Therapy Gecko – “I WANT A SUBMISSIVE MAN”

Host: Lyle (iHeartPodcasts)
Date: November 2, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode of Therapy Gecko, Lyle (the unlicensed lizard psychologist) connects with callers dealing with relationship struggles, personal growth, the quest for meaningful connection, and modern life's digital malaise. The conversations focus on the intersection of kink and dating, addiction to technology, the search for self-love and authenticity, and philosophical debates about meaning and nihilism. As always, Lyle listens with a blend of humor, curiosity, and empathy.

1. Presley: The Quest for a Submissive Man

[02:05 – 16:19]

Main Topic

Presley (Olivia), newly relocated from Utah to “the Valley,” seeks advice and commiseration on her difficulty finding sexually open, submissive men—specifically those open to pegging.

Key Points & Insights

• Relocation Frustrations: Presley laments that men in her new area are less open-minded about her sexual interests than those in Utah.
• Pegging and Stigma: She describes men recoiling at the idea—“That's gay, blah blah blah”—and feels judged for her desires.
• Dating Apps & Fet Communities:
  • She has tried both mainstream apps (Tinder) and kink-focused ones (FetLife), but with mixed results:
    • FetLife: “They're just like too... too much... Oh, you want to peg me? You could fist me too. And I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!” [04:35]
    • Tinder: Hard to find men who are sincere about submission without other hangups.
  • Lyle suggests the app “Field” and even attending bodybuilding competitions, referencing Presley’s ideal (“a bodybuilder, bisexual, Greek goddess, sculpted type man who just likes being a switch.” [10:33])
• Difficulty with Vulnerability: Presley shares a story about jokingly linking pegging to a man’s Navy background, resulting in being kicked out of his apartment. She reflects on boundaries and social misreadings.
• Search for Consistency in Hookups: She wants a steady, reliable sexual connection but faces recurring letdowns.
• Femininity & Masculinity: Presley is especially drawn to masculine men who will “bend over and let you fuck him in the ass,” and finds this difficulty as simultaneously frustrating and motivating.
• Cultural Factors: Presley notes that men in Salt Lake City seemed more experimental due to poly scenes, compared to “homophobic” attitudes in her new area.

Notable Quotes

• “If you’re on the basic dating apps, you’re going to get the basic men.”
  — Lyle [04:31]
• “I just want to be on top a little bit, you know?”
  — Presley [04:41]
• “It's good to yearn, I think... if you're yearning for nothing, you might as well be dead.”
  — Lyle [15:20]

Key Moment

• Presley contemplates “going back to dating women” because finding a pegging-positive man feels so daunting. However, she affirms: “It's just so hot to like top a man. Like a masculine man.” [15:02]

2. David: Disconnection, Growth, and the Digital Malaise

[16:24 – 40:52]

Main Topic

David shares a personal journey of self-improvement and recovery, touching on sobriety, mental health, and digital detox. He and Lyle move into a philosophical exchange about distraction, contentment, and authenticity.

Key Points & Insights

• Quitting Alcohol & Vices: David proudly recounts quitting drinking in February, which catalyzed a domino effect: therapy, exercise, better eating, giving up vaping, and even reducing cannabis use.
  • “Quitting alcohol... had monumental effects on my life and the people around me...” [19:10]
• Realizations about Technology:
  • David removes Reddit and Instagram from his phone, observing the compulsive pull and resulting stress.
  • “It would be like 15 minutes of that, I turn it off and delete the app and get back to just like my world.” [21:28]
• Overwhelm from Global Awareness: Discussion about how constant connectivity exposes us to the “weight of the world,” which can be mentally crushing.
• Digital Minimalism Strategies:
  • Moves Instagram to a glitchy iPad, only accessing at home for intentional, infrequent use.
  • Feels less “consumed” by rage or stress.
• Connection & Self-Love: David describes a transformative road trip to the South Dakota Badlands, aided in part by psychedelics, where he has a breakthrough:
  • “I ended up finally being able to tell myself that I love myself.” [28:20]
• Desire for Authenticity:
  • David notes how anonymity online breeds hostility, but in real life, people are generally kind—“what the fuck is it that is making people so... [hostile]?”
  • Uses a “two dogs at a fence” analogy to explain the role of social media algorithms in fostering division.

Notable Quotes

• “Everything is either some means of survival or some means of taking you out of your own brain... you ideally are doing things that take you out of your brain that are healthy and not bad, in an ideal world. But you're always going to do the easiest thing, and the easiest thing is usually something fucking bad.”
  — Lyle [18:15]
• “Being out there, I almost saw myself, like, as one of those things that just kind of stood out and it... shifted my perspective of myself... It's okay to just be, like, weird and unique and whatever.”
  — David [26:45]

Key Moment

• Lyle and David agree on the paradox: online, people are often cruel; offline, most are kind and open (“99.999% of people are, like, cordial”). Anonymity and algorithms are identified as major forces distorting our social life.

3. Brooke: Escaping the Grind & Social Media (Dis)Illusion

[44:21 – 65:30]

Main Topic

Brooke (using a pseudonym), reconnects with Lyle after several years. She candidly discusses her addiction to social media, quitting her once-beloved career, and her search for meaning as she moves to a ski town for a fresh start.

Key Points & Insights

• Physical & Emotional Troubles: Brooke opens by commiserating about her recent yeast infection, then shifts to more existential concerns.
• Career Burnout:
  • Studied graphic design, but after exposure to various sides of the industry—corporate, publication, freelance, and music—she’s grown to “despise graphic design.”
  • “It's just all fucked up and it's made me despise graphic design... I'm pretty sick of trying to do the, the grind, the grind mindset.” [48:22]
  • Drastically changes life by quitting, moving to a ski town, and taking service industry jobs for a “reset.”
• Social Media Reflections:
  • Candid about being “addicted” to Instagram, using tactics (installing on desktop instead of phone) to minimize compulsive use.
  • Discussed performative behaviors like “liking” posts selectively for social signaling.
  • “Curating your feed and stuff, I think is a fool’s errand.” — Lyle [55:57]
• Critique of Influencer Culture:
  • Clear-eyed skepticism about influencer aspirations: “She’d be recording us, like, going out to eat and being like, ‘come with me to try a new restaurant...’, and I'd be like, shut up...”
• Philosophy & YOLO/Nihilism:
  • Expresses disdain for the “we’re on a floating rock, nothing matters, YOLO” mentality: “It creates this—it doesn’t have any roots in reality... you should make choices that matter... it’s probably going to hurt you in the long run.” [58:35]
  • Prefers a practical determinism; believes everything happens for a reason, rejecting careless or present-tense-only approaches.

Notable Quotes

• “This does have repercussions… I feel like [YOLO] just devalues everything else around you. It’s a little bit selfish also.”
  — Brooke [62:08]
• “Social media kind of sucks ass. I mean, I have it to thank for the career I've been able to make... but I'd like to not be on it at all.”
  — Lyle [56:59]

Key Moment

• The episode closes with Brooke’s reflection on suffering through STDs and yeast infections—“You're there for me in my darkest moments”—and her heartfelt advice to listeners: “Spread love, show love, check up on your friends, drink some water, say hi to your grandma. Love you.” [65:18]

4. Viewer Mail Segment

[69:21 – ~88:00]

Main Topics

Lyle reads and reacts to listener-submitted emails covering childhood travel stories, estranged family, life after loss, and philosophical debates about camouflage.

Notable Highlights

• Dylan’s Story:
  • Grew up traveling between Australia and Bali after his parents’ divorce; lost his mother, robbed by her partner, estranged from younger siblings.
  • Lyle encourages him to connect with his brothers: “You should reach out […] see how they're doing on Matebook or whatever they got in Australia.”
• Charlie’s Camouflage Conundrum:
  • Debates if leopard print jeans constitute camouflage—Lyle sides with “funky pattern” over functionality.
• Finn’s Self-Discovery:
  • Shares growth and confidence gained from studying abroad; emphasizes that “whatever you put out into the universe, you can often get back.”
• Chris/Republicus’ Slice-of-Life:
  • Lighthearted, rambling email from a truck driver/father, noting the value of mundane reality and family.

5. Recurring Themes

• Desire for Authenticity: Across all callers, there’s a longing for real, vulnerable, upfront connection—whether in kink, friendship, or with oneself.
• Digital Detox & Distraction: Multiple guests describe exhaustion with the digital world, seeking strategies (device swapping, app deletion, digital minimalism) to be more present.
• CJlebration of the Small: Daily life, simple struggles (quitting vices, changing tires, yeast infections) are placed center stage, with sincerity and lightness.
• Critique of Modern Nihilism: The “nothing matters, YOLO” creed is heavily questioned as a consumerist, ungrounded ethos, with preference for purpose and impact.

6. Memorable Quotes

• “It's almost a better thing for you to have [the fantasy] than actually having it… it keeps you going, keeps you hunting.” — Lyle to Presley [15:20]
• “Online, people are penises; in life, most people are just dudes.” — David paraphrased [34:38]
• “Curating your feed… is a fool’s errand.” — Lyle [55:57]
• “Everything is either some means of survival or some means of taking you out of your own brain… but you're always gonna do the easiest thing. And the easiest thing is usually… something fucking bad.” — Lyle [18:15]
• “I feel like I'm just a better version of myself when the phone is out of my hand.” — David [approx. 28:00]

7. Closing Advice from Callers

• “Love y’all and stay freaky.” — Presley [16:13]
• “Drink water, call your mom and say some gratitudes in the mornings.” — David [40:40]
• “Spread love, show love, check up on your friends, drink some water, say hi to your grandma. Love you.” — Brooke [65:18]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Presley: Kink, dating, and yearning for a submissive man – [02:05–16:19]
• David: Addiction, healing, and digital minimalism – [16:24–40:52]
• Brooke: Career burnout, moving on, and the philosophy of meaning – [44:21–65:30]
• Viewer Mail: Listener stories and Gecko wisdom – [69:21–~88:00]

Tone:
Casual, open, disarmingly candid, with a undertone of earnest curiosity and warmth—peppered by Lyle’s dry wit and the unflappable weirdness that defines Therapy Gecko.

This episode is a tapestry of intimate, contemporary struggles: seeking sexual compatibility, shedding unhealthy habits, wrestling with existential angst, and the restless urge for something real. Through laughter and low-stakes philosophy, Therapy Gecko once again proves that we’re all just little creatures yearning for connection, sometimes in lizard suits, sometimes in jeans that might (or might not) be camo.