Session 75: Chloe Fineman

Summary

Detailed Summary of "Therapuss with Jake Shane" – Session 75: Chloe Fineman

Introduction In Episode 75 of Therapuss with Jake Shane, host Jake Shane welcomes actress and comedian Chloe Fineman, a notable cast member of Saturday Night Live (SNL). The episode delves into Chloe's multifaceted career, her experiences on SNL, personal anecdotes from her past, and her approach to comedy and impressions. The conversation is both humorous and introspective, aligning with the show's unique therapy-themed format.

Chloe Fineman's Career and SNL Experiences Chloe begins by discussing her journey into acting and comedy. She shares insights into her role in the new Hulu film Summer of 69 and how she balances her work between acting and her exceptional impressionist skills.

• Impressions and Comedy Origins

  • [02:08] Jake praises Chloe's impression skills, dubbing her the "world's greatest impressionist."
  • [10:36] Chloe recounts discovering her comedic voice during her time at Camp Kito, where daily sketch comedy sessions, or "Kumit," nurtured her talent.

• Transition to SNL

  • [10:34] Transitioning from Camp Kito to SNL, Chloe explains how her background in sketch comedy seamlessly integrated into the fast-paced environment of SNL.
  • [15:04] She describes the demanding schedule of SNL, including scriptwriting, nightly performances, and the anxiety that comes with live television.

Anecdotes and Personal Stories Chloe shares several personal stories that highlight her personality, resilience, and humorous outlook on life.

• Stripper Role Preparation

  • [03:04] Preparing for her role in Summer of 69, Chloe trained intensively for a month in Pasadena, discovering the vibrant pole class scene in LA.
  • [42:06] She narrates the plot of Summer of 69, where she plays a stripper named Santa Monica who helps a high school girl navigate her newfound sexual confidence.

• Camp Kito Memories

  • [08:12] Chloe recounts a memorable incident at Camp Kito, where she was fired for a prank involving a camper who had three moms. Her camaraderie and sense of humor eventually led to her rehiring.

• Virginity Stories

  • [45:20] Both Jake and Chloe share their virginity stories, adding a personal and relatable touch to the conversation. Jake narrates a humorous encounter on a Southwest Airlines flight, while Chloe describes a drunken escapade from her youth.

Comedy and Impressions Chloe delves deeper into her craft, discussing her favorite hosts on SNL, her favorite sketches, and the challenges of live comedy.

• Favorite SNL Moments

  • [14:03] Chloe names Ariana Grande as her favorite SNL host, praising her talent and personality.
  • [17:17] She explains the workweek at SNL, detailing the anxiety of pitching ideas and the excitement of getting sketches selected.

• Impression Challenges

  • [23:00] When asked about performing impressions, Chloe expresses a desire to explore new characters rather than repeating familiar ones. She also demonstrates an impression of Drew Barrymore, showcasing her versatility.

"Tell Me What's Wrong" Segments Towards the latter part of the episode, Chloe and Jake engage in a mock therapy session, addressing various humorous and relatable problems submitted by listeners.

• Notable Prescriptions and Advice

  • [50:41] They discuss how to handle a friend with bad hygiene, suggesting interventions that range from offering gum to more drastic measures like enforcing personal hygiene standards.
  • [55:05] The duo tackles issues of feeling disconnected from friends, emphasizing the importance of having different "buckets" of friends for different aspects of life.

• Humorous Impressions During Therapy

  • [51:36] Chloe performs a quick Drew Barrymore impression, adding a layer of entertainment to the advice segments.
  • [64:06] Both share candid stories about past relationships and offer playful yet practical advice on navigating romantic entanglements.

Closing Remarks As the episode concludes, Chloe and Jake reflect on the insights shared, reiterate the importance of self-care, and express excitement about future collaborations and meetings.

• Final Insights
  • [64:55] They emphasize focusing on personal growth and maintaining healthy relationships, both platonic and romantic.
  • [65:16] Chloe and Jake wrap up with mutual appreciation, highlighting the value of honest and humorous conversations in overcoming personal challenges.

Notable Quotes

• "You're a good dancer." – Jake Shane at [03:31]
• "Nothing gets me more therapists than, like, a wrong turn." – Chloe Fineman at [38:29]
• "We both learned about each other's virginity, which is cool." – Jake Shane at [65:12]
• "Clowning is like yoga for comedians." – Chloe Fineman at [59:55]

Conclusion Session 75 with Chloe Fineman offers a blend of humor, heartfelt stories, and practical advice, making it a compelling listen for fans and newcomers alike. Chloe's journey from Camp Kito to SNL, coupled with her comedic prowess and personal anecdotes, provides listeners with both laughter and meaningful reflections on life and relationships.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Lifelock. Not everyone is careful with your personal information, which might explain why there's a victim of identity theft every five seconds in the U.S. fortunately, there's LifeLock. LifeLock monitors hundreds of millions of data points a second for threats to your identity. If your identity is stolen, a US based restoration specialist will fix it, guaranteed or your money back. Save up to 40% your first year by visiting lifelock.com podcast terms apply. Hi pussies, and welcome back to Therapist. Tonight we have on Chloe Feynman. She's a cast member on SNL. She's in the new Hulu film Summer of 69. She's unbelievable. One of the funniest people out there right now. I'm obsessed with her. She's also like one of the best impressionists ever. So like I had her do a few of her impressions, which is just amazing, or I think I just had her do one, I honestly forget, but it was amazing. She really, really is the best. She's so fudgeing funny. She's one of my favorite parts about snl. I love snl, but she is really and truly one of my favorite parts. Oh, also, I'm back on the road this week. I'm really, really excited about that, I guess when you're watching this. Okay, so it's Wednesday, so I would have done Phenix Las Vegas. So I have Vancouver tonight, so right now I'm in Vancouver. So I'm back on the road. I'm really, really excited about that. I really miss tour so much. Being on stage and meeting everyone, it's just like the best thing in the entire world and it's coming to an end. We only have a few shows left if you want to see. If I'm going to a city near you, go to past that post.com and click live with Jake Shane. And to submit Tell Me what's wrong. Go to passthatpost.com and click Tell me what's Wrong. And leave a name and number if you're feel fancy. Okay, well, enjoy the episode. I love you. Hi and welcome back to Therapists. Today we have actress and comedian. One of my favorite impressionists out there right now, Chloe Feynman.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

You do do the greatest impressions of all time. I don't know if you consider yourself an impressionist, but you do the world's greatest impression.

[B]

I don't know what else I would call it, honestly.

[A]

A comedian.

[B]

A comedian, yeah. But we're, we're doing an impression and.

[A]

You'Re in the New film, Summer of 69.

[B]

I am. No, I guess I'm kind of doing an impression of a stripper, but.

[A]

Right, right. Did you watch, like, how did you prep for the role?

[B]

Okay, I brag. Was at Cannes for a different movie and Mikey Madison was like winning all of these awards and I was on TikTok and saw like her for two seconds saying all the training she did. And I, I don't know, I. I was like, this isn't that kind of movie. But like, why not? Yeah, my best friend and I were in LA and we took a poll. He was like, you should get into this. Like there's, there's potential here, there's talent. And then I trained for like a month non stop every morning in Pasadena.

[A]

You would go and take like a.

[B]

Yeah, basically, like I discover LA is like the capital of pole class. I don't know. Yes. I swear once you see it, you can unsee it. Like every corner has a hustlers. It's Starbucks and hustlers. Yeah, there are like three hustler store in Pasadena and like you think like Hollywood Boulevard and all that, but they're everywhere.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Truly. And yeah, I just like got really into it and I trained and it's so fun and you would be good at it. You're a good dancer.

[A]

Oh, you think I'm a good dancer?

[B]

Music dancer.

[A]

Sometimes I forget that people see what I post.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I see even you as a child, like.

[A]

Oh, you really do see, I'm a.

[B]

I'm a day one.

[A]

Well, we also follow each other. I also forget that sometimes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just swiped up on something you posted. What was it again?

[B]

Probably me like unhinged in my yard.

[A]

Yeah, something, something. It was something. It was really funny. But when did you film where and when did you film this mov movie?

[B]

I filmed it last summer in the not stripper capital of the world, Syracuse, New York.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

You have a bin once. Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I got Italian wedding soup there and I had.

[B]

You were just driving through or were you doing like a college?

[A]

I had like a little college Q A. Yeah, yeah. And then. Yeah, you know.

[B]

You know.

[A]

And thank you, college. I'll never forget it because that was when I posted a shirtless photo of myself and someone one one of my followers swiped up and was like, your condition with your boobs is like cousin smoking. No. And I was like, okay, totally, totally.

[B]

A cigarette smoker.

[A]

Weed. I used to smoke every day 24 7, all the time. I haven't smoked in five months.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

I know. Wow. I miss it. I literally miss it every day.

[B]

Incredible.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. But I guess, like, you have to pause.

[A]

I had to. I was being, like, so lazy and so uncreative, and I thought it was making me so creative, and it just. Like, I was.

[B]

Yeah. Whoa.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it gives you, like, something in your chest?

[A]

Apparently, it gives you moobs.

[B]

Man boobs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I think a lot of things give moobs.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I thought it would be marijuana, but.

[A]

I appreciated that they weren't like, pot hashish. I appreciated that they were like. You were eating. They were like. No, it's a. It's a condition you have.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How brutal.

[A]

So what was it? Did you like Syracuse?

[B]

I kind of did. I like humidity a lot.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, I do. I like. Miami is, like, my favorite place in the whole.

[A]

Because of that, like, how it is.

[B]

I'm a Jewish girl. I'm Jewish, too.

[A]

Yeah. Where are you? Wait, where were you raised?

[B]

I was Northern California. Berkeley.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got it. Yeah.

[B]

Berkeley. Miami. Makes no sense.

[A]

None at all.

[B]

There's just something where I'm like.

[A]

Yeah. Have you spent New Year's in Miami?

[B]

I have, actually.

[A]

It's, like, horrible.

[B]

I love. Yeah. Because you can, like, tan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In January.

[A]

Yeah. You can tan.

[B]

I did.

[A]

I went to the beach one time. I got. Have you ever gotten devil's itch? Like, it's. When an itch is so bad. What? No. I swear to God you'll look it up.

[B]

Sounds like, like, say, tam.

[A]

A devil's itch.

[B]

Where is it? Like, a private person.

[A]

No, Like, I laid out one day and I got a little, tiny, little sunburn on my back. And I was like, oh, can't be that serious. Took a shower, and I started getting shooting itches, like, from the. And I was like, what is this? And they were like, you have devil's itch.

[B]

That's a WebMD term.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

For real. Devil's itch.

[A]

6 Benadryl, every day for a week, just so I didn't have to be awake. It was the worst pain I've ever felt in my life. I would just lay like this.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And I watched Glee. I sat there and watched Glee like that.

[B]

And that was in Miami?

[A]

No, it was in New York. What? Yeah, sure.

[B]

You didn't just have, like, poison ivy?

[A]

No, I swear. Because I kept looking at my back, and it was just white. There was no red, nothing.

[B]

Oh. Oh. So it's like, ghosty.

[A]

He was like a ghost writer for, like. He was Like a ghost, something.

[B]

I hate itches.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really bad. I know, I know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I wouldn't scrub my arm with an old loofah. I was like, at my parents house and I think they just like forgot to throw out a loofah. And I got. I think maybe it was devil's. It.

[A]

Was it bad?

[B]

Yeah, it was like all my arm. And everyone was like, what is that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, I haven't been around a jellyfish, but it looks like my whole arm. And then when you have an itch or something, you don't like, send it to a doctor.

[A]

No.

[B]

Not to stereotype, but I feel like you.

[A]

Yeah, I know. Oh, sorry. That was such an aggressive laugh.

[B]

You seem like someone who would send a photo.

[A]

Well, I.

[B]

Of an itch.

[A]

I. You know what I did used to send photos of was my ingrown toenails.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

So, like, I used to go to doctors for ingrowns instead of the nail salon. And they would be like, you should know. They were like, you should probably go to the nail salon. But like, one time I thought I had an std. So I went to the doctor and they came back and they said, you don't have an std, but you should, like, maybe get on anxiety meds.

[B]

Yeah, because of you. Because there was a lump or like.

[A]

No, it was like. It was something. And I remember being like, like freaking out. Keep in mind, never had sex. I was a virgin and I showed up and they were like, no, you don't.

[B]

That it was a bump or like a bug. But I remember getting to my bit on my cooch as a child at camp and thinking I had like, herpes.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like 16. But it was a bug bite.

[A]

Were you a sleep boy? Camp girl?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

What was it? Where did you go?

[B]

It was called Camp Kito. It was a Jewish camp, obviously, in Berkeley. And I. I worked there and went, oh.

[A]

You were like, this is my shit.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Like, I run this place.

[B]

Yeah, I did get, like, fired immediately, but then rehired famous.

[A]

Why did you get fired?

[B]

There was this K who will remain unnameless because he maybe watches this. I don't know, but we won't see. And he had three mommies, which was cool because it was, you know, Berkeley. His moms are lesbian. Oh.

[A]

And divorced.

[B]

And divorced.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To do the math.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But he would always do this thing where he was like, can I have a hug? And he was like, really bad kid. But I was like, I had a soft spot and I Would like go to hug him and then he would lift up my shirt, which was like savage. And I remember I was 16 and I was like, I was like, I'm going to get back this piece of shit motherfucker. And so we were on a hike and I was like, over there, like, do you see the hawk? And he's like, where? And then I pulled his pants down and he wasn't wearing underwear, so it was like little peen is like flopping in the wind. And a bus, True story. A bus of other like, campers combined. All these kids are like, no. And everything was in slow motion. And his friends were like, you don't wear underpants. And. And then I wasn't asked back. It was crazy.

[A]

Was how like, were you like, were you. When you pants, were you like, I know I fucked up.

[B]

I was like, what was I thinking? I. I think honestly, I was like, haha. No. Cause I. I had no remorse because I had to be like talked to by older counselors where they're like, you cannot pants campers. And I was like, but he like.

[A]

Lifted my shirt and they were like, you still can't.

[B]

And. And I was like, but he's a shit. And like, I thought it was funny.

[A]

Was it sleep boy camp?

[B]

It was like day camp with overnights.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

That makes sense, right?

[A]

No, it's like boarding school. Yeah, yeah, there were some borders.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. Amazing. So when did you transition from. What was it? Camp Kito. Yeah, Camp Kito to Saturday Night Live immediately.

[B]

It actually weirdly makes sense.

[A]

Sense.

[B]

And I'll explain why.

[A]

I'm ready.

[B]

Okay. So every morning we had sketch comedy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It was called Kumit.

[A]

Kumit.

[B]

Kumit is. Is Yiddish for like skits, I guess.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So I discovered my comedic voice at Kumit. You've never heard of kumit?

[A]

No, I've. The only Yiddish word I know is. Is men.

[B]

Men. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. So I thought mensch meant that's a story for another time.

[B]

STD or something.

[A]

I thought it was like a kiss ass. And they were like, no, like, you're a good person. It means you're a good person.

[B]

A good person. Yeah. My friends were always. I don't know, this is. Let's see. My friends were really funny. I was good at kumsets as a hot counselor.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Dancing boys. And I think I did discover I had like comedic talent at this camp. And then I did nothing with it whatsoever. I went to NYU and was like a dramatic actress.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Plot twist.

[A]

And then when did You. How did you get involved with us now?

[B]

I. Yeah, I like shaved head. I kind of had like a Natalie Portman phase where I smoked and I had a pixie cut and I was really serious obsessed.

[A]

Like Black Swan.

[B]

Yeah. I literally, I saw that movie and I was like, this is the story of my life. Even though I never had. But it, like, it like deeply affected me in a crazy way.

[A]

I've never seen it still.

[B]

What?

[A]

I know my mom wouldn't let me when I. When it came out.

[B]

Why? Because of the. The lesbians.

[A]

She was like, it's too inappropriate.

[B]

Lesbian scene.

[A]

I need to see.

[B]

You have to see now. It's like, did she win for that? She did, yeah. Yeah, she did. And she's amazing. And Mila Kunitz is amazing.

[A]

Yes, she is in that.

[B]

Yeah, it's very good. Yeah, you're a little actress too. But we'll circle back to that. You know, you have to see Black Swan now.

[A]

I know, I know. Yeah, I know now that I'm doing the whole thing.

[B]

You're a serious actor.

[A]

Well, yeah, I did a little bit of hacks, so.

[B]

You did a lot of it.

[A]

Oh, my God, I love that you know about my stuff.

[B]

Yes, I read the trades.

[A]

Yes, you do. You do read the trades.

[B]

Every day.

[A]

Well, when did you find out you were good at, like. Okay, wait, sorry.

[B]

Drama, drama, drama. Pixie cut. Smoker. And then I graduated. And like, when you go to acting school, you play like 50 year old alcoholics.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For four years.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then you graduate and you're like, wait, I have to be a teenager this? So I had like a. Like, and I moved home and I drove my parents crazy. And then I moved to L. A Just because other people at college. You at your usc.

[A]

Yeah, I was at usc.

[B]

I know everything.

[A]

I'm obsessed with you. I'm obsessed that you know that.

[B]

Yeah. And why you? The other one. They're cousins.

[A]

In my head, they are cousins. They are, yeah.

[B]

Yeah. And then I. I like, did an improv class to meet friends. Truly, I had no interest in it, but I was like, maybe I'll meet a friend. And then sort of like, when I was like 27, I discovered I could do Drew Barrow more in like an improv class. It was like I was like, oh, my God. You know, it was really, like, weird. And then I just started post front facing videos were starting back in the day. Pre TikTok.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Yeah. And I just started putting them on Instagram and then wound up on snl.

[A]

That's insane.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have, like, a favorite SNL memory?

[B]

I mean, where to begin? Give me, like, a genre.

[A]

Who was your favorite host?

[B]

Ariana Grande.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah, for sure. I. Well, there's a Pedro. I feel like Ryan Gosling, of course. But, like, of this year, ariana was, like, 10 out of 10. No, like, best personality, most talented, loveliest. Yeah.

[A]

I'm, like, so jealous. That you got to spend that much time is amazing.

[B]

It's also, like, I get excited when a host really is into, like, championing, like, your idea. Or, like, girls. I like Lean Girl.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, Girl.

[B]

Gay. Whatever. My idea. And it's sometimes it's, like, hard to get those ideas through. So if Ariana is, like, we have to do Jennifer Coolidge lipstick.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

I was like. I'm. I'm like, yes, thank you.

[A]

Wait, so what does your, like, week look like at snl? Like, do you just write all week and then just perform Saturday?

[B]

No, no, We. We wake up exhausted on Sunday after being out till, like, four in the.

[A]

I will say the most fun I've ever had is that.

[B]

Which after party it was. Do you have more sex in New York? I used to have that before.

[A]

Yes. I only have sex in New York.

[B]

That was me for years. 10 years. I, like, sleep with people in New York and then, like, focus on me in L. A?

[A]

Yeah. Like, I. I lost my virginity here once, obviously. Once. Once. And then I had sex a second time after the SNL after party, and that was about it.

[B]

Yeah. That's nice.

[A]

But it was the s. The last SNL after party I went to was. I think it was Billie Eilish, and I forgot the host. Maybe not. Billy was the performer. I forget who the host was.

[B]

Yeah, I see it, but I. I saw a blur.

[A]

Yeah, but I. You someday sometimes stay out at those until. Tell me more. It's okay.

[B]

I had a good show that night. I remember.

[A]

Yeah. Do you remember your worst show?

[B]

There's so many. I remember the first time never being in the show. I was, like, dressed as Natasha Leone in the bathroom, like, crying. Like.

[A]

So you wake up Sunday after being out all night.

[B]

All night, and then you're like, I started Sunday. Which is crazy because it does start Monday.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Monday we come in and we pitch ideas to the host that aren't real. So it's like a joke idea. But I've had success with those. So, like, when Sydney Sweeney hosted, like, as a joke, I was like, maybe we both work at Hooters and we're, like, counting tips and I'm like, oh, my God, I made $14. And then you're like, I made $60,000. And then she. No, it is funny. Thank you. No, I need it. I love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel so good. You have no idea. And then, like, I didn't. That was just like a dumb idea. And then she, like, DM'd me and was like, we have to make fun of my boobies. And I was like, great. So. So, like, sometimes ideas come from that, right? Ariana Grande. I was like, I'm just telling you my bad pitches. But, like, the Chalamet look like thing was happening. So I was like, maybe it's a Coolidge. Or no, maybe it's a Coolidge sound alike. And then, like, then that led to that skit, right? So we, like, pitch ideas. And then Monday. Monday, I think, is for me when I'm like, absolutely the most anxious because I don't know what I'm doing that week. And like, everyone's like, meeting in offices and, like, laughing and you feel like, left out. And I'll, like, open a door and there's like six people, like, and I have nothing. It's hell.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And then that hell feeling lasts all the way until Wednesday.

[A]

So only two days.

[B]

Two days of absolute hell. And so then, like, maybe I'll have some ideas or maybe not. And then I come in Tuesday. And then that is like, either you're like, off to the races and you're writing your idea, or like, the last show they were like, actually, there's like seven White Lotus ideas. And then I'm like, well, now I have nothing.

[A]

Right, Right.

[B]

But we stay up writing till 2am, healthy, 3am, 4am, whatever. It's like half of it's like, it's like, call. It's like you're pulling an all nighter.

[A]

Right? And just every day.

[B]

Yeah. And like, I'd say like, Marcelo and I are definitely like, yeah, yeah, yeah. But we get stuff done. And then Wednesday we submit our stuff in the morning and we read it out loud with the host called Table Read. And then we wait around. A handful of us usually will be watching a Bravo show for like an hour and a half while we're waiting for picks. It's like theater, right? You know, you're like, did I make the list?

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

And. And then at like 10 o' clock, we find out what's picked in the show. And like, you either are like, yes, or crying or, like, punching a wall or 100. Yeah.

[A]

And you say you watch Bravo.

[B]

Yeah. Like we. Yeah. We all, like, pile in and we'll, like, watch a show.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

Yeah. Usually.

[A]

What Bravo shows do you watch?

[B]

Well, V was like, a big thing.

[A]

But, like, rip, rip. It's done.

[B]

It's done.

[A]

Respectfully. I think it's so done. I think after. Yeah. Like, after Scandal, it's like, how do you come back?

[B]

I agree.

[A]

You can't. Like, obviously. They're obviously gonna film with each other, but it's obviously like, Ariana's not coming back, so what's the point?

[B]

I know.

[A]

And like, Ariana's, like, host of Love island, like, doing the thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

She used it to her advantage and it worked. Yeah. Traitors. I mean, that's not Bravo. Whatever. It's just like this weird hour where you're, like, waiting if you, like, got the cast list, right. Back in the day, we used to have it, like, on the wall. So you'd, like, everyone would, like, run and be like, yeah. So crazy.

[A]

Like, literally high school.

[B]

High school. But we're like, adults.

[A]

And you started in 2019, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So what Covid. Yeah. What's the difference? SNL, pre Covid versus post Covid?

[B]

I feel like when I started there, there's like, videos, but there wasn't. It was, like, weird that I liked it. Instagram videos.

[A]

What?

[B]

But yeah, like, there was, you know, Kate and Cecily and all those, like, legends. I don't think we're as, like, video focused. And then after Covid, like, P Please don't destroy came on and, like, they came from videos, I feel like I was more of like, a Internet, not it. Like, I was, like, doing content a little bit more before, like, starting on the show.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And now we're. I mean, we weren't on TikTok, like, I think until, like, 2020, maybe.

[A]

TikTok really helped us and I, like, take off for the younger generation.

[B]

100%. Yeah. Like, especially this year, I was like, I didn't even know we, like, we're on Tik Tok.

[A]

Oh, you guys are on TikTok?

[B]

Yeah, we're getting there. Yeah. Like, Domingo, Domingo, crazy.

[A]

But then the audio got removed or something.

[B]

But, like, crazy.

[A]

Why did that get removed?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Were you guys expecting Domingo to be like Domingo?

[B]

Not at all. No, no.

[A]

Like, it just kind of was like, oh, okay.

[B]

No, I mean, we had fun rehearsing it. And then like, when Ariana said saying pitchy, we were like, hahaha. But it was like, we really were like, you have no idea. And then it just went Crazy.

[A]

Do you like living in New York?

[B]

I'm truly bi. Coastal.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, you really are. Do you have a place here as well?

[B]

Yeah, my boyfriend has a place my parents live in. No way.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I thought you grew up in Beverly Hills.

[A]

No, everyone thinks that I grew up on.

[B]

A lot of people think I'm Nepo, but I'm not.

[A]

I know you're not.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Do you go to that Italian bakery?

[B]

Yes, every day.

[A]

It's amazing.

[B]

Everyone looks like they work at the. It's the Bear. There's a really hot sandwich guy.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And yes. Is Jeremy Allen White to me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes. Oh, my God, yes.

[A]

I'm trying to think of, like, where.

[B]

Else I was into Capri Club now. Idiots. Do you ever go to video? I'll see, like, Quinta Brunson on the sidewalk. Idiots is amazing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. They do all these screenings and, like, premieres and. Oh, my God, really cool.

[A]

There's, like, a camera store I go to sometimes. Never. I don't take photos, but, like, I walk in just to seem like.

[B]

I do seem, like.

[A]

Yeah. And I say, hi, and I'm like, how much is this? And I asked for the price of a few things, and then I walk out.

[B]

Really? I'm like, that with bookstores.

[A]

Yeah, same. When's the last time you read a book?

[B]

I couldn't tell you, but I do. No, I read if I, like. I think listening counts as you're reading, like, audiobook.

[A]

Okay. Totally reading. Totally.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm like, if I can do that, like, why go, like, you know, Like. That's such a sing.

[A]

I know. I've read. I read the Housemaid. That was, like, the first book I read in years and years and years and years and years. That was good.

[B]

Yeah. I'll read. I'll. I'll do, like. I'll read, like, two books a year, and it's all I talk about.

[A]

Oh, so you read, but, like, two a year. Which books did you read last year?

[B]

The Guest I was, like, really into.

[A]

What's that about?

[B]

It's about, like, a girl in her 20s who's, like, a. And she's, like, hot, and she's dating an older guy, and she's like. Is she a sex worker? I don't know. And then she goes to the Hamptons and she kind of ruins his life. And then she just, like, ruins everyone's lives around her. And it'll, like, be a movie.

[A]

Yeah, that sounds.

[B]

Yeah. So usually I'll read it if someone's like, you should, like, look at this to play.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

And it always goes to someone else, but I enjoy the reading of it.

[A]

Do you have, like, a dream role type?

[B]

I think, like, a biopic of any kind, because I'm like, that's what I always thought I would do. And then it turned into, like, an impression is just like a little bio.

[A]

Right, right. Do you get annoyed when people are like, do. Can you do this impression for me? Or do you just, like, love doing it?

[B]

I do love doing it if it's someone, like, new, right? Yeah.

[A]

So, like, what do you mean someone new?

[B]

Like, if it's like, someone I haven't done before.

[A]

Were you nervous when you weren't you. Was it Jimmy Fallon or Jimmy Kimmel? And then he had you do the list of Fallon. Fallon. Were you nervous for that?

[B]

No, because I've been doing that forever. Like, that's kind of how you get like. I got on. The show was like, you know, like, it was so long ago. They were all auditioning for Big Little Lies. It was just like every white woman.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

So I've, like, done it for. I think now I'm at a point where I just want to do new stuff.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And do you have, like, any Besides summer of 69? Like, are you working on anything exciting.

[B]

Outside of that coming up?

[A]

Yeah, there's.

[B]

Yeah. I shot, like, a pickleball movie this year.

[A]

Pickleball's it.

[B]

I know. And I feel like we're the first one, but.

[A]

Yeah, I haven't seen a pickleball movie.

[B]

Yeah. I think we're hopefully going to beat everybody.

[A]

Yeah, you definitely are. Any other pickleball movie.

[B]

Right? Yeah, I know. And everyone's like. And it was so funny when I, like, Got it. Chris. Kristen Forsyth. Kirsten. Kristen. Kristen.

[A]

One of the three, four. Yeah.

[B]

I'm so bad at Kirsten. Kristen.

[A]

Oh, same. What's the difference?

[B]

I like Short Circuit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She was like, oh, my God, we're in the movie. And then it was like, she was in a different pickleball movie.

[A]

No. So there is another pickleball movie.

[B]

Well, I think there's a bunch, but, like, we are done. We wrapped and we come out before everybody else.

[A]

Okay. Got it. What's, like, how do you. What's the price?

[B]

I represent tennis in the movie. Yeah. I'm like, the idea of tennis and pickleball is, like, taking over. It's like a Jake Johnson. He was a new girl.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Is like. I'm like his crazy girlfriend.

[A]

Got it. Got it.

[B]

Which is like, a role. I love to play.

[A]

Do you love. Do you prefer doing, like, an improv or, like, a scripted thing?

[B]

I prefer it's scripted, and then I take it, and then I improv within. Did you have that on Hacked?

[A]

Yeah. Well, there's that.

[B]

How do they do it?

[A]

Paul and Lucia and Jen are, like, so, like, they. You can. You know when you, like, can tell why a show is as funny as it is, it's because the environment is so good. Yeah. Like, I walked onto set and they were like, it said, like, creatively, you feel so, like, not judged, like, from the person down to, like, the boom operator. Like, everyone knows each other. And, like, everyone was so nice. So I was like. And I was so. I was so scared shitless. But they were just like, okay. And, like, for this one, just have fun with it. And, like, normally I'd be so scared, but you just kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, that's probably how they get half of Meg Stalter's, like, iconic, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She would be amazing on as an SNL post.

[B]

Oh, yeah? Yeah. I was surprised she. Yeah. For a while I thought she would be on the show.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. Like, after Hacks or before, I was like, oh, hacks.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you watch Hacks?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

I love. What are you watching right now?

[B]

I mean, Last of us last night.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Okay, so I didn't watch it last night. I didn't watch it. I didn't watch it last night, but people are freaking out.

[B]

Yeah. I can't say anything.

[A]

Is it as good as Long, long time?

[B]

Better?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Better than long, long time.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

And, like, cry, cry. Oh, I'm watching it. We're done.

[B]

Right? And, like, Caitlyn Dever is, like, our greatest actress.

[A]

She was here. She was sitting right here.

[B]

I know. And. And she's so unassuming. She's just, like, grounded and cool and, like, the coolest person in the world. And. And then I'll see. I'm not giving anything away, but, like, Emmy now. I'm not giving anything away.

[A]

I'm so excited to watch.

[B]

Don't Google.

[A]

Okay. I will never forget. Like, I hate spoilers more than anything. Y Season 3 finale of Succession spoiled for me, so I just didn't watch the rest of the show.

[B]

Right. I get.

[A]

And it's, like, great. I miss Succession, like, so that's cool. I met season two finale of White Lotus. My friend put it on. I was like, wait, I haven't seen any of the season yet she's like, no. No worries. Jennifer Coolidge, Dad. Cool. So that.

[B]

So then you're like, why watch it? Yeah, I get like, if something's really scary, I have to Google it and I have to spoil it for myself.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Because I'm sick in the head.

[A]

Like, with what?

[B]

Like, like sever, I guess I get obsessed with like, like severance. I was like, what is it? You know, I go on like, I'm on Reddit, I'm on threads. I just like, I love the theory. I love to like, that's what I read instead of books.

[A]

Yeah. I also do like serious theory. I call it theory Seen. Oh, just, you know, it's. Yeah, it's all up there. Have you ever seen the Leftovers?

[B]

No. Really?

[A]

Oh, my God. Justin Thoreau.

[B]

Oh, I have actually. Carrie Coon.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Right. White Lotus. That's how you thought of it, right?

[A]

It's the best. I just watched it because of White Lotus and it's unbelievable. She's amazing.

[B]

She comes from the theater.

[A]

Yeah. She's like Chicago theater vibes. Like, she's like in it.

[B]

Yeah. Tracy Letts, baby.

[A]

Who else? What else are you watching? So last of us hacks.

[B]

Obviously Love on the Spectrum.

[A]

I'm the only one not watching Love on the Spectrum. Is it that good? It's.

[B]

It's like I've never been more emotionally affected by something.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I follow everybody. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, it's like that big.

[B]

Yeah. We've had, we've had like some season ones and twos come to the show and it's really exciting.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. That's always what's so funny about snl. Like you'll be like, yeah, Steven Spielberg. And then you're like, oh my God, it's Abby. Yeah. Like, who was that? So. Or yeah. Or like Ariana Matic. Yeah, yeah, yeah, truly.

[A]

And that's who you guys like really freak out over?

[B]

I think so.

[A]

Yeah. This episode of Therapists is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah. I am so excited that booking.com has come back to sponsor us again. They are the greatest. And it is about to be summer, so booking.com will be more useful than ever. So on booking.com you put in where you are staying, what you need. Like, I need it to be walkable. I need a terrace. I need two beds. I need one bed. And they will put give you hotels and rooms and vacation rentals. Can also do car rentals. Like you can really create a well rounded trip on booking.com as you guys know, like on tour we would pull up to a city, we would have nowhere booked, and we'd be like, what do we do? And then Matt would be like, pull up booking dot com. Just quickly type in exactly what we need. And we'd have a hotel and I just wouldn't be worried. Like, they always help me figure it out. Like, for me, I love being able to walk because I don't drive. And so I. And I also, like, love to wake up in the morning and walk and explore the city I'm in. So having it be walkable to things is very, very important to me. And so being able to put that in and get a hotel that's walkable to things is, like, just amazing. So I'm so happy that they're a sponsor of this podcast because I really, like, they are truly the best. Like, I cannot say. Like, they just make life easier. So thank you, booking.com for sponsoring tonight's episode. Book today on the site or in the app. Find exactly what you're booking for at booking.combooking. yeah. Thanks, booking.com for sponsoring tonight's episode. That's crazy. What's the starstruck you've ever been?

[B]

Meryl Streep.

[A]

Meryl Streep. When did she come?

[B]

She was at the 50th.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

Meryl I finally got to meet. And then we all got Covid from the 50th.

[A]

Oh, really? It was a super spreader event.

[B]

Yeah. But I, Meryl, I. The people I know who got covered are like, me.

[A]

Huh? Meryl kind of iconic.

[B]

So I got Meryl's covet.

[A]

Yeah, you got literally Meryl's coveted.

[B]

Yeah, I have like, Meryl Covid.

[A]

That's kind of iconic.

[B]

Yeah. And then I. She came to the show the week later and she went, Covid.

[A]

Covid.

[B]

Yeah. When high covert. And I went, hi, Covid. Covid.

[A]

Did she come to a lot of SNL tapings?

[B]

This is a new thing. I've wanted to meet her my entire life. I did my college book report on her at nyu. I wrote like my a full, like freshman year essay on Meryl Streep's bracelet acting.

[A]

Because bracelet acting.

[B]

She like, behavior, like, her behavior in the hours she does. She's like dealing with all this, like, trauma and then she'll just be like, like be like playing with a bracelet, right? Yeah. So I wrote like a 10 page essay on that.

[A]

How do you. That's incredible.

[B]

You should watch. Yeah. Her, like, she'll just do like little.

[A]

Always and everything she does and she'll Be like.

[B]

Like, like, right. Like, she, like, the love of her life is dead. She just, like, channels it through, like, necklace act.

[A]

Oh, yeah. She doesn't. Devil Wears Prada, which will, like. Hold on.

[B]

Yeah. Like an object. Yeah. She always finds these, like, objects, and I'm very, like, fascinated by it.

[A]

Meryl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's just lovely.

[B]

The best in the whole wide world.

[A]

Oh, my God. Well, she's from theater as well. I'm pretty sure she did Yale.

[B]

Yeah, she did Yale.

[A]

Wow. That's incredible. Oh, my God. Okay, last SNL question. What is the most fun you've ever had at an after party?

[B]

Okay. When RuPaul hosted, all of the. All of the drag queens came out to the after party, and we all danced on tables till, like, five in the morning.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And it was also, I think, the first time I'd ever, like, gotten on Weekend Update in my first, like, you get, like, your first Weekend Update? And I did a bunch of impressions, and I was just like, this is the best in the world. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, a new person would come in, and everyone was like, oh, my God, it's. And we just stayed up all night, and it was amazing.

[A]

That's amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And do you. Because there's two SNL after parties.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Am I allowed to say, like.

[B]

Yeah, of course. Are you're going to the after after?

[A]

Yeah, there's the after and then there's the after after.

[B]

Are you after after?

[A]

I've. After.

[B]

I've never gone.

[A]

You've never after after. Oh, I've stayed there till 7am Are you serious?

[B]

I've gone with, like, like, my nieces. I like to be, like, a cool aunt. They're, like, your age.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah, well, the.

[A]

And the after after has a password too. Right.

[B]

And you're always like, shoot.

[A]

Yeah. You're soup or something. And it's always like, like, razor. Sorry. But I once was at an after after, and I looked up and it was bright out, and I was like, oh, cool.

[B]

Yeah. But that's cool. Yeah, I'll stay out, like, on our finale. Like, I'll. I'll go really late. But, like, maybe it was the Billie Eilish one. It was like, shoop. And then we went in and I was just like, oh, well.

[A]

Because. Yeah, it's a lot.

[B]

Yeah. You don't get grossed out by these after afters.

[A]

No.

[B]

Because you go to people's, like, house. Sometimes people go to, like, the pop stars, like, house.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I hear those stories.

[A]

Oh, and those are crazy.

[B]

Yeah. Like they're up out till nine in the morning.

[A]

That is what I want to get involved in.

[B]

Yeah. Next time you're there, we need to do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want a 9am Dude. And wind up at the house of a pop star.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like it's happening to a lot of people on the show. And then they come in on Monday and tell me about it and I'm.

[A]

Like, so SNL's high school 100%.

[B]

100%.

[A]

Yeah, it's high school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is doing the Weekend Update scary?

[B]

Yeah, very.

[A]

Like how, like what was. What's scary about it?

[B]

I feel like lately there, I mean, there's so many of us that the, there's been a handful this year where it's like not the first time that person's done it. So they'll do it at dress rehearsal. It goes great. And then because there's like three people, there's just like all these mouths to feed or I don't, I don't know the reasoning, but they'll be like, sorry, not tonight. And then they have to come back the next week and try and like re. Kill. So like that's nerve wracking. And bombing out there is horrible.

[A]

But how do you know if you bomb though? Because the audience doesn't, they're just not laughing that hard.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And is it like so terrifying because like you're also on national television a little bit.

[B]

But you'll, they'll never, you'll never get to the point of being on national television if it didn't kill at like table read or dress rehearsal. Like you're. That, that is the one part of the show I think that is like very like set up to succeed, which is why they're always really funny.

[A]

Oh, that's. That would make me feel so much more secure.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, because you're like, it's not gonna, they're not gonna put it on TV if it's like mid.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Sketches on the other hand, who know because you're just. It's less predictable.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you remember a moment where you're like, oh my God, I just bombed all the time. Really? No, you don't.

[B]

Yes, of course. Bombing at like the table read is amazing.

[A]

Why? Because, because do you acknowledge it? Are you just like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. My dream is to like be at work and if it's bombing, just be like, move on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like no one's ever done that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And just be like, why are we here? Bye. Done. Sorry, sorry, sorry. Lauren, you know Right, Sorry. Sorry. Yeah, because. Because they're a sketch is like 10 to 12 pages. There's supposed to be 10. Sometimes they're 12. And just to, like, sit in, like, deafening silence for 12 pages is the worst experience in the world because no one's laughing. No one's. It's almost as worse as your fight you almost had to take. Right. No charger. But then someone saved you.

[A]

I'm obsessed with you. Like, seriously. Like, I really am obsessed that you.

[B]

Like, happened to me. Me. Well, also, I, like, I feel for you. And, like, nothing is worse.

[A]

Well, it was like a cry for help. I got on the plane.

[B]

What is wrong with that plane?

[A]

That it was Southwest. I never ever been on Southwest before. Sorry.

[B]

It's okay.

[A]

I'd never been on Southwest. And I, I got on, and my. My manager was like, okay, so when you go on, it's like the Hunger Games. And I was like, what the do you mean?

[B]

And she was like, were you not a.

[A]

No, I was. You obviously were a. I was a. But, like, it was like. It was like. But she was like, you have to bolt for your seat. Like, you have to go get, like, get your seat. Like, it's like the cornucopia. And I was like, oh, o. I got it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I sat down. My phone was at 3%. I thought I was like, so one with the world. I was like, I'll just charge my phone on the plane. I'm like, going, I know this is this.

[B]

And then when you're like.

[A]

And then I was like, oh, my God, there's no charger. So I. 3% left. And I. It was like, shooting up, like a. What is it? Like a S.O.S.

[B]

Oh. Oh, an S.O.S. heroin.

[A]

And I was like, oh, yeah, no, I shot a pairwin. And then I posted about the.

[B]

Yeah, wait. And it's okay. Did you go to the bathroom? Because you can go into a wet Southwest toilet, and usually there is an outlet, but you will electrocute yourself. But you can get a little bit of juice.

[A]

Okay. So I posted on my. My tick tock. Like, please help me. I, I. If I. If you don't see me, I love you. Because, like, really? I was like, yeah, you're dying. I'm, like, sitting there like, there's no tv. There's no. I don't have a book. No, my Nintendo's down.

[B]

We don't read in this house.

[A]

What the am I supposed to do?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Louis, my friend wasn't sitting.

[B]

How long was the fight gonna be?

[A]

It was only 50 minutes, but I was freaking out. And then I felt a tap on my shoulder. It was like, from God. And she was like, hey, I saw your TikTok and I have a portable charger for you.

[B]

I've gone back in the day and, like, onto the flight attendants and be like, please, please.

[A]

And what do they say?

[B]

Like, we can't. And why? Because they're like, if we give it to you, like, there goes the neighborhood. Like, we have to give to everybody. Yeah. And I'm like, I'm not afraid to, like, cry. I went. I'm acting trained. I can cry on command.

[A]

You can cry on command?

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

How did you learn to do that?

[B]

Acting school.

[A]

But how. What are their techniques to teach you to cry?

[B]

You know, we talked about this at work. Do you see the water coming already?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay, so one thing that. It's like a. It's like, from clowning.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Separate story. But basically, like, you think of yourself as, like, a balloon, and you think of, like, someone popping your balloon, and your chest kind of sinks.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

And, like, if you feel that sensation of, like, sinking.

[A]

I see water in your eyes.

[B]

Yeah, but I'm. You're kind of getting a little bit.

[A]

I can't. I haven't cried in six years. I haven't. I'm on Prozac. I haven't cried.

[B]

I know, but that's healthy.

[A]

Should we try to cry?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, ready?

[B]

You don't have to think about anything or just. It's also, like, hot in here. Think about your. No battery phone. Think about. What if you're going to Hawaii and you couldn't charge your phone because you're on, like, southwest to Hawaii and there's no WI fi because there's no WI fi when you go to Hawaii because you're over the ocean.

[A]

Oh, my God. I totally forgot. That's how you get WI fi and planes. You can't be over the ocean.

[B]

You can't be over the ocean.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

So imagine we're in Hawaii.

[A]

I'm like, I can't cry.

[B]

It's okay. I see it. There it is, sinking, sinking. You are. You are.

[A]

I feel it a little. It's not working, but it is. It's working for you. No, it's amazing.

[B]

I think I just, like. I've had a day.

[A]

I just. I haven't. Like.

[B]

Actually, you have days just, like, leading to the day.

[A]

No, I've had days to. You have had a day. What do you mean, you've had a day?

[B]

Trying to drive over. I truly. I can't I mean, there's. Obviously, I'm blessed and I'm grateful to be here, but, like, nothing gets me more therapists than, like, wrong turn and.

[A]

How many wrong turns?

[B]

LA is like, hell, yeah. I'm like, the 134 is the 5 is the 101. Like, make up your mind.

[A]

I don't even drive, you know, I don't have the license. How do you Ubering every day? Three times a day. I get the same driver sometimes. Hey, girl. Yeah, I Uber three to four times a day every day.

[B]

Wow. And you don't see, like, I. Okay. There was a period where I, like, really missed New York and I moved downtown and I got rid of my car because I was like, I'm just gonna be like, it's like, it's New York, it's downtown la. I know, I know. And I Ubered a lot. But then, like, the accident body spray scent really started to get to me.

[A]

Yeah, I like, know how to.

[B]

You know that smell?

[A]

No, I know how to like.

[B]

And then there's also, like, that, like, cherry alcohol. Do you know it's just car fresheners?

[A]

Right. I just. My only issue is sometimes I'm. I'm not in the mood to talk, but I feel so rude not speaking and not asking how everyone's day was.

[B]

That's really good.

[A]

So it's like, I wish I had a car for that reason, but I refuse to use Waymo right now because I'm like, that. I think puts people out of a job.

[B]

Yeah, I like.

[A]

So I'm like, you know, I don't. I do miss that. I want that feeling of driving and singing with no one watching. I've never had that. I've always been in the car with someone else. I've never been in.

[B]

Do you have your license?

[A]

No, I've never. I've driven once.

[B]

But you have your license?

[A]

Yeah. So you illegally drove, like, around a parking lot.

[B]

Oh, my gosh.

[A]

Because before I did this podcast, I was going to do a show where I had different, like, celebrities teaching me how to drive.

[B]

That's a great idea.

[A]

So it's also illegal.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Because like, tick tock wouldn't have let me put it up.

[B]

Right, right, right.

[A]

And, like, it was a whole to do. So then I ended up with therapists.

[B]

I almost didn't get my license.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. True story. How my. My thing was expiring. What is that? You're not your light.

[A]

A passport?

[B]

No, Idaho. Permit.

[A]

Permit.

[B]

My permit was, like, about to expire and I was in Oakland and, like, the only DMV appointment I could get was, like, by the airport. And there were all these, like. I don't know. I just kept, like. Like, if someone was, like, crossing the street early in the morning, I would, like, speed up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was just, like, a terrible driver.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I was in my mom's Mini Cooper.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I failed all the tests. And then I was like, no, but, like, my license. Like, you don't understand. Like, I'm not gonna get my license. And then she was like. She was like, I didn't think I was gonna fit into this car. And it's really cool that I did. Don't tell your mom, but, like, you need more help. And then she, like, erased one of the points, and I got my license. True story.

[A]

That's how you got your license?

[B]

Yeah, true story.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Yeah. Because the Mini Cooper isn't as mini as you think.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So she was just so hyped to be like, damn, I. I got in the car.

[B]

But then, like, three years later, when my sister was doing all that stuff, there was a knock at the door for, like, student driver, and I was like, oh, let me get my sister. And then my family was like, no, it's for you. So they, like, ambushed me and made me, like, re train because I'm a horrible driver. It took me an hour and a half to get here when the ETA was 26 minutes.

[A]

No. What?

[B]

Yeah, true story.

[A]

And how did you.

[B]

I just made a lot of wrong turns and wound up in Sherman Oaks for a long time.

[A]

I love Sherman Oak.

[B]

Me, too. Obsessed.

[A]

Good sushi. Good frozen yogurt.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Don't want anything else.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sushi and frozen. What more can you ask for?

[A]

Sweet and salty.

[B]

Yeah, that's a true story.

[A]

True story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wait, so can you tell me about the plot of the movie Summer 69? Because I know it, but I don't know if the pussies know it.

[B]

Okay, so the. Are the pussies in the camera?

[A]

Yeah, the pussies are this camera.

[B]

Am I doing this?

[A]

Yeah, this camera.

[B]

Okay. The plot of summer of 69 is a high school girl has a crush on, like, the football player and overhears that he, like, is really into 69ing and she, like, doesn't quite know what 69ing is. And for whatever reason, like, hires a stripper to teach her about sex and confidence. And I play the stripper.

[A]

That's so beautiful.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the stripper's name is Santa Monica.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Amazing. And Were you a part of the creative process of writing the script at all or were you just casting it?

[B]

I've been obsessed with Gillian Bell forever. Like, she's. When I was doing Groundling, she was like, on the wall.

[A]

And like, she's amazing.

[B]

2122 Jump Street. Like, just the funniest person. And so I knew it was going to be her first time directing. And, like, I knew we could do improv and stuff. And then, like, I read the script and it was like, she's so hot and confident. And I was like, I'll play that. Right?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Sign me up. But we did, like, the script was one way and Jillian, like, rewrote it. And then like throughout the summer, we were kind of like rewriting it and tweaking and doing all the fun stuff.

[A]

What is your. I know this is kind of number one. That sounds incredible. And I'm so excited to see it. Number two, what is your favorite movie of all time? My favorite or television show.

[B]

What's yours?

[A]

My favorite movie is Devora's Prada. It's the most. Or, yeah. Devil is Prada. It's like the gayest answer. But it's true. Because it reminds. Because I'll always say, like, it. When I watched that movie and I was a kid, I was like, I will never make the mistake. And Hathaway made in that movie. And I will always put my work above everything.

[B]

Wow. I love that.

[A]

Which isn't the message you're supposed to take from it, but, like, that's what I took.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think she fumbled that bag. Like she left Paris.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. Number one movie, Devil's Prada. Wow.

[A]

And then my number one TV show is Girls on HBO I love.

[B]

And you're like, I feel like everyone's like, rediscovering girls right now.

[A]

Yep. And I literally was like, did you.

[B]

Read it or were you, like, watching it? Like, when it came out?

[A]

I watched it when it came out. Obviously, I didn't understand anything.

[B]

The gravity of anything for sure.

[A]

And then I watched it as a 24 year olds. Yeah, 23. 24.

[B]

Like, this is my.

[A]

And I was like. Like, I was like 11. I was like, oh, my God, I feel so seen.

[B]

Who are you? Who do you identify? Yeah. Yeah. Really?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[B]

Because, like, okay, interesting.

[A]

Who do you identify as?

[B]

Well, obviously in my head, I've always, like, it was like, with anything, like, I wanted to be Jemima Kirk, mermaid. But, like, I'm. I'm probably like, wired as Shoshana, right?

[A]

Okay, well, Shoshana is the best character, I agree.

[B]

But I. But yeah, it's kind of like with Sexton. Like, my friends and I were all virgins watching Sex in the City when it came out, and I was like, I am Samantha.

[A]

Right? Right.

[B]

Hadn't had sex. Seen a penis.

[A]

You did bring up your virginity story before we started this podcast.

[B]

I did that. I don't. Yeah, I'm obsessed with it.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

My V. My. When I lost my V. Okay, where to begin?

[A]

This isn't me being creepy, by the way. Like, Chloe literally brought this up.

[B]

I was like, I'm an hour late.

[A]

She was literally 10 minutes late, 15 minutes late. And she was like, I have a story. Virginity story. And then we just started, and I never really followed up about it, but now I am. I'll tell you mine after.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, cool.

[A]

Or do you want me to start? Whatever you're more comfortable with.

[B]

I kind of want to hear yours because you make me laugh so hard, and then you make me laugh so hard, and then I'll tell you mine.

[A]

Okay. Okay. Mine is. I was like, I need to have sex. Like, I'm 22 years old and I. I haven't. 21. I'm 21 years old and I haven't had sex.

[B]

Like, post college.

[A]

No college. And I'm like, this is ridiculous. So I went on Grindr and I'm like, I just need to find someone to have sex with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At this point, found this 32 year old guy, and I was like, huh, he seems cute. And then by the information given to me by him, I Google what I find to be someone, and it says he's 39, but he's from Johannesburg. And I'm like, this doesn't.

[B]

Let's say yes.

[A]

And I'm like, this doesn't seem like the same guy. This guy kind of has like a Valley girl or American accent. Like, you know, like, he. He doesn't have a South African accent.

[B]

Okay, so you're getting like, catfishy.

[A]

Well, no, but, like, I'm just thinking, oh, it's not the same guy. Because he wouldn't lie about being 32 instead of 39. So then I go over to his house.

[B]

Don't eat for the entire 39. You lie and say you're 32.

[A]

Right. And I showed up, he made me a drink, and I was like, so where are you from? And he was like, Johannesburg. Like, I was like, how old are you again? And he was like, 32. Like, do I look older? And I was like. And in that moment, I could have left, and I said no. And we went upstairs and had sex. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, my God, I can't believe I had sex. I was like, do you have a cigarette? He's like, did you just ask me for a cigarette? So you could say you smoked a cigarette after sex? And that is my virginity story.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And I hit him up again because.

[B]

I do believe in, like, the second time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My friends and I were obsessed with sex in the city. And basically. Okay. It's kind of a long story, but I'm going to. Can I give the pre and then the.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. So the pre story. What? My. We're from San Francisco. We were, like, very, like, body forward. Like, my friends and I, we all bought each other, like, vibrators, like, 15 and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, just like, woohoo.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And my parents were really lax, and we all decided to get drunk for the first time at my house. Cause, like, my mom wasn't, like, mean about it, and she. And we were always kind of, like, naked. We're, you know, just like that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, normal. And, like, my mom came downstairs. We were really drunk. I didn't have a top on, and my mom was like, oh, you girls. And then my friend Hannah, like, didn't know where her clit was. And I was like, hannah, it's right here. And I was, like, kind of doing, like, a science lesson. And I. Cause I was like, you have to know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, you cannot go through life not knowing. And so we were, like, so wasted. And then my friends are like, you.

[A]

Need to lose your virginity.

[B]

And I was like, good idea. And so they called my boyfriend. And then instead of just saying, like, you have to have sex, like, we drunkenly. My. My best friends were like, you need to go down on her yesterday. Hung up. Next morning, I wake up, I, like, puke everywhere. All my friends get in trouble and grounded. I didn't because I, like, told my parents I drank. And they're like, thank you for your honesty. Honesty. Anyway, that side note.

[A]

Okay, great.

[B]

That's my pre.

[A]

Okay, good. I'm. I was so worried that that was chaotic.

[B]

Yeah. So then the next weekend, his parents are out of town. They're gonna go antiquing. Because that's, like, a Northern California. Yeah. Have you ever got antiquing? I now go antique. You just, like, go to, like, honestly, like, near here. You can, like, get an antique, like a furniture.

[A]

Oh, cool.

[B]

They were going antiquing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I don't know why I shared that part.

[A]

No, it's important to the story.

[B]

Yeah, they were going.

[A]

I mean, I would have wondered where they went.

[B]

Yeah, they were going antiquing, and I got, like, this, like, hot pink bra and underwear set from Gap Body, which was, like, new at the time. Yeah. Gap Body was just as hot as Victoria's sugar. But I thought, like, you know, right. So I'm wearing my Gap Body, and I go to his house, and he's like, my parents are antiquing, but I'm still worried that they might come home. So let's go up to upstairs. And I was like, what is upstairs? And he was like, well, my grandma used to live here, and now it's just, like, empty and there's a room. And I was like, okay. So we go upstairs, and it turns out she had a clock collection. So there were, like, truly, like, 200 ticking clocks. Now it's like. It's like the Shining. It's like an A24 horror movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And, like, they're like. And everyone's like, tick, tick, tick. Time to lose your virginity. Tick, tick, tick. And then we're, like, making out. And then we go into this room and there's like, like, doilies and, like, old florals, and it's, like, kind of spooky. And then as I'm, like, going to have it happen, and it's like, ow. Obviously, that's part of it, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. So. And I turn and there's just, like, a picture of his, like, dead grandma looking at my soul. And she kind of had, like. You know, it's like kind of this.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

It was, like, 80s pictures with, like, the big glasses. Yeah. So that happened, and it was terrible. But then, because I had watched so much sex in the city, I was like, we're doing it again. And so we, like, walked and got fake handcuffs. And then I was like, do me right.

[A]

That was fast.

[B]

Yeah. Day. All in the same day.

[A]

All in the same day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's kind of amazing. The Bible fell, and then the bi. The Bible fell?

[B]

Yeah, the Bible fell. We went to his room in the Bible.

[A]

That is so symbolic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's an amazing story.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Sorry, I don't mean to scare you, but these are. Do you know about the tell me what's wrongs?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Do you do?

[B]

No, I don't, actually. I almost lied, but I couldn't.

[A]

No, no. I so appreciate the half life. But basically, the tell me what's wrongs are the right in. And they tell Us what's wrong.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we give them advice.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I feel like there's also. Before we finish.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you think if I asked you at the edge to do an impression of me, you'd be able to.

[B]

I feel like it would be, like, wait, wait. No, no.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'd have to, like, get.

[A]

Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I think it's this or this.

[A]

Yes. Loud and.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Uncomfortable.

[B]

Like, this is my favorite thing that I do. Yeah.

[A]

Do I do that?

[B]

Yeah. Like. Like. Like, I was, like, last of us. Like, don't tell me. Don't.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'll get it.

[A]

You'll get it.

[B]

Okay. I have to get the voice.

[A]

Yeah. The voice is you. Oh, God. When you get that voice, I'm gonna get your voice. You are? Wait, can I pretend to interview. Before we get into the. Tell me what's wrong. Can I pretend to interview Drew Barry more quickly?

[B]

Okay. Quickly.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Only if the fans don't hate it over it.

[A]

But I will never be over there. Have you seen this Drew Barrymore impression? Okay, ready?

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Hi, Drew.

[B]

Hi. I'm obsessed with you.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Do you love doing your talk show?

[B]

You know? Yeah, I really do. It's, like, I'm, like, emotional, like, talking about it.

[A]

Right. Do you feel like your whole life has led to it?

[B]

A hundred percent. It's the most thrilling, beautiful, generous thing I could do. You know, it's the mom and a mother. It's, like, to the side.

[A]

That is uncanny.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

That's incredible. Okay, are you ready for the. Tell me which one?

[B]

I'm ready.

[A]

Yeah. My friend smells so bad. Brags about not washing her hair or brushing her teeth, and it's embarrassing to bring her out. Her teeth are visibly rotting.

[B]

No.

[A]

What do we do?

[B]

She has to have an intervention.

[A]

Right. But, like, she. But she knows it.

[B]

Does the girl know her teeth are visibly rotting?

[A]

I. That. I don't know.

[B]

I have encountered. I'm like, that is like, I cannot.

[A]

Right?

[B]

I have had bad breath in my life. Not, like. Like, at me. And I will go and be like, someone needs to, like, handle this.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I, like, cannot.

[A]

It's the. I think it is the most jarring insult to receive. Not insult, just, like, criticism. Like, your breath smells bad. Like, your. Your entire self shuts down.

[B]

I know. So maybe there's, like, a. Well, have they been like, hey, do you want some gum? Like, usually that. That I used to do. Like, do you want some gum?

[A]

Right. Like, you have the resources.

[B]

Yeah. Like, just Go to like, CVS or whatever.

[A]

Right. Just like, that's crazy. Intervention.

[B]

Yeah. I'd say. I'd say like, start with gum, then be like, Listerine and like a toothbrush. Yeah.

[A]

And a shower.

[B]

Or. Or like, have a sleepover and been like, time to brush our teeth.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if she's like, no, then be like, you have to leave.

[B]

I forget. Like, I will be the first to admit, like, we end work at like four in the morning, nine in the morning or whatever.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And my boyfriend is like, did you brush your teeth?

[A]

Right.

[B]

I hadn't.

[A]

Sometimes I forget.

[B]

So, like, a lot of our relationship is me being like, I brush my teeth.

[A]

Right, right, right. Yeah. I used. I mean, I like, I always brush my teeth, but sometimes at night I'm just like it and I go to bed.

[B]

4:00Am is hard.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I'm doing it.

[A]

My hot landlord left me tequila and pastries. Wants to unpack all my movement. Moving boxes and keep flirting. He's a dilf. Is this delusional or fate?

[B]

I think it's fate.

[A]

I think it's fate too.

[B]

100 pastries.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And tequila and packing. You have to hire somebody or like, you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What is whatever? Roadway Movers.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like everyone does on Instagram.

[A]

Do they make money?

[B]

I don't think they do. Every time I see someone move, they're like, thanks, roadway. And I'm like, what is this company?

[A]

They can't make money. There's no way they make money.

[B]

No. And they're not a real company, but I will be needing them.

[A]

Are you planning on moving?

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

When are you back in New York?

[B]

I leave on a red eye. Midnight tonight.

[A]

I leave on a red eye tonight.

[B]

Wait, really?

[A]

Yeah. We should maybe get together this week in New York. I'm around all week. Wait, should we get a drink? I want to see your place.

[B]

Please come over. Oh, it's cute. I'm proud of it.

[A]

No, it's so cute. Didn't. Did you just do like, us? Did you just show, like, do a tour of it?

[B]

I did ad like a while ago.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, I saw that. It's gorgeous.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I have a ton of fun time friends, but none I'm emotionally compatible with. Am I wrong for feeling disconnected from people I party with?

[B]

Oh, I think it's just fun times. That's just party. That's not a sex term.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's fine to have friends that are just going out. Friends.

[B]

Yeah, I think so. For sure.

[A]

It's super normal.

[B]

That's also, like, all of, like. Like, college.

[A]

Right. And it's like, almost like, so much better when you realize, like, oh, I like going out with these people, and I like spending time staying in with these people.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

You can't always, like, have a 360 friend.

[B]

I agree. I have a lot of. Like, some of my closest friends aren't like, we're gonna go dance.

[A]

Right. They're like, let's chill at home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's totally fine. Like, you have different friends for different situations.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

My friend's therapist told her she needs different buckets of guys. And, like, that's what I would describe it.

[B]

That's interesting. Buckets of friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You need different friends for different things.

[B]

Things. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, like, if you hit the lottery and, like, you, like, you got a 360 and they like, staying in, they like going out, all the things. But, like, that's not always the case. And, like, you can have different plans.

[B]

For different things, but, like, the. The 360 is, like your best friend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you. I'm sure this person has that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm, like, emotionally compatible. Like. Yeah. Okay, then maybe. I don't know what they mean.

[B]

That feels like dating.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know what they mean by emotionally compatible.

[B]

That's, like, too much.

[A]

Well, maybe they're saying, like. Like, they don't. Their friends that they actually like spending time with don't like to go out.

[B]

Oh, I don't really know. I have that.

[A]

You'll find going out friends, they come and they go. You find a new one. Yeah, you. That, you know, like, you'll. You'll get it. It's like. It's like dating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. My best friend of eight years gave the guy I was seeing a special, if you know what I mean, under a blanket.

[B]

Well, I was a hand job. Must be a special ending.

[A]

Like that.

[B]

Must say it.

[A]

While I was sitting next to them, I just found out three years later, it's the end of friendship.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That girl's crazy. That's a crazy.

[A]

That's sociopathic.

[B]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

Have you ever had a girl friend that's, like, broken girl code like that?

[B]

Yeah, I. Okay. I don't know if this is, like, known to you, but there's, like, a clown scene in L. A.

[A]

What?

[B]

Yeah, like, people who are, like, bad at improv get into, like, clowning. This is like the east side.

[A]

Wait, so what. What do you mean, clowning?

[B]

There was, like, a big clown scene in L. A. Like, it Was like, for, like. Like, people who, like, kind of did stand up. Kind of did. And then there was, like, clown. Okay, now, like, all.

[A]

And they would, like, very all, like, my mane.

[B]

No. Like, it was kind of, like, raunchy and, like, sort of like. Like, like, fudgeing with the audience. Right prior to me getting on the show, I was, like, in the clown thing. Got it.

[A]

Cut it.

[B]

And I had a crush on my teacher, my clown teacher, because he was, like, very in his body, and I was like, I feel like he'll be good in bed. 100%, like, clown.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I had these other clown friends. Anyway, cut to a couple days later, he, like, messaged me on Facebook, and I was like, that's weird. And he was like, I lost my phone. Can I come over? I also left my jacket, and I was like, okay, I guess we want to, like, you know, again, or whatever. And then he came over in a wife beater. I don't think you're allowed to say that word anymore. He was in a tank top.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Auditioning for Cirque du Soleil. China. True story. And basically was like, I hooked up with someone else in the community.

[A]

And you had already been hooking up with this guy. Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, the clown community. Basically, my friend sucked this clown guy's dick. But now they're married, and they live in Vegas, and I truly think they do Cirque du Soleil. But I obviously haven't let it down, but.

[A]

And you. You're not friends there anymore?

[B]

No, not at all. And then I was like, I think I'm gonna go after snl. And then.

[A]

Yeah, everything happens for a reason.

[B]

True.

[A]

I need to see this clown community.

[B]

Yeah. It's like, I feel like I'll, like, send you comedians who are, like, clowny.

[A]

What's the point, though? Like, you get up there and you're like.

[B]

It's like a different way of, like, like, I think clown. I did go to clown school last year. Side note.

[A]

Okay. Amazing.

[B]

Casual.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm weird. Sorry. You know, I went in January. It's, like, kind of fabulous. Julie Julia Garner went to the same clown school. Did she?

[A]

Julia Garner went to clown school?

[B]

Yeah. In France.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's, like, a thing. But you learn that, like, clown school teaches you. You, like, come out, and I, like, try and make you laugh. And if you're not laughing, it's like, you learn about the audience. Like, a lot of comedians come out, and they're like. And they aren't aware of, like, what the audience is how the audience is responding and clown is like, oh, they're not laughing. Well, I bombed. Let me try something else. And then it's like that kind of style. So it's like, yo, hacks hasn't like explored clown.

[A]

So it's like yoga for comedians.

[B]

Kinda. Yeah. It's like being a more present comedian and less self involved and more like, I'm performing for you. Do you like it?

[A]

Right. It's like practicing mindfulness in comedy.

[B]

In comedy? Yeah. Honestly? Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Amazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I made out with my Uber driver. Now he's offering me free rides, but keeps asking to hang out. I need the rides, but not the kisses. What do I do?

[B]

Oh, my God. You need the rides but not the. How much kisses?

[A]

Right? Is like a little kiss, like, well, like, it depends also how far the ride is.

[B]

Right?

[A]

It's like, you know, like, that's like.

[B]

I mean, that's like a lot of money, right?

[A]

Like. Yeah, I mean, I. If. I mean, if you made out with him, like, do you think he's hot?

[B]

Yeah, I feel like you're into it. Like, it's like, it's like if a task rabbit came over my dream. Right?

[A]

Just like us, like eyeing.

[B]

And then it's like I had a taskrabbit phase. Not that I ever hooked up with them, but I kept like hiring taskrabbits with the hope.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you? My. My dream used to be to hook up with my teacher. It never happened.

[B]

Interesting.

[A]

I never really had a teacher. There was one. I was obsessed with him. Oh, my God. Still to this day, if I saw him, really, I dropped my pants. Like.

[B]

I. Like this.

[A]

Like, truly. Truly.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But yeah, I don't think you need to make out with him again for a free ride. Like, I would just call an Uber.

[B]

Yeah, I agree.

[A]

Because if it's like five minutes, what's the point?

[B]

I agree.

[A]

But if it's a long ride and you're like, damn, like, I guess it.

[B]

Depends on how much you have to. If it's just like, yeah, that's fine, right? It's like French.

[A]

My co worker just told me he's having an affair with another co worker who is married. What do I even do with that info?

[B]

Stay out, stay out, stay out. Yeah, Yeah. I like, my instinct is always to get involved, but in, now that I've gotten a little older and not wiser, stay out.

[A]

Right. My mom was always like, stay out of people's relationships. None of your business.

[B]

That's what all my friends tell them.

[A]

To watch the other Woman, which I prescribed a million times on this show, but I prescribed the other woman. But like, stay out, Stay out and then yell at your friend for putting you in that position.

[B]

100. You shouldn't even like know about it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's their own chaos.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thought I met the love of my life at college. We dated, broke up and have gone. No contact. But a year later, I still think about him every single day. How do I cope? Well, I prescribed the movie how to Be Single, which I've never seen in full, but I know that that's what.

[B]

You know that that's a prescription.

[A]

Yeah, I know that that's what it's about.

[B]

Wow. My. Okay, interesting. I like these prescriptions. My roommate, when I moved to la, would always prescribe Men Love Bitches. Do you know that book, Real Men Love Bitches?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

But I think it's kind of the same idea of like, do you like, focus on you, build you.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Thrive.

[A]

Girl boss.

[B]

Girl boss. She boss. She thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I was never over my first love.

[A]

Really?

[B]

I don't think I ever fully will be.

[A]

When did you date your first love?

[B]

17 to like 22.

[A]

You met in college?

[B]

Pre. Actually 16 to 22.

[A]

Oh, so you long distanced in college?

[B]

Yeah, he was from Philly, I was from here.

[A]

Who broke up with who?

[B]

I probably broke up with him first and broke up with me. Then I broke up with him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. There's some loves you just never get over.

[B]

No, I think your first love is like always is a thing and that's.

[A]

Just something we all know you'll find someone else.

[B]

I have my different.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah. But I think like a lot of it is like, just like, focus on yourself.

[A]

Right? Yeah, focus on it. I have good friends and have great friends.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And why I just like tried to one up you with the great comments.

[B]

Great.

[A]

I was so sorry.

[B]

The best friend.

[A]

Yeah. Or watch. Also someone great.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

You've never seen someone great? No, I think Gina Rodriguez is in it. You have to love someone.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But she breaks up with like the love of her life and like finds herself.

[B]

Yeah, Yeah. I got like a Pilates addiction.

[A]

Oh, you did? When?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

When we broke up.

[A]

Yeah. I met this guy at a party and he brought me back to his apartment. We hooked up and he paused and he paused to play his, quote, sexy playlist. A couple minutes pass and he says, do you like this song? And I'm like, sure. Then he laughs and tells me it's his. Like, ick. Immediately, he keeps hitting me. Up, up. Help.

[B]

Oof. I hate that.

[A]

Just, like, don't see him again.

[B]

Yeah. No. Get out of it.

[A]

That's. I don't have any other words for that.

[B]

No. Also like, sexy playlet. Like, come on.

[A]

Right. I get the egg when people do that.

[B]

I do, too.

[A]

It's like, I don't want to know if I want to do that right now.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Last one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm 28, and I'm in love with a married man. He talks to me every day and says if I want kids, he might be divorced by that, and if not, he'll ask his wife about it. What the hell should I do? Stay in this or. Get. Get the out.

[B]

Get the out.

[A]

Get the out. But I get it, girl. I got it. I'm. I get it.

[B]

But, like, yeah. No, I. Yeah. Yeah. Do they have kids?

[A]

No. I think he maybe might, but he was like. He says he'll ask his wife. I don't know if that I would get out.

[B]

But, like, I guess, like, for me, I'm always like. Because I'll always have little, like, teen, like, crushes from when I was a kid. Like, actually, I ran into my camp crush this weekend. Really?

[A]

Yeah. And speaking of camp.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. I had her, like, on. On my wall.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what I want to say.

[A]

You ran into your camp cross.

[B]

Yeah. But I think, like. I think, like, once there's kids, it's like, right.

[A]

Get out. And if he's married, too, it's like.

[B]

Unless you feel born to be a stepmom, which I do have that, like, in me. I know that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm just not ready for it.

[A]

100.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, Chloe, what did we learn today?

[B]

That I need to see this Gina Rodriguez movie.

[A]

Yes. You need to see someone great.

[B]

We learned that you have strip potential because you're in your body.

[A]

I'm. Am I in my body? I feel, like, super out of my body.

[B]

No, you're an amazing dancer.

[A]

Thank you so much.

[B]

And we learned that we. We both learned about each other's virginity, which is cool.

[A]

I loved your virginity story.

[B]

I loved your virginity story.

[A]

Thank you. Yours was so much better, though.

[B]

And you had. But you had an accent, which is like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Props.

[A]

Right. Thanks. And I also learned that we're gonna get a drink this week, and you are. Yes.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Well, Chloe, thank you so much for coming on. Therapist.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Do you want to give a little Bye.

[B]

Bye. Bye. Bye.