Session 88: Owen Thiele

Summary

**Therapuss with Jake Shane – Session 88: Owen Thiele
Release Date: August 14, 2025

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Introduction

In the 88th session of Therapuss with Jake Shane, host Jake Shane sits down with his close friend and multi-talented actor Owen Thiele. The episode offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and heartfelt conversations, providing listeners with an intimate glimpse into Owen's life and his dynamic with Jake.

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**1. Navigating Introductions and Social Interactions

The episode kicks off with Jake and Owen sharing humorous stories about introducing guests and acquaintances. Owen recounts a memorable introduction of Rita Ora on his podcast, highlighting the anxiety that can accompany such moments.

“I start freaking out when I introduce someone.”
— Owen Thiele [01:28]

This segment underscores the challenges of maintaining composure in social settings, even for seasoned hosts.

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**2. Favorite Shows and Pop Culture References

Jake and Owen delve into their favorite TV shows and pop culture phenomena. They discuss Owen's roles in Adults on FX and Overcompensating on Amazon Prime, as well as his cameo in Too Much on Netflix. Their conversation naturally transitions into their shared admiration for shows like Mr. Robot and the renowned actor Rami Malek.

“Have you ever seen Mr. Robot? Let me love you,”
— Jake Shane [02:15]

They also touch upon the complexity of integrating personal interests with professional obligations, referencing episodes and characters that have left a mark on them.

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**3. Fashion Trends: Boat Shoes and Polka Dots

A significant portion of the discussion centers around current fashion trends, particularly the resurgence of boat shoes and polka dots. Owen shares his enthusiasm for boat shoes, inspired by influencer Emma Chamberlain, and how trends often cyclically return to prominence.

“Boat shoes will come back,”
— Owen Thiele [07:22]

Jake adds to the banter by expressing mixed feelings about polka dots, balancing personal taste with acknowledging their popularity.

“Polka dots are back,”
— Jake Shane [07:54]

This lighthearted exchange highlights the friends' differing fashion perspectives while celebrating their mutual appreciation for style.

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**4. Personal Struggles: Anxiety, OCD, and Self-Confidence

The conversation takes a more introspective turn as Jake and Owen open up about personal struggles, including anxiety and obsessive-compulsive behaviors. They candidly discuss how these challenges impact their daily lives and relationships.

“You have to find confidence within yourself. You have to look in the mirror.”
— Owen Thiele [12:14]

Owen shares his difficulty in setting boundaries with friends, revealing how the absence of boundaries can lead to overwhelming situations.

“I'm like, my house is everyone's house. Like, come over.”
— Owen Thiele [32:19]

Jake echoes similar sentiments, emphasizing the importance of self-awareness and maintaining personal space to foster healthier relationships.

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**5. Dating Experiences and Relationship Dynamics

Jake and Owen exchange stories about their dating lives, exploring themes of self-worth and attraction. Owen humorously admits his preference for dating bald men, addressing insecurities and societal standards of beauty.

“I should actually be with a bald man because I'm getting gray.”
— Owen Thiele [61:51]

Jake shares a quirky anecdote about getting his car impounded due to an expired license, intertwining humor with the frustration of bureaucratic mishaps.

“I was sobbing on the side of the street. I'm like, where the hell is my car?”
— Owen Thiele [42:07]

These narratives provide a relatable and entertaining look into the complexities of modern relationships and personal mishaps.

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**6. Celebrity Encounters and Concert Experiences

The duo reminisces about memorable concert experiences and interactions with celebrities. Owen recounts his VIP experience at a Taylor Swift concert, detailing the excitement and surreal nature of meeting a superstar like Tate McRae.

“I was sobbing. I was like, this song is gorgeous. It became like my number one song ever.”
— Owen Thiele [36:35]

Jake shares his own experiences filming in Toronto for his show Adults, highlighting the city's vibrant atmosphere and the challenges of working in a foreign environment.

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**7. Astrology and Personal Traits

Astrology becomes a topic of interest as Jake and Owen discuss their star signs and how these traits influence their personalities and interactions.

“I'm a Scorpio.”
— Owen Thiele [23:37]

“What's yours?”
— Jake Shane [23:34]

They explore compatibility and the dynamics of their friendship through the lens of their astrological profiles, adding another layer to their personal narratives.

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**8. Breakthrough Moments and Life Reflections

Towards the end of the episode, Jake and Owen reflect on significant moments that have shaped their lives and careers. They discuss aspirations beyond acting, such as starting a sleep brand, and the importance of staying true to oneself amidst external pressures.

“It's for me, but I love that that's the statement. That's the mission statement. It's for me.”
— Owen Thiele [68:27]

This segment emphasizes the value of personal projects and the desire to create something meaningful and authentic.

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Notable Quotes

• “You have to know who you are.”
  — Jake Shane [32:08]

• “I need to find confidence within yourself.”
  — Owen Thiele [12:14]

• “Boat shoes will come back.”
  — Owen Thiele [07:22]

• “Do you ever just hear a song in your head?”
  — Jake Shane [01:55]

• “I have to tell you something.”
  — Owen Thiele [47:19]

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Conclusion

Therapuss with Jake Shane – Session 88: Owen Thiele offers a heartfelt and entertaining exploration of friendship, personal growth, and the quirks that make each individual unique. Through laughter, shared experiences, and honest conversations, Jake and Owen provide listeners with valuable insights into navigating life's challenges while maintaining genuine connections.

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Final Thoughts

This episode stands out for its authentic portrayal of two friends sharing their lives amidst the backdrop of their careers in entertainment. Whether discussing the nuances of astrology, the trials of maintaining self-confidence, or the joys of meeting idols, Jake and Owen create a relatable and engaging narrative that resonates deeply with their audience.

Transcript

[A]

You may recognize him from literally everything. He has a podcast called in your dreams. He is the star of the hit TV show adults on fx. He also is on overcompensating, the hit show on Amazon Prime. He is literally on everything. He made a cameo in too much on Netflix. If you haven't seen he is the moment. And tonight we have on Owen Thiel, who is just as lovely as he seems. I'm so happy that he came here. It was so much fun and so funny, and I hope you guys love it. I'm recording this before Peyton and Julia leave, but I guess that they're gone now, right? It's been a week without them. That's fudgeing crazy. Okay, well, on a happier note. Oh, and the Elizonde tonight. Um, I hope you guys love it. It's amazing. And, Owen, I love you. To submit tell me what's wrong, go to passthatpuss.com, click tell me what's wrong, and submit a name and number if you're feeling fancy. Love you. Enjoy the episode. Hi, pussies. Welcome back to Therapist. Today we have on a dear friend, talented actor, comedian, and podcast host Owen Theo.

[B]

Wait, I love that.

[A]

And you know what? You know what? I knew I ate too.

[B]

Wait, that was. That was one takeaway. Do you know how many times I have to do mine?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

Like, when I introduce somebody, it's. It takes a long time. It's really.

[A]

Yeah, I've had to redo it before.

[B]

I had Rita or on the podcast, humble brag and Rita or was sitting there, and I was like, sorry, excuse me. It's Rita, right? She's like, yes. Like, I'm just. I get in my head, I start freaking out.

[A]

You know the song I will never let you down?

[B]

Of course. Wait, is that her big one?

[A]

Yeah, it was, of course, the best song.

[B]

But she also has, like, let me love you. Is that what it's called? Or is that Mario? Wait, what is it called?

[A]

That is Mario.

[B]

Let me look. I hear it in my head. Do you ever just hear a song in your head?

[A]

Yes, I'm hearing one right now because of the show I'm watching. Have you ever seen Mr.

[B]

Robot, let you love me? Come on.

[A]

Yeah, that's timeless.

[B]

That's huge.

[A]

That's a timeless one.

[B]

Wait, you're watching Mr. Robot.

[A]

I know. Everyone's like, you're four years late.

[B]

Four years late. I don't even know what that is.

[A]

Okay, Rami Malek.

[B]

Oh, I imagine I say, who?

[A]

Him? First of all, did you Know he won an Oscar.

[B]

Yes, but I don't know what for, but I know he. No, no, wait, let me think. I can't tell you.

[A]

Bohemian Rhapsody.

[B]

Oh, my God. Of course.

[A]

And I've never even seen Bohemian Rhapsody.

[B]

I haven't either. I haven't. I haven't. I lie about most things I've watched, though. Do you, like, started? Yes.

[A]

Yeah, but not with tv. Because tv, I've seen everything, okay? Except for, like, certain things.

[B]

Like, I've seen everything except for most things.

[A]

Like, I'm just like. I've never seen Righteous Gemstones. And I, like, find myself lying about that frequently.

[B]

Very, very funny.

[A]

It's. I've heard. It's unbelievable.

[B]

It's unbelievable. Well, okay. I'm lying right now.

[A]

Serious.

[B]

I watched two episodes, but it's great.

[A]

I laughed out loud.

[B]

I laughed out loud. It's amazing.

[A]

Okay?

[B]

The cast, brilliant. Me just saying it's complete. Things that could go with any show.

[A]

What's his name is in it. Manny is obsessed with Skyler Grzo.

[B]

So hot.

[A]

She's obsessed with him.

[B]

Hot, hot. Hot. Vibe.

[A]

Hot Vibe. You know who else?

[B]

Wait, he was also in Santa Clarita Diet.

[A]

Haven't seen that.

[B]

That's actually the one show I have seen all the way through.

[A]

Is that where they eat people?

[B]

Yes, it's Drew Barrymore. Yes. Drew Barrymore is wonderful in that show.

[A]

I totally forgot she. Did she still act, or is it just a talk show?

[B]

I totally forgot she acted. No, she still definitely acts.

[A]

You did her show, right?

[B]

No, never, Jake. She would never have me on her show.

[A]

I thought you did it on the adult press tour.

[B]

No, I wish. I begged. I literally begged.

[A]

Did you do any of the daytime?

[B]

No, my love. The Kelly Clarkson Joe said, absolutely not. I think Drew was like, if. If we have time, we'll. We'll have him. But they didn't have time, which makes sense. Why would they have me have. You've done the Drew Barrymore show?

[A]

For what? Like, what would I promote?

[B]

This? This. Your life? Your hilarious Instagram. You're. You're. You're so. You're. You're a comedian.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Can I believe. Okay, I actually believe you can go on talk shows and promote yourself.

[A]

So do I.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

But they don't do that.

[B]

I know they don't.

[A]

I just want to go through the Jennifer Hudson spirit tunnel once us on the gen.

[B]

I think we should do it together.

[A]

I would.

[B]

What would your song be?

[A]

What would yours be, Owen?

[B]

Like, it has to be like, oh, go in. Like, it has like, hold on, let me think. Hold on. Oh, I'm in the studio. I can't think. I can't think it would come to me.

[A]

I'm for some reason thinking, lean on Jake when you're not.

[B]

Shame. Wait, that's great.

[A]

He's at J Hud. And he's here, too.

[B]

Talk.

[A]

That ain't.

[B]

Wait, that was that. But also, I think you would have to say something with puss or pussies.

[A]

No. Jennifer. I feel like Jennifer would be like, no.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You think Jennifer Hudson's approved?

[A]

Also, do you know you can tell how popular a person is by how many people are at their spirit tunnel?

[B]

Kiki Palmers.

[A]

How many did she have?

[B]

Never been fuller.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm not kidding. I think they flew people in. It was so many. The line was crazy.

[A]

This guy. The guy who played Mufasa. His is the most catchy.

[B]

What's his.

[A]

What's his name? Aaron. What?

[B]

Oh, he's so hot.

[A]

Pier Aaron Pierre. That's Mufasa.

[B]

Oh, I love that song.

[A]

No, it's so.

[B]

I wish they would record it and put it on Spotify.

[A]

No, it's so catchy. And he looks.

[B]

He's the hottest person. You know who he's dating?

[A]

A guy?

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, maybe.

[B]

Wait, maybe this is T. And I shouldn't say this. It's totally fine. He's dating Tiana Taylor. They're a couple. Public, I thought. Oh, sorry. I think. I think it's totally public.

[A]

It must be. Who did Tiana Taylor used to date or be married to?

[B]

Okay. Teyana Taylor's one of the hottest people I've ever seen in my entire life of all time.

[A]

That album she did, that album is. Yeah.

[B]

Unbelievable.

[A]

I used to love that song. Hurry.

[B]

I am so. I have so much body oil on that. I'm sticking to your couch.

[A]

Oh, you do so much.

[B]

Cyclar.

[A]

What?

[B]

Claudia Saluski. Claudia, I'm wearing your stuff. Okay, so wait. Claudia sent me a care package. Okay. Humble brag. Claudia sends me a care package of all this body oil. Obviously, I'm obsessed with it. It smells amazing, right? She sends me this bottle that says glycolic acid on it. And it's, like, for pigmentation. Whatever. It's for your body. It makes you glow. So I've been spraying it on my face, right? I'm obviously breaking out. It's not for your face, but you have great skin. Well, I got glam for this podcast.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And it's fully. I'm looking in the camera right now, realizing it's so much glam.

[A]

Wait, you look amazing. You have great cheekbones.

[B]

It's all fake. It's all contour. I fully am contoured right now. For your pod. Do you ever get glam for your own pod?

[A]

Never.

[B]

So embarrassing.

[A]

Maybe I should know. Mary Beth Barone came in glam, but that's good.

[B]

Like that? Yeah. She was also on a press tour for overcompensating. Like, what am I like?

[A]

She came in a dress.

[B]

She looked great.

[A]

At 11 in the morning.

[B]

I'm kind of in a dress. I'm in a boat shoe. Wait, what do you think of the boat shoe?

[A]

I like the boat shoe.

[B]

No, you don't have to lie. You looked at them with disgust and pain. You looked at them with pain in your eyes, Jay. Okay, you can't even look at me.

[A]

My confused.

[B]

He's completely. Can. He's. You're avoiding eye contact.

[A]

Boat shoe is. Why are the laces on the side?

[B]

Well, that's the boat part of it. I don't know at all. Here's the deal. I. I'm really into a boat shoe. Recently, two, three years ago, Emma Chamberlain, who we love dearly, said, boat shoes will come back.

[A]

I feel like she always knows.

[B]

I. I looked at her and I said, emma, get a life. And then all of a sudden, three years later, literally on the dot, I'm wearing them.

[A]

You know what else is really back this summer?

[B]

What?

[A]

Polka dots.

[B]

Polka dots are huge.

[A]

They're really big.

[B]

Cami Mendez. The other night, we were at a dinner, and she was wearing a polka dot heel.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And I thought, polka dots are back.

[A]

Polka do back.

[B]

Yeah, they are. Are you gonna wear a polka dot shirt?

[A]

No, never.

[B]

I actually have a polka dot shirt in my closet, and it's one of the ugliest things in the world. I. And I fully bought it. I fully spent money this year, like, a year and a half ago.

[A]

What's the most ridiculous thing you've ever purchased? Like, you're like, I can't justify this. This is the most ridiculous.

[B]

Can it be, like, a home thing?

[A]

Yeah, it can be anything.

[B]

I bought a foot massager that you like. It's like a big. Like, big block that you put your.

[A]

Oh, I wanted one.

[B]

Massage your feet.

[A]

How is that ridiculous? I won't want that.

[B]

Let me tell you something. You're. You take your feet out, and you're like, ow, my feet hurt more. I actually need now a real massage.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It doesn't do it. I think it's, like moving bones around. It's Not. It's not meant for every foot. You know what I mean?

[A]

A foot massage last night. I will give you her contact.

[B]

Oh, I thought this was a lover.

[A]

Oh, my God, please.

[B]

And by the way, if your lover was giving you a foot massage, I'd be like, absolutely. Marry him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Lock that down immediately.

[A]

She gave me a foot massage as I watched Mr. Robot for two hours.

[B]

Okay, so you're sitting there watching Mr. Robot. She's rubbing your feet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's talking at all.

[A]

On occasion, she'll be like, the show's really good.

[B]

Oh. Because she's kind of watching too. She's like, can you go back an episode? I'm not caught up.

[A]

No, she'll say. She'll say, like, Mr. Robot. Like, she'll be like, wait, is Mr. Robot back? Like, I thought they were beefing because she came two days ago, too. She comes, like, four times a week at this rate.

[B]

Wait. To just massage your feet.

[A]

It is life changing.

[B]

Okay, so in your text with your foot massager, is she. Oh, but I just want to know, is she only a foot massager or. She also does back.

[A]

Back everything.

[B]

Okay, so this is a masseuse. It's masseuse. Okay, okay, I'm understanding. Sorry. For some reason, I thought this was like. She specializes in, like, reflexology or something.

[A]

Great at reflexology.

[B]

I need her. When did she come to me today? Oh, that's nice. What time does she come?

[A]

It was like a massage, but just, like, very. Think about the lightest massage you can possibly get.

[B]

See, that's not good. When I go to a massage and they're, like, almost tickling me, I'm like, hey, can you use, like, your hands?

[A]

Oh, you like deep tissue?

[B]

Deep, deep, deep, deep, deep.

[A]

Do you ever watch videos of knots getting taken out of a person's back?

[B]

No. That sounds amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it. Are they screaming in pain?

[A]

They moan.

[B]

Is it like, sexual moaning?

[A]

No, it's like.

[B]

It's like.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Like.

[B]

Oh, it's like tennis.

[A]

Yeah. You can see the knot. You see, like, the ball and then they go and, like, it goes out.

[B]

I need that.

[A]

My back is.

[B]

I know. I have the worst posture ever. You have good job.

[A]

Do I really?

[B]

I have. You have good posture. By the way, at the dinner. We were at a dinner together. Humble brag. We were at a dinner together, and you were sitting across from me, and I literally thought to myself, he has good posture.

[A]

That is the first time I've ever heard that.

[B]

Because I'm so. All my friends are shorter than me. I'm six four. So everyone ultimately taller than me. Everyone has to be shorter than me. It's a legal thing. You know what I mean? So. And everyone has to be taller than you. It's kind of a legal thing. We're both in this scenario, I guess.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So. So now we're. We're. But that's why. What makes us so cute to take pictures of together.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Do you see a picture of us at that?

[A]

I didn't go see any of the photos.

[B]

One of us is really cute. One of us is the worst photo I've ever seen of myself ever. And if you post it, I will be so mad.

[A]

I'm gonna go look for it. Is it. Are we sitting down?

[B]

We're sitting down. I'm like, next to you. Like, my head is like. But like my.

[A]

I remember taking that photo.

[B]

Yeah. It's really ugly.

[A]

Okay. Did you go to gay guy Night?

[B]

I did.

[A]

And how was. Kate was DJing, right?

[B]

Kate was DJing. I didn't hear her DJ. I got there too late. Ultimately.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Caperland invited us to go to d. Gay night at this bar. And she was DJing. And I went and. But I missed her DJ set, which was so sad.

[A]

But how was the night in general?

[B]

There was a lot of gay guys around. I don't think gay guys like me. This is my.

[A]

I feel the same exact way.

[B]

So I think I was like. I think I had to leave.

[A]

I would have left too.

[B]

I left immediately. But it was nice to see them. It's nice to feel a community ultimately, if they hate you.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah. It's nice to know you're a part of it. Even though they want nothing to do with you. Yeah. It's tough. They don't.

[A]

I don't like to see other gay men win.

[B]

Is that what it is, you think? That's so sad. I know a lot of, like, Benny and Jordan and a few of my best friends are gay. And they're so supportive and they're like, I don't know. I just feel like everyone hates me. But I feel that in general, I'm like every single person. Like, my mom doesn't text me back. I'm like, okay. She absolutely hates me. You guys disowning me? My mom and I. Yeah.

[A]

My best friend dropped him off at the Benny dinner.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

That's a very okay love. No, my. One of my. One. When my boyfriend's out of town, my mom will sleep over. But that's not weird. Benny was so weirded out. Remember Benny Was like, ew. What?

[A]

The game we were playing.

[B]

Wario, what is it? I don't.

[A]

I don't. Wario. Who is your All About Eve and who is your tether? Have you seen this movie called Us?

[B]

Yes. Have you seen it? Jordan Peele. I feel like everyone's lying about seeing us.

[A]

No, I've seen us.

[B]

I've seen us too, because I love Lupino. Okay, I lied.

[A]

See, this is.

[B]

No, but I've. I know what it's about. But I've seen Get Out. Get Out. An unbelievable film. Unbelievable.

[A]

I never saw his. His alien one.

[B]

What's the alien one?

[A]

No. Nope, nope.

[B]

Oh, with Kiki Palmer?

[A]

Yes. I never saw it.

[B]

She's so good.

[A]

She's so good.

[B]

She's so good. Has she been on the spot?

[A]

No, I wish. She seems. I really seems like the funniest person of all time.

[B]

She is so naturally funny. She's gifted, by the way. I see interviews of someone else. Like, someone else will be talking in the mic and she'll be behind them on the red carpet. And I'm like, only watching Kiki, right? She's so entertaining.

[A]

She's one of those people that you can't take your eyes off of them once they enter a space.

[B]

It's a. It's a gift.

[A]

So who else do you think is like that?

[B]

I think you're like that. Oh, and you're like that. You entered the other night. I looked at you, I go, there's a star. A star is born. A star is born.

[A]

Serious.

[B]

A star is born. Lady Gaga's like that. Obviously, we're debating all pop stars. Like, obviously, they're like that. Sabrina Carpenter's like that.

[A]

I've only been in a room with her.

[B]

Once she enters the room. Breath. You're. You're right. You're gasping for air, Right? You're like, holy. She's stunning. She's like tiny little ball of, like. She's talent. She's tiny.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She's 411. Right? Wait, no, she's five feet to be exact. Obviously. Obviously. Yeah.

[A]

That was quick.

[B]

That was quick. Sabrina Carpenter fan.

[A]

Same. I'm really excited for that. Have you heard the new album?

[B]

No. And I'm dying for it. And she won't. No one will play it for me. Obviously.

[A]

How locked down does she. I'm sure she keeps her shit locked. I'm sure.

[B]

I haven't asked her. Imagine me being like, hey, can you play the new album? I haven't asked her.

[A]

I have no boundaries.

[B]

I would ask you Would.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. If you were to dinner with Sabrina Carpenter, she was sitting across from.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What would your first question be? Has she been on this pod?

[A]

No. We've met twice, so I'd probably say, how are you?

[B]

Totally. It's so normal. So normal.

[A]

Well, because, like, what am I going to say? Like. But we're not friendly like that. Like, I've seen her in passing twice.

[B]

So you're friends.

[A]

You're legitimately friends with her. Doesn't Jared style her?

[B]

Jared styles her. And I love her dearly. I'm so afraid to call anyone my friend because then they're gonna watch it and be like, ew, I hate that.

[A]

Has that happened to you before?

[B]

No, but I feel like it. So.

[A]

It's an irrational fear.

[B]

Of course. But that's what.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm built of irrational fears.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Aren't you?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's our thing.

[A]

Because. Yes.

[B]

Jake the other day, texted me after this dinner, being like, was I weird? Why was I weird? I'm like, you were perfect. You were so normal.

[A]

I felt. I just felt it.

[B]

You were dropped in. You know, when some. You're sitting across from somebody who's so dropped in. You were connected. You were present.

[A]

That's the first time I've ever heard.

[B]

That, you being present.

[A]

I'm, like, the least present person on planet Earth.

[B]

You have a podcast where you're extremely present with your guests.

[A]

Well, I didn't use it.

[B]

I can't believe Lord sat here. I just watched that clip today.

[A]

I watched that clip today.

[B]

Wait, it's going viral. Of her saying the virgin thing that she almost named her album something else. And then she didn't want to tell you because she had.

[A]

She might use it for, like, a deluxe, maybe. Is that what she's hinting at? That's what I was, like, gathering. But.

[B]

But also, is it like vert. Don't deluxe things like you. You say the name and then like, more. Or like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like, plus. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right?

[B]

What was Sabri like?

[A]

What was Sabrina's Short and Sweet Deluxe?

[B]

Was it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

And then, like, Ariana Grande's was Eternal Sunshine, Brighter Days Ahead.

[B]

Whoa. Or like guts Spills.

[A]

Or like.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Taylor switches Deluxe.

[B]

Yeah. Which is.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Or Taylor's ver. Oh, no, that's different.

[A]

Till Midnight. Till Dawn. Yeah.

[B]

Taylor Swift. What do you think?

[A]

You know what I think?

[B]

I know. We have the same opinion.

[A]

You know what I think? And there is rumors spilling.

[B]

What?

[A]

About her latest album.

[B]

What?

[A]

What is it spilling?

[B]

What are they.

[A]

What are the rumors? Are TS12. Wait, early fall or August?

[B]

Wait, wait, I feel sick.

[A]

No, those are the saying this, everyone.

[B]

No, no, no. Where are you reading this? Jake, send me the thread.

[A]

There was a tweet. There was a tweet that was like, who tweeted it? Like, this fake pop account, but it was like Taylor Swift.

[B]

It was a joke. That sound.

[A]

But then they said August 27th, so that's what everyone's thinking now. Then it's like ABBA 90s synth dance inspired with rock elements.

[B]

I actually, for some reason, I just got complete. I have to burp so bad because it's like my. My. Yeah, you know what I mean? Like.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When something's so good, you need it, like, out.

[A]

Yes. And the theme is apparently hues of Orange.

[B]

Wait, Jake, you know too much. She's telling you this.

[A]

No, I'm reading. I'm on. I don't think people understand, like, how tapped in I am to the Swifty.

[B]

No, same.

[A]

I know every Swifty creator.

[B]

I'm absolutely obsessed. So are. Wait, wait. Okay, so how many times do you go to the Era store?

[A]

4, but I used to, like. Instead of going out and, like, going out to a party, I used to only go to Taylor Swift club nights.

[B]

I went to 1. How much in Los Vilas?

[A]

Yep. Yep.

[B]

I went to.

[A]

Yep. Few Los Lobos.

[B]

No, it was different. It was outside, kind of.

[A]

How fun was it?

[B]

It was so much fun.

[A]

I blacked out.

[B]

Wait, what? Oh, you like Blackout? Because it was so much fun. Yeah, I thought you meant you got so drunk that you blacked out. I was like, that sounds horrible.

[A]

Oh, I, I. That is what I meant.

[B]

Oh, okay, great.

[A]

That is.

[B]

Oh, you got so drunk that you blacked out.

[A]

Yes, I had so much fun. I was on the fl. Twerking to Fearless.

[B]

Oh, my God. That sounds fun.

[A]

Okay, it was. I was. It was the best night of my life. I've been to three.

[B]

It's always the best. By the way, Soul Cycle, when it's Taylor themed. Like, when it's Taylor Playlist forever. I haven't either, but I've.

[A]

You were addicted.

[B]

I was addicted to Soul Cycle. It's not a sad thing.

[A]

No, I started going when I was 12, 13.

[B]

Sorry, that's unhealthy.

[A]

I know. 12, 13. But yes, 13.

[B]

I went at, like, 16.

[A]

I did berries when I was 14.

[B]

That's crazy.

[A]

Isn't that crazy?

[B]

Aren't the instructors like, hey, where is your mom?

[A]

No, they were like, I made friends with my instructor. Her name Was. Emily.

[B]

Wait, Emily? Do you still talk to her?

[A]

Emily.

[B]

L. Emily. O L, L? Emily. L. Yeah. Okay, great.

[A]

Dude, I went to the Soul Cycle in West 77th in Amsterdam.

[B]

Oh, my God. You're a New Yorker.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's why you're so normal. What? Yeah.

[A]

You went to Crossroads, didn't you?

[B]

Yeah, I'm an LA kid. That's why I'm, like, not normal.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

I think I can be grounded in moments, but then it leaves me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think I'm pretty. Like, delusional and insane.

[A]

I am.

[B]

Are you delusional? Yeah, I think, like, you have to be a little.

[A]

It's just weird with my delusions because in the moment, I will have such a. Like, I will believe it to be true, and then we'll look back, like, a month later, and I'll be like, how in the world did I believe that to be true?

[B]

Totally. But what are we. Are we talking? Like, somebody's in love? Like, if somebody. Do you think people, a lot of people, are in love with you?

[A]

No, the opposite. And I. Actually, you guys was right today about one.

[B]

Wait, what?

[A]

This guy sent me a rose on Hinge, and I was like, let's go. He's so cute. I've never been sent a rose.

[B]

I can't believe you're unhinged. We talked about this before, but I didn't know. Are you. You're very famous. Isn't Hinge insane for famous people, or is that normal?

[A]

What do you think, Louise? Thank you. What do you think?

[B]

Wait. Yeah. Famous. You're freaking out. Like, I don't know, because then I hear famous people say that they met on edge. That's perfect. Okay.

[A]

But he sent me a rose on Hinge, and then he asked me out. Or he said, do you want to get a drink at next Friday? And I was like, yes. Oh, my God. Amazing. And he's best.

[B]

So he's, like, in the business.

[A]

I don't know. I feel like you just have to be.

[B]

It's kind of a club that only, like, famous people go to. Am I wrong?

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, industry people.

[A]

And he was.

[B]

I need you around. Do you see? Like, I. I don't know any of this stuff.

[A]

Okay, you know everything.

[B]

No, I don't know this stuff. Keep going.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Dating. I've had my boyfriend for 10 years. I don't know, like, fun.

[A]

Like, so crazy.

[B]

Keep going, keep going. You were telling a story, and then.

[A]

He'S like, let's bring Julia and Blank. This, his best friend. And the guy Julia's been seeing, so I'm like, oh, my God. Double date. Amazing. So Julia just texted her guy and was like, are we going on a double date this week? And he avoided every word date. And was like, I think it's like more of a party. And like, all these people are coming.

[B]

I'm absolutely dead. You're like, party with four people at a table.

[A]

No, he. He. And then she. And then she texted him back and she said, wait, so is it a date or not? And you know what? He. We need to know what he said.

[B]

What did he say?

[A]

We're about to find out.

[B]

Oh, my God. I tried to get him to set to. To do double date with Peyton. With his friend. Other friend. And he said. So I said, is it not a double date? And he said, it's not the double date we dreamed of with Peyton, but maybe it's the double date we always needed. What? Wait, that. That's still a double date.

[A]

So it's a date.

[B]

So it's a full date. Have I met her? I love her.

[A]

She loves you.

[B]

Wait. I love you. It's Owen Thiel. I'm obsessed with you. No. No, no, no, you don't. We. No, no, no.

[A]

We really have. You said you made her feel safe.

[B]

No, I felt so safe, Julia. I felt so safe with you. We were weird. We were at this insane party where everyone was cool and wearing cool outfits, and we were just. You. You were wearing a cool outfit still. But you were just. You were nice enough to be with me.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Need to know I love her.

[A]

She's great. She's moving. You want to come to her going away party?

[B]

Done. When?

[A]

Saturday.

[B]

I'm in.

[A]

Are you actually.

[B]

I'm there, yeah.

[A]

Desperate for people to come.

[B]

Wait, Justin Bieber just reposted her. Yes, I saw that.

[A]

She was freaking out.

[B]

Well, of course I would be freaking out, too.

[A]

Yeah, I would have been freaking out.

[B]

Wait, that's insane.

[A]

Her birthday party is at. I don't know where. They haven't found a place yet.

[B]

Wait, is it a birthday party or going away?

[A]

We're going away party this Saturday. Her and Peyton are going away.

[B]

Where are they going? They're moving?

[A]

Yes. To New York.

[B]

So are you upset?

[A]

They said I had an anxiety attack for attention the other night about it.

[B]

They said that?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you. You are upset, but you're. It's also a little for attention.

[A]

I'm upset. I just haven't, like, processed it. But we're gonna have a step and repeat at the house here.

[B]

Done.

[A]

And so, like, we're gonna have someone taking photos. Like a fake. We're gonna play fake sounds, and then I'm gonna do a red carpet interview with someone else posing in the back so it looks like a busy carpet.

[B]

Wait, I'm literally. I'm here. Yeah. I'll also be the person in the back. I don't care.

[A]

No, no. That the person in the back is either going to be Peyton or Julia Posen.

[B]

Oh, my God. This is genius. So this is genius. Okay. This is.

[A]

Invite everyone you know.

[B]

Okay. I'm like, who do I know? Okay. Got it.

[A]

And they're going to face Jim that day.

[B]

Wait, I'm obsessed with face Jim.

[A]

Yeah. It's my favorite place on the planet Earth.

[B]

It's the best. It's so. It's. It is painful, though.

[A]

It's painful, but they get knots out in your mouth.

[B]

I know. I feel it. Well, it's like, I think I have tmj.

[A]

I definitely have.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. I hear it. You can't hear it, obviously. Just put it to the microphone, could you? No. But I definitely have tmj.

[A]

What's your star sign?

[B]

I'm a. I'm a scary one.

[A]

No, mine's worse. What's yours?

[B]

I'm a Scorpio.

[A]

I'm a Scorpio. What's your rising Libra? Gemini.

[B]

I love Geminis.

[A]

Gemini.

[B]

I love Geminis. My boyfriend's a Gemini.

[A]

Is he really? Scorpio and Gemini.

[B]

It's a power couple or it's gonna explode.

[A]

Right?

[B]

But you've been horrible. Implode.

[A]

It's been 10 years, so.

[B]

It's been 10 years, but you never know.

[A]

How'd you guys be?

[B]

We met first week of. I went to NYU for a week. 2. I dropped out after two weeks. But in those two weeks, he went to Parsons, and we met through a mutual friend. But he was straight. He was dating a girl.

[A]

What?

[B]

Who looks like a hot Gigi Hadid.

[A]

Why can't I imagine Jared is straight?

[B]

I know. It's kind of crazy. He's so gay.

[A]

Like, I just.

[B]

He's so out and happy.

[A]

I just can't imagine him as straight.

[B]

But maybe also, he's, like, gorgeous. Long hair blowing in the wind with his ponytail. No, he was like a different person back then.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

And then he.

[A]

So how'd you stay in touch after you dropped out?

[B]

I stayed in New York for a while.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But he said to me, he was, like, dating this girl. And then he said to me, he's like, I think I'M bi. Nothing to do with me. He was just like, I think I'm right. And then I was like, that's beautiful. Explore your options. And my friends were like, oh. And he's like, hinting at getting together. You should hook up. And I could feel myself like. I was like, I'm going to fall in love with this kid. I need him to do his thing. So I was like, you should hook up with guys. Like, explore. And then he starts dating a guy for eight months. Literally eight. I was like, no, no. I met someone once. Yeah, I met a booty call. I didn't mean, like, go date. So I didn't mean how to ring out a case. I was freaking out. I was freaking out. And then eight months later, he came back. He was like, yeah, that wasn't for me. I think I should try something else. I was like, me, Please me. It was you, and then it was.

[A]

Me, and you've been together.

[B]

But the first night we had sex. This is a crazy story.

[A]

It was Adele's.

[B]

2025.

[A]

Yeah, 25.

[B]

Was that. Yeah, 25. And I think there's a song on 25 called River Leah isn't there? I think. And look this up. But I think. I think. And I needed. I was. I'm so obsessed with Adele that I was like, I need to listen to this album. I was like, this. So Jared was like, I want to have. It was moving into the progression. We were going to have sex, but I was like, I'm so sorry. I need to put on Adele. It just came out. It was midnight, so I played it. And literally, I was trying to listen, and Jared and I were having sex, and I had to look at Jared during sex and say, I'm so sorry. I need to look at the lyrics of this.

[A]

And you went to look up the.

[B]

Lyrics of Adult River Leah. Right.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Okay. So Coachella, this. I was, like, 15 years old. I went with my dad. I still go with my dad. My dad and I go to Coachella every year. I'm a family man. All right, so I'm a pick me, ultimately. So I'm going with my dad. And my best friend came with us. And my best friend had this hairstylist, this older hairstylist that she was friends with. And the hairstylist gave her, like, a. An edible, right? And she was 5:2, and I was 6:2. So she was like, I'm gonna have a square of it. You eat the rest.

[A]

So I ate the train for your downfall.

[B]

Oh, 100. I ate the Entire edible. All of a sudden, I'm in the Sahara tent. I'm like. And all of a sudden I'm looking around and everything is green. Turning green. I'm literally in Wicked. Everyone's Elphaba. I'm literally. I'm defying gravity. I. Suddenly I wake up on a stretcher. Suddenly, I wake up in the medical tent. Suddenly I wake up in chains because I. I'm. I don't even realize this. My dad's like, stop yelling at them. I'm yelling at the nurses, telling them that they're trying to kill me. Me. I'm literally.

[A]

So, what did they give you? Acid?

[B]

It must have been something. Bath salts. It must have been bath salts. It was.

[A]

You remember the bath salts case of the guy that, like, bit the person in Miami?

[B]

What?

[A]

Oh, come on.

[B]

Wait, I don't remember. No. He bit someone?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You don't recall? You don't recall?

[A]

No, it was. It was in Miami, and bath salts were all the rage.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And this guy ate some.

[B]

Actually, I do remember that.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Actually, I do remember. Wait, I didn't bite anyone. I don't think on this drug.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So whatever. This drug. Maybe it wasn't bath.

[A]

So maybe it was pcp.

[B]

Mm. I don't know.

[A]

I don't either, but I know that it's like, scary weed.

[B]

Oh, okay. It could be. I'm just going to. I'm just going to lead with that. Well, it was pcp.

[A]

So you see the Coldplay concert?

[B]

Did I. With the. Of course. With the CEO.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you feel?

[A]

Is it so horrible that I feel kind of bad for him for the whole situation?

[B]

I feel bad for the wife.

[A]

Yeah, same. But I feel. I just feel, like, awkward.

[B]

I. I mean, it's hor. How did that even happen? Can we just. I. I don't know how.

[A]

Well, if it was so on lock private, why was their entire company standing there in the suite?

[B]

Well, also, if it wasn't, it was so on lock private, why are they, like, at the railing with a camera in their face?

[A]

Well, so that's the thing is they. They could see.

[B]

No, but I'm confused. Was the camera, like. Was it a zoom camera? That.

[A]

It must have been a zoom. It must have been a zoom.

[B]

So it was like a kiss cam?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, was it a kiss?

[A]

Have you ever seen Coldplay live?

[B]

No.

[A]

Either have I.

[B]

But I would die too desperate, too. I love Coldplay.

[A]

My roommate saw them the other day, said it was amazing.

[B]

Where?

[A]

Madison, Wisconsin.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They were playing the Sphere for A while. Weren't they?

[A]

Were they?

[B]

I lie a lot, clearly. On this podcast.

[A]

You know what? They were in talks to headline this fear.

[B]

They were.

[A]

Yes. They were in talks.

[B]

They were in talks.

[A]

Yeah. Have you. Glassenbury?

[B]

No. I'm dying to go.

[A]

I'm dying. We'll go get a group and go.

[B]

But it just happened.

[A]

They're taking a year off and then they're going to do it again.

[B]

I just went to Hyde Park.

[A]

How was that? The Hyde park concerts to crowd in London are amazing. I did see that. I did see you there.

[B]

It was so much fun. It was so fun. It was. I mean, I was in the crowd. I was ultimately like with the people, which is how we should be. And it was amazing. It was. Everyone was. When Manchild came on, we were all doing the line dance. It was so much fun. It was so fun. We have to go.

[A]

I want to go.

[B]

We have to go to a Sabrina concert.

[A]

I saw her. Where was she? The Forum. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was the Forum. Which, by the way, when was that? On the Short and Sweet tour.

[B]

Did I go to that? No. Did I? I don't think so.

[A]

Maybe you were filming adults.

[B]

Whoa. No, I wasn't. Speaking of.

[A]

It's out now.

[B]

It's out now. It's on Hulu. I thought you were gonna say something else. It's on Hulu. Out now. How crazy.

[A]

How was that? Well, you guys filmed in Canada, right?

[B]

It was amazing. First of all, Toronto. Let's move.

[A]

It feels like a movie set, fake town. Respectfully to Toronto.

[B]

No, I think this is the thing. Okay. Respectfully to Toronto. What you hear, it's like New York. So. Right. Everyone's like, yeah, it's the New York of Canada. You get there and it's a lie.

[A]

It's lies.

[B]

But once you accept Toronto for what it is, once you see it as Toronto, it's great. It's actually wonderful.

[A]

I like Vancouver.

[B]

I. Well, Vancouver's gorgeous. You go on the water, it's like a different thing. Toronto's a city, city, city with, like an aquarium.

[A]

Was it, though, when we went to Toronto, but felt like I was on the set of the Desperate Housewives?

[B]

What?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You're in a different part of Toronto. No, no, you're not, like, vintage. I was vintage shopping every day, walking to the vintage stores. It was fun.

[A]

Was the food good?

[B]

Yeah, the food was good.

[A]

How long were you guys filming for?

[B]

We filmed for three months.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But then I filmed overcompensating before that for. I was like, in and out of Toronto for a few months, which is. I was. I live in Toronto now.

[A]

I guess you do. It's about established residency.

[B]

Any of them get a second season? Let's hope. Knock on wood. Let's knock on everything. This is fake wood, by the way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Does everyone know that who watch your podcast? Or is that an Am I giving it. No, it's real wood, but it's a fake set.

[A]

Oh, of course.

[B]

But I had. I'm freaking out, Jake.

[A]

Oh, I know. You were pretty sure when you came in.

[B]

You guys, this. These. These rocks are not real. I was freaking out. Watch. I. Because I watched your podcast religiously. I literally was like, gorgeous rocks. I thought I was walking into, like, an. A rustic home.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It's just ultimately a gorgeous kind of modern house with a fake set.

[A]

If you ever need help with your next season set, we have the people.

[B]

I'm so down.

[A]

They're. They're called interwoven.

[B]

Interwoven. I really think that I know everyone, and then it's clear. I don't.

[A]

You do know everyone.

[B]

No, I think I do, and then I don't.

[A]

You do.

[B]

It's a sad thing, which is also very adults, because my character in adults is a friend slut. Which is kind of what I think.

[A]

A friend to all is a friend to none.

[B]

A friend to all is a friend to none.

[A]

No, you don't believe that. Right? Because my other gay friend doesn't believe it either.

[B]

No, I think you can be a friend to all.

[A]

I.

[B]

But I get what they're saying. Yeah, this. I get the saying, but no, I think you can be loyal to a lot of people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Sorry. Do you know what I mean?

[A]

Yes. I think you just need to know who you are.

[B]

You need to know yourself deeply.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And also, you have to have boundaries with your friends and be like, sorry, I like this person.

[A]

Do you have boundaries?

[B]

No. So I'm not that example.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But yeah, I don't have any boundaries.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Do you? Yeah, no, I'm like. I'm like, come over whenever you want. You do. It's great. But you, like, you set clear boundaries from the beginning. See, my problem is I'm like, my house is everyone's house. Like, come over. What? Like, yeah, I'm like, call me at every hour. And then all of a sudden, I'm six years in, and my friend's calling me at 4am every night, and I'm like, I can't stop this.

[A]

Ignore it. Ignore calls all the time.

[B]

I obviously ignore calls all the time. Too. But I just feel bad, and then I call them back. It's just a whole thing.

[A]

Yeah. I get anxious.

[B]

I get anxious.

[A]

Are you an anxious person?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Me, too. And my friend, I was talking to me, he's like, I am not an anxious person. I don't understand.

[B]

Yeah. People who say that. Serial killers.

[A]

Right. What do you mean? You're not.

[B]

No. You have to have a little bit of anxiety.

[A]

Right. Like, I wake up stressed.

[B]

Of course. Of course.

[A]

Every morning.

[B]

Wait. Totally. You know, I also think it's my new thing is, like, I can't breathe. That's my new thing.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Like, my ribs are my. I don't think I have ribs anymore.

[A]

You're so snatched.

[B]

Well, okay. You said it, not me. No, no, not at all. It's because I think my ribs were somehow, like, removed.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Me completely, like, outing myself is taking my ribs out.

[A]

Did you take your ribs out?

[B]

No, but I just, like, said I did. For some reason.

[A]

People do that.

[B]

Yeah. Rib removal. I. I really think, like. Like, I'm not taking deep enough breaths. That's my new thing. Like, I'm not. I'm not getting enough air in my body.

[A]

You have ocd.

[B]

I think I probably do.

[A]

I think you're developing it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Wait. That's an anxiety thing. Right. But I'm also like. Does air. This is my new thing also. Does air go all the way through your body? Like, because it's not in my. It's not reaching my knees. Do you know what I mean? I'm like. I'm always like, it's not reaching my calves, my hair. Like. Like, where's my. Do you know what I mean? Like, sometimes I look at my feet, and I'm like, this wall, and it's not reaching them. But that's blood, I guess. That's not air.

[A]

Well, air goes into your blood. Right, Right.

[B]

We have to. You and I have to become doctors.

[A]

What were you gonna be?

[B]

I was just gonna ask you that.

[A]

Okay. What? Well, I'll go after you.

[B]

Okay. What I was gonna be if I wasn't. This. Yeah, whatever this is.

[A]

Don't you hate that?

[B]

Yeah, I do. Podcasts. That's so nice, Jake.

[A]

That is how I would classify.

[B]

So nice and not. And many people wouldn't. I. I think people would say I'm an influencer who also acts.

[A]

No, I would. I was introduced to you via acting.

[B]

Could throw up and blow you at the same time. Thank. And thank you. I. What? Yeah. So what would I be? I would be. I would not Be good at a lot of things.

[A]

I got fired from an internship once.

[B]

Tell me the story right now.

[A]

She texted me in the moment, like, I heard you keep falling asleep at your desk and go into the pregnant women room.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. There was a room for pregnant people that beautiful. What? What a woke.

[A]

Beautiful mindfulness room for pregnant employees.

[B]

And this is. That's great. I want to work there.

[A]

And I would go and I would sleep there, and then I would go on my phone. I'd fall asleep at my desk. I lasted two weeks.

[B]

Yeah. I'm sorry.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

I'm so sorry.

[A]

But then I. I worked at a record label for three years.

[B]

Right. And that went well.

[A]

Great. I was gonna do it for the rest of my life.

[B]

I think I'd be an A R.

[A]

That's what I was training to be.

[B]

I think I'd be that. I think I'd like, go into spaces and be like, it's talented, kid. You got something?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Me to Tate McCrae. You got something. Tate McCray is amazing. We forgot about Tate McCray.

[A]

She takes up a room when she walks.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Like, she's a superstar.

[B]

She's also, like, so hot.

[A]

The hottest of all time.

[B]

I know. And she always is in little cute outfits.

[A]

Have you seen her live?

[B]

So do you know I take McCray story?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay. So four years ago, we're at a friends giving. She was there. Okay. And she had the song out. You broke me first or three years ago. Okay. But that was her only song.

[A]

That was her big.

[B]

That was her.

[A]

That was a big break. Yeah.

[B]

So. And I. Of course, I'm face. I. I don't recognize faces. I'm like, bad with all that. So I didn't, like, realize it was her. And so we went to. Then after the friends giving, we went to like Delilah or some embarrassing club. And I was like, will you stay with me? And I was like, by the way, I'm Owen. She was like, I'm Tate. I was like, you have the best energy. And we just, like, got along in the car. We're blasting music in the car. And then I was like, what do you do? And she was like, I'm a singer. And I was like, oh, my God, Everyone is. I was like, yeah, what's your song? And she was like, you broke me first. I was like, like, play it. And then I was like, literally the car. She was playing it. I was sobbing. I was like, this song is gorgeous. It became like my number one song. Ever.

[A]

It is the best ever.

[B]

It's. It's a perfect song.

[A]

I love her first album so much.

[B]

She is. She is so goddamn talented and like.

[A]

The hardest working person ever.

[B]

It's crazy to meet someone who's hard working nowadays, right? So you just gotta get your ass up and work, right? No. 100%. People. Yeah, people, I feel like, especially pop stars. You think that they're like, they have a team around them and they don't, like, do it all, but they're, like, doing it all themselves.

[A]

Well. Because no one's singing or dancing but that well.

[B]

And they're creative.

[A]

They have.

[B]

So they're right. It's kind of crazy.

[A]

Have you seen her live, Tate? Yeah.

[B]

No, never. I need to. I need to. I know.

[A]

Change.

[B]

I mean, I've seen it on Tick.

[A]

Tock so many, it doesn't even do it justice.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

It is so exceptional in person.

[B]

It's amazing. And she. I. I just saw this video where she dropped the mic. The mic, like, she was dancing and the mic flew and then suddenly, like, she, like, ran down, grabbed it and hit a move. I was like, I literally all was screaming on my phone. I was like, yes.

[A]

It was at her Madison Square Garden.

[B]

I've ever been, by the way. Me and bed screaming yes to Tate McRae, by the way, with an A, Y, A S S S.

[A]

This episode of Therapists is brought to you by booking.combooking. yeah. So I just decided that I am going to go to New York in the fall to visit Peyton and Julia, and I have to use booking.com to book my stay because it makes it so easy. And I know I've said it a million times, but it really is so true. Like, you can put in exactly what you need at the hotel what you want it near, if you want it walkable, which, as you know, I do because I don't drive. And obviously we're in New York. You can put in everything that you need for a hotel room and what neighborhood you want to be in, and it will find the perfect stay for you. You can also, like, book cars, you can book vacation rentals. Like, you can literally book anything you need. And I'm usually so stressed about planning a trip, but, like, for this New York trip, I'm just like, it'll be fine. Like, I'll literally just go on booking.com, find a hotel and book it. They find you exactly what you're looking for. Like, really and truly. Like, they find you exactly what you put in what you want. They Will find you a room that has it. And, like, as I've said, like, I used it all the time on tour because we'd pull up to a city, there'd be nothing. And then because we'd be like, where are we staying? Matt would be like, I don't know. And we'd be like, you don't know? But he would go on booking.com and find us a place, and it would all be good. So I. It really took the stress away from traveling, which was amazing. And I am a very, very, very stressful traveler. So, like, having this is just made life 10 times easier. Really and truly. Find exactly what you're Booking for on booking.com. booking. Yeah.

[B]

Wait. Okay. Tell me things. I want to know things.

[A]

Am I doing a good job?

[B]

You're. You're a perfect podcast host.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[B]

You're perfect.

[A]

I was fishing.

[B]

You. Yeah, you. And, you know, you are.

[A]

I. You know what the best part?

[B]

Always want to be a podcast host.

[A]

Nope.

[B]

No.

[A]

That seems like a random.

[B]

But you always knew you were funny.

[A]

I always felt funny.

[B]

Oh, my God, I remember your come up. Watching you blow up on Tick Tock was actually my happy place.

[A]

I used to be so much funnier.

[B]

Jake, I hate when you say that.

[A]

It is so true.

[B]

I've never heard you say that, but I hate when you say that.

[A]

I. I used to be a who and a riot because I gave. No, I didn't care. No.

[B]

100. You know what?

[A]

A hundred percent, I didn't care.

[B]

I feel that way, too. I'm like, God, I watch old things, bad podcasts of myself, and I'm like, God damn, I was funny, right?

[A]

Because it's like, I didn't think anyone was watching.

[B]

I was free. Yeah, no, I'm still free. I say whatever the fudge I want, which is not good. I don't think you say whatever you want to.

[A]

I used to do. I used to do these pranks on my friends. That's when I was at my funniest. I once called Peyton and I told her that Joseph Stalin wanted to take her out for a date.

[B]

And what did she say?

[A]

She said, who?

[B]

I'm kind of obsessed with this. That was your bit. I watched that. But I think you should bring that back. But you've been doing it a little recently. You do. You sprinkle it in.

[A]

Or maybe sprinkle it in. I do it a lot with, like, my tour manager, Matt, who you would love.

[B]

Love.

[A]

Well, you met him.

[B]

Yeah, he's hot. I had a flirty Vibe with him.

[A]

Everybody does.

[B]

He could. Not. Everybody does look at me once, but I had a flirty no with him.

[A]

He looked at you.

[B]

I. Can I be honest? He. He looked at me to be like, why is he looking at. Why is Owen looking at me so much? Because I literally was like this.

[A]

Were you an eye track kid?

[B]

Huge.

[A]

And you know what? Cheers.

[B]

Cheers. You eyes. Wait, I was a huge. I was also like a. Yeah, I was a. I. I was in love with a lot of hot men. Like. Like celebrity men. And I would.

[A]

Did you ever watch HBO sex scenes as a kid?

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Okay, wait.

[B]

I would also.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

Oh, my God. Maybe I shouldn't say this.

[A]

No.

[B]

But I would also, like, look up, like, hot guy actor. Bull.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

I was obsessed. Oh, my God, Matt's calling.

[A]

No, I thought he was. He would never call me.

[B]

Sunk.

[A]

He would never.

[B]

I feel like I can't breathe again. The breathing's bad. No breathing.

[A]

He would never do something so kind. Wait, what are you therapist about?

[B]

That's such a good question. What am I therapist about today? Oh, fuck, Jake.

[A]

If anyone has a good answer for it, I know it's you.

[B]

Okay, well, recently my car was impounded. Do you know about this?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay, so it's a horrible story, actually, but I'll tell you it. And maybe you. Maybe it's too long for the podcast, but I was.

[A]

Nothing's ever too long.

[B]

Okay, so I. I'm a horrible driver. Horrible. What? Like. Like one of the worst. Like, if you're in my car, we'll probably get in an accident.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But it'll be fine. Like, I'll exchange information. Like. All right, so anyways, I left for three weeks. I went to France with my family. Cool, humble brag. I went to France with my family, and I came back and I was like. I wanted Thai food. It was like, I'm craving Thai food. I've just been in France and I'm like, from where?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Sticky rice.

[A]

The best Thai food in Los Angeles. The Silver Lake location. Yum. Yeah.

[B]

Diving into the egg rolls.

[A]

The best Thai food in Los Angeles.

[B]

What is it? I'm diving into the sticky rice. Mango sticky rice. I'm diving in.

[A]

I like the Yum. Oh, so good. The pad GRA pow is the best.

[B]

Delish. Patsy, you is also delish. There.

[A]

Delicious.

[B]

Okay. Oh, that Tom cod delish soup.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Louise is like, come on. I'm dive. I'm pouring it on myself. I'm literally pouring it on myself. I'm taking a shower.

[A]

We Get. Continue.

[B]

Okay. So I. I go to. To. I was gonna postmate it, but it's two blocks away from me. So I go, no, no, I have to drive, right? So I get. Go to get in my car. I'm beeping the car horn. I'm like, hey, some. My car's nowhere to be found. Break out in tears. I'm com. I. I'm breaking down. I'm sobbing on the side of the street. I'm like, where the is my car? I'm beeping. I look on my app, because my car is an app, okay? And it's ultimately on Victory Ave. And I'm like, where the hell is this? And then I think to myself, my car's been stolen. 100%, it's been stolen. It was parked outside for three weeks. I probably had some. I'm so bad with cars, so I probably left something in the back. Someone probably broke in and then stole the car, Right? Okay. So I'm thinking, okay, if it's stolen and I can see where it is, I'll just go get it. Which is so bad, you imagine me showing. I'm in a crop top. I'm in a Taylor Swift, literally. Ttp.

[A]

Where's the car?

[B]

TTPD of crop top. And I'm like, fuck, I have to go get this. So I Uber. I Uber comfort because I need to be comfortable before I, like, yell at this man who stole my car.

[A]

What the fuck is an Uber? Uber comfort, Jake.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

But what's the difference between that and an Uber X?

[B]

Yeah, it's a little more comfortable, more legroom. Okay.

[A]

Hey, did you ever Uber pool back in the day?

[B]

No, but all my friends did.

[A]

That was my shit.

[B]

Really? Wait, my friends, like, hooked up with people in Uber pool. Is Matt calling?

[A]

Is it true? Yeah, why?

[B]

It is.

[A]

Say hi to om.

[B]

Matt, do you remember me? Yeah, I think so. I actually, I've never been more offended. When did we meet?

[A]

I did his podcast. You brought me there.

[B]

Oh, of course. Matt. Matt, those few seconds that you didn't remember me, I'm not kidding. I. I almost took a gun. No, I. I want to kill myself. No, no, no. Also, I really felt we had a connection. No, we definitely did. That's why I'm so embarrassed. Matt, what kind of connection did we have?

[A]

What are you guys doing?

[B]

Ignores the question. We're doing his pod. I'm on therapist.

[A]

Do you know Matt has a wife and children?

[B]

What?

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Matt, I'm sorry that we almost had what we had with your wife. There okay, beautiful. Okay, Wait, can I finish the story?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I think. Okay, I'm in Tortured Poets Department.

[A]

Ttp.

[B]

Ttpd. The torture post department. Crop top that I've cut, obviously, to make it, by the way, it was a crop top. I mean, even shorter. Because I was like, okay, I need a little nipple show. I'm going to this guy's house to get my car back. I get there and I see this lot that says impounded.

[A]

What does that mean?

[B]

Well, I read. I'm pounded. So I was like, oh, it's sex. So it's gay sex. And I'm going to have to. I'm going to have to intervene in this only fans performance. I'm right. Like, this is horrible. It means your. Your car was taken. Was like, taken by the government. So here's the deal. I don't believe in parking tickets.

[A]

Peyton doesn't either. She calls it make your own spot.

[B]

100%. I'm with her. I don't believe in that. Yeah, I think it is. I put the parking tickets in a drawer and I say, that'll take care of itself.

[A]

It will.

[B]

Sorry. What are they going to do? Well, they impounded the car. So that's what they did. Like, it was a disaster. I walked in, this man was talking to me. He was like, can I Please see your ID? I pulled out my ID. My ID is expired because I've. And it's. It's like eight months expired or six months or something bad. And after 90 days of being expired, you have to take the driver's test again.

[A]

What?

[B]

So, by the way, I can't get my car back.

[A]

Oh, so you don't have a car right now?

[B]

No, driving my boyfriend's, which, by the way, I shouldn't even be driving because my car license is expired. I shouldn't be on the road. Take me off the road.

[A]

I don't know how to drive.

[B]

I don't. I'm. You actually don't know how to drive now you drive.

[A]

I've. No, I've never. I've driven around a parking lot once.

[B]

Wow. So I'm kind of pissed about. I'm like, the government has bigger fucking fresh fish to fry than dealing. Taking my car away. Like, leave my car. Oh, also, I didn't register my car. It's a whole thing.

[A]

How have you had your car for as long as you've had it?

[B]

I've had it for two years and I didn't register it.

[A]

So how do you. How do you even get tickets?

[B]

No, I guess it was Was registered, but it's like the registration ran out.

[A]

So how much did you have to pay in tickets? Because Peyton wants. Had to pay $5,000.

[B]

Yeah, I got 38 parking tickets.

[A]

How much?

[B]

And can I tell you something? Because I don't. Can't get the car back. Because they can't give you the car back with an expired license because of this. My car is sitting in the impound lot Just racking up, like, it's like 200 a day. So now I'm like, just tell them.

[A]

To keep the car.

[B]

Wait. So now I'm like, take the. Keep the. But it's a nice. It's a lease. I'm like, this is a disaster. I've. I. So that's kind of. I'm therapist about this.

[A]

When's your birthday?

[B]

November 4th.

[A]

You're a November scorpio.

[B]

Dangerous or scary or good or more.

[A]

Intense than October scorpios.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel that in myself. Yeah, you're in October. School. When's your birthday?

[A]

October 27th.

[B]

Great birthday.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Five days before Halloween.

[A]

It's a good. And It's a sexy 27. Like, it's a sexy birthday.

[B]

That's. That's hot, right? That's a hot day. November 4th is ultimately election day. A lot of years.

[A]

Oh, my God. So your birthday sucked this year.

[B]

It was tough. Yeah, it was very tough. It's been tough before, and it was very tough this year.

[A]

Do you cry on your birthday Always?

[B]

I never not cry.

[A]

What are you gonna do something fun for your birthday this year?

[B]

No, I'm gonna sob, but I might if we. If. If I have to knock. Is this real wood? If we get another season of adults. Knock on wood. I'll be shooting during my birthday. I was shooting last year for my birthday, and.

[A]

Oh, that's awesome.

[B]

But I sobbed because why did. I saw my birth on my birthday? I just sobbed. I forget. Oh, because Trump won.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I was sobbing. That was kind of the vibe.

[A]

Yeah, that's.

[B]

What are you therapist about?

[A]

What am I therapist about?

[B]

I love therapists.

[A]

I'm having really bad scaries from the weekend, and it's just. It all would have been better if I just stayed home. And that is always the theme.

[B]

Totally. And are you scared about our dinner?

[A]

No, I moved. I've moved past that.

[B]

Great. Okay. So what else happened Saturday night?

[A]

I blacked out. But I'll tell you what I'm thera. Pleased about is I'm about to be on the final season of my show Mr. Robot, which is supposed to Be the best season of Mr. Robot.

[B]

I am obsessed with that.

[A]

And I found a song from Mr. Robot because they, like, synced it and it was the best thing ever.

[B]

Wait, what was the song?

[A]

Are you right now.

[B]

Tell me this right now.

[A]

Okay. It's called In Time. By Robbie Robb.

[B]

By Robbie Rob.

[A]

Robbie Rob.

[B]

Robbie Rob.

[A]

And if you're like, wow, what does Robbie Rob sing besides that? Nothing. But you gotta watch Mr. Robot.

[B]

I know. I have to lock in. I have to lock into a lot. I've. I haven't finished Love Island.

[A]

What's the. You don't need to do that.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Are you kidding?

[B]

I feel like I do. Hood is everywhere.

[A]

Do you know who won?

[B]

Yeah. Amaya Papaya.

[A]

So then what's the point in watching?

[B]

Well, I need to see what happened. Like, I'm. I'm.

[A]

Nothing happens. It's like the worst season ever, apparently.

[B]

Really?

[A]

That's what everyone said.

[B]

No, I was feeling. The beginning is to this Cosmo Taylor.

[A]

I have to have a shrine.

[B]

Well, of course. Wow.

[A]

Hot, right?

[B]

The bangs blowing in the wind. The hair.

[A]

You know what? I can tell you exactly what album she was promoting. Red.

[B]

Avi.

[A]

You could tell? Yeah.

[B]

Wait, how can you tell? Because you really can't. Because actually.

[A]

Okay, so debut. Curly.

[B]

Well, of course.

[A]

Fearless. Curly, but lighter. Curly. Speak now. Curly, but wavy. Red long hair. Bangs. 1989. Pixel guy.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Reputation, Bob. Folklore. Bangs and Bob.

[B]

Oh, my God. Reputation tour. When she's belting and walking and strutting.

[A]

I never.

[B]

You know that video?

[A]

Yeah, I never.

[B]

I have chills thinking about it.

[A]

You can go to the rest.

[B]

You can't see. But I have chills. Did I? Yes. Oh, my God. Wait, Did I? Yes, yes, yes, I did.

[A]

Did you go to Eras?

[B]

Of course. Three times. Not four, though. You went four. I'm sorry.

[A]

I almost went five once in Vancouver and I couldn't. I couldn't make.

[B]

I went in to Toronto when I was shooting Adults.

[A]

Was it awesome?

[B]

It was amazing. Darcy Cardin, do you know her?

[A]

Yes. I was with her the other day.

[B]

I'm obsessed with her.

[A]

She's really funny.

[B]

Was in the Good Place. She was in Broad City. She's so. So brilliant, so fudgeing funny. And she's now in Handmaid's Tale.

[A]

Right?

[B]

She's amazing. So anyways, she was shooting Handmaid's Tale. I was shooting Adults. She was like, hey, do you want to come to this concert with me? I was like, which one? She was like, eras. I was like, hey, I'm outside. Yeah, that's at your door. And then we went together, and it was the most fun ever.

[A]

What? Were you surprised?

[B]

And by the way, I've never done eras tour like vip. I was VIP because Darcy was vip.

[A]

It's electric.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I only did that once, and it was like.

[B]

It was thrilling.

[A]

Electric. Night of my life.

[B]

It was unbelievable. Standing in her mom, Taylor's mom and dad walked in. I was literally like my mouth agape.

[A]

Agape.

[B]

Okay, my love.

[A]

You were in a Taylor Swift music video.

[B]

2.

[A]

Which one?

[B]

The man.

[A]

Calm down.

[B]

You need to calm down, obviously. And the man.

[A]

Man.

[B]

I handed her papers in the very beginning of the man. That's my claim to fame.

[A]

You didn't know this?

[B]

That is my claim. No, no, that's my claim. I'm not kidding. Adults is great. Overcompensating is great. Watch them both. Seriously. But also watch the Taylor Swift music videos. Cap. I'm in it for a second, but when you see me, you see me.

[A]

What's she like on set?

[B]

She's a pro. Yeah, she was directing, but, like, do.

[A]

You hear the song? Or is it like in. In ears?

[B]

You need to come down. Didn't hear one stitch of it.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

I didn't know what it was. Imagine I'm laying on a Shay's lounge. I have no clue what this is. I go, this song is gonna be good. She's so humble and normal and perfect, and she's like, unbelievable. She's an. How can a pop star that famous and not successful be so grounded and normal?

[A]

Because that's Taylor Swift.

[B]

And that's on Swifty. And that's. And that's on Ms.

[A]

Swift because she is the biggest superstar in the world. And why am I having a cough attack?

[B]

Wait, maybe it was something caught in there. Oh, my God. I saw a video of a spider going down the throat. She texted me asking if I wanted to be in the you need to calm down video.

[A]

How'd you say it? Do you still have the text?

[B]

Of course. Of course I have the text. I. I'm, like, framing that. It's. It's. It. It was the coolest experience in my life. It seriously was. And by the way, it's the most professional set. You walk in. You. You walk in. She's like, they. The. Her stylist has outfits for you. You, like, try them on. You, like, make sure you feel comfortable. Everything great. I was, like, comfortable. I was like, this is the hottest I've ever looked. I feel so good. Then suddenly you're, like, on a Set on set with Taylor Swift. It's, like, insane. It was. It was really, really cool.

[A]

I'm. I'm very jealous of you.

[B]

And also, she's like, by the way, I'm. She's lovely, but I'm a nobody. And she's thanking me for making this video. I'm like, no, you don't have to thank me. I'm like, it's okay. She's like, no, thank you, Owen. I'm like, you know my name. Like, it's that vibe. I'm a fan.

[A]

I love that album.

[B]

It's amazing that. I know. I know.

[A]

Do you watch the Summer I Turn Pretty?

[B]

No, I have to. I have to. Do you. Do you watch it? Do you watch it, Julian?

[A]

Peyton are, like, sick for it.

[B]

A lot of people are. Honestly. My cousin's obsessed, but she's obsessed. Everyone's obsessed.

[A]

Do you want to get into the tell me what's wrongs, please? I feel like you're gonna be really good at them.

[B]

I'm absolutely. I'm leaving marks on your couch from my cycler.

[A]

No. It happens.

[B]

No, it's gonna look like I'm sweating.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

I can't get over my boat shoe. I. I don't know if they're good. I'm. Look, you love it. Jake hates them. I feel sick.

[A]

My mom hates what?

[B]

My boat shoes. Just read.

[A]

No, I like your boat shoes. No, I was just confused about Jake.

[B]

Every single time you look at them, you can't make eye contact with me.

[A]

You can't meet.

[B]

You look down.

[A]

And you cannot be really cute.

[B]

Okay. Come on.

[A]

My mom met my situationship and said. I thought you said he was hot. Like, so loudly. And he heard it. I'm so embarrassed. Sometimes the problems that we're given, I don't know how to help.

[B]

I also. He's. Then he's not hot, right? How old were you when you came.

[A]

Out to my parents? I must have been 10 or 11.

[B]

That's so young, Jake. I know. That's really. That's beautiful, right? That's like you. You were. That's amazing.

[A]

You knew yourself. I know. I really did.

[B]

I pretended to be straight for a second.

[A]

For how. How long?

[B]

No, no, no, not long. I just. I. I had a girlfriend named Eden shout out, love you, girl, and I kissed her to bat mitzvah. And then the next day, I went around saying, I kissed you about mitzvah. And she said it never happened.

[A]

So did it happen?

[B]

It happened. I really think it happened. Now I'm doubting Myself.

[A]

The season was. Did you have a bat mitzvah?

[B]

No, I dropped out of Hebrew school.

[A]

Okay. I didn't have a bat mitzvah because my mom told me all my. All the kids in my grade were renting out, like, nightclubs, and my mom told me I could go and have it at the rec center, by the way.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

And I was like, I'm not doing that. I'm not talking about mitzvah. Then.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Bar mitzvah.

[B]

Yeah. Bar mitzvah. Yeah. Kind. That's kind of what happened.

[A]

Did you. How many bar mitzvah bar mitzvahs did you go to? I don't.

[B]

Thousands. Like, I know. I. Like, maybe millions. Like, I'm not kidding. Like, I think I went to more bat mitzvahs. I know more people who have been bar bat Mitzvah than anyone knows in there.

[A]

And which was the best one and do. Who had the best merch?

[B]

Okay. Do you want to know the most insane thing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So My cousin is 16 now, and she. Or no. When are you. Oh, she's 14, 13. When are you bar mitzvah? 12. 13. Yeah. So she's that age and just sent out invites to their son's bat mitzvah or bar mitzvah. And it's a briefcase, and you open it and a video pops up.

[A]

What?

[B]

Okay. James Bond themed. So suddenly it's like him being like, you got the passcode. It's this, like, in full Bond. He's like, the name's Bond. James Bond. And then the thing goes down and it's an invite. How insane is that? And then you have to go on a website and do that. It's like a whole.

[A]

They live in la. I want to crash.

[B]

No, I need to go. I need to go.

[A]

I want to have a bar mitzvah.

[B]

I do, too. Should we do it?

[A]

You want to do a joint?

[B]

I would do a joint. Benet?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that what it's called? Yeah, I think it's called Binet.

[A]

Okay. But we can't do the service part because I can't speak Hebrew.

[B]

I'm really bad at it.

[A]

I don't even know a single word besides Schfitz. I don't even think that's a word. Do you want to hear what my Christmas song is called? Go, Santa. Would you pay for me? I forgot my card. And it's just about going out to dinner with Santa and forgetting your card. Trip.

[B]

I'm sorry. That's genius. Let's get Kelly Clarkson on that.

[A]

Right?

[B]

And Ariana it's Santa. Will you hear me? But it's yours. Yes. Wait.

[A]

Has a modern Christmas classic on Santa. Tommy.

[B]

I mean, come on.

[A]

I died for her.

[B]

Also, Sabrina's Christmas album.

[A]

I never heard it.

[B]

I feel sick.

[A]

I know, and everyone loves it. I ruined the Christmas special with Meg Stalter.

[B]

Yeah, I was, but her album is unbefucking livable.

[A]

It's called, like, fruitcake, right?

[B]

It's called fruitcake. Yeah, it's amazing.

[A]

I need to listen to it.

[B]

Oh, my God. It's ba. By the way. I listen all year round.

[A]

It's bangers.

[B]

It's bangers.

[A]

I'm excited for Christmas season again.

[B]

So am I. I love Christmas.

[A]

And I think I want to spend some time in New York during Christmas. No, I don't. Sorry.

[B]

Just be honest with yourself.

[A]

I wanted to go to the Christmas market, but my whole life is here.

[B]

No, but why don't you just take a trip? You go. I need to ultimately move there to go to the Christmas market.

[A]

Have you been to the Christmas market?

[B]

No. Something's happening. I'm telling you. I gave you the I can't breathe.

[A]

Disease that you think I have it.

[B]

You have it.

[A]

You've never been to the Union Square Christmas market.

[B]

No one will take me. I could go alone. Okay, fine. I'm an independent man.

[A]

They have, like, food, hot chocolate.

[B]

Wait. Obsessed. Sounds great. Sounds like a restaurant.

[A]

Yeah, it's awesome.

[B]

Speaking of, it's outside.

[A]

Have you been to Italy ever, Jake? Talk about a conglomerate.

[B]

You don't like it?

[A]

I love it. But, like, it's everywhere.

[B]

It's the best. You walk in, okay, smells delish. Then you walk up to one station, you're getting gelato. One station, you're getting pizza. You're in Italy. You're in Italy. Oh, my God. Where was the first?

[A]

Italy.

[B]

I'm not kidding. That just clicked for me.

[A]

What? Why did you think it was called that?

[B]

I was confused. I literally was confused. I was like, oh, it's like eater. Like, you know the website. Why I sound so dumb? Italy. Genius. Wow. Who thought of that?

[A]

I. I want Italy now.

[B]

Same. We'll get after.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[B]

Okay. Read more.

[A]

I found out my boyfriend's ex girlfriend is prettier than me. And now I spiral every time he smiles at me. I need my confidence back. Did you ever feel that way about someone Jared's been with before?

[B]

Wait, Jared was with, literally, Gigi Hadid? Like, not that actually, but like a. A hot Gigi lookalike. Imagine how I feel. I feel ugly every Single day I look at you, he was with G. Imagine walking into a room knowing that somebody's been with a Gigi Hadid lookalike. Of course I feel that person's pain. And guess what? You have to find confidence within yourself. You have to look in the mirror. Actually, maybe don't look in the mirror. Maybe block out your mirrors. Yeah, I did that for a day. It's really healthy.

[A]

What?

[B]

Putting things over your mirrors.

[A]

What's it like?

[B]

I actually didn't leave the house because I was too embarrassed. Because once you can't look in the mirror, it's like, what am I doing? What am I doing?

[A]

I don't even know who I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I lost complete sense of self.

[A]

How do you think mirrors were invented?

[B]

Narcissus? I don't know who that is.

[A]

Me.

[B]

Totally.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay, keep going.

[A]

I ghosted a guy, and then I saw him working the door at a bar. He let everyone in except for me.

[B]

I ghosted a guy and then I.

[A]

Said, what do you. Yes, she's ghost a guy. She saw him working the door at a bar, and then he let everyone in but her, which is like, I would do the same thing.

[B]

Do you ghost people?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

So I used to believe in ghosting. Now I'm like, I do, and I.

[A]

Feel so bad about it, but I feel more awkward. Like, Louise says, it's like sending an anti ghost ghost text.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

It's like. Like I'm about to ghost you, so I'm just letting you know now.

[B]

Oh, that's funny. It's actually good. But I feel I'm about to, like, cut this off.

[A]

But you don't want it, because I hear while my girlfriend's being like, this guy texted me this whole paragraph about how we can't talk anymore, and it's like, it was never even serious.

[B]

So it's like, totally.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's like, where's the line?

[B]

Well, I. I just don't believe I'm scared of ghosting because I'm like, then you see them at a bar.

[A]

It's happened to me.

[B]

And then you can't get into the bar. Like, that's horrible.

[A]

It's happened to me so many times.

[B]

Just like, I'm. I'm all about, like, sending a weird emoji that ends the conversation forever. Like, a kite emoji.

[A]

Have you ever seen my emojis?

[B]

What are you. What? No.

[A]

What about whole emoji?

[B]

No. What's that?

[A]

I'll send it to you later.

[B]

Wait, it's a Jake Shane emoji.

[A]

No, it's all my friends using. It's an emoji spreading his butthole.

[B]

What?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, is it a. Wait, how do you get that?

[A]

I don't know. Someone found it.

[B]

I'm up. Send that to me right now.

[A]

Then I have another. Another emojis.

[B]

You have a hacked phone love?

[A]

No, it's called necessary emojis.

[B]

Okay, okay. Keep going.

[A]

I've been going on dates with this amazing guy. Smart, kind, and successful. But he's bald, and I cannot get over it. And our moms are best friends. How do I let him down?

[B]

I have to tell you something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's a man out there. I'm not gonna name his name. Who I am so madly in love with, and he's bald. Guess what?

[A]

What?

[B]

Hot, right?

[A]

I go.

[B]

I look at him, I say, hot. You're an adult. Finally. Finally, I'm dating an adult.

[A]

I get it, by the way.

[B]

He's my age, by the way. Guess what? I'm going gray.

[A]

Where?

[B]

I'm not kidding. I'm fully going gray.

[A]

How old are you? 27, 28.

[B]

I'm going gray. So now I should be with a bald man. I should actually be with a bald man because I'm getting. I'm. I'm aging rapidly.

[A]

Why? Is it normal that we're all going gray this early?

[B]

No, I think it's anxiety. And. And what? I think it's the mics. I literally think it's holding this mic every week. I think it's making his gray.

[A]

Do you smoke weed?

[B]

No, I can't.

[A]

Want me to ruin your day?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Mercury's in retrograde.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By the way, I knew it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. Absolutely.

[A]

I feel it, too.

[B]

I woke up today. Okay. I have. I'm doing this adult thing now I'm an adult. All of a sudden, I'm an adult. So I have to be an adult. I have a carafe. Glass. Carafe next to my bed. Okay. Like, you pour. Put water in. I put lemon and cucumbers last night in it and made it for myself. And I was, like, drinking it all night, and I was like, I'm an adult. And then this morning, I went to go take a sip of it, shattered the carafe. The other. The. The glass shattered everywhere. I couldn't get out of bed because now the glass is all around me.

[A]

So who helped you? Jared?

[B]

No, I was like. You? Like, bet. So I just took my comforter and put it on the glass and then slowly walked on it. And guess What? It's still there.

[A]

No, it's not.

[B]

Have to deal with that when I get a home love. After that. Yeah, fully. What am I gonna do? Clean it? No, I had to run to one time.

[A]

One time. I cleaned up broken glass in a guy's dorm in college so I could get invited to a party.

[B]

100.

[A]

He was the hottest guy in the dorms. And he said, like, you want to come tonight? My mirror broke.

[B]

Wait, his mirror broke?

[A]

Yeah. Bad luck.

[B]

Seven years of bad luck. You're doing fine, though. How's he.

[A]

That's what happens when your mirror breaks.

[B]

Yeah. Seven years of bad luck. I mean, I'm super superstitious.

[A]

I'm the. The most. You might have ocd.

[B]

I think I do. Like, I'm, like, really superstitious.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I, like, have favorite underwear.

[A]

Oh, okay. Well, I get it.

[B]

I don't like rew.

[A]

I have favorite socks, and I.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

I have favorite underwear, too. I used to have this underwear that had a hole in the crotch.

[B]

Wait, Same.

[A]

And I would refuse to throw it out, and I wouldn't wear it.

[B]

We're the same.

[A]

And it would like. And I would walk out sometimes in my whole area would just be.

[B]

No, same. Same. I'm obsessed with where rewear. Yeah. I mean, not re. Yeah. I. I have. I used to have a tank top that I used to wear all the time and was, like, shredded to pieces, but it was my lucky tank top top.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

And then I was ultimately shirtless at school because it was, like, shredded.

[A]

Do you have a dress code at your school?

[B]

No.

[A]

Neither did we.

[B]

We could wear whatever the we wanted. We could go naked. Tell me to. Tell me what's wrong.

[A]

That one's just about burping.

[B]

Wait, I love that. Read that.

[A]

It just says, that's happening. Help. I keep burping every time.

[B]

By the way, that's you.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Wait, you wrote that.

[A]

I know.

[B]

My love. You wrote that.

[A]

I know. Even in silent situations, the doctor says it's from acidic food that died. Definitely what it is for me. And. But I cut that out already. I've been burping for two months straight. I'm so embarrassed. You just have to take a toms. No, I hate toms. Ugh. I hate tom.

[B]

Really?

[A]

More than anything in the world. I think they taste disgusting.

[B]

Love in my car, eating them for fun.

[A]

Are you serious?

[B]

Oh, my God. Ricolas and Tums Downing.

[A]

What's a Ricola? Like a vulner?

[B]

Sort of. No, it's a cough drop.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

I like cough drops. Chewing. I'm not even. I'm not even sucking. I'm chewing, swallowing, another. Chewing, swallowing, chewing. Then I'll suck a little. Then I'll swallow, right? I at least do 8 when I'm driving because I need no cough drops. But then all the tums. My stomach always hurts.

[A]

Always, always. I just got my boobs done and didn't tell most of my roommates or college friends. I'm nervous to go back to campus and face all the questions during recruitment. I think as you grow older, you realize that nobody cares.

[B]

I think also, yeah, it was your decision. Go for it. It's hot.

[A]

I'm so happy you got your boot.

[B]

Yeah, I'm so happy. How big?

[A]

I'm wondering, too. I wonder if it was bigger or smaller.

[B]

Do you ever wish you had huge boobs?

[A]

No, because I've had that.

[B]

Wait. What?

[A]

You want to see a photo of me? Show me a pic when I had big boobs?

[B]

Yeah, I want huge knockers. That'd be fun. Me walking into a gas station being like, hey, do you sell Trident with huge knockers? Come on.

[A]

No, it sounds awesome until you actually have them.

[B]

Okay, show me.

[A]

God, I need to find it. I can't find it anywhere, but I had really big tits.

[B]

Wow, that was so fun for you. What did you do on them with them?

[A]

Like, I would walk around and they would shake as I walked. And, like, they. I would jump, and they would, like, ricochet down.

[B]

That's beautiful.

[A]

They were huge. Peyton would be like, your tits are bigger than mine.

[B]

That's.

[A]

I used to cup them and shake them.

[B]

Oh, my God. Fun.

[A]

I can still kind of do it.

[B]

I know I can do a little. I want that.

[A]

Do you see this, Jake?

[B]

That's Muscle Jake. I was. Oh, my God, you guys. So Jake came on my podcast, and I confronted you because you go to Aloe and no one invites me. No.

[A]

Do you want to come with me?

[B]

This week, I was invited for the first time by Aloe Team. By the Aloe Team. I literally. I'm not getting tears. Well, I want to go. I think it's too scary for me to go. I just wanted the invite. Now I'm like, I can't go to that. It's way too scary. Everyone's hot and doing Pilates. Tate McCray and Glenn Powell and Jake Shane all doing Pilates together. No, I can't go to that.

[A]

But it's not even. It's. It's not. It's not scary.

[B]

I'll go. Just. I'll go and film the entire thing just so people know what it's like. I want. I'm like, I want to be the outsider that goes.

[A]

But you're not an outsider.

[B]

And this is. And this is nice that you're saying this.

[A]

You're not an outsider, and this is kind.

[B]

But can you imagine? I think it was because of your podcast that I got invited. Yeah. Because I said I really want to be invited, and then all of a sudden, they invited me. I think they watched.

[A]

It's really nice, the gym.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Yeah. And it's free.

[B]

I have to tell you something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you see this water?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yuzu in it. I'm obsessed with a sparkle. Yuzu juice.

[A]

Like lemon.

[B]

It's like. Well, it's yuzu.

[A]

So what's. So what's that? Like lemon?

[B]

I literally don't know what you. I think yuzu is a type of lemon.

[A]

I've been having ultimas. Have you ever had an ultima?

[B]

Yeah, they're amazing thing.

[A]

That's. I have one every day. I'm like. I drink. I'm drinking juice.

[B]

Do you know what Yoli is?

[A]

No.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's all.

[B]

I'll put you on Yoli. Oh.

[A]

Tell me what you think of this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because your show's in my dreams. I want to start a sleep brand.

[B]

Wait, Done. What do you mean?

[A]

I want to start sleeping.

[B]

Will you come on and promote it?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Done.

[A]

Blankets and pillows and eye masks.

[B]

I love that.

[A]

I know. And you and you create your own custom dreamland.

[B]

Oh, my. I have chills. I've gotten chills.

[A]

So did I. And I told Louise, and Louise was like, like, well, think about how many brands sell blankets.

[B]

No, I just said, what's the differentiator? You just said, I want to sell blanket. What's the differentiator? Let's talk about it. What is the differentiator? It's for me, by the way. Total and period. It's for me, but I love that. That's the statement. That's the mission statement. It's for me.

[A]

Like, the blankets will be soft.

[B]

Great.

[A]

Maybe someone.

[B]

What's your favorite kind of blanket? Guess what? I went to Home Goods the other day. Rachel Zoe has a. Has a brand. I bought this blanket from Rachel Zoe's brand. The most. I think it's better than, like, the cashmere. Whatever that. That. What's that?

[A]

So I'm about to rock your world.

[B]

Okay. What?

[A]

Lola Blankets.

[B]

What's that?

[A]

I. You know what? You know what, Owen? I have one for you.

[B]

Well, I Knew you did.

[A]

I have one.

[B]

Why? Wait, what? What? Tell me about them.

[A]

They sent me all the blankets. I have one for you.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

No. You're gonna freak the out.

[B]

Wait, so what would you. So what would your eye mask say?

[A]

Nothing. It's chic to not say anything. Of course it'd be nothing. But it would be weighted silk.

[B]

Wait. And then I'll do a collab with you for in your dreams.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wait, I'm freaking out.

[A]

I need to do a sleep brand.

[B]

Done. I think everyone would love that. I know you're always in bed.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

We have that in common.

[A]

Yeah. Well, Owen, what did we learn today?

[B]

We learned that we learned a lot, actually.

[A]

I learned your car wasn't pounded.

[B]

We learned that my car wasn't pounded.

[A]

Shouldn't be driving.

[B]

We also learned that you can date bald men.

[A]

Yeah, of course you can.

[B]

Sorry. That's kind of my mission statement of the day.

[A]

You can date bald men.

[B]

Love that. I actually think that's hot. I think bald celebrity, who we know and love. Let's just name one. The Rock.

[A]

The Rock. Vin Diesel.

[B]

Vin Diesel. These are hot men.

[A]

Who else is bald? And that's about that.

[B]

And that's that.

[A]

Well, Owen, I love. I love you. Do you have fun?

[B]

I. Are you. I want to say all day.

[A]

Okay, good. Because I had a great time.

[B]

I feel like we, like, could keep going for hours and hours, but now we need to talk something. You're a wonderful podcast host. Really wonderful. It's just talking.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Sorry. Sorry. That we're just chatting and we just came up with a genius brand that I want 10 of, and there's three.

[A]

Cameras staring at us in the face.

[B]

I love it. I feel at home.

[A]

We'll give a little. Bye.

[B]

Bye.