Therapy for Black Girls: Session 436

The Sibling Sit-Down w/ Skylar Marshai & Sunlyn Chiraya

Date: November 5, 2025
Host: Dr. Joy Harden Bradford, Ph.D.
Guests: Skylar Marshai & Sunlyn Chiraya

Episode Overview

In this heartfelt installment of Therapy for Black Girls, Dr. Joy welcomes creative sister duo Skylar Marshai and Sunlyn Chiraya. As part of the "Sibling Sit Down" series, the sisters vulnerably explore how their relationship has evolved from childhood through adulthood. They discuss navigating family dynamics among five siblings, unpacking generational patterns, growing as individuals, and finding intentional ways to choose each other as adults and collaborators. Listeners are treated to a rich conversation about communication, conflict, creative partnership, and the enduring bonds of Black sisterhood.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Structure & Upbringing

• Large, Close-Knit Sibling Group: The family includes four sisters and one brother, with Skylar as the eldest and Sunlyn as the middle child. Age differences shaped their connections and responsibilities.
  "There's so many of us running around. I'm the oldest. I'm 28." – Skylar (07:06)

• Emphasis on Unity Over Rivalry: Rather than encouraging snitching, their parents stressed banding together.
  "Our dad told us if we snitched on somebody, all of us got in trouble. So we kind of band together at a very young age." – Skylar (08:09)

2. Evolving Sibling Roles

• Protector and Rule Breaker: Skylar describes stepping into a caretaker role due to their parents' strictness with the eldest, while Sunlyn often challenged boundaries and inspired Skylar’s growth.
  "I kind of fell into this protector role very quickly... me being an older sister is a big part of who [I am] now, sometimes to my detriment." – Skylar (09:03)
  "We used to make fun of her being our habitual line stepper. Like, she'd see the line, she'd walk over it." – Skylar (16:24)

• Middle Child Perspective: Sunlyn dealt with pressures of filling in after Skylar left for college and modeled her style of leadership after observing her sister. "It's always been tricky being in the middle... I do remember I took a lot of notes from how Skyler handled a lot of things." – Sunlyn (11:21)

3. From Siblings to Chosen Friends

• Consciously Choosing Each Other in Adulthood: As adults, the sisters note that their bond is no longer dictated by proximity but by genuine choice and effort. "When we were thrown together at first, [now] we are banding together because we truly love each other, and... get along really, really well." – Skylar (08:37)

• Intentional Efforts to Maintain Connection: Without shared space, communication and regular check-ins became essential to preserving closeness. "Now we have to make more of a conscious effort to, like, reach out and have hard conversations." – Sunlyn (37:40)

4. Creative Upbringing & Parental Influence

• Encouragement of Daydreaming and Creativity: Their parents, especially their father, fostered imaginative play and artistic exploration, which now informs their adult creative careers. "Our parents allowed us to get bored... and in the boredom, we created so much." – Skylar (18:34)
  "There's no limit to the things that we could think of and create." – Sunlyn (22:50)

• Values of Service & Community: Their mother’s example of giving back influenced not only personal values but professional approaches to creative work. "Every time that we were creating or doing something with intention, I think we naturally picked up from our mother, okay, how can this lend itself to someone else?" – Skylar (23:13)

5. Communication & Conflict Resolution

• Repairing After Conflict: The sisters share a pivotal argument in Japan, highlighting their growth in communicating, apologizing, and intentionally choosing each other. "The next day, I went to her, and I was like, at the end of the day, I choose you, and I'm always going to choose you." – Skylar (29:54) "A lot of it was just miscommunication and misunderstanding. Kind of how we are showing up differently as adults." – Sunlyn (32:12)

• Breaking Generational Patterns: They emphasize the importance of saying the "quiet part out loud" and addressing hard topics, moving beyond the surface-level harmony modeled in childhood. "We can't just say we... love each other, but then not say the hard things to each other." – Skylar (34:55)

• Therapy's Influence: Skylar not only modeled the value of therapy but sponsored sessions for Sunlyn, helping her with emotional tools and underscoring love through action. "Skyler sponsored my therapy for, I want to say, what, like, three years? She was paying for all my appointments." – Sunlyn (39:53)

6. Creative Collaboration: 'Set Sessions'

• Professional Partnership as an Extension of Play: Their collaborative project merges Skylar’s creative direction with Sunlyn’s DJing, embodying their childhood synergy. "This has become an outlet for us to do something on our own terms... and there's no expectations." – Skylar (42:34)

• Growth Through Imperfection: They discuss the freedom and humility in “just doing it” without striving for perfection, serving as an inspiration for other creators. "There's so much beauty and imperfection. So [Sunlyn] teaches me, okay, we can just do this. We can do it scared. And it will still be great because it's the difference between doing something and not." – Skylar (48:08) "As we're moving along, I'm obviously getting more comfortable... even with the imperfections, it's so what? Like, it inspires people." – Sunlyn (49:44)

• Respecting Boundaries and Strengths: The sisters explain how they balance creative feedback and veto power, honoring each other’s expertise and vision. "We play to our strengths when it comes to set... there's a lot of respect for either side." – Skylar (42:34)

7. Unique Bond & Identity

• Sun & Sky Metaphor: Their names were chosen for their “nature” feel, which manifests in their balance and parallel growth. "We're night and day. We're similar in a lot of ways, but different in a lot of ways, too." – Sunlyn (61:00)

• Protecting Each Other: The sisters touch on their complementary tendencies—Sunlyn as the advocate, Skylar as the wordsmith—when facing external challenges. "If somebody is mean to her, she might not say something about it. I will." – Sunlyn (54:52)

• Holding Space for Growth and Softness: Both reflect on the importance of unconditional love, space for mistakes, and celebrating each other’s personal strengths. "The space that she's created for me to always show up as myself and not feel a need to hold back is one of the most important parts of our relationship." – Sunlyn (56:26) "She walks through the world with so much of herself at the forefront, and it's so unapologetic and so proud." – Skylar (57:21)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On sibling individuality:
  "We're the same on the same coin, opposite side." – Skylar (29:18)

• On creative motivation:
  "The ability to create without boundaries completely set the foundation for my relationship with creation." – Skylar (18:34)

• On repair and choice:
  “Just because we’re up against this thing, we’re up against this thing. And I think we think about that when it comes to relationships with partners, but with your siblings as well.” – Skylar (29:54)

• On imperfect beginnings:
  "You cannot begin at perfection, and you may not ever reach it. So, like, you have to kind of throw it out altogether." – Skylar (50:06)

• On vulnerability and growth:
  “She walks through the world with so much of herself at the forefront, and it’s so unapologetic and so proud that I take so much of that. And it just seeps into me all the time.” – Skylar (57:21)

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Introductions & Sibling Structure: 05:15–07:25
• Oldest & Middle Child Experiences: 09:03–12:49
• Adulthood & Choosing Each Other: 12:51–14:43
• Traits Admired in Each Other: 14:52–17:47
• Creativity & Daydreaming: 18:16–24:08
• Deepening the Adult Bond & Japan Argument: 28:20–34:31
• Breaking Generational Cycles: 34:55–38:03
• Therapy’s Impact & Active Support: 39:53–41:25
• Collaborating on ‘Set Sessions’: 41:25–50:32
• Protective Dynamics & Advocacy: 54:19–56:05
• Vulnerability & Holding Space: 56:16–59:57
• The Sun & Sky Metaphor: 59:57–63:41

Conclusion

This episode is a testament to the depth, resilience, and intentionality that can define sibling relationships. Through candid stories and practical wisdom, Skylar and Sunlyn embody how conflict, creativity, and compassion can transform familial bonds into empowered adult friendships. Their journey offers hope, validation, and actionable insights for listeners navigating relationships, creative collaborations, and the legacy of Black sisterhood.

Connect with the Guests

• Instagram: @sunlynchiraya, @skylarmarche
• YouTube: Set Sessions