Therapy Gecko Episode Summary

Podcast: Therapy Gecko
Episode Title: “I GOT DIVORCED AFTER 13 YEARS”
Date: September 3, 2025
Host: Lyle
Featured Caller: Coco

Episode Overview

In this raw and deeply personal episode, Lyle (the Therapy Gecko) talks with Coco, a listener in her late 30s, about her recent divorce after 13 years of marriage. Coco shares her journey of navigating her husband’s severe cocaine addiction, the unraveling of their shared business and family life, the challenges of single parenthood, and rebuilding her life from the ground up. The conversation offers candid reflections on addiction, resilience, co-parenting, and what it means to start over.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Coco’s Backstory and Motivation for Calling

• Longtime Listener, First-Time Caller: Coco has been a dedicated fan, attending Lyle’s live shows in Dallas and Orlando ([03:02]).
• Premise for the Call: Coco wants to share her experience of divorce after a long marriage, hoping her cautionary tale can offer wisdom to others ([04:49]).

2. The Reality Behind “Doing Everything Right”

• Coco’s Precautionary Message: “You can do all the right things and it can still not work out.” She highlights that extensive planning, waiting, and precaution don’t always ensure a happy marriage ([05:40]).
• Quote:

  “I’m an example of how you can do all of those things and it still not work out.” — Coco (05:40)

3. The Four-Year Downward Spiral: Addiction and Its Fallout

• Discovery of Husband's Addiction: Coco’s husband, a successful professional, developed a cocaine addiction in the latter years of their marriage ([06:18]–[10:00]).

• Root Causes: Addiction was intertwined with his unaddressed trauma and unresolved family issues ([10:00]).

• Turning Point: Coco found 70–80 empty baggies of cocaine in his office, realizing the enormity of the problem ([11:10]).

  “I went in his office, put my hand in the first pocket, pulled out a handful of about 70 to 80 empty baggies of coke. Yeah, it was a lot.” — Coco (11:10)

• Interventions and Family Dynamics: Despite multiple interventions, her husband refused actual treatment, only agreeing to superficial therapy ([13:19]).

• Financial Ruin: The addiction led to mounting debt, including a secret $100k loan from his parents ([13:19]).

4. Protecting Her Son Amidst Chaos

• Disclosing the Truth: Coco had the difficult task of telling their 13-year-old son about his father’s problems, choosing her words carefully ([16:46]–[20:51]).

  “There’s a reason… your dad is on drugs.” — Coco (17:06)

• Her Son’s Maturity: Despite the trauma, her son responded with empathy:

  “Well, he must be really struggling a lot if he feels like he has to do that.” — Coco’s son ([20:51])

• Extreme Violations of Trust: Coco discovered her husband was having drugs delivered to their house, even while she and their son were home. She also found evidence of him arranging for prostitutes ([24:53]).

5. Collapse: Separation, Custody, and Legal Turmoil

• Separation: After the final revelations, Coco issued an ultimatum—get help or leave. He chose to leave for their Florida condo ([24:53]).

• Custody Battle: Her husband tried to gain full custody and relocate their son to Florida, which was ultimately denied ([29:05]–[32:21]).

• Family Loyalty Shifts: Initially receiving support from her in-laws, Coco was later ostracized as they sided with their son, despite his addiction ([32:24]).

6. Business Failure and Reinvention

• Shared Businesses Fail: Their once-successful businesses collapsed due to her husband’s lack of engagement; Coco decided to leave it all behind rather than fight for assets connected to him ([36:09]–[39:59]).

• New Career Path: Despite financial struggle, Coco pursued substitute teaching and is now nearly a certified art teacher, finding meaning in a new career ([43:00]–[45:21]).

7. Current Life and Co-Parenting

• Financial & Emotional Recovery: Coco ended up with little from the divorce and must move out of her home by year’s end but values her regained peace ([45:38]).

• Custody Arrangement: A 50/50 split; her son alternates weeks between both parents, and her ex-husband moved back to Texas ([49:03]–[51:16]).

• Ongoing Concerns: Coco believes her ex is still using drugs, noting his refusal to allow random drug testing as part of their agreement ([51:16]–[53:59]).

8. Starting Over: Dating and the Future

• Dating Again: Coco is cautiously open to new relationships but finds post-divorce dating, especially in the world of dating apps, to be a learning curve ([54:07]–[55:33]).

• Outlook: Still optimistic about love and personal growth, she sees value in her journey and in modeling resilience for her son.

  “You can do everything right, and things just still just not work out. But, yeah, I mean, I still believe in love. I’m sure that there is somebody out there somewhere.” — Coco (55:33)

Memorable Quotes & Reflections

• On Accepting Life’s Unpredictability:

  “You could do everything right and things will still go wrong. It’s interesting, right, because she’s correct about that with all endeavors, right?... You could do everything right and things will still not work.” — Lyle (62:37)

• On Survival and Optimism:

  “I definitely think I’m, you know, toxically optimistic. I don’t know if that’s the right term.” — Coco (61:11)
  “I don’t think that it’s toxic to be optimistic.” — Lyle (61:30)

• Advice to Others in Similar Situations:

  “If anybody out there is struggling, you know, and you have a support system and you have means to go get help, do it. Do it. There is something so much better on the other side that you just… you can’t even imagine, but you’ll never know if you don’t make that leap and you don’t try and attempt to be the best version of yourself.” — Coco (61:52)

Timestamps for Critical Segments

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------|--------------| | Opening with Coco & intro to her story | 02:40–04:49 | | The marriage, addiction, and downward spiral | 05:35–13:19 | | Discovering the full extent of addiction | 11:10 | | Talking to her son about drugs | 16:46–20:51 | | Major breaking point (drugs, prostitutes) | 24:53–29:05 | | Custody, betrayal by in-laws, legal issues| 29:05–39:59 | | Financial & professional rebuilding | 43:00–45:21 | | Current life, co-parenting arrangement | 49:03–53:59 | | Dating after divorce & final reflections | 54:07–57:18 | | Lyle’s final thoughts and episode wrap-up | 62:37–65:57 |

Tone and Takeaway

Throughout the conversation, Coco is remarkably candid, self-aware, and even humorous, despite her hardships. Lyle maintains his signature supportive yet irreverent tone, affirming her resilience and drawing larger lessons about the unpredictability of life. The story is both a cautionary tale and a testament to the possibility of recovery and renewal.

Highlights for Listeners Looking for Inspiration or Reassurance

• For anyone questioning “What did I do wrong?” Coco’s journey shows that circumstances sometimes unravel regardless of our best efforts.
• For those facing addiction in a loved one: Empathy, boundaries, and realism are all crucial, but ultimately, recovery is an individual decision.
• For parents navigating divorce: Transparency and honesty (age-appropriate) with children can foster resilience.
• On moving forward: Rebuilding isn't easy, and progress can be slow and uncertain, but new purpose and happiness are possible.
• On being patient with yourself: Self-forgiveness and looking ahead matter as much as immediate practical solutions.

Closing Thought from Lyle:

“We should still try to find love and try to make stuff and try to do things even if they might not work... What else are you gonna do?... Fall in love, take chances, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know what I’m saying? Thank you, Coco, for sharing your story.” (65:57)