← Therapy for Black Girls
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- [00:11]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Welcome to the Therapy for Black Girls Podcast, a weekly conversation about mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves. I'm your host, Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford, a licensed psychologist in Atlanta, Georgia. For more or to find a therapist in your area, visit our website@therapyforblackgirls.com while I hope you love listening to and learning from the podcast, it is not meant to be a substitute for a relationship with a licensed mental health professional. Hey y', all, thanks so much for joining me for session 436 of the therapy for Black Girls Podcast. We'll get right into our conversation after a word from our sponsors.
- [01:10]
Sunland Shariah
This is an iHeart podcast.
- [01:14]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Many of us play lots of different roles in life partner, employee, caregiver. And many of us also think about another role that could take our life where we want it to be. Degree Holder that's where National University comes in. They've been busy since 1971 creating more ways for you to work earning a degree into your hectic life. NU confers more graduate degrees to diverse populations than any other institution in the country, with more than half being earned by women. With flexible online formats, NU makes higher education possible and achievable for busy working adults. Learn more today at nu.edu. your time and energy are precious, and the people you date should honor that. That's why everyone loves Bumble, today's sponsor. It's built for intentional dating, helping you connect with people who genuinely respect your boundaries and your heart and and because so many of us want to feel safer when meeting someone new, Bumble gives you peace of mind with options like photo and ID verification so you know the person you're talking to is who they say they are. If you've been thinking about dating again, take this as your sign. Start your love story On Bumble, no one's journey is the same. That's why Delta Sky Miles moves with you. From earning miles on reloads for coffee runs, shopping, and things you do every day to connecting you to new experiences. A SkyMiles membership fits into your lifestyle, letting you do more of what makes you you. It's more than travel. It's the membership that flies, dines, streams, rides, and arrives with you. Because when you have a membership that's as unique as you are, there's no telling where your journey will take you next. Learn more@delta.com SkyMiles Fitness is constantly evolving. I mean, we've gone from jumping jacks to the new peloton cross training trip, plus powered by Peloton IQ with which is essentially the future of fitness. It's like cross training. Reimagined Peloton IQ completely personalizes your workouts. I'm talking tailored plans, progress tracking, all of it. Plus you can switch from doing cardio to strength with one spin of the swivel screen. It's instant variety. Let yourself run, lift, sculpt, push and go explore the new peloton cross training trip. Plus@1peloton.com mental wellness and financial security go hand in hand. But for women in Nigeria, the barriers to opportunity are steep. 98% can't access formal credit. That means no bank accounts, no capital, no clear path forward. You can change that with Heifer International when you donate to Heifer's microloan impact fund, 100% of your gift goes to women entrepreneurs, helping them access capital to grow their farms and businesses, Support a woman's journey to stability and self reliance. Fund a loan today at Heifer. That's H E I f e r.org Sisterhood welcome back to another episode of our Sibling Sit down series. I hope you've been enjoying it. So far we've answered questions about siblings, broken down various sibling dynamics, so it's only right that we now sit down to chat with some actual siblings. This week, I'm excited to welcome Skylar Marche and Sunland Shariah, a sister duo finding new ways to learn and love each other. We discuss the evolution of their relationship, the relationship with the rest of their siblings, explore how they resolve conflict, and get into what it really means to grow alongside someone who's seen every version of you. From childhood memories to creative projects, Skylar and Sondland open up about the joys and challenges of sisterhood, how communication has transformed their bond, and what they've learned about giving each other grace. If something resonates with you while enjoying our conversation, please share it with us on social media using the hashtag tpginessession. Or join us over in our Patreon Channel to talk more about the episode. You can join us at community.therapy for black girls.com here's our conversation.
- [05:15]
Interviewer / Host
I am so excited today to be joined by Sunland and Skylar. Thank you so much for joining me today.
- [05:21]
Skylar Marche
Thank you for having us. I feel like we're going to say a lot of the same things at.
- [05:25]
Interviewer / Host
The same time already already with the sibling energy. We love to see it. So Sunlen, please introduce yourself for people who may not be aware of who you are.
- [05:37]
Sunland Shariah
Hi everybody. My name is Sunland Sharia. I'm A content creator. Dj. I almost said student, but I just finished my master's two weeks ago, so. A recent master Healthcare Administration graduate. Yeah. Multifaceted.
- [05:51]
Skylar Marche
From Howard. From Howard.
- [05:52]
Sunland Shariah
Oh, yeah, Howard. Let me lead with that.
- [05:57]
Interviewer / Host
And what about you, Skyler?
- [05:58]
Skylar Marche
I'm Skylar Marche. I am a content creator as well. Also a storyteller, dreamer. I like to lead with those because that's kind of what motivates me and inspires me to work at all. Because I don't dream work, but I do love to dream. And I also do creative strategy. So I work with brands who are eager to be more inclusive to audiences. And we're kind of working across platforms when it comes to storytelling and helping smaller black brands communicate their ethos. So a bunch of a myriad of things, but. And then more recently, I've been doing a lot of creative direction, trying to break into it, and been working with Sunland to do a series called Set where I do creative direction. And she DJs. And we've kind of brought those two worlds together. So this is very full circle for us to now be doing this together, too.
- [06:44]
Interviewer / Host
I love that. I love that. So tell me a little bit about your upbringing. Where did you grow up? What does the sibling set look like in your household?
- [06:52]
Skylar Marche
Well, we grew up in Atlanta, Georgia. Well, actually, not Atlanta proper. We grew up in Stockbridge, Georgia, and then Conyers and all over. But our sibling, Seminole, support me here. There's four girls and a boy, right?
- [07:06]
Sunland Shariah
Yeah.
- [07:06]
Skylar Marche
Okay. There's so many of us running around. I'm the oldest. I'm 28.
- [07:11]
Sunland Shariah
Sunlin is 20, 24. Are you 22?
- [07:18]
Skylar Marche
I struggle. I struggle, sir.
- [07:19]
Sunland Shariah
Lonnie is 16. And then the baby, who's not a baby anymore, Summer, she's 13. She's a teenager.
- [07:25]
Skylar Marche
I know. She's so grown now, so older. She's a teenager now. It's five of us. And so it's a little unit that we have all together. We grew up in the same area, more or less. And because we have these difference in ages, like, I then went to college, I came to New York, some D.C. and then the rest of our siblings are back home in Atlanta. But, yeah, I mean, we grew up with family being a really big part of our lives. And I think as siblings, we just were naturally. I think we had our moments. I was. I was saying before we started that someone says I bullied her when we were younger. I don't recall. I always remember being obsessed with her, I don't know, rite of passage thing.
- [08:03]
Sunland Shariah
You Know, like the older sister, younger S. You're annoying.
- [08:05]
Skylar Marche
You're annoyed.
- [08:06]
Sunland Shariah
Yeah, yeah, I'm sure I was, but now I'm obsessed.
- [08:09]
Skylar Marche
Yeah, it turned around. It turned around. And I think, like, our mom was so big on us leaning on each other. I mean, even with our dad, it was the opposite of maybe what other siblings are used to, where it's like you're snitching on each other, trying to see who can get who in trouble. Our dad told us if we snitched on somebody, all of us got in trouble. So we kind of band together at a very young age and leaned into each other. And then as we've gotten older, I think we chose each other in a different way, where, you know, we were thrown together at first, and now we are, like, banding together because we truly love each other, and I think we get along really, really well. So, yeah, that's kind of like a.
- [08:44]
Sunland Shariah
Little bit of the background.
- [08:45]
Interviewer / Host
I love that. I love that. So, Skylar, you were the big sister of the group, it sounds like. And so, of course, your recollection of that as an adult is very different than it sounds like maybe was the actuality of it as, you know, a child. What do you remember about, like, being the oldest sibling in such a large sibling set?
- [09:04]
Skylar Marche
It's so interesting how people talk about how they get different parents. They end up interacting with their parents in a completely different way. And I'd say that as we've gotten older, I realized that, like, my parents were very, well, not. Not super strict, but pretty strict with me. And because they were learning and it was their first time with me, as it was my first time with them, you know, in life, we were all figuring it out together. And I think that with Sonlin and Gregory and Summer and Lonnie, it just felt that they were also kind of my kids, too, because I was a little bit older someone, and I have about four or five years between us. And so when she was born, I just remember being so protective in my mind of her. And I think we dealt with a lot of childhood traumas growing up that I was trying my hardest to separate them from or distance them from that I think I was a little bit more aware of that they weren't as aware of. And I was trying to make sure to. I kind of fell into this protector role very quickly with them, which is why it's so funny that I also had time to be annoyed with someone. But I think, like, when we were allowed to be sisters, it came up. But, yeah, I think that. That me being an older sister is a big part of who now, sometimes to my detriment. But it is so much of the, you know, the reason that I love as hard as I do, and I take them as seriously, like, the relationship I have in the role I play in their life as seriously as I do, because I think that I saw how impressionable I was at a really young age, and I wanted to make sure that, you know, as I've gotten older, I've kind of created a space for them to walk into that feels like a soft place to land. But I think with my parents, yeah, it was. It was a learning curve. I think they were much more lax with someone than probably me. And I love that because I think it allows someone to stretch her legs a little bit more. Whereas I was, I think, very serious from a very young age because of all the rules I was up against. I mean, my mom is an immigrant from Barbados, and then my dad comes from also a pretty strict background. My stepdad as well. So, yeah, it was. It was a big difference from how our youngest siblings, Summer, is living now. She has so much agency in the household versus where I think I was kind of just trying to play by the rules. And then something came along and broke all the rules, too, because she saw it was. It was too many. It was too many rules, and she was over it. So something.
- [11:09]
Interviewer / Host
What do you remember about your experience? Because you weren't the oldest, but in some ways, like, after Skylar was out of the house, and you probably did step into that oldest sister role for your younger siblings. So what is your recollection of your growing up in the house?
- [11:22]
Sunland Shariah
It's always been tricky being in the middle because I'm literally right in the middle. Like, there's like, two, three younger, two, three older, if you count our step siblings. It was hard trying not to, like, bump heads too much with my younger siblings, because I had to remind myself, like, they're looking up to you. You have to be, like, the bigger person in some situations. And that was tricky because, like, I'm a little stubborn. Like, I'll argue them down. Even when Summer was as early as she could talk, we would. We would go at it. But I'm like, okay, let me be serious, because, like, I have to, like, sex them in a way.
- [11:57]
Skylar Marche
Yeah.
- [11:57]
Sunland Shariah
I have to be a good example. I'm like, all right. I do remember I took a lot of notes from how Skyler handled a lot of things. Like, she said she was protecting us from a lot. And in the Moment, I didn't really realize it, but, like, hindsight now looking back, I'm like, you know, we were playing. We bowling a lot. Like, was she just. Yeah, because why would we be doing that every night? But now I know, like, she was doing things for a reason. And I understand, like I said, the big sister, younger sister trope where, like, the younger sisters getting on, the older sister, she was carrying a lot. So for me to be pesky, I guess I understand, like, why we would bump heads. But for the most part, I feel like I did have, like, a pretty decent childhood. I think Skyler helped a lot in that and, like, protecting us from a lot. We're too young to understand or really be, like, disposed to. So from what I remember, things were pretty good.
- [12:49]
Skylar Marche
I love that for you.
- [12:52]
Interviewer / Host
And you both mentioned that as adults, right? Like, of course, there's the experience of growing up and kind of feeling like, okay, I have to be into this person because they're my sibling. But I do think it is a very conscious choice to say, I still want to spend time with my sibling. As an adult, what kinds of things do you feel like your parents did to really make it so that you do feel interested and, like, excited to spend time with one another as adults?
- [13:12]
Sunland Shariah
Maybe I'm wrong. Maybe you know something, but I don't know if they did anything specifically. Like, I genuinely feel like it's a conscious decision on our own that we want to hang out with each other. I don't think they ever really, like, set up things where we would be spending time with each other. It's like, we live together.
- [13:27]
Skylar Marche
So, like, yeah, I think. I mean, there's that term if you're a living room kid or a bedroom kid. And I think we were definitely living room kids. I mean, my mom brought so much warmth to the house, and she was always sorting things out. Like, she wanted to do game days, or we would go outside and jump on the trampoline and play in the pool. And I think. And also, our dad was such a kid as well, in his heart. So I think they created a space that sparked a lot of joy for us. And then I think that it was just a shared kind of communal space that they created. And we leaned into each other there. I think that we had our own friends and relationship. We were trying to build and lean into that. I think that we weren't as aware of the ways in which we were together a lot. And then I think once we weren't able to be, which is how it goes. You don't know until you don't. You look back and you reflect on it. But now that we're further away or we can't be together all the time, we are like, oh, my gosh, there's so many moments that we wish we leaned into, and there's so many videos from our childhood that show us singing together and playing together. And we had, I think, our dad encouraged so much daydreaming in our childhood for us to lean into together. I can't say if it was intentional, but I think that naturally it was the kind of culmination of those efforts. And we kind of, you know, are super appreciative of it now because it's kind of led us to where we are today. Yeah.
- [14:44]
Interviewer / Host
So is there a personality trait about Skylar that you feel like you have seen from childhood and it still shows up in who she is as an adult?
- [14:53]
Sunland Shariah
Oh, my gosh, yes. How word would I use? But, I mean, I say it all the time. I've told her before. I guess I'll say, like, dependency. Like, people can depend on her. Like, if anybody needs some kind of advice, they will go to her. And I remember that from when I was in, like, middle school, and I'm getting picked up from school by my mom and scholars in the passenger seat. And she's like, yeah, my friend asked me what to do about that and genuinely had good advice to give. At, like, 15 years old, I'm in the back seat. Like, how does she know all these things? Like, how can she space for so many different people in so many different situations? And to this day, that's still something that I think she's really, like, strong in. Thanks. You seem surprised by that, Skyler.
- [15:37]
Skylar Marche
Yeah.
- [15:38]
Sunland Shariah
I don't know.
- [15:38]
Skylar Marche
Again, being a big sister is a big part of my personality.
- [15:41]
Sunland Shariah
And so I'm like, you love me.
- [15:43]
Skylar Marche
But I know she does. I know she does. I literally love. I love my siblings so much. So anytime that they give me any kind of praise, I'm like, really? And I think that's why it doesn't stick, you know? And it's always a surprise. But I think that's so cool that she thinks that, because I never actually thought that of myself. I know that I love to be there for the people I love, but it's so cool that that's something that she called out. I thought she was going to say how, like, type A I can be. So that made me no need to get crazy.
- [16:17]
Interviewer / Host
So what about you, Skylar? Is there a personality trait from Sunland that you Feel like you've seen through childhood and who she is as an adult.
- [16:25]
Skylar Marche
Absolutely. It's just been so cool to see the pieces of Sunland that have, like, inspired me to be the woman I am now. And a big one of those pieces is, like, the agency she has over her life. Like, Sunland is the main character in her story. And she wears it so beautifully. Like, she will walk into a room and it's hers, and. And she will pick up a project. And she is so good at it. I think that, like, we talk a lot. How many side quests she has in her life. Like, she'll just pick up a hobby or a passion or a friend who, you know, she ran into on the street and, like, make an entire new world out of it. And I think that's been pretty consistent from the time we were young, where she was just, like, so loud and took up so much space in a way that I was often timid to. So I think because I was like, no, their rules, and I need to follow them. We used to make fun of her being our habitual line stepper. Like, she'd see the line, she'd walk over it. She likes to know where it is, but she walks over it. I'll see the line, and I'm right there by it. And so I think that inspired me beyond what I could have thought, because now as an adult, I realize, okay, well, I'm an adult. I get to make the rules. And I don't have to be so boxed in, and I don't have to be so serious. I can be a little bit more fluid. And I think someone's fluidity has been consistent from the time she was super, super young. I think she just came in kicking and screaming in a way that I have always admired.
- [17:47]
Interviewer / Host
What's it like to hear that, son?
- [17:49]
Sunland Shariah
Then I haven't heard habitual linestepper in so long. And now it's bringing back memories because our parents did used to call me that. Like, I remember pretty often when I would be getting in trouble for something, they would be like, and you knew where the line was and you crossed it.
- [18:04]
Skylar Marche
But it's a beautiful thing. You used it.
- [18:08]
Sunland Shariah
You can't put me in a box.
- [18:10]
Skylar Marche
Right?
- [18:10]
Sunland Shariah
Exactly. Love that. I gotta figure out what's outside of the box at all times.
- [18:16]
Interviewer / Host
So, Skyler, several times you have talked specifically about your dad and kind of encouraging daydreaming. And it feels like it is not a surprise that both of you are, like, very big creatives.
- [18:26]
Sunland Shariah
Right.
- [18:27]
Interviewer / Host
And kind of just feel free to play. And can you talk more about, like, the daydreaming and how you feel like that has shown up now in your adult life?
- [18:35]
Skylar Marche
Yeah, for sure. I think that one of the things I loved a lot about our childhood was our parents allowed us to get bored and to just be bored for a long time. And I think in the boredom, we created so much also, like, we weren't big tv. I mean, we did have the we when we were a little bit older, but I think we didn't have a lot of technology. So we were creating worlds often to stay awake, to stay, like, engaged. And so I think that, I mean, whether it was our dad making like, sock puppets out of his hand or us coming up, like creating a stage and, you know, our parents bedroom and doing an entire performance, I think we did a whole YouTube video to CeeLo Green and we had to put on a show. I think they've always encouraged, especially when it comes to, like, the arts. I was in theater. I also did hip hop and jazz, Sunland and I did ballet together. And whenever we aspire to express ourselves, that was encouraged. And I think the ability to create without boundaries completely, like, created my. Or set the foundation for my relationship with creation. Now, where. When I came to New York to go to Parsons for fashion design, I didn't really know what a ceiling was because my dad didn't really. He never articulated that until I think I got to college and I was like, oh, wait, I think that was when I was like, my blackness is. I'm feeling it more because we grew up in a community where we were surrounded by black people. And it was very warm and welcoming. And it wasn't until I was in different spaces that I felt the difference of that. And so I think that it created a. It was good and bad. Like, it was a slap in the face. Like, oh, the world is here and now I need to kind of contend with it. And rather than having my head in the clouds, I also need to have my feet firmly planted so I can be aware. But then also it allowed me to move in a way where I wasn't as constricted, I think. And I think that that's shown up with not only the ways that someone and I have perceived the world as a black woman, but then also how we've taken on creative endeavors. I worked in fashion, and now I'm doing content creation and creative strategies. Someone has now picked up DJing. And I mean, honestly, anything she puts her mind to, she does hair, makeup, beauty, like, all the things and So I think our dad and our mom instilled so much of that in us. It's a dream as big as possible all the time. If you went in here, you can win out there. And so much of the worlds we were creating existed in our heads first before we saw them manifested.
- [20:51]
Interviewer / Host
What about you, Sunlin? Any kind of distinct memories that you feel like really have contributed to you becoming the creative person that you are?
- [20:58]
Sunland Shariah
Yeah, I will say they did give us a lot of space to get creative. Like, I know with birthdays, they would be like, here, we're gonna give y' all $20 for your mom's birthday. Figure out what you're gonna do. And we would stretch that $20 a candle, a lotion. We're setting up a spa for her. Skylar had us scratch creating, like, restaurants in our house with a full menu. We were wearing suits, like, a little bow and tie and everything. Making dinner.
- [21:24]
Interviewer / Host
She was cooking.
- [21:25]
Sunland Shariah
We were serving our mom for, like, Mother's Day. It was never a dull moment, honestly. Like, when she said we had time to get bored, it was never for long. Like, we would always figure out something to do, and then, like, even if it's me going to hang out with our younger brother, who's obviously a boy, he's different. He plays different. I'm playing with race cars and Beyblades, and we're still just having a great time. Like, I don't know. They gave us a lot of freedom to figure things out. But also, I think my dad did try to instill, like, plant a lot of little seeds for me for, like, navigating the real world outside of, like, the imaginary and the whimsy that we had in the house. Like, I'm a cancer. And he would always be very specific in telling me, like, you're a crab. You have a hard outside and a soft inside. Don't let anybody get to your soft inside, because some people will try to push your buttons and get to you. And he would, like, you know, he would drop some gems here and there. So, like, you know, encourage us to be creative, but also, like, keep your guard up and know that, like, yeah, you can be creative and having fun at home, but in the real world, things might be a little bit different. They did a lot of things that contributed to how, like, creative and silly we are. Like, even holidays, to this day, my mom will decorate work and home for any holiday. Halloween, there's pumpkins. There's scarecrows all over the house, outside the house. Christmas, Loki, you can't tell me today that Santa's not real because Santa was.
- [22:46]
Skylar Marche
Real her whole childhood. They put a lot of effort into Santa cookies.
- [22:50]
Sunland Shariah
And while we were sleeping, they would write us a letter from Santa and it would be like, oh, summons Gallic. Becky, we're so proud of you. Here's your gifts from Santa. And we're like, oh, my God. And he loved our cookies. Like, we, we had so much like, of an imaginative childhood. So I think that definitely contributes to how our minds, like, there's no limit to the things that we could think of and create. Yeah.
- [23:14]
Skylar Marche
And I think our mom also instilled in us so much of how she lives her life is in kind of service to others in a really beautiful way. She gives so much of herself and lends herself to different communities and spaces and the people she loves. And so every time that we were creating or doing something with intention, I think we naturally picked up from our mother, okay, how can this lend itself to someone else? Or how can this pour back into someone else? And even to this day, when I create something, she's asking me, have you given back to the community? Or is there a way that you can use this to pour into someone? Or can someone see themselves in this in a beautiful way? I think she always challenges me to push it a little bit further and to be as giving as I possibly can. And I think that in the work that we've done, we've tried to be reflective as well in that way too. Because our mother was such a big part of our joy is as children. And we realized as we got older, it's her selflessness that showed up so much in those moments that I think we've tried to take with us as well. Yeah.
- [24:09]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
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- [28:20]
Skylar Marche
Something.
- [28:21]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Can you think of any moment or.
- [28:22]
Interviewer / Host
Experience in particular that you feel, like, really deepened your relationship with Skylar?
- [28:27]
Sunland Shariah
I think it was honestly after she went to college and I was feeling. Not neglected, but there was, like, the pressure of, like, our parents being like, you need to be more like your sister, because now, like, you're the head honcho, basically, she's at school. You're the oldest sibling in the house. So I think going through that and, like, leaning on her like, I can't be you. And she's like, well, duh. Like, I know that, but you're you, and that's just as good. Through that, I think we got a lot closer. And, like, me looking to her for advice to give to my younger siblings, and I was like, what, 15 when you left? 15, 16. What am I supposed to do to lead these kids? So I think, yeah, just being realistic with her. I've always been very honest and open with her about, like, what I'm capable of, what I can and can't do, and she would always fill that space and, like, help me navigate whatever the situation was.
- [29:15]
Interviewer / Host
Skylar, any moment or experience for you that you think really deepened your relationship.
- [29:19]
Skylar Marche
I'm so glad that you kind of pushed back against that. We're so different. So when she told us that she was being compared to me, I said, how we're so different. Like, there's no way we're the opposite side. We're the same on the same coin, opposite side. So there's just no way. And I think that by doing that, she spread her wings in such a beautiful way to the point that in us being same coin opposite sides, we do butt heads because we can see the world in a very different way sometimes. And often it'll align, but then sometimes it doesn't. And I think the first time in my adulthood that I felt super close to someone was when we had a huge argument in Japan. I didn't know if you knew it.
- [29:52]
Sunland Shariah
I knew it.
- [29:54]
Skylar Marche
We had a huge argument. It was so raw because it was so emotional, and we just were, like, laying a lot. We had to take a beat. But I think that after we, you know, were upset and we let the feeling settle, the next day, I went to her, and I was like, at the end of the day, I choose you, and I'm always going to choose you. And I just want us to learn how to love each other better. And I think that moment was so important for us because we knew we were choosing each other as adults. But I think in those moments of contention when things aren't sweet, you're like, okay, you're my person, and this is an endless love. Just because we're up against this thing, we're up against this thing. And I think we think about that when it comes to relationships with partners, but with your siblings as well. When these issues arrive, you have to join forces to attack it and understand how to get back on that same page. And I think both of us, in that moment, we were angry and upset because we were hurt, and we were trying to hide our cards and being hurt, like, oh, you've hurt my feelings. But I think in us kind of putting it all out there and say, oh, you've hurt my feelings. How can I show up better for you? And I told her in that moment, I was like, at the end of the day, I'm always going to choose to be a better big sister to you. I'm never going to not choose you. So even if you're angry or hurt, you can be angry or hurt. And it might not look pretty, but I'll be here and vice versa. I know that she'll always choose me and my imperfections. And I think saying it out loud was a huge shift for our relationship because I think we've always been really open with each other because we're siblings, but I think it's a bit different when you start to choose each other as friends as well. Like, it felt like a shift in our relationship where now someone has become one of my best friends that I've brought in even closer and, you know, started to build this relationship with. As I have the other women in my life who are not my blood. So, yeah, that was such a huge moment. Also, because I can, as an Aquarius, I tend to be a little bit withdrawn when I'm hurt. And I also struggle with conflict in some circumstances. And I've had to learn that things can be a little bit uglier and I don't have to present as okay, and people will still choose Me. And I know someone has always chosen me even before I was aware of those things. So, yeah, I think that that moment was a huge one for us. And it didn't feel good at first, but then it felt really good after we prepared. Our repair has gotten significantly better in our older age, I'd say.
- [32:00]
Interviewer / Host
So suddenly it sounds like you knew this Japan fight was going to come up in this conversation somehow. Is there anything that you feel like you want to talk about related to that experience and how it kind of has shaped your relationship with one another?
- [32:12]
Sunland Shariah
Like, it's not funny, obviously. Like, we were actually arguing and like, tensions are high. But like, looking back on it, I'm like, oh my God. Like a lot of it was like just miscommunication and misunderstanding. Kind of how we are showing up differently as adults. Like, we might have reacted to things differently when we were younger. And she was just, I think, taking things personally that I didn't want to be taken personally. Like, it was my first time in Japan. She loved Japan. She's been there a million times. And she was just trying so hard to make sure that I was having a good time. And the introverted me, I could be having a great time. And I'm just sitting there chilling. So she's kind of like freaking out, like, oh, she's not having fun. And I'm like, calm down. I guess I am. And it was literally just like, it was explosive.
- [32:54]
Skylar Marche
It was explosive. I was overstimulating her.
- [32:56]
Sunland Shariah
She was like, girl, please sorry I care so much. And I'm like, what are you talking about? Like, it was literally.
- [33:03]
Skylar Marche
It was one of those moments where like, things from our younger selves showed up in the conversation. We let them get a few little comments off, but then we both had to sit them down and go, okay, well, how can our present day selves show up and protect those younger selves and bring their concerns to the forefront? But it definitely was just a matter of me being overbearing and then suddenly being overstimulated and us not knowing how to communicate our expectations to each other. And I think now we know, okay, well, how can we be more mindful of those things in order to honor each other's space? Because both of us were, weren't kind of doing that in that moment. And I think it was such a. Yeah, it was, it was beautiful. And it was also silly. It is silly when you don't know how to communicate. Honestly, I say it all the time, but I've been in therapy and couples therapy for about six years. Now. And if I could be in therapy with everyone in my life, I would because we all just communicate so different. And it's such a beautiful thing when you can find the common ground and you're not seeking to change each other, but just find a different means of getting from A to B with each other. And that was definitely. We learned it the hard way, but it was a beautiful way to figure.
- [34:09]
Interviewer / Host
It out, I think.
- [34:11]
Skylar Marche
And, you know, upon reflection, right.
- [34:13]
Interviewer / Host
Hindsight, we can talk about it.
- [34:15]
Skylar Marche
Hindsight. Hindsight, yeah.
- [34:17]
Interviewer / Host
I love how you describe that, Skylar, because as you, I could definitely hear, like, oh, this is a shift in them, like, having this relationship as sisters and as like young people to. These are like grown women now figuring out how to relate to one another beyond just sisters.
- [34:32]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Right.
- [34:32]
Interviewer / Host
Like, this is like a friend. This is somebody who, you know, is.
- [34:35]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Very close to me.
- [34:36]
Interviewer / Host
And so it definitely sounds like this was a turning point in figuring out, like, okay, how are we relating to one another as grown ups now? And like, what does this look like to be very intentional about how we talk with one another? Are there other things that you feel like have come up as, as you have kind of grown into adulthood that you realize, oh, we have to do these things differently now as adults and think about things differently?
- [34:56]
Skylar Marche
I would say easily and only quick to answer because I was talking to our younger brother about this recently. But when we talk about, like, breaking generational curses, we say it and it sounds good, but it's really obviously hard work and you cannot break one until you endure it, until you feel it and address it and face it. And when it comes to us, I think there were so many things that were instilled in us because again, our parents, first time at life and mistakes were made, as it goes, or the way that it impacted us, hurt us in some ways and helped us. And I think we've had to learn how to undo a lot of the things we were given in a really delicate way. And one of those things is just saying the quiet part out loud. Like, I think that we came up in a household where joy was at the forefront and dreaming and fun, but then also hard conversations were not as easily had. And that's fun when it's fun. But then when you need to express yourself on a deeper level and you want your feelings addressed and you want to be raw, it is sticky and it feels a little bit uncomfortable. And we've had to learn how to do that with each other. I was telling our brother, like, we can't just say we, you know, we're each other's favorites, and we love each other, and we do anything for each other, but then not say the hard things to each other or say the quiet parts out loud, even if it, you know, hurts each other's feelings. And then how can we do that intentionally and mindfully where we're still holding space for each other and being really protective, but then making sure that we're not curating this relationship and kind of leaning into what we knew as children? And so I think that's something that we've all had to contend with, is similar to what I think about when it comes to our relationships with our parents. I think that you get to know your parent as a parent, and almost like a hero, and there's, like, they're perfect, and there's nothing wrong, and, like, you just think the world of them growing up in a lot of ways, until you're older and you're a little bit more. Your brain cells are a little bit more developed, and then you're like, okay, all right. And you have to get to know your parent as an adult, and they have to get to know you as an adult. And I think a lot of things are taken for granted in that relationship. And I think that our mother has done such a beautiful job in getting to know us as adults that we've now done that for each other. Where we were like, okay, well, I knew who you were as a child, but I realized with someone and Gregory that I cannot keep them in that. Like, someone said, they can't be kept in a box, and I cannot keep them in that box. They've experienced life without me, and so I have to also honor that and be curious as to what that is so that I can create space for the entirety of who they are and not just seeing Sunland as my sister. This is what it is. She's so much more than my sister, and so on and so forth. So I think that's something that we've. Has been a recurring theme in our adulthood now, for sure. Sunny, I don't know if you. If you know anything.
- [37:40]
Sunland Shariah
I think it's. It's definitely, like, a lot of just communication. Obviously, like, we don't live together anymore. It was a lot easier to keep up with each other and, like, keep tabs on each other when we were in the same house. But now we have to make more of a conscious effort to, like, reach out and, like, have hard conversations. Like, I feel like the first one we have kind of as a unit with our younger brother, Gregory, was at Skyler's apartment in New York, like, maybe two years ago.
- [38:02]
Skylar Marche
Two, three.
- [38:03]
Sunland Shariah
And I know, like, personally, me and I feel like for Gregory as well, we're not the ones to initiate the hard conversations. But, like, once it starts, we're open books. Like, we'll get into it, but Skylar will initiate. But I think her way of, like, not trying to, like, take power of the situation was making it a game. She had the card game. We're not really strangers, and so we played that. And we're getting deep for the first time with our younger brother. We're talking about anxiety and traumas because, like, her and I talk about it all the time, but that was the first time that he put in his two cents. And we're like, wow, like, you're not just our nonchalant little brother who's so cool. Like, you were, like, understanding the things we were going through, too. So I feel like, just, like, having those conversations, spending a lot of time with each other, because the conversations easily happen when we're together. So I think just, like, spending time together, like, makes it easier for us to have these conversations, continue to get to know each other, because we're all still growing, like, even though we feel like we're grown and we're adults, which we are, like, you know, we're dynamic people. We're constantly changing. Humans are complex people. So I feel like we have to make that effort to consciously get to know each other, like, continuously. And, like, I know Skyler fed into me by not, like, encouraging me heavily to start therapy. For a long time, I was like, you know, I know what my childhood traumas are. I know what's wrong. But, like, obviously you don't know. Like, without bias, like, having somebody sit you down and, like, walk you through things and help you to, like, figure out different ways to react to things. Because I know personally, if something rubs me the wrong way, I'm seeing red. And, like, I have tunnel vision on the issue, and I was trying to work on that. So, like, Skyler sponsored my therapy for, I want to say, what, like, three years? She was paying for all my appointments, and I was like, should I just go, like, once a month?
- [39:53]
Interviewer / Host
Because that's expensive.
- [39:54]
Sunland Shariah
She's like, no, you go weekly. And when you feel like you don't need anymore than maybe do bi weekly. But she was. She was paying for it and, like, checking in, like, so, hey, how's therapy? You still going, right? Like, I didn't get the invoice last week. What's good? I think Just, you know, like, we all show that we really care about each other, even though initially it might have just been like, can I, like, yeah, I love my sister? It's like, okay, yeah, you can love your sister, but what are you doing to prove it? Low key. Like, you can say it all day, but how are you showing up for each other? And I think we're all making better efforts at actually showing up for each other in ways like that. Yeah.
- [40:29]
Skylar Marche
In the ways we communicate and don't. Because I think sometimes I'll make assumptions, and I'd really try to pare it back and just be like, okay. Even with the therapy thing, I was like, is this too overbearing? I know therapy is not the answer to all things. You can be in therapy and still not do the work. Like, it's so layered. But I think because it had shifted my life in such a beautiful way, I wanted to offer that space for her. And then once the space was offered, it was up to her to move and shake however she wanted to within it. And then I was like, okay, girl, don't be over. Like, don't ask every week. Just, like, let her come to you. And if she wants to share, that's fine. If she doesn't, okay, so just try to, like, level seven myself. But I do think that now we're like, okay, well, what can I give my siblings that they ask for and then also for in the things that I notice in their adulthood that they may need a shoulder to cry on or a space to be free in and, like, breathe a little bit easier in, Can I create that space? And they've done the same for me on countless occasions. So it's been a beautiful kind of learning experience together, I think.
- [41:25]
Interviewer / Host
And you all have taken your relationship an even step further by working together. Right. So you mentioned earlier that you have at least one project called Set Together. How has your relationship as sisters changed in now having this professional relationship together?
- [41:43]
Sunland Shariah
Maybe you have a better way to put it in the words. Me personally, I don't know. I feel like because we've always played together, it's not much of a shift. I know. Well, I'll say Skylar takes a lot more of the initiative when it comes to set. Like, she's booking the studio, she's making the set design. I just go in there and I play my little music. That's just it. So I'm just. I'm just having fun. And, like, it's just a fun way to, like, express ourselves and, like, show people our talents. Like, you know, her set design, my music taste, I guess. Yeah, I think and hearing from a lot of people, specifically other sisters that are like, reaching out to us, like, oh, my gosh, this really spoke to me. I love sisterhood. Sisterhood is everything. And we're like, you know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that really is like a big part of our lives. But, you know, maybe Skylar has more.
- [42:35]
Skylar Marche
I mean, well, we. Yeah, we work together probably in a bunch of different ways. I think the first time we worked together for real was when we shared a bedroom and we had to learn how to delegate and communicate and deal with each other's things. But I think now the beautiful thing about it so far is that set is really new. And so, yes, we've just been able to play. Both of us have full time jobs and passions that we are pouring into weekly. And so this has become an outlet for us to do something on our own terms that's super flexible and there's no expectations. I think we'll probably, who knows, come up on stuff, more stuff when maybe things get more serious, like, we start to bring partners in or maybe when our audience gets a little bit bigger. But right now, it's really been a testament of our love for each other or like a space where we can kind of work together in this way where it's like a lot of give and take. And I think that, yeah, we play to our strengths when it comes to set. So. And I was just explaining this the other day, but it's like something. And I stick to our corners. Like, when we first dreamt it up, there was a lot of collaboration. But then it's like, okay, well, you have great music taste and you know what storytelling looks like when it comes to a set and you know how to, like, get people from A to B when it comes to the sonic structure of things. And then for me, it was creative design. So how are we seeing this manifest and how are we telling the story beyond the music? And I think by being in our corners in that way, we've not crossed over into territory too much to where we've bumped heads. I think that though there is a lot of respect for either side to where when I hear something that something's done, I'm like, oh, this could be smoother. What could you do? She'll either take it, or she's like, yeah, no, I don't. This is what it is. Like, we're gonna roll with it. And then I'm like, all right. And I kind of let her do her thing. I think the beautiful thing is, like, it's not perfect. And I'm also trying to release the desire for perfection with the things that I create, because a lot of what I do now is on this platform that's seen by a lot of people. And as a creator, you know that when you begin, it's fun to make mistakes, but when you're, like, further along, it gets a lot harder. And you have to let that humility come in again and be intentional about how you're creating something new and going into new territory and you might fall short. And I think that because there's so much love in it, falling short is still like, okay, well, I'm doing with my sister, so, like, what's the worst that could happen? Or if me and my sister love it, great. Like, we could be the only subscribers. And I think there's really no end goal. Like, even when we dreamt it up, we were just like. I was just like, hey, I want to do creative direction more, and I love your work and how can, like, I want to use my platform to amplify your work. Are you interested? And she was like, absolutely. Can we do it like this? And that was it. There wasn't like, where do you see it in five years? Which I think is great because so much of the other stuff we do, we have to think, we have to be very forward thinking. And this is fun to just do for us in our relationship and for our personal archive. And then if it becomes something it does and if it doesn't, it was still beautiful, I think.
- [45:37]
Interviewer / Host
So this may be a part of your cancer, kind of habitual line stuff or personality. Sunland. But I would imagine that, you know, it could be difficult to, like, do work with your big sister and say, like, no, actually I want it to be this way.
- [45:51]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Right.
- [45:51]
Interviewer / Host
Especially somebody who is sounds like, so organized and, like, has very clear ideas. What has allowed you to kind of stay focused on your vision for, you know, what your part of set should look like in opposition to maybe what Skyler sees?
- [46:07]
Sunland Shariah
I mean, I don't know, maybe it's just the. The headstrong in me starting to come out. But, like, I. I also do respect Skyler a lot. So when she does, like, have constructive criticism, I'm never taking it personally. It's like, I might think something sounds good and obviously music, everything is subjective essentially in art. So I'm like, okay, maybe it sounded good to me and I need a second opinion. So. I know, I know. I feel like I take everything kind of with A grain of salt. Like, I'm like, let me see if I can adjust whatever the issue is. But, like, for the most part, if she thinks that something doesn't sound right, I'm like, okay, she'll look at it.
- [46:42]
Skylar Marche
At least.
- [46:42]
Sunland Shariah
She'll say, all right, I'll look at it. Yeah, I do respect her, and I know that she's had, like, a lot more time and experience in the creative field. So I do, like, take everything that she says with her criticisms. I take it and I analyze it. I'm like, if I can fix it, I will. If not, then, yeah, we're just gonna have to roll with it because, like, it's like we literally recording it on the spot. It's not like I'm recording it after we. We do the whole set. So it's like, some stuff just. Just can't be fixed. So I'm like. But, you know, I'm not one of those people who has to be perfect. Like, you know, I. Good enough is good enough for me. A lot of the times, like, I feel like I'm, like, one side step under perfectionist. Like, I'll get as close as I feel like, as possible, and I'm fine with that. But, yeah, I mean, I think it's been really fun. I was a little nervous initially because I take, like, Skyler and her work personally, and a lot of people will try to, like, get close to me to get close to her. So I was a little scared initially, like, working with her. Is that going to make this worse? Like, people like, oh, they have this set together. Let me ask Sunland if I could put this part or contribute this, because I know it'll be on Skylar's platform.
- [47:53]
Interviewer / Host
I'm like.
- [47:54]
Sunland Shariah
Like, I don't know. But, you know, I feel like it is a 50, 50 thing. Like, literally, I'm the music, she's the visuals. So I feel like it's definitely just, like, it's mutually beneficial for the both of us. And it's been fun so far.
- [48:08]
Skylar Marche
Yeah. I mean, we've had a time, and I think someone said it perfectly. Like, she's not scared of imperfection. And because I have a different relationship with trying to have things sorted and to make sure things look beautiful, I think that that's one of my strengths. But then it's been something that hurt me in the past because then I take things personally when they aren't all together, and there's so much beauty and imperfection. So someone then teaches me, okay, well, we can just do this. We can do it scared. And we can do it imperfect, and we can do it without knowing all the things. And it will still be great because it's the difference between doing something and not. And I think that when you're pursuing something in the creative industry, like, or any creative field, like, a lot of people are aspiring to do the things, but then we'll get in their own way because it's not perfect. And so this was one of those things that we thought of it, and then maybe two weeks later we did it. And that is very rare for me. I tend to sit on things because I want to make sure they're just so. But it's been teaching me so much. And I think someone's ability to see something, I'm like, oh, my God. I think even with the first one, I was like, someone, this is.
- [49:11]
Interviewer / Host
And we could have done this.
- [49:11]
Skylar Marche
And she was like, girl, let's just get it out there. Like, who cares? And no one noticed, and no one does because you're in your own head. So.
- [49:19]
Sunland Shariah
But even still, like, with the imperfections, I think that's great because moving forward, I know I noticed it from recording the last episode. You can see the growth on both parts.
- [49:28]
Skylar Marche
Definitely.
- [49:28]
Sunland Shariah
You can see elements changing throughout each recording. Like, from the first video, I was so scared. I had my little baby board. I just started DJing last year, like, literally a year ago in October. And I'm like, I'm going to be putting on YouTube, Instagram, TikTok.
- [49:43]
Skylar Marche
So permanent.
- [49:44]
Interviewer / Host
Yeah.
- [49:44]
Sunland Shariah
As we're moving along, I'm obviously getting more comfortable. I've upgraded my board. Like, things are getting smoother. We have, like, a better run of show. Like, we know how things are going to play out. So I think, like, even with the imperfections, it's like, so what? Like, it inspires people, I think are somewhere.
- [50:01]
Skylar Marche
Yeah, exactly.
- [50:03]
Sunland Shariah
Up and not trying to cover it up. Like, I just started, like, yeah, I'm gonna mess up.
- [50:06]
Skylar Marche
That's just for any creator, if you look at their archive and you go back to the beginning, I mean, still, you know, like, I think. But that's such a beautiful testament to humanity, seeing the growth in the process over time. You cannot begin at perfection, and you may not ever reach it. So, like, you have to kind of throw it out altogether. But I completely agree. It's been a great chronicle of our growth, even over the last three sets that we've done. I mean, the two that we have up and in the third, that's coming soon.
- [50:33]
Interviewer / Host
Nice, Nice.
- [50:34]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
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- [54:20]
Interviewer / Host
You know, suddenly as you were talking, it reminded me of these TikTok videos where it's like a partner pair or like, a sibling pair. And, like, one sibling is the one who, like, is afraid to say, like, hey, I actually don't like this dish. And like, the younger sister comes out of the and like, talk to me, I talk, that kind of thing. And it made me think of that because, Skylar, you mentioned, like, I don't really like conflict. And so it feels like something you are the one who is sometimes maybe sticking up for your big sister. It feels like if, you know, bullying maybe happens online or can you say a little, a little bit more about that dynamic?
- [54:52]
Sunland Shariah
That is so funny. I think it's actually insane because growing up, I was always an introvert and she was an extrovert. But I think it's just like a protection thing over your siblings. Like, if somebody is mean to her, she might not say something about it. I will.
- [55:08]
Skylar Marche
Someone will.
- [55:10]
Sunland Shariah
I will. Even still being an introvert, it's just like, I think it's again, like, something that our mom instilled in us, like, wanting to give back and be there for other people. If I know that somebody is hurt by something and they won't speak up for themselves, who am I to not be an advocate and, like, stick up for them? So I think that that's. That's essentially the dynamic. Like, yeah, I don't know if it's because I'm also a middle child and, like, the middle Child is typically, like, the. More, like, confrontational, I guess. But, like, Skylar's better with words. She might not like the confrontation, but if I can read you down. But she'll get into it. She'll fill in the blanks where I can't. That's definitely the dynamic for sure. Like, I'll. I'll speak up before she does. And she, like, I don't know.
- [55:53]
Interviewer / Host
Maybe I'm doing too much.
- [55:54]
Sunland Shariah
No, you're not doing enough.
- [55:58]
Interviewer / Host
Let's turn it up.
- [55:59]
Sunland Shariah
No.
- [55:59]
Skylar Marche
That's so funny, Dr. Joy, that you said that, because you just read sun, and I like, that's literally our whole thing.
- [56:04]
Interviewer / Host
She's so.
- [56:05]
Skylar Marche
Oh, my goodness.
- [56:06]
Interviewer / Host
That's so funny. I love that. I love that. So, Sunland, what about your relationship with Skyler? Do you feel like you hold on to most when you are wanting to feel comforted or grounded?
- [56:16]
Sunland Shariah
I think the fact that she's, like, never judged me for anything that I've done, and I've done some crazy things.
- [56:23]
Skylar Marche
And she's never done some crazy things.
- [56:26]
Sunland Shariah
Found a way to support me, even if it's not telling me that I was right, obviously, like, she'll still find a way to make me feel better about the situation and know how to move better if it were to happen again. So I think just, like, the space that she's created for me to always show up as myself and not feel a need to hold back is, like, one of the most important parts of our relationship. Like, I could literally talk to her about anything. And, like, it's not really an uncomfortable conversation. It's just like, this is just how we talk. Like, we can talk about anything at any time, any place.
- [57:00]
Interviewer / Host
What about you, Skyler? What about your relationship with Sunland? Do you hold on to.
- [57:03]
Skylar Marche
I'm so smiley. I just love talking about sister stuff. I would say, oh, there's so, so much. I think, yeah, there's a very long list. But I would say one of the two things that come to mind is just Sunland's. It's kind of one. But just her ability to be.
- [57:21]
Sunland Shariah
So fearless.
- [57:22]
Skylar Marche
Actually, it is two things. Fearless in that she walks through the world with so much of herself at the forefront, and it's so unapologetic and so proud that I take so much of that. And it just seeps into me all the time. Like, her confidence is insane. And sometimes I'm just like. And it's so crazy because I'm on social media because a little bit more, and so then I'm perceived a lot more. But Often when you're perceived more, you are given a lot of opinions, and it's like, well, you have to make sure you parse through them and decide about how you feel about yourself. And I had started on social media and started building a platform before I started doing that work. So I had to kind of take a, like, look at it and make sure that I was slowing things down and deciding for myself how I felt. But she's never had to let anyone else but her decide how she feels. And that's what I love so, so much about her. She is just so sure of herself in all the ways that I think count because we all have our own insecurities. But she sees herself so clearly to me, and I think it's allowed me to see myself clearly as well, because we're so similar in a lot of ways. And then oftentimes she'll call things out me that I don't even see that make me feel like, wow, you see that me, that makes sense. Makes me feel so good. So I would say that. But then also her ability to be so soft. I know she talks about being a cancer, and, yeah, I guess it does track her sensitivity. She is so sensitive in a way, I think I'm maybe more extroverted in my sensitivity. Like, everyone knows I'm sensitive all the time about anything. But Sunland is very intentional in her sensitivity and very quiet about it. It is so elegant in the way it shows. It's beautiful in the way that she shows up with her softer parts. Like, she holds them in a really protective way and communicates them in a beautiful way. And I think it's allowed me to be a little bit more protective of my parts in that same way. And. And to hold space for myself in a way that's like, okay, yes, not everyone can get access to this because I'm. I tend to be a little bit open with everybody, and I've been hurt because of it, as one is and one does. But with someone, I think that. And I'm sure she's had her own own, like, hurdles to jump over by being a little bit more protective. But I think it's been done in such a way that then the people who are close to her hold parts of her in a really beautiful way and know the value of the parts of her that they're holding because she was like, hey, not everyone has access to this. So I think. And even me, like, I've had to learn how to love her properly to have access to those parts because she's so protective of them. So, yes, both of those things. The louder, fearless part, but then also the softer, quiet side that I think she just does so well and so beautifully that I've learned so much from.
- [59:58]
Interviewer / Host
So you both have also talked about this. Oh, beautiful moment you both have talked about. I don't know if your parents were aware of this. I'm sure they were. In naming you this whole sun sky metaphor as a metaphor for your relationship, can you talk about that Sunland and how you feel like that has played out, especially in adulthood?
- [60:18]
Sunland Shariah
Hmm. People ask me all the time, like, they're like, why did your parents name you that?
- [60:23]
Skylar Marche
I'm like, I don't know.
- [60:24]
Sunland Shariah
My mom is just doing, like, a nature thing. Like, there's such a hippie.
- [60:28]
Skylar Marche
Yeah.
- [60:28]
Sunland Shariah
And even our half sister Lonnie. Her middle name is Heaven in Hawaiian. So it's like, even our stepmom was following suit. Like, I think that our family's just very, like, really, like, down to earth, grounded. So naming us after, like, parts of the world sculpted, like, how we show up today. Like, I feel like we're both pretty bubbly and outgoing people, but, like, what choice do you have with names like sun and Sky? Imagine.
- [60:57]
Skylar Marche
Magic. Right.
- [61:00]
Sunland Shariah
All the time. Because, like, I bartend. People would be like, oh, what's your name again? I'm like, Sunny. Like, oh, my God, that makes so much sense. Like, you're so nice. I'm like, well, like, what if I wasn't? But I feel like, because. I don't know. I guess because of our names, we have a good give and take. Like, we're night and day. We're similar in a lot of ways, but different in a lot of ways, too. And we both are just, like, we're very understanding of that. And like Skylar said, learning how to love each other the way that each other wants it is important because you might think that you're showing up for somebody and you're just showing up the way that you would want someone to show up for you, but that's not the way that everybody receives love. And so I think that's been an important part of our journey is, like, acknowledging that and learning how to show up for each other.
- [61:46]
Skylar Marche
Yeah. Because I could. I tend to be a little bit of a helicopter older sibling, where I. At the beginning, that's like, I was like, let me handle everything so that nothing is unhandled. And Sunlin and Gregory and then our younger siblings, as they've gotten older, they have stepped into adulthood so beautifully that it's like, well, girl, you can't do all the things in advance because they'll never get to learn how to do it. And I think especially with Sunland, I was thinking about this a little bit deeply because we did a campaign recently where we were reflecting on our names a lot, and there's just, yeah, so much balance in our relationship. We are. When we talk about, like, our. Our relationships as siblings and we talk about, like, Sunland, Gregory and I, for instance. Sunland and I are on opposite ends of the spectrum in a lot of the ways that we look at the world and the ways that we navigate the world, but we work in parallel with each other. And I think our mom did her big one and that it's so telling of, like, who she is to have not put too much thought into it. She was like, yeah, it made me feel good and it just felt right. And now we're doing all this reflecting now. Our mom was like, whatever brings joy. And now we're like, oh, there's other things. But I think, yeah, that's one of the bigger ways that it's shown up is we have had to be super mindful of, okay, well, what space am I taking up and how can I take up space in my own way while also be mindful of my sibling and how they're taking up space and what they need? And I think that was one of the biggest wake up calls as we've gotten older, is being, again, curious and identifying what it is our siblings need of us and how we can speak to those things in really specific ways and knowing that, like, someone can't read my mind and vice versa. So we've had to, like, communicate the things out loud so that we can show it better for each other. But we talk about it all the time when, like, a day isn't going great and I tell something, she needs to get on her zoom and get the sun out so we can, like, turn things up. She's like, okay, everything's handled. Skyler's got things going. Like, it's definitely. It's definitely shown up in a bunch of ways in our adulthood, I'd say.
- [63:42]
Sunland Shariah
I love it.
- [63:43]
Interviewer / Host
It has been so much fun to get to know you more and to hear more about your beautiful relationship. Thank you all so much for sharing so transparently with us. Please let us know where we can stay connected with you and hear more about Sid and all the exciting things you have going on.
- [63:57]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Sunland.
- [63:58]
Interviewer / Host
Do you have a website and any social media channels you'd like to share?
- [64:02]
Sunland Shariah
Yeah. So My I feel like my main platform right now is Instagram. My Instagram is Sunland Shariah S U N L Y N C H I R A Y A and my website is in the bio there. It's Beacons AI slash SunlandShariah. And that also has like all my DJing events for anything upcoming, primarily in D.C. in New York. And then our YouTube is @set sessions and then Skyler, you can go ahead.
- [64:28]
Skylar Marche
Yeah, that was going to be the first plug with set Sessions. We're hoping to contribute to it more intentionally and consistently. And then I'm Skylar Marche on all platforms, so Instagram, TikTok and occasionally on my partner's YouTube. But he's totaltainy over there. But I pop in there and do some work there too. But yeah, those are. Those are all of them. Thanks for having us, Dr. Joy. This has been so, so nice telling Sunland. We just were so excited to do this.
- [64:53]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
Thanks.
- [64:53]
Interviewer / Host
Love that. I love that. I love that y' all spend some time with us today. Thank you so much.
- [65:03]
Dr. Joy Hardin Bradford
I'm so glad Skylar and Sunlin were able to join me for today's conversation. To learn more about them and their work, be sure to visit the Show Notes at therapy for black girls.com session437. And don't forget to text this episode to two of your girls right now and tell them to check it out. Did you know that you could leave us a voicemail with your questions or suggestions for the podcast? If you have movies or books you'd like us to review or have thoughts about topics you'd like us to discuss, drop us a message at Memo FM Therapy for Black Girls and let us know what's on your mind. We just might feature it on the podcast. If you're looking for a therapist in your area, visit our therapist directory@therapyforblackgirls.com directory. Don't forget to follow us over on Instagram at Therapy for Black Girls and come on over and join us in our patreon channel@therapyforblackgirls.com patreon for exclusive updates, behind the scenes content and much more. This episode was produced by Elise Ellis, Inde Chubu and Tyre Rush. Editing was done by Dennison Bradford. Thank y' all so much for joining me again this week. I look forward to continuing this conversation with you all real soon. Take good care. Many of us play lots of different roles in life. Partner, employee, caregiver. And many of us also think about another role that could take our life where we want it to BE degree holder. That's where National University comes in. They've been busy since 1971 creating more ways for you to work earning a degree into your hectic life. NU confers more graduate degrees to diverse populations than any other institution in the country, with more than half being earned by women. With flexible online formats, NU makes higher education possible and achievable for busy working adults. Learn more today at nu.edu. these days, most things cost an arm and a leg, especially vacations. But not in Rhode Island. Between affordable luxury stays, succulent seafood right from the source, and spectacular shopping that won't break the bank, you get a real bang for your buck in the Ocean State. The memories will be priceless, but the cost will be a lot less. Rhode island all that. Plan your trip today@Visit Rhode Island.com that's Visit Rhode Island.com if you're tired of the tug, the heat and the hours it takes to blow dry your hair. I got you covered. Revair is a reverse air hair dryer that's changing the game for textured hair. It dries, stretches and smooths your hair all at once with way less heat, less damage and less time. Whether you're rocking coils, curls or kinks, Revair works with your texture, not against it. It's gentle, efficient and gives you that salon quality finish right at home. Imagine all the things you could get done in a day if you cut your styling time in half. With the holidays approaching, treat yourself or loved ones to healthier, shinier hair in a fraction of the time. Thousands of women are already loving the results and the time they are getting back in their day, and right now Revair is offering their lowest price of the season so you can look your best at your holiday events. You can also become a member and earn points and rewards every time you shop. Visit myravaire.com today to shop their holiday sales. That's myrevaire.com your crown deserves it. Living with a rare autoimmune condition comes with challenges but also incredible strength, especially for those living with conditions like myasthenia gravis and chronic inflammatory demyelinating polyneuropathy, otherwise known as cidp. Finding empowerment in the community is critical. Untold Stories Life with a Severe Autoimmune Condition, a Ruby Studio production in partnership with Argenics, explores people discovering strength in the most unexpected places. Listen to untold Stories on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. No one's journey is the same. That's why Delta SkyMiles moves with you from earning miles on reloads for coffee runs, shopping, and things you do every day to connecting you to new experiences. A SkyMiles membership fits into your lifestyle, letting you do more of what makes you you. It's more than travel it's the membership that flies, dines, streams, rides, and arrives with you. Because when you have a membership that's as unique as you are, there's no telling where your journey will take you next. Learn more@delta.com SkyMiles this is an iHeart podcast.