GECKMAIL: I LEFT MY GF TO TRAVEL

Summary

Therapy Gecko — GECKMAIL: I LEFT MY GF TO TRAVEL

Date: October 1, 2025
Host: Lyle (Therapy Gecko)
Podcast: Therapy Gecko

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Overview

In this special Geckmail episode, Lyle, aka Therapy Gecko, offers a solo mailbag format where he responds to emails from listeners, tackles stories about unconventional decisions, personal struggles, and the quirks of growth. Lyle weaves humor and thoughtful self-reflection throughout as he discusses the pursuit of authenticity, the yearning for community, and the sometimes absurd experience of just being alive. This episode features a powerful range of listener experiences: solo travel adventures, self-acceptance battles, job misadventures, and seeking validation both inward and outward.

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Main Themes

• The value and challenges of solo travel and unconventional choices
• The tension between authentic self-expression and external validation
• Navigating loneliness, struggle, and community building
• The balancing act of changing oneself versus accepting oneself as-is
• Responding to adversity and the drive for personal growth

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

Lyle’s Upcoming Documentary Trip (02:28–07:45)

• Lyle shares excitement and some nerves about departing imminently for Baghdad, Iraq, to film his next documentary as “a gecko in Baghdad.”
• He reflects philosophically on how, despite cultural differences, human experiences have common threads everywhere: “People in Iraq, they're doing that just like we do it in Ohio and Uzbekistan and California and Brazil... there's core similarities to places and things. More places are similar than they are different.” (05:55)
• Playful asides on the existence of American fast food chains in Baghdad and what that says about globalization.

Leaving the House & the Universe "Patting You on the Back" (08:40–13:10)

• Email from Alex: Describes social anxiety but the unexpected joy and reward found in pushing oneself to attend a band’s listening party. Alex wins extra concert tickets, using them as an example of the universe rewarding them for “finally going outside.”
• Lyle emphasizes, echoing the theme: “All we have to do is leave the goddamn house sometimes and good things might happen. Usually not every time, but it might be worth it just to see what the hell is out there.” (12:48)
• He relates with a friend’s Tinder/mosh-pit story, underscoring how taking risks yields real-life rewards.

Main Story: Ending a Relationship to Travel Alone (13:12–21:45)

• Email from Jay Swizzle: Shares decision to end a relationship in order to travel solo, embracing an “independent spirit” even when criticized for it. Seeks validation for “throwing away” a conventional relationship in favor of unconventional experiences.
• Lyle deeply relates, acknowledging both the growth of solo adventure and the risks of disconnection and loneliness.
  • “If you’re even thinking about being a little unconventional, even for just a little bit, I think it’s a really good ride to take... But honest to fucking god, the more life I live, the more I realize there is no route at all that isn’t scary and weird and uncomfortable.” (16:19)
  • “When you leave and you’re in places doing things where you’re the only one that knows you, you can grow a lot from that. But if you do that for too long, you can start to spin...” (17:32)
• Recalls wisdom from a previous guest (Tripp, the train-hopper): “It’s a wonderful adventure, but it’s not a good life.”

Notable Quote

"Drowning is good a little bit, but… you can run around and solo travel... but I loved what Tripp said: it's a wonderful adventure, but it's not a good life."
— Lyle (19:35)

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Spam Interlude (21:45–23:05)

• Lyle reads, mocks, and cheekily responds to a handful of spam emails. Absurd “Art of Killing Ladybugs” bit shows his playful side.

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Solo Travel, Connection, and Validation: Further Listener Stories

Steve (Train Hopper) Update (27:56–30:15)

• “Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand well.” – quoted by Steve, attributed to Jack London (29:50)
• Lyle connects: “You waste a lot of time yearning to be something that's not you… Just accept it. Accept that you're not that. Accept the fucking insecurity, and go from there.” (30:38)

Andrea: Makeup & Authenticity (31:05–49:05)

• Andrea describes her experience growing up autistic, only getting external validation when she conforms to societal standards of beauty (makeup, femininity).
  • “The prize of inauthenticity is that everyone loves you but yourself.” (36:14)
• Lyle embarks on a long, nuanced meditation on self-acceptance, performance, authenticity, and the cost of social conformity:
  • “Be yourself is tricky, right?… Change isn’t always bad unless it makes you feel really bad.”
  • Describes his mental tug-of-war between “radical self-acceptance” and the voice that says, “You must provide value to have value in society.”
  • Offers no easy answers, instead reflecting that balance and occasional discomfort are part of growth.

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Answering Life’s Letters: Community, Struggle, and Growth

Aia: Making Friends and Facing Online Harassment (55:00–63:00)

• Aia details years of failed attempts to connect, compounded by being doxed and harassed online.
• Lyle urges disengaging from toxic internet spaces: “If the internet has just become like a horrible thing… you just got to fucking turn the computer off.”
• Suggests honest self-audit: “Sometimes saying 'you're enough' can be dangerous, because sometimes you gotta give yourself an honest audit... If you discover you're off-putting, don't spiral—approach it like a scientist. What can I do differently?... Sometimes you act in a way that feels performative and actually realize, 'wait, this is me, I can do this.'"
• Ends reassurances: attempt new mindsets, but avoid spiraling if uncomfortable truths emerge.

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Lauren: “Mouse House” and Life Transitions (64:51–67:20)

• A 22-year-old, recently out of an abusive home, adjusting to a new job caring for lab mice and wrestling with loneliness and tentative hope.
• Lyle’s response: “Everyone's trying. Is everyone trying their best? I think so.” (67:32)

Dean’s 11 Jobs in 4 Years: Adventures in Work (67:34–73:48)

• Shares an at-turns comedic, at-turns bleak list of strange, underpaid, and sometimes exploitative jobs before finding fulfillment in his current work.
• Lyle reflects on career experimentation and the hope for eventual fit.

Walker: Fired for Speaking Up (73:50–76:22)

• Writes about being let go from a farm job after advocating for coworkers.
• Lyle concedes he doesn’t always have “words of wisdom”—authentic in his humility—but is glad Walker wrote in, reminds listeners sometimes others in the comments may have good advice.

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Ed: Dating an Older Woman (81:32–87:15)

• 24-year-old dating a 10-years-older woman, asks if the age difference is weird or problematic.
• Lyle, with lived experience, answers it only matters if there are conflicting long-term goals: “The main problem with being in a relationship with a woman who's much older… is that if she wants to get married or have kids, she's going to want to do it sooner rather than later... If that's not a thing, it kind of doesn't fucking matter.” (85:22)
• Reassures: “You’re probably dumb for doing a lot of things that you do. Not because you’re a bad person or because you’re dumb, but because we’re all just a little dumb.”

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Adventure and Comfort:
  “If you’re even thinking about being a little unconventional, just do it... but there is no life that isn’t scary and weird and uncomfortable.” (16:18)
• On Rewarding Yourself for Taking Risks:
  “The universe just... it just rewards you for doing shit.” (13:10)
• On External Validation:
  “You will never, ever in your life have enough external validation. You won’t.” (38:11)
• On Performing vs. Authenticity:
  “The prize of inauthenticity is that everyone loves you but yourself.” — Andrea (36:14, as discussed by Lyle)
• On Honest Self-Assessment:
  “You gotta give yourself an honest audit... Approach it like a scientist.” (61:15)
• On Accepting Yourself:
  “Just accept it. Accept that you’re not that. Accept the fucking insecurity and then go from there.” (30:38)
• On Balancing Change and Authenticity:
  “Sometimes what people say is performative is just, like, putting in effort, trying new shit...” (41:00)
• On Advice and Wisdom:
  “I’m okay with not always having words of wisdom. I think if I always had words of wisdom, that would be a bad thing.” (76:22)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Lyle’s Iraq Trip and Documentary Plans: 02:28–07:45
• Alex on Going Outside, Universe Rewards: 08:40–13:10
• Jay Swizzle: Leaving Relationship to Solo Travel: 13:12–21:45
• Listener Steve on Train-Hopping and Life Perspective: 27:56–30:15
• Andrea: Makeup, Authenticity, and Conformity: 31:05–49:05
• Aia: Struggling for Connection After Online Harassment: 55:00–63:00
• Dean: 11 Jobs in 4 Years and Finding Meaningful Work: 67:34–73:48
• Walker: Fired for Advocating at Work: 73:50–76:22
• Ed: Age-Gap Relationship Advice: 81:32–87:15

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Tone, Style, and Final Remarks

This Geckmail episode is quintessential Lyle: alternately self-effacing, wise-cracking, meandering, and sincerely heartfelt. He gives space for his own doubts alongside big listener feelings, never pretending to have all the answers and embracing the messiness and absurdity of modern life. He reminds listeners, both with jokes and with candor, that pursuing meaning and connection is tough, but trying and honesty are what matter.

He ends with a rambling, humorous set of notebook bits and final gratitude: “Thank you guys for listening… I’m glad we got to spend this hour together.” (89:10)

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For fans or newcomers, this episode encapsulates the Therapy Gecko ethos: life is hard, strange, funny, and worth sharing. Go outside. Give yourself an audit. Try, fail, try again. Sometimes the universe pats you on the back. Sometimes we just need to hear that everyone’s doing their best, messing up, and gecking through it together.

Transcript

[Ebony]

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I'm Danielle Robaix and this is Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club. The new podcast from hello Sunshine and iheart Podcasts where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and off. Each week I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars, and more. For conversations that will make you laugh, cry and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audiobook and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit Apple Co ReeseAppleBooks to find out more.

[Dani Shapiro]

Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Dani Shapiro and these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[WebMD Host]

From tips for healthy living to the latest medical breakthroughs, WebMD's Health Discovered podcast keeps you up to date on today's most important health issues. Through in depth conversations with experts from across the healthcare community, WebMD reveals how today's health news will impact your life tomorrow.

[Geck (Lyle)]

It's not that people don't know that exercise is healthy. It's just that people, we don't know why it's healthy and we're struggling to try to help people help themselves and each other.

[WebMD Host]

Listen to WebMD Health discovered on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Mandy Money]

Do we really need another podcast with a condescending finance bro trying to tell us how to spend our own money? No thank you. Instead, check out Brown Ambition. Each week I your host Mandy Money gives you real talk, real advice with a heavy dose of I feel useless. Like on Fridays when I take your questions for the baqa. Whether you're trying to invest for your future, navigate a toxic workplace. I got you. Listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast.

[Geck (Lyle)]

I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming Conversation about how to be a better you. When you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outcome. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denial is easier. Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the psychology podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hello, people of Earth and any other planets where this podcast might be being listened to. This is geckmail. This is a version of this show that I do sometimes where I just talk into a camera alone in a room for an hour. Did I say a camera? I meant a microphone. Although some cameras have microphones, if not most cameras. And you know. Yeah. So it's a podcast. I make little observations like that. It's exciting, it's fun. I read viewer mails. Some people like to call the show to talk about things going on in their life. Some people like to email the show with things going on in their life. So I'm gonna read some of those emails. How am I doing? I'm doing pretty good. I'm. I'm going to Iraq tomorrow. Well, you'll hear this podcast on Wednesday, but today I'm recording this. On Saturday, September 27th, I'm making my next documentary. I've talked about this on the show before, but I'm making one little documentary gecko video a month. And I'm doing the October one, gonna be being a gecko in Baghdad. I have no further information, but I'm leaving on a plane to go to Baghdad in about eight hours. And I feel great about it. I'm excited. I'm gonna meet up with my buddy Muhammad that I met on Instagram and where if the. As the mo. As of. Let's see. Yeah, by the time this episode comes out, I'll be there walking around talking to people. I'm excited. Every time I tell people I've been. I haven't. This is, I think, the first time I've really talked about it on the show that I'm going. But when I tell people that I'm going, they're like, that's crazy. But I don't know, man. They got it. They have Johnny Rockets there. They have the American burger chain Johnny Rockets. They have a Burger King. They have some coffee shops. I mean, you look at it and it looks like any other place. It looks like any other place. That's really how I feel, is that everywhere is. I mean, not literally everywhere. There's places that are different, but pretty much Everywhere is just. There's people there and they're. And they're doing the things that humans do. We're biologically programmed to eat food, be with other people of our species, and have sex. So people in Iraq, they're doing that just like we do it in. In Ohio and in Uzbekistan and in California and in Brazil. I don't know. Everywhere is just every. Everywhere and everything's the same. That's what I've learned. I don't know if Anthony Bourdain talked about that on any of his travels. I don't know if I believe that's true. I don't actually. I actually don't think everywhere and everything is the same. I don't. But I think there's core similarities to places and things that. I think more places are similar than they are different. But I don't want to wax poetic for too long. That's. That's where I'm going. I'm going there in eight hours. I'll be there by the time you're listening to this, so be on the lookout for that when I get back. I'm going to edit that shit and hopefully I'll have the video ready to show you guys by the end of October. So that's what's going on with me. I'm hot off of Ivance. I'm up, I'm down, I'm left, I'm right. That's what's going on with me. I'm trying to maintain a consistent mood throughout the day and I'm excited. Let's read some emails. And then I don't have anything. I don't have a lot more else to say about myself. Let's read some emails. Okay. This is from Alex. Subject line, life update. We've never spoken before, but sometimes life is good. Okay. I guess you can have an update with somebody that you've never spoken to before for, you know, like an initial update. Okay. What's up, Lyle? Good luck. Oh, what's up? What's up, Lyle? I hope you're having a good time on your travels. I wrote you before and did not burn my journals, but still can't bring myself to write for nothing. So I'll write to you instead. Was this a person who wrote to me before? Maybe. Okay. All right. I wanted to celebrate doing something I've never done before earlier this month and the joy it brought to me. Background. I upended my life and moved back home seven months ago. Have no friends. Etc. One of my favorite bands released an album this month and I decided, after much anxiety, to go to an early listening party at a record store in my area. I like that. I already had one lone ticket to see their show, so I figured I could handle this and didn't want to miss the free stuff. I got. I haven't done anything for myself in months. So anyway, I went, got my posters signed, signed up for some giveaway. No, I. Sorry. I went, got posters signed up for giveaways. Disassociated a bit, but loved the special experience that it was. I was on the train home when they called and they said I won two free tickets to the show. Parentheses. I didn't win shit. Oh, okay. Wait. Oh, oh, no, no, no, no, no. Sorry, sorry. It says parentheses. I don't win shit. Okay, so they did win the tickets. They won the tickets, but they believe that they do not win in general. Okay. They won the tickets. I feel like the universe was giving me a little pat on the back for finally going outside. I gave the tickets to my mom and little brother and got to watch the opener with them. They loved the show almost as much as I did that. That's nice. All this to say, I hate that. You're right. All we have to do is leave the goddamn house sometimes and good things might happen. Usually not every time, but it might be worth it just to see what the hell is out there. Thanks for making a lot of people feel less lonely and making us laugh. Keep on gecking from Alex. There we go. I like this. I like this. I don't shut up about it. I talk about it all the time, bro. I just had a friend stay with me over the weekend, and he told me a story. He was like. He was kind of. He was like. This was like, back when he was in college, he was like, swiping on Tinder, and he was like, you know, we all remember being in college, swiping on Tinder. Maybe some of us still are in college. Swiping on Tinder and he runs out of swipes. He's like, I'm not gonna pay for more swipes. And he's. And he gets no means no matches, right? No matches. Maybe like one match. Feeling like shit. Feeling like he. He's worth nothing and no one wants to talk to him, you know? So anyway, he. He gets. He. There's this, like, fucking DJ in town. He wants to go see he messages, like, 10 friends. Hey, you want to go with me to this DJ thing? None of. All of them are busy. None of them respond. So he's like, fuck it. I'm gonna go. He goes, he meets some lady there, they make out, he goes into the mosh pit, they make out again, he goes back home in an Uber and he's like, wow, I'm. I'm the king of the fucking universe. You know, I know that's maybe that's not a, A, a very detailed story, but he likes telling that story. He tells that story to all of his friends who struggle with like meeting people. Cuz it's like what this person said in this email. The, the universe gave me a little pat on the back for finally going outside. It's true, man. It's true. And I, and I, and I have to. And, and you, you know. Yeah, I do. I fucking like go and do shit and sometimes and go places, but I have to remind myself this stuff. I forget this. I really do. I forget this and I get tired of going outside. Right. It's a lot, but the universe just, it just does. It just rewards you for doing shit. So I commend this person for going outside. And I know, I get the idea that this podcast is listened to by a lot of people who don't, who maybe don't like going outside. I don't know if that's true. I don't know if that's true. There's a lot of, I mean, we talked to, well, we've talked to a lot of people who go outside, but I know there's at least a demographic of people who don't like going outside that listen to this. But go fucking go out, do some stuff, man. I don't know. I've said it a bunch of times, but I really do believe it. Okay. This is from J. Swizzle subject line. I made a difficult decision to end my relationship to pursue solo traveling. Ooh. Hi, Lyle. I hope you're doing well. Your podcast has really inspired me to give solo traveling a try. I started off small by going to an EDM festival by myself, only a few hours away back in May, then more recently to a rock festival in Atlanta. Originally, these were not going to be solo trips as I informed my then girlfriend about them. And if she had, and asked if she had any interest due to her work obligations, she was not able to go. During the festival in Atlanta, I met a cool group of other people who also traveled to a bunch of music festivals solo. And I had an amazing time during that time off work to truly. I took time off work to truly reflect on what I wanted. And that was. And what I wanted was to live a more Authentic life that is truer to who I am. An independent spirit. I was honest with my girlfriend that I wanted to spend more of my limited free time traveling solo and that it is not fair to string her along like that, even though she claims she was fine with me going on these trips, even if she. It wasn't with her. Okay, sorry. I know I'm. I feel like I'm fucking up reading these emails, but. Okay. I told. I was honest with my girlfriend that it wasn't fair to string her along like that, even though she told me that she was fine with me going on these trips without her. Long story short. Long story short, she thinks that it is immature of me to do this, that I am throwing this relationship away to party. But I truly believe that this is how I discover who I really am. I want to try going on an international trip alone and giving Hostelworld a try. Anyway, I know this was kind of a long email. This was not even remotely a long email. But I appreciate your show and I admire you for living a lifestyle that is unconventional and full of adventure. Much love from Florida, yours truly, Jay Swizzle. You know, Jay Swizzle, I appreciate you saying that. And I. I mean, I'll talk about this, right? So there's a bit of a. There's a bit of a yin yang to life. I think if you're a certain kind of person that wants to live unconventionally and I think it's a good ride to take. I think if you're even thinking about taking the ride of doing. Of being a little unconventional, even for just a little bit, I think it's a really good ride to take. It's scary and weird and uncomfortable and fucking. But. But honest, honest to fucking God, the more life I live, the more I realize there's. There is no life, there is no route at all that isn't scary and weird and uncomfortable. But when I was younger, I maybe would have point blank, always said that you should take the ticket and go on the adventure. As I get older, the more I realize that, you know, the things is I'm only gonna speak for my own personal experience. I don't like talking about these. This shit as if it applies to other people. So I'm gonna speak the. Just for myself. For me, I'm really happy and really proud of myself for having gone on like, adventures and doing unconventional shit and doing the solo travel, whatever stuff. But. And I wouldn't. I don't regret a single thing. But when you, Lee, when you leave and you're in places and doing things where you're the only one that knows you there, you can grow a lot from that. But you can also start. If you do that for too long, you start to spin, right? Because life is, like, transient and weird. And it feels like. At least for me, for me, my life has felt transient and weird. And I felt like I've. I felt like I'm drowning a lot. And when you're on the phone with, like, your friend or your mom or you're with people that you, like, know in a place that you know, it feels like the only way to, like, grab a fucking rung of the ladder so that you're not fucking drowning. And I. I discovered that and felt that way recently. But I also feel like drowning is good a little bit, but that's okay. I mean, you can. Here's the thing, Julian, is you can run around and solo travel and have your adventures. You should do it. If you've never done it, you should fucking really do it. You should really do it. But I loved what I. A lot. A lot of you guys listened to the podcast Shout Out. My boy Tripping, who talked about train hopping for 12 years. There's a podcast, a few podcasts to go on here. This guy Tripp, talked about train hopping for two years and that he met this old man who lived that lifestyle. And what he said really hit me, where he was like, it's a wonderful adventure, but it's not a good life. And I. And that makes a lot of fucking sense to me. And over the years, I've really tried to kind of redesign my life so that I have some sense of semblance to a feeling of knowing people and knowing places. And I think I needed a community to survive, and I needed people in my real life who knew me to survive. And I needed to call to be on the phone with my mom and my friends, friends and do all those things to feel like I exist, you know? But it's also trying to carve out time to, you know, go to Iraq and walk around as a gecko and do things that feel exciting and adventurous. Time flies like crazy when you're living in a routine, you know? And also, these are all privileged things. So listen, if you have the fucking ability to run around, go crazy. But, yeah, at least for me, I've tried to have a balance. And I think it's. It's been good. Sorry, I'm just rambling. I mean, another whole. Fucking. The whole. This whole thing is just me rambling. But I hope you guys are enjoying listening to it. Okay. It's the best. The best time to book a flight. Oh, wait. Okay, this is spam. You know what? I'm gonna read a little bit of spam. Let's take a break from the viewer mail and let's just read some spam, shall we? Okay. This is from Grace. Janet. This is in my spam folder. Congratulations on publishing your book. That's such an exciting milestone. Where did you publish it? I've been chatting with authors lately who are trying to figure out the next steps, how to get more eyes on their book and keep the momentum going. If that's something on your mind too, I'd love to share a few simple ideas that might help. Let's connect. This is from Grace. Jan, this is from gracejanet, the publishermail.com I'm gonna respond to this. Hello, Grace. Thank you so much. I love you. Let's connect. About My Book Begin Quotation Marks the Art of Killing Ladybugs who Are Evil. Send okay, that was a waste of time. I kind of want to read more spam. All right. This is from Williams Smith. This is a long one. I'm not gonna read this. Oh, okay. This is from Krista. Subject line be grateful with three exclamation points. Beloved blessed one, thank you for going through this email and sorry this might seem like a surprise since this is my first time writing to you. I am Mrs. Christina Erthard, a cancer patient and also a widow. I have something of importance I would like to discuss with you. If granted, I would be glad if you would send me an email and I would readily disclose my intentions of contacting you as I believe God has put us in contact for a reason. This I ask for the sake of you who are mindful and need to be acknowledged. I'm gonna reply. I hope you feel better. Send. Okay, let me if there's any more funny spam emails, I'll read them, but most of them are just don't make any sense. Okay. All right. Why do people do hello, Therapy gecko mail? Tired of one week spikes and then silence in your Amazon book sales? Why? Why do these people think I'm selling a book? All right, let's read. Let's read mails from more people, from real people.

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[Geck (Lyle)]

All I know is what I've been told and that to half truth is.

[Maggie Freeling]

A whole lie for almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[Geck (Lyle)]

I'm telling you, we know Quincy killed her.

[Maggie Freeling]

We know a story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national tv.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran.

[Maggie Freeling]

My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist producer and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find.

[Geck (Lyle)]

I did not know her and I did not kill her or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y' all said.

[Ebony]

They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

[Maggie Freeling]

From lava for good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.

[Geck (Lyle)]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[Maggie Freeling]

Listen to Graves county in the Bone Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts and to binge the entire season ad free. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcast.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Foreign.

[Ebony]

Welcome to Pretty Private with ebony, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebony and every Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles and more and found the strength to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was A drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant, but he wasn't shot on a street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Pretty poor.

[Ebony]

Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect podcast network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Mandy Money]

Hey, sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brown Ambition. This is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards. If you haven't gotten to the bottom of racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now, when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets, I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. When it weighs on you, it's really easy to just like, stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Geck (Lyle)]

We had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles, and you name it.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

But what they find is not what they expected.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Basically, your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. They go, is this your daughter? I said, yes. They go, oh, you may not see her for like 25 years.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Copy. Between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited them, the women must decide who they're willing to protect and who they dare to betray.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Okay. Oh, this is cool. Okay, this is. This is an update. I was just talking about our boy Tripp who did that long podcast about hopping trains. He sent us a follow up subject line. It's Steve, the caller who rode trains. Hey Lyle, thank you for giving me the space to share. I've gotten maybe a dozen emails so far and all of them were just so positive and from people all over the world who wanted to wish me some words of encouragement. Encouragement. One email though caught me off guard and made me feel really emotional. It was from this guy in Canada who said my story really made him think about his own family and his dad and how he's always had both of his parents and they lived with him and now he's going to be an elementary school teacher. He said how it made him reach out to his dad and tell him he loves him and said I will probably affect other people similarly. It was just really intense and I felt it so deeply, bro. I felt the same way when I was listening to your conversation. Your, your, your story. Steve. I, I, I, I called my dad. I was like, what's up bro? It's always weird when you get like really like a mo when like something hits you emotionally and it makes you want to reach out to someone but like they're just like living their life and like they're not. They don't match you on the same. Not that my dad is, you know, my, I have my of a loving f. You know, sometimes you get in your feels and then you reach out to, you're like, you reach out to your friend and you're like, hey, I love you man. I just want you to know that he's like, thanks man. Is everything, Are you okay? You know what I mean? Anyway, I've been reading all the Spotify comments and I added my blue sky on there. So people started following me on blue sky and starting conversations with me and it feels really good to get this outside perspective on my life and it's helped me see how good I really am doing with what I have. That's so awesome. I also wanted to share this quote with you. Life is not always a matter of holding good cards, but sometimes playing a poor hand. Well, Jack London. Oh, I'm such a fan of that quote. Yeah, I'm a fan of that quote. I was thinking about that last night. I was thinking about that last night. I there's things I'm insecure about and I don't feel good about with my, you know, I'm insecure about things and some of them are things that I just feel like are inherent to my existence and you can waste a lot of motherfucking time being jealous or, like, yearning for. For shit that you can't. That's not you. Yearning to be something that's not you. You waste a lot of fucking time doing that. And I'm just like. I felt. I remember. I. Yeah, I felt really good. I was. Yeah, I was thinking about, like, an insecurity, and I was. I felt. I remember just thinking to myself, I'm like, well, okay, but I'm alive and I'm me, and this is it. And I accepted it about myself, and I'm like, okay, well, I'll just go from there. I'm like. I was, like, looking at. I was looking at someone else, and I was, like, getting. I think I was getting jealous. And I was like, okay, well, I'm not that. And sitting here wanting to be that is not helpful. So just accept. Just accept it. Accept that you're not that. Accept the fucking insecurity, and then go from there. And then once you go from there, you're like, oh, wow, I can actually go. I can try this. I can try that. I can do this and that and the other thing, you know? And then also, bro, there's so many. For every person that you're jealous of, there's like 300,000 billion people who. You're like, wow, I'm glad that that is not my life. So. All right, this is from Andrea. Subject line, makeup conformity versus non conformity. Hello, Geck. I have no concerns of anonymity, so you can say my first name. Very good. Me and my sister didn't grow up very affectionate, but one thing she said off the cuff in a moment of sincerity and vulnerability continues to ring in my mind. When we were younger, I used to be jealous of you because I thought you were so beautiful. Even now, you have so much potential if you just tried. Okay, we're. We're back. We're on the. We're on the envy theme. You see, I'm 21 now, and I've never practiced makeup or anything like that until when I turned 19. And for the first time in my life, I started trying, quote unquote, to be beautiful. And the worst part is, it actually worked. I'm autistic. And I think it definitely played into my apathy toward gender presentation and roles for so long. When I started wearing makeup, I leaned into the absurdity and performative performativity of gender and literally put it in the exact words of, I've decided to take up my role. My immediate family lit up with excitement and smiles. Seeing me wear girly makeup, girly clothes in a way they never did before. I was happy with their happiness. And it wasn't just them. When I dressed feminine, when I was beautiful, when I bought in, I felt like other people treated me better, especially the opposite gender. In high school, I felt invisible. And I carried that into the start of my young adult life until this period where I felt seen and looked at for the first time in my life. I had a short stint where I went crazy for external validation by the opposite sex. Though I am mostly over that now, thank God. I realized external validation is fleeting from people you don't really give a fuck about and will always leave you chasing more. There's more to this email, but I want to think about that. Yeah, external validation. I've. I've learned, bro, I've learned over and over. I'm 20. This person's 21. I'm 27. I better be 28. I've learned. I have so many lessons in my life that I've just learned over and over and over again. And then thought I. And then I realized. I thought I learned them, and then I didn't. You know, so many lessons that you fucking like this one. This, like this. This girl being like, external validation is fleeting. It's true. It's just so true. It's true. You will never, ever in your life have enough external validation. You won't. And, bro, I've gotten more extra. I've gotten more external validation than 99.999% of people that ever lived will get to have. So trust me when I tell you it's not. I'm not gonna say I'd be lying. I mean, I'm not gonna flat out lie and say it's worth nothing. I'm not gonna flat out lie and say it's worth nothing, but I'm not gonna say it's worth nothing. But I. I'm gonna say it's not everything. I'll say that. Okay, back to the email. And yes, some of this may just be internal projection. I wear makeup. I feel more confident, better results, vicious cycle. But that only accounts for some of it, because people definitely do treat me better when I quote, unquote, buy in. A bud of resentment has grown, and I realized I don't want to associate with 90% of people who would treat me better if I conform. I heard this quote that really resonated, which was, the prize of inauthenticity is that everyone loves you but yourself. I'm gonna Let that stew for a second. The prize of inauthenticity is that everyone loves you but yourself. I've limited my makeup use. I'm trying to get comfortable in my skin and regress back to my authentic self expression that is less performative, more autistic, but also much less happily received. Often I battle with the idea of feeling like I have to perform a version of myself to be liked or to be accepted. My dream is community and being surrounded by people. To what extent that is only achievable if I swallow a piece of myself. Unfortunately, I'm not somebody people naturally gravitate to. And I only got a taste of what that was like when I was performing. Despite trying to logic my way out of it and my resentment to conformity, I'm addicted to that feeling. Still find myself reaching towards that reality, the one where I am only existing as a fraction of myself. But I fulfill this deep dream of mine to be with people. That's the end of the email. Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this, Andrea. This. This is a lot to chew on. I have. I have thoughts and feelings on this one because I want to be realistic. I really do. I don't want to sit. I'm. And I'm not that guy. I'm really not that guy. I'm. I know I get a label of like being a wholesome bean and like, you know, I don't. I'm not into. I try so fucking hard to be optimistic, but I don't. I'm not into toxic positivity and I'm not into like platitudes. And I. And I really try to have like a grounded sense of these things and I'm trying to figure them out myself every day. Every day I'm trying to figure them out myself. I think about these things. Dude, I'm talking about the idea mainly of like, be yourself. Right? Like that's the platitude. Be yourself. And none of this is advice. This is. I'm just this. Honestly, these episodes are just therapy for me. They're just me talking through this shit. But be yourself is tricky, right? Because there's parts of yourself that you don't. You don't want to bring out all the time. And there maybe there's people you want to be around and, or there's people you want to attract, or there's things you want to do and you realize that you have to change to be. To achieve those things you want to achieve. And I don't think that that change is always bad. Necessarily, unless if it makes you feel really bad. I don't know if I got this and I'm all I'm talking about myself, I'm not talking about this person. I don't know if I got the sense that this person necessarily hates wearing makeup. So I'm just talking about myself. And there are times where I feel like I have this, I have this feeling sometimes where I'm like, I feel this way about like making, making videos, making art, working, dating. I, I, I have this feeling sometimes friendship. Like I just have this feeling all the important areas of life, right? Creativity, romance, community, all these things. I, I, I have this feeling, this thought sometimes that says to me if I approach everything just as I am, I'll naturally be gravitated toward what's right for me. And then sometimes I'm like, what are you, a fucking idiot? No, don't do that at all. Don't do that at all. Don't fucking do that. Don't do that at all. You gotta put in a little bit of effort. Cuz that the reason I say I'm is because that makes me feel very apathetic, right? Like if I'm in a shitty mood and I'm like whatever, I'm gonna go on a date with someone or about to make a thing or do it, I'm just like, let's just be however you are. And I think there's something to that. But I also think that that mindset has prevented me from putting in active effort towards making positive changes. And it's, it's really just for me it's been a desire to just make my life easier. By the way, this is nothing to do. I'm, I'm, I'm, this is just me. I'm not talking about this person who emailed me, but sometimes I feel like that's just me taking like an easy way out. I feel that way sometimes, man, I really do. Like, be as you are. Like no fucking, you know, if you want to be more confident, if you want to be more funny, if you want to be more, make things in a different way or this, that the other thing, like you got to put an effort to change positively to get the things that you want. And this idea of like let me just let everything go and allow the universe to naturally brings what it, bring what it brings. To me. It feels like giving up sometimes. I don't know if that's true, I'm just talking about my. But it feels like giving up sometimes. It feels like me just being like all Right. Well, let me not put any effort into trying to be more than what I am, and I'll just let what the universe naturally gives to me come to me. But then. But dude, some. And you know what? That works for some people because some. And sometimes I think that works, though, if you just approach everything exactly as you are and you let the universe give you what it gives you, and you're like, oh, I'm pretty happy with this. But sometimes you approach everything exactly as you are and you let the universe give you what it gives you, and you're like, oh, I don't. I don't know if. I don't know if I like what the universe has given me. I think I'd like a little bit more than that until you change. And that's the way of the world. I want to be realistic about these things. I don't have. I don't have answers, though. I don't know. Well, I don't. And I don't apply a judgment value to it. I don't think either is a. Because sometimes I think what people say is performative is just like putting in effort, putting trying new shit. Like, okay, I've been approaching my life as I am for this long, and I'm not happy with what life has given me back. Is it performative to go, well, let me try acting like this? And even if I do try acting like this, is that not me? Anything I do is something I would do. But. But back to this person's email is that if you do feel like whatever you're doing is, like, strong, like you can feel in your gut, I think when you're misaligned. And so if whatever thing you're doing to. To make that effort feels strong in your fucking gut, like strongly misaligned, then yeah, I think that's not something to follow. I don't know if any of what I just said makes sense. I think it's does, because, yeah, I don't want to, like, I don't want to give up. I want to hold on. I feel like I talk too much about myself and not enough about this person who, because I talked about myself, I want to talk about this person specifically. I battle with the idea of feeling like I have to perform a version of myself to be liked or accepted. My dream is community and being surrounded by people. To what extent that is only achievable. That if I swallow a piece of myself, okay, that I don't believe that I don't. This person saying, unfortunately, I'm not someone that people naturally gravitate to. And I only got a taste of what that was like when I was performing. I'm addicted to that feeling and find myself reaching towards that reality, the one where I only exist as a fraction of myself, but I fulfill this deep dream of mine to be with people. Okay, I'm gonna talk about this person specifically because I think that if you're trying to, like, find community and make friends and be around a lot of people, I do think that. Again. I think that again. Yet you. Some combination of being your authentic self and putting in some kind of effort that I don't necessarily think you need to label as performative can get you there. Right? I mean, you're talking about. I mean, you're 21. I don't know any. I don't really know anything. I don't. This person, Andrea, I don't know a lot about her from this email. I don't know anything about her. But I do think that if she keeps. I mean, you know, it's the thing I've been talking about to death. But if you just keep finding places to continue to be, I do think you'll eventually be around people, but you might have to make some changes. Yeah, you might have to make some changes. I think at the end of the day, yes, you have to make some changes that you're uncomfortable with and that are kind of hard because I really like taking both sides of this argument and because I have a little bit of the. I have a little bit of both of these things in me which are like. Like a. Some form of, like, radical. I really have both these things in me. Like, a half of my brain is a radical self. Love, accept, be yourself, and everything's gonna be okay. Like, I have. I have a deep, like, left brain, hippie part of my brain. And then I have the. I have a capitalist. You must provide value to have value. Part of my brain and the. They. They just coexist. It's who I am. It's how I think about life. And the both of those wolves are living in my fucking brain. The wolf. I'm. Again, I'm talking about myself. The wolf of, like, if I. If I lose weight, I will be more attractive and lovable. If I make more money, I will have more. I will be happier if I do this and that. And the other guy, like the capitalist. You must provide value as a person to be valued in society. Like that. Like that said, that's a. That's a solid half of my brain. And then again, I have the other solid half of my brain that's like, no, no, no, no. Like very hippie. Like, no, no, be as you are. You, you are enough. You exist. You be, you can. You're completely fine exactly how you are. And yeah, these are those two part of my brain. Those two parts of my brain, they battle each other. And I think they both have valid things. They both have valid things to say and then they both have times where each other is talking and I'm like, shut the fuck up, you're insane. You know, So I try to pull from each side of that to like address things, but I think this person can find community. But again, you have to put yourself out there to do it. Okay, I've spoken too long on this. Thank you for sharing. Andrea.

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[Geck (Lyle)]

All I know is what I've been.

[Mandy Money]

Told and that to half truth is a whole lie.

[Maggie Freeling]

For almost a decade, the murder of an 18 year old girl from a small town in Graves County, Kentucky went unsolved until a local homemaker, a journalist and a handful of girls came forward with a story.

[Geck (Lyle)]

I'm telling you, we know Quincy killed her.

[Maggie Freeling]

We know a story that law enforcement used to convict six people and that got the citizen investigator on national tv.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Through sheer persistence and nerve, this Kentucky housewife helped give justice to Jessica Curran.

[Maggie Freeling]

My name is Maggie Freeling. I'm a Pulitzer Prize winning journalist producer and I wouldn't be here if the truth were that easy to find.

[Geck (Lyle)]

I did not know her and I did not kill her or rape or burn or any of that other stuff that y' all said.

[Ebony]

They literally made me say that I took a match and struck and threw it on her. They made me say that I poured gas on her.

[Maggie Freeling]

From Lava For Good. This is Graves County, a show about just how far our legal system will go in order to find someone to blame.

[Geck (Lyle)]

America, y' all better wake the hell up. Bad things happens to good people and small towns.

[Maggie Freeling]

Listen to Graves county in the Bone Valley feed on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts and to binge the entire season ad free. Subscribe to Lava for Good plus on Apple Podcasts.

[Ebony]

Welcome to Pretty Private with ebony, the podcast where silence is broken and stories are set free. I'm Ebonae and every Tuesday Tuesday I'll be sharing all new anonymous stories that would challenge your perceptions and give you new insight on the people around you. On Pretty Private, we'll explore the untold experiences of women of color who faced it all. Childhood trauma, addiction, abuse, incarceration, grief, mental health struggles and more. And found the strength to make it to the other side. My dad was shot and killed in his house. Yes, he was a drug dealer. Yes, he was a confidential informant. But he wasn't shot on street corner. He wasn't shot in the middle of a drug deal. He was shot in his house, unarmed. Pretty Private isn't just a podcast. It's your personal guide for turning storylines into lifelines. Every Tuesday, make sure you listen to Pretty Private from the Black Effect podcast network. Tune in on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you listen to your favorite shows.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Geck (Lyle)]

We had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

But what they find is not what they expected.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Basically, your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. They go, is this your daughter? I said, yes. They go, oh, you may not see her for like 25 years.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Caught between a federal investigation and the violent gang who recruited them, the women must decide who they're willing to protect and who they dare to betray.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Mandy Money]

Hey, sis, what if I could promise you you never had to listen to a condescending finance bro tell you how to manage your money again? Welcome to Brand Ambition. This is the hard part when you pay down those credit cards, if you haven't gotten to the bottom of why you were racking up credit or turning to credit cards, you may just recreate the same problem. A year from now when you do feel like you are bleeding from these high interest rates, I would start shopping for a debt consolidation loan, starting with your local credit union. Shopping around online, looking for some online lenders because they tend to have fewer fees and be more affordable. Listen, I am not here to judge. It is so expensive in these streets, I 100% can see how in just a few months you can have this much credit card debt. And it weighs on you. It's really easy to just like stick your head in the sand. It's nice and dark in the sand. Even if, if it's scary, it's not going to go away just because you're avoiding it. And in fact, it may get even worse. For more judgment free money advice, listen to Brown ambition on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Geck (Lyle)]

All right, this is from Aaron. Subject line. Hi, Geck. I'm in the same boat as you when it comes to existentialism, depression, and general life. Long story short, I'm wondering what books you've read that have helped you with these problems and your mindset toward life in general. Keep on keeping my scaly friend. I'm not gonna lie to you, Aaron. I can't remember the last time I read a book. Cover to cover. I can't. I'm like, I don't read a lot of books. I'm too. Yeah, I don't like. I don't. I'm either. I'm either working, procrastinating, or trying to be out of my house. And so I haven't had. I haven't had books in there. I mean, I've been playing Donkey Kong Bonanza and that's taught me what is. What is Donkey Kong Bonanza taught me? It's taught me that if you play video games, you'll be a little bit less depressed for the duration of time that you're playing them. So that's. Donkey Kong Bonanza is technically the last book I read. If you count Donkey Kong as a book. Okay. This is from aia. Hello, my name is aia. I have followed your podcast on and off for a few years now. Some of the other issues people raise there are relatable for me. I haven't had any friends for about a decade now. Almost everything in my life seems to be going wrong, as if I'M cursed. I was unfortunately the target of a doxing campaign online a few years back that got shared to family, classmates and co workers. Jeez. Since then, I've dropped out of medical school and struggled with unemployment, isolation, and mental illness. I'm currently broke and living with my grandparents. With pretty much no room or belongings of my own. I'm at a loss as to how to make friends or stop the continued breakdown. I've tried to make friends in my local area by attending meetups or just putting myself out there at libraries and social events. I tried clubs at school and making friends with my classmates and co workers. I've tried a lot of different communities online on platforms like Reddit, Discord, etc, both advertising for friends directly or sharing my personal projects and hobbies to see if I can gain traction and find friends that way. I've done this almost full time for about three to four years now with no luck. I also haven't stopped the continued online harassment. I don't know if there are other people who listen to your podcast or call in who have run into similar issues, but I'd really like to help get my story out there or find connection. Thanks for your time. Best A. I'm okay. Well, this, this is. I feel like I can't have too many thoughts on this, but there's so many, like, details to this. I was the target of a doxing campaign. I mean, that sucks. I really want to offer some. I really want to find some words for this person. I'm at a loss as to how to make friends or stop the continued breakdown. I've tried to make friends in my local area by attending meetups or putting myself out there. Okay, well, I guess. I guess I'm gonna infer. I mean, from this person's email, I'm gonna infer what they want, which is they want a community. And it's the same, you know? Yeah, it's, it's, it's the same thing I've been talking about, but this is a person who's like, okay, I've been trying this for four years now with no luck. I also haven't stopped the continued online harassment. Why is this person being harassed online? You know what? That doesn't even matter. Well, you got to get off the Internet. You just got it. If you can get off the Internet. If you're, if you, if you can, you got to get off the Internet. People did it. People made friends without being on the Internet for a while. And if you're just like constantly getting. If the inner if looking at your phone has just become like a horrible thing of like, harassment and you've gone to the authorities and you've like, just fucking exhausted everything thing that you can to like, get this shit to stop, at a certain point, you just got to fucking turn the computer off because you don't want. You don't want to have that ringing through you. And, man, I don't know. Sometimes when you turn the computer off and like, I've palpa. Dude, I've palpitably noticed how much more calm I feel when I go like a few days without looking at my phone, which I do about once every three years. How does this person find connection? I really. I really, really, really want to be optimistic about this. I really do, because I just really want to believe is possible for everyone. And I don't want to give. I hate giving platitudes because I really. I've tried to make friends in my local area. I just put them. I. There's nothing. This is a. This is a person. This is. I think this is someone I have to like, talk with to get an idea of what's going on with them. I don't know how much I can. I have to think or say from just this email. The only. I get the thing about, like, these emails, like, you have to assume a lot. I guess I'm going to assume that you're like hopping around a lot maybe, and maybe you need to stay at the same place and. And invest yourself in one. Like find. Find a community and like, invest yourself in that one community and like, see how you can bring value to that one community. And also, man, like, you might have to. You might have to give yourself like an. Okay, I'm actually going to tie this back. I'm gonna. Okay, I'm gonna. I'm gonna. I'm gonna tie this back to actually a lot of the shit that I've been talking about on this episode so far, which is that you might have to audit. You might have to give yourself an honest audit. And don't break down. You might have to give yourself a fucking honest audit. That's. That's why I have that other 50% of my brain that says you're not enough to myself is because sometimes saying you. That's. Sometimes saying you're enough can be dangerous. Because sometimes you gotta. You gotta give yourself an honest audit. It's the only way to go move forward in a positive way. Give yourself an honest audit. Talk to people who know you. And it's like, look, you may, You Might be a little bit off putting, you might be kind of annoying, you might be mean, you might be these things. I don't know if you are, but you might be and you might just not know it. And if you audit yourself or you talk to people or you think about yourself and you discover that you are those things, Dear fucking God, please, please, please. If you audit yourself and you discover that you're annoying or that you're off putting or that you're hostile, or that you're any other thing, please, please don't spiral, don't spiral, don't spiral. It's not what you want to do. You want to approach this fucking like a scientist. You want to look at yourself and be like, alright, I possess these negative qualities that might be pushing people away. And I'm actually kind of happy that I know this about myself now. And I'm not gonna spiral. I'm not gonna be like, oh, I'm annoying, no one likes me, I can't change. I'm gonna go, okay, what can I do next time? This is where you got, this is where again to what I was talking about with the other email and about myself is you gotta be like, okay, well what can I do differently? How can I. And it's not performative. It's just we're trying new shit because we want a new path, you know, because we've been trying the same fucking thing for four years. It's not working. So what do we, so how do we. What's one little fucking thing we can try differently? So maybe we come off a little bit different. And it's not profile. I'm gonna walk it back. I'm gonna say it's not performative. I'm gonna say you're actually, you're attempting to discover and tap in to parts of your existence that you didn't even think were possible because you felt like they were performative. Because maybe you start acting in such a way that feels performative and then, you know, sometimes you act in a way that feels performative and it feels very misaligned with who you are. And then other times you act in a way that feels performative and you're like, wait, wait, wait, wait, this is actually, this is me, I can do this. And then you realize it's not performative, it's just tapping into a fucking thing that was within you. So to this person, I guess I would suggest, yeah, being some version of what you would think to be performative because maybe you'll tap into something that you didn't think was of you. So do an audit of yourself, Azia. That's what I would say. And be like, how can I act differently? And it'll be uncomfortable. It'll be kind, like, really uncomfortable. But don't. Just don't spiral. Just. Whatever you fucking do, please don't spiral. If you're not happy with your audit, take it as an opportunity to, you know, perform in some other way. And I'm. And I'm really sorry about the online harassment. And if there's any. And if. If there's any way you can just not be on the fucking computer, then. Then, you know, I think you should do that. Okay, let's keep going here. All right. This is from Curtis. Subject line, hello, Lizard fella. This was a very self helpy podcast episode. I mean, I guess the. I don't. I really. I don't like categorizing what I do as self help because I'm insane and I have no business self helping anyone. But I. It's like I. It's like I. I'd like to think of it more like I'm leading an AA meeting or something like that. You know what I mean? Like, if you. Like, if you lead an AA meeting, you're not like the therapist, but you. You are. You're in a circle of people where you're like, yeah, I get it. You know what I mean? I feel that way more than I feel to be a. I. Yeah, anyway, whatever. Okay. Hello, Lyle. I like the color of your suit. It's very nice. I am also a reptile who is trying to do stuff on the Internet. Mostly funny gaming moments. I was wondering what you used to edit your thumbnails. Because to be honest, I'm using Cap Cut for both thumbnails and to edit my videos. Sub to Mr. Turtle Gaming 420. You can let me know when you can. If you want to call for some reason to talk about the weather. Have a beautiful day. Okay. My boy Brandon edits those thumbnails. Shout out Brandon, but edit your thumbnails with whatever. Just keep making the stuff, you know. Okay, let's keep going here. This is from Adam. Subject line, hi, Lyle. And the email just says, I love you. Thank you, Adam. It's very nice. Okay, I'm looking at more emails. Okay, this is from Lauren. Subject line, Mouse house. A quest for happiness. Hello, Lyle. My name is Lauren and I'm 22 years old. I just started my first full time job. I take care of lab animals, mainly mice, in the basement of a university. I give the mice food and water. I change their cages out when they get dirty. I check for health problems and report them. The health problems I see are mostly pregnant mice having issues with birth and mice that have teeth growing incorrectly. I like the job, but I feel like I'm in this transition period of my life. I feel lonely. I just found out I have autism and in May I finally left my abusive parents house. I have a plan for my future, for the goals slash dreams I want to achieve. The mouse house is a step on that path. But my dreams feel so far away right now. I want to go back to school. I want to find a community in this new town. Right now though, it's just me and the mice, which isn't the worst company to keep. I have always found animals to be better company than people. Kind regards, Lauren everyone's trying everyone's trying everyone's trying everyone's trying. Everyone is trying their best to do stuff. Is everyone trying their best? I think so. This is from Andrew subject line. Okay, wait, no it's not. It's from Dean or whatever. It's from Andrew. Who care. It's fine. This is Billy and Andrews. This is from Andrew subject line. I have had over 11 jobs in 4 years Dear Mr. Geck, pleased to be speaking with the Geck Masses. You may remember me. We met when you were in Vegas in 2024. I was the guy in the front row you gave the piece of paper to for your opening bit. I do remember that. To anyone who has any doubts in life, this email should provide some comfort. This is a synopsis of my career path in life. I had 11 different jobs during college. For context, I am a 28 year old man living in sunny Southern California. I started working when I was 18 at a Jack in the Box before I worked at an amusement park during holidays. But I don't count that because it was only for a few days a year. Eventually I worked at a Jack in the Box and the amusement park simultaneously while going to college. I quit those two jobs and got an internship in accounting. That sucked because it was boring and I got paid to sent me to send memes. Oh I guess he was like sending memes off the job. Okay, that makes sense. I was fired and it felt like a breakup. I ended up returning to the same Jack in the Box because I needed the money. Fast food definitely does not pay well for how fast paced it is. I would not be opposed to having robots take those jobs as it is so stressful for such little pay. Also, my boss was A sociopath. He would make fun of co workers in front of their faces and spread false rumors. This technically was a second job because I was promoted to shift lead and got paid 50 extra cents per hour. Lmao. I got a lot of free food in exchange for the bullshit I dealt with. I have crazy custom recipes from working there. Maybe I'll call the show or DM you on Instagram with the the secret menu items. Why don't. Wouldn't you just put. Why don't you put them in the email? Sorry, I got too upset over that. I got way too upset over that. I got. I got inappropriately upset over that. Anyhow, I went to work for Ross Dress for Less and then went back to the amusement park. I got promoted at the clothing chain, but that didn't last too long because I didn't like managing people there. They were jerks and abused my kindness. I worked a lot of overtime there, sometimes 10 to 13 hour days and nights. I quit both those jobs and got another internship, this time for Supply Chain. That job was also boring and I unfortunately didn't get to learn anything. I wasn't at the mindset to make an experience worthwhile like that one. Had I taken the time to talk with employees and learn the possibilities in day to day life and Supply chain, I would have found a fulfilling career. Anyways, during that internship I got paid to sit and watch YouTube four days a week, 10 hours a day. I got Fridays off the whole summer. Then I tried to work at Party City but the training videos were so mind numbing I quit within the first three hours. I you gotta give me more detail on what these training videos are. You need to send a follow up email with details about the secret menu items and what the Party City training videos were. Because I gotta know what are they? Are they talking about like how to properly steam a Halloween costume? I don't know what it is. The pay was also ass as they paid with a cash card rather than by check or direct deposit. It wasn't a debit card because you could deposit at the bank, but there was a fee if you wanted to deposit the money in your account. It was really dumb. Okay. I then worked at Planet Fitness. It was also very boring. The employees abused me because I was a new kid. They made me help all the customers while they were on their phones. In addition, Planet Fitness does not allow people to take time off. You're hired to work very specific shifts and the only way to get time off is to befriend co workers and Trade shifts. I got hired a week before my birthday and the manager said she would cover it. I decided to quit within a week. The only cool part about that job was the free gym membership. However, you weren't allowed to work out during your shift. Well, that. That kind of makes sense, I guess. And honestly, I didn't want to work out at my place of employment. The next job I worked at was at Marshalls and that was my last job before graduating college. That was probably the most normal gig I've had and I would highly recommend it to anyone working there. Nothing crazy happened to me, but there was a lot of drama enough to where I could write a book honestly. I then graduated in May of 2020 with a finance degree. My first job out of college was a junior project manager. However, there were no clients available for me to take on, so I reluctantly took a support engineer role for a custom app we made. It was the worst job I have ever had. For one year I had to be available for eight to 10 hours all the time sitting at my desk waiting for support tickets. As you can probably tell, the theme with me is that I get bored too easily. And the boredom came from feeling like my life was meaningless and that I was never going to accomplish anything. After the year was up, I spent a lot of my time training and left the project management side of the business to work in the enterprise resource planning sector. That's where I'm at today. It has been so fulfilling. There we go. I was wondering when this was gonna get positive because you did mention that at the beginning. It has been so fulfilling and I do enjoy the work I do. It's challenging, yet not impossible for me. I am always learning new things and there is never a dull moment. Sometimes I work crazy hours, 14 hour days and sometimes I don't work at all. I'm kind of my own boss, but still on a leash. One day I may become a manager or a lead. I also wash cars on the side and I'm trying to earn my cfp. My end goals in life are to have children with my beautiful wife, own a home where I live, start a business, and take care of my future employees by paying them three thriving wages. Deck Bless. Life is crazy, but it is what you make of it. Sincerely, Dean. Okay, well that was. That was. That was Dean slash Andrew's life. I wish I had something to say about any of that. Yeah, that was. I'm glad he's. He seems like he's happy now, which is good. It seems like he's happy now, which is good. I hope. I hope that was. He should have. He should have put the secret menu items in there. Okay, this is from Walker. Subject line. I lost my job, but it's definitely a good thing. Hey, Geck. Hope you're doing well. I recently lost my job because I chose to speak up about unfair working conditions. Ultimately, I know this is a good thing because my boss would constantly trigger me, underpay workers and did not plan for extreme weather. Parentheses we work on a farm. I would wake up every day anxious to go in because her mood dictated how she was going to treat us that day. I have a job lined up for the winter every year, but that won't start until December. I enjoy seasonal work because it allows me to have flexibility and do different jobs because I hate the monotony of a 9 to 5 job. I feel kind of lost right now because I wasn't fired because I did a bad job. I was fired because I chose to stand up for myself and my crew. One day I hope to own my own land and create a space to share what I've learned and learned from others who want to live sustainably. I know it's going to be okay, and I do have some jobs that I do on the side that will hopefully get me through till winter starts. But I guess I just wanted to share this because I know a lot of people feel stuck in their jobs or feel taken advantage of and are afraid to speak up. But I think it's really important to always advocate for yourself and the people you care about. I think this happened to me for a reason that will allow me to grow as an individual and within my career. Career. If you have any words of wisdom or just read this email so that other people can feel less alone about this situation, that would be cool. Do I have any words of wisdom? Do I have any words of wisdom? I'm glad that you are. You know, I don't have any words of wisdom. I'm sorry. If I did, I would tell you. If I did, I would tell you. But I'm glad you sent the email. I'm okay with not always having words of wisdom. I think if I always had words of wisdom, that would be a bad thing. That would be that, like, if I was wise about everything. You know what I mean? But maybe someone in the comments will have words of wisdom. That could be good. Okay, I should read a few more emails. I think I'll read a. I'll read. I'll read a couple more. Okay. This is from Steven, Subject Line question. When I see your clips, I think of an ex coworker who used to sleep with me. I think about her pretty regularly and she refuses to talk with me. I'd love to use you as a platform to reach back out to her. What? No, no, that is, no, that doesn't make any sense. I have no, I don't know. Don't do that. Just, just, just move on. Move on, man. Move on, man. Go, go, go. Stop doing that. Okay, let me see here. This is from Ed. Ed says. Hey Geck, I'm one of your first few fans from Reddit days. I know that we like to comment on relationship stuff, but it would be nice to have an outside opinion. I guess I can comment on what. Okay. I am a 24 year old guy and I am chit chatting with a woman almost 10 years older than me. Started off a bit rocky because she was in a relationship. We kissed, I separated myself. Then the day after I did, she ended her relationship. I told her I needed some space to think things over and she has been nothing but respectful and understanding about my perspective. I feel really strongly about this woman and I have continued to talk to her and, and since there have been no red flags, to me it's felt very mature, natural and easy to be with her. Am I dumb for continuing this? I guess the age thing is a part of it, but do you have thoughts on if 10 years is too weird? Please, be my guest. Umm, well, weirdness is not the issue here. I would say, I would say and I've, I've been mainly in relationships with women who are older than me. And I mean, it's a. Here's the thing is what do you want out of your life, right? Because the main problem with being in a relationship with a woman who's much older than you is like, if she is like I, if her, if she wants to like get married and have kids and like do the whole thing, she's gonna want to do it sooner rather than later. And for you, if you're, I mean you're 24 is like, do you, I mean, I don't know if this lady wants, I don't know if this lady wants to get married and have kids in bed, do the whole thing. I don't know, she might not. She might be like, I never. What if this lady is like, I never want to do that. And you're like, great, I never want to do that, then it kind of doesn't fucking matter, you know? But if she wants to get more serious about life and more serious about the relationship because she's older and in a different part of her life. That's the only reason. That's the main reason why that age gap would be difficult, you know? But if she's just like, you know, whatever. I'm just. I'm just here to hang out, then, you know, I. You can keep hanging out. I think. You're 24. Are you dumb for continuing this? You maybe you're probably dumb for doing a lot of things that you do. Not because you're a bad person or because you're dumb, but because. Because you just. Because we're all just a little dumb. You know what I mean? Does that make sense? How long have I been recording for? An hour and eight minutes. That's really. I. I think. Thank you guys for. Thank you guys for listening to this show. I'm gonna ramble a little bit. How do I feel? I feel tired. I don't feel good right now. I want I could ramble more. All I have to say is depressing shit, though. I want to be. I wanted to say something. Let me. Let me think of something funny to say. Let's do. I'm gonna think. I'm gonna say some funny stuff. I'm gonna. Let me read into my notes. I have notes about things. Okay? Did you guys know that all. I wrote this down a week ago. Do you guys know that all the holes on spongebob are actually vaginas? It's secretly a very explicit show. Okay, let's keep going. I hate when the lady at. When I'm on a flight and the lady at the gate says, have a safe flight, because that's your guys's job because you fly the plane. All right? I'm addicted to diet soda. They say diet soda is just as bad for you as regular soda, but it's even worse when you drink it the way that I do, which is to chase it with regular soda. All right, let's keep going. Hold on. I have such strong decision paralysis that I sometimes fantasize about being taken hostage by terrorists just so that I don't have to decide what to do with my life. All right, let's read one more email, and then. And then I'll let you guys get back to whatever you were doing. Okay? This is from someone. As soon as I pick, I. Here's how I do this. I say, this is from. And. And while I'm still figuring out which email I'm gonna pick. Okay, hold on. Hold on, everyone. Everyone calm down. Everyone relax. We're gonna find an email. Or I could read more of my notes. Let's just do that. Let's read more of my notes. Okay, did you, you guys know the, the album OK Computer by Radiohead? Did you guys know that that album was. Was. Is based off of something that I said to the computer once when it asked me if I wanted to see porn, My computer was like, would you like to see porn? And I said, okay, computer. Okay, how about this? Sorry, Albert Einstein, but I don't have sex on the first date. Okay, how about this? I don't think they could make Schindler's List today. I don't think they could make that movie Schindler's List today. Because he'd probably be using his notes app, not a list. They'd have to call it Schindler's Notes, apparently. Okay, why do they dangle injured people from helicopters? You know how they, like ties, tie a person up? They get on a bed and they tie them up and they, they dangle them from the bottom. Why do they dangle injured people from helicopters? Why isn't there, why isn't there enough room in the helicopter? Okay, if I can find one more email, I will. Let's see. Okay, you know what? No, I'm gonna read more of these. Let's see if I can find this. All right, hold on. You guys are gonna like these. Okay, wait. All right, I'll do one more. The other day, I stepped in dog and then washed my shoe off in a puddle of dog piss. No, we should read one more email. Right? We should read one more email. TSA drops shoe removal rule for all travelers. Wait, no, that's, that's spam. Thank you guys for listening to this. Okay, we're gonna do one more email. We're gonna do one more real email if I can find one. Okay. Okay. This is from Ethan. Hi, Geck. When I was a kid, me and my friend used to simulate what sex was like by peeing in each other' but we're still good friends to this day and have not brought it up to each other since. Should I bring it up to him and see what he says for context? We're both in our early 20s now. No, I don't think you should, should ever tell anyone about that. I think this was Geck mail. Was this Geck mail? I, I, I, I only have myself as the bar. I think this was Geck mail. I'm happy. I'm happy with it. I'm happy. I'm happy with it. I'm Proud of it. I think it was. I think we did it. I think this was a good geck mail. I think I'm. I'm 65% sure this was a good geck mail. It won't be the last geck mail. Hopefully. Who knows what happens in life. It won't be the last. I think it was a good one. It was at least a one. And I think I appreciate you guys listening to it. I'm gonna go get on a plane and go to Iraq and talk to people about life and wear a gecko suit and eat some stuff. Hope and yeah, by the time you guys are listening to this, that's where I'll be. Anyway, thank you guys for listening to this show. I want it. Who do I want to thank? I want to thank. I want to thank the creator of pez because I like pez. That's it. That's it. This won't be the. This. Listen, we. This won't be the last podcast. We'll do more. We'll do more podcasts. I'm happy with this. I think this worked out. Thank you guys for listening. Okay, I think I can't end it like this. I can't. I gotta key. I gotta. Alright, I know. We got it. We got. You know what? Some. You know what? Honestly, look, I'm gonna. I'm gonna let this be a living example that sometimes you gotta accept that, that it didn't work. But I don't think this didn't work. I think this worked really well. I think this was a good episode. Thank you all for listening. See you guys again on Sunday when I post another one of the. Well, not another one of these. It's gonna be phone calls. Okay. All right. Thank you. Thank you. I'm. I'm glad we got to spend this hour together. Okay, thank you, guys. Bye. Bye.

[Danielle Robaix]

Just like great shoes, great books take you places through unforgettable love stories and into conversations with characters you'll never forget.

[Ebony]

I think any good romance, it gives me this feeling of like butterflies.

[Danielle Robaix]

I'm Danielle Robaix and this is bookmarked by Reese's Book Club, the new podcast from hello Sunshine and I Heart Podcasts, where we dive into the stories that shape us on the page and off. Each week I'm joined by authors, celebs, book talk stars and more. For conversations that will make you laugh, cry, and add way too many books to your TBR pile. Listen to Bookmarked by Reese's Book Club on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Apple Books is the official audiobook and ebook home for Reese's Book Club. Visit Apple Co reeseapplebooks to find out more.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

In early 1988, federal agents raced to track down the gang they suspect of importing millions of dollars worth of heroin into New York from Asia.

[Geck (Lyle)]

Had 30 agents ready to go with shotguns and rifles and you name it. Five, six white people pushed me in the car. I'm going, what the hell? Basically your stay at home moms were picking up these large amounts of heroin. All you gotta do is receive the package. Don't have to open, just accept it. She was very upset, crying. Once I saw the gun, I tried to take his hand and I saw the flash of light.

[Chinatown Sting Narrator]

Listen to the Chinatown sting on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or anywhere you get your podcasts.

[Geck (Lyle)]

I'm Dr. Scott Barry Kaufman, host of the Psychology Podcast. Here's a clip from an upcoming conversation about how to be a better you when you think about emotion regulation, you're not going to choose an adaptive strategy which is more effortful to use unless you think there's a good outco. Avoidance is easier. Ignoring is easier. Denial is easier. Complex problem solving takes effort. Listen to the Psychology podcast on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[WebMD Host]

From tips for healthy living to the latest medical breakthroughs, WebMD's Health Discovered podcast keeps you up to date on today's most important health issues. Through in depth conversations with experts from across the healthcare community, WebMD reveals how today's health news will impact your life tomorrow.

[Geck (Lyle)]

It's not that people don't know that exercise is healthy. It's just that people don't know why it's healthy. And we're struggling to try to help people help themselves and each other.

[WebMD Host]

Listen to WebMD Health discovered on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Dani Shapiro]

Your entire identity has been fabricated. Your beloved brother goes missing without a trace. You discover the depths of your mother's illness. I'm Dani Shapiro and these are just a few of the powerful stories I'll be mining on our upcoming 12th season of Family Secrets. We continue to be moved and inspired by our guests and their courageously told stories. Listen to Family Secrets Season 12 on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Ebony]

This is an iHeart podcast.