Session 86: Selena Gomez

Summary

Therapuss with Jake Shane: Session 86 Featuring Selena Gomez

Release Date: August 7, 2025
Host: Jake Shane
Guest: Selena Gomez

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Introduction

In the 86th episode of THERAPUSS, host Jake Shane welcomes the iconic Selena Gomez for an intimate and insightful conversation. The session offers a blend of humor and deep introspection, delving into Selena's personal life, career, mental health, and her journey navigating fame.

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Personal Milestones and Celebrations

Selena begins by sharing heartfelt reflections on her recent birthday and engagement:

• Birthday Celebrations: Turning 33, Selena opted for an intimate dinner with 20-30 close friends, appreciating the simplicity and warmth of the gathering.
  "[00:03:05] Selena Gomez: ...it was one of those unexpected, lovely birthdays, for sure."

• Engagement: She expresses immense happiness about her engagement to Benny, highlighting the mutual support and understanding in their relationship.
  "[00:10:18] Selena Gomez: I am very, very happy."

• Family Moments: Selena cherishes moments like her sister's sixth-grade graduation, emphasizing the importance of these milestones.
  "[00:04:28] Selena Gomez: ...my little sister is graduating sixth grade."

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Rare Beauty: Building a Community

Selena discusses her successful beauty brand, Rare Beauty, focusing on its inception, mission, and growth:

• Brand Origins: Launched during the COVID-19 pandemic, Rare Beauty aimed to create a safe space for self-expression and mental well-being.
  "[00:05:48] Selena Gomez: Rare is great. Thank you... I want people to feel good and themselves and their bodies and their minds."

• Mental Health Integration: The brand integrates Selena's personal experiences with mental health, fostering a strong, supportive community.
  "[00:07:07] Selena Gomez: ...anything that I touch or anything I'm a part of, it has to give back in some sort of element."

• Product Innovation: Introduction of innovative products like layering balms allows customers to customize their fragrances, enhancing personal connection with the brand.
  "[00:29:20] Selena Gomez: So these are the layering balms... They are supposed to enhance the perfume that I just sprayed on you."

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Acting Career: From Wizards to Murder Mysteries

Selena reflects on her diverse acting roles, highlighting memorable experiences and lessons learned:

• Disney's Wizards: Landing the role in Wizards was a pivotal moment, marking her entry into the entertainment industry.
  "[00:17:30] Selena Gomez: Wizards got picked up, and my whole life changed after that."

• Only Murders in the Building: Transitioning to more mature roles, Selena discusses working alongside legends like Steve Martin and Martin Short, emphasizing the organic nature of these opportunities.
  "[00:14:33] Selena Gomez: It felt something that was organic and natural for me to step into and to try."

• Lessons from Co-Stars: Working with seasoned actors taught her about professionalism, humor, and maintaining genuine connections on set.
  "[00:15:50] Selena Gomez: I've learned a lot about etiquette, about humor, about timing, and just overall being a professional that has fun."

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Music Journey: Reflecting on Her Musical Past

Selena shares nostalgic insights into her music career with Selena Gomez & the Scene:

• Favorite Tracks: "Who Says" stands out as her favorite song from the band, considering its empowering message and personal significance.
  "[00:21:10] Selena Gomez: If you were to ask me, that is hands down my favorite."

• Emotional Connection: The song holds deeper meanings as she grows older, resonating with her current feelings and experiences.
  "[00:22:06] Selena Gomez: It's the little me who was there saying these really powerful messages that I still need to hear."

• Performance Challenges: Discussing the challenges of performing "Who Says" live, Selena humorously contemplates re-recording it for her matured voice.
  "[00:23:57] Selena Gomez: I swear, we love... I've worked so hard on these. I'm so anxious to see what people are gonna say."

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Navigating Public Life and Mental Health

The conversation delves into the complexities of maintaining mental health amidst public scrutiny:

• Privacy in Adulthood: Selena appreciates a greater sense of privacy in her 30s, balancing public life with personal sanctuaries.
  "[00:08:44] Selena Gomez: I do try to keep the sacred things private at the same time."

• Mental Health Advocacy: Open about her bipolar diagnosis, Selena underscores the importance of therapy and medication in her life.
  "[00:07:14] Selena Gomez: I believe in therapy. I'm on medication and I feel really lucky that I'm in the position that I'm in now."

• Dealing with Rumors: Addressing the challenges of combating misinformation, Selena emphasizes self-acceptance and the futility of trying to appease everyone.
  "[00:39:27] Selena Gomez: I know what's being said, but I'm very much okay with who I am, and I don't need to validate every rumor."

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Personal Relationships and Friendships

Selena opens up about past relationships and enduring friendships:

• Past Relationships: Reflecting on her early years, Selena discusses dating members of the Jonas Brothers and the subsequent blossoming of her friendship with Taylor Swift.
  "[00:44:53] Selena Gomez: And then make it something that is enjoyable to laugh at and then help her."

• Friendship with Taylor Swift: From teenage romances to a 16-year enduring friendship, Selena highlights the supportive bond with Taylor.
  "[00:45:54] Selena Gomez: ...we became best friends, bonded over the breakup as girls do."

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Audience Interaction: 'Tell Me What's Wrong'

In a heartfelt segment, Selena engages with audience questions, offering genuine advice:

1. Roommate Drama: When Jake shares a distressing incident involving a roommate and a mysterious guest in his bed, Selena advises honest communication and setting boundaries.
   "[00:55:19] Selena Gomez: I would first say, sorry you didn't have the threesome... No more naked guys."

2. Manipulating in Relationships: Responding to Jake's confession about manipulating men post-heartbreak, Selena advocates for authentic flirting and self-worth.
   "[00:58:56] Selena Gomez: ...make sure you have a balance of normality and stability is so crucial to growing up."

3. Dealing with Accidental Pet Injuries: When Jake admits to accidentally dropping his roommate's dog, Selena urges honesty and taking responsibility.
   "[01:03] Selena Gomez: Oh, please, please. Maybe do I. I care about animals sometimes more than people."

4. Handling Ghosting: Offering support to a friend who got ghosted after sending a voice note, Selena emphasizes self-love and confident communication.
   "[01:25:34] Selena Gomez: You are such a catch. Have fun. And be yourself."

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Reflections on Childhood and Media Consumption

Selena reminisces about growing up in the digital age versus her own experiences:

• Early Media Consumption: She fondly recalls reading J-14 magazines and navigating pre-digital interactions with celebrities.
  "[00:64:18] Selena Gomez: I was dying to know what Hannah Montana's shampoo secret was."

• Digital Overload: Expressing concerns about the overwhelming influx of information available to today's youth, Selena advocates for balance.
  "[00:66:08] Selena Gomez: And, you know, Everything's so digital... it's very tricky to do."

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Conclusion

The episode wraps up with Selena expressing gratitude for the heartfelt exchange and extending a warm welcome to Jake and listeners alike. Her authenticity and openness provide valuable insights into balancing fame, personal growth, and mental well-being.

"[01:68:01] Selena Gomez: Today I learned that I've made a new friend."

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Notable Quotes

• On Rare Beauty:
  "[00:05:48] Selena Gomez: Rare is great. Thank you... I want people to feel good and themselves and their bodies and their minds."

• On Mental Health:
  "[00:07:14] Selena Gomez: I believe in therapy. I'm on medication and I feel really lucky that I'm in the position that I'm in now."

• On Authentic Relationships:
  "[00:44:54] Selena Gomez: ...we became best friends, bonded over the breakup as girls do."

• On Facing Challenges:
  "[00:58:56] Selena Gomez: ...make sure you have a balance of normality and stability is so crucial to growing up."

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Session 86 offers a profound look into Selena Gomez's life, blending her journey through stardom with personal anecdotes and heartfelt advice. Listeners are left with a deeper appreciation of her resilience, authenticity, and unwavering commitment to fostering genuine connections.

Transcript

[Shane]

Hi. I am just as shocked as you are, to be honest. When I received the text that this was a possibility at Selena Gomez could come on therapist, I literally thought about the first time I ever recorded this podcast with Julia and just. I had zero expectations. I. I didn't know how. What it was, how well it was going to do, if anyone was gonna care. But you guys really showed up for me and you are all the reason that this happened. I mean, I've been a fan of Selena Gomez. I feel like that's so redundant to say. I feel like everyone's like, you know what I mean? I feel like that's Selena Gomez who it. She's. Not to overuse the word, but iconic. And to have her on this show was so crazy. She was so lovely. I. The entire time, I just couldn't believe she was here. Really. Just thank you guys first and foremost for like allowing something like this to even happen. But we have Selena Gomez on tonight. We got to talk about Disney. We talked about rare beauty. We talked about Selena Gomez and the scene. We talked about only murders in the building. We talked about everything. And she is, Is just. I can't say it enough. So wonderful. And so, Selena, thank you for coming on. I really don't think it needs any further introduction. I really hope you guys enjoyed the episode. To submit Tell Me what's wrong. So to passthatpuss.com and click tell me what's Wrong. Leave a name and number if you're feeling fancy. And I present to you Therapists with Selena Gomez. Love you. Hi. Well, welcome back to Therapists. From wizardry to Solving murders. From number one singles to Oscar nominated films. And now a billion dollar beauty empire. The queen, the greatest of all time, Selena Gomez is here.

[Selena Gomez]

I think you just wrote my vows for me.

[Shane]

Practice that all morning.

[Selena Gomez]

You are so sweet. No, this is so exciting. Thank you for having me.

[Shane]

Thank you for being here. I don't think I've ever been so excited and nervous for a guest before in my life.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, no. Oh, I shouldn't. That should be the opposite. Especially when you hang out with me. You'll know in 5min that I'm not that cool, so.

[Shane]

Okay, well, everyone was saying she's like, she's the most common person. Like, she'll bring you. She'll bring you peace. I was like, okay, great.

[Selena Gomez]

Good. I like that.

[Shane]

Happy belated.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank you.

[Shane]

How was your birthday?

[Selena Gomez]

It was so much fun. I. To be honest, I didn't really want anything because it was 33, so I just. A dinner would be, you know.

[Shane]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And Benny, my fiance, just was like, oh, maybe we'll just throw something at a place and then a few people will come. And only 20 people to 30 people were there because I wanted a dinner.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

But it was so nice. It's like, imagine going to a party before it gets really rowdy, and then it stays that initial group, and then you all just get rowdy together, and then you end the night together. So it was one of those unexpected, lovely birthdays, for sure.

[Shane]

That sounds amazing.

[Selena Gomez]

I thought I'd have dinner and, like, that's it with my pajamas on.

[Shane]

But you had a lovely.

[Selena Gomez]

I did. So thank you for asking.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Well, happy belated. Are you enjoying your 30s so far?

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, boy, am I. Yes. A lot of my life, I wouldn't say, has become clearer because that would be ignorant of me. I think there's so much more I'm meant to learn and to do and will always be saying that no matter what age. I. I do feel, however, I've let a lot of things just, like, slide off my back, if that makes sense. It's not. It's not something that I try to do consciously. It's just, I do believe the older you get, the less you care about the things you thought you did before.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

So it feels. It feels really great. You know, in my 30s, I. You know, we've been doing the brand, and I got engaged, and my little sister is graduating sixth grade. And so all of those moments are things I'm going to cherish.

[Shane]

Congratulations.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank you.

[Shane]

And how is. How is the brand doing? How's rare doing?

[Selena Gomez]

Rare is great. Thank you. You know, this is the gift that keeps giving. To be honest, I. I've always. Well, we launched initially in Covid, so to be honest, my hopes were not that high, considering we were all trapped inside anyway, until this be beautiful thing happened where the tiktoks and the world of the Internet was able to start cooking trends and people were cooking more, and then, you know, makeup gurus would want to do fun makeup, and you can do it at your home or in the safety of your bedroom, and all these things kind of started popping up and. And that was really exciting, but we were nervous. And then when it was finally released to the world, I felt relieved. I don't think I feel like I need to check in on, like, status of anything. I've always just wanted to make sure that it envelops everything I believe, which is simply that I want people to feel good and themselves and their bodies and their minds. I work on it every day. It's not easy. And we just. We've built a really strong community, and I think that's what I'm proud of.

[Shane]

Like, when did the idea for Rare, like, start?

[Selena Gomez]

So it was about over five years ago, and I recorded this song called Rare, and I loved the song. Thank you. I loved the song so much, and the words seemed very true to where I was. And I. You know, my favorite line of the whole song is, I know I'm not perfect, but I know that I'm special. And that's the kind of gratitude that I think keeps me solid in a way, because that's how I view everything.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

So when we started and it all came together, it was. It was just a gift. So now I just try to continue to make it better and love on it. I never want to stop working on Rare.

[Shane]

Does it, like. Does it, like. Is it one of those things that, like, doesn't feel like work because it's so fun?

[Selena Gomez]

Definitely doesn't.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

Even the photo shoots and the meetings, everything is so fun. The. The music and us laughing and sharing stories. And it's so cool to start a company with just a handful of people, to now see it expand into so many employees that I just, you know, interns and all these things that we're doing with the company and giving people opportunities. It's been really fun.

[Shane]

Well, and. And it. What I find so special about Rare is also, like, the mental health component behind it all. And was that always a part of the plan?

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah, I tried. I think for me, I tried to share my story in hopes that it would be something to help others. And I think I did that when I admitted that I had struggled through my bipolar diagnosis. So that was. That was more of a release for me. And then I realized anything that I touch or anything I'm a part of, it has to. It has to give back in some sort of element. And that just always has been my key demographic, that it's people who don't feel seen or heard or even know what's going on in. In their own mind.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

Has it ever been, like, hard for you to, like, talk about, like. Because talking about mental health is, like, it's so weird. I feel like sometimes talking about, like, in something other people can't see, but you feel.

[Selena Gomez]

Right.

[Shane]

Has that ever been, like, weird for you to been like, this is what's going inside my mind. But I don't have, like, I can't prove it to you.

[Selena Gomez]

I don't Know, I just. Sometimes I have the most vivid, messed up dreams, and then I think they mean something and they mean the opposite. I don't know. I don't think I get too deep into it. I just believe in therapy. I'm on medication and I feel really lucky that I'm in the position that I'm. That I'm in now.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And I believe in all of that.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do you feel like living, like, more privately in your 30s has been, like, nicer than because you've been put in the public eye for so long?

[Selena Gomez]

For sure. I mean, I still have to deal with the life of the. The path I've chosen, which is fine. I think I should never complain about what I have. However, I do try to keep the sacred things private at the same time. I grew up with so many of my community and my people, and I want nothing more than to invite them into certain moments of my life. For sure. You're just. You just have to be careful on what you're willing to share, and that's the balance, I think.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Because it's like you don't. I feel like you kind of grew up and like, figured things out in front of everybody.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. That was fun anyway. Yeah. Yeah. And I'm gonna continue to, but I guess it is a bit different when you have gone through the motions of the teenage years, twenties into early thirties. By all means. I have nothing figured out. I just. I hope that I've just become a little bit more mature in a lot of areas.

[Shane]

I think you've always been pretty mature.

[Selena Gomez]

Ah, thanks. Sometimes, whatever day it is, that's how I feel. Like today I'm a good 18 years old.

[Shane]

Oh. Today I'm 10.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh. Today because I'm cramping. I feel like 40.

[Shane]

Got it. Okay.

[Selena Gomez]

But I'm not mad at it.

[Shane]

You're not mad?

[Selena Gomez]

No. Because I feel like. Yeah.

[Shane]

Yeah. Getting older and you're engaged.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. I am very, very happy.

[Shane]

And are you excited for, like, wedding and stuff?

[Selena Gomez]

I am. I couldn't be more excited. It's just. There's so much kind of happening in the moment with. He's working on some projects that he has to wrap up and we just have things we want to finish and our own personal endeavors before we get into all the nitty gritty. But, yeah, I. I don't know. You know, I. I'm I'm really. I just have never really felt so sure about something. And I also don't want to jinx it by saying that I feel the.

[Shane]

Same Way about things. Are you a superstitious person?

[Selena Gomez]

A lot. A little bit. I don't like to admit it, but.

[Shane]

A little bit or because you don't like to admit it because then it's, like, superstitious.

[Selena Gomez]

I know. Yes.

[Shane]

Yeah, That's. I'm the same exact way. I like, whenever someone's like, oh, whenever I'm like something, I'm. I'm feeling anxious or sad, and someone's like, but everything's going great for you. I'm like. Like, I can't hear that.

[Selena Gomez]

That's not what I need to hear.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Because it'll make me happening. Yes, of course. Absolutely.

[Shane]

Oh, my God. Well, I wanted to ask you about. Because, you know, wizards just rebooted and, like, seeing all that, what did, like, that nostalgia feel like for you? Like, you know what I mean? Was it, like, happy, sad? Both?

[Selena Gomez]

No. I think more than anything, it was this zest, this new, refreshing take, and an older version of Alex, who I think ultimately shaped who I am, because I feel like I am Alex. That's so weird. I feel like I should talk to my therapist about that. But I relate to her so much, and it's crazy that re. You know. Re. Stepping into Alex has been a pleasure. And I'm so excited because season two is about to premiere and we find out some really fun things. I don't know how to explain it. I know it's me living in a nostalgic period, but at the same time, I loved doing that. There is no Disney Channel anymore. It's nothing. It's just, you know, my sister or, like, my friends sometimes that was all we wanted to watch.

[Shane]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

This was comforting.

[Shane]

Did you ever watch other Disney shows in addition to yours?

[Selena Gomez]

Absolutely. It was even Stevens, Lizzie McGuire. That's so Raven. Sweet Life. Of course, I knew every Hannah Montana song. I was all. I was all in. I am a certified Disney kid.

[Shane]

So I. I. Do you ever try to explain to your, like, little sister, does she, like, sometimes not understand what the Disney Channel was?

[Selena Gomez]

Yes and no. She's. She's so aware of, like. No, I'm just gonna say that. Yeah, because. Because now there's. There's platforms and there's these things. So to her, the world is endless. Where, as before, for me, I would get home from school and I'd put on the Disney Channel 397 on Dish Network. It was something would always just go back to. And that was the reliable source. But you could find anything anywhere. And she's so just adventurous. So she likes. She's seen the show, but she's not interested in anything I'm doing, which is good.

[Shane]

Does she understand how iconic the show is?

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah, no, I will say I'm very happy. My sister's just. She's really. She's a very incredible 12 year old. She's super unfazed by what I feel like maybe other people would feel. She's not affected by any part of my life. She is a different last name. She's her own person and I really love that. And she will come visit me on set and she'll stay for a good 20 minutes and then say, all right, I'm good. You know, it's. It's a very endearing and honest relationship. Even though she's 12, she's taught me so much.

[Shane]

Oh, that's awesome.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And on set, so only murders in the building, which is awesome.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank you.

[Shane]

So awesome. Do you did. When you signed on to do that and you started doing that, did it feel like this full circle moment, kind of from Wizards to Only Murders, because, like, you're on another kind of similar. Not similar vibe, but like, like, you.

[Selena Gomez]

Know, the Huber and the texture is kind of similar. So. I get what you're saying, and I think that's accurate. I, I don't. I didn't plan for any of this to, to happen. It was an amazing opportunity that was presented to me. I'm obsessed with escape rooms. I will do so many fun, like, different horror ones. And I've gotten tasered in one of them. Yes. Because I was so excited and they were like, you gotta move. Okay. But I just. It felt something that was organic and natural for me to step into and to try. And I don't think I really need to hesitate when it's Steve Martin and Martin Short. A lot of people can understand the gravity of what those legends have done for comedy. And at the same time, I get introduced to their fans and my fans, you know, I hope to introduce them to their work because it's. They're brilliant.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

Have they taught you anything? And have you. And vice versa. Have you, like, you taught them anything about, like, the industry and just like life?

[Selena Gomez]

It's, you know, it's funny. They ask me questions about how the industry feels now, but it's mainly me wanting to know about their lives. And I think the one thing I've learned is just genuinely feeling like you belong. You know, they, they all the things that we worry about. When you do get older, you get to the point where it's just sit back and spread that with other people. I don't know if that makes sense, because Steven Murty have been friends for 35 years, and they've been best friends. They've had, you know, tiffs and things, but not really, because they just understand each other. And then they. They bring that attitude to set. They are so happy. They're polite, they love people. They're always connecting with our crew, and it feels like a big family. So I've learned a lot about etiquette, about humor, about timing, and just overall being. Being a professional that has fun, right?

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And that's what they do.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's awesome. Oh.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, my gosh. I love you.

[Shane]

Delivery.

[Selena Gomez]

I love it.

[Shane]

Okay, when you. So you watch Disney, obviously, as a kid, when you booked Wizards, were you like, okay, well, this is just. Must be the best day of my life?

[Selena Gomez]

Yes. But it was actually a weird thing because I was on three pilots for the Disney Channel. One was the spin off of Lizzie McGuire, one was the spin off of the Suite Life of Zack and Cody, and the last one was Wizards. So by then, all of them didn't get picked up, and I was just kind of at my wit's end, but not in a bad way. Just thought, okay, well, this isn't gonna work out.

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

And Wizards got picked up, and my whole life changed after that. It was. It was an immediate feeling of, oh, I achieved my dream. At that point in time, I was such a huge fan of the channel. I was a huge fan of what they did for our generation. And it was an honor. Like, I wear it proudly. I definitely am not ashamed of. Of being a part of the Disney high school experience.

[Shane]

I mean, that was your high school.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, yeah.

[Shane]

And that's crazy. I was thinking about that this morning. I was like, that was her. That, like, my high school was her Disney Channel.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah, no, it was. It was. It was all of us. You know, we were all. All, you know, from the Jonas Brothers to Miley and Demi, and then it was Zendaya. It's just so cool to see all the people you so went to school with, if you will. It's. It's good to see them all do their thing.

[Shane]

It's like, different grades.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

That's crazy. But was it, like, you didn't know anything else? You were like, this is awesome.

[Selena Gomez]

I mean, I just remember my mom being on my ass all the time about making sure that any sort of sudden exaggerated, like, fan moment is meant to be treated with respect. So from. From the very beginning of booking Wizards I just tried my hardest, and I think I tried too hard to make sure everyone else was happy, but it was okay. I just. I loved making kids laugh because why is that not the best feeling in the whole world? And that was. That was life giving to me. And she would always keep me super balanced. So I don't think it ever went anywhere other than the fact that I feel lucky that I get to. To be here and do this right.

[Shane]

And then you obviously started with your singing career. Selena Gomez in the Scene. And was that something you were, like, really passionate about early on?

[Selena Gomez]

Yes. I remember I thought I'd be Paramore. Huh? Loved. I mean, who I. Yeah. Everything. Everything about them. And I thought it would be cool to have a band, and it was great. I really was experimenting. I think it's safe to say that I still experiment with music. I don't like to feel stagnant or to feel like I'm kind of in this repetitive nature of the same music I make. I do like to come at it with a fresh take. And music was always a part of. I mean, my first job was Barney. It was singing, dancing, and acting.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

The worst acting and the worst singing and dancing. But it was also really fun and for children. So I loved it and I had the best time. So it's safe to say I was raised on these really colorful sets that brightened my life in a lot of ways.

[Shane]

That's awesome.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do you have a favorite Selena Gomez in the Scene song?

[Selena Gomez]

I guess, technically. Who says Seriously Greatest? Because that's great. No, I know. I went the other day, someone was like, I can't find it on your profile. And I was like, yeah, it's. It should be there. I sang it and she. She. My friend Ashley looked at it and she goes, oh, it's under the scene. And I. I didn't realize that that was the case. But, I mean, if you were to ask me, that is hands down my favorite.

[Shane]

I mean, those opening chords, you know, what's about to happen, shit's about to go down.

[Selena Gomez]

So it's the most, like, powerful moment when I get to perform it. That's honestly the only reason I would ever do a tour again, to perform. Who says if I could perform? Who says, like, 17 times?

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

It's such a high, and it makes me feel good, and I want other people to feel good. It's just. I'll never forget what that message in that song means.

[Shane]

You know, it's crazy because, like, as a kid, I hear the song and I'm like, this is like a banger. But then, like, I was listening to it today in the shower because I was like. I was like, I have, you know, I have, like, a date later. And I was, like, feeling, like, insecure. Well, it's like how I can't tell if it's a date or not.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, okay. It's one of those.

[Shane]

It's why it's what. You know what I mean? It's like, well, are we going on a date or what's the vibe here? But I was like, I put on. Who says? And I really listened, and I was like. And yeah, it kind of cuts deep. It does cut deep. It's like the older I get, the harder it hits.

[Selena Gomez]

I'm not even gonna. Like, I'm just gonna embarrass myself. One time it came on in the radio about, like, three years ago, somewhere overseas, and. And I remember just sitting there looking out the window, and I started tearing up, and I was like, why the am I tearing up to my own song? But it was because it was the little me who was there saying these really powerful messages that I still need to. Here.

[Shane]

What is that feeling, like, where it's like you are saying, like, little you is saying what you need to hear today. Like, is that, like, a weird feeling?

[Selena Gomez]

That's a very weird feeling, right? Considering back then, I loved the song simply because I thought everyone could relate to this.

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

But then when I got older, I still so appreciate that song because I relate to it in a totally different manner. You know, it wasn't necessarily body issues and, like, you know, standards of society back then, but now, when you hear those words, they mean a lot more. So I get really excited. And, yeah, I haven't toured, but every time I do a tour, I have to take it down an octave from each year I've sing it because it's up here.

[Shane]

It is a high song.

[Selena Gomez]

I know I need to redo it. I should recut it.

[Shane]

If you recut. Who says today?

[Selena Gomez]

Should I?

[Shane]

My world would shake.

[Selena Gomez]

Maybe I should.

[Shane]

Selena. My world.

[Selena Gomez]

Because I would really sound young.

[Shane]

Do you know how beautiful it would be to, like, have you having so much of, like, realized everything? Like, sold? Like, yes. Like, you have to.

[Selena Gomez]

I'm so gonna do that.

[Shane]

It would seriously change my life.

[Selena Gomez]

Okay, well, we'll think about it. We'll see what happens.

[Shane]

Well, how is. Okay, so you brought up tour. Do you like Torino?

[Selena Gomez]

I think touring is. Is very bittersweet for me only because when you are in a band or maybe have a lot of Friends with you, it can be easier. But there became a point on tour for me where I noticed that every single person around me, I was. I was paying. So all the nice things and experiences sometimes felt very transactional. And I thrive off connection. I feel like connecting to any person on anything from me loving her shoes to like asking about, like, where you got the cardigan. It's all about connecting with people. And I think that's something that was lacking for a bit. And that is, for me, something I can safely rely on is just knowing that I can get back to the those moments. And touring is very lonely.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

And it's like the whole day, I feel like of everyone around you revolves around making sure you get on that stage. So how do you know what anyone is saying to you is what they mean? Because they, at the end of the day, they just want you to get on the stage.

[Selena Gomez]

They just have to be there. It's very hard because I care about people too. So when I extend my love, it's. It's genuine. It's just sometimes it's not given to the right people. So I wonder if maybe there's a new way of touring that I could do. Because, you know, when people ask me, I usually say no, but I'm sure there's a way that I could do it because the greatest gift is being able to share your music with all of those people in the room with you. And that's. That's all I. That's the high you want, that's what you want to do. But that's 90 minutes versus hours in a bus, in a hotel and all of that.

[Shane]

Well, touring is also so hard on the body. You're just like, you're not sleeping and the travel and like. Did you sleep well on the. Do you. You bust? I assume for some I did. It's hard, right? You can't sleep on that bus.

[Selena Gomez]

No, I don't really sleep well in general. But yes, back then I had the adrenaline rush of a show and I would come and I would be ready to stay up till four in the morning.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Doing nothing, mind you, it was just the fact that my adrenaline was like pumping through me.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

Well, I hope one day I can hear who says re recorded live. I do want to ask you about the new fragrances.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, yay.

[Shane]

We have to talk about them. Tell me a little bit about. The bottle is so cool.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank you. Okay, so before we get all pr. Modi. Yeah. The reason why I was excited to release a fragrance was simply based on the Fact that I had the greatest two years of my life, and I spent about two to three years finding the scent. But this was the scent that we ended up landing on after, you know, years of debating. And when I would wear it, because I secretly wore it every day, you know, I got to. I got to meet the love of my life, and I got engaged, and my album came out, and only Murders was, you know, coming back in and Rare Beauty. It just felt like such a fruitful moment for me that I thought, wow, this is kind of what the bottle captures for me, the scent, at least to me. Now, scents are very tricky to do because there's a thousand, and they're so good.

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

So it's awesome. But. Okay, I'll start with the little bottle thing. Basically, if you have any sort of arthritic or dexterity issues. We wanted to make all of our products easy to use. So as I'm using one hand, that is to lock it, that's to spray it, and then I can just use one hand to do that. Oh. Oh, okay. Let it air. And it kind of soaks in. It's this caramel vanilla. Melts down to a sandalwood kind of taste.

[Shane]

Oh. Oh. It's like.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah, I'm always like taste, because I like flavors. So basically, the bottle, we modeled it after people who. Who it maybe only can or have access for two or three they can even use. You know, this. It's just. It's all about what we want to do with Rare is make our products accessible to absolutely everyone. So. But. Okay, but the most exciting part for me are the layering balms.

[Julia]

Right?

[Shane]

That's what I was like. Wait, what are those?

[Selena Gomez]

So these are the layering balms. Basically. It comes in four different fragrances, and they're supposed to enhance the perfume that I just sprayed on you. So let's say you're feeling like you want to do a woody. This might. Wait, do you want to, like, kind of have that smoky taste, or do you want, like, a fresh.

[Shane]

Or what would be good for, like, a date tonight? Fresh.

[Julia]

Fresh, right.

[Selena Gomez]

So fresh. This is bergamot, and it is. So this is what I love to wear when I get out of the shower with a little spritz before I go to bed, and I'm like, oh, I just smell like this. But I'll. I'll put a little bit on. Essentially, you take the little caps, put it right here, and it's so. It's incredibly soft, and it. You can wear it just as it's.

[Shane]

Not that strong of a scent?

[Selena Gomez]

No. And it's actually just something that kind of enhances the fragrance. Some of my friends have been using this alone.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

They'll use the flavors, or I always call them flavors, and my flavors fragrance. And I'm like, no, they're flavors, but I have the floral, which is very rosy and romantic and. And really fun. The fresh that you have is more of a little awaken. We have amber that adds more vanilla, and it makes it very warm. I'm sorry. This will stop becoming a.

[Shane]

No, this is. I'm curious.

[Selena Gomez]

And then woodsy. I'll let you smell it because I think you might like the scent.

[Shane]

I know that's the one you.

[Selena Gomez]

Initially, it's really nice. I don't want to put too much, but it adds that.

[Shane]

You know what it smells like. Have you ever stayed at. In Amman? Yeah, it smells like an Amman.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, I take that. That's a very good.

[Shane]

It smells like an Amman. It smells exactly like it.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. I don't know. So the idea for me is that hopefully people can create their own fragrance and they can mix the balms. They can use just the balm. They can use the fragrance. The whole idea is meant for. For me to tell people this isn't just my scent and, like, try different things. Maybe layering it with some other stuff will feel good to you.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Just think about customizing it right. To the person as opposed to saying, this is the fragrance and you gotta like it or love it.

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

Exactly. You can play with it for a bit. So in my purse, I personally use the little To Go spray. I don't know if that. It looks like a Tide stick. So I'm gonna call it to go. And then I put all of the balms in a little rare beauty bag. It's a clear bag, so I just bring them all. And I'm like, what mood am I in?

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

But I. I swear, we. We love. Like, I've worked so hard on these. I'm so anxious to see what people are gonna say. But that's my little spiel.

[Shane]

Well, congratulations.

[Selena Gomez]

Smell.

[Shane]

I can't stop smelling my hand. It smells amazing.

[Selena Gomez]

Happy. It. It definitely envelops that warm and, you know, comforting feeling. Benny has worn it on a lot of our dates.

[Shane]

Really?

[Selena Gomez]

He likes it when we're away. He's phrasing.

[Shane]

This episode of Therapist is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah. Or should I have Matt do it?

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. Yes.

[Shane]

So you just need to say dot. Yeah. Or when I say this episode of Therapist is brought to you by booking dot com. You just need to say booking dot yeah. Ready.

[Selena Gomez]

I. I just need to do it.

[Julia]

You.

[Shane]

You're not even gonna ask me? I just have to do it. Can you do it? This episode of Therapist is brought to you by booking dot com. You know, he's gonna be talking. It's fine. Matt, please. This. Really. You're messing up his music. Okay, this episode. This. Okay, I'm gonna say booking again. Just. Yeah. I'm gonna say booking dot and then you say. Yeah. Okay, ready? This episode of Therapist is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

Okay.

[Shane]

Thanks. What are you listening to?

[Selena Gomez]

Halloween music.

[Shane]

All right, well, it's. It's. It's July, brother, so. I understand. I understand. Bye. Booking.com. what can I. You know, there are just. It is the number one place to book a vacation, and I just got home from tour. I am exhausted. I don't think I want to travel, but I want to do a staycation, and I am going to use booking.com to book it. It is the easiest site to, like, maneuver and go around when you're booking a hotel, especially for, like, a large group of people, because you can put in all the requirements if you want it to be walkable, if you want a terrace, if you want a tub, if you want a shower, you can book vacation rentals on it. You can book cars on it. Like, you can really create a full vacation on it. It is just the easiest site. Like, as you guys know, on tour, we'd literally pull up to a city without anywhere booked, and Matt would be like, it's fine. It's fine. And then he'd go on booking.com and we'd have a place that suited all of our needs within literal, like, seconds. It's the easiest thing in the world. It makes staying somewhere else so much easier. Find exactly what you're booking for on booking.combooking.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Thank you, Seatgeek, for sponsoring tonight's episode. Seatgeek is the best place to get tickets for live events. And as you guys know, I think live events are, like, the literal backbone of our society. I think it's the only thing keeping us together right now. I missed. I always say this, but I missed it so much during COVID I had, like, these feelings of, like, I didn't go to enough live events. Like, now they're all gone, and, like, to have them back feels. I feel so grateful to have them back. And SeatGeek really makes it so easy to go to them. I Do have a code therapist10 for 10% off your purchase if you do want to buy tickets. And when you do buy tickets, the SeatGeek app makes it so easy as well. They'll show you events in your area. So like right now, Lady Gaga is here on her Mayhem Ball tour and you can click Lady Gaga and then it will show you how many tickets do you need. You can click 2 and then it'll show you a list of tickets. It'll have numbers from 1 to 10 on it to show you how good the deal is. Obviously one being not the best, 10 being the best. So you know you're getting a good deal. They also have all live events on, so like comedy, sports, Broadway plays. Like, they really have everything. And there are so many incredible people on tour right now. Specifically, Renee Rapp is about to be on her Bite me tour. Tate McCrae is about to kick off her the American leg of her Miss Possessive World tour. Like, there are so many people to see and SeatGeek makes it easy to see them all. You can use my code therapist10 for 10% off. You can also click the link in the description of this video and it'll download the app and automatically apply the code to your account. It is amazing. There are so many amazing people, people all tour right now. Thank you, seatgeek, again, for sponsoring tonight's episode. How did you guys meet exactly?

[Selena Gomez]

We met when I was 16 because we were gonna possibly work together, but I didn't start releasing music till 17, 18, and officially. So we. We saw each other around. It was nice. And then, I don't know, I feel like he was just an acquaintance, if that makes sense. And to be honest, I. I wasn't like besties. I just thought he was nice.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And then we did a few songs together, Same Old Love, which was awesome. We did a great time, had a great time. Nothing really there. And then I can't Get Enough, which was with Tiny and J. Balvin. Didn't get it there either. I just thought he was funny. I was hilarious. So funny. But I didn't think anything.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Also, I was so not. You know, when you realize you're not in that place anymore, you need to be where you are. It's all about timing to meet that person. Because even if I did think, oh, let's take this a step further, then it wouldn't have worked. It just. Just simply, you have to be there mentally in order to move forward in something healthily.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And then we reunited for single soon.

[Shane]

I love that song.

[Selena Gomez]

Thank You. It wasn't our favorite, but I really love that song. Thank you.

[Shane]

I love the music video. I love the whole aesthetic. It was such. It is such a banger.

[Selena Gomez]

It was really fun. Just. Just. Just. Because I can say this, because I'm marrying him just really wasn't what I thought I wanted.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

He came in and he agrees, you know, on a lot of levels. But he. He just. He just came in and. And I was like, oh, Benny. Hi, Benny.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And we spoke for two hours, and I asked him to hook me up with anybody that he knew that was cute. And he was like, oh, we do these things, like dinner nights. You should come. And then next thing you know, or we're dating. But he was terrified in the beginning because he's like, it's work and it's company, and people are gonna get mad. And I'm like, I don't give a kiss, me.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So is it, like. Like, was it hard, like, hearing, like always with, like, outside noise? Like, I like, you know, because there's so much outside noise, like, in your personal life, in your professional career, there's. Everyone has something to say about everything.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

And it's. How do you find. How do you tune that out and, like, continue doing what you love real.

[Selena Gomez]

When you realize it's not real? We live in this monoculture right now where these people and a generation. A certain generation will read something and take that as truth instantly. Because I could leave here right now and say shane was a jerk.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Everyone will believe me if I said that. Is that a fact? No, because you're not a jerk. But people 1000% want to believe the first thing they see because they've got it figured out. They know what it is, and then you can't sway them to believe anything else.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

So they're all believing different things.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

So it. Once you realize that it's. It's all just a lie. And if you wanted to know more in depth about things, that's kind of weird, because you should focus on. On your own life, in my opinion. I just don't really look at social stuff that way anymore. I just think it's crazy. There's. There's too many options, and I can't convince everyone to hear my side and believe my side. It's just useless. I know what's being said, but I'm very much okay with who I am, and I don't need. I don't need to validate every rumor, every lie, every thing. It'll be new next week. About something else.

[Shane]

And was that like, hard to deal with as a kid?

[Selena Gomez]

Yes. I don't think it's fair to do that to someone, especially even in their early 20s.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

That's why there's the whole thing about child stars and it's like, scary. And there's all these. Because you don't let that, let the people live their life. You don't let them become adults in a way that's exciting or healthy or inviting.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

They're just nailing down every wrong thing. When you're just figuring out life, well.

[Shane]

Like your 20s, like when I'm like, like, like when I was a kid and I would see people like you and whoever being in their 20s, I'd be like, oh, well, they're 20. You know, they have it all figured out. But like, as a 25 year old now, I'm like, I'm so messy that I'm like, oh my God, like, how could I have ever thought that these people would have ever had it figured out? And I feel like a lot of people maybe in my generation are like, coming around and realizing, like, oh my God, like, how did we even expect these people to have anything figured out?

[Selena Gomez]

Well, I hope that's, that's what people feel because I, I feel that way about even working on Wizards with the young actors now. You know, I, I look at them and I think, okay, well, make sure you go and be a kid and do the things you want to do. I believe anyone can follow their dream at any age, but making sure that you have a balance of normality and stability is so crucial to growing up. And whether that was given to me in certain times or not, I just, I just, I was stopped trying to impress people. It just, it, it's not, it's not that I was grandiose and saying, here are my accomplishments. It's more that I, I would try to be nice. And the idea of politeness has suddenly become, you know, false and not appealing anymore. And it's just, it's mistaken as not being real. But I don't think I'm gonna change who I am. Like, I'll just talk the way I talk. I'm grateful for what I have. And I mean, that's their choice to waste their energy on that.

[Shane]

And how, how is it, like, because you said, you know, you like, thrive off of like, connection and stuff, is it has. Was it hard to like, build real connections in this industry?

[Selena Gomez]

Sure. I got burned a few times. A couple times. You, you definitely learn as you go. I, I Like, to believe in the good in people. I really like to just forgive and forgive and, you know, it got to a point where some things you can forgive and move on from.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

But it's not something you should perpetually let happen to you in your life.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And so I think that that was everything from friendships to people that I felt like I needed to be more than I was able to be. It was very transactional. People would do something nice for me and then all of a sudden flip it on me and expect something. And I would be happy to. To extend anything. It's just when it's being told to me, there's all these things. It's weird, you know, it's just like you don't know who is around you to be around you.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

So I have. That's why there. That's why there were 20 people at my birthday. Because the 200 people that came to my 30th, they're segregated.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

Properly.

[Shane]

Yes. Well, I'm sorry you went through that, but congratulations.

[Selena Gomez]

No, I think it's a part of life.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

We all have to figure out who we love and trust. And they say if you can count, you know, in one hand how many friends you have, you're already lucky. So.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

That's what I think, too. I feel like I used to have, like, a million people and then it, like, went dwindled down and it feels good.

[Selena Gomez]

It actually feels safer.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

More authentic in my eyes. Because as Taylor says, a friend to all is a friend to none.

[Shane]

Yes, he does. I love that song.

[Selena Gomez]

Same.

[Shane]

How did you guys meet?

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, Taylor and I dated the Jonas Brothers. We dated. I dated Nick and she dated Joe, and everything's like, you know, that's cute. We were, like, young. We all know and love each other now, and it's so cute. We didn't know what we were doing. But, yeah, she, she, she. And I like to say the best thing we got out of those relationships was each other.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Because it was really sweet. I was about 15, she was about 18. And that's when it was the crazy, curly Taylor. And she had all these bracelets that went all the way up. And I believe Love Story was the first song she had ever played me. And it wasn't released yet.

[Julia]

No.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. I was in a hotel room and I remember it vividly, and it was just like. It was one of those songs I instantly heard and thought, this is one of the most beautiful songs ever. So at that age, we became best friends, bonded over the breakup as girls do. And then we. I don't know. Then we just stuck around for all the ups and downs that came after. And here we are now, 16 years later.

[Julia]

Wow.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

I can't believe you heard Love Story before it was released.

[Selena Gomez]

I know. It was so sweet. She was like, okay, I just play this song just like. But just like, you know, you don't. I don't know. It's gonna be the first single, I think. I think. And just hearing her say those little thoughts and then listening to it, you're. Yeah, it's. She is a chameleon. She's incredible.

[Julia]

Wow. Wow.

[Shane]

That's awesome. Sorry.

[Selena Gomez]

I love it. Makes me happy.

[Shane]

Well, this is my favorite question to ask. What are you, like, watching? What are you listening to right now?

[Selena Gomez]

Okay, let's see. All right, so. Because my birthday was very disco y themed, and even though no one really dressed that way, but, like me, it was all Gloria Estefan. And then I have, like, I will survive Diana Ross. I love all of the older music. When I'm feeling like I don't want to be connected to the pop culture.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

That always makes me happy. Like, I'm thinking of how music was, you know, listening to Ain't no man. It's like, those things make me take me back to a simpler time now. Doesn't mean I'm not all about Travis's album. Obviously. I'm obsessed with Sabrina, and I am dying for. I'm like, can I just get, like, a little preview of the album? Because I love her music. So I was like, I just want a little preview. And so it's really fun to see what people are doing. And I'm really happy that music is thriving, but sometimes it is nice to check out. And it can be from Patsy Klein to boys to men.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

It's all in between. I will listen to.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, and then watching. Well, we. I just finished the movie Friendship, which was with Paul Rudd. He's. I. I forget the lead. Do you remember Tim Robinson? Tim Robinson. He was fantastic. I loved that movie. So that was one of that. I just watched that last night. I've been. I watched Jurassic Park.

[Julia]

The new one.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. I'm sorry. I love dinosaurs, and I was crying the whole time.

[Shane]

You were crying?

[Selena Gomez]

Yes, I was. And then as far as anything else, we. We watch shrink. We like the casual, like, sitcoms here and there, like, curb your enthusiasm. Well, that's not sitcom.

[Shane]

Kind of.

[Selena Gomez]

Kind of, yeah. It just kind of rotates. But we're big movie people, so I think for me, TV shows are hard sometimes, because if there is 10 episodes, I'm locked in. If for some reason, if it's like 20 and they're all one hour or something gets too much, I'm. I can't. I'm so all over the place.

[Shane]

I. I'm like, it's. I'm so the opposite. I'm so bad with movies because I, like, want to check into a world and, like, exist.

[Selena Gomez]

Yes.

[Shane]

Like, I just finished my show after, like, a month of, like, being so in the world, and I'm like, I've never felt so lost.

[Selena Gomez]

You know what? I did that with Sex in the City. I was like, this is how my 20s are gonna be. But I was watching it. I was like, yeah, this is my life. I'm gonna embody it. And then, you know, I went to one designer store and bought something and thought, I am never wearing this again. So quickly just switched over from that dream.

[Shane]

Do you prefer 30s to 20s so far?

[Selena Gomez]

Absolutely. Yes. I'm sure a bunch of people, you know, I don't know either would say that or say the opposite. I'm not sure. It's. It depends on the cards you were dealt. Right. I wonder what it would be like if my 20s looked differently. But I can't spend my time doing that. All I know is that it's better now, and I'm really, really happy that it's in a stable and a comfortable and peaceful place.

[Shane]

That's awesome. Makes me, like, hopeful.

[Selena Gomez]

What do you mean? What's going on with you? What do you mean? Oh.

[Shane]

Do you really want to know?

[Selena Gomez]

Yes.

[Shane]

I don't know. I'm just, like, in the weirdest headspace, honestly. Like, I just, like, you're all over.

[Selena Gomez]

The place or you're like, professionally, love life, whatever.

[Shane]

Like, the whole. To do. I feel like I'm so. Just uncomfortable as a person.

[Selena Gomez]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah. I don't know. It must. That 2020 thing. But then it's like, I feel like I've. I've felt. I've always felt this way. And then I'll, like, look at old videos. Like, I got sent an old video of myself today, and I was like, oh, my God. I would have. How was I so upset in that body that I had back then? I was like, how? But then I think, like, today I'm going to feel this way about how I look right now in five years. So that's how. That's what I'm dealing with right now.

[Selena Gomez]

Yes. But I think you need to give yourself more credit, because the most important thing that I've ever learned. When it comes to me beating myself down, which I'm very good at, and just saying these negative things to myself, you. You already have a purpose and you're doing it and you are living it with people that you care about. About being uncomfortable with your skin. I still feel that way, but I think you get more like casual. I think it just happens when you say, this is exactly who I am. Okay, perfect example. Let's talk my friend who got out of a two year relationship. She just met a new guy after a year and a half that she's interested in. And I love that. I'm so happy for her. But I was telling her, like, like, take one step at a time. So she's been having a wonderful time, like, talking to this person. I'm really happy for her. But when she says what she would respond to me, I laugh and I say, what are you doing? Like, say that to him. She's like, no, I'm embarrassed. I'm like, no, that's the part of you that's gonna hook him. Like, you're funny when you make fun of yourself or if you want to go somewhere that you don't know how to golfer, how to do something also boring, but like something different, so boring. It's like, be bad at it.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And have fun with that. I think that's when I feel real freedom sets in, is when you're just kind of like, say all that. Because she's trying to politely type in things. I'm like, boys, no.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Just get to the point and be like, I suck at this, but I think we'd have a blast doing it.

[Shane]

I think I'm gonna bring that to my date tonight.

[Selena Gomez]

You should.

[Shane]

That's the energy I'm gonna bring to my date.

[Selena Gomez]

Because in reality, you are such a catch. And the same might be for this guy, but, like, nobody's better and nobody's worse, right? I just want you to have fun. It's just, have fun.

[Shane]

I'm gonna have fun.

[Selena Gomez]

Yes. And be yourself.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

This is the best day of my life.

[Selena Gomez]

I think I'm like, we'll just pre game before your thing.

[Shane]

I'll pick you up. Are you having fun now?

[Selena Gomez]

I'm having a blast.

[Shane]

Okay, cool. Cool.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do you mind if we get into the tell me what's wrongs?

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

These are basically the pussies right in. And they tell us what's wrong and we give them advice.

[Selena Gomez]

Okay.

[Shane]

Basically, my mom came to visit me in college for the weekend, so I stayed at A hotel with her for a few days. When I got back to the dorm, when I got back to my dorm, by the end of the weekend, my roommate was asleep in her bed with her boyfriend, and a gross, random guy was half naked sleeping in my bed right next to them. The room was a disaster. It smelled bad. And the first thing they told me was, I swear it wasn't a threesome. I went silent and just walked out and cried because I didn't know what to say. What do I do? I actually wasn't expecting that, to be honest with you. I haven't read these before. I haven't read these before.

[Selena Gomez]

Whoa. Okay, let's see. Well, I genuinely am thinking, like, thinking about this. I would first say, sorry you didn't have the threesome. Second, please wash my sheets and everything in this area. Would really appreciate that, considering there's a naked man in my bed. And then I'm gonna go buy some candles, and I'm gonna get some Febreze, and we're gonna figure out how to make this situation a little bit better, and we can both clean up together. How's that for a deal? No more naked guys. Let's do this.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

I don't know if that works.

[Shane]

It's honest communication.

[Selena Gomez]

It's either that or genuinely going, I'm not gonna do this. You have to pay for this. And please clean up.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

So. But I'm always like, let's meet in the middle.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

Have you ever had a roommate before?

[Selena Gomez]

I have. When I would go away for, you know, myself and other things that were happening, I. I lived with roommates. But also in my entire 20s, my three girlfriends basically lived with me.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

They. They were with me constantly, every day. And, gosh, we used to spend two hours getting ready to go out for, like, 30 minutes. Yeah, okay. We're over it. You know, it just. It was such a period in my life that I'll cherish and. Yeah, that was a good two years of my life living with my girlfriends.

[Shane]

Isn't that awesome that.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

People, when they get ready to go out with their girlfriends now, are using your products.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Isn't that cool?

[Selena Gomez]

Such a weird thing to think about, but that's really sweet. I didn't think about that. Well, I hope so. I mean, that is.

[Shane]

My roommates do every night.

[Selena Gomez]

Really sweet. No, it's so surreal. Honestly, when anyone says anything about the brand, it makes me so happy because it's. It's. I don't know if I should be concerned or proud, but the most compliments I've received is from the creation of Rare.

[Shane]

Be proud.

[Selena Gomez]

I'm. I'm proud.

[Shane]

But I'm also, like, I've done a few other things.

[Selena Gomez]

I hope I met her at other things, too.

[Shane]

You're excellent. Like, what has been outside of, like, Rare, like, the most fulfilling endeavor, like acting, touring, singing, I would have to.

[Selena Gomez]

Say, genuinely is my community. We've created on the Rare Impact Fund and for Rare because we have so many initiatives and so many causes that we believe in. And it's working, you know, so. So few times things kind of work out that way. And I just want everyone and I want more people to be involved. And I think that's the most fulfilling. Is the Impact Fund. The most fulfilling thing also would have to be making products that people love. There's not a better feeling than when someone is religiously using something that you've created. But my proudest and most rewarding thing would have to be being an older sister to Gracie. She's just really cool and she teaches me so much.

[Julia]

Yeah.

[Shane]

So, Jake, I got my heart broken bad, and now I'm in my evil phase and manipulating every man. How do I get out of this stage or should I stay in it?

[Selena Gomez]

Interesting. Flirting and manipulation can be very confusing.

[Shane]

Tell me more.

[Selena Gomez]

I believe that there is such a fun way to flirt with guys without giving them the green light. That's usually when they come back for more. But there's the other case where it's like, oh, all I see is a toxic woman, and I'm not going to get near that. So you have to balance it well, because who are you choosing and what do you think would turn them off? You know, is this person someone worthwhile that you really care about? Probably not the best to be manipulative now. Flirt hardcore, give them all the green signs, but just wait and then you'll see what happens. See how much you're worth it.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And then the other cases, if she's living her life and she is happy where she is right now, more power to you. It's not like guys don't do the same thing.

[Shane]

They do, right?

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Do you believe in, like, ghosting people or. No?

[Selena Gomez]

No. I think that for me, I have in the past because I'm not good with confrontation. But I'm also equally. I did, but I just learned this, I'm not kidding, probably like a year or two ago where I was able to comfortably say in a nice way. This is not serving me in any good way. I just need this to be over. So I would keep these people kind of close by, and that wasn't really fair to either one of us. So I've definitely done it. And it's, it's, it's an escape route because you don't want. It's also the other person, though. It's, it's like if I have a conversation with a emotionally intelligent person, I feel like we will understand each other. But when I'm talking to someone who's very reactive and the love is conditional, not unconditional, it's very, you know, need, need, need, take, take, take. That's when it feels really yucky. And that's when I have to say, I, I, I can't do this anymore.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. I think maybe we've, I mean, we, Right. We've all had to have ghosted.

[Shane]

I literally ghosted someone last week.

[Selena Gomez]

Sorry.

[Shane]

There's nothing, I, I just couldn't, there was nothing I could do. Like, I was like, you know, we're not deep in enough where I tell you it's over and we're not.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah.

[Shane]

Out enough where it's not awkward.

[Selena Gomez]

Whatever works for you.

[Shane]

Thank you. I needed to hear that. Oh, I dropped my roommate. I dropped my roommate's dog and everything seemed okay, so I didn't say anything. But now he has been limping and my roommate is so confused and I don't know how to come clean because I didn't tell her what happen. Or do I even come clean?

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, please, please. Maybe do I. I care about animals sometimes more than people.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

So I would just say maybe you go, I'll, I'll just, I'll get the dog checked for you.

[Shane]

Yeah.

[Selena Gomez]

And then you go in. Maybe you'll feel less guilty or more guilty for what you've done, but maybe just show a supporting hand first and then you can admit it later.

[Shane]

It's like when you open a door in someone's house and the doorknob falls off. You're like, you're.

[Selena Gomez]

I didn't mean to do this.

[Shane]

My friend told me. Oh, speaking of ghosting, my friend told me she got ghosted after sending a guy a two minute voice note. I listened to it. I would have ghosted too. She was full on planning their wedding after one night out at a bar. Is there a fun, girly way to bring this up to her?

[Selena Gomez]

For sure. First of all, you have to, you have to know to make fun of yourself.

[Shane]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

You have to learn to laugh at the, the stupidity that is our anxious bodies and minds. So sometimes it just is not rational. So I would say, wait, what was the question again?

[Shane]

It was like.

[Selena Gomez]

Like, I just don't know how they word them. Your friend, she. She got ghosted.

[Shane]

Well, she was like, basically, like, I would have ghosted my friend too. And I don't know how to tell her.

[Selena Gomez]

What she did was, I. I love taking the piss out of her people. That's the fun. I would literally, I mean, honestly, I would say to my girlfriend, I would listen to it, and I. This actually happened not too long ago. My friend was waiting. We told her, wait three days. I know the rules are stupid, but I said, just wait three days. This guy has a lot going on. You have a lot going on. Focus on you and then play it out. And she sent the worst text in the middle of the night because she was lonely and she was thinking and she was saying it. She sent it to me and I literally just called her and I just. I looked at her and I said, no. Yeah. I was like, please. And she's like, really? I'm like, yeah. I was like, you're so much cooler than that girl. Like, let them want you a bit. You know, I think for. For girls, you. You've gotta. At least with your girls, you gotta be like, huh?

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

That was not the move. That was not it.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

And then make it something that is enjoyable to laugh at and then help her.

[Shane]

I also love, like, I feel like my biggest thing is I always make fun of myself. It's like, the only way.

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah. But I love that it's the only.

[Shane]

Way to go about life.

[Selena Gomez]

I agree. I can't take myself too seriously. It's exhausting.

[Julia]

Right.

[Shane]

Have you ever seen the show Girls?

[Selena Gomez]

Yeah, of course.

[Shane]

Like, my favorite show of all time.

[Selena Gomez]

Really?

[Shane]

Yeah. That and Hannah Lena Dunham says something so smart about, like, making fun of yourself is what I always think about.

[Selena Gomez]

Which. What did she say?

[Shane]

She's like, anything you could say about me, I've already said it. Like, and I'll always think about it.

[Selena Gomez]

I love that.

[Shane]

Do you. Did you. Did you finish that show?

[Selena Gomez]

I didn't finish it because, again, I'm horrible at shows.

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

I'm like, in it. And then when I'm waiting for something else, I'm like, what? That happened?

[Shane]

It's really good.

[Selena Gomez]

I love Lena. I think she's brilliant. I think everything from her essays to everything that she does is. Is just gold.

[Shane]

Before I ask you our final question, I have. I need to ask you, did you ever read, like, J14 and, like, J14, Tiger Bees?

[Selena Gomez]

All these people. Those Are my peeps. They're the beginning of the end. Of course I did. My Nana. My sweet Nana would. I think she still does have, like, a bunch of them saved. It's just so silly. Like, it's very sweet, but yes. So I have some J14 tiger beads. I've got all the posters that I loved. That was my thing, for sure.

[Shane]

Did that exist before, like, wizards and Hannah and all that stuff, or did it start with you guys?

[Selena Gomez]

I think it started because I remember I'd go to the store and I would get the magazine before I had ever had anything picked up, because I was dying to know what Hannah Montana's shampoo secret was.

[Shane]

And all the quizzes.

[Selena Gomez]

And all the quizzes. Oh, I believed those quizzes to the end of me. I was like, all right, this is gonna determine on whether I live a happy life or not.

[Shane]

Right? And they would have, like, mash and stuff.

[Selena Gomez]

It was so fun.

[Shane]

Was it weird when you started then going to the store and, like, being, like, seeing you on the COVID I don't really care.

[Julia]

Right.

[Selena Gomez]

I just feel like now it's different, you know, Everything's so digital, and I hate to sound and bring it down, but it's. Everything is this now.

[Julia]

Right?

[Selena Gomez]

So I. I have books that I buy because I believe in the power of holding something tangible. But it's so quick and everything's so vast that you're just. You can see all the pictures in that magazine in five seconds and read the article.

[Shane]

It's crazy.

[Selena Gomez]

It's wild.

[Shane]

Is it. Isn't it crazy to see, like, people like your little sister who don't know anything else?

[Selena Gomez]

Right? Yes. It's actually kind of scary because it's just too. It's too much of a. Too much information to be given to someone at the age of 12. It just is. It just doesn't make sense because we weren't inundated with that much information. The only way I could get to Jesse McCartney was if I went online dial up, and I put in my little floppy disk and I'd save the pictures on the folder so I could print them out of my printer and put it in my locker. That was all the extent to Jesse McCartney I could get. Now let me DM DM him right now. It's just too crazy. There's too. There's just too. It's dangerous is what I'm trying to say. I love it. I love being able to connect with my fans. I have fun with it. It's just all about balance, I think.

[Shane]

Right well, Selena, what did we learn today?

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, this is so sad.

[Shane]

Wait, wait. I don't want it to end either. Like, I'm happy with keeping it going.

[Selena Gomez]

It's so cute, though.

[Shane]

Like, you're. I'm so glad you're having a good time.

[Selena Gomez]

Oh, my God. Yes. I just. I. Because, you know, this is what. It always happens. It's always nice to do something in someone's comfort zone in their home, and you can just be who you want to be. And. And I hope you carry that tonight, because whatever this thing is, we're not know if it's a date or not.

[Shane]

It's unclear.

[Selena Gomez]

Unclear. Have the best time and say all the funny things you want to say.

[Julia]

I'm gonna.

[Shane]

I'm gonna text Benny to tell you exactly how it goes.

[Selena Gomez]

Okay, perfect. Because I would love, love, love a check in. And if you need some responses, we can conjure up a few for you.

[Shane]

I will definitely need a few.

[Selena Gomez]

Good.

[Shane]

Well, what did we learn today?

[Selena Gomez]

Today I learned that I've made a new friend.

[Shane]

Stop it.

[Selena Gomez]

And that. And that you are definitely welcome into the Blanco Gomez family.

[Shane]

Stop it.

[Selena Gomez]

But I will. I don't know. I think. Think free. This is what I love to do. I actually love being able. I think you're so kind, and you're sweet and you're genuine, and that's all. That's why I did it. That makes you feel better? Because I'm very much like. Some can be vicious, some can be weird and a little sneaky, and that's.

[Shane]

Not what we do here.

[Selena Gomez]

What we. What we talked about is. Is wanting to trust people. So, if anything, I had a great time, and I love my little Puss University cup, and I had a blast.

[Shane]

Oh, well, Selena, thank you so much for being here. Do you want to give a little Bye bye?