Zach (58:02)
Like, literally, for me, I mean, it's two things. It's. One is a genuine apology. And then the second thing is, you know, taking steps to make sure you don't do it again in the future. Because if you apologize but you don't mean it, you're just saying it for the sake of saying it. It's not a real apology. And if you, if you apologize without action, then it also doesn't really mean too much. And one strange thing about her is I kind of saw that, like, how she apologized and how she reacted to things also depended on, like, who was around her. So I remember one time, like, she and I would. This is when we first started off dating, she and I would make plans to, like, do something, right? And she did this really strange thing where, like, let's say you and I were like, oh, like, let's hang out at 8 o' clock on Thursday, right? So she would hit me up at 8 o' clock on Thursday and she'd be like, Yeah, I can't really. I can't really do this. Sorry. And then just go, right. It's kind of like if you invited someone to a party and they showed up to your part, your. Your door when the party started and was like, yeah, I can't come to your party, and then just left. It was really. It was really bizarre. And so it happened a few times. And I'm like, look, I. And we're. We're making plans. I'm showing up to the plans. You're not showing up to the plans. I feel like my time's kind of being disrespected, you know? And when that happened, she was, like, next to her sister, right? Because I text her about it, and her sister kind of called her out, was like, yeah, why are you doing that? That's not cool. And so she, like, apologized, like, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize I was doing that. She deferred back to the past relationship. My. My ex used to do this. She used to disrespect my time, so I don't know why I'm doing it to you kind of thing. But other times when I would bring things up that I thought were valid, if she was with her brother, you know, he would try. He was a nice guy. He would, like, try to see things from my angle. But if she was with, like, you know, a certain friend, she was the kind of friend who would. Who would kind of always take her. Her friend's side, you know, she's not going to see things unbiased. So anytime I brought something up and she happened to be with that friend, then suddenly everything is, like, gotten 10 times worse, and she would kind of just turn everything around on me. You know, it's like if. If. If I said, hey, you. You know, you're. You've been, like, showing up late to things, or you just haven't been showing up, then she'd say, well, you. You know, actually, the real issue is, like, you know, you're not setting these things up or with enough time or things like that, and it would just sort of all get twisted around on me. I don't know. It was just a really strange relationship because I started off being friends with her. Like, we were friends for six months. We were in school together. And the person she was as a friend, like, she was such a funny, kind, intelligent, caring, charismatic, like, confident person. And that's how, like, if you ask anyone around her or any of her friends or her classmates, that's how they would describe her. But Then once I. We started dating, it's. There's another, like, psychological theory. It's called, like, I can't remember the exact name, but basically it's this idea that, like, you have your front stage self and your backstage self. Front stage is how you appear to the world, and then your backstage is, like, how you are when. When the show is over. So when we started dating, like, her front stage self is this, like, amazing person. Like, she and I would literally laugh for hours. You know, we used to say we could, like, watch paint dry and have an amazing time. That's all we needed. But once we started dating and I saw, like, the real, like, the real her and the more vulnerable aspects of her, it was the opposite of that. Like, we couldn't joke around anymore because it was like, things would get too sensitive. We used to, like, roast each other when we were friends. No more doing any of that. We can't. You can't. We can't make any mistakes. We can't do anything. And she, again, the person who she was in front of everyone was. Was all those things. And the person she was behind the scenes was just a very unhappy, very, like, I would honestly use the word miserable person, even when things are going very, very well in her life. You know, she was getting the job she wanted, her dream job at her dream company and. And she was living in the city she wanted to live in, and she had all these things going on, and I was struggling a bit, you know, after grad school and trying to get a job and trying to do all these things, but it just felt like a. It felt like the person I fell for and the person I dated were two completely different people. And she would also kind of do this thing where, like, when I. When I say something, I mean it. She wanted to live on the East Coast, I wanted to live on the west coast, right? But, like, for me, it was. It was always like, oh, like, we had gotten close enough to the point and I. At least I was serious enough that we had talked about things like, you know, potentially getting married, you know, family, things like that. So, like, really meant something to me. So she would say things like, oh, yeah, you know, like, you know, later down the line, maybe we can move to the West Coast. I know you want to move to the west coast and things like that, or just like, making these sort of, like, empty promises that kind of. To me, it felt like her being like, look at how good of a partner I am. I'm like, saying, I do these things for you, even Though she's not going to do it. Like, she got her dream job, like I said, on the east coast, and she got a job interview at a company on the west coast, right? Which was also a really good company. And she. She called me and she's like, yeah, like, I got an interview at this. This job on the West Coast. And I was like, she's like, should I do the interview? And I was like, wait, why are you like, is there a reason you want to take this interview? And she's like, oh, well, you know, I could be closer to you, silly. You know, I'm such, like, a huge simp for you. And I knew, like, in my mind, I was like, there's no chance in hell she's giving up her dream job for this. I know this for a fact. She's already accepted the other job. Like, it's not even possible for her to take this other job. But she was just kind of saying that. And that's kind of when I noticed that, like, pattern of her saying she would do things just, like, as an empty gesture. Whereas, like, my dumbass, I would have probably given up my dream job on the west coast to be closer to her and to be with her. And that was just kind of like a pattern throughout the relationship. And just like, anytime things were happening, just shifting the focus to her. And so I don't know. I don't know if that makes sense. That was a very long answer.
