Podcast Summary: Therapy Gecko — “I GREW UP ULTRA ORTHODOX JEWISH”

Host: Lyle (The Gecko)
Guest: “Steve”
Release Date: December 31, 2025
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

In this Therapy Gecko episode, Lyle (the Geck) takes a call from Steve, who grew up ultra Orthodox Jewish in New York. Steve opens up about the isolation, challenges, and eventual departure from his insular upbringing, describing his journey to becoming an absurdist/nihilist. The conversation is an honest, sometimes humorous, sometimes somber look at faith, identity, leaving a strict community, and learning to build a life outside it.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Steve’s Background and Ultra Orthodox Upbringing

• Insular Community in NYC: Steve describes his childhood in a small, somewhat less strict ultra Orthodox sect that had more outreach than sects like Satmar in Williamsburg. (03:31)
• Yeshiva Education: Steve went through the traditional Jewish schooling system, which lacked secular studies. He later earned a GED and put himself through college and grad school. (03:31, 29:31)
• Family Dynamics:
  • Still speaks to his siblings, occasionally to parents (05:08, 05:55)
  • Family didn't excommunicate him but persistently tries to bring him "back."
  • Thanksgiving and Hanukkah are typically the only times he sees his family.
  • Most siblings are more modern Orthodox or secular; parents remain highly religious. (06:18)

2. Experiences and Challenges Within the Community

• Community Summer Camps: All-boys camps were “pretty fucked up places” with poor oversight, sometimes resulting in abuse. (08:24)
• Social Isolation: Steve mentions little interaction with less strict Jewish sects or broader society. (04:34, 08:24)
• Language: Grew up with some Yiddish and can understand German, though not fluently. (07:21)

3. Life After Leaving – Belief and Philosophy

• Existential Crisis:
  • Left orthodoxy in his mid-20s during college.
  • Struggled with depression and a sense that “everything’s useless.” (10:48)
• Influence of Philosophy:
  • Became fascinated by absurdism (Albert Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus) after leaving religion.
  • Therapy and time helped him adapt to this new worldview. (09:57, 10:05, 10:48)

Notable Quote:

“I was literally walking around with a dark cloud looming over my head. I was super depressed. ... But thank God I came out on the other side. ... Just, thankfully.” —Steve (10:48)

4. Religion as Tradition vs. Dogma

• Insightful discussion about how religious rituals and traditions are often defended without question (the “wicked child” story from Passover).
• Steve and Lyle critique the use of fear and dogma to enforce conformity.
  • "The answer in the book is because he has excluded himself from the community. ... Therefore, the Lord would not have saved him." —Lyle (16:48)
  • "Yeah, dogma. ... It's just some dude's interpretation of what the Bible said. And they argue about it. ... Whoever won that argument, that's how we have to live by." —Steve (18:08)

5. Coping After Leaving the Fold

• Social & Emotional Adjustment:
  • Process of finding a new community, relationships, and meaning outside one’s former community is arduous—Steve says it took him a decade to feel comfortable in his own skin. (28:40)
• Helping Others:
  • Steve volunteers with organizations that assist ex-ultra Orthodox Jews to integrate into mainstream society, especially those with limited education or skills. (29:31)
  • Key challenge for many is the lack of secular education and cultural adjustment. (30:40, 31:30)
  • Harsh realities: Stories of people trapped by family situation, custody battles, lack of skills. (31:48, 32:19, 33:08)

Notable Quote:

“I spoke to a guy once... he still lives in the community. He has like five kids who go to yeshiva and his wife is still religious and he has no idea what the fuck to do. ... He's stuck in hell.” —Steve (30:40)

6. Absurdism as a Framework for Living

• Camus’ idea of Sisyphus: finding meaning in the act itself, even if repetitive or seemingly useless (34:18).
• Steve adopts simple absurdist exercises, such as waiting in line for hours and then walking away, to embrace the meaninglessness with humor. (35:38)
• Both discuss how finding small-scale purpose (mattering to a few people, scaling down ambitions) can bring meaning and stave off nihilism. (20:01, 21:28, 41:29)

Notable Quotes:

"I just thought it was hilarious, and I got a kick out of it. That made me happy." —Steve on the absurdist exercise (35:49)

“Nihilism is a scale issue ... you just have to matter in order to not go down a crazy, existential, nihilistic path.” —Lyle (20:01)

7. Current Life and Future Hopes

• Steve’s Present:
  • Moved from the upper Midwest to Colorado for the outdoors lifestyle (hiking, biking, skiing).
  • Struggles with romantic relationships; mostly flings, never married, wants more but finds it difficult. (22:50, 24:23)
  • Regularly meets new people through outdoor activities, trying to build a new social life. (25:04)
• Disconnection from Past Friends:
  • Hasn’t spoken to most childhood friends; they’re living traditional community lives with families—he feels unrecognizable to them now. (25:41)
• Uncertainty about the Future:
  • Aspires to either find a partner or, failing that, retire early and move to Eastern Europe for a simpler, affordable life. (42:58)

Notable Quotes:

“Just keep your head up and, you know, when times seem hard, just try to push through and, you know, a better day will come.” —Steve (44:17)

Memorable Moments & Quotes

• Steve on family pressure:
  “Every time they talk to me, they try to bring me back. ... I just got sick of it. I’m not living this lifestyle.” (05:08)
• On Jewish camps:
  “A lot of shit went down there… incidents where there’s, like, pedophiles roaming free over there. It’s horrible.” (08:24)
• Lyle on finding solace:
  “I think nihilism’s a scale issue…you just have to matter to someone or something outside yourself.” (20:01)
• On absurdism:
  “You have to imagine Sisyphus happy.” —Albert Camus, via Steve (34:18)
• On helping others leave ultra Orthodoxy:
  “They don’t train you for any skill. ... Just get your head in the Torah and the Bible and pretty much it.” (31:48)

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [02:06] Introduction to Steve, his background, and upbringing
• [03:31] Details of ultra Orthodox community and schooling
• [05:08] Family repercussions after leaving
• [08:24] Negative experiences at ultra Orthodox summer camps
• [09:57] Transition to agnosticism, absurdism, and existential crisis
• [13:24] Discussion of Passover, traditions, and the “wicked child”
• [18:08] Critique of religious dogma and interpretation
• [20:01] On nihilism, scale, and mattering to others
• [29:31] Steve’s work helping others exit the ultra Orthodox world
• [34:18] Core explanation and exercises in absurdism
• [41:53] Are friends/family who remained happier?
• [42:58] Hopes for the future and plans

Closing Tone & Reflections

Lyle reflects on the honest vulnerability of Steve’s experience, noting how Steve’s story feels like an unvarnished look at what life could become if one succumbs to nihilism but also finds small joys and meaning through odd, funny, or human acts. The conversation is raw but ultimately hopeful, advocating for coping mechanisms—whether philosophy, community, or personal “copecraft”—to weather the difficulties of leaving a strict faith and forging an authentic life.

This episode offers a moving, real, and sometimes darkly comic look at questioning faith, the pain and possibility in leaving ultra Orthodox Judaism, the quest for meaning after dogma, and the resilience it takes to build a new identity one day at a time.