Therapy Gecko “I STABBED MYSELF BUT NOW I'M CHILLING”

Date: October 12, 2025
Host: Gecko (Lyle Forever)
Podcast: Therapy Gecko by iHeartPodcasts

Overview of the Episode

This episode features two in-depth conversations between Gecko (an unlicensed, introspective "lizard psychologist") and callers Charles and Dustin. The main theme revolves around moving through personal crises, mental health challenges, and the ongoing journey of adulthood—underscored by resilience and the sometimes accidental beauty of survival. Both callers candidly share major turning points in their lives, touching on suicidal ideation, addiction, relationships, and changing perspectives about self-worth with age. Gecko uses his signature casual, empathetic tone to unpack universal struggles with humor and raw honesty.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Charles: Survival and Renewal After a Suicide Attempt

[02:12 – 27:20]

Charles’s Backstory

• Charles calls in from Ogden, Utah. He is in his mid-30s, has a steady job, a girlfriend, and has endured significant trauma.
• The conversation begins lightheartedly—discussing bulk paper towels, environmental responsibility, and his girlfriend's job at Whole Foods.
  • (“How many paper towels came in the bulk paper towel unit that you got?” – Gecko, 02:36)

Charles’s Suicide Attempt & Recovery

• Charles admits he stabbed himself in the chest with a knife a few years ago during a period of severe alcoholism and an abusive relationship.
• He describes the physical and emotional aftermath, including waking up in the ICU with major surgery scars and lingering numbness in his chest and arm.
  • “I got a big zipper for my belly button to my pubic hair... and a big scar on my back.” – Charles, 06:30
• He survived thanks to his ex calling 911 and acknowledges feeling profoundly different now: supported, in a loving relationship, and appreciating life (“Kicking ass”).
• He credits his girlfriend’s presence and love as pivotal in his recovery and ongoing mental well-being.

Ongoing Struggles and Growth

• Talks about his beloved dog passing away and navigating grief with the help of his partner.
• Discusses “adulting”—paying bills, having a full-time job, pondering kids, and increasingly feeling like an adult.
  • "I feel like the level of adultness that you are is directly, in my opinion, directly proportional to the amount of things external to you that require you to exist.” – Gecko, 13:09

Mental Health, Substance Use, and Existential Insights

• Recalls the hallucinations during his suicide attempt (a woman in a cheese grater), then waking up in the ICU.
• Charles now feels suicidal ideation is behind him after therapy and building new meaning in his life:
  • “Life's beautiful, man. Like, it's not worth...it's not your time when it's not your time.” – Charles, 25:42
• Reflects on sobriety, responsible drinking, positive use of psychedelics, and tattoos that remind him to “turn the other cheek” in hard times.

Notable Quotes and Moments

• "When you stab yourself with the knife, were you trying to kill yourself?" — "Oh, yeah, I was. I was trying to end it, man." (15:25)
• "I'm inspired by your existence." – Gecko, 16:56
• Charles gives encouragement: “Just keep your head up, man. You know, you got this. Even though it seems tough. You got it.” (27:13)

2. Dustin: Embracing Change and Self-Acceptance with Age

[31:12 – 80:26]

Dustin’s Experience: Relationships, Growth, and Self-Reflection

• Dustin calls in at age 30 from California and recounts experiences with dating, personal change, and therapy.
• Shares a story about a relationship that became physically overbearing and mismatched in boundaries—prompting larger reflections on communication, compatibility, and self-awareness.

Adulting, Loneliness, and Internal Growth

• Recalls texting Gecko a year prior about struggling to meet women and feeling dissatisfied with being single.
• Says he’s found more self-acceptance and learned to “love what is”—by choosing to appreciate his life and body as they are.
  • “Just being more okay with just where I'm at... Why not just pick that?” (42:48)
  • Shares internal shifts rather than outward milestones as most important: “With just living life and trying things... and some, like, esoteric little switch when you're looking in the mirror and just going, I'm gonna choose to like that.” (44:09-44:40)

Navigating Past Relationships and Expectations

• Revisits longing for a deeply connected ex-girlfriend from Canada, realizing how formative intense connections can be to one’s standards in dating.
• “It became like a defining thing for what I look for in a romantic relationship is... the level of communication and talk.” (51:36)

Expectations, Aging, and Open-World Living

• Gecko expresses anxiety about aging; Dustin normalizes how much perspectives can continue to change even into one's 30s and encourages embracing possibility at any age.
• Shares an acid trip revelation about the open-endedness of life: “I love video games... we're living an open world game... I could run down there in my underwear if I wanted to.” (64:03)
• Both discuss the fallacy of “should”, the myth of guaranteed reward, and the paradoxical responsibility and freedom that comes with making one’s own meaning.

On Happiness and the Search for Meaning

• They dissect the phrase, “Everything happens for a reason,” agreeing it’s more comforting when looking backward for context rather than expecting cosmic planning.
  • “For me as a very anxious person, [it] gives me context… I can understand this now.” – Dustin, 73:34

Notable Quotes and Authentic Moments

• “Sometimes I look at my life and I'm like, what? Why? ... Why should nothing bad happen to you? … why should everything work out for you?” – Gecko, 66:14
• “Anything that pops in a brain is like, you know, nothing. Like it's... it's life and it's nature.” – Dustin, 68:07
• “I'll try to challenge that thought... My consciousness has spawned into this brain and this body for whatever cosmic reason... my job as a human is to care about my own happiness.” – Gecko, 68:35

Episode Structure and Timestamps

• [02:12 – 27:20]: Charles’s story — alcoholism, suicide attempt, recovery, finding love, everyday adulting, and moving forward.
• [31:12 – 80:26]: Dustin’s story — navigating awkward relationships, self-acceptance, shifting perspectives with therapy and age, re-examining past relationships, making peace with uncertainty, and discussing the meaning of happiness, change, and “should.”
• [84:52 – 108:38]: Listener emails — Gecko answers fan mail about finding meaning, making changes in life and career, and handling guilt about privilege and loneliness.

Memorable Moments & Quotes with Timestamps

• “I stuck a knife four inches into my chest last year.” – Charles, [05:29]
• “Life is beautiful, man. It's not worth, you know, it's not your time when it's not your time.” – Charles, [25:42]
• “How the fuck do you do that?” – Gecko, on self-acceptance, [43:19]
• “For me, it's just like, finding the love in what is my life and who I am.” – Dustin, [42:48]
• “I've had a significant relationship since then that... was definitely founded on, like, that kind of communication and talk.” – Dustin, [54:06]
• “You're not dead until you're dead, right?” – Gecko, [61:53]
• “We're living an open-world game. It's not a linear thing. Like, I have every choice available to me.” – Dustin, [64:14]
• “Should makes me claustrophobic.” – Dustin, [70:56]

Episode Tone & Atmosphere

• Genuine, vulnerable, compassionate, and sometimes darkly humorous.
• Gecko (Lyle) balances heavy confessions with levity: not dismissing pain, but gently guiding callers and listeners toward seeing the possibility of change.
• Speaks directly to listeners about their own lives, validating struggles and existential “stuckness,” and reminding them of the reality and normalcy of pain, healing, and transformation.

Final Reflections

Both main callers, Charles and Dustin, exemplify how meaning is carved from circumstances—sometimes despite and sometimes because of deep suffering. The stories reveal how life's lowest moments do not dictate its future, and how small shifts (finding a partner, continuing therapy, or just deciding to “like what you see”) can set the stage for hope and new purpose. Gecko relates personally, noting how these candid exchanges serve as “therapy” for him as well, and by extension, for the listener.

"Just keep your head up, man. You know, you got this. Even though it seems tough. You got it."
— Charles ([27:13])

"If you as an individual decide, like, well, in my life what I'm seeing of myself, that is... the gold standard."
— Dustin ([46:10])

This episode is a potent reminder that even the most fragmented and painful stories, honestly shared, can reassure others that healing, change, and unexpected chilling are always possible.