. Oh.

[A]

What are you nominated for?

[B]

I am nominated for a best supporter.

[A]

For what?

[B]

Role for Suddenly Tuesday, my new movie.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

You are such a jackass.

[A]

What's the premise?

[B]

I just know why I'm here now. Because you want to post a video and then have everyone, Whoa, this person is annoying. Jake. Jake hates this person. You're trying to get me, and your questions are coming, like, so fast.

[A]

Okay, so you asked me a question. Why don't you ask me a question?

[B]

So right now, you asked me what I'm nominated for, and then what was the other jackass question you asked me?

[A]

I just. I asked you about.

[B]

But then you've asked me about Chloe, you've asked me about Jesse, you asked me about. When I'm nominated, I'm like, I can't even see straight.

[A]

Okay, how are your kids?

[B]

You're acting like we only have two minutes for this.

[A]

Okay, wait, wait.

[B]

How are my kids? What am I nominated for? I mean, I feel like I'm on the Fast and Furious ride in Universal theme Park. I am nominated for best Supporter. That is a separate tier than supporting actress. In Main Actress, there's a middle. There's Best Best Actress, Best Lead, Best Supporting Best Supporter. So I am nominated for best supporter in Suddenly Tuesday.

[A]

Suddenly Tuesday.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And what's the premise of Suddenly Tuesday?

[B]

It is a marvelous film about a mother who's enjoying motherhood and then gets hit by a car and comes back as an essential worker. Do you not research anything about your guest? He's sitting here like, I'm dumb. I'm done for being done for being here. I knew we should have done.

[A]

Okay, what job does she come back as?

[B]

An essential worker, which is working at the hospital with doing the stuff with masks at the front desk. She's working at the front desk of a hospital, and someone comes in. Do you need a mask? Can I.

[A]

So is Best Supporting gender neutral, like Best Supporter? Yeah. Is it gender neutral girl?

[B]

You only have a girl category right now.

[A]

And who else is not?

[B]

But next year, hopefully, they'll have different categories.

[A]

Okay, and who else is nominated?

[B]

I am Sylvester.

[A]

For what?

[B]

Sylvester Stallone.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Is. I think he was in some sort of horror film. And then also Keanu Reeves and. Oh, wait, sorry, I have to explain. I am the best girl in the category, Right? Then somebody from each gender is also in the category. Okay, so it's like, right now, I'm up for best supporter girl, but there's also, like, Best supporter guy. Best supporter. Blink, blink. Oh, and best known. Best makeup.

[A]

You're no made for best makeup.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

For Suddenly Tuesday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who else is in Suddenly Tuesday with you? I've never. I thought I saw all the Oscar movies. I'm sorry.

[B]

Why? I'm like, whoa. I'm being, like, completely blindsided.

[A]

I don't mean to, but I just feel like you.

[B]

Were we really here right now?

[A]

No, we're really here and we're really doing like.

[B]

You really are coming at me fast.

[A]

Okay, I'm sorry. Let's slow down.

[B]

Okay. Jen Aniston's in it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And then the rest are newcomers.

[A]

Okay, like who?

[B]

Freddie o'. Connor.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

I don't even meet everyone that's in the movie.

[A]

Right. You're like.

[B]

I'm like, the main person, so there's like, so many other background scenes. Like, okay, for instance, my ex husband, because I am dead, finds a new woman. I don't even know who plays that part.

[A]

Okay. Right. How are your kids? I miss that.

[B]

Okay, so my kids are actually in your green room. I told them that we're going to a doctor's office today, and so I. They saw all the pictures of you and they think you're the doctor.

[A]

Okay. And what are they and how are they?

[B]

They. Well, my oldest is living with her daddy right now because I do have a new boyfriend. He's not adjusting to having stepdaddy in the house.

[A]

Can we say who it is here?

[B]

Yes. So I am dating a man who works in a movie theater, and he looks just like Jacob Elordi without the jawline.

[A]

Hey, I. Okay.

[B]

What?

[A]

I heard you and Jacob Elordi were fucking.

[B]

We were, yeah. And now I'm dating someone that looks like him. Next question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I was dating him during the filming of Wuthering Heights, and him and Margot and I went out for pizza all the time with Fennel, of course. And it was just. It was intoxicating, but I couldn't keep up because I have children and I needed someone a little bit more. So. Shazam. Is. That's my boyfriend's name. Is. He is so good with kids because he has, like, 15 dogs. And so we usually hang out at my house and he actually. A lot of times it's actually easier to be at my house than his house with a dog. He's kind of like, okay, so it's like we're. We're having a vacation now because he. Like, when we come over, it's kind of like a break from the dogs.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He's the only one that has a sort of disability.

[A]

I don't mean to be like, whatever, but you last time told me you only saw your kids once a year.

[B]

Now I have him full time.

[A]

Full time.

[B]

Except for the oldest, Monica.

[A]

What happened to Monica?

[B]

She again's living with her father. I told you that. Because she can't adjust to Sam and his lifestyle.

[A]

Shazam.

[B]

My boyfriend. Shazam. My boyfriend. He did my tattoo.

[A]

Oh, he did it. Yeah. It's beautiful.

[B]

And Monica's like. She's kind of like. She's awesome. She's a little mini me. But I think having a new daddy in the house, I think it's just hard for her. Even though Sam's amazing with kids, she's like, where's my dad? I want you guys back together. She just. She doesn't. She cannot process, like, he's gone. Dad's gone.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He is your new dad, right? Shazam. Is your dad.

[A]

Yeah, but Shazam. Does it. Is it hard for you to, like, provide all the finance? How does Shazam. He works at a movie theater. How does he financially support 15 dogs?

[B]

So dogs are so, like, just get them whatever. Like, if you're eating, they're eating, you know, so he's.

[A]

I don't know what you mean by that.

[B]

Orders a big pizza, everyone gets a slice. You know, it's not like rocket science to feed a dog. Dogs live on the street so they could eat off, like, whatever. So I'm financially supporting Shazam right now, if that's what you're asking.

[A]

Yeah, that is what I'm asking. Prenup intact.

[B]

Nope. I trust them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're not engaged yet, but hopefully I'm going to Paris soon.

[A]

Well, you think he's gonna pop the question?

[B]

I do. You're gonna bring the kids now, Blinds drawn?

[A]

Yeah. Like, you can't.

[B]

Yeah, my nanny is going to be watching them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she's taking them to a water park.

[A]

What's your nanny's name?

[B]

Oh, gosh. Sorry. I had my phone really quick.

[A]

No, that's okay.

[B]

Sarah. I had to remember.

[A]

How'd you find Sarah?

[B]

So I found her on just, like, Facebook. I was. I like, like, like, posted something like. Oh, you're aging yourself.

[A]

You still use Facebook?

[B]

Facebook is still exists. So I'm the age that you can, like, what. How old are you? So. Because. Because I can use. People are of all ages on Facebook.

[A]

Okay. So.

[B]

And guess what? I actually also use TikTok, where I saw the video of you and where you sounded sick. Thought you're gonna.

[A]

Let's talk about Oscar night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What's your plan for the day?

[B]

I just. I love it. I drink it in, you know, glamour and doing the hair and makeup, getting ready. And I am gonna do Pilates after this. Put the dress back on, so.

[A]

But you're already in glam. You're gonna do Pilates.

[B]

Yeah. And then put the dress back on. And then I'm gonna probably have a little bit of lunch. And then once you get to the award show, it's just complete and utter euphoria. And you finally get to your table, and you get to have these little crackers and these grapes, and you look around at every person that's ever meant something to you.

[A]

Who means the most to you?

[B]

I think probably Leonardo DiCaprio, because I had such a crush on him in Titanic, and we dated from 2011 to 2014.

[A]

Wow. Really? That's a long time.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Did he take you anywhere cool?

[B]

No. He was such a. He's such a workaholic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm excited to see him, and I want to go up to him and I say, hey, what are you doing here? And sure, he'll be giving me a big nuggie.

[A]

Who do you get?

[B]

What is that when they rub your head?

[A]

Yeah, you got it.

[B]

They said two different things.

[A]

Yep. But one of them was right.

[B]

Did you go to fashion Week?

[A]

You know, I did. I went to the Calvin Klein show.

[B]

So casual. Saying that. Yeah. You didn't even text me.

[A]

Did you go to the. Any of the shows?

[B]

The Calvin Klein. I was there.

[A]

I did not know you were there.

[B]

I know. I was watching you, and I was like, why isn't he. I'm, like, waving. You're, like, not waving back at me.

[A]

Don't remember that.

[B]

You probably didn't recognize me.

[A]

Oh, why? What were you dressed as?

[B]

I was dressed as a really big, big, big person. A big, tall person. So you probably didn't see me up there.

[A]

Okay. Who do you think deserves to be nominated least tonight?

[B]

Well, I don't want to say this. I think Timothy Chalamet shouldn't be nominated. No, I'm kidding. I'm. I. I'm a good clothes.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I'm a good friend of his. I. I'm kidding. Timmy, I hope you win tonight. No, I'm really close with him. I'm laughing about something he's texted me the other day.

[A]

What? He texted you?

[B]

No, I'm not going to tell you that. But no, no, he texted me something about the ballet stuff.

[A]

Oh. What?

[B]

He Said he was like, can you believe he sent me, like, an article? And he's like, can you believe this?

[A]

But you used to do ballet.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So if we're, like, really getting everything out there.

[B]

Yeah, go ahead. What? What? Little puppy, come bark.

[A]

How do you feel about child actors?

[B]

Are you saying that because you were one?

[A]

No, I was saying that because when I met Monica, she told me she wanted to act. And she said you screamed at her and said, mommy's the only one that acts around here.

[B]

You know what? I. I understand what you're doing, and it's because you used to be a child actor.

[A]

Nope, didn't.

[B]

Yeah, not on tv. But you used to do it. Used to do it in community. Used to do it on. In your school.

[A]

She said you threw a plate.

[B]

I will throw a plate again. I am protecting my children from the industry. And you're a psychopath if you think that Monica should be in a commercial or a TV show.

[A]

She said it was a. It was a small role in svu and it was one day of shooting.

[B]

Yeah, one day that could completely change the trajectory of her life.

[A]

I mean, whose life did SVU really change here?

[B]

What did you just say?

[A]

Whose lives did SV really change here?

[B]

Sorry, I didn't know what you said. Yeah, I just. I'm not. I'm totally against my kids going in the industry, obviously. Look at how my leg is on screen. I know. You guys did a special effect on my leg to make me look bent like that. Guilty. I don't think I should wear this dress. It's too short.

[A]

No, I love it.

[B]

No, it's slutty for the Oscars.

[A]

So are you going to the Vanity Fair after party?

[B]

No, are you?

[A]

Yeah, I'm hosting it.

[B]

You're hosting a party, but you're not going to the actual show? All right, that was just question.

[A]

Yeah, no, I have to do camera blocking.

[B]

And so what does that mean exactly? That. That you're hosting the party?

[A]

Like I'm gonna be on the carpet asking. Okay, people. Well, I was gonna say, like, you questions, but you're not. You said you're not going.

[B]

I thought you meant, like, that you were hosting. Like, you have to figure out what kind of food to put out. No, where this. The table names go. So. What? Okay, yeah, I mean, I guess I could probably try to swing by. I. I was gonna rent out a. Just have close friends come and watch it. No, I'll ask.

[A]

You're supposed to be there for best supporter.

[B]

All right. No, I meant. No, I'm gonna be at the show and then afterwards we're gonna all go to the hotel and just kind of totally like freak out. Like there's a, there's a big bath

[A]

and what are you gonna do? The bath?

[B]

I'm just gonna have people just do whatever they want.

[A]

I mean, you're not, you're doing no favors to the blind items about you.

[B]

What?

[A]

What?

[B]

What did you say you were?

[A]

You're doing no favors to the blind items that I see about you on Tik Tok.

[B]

What are some of the blind items that you host?

[A]

Insane orgies.

[B]

Well, okay, they're not that crazy. I have some of my close friends, celebrity friends I know tell. We hang out, we take a cigarette, we, we pass it around. We, you know, play twister, whatever. If people kiss, they kiss.

[A]

What's the craziest kiss that you've seen?

[B]

It's a three way kiss between Christopher Guest.

[A]

Uh huh.

[B]

Monica Lewinsky.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And Christina Aguilera, the new one. Mm. And it was fun. But yeah, no, we're not all having sex. I mean, we're just kissing, but we're kissing. We're playing truth or dare, but yeah, I mean, I guess.

[A]

Okay, you want to play truth or dare right now?

[B]

Yeah. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

You ask me first.

[B]

I dare you.

[A]

No, I, it's like truth or dare?

[B]

Truth or dare?

[A]

Truth.

[B]

Okay. Is it true that you got into my car, pissed on the floor, jumped out, ran off?

[A]

I was really upset with you.

[B]

I know. And I know the smell of your piss.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I knew it was you.

[A]

Well, truth or dare?

[B]

Truth.

[A]

Okay. Is it true that last year when you were at the Oscars, you threw a huge fit backstage when you realized you weren't nominated after you already got there?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you hit the head producer, you grabbed their headset off and then your team had to rush in. Paula had to rush in and make them all assign NDAs and give them a bunch of money and it never got out until right now. Is that true?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I, I, I would like to say, you know, give me a chance to just say I felt it was unfair for my publicist to tell me I was nominated. And I guess he was kidding, but I was very upset. And it was for a movie called Marley and we. It was a Marley and me sequel that we did. It was direct remake of the first. And yeah, it was really upsetting. I mean, I even messaged the dog's

[A]

mom and said, what?

[B]

We're winning. So, so when I pulled that person's hair and headset I mean, that was for the dog. I. When you think you're gonna win something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you don't. And it's like, it makes you feel sick, and it makes you feel like you deserve to kill someone.

[A]

Did you feel in that moment that you deserved to kill someone?

[B]

Yes. And that wasn't just for me, Nolan. That was for my family. That was for the dog. And, you know. Sorry.

[A]

Louise.

[B]

Louise.

[A]

Louise, can you go grab Louise? Mag is upset with her,

[B]

so I've always. I just. I just don't get along with that girl.

[A]

No, I know you don't.

[B]

Louise, I was wondering, first of all, who do I have to. To get my salad that I asked for earlier? No, I just wanted you to know if you can go check on my kids. They're in the green room. Absolutely. The last time I left, I saw them, which was like, what, 20 minutes ago?

[A]

Last time you lock them in the car.

[B]

I meant the last time. Now, I didn't mean the last time I was here. I meant the last time I saw them, which was you.

[A]

Please continue.

[B]

I hate to love this guy.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

No, the last time, I. I left them in there with a couple granola bars, but they were taking some of the pictures of you off the wall.

[A]

I don't know about your movie that you're in.

[B]

That's so. Yeah. So Jake didn't know I was nominated tonight for the Oscars.

[A]

Tell her the award.

[B]

I'm doing the Bow Down Sybil to myself. But, no, I'm. It makes me. I hate talking about myself. I am in a movie called Suddenly Tuesday. I play a mother who has died and come back to earth as an essential worker and learn the meaning of love and family. And I'm being nominated today for Best Supporter, which is not Best Supporting Actor, it's Best Supporter Actor, and I am the girl. In the category, you have someone from different genders. They guy, and then, well, they have two males, and then one day and one girl. Yeah.

[A]

And you're the girl.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And what's the essential worker? You come back as I already told

[B]

you, but I'll tell you before you go check on my kids and get my salad. But I am the person that works at the front desk at a hospital where they ask, like, do you need a mask?

[A]

What's one of your, like, lines that you're most proud of in the film? Like, you're real. Like, your monologue. Can you. Can you give it.

[B]

Do you need a mask? No, I'm kidding. My favorite. Big, big, big crescendo. Of the movie is I wake up back in my body.

[A]

And after you get hit by the bus.

[B]

It's not a funny scene. So after I get hit by the car, not bus, end up in heaven, then God tells me to come back down as the essential worker. I'm in her body, then I'm back in heaven, then I wake up in my own body. So this is the moment where I'm waking back on my body in my. Fuck. When I'm waking back in my body on earth.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And I wake up and I see my husband standing over me with a big bowl of oatmeal. It's kind of funny because the guy that plays my husband's hilarious, Adam Sandler. So he is standing there with a big bowl of oatmeal. I wake up and see him. And this is the monologue.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Got it. Okay. Ready? Adam, I can't believe it. I have loved you through death in hospital, and here you are with a big bowl of oatmeal whose phone is ringing. You've seen enough. So I hear the phone. Like,

[A]

why does he have oatmeal?

[B]

He's bringing me my breakfast.

[A]

But you've.

[B]

You died and then came back into my body. It was all like a dream.

[A]

Have your kids seen the movie?

[B]

They've seen parts of it. There's a lot of sex in it.

[A]

Yeah, they couldn't see that, so they

[B]

can't see all the parts.

[A]

Did you have an intimacy coordinator?

[B]

You're stuttering a bit. What?

[A]

Did you have an intimacy coordinate?

[B]

Yes, I did. Don't point at me like that.

[A]

Okay. What was their name?

[B]

I hooked up with him, though.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So it was kind of like whatever. It kind of, like, didn't work. Like, we had him on set, but every time he was on set, he was just making out with me.

[A]

Like, after you would fuck Adam Sandler?

[B]

Well, we didn't fuck. There's a lot of different kind of like, foreplay that's seen. And then in the movie, she actually doesn't have sex with her husband. In the movie, she actually has sex with a patient she falls in love with while she's back in the essential woman's body. So she falls in love with a patient. Sort of like when Izzy falls in love with that dying guy.

[A]

Danny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you think about Katherine Heigl?

[B]

I think there is a scene of her in New Year's Eve, the movie. And in the scene, the person. This is real. They must have missed cut the scene. Because every second she has her jacket all the way zipped up. And then one second, the camera turns and goes back all the way down. Then it turns back, it's up again. That's what I think about her.

[A]

And is that real?

[B]

Yeah. How fun is that? Yeah, she's even meaner than you think.

[A]

Really? What she do to you?

[B]

She pulled my panties down. I was at the mall with her, and I was with a bunch. Bunch of girls, and she thought it'd be funny pull my underwear down. She. Luckily I had two pairs of underwear on that day, so she didn't moon everyone. But, yeah, me and my girlfriends like to, you know, each other's clothes off, but I didn't really want it to happen to me in a public place. Of course there was consent because we always did that for to each other. But, yeah, she's a bully. She put my bra in during a sleepover. You put someone's bra in the freezer, so then when they put it on, it's cold and makes your nipples hard. She did that to me.

[A]

Have you done that, Louise?

[B]

I have thought about that in years. Have you thought about going to check on my kids? Because I asked her to do that.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Well, Meg would like to address. She does not like you at all.

[B]

That is not true. That's not true. I don't not like you. We haven't even got to hang out. Besides the one night we went for oysters.

[A]

Anything to say?

[B]

We went for an oyster and mussel night.

[A]

Oysters and mussels.

[B]

She said she loves them both. Why? Okay, the camera guy could say that. My cunt showing. No, I love every time I'm here. And I love all the characters in your life. Who's your favorite character in your life? Yeah, I like that little blonde one, Brad. I think you guys are so fun together.

[A]

Yeah, she's right.

[B]

But also, you two are one of my favorites as well. Nolan kind of upset me earlier. I'm sorry. And you said I was not everyone's cup of tea, even though I've been working on comedy for 12 years of my life.

[A]

Really? What comedies have you been in?

[B]

What comedy have I been in?

[A]

Yeah, I thought you were only in Serious.

[B]

Well, I'm in Hacks, which is the show you're in.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

We were in a scene together.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So you don't remember?

[A]

I.

[B]

You kind of consider that more of a drama.

[A]

Yeah, I thought so.

[B]

Yeah, I am mostly in dramas. I was actually supposed to be not only in Katniss in that movie, but also I was supposed to play the girl and mother.

[A]

Oh, so in Jennifer Lawrence's Mother.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What about Die, my Love? Did you. Were you up for that one?

[B]

I was up for the guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like. Like a twist. Like I'm. I'm the dad, but I'm myself. Like, I'm me in drag.

[A]

But then you would be like, ah,

[B]

like, whatever the line is.

[A]

Yeah. It's a fate. What's your favorite line you've ever said?

[B]

Ever? Yeah, you know, I did a movie a couple years ago, and it was sort of about, like, a haunted bride. And I guess my favorite line from that was, you're gonna marry me or I'm gonna marry myself.

[A]

I can't believe I've never seen that.

[B]

Why did you laugh?

[A]

Sorry, I. I was just so, like, taken by it.

[B]

Yeah, because it's kind of like the haunted bride is like, she, like, is a monster kind of. I think that was my favorite. I think that was my favorite. She got really sick after the mussels. Oh, she did? Yeah. And she also kept, like, you know, you, like, put the bread and the. The butter and stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she kept doing it and I was like, I think you've, like. I don't want to cut you off, but I feel like you had a lot of the butter and. Can I tell them? Yeah, please. So she. Her pants and it had a trail of shit all the way to the car, which was crazy.

[A]

Oh, were you at Found Oyster?

[B]

Yes. And it was so good. And then I totally lost my appetite after I saw how many. How much of the butter she was. At one point she had the bowl. So I knew you were gonna get sick, especially after ordering tiramisu after. But yeah, so. But yeah, she got really sick and she. All over the restaurant. But we were supposed to go to a movie premiere after. We were supposed to see the moment. But you certainly had a moment in the restaurant.

[A]

Well, I can't wait for all the moments that we're gonna share tonight together.

[B]

Together.

[A]

Like, I hope we are friends and I'm excited to see you.

[B]

I will try to make it to your party.

[A]

Not my party.

[B]

What makes you want to do that stuff?

[A]

Thought it was pretty cool. I really wanted to go and I wanted to dress up real nice, you know, like a princess.

[B]

What does it feel like, though, when you're there?

[A]

I've never been.

[B]

When you're at something like that, I

[A]

feel like I can't believe I'm here.

[B]

And then what?

[A]

And then that's about it. And then it feels kind of empty inside.

[B]

I think you're awesome. And I, I. With. All joking aside, I am really excited for you and your future and I'm really, really excited about the Netflix thing. Like, I do, like, I'm. I appreciate. I really, really like, I have a show on Netflix and a movie that no one's seen, and it makes me really happy that.

[A]

Correct.

[B]

I mean, good.

[A]

I've seen that.

[B]

I mean, I just feel like it's really good and I just feel like a lot of people haven't seen it.

[A]

So you want to promote it?

[B]

Watch Korra Bora. And also watch a movie that I have coming out next year. It's a buddy comedy with me and Candace Owens, and we are. It's called the Florida Project and it's like a road trip movie. I know, I know there's another Florida project, but yeah, we have the rights to.

[A]

How was working with Candace?

[B]

She is awesome. She's awesome. Yeah, she thinks I'm straight, but yeah.

[A]

You had to lie.

[B]

I didn't have to, but I chose to lie. And.

[A]

Yeah, what is something she'll say to you that she said to you that

[B]

you'll never forget that she hates gay people.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, by the way, Keith Rogers did my hair. I needed to shout him out. I never let anyone that's not a gay guy touch my hair. So maybe you'll get to touch my hair one day. So right before a big scene. Go ahead. One more time. Ow.

[A]

Sorry, sorry.

[B]

What was that?

[A]

Sorry, sorry.

[B]

I didn't even touch you.

[A]

Sorry, sorry.

[B]

You're. Is there like a Medicare? So Keith Rogers did my hair, and then Sarah, my nanny, did my makeup. We went with a bold red lip. So the thing about Candace is. Back to Candace story. So candid. I was nervous about this big emotional scene and something I'll never forget her saying. She. I'm joking. She doesn't hate gay people. I don't. I don't think. But she came up to me and she said, you're awesome and you can do this. And I was like, okay, I can.

[A]

You can.

[B]

And then. Did you have any more questions or.

[A]

I think. I think that's about it for me.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

I love you, too.

[B]

I really do. And I'm. I'm just. I'm completely excited for Oscar night.

[A]

I'm so excited. Well, I'm excited.

[B]

I'm going to try to go to the Vanity Fair and I really am

[A]

rooting for you for Suddenly Tuesday.

[B]

Thank you. I just. We also are up for. Yeah. Best picture.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

What?

[A]

How did you not tell me that?

[B]

I know so I'm excited. I saw. I saw the other. I saw, like, him. And again, like, I seen it. I'm saying after I realized I wasn't in it. It is good. So Chloe did a dying thing. Yeah.

[A]

We see you at the O. Go stream once. It's available on streaming because it's still in theaters. Suddenly Tuesday, starring Meg Stalter and Adam Sandler, where she plays a woman who is hit by a bus, dies, goes to heaven, comes back as an essential worker who gives out masks at the hospital, and then somehow comes back into her body with her husband holding. Who is Adam Sandler holding a bowl of oatmeal over her head.

[B]

But you don't have to say somehow, because it makes sense in the storyline of what that happens. I'm just not gonna. And go stream the party that you're gonna be asking people questions at.

[A]

Yeah. Including you, maybe.

[B]

No, I won't be there. Vanity Fair.

[A]

What?

[B]

I have to go. One of my kids is sick, so I need to go take him to the vet.

[A]

He's sick and he's here right now. And you told him you were going to the doctor?

[B]

Head out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Oh, where'd you get that? The tag's still on.

[A]

Oh, you want to give a little by?

[B]

Bye, pussies. Is that what you say?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Bye, therapisties.

[A]

I hear your kid coughing.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, he's. He's been sick for, like, at school. They always get sick.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

They're always spreading germs at school.

[A]

My friend's kids aren't always sick.

[B]

Maybe your friends are homeschool people. Well, they're not, so maybe you don't know. Have you seen them drop their kids off at school?

[A]

No, I haven't. Now that you think about it, you

[B]

have no idea what it's like because you don't have kids. You get to dedicate all of your time to being an actor and none of your time to taking care of children. How happy are you? I'm pretty happy to do whatever you want. My highlight of my week is this big old bold lip, and you're the only damn one that sounded sick in the video. Why do you want to post a video when you sound sick? Can you just wait till tomorrow? You're addicted to attention, and you're addicted out being online. Wait till tomorrow where your voice clears up. You don't need to post a video every time you sound sick.

[A]

Okay, I'm sorry, all.

[B]

Guess what.

[A]

What?

[B]

I'm scrolling through all I see your videos doja. Cat talking about the ballet thing and other people mad at Timothy. But you're mad at a guy saying he doesn't like ballet. I don't see your freaky ass at the ballet.

[A]

Have you ever been to the ballet?

[B]

I go to ballet every month at least once. I love the ballet. I used to be in ballet.

[A]

I know that. That's why I'm asking if you continue.

[B]

Do you think I don't love your videos? Guess what? I'm worried about you when you're posting, when you sound sick. You don't think I love your videos? I love your videos. I want you posting all the time, but you have taken it too far when you post when you're sick.

[A]

Okay, you're right.

[B]

Okay. If I'm seeing a video, Nolan, and he's sick, take the phone out of his hand and throw it down the well.

[A]

All right. Well, thank you, Meg, for.

[B]

Oh, great. We ended weird. So now everyone online, I. I can only take her in small doses. Oh, great. She came after him. I came after him because he posted when he was sick. I didn't come after him for posting too much. I want him posting. If anything, I'd love for him to be posting more. Do I want him to post when he's sick? No, because I'm not the grim reaper wanting him to get even more sick. Thank you, guys. This has been awesome, and we love you. And please tune in to Suddenly. I could tell you're upset.

[A]

I'm not upset.

[B]

You're upset because I brought up the sickness. You didn't want to know.

[A]

I'm not upset. I woke up feeling a lot better.

[B]

Sometimes you lean in. I'm sick. That's fine. You're. Because you're asking for help. But then sometimes you post a video and you.

[A]

I can tell your role. And suddenly Tuesday really affected you.

[B]

I mean, it's hard to take. Take off the. The. The hat and I. In the movie, I'm wearing a big hat.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From where?

[B]

Sounds like you gave the sickness to Nolan. What?

[A]

All right, everybody.

[B]

All right. I'm saying, right. Doesn't it sound like you gave the sickness to Nolan?

[A]

Yeah, it does. I'm sorry, Nolan. It's okay.

[B]

It's not okay that you're sick because your boss got you sick because you had a cold yesterday and you couldn't help but keep working.

[A]

I was high.

[B]

You're a workaholic.

[A]

I was high.

[B]

Okay, well, there we go.

[A]

Thank you, Meg. I will see you at the Oscars later.

[B]

I guess I will bring a cop with me to make sure I'm safe from you.

[A]

Oh, a cop.

[B]

Okay, okay, I gotta go. I'm sorry. I just. I need to go get my nail done.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Bye, Jake.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Spring just slid into your DMs. Grab that boho. Look for that rooftop dinner. Those sandals that can keep up with you. And hang some string lights to give your patio a glow.

[A]

Up.

[B]

Spring's calling. Ross, work your magic.