← Therapy for Black Girls
Loading summary
Transcript45 lines
- [00:00]
Bria
This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human
- [00:04]
Martine Hackett
living with a rare autoimmune condition brings uncertainty, but it can also create community. In season six of Untold Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, they go beyond MG and cidp as host Martine Hackett welcomes stories from other conditions like myositis and eye Gan into the conversation. Untold Stories is produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Argenics. Listen to Untold Life with a severe Autoimmune condition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcast. Hey y'.
- [00:46]
Therapist/Co-host
All. Welcome back to the next episode of I have Some Thoughts, our weekly podcast minisode series where we talk about all things pop culture, but of course from a mental health lens. And I am joined today again by Bria. Hey Bria.
- [00:59]
Bria
Hi everyone. We have a lot of cool topics to get into today, but first let's talk about Angel Reese and the wnba. I feel like we can never get through a season without something happening, but the Toronto Temple's head coach Sandy has been suspended for one game without pay after making an appropriate comment about The Atlanta Dreams Angel 3 this past Friday, the Atlanta Dream and Toronto Tempo were playing in a game during the first quarter Order Nyara, one of the players, got called for a personal foul against Angel Reese. Nyara falls to the ground in pain and the coach Sandy was very upset about it and during her comments, I don't know if she forgot she was mic'd up, but she called Angel Reese a protected species. Now obviously there are a lot of like racial undertones throughout that commentary. In response, the WNBA suspended Sandy for one game. Sandy did release an apology. Angel Reese has since made a statement as well, thanking the WNBA for taking action too. As we all know, this is not the first and definitely will not be the last instance of racism that we see within the wnba. This is honestly just a very quick glimpse into it, but I think it opens a broader conversation of why black women athletes, especially in these like women leagues, that they're already kind of, you would almost think that they are having to go through the struggle of being like a women only sports team and they already kind of being compared against the men and aren't getting the same resources as the male teams. But black women specifically have to navigate this layer of excellence and bias at the same time. So like, why are black women's emotions, their confidence, their competitiveness, why is it interpreted so differently from their peers in women in the league, but also in men in the league as well?
- [02:56]
Therapist/Co-host
I agree with you Bria. Because you would think, like a league that is built by. Well, I won't say necessarily built by women, Right. Because we know that the NBA also has a large part in, like, all the things that happen in the wnba, because it kind of came out of there. But a league that is governed by women, that is run by women, that is, you know, built on the backs of black women, specifically, like, you would think that there would be more ground that has been made in terms of, like, eliminating bias and really, like, centering the needs of the players, all of the players. And sadly, that has not been the case. And I just think it is so unfortunate. Many people have heard me talk about on the podcast before. I am a newly converted WNBA fan. I'm. I just love all things women's basketball, and a lot of that actually is dedicated or is is large part due to Angel Reese. So I really started following women's basketball when she and the LSU team won the national championship several years ago. And so angel is definitely somebody who I have loved following her journey and is one of my favorite players. And I definitely have paid attention to what it feels like, just outsized ignorance and violence and, like, just racist kinds of behaviors and thoughts aimed her way. And it really is disgusting. And I think black women, no matter where we go, whatever space we show up in, it always feels. And I think that this is accurate, that there is this intense dedication to paying attention to what we're doing and, like, policing our tone and our behavior. And we see so many instances of it in the WNBA where other players are able to get away with shouting at refs, talking to their coaches any kind of way, like, not exhibiting sportsmanlike behavior. And it's not seen as the same way. It is just seen as competitiveness. Right. And like, oh, they're fiery. But when it's Angel Reese and other black women players, there is this undertone of, oh, this is kind of how we expect black women to be. And so I think, unfortunately, this is just another example of black women not being able to kind of take up space and be competitive and want to kind of compete at such a high level in the same way as other people, and that not just being seen as what it is. Right. Like just a part of the game. There are all these other implications and insinuations that are made that have absolutely nothing to do with the actual game.
- [05:25]
Bria
Absolutely. Yeah. And I. I mentioned earlier that Sandy did get suspended for one game. A lot of people are speaking out, saying that that honestly wasn't enough. There's this balance of did you mean what you said? But also what you said did have implications that were very racist. So was that really a proper response to that? But what do you think, from your perspective, that it will take for organizations, sports teams, to move beyond support in a way that might be interpreted as performative? Because if the WNBA said nothing, then it would have been bad. But it's tricky to balance, too.
- [06:03]
Therapist/Co-host
I am pleased. You know, I'm actually surprised that they did act so quickly. But I agree with you that if they didn't like, it definitely would have been probably far worse.
- [06:11]
Bria
Yeah.
- [06:12]
Therapist/Co-host
Not understanding that Sandy is Australian. And so it sounds like there is a. This term protected species maybe means something differently, maybe culturally for her. But of course, we are in the US Right? And especially when we're looking at the WNBA and the fire that has been lit around, like, race relations, particularly related to, like, Caitlin Clark and all of the other black players, like, it just feels like things are boiling over at, like, a speedy rate right now. And so I think timing in place is everything. Right. And so for her to say something like that, even if culturally and maybe has a different connotation for her in this context, of course it is very racist. Right. And angel was offended. And so I was very pleased that Sandy responded so quickly. Angel accepted the apology. You know, it definitely feels like she did the right thing and offered an apology that was actually meaningful. And then the league did take action, but again, I don't know whether that was right or wrong, but I'm pleased that they did something and that it was so swift. I think in order for us to see more meaningful change, there needs to be more black women in leadership roles. So another conversation that has been kind of percolating through the WNBA streets this season is the lack of black women coaches. So there are no black women head coaches in the WNBA again. And that is really difficult to see in a league that is on the backs of black women. Right. Like, black women built this. This is ours. Right. And so to see that there are no black women in leadership positions at the head coaching role, I think is something that adds to the nuance and what we're seeing in this situation now. Neka Ogumlake is the WNBA president. So she's like the president of the players union, I guess, is what the WNBPA is. And so I think that that goes a long way. And I think she is a very well spoken, like, good advocate for the players. And she's still an active player, so her presence goes a long way. But she really is the only one. Right. And so I think that when we look at the leadership of the wnba, there need to be more black women who strongly identify as black women. Right. Because we know all skin folk ain't Kim folk. Right. But people who actually understand, like, a black woman's ethic and what it means, especially, like, if we just use Angel Reese as an example. Right. Like, what it might mean for a young player to come in with this level of scrutiny and criticism and how that impacts their development. Like, somebody who really understands a black woman's plight, I think is really important. And that, I think, is sorely missing in the WNBA right now and is something that would actually go a long way, I think, in navigating these situations better.
- [08:42]
Bria
That's so true. I think even, like, beyond sports, we see it often where there's one black person in corporate America in the room that's like, hey, this won't be received a certain way, but it's on them to, like, call those things out. And then to go against so many other people who might think differently. It's definitely something that I feel like we see kind of across the board, too.
- [09:03]
Therapist/Co-host
Yeah, you raise a good point there, Ria. Because it's not enough to just have them there. People also have to listen. Right? Like, we don't just need black women in figurehead spaces. We need black women in leadership in the WNBA who people will actually listen to and whose voices will be heard, for sure.
- [09:17]
Bria
Agree. Well, for our next topic, Brandy R and B Singer has been facing some body shaming comments. So Brandy was at the center of an online conversation after a video circulated of her looking noticeably slimmer, especially, like, within her facial area. People began immediately commenting on her appearance, some of them in very negative ways. A lot of people were like, oh, maybe there's something wrong with her medically, or she's been diagnosed with something just kind of drawing conclusions that weren't really for people to draw. It didn't take long for people actually to reflect on a very similar situation that took back in 2020 when people made very similar comments about Chadwick Boseman. He had lost a lot of weight, especially in his face as well. And then shortly after, he revealed his colon cancer diagnosis, which we ultimately know is how he passed away. Brandi has since responded, reminding everyone to remember that the person that they're commenting on is still a person and to always lead with kindness. But I think there's a broader question here of when commenting on people's bodies just became so normalized And I feel like, you know, when you're growing up, you maybe go to, like, your mom's house or your grandma's house, and they'd be like, oh, you're gaining weight. X, Y, Z. And I feel like it was. It's kind of normal in, like, black households in a way. But I feel like the Internet is just so amplified. So from your perspective, why do people feel so comfortable commenting on other people's bodies, even when they don't really know the person or what it is that they could be going through?
- [10:50]
Therapist/Co-host
You bring up a great point, Bria. And I, you know, fairly don't know that this is only a black household situation, because I definitely have heard white women also talk about, like, the intense scrutiny they've had from family members in terms of weight. But it does feel like a familial kind of thing that has developed that it is okay to kind of criticize one another. Right? Like, so you away at college, and then you come back and all the family is like, oh, that freshman 15 really got you. Right? Like, all of those, you know, And I think many of us laughed it off and, like, kind of saw that as a normal part of kind of family interactions. But I think as we have grown in our understanding of, like, what it means to relate to one another and what kinds of things invoke shame in people, I think we've realized now that it is not okay, even with family members, like, to make comments about that, because you never know what people's relationship to their weight is and, like, those kinds of comments, and it's just not okay. Like, why is it okay to talk about people's bodies in that way? Right? So if we know that we need to take a step back, even with our family members and people we know and have relationships with, it is far more not okay for us to be doing it publicly online. And so, you know, your question around, like, when did this become normal? I think for a lot of us, it is something that is kind of been normalized in our families because people have come in and said about our weight and appearance, and maybe we have also done that. And I think now that we have the Internet and it feels like we are also connected, though of course, not really. Right. Like, we just had a conversation a couple of weeks ago about parasocial relationships. And so I think there is this. This fallacy that we are more connected. And, like, we know people online when we really don't. And so, you know, I think it is normal to notice differences in people.
- [12:28]
Martine Hackett
Right?
- [12:28]
Therapist/Co-host
Like, if we saw somebody a year ago and now they look drastically different, I think it is just human nature to register that difference. Like, oh, something looks different. But I think instead of, you know, jumping on X or Threads or Instagram and, like, sharing these diatribes around, whatever it is, would that not be better, sir? For, like, oh, I'm wishing Will either privately or just in a small group chat. Right. Like, with people who you know and like, this is not information that will be shared publicly.
- [12:57]
Martine Hackett
Right.
- [12:57]
Therapist/Co-host
Because again, I don't think there's anything wrong with noticing a difference. I think the difficulty and the problematic behavior comes when we feel empowered and entitled, honestly, to go online and, like, make these conclusions and create these entire stories that have likely nothing to do with the reality of what's going on with a person. Especially when people have come out and said, I don't like this. Right? Like, so many celebrities and public figures have said, like, I feel uncomfortable with this. Like, this doesn't feel good to me. And so we cannot feel entitled and feel like just because we all can create a Threads account, that it gives us permission to comment on people's bodies and things in ways that people have said, this does not feel good to me. I'm not comfortable with this.
- [13:42]
Bria
Totally agree. And I think that, like, a lot of people forget and I've heard this conversation a lot around for people who want to be content creators and all of that. Like, if it might seem like only a thousand people watched your content, oh, my gosh, that's less than, like, what I want, per se. But, like, if a thousand people were to, like, come up to you in person and, like, comment on something, it would feel so different. So, like, to think from a celebrity's perspective that they're getting this from, like, so many different angles. Thousands and thousands of people commenting on their physical appearance, it can't be easy to navigate at all. So just, like, keeping that in mind, too. But even in our personal lives, like with our family, our friends, how can we be more thoughtful about the language that we're using when we do notice those changes in weight? Physical appearance. I'm someone who's like, don't ever comment on weight. You really just never know. It just doesn't feel appropriate to me personally. Other people might not feel that way. So how can we just be more thoughtful about the language that we're using and when we do notice these differences?
- [14:46]
Therapist/Co-host
Yeah, I think leading with care and consideration is a better way to approach these situations. Right. So not necessarily calling attention to, like, hey, it Looks like you, you know, like, are a hundred pounds smaller than when I saw you last year. But you know, like, hey, is everything okay? I haven't seen you in a while, like, what's going on, Catch me up kind of thing. Right. And so really, like, leaning into the relationship that you have with the person because hopefully the whatever conversation that you're trying to spark with, whatever comment you're making is coming from a place of like, well wishes and like, is there anything I need to do to support you in a different way? Right. As opposed to like judgment and nosiness.
- [15:24]
Bria
Right, right.
- [15:25]
Therapist/Co-host
Like, you know, because if it's that, then you probably are better off just keeping the comments to yourself or, you know, group chat without that person. But if it is like, oh, is this something I should be concerned about? Or, you know, I think leading with, hey, you know, is everything okay? Is there anything I can do to support you? We'll open up a space for if that person feels comfortable. Now again, they may not feel comfortable or ready or whatever to share anything with you, but I think you going on record kind of coming from a place of care and concern goes a much further way and maybe registers differently with the person than hey, it looks like you are 100 pounds smaller. Yeah, that probably does not register as care.
- [16:03]
Bria
Totally agree. Absolutely.
- [16:05]
Martine Hackett
More from our conversation after the break. Living with a rare autoimmune condition can bring a lot of uncertainty, but it can also bring people together in powerful ways. Tune in for season six of Untold Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, a Ruby Studio production in partnership with Argenics. This season, host Martine Hackett brings you fresh stories from people living with MG and CIDP and expands the conversation to people living with other rare conditions with like Myositis and igan. Through their stories, you'll learn what it's like to participate in clinical trials seeking new treatments, how connection fuels hope, and how people can support one another along the way. Because living with a rare disease isn't about getting through it. It's about moving forward together. Listen to untold stories life with a severe autoimmune condition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. A new school year means a fresh start. For families that are looking for a new path to help their child succeed. K12 powered schools could be the perfect fit. K12 powered schools offer tuition free accredited online public education for students in kindergarten through 12th grade. They know learning isn't one size fits all and will meet your child where they are. K12 has been a leader in online education for over 25 years. They provide everything a student needs to feel safe, motivated and thrive in their learning environment. Plus, students will belong to a vibrant online community with opportunities for extracurricular activities to help them connect with peers and Explore interests in K12. Dedicated teachers are trained in virtual instruction and provide real time support. See how K12 powered schools can help unlock your child's full potential. Enroll online today@k12.com TFvg that's the letter K the number 12.com TFvg k12.com TFBG
- [18:03]
Bria
so for our last topic, we're actually going to go back to Latto. I feel like we've brought her up a couple of times on. I have some thoughts. But she's in the news again because she was recently captured pushing her newborn in a stroller toward a private jet. Now, the video quickly made its way to social media and people began questioning whether this was a safe way to be traveling with the baby, whether it was safe for the baby at all. Germs, all that kind of stuff. Someone commented actually on the video sharing that no matter how much money they made in their life, they wouldn't put their baby at risk like this. And Latto actually responded back to them saying, good thing it's not your baby. So I think it's kind of like a double edged sword of like, some people online were genuinely concerned for the child, but also have to navigate the fact that that is not your child. So like, how and why does motherhood seem to invite so much public scrutiny, especially from celebrities who are in the public eye too?
- [19:02]
Therapist/Co-host
Yeah, we have definitely talked about Lotto a couple of times, which I think is interesting. But I think given the nature of our podcast and like she's a new mom, I think there's just been a lot happening, you know. But it does feel like motherhood is one of those things that like, people just feel like they have commentary and opinions about either you are a mother, you've had a mother, right? Like, I think the rearing of children is something that people just feel like, oh, we all have opinions about and you know, because it doesn't come with a manual, right? Like there is no, no guidebook around, like how to raise healthy, happy kids. People, I think in some ways would think that they are being helpful right now. Not everybody, right? Like we know everybody is not, does not have, well, good intentions. But I think for the most part a lot of people are like offering commentary in the hopes that like it will protect your child or like they are offering you something to kind of help you in your journey as a mother. But I think for a lot of women, the idea of motherhood or the state of motherhood already comes with so much criticism, so much self criticism, that this unsolicited advice and commentary often just makes moms feel much worse and shamed. Right. That, oh my gosh, I did something to put my baby at jeopardy. I didn't know this. I think that there's so much pressure that is on moms that any unsolicited advice just becomes a loudspeaker on some thoughts that are probably already very critical and some, maybe some not helpful ways. And so I think people think that it's like harmless to offer this commentary. You see this a lot, especially. I've noticed lots of different places. But one of the places I've noticed in most is like, with seat belt commentary, right? Like if you show your baby in a car seat like, oh, I'm about to run to the store. Follow me on my way to the store. There's guaranteed to be somebody in the comments that says, oh, the baby's buckle needs to be higher, you know, and again, I think that is well intentioned, right? Because nobody wants to see, you know, something happen and a child is injured in a car accident. But again, you have to think about, like, how many thoughts moms are already having about, am I doing this right? Am I getting it wrong? And how you are maybe adding gasoline to the fire when you're offering this unsolicited commentary. Now, Bria, I also want to back up though, what, when you saw this commentary, what was the concern around the baby being on the private jet? Was it like, oh, it's Jeremy, like, what the concern there?
- [21:22]
Bria
It was more so about the ears popping. I think a lot of people were like, she's flying private. So there's not people around xyz, but apparently something, anything about the ear pressure. I have a lot of grace for moms because I'm not a mom and I feel like I learned something new every day. So I'm like, that never would have even occurred to me. But something about the ear pressure.
- [21:40]
Therapist/Co-host
Got it.
- [21:41]
Bria
Got it.
- [21:42]
Therapist/Co-host
That makes sense. That makes sense. Okay. Yeah. I mean, it makes sense that that would be a concern. Lots of babies fly. And, you know, I think the best kind of advice that I've heard being a mom is like, oh, you nurse them or you give them a bottle a while. Yeah. You kind of certain altitude and that typically helps. So there are lots of different ways to kind of manage air pressure on flights if that was people's kind of main concern. But I was confused as to, like, why there was so much. Yeah, I feel like a concern about that.
- [22:08]
Bria
As far as a germ perspective, flying private is probably your best bet. Yeah, right, Right. For new moms everywhere, how can parents decide whose advice is actually worth listening to, protecting their own mental health, when it just feels like so many people have opinions on what's right, what's wrong, all the different things.
- [22:29]
Therapist/Co-host
Yeah. I think listening to your physician and your baby's position is probably where you should go in terms of leading advice for your particular journey as a mom. Right. Because even if we are all moms, everybody has a different baby. We are different as moms. And so what worked for my kids may not work for your kids. And so even if I'm offering well intentioned advice, it may not actually work for you because your situation and your children are very different. And so I think getting advice from trained professionals, whether that is your pediatrician, your ob gyn, your therapist, you know, your lactation consultant. Right. Like people who actually have a relationship with you and you're and know you and your baby, if that, you know, matters in the situation, I think that that is a better place to get advice than just kind of general strangers on the Internet. Now I do understand though, because sometimes you find yourself in like, very weird predicaments with kids. Right. It's like, oh, this random thing happened. Like, has anybody else dealt with this? Like, what should I do? It is very easy to kind of just fire off, you know, a random question while you are facing some kind of situation. But that does then invite, like, all these opinions around what kinds of things might be happening. And I think also then kind of puts a microscope on, like, your parenting. Right. And like, allows judgments to be made about who you are as a parent. And so I think sometimes getting advice on from people online is okay, but it is far better, like, to keep your circle closer. And the circle, the most inner circle should be your, like, medical professional support team. And then maybe like moms in your family or moms that you're connected to in some other ways and then it goes out from there.
- [24:08]
Bria
I've seen a lot of conversation about, like, the mom Facebook groups where everyone
- [24:12]
Therapist/Co-host
just kind of like arguing back and forth.
- [24:15]
Bria
I'm like, oh, this seems like a lot.
- [24:17]
Therapist/Co-host
It's so hectic. Yeah, I definitely made that mistake very early in my motherhood. Yeah, Facebook groups. And I was like, oh, this is chaos. Like, I gotta get out of here.
- [24:26]
Bria
It's like a million opinions on one question. That's funny.
- [24:29]
Therapist/Co-host
And not just opinions. It is judgment.
- [24:32]
Bria
Yeah, right.
- [24:33]
Therapist/Co-host
Like, it would be one thing if it were like, oh, here's something that worked for me. You may want to try this. It instead often has the flavor of, oh, breastfeeding is best. And so if you don't do that, then you're, like, dooming your child to, like, thousands of years of grand. Like, it is often not just here something that could be helpful. It is often like, I know best and like, if you don't do it the way I said or the way I did, then you're not a good mother.
- [24:57]
Martine Hackett
Right.
- [24:57]
Therapist/Co-host
And I think that is often the flavor those comments have.
- [25:00]
Bria
Okay, well, thank you so much. This was a great conversation, but that wraps up our topics for the week.
- [25:07]
Therapist/Co-host
Perfect. Another great list. Thank you so much for that, Brian. If there are topics happening in your pop culture circle that you would like us to weigh in on, please send those to us at therapy for black girls.com mailbox and until next time, take good care of yourself.
- [25:27]
Martine Hackett
Living with a rare autoimmune condition brings uncertainty, but it can also create community. In season six of Untold Life with a severe autoimmune condition, they go beyond MG and cidp. As host Martine Hackett welcomes stories from other conditions like myositis and IgAN into the conversation. Untold Stories is produced by Ruby Studio in partnership with Argenics. Listen to Untold Life with a severe autoimmune condition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. One in 40 people have OCD, a real anxiety disorder that is deeply misunderstood and rarely talked about. Honestly, in communities where mental health stigma already runs deep, it often goes completely unrecognized. NOCD is the world's leading treatment provider for ocd. All of their licensed therapists specialize in ERP therapy, exposure and response prevention, which has proven to be the most effective treatment for OCD. To learn more about starting OCD therapy with NOCD, go to learn.nocd.comTBG and book a free call with your team. That's learn nocd.com tbg.
- [26:36]
Bria
This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human.