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- [00:00]
Gemma Spake
This is an iHeart podcast. This is Jemma Spaeg from the psychology of your 20s so you can't get the trip out of the group chat. We have all been there but did you know there may be an easy solution. EF Ultimate Break is a group travel company for 18 to 35 year olds with over 140 itineraries all over the world. Just sign up and recruit six or more friends for a trip. You will save hundreds or even thousands of dollars. You could even travel for. Learn more@efultimatebreak.com that's efultimatebreak.com and turn the group chat into a group trip.
- [00:41]
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- [02:10]
Ryan Seacrest
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- [02:40]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
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- [03:04]
WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser
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- [03:09]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
CM mobile.com hello.
- [03:13]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Hey, what's up, man? How you doing?
- [03:16]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I'm good, man. Yeah, it's my day off from work. Just hanging out.
- [03:19]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
What, what's your name, sir?
- [03:23]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
My name's Steve.
- [03:24]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
What's going on, Steve? What are you doing with your day off?
- [03:32]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Right now I'm just feeding all my animals and I'm gonna go. We. There's like this natural spring that I go to to fill up water jugs. So I'm gonna go fill up my water.
- [03:44]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Oh, cool. How many jugs do you think you're gonna fill up?
- [03:48]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I got these glass five gallon jugs and I got. I got three big glass five gallon jugs and then I got five one gallon jugs.
- [04:00]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
So how many gallons is that in total?
- [04:03]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Like 20 gallons.
- [04:06]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Dude. What's. How big is a five gallon jug? That sounds huge.
- [04:11]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, yeah, it's. Yeah. And it's made of. They're all glass, so they're. Yeah, they're pretty heavy.
- [04:18]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
How close is this? How close is the stream to your house?
- [04:23]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
It's like a 30 minute drive. But like when they were making the road, the highway, the people that were making the road just like tapped into these natural springs and put these like fountains on top of it. And it's just delicious, clean water just coming out of the ground. You can just. People just pull over off the side of the road and fill up their water.
- [04:50]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And there's no sediment in there. There's no dirt, there's no aids.
- [04:56]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
No, it's. Yeah, I mean, you see the water coming out, it's just crystal clear cold, right? It's like, it's literally the best water ever. It's great.
- [05:06]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Yeah, you. You kind of sound like you have a very Cheech and Chong vibe in your voice.
- [05:13]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh, yeah, man. I mean, I got. Yeah, I got dreads like past like almost to my stomach, like pretty much to my stomach.
- [05:23]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Why, why do you fill up these jugs with water instead of just like, what's wrong with the tap? You know? Because, listen, And I, I, this water sounds delicious, but half hour drive is, I mean, that's an hour, that's an hour commute.
- [05:41]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, it's not like I do it every week. You know, we probably go there like every two months. You know, like every other month we'll, and we just make like a family trip out of it. Like, oh, we just go on the drive, we fill up the jug. This just kind of like, you know, I could see how it could be seen as inconvenient, but for us, like, yeah, the water is really good, it's free, it's from the earth. And you know, we kind of just make like a little trip out of it.
- [06:10]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Who's we?
- [06:12]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Me and my girlfriend and my daughter. Yeah, I have this seven year old daughter.
- [06:18]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Oh, very nice. How's having a daughter?
- [06:23]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, like, it's cool. It's hard. It's not easy because, you know, I feel like it's just, you know, it's hard being just two people and a baby. Not really having like a big family or like support system. So there's, there's things that are hard about it, but then there's things that I really like about it, you know, like you can kind of like, you know, like I look at her and I kind of see like a younger me, you know, and it's like I'm able to heal my inner child by having a child sometimes, you know, if that makes sense.
- [06:58]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Yeah, sure, sure. How? What? Maybe this might be a loaded question, but why? What do you need to heal about your inner child?
- [07:12]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Well, I feel like, I feel like when I was a kid, I wasn't really like nurtured, you know, like my parents were really cold and harsh and like, didn't really do things with me. And I feel like I was kind of like, you know, my inner child was stifled a little bit. Like, no, you need to grow up. You need to, you know, like, like I feel like I missed out on a lot of childhood things. So, you know, I like to be there with her and like do things with her instead of just like, oh, I give you food, I give you a roof, I give you clothes. That's it. That's kind of how my parents were, you know, like, they're like, okay, you know, we provide you with life and that's it, you know, So I try to do like more.
- [08:04]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Right.
- [08:05]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah.
- [08:05]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
You had parents that just kind of gave you the things that they were legally obligated to give you but didn't actually want to hang out.
- [08:14]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, yeah. You Know. Yeah, my. Yeah. Yeah. I left home when I was 16, you know, but I started running away when I was probably 12, 13 years old, but I didn't leave for good till I was 16.
- [08:29]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Why did you start running away?
- [08:34]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Well, my dad is an alcoholic, and he's in the military, and he was, like. He wasn't very good at separating his work from his home. You know, like, he would come home and just act still like a drill sergeant. You know, like, he treated his family kind of like how he would treat the Marines that he was in charge of. You know, he. He was a very harsh man, you know, like, my way or the highway kind of deal, you know, and, like. Yeah, he was. Yeah, he was. He was pretty mean, you know, so. And I was homeschooled all of junior high. Yeah. Yeah, man. So I started running away just because it felt like I had a better chance out there than I did where I was. But ultimately, it was like, when I was a young teen, like, 13, 14, running away, eventually I would have to come home because I would needed food, you know, like that. That, like, there was times where I would be gone for, you know, a couple weeks, but I just never could get enough food, so I would, like, come crawling back, basically.
- [09:51]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
So you were 12 and you ran. When you ran away, where'd you go?
- [09:57]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, I was really. I used to read so many books, and I would read a lot of, like, wilderness survival books, like My side of the Mountain, and, like, you know, just. Just books, whether fantasy or fiction or, like, nonfiction, were like, you know, someone did that where they could just live off in the woods and, like, take care of themselves and stuff. And, I mean, I would run away and, like, be in the woods under a bridge, you know, like, sneaking out, stealing food, you know, trying to find berries, you know, and it just never would work out. You know, it's not really how it is in the books. You know, you read a book and there's always, like. You know, people always figures because the story, it's not real life. So people always find a way, but, you know, it's a lot harder than it seems. And I would always tell myself, you know, when I'm big enough to take care of myself, I'm gonna go and I'm not gonna come back. And it was, like, probably a month after my 16th birthday. I was like, you know, this is. You know, I'm old enough now. I can take care of myself. I don't have to be here. And I mean, my parents didn't try and Stop me. I was just like, you know, I was like, I'm ready to go. I want to go. And they packed me a backpack. And I remember my mom looked at me. She. The last thing she said to me, she said, well, what are you gonna do? And I remember looking at her, and I just said, I don't know, but I'm gonna do it, you know? And, like, that's how it was, is I had no idea. Yeah, My very, very strict Christian household. Very, very sheltered. Very, very, like, in a bubble, you know? Like, not outside influence. Like, we didn't have cable. We didn't have Internet. I'd never used the computer, you know, like, we were, like, very sheltered, you know? So I just went out into the world, not really knowing what was gonna happen, but I just knew that, like, whatever was out there had to be better than where I was at.
- [12:06]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
What did you leave with? What you have on you.
- [12:10]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, I didn't even get to pick. My. My dad packed my backpack for me, and it was like my. I had, like, this oversized school backpack, and, I mean, he threw, like, some clothes in there. I have a phone. I didn't have a birth certificate. I didn't have an id. I didn't have a Social Security card. It was, like, a bag with some clothes in it. And my mom snuck me a 20 bill because my dad would have freaked out if he knew she gave me any money, and she gave me a 20 bill. So that's how I. That's how I started my life. At 16, you know, I had a backpack with my old school backpack from, like, sixth grade with some clothes in it and a 20 bill. And, I mean, I didn't have. I didn't know anybody because I was homeschooled. I didn't have any friends to go to. We were living in Japan at the time. So they flew me back to the States.
- [13:08]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Wait, you were living in Japan during all this?
- [13:11]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah. Oh, for a year. Yeah, for a year. My dad was in the Marines, and we were stationed in Japan, and I lived in Japan. We lived in Japan. And he just. Yeah, they put me on a plane, flew me back to the States.
- [13:29]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Okay, so they. So when you. And when you were. So when you were 12, 13, and you were first running away. Yeah, that was in California. Okay. And then you're in Japan, and you're like, I cannot be with these people anymore. And so your dad says, well, okay, then you don't have to. And he packs you a bag with some clothes. Your mom slips you $20 they put you on a plane from Japan to California to lax, okay? And so you land in lax, and you have no money. You don't know anyone. Where do you go? What do you do?
- [14:14]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I ended up on skid row. Like.
- [14:24]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
How'D you get there? You just walk. You just walk from lax?
- [14:28]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, all the way to. I met this guy from Boston out there, and he was basically like, kid, what are you doing? Where are you going? I was like, I don't know. And he was like, well, I'm going this way to do this. And I was just, like, following behind him, and, I mean, he led me to skid row, and he. He turned out to be a crackhead. And so we're, like, going all up and down skid row. I mean, there's, like, people laying in their own and piss on the sidewalk, and we're, like, stepping over them, and, like, he ends up buying crack. He's sitting there smoking crack. And I remember, I was like, hey, can I have. He was like, I wanted to get high. I was like, oh, can I smoke some? And he was like, have you ever smoked this before? And I said, nope. And he said, then you're not gonna do it. And I. I think about that guy sometimes because I'm like, man, you know, my life could have been on a lot different trajectory if he had it. Just, like, not giving a. And been like, yeah, man. He just smoked his crack. Because I was a dumb kid. I was like, I just lost my family. I had smoked weed before. I didn't really know what was going on, you know? So, yeah, he was like, no, you're not gonna smoke this. You've never done it. And he was like, so what do you do? I was like, oh, I smoke weed. And he was like, all right. And he. We went on skid row just, like, looking for a bag of weed. And you wouldn't believe how hard it was to find a bag of weed on skid row. You could find anything but a bag of weed. We finally found some, and I smoked some weed, and I ended up hitting up someone that I. Because I was homeschooled for junior high. But then I went to high school, and I ended up hitting up someone that I went to high school with, and he came and picked me up, and I stayed with his family for maybe a year or two. But. Yeah, and then. Then my life pretty much changed completely, all because of a Facebook ad. So I was, like, living in Southern California. I had been. So I got off skid row, I was. Because I Told this guy that I went to school. I was like, man, I'm on skid row. I don't know what to do. So he came and got me. I stayed with him and his family. Him and his family were really cool. I ended up getting a job. And I don't know, Life just wasn't. I don't know, it was just boring. And I remember sitting there, and I was on Facebook, and I seen this ad for the 420 Festival in Denver, Colorado. You know, it's just like, I'm gonna go to this. And my friend was like, dude, you don't know anybody in Colorado. You've never been to Colorado. Don't do this. And I just, like, got 200 together, got on a Greyhound, and just went to Denver for the 420 Festival. And, like, you know, I. I was always very spontaneous, you know, like, I'm just gonna do something. It doesn't matter what anyone's saying. I'm just gonna do it. You know what I mean? Like, it doesn't matter how impossible it is. I'm just gonna do it. That was always my mentality. And so I go to Denver, and on the bus, I meet this Juggalo dude. He's covered in face tattoos. Like, you would. Like. Like, if you saw him, you'd be like, oh, this guy is sketchy. This. But he was really nice. He's like this tall guy covered in face tattoos. He had, like, clown tattoos, like, the upside on triangles under his eyes. And, like, you know, like, this guy looked crazy. And he was like, hey, man, like, you know, me and my friends are gonna have this 420 barbecue. And I was like, dude, hell yeah. And he's like, you want to come with me? I mean, we had been talking on the bus from California to Colorado, and he invited me to their barbecue. So when I got to Colorado, I didn't even sleep outside one night because I went straight to their house. It was like this big Juggalo house where, like, everybody in there is a Juggalo and they're having this huge barbecue and smoking weed. And, like, everyone was super cool, and I, like, slept under their kitchen table. But, yeah, sorry if that was a lot.
- [18:37]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
What?
- [18:38]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
No. Jesus.
- [18:38]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
No. Oh, my. No. This is. This is. No, this is a super, super fascinating. I. It's funny that you bring up Juggalos, because. You know what? It's so funny you bring up Juggalos, because, as you were. I'm. I'm making a little documentary about going to the gathering of the Juggalos. Last month and everything you're talking about. I don't know. I don't know why. But actually, before you even said that you met a Juggalo, I was thinking. Thinking about. Just like, your story is kind of making me think about the gathering of the Juggalos. So it's weird that I was thinking about it and then you mentioned that you met a Juggalo, because the Juggalo culture is very, like. Like bohemian and welcoming towards, you know, people who are, like, you know, kind of trying to get their footing, you know. So it's interesting you met one of them. Did you. Did you start to get involved in the Juggalo culture at all?
- [19:47]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I've always been a Deadhead, so I always like the Grateful Dead and the. The Deadheads and the Juggalos. We used to say that they're like. They're like, brother. They're like stepbrothers. We got the same mom, but different dads. And, like, on, like, the service level, you might not think that Deadheads and Juggalos would get along or have a lot in common, but, like, there's a lot of Juggalos and Deadheads who are, like, tight as f. You know, like, they're like best friends. Like. Yeah, I have a lot of good friends that are jugglers. You know, I listen to the music a little bit, but, yeah, definitely more of a Deadhead, you know, So I didn't really get absorbed into it, but I was, like, alongside with them.
- [20:31]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
So you were. I mean. Yes. So you took a Greyhound from California to Colorado, met this Juggalo guy.
- [20:40]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, just on a whim.
- [20:42]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
On a whim, the Juggalo guy, he invites you to this house. There's all these Juggalo people. They're having a party. You sleep there for a little bit. Just on a whim. The plan was. But, I mean, if you hadn't met this guy, the plan was to just kind of sleep outside?
- [20:57]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, like, I had. Yeah, it was just go to the 420 event, and I'm. I can talk to pretty much anybody. I can just walk up to somebody. I can just see somebody and just, like, start talking to them. And, you know, so I was just like, yeah, I'm just gonna go there. It feels right. Go talk to some people, you know. But, yeah, it was basically just, you know, I've slept outside in California. I was like, yeah, it's summertime, there's early spring. You know, it's warm enough. But, yeah, I ended up staying with them, and then I ended up Getting a job with a tree service company. And then I got my own apartment right next door to theirs. So like in the same apartment complex and. Which was cool. Working tree service. I did that in Denver for like a year. But then, yeah, I mean, all. All of my roommates and all my co workers were drug addicts. So that's like a lot of things about, like, you know, like, roofing. A lot of people that do roofing are like meth addicts and opiate addicts and the kind of same with like, tree service, at least in my experience. A lot of the people were meth addicts and heroin addicts. And I still just smoked weed, didn't drink. But that's how I lost it all was. I mean, my roommates were my co workers. We all worked for the same company. And basically the landlord had enough of their, you know, having people coming over at all weird hours, you know, just cops being called. Just random, you know, just random things when you're living with drug addicts. You know what I mean? So we ended up. My boss ended up. Well, he was on parole and he ended up violating his probation because he was doing drugs, went back to prison, and then none of us had jobs, and then we lost our apartment. And then. Because I really wish I had saved more money because I was making really good money working for tree service, but I had never had that kind of money before, before. So I was just spending it as fast as I could make it. You know, I didn't have, like. I never had a reference for the money like that. Like, I was. I mean, there was days where we'd make. I'd make a thousand dollars in a day, you know what. And I had no idea what to do with that kind of money, you know. And at the end of the day, when we got kicked out, I'm sitting there with all my bags and my cat and I'm sitting outside. I don't have. No, I don't have any money. I don't have anywhere, you know. So that. Yeah, that. That was kind of a life lesson, was like, just because it's good doesn't mean it always will be good.
- [23:46]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
What were you spending it on?
- [23:49]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh, man, just like my girlfriend at the time. Like, I like, I like, met this girl online that we were. I was mutual friends with, and I, like, paid for her to come out there and live with me. And I mean, I was just. So. I was buying her. So she. I didn't. She didn't work, so I would just, like go to work and like, leave her money and weed and cigarettes and, like, go to work all day. I'd buy dab brick, expensive dab rigs, expensive bongs, acid. You know, shoes, clothes. Just, like, movies. Just blowing it, man. Like, literally just spending it. As soon as I would get it, I'd pay rent, and I would just spend it. But, yeah, pretty much any day off, I would be downtown, and that's where I met dirty kids for the first time. Like travelers, like, basically hippies, but people that live outside by choice and kind of just like, travel around with what's in their backpack. And, like, I would hang out with them, drop some acid in the park, smoke some weed, and everybody seems so happy, man. Like, everybody just seems happy. And I was like, they have nothing. They got no. They don't own anything. They don't have any stuff. They don't have a house. And they just seem so happy. And, like, running around barefoot in the grass with their dogs, smoking weed. And I'd be like, I saw that, and I was envious of it because, like, I have to go back to my apartment. I have to. I have to go do this job. I have to go shovel wood chips all day. I have to go cut trees. You know what I mean? I have to go do all these things. But these people are completely happy just hanging out in the grass. And basically, that's where I went when I got kicked out of the apartment. Didn't have the job, had all my bags around me, had my little cat. I was like, what do I do? And I was like, all right, I'm just gonna go down to the park and talk to those guys. And I went down there, and I was like, hey, you know, I just lost my job. I just lost my apartment, and I don't know what to do. And they're like, oh, dude, you hang out with us. And, you know, at that point, still, my mind was like, oh, if you need money, you get a job. So, like, I immediately, like, went restaurant to restaurant, store to store. Hey, I need a job, Handy job. Got a job under the table at a sushi place in downtown Denver, making cash. The guy never even asked me my name. I never filled out a job application. He was just like, oh, can you start tomorrow? And I started working there, and then I would just, like, I would work at the sushi place and then get on my skateboard and just skate down to the park, sleep in the park with everybody, drop acid, smoke weed. My boss eventually found out that I was homeless. I didn't tell him. And I thought I was gonna get fired. He was like, oh, why didn't you tell me you live outside? Because he seen me out there one night. I was like, oh, I didn't want you to, you know, fire me. And he was like, oh, well. And then after that, he started giving me a meal every day. So every day I'd go into work, he'd let me have a meal, and he let me leave my backpack there. He was really cool. I felt bad when I quit that job, you know, I really. I really did. I. When I. When I told him I was quitting, you know, I felt. I felt pretty bad, but I was like, I don't know. I was ready. I wanted to go to San Francisco. It's kind of crazy, but you hear about San Francisco and you're like, oh, it's like a hippie paradise, you know? That's what you would think. At least that's what I thought. You know, I was like, oh, I'm gonna get there, and it's gonna be a bunch of people, like, here smoking weed, hanging out. So I quit my job, and I. I started hitchhiking to San Francisco. And. And I remember, yeah, I had. I didn't have a backpack. All I had was a pair of shorts, shoes, a shirt, and a bed sheet because someone stole all my stuff. And I just, like, looked at the map and followed the high. Started walking down the highway with my thumb out. And it took me less than a week to get to San Francisco from Denver. My first time. That was my first time. Like, that was my first real hitchhiking trip. I had done small ones, like 50 miles, 100 miles, but that was my first real. Getting your feet wet into. It was Denver to San Francisco. And I got to San Francisco, and it was not what I thought. It was cold. It was very. The air is very wet. It's very damp. It's very cold in. The streets are very harsh. There's a lot of. A lot of hard drugs, a lot of people with mental illness problems, and a lot of people on drugs, and just, like, it wasn't that safe, and it wasn't that fun. So then I. I was like, all right, it's cold. I'm gonna start hitchhiking south. And that's literally how it all unraveled. Like, there was always another place to go to. There was always another thing to do. Like, I never, like, set out, like, oh, this is how I'm gonna live my life. Like, it was just like, oh, I'm gonna go here and do this Thing, it was like, oh, this kind of sucks. I'm gonna go here and do this thing. And so I ended up in Arizona at the gem shows, which I don't know if you've heard about it, but the Tucson gem show is like, the world's largest rock and mineral exhibition. And people from all over the world have all these different minerals and rocks and gemstones, and everybody's, like, hanging out. It's a huge thing. It's. It's crazy. And so I was there working at the gem show, like, unloading boxes of rocks, setting up booths. Because if you show up there earlier and you just walk around, you're like, hey, man, you need a hand? You need a hand. And, like, you can get a job just on. Yeah, unloading rocks, setting up booths. You don't need an id, Just under the table work. And at the end of that, I heard about a rainbow gathering I had never heard. When I first heard about it, I thought it was a gay thing. And I don't have anything against gay people, but I was like, oh, you know, that's probably not for me. And then I realized it was like. It's just called rainbow gathering, but it's, like, meant to be what society would be like if there wasn't money. Or, like. Like, it kind of shows you how, like, okay, so you. They pick, like, a national forest, everybody shows up, and you learn how to dig a latrine and put lye in it so everybody can in it and not spread disease. And they show you how to get water from the river and purify the water. And, you know, there's different kitchens that show up and make food, and you help get firewood, and they call it leaving Babylon. So you, like, leave the sidewalk and you go in the woods, and you're, like, living in, like, a little mini society for a little while. And then they have these gatherings all over the world, not just the United States. They have them all over the world. And I went to a lot of them, and they're a lot of fun. But, yeah, I was doing that for probably five years, just hitchhiking around the United States, going to different rainbow gatherings, doing different seasonal work, like, oh, let's go harvest potatoes. Let's go harvest sugar beets. Let's go trim marijuana, you know? Yeah, I would do jobs like that, like, go to the Pacific Northwest when I knew everybody was pulling their weed plants, and you just hang out outside Home Depot. So, like, these towns where people are growing weed up in the mountains, there's only one Home Depot for like hundreds of miles, you know, so any weed farmer has to go to this Home Depot. So I would just hang out there with like some weed trimming scissors in my hand and eventually someone will pick you up and be like, oh, how many pounds can you trim in a day? And if they like your answer, they'll take you up to the mountain, provide you with food, room and board, and you just trim weed all day. And I mean, sometimes for months. And you just, you just, you're just way up on this mountain. Like no cell phone service, no roads anywhere. Like the type of mountain, or in the winter people got to use snowmobiles to get off it. And you basically just trust these farmers that they're going to pay you. And I mean, it was, it was nice to like get a break from living on the road and you know, like, for, for a while you can just live in this little shack on a mountain and trim weed. It was cool because, I mean, there'd be like 12 foot weed plants hanging from the ceiling. I'd wake up just surrounded by hanging weed. You wake up and you can smoke as much weed as you can as long as you can keep working. And I would just, I would just wake up, there'd be like a mason jar full of oil, dab oil. I'd roll a fat joint, put some oil on it, smoke it, and you're just covered in weed. Like, the weed sticks to everything. It sticks to your socks, your clothes. I would just wake up. 12 foot weed plants hang from the ceiling. Just grab some colas, start trimming. Yeah, and that was like, yeah, See, different seasonal jobs. Like, that is basically how I stayed alive.
- [33:49]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
So for those five years that you were doing this, did you hang on to anyone or was it really just you for five years? Like, do you have any sort of recurring people in your life over that time?
- [34:12]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I was out there for a total of 12 years. Not really. I mean, my, the most constant thing in my life was my dog.
- [34:26]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Your dog went with you everywhere?
- [34:28]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, I didn't have him in the beginning. I ended up getting my first dog because I was tired of getting robbed. Like, sleeping was the most dangerous part of living out there is because people that don't sleep, they're just out scheming at night looking for people that are sleeping that they can take advantage of. Like, sleeping was hands down the most dangerous part of living out on the road. Like, like you just get accustomed to survival. Like, I would have to position my head a certain way every night when I went to bed, just to limit the ways that people could walk up on me. Because you don't want someone to just be able to walk right up on your head, you know? So I would sleep, like, with my head to like a big wall or a rock or a big tree or like, and people. It was serious, man, because you don't know if you could be sleeping. And then all of a sudden, someone's stealing your shoes and your backpack and like, whatever, you know. So I got. I got tired of waking up with no shoes, waking up with no backpack. So I got my first dog, and I never got robbed in my sleep again. I made a deal with my dog. I was like, hey, you know, I'll love you. I'll give you the comfort that you need. The food, the water. You just help me not get robbed in my sleep anymore. But I have my dog, o'. Ryan. He's my second. My. My first dog that I had on the road got stolen. And it was one of the hardest things I had to go through. Yeah, I hopped my very first freight train with that dog because that's the. I went hitchhiking for maybe five years, and then I met some train hoppers. So I was in Manitou Springs, Colorado, which is this beautiful little mountain town, and Pikes Peak National Forest. That place has natural soda water. So like, kind of like the water that I have here in Oregon, it's instead, over there, it's carbonated, so it's like natural soda mineral water just coming out of the ground. And there's all these fountains and different fountains have different levels of carbonation and like minerals, so they all taste different.
- [36:59]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Can I ask real quick about. So this first dog that was stolen, what kind of dog was it?
- [37:05]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
She was like what people would call like a res dog. Like, she kind of looked like coyote mixed, like, random desert looking dog. Like, she was like. She was vicious. She's like a tiny little. Like, I don't even. Like a brown dog with pointy ears. Like, kind of like the dogs that you'll see, like, around native reservations in the south, like in the desert areas.
- [37:33]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
How did you connect with this dog? How'd you find her?
- [37:37]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh, I was at this truck stop and there was these other travelers there. And I walked up and they're in. The dog ran away from them and jumped into my arms. And I'm holding his dog. I'm like, what the. And the people were like, dude, that's not our dog. We rescue that dog. That dog hates everybody. And I didn't really understand what they meant by this dog hates everybody, because this dog's in my arms. And like, the night we all camp together, and then the next day they're like, dude, you know, you can have that dog. And so I kept the dog. And then I realized what they meant by she hates. And she would bite anybody. A child, an old lady, a woman, a man, anyone. And she wouldn't growl. She wouldn't bark. She would just lunge and attack them. And, like, like, if someone was trying to hand me money, I would have to walk away from the dog and take the money. If, like, someone was trying to give me a fist bump or a handshake or anything, I would have to walk away from the dog. Like, people, like, drunk people, like, drunk women would come out of the bars and be like, oh, my God, can I pet your dog? I'd be like, no. And then they would be like, no, dogs love me. And then get bit. Or people wouldn't ask. I'd be standing there and, like, turn away, and someone would try to pet my dog. And that was the dangerous part. She just, she wouldn't give any warning. She wouldn't growl. She wouldn't bark. She would just bite. So then I understood what those people meant by this dog hates everybody. Like, I don't know. It was like that dog knew me. It was like, like I just walked up the truck stop and it just ran and jumped into my arms. And, like, I didn't understand how important that was when I first met the dog. But then after being with her for so long, I was like, oh, that was really special, you know, like, this dog hates everything.
- [39:27]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Wow, that's so fast. I truly wonder what it must have been. Do you have any idea, any hypothesis, anything at all about what it was about you as a stranger in that moment that she connected you over anyone else?
- [39:44]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I don't. I had never even had a dog. Like, when I was a kid, my parents never got me a dog. I had only ever had cats. I, I, I have literally no. It was like the dog knew me. Like, it was like I just walked up and it was like it knew me, and it just ran to me and just jumped in my arms and, like. And then they. We were camping, and I remember, like, laying there in my camp just thinking about that dog. Like, I was like, man, such an awesome dog. She's so cool. And then the next morning, they were like, man, we thought about it, and we think you should have this dog because they had their own dogs. And that was like. It was like A dog that they were just, like, helping out because it needed them at that moment. And. Yeah, and I hitchhiked around with her. And then, yeah, like I said, we were in Manitou Springs, and I was living in a cave in the mountains. There's, like. There's, like, a stream in front of the cave, and I would wash my clothes in there. I'd take my clothes, put them in the river, put the rocks on them, and just let the river be like a washing machine and wash my clothes. And the cave was, like, made of clay, and it went really deep, so it was nice and cool in the summer. And there'd be, like, a dozen of us in there eating mescaline, eating acid, eating mushrooms, just living in this cave. And then we'd go out at night into the town and, like, play music and get leftovers, bring the food back to the cave, share it with everybody. But I ended up meeting some train hoppers, and they came there, staying in the cave, and we had a fire. And we're all sitting around the fire, and they're telling me all these stories about Ryan trains. And I was, like, hanging on every word. Like, it sounded like the ultimate adventure, you know? Like, it was insane. Like, I was like, wow. And then I would. I hung out with them for a couple days, and then they were going to leave, and I was like, oh, where you guys going? And they're like, oh, we're going to Pueblo, Colorado, to hop out of here. And then they were like, do you want to come with us? In me? I was like, yes. In so many times in my life, I'm glad I took opportunities like this where it's just like, it changed every. It changed the entire trajectory of my life. Just saying yes, just, like, taking a chance, you know what I mean? Like, even if it seems crazy, even if everyone's telling you not to, just taking that chance, because you never know how. What doors it's going to open. And. Yeah, hopping my first train was one of the most terrifying things I've ever done. It was very scary. Yeah, the guy, his name was Scruffleupagus. And then the lady, her name was Mama Red. And they brought me on my first train.
- [42:50]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Why was it so scary?
- [42:52]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
It was scary. Okay, so there was, like, eight of us with just as many dogs. Okay, it's night time. We've been waiting in this train yard for days. We're trying to go east. And so Scruffy had told me, he said, hey, the railroad police, the railroad workers, the bull, they're like, A T. Rex. If you don't move, they won't see you. That's what he told me. He said, don't move. If you don't move, they're not gonna see you. And, like, everybody wore, like, neutral colors, you know, like earth tones, browns, grays, dark greens. Everybody had, like, a bandana over their face and a hood pulled up. And you know what I mean? Like, it was serious. We're all hiding in the shadows. Well, the train pulls up, and it's an old junk train, like a grain train that they filled with grains. And, you know, they got oil tankers, maybe a couple box cars. Now we all climb on this train, and we're laying there on the grainer porch. It's hard to describe. It's like they got these cars that they fill with good. They open the top and fill them with grain. But then at the bottom, there's, like, a ladder, and sometimes there's a little platform right there you can lay on. And so we're laying there. And as I'm laying there waiting for the train to leave, I got my dog. I'm. I got my backpack on. I'm holding my dog to my chest. I got my bandana over my face. I got my hood pulled up, and I'm laying there, and I hear the rocks crunching. Because there's all these rocks along the railroad track, and I hear them crunching. Someone's walking towards me, and I look down the side of the train, and I see a railroad worker coming down with a lantern. He's shining his light at each of the grainer porches, walking closer and closer and closer. And I looked at the guy next to me, and I was like, dude, I'm gonna get out of here. Because on the other side of the train, there was, like, an opening in the fence, and there was a big abandoned building. And I was like, I'm gonna get up and I'm gonna go. And he said, no, remember what Scruffy told you? If you don't move, they won't see you. And I was like, dude, that's crazy. Like, just lay down. So I'm laying there, my heart's racing. I'm holding my dog, and the crunching is getting louder and louder and louder. And I'm laying there, and I'm eye level to this guy. He shines the light right on me. He's looking me dead in my eyes. And then he just puts the light down and just keeps walking. My heart felt like it was going to come out of my mouth like it was like. And I'm just holding my dog as tight as I can, and then the train shakes. We go backwards, and then it screeches. And then we start moving. And then we start moving faster. And the wind's blowing. I remember just. I'm holding the railing, and I'm, like, sticking my head out, and the wind's blowing. And the brake dust. You can smell the brake dust on the train. And, like, every time it goes around a curve, it, like, screeches and like. Oh, man. That first train ride was just, like, exhilarating. I was. As soon as I did, I was like, I am gonna do more of this. And it was kind of crazy because the train didn't go east. It went back to Denver. And I had tried so hard to leave Denver. Like, I. It took me forever to get to Manitou Springs, and I just ended up all the way back in Denver. But those guys, they drank too much alcohol for me, so they, like. You know, it was funny. Everybody has, like, a funny name out there. And they were calling me. My name is Tripp out there, and they were calling me Tripp the Schwilly, because, like, a Schwilly kid is someone that drinks a lot of alcohol. And I didn't drink any alcohol, so they gave me the name Trip the Schwili, which was funny. I just didn't drink at all. And everyone would drink a lot of booze, so I, like, left. And, like, the first few trains I hopped, I just, like. I was terrified of doing it during the daytime, so I'd only do it at night. And I didn't even know which way it was going, you know? Like, that was a beautiful time in life. Like, not having anywhere to go. You're just living. You're just going to go. You know what? I, like, I would just get on the train just because I know it's leaving. And it took me years to, like, figure out which ones are going what way, why they're going that way, you know? Yeah. All in all, I was out there for 12 years.
- [47:47]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Man.
- [47:48]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah. I rode trains every corner of the United States. I. I rode freight all throughout. All through the United States and. And Canada. I eventually did Canada because I was, like, bored. It was kind of like riding a taxi. Like, it got so predictable. I just knew I knew where the train was going to stop. I knew where it was going to go. I knew what to expect. I knew when to hide. I knew when not to hide. I knew when to run. That's the thing. You gotta. When you're riding freight. You got to know when to run and when to hide. And it just got. It got mundane to me. It was like, I know what to expect. This was after years and years. So then me and my current dog. My dog Orion, where I still have him, he's. He's 11 years old now, but me and him rode into Canada. No id, no passport, and we started in Vermont, rode into Montreal, and then we rode all the way to Vancouver and then walked over the border. And it's one. It's one of my greatest achievements. Honestly, I think it's my. My best adventure ever, you know, because everybody told me not to do it. They're like, dude, don't do it. You're gonna get deported. Don't do that. It's insane. And I was like, I gotta do it. And I pretty much asked anybody I could. Any train hopper I met before I went up there. I was like, hey, have you ever been to Canada? Do you know anybody that's been to Canada? You know, I wanted to know, how did you get up there? How long did you stay up there? Did you get deported? Why did you get deported? How did you get caught? You know, I just talked to anybody I met, you know, and I just put all the information together. And I learned a lot, you know, I learned, you know, Canada really doesn't like public drinking. So a lot of these kids that were riding trains up there, they were getting arrested and deported because they were, like, publicly intoxicated. But where.
- [49:59]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Where would they even send you when you got deported?
- [50:03]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, they would hold. They, Like, I didn't get deported, but they. I mean, they would hold you in jail and then send you back to America. I'm not sure where exactly, but maybe just right over the border. I'm not sure exactly, but I know that they. Yeah, they would just hold you and then bring you back, and that's like, the ultimate failure. You failed. You know, I. I wanted. My goal was. Yeah. Montreal to Vancouver. And I did it in three trains. And I mean, I had to. I ran from the Mounties three times, lied to them, and got out of it once. And one other time, I was up there for, like, two months. I met some amazing people, dude. People up there. Like, you hear that Canadians are stereotypically nice. They were like, I met. I met some. Like, I'd just be walking, and people would just, like, put money out the window. They just be like, here, man, I'm just walking down this. I'm like, man, I must look rough. I must look like I need it. Yeah, I met some amazing people. I've met people that. That's the thing about living out there, man, with no money and just like, you just got what's on your back. The people that hang out with you and the people that stop to talk to you, you know that it's because they actually want to talk to you and they think you're a cool person. It's not because you've got something they need, not because you've got coke at a party. It's not because you got a nice car. It's not because you got a nice job. It's not because they think that you. You're well off, you know? Like, I felt like I met a lot more down to earth and real people because it put me in those situations to meet those people. Because, I mean, dude, for. For so long, I was the kind of person, if you. If someone saw me, they usually didn't look at me twice. They wouldn't even look at me once. So if someone stopped and got on my level to talk to me, a lot of times, they'd be like, dude, you're cool as hell. They're like, you're an actual person, you know, and that's the thing is, like, it's easy to look out your car window and see someone on the streets and be like, oh, I know what their situation is. Oh, they could have done X, Y, and Z to get out of this. They could, you know, but you don't know what they're going through. You don't know what kind of childhood trauma they got. You don't know how hard it is to get a Social Security card when you've been chronically homeless for over a decade. You know, there's a lot. I just wish people had more compassion, and I wish that they could see that they're, you know, the people living outside aren't your enemy. Those are your neighbors, you know, Those are your neighbors. Like, we're all. You're not any better than anyone just because you have something and they don't.
- [52:54]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
So I want to get into this. So you were doing this for 12 years from.
- [53:01]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yes.
- [53:02]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Like from about 16 to 28.
- [53:05]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah.
- [53:06]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And now you have a. A kid, and it sounds like you got a. You got a car, and you are.
- [53:14]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Like, yeah, I still haven't got a Kaiser. That's the crazy thing is. Yeah, I've never had a driver's license.
- [53:23]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And I'm kind of sorry. I guess I. I only. I only assumed that because I thought you Were driving to this spring when we first started talking with the water.
- [53:33]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, my girlfriend does the. I mean, I have a bike and I bike, but we live in a small town where I can pretty much, you know, I bike to work, I bike to the food bank, I bike, I bike a lot and I don't know, cars give me a lot of anxiety.
- [53:50]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Same.
- [53:51]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
And I. And I never learned how to drive and I just don't really have an interest in doing it. My life's not really, you know, like, I get around. I don't really. I don't know a lot of people, you know, their cars, like their personality and like their manliness and like their masculine. You know what I mean? But I don't, I don't attach that to a big piece of machinery.
- [54:13]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
So. Well, what I was gonna say is, okay, so when you were 28, like, how'd you meet the person you're with now and then how'd you have a kid and you see, is it accurate to say that you're less nomadic than you were at that time now?
- [54:33]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, yeah, definitely.
- [54:36]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
How'd you, you know, kind of. I want to hear about that transition. Hey, folks. The finals of TikTok's newest music competition. Next up, live music is finally going down. 12 aspiring musicians will gather to give the biggest performance of their career and lay their souls bare on the stage. It will be the biggest night in live music and they've got a true powerhouse of judges on the panel, including Tom Pullman, chief programming officer at iHeartRadio, Beata Murphy, program director of 102.7 Kiss FM, Justina Valentine from MTV's Wild N Out, and viral guitarist John Dreddo. The judges will crown the next up live music winner. But get this, there's a democratic process where you have the power to put in your vote and decide who takes home the People's Choice award. So don't miss a second and watch it all unfold live on TikTok on September 26th from 7 to 9pm Pacific Time, only on the official TikTok handle at TikTokLiveUS. Again, that's at TikTok Live. Underscore US together, let's witness the birth of the next music superstar.
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- [58:41]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
So it's kind of funny. I met my girlfriend on Instagram and I like followed one of her friends on Instagram and then I seen her in a picture and I was like man she's cute like little dark haired dready girl. And I was like I just messaged her and I was I didn't even say anything. I just sent her a picture of me holding a cardboard sign that said blah blah bum stuff and I just sent it to her. And then we started talking, and I asked her. I was like, hey, you ever ride trains? That was like my pickup line. Oh, hey, you ever ride freight? And she had only ever hitchhiked. And so we met up to ride trains. And we were living inside of a bridge, like. Like, literally inside of it. Like, a lot of the infrastructure around the city is built hollow to make it cheaper. And we had found a little door that led inside of a bridge, and I got my own lock and replaced it. And we were just living in there, and she got pregnant. And, you know, she asked me if I would go back home to her home in Ohio and be a dad. And I. At the time, I was. You know, I was like, no, I'm gonna ride trains. I'm gonna keep riding trains. Like, you're crazy to think that we can be parents. I don't even. I was like, how could I. That was the main thing in my head was like, how could I be a dad if I don't even know what it's like to be. To have a good dad? You know, my. My parents were terrible role models. I didn't know. Like, I still have problems with my own. Dealing with my own childhood. How could I be a dad? You know? Those are all the things that were running. I'm like, we live in a wall. We eat garbage. I shower once a month. I'm like, you cannot be parents. You know what I mean? And those. Yeah, those are the kinds of things that were running through my head. And so I told her no. I said, I'm gonna stay. I'm gonna keep riding trains. So she went to the Greyhound, and she got a Greyhound. She went home to Ohio. And then a while later, she told me, hey, I'm gonna have the baby. The baby was born December 3rd, and I rode trains in the middle of winter to Ohio. When I saw the baby being born, I held my daughter, and then I left. And, you know, a lot of people say they're like, oh, when you hold your kid for the first time, something changes, you know? I mean, it didn't change for me right away. You know, it wasn't like this magic thing, like, oh, you see the kid. All of a sudden, you're gonna make it work. And I feel like it would have been selfish of me to try to make it work, because I knew I wasn't ready. Like, I knew. I knew, if I stay, I'm gonna go. And I didn't want to do that to them. You know what I mean? I. I felt like it was better to be away than to be there just to rip it all away. You know what I'm saying? So I kept buying trains, kept traveling, and I probably would still be out there if it wasn't for some really nice people that I met off Reddit, of all places. Yeah, but, yeah, I mean, yeah, there was this. I. I used to post a lot on Reddit. I don't anymore, but I used to post a lot on a lot on there about me riding trains and stuff. And people would follow my adventures and donate money to me because I'd be. You know. And there's this person who lived in Sacramento, and it was, like, pretty much every week, she'd send me, like, 50 to $100. Like, it was crazy. I was like, this is insane. And then I'm in Oregon picking mushrooms around Thanksgiving, and she messages me, and she's like, hey, do you want to come to Thanksgiving dinner? And I sat there and thought about it. I was like, I. I literally could not remember the last time anybody had invited me to a Thanksgiving dinner. Like, it had been years and years and years and years. Like, every holiday for me was just a Wednesday. It was just a Tuesday. It was just, oh, I'm behind this gas station, you know? And it meant a lot that they invited me. So I went down there. I got on the train, rode down to Sacramento from Portland, and I got there, and I was only supposed to be there for a day or two. These people had a nice house, tons of money, kids, just regular people. And they liked me so much, and I liked them that they were like, you know, she asked me, she said, you know, if you could have anything, what do you need right now? And, like, she asked me, like, what do you need? And I told her, I was like, I'm tired, you know, I'm tired. I'm tired. I was like, I need to rest. I need to just. I need to just relax and rest. And so they literally sold their house and bought a bigger house that had an extra bedroom. And I stayed with them for a couple years and learned how to live inside again. It was hard because I would. I would pack all my stuff and leave it, and I'd go ride trains. And then I just, like, feel like I was stuck in this revolving door, you know? I was like, there's nothing out here for me. I've already done it. I've already seen it. And I would end up going back and staying with them. And that kind of went on for a couple years. Just going back, leaving, going back. Well, you know, I had, I had to learn how to be stagnant. I had to learn how to. Because that's the thing is when you're, when you're go, go, go. Because I would never stay anywhere more than three days. Usually anytime anything got bad, you just go. And you, when you stop, everything you were going from catches up to you, you then you have to deal with stuff, you know, so, like, if I didn't have that time to be in that safe space with them, I don't know if I could have been a dad and been here with my family because, you know, I would have just left. If I had gone there, I wouldn't have been ready and I would have just left. So they gave me like the no judgmental, unconditional love I had never known unconditional love. They gave me unconditional love. Like, you know, you deserve love. That was a lot of things with my self worth, you know, I felt like I deserved to live on the streets. I felt like I deserved to be on the sidewalk. I felt like I deserved to be cold. I felt like, you know, like my self worth was so little, you know, like, I just, I thought that's always. My life was always supposed to be. And anyway, I had this room. I had. They paid for my food, my weed. They paid for everything.
- [65:59]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
This is just a random family that you met on Reddit from, From sharing your adventures on, on some subreddit.
- [66:09]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
They showed me more love than my own family ever had. Yeah, they show, they showed me compassion. They showed me that I could love myself. They like, it just blows my mind. Like my own family. Because that's what I struggled with so long was like, you know, I don't deserve love. My own family couldn't love me. My own family doesn't know if I'm alive or dead. You know, I'm like, how could anyone else? You know? Yeah, so I had to deal with that. But yeah, they. They gave me the space to just work everything out, work through the drama. It gave me the space to just be myself, you know, and, And I still. But I, I got through and I still wasn't happy. I felt like something was missing. Like I was sitting there, sun shining, a beautiful house, fridge full of food, every. And I still wasn't happy. Like there was some. There was something missing in my life. And I realized, you know, 10 years are gonna go by quick. My kid's gonna grow up not gonna know me, not gonna want to know me. You know, the time's gonna. And so, yeah, me and her mom reconnected, and she asked me if I wanted to come see them. And I thought that I was only gonna visit. Like, I didn't think that it was gonna be a whole thing. And so I. I went to one last music festival. I went to Hardly Strictly in San Francisco. It's one of the only things I'll go. I used to go to San Francisco for was. There's a annual free bluegrass show in Golden Gate park called Hardly Strictly. And it's. It's like three days of live music. They got all the live stages and food, and, like, it's a really chill time. They clean out Golden Gate park, and then it's just, like, a bluegrass show. And it's been free forever, like, since they've been having it. It's awesome. And I went there, had a great time, went to the bay, hopped out, and I rode trains from basically Oakland to Florida. And then I got on a bus from Florida up to North Carolina, where they were staying in Section 8 housing. And, I mean, man, they were. They were, like, living in the project. They were, like, living off government vouchers and, like, this giant honeycomb apartment complex. My kid was running around. There's. I've never seen a cockroach infestation so bad. My kids running around just, like, catching cockroaches. You know, I'm there, and I'm like. You know, I couldn't leave. Like, I. I thought I was just going there to see them and to visit, but once I got there, like, I'm looking at my daughter and she's looking at me, and it was like I was looking at myself, and I couldn't just leave, you know, Like, I couldn't just leave them to live like that. And I stayed there for a year. Yeah. Now we live in Oregon, and we live. We live in, like, a duplex. So it's not like a giant apartment. We have, like, a shared backyard. We live less than a mile from the beach. I live, like, right on the beach. You know, I. I work at a resort as a housekeeper. And that was the hard thing is, you know, living that long without having a job or, like, being a part of society. And, like, that's probably some of the hardest parts. It's just. Yeah. Like, I got a problem with authority, so having people telling you what to do and just, like, it's hard working for money. When I'd be, You know, like, when you're on. When I would live on the road, people would see me and they'd be like, oh, you're a road warrior. You're traveling. Like, a lot of people didn't see me, like, a regular homeless person, per se. You know, they would be like, oh, you're the traveler, you know, so they'd want to help me out because I'm leaving. So it's hard sometimes when it's like, yeah, people used to just throw money and food at me, but now I scrub toilets for food and money. But. But it's worth it, man. It's worth. That's all I gotta keep telling myself is that it's worth it. Because, you know, when I was out there on the road one time, this older guy told me, he said, you know, it's a good adventure, but it's not a good life. And I laughed in his face and I said, you're. You're an idiot, old man. You don't know what you're talking about. And then the older I got, the more I realized he was right. Like, it's unsus. It's not sustainable to live like that. Like, I think everyone should, you know, maybe hitchhike a thousand miles maybe, you know, like, maybe go. Maybe could just take a break and just, like, rely on yourself and go have an adventure. But I don't think it's a good. It's not a good life. And, yeah, it took some growing up to kind of come to those towns, you know.
- [71:38]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
It's a good.
- [71:38]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, but it's not a good life. Yeah, man. Yeah. Yeah. And almost everybody that I knew is dead, like, from alcoholism or fentanyl or they're in prison or they got cut in half by a train. Like, there was a lot. Like, a lot of people that I knew would drink a lot of alcohol, do heroin, and go hop trains and then get their arm cut off, get their leg cut off, get cut in half, get paralyzed. Like. Yeah, I got. Yeah. And the crazy thing is, like, I knew that I could die any moment out there, but I didn't really. How. Just living to live. I didn't really, like, think about five years in the future or 10 years in the future. It was just day to day. Like, what do I need today? What does my dog need today? You know, Like. But now. Now I worry, but now I sit here and I think about 10 years from now. I think about five years from now. It's. Yeah, it's a lot different. And the other day I saw some train hoppers here just, like, hang. I was. I got off work, went to bike home, and I seen. I just started crying, and I was like, can I just talk with you guys? Because, like. And they got up there like, dude, let me give you a hug. And they're just like, these random people just hugging me. And I'm like, like, man, I wish I could be still just sitting here with my dog. But at the same time, like, I know that I have to be here, and, like, that part of my life's over. Yeah, man. I've wanted to talk to you for a long time.
- [73:34]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
I'm so glad you did.
- [73:36]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh, man.
- [73:37]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Oh, man. So you've been with your family for a year?
- [73:48]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yes. Yeah, it's been about a year.
- [73:52]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And how are you feel, like when you. So you say you haven't. You're kind of new to thinking about the future. And when you are thinking about the future, what. What are your feelings about it? Are you excited? Are you nervous? Are you. You know, how do you. How do you feel when you think about the future?
- [74:18]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I'm excited because there's. You know, like, I used to be really suicidal, you know, I used to just want to die, and now I just want to live. And I wish that I could go and tell myself in the past, like, hey, it's not always going to be like this. It's going to get better, you know, because it does. And it's hard when you're in it to see that. But I worry, man. I worry because, I don't know. I don't. I don't want my. I work so hard, and I just want my daughter to, like, do good in life, and I don't want her to work as hard as I do. And, like, I wanted life to be as hard as mine is. And, like, I just worry that no matter how hard I try, that it's just, like, genetic or because we're poor, that, like, she's not gonna have a good chance in life, you know? And I know I can't think like that, but, like, you know, well.
- [75:17]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Well, okay. Well, bro, I mean, well, think about it like this, man. I mean, you know.
- [75:24]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Well.
- [75:25]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Well, I have a few things I want to say, but I want to. Have you. Have you seen your parents since you were 16? Have you talked to them at all?
- [75:35]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I went. Yeah. They lived in North Carolina. And when I went to see my. My daughter and my girlfriend, I. I just showed up. I didn't tell them I was coming because I had no contact with them, and I just showed up and I confronted my dad with a lot of things, and I just really don't like the answer that he had for Me, Because I was, you know, I was like, dude, I was basically like, why were you so hard on me? Like, you know, like, why did you throw me around? Why did you scream at me? Why. Why were you so mean? Like, what? And he. All he had to say was that his dad was an alcoholic and his dad was mean to him. It was like, that's not good enough because my dad was an alcoholic. My dad beat the out of me, and I don't do that to my kid, you know? So I just felt like it just wasn't good enough. Like, I told him, I don't forgive you. Like, that's not. That's not good enough. That's not enough. I thought I would have closure, but it's just like, you know, And I would tell him things like, oh, you know, this traumatic thing that happened in my childhood still affects me today. And I would tell him about it, and then he'd just say, oh, I don't remember that. Oh, that didn't happen. Wait, what do you mean it didn't happen? Like, this. This is something that shaped my whole life, and you're telling me it didn't happen? And, you know, they're really, really, really, like, ultra evangelical Christians. Like, all he ever says is, oh, that's the devil. That's the devil in your head telling you things. Anything good that happens, oh, that was God. Anything bad that happens, oh, that's the devil. That's the devil. Putting lies in your head to trick you. It's like the ultimate God. You're a gaslight me with some demons. And, you know, so it was just. They basically acted like I died. Like, they had all these pictures of me from when I was a kid, and just, like, they've just always been waiting, like, the product, the story of the prodigal son, you know, like, waiting for the son to just, like, come back. And my dad told me, you know, like, he kept setting, like, timelines, okay, by the time he's 20, he'll come back and he'll have his share. He'll. He'll have his fill of sin out there in the world, and he'll just come back. Oh, no. Okay, by 22, he'll. Oh, by 25, and. And I'm like, yeah, I've always been here. But I mean, like, who I am is who I am. They just don't accept me for who I am. And it's okay to cut off your family, you know, that's what it is. It's hard, but sometimes your family is just like, it's better to be away from them. It's better to not talk to them. And it's hard, you know? Like. Like the other day, I was biking home from work, and I saw this guy my age in a driveway with an older guy that looked like his dad. And they're sitting there shooting some hoops, and I just. I just think about, like, what would it be like, you know, to just be able to hang out with my dad and just, like, talk to him just like normal people? That's all I ever wanted. I just wanted to be a normal person, have a normal life.
- [79:13]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Well, let me. Let me. Let me. Let me. I mean, well, let me tell you something, man.
- [79:19]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
This is just.
- [79:20]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
From my vantage point here is like, I can tell how. I could tell how deeply you. You really, really, really care about your daughter not having had it as. As rough as you. And I'm. I'm. I'm really, really sorry that you had to. You had it this rough. But I'll say that the. The good news is, is that I know that you're, like, really anxious and worried about your daughter having a nice life and not having to have dealt with the things that you had to deal with, but you're in a really, like, great position where, like, I mean, bro, like, you. You're fucking there, you know? Like, you're fucking there, you know? And whether or not regardless of whatever material resources you know, do or don't have or your daughter does, like, you're. You're there, man. You're there, and you care and you love her, you know, and that's. That's it. Right? So I. I think that, like, I don't. I don't think you have to worry about whether or not your daughter is gonna feel like you were there for her. And.
- [80:58]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
And.
- [80:58]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And it's. And it's nice, man. It's. It's like, it sucks that your. Your dad came back to you with, like, oh, well, my dad was like this, and his dad was like that. I'm sure his dad was like. And I'm sure you're a part of a long cycle of, like, you know, absentinis. And it's like, it sucks. And I really. I'm sorry. And I feel your pain that you are a part of that cycle, but you have this. I'm not even gonna say opportunity, because it's. It's something you're doing. It's not even an opportunity. It's just. It's your life, you know? It's. It's. It's it's embodied and expressed by the decisions that you've made to be there with your kid where you're doing this really tremendously powerful, beautiful, amazing thing where you're breaking the cycle because you're fucking there for your daughter. You know, you're getting in the car and you're going to the spring and you're filling up water, you know, like you're fucking there, you know. So again, I'm really, I'm really sorry that you, I can feel that you feel a lot of pain being part of the cycle, but brother, I'm very, very proud of you and very, I deeply, deeply commend you for breaking the cycle and being there for your daughter and giving a shit and going back and, you know, and being here. And I hope that, you know, I know from what you've expressed that you've had a lot of, you know, self image problems. And I, and I really hope, and I really want you to understand that like, bro, you're, like, you're beautiful, you know, like, it's, it's a beautiful thing that you're, you're, I don't even want to say doing. It's like you're, it's like you're living it. And I hope you feel good. I hope that makes you feel good. I hope that makes you sleep easy at night when, when you're at, when you're in the house with your family, with your daughter that you're, you're there and I, and life gets hard and you sometimes you try to do and it doesn't always work, but like you're trying, you know, you're not just like doing what your dad did. Like your, your dad came back to you, man, with it, with, yeah, with the excuse of like, well, my dad was like this and that fucked you up and you, and you know, she could have easily done that to your daughter, but you didn't because you're, because you're, because you're a fucking, because you're a great guy. So I, I, I hope, I hope you recognize that about yourself and, and that you feel that and you understand that and you let that be a thing that lets you live your life a little bit lighter and a little bit less anxious and heavy, that you understand that you're, you're doing all the right stuff and that you and you and you and you don't, don't beat yourself up if everything doesn't go fucking perfectly, you know?
- [84:19]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah. Part of the traumas, I think when things are going really good I'm just always worried that they're about to fall apart. And I think. I think that's just. That's something I gotta work through, you know, I'm always like. Like, when things are good, I'm like, oh, no. You know, I'm like, oh, no, what's that? What's gonna happen? And then nothing happens. I think that it's. Yeah, it's just. That's just me. So.
- [84:47]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
You said your daughter is seven now?
- [84:50]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, she's about to be. Yeah, she's almost seven. She started first grade. Cool.
- [84:57]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
How's she doing? Like, what's. What's she. What's she into? What's her. What's her. How's she doing?
- [85:06]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
She's doing good. I just. She is struggling in school already, and I see a lot of myself in her, and I just. Yeah, I just want her to do good in school. But she. And I mean, the problems that she has is, like, what I think would be normal. She just, like, wants to be a kid. She wants to do what she wants to do. And she has trouble, like, listening to authority and, like, following structure and guiding. You know, they're just trying to put her into the meat grinder of school. You know how, you know, you either sit or you don't. So I feel like. Like, I like that she can socialize with other kids, because that was something I missed out on. You know, I didn't really get to have friends or socialize with people my own age, so I think that's important for her. But, yeah, she. I mean, right at this stage, she's just, like, obsessed with, like, cats and Legos. And we have pet roly polies, which is pretty cool. Most people are like, what? What do you mean? You have pet rolly, like, little isopods, little roly polys. We have, like. There's, like, a community of people that keep, like, exotic ones that have different colors, and we have, like, white ones with yellow and black spots, and we have zebra ones that are black with white stripes. And. I don't know. When I was a kid, I was really into bugs. And, you know, dude, if my dad had to show in any interest in anything that I like, it would have been huge. So, yeah, I. We live in, like, a tiny town with a lot of, like, trees and forests and stuff around. So I take her out on hikes and we go on hikes and I try to teach her. We feed the crows. There's CRO. Me and her, we'll go feed the crows together. And I try to Teach her, you know, to respect nature and all life is valuable, even if it's small. Is. Is it. Life still has value, you know, so we go rock hound. I bring her to look for fossils. There's like certain areas near us where you can find a lot of like marine fossils, like shells and stuff. We'll go and do that. He likes wearing little cat ears and cat tails. This is fun when people like, oh, what is she into? Like, she's into cats. Like, I don't know. She really likes cats.
- [87:42]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
That sounds appropriate for a seven year old.
- [87:44]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, yeah.
- [87:49]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
You sound, you sound like a great dad, man. You're doing all this great stuff.
- [87:54]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I try, man. I just try. And my dad, My dad saw his wife and his children as property. They were like, they were a dresser or a nightstand, you know, like they were his things that he could do with whatever he wanted because they're his, you know, And I try to, I treat my girlfriend and my daughter like they're their own individual people. You know, she, she tells me, I don't want to hug you right now. Okay, well, I don't want to do that. You know, I treat her like she's a person, you know, I ask her, I try and talk to her like a human being. And, you know, that's one thing I never understood is I told my dad, you know, like, my life's been really hard, man. My life's been, I've been struggling. And he just told me, oh, my life was hard too. And he just kind of has that mentality of like, oh, if my life was hard, your life should be hard because it'll build character or whatever. Like, no one helped me. Why should anyone help you? But I'm under the impression, I'm like, I think of it like you're supposed to make it easier on the next generation. So the next drink becomes more educated and their life is a lot easier. And then the next year they're even more educated and they have, they make more money and their life is easy. You're not supposed to make it harder on the next generation because it was hard for you and it was hard for your dad. Like, that's just going nowhere. So I, My parents were really young when they had me too. So I tried, like, I try to look it in perspective. Like, my parents were 16 when they had me. So it's kind of crazy to think, like, when I left home, my parents were like my age. And it's hard to think of, like, why was my dad such an so young? Like, why Was he such a dick so young? Like, he, like, I don't know. Yeah, it's just. It's hard to think, like, oh, dude, he was like, 22. Being that much of an. Like, come on, man. You're not supposed to make it harder on the next generation. You're supposed to make it easier. Build generational wealth, build heal, generational trauma.
- [90:08]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Do you. Do you. I. I know it's maybe. Maybe it's hard to do before for whatever reason, but do you. You know, I really. I hope you acknowledge yourself as having a lot of power and strength again. Like I've been saying to form your own beliefs about how this shit should go and live it.
- [90:37]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah. I feel like a lot of people just like, oh, they're my parents. This is how things are. But, you know, I've always been like, no, yeah, I'm gonna make my own path. You know, if they're not going to treat me right, I'm gonna go make my own path. I'm gonna go make my own family traditions. I'm gonna. Just because you. Your family is toxic, just because of your family doesn't mean you have to put up with it, you know? Like, you can set boundaries. You can be like, no, I'm not going to be treated like that. My daughter's not going to be treated like that. We're not gonna live like that. So it is. It does. It does take a lot of strength. And that's kind of like what I learned from being on the road for so long is like, I had that sense, you know, I look around, I look behind me. Nobody's there. I look around, nobody. Nobody knew if I had food. Nobody knew if I had shelter. Nobody knew if I had clothes. Only me. Only me. I got myself there. So I feel like that. That strength, I. I continue now because I'm like, oh, I know I can do it. And it is. Yeah, I feel. I feel like I had pulled myself out from under the sidewalk, you know, Like, I started with less than nothing. If you. So I feel like I'm catching up to a lot of people my age, but I try not to compare myself too much because I'll start feeling bad, like, oh, like, when will I ever own a house? When will I, you know, this or that? But not everybody starts at the same spot. You know what I mean? Like, not every. Not everybody starts at go. Some people start behind me. It's not fair to compare yourself to. Even if someone's the same age, it's not fair to compare yourself because not everybody had the same opportunities, you know?
- [92:39]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
You know, I. I actually don't know if I ever caught your name.
- [92:46]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Steve.
- [92:47]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Steve. Steve.
- [92:54]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
How do you.
- [92:54]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
I have a lot of questions for you. I mean, how do you. How do you feel having talked about all this stuff for the last, let's see, almost hour and a half?
- [93:09]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Well, I didn't realize it was that. Well, I mean, I feel. I feel better. I feel like I got some stuff off my chest. I feel better just talking about it. I've been. Yeah. Long time. Listener. First time. Yeah. I mean, I've listened to for so long, it kind of helps me. I like listening so much to your show because it helps me not think about my own problems. Sometimes I listen to other people's problems and kind of helps me put it in perspective. You know, everybody's got different things going on. You never know what someone's got going on. You know, you just see them in that moment and that. That's all. That's all the reference you have. So I like, yeah, just hearing people's stories, hearing what people are going through, you know, and it did. Like, I. I've thought about it so much, like, what would I talk about? What would I say? And, yeah, I mean, I got a lot to say, but it just came naturally once I started talking. Yeah, you're very easy to talk to. And once I started talking to you, just, you know.
- [94:13]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Bro, have you ever thought about. Have you ever thought about, like, writing a book or a memoir or. I'm sure. I mean, after. I mean, I mean, I'll tell you this, and this has got to be. I mean, I've been doing this show for five years. This has got to be one of. One of my favorite conversations I think I've ever had doing this show. It's. I mean, it's. It's. It's. It's fascinating, man. You're really, really good at, you know, telling your story. Have you ever. I mean, after 12 fucking years of riding trains, you must have so many stories. Have you ever thought about, like, doing. I mean, you know, I mean, it's awesome. I really appreciate you coming on here and telling your story because I think it's. I think it's fucking incredible. Have you ever thought about writing a memoir or even, like, doing, you know, little YouTube things or anything like that? I don't know why that's where my brain goes, but I just. I just like. I love. I love your stories. You lived it a wild life.
- [95:28]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I have thought about it and I've had. I've even had different people reach out to me, asking if they could make something with me about it or. Yeah. And nothing ever really pans forward with it. I. I write poetry sometimes. I do write, like, in a journal, and I write things, but I've never tried to organize it. I gave you, like, the short version of everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I would like to just so it's not lost, just because I do like sharing my story, and I feel like, yeah, there's other people that maybe could take use. You know, maybe they're going through really hard time. They don't. When you're in something, you don't see how it could get better. You know that. That's the thing. Like, when you're going through it, you don't see how it could possibly get any better. Different, you know, and it gets overwhelming. But think things really do take wild turns. You can change your life, you know, Like, a few years ago, I would have thought for sure, you know, I'm gonna. I'm gonna die outside on the side of the road somewhere. And now here I am. I'm. You know, so, yeah, I. I don't even know where I would start. You know, I. I guess I should think about it more. But.
- [96:55]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Do you. Do you. Do you. Do you. If, like, it's okay, it's okay. It's okay. If not. And, you know, if you want. If you. If you want to make something, I was gonna ask you. Do you have. Do you. Do you post anything? Any. I know you said you write poems, right? Do you. Do you post anything anywhere? Like, if. If people who are listening to this wanted to keep up with you or anything like that? If that's something you want, you know, not. So you don't have to feel obligated to. But if that was something you want. Do you have a thing that. That anyone listening to this catch up with you on?
- [97:34]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, I used to get quite a bit of traction on Reddit and Instagram, and I just, like, I got rid of it. I deleted every. I don't. It's kind of crazy because. Yeah, man, I. I completely hopped off social media because it was not doing so good for my mental health.
- [97:54]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Like, I understand that too. Yeah.
- [97:56]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah. Like, I. I don't have Reddit, Facebook, Instagram, Snap, none of those on my phone. I don't use any of those. And, like, when I got rid of them, dude, my thumb would go and click on the empty space where those apps used to be. Like. Like, anytime I had my. I had a down Moment my thumb would just go to click those empty spaces at one. Yeah, I used to like all. You know. Yeah, I just. I. I don't right now. It would be awesome because I wish I could show you some pics, show you some pictures, Ryan trains and stuff. But, yeah, people used to. I felt it was kind of a debating thing when I deleted everything. I thought about it for a long time. I have a lot of the photos and videos saved, but.
- [98:43]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Well, let me. Let me tell you that if you. If you ever do want. If. And again, no pressure to ever, you know, do anything, because I also. I also understand why people, you know, I mean, we had the. I remember. I don't know if you heard this episode, but we. We talked to the guy, a little bit of a similar story to yours, who went to go live in a cave in the Tenerife Islands.
- [99:04]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- [99:07]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And he. He started Instagram. Then I think he was kind of like, I want to stay offline, but it's up to you. But I just wanted to say, if you ever want to, you know, do something, you can always. I don't know if you have me on Instagram or whatever, but I check my DMs and shit, so if you ever want to send me an email or if you ever want to start posting anything or whatever, you can send me a DM or an email and I'll shout it out on, you know, one of. One of the future episodes of the podcast or on Instagram or something. So, you know, invitation is open if you ever think about it and you want to start doing something like that. I also wanted to, you know, I'm lot. We're live on Twitch right now, if that's cool with you. I guess, you know, before we go, I could ask the Twitch chat if they have any questions they want to ask you. Is that.
- [100:02]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, yeah, yeah. I closed the chat when I. When I. When I answered the call, so I'm looking at it.
- [100:11]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
I'll give the Twitch chat a second to write some questions and I'll pick. I'll pick some stuff. We have one person said, tell Steve he is awesome. Keep doing what he's doing. Little pig boy says what was his favorite state from going coast to coast.
- [100:36]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh, man. Really? It's hard to pick the. I have, like, a top three. My top three is Colorado, Montana and Oregon. But it's really hard for me to pick a f. Like, I love Colorado, but I also really love the ocean. I love the mountains. I love the nature of the forest. But yeah, like Montana, Oregon, Colorado are just like the Southeast. Never really hit my vibe that well. Like, I went there a bunch, you know, it just never really felt it, you know. But yeah, like Montana, oh my gosh, beautiful view, just open sky, just beautiful. The people there are cool. Like I could just walk into a town and just be like, hey, I need work, I need a job. And I'd find like, oh, so and so down at the furniture store is renovating, you know, like it was like, like people are always really cool up there. Oh, I like the land up there. Yeah. Montana, Oregon and Colorado are my favorite for sure.
- [101:47]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
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- [103:07]
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- [105:13]
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- [105:46]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Someone wants to know what was the other if you had any other, like what the other scariest encounter was besides almost getting caught by the rail worker?
- [106:03]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh yeah. I mean that was just the very first train I ever got on. I mean there was times, yeah, I mean I, I got taken to jail twice for riding trains. But I used to tell people, you know, if you're scared to go to jail, don't ride trains. Because that's not the worst thing that can happen. The worst thing that happens is you fucking die. You know what I mean? So that's not the, the scariest thing. I mean, I've had people, I've been robbed at gunpoint, like had I literally just peel. I'm like, man, I'm not gonna get shot over there. Like, you know, like I've had people be like, oh, what do we didn't do anything. And it's like, bro, you do you want to get shot over your backpack but you want to die, you know it's not worth it. Really. I've been. Yeah, I had. There's one time, this guy with a machete. I was sitting there with this kid that never hopped a train. That was one of my favorite things to do, is bring people that never rode trains riding trains. Because I love to just look in their face. You know, when you start going and you just look at them and you can. You can see that glint in their eye. It's just. Yeah, it's magical. And this guy with the machete was just, like, walking around is all tweaked out on method, and he's just like, oh, you know, how many of you are there? And I told. I was like, oh, there's about four or five of us at the liquor store right now. And then he, like, walked away. And the greenhorn. When you're new to something like Ryan trains, we call them greenhorns. He was like, man, why'd you say that? There was more of us. And I was like, bro, that guy does not need to know that it's just me and you down here. Because we're like. I mean, that. That's the hardest thing is like, getting off the train because then you've got the cops with you, you got people for all kinds of crazy, tweaked out homeless people with you. You know what I mean? Like, you're just trying to get some food and water and supplies and go. So that was like the hardest part. I mean, I almost died riding trains. Now that. I mean, that will still give me nightmares. Like, I still wake up sometimes with nightmares from that. I almost died of dehydration. And it was. I mean, it got. It was so serious. I was having auditory and visual hallucinations just from dehydration. And my peripheral vision was gone. It was like someone was holding their hands over my eyes. Like, it was all black all around my eyes and I could only see right in front of me. I basically, I hopped onto a coal train and I thought it was going one way, but we ended up going towards a coal mine and we sided out. So the train stopped and I was on an empty coal train. And I look and there's a. What I thought was a full train loaded with coal. So I got off and got on that one because I'm like, oh, this loaded coal is going to leave. And mind you, it's over 100 degrees. It's like 108 degrees. And the next day we're still there. And I walk to the front of the train, walk to the back of the train. There's no engines. It's just a string of coal in the middle of nowhere. And I look all around. There's no bushes, there's no trees, there's no shade, there's no power lines, there's no puff of smoke. I'm, like, out in the open plains, just on this string of loaded coal. I run out of water quick. And at one point, I started walking away. And then I was like, no. I was like, I need to go back to the train because they're not just going to leave a loaded Coltrane there forever. They'll eventually come back for it. And I was like, if I just walk, where am I walking to? Out into the horizon. I'm gonna die. So I walked back to the string of trains, and did I tell a story to people? And they're like, man, you probably drank your piss, huh? And I'm like, dude, I was so dehydrated, I couldn't piss. Like, I was trying. At one point, I had my dog bowl and I was trying to pee into the dog bowl to drink it, and I couldn't even pee. Like, there was. I couldn't even. It was so bad, I couldn't even piss. And then, like, I'm hearing voices. I'm hearing people laughing at me, mocking my condition. I'm seeing, like, shadow people running in front of my vision. And, like, I thought I was gonna die, gang. I, I, I had came to peace with my, like, I was like, this is it. This is my last train. I up. I'm gonna die. This is it. And I had. I was so out of it that I thought I was cold, and I had every layer of clothing on me. So they eventually did come for the train, and the railroad worker saved my life. I was in and out of consciousness. I was going in and out of consciousness, and I. It was over 100 degrees, and I had every article. I had my thermal underwear on. I had my beanie on. I had my hoodie on. I had my jacket. I had everything on because I thought I was freezing. I thought it was freezing cold. And they found me. They brought me to the hospital. They. But, yeah, man, every day since then has been extra for me. I've been like, yeah, every day since then, extra. That was my first. First couple years, Ryan trains. And it happened because I was arrogant and cocky, and I just thought I could get on and off whenever I wanted. I was like, I'm in control, you know? But you learn. No, that the train's in control, right? There's no such thing as the wrong train. You just went a way you didn't want to go. You know, the train goes where the train goes. But, oh, dude, I'll. I'll wake up, like, screaming for water. And it's bad. Like, oh, I'll feel like I'm still there on that cold train with no water. I had food, I had weed. I had everything except water. I know. It was probably a longer answer than you were. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, it's real out there, man. It's like. Like, people will ask me, oh, what's the worst thing that happened to you out there? And then when I tell them, I can just see the look in their face. They, like, they didn't really explain. Expected to be that deep. I'm like, the highs are really high. The lows are like, I've seen the worst that humanity has to offer, but I've also seen the best.
- [112:27]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Well, that kind of actually. Well, what you're saying actually brings me into the. The next question that somebody asked that I'm also a little bit curious about is someone said, basically they were like, you know, someone. Someone in the chat was like, I want to get into hopping trains. How should I get into it? But I want to ask you, you know, in light of a comment like that, like, after everything, if somebody came to you and said, I want to start hopping trains, how should I get into it? Would you recommend that they. That they. That they. That they start. That they go on the journey?
- [113:11]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I don't regret it at all, man. It was the best thing I could have made that choice to go, but it's not for everybody. And I used to tell people out there, you know, like, if you've got somewhere to go back to, if you've got people that love you, if you've got a family, if you got a support system, if you got good for, you will eventually go home. You know, like. Like, there's no if, ands, or. But if you got that support system, eventually you'll go home because you'll get tired of being hungry, cold, whatever, you know. But this whole time, any. Lots of people have asked me this question, and I always tell them the same thing. You cannot learn how to do this by watching YouTube videos. You cannot learn how to just do it. You will die. You will die. Like, the only way that I recommend anybody get into this, and it's hard to do this, but it's to find someone that knows what they're doing and is already doing it. You know what I mean? Like that, that, like that can show you. Hey, if you step there, you don't want to step there because when the train buckles, your foot will get caught and you'll die. You know, like, you. Like there's just certain things, like, it goes beyond just getting on the train, hiding, and getting off the train. Like, you know, there's shipping facilities. Your train could get pulled into a shipping facility. And all of a sudden you're surrounded by barbed wire and watchtowers and they're yanking all the cargo containers off the train with cranes. You know, they. They got railroad police that won't arrest you. They'll take a box cutter and cut the straps of your backpack, leave you there with a backpack you can't wear. Take your sleeping bag, cut your sleeping bag up, leave you there like that. It's. If you're gonna do it, you gotta go with somebody. And the best way to meet. I think the best way to meet someone like that is, like I said, those rainbow gatherings in the beginning of my story that I was talking about. You go to enough rainbow, you're gonna meet some train hoppers. And they might not like you at first. You know what? The first train hoppers I've ever very met made fun of me because I was a hitchhiker. And train hoppers think hitchhikers are stupid.
- [115:25]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
That's a very interesting. That's a very weird rivalry. I never even thought about that.
- [115:31]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Oh, dude. Dude, out there, like, there's like caste systems almost. You know what I mean?
- [115:36]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Like, no shit.
- [115:37]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Like. Like the train hoppers think that they're better than the people that drive around in cars and live in cars. And they think that they're better than, like, the hitchhikers. And also the people. We call them home bums. The people that are just homeless in one town and don't go anywhere and don't do anything. Like, we kind of hold. We won't hang out with those people usually, like, you know what I mean? It's like, ah, nose in the air. You get away from me. Because you're. The reason everybody hates us is because you're just sitting here in one spot making a mess, you know? But any train hopper that tells you he doesn't hitchhike is a liar. You gotta hitchhike when you're riding train. Eventually you're gonna have. You're gonna have to hitchhike. But yeah, you know, train hoppers are like, oh, why would you just stand there with your thumb out? You can just ride straight but like Ryan phrase, not for any, but everybody. Like, when it's hot, it's hot. When it's cold, it's. I've rode trains in negative 10, and I rode trains in 110. I'd rather ride in negative 10 than 110, honestly. Which surprises a lot of people. But, yeah, when it's negative 10, if you got the right gear, you're fine. But 110, there is no right gear. Like, you're on a piece of metal. No shade that the metal is hot as. It's, like, burning up. You touch it at all and you're. Yeah. So I'd rather. I'd much rather ride a negative 10, but. And it's never the answer people want to hear. No one ever wants to hear, oh, go find a train hopper and get bullied by them and, like, be their greenhorn and carry their water and stuff. Stuff. And go and learn the ropes. But really, that's how you do it and keep your limbs, you know, like, you gotta find somebody. You gotta get caught the ways. Because you can't just watch some YouTube videos and be like, I'm gonna do it. It's just too dangerous. Hitchhike. Hitchhiking. Yeah, go. Go out hitchhiking and you'll run into people, man. Like, when I went out, I didn't know that people lived out there doing that. I didn't know that there was, like a whole subculture of people just, like, by choice living out there on the road with their backpack. When I went out, I had no idea. So, like, that's the best way to get into it. Just go out hitchhiking, go to some rainbow gatherings, go to the gem shows, go to the Tucson gem show, Check out something. Go to hardly Strictly, you know, like, you go places where the culture is and you'll meet people. You know.
- [118:26]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Steve, this has been. I said it again, but I, you know, I. I mean, I'm sorry I said it before, but I'll say it again. Yeah, this is. This has been, yeah. One of my, you know, favorite conversations that I've had doing this, I would say. I really appreciate you sharing your story. I'm like, you know, I hope. I know that you haven't had the chat open, but there's a lot of people in the chat who are just, you know, giving you your flowers on, you know, getting to where you are from where you've been and, you know, doing you and being you. So I hope, I hope you recognize that you got a lot of support out there.
- [119:04]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I appreciate that. You know, I don't got enough people in my life telling me I'm doing a good job, you know, like, so sometimes the reference is out of sight for me because I'm like, so. Yeah, I appreciate that, bro.
- [119:17]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Yeah. Again, everyone in this chat is, like, really, really, really supportive. And, you know, I hope I don't. What do I. There's. I don't. I don't know how. There's some guy commented being like, I can help you tell your story if you want to tell it. I don't know. I'd like, you know, here, I'll do this because I know that, like, I already fucking said this, but I'll say it again if you want to. You know, I don't know if you have me on Instagram or you have me on whatever, but if you want to create some form of line of communication for anyone who hears this to get in touch with you, you can hit me up and we'll. I'll figure out a way to.
- [120:04]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, I only listen to you on Spotify.
- [120:07]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Cool.
- [120:08]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
I mean, I have an email and I have blue sky, but, yeah, that's about it.
- [120:14]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
You can. I mean, you can drop your email if you want. You know, if you. If you. I'm sure I'm. I'm, like, 100% sure that there will be people who want to get in touch with you after this. And if that's something you're open to, you're totally welcome to drop your email on here.
- [120:27]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, I mean, I like, talk. Like I said in the beginning, man, I'm one of those people. I can just walk up to anybody and start talking to them. So it does help me to talk to people and just, you know. So my email is kind of long, but there's no, like, crazy. All right, so it's trip, trap, tramp, trash at gmail dot com.
- [120:50]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Okay.
- [120:50]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Trip, trip, T R I P. T R A P. So trip, trap. Trip, trap, tramp. T R A M, P Trash. Trip, trap, tramp, Trash. That was my full name on the road that I gave myself. Trip, trap, tramp, Trash.
- [121:14]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Trip, trap, tramp, trash. Gmail.
- [121:18]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yes. At gmail dot com.
- [121:20]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Okay. Trip, trap, tramp, trash, Gmail dot com.
- [121:25]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Okay. No underscores or dots or anything. Yeah. Just all under case. Yeah, man.
- [121:31]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Trap, tramp, trash. Yeah, Let me know if. Let me. I'm curious if people reach out to you. That'd be cool. That'd be cool.
- [121:40]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah. Yeah. We'll see how this goes. Hopefully I don't get too many.
- [121:48]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Steve, man, once Again, dude, thank you. I. This is. This actually might be the longest phone call I've had on this show. How long is this, like, fucking we've been going for? Yeah, we've been going for almost two hours. I really. I appreciate your time. Thank you so much for. For. For getting on here with me and telling your story. It was super fascinating. It was. And, dude, I wish you the best of luck. I think you're doing a fucking great job being a father, being there for your kid, making the decisions you got to make to be there for your family. I think you're doing awesome. I'm excited for you, for the future, and, you know, thanks. Thanks again for your time, man. Thanks for. Thanks for chat with us. I'm sure. I'm sure a lot of people will listen to this and, you know, gain some form of camaraderie if they themselves feel like they're not doing so hot. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?
- [122:50]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Just keep going. You know, you got it. Even if you can't see it, there's light at the end of the tunnel. You'll get through it. Just because you can't see it now doesn't mean it's not there. You know that. That's probably the biggest thing. And I know it's hard to see it when you're in it, but you just keep going. You just keep. You just persevere, you know? Like, we're all gonna die anyway.
- [123:15]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Oh, yeah.
- [123:15]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
You only get this one life, so, like, just live it, because then it's over. You know what I mean? Like, you just live it like you got this one life. You got this one chance. It's gonna be over anyway, so just live it. Thanks, Gig.
- [123:31]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Thank you, Steve. I appreciate you, man. You have a good rest of the day.
- [123:35]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
You too. Thanks.
- [123:36]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Bye, Steve. Whoo. What a. What a. What a phone call, folks. What a phone call, folks. I wasn't just blowing smoke up. Up Steve's ass. That really. That was one of the. My favorite episodes of the show I think I've recorded. I mean, he. You know, he had such a amazing story, and he told it so well, and it's just wild, man. I mean, 12 years of. Of hopping trains and, you know, dealing with, like, family shit, and then it's really. It's beautiful just to hear about someone, like, going out and breaking the cycle and trying to, like, be the father that they didn't have. Like, I think that's so. I think that's so cool. You know, I think that's so cool because it's so easy to let life smack you around and mold you into something and just to. To talk to someone who, through sheer, like, force of fucking will, right? Like, I don't. I always wonder. I was. There's so much that shapes us as people that's out of our fucking control, you know? There's so much that shapes us as people that's out of our fucking control, like who our parents are, weird neurological, synapse firing, whatever the fuck shit that I don't know about. Environment, time, random chance, whatever. There's so much that's beyond us that, like, shapes who we are. And then, you know, I hear a story like Steve's, and it's like. And, And. And little shit about it where he's like, yeah, fucking guy offered me crack and I wanted to try it.
- [125:41]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
And.
- [125:42]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
And this guy was like, I'm not gonna give you your first hit of crack. And like, that just, you know, saved his ass. And, you know, everyone around him was drinking and he wasn't into drinking and is, you know, dad was shitty to him, and he ended up being a good dad regardless. And, like, bro, just the story of a guy just, like, encountering every pitfall that was possible to knock him down and still, like, creating a beautiful life for himself. It's cool. It makes me question my often deterministic viewpoint about life and. And lean more heavily into the idea that we have free will over who we want to become and not letting the shit that happens to us or the world we live in or whatever, like, shape us permanently. It's cool. It's an inspiring story. I appreciate. I appreciate you staring at sharing it. Steve, once again. Yeah, what is it again? Trip? I wrote it down. Trip, trap, tramp, trash. Gmail.com. i don't know, sometimes I like the idea that, you know, I mean, we have. We've had a few callers on this podcast that wires have crossed somehow by people listening to it, and cool things happen. So I like. I like throwing it. I like throwing it out there for that to happen. Anyway, this has been the. The Therapy Gecko podcast. Thank you all very much for listening. This was. This was great. If you enjoyed this episode, share it with your friends. I'd like. I'd like people to hear this. I think this is a really cool story. I think this is a good. You know, I mean, I've been doing. Yeah, I've been doing this, like, two episodes a week for five years, and sometimes I'm like, Are we out of stories? And then something comes, something comes by the desk and I'm like, oh shit. You know, this, this, this thing keeps giving and giving interesting stuff. So you know, I'm proud to be doing this show. I'm honored to have you guys listening to it and anything else. I don't know if I have anything else to say. I think that's it. All right, thank you all for listening. Geck Bless. See you around the universe. Hello folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy gecko. Over at therapygecko.supercast.com Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show. They get recordings from my live shows members only streams and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode. So you have these bass gastric distress as you call it. And it says here that this causes you to shit your pants in several inopportune situations.
- [129:19]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
Yeah, I went to a, I went to a show and I, I shit myself right before we went into the show. I just to give some context, I ate a cheeseburger. And at the time I didn't know, but now I know I'm lactose intolerant. It's kind of embarrassing, but I kind of tell it to my friends as a funny story. But now say it on here. I'm kind of like, damn, like it's kind of fucked up.
- [129:45]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
No, I think it's pretty funny. If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium member@therapygecko.supercast.com or find the link in the episode description. That's therapygecko.supercast.com Alright, I have nothing else to say.
- [130:24]
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- [131:22]
Therapy Gecko Host (Lyle)
Hey folks, the finals of TikTok's newest music competition. Next up, live music is finally going down. 12 aspiring musicians will gather to give the biggest performance of their career and lay their souls bare on the stage. You can watch it all Unfold Live on TikTok on September 26th from 7 to 9pm Pacific Time only on the official TikTok handle at TikTok Live. Underscore us again that's at TikTok Live. Underscore us. Fox One is now live. It's the new way to stream all your Fox favorites all in one place. That means NFL Sundays and college football games, breaking news with the Fox voices you trust and your favorite show streamed as they happen. So nothing gets spoiled. With Fox one. You get it all live. Edge of your seat plays, jaw dropping moments and that feeling like you're right there in the action. Start your seven day trial today. Offers are subject to change. Go to Fox one for complete terms and conditions. Fox one We Live for life Streaming now.
- [132:31]
Steve (Trip Trap Tramp Trash)
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- [133:01]
Ryan Seacrest
Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway Cough and cold season is coming, so make sure you're prepared and stock up on your family's favorite personal wellness products now through October 7th. Shop in store and online for savings on products like Mucinex Kickstart Combo, Zyrtec Allergy Relief Tablets or Liquid Gels, Halls Cough Drops and Mucinex Fast day and night so you and your family are armed and ready for the season ahead. Offer ends October 7th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.
- [133:30]
Gemma Spake
This is an iHeart podcast.