“I CAN’T TRUST MY BABY MAMA”

Summary

Therapy Gecko Podcast Summary

Episode: “I CAN’T TRUST MY BABY MAMA”
Date: February 1, 2026
Host: Therapy Gecko (Lyle)
Podcast: Therapy Gecko, iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

In this episode, Therapy Gecko takes two deeply personal calls: one from “Sweet James,” a young father working through the pain of betrayal and troubled co-parenting, and another from “Jeremiah” (a pseudonym), who is navigating sex addiction recovery. The episode is characterized by frankness, vulnerability, and messy real-life issues, all handled with the curious, humorous, and empathetic style that defines Therapy Gecko. Lyle guides both callers through their pain and frustrations, validating their feelings and encouraging honest reflection—always tempered with gecko humor and real talk.

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Key Discussions & Insights

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1. Sweet James: Co-parenting, Betrayal, Breaking Cycles

[02:06 – 39:00]

A. Personal Backstory & Pain

• Betrayal and Downfall:

  • Sweet James shares how his “baby mama” cheated on him while they were still living together.
  • He spiraled into depression and alcoholism, resulting in a DUI and a night in jail—on his mother’s birthday.
  • "I got depressed. I became an alcoholic just to drown my demons. That led to a DUI, and that was like, my wake up in jail, man." (05:17, Sweet James)

• Recovery and Current Status:

  • He’s in a better place: working a good job, supported by family, and actively co-parenting his son.

B. Co-Parenting Challenges

• Custody and Structure:

  • 50/50 custody: James has his son Thursday-Sunday, the mother Sunday-Thursday.
  • He pays child support (partly so his son can get Medicaid).
  • "We would definitely get along more as parents than a couple." (09:08, Sweet James)

• Deep Concern:

  • Mother frequently moves in with new boyfriends, brings their son into new men’s homes after short relationships (3-4 months).
  • “She relies on guys financially... and she brings my kid. And that kind of bothers me.” (09:20, Sweet James)
  • Fears this instability will subject his son to the cycles of trauma that shaped the mother’s own childhood.

• Specific Incident:

  • Relates a story of a particularly volatile boyfriend, whose aggressive outburst scared Sweet James while he was holding his son.
  • “I'm holding my kid and you trying to fight me... Like, you can't be bringing these kind of dudes around him.” (15:15, Sweet James)

C. Gecko’s Take & Guidance

• Limits of Control:

  • Lyle points out that Sweet James is, in reality, limited in what he can do outside of his custody time unless there is actual legal neglect or abuse.
  • “You have to... surrender to that... all you can really do is play defense... being the best dad you can be to your kid.” (13:34, Lyle)

• Don’t Demonize the Mom:

  • Warns against pitting the child against his mother or trash-talking her, as that ultimately breeds confusion and pain.
  • “Don’t fucking do that. That’s just going to take all your mental energy—just focus on being the best version of yourself and being the best fucking dad.” (14:14, Lyle)

• On Broken Families:

  • Lyle, drawing on his own experience as a child of divorce, reassures James:
    • “You’re this fucking kid’s dad... My dad feels like my dad. My mom feels like my mom, because they were there in my life. So... don’t spiral into thinking that the family is gone. You’re a good dad. That’s not going away.” (24:38, Lyle)

• Dating & Cynicism:

  • Sweet James talks about the difficulty and cynicism surrounding dating, noting a lack of reciprocation and meaningful relationships.
  • Lyle advises against forming negative schemas:
    • “What you believe about yourself and the world and women and men... is what you find. If you go in thinking, ‘all food is diarrhea,’ then you just eat diarrhea until you die.” (33:23, Lyle)
    • Memorable/Comic Analogy: Eating ‘diarrhea’ in dating with optimism—don’t let negative experiences define the outlook for the future.

D. Notable Quotes & Wisdom

• “Your kid’s going to see it himself... I’m just chilling, doing my thing. I’m not bringing any woman around him. So he’s gonna see it himself.” (22:53, Sweet James)
• “Your rage makes perfect sense and you’re a sweet kid for wanting to protect your mom. But... just transmit it into being with your mom, dude—just spend time with her.” (76:50, Lyle, reading a listener email, overlapping themes)
• Sweet James’ advice to listeners: “Don’t forget to wipe your ass and wash your hands, because a lot of people wipe their ass and then wash their hands.” (37:20, Sweet James)

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2. Jeremiah: Sex Addiction, Secrets, and Recovery

[41:48 – 61:26]

A. Discovery and Entering Recovery

• Self-Admission Under Duress:

  • Jeremiah attends Sex Addicts Anonymous meetings after his girlfriend discovers his cheating and online sexual activity (“DMing people behind her back”).
  • “I am completely powerless over this addiction.” (46:19, Jeremiah)
  • He had always suspected he was a sex addict, and being caught forced him to take recovery seriously.

• Behavioral Patterns:

  • Chronic use of porn, reaching out to people for sexting, OnlyFans, some sex workers he knew personally—all while in relationships as well as single.
  • "A lot of it’s porn. A lot of it is reaching out to people... sliding into DMs, trying to initiate some sort of sexting." (53:33, Jeremiah)

• Hidden Life and Lying:

  • Habitually lied to his girlfriend and himself even during early recovery, hiding relapses and deleting evidence.
  • “I wasn’t fully honest with myself or with her. Problems just kept getting worse and worse.” (56:43, Jeremiah)

B. The SAA Experience

• Meetings as Relief & Revelation:

  • First meeting provoked honest tears—hearing others share broke the loneliness of his experience.
  • “It made me feel like I could be honest maybe with myself and with her more, because there’s people struggling with this more than anybody realizes.” (57:53, Jeremiah)
  • He is now working to secure a sponsor and work the 12 steps, wanting eventually to improve his life and be “in service of others.”

• Relationship Recovery:

  • His girlfriend stayed, something Jeremiah still marvels at. Despite ups and downs, he’s committed to recovery for himself, not only his relationship.

C. Insights and Host’s Guidance

• Addiction as Isolation:

  • Lyle notes that addictions are often carried alone, and SAA’s value is in breaking that isolation and realizing one’s problems aren’t unique.

• No Clean Solutions:

  • There’s no magic fix; the journey is ongoing, involving setbacks and conscious effort.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Addiction and Isolation

  • “No matter who you are, none of your problems are unique. Which is good.” (59:54, Lyle)

• On Accepting Circumstances

  • “When your kid’s not with you, you can’t protect him. That’s kind of part of parenthood at some degree... your kid is their own person.” (18:30, Lyle)

• On Optimism Amidst Setbacks (Dating Analogy)

  • “You just have to keep eating it… While your cheeks are like Edd, Edd n Eddy with the jawbreakers, with diarrhea, and you have to just keep believing that something good is going to happen.” (31:36, Lyle)

• On Family:

  • “The family’s not broken up… you’re a good dad. That’s not going away.” (24:38, Lyle)

• Comic Relief:

  • Sweet James’ advice: “Don’t forget to wipe your ass and wash your hands.”
  • Gecko launching into a philosophical (and comedic) debate on whether one must always wash hands after using the bathroom, considering “dookie particles in the air.” (38:06 onwards)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [02:06] – Start of Sweet James’ Call
• [05:17] – Story of Betrayal and DUI
• [09:20] – Co-Parenting Issues, New Boyfriends
• [13:34] – Lyle’s Guidance on Control Limits
• [15:15] – Bad Boyfriend Incident
• [22:53] – On Son Learning Through Experience
• [24:38] – Lyle’s Reassurance on Family
• [27:20] – Challenges of Dating Again
• [31:36] – Optimism Amid Diarrhea Dating Analogy
• [37:20] – “Don’t forget to wipe your ass” (comic moment)
• [41:48] – Start of Jeremiah’s Call
• [46:19] – Admission of Sex Addiction
• [53:33] – Forms Sex Addiction Takes
• [57:53] – Impact of SAA Meetings
• [59:54] – Host on Shared Pain, Breaking Isolation

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Tone and Style

The episode maintains Therapy Gecko’s signature blend of humor, empathy, honesty, and the absurd. While both calls are raw and vulnerable, Lyle steers the conversations with non-judgmental listening, the occasional joke, and practical wisdom grounded in his own experiences.

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Conclusion

This episode dives deeply into two men’s battles with cycles of pain, addiction, and family instability. Lyle reassures them both: there are limits to what we can control, victims of trauma carry burdens they can’t always fix, and the healthiest response is often to focus on being present, open, and intentional in what one can control. Throughout, the podcast retains a lively, authentic, and sometimes irreverent energy—reminding listeners that even in life’s messiest moments, connection and perspective are possible, even if you’re a gecko.

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Notable Closing Quote:
“Be a good fucking dad. Don’t beat yourself up. And don’t lose sleep at night.” (36:54, Lyle)

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Transcript

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[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Is US Olympic gold medalist Tara Davis.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Woodhull and I'm US Paralympic gold medalist Hunter Woodhull.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

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[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

So when it came to getting the.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

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[Podcast Announcer]

PennyMac is proud to be the official.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

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[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Learn more at pennymac.com PennyMac Loan Services LLC/ housing lender NMLS ID35953 licensed by the Department of Financial Protection and Innovation under the California Residential Mortgage Lending Act. Conditions and restrictions may apply.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Hello.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Hello.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Hey lion, what's up?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

What's up man? What's your name?

[Caller/Sweet James]

My name is Sweet James.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Sweet James. Sweet James, to what do I owe the honor, Sweet James?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Well, I was hoping that my text caught your attention. And luckily you did.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I don't even know what you texted me. I just called this number randomly.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Oh no way. I feel honor man.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Well what did you text me, Sweet.

[Caller/Sweet James]

James I forgot, to be honest. It was a while ago, but.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

No, you didn't forget. I know exactly what you texted me. You texted me and you said your show should be cancelled.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Oh, so you also lied to me. You said you didn't see it, but you did see it.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I did. I lied to you. I lied to you because I wanted you to. I wanted to hear it from you.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I don't. You know, I felt about it that way when I first listened to you. Don't get me wrong, I. I did. But then, like, I just kind of, like got addicted to the show. So I'm like, oh, man, this is some real life shit right here.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You know, Dude, I want to. Here's the thing is I want to. Like, I called you and then there was the other guy who was like, you need to get a real job and I want to have a conversation with someone who like, just actually genuinely really hates me. I think that would be an interesting conversation. You know what I mean? I want to. I want to fight someone on here. Everything. It's like, it's always, you know, therapy is nice, but it'd be. I wanted. I wanted. I like an argument. I want to argue with someone.

[Caller/Sweet James]

You see, hate. Hate is such a strong word. I don't think I hate you.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I think it's not hate. It's like. Well, sorry, go ahead. I want to let you finish.

[Caller/Sweet James]

No, yeah, I was gonna say, I. I think it was more of, like I said at first, when I first started listening to your podcast, I. I didn't like, open my mind to what you were trying to actually, you know, help. Oh, I wouldn't say help people out, but you were actually trying to listen to people and then give them advice if you can. At first I was like, oh, man, this. This guy is just, you know, I guess exposing people and their things, but then like, you can't really expose them because they're the one calling. So I was trying, like, I was. I was like, let me see what, you know, what this is about. And I started going from episode to episode to episode and it just kind of got deeper and deeper and how people have all these real life problems and it made me think, like, oh, man, like, I. I'm complaining about the littlest, but there's people out there in the real world that actually going through. And that's why, you know, slowly started getting the attention of listening to your show. And I'm just like, oh, man. Like, I'm. I gotta be real really lucky to be where I'm at and. And appreciate the little things, because some people have really bad, you know.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So what's going on with you, sweet James?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Oh, man, I. I've been doing better, man. I did went through some, like, two years ago, three years ago, but I'm doing better two, three years ago, man. I, I. My baby mama cheated on me, and she. This guy while we're still living together, and she slept over at the guy's house while we were still living together. That really me up. But, you know, I got. I got depressed. I became an alcoholic just to drown my demons. That led to a dui, and that was like, my wake up in jail, man. I was like, I have this kid, and he's relying on me, and I'm here in the cell, so that really woke me up. And I just been kind of, you know, I'm not saying I was sober, but I don't. I don't. I barely drink now, so it definitely changed me a lot. And right now, I'm. I'm a good spot. I. I have a good job. I have a family that supports me with my kid. I'm saving up money. I'm looking to get my own place. It's been great, man. I can't complain.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

How long ago were you in, Joe?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Just like, Like a night, like a day type of thing.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

How long. How long ago?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Dude, that was like 20, 24.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Oh, okay. All right. So it's been a couple years.

[Caller/Sweet James]

And the up thing was that it was my mom's birthday that day, and I got up that night, so it wasn't a good birthday present for my mom, but.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So you got a good job now, and you got families helping take care of your kid. How old is your kid?

[Caller/Sweet James]

He's 4, man. He's gonna be 5 in April. He's gonna go to school this year, so time is going by fast once you have a kid, you know?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Wow. How old are you?

[Caller/Sweet James]

28, man.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Cool. Cool. And what's up with the mom?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Oh, dude, I was just talking about it with my homie last night, so I don't want to put it out there, but she, her mom, we were. When we started dating, she. She let me live with her and. And my baby mama for a little bit, but I thought they were nice and cool at first, but then I kind of really started seeing what was going on with the family. It was just, like, a lot of trauma back then, and so I was like, all right, well, we need to get out of here. So I got an apartment, Me and my. My baby Mama moved to the apartment. But then I slowly started seeing that she was like being the same as her mom. And she would tell me she'll be like, hey, I don't want to be like my mom. So I have to start doing like my mom, like, you know, like, let me know. But at the time I was like, who am I, you know, to tell you how to live your life? And then once we had her kid, it was, it was kind of hard because she. So her mom, she, you know, whatever, she has a couple kids, all from different dads. So she kind of grew up around that kind of trauma. And I didn't want that for, for our kid. And the. Apparently she didn't either at the time. So I try to work that out, but it's just those people that are so traumatized that they don't see it. You know what I mean? They don't see how, how up their life was. She just thinks it's any other regular day, if that makes sense.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[Caller/Sweet James]

And so one. Yeah, what's up? Oh, no, I was just going to say. So like, yeah, that kind of, that cycle kind of repeated between us and unfortunately it just didn't work out.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So is she still like have an active role in your, in your kid's life?

[Caller/Sweet James]

So we, we co parent. I have them have the week, she has the other half of the week. We would definitely get along more as parents than a couple, which is fine. Only the limit is that once shit happened between us and we broke it off, she kind of just started partying and kind of, you know, going from guy to guy and whatever, each on their own. But she relies on guys financially. So she dates a guy for like three, four months. She move it. She moves into their place and she brings my kid. And that kind of bothers me because she's just bringing her kid to random dudes, you know?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, I get what you mean. How does I mean? Does that. Do you notice a way in which that affects your kid?

[Caller/Sweet James]

I don't know, man. Like at first he was like two when we first broke it off, so he, you know, didn't really understand. But now that he's being five, he's catching up with the world. So he definitely kind of. I know he sees, you know, dudes come in and out of his mom's life, but I don't think it's been affected because, you know, he still calls me dad. He still knows that I'm there for him. He knows I'm. I'm his real dad. But I know over time he's probably going to go through the same trauma she did, and I don't want that.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Well, what makes you feel like he's, he's going to go through the same trauma that she did?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Because she can, like, how do I say, like, she can focus on herself. She has to rely on somebody, she needs somebody's attention and move on with her life. Does that make sense?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You said she needs somebody's attention or like she, she needs a guy who will, like, take care of her and her child?

[Caller/Sweet James]

I guess both in a way. Like I said, the relationship doesn't work with whatever guy she's with, and she quickly moves on to another one and so on and so on. And it's kind of being a cycle now at this point. Like, she can be stable. Not even for her own. She can't even think about it for, for our own kid, you know?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You know, it's tough, man. I feel like the only thing you can really. Like, like, I feel like you have a lot. I mean, what, you, you have like what, 50, 50 custody?

[Caller/Sweet James]

No. I mean, no. Well, she put me on child support because they needed some kind of Medicaid for the kid. Oh, there's another thing. At the time she was living with this guy and she lied that she was a single mom. So they were like, where's the dad? And they looked for me, and now I'm paying for his Medicaid, which I'm fine with that because he needs a doctor and I'm also paying for his child support. But we still co parent, which doesn't really make sense, you know.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

How often do you see your son?

[Caller/Sweet James]

I have room Thursday through Sunday. She has some Sunday through Thursday.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Okay, that's more or less 50. 50.

[Caller/Sweet James]

But. Yeah, but the other thing is, like, my family never got involved with our problems. It's always, I was. It's always been myself against her and her family. You know, she's Asian, so, you know, her, her parents always going to get involved. They always, you know, want to get whatever the dad says is going to go. And I feel like that's what it's been hard on me.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Well, listen, listen. I mean, I don't know, man. I kind of feel like. Yeah, no, it's, it's definitely hard. But like, dude, there's this, like, you can only really do so much. Like, well, you could. Yeah, you could only really play defense in this situation. Do you know what I mean? Like, look, you legally relinquish 50% of the custody of the Child to your ex wife or ex girlfriend or whatever. And you know that you got to, you have to in some ways surrender to that. Unless if you like, unless if you believe that there is like a legal basis by which she is like actively bringing harm or neglect or abuse to your child, if it's, if there's something like that going on, you have more options. But if it's just like, oh, she's just bringing him to all these like weird guys and like, he's getting a lot of like impressionable dudes and it's just like kind of we like, it's not, it's not enough for it to be like something you can fight against. And so in that situation, all you can really do is play defense, which is to mean, which honestly is to mean exactly what you're already doing from what it sounds like. You know what I mean? Being like, when he's with you, you're like, I'm your father. You can always trust me. You can always, you always have my support. You can tell me anything. You can. I will always be there for you. Like all these things that you're telling me that you're doing, he, he, he'll be fine. You know, I mean, like, I don't, I don't know. I don't know exactly what's going on with when he's not around.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Right, Right.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

But, but you, but when he is around, he's with you half the fucking week. That's a lot, that's a lot of time to just do again, dude. Just doing exactly what you're doing. Like, don't like. Dude, honestly, can I be honest with like, this is just speaking. You're fighting with this woman and her family. Don't fucking do that. That's just going to like, take all your mental energy and focus it on like being the best version of yourself that you can be and also just being the best, like fucking dad that you can be to your kid. Like, and it's everything that you're already doing again, just like making sure that your kid knows that you're there for them and, and like showing it. Right? But like, like, what the fuck do you need to be arguing with your ex girlfriend's mom about? You know what I mean? Like, like if, if. Go ahead.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I'm sorry, I was gonna say. Well, can I tell you a quick story about one of her boyfriends and why I started thinking that way?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, sure.

[Caller/Sweet James]

So she was dating this dude, right? And you know, he, she dated him for like two, three months. Moving with him right away brought my kid. She lied about it. She said he was staying with grandma. Of course I know he wasn't staying with grandma. The dude was like, bipolar, so that was one of my concerns. One time she dropped them off and they were kind of arguing. So I'm like, you know, like, I was like, okay, well, try not to argue in front of my kid, because me and her, we never argue in front of him. So, you know, I thought, you know, that you didn't want that around him. And one time she wanted me to. She had a slow day at work, so she was like, hey, can you. Can you guys come in? I'll hook you up with some food and stuff like that. I just want to see him. I'm like, yeah, that's fine. I brought him in, you know, whatever. We ate and she clocked out, and we're walking back to the parking lot, and the dude was kind of like, controlling because he will drop her off and pick her up with her own car. And I was carrying my kid and, you know, whatever. She wasn't with her, dude. I was going back to my car, and I just looked at him for a second, and then I looked back and he jumps out the car, dude, he jumps out the car and he's like, what. What the you looking at this? This and that. Oh, wow. I was trying to hold my kid. I'm like, dude, like, are you serious? Like, I'm holding my kid and you trying to find me while I'm holding my kid. And then I'm. I told her. I'm like, this is what the I'm talking about. Like, you can't been bringing this kind of dudes around him. And so that kind of started me a little bit because he. If he did that to me in front of my kid, like, I can only imagine how the axe. You know, when I'm not around.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Caller/Sweet James]

And. And that's what got me thinking a lot. Like, man, like, she's just doing, like, you know, so here's.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

But I still. I feel like I still. I still stand pretty firm on everything I'm saying, which is.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Oh, yeah, for sure.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Well, so first. So, for example, right, like, you know, you're. You pick up your kid, and then you see that your ex girlfriend and this guy are like, screaming, fighting at each other, right? And you're like, what the fuck? Can you not be doing that in front of? Like, why? Like, I. I just like, right. I don't want my kid hanging out in this environment, right? You're. You're you're crippled by the fact that you, you rightfully owe 50% custody to his mother to raise him how she sees fit because she's his, you know, you got 50%. So listen, like in your situation, the second you get your kid back, you, you know, don't. I. The one. You don't. What you don't want to do, in my opinion, is like, talk shit about his mom. Talk about like, you don't want to be like your mother. You don't, you don't want to try to like pit your. Because your kids. Because it's still. Because the kid's still his mom. It's still his mom. It's someone he loves and cares about. So you don't want to be like, pitting him against her and being like, you know, like, you don't want to treat it like you're, you're interrogating him or collecting intel or anything like that, you know, but. But you do have an opportunity to sit down, to sit with him and be like, hey man, listen, just so you know, if anything happens, you can always do just what you're doing already. If anything happens, I have your back. You can tell me anything. I got you. So, like, List, for example, like, like got. God forbid and I don't know what's going on in your brain, but it's like, God forbid, like one of her like crazy ex boyfriends, like, puts a hand on your kid, right? Like, I know it's, it's. It's the thing where you're like, I don't even want to be. Have my kid be in situations where I can imagine that happening, right? But, but you're. That, but you're there in case if he's over with his mom and some shit goes down, like he has someone he can, he can talk to about it and handle it like a fucking adult. You know, he's the, he doesn't feel like he's alone because he, we don't want him to feel like he's alone. But you also don't want him to feel like he's. He's like at war or that he's like, you know, being pit against, you know, each other because that's not fun either. You know, my parents are divorced and I don't think, I mean, my parents are good with each other now, but I don't think it's a good healthy thing to like, for parents to be like, talking, talking shit about each other, you know, so, so yeah, you're doing the best thing that you could be doing, which is just making sure you're there for him and letting him know that if some shit goes down, you got him. But also, you know, having. Also in this way, like, for your own mental clarity, like, surrendering to the fact that like, when he's not with you, there's unfortunately, like, limited things that you can do to protect him. Which is. Which, I mean, I. I'm not. I'm not going to lecture you about being a father. I don't have kids. You do. But the, the thing about, like when he. When your kid's not with you, you can't protect him. Isn't. That's kind of part of parenthood at a some degree is being like, your kid's gonna go to school, your kid's gonna do like your kid is their own person in their own. Your kid is in like, as your kid, as like a citizen of the planet is like, imagine you have like a friend or like someone you really care about that has like a shitty girlfriend or a shitty mom. You're like, you're like. It's like, you know what I mean? It's like, this is a person. This. Your kid is like a fully fledged person you care about that's in a shitty situation, which is that his mom is bringing him around dudes who are like, fucked up or whatever. And just like, if you have just. Just like, if you have a friend who has like a shitty girlfriend, it's like this. You could always tell. You tell your friend. That's what you tell your friend. Hey, brother, listen, if you need something, I got you. If you need. I'm. I'm your friend. I'm your father or whatever, but you can't. But you also surrender to the fact of like, fucking nothing I can do. He's. That's. That's. That's his. That is his mom, you know, so, so don't. Like, I just. I say this not to be like, defeatist, but I say it just to like, kind of spare you a little bit of. Of mental energy, I suppose. Do you get what I'm saying? Does every. Listen, I don't have kids that you do, so tell me if any of this sounds fair.

[Caller/Sweet James]

No, it does. It makes sense. I feel like at some point he's gonna see it himself. Like, oh, like, you know, I'm going. I'm going around. I'm going around. No, my bad.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Hold on. I want to hear what you had to say, but I'm just curious where you are.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I just got home, but my parents were Living. So they asked me if I had keys to the house, but that was it.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Okay.

[Caller/Sweet James]

But I feel like he's gonna see that himself. You know what I mean? Like, I wouldn't really have to explain much myself. I feel like he's gonna see it. He's gonna be like, what the is my mom doing bringing all these dudes around? And meanwhile, I'm just chilling, doing my thing. I'm not bringing any woman around him. So he's gonna see it himself. He's gonna, you know, I'll see ages. He's gonna acknowledge it and, you know, but it's gonna kind of suck for me. I kind of feel bad, like, you know, in a way, but.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, of course. Of course.

[Caller/Sweet James]

But yeah, I mean, like, it was hard at first. It was definitely hard, man. Those. That was my. My darkest time because she just moved on. Like, nothing happened. Like, she just didn't ruin her family. I'm like, you out here partying and dudes, and I'm over here being depressed. Are you. You. You tear finally apart from. I guess everybody copes different, you know, Like. And it's funny because at the time that all that happened or lease was coming up, so we're looking for a new apartment, and I was like, well, screw that. I'm gonna move back with my parents. So we were packing stuff and my kid had his own room, and we unpacked his room last. And it kind of me up that we had to split, had him happen half his stuff, you know, and.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, I know.

[Caller/Sweet James]

And she didn't care. I'm like, how you not care? And have you seen in the movies, like, how guys just chilling and like the whole entire room just slowly disappears? That's how kind of felt like, damn, everything I worked for, for family, it's just gone in a day, you know?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Can I. Can I. I. I hope I'm not being naive by saying this stuff, but can I just say this and you just tell me if it resonates with you?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Go ahead.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Because you're talking about the families split up. This. I might. This. This might be some hippie shit that I'm about to say, but. And I. But I don't know. I'm just. I'm feeling it as I'm talking to you. The families. You're. You're. You're this fucking kid's dad, and you. You're with him. You know, I grew up divorced parents too. And my. My dad feels like my dad. My mom feels like my mom, you know, because they were there in My. So, like, I have a fan. I have a family. You know what I mean? Your kid is not going to feel like he doesn't have a dad, judging by what's up, judging by my intuition for how you exist in his life. So whatever happened in this physical fracture that, like, he has to deal with and you have to deal with is. Is. Is totally a bummer and totally sad. But don't spiral into thinking that the family is. Is gone, that everything you worked for is gone. Because, listen, brother, you're good. You're a good dad. That's not going away. You're. You get to see your kid a good amount of his life. You're. You're gonna be there. And so you. You're gonna be. The family's not broken up. It's not like he had to, like, move to, you know, Indianapolis or you're fighting for custody or whatever. Like, you're in a good. You're in a good spot. So I. I wouldn't spiral again too hard about, like, oh, my family is gone. Like, he's right there. Like, he's gonna feel. He's gonna feel in his gut that you're his. His dad, you know, it's just not gone.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Right. Right. Well, I don't. How do I say it? I mean, that's how I feel at the moment, you know, like, damn. Everything worked hard for. I. I was the main provider, you know, I did everything for her. I. I didn't wanted a kid at first, to be honest. I was the type of dude. I was like, I don't want kids that. But like, I met her and it's just. Everything felt right, you know, we got an apartment, we got two nice cars. We were financially stable. It just felt right to have a kid, you know, and we had him. The first year, too, were great and went downhill after that, and it just kind of sucked that it ended so early in his life. And I'm like, just the traditional type of dude that, you know, just wants to have a family and a house and why not, you know?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, I get what you mean. I get what you mean. But look, man, you're. Look, you're a young dude.

[Caller/Sweet James]

You're.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Are you dating?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Ah, dude, about that, like, I met some girls and, you know, dating apps and whatnot. But, like, it's not the same, dude. Like, all these girls are just like, they won one and one things, but they don't want to give back. And what do you.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

What do you. A few things. It's not. When you say it's not the same. Do you mean it's not the same as your exact.

[Caller/Sweet James]

No, it's just. It's just. Girl. Oh, no. Girl. Well, girls, now that I've talked to. What? Not maybe haven't met the right one yet, but girls that I've talked to recently, it just. It's just, you know, if they're not getting attention from social media or dudes, they're just gonna move on or like, it's just like that. It's only your turn.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

What do you mean by that? They're not getting attention from social media? What does that mean? What does social media do with this? Are you okay? All right, I'm gonna. Are you. Are you saying. And we could. Are you saying that, like, you're on dating apps and you feel like. And I get. You feel like the women that you're interacting with on dating apps are not really there to get into the kind of serious relationship that you want to get into and are mainly there for, like, dates and attention? Is that basically.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yeah.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Like, it's just a different. It's just a different. It's just a different world now, you know?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

But is that. I mean, buddy, how true is that? Like, where do you live? You don't have to give me your longitude latitude, but what do you. Where do you live?

[Caller/Sweet James]

I live in Central. Well, not Central. I live in Texas. Dallas.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You live in Dallas?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Yes, sir.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You're telling me there's no women? You're first. You're great age. You could. You can date? Like what? Like, you tell me there's no women in Dallas who want to have a real relationship.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I. I'm not saying there's not. I'm just saying I haven't met one yet. Okay.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I'm just. I just. I guess I'm passionate about this only because I'm a big. I'm really big on, like, what you believe about yourself and the world and women and men and fucking whatever is, like, what you find. Like, I really feel that way.

[Caller/Sweet James]

And where do you find that? I guess because, you know, you can go to a bar and, you know, I'm only gonna meet a girl that likes going out and partying, whatever. Or you can go to, like, a library. You're gon know, meet a girl that goes to school and takes a live series.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Sure. Yeah.

[Caller/Sweet James]

And I guess I'm. I feel like I'll be looking at the wrong places sometimes, too.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. I mean, I'm. No, I'm. I'm truly. I'm truly no dating expert, but my Big thing is, like, I try. I try not to develop negative schemas about what the people of the world are like in general.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Well, I try to be open, you know, trying to be like, oh, you like doing this? Okay, we can do that.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Or.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I don't know, I just feel like, like, I guess the type of woman I've talked to that just have options and there's just no longer no interest and they just cut you off and move on to the next dude. Which is fine, you know, but it seems to be like a psycho at this point.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, you might have. Here's the thing is that might have to happen to you about 15 more times before you find something.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yeah.

[Caller/Sweet James]

For sure.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. Yeah. Happen to you about 37 more times. That might have to happen to you about 740 more times before you find the person that you're really going to be happy with. But just. You gotta. But you have to just fucking. You have to just eat that. You know, you have to just eat it.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Yeah, yeah.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I mean, you sometimes, Sometimes in life, like with dating or whatever, like, sometimes when things happen, you just have to. You just have to keep eating it. And then while you're eating it, believe, like, you have to just shovel diarrhea into your mouth and while you, like, your cheeks are like coiled. You look like Ed. Edd and Eddie when they have the jawbreakers. Just cheeks with diarrhea. And you have to be looking like that and going, soon is gonna. That. Some, Some. Some. Something good is gonna happen. Yeah. That's how you have to do it. You have to just take it and fully believe that something good is gonna happen. Because that's. That's your only maybe. You know what I mean? I really believe. I believe that's so strongly my. I've talked about this on here before. My dad and my mom got divorced after 11 years of marriage, and then each of them found better partners than each other when they were in their, like, mid to late 40s. So it might take 10 years before you find a woman that you're happy with. I know that's not fun to hear, but eventually it just. Yeah, time. Time will come, but it. But it guaranteed won't come if you're not able to have that optimism while you're eating the diarrhea. Because if you're eating the. Because if you're eating diarrhea and then you start being like, all food is diarrhea. Then it. Then you just eat diarrhea until you're, you know, until you die, you just can't let your.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

You just.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You really, like, in all things, can't let your prior. I know, it's weird, right? You're. You're in. In life, we do pattern recognition things and we take what's happened thus far and we take ourselves and we take whatever and we use it to form our idea of what the future is going to be like. But that's not a good way to do things. I mean, you can learn and you can adapt, but when you start developing schemas in your head of like, all women are the same or like the, like the Hoeflation thing or like you, like you just. You, but you just build a schema that doesn't lead you anywhere good. So.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Yeah, well, if I'm being honest, man, like, dating is not really a priority right now. Like, I'm content with life. Like I said, I have a pretty good job, save enough money, paid off all whatever debt I had to owe. I'm happy with my kid. My kid is my, my purpose. You know, if I find the person, there's just a plus one at this point. Like, I'm content with being alone by myself. My, you know, my kid, it makes me happy. So I'm happy and so I'm good.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Ricky Bobby. Wait, you're not Ricky Bobby. You're Sweet James.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I'm Sweet James.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I talked to another guy before you called Ricky Bobby. Okay, we'll cut that out. Or we won't. Whatever it's. Brandon can decide if he wants to cut that out or not. Sweet James. Thank, thanks, thanks for sharing all this stuff. And also, I know that you, I know. I appreciate you believing I'm here to expose people and then, and then going through the process of, of exposing yourself. And I, I appreciate, I appreciate you exposing yourself to us. Oh, man, it's been helpful.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I just, yeah, just did it to myself, huh? But now, like I said, that was my first thoughts and you know, I just got into your show. I'm just like, damn, this real life shit right here.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

But yeah, go ahead, Go ahead.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Are you coming to Dallas?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I don't know. I'm definitely coming to Austin and I'm 80. Sure. I'm coming to Houston and I might. If enough people, if enough people want me to do it, I'll come to Dallas. Yeah, I usually do. I've done Dallas. I've done Dallas twice before. So I might, I might come back. We'll see. If I start, like, really, I, the, the material I have for the shows so far, I'm pretty jazzed on I saw I still have a lot more left to do, but if I start being like, yo, I think this material and these shows are really popping off, then I'll probably add a bunch more.

[Caller/Sweet James]

But, yeah, I think you have a thing. I have a great audience for Dallas. There's a lot of crazy shit over here.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Well, I hope to see you there, sweet James. And I'm gonna be like.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I'm gonna be like, I'm the guy that docks myself and try to cancel you.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

If you say that, I won't remember. But if you say. If you talk about the stuff that we talked about, I'll. I'll remember.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Yeah, I hope. Hope to see you soon, man. And. And I like your work now. I like what you do. Just keep doing what you're doing, man. You're a good person.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Oh, thank you, sweet James. You too, man. Keep. Be. You're a good fucking dad. All right. Don't. Don't beat yourself up. And don't lose sleep at night.

[Caller/Sweet James]

You know, I really appreciate. And I. From the bottom of my heart, it makes me happy that you. To hear from somebody. I'm being a good dad.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

It means a lot.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Beautiful, man. Take care, Sweet James.

[Caller/Sweet James]

There's something I can say for the people on the Internet.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, of course.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Don't forget to wipe your ass and wash your hands, because a lot of people wipe their ass and then wash their hands.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Do a lot of people do that?

[Caller/Sweet James]

I hope not. Shit.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Wait, hold on. What if you're. I don't. Wait, why are you supposed to wash your hands after you. I've had. Okay, so by, like, muscle memory, I wash my hands every time I use the bathroom. But there's been a couple times where, like, I raise my hands up and I sit down on the toilet and I pee and then I go, like I have to. And then I go. And then I go. And then I go. I wash my hands. My hands feel dirty if I don't. But I'm like, I didn't. My hands didn't interact with any bathroom stimulus. What's the point?

[Caller/Sweet James]

Well, you see, you still in a air where it's contaminated with dookie. There's still dookie particles in the air.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, but there's dookie particles in the.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Air everywhere, especially in the bathroom.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, but. Yeah, they're. I mean, they're everywhere. You know, when you're walk every. All the people that you see walking around you there, and in any place, they all have assholes that have poo, have poop, that particles of it float into the air.

[Caller/Sweet James]

I mean, I feel more comfortable they wash their hands after this shit than not washing their hands. Because, you know, you know, you've been. I'm pretty sure you've been there. You wipe your butt, you get a little bit on your finger and you wipe it off and you still wash your hands. A lot of people will just walk off to the bathroom. Off the bathroom.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

All right, I'm gonna let you go. Sweet James.

[Caller/Sweet James]

All right, Laro, have a good one. Be safe. I love you.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You too, man. You take care. Thanks for calling, man. All right, bye.

[Caller/Sweet James]

Bye. Now.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

That was sweet James. Sweet James what? Sweet James. You know what? I'll say it. I'll say it. I'll say it. Fuck you. I'll say it. Sweet James. Sweet guy. I like sweet James. It's interesting. It's interesting. Talking about the kids stuff. I like, think. I like the thinking exercise of it, you know? Yeah. I hope he doesn't lose sleep at night. If you shit, though, and the paper doesn't. If you shit, you. You're like, I'm touching clean toilet paper. Why do I have to wash my hand? I do. I do it. By the way, I'm not saying I don't, but I'm just kind of. I don't know. I'm just thinking about it.

[Podcast Announcer]

Friday, kick off the Winter Olympics in style with the opening ceremony from Italy. Featuring a special performance by Mariah Carey. Celebrate the greatest athletes from around the globe as they come together to go for gold.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Lipsy Vaughn.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Sensational.

[Podcast Announcer]

The opening ceremony of the Winter Olympics. Celia Malin redefining this Sport Friday at 8 Eastern, 7 Central on NBC and Peacock.

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[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Have I asked my electrician I found on Angie.com to bury my pet hamster, Nibbles, in our yard for me? Because I was so moved by how carefully he buried my electrical wires, I.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Host/Therapy Gecko]

My sweet Nibbles after his untimely end. Huh? Nibbles gone too soon. May he scurry in peace. Hey, sorry about your pet, but I just wire stuff.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie, the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail] hello?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Hello?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

What's up, man?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

This is Lyle, right?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Oh, yeah. Who is this?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

I'm gonna give a fake name.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I'm gonna.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

I'm gonna say my name is Jeremiah.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Jeremiah. That's a lot of syllables for a fake name.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Well, is that. Are you going to be able to remember. Remember that?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Definitely not. But it doesn't matter. I'll call you a bunch of different names. Ah, no, we'll call Jeremiah.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

How about call me Jerry for short?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Jerry. I like Jerry. Fake name. Jerry's a good fake.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yeah, there you go.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I feel like fake names have no business being anything more than one syllable. Fake names that we both. Okay, so if you're, like, coming up with an alias to trick somebody, then the more syllables the better, right? Like, sure. What is it from Art. Oh, fuck. Art Vandelay. It's multiple syllables.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

The last name is multiple syllables.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Art, last name is multiple syllables. But if. If we're just doing. We both know that it's a fake name to. Keep it. Keep it simple. Okay. Jerry.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yes.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

You texted me and you said, hello, Lyle, I am currently in a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting and would like to be on your Gecko show. You texted me that a half hour ago. Are you still okay. Multiple questions. A, are you still in this meeting? And then B, why are you taking phone calls during the meeting?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Well, one, no, it actually just got over. And two, I. That's a good question. I suppose it's because there's. There's some. So it's a zoom call, right? And I. There. There's some readings in there that I've heard a million times. I wasn't exactly sure when you would call me, so I. I kind of just left. Left it out in the open to see. To see if you would listen.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Listen, brother.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Listen, brother.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Listen, brother. You can hear the readings time after time. But do you. Do you understand the readings?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

I think that sometimes whenever I'm hearing the readings, they feel. They. They feel I feel more connected to them. It just depends on the day, you know what I mean? Like, some days the. The readings hit. Other days it's just like I'm. I'm just there listening, waiting for my turn to share.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. I actually do feel like the readings portion of those kinds of meetings is not the. Not the sauce.

[Caller/Sweet James]

No.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

And I mean, sometimes it is. And lately, because I've been trying to go about, or try. Been trying to come to the meetings about every day for the last, like, month, month and a half. And most of the time I try to make it a point to. Because we all take turns reading, and I try to make it a point to at least read a portion of it so that I'm present in that moment of the reading. Yeah, but it's definitely like, if I'm not reading, I'm probably tuning out. And there's definitely been times where I'm like, there's somebody reading and I'll, like, turn off my camera or something and go grab some more coffee. Or maybe I'll go, like, say what's up? To my girlfriend who's in the other room or something like that. And it definitely feels less present. But whenever it gets to the shares and stuff, I definitely try to sit down and, like, listen to everybody and everything.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Do you only go online?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yes.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So you don't have to talk about it. I assumed you texted me with this information because you wanted to talk about it, but if you do, what. What sparked you to want to start going to these meetings every single day?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Well, I started going to the meetings in general in the middle of December following a discovery from my girlfriend. She found out I was cheating on her and I was doing a bunch of shady shit on social media, DMing people behind her back and things I'm very. Not very much so not proud of. Things that I've. I've struggled with my entire life, with all of my relationships, and I have always had an inkling that I am a sex addict. But it's like. Like how an alcoholic, you know, just has trouble facing the problems of being an alcoholic. Like, it's. It's hard to take that first step to get into the room and to try and get into some sort of recovery. And so, and I love her very much. Despite all the mistakes I've made, despite all the lies I've told, I definitely feel a lot of love, care and, and a lot of emotion regarding her and our relationship. And I think that the regret that I felt from hurting her so deeply with my addiction sent me to finally take that step into those rooms and finally admit to myself that I need help. Because I'm completely powerless over this addiction. Like how somebody would be addicted to cigarettes or alcohol or something like that. And it honestly sent me down a very crazy path of discovery even outside of the sexual addiction. Like I've, I am now over three weeks sober from weed, which I have not taken a break from weed in over 11 or 12 years. And I'm currently working at an autism clinic, working with kids and doing these things to improve my life and try and, I don't know, make like I finally wanted to be in service of others instead of continuing to be selfish and because it's like a path and a journey to recovery. Like, I slip up. I have relapsed since being in the program and I've continued to make mistakes, but I'm still showing up today. I actually acquired a sponsor for the first time and reached out to somebody, made a phone call and talked about actually starting to work on the 12 steps, which I feel was a very big thing for me because I had been sitting on that for a couple weeks now and yeah, so, I mean, it's like you, you, it's like getting caught stealing, you know, you, you, you face the consequences. But I, I also just wanted to do this for myself, like outside of the relationship. Like I, I told her, like, even if she were to break up with me today, I would still be wanting to show up to the SAA meetings and doing it for myself. And there were times where like she wasn't talking to me or like she was taking her space and I was at my parents house, sitting in my car on those zoom meetings, trying to, trying to do something to improve these problems that I'm having.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So what, how long, how long have you been with your girlfriend for?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

So we technically got together for the first time in 2022. Off, off and on for a little over a year, and then broke things off around Christmas of 23. I ended up dating another girl, moving down south and being in that relationship for about a year and a half. But because I'm a sex addict, I did a lot of things I regretted in that relationship as well. And I ended up feeling disconnected from that, from that girl. And me and my girlfriend reconnected during that time, and I started to realize that, oh, shit, I still want to be with her. So I broke things off with a girl down south and moved back home to. Well, for a lot of reasons, but, I mean, ultimately it was to be with my girlfriend and to give the relationship a shot after a year and a half of being apart. And then I ended up making the same mistakes that I keep on making throughout my entire life.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So. How so? I mean, after she discovered this, what was her reaction and how did she. What. What made her come back?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

That is. That second question is a good question. I. I still ponder that every day because that, I'm sure, is still very hard for her.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Does she seem happy?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

I think so. I mean, we have our moments, we have good moments, we have bad moments. We still fight. Sometimes it's just about small things.

[Caller/Sweet James]

But.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

We'Ve always fought about, like, kind of small things because the way that we communicate is kind of different.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

How. How old are you?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

I'm 29.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

29. What? So what. How. If you. I mean, if you want to talk about it, we can. We can talk about it. Like, how does your sex addiction, like, manifest itself?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Well, I won't get into, like, super detailed specifics.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

A lot of it's important to it all. Yeah, sure.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yeah. A lot of it. A lot of it's porn. A lot of it is reaching out to people on, like, Instagram or Snapchat or even X. You know, like, sliding into dms, trying to initiate some sort of sexting. And a lot of it was, like, only fans and paying for stuff like that. And I would do it while I was in these relationships, but I would do it while I was single as well. And it was something I was never open about with anybody really. And when we. It was about. It was December. It was the middle of December. I. We were coming back from the gym, and I just pulled my car into her driveway, and it was super snowy out. Or she had just pulled her car into the driveway. It was super snowy out. And so she wanted me to, like, shovel the driveway so she can get into her driveway. And so I gave her my phone to hold because I didn't want my phone to get wet. And while I was shoveling the driveway and she. She went inside, she ended up looking through my phone and seeing the messages and seeing so much. And she told me that I needed to leave and gave me all of my stuff and I had to go to my parents. And. As far as the sex addiction goes, it'd be like, seeking out that or, like, like the only fan stuff. I mean, like I said, a lot of it's just porn and, like, seeking out, like, sex workers, some sex workers I knew, like, personally. And that was a real, like, hard thing to. For her to see as well, because she knew that I was, like, friends with these people and it. And then she would also see, like, these messages of me sexting these people and, like, sending pictures and videos and stuff. And it escalated. I would still try to lie and hide things, and I would even try to lie about, like, my relapses. And when I would be. They call it acting out in saa.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

I.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

I, I would still try to hide the truth from her because I was. I guess I feel like I was hiding the truth for myself as well. Like, even. Even in the SAA meetings, like, I wouldn't be fully honest about my sobriety. And so it would be like, if, you know, hear no evil, see no evil, if I, if I don't see it anymore, if I just delete it from my history or delete it from my phone or whatever, then it doesn't exist. And so I wasn't fully honest with myself or with her. And then, you know, problems just kept getting worse and worse.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So in. In the months since you've been going to these meetings, have. Have they been helpful?

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Yeah, I think so. I. The first meeting that I went to or that I attended, I. I said a lot of things that I hadn't said out loud before.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

And hearing people talk about their experiences and their addictions and the way that it manifests in them made me feel connected to people in a way that I had never felt before. And it made me feel like I could be honest maybe with myself and with her more, because there's people that are struggling with this addiction more than, More than they even realize, more than anybody realizes. And I feel like the way that the world works nowadays is kind of, like, cultivated to these addictions. And, like, there's things out in the world that, like, are. Are, like, triggering for alcoholics, triggering for, like, people who are addicted to weed or coke or whatever, Whatever, you know, but sex sells, and the selling of sex is so triggering for so many people and make it so hard for relationships to be honest. And. And there's so many people mess with themselves about, like, what they do, what they feel, you know, behind their partner's backs or what they do in their bed alone in the middle of the night while they're scrolling on their phone, you know, and to be in those rooms talking to these people and listening to these people and hearing their stories is like. I don't know. It was. I cried a lot that day. I remember crying a lot that first meeting because it was just, it was, it was pretty life changing and I didn't realize how much I had held in from like just keeping those things to myself. But you know, you hold on to it for so long and then you kind of just feel a little bit more free after you let it go.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. I mean a lot of these addictions and these things like there's is that you feels very. Yeah, you, you, you hold, you hold it alone. Like addictions in general. Like there's a lot of shit with them where you hold them alone. And then you get into. Yeah. The whole point of these things, you get into a room with a bunch of other people and who, you know, whatever weird fucking thing you have going on in your brain that you can talk to them about it and that makes you feel like you're not this individual with unique problems. And no matter, no matter who you are, none of your problems are. Are in fact unique. Which is, which is good. So.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Right. I mean. Sorry, you go ahead.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

So do you. Are you still living with your girlfriend? Are you. She like you live with your parents now?

[Caller/Sweet James]

So.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Funny enough, I was still living with my parents whenever the discovery was made. And after some time. Actually she's calling right now. Do you mind if we cut this short?

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Go ahead. I think that's a call you should take. But thanks for sharing with us, man. I appreciate your vulnerability.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Absolutely. Thank you for calling.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Of course. Take care, man.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

You too.

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Why have we asked our contractor we found on Angie.com to be our kid's legal guardian? Because he took such good care when redoing our basement that we knew we could trust him to care for our kids, all eight of them, should something happen to us.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Are you my dad now? No, sorry. I do basements. Connecting homeowners with skilled pros for over 30 years. Angie the one you trust to find the ones you trust. Find pros for all your home [e-mail] hey, what's up everybody? How's it going? How's life? I'm still wearing the headphones that I was using to talk to the callers, so I'm gonna take them off. And this is. Okay, so this is. I'm doing geck mail. If you're new to the podcast. Geck mail is when I end the phone call part of the podcast by taking a few viewer emails and reading them and maybe providing some feedback on them. Maybe just reading them. I don't have to have feedback about everything. I don't know everything. So this is a geck mail. If you want to submit a Geck mail, you can send an email to therapygecko mail.com that's therapygeckomail.com if you want to send an email. Therapy Gecko Wait. Crap. No, I'm an okay therapygeckomailmail.com I'm an idiot. Alright, you send it email. So therapygeckomailmail.Com Sorry, I'm tired. Therapygeckotour.com is where you go to buy tickets to my tour. But I did not actually, I did not mean to promote the tour right now. I wanted to actually tell you where you could send an email. Alright, let's just, let's read a few of these emails and then you guys can go home. Alright? This is from Lily. Subject line Are Friends Supposed to Kind of Suck? Ooh, this is an interesting Topic. I like this topic. Let's get into this. Okay. Hello, Geck. Hope you're doing well. Currently sitting on the kitchen floor pondering about friendships. I remember as a kid that my friends and I could just get along and things were kind of easy. Now that I've turned 20, I feel as though every friend I make, there's always a downside or things they do that make me annoyed or upset. Examples being being pushy and crossing boundaries, making me feel bad for not enjoying certain things, getting pissed off at minor disagreements we have, etc. Maybe it's just part of growing up and now that we are more mature, we notice these things more. But I'm hoping this isn't just something you have to deal with in friendships. I feel like for quite a while I haven't found someone who I just click with and isn't a mean person in one way or another. Maybe I'm too picky or overly sensitive. Maybe every human is too multifaceted to have perfect relationships to begin with. I'm not sure. I'm probably a bit blinded by nostalgia. But even then, my main question still stands. Are we meant to just put up with things here and there like this, to have friends? Love the podcast. As a psychology major, I'm very jealous of you as you have my dream job of talking to people. Stay safe. Glowing regards. How nice. How nice. Glowing regards. Lily. I have a multifaceted way of thinking about this because here's the thing. I have. There's people in my life that have been in my life for a long time who I consider some of my best friends. There's people in my life I consider some of, like, people I love. People who, if I. If I don't call them for the next 20 years and I call them, they'll pick up and be like, hey, what's up? What have you been doing? You know, that I. There's people like that in my life, and those people are deeply, deeply important to me. And some of those people are fucking assholes. They just. They're assholes. It's just. You have. Sometimes you just have an asshole in your life who you are. They're just one of your best friends. You don't have to. If you. You don't have to be around them 247 or take everything to them or, you know, spend an amount of time with them that makes you feel sad, right? But sometimes it's. It's okay to just have someone in your life who's kind of an asshole. I don't think that that's I don't think you should be like, married or dating an asshole or like in biz, in direct business with an asshole or, or like, you know, I'm talking about like people who are like, really like in the every day to day facet of your life. Those people shouldn't be assholes. But it's okay to have people in your life that you're great friends with that you kind of think are jerks. It's, it's, it's something that you can put up with. Now the problem becomes, okay, so if we don't want those kinds of people to be like our literal, like day to day people, if we want better out of our day to day people, well, then that's a different story. That is something where we want those people to be people we click with. Now, Lily, specifically, you're 20. So as of your as. So here's the thing, Lily. When you're 20, as of pretty much your entire life, the people around you have been the people around you because they're the people around you. You get what I'm saying? Like when you're in high school, you're with those kids and you're friends with them because they're there. Literally because they're the people around you. I grew really close with my high school friends because we all grew together and we all grew our senses of who we are and what we find funny and our sensibilities together. But now that I'm like an adult in the world, I tend to intentionally put myself in certain places and situations where it is likely for me to find people who are, you know, more suited to my sensibilities and who I might have better relationships with as opposed to in high school and some of college where it's just whoever's fucking around. So of course you haven't found someone that you click with just yet. But also, the good news is, and the thing you have to keep in mind is that the people you went to high school with are not a sample size of the universe. They're a pretty. Your high school friends are a terrible sample size of the universe. And you should absolutely in no way, shape or form, when you're 20, take the people you went to high school with and use them as a sample size of the universe. It's a bad thing to do if you do that. It goes back to what I was saying to, you know, I'm always talking about. I really do feel this way of like finding what you're looking for. You know what I mean? So if you again go into the world being like, well, friendship is when somebody's an asshole to you and you put up with it, then those are the friendships that you're going to find. Also, again, balance that with the political reality that sometimes there's just an asshole in your life, and that's fine, you know? You know, your life doesn't have to be perfect. You know what I mean? It doesn't have to be. You said maybe even. You said here yourself, you said, maybe every human is too multifaceted to have perfect relationships. I agree with that. Yeah. Having perfect relationships is not. We're too human to be perfect. But you should, at minimum enjoy being around the people that you're around regularly. So go do some shit with your life that involves being around other people and being around other people who like the same things that you like. And then naturally, you'll make friends, but you're probably too young to fully have developed a proper idea of what people are capable of. Of what people are capable of being to you. You know, you have. If all your friends are kind of jerks, then again, you'll be closed off to the mere idea that you could be friends with someone that's not a jerk. So that's just my thought on that, where we're doing. Oh, okay. Here we go. This is from Mike. Subject line, am I insane? All right. I like this. Dude. Fuck this fucking goddamn. Fuck. Fuck. Meta. Fuck. Fuck Gemini. AI. Fuck AI. Dude, this is bullshit. It's. I hate this. There's, like, a suggested reply underneath the email. I think that shit's so fucking annoying. All right, hold on. Let me read the email. Okay. Hi, Geck. I got my license today, but that's not the topic. All right, then, whatever. I'm 17. When I was 13, the day I got off of suspension for fighting someone, my mom got into an argument with our neighbors and a fight happened. Their kid beat my mom with a stick. Jesus Christ. She had huge lumps on her head for weeks. I saw her after the cops got there and I screamed. I was so mad. I promised her right there I wouldn't let them get away with that. That fucking sucks. And I still think about it to this day. I think insane thoughts about how I would get back at them. I feel crazy, Geck. It keeps me up at night. I just don't want my mom hurt again. And it hurts me. I couldn't help her. Please let me know if you respond. Um, okay. The. The. The AI suggested. This is annoying. Yeah, Google. Google has a thing where you can. Google has a stupid fucking thing where it can suggest. It suggests replies to the email. Hey, it says, hey, Mike, congrats on the license. No, you are not insane, man. That sounds like a really intense and upsetting thing to witness as a kid. It makes total sense that you still think about it and feel protective of your mom. It's okay to have those feelings when you feel like someone was wrong and you couldn't step it. I hate reading a thing that I wrote, but I'm just reading it. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Keep listening, man. We got you. That's fucked up. Just write the fucking. I. I've talked on this podcast for. I talk to AI. Like. Like, it's helpful in a lot of ways, but I don't like it. I don't. Like. I don't. This feels like we. Like, this feels like fake weird, annoying shit. Like. Like, I'll use it to, like, help me fucking figure out knowledge of things that I don't know. But, like, with. I don't like it. Like, I don't. I don't like it mimicking being a person and, like, using it to, like, fake someone out that you replied to them. I think it's stupid. How do I get rid of this? Send feedback? How do I make it so this doesn't pop up again? There's no. Fuck, dude. Fuck Google. There's no button that I can just press that goes, hey, don't do this stupid shit anymore. Okay, hold on. How do I turn this off? Whatever, all right? Who cares? I don't like. I don't like looking at. I don't like what it's on this. I don't want it to be underneath this email as I try to respond to it. All right, Mike, let's team up. You go get revenge on the people who fucking coded this feature into my Gmail account, and I'll go beat up those kids. You, Mike, you. I'll do a deal with you. It's like Strangers on a Train. You go beat the. Out of whoever engineered this stupid AI tool, and I'll beat up those kids that fucked with your mom. We have a deal. No. Yeah, you know, listen, that's. Fuck. I don't want to just say what the AI said. I was gonna say something similar beforehand. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike. No, you're not. You're not insane. Your rage makes perfect sense. And you're. You're. You're a sweet kid for wanting to protect your mom. You know what I mean? I mean, don't go kill Bill on These motherfuckers. That's probably only gonna put you guys in more danger. So. No, you're not insane. You gotta go talk to a real therapist, man. I don't know how you get those feelings out. I mean, you, you know, look, you're 17. You're still like living with your mom and being with her. So like, fucking. Here's what I would suggest if I were you, Mike, is. Is all this rage that you have, just transmute it into like being with your mom, dude, and like just, you know, spending time with her, being there for her, trying to take care of her the best that you can. And that way, you know, you're filling yourself with love instead of like rage and anger, however justified the rage and anger may be. So. So hang in there, Mike, and let me know how it goes. Finding and destroying whoever added this fucking apocalyptic piece of shit. Suggest a reply thing in my Gmail. Okay. Is that it? No, let's read one more. We can't. That can't be it.

[Caller/Lyle/Jeremiah]

Um.

[Host/Therapy Gecko]

Alright, let's see. This is from. Fuck. It's on this one too. Fuck you. God damn. Alright, I'm not gonna read it. This. Alright, sorry, sorry. This is derailing the podcast. This is from Donald. Subject line, crazy love. Hey, Gecko man. I love your podcast. I always listen while I'm at work and it's amazing. You can call me Don or Donald. I don't mind. I wanted to email about my love story and maybe if you have some advice, that would be lovely. I'm 20. I will be 21 this year. My girlfriend is 19. She lives a thousand miles away and it sucks. But she came to my home state of Michigan and it felt so natural and so perfect. I'm planning a trip this year to Colorado, which is where she's from. I don't know why I'm reading it in this accent, but this is what I imagine this guy sounds like. Now I'm a little worried for the future. Now I'm doing the accent more. Now that I'm aware of it, I'm a little worried for the future because she wants to move to Alaska or Missouri. I personally don't want to, especially not lit. I personally don't want to, especially not Alaska. Too cold for me. I want her to move to Michigan. This is not even what people in Michigan sound like. I want her to move to Michigan because it's a mix of super cold and sometimes super hot. She did say she had enjoyed it here, so that's a good thing. We really love each Other. And I've been together for over six months and it feels great. I'm just asking your opinion on what to do. If I should take the leap and move in with her or should I try to have her come here? Thank you. Sincerely, Don. Um. Weeeeell. I. Here's what I would do if I were you is I would kind of. You're 20, she's 19. What do you want to do with your life, Donald? What do you want to do with your life? Right? You should have a bit of an idea of what you, independently of this woman, want to do with your life. She should have an idea of what she independently, as her own person, wants to do with her life. I mean, are you guys going. Are you going to college? Are you getting a job? Are you gonna. Like, what do you guys. What do you. Like? What are you gonna do? You know what I mean? So like, here's what you should do. Each of you should map out what you two want to do with your lives separately from each other. Okay? And really, really don't think about each other at all until you've mapped that out. And then once you have that mapped out, come together and go. Do we feel like each of our individual ideas of. Of what we want to do with our lives are somehow compatible for us to have a shared vision of our future together? And if so, then great, and the details of where to live and what to do and blah blah blah will work itself out. And if not, it's okay because you're fucking will be because you're 20 and 19. So just have your own ideas of what you want each other, of what you want your life to be as individuals. And then you might get lucky and there's a shared vision of the future there. And that could be an amazing, beautiful, awesome thing, but you should have your own ideas of what you want your life to be like so that you don't end up having regrets or resentments towards each other. All right, that's. This was a very serious episode of Therapy Gecko. I gave a lot of advice. I don't know why I did that. I'm in a room with no windows. It's 10pm It's Saturday night. And I'm gonna. I'm gonna go destroy a building. No, I'm not. Go to therapygecko tour.com. there's tickets available to some of the dates. Some of the dates are just rsvp, but hopefully by mid February, I'll have a full announce of all the cities and all the dates and whatnot but some some places you can get tickets to now but just go to therapy gecko tour.com and go check if you're thing is on the thing. If your city's on the thing and you should come to the shows. They'll they'll be fun. I'm working on material for them and they'll be a good time. I just got back from Ukraine on Tuesday and I am working on a documentary about that that I should fucking hopefully get done in the next two months on YouTube.com lyleforever that's it for me. I'm gonna go home. Thank you guys for listening to this podcast. Geck bless you all and have a good rest of your entire life. But he's not really an expert.

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