“I WAS UNINVITED TO MY FRIEND’S WEDDING”

Summary

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Therapy Gecko: “I WAS UNINVITED TO MY FRIEND’S WEDDING”

Podcast: Therapy Gecko
Host: Lyle (the “Therapy Gecko”)
Guests/Callers: Elijah, Cole
Release Date: December 10, 2025

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Episode Overview

This episode of Therapy Gecko delves into personal crossroads, heartbreak, friendship boundaries, and existential anxieties, all filtered through the irreverent yet thoughtful lens of Lyle in his lizard therapist persona. The featured story is Elijah’s emotional recounting of being uninvited from a close friend’s wedding due to the complex fallout with an ex-girlfriend—who is also the groom’s sister. The second half shifts with Cole, a bridge inspector, into a wide-ranging existential conversation about mortality, contentment, work, and finding meaning.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Elijah’s Wedding Dilemma and Heartbreak

(Timestamp: 01:40–35:49)

• Relationship Origins and Breakup

  • Elijah shares he dated a woman for two years and became close with her family, especially her younger brother, who became his roommate and close friend.
  • The breakup, which Elijah calls “chaotic neutral,” stemmed from her dissatisfaction that Elijah, a chef, didn’t want to pursue his own business.
    • Quote (Elijah, 03:34): “The main reason she broke up with me is because I didn’t want to start my own business... I work corporate and have a very nice job ... she’s like, yeah, you have a boss ... in my field, for you to be your own business owner, you’d be making way less money.”

• Impact of the Breakup

  • Elijah was prepared to propose before the breakup. The split left him so impacted he moved across the country for a fresh start.
  • He transferred his corporate chef job to a new city but finds himself grieving both the lost relationship and the social circle he left behind.
    • Quote (Elijah, 09:32): “It was actually so bad that I moved across the country. … I needed the new experience, the new faces.”

• The Wedding Situation

  • Elijah learns his ex’s brother—formerly his best friend and roommate—is engaged, but when Elijah offers to come, he gets a noncommittal answer. It becomes clear his ex (the sister) doesn’t want him there, and the family sides with her.
  • They discuss boundaries and whose influence takes precedence in family events.
    • Quote (Lyle, 16:28): “Clearly your ex is influencing your friend … has successfully influenced your friend to be like, you’re out.”

• Deconstructing Friendship and Emotional Energy

  • Lyle questions how much Elijah should invest emotionally after moving: Should he let go entirely? Is there value in holding onto a friendship so tightly tied to painful memories?
    • Quote (Lyle, 25:45): “If you’re moving across the country to build a new life … perhaps lay to waste the emotional energy that you still have in the life you left behind, which includes somewhat emotionally divesting yourself from that family.”

• Reflection and Acceptance

  • Lyle encourages Elijah to focus on contentment and building new meaningful experiences in his new city, rather than stewing over what can’t be changed.
    • Quote (Lyle, 26:24): “Let go of the wedding thing. Let him have as much involvement in your life as he desires to have.”

2. Existential Dread & The Search for Meaning (Cole’s Call)

(Timestamp: 40:39–81:38)

• On Being Present vs. Overthinking

  • Cole greets Lyle by acknowledging they’re both alive, launching into musings on mortality, presence, and the futility of fixating on life’s transience.
    • Quote (Lyle, 42:40): “If you spend your whole life thinking about life, it’s stupid. You should be living life.”

• Family, Mortality, and Contentment

  • Cole talks about visiting his grandmother, who frequently discusses her own mortality. Both reflect on fearing death, struggling to accept it, and searching for contentment.
    • Quote (Cole, 58:16): “The one thing you can carry consistently through both the happy and the sad moments is a feeling of contentment.”

• Relevance, Legacy, and Perspective

  • Lyle and Cole riff on fame and being perceived, using figures like Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un to muse about “present-ness” and relevance.
    • Quote (Lyle, 49:12): “You can be really angry and really afraid and really greedy ... those are all present emotions ... I don’t know if [Trump] is happy, but he’s extremely present in his life.”

• Adapting to Change & Making Meaning

  • Both discuss relocating (Cole to Portland, Elijah to Boston), loneliness, and the quest for stability versus adventure. They recognize the privilege in such struggles compared to basic survival in harsher contexts.
    • Quote (Lyle, 66:04): “When you’re waiting in the bread line in Soviet Russia, you’re not like, do I want stability or adventure?”

• Professional Identity and Dread

  • Cole, a bridge inspector, describes how his career fulfills his need for movement and variety—yet he still finds existential ennui in corporate culture and professional networking.
    • Quote (Cole, 77:04): “I spent all this time working towards my degree … and I’m gonna die in these office walls. … Instead, I travel, look at bridges … it really has been better for me.”

• Humor & Absurdity in the Face of Angst

  • Moments of levity throughout (“Spoal” jokes and troll references) serve to lighten the existential load and mirror the “therapy gecko” ethos: the world is absurd, so don’t let it weigh you down unnecessarily.

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• Elijah on His Ex’s Influence (16:28):
  “Clearly your ex is … throwing her weight around in the family dynamic, I suppose, and has successfully influenced your friend to be like, you're out, you know?”

• Lyle’s Letting Go Advice (25:45–26:24):
  “Invest in the life you are building in the new country ... let go of the wedding thing. Let him have as much involvement in your life as he desires to have.”

• Lyle on Existential Spiral (46:04):
  “Unconsciously, I think I have a belief within me that the universe doesn’t exist unless I’m actively there to perceive it … which is a crazy thing to believe.”

• Cole on Measuring Contentment (58:16):
  “What I should be looking for is a feeling of just being content and at ease … because in life you’re going to [lose] someone you care about ... but we’re ultimately accepting because we know it’s inevitable.”

• On the Corporate Ladder (79:14): Cole: “The one thing that does increase my dread ...it’s like the corporate ladder, people trying to get promotions, make posts about how we’re working as a company… networking events… it just kills my spirit.”

• Lyle on Perspective Therapy (67:31):
  “All your problems are always, like, relative to your own existence … even therapists don’t tell you, ‘At least you’re not in the bread line in Soviet Russia,’—they engage your problems as for what they are.”

• Cole’s Job—Bridge Inspector (74:01):
  “I look at bridges and then I assign them a rating. I give them a score on how good of a bridge they are.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 01:40–35:49: Elijah’s call—Heartbreak, friendship, moving, and the wedding dilemma.
• 40:39–81:38: Cole’s call—Existential curiosity, mortality, job philosophy, contentment, and the absurdities of daily life and work.

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Takeaways and Episode Tone

The episode traverses heartache, the messiness of post-breakup friendships, modern existential angst, and the quest for meaning amid new beginnings. Lyle maintains his signature blend of absurdist humor and genuine empathy, encouraging both callers (and listeners) to invest in the present, sweat less over the uncontrollable, and seek contentment rather than fixate on impossible answers or bygone hurts.

Final Thoughts from Lyle (81:38): “You can max out your Roth IRA every year and you’re still gonna die.”

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Summary Table

| Segment / Topic | Time | Core Insight / Quote | |----------------------------------------|--------------|-----------------------------------------------| | Elijah’s breakup & wedding dilemma | 01:40–15:23 | “It's not about her. It's about him… I've looked past the fact that she's gonna be there in order for me to show up for my friend.” (Elijah, 16:09) | | Friendship boundaries & advice | 15:23–35:49 | “Let it go as much as you possibly can... That's my advice.” (Lyle, 28:04) | | Existential dread and contentment | 40:39–66:03 | “There's an optimal amount of thinking about life and living life.” (Lyle, 43:12) | | Job meaning and bridge inspection | 74:01–79:59 | “Sometimes when the travel is a lot... I had to tone it back a little bit.” (Cole, 77:29) | | Mortality, perspective, and humor | Throughout | “Let's not live our lives in fear of our own fragility.” (Lyle, 72:14) |

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode

This session captures the emotional turbulence of letting go—of relationships, old friendships, existential anxiety, and the pursuit of meaning in new places. It’s funny, poignant, and rich with the kind of realness and weirdness only a gecko-voiced therapist (and his thoughtful callers) can bring. Whether you’re struggling with the weight of past relationships or the burden of modern anxieties, Lyle’s mix of empathy and irreverence offers both a balm and a reason to keep moving forward.

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Transcript

[Elijah]

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[Lyle]

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[Cole]

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[Elijah]

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[Cole]

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[Elijah]

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[Cole]

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[Lyle]

What's up?

[Elijah]

Is this Lyle?

[Lyle]

Yeah, who is this?

[Elijah]

Oh, my goodness. That's amazing. My name's Elijah.

[Lyle]

How are you, Elijah? What's up, man? How am I? I am.

Fine. I'm okay. I'm living life. I feel pretty good, actually.

Scale one to ten, scale of one to ten. Like a seven. Yeah, I feel pretty good. I feel ready to have this conversation.

[Elijah]

I feel really all right.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I do. I feel ready to have this conversation. I feel. I feel like I don't know what you're gonna talk to me about, but I feel like I can thoroughly engage with you for at least 20 minutes or depending. I feel ready to engage with whatever you have to talk to me about. That's how I feel.

[Elijah]

Well, that's amazing.

Wow. You know, I hear this a lot, listening, and it's like, never thought I'd actually be in this position, but everybody's like, oh, man, you know, I had all these things to say, and now I'm on the phone and. And what do I talk about? You know, you just had a blank, but, yeah, I don't know. I texted you earlier about something, and I feel like maybe that's a good Jumping off point, perhaps?

[Lyle]

Sure. I didn't read the text, but you can tell me what it was.

[Elijah]

So very good friend of mine is talking about his wedding, and I don't think that I'm going to be invited to the wedding because I used to date his sister, and she is going to be there. Ooh.

[Lyle]

Okay. Now, did you and the sister end on good terms or bad terms or neutral terms?

[Elijah]

I would say.

Neutral role. Ish. Maybe like a chaotic neutral, possibly. I mean, she. There wasn't necessarily anything wrong in the relationship. It was just. I feel that she had reached a point where, you know, things may be fizzled out. You know, honestly, I'm going to say this, and this is like the most fucked up part about it, is that the main reason she broke up with me is because I didn't want to start my own business. That was literally, like, the big. Because, like, I work corporate and I have a very nice job and I'm still doing what I love, and I make good money doing it. She's like, yeah, like, you have a boss. You don't want to, like, do your own thing. And like, my industry, like, my field is, like, for you to be your own business owner, you would be making way less money than what I'm doing, not owning my own business, you know?

[Lyle]

So she broke up with you because you didn't. Because you didn't want to start your own business. What makes you. Now. What makes you feel like that was the. The main thing versus, like.

[Elijah]

She said it outright, really? Well, she said that I had. Well, it was more of a drive thing. But that drive concept leads back to me not wanting to start my own thing or own my own thing. And I kept telling her, I'm like, you know, that's. It's a lot of headaches. It's a lot of stress that, quite frankly, I would rather not deal with.

[Lyle]

Weird.

What. How long were you dating for?

[Elijah]

About two years.

[Lyle]

Okay. And did this. Did this idea of, like, you don't have enough drive come up a lot?

[Elijah]

I mean, not a lot. She had brought it up a few times. So, like, for reference, I'm a chef, right? And she was like, oh, you know, you could do catering or you could open up your own restaurant and all of that stuff, like, to leave my cushy, you know, insurance and 401k gig to just kind of, like, jump out there. And now there's people that do it, and they're very successful. And I understand that. But, like, risk to reward. I'd rather not be Responsible for, you know, my future as much. If that makes. Does that make sense?

[Lyle]

Yeah, of course. Well, yeah, it's not for everyone, the fact that you don't want to do it. But also, like, I don't know, you're a chef, right? You're working for another. I mean, you're still, mate, you're still working hard, you're still making the fucking food. It's just like, you don't want to have to do all the other bullshit involved with. With making food, with. With opening a restaurant. That's not. Because then. Then your job stops being making food and then it becomes, like, posting and shit.

[Elijah]

Yeah, exactly. And good advice that I got years ago when I started doing this is that the higher up you go in the food chain of a kitchen, the further away you get from the stove. Which is, like, why everybody falls in love with it, you know, is the. The fire and the excitement and the. And the throwing salt on shit. But, like, I mean, I'm in a management position at this point where thankfully I get to choose how much I get to cook. There's a lot of, like, paperwork involved too, and scheduling and stuff like that. But, like, at the end of the day, I work for a corporation that they're not going anywhere anytime soon. I'm always going to have a job. The company's treated me very well so far.

[Lyle]

How was the relationship outside of that? Like, was it relatively good?

[Elijah]

I mean, I. What's fucked up is that prior to this relationship, I was with a girl for seven years and I never once thought about, like, proposing to her. I was just kind of, like, complacent with the relationship. But I was with this other girl for damn near two years. And I had ring money saved up. Like, I had, like, a couple grand saved up that I was, like, waiting for the right time. I'm like, oh, we'll book a trip and I'll get down on my knee. And then as I'm thinking about this, she's like, yeah, by the way, we got to talk. And I'm like, I know what that means. That's not good.

[Lyle]

What was it about this woman that made you marry her so much?

[Elijah]

I feel like there was just a lot of connection. She was my previous relationship, that girl. She was just, like, very much like a timid, yes, yes, man kind of thing. Like, oh, you want to do this? Yeah, we'll do that. But then, like, this other girl I'd never been with, somebody who was just so.

A lot of my friends said she was a. But Like, I don't agree with that. She was just. She just knew what she wanted. You know what I mean? She'd be like, hey, this is what I want. We're going to do this. And I'd be like, hey, you want to go do this? And she's like, no, I don't want to do that. Obviously, she would take what I wanted to do every once in a while, even if she didn't want to do it. You know, you had to give a little bit in a relationship, but, like, outside of that, I mean, it was just very. There's very much a connection.

[Lyle]

Yeah. What was it that attracted you? What was it. What was it that attracted you so much to that energy of.

Knowing what. Of, like, her knowing what she wanted?

[Elijah]

I couldn't really tell you. Again, I think it goes back to my extremely long relationship before that, where I never had that. I only found out after the fact. Like, in an argument, she'd be like, oh, well, like, I do this for you, you know? And like, that never came up with this girl because if she didn't want to do it, she wouldn't. And then if she didn't want to do it, but she would do it for me, she would just say that. She's like, yeah, like, this is your thing. Like, I like to go to concerts a lot. Like, kind of like. Like heavier concerts. And she's like, yeah, I'll go with you, but I'm not gonna go get roughed up by a bunch of dudes in the pit with you. I'm like, okay, so then, you know, stash her in the back by the merch booth, and then I go have fun. And, I mean, we still got to experience it together, just not, you know, and then she wouldn't complain. She's like, yeah, this is what I wanted to do. I just. I'll stand in the back. You go have fun. Drive you home after you break your glasses and your leg.

[Lyle]

So did you feel a lot of grief when she broke up with you after you're planning to propose?

[Elijah]

It was actually so bad that I moved across the country.

And this is only a couple months ago, by the way. I just moved here. I think I'm on month three.

[Lyle]

How's it going?

[Elijah]

Pros and cons. I mean, my job, I was able to move with my job, so they paid for all the moving expenses. Where I'm living now, I'm paying more for less. Like, the last place I was living, I was living in, like, the newest, most high tech apartment complex that There was, like the. If you left the fridge open too long, it would, like, sing a song that told you it was open too long. Like, the washer and dryer in the unit was, like, one. One thing. I'd never seen that before. So, like, you put your laundry in, it washes, and then afterwards you set it to dry. And you don't even have to move the clothes.

It was very nice. And now I live in, like, a studio for, like, $600 more a month in, like, kind of a shadier part of town. But.

I needed. I needed the new experience, the new faces, you know, it was really hard living in that city because it was like I had taken this girl everywhere. And then you go to those places and you're just reminded of the times that you spent with that person that you're never going to talk to again. Yeah, so I have none of those memories here.

[Lyle]

So, wait, I'm confused. And so I'm sorry if I. You said this already, but the job that you were staying in, that was the. Whatever straw that broke the camel's back. Is it a remote job? Like, how were you able to keep it?

[Elijah]

No. So again, I work for a big corporation. I'm not going to dox myself. But they have kitchens. Yeah, yeah, it's a hotel chain.

[Lyle]

Oh, I see. So I got you.

[Elijah]

I just transferred hotels, they have an entire website where it's like, find a job. And then you look. And then I saw one in the city that I'm living in now. And then I applied for it. I got the job. And then they were like, hey, we'll move you all the way across the country into this new city for a new job. It was a promotion, too, so that was nice.

[Lyle]

Cool. Did you move alone? Do you know anyone there?

[Elijah]

I. This is up in New England and I have friends, you know, kind of close, like in New Hampshire and Rhode island, which is a bit of a trek, but still close enough. But, yeah, I left, like, a whole life that I had built for years down south to move up north again. Right at the wrong time, too. It was snowing earlier and I was like, God, I haven't seen snow in years.

[Lyle]

So it's two months. And how are you feeling about your decision?

[Elijah]

I feel better about it every day. I think I'm kind of hitting a stride here.

I will say that living, going from a red state to a blue state is very different because the price of cigarettes are outrageous.

But, I mean, personally. But going back to. If you don't mind, going back to, like, the initial thought, so I met this girl, right? And then I met her family, obviously. And this was right around the time I was having trouble with my roommate. I needed somewhere new to live. So her younger brother, him and I became friends. We got similar interests. He was like, oh, well, you know, I'm trying to move into this apartment. You want to move in with me? So then him and I were roommates for a full year. So we became very good friends. I remember after she broke up with me, I went out and got very drunk, as some people do, and I had called him. I was like, dude, like, you know what happened? He was like, yeah, you know, she just talked to me about it and I was like, but like, we're still cool, right? He's like, yeah, obviously, like our relationship isn't affected by what you did with my sister, you know. I was like, cool, cool. But now again, I'm finding out that he's going to get married. And I'm like, oh, dude, like, congratulations. Like, when's the wedding? Where is it? Like, I'll try and take some time off to come to it. And he's just like, yeah, about that. Yeah, I don't know.

[Lyle]

Oh, so okay, so how did that conversation go?

[Elijah]

I mean, it was pretty much just me like defending my side of it because like my last day in that city, I went to the bar that also preface, I was introduced to her by my old boss because me and my boss, we would go out drinking all the time and she was one of the regulars at this bar. And I remember the one day I'm still getting over my seven year relationship, which I also moved across the country for. I have a bad habit of getting broken up with and moving to a brand new city I've never been to. So I'm like all depressed about this, that and the other. And my boss texts me and he's like, hey, you know, so and so is asking about you. And mind you, this girl was phenomenally out of my league. And. And I'm like, yeah, right, you're probably just drunk at the bar and your wife left you, right? And you want somebody to drink with, so you want me to come to the bar. And then his wife texts me and she's like, if you don't stop being fucking depressed and come out to the bar and talk to this beautiful girl, I'm going to be pissed off at you. And at that point I knew it was true. Right? All right, so anyway, fast forward four years later, I'm with, I go out to hang out with my boss in my last night in the city, and she's there. I didn't talk to her. I didn't say anything, you know, very. Just, yeah, she wants to talk to me, she'll talk to me. If not, then also as soon as she broke up with me, coincidentally, she's with this other guy who, lo and behold, owns his own, like, bar.

So I want to say that that maybe was playing into it a little bit, but. Yeah, so then I'm talking. I'm talking to my friend and I'm like, hey, you know, if I go to the wedding, I'm not gonna cause a scene. You know what I mean? I'm not gonna. If she doesn't talk to me, I'm not going to talk to her. Like, I'm there for you. I'm not there even to see her. Like, if I go the whole night without seeing her, fucking cool. You know.

[Lyle]

Do you.

[Elijah]

But I guess.

[Lyle]

Do you really even want to go to this wedding that this fucking lady is going to be at? Like, when is the wedding even.

[Elijah]

Oh, it wasn't planned yet. It was kind of like, I just found out about the proposal not too long ago.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Elijah]

I was like, oh, well, do we have a date for the wedding? When is it? Like, let me know when it is so that I can plan to fly out and be a part of it. Because, like, you're a very good friend of mine. I'd like to be a part of your special day kind of thing. And, yeah, I don't know, it was just a lot of resistance from him about it. It was just like, yeah, well, you know, who's going to be there? Kind of thing.

And I feel like, I mean, do you want.

[Lyle]

Do you want to be around that lady?

[Elijah]

You know.

It'S not about her. It's about him. You know what I mean? Like, I've looked past the fact that she's gonna be there in order for me to show up for my friend, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah, well, clearly your ex is, like, influencing your friend to be like, yo. Like, you can't invite.

Clearly this. This woman is like, you know, throwing her weight around in the. The family dynamic, I suppose, and has. Has successfully influenced your friend to be like, you're out. You know?

[Elijah]

I mean. Yeah. And granted, that's. That's his older sister. He's known her his entire life. But in the short time that I knew him, I'm like, come on, we're boys, you know, we've been through some stuff together. Shroomies with the Roomies kind of stuff, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah, but she got. She. She got in way earlier than you did. I mean, because I actually, I thought. I thought you met the sister through your friendship with the brother, but if you start the friendship with the brother through relationship with the sister, that's a bit of a different story, I think.

[Elijah]

Okay. Okay. So are you saying that, like, so what. What, in your opinion, should I. Should I feel about this situation? Like, is it like a smack in the face to me?

[Lyle]

Well, listen, I'm not in the business of telling people what they should feel, but any ponders. Feel, feel whatever you want. Any po. Well, that is my ponder. My ponder is like, you know, look, you met this guy, you lived with him for a year, you guys became good friends, you dated this girl, and now you're in a new city, you don't live. How often do you talk to this guy? Are you, like, really good friends with them?

[Elijah]

I mean, talking and, you know, sending each other memes are two different things. I guess. But at least every other day we'll have a text conversation about something, you know, and then I'm. I'm a pretty big proponent of calling your friends because, like, I've moved around a lot in my life, so all, like, five of I would call my best friends. Like my inner circle. Everyone lives in a different city.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

That I've lived in kind of thing. So it's like whenever I get the chance, I like to shoot people phone calls and just kind of like, even if just for like 10 minutes. Hey, how you doing? You know, like, how's life? What's new? Everything good?

[Lyle]

So again, again, when you talked to your friend about this, what was his vibe? Was he like, ah, yeah, sorry about that. Like, what was his vibe like? Was he being apologetic or was he just like, ah, sorry, man. I mean, tied.

[Elijah]

It wasn't like my hands are tied. Like, it did come off as if, like, it was his own decision, which obviously we already talked about. The influence behind the decision. I'm sure. But at the same time, he did make it sound like it was like, his call, which at the same time, I feel like I did mention something about, like, hey, you know, you. You are in a position to say.

No to her. I mean, it's your fucking wedding. It's not like it's her wedding, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah, but. Yeah, but it's true. He is in a position, but he didn't take it. You know, it's a bummer. I'm not gonna tell you how you should feel, but it's like, you know, he assessed the situation you came in after.

You know, you. You can. You. You. Your relationship with him formed after the relationship with her. It just. It's a mess. I think it's an understandably fragile situation. Your homie. Listen, your homie probably is not stoked about. I don't think this is, like, a reflection of your friendship with the homie. I don't think he's stoked about it, but I think he, for whatever reason, has made the decision to, you know.

Ease the peace, I suppose, or appease his sister by not having you there. Now, what. How you should feel about it, I don't know. But whether or not you want to now, if you were like, you know what? I don't feel valued in this friendship because you didn't stand up for me, whatever. And you want to start spending, you know, sending a few less memes to this guy. That's understanding.

[Elijah]

Oh, no, no. I don't think that I'm taking it personally in any kind of way. I'm just trying to understand the. Where. Where is the real issue with me actually going? Because outside of her.

[Lyle]

Yeah, but that.

[Elijah]

Yeah, the family loves me.

[Lyle]

Yeah, but it doesn't. Yeah, but we can ponder on this stuff. But, like, it doesn't really matter because he made the decision already, you know? Like.

[Elijah]

Yeah, and it's not something that I want to press either. Like, now that we've had a conversation, it's not something that I'm gonna bring up again and be like, hey, you think about it again. Like, do you have any second thoughts? Yeah, but.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I think. Here's the thing. It's like, if you decide you're offended and you don't want to be homies with this guy anymore, like, you know, I think that's justified. But also, if you're like, okay, I'm gonna be homies with this guy. Don't, like, be homies with him. But then, yeah, also, like, press him about it. Also, also, who knows, right? The wedding hasn't even been planned. Right. There's not even a date, and you just broke up with this lady two fucking months ago. You know what I'm saying? So, like, it was a little longer.

[Elijah]

Than two months, but I know what you're saying. Yeah.

[Lyle]

So who knows? This lady, by the time that. This lady, by the time that your brother gets married and whatever, maybe she moves. Like, things could evolve emotionally to the point where you. You are. You are invited back. But I don't think you should press about it. I Don't think you should be like, you know, you should let it consume you necessarily.

[Elijah]

Yeah. I mean, it was just a bummer. It's not like, all consuming. It was more, again, me trying to figure out, outside of the obvious, my sister's gonna be there. Like, is there. Is there like, anything else? You know, like, there's something about me. Because there was one time, pretty shortly after the breakup.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

Where I did. I. I mean, I was drinking and doing a lot of drugs because, I mean, I had all this ring money just sitting around. So what do you do with it? I got, like, five breakup tattoos, did a lot of coke, drank a lot. And so then, like, there was this restaurant that I love, like, my favorite restaurant right by where I used to hang out after work at the bar. And I had been there for, like, eight hours, drinking and non, you know, nonsense. And then he texts me and he's like, yo, dude, guess where I'm going tonight? I'm like, oh, like, where? And he said the name of the restaurant, like, my favorite restaurant, which was right around the corner. And I was like, ah, dude, like, let me come. You know, like, let's go, like, order some appetizers. Like, there was this one duck thing that I really loved there, and he was just like, you know, I would, but there's going to be, like, other characters with me. And then I'm like, all right, fine, whatever. And so then I sat at the bar and I kept drinking. I was like, you know what? I'm going to go sit at the bar at that restaurant, and I'm going to eat the duck thing that I wanted, because this is my life. And then, like, later that night, he texted me. He was just like, yo, like, she totally saw you, and she was, like, kind of pissed off that you were there. But, like, I didn't. I didn't talk to them at all. Like, I didn't even look in their direction. I just enjoyed myself and my food and my drink. But again, that was definitely not the smartest decision. But that was the only time anything like that ever.

[Lyle]

Wait, so when he said. When he said other characters. His sister was there. Your ex was there?

[Elijah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Elijah]

So it was like their dad's birthday that they went out for. I was just like, oh, oh, other characters are gonna be there.

[Cole]

You.

[Elijah]

I'm my own person. I'm gonna go eat at the bar.

[Lyle]

Yeah, listen.

[Elijah]

Which, again, bad decision. But I was also heavily intoxicated, and I. I was just kind of, like, in a fuck you mood. I was Like, I'm gonna do what I want to do with my life, because it's my life and I can do that. But again, when you say those things, the things that you do with that sentence aren't always very justifiable. You usually use that statement when you're doing things that you kind of know in the back of your head you shouldn't be doing.

[Lyle]

That is. That is kind of hilarious that you were there on their dad's birthday. I thought it was just. Because I thought. I thought it was just your friend, like, I don't know, like, trying to, like, keep his friend groups apart or whatever the fuck he's doing. But the fact that it was the family birthday and you're just there at the bar, like, in their eye line.

[Elijah]

Yeah. No, like, she totally was, like, looking at me the whole time, apparently. Like, why is he here? And I went with my buddy that I was sitting at the bar with. I was like, have you ever been to this restaurant? And he was like, no. Why? I was like, come on, we're going. We're going to go sit at the bar. We're going to order some food.

[Lyle]

Listen, here's. Okay. Okay. That story has informed me a little bit more on what the dynamic is. Is over here. And listen, brother. My friends. What's your name again?

[Elijah]

Elijah.

[Lyle]

Elijah. Elijah, brother, I think you got to let this go.

[Elijah]

Oh, no, I'm working every day towards it. You know, every day gets a little bit better.

[Lyle]

I think. I think you got to let it go. I think that your impulse to move across the country is not necessarily a wrong one. But I think if you're moving across the country to build a new life for yourself, I think you should invest in the life that you are building in that new country and perhaps lay to waste the emotional energy that you still have in the life in which you left behind, which includes.

Somewhat emotionally divesting yourself from that family in general.

[Elijah]

See, I've had that thought, too, because I'm not gonna lie. Despite the fact that he's my boy, like in, you know, pretty inner circle friend type situation, it's like talking to him sometimes does kind of like trigger, you know, how your brain makes connections. Well, obviously this guy's connected to that part of my life, but at the same time, I don't want to let go of a very good friendship just because my brain.

[Lyle]

Listen. Yeah, you don't. Okay. You don't have to. You can keep sending the memes, but, like, I mean, let go of.

You know, this light. Like, I'D let go of the wedding thing. I'd let go of, like, any. Any kind of, like, negative emotional energy you're getting from this guy. Like, just let it go. This fucking. If he. If. If things are now weird with him and, like, the family events because of this restaurant situation and because of the breakup, just let it. Just let it go and let him have as much.

What is it? Let it go and let him have as much involvement in your life as he desires to have. You know, don't go to. I wouldn't. And I would also not get to. Because you're getting pissed off about this stuff, and it's just, like, taking you away from your life.

[Elijah]

I wouldn't say that I'm pissed off. I'm just more, like, inquisitive of, you know, like, the greater why. But at the same time, that's just me personally.

[Lyle]

You sound like. You sound like you're as inquisitive of the greater why, as much as you wanted to go to that restaurant that they were going to that night.

[Elijah]

Well, why you got to say it like that?

[Lyle]

Because you know I'm right.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Cole]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

So list.

[Elijah]

So, look.

[Lyle]

Look, you've been on the phone with a human gecko man about this for 25 minutes. So clearly, it's taking up even. Even the Inquisition. Whether or not you believe it to be benign, it's hostile enough to your life that it's taking up precious brain resources that you could be using to, you know, go talk to other beautiful women that exist on the planet and, you know, make.

Make food and do all the other things with your life. So let it go as much as you possibly can. That's. That's my.

[Elijah]

Can I final. Can I branch off on what you just said just a little bit? Because I've been. I've been listening to this for a few years now, and a lot of. There's a reoccurring theme that you put out there, which I've been trying to take up, which is go. Go somewhere that has a. You know, a community based around something that you like to do. And the city that I'm in now literally has none of those.

[Lyle]

Then why the fuck. Then why the fuck did you go there?

[Elijah]

I thought it would be a good idea. And I'm slowly finding out that this place. Because I visited this city prior to me moving here, and it was a lot of fun visiting, but now that I live here, it's like, Elijah, what city is it? All right. It's Boston.

[Lyle]

Boston. Okay. There's nothing to do in Boston.

[Elijah]

Nothing that I like to do. And I. I mean, I'm the type of person who likes to go out and, like, try something new, too. You know what I mean? Like, the last city I was in, there was, like, this pottery place where, like, you go and you spend, I don't know, like, 60 bucks and you do, like, a pottery lesson and you learn how to use a pottery wheel. And I had never done it before. I was like, fuck it. I'll go do that. They did like it. There's, like, a cheese making thing now. Granted, that's a little bit more like my niche, but, like, yeah, you know, I'll go out and I'll do that. They got topgolf. I don't really golf, but, like, I go do that. But here, it's like I have yet to find anything that keeps me or anything a lot, like, in that vein. And then, like, I go to bars a lot, so I'll go.

[Lyle]

All right, I'm gonna.

[Elijah]

I'm gonna. That's fun.

[Lyle]

All right, I'm gonna. All right. You're not gonna like what I'm about to say to you, Elijah. Oh, but I'm gonna say it. It'll be. It'll. This. I'm gonna say it. I want to get your thoughts on it.

[Elijah]

As long as you say it from a kind place, you're not gonna like.

[Lyle]

What I'm gonna have to say, but I'm gonna say it to you.

Okay. I think the. The. The thing of your girlfriend being like, you know, you got to get your drive up or whatever. Hurtful thing. Hurtful thing.

But I think in some sense, when you're broken up with, even if you really don't like the reason, and you can be like, oh, she's a bitch, and, oh, this and the other thing, like.

You. You. You have to kind of look and be like, well, to what degree are they correct? You know what I mean? And so for you, this thing of, like, getting your drive up, I suppose you can live your life however you want to live. But, like, if you want to indulge in community and you want to have these, like, you know, you're talking about, oh, there's nothing to do in Boston. It's like, you got to get your entrepreneurial spirit up a little bit, you know, and see, like. Like how much have you really dug in there or tried to make a thing before you've concluded that in the entire city where millions of people live, and I think millions of people live in Boston, but where, you know, all These people live that there's nothing for you to do. It's like, you know, I would say to you to, you know, increase your drive, and if there's nothing for which exists, then, you know, perhaps you create it.

Or you continue your search for it. You know what I mean?

[Elijah]

Yeah. Again in two months. I'm not saying that it doesn't exist. I'm just saying that I haven't found it yet.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Elijah]

Which is a little discouraging.

[Lyle]

I'm pretty sure you said it doesn't exist.

[Elijah]

It hasn't exist. Well, until I see it, it doesn't exist. But, you know. But also. Yeah, you're talking about the creation aspect, and we're going back to, like, that whole. Why? Why did the relationship end? Because I don't go out and fucking start my own thing. And it's like, yeah, you don't even have to.

[Lyle]

You don't even have. You don't even have to start your own thing. But you got to give a little more of a push before you decide there's nothing that exists in Boston that's. That you would like. You know?

[Elijah]

That's true. Yeah. I'll push it a little bit more.

[Lyle]

I'm rooting for you, Elijah. Elijah, I'm rooting for you. Okay. I don't. I'm rooting for you. I think.

[Elijah]

I appreciate it. I got a gecko on the stand.

[Lyle]

I'm rooting. I'm rooting for you. I'm in your corner. I want you to have a. You know what I want for you? I want you to have a fulfilling social life. I want you to have a fulfilling relationship. I want you to enjoy your fucking life. And I think that stewing over.

This thing is not.

Additive to those goals, let's say. Though it is. Though it is tempting, though it is tempting. And I know that because I'm. I, too, have been tempted by stewing over things that piss me off yet bring me nowhere closer.

[Elijah]

It's the one tree that you were told not to eat from, and it looks the tastiest. You know, Elijah, hey, don't eat from this one tree.

[Lyle]

It's true.

[Elijah]

We're ending it. I do. I do have a comment that I knew that if I ever got on here, I'd have to say, so recently. You did the Thanksgiving thing with your sister.

[Lyle]

I did.

[Elijah]

I have to know if this is just, like, a set that was awesome, by the way. I mean.

[Lyle]

Oh, thanks, man.

[Elijah]

All of them are awesome, but I like it when you have that. You were even talking about Just having real people on the podcast. And don't get me wrong, like, I love all of your celebrity guests, but, like, just to have, like, your sister who's just actually, like, for lack of a better word, just a fucking real person, you know?

But during that. During that, you were.

[Cole]

You.

[Elijah]

You always ask what people's names are, and she's like, wow, you really do have name blindness. And then I was thinking to myself, because I always thought it was a bit. I thought it was a running bit that you do on purpose. But then after she said that, I was like, maybe it's not a bit. But then I got, like, very, like, in my head, and I was like, but what if he told her beforehand that it's a running bit and she has to play along with it?

[Lyle]

No, I've said. I've said multiple times, it's not a bit. But also what really pisses me off is that people are like, oh, you're so forgetful. And it's like, I could talk to someone for an hour. Like. Like, quiz me on anything. Like, we've been on the phone for. For 33 minutes. Quiz me on anything. Except I do remember your name, surprisingly. But if you. But if I forgot your name and you quizzed me on any other aspect of your life, I could probably give you the answer because I'm paying attention to what you're actually saying. Even if I forgot your.

[Elijah]

No, I'm. I'm completely the same way. I'm horrible with names. But I'll never forget what you do to me, what you say to me, or how you treat me, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Elijah]

So I just. I don't know. I just thought it was funny how conspiracy I got in my head after your sister was like, wow, you really do have name blindness. And I was like, oh, it is true. But then I got in my head. I was like, he probably told her to say that.

[Lyle]

No, that's. That's your. No, that's. That's too much. It's like people. It's like people who say that the. It's like people who say that the callers on this show are actors. It's like, I don't. That would be. That'd be. You know how much more work it would be to write a script and hire an actor to be on this show than to just sit here and talk to whoever calls in. But Elijah is your name. I remember that. I'm rooting for you, Elijah. I hope that you.

[Elijah]

I appreciate you deeply. Thank you for your time. So tour. I'm signed up. But, like, can you. Can you drop it? Are you coming to Boston? Because I'm. I'm showing up.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I'm planning to come to Boston in September. I know it's a long way away.

[Elijah]

September. Well, that's fine. That's totally fine. Well, I hope to talk to you again at some point in the universe. This has been very helpful in more ways than one, I suppose, you know.

But. Yeah, dude, real quick. What do you got planned for the rest of the day? Anything cool. You hanging out?

[Lyle]

What do I have planned for the rest of the day? Oh, I'm gonna finish recording this podcast and then I'm gonna probably.

Edit more. Probably just have more work to do, man. I gotta edit a video. I gotta do other stuff.

[Elijah]

But I forget that this is your job. I'm gonna. I'm gonna get drunk and play some more Kingdom Hearts 3.

[Lyle]

Yeah, go do that, man. Go. Go enjoy the Toy Story 3 world.

[Elijah]

I'm literally in the Toy Story world. That's so funny.

[Lyle]

All right.

[Elijah]

I'm almost done with it, though. But you have. You have a great rest of your day, Geck.

[Lyle]

Thank you, Elijah. You have a good one, man.

[Cole]

All right.

[Elijah]

Peace.

[Lyle]

That was Elijah. I'm rooting for him. I hope he finds a good.

Life for himself. Whatever. Weddings are stupid anyway. They have.

They have too much water. I don't know what that means. I just wanted to say something. Hey, folks, I'm here today to tell you guys about TikTok's Live Fest2025. I know a lot of you guys are TikTok Scrollers. Maybe that's how you found this show in the first place. Maybe some of you are content creators yourselves, doing wacky dances or singing songs or sharing stuff from your life on there. But whichever one you are, you're going to want to be part of TikTok's Live Fest 2025. There will be all kinds of performances, challenges, battles, and big community moments for you to dive into. Anything can happen, and that is the magic of TikTok Live. Creators of every kind from all over the world are gathering together. And from December 10th to the 22nd, Live Fest is going full throttle. So whether you are a fan or a Creator, search hashtag live fest2025 on TikTok to catch everything happening during Live Fest. And let's celebrate Live together.

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[Lyle]

I am very excited to finally have a therapy sponsor for this podcast that takes insurance. This episode is sponsored by Rula. They are a healthcare company on a mission to make getting therapy from a licensed professional easy and affordable. They accept most major insurance plans and the average copay per session is only $15. Every therapist on Rula is carefully vetted and chosen for their expertise, so you will always know that you're in good hands. Thousands have already trusted Rula to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well being. Head on over to rula.com gecko that's R U L A dot com gecko to get started today. After you sign up, they will ask where you heard about them. Please support this show and let them know that therapy Gecko sent you. Go to R u l a.com gecko and take the first step toward better mental health. Today you deserve quality care from someone who cares.

[Elijah]

From Cole.

[Lyle]

Hello.

[Elijah]

Hello.

[Lyle]

What's up, man?

[Cole]

Oh, my goodness.

Not much. I am awake today.

[Lyle]

That's good. That's good. A lot of people aren't. A lot of people are not awake. A lot of people are dead.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Cole]

Like a certain amount of people died. Died.

[Lyle]

Yeah. A certain amount of people did die today.

[Cole]

One of them wasn't me.

[Lyle]

One of them wasn't you.

[Cole]

Wasn't you. It wasn't you either.

[Lyle]

I know. Isn't that crazy?

I know. I know. I've, like, I've. I've gotten too fucking deep into all this, like, existential stuff, but once you start thinking about it, you can't. You really can't stop. It's hard. Literally.

[Elijah]

Okay, wait.

[Cole]

I think I Think we're in some kind of loop because I started listening to your podcast again recently. Like, in the past two or three weeks, I've gotten more into it, and I think the reason I answered this phone call the way I did was because I've been listening to you talk to people about existential shit, and now here I am being like, oh, hey, yeah, I'm alive today.

[Lyle]

It's. I'm spreading it. Like a virus or something like that.

[Cole]

Yeah, yeah, I've developed it.

[Lyle]

Yeah. I mean, you know what the funny thing is, though? And I'm trying to write something about this because I'm like, going. Is like, there's people who go their whole lives, they never think about existential stuff. And they get the point.

More than people who spend all their time thinking about it. Because if you spend your whole life thinking about life, you know, it's stupid. You should be living life. I was. My friends. My friend once was. I was talking to my friend about this kind of existential stuff, and he's like.

He's like, that's like, if.

It'S like buying a dog and being like, oh, this dog is gonna die one day. And my friend was like, that's not the point of the dog.

Is that it's gonna die one day. You know, it's like the. It's. This is stupid. It's stupid to think too much about it. I mean, it's not stupid to think too much about it, but it's. No, it's stupid to think too much about it. There's an optimal amount. There's an optimal amount of thinking about life and living life. There's an optimal amount.

[Cole]

If you do it right, it makes you appreciate the leanness of the dog more.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Cole]

And maybe you spend some more present days with the dog because you know it will die.

[Lyle]

But that's stupid too, because, like.

Man, can I get. I'm gonna get dark for a second, Please. Like.

I've been hanging out with my. I was with my parents over Thanksgiving, and when you're really existential and you're with your parents, all you can think about is like, fuck, they're gonna. They're gonna be gone. And I'm like, okay, let me really soak up the. This is depressing, but okay. I'm like, let me really soak up and try to be present in the moments that I feel like are fleeting. And I've realized that whether you were present or not, they're gonna still fleet. You know what I mean? It's like, you can be. You can be so present, but it's still not gonna do it. It's not gonna do anything, man.

[Cole]

Yeah, I had that kind of similar experience. I visited my grandma this Thanksgiving, and I had those kind of same thoughts sitting there with her. But she's interesting because she starts talking about death now ever since she hit, like, 80, which is just crazy because she's, like, a person who, like, will tell me that she's still afraid of.

[Elijah]

Death.

[Cole]

And that's just, like, crazy to hear. And, like, it kind of scares me because, like, I want to get to a place where I'm her age, and I'm like, all right, I'm getting older. Whatever.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Cole]

You know? But she's like, very much like, oh, I woke up today. My back hurts. Oh, my God, I'm gonna die. My life sucks. And she'll, like, freak herself out, you know.

[Lyle]

Shit. Yeah. No, no, you imagine. Yeah. You'd like to imagine that by the time you get to 80, you're ready. But to meet someone who's 80 and she's like, no, I'm not ready to go. That's the most terrifying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Cole]

Out of me.

[Lyle]

Well.

Well. Yeah.

[Cole]

Did you eat breakfast today?

[Lyle]

No. Yeah, at a protein bar.

We'll be fine. It'll. Who cares? You know, I. I've been not. I've been dead for. Most of the time.

[Cole]

You're dead?

[Lyle]

Yeah, I've been dead most of the time. Like, I was like. Like. Like, for example. Like, a history is interesting to me because I'll read about, like.

Like, you kind of think that.

This. I think I'm a narc sometimes. I think I'm a narcissist because really, unconsciously. Unconsciously, I think I have a belief within me that the universe doesn't exist unless if I'm actively there to perceive it, which is a crazy thing to believe, even unconsciously. So, like, this stupid. I'll be reading about, like.

Like the French Revolution on Wikipedia, and I'm like, well, where was I during all this? It's like, you didn't. You were not. You were. You didn't. You were nothing. You had nothing to do with the French Revolution. There's an infinite amount. You had nothing to. You had nothing to do with a guy in China.

Eating food today. You had, like. You know what I mean? There's infinite amount of things that you had nothing to do with. You didn't matter for them and.

But that's fine. You shouldn't want to be that important. You could be. You could be so important. You could be like, like Don. Like I was thinking about like Donald Trump is like, like everyone's talking about him all the time. He's, he's theoretically, he's probably. Important's the wrong word. But he's the most perceived individual on the planet, probably, right?

[Elijah]

He's the most top five.

[Lyle]

Yeah, he's at least the top five most perceived talked about individual on the planet right now. And by like, by the time I have kids and they're my age, he'll be long dead and they'll. Nobody's talking about him anymore. Nobody will be talking about him.

[Cole]

I feel like so many people measure, so many people measure their success in terms of like how, how relevant am I?

And he might very well be one of those people.

[Lyle]

Exactly. He's the most relevant guy on the planet and he's gonna be like he was never any. And even he. The most relevant guy on the. He's gonna be like, he was never anything.

[Elijah]

Yeah, but that's.

[Cole]

Do you think he's happy?

[Lyle]

Do I think he's happy?

[Cole]

Yeah. Like, is that our goal in life?

[Elijah]

To be happy?

[Lyle]

I think I, I have to say, I think that because he's the President and he's like doing all this stuff, whether or not, like, I think, I think he seems to be deeply present in his life. You know what I like to be?

You know, like if you're giving a press conference and you're talking to the world and you're like commanding the military, I don't know whether or not he commands the military. He probably has some guy to do that for him and he's like meeting with Zoran Mandam and he's, he's just like every day, like every day he's doing a bunch of stuff. So I don't know if he's so. I think so he's probably happy only because he's so deeply present in his life at the age of 79. And by the way, and also by the way, like, you can be like really.

Angry and really afraid and really greedy and really wanting. But, but those are all like present emotions, you know, like if you're like, yeah, like, I don't think he's depressed, you know, like. Cuz if you're depressed, like if you're sitting alone in a room and you're not doing anything and you're like, oh, what should I do with my life? Then you're depressed and you start going into despair. But he's not sitting around like, what should I do with my life? He's like, he's at minimum. I don't know if he's like, happy. I don't know. I don't know what happy means, but he's at minimum, extremely present in his life.

[Cole]

I think I, like, meditate every morning or I try to. And I spend so many of my. So much of my time thinking, like, what am I doing? And you're telling me this, this guy who probably does not. I'm assuming he does not meditate. That's an assumption I'm making. I don't think he wakes up every morning and meditates for 30 minutes.

[Lyle]

No.

[Cole]

And you're saying that he is far, far more present than I am or perhaps ever will be.

[Lyle]

Yeah. No. Here's the thing. Overthrowing democracy takes a lot of presence. Like, it takes like to stage a coup and over try to overthrow the US government. It takes. You have to be in your life, you know, you don't have time to get depressed when you're doing that. So in a way, I do think that that makes a person happy.

[Cole]

That's a good point.

[Elijah]

I.

[Cole]

Maybe I should find a hobby like that.

[Lyle]

Exactly. Yeah. I mean, there's probably better. I think there's like. For as engaging as overthrowing the American government was is for him, I think you could find a similar level of engagement in like playing soccer, you know?

[Cole]

Yeah, that's a good point.

Isn't it interesting that you were born at a time in history that your life progressed in such a sense that you are now a gecko computer person? Like, if you were born during the French Revolution. I wonder, I think a lot about what my life would have looked like if I was born in a different period of time.

So I feel like being born at this period of time has allowed me to grow up in a sense where I think a lot. But I feel like if I was born in a different period of time, I would and maybe have lived a very present life in the sense we're talking about where I was just like, I need, I need to get some food and not get stabbed.

[Lyle]

Yeah, totally. Yeah.

Well, because we have access to more. Like the average person has access to so much more information. And this is only in the last, like less than 20 years compared to how much, how long human beings have been around. We have access to infinitely more information than like every human being that has ever lived has, basically.

Dude, last night, I don't know why, but last night I was getting really into North Korea. Like, I was just like, I was down. I was down like a YouTube rabbit hole. I was, like, reading about Kim Jong Un and, like, fucking. There's like, seven.

[Cole]

He's maybe, like, top 10.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

Kim Jong Un.

Maybe. Maybe he might be in the top 10, but he might. I don't know. He might be in the top 10 most perceived people. I don't know. There's. I feel like Sabrina Carpenter is probably perceived more than Kim Jong Un is. I mean, he's perceived. I mean, let's see. There's 25 million people. There's like, 25 million people in North Korea, and they all heavily perceive Kim Jong Un every day. But how many monthly streams does Sabrina Carpenter get?

She probably gets a more than 25 million. So she's probably more perceived, at least in this moment, than Kim Jong Un.

[Cole]

But you were perceiving him last night.

[Lyle]

I was. I was perceiving him last night. I was watching some YouTube video that was talking about how there's 750. I think. I think there's something like 750,000 troops stationed along the border of North Korea and South Korea. And I was thinking about those people, because if you're guarding the border of North Korea and South Korea, you're. And your whole life, you've been, like, propagandized.

To, you know, believe, you know, whatever. Like, whatever they're making you believe that you're doing. That's 750,000 unique consciousnesses and human bodies that are no different in any way, shape, or form from mine. And for some reason, I'm like a guy living in America, talking on a podcast, thinking about all this stuff, and I'm like, there's. And I was just watching, and I was like, why am I not guarding the border of North Korea right now? No reason. There's no reason. There's no fathomable reason why I'm not guarding the border of North Korea.

[Cole]

Absolutely no reason.

[Lyle]

It's insane. You can't think about it too much or else it'll ruin your life.

[Cole]

It'll be random.

[Lyle]

If I think too much about why I'm not. If I try to think too much about why I'm not guarding the border of North Korea right now, it'll ruin my life.

[Cole]

Well, ultimately, it really doesn't matter why, because it's here and changing it. So I guess who cares? But, yeah.

[Lyle]

And I'm never gonna know. I'm never gonna know why, and.

It'S only gonna detract me from. I don't live in the existential grandiosity of my life. I live in, like, the days and thinking about why I'm not guarding the border of North Korea is not gonna make my days better. It's only gonna make them more freaky.

[Cole]

It's an interesting thought to have.

But I think the key is kind of noting it and being like, all right, I'm gonna get back to. To the living now.

[Lyle]

That's true.

[Cole]

Like, cool thought. Cool thought, dude. Yeah, I remember, I guess.

[Elijah]

Cool.

[Lyle]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Cole]

No, go ahead.

[Lyle]

I remember the day that Charlie Kirk died. I was like, on Mike. I was like, oh, I watched the video. Did you watch the video?

[Cole]

Okay, so I actually didn't watch the video.

[Lyle]

It's horrible video.

[Cole]

I mean, I made a choice not to.

[Lyle]

Yeah, horrible video. Yeah, it's a horrible video. I watched it, and I was like, it's a really just. It's a really disturbing video. And I watched it, and I was like, oh, wow, you. I watched it. I was like. I was, like, thinking about it. I was like, man, this guy was just like. He just, like, snapped. Just died. You know what I mean? And it's like, fuck, you can just die. And that, like, really freaked me out thinking about that. Like, you just die. Die. Just snap. Die.

[Cole]

You can freaks me out.

[Lyle]

Yeah, that. And if just my whole day, like, it's fucked up. And then I remember at one point, I, like, went on YouTube and started watching something else, and I was like, oh, I've moved on from that thought.

[Cole]

Yeah, that's. Yeah. Because, I mean, you didn't really have any attachment to this particular person, so it kind of meant a lot to you for a second, and then you're like, okay, my life continues on.

[Lyle]

But, you know, even if I did have attachment to this person, it's like.

[Cole]

That'S a really good.

[Lyle]

Yeah, like, life still. Life still moves on in a weird.

[Cole]

Well, way. So, yeah, I kind of. I heard this thing in, like, my meditation practice, which is literally just me using the Headspace app, so. Yeah, whatever. But the thing that was said that kind of changed my perception of just the world and what I'm aiming for in life was that what I should be looking for is not happiness, because that's just a fleeting feeling. Just, like sadness is. What I should be looking for is, like, a feeling of just being content and at ease with the fact that, okay, I'm here, I'm alive, and life goes on. Because, like, in life, you're going to, like, your loved ones are going to die. You are going to lose someone you care about or something you care about. And that's, of course, Going to make you feel sad. It's supposed to.

Just like you're going to experience things in life that make you feel happy. But the one thing you can carry consistently through both the happy and the sad moments is a feeling of contentment. Because if both you and I are like, okay, people are going to die. I'm going to be sad. That's the cost of playing the game. Then that's us saying, like, okay. Like, we might not be like, okay, or enthralled with the fact that our loved ones are passing away, but we're ultimately accepting of it because we know it's inevitable. So in that way, even when we're like super depressed or sad about something, we're at least content to still be alive playing the game. And we know that different ceilings will come. Yeah.

[Lyle]

Yeah. That's when I feel the best, is when I. Well, actually, I feel. I think I feel the best when I'm deeply in the present because I'm completing something that.

I feel the best, I think when I'm deeply in the present because I have achieved something that I have been working hard towards.

Or I'm like. Actually, that's probably when I feel the best, is when I'm deeply in the present because I've achieved something I've been working hard towards. And then also when I feel contentment, when I feel like. When I start, like, want. Like I'll like when I want the life that I already have. That feels good. Yeah. It's a form of contentment. It's not like a manic happiness, actually. When I get like manically. When I get like manically happy out. Like, I. Sometimes I'm walking down the street and I'm like, oh, fuck, I wanna. I'm. When is. Sometimes I'm walking down the street and I'm like looking at my watch, like, when is this gonna be over?

You know what I mean? And then some. Yeah. And then sometimes I'm. But also. But then I have the opposite effect where I'll be watching as I'll be walking down the street, like in New York, and I'm like looking around all the people and the stuff, and I'll be like, wait, I really like life. I'm like, I hope I get to do a lot more of this.

You know, it's between. That. It's either. It's either. It's either. You know, I think we did it. I think I'm ready versus oh, no, I want to do a lot more. So I don't know that's I think that's part of being.

I guess mentally ill or not mentally ill, but you know, un, you know, whatever. High highs, low lows, all that jazz.

[Elijah]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Cole]

I, I. Okay. I think I kind of relate to what you're saying because I kind of like, I was thinking a lot about whether I back to like my talking about my grandma this Thanksgiving. It's like I wonder if I accept death, and I don't think I do. But there are some moments where I look around and I go, man, I'm happy to have done what I've done. And those are like, really cool because I feel really wise in those moments. But then like, the more common, more of the time, I feel like I'm just like, I have more I want to do. I haven't done it yet. I'm turning 26 this month.

[Lyle]

Okay. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, you ever look at like, oh, I do this all the time. I'll look at like a 60 year old guy and he's walking around, he's eating soup, he's making plans.

[Cole]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

And I'm like, all right, that's like two more of me, plus a few years. He's not freaking out.

[Elijah]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, he's good.

[Lyle]

What do you want to do that you haven't done?

[Cole]

I don't know. I.

I think one of my biggest purposes in life that I am just excited to get to is to have a family.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Cole]

Like, I really want, I really want to like, raise kids.

[Lyle]

Nice. And that's a great person.

[Cole]

Have a wife that I stay with and it really excites me.

So I think that remains the thing that kind of keeps me motivated. And in addition, like, just little moments of just being present.

Really excite me about life. Like I, I produce music and when I like finish a song I've been working on means a lot to me and I'm really happy. And when I spend time with friends or when I go on a hike, you know, like, those are moments that really bring me joy. So I'm excited to do more of those and have like, more experiences because I love experiences. But like, at some point, just like having little experiences doesn't feel like a complete purpose, you know, to me.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Cole]

That's why I feel like my answer is the family thing, because that just feels like more of a natural. Okay. This is what my heart wants to grow into, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah, of course. You gotta have a little universe of your own. That's when I feel the habit is when I'm like in my own Universe that I feel like I've created. Created, you know, like, little. Like, yeah, little experiences are kind of fleeting.

But, like, yeah, when you're in kind of your own universe and having a family, it's like the ultimate version of creating your own universe. You're creating, like, a place where you are deep. You're creating a thing that deeply needs you.

[Cole]

Definitely.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Cole]

I left, like, my whole life behind when I moved to Portland in August.

And I feel like I've just been having, like, little experiences here because I haven't really, you know, gotten into my little niche yet. And, like, over Thanksgiving, I just made this kind of manic decision. I was like, fuck, I'm just getting in my car and driving. And then I ended up driving in the direction of home. And that's when I visited my, like, family and my grandma and my friends. And I felt like I was kind of in my bubble again. That felt really comfortable.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Cole]

Of people I care about and love and whatnot. Yeah, I really needed that. And I came back here and, like, it's. It's hard because I know I will find, you know, those comfortable places here, but I just haven't completely gotten them figured out yet. So some days have been pretty hard, being that I don't have my support system, like, in person.

[Lyle]

Why did you move to Portland?

[Cole]

I've always wanted to.

Experience living somewhere else that wasn't home. So I've always kind of had this thing in me, and I was like, I can't stay here forever. I need to go see what it's like somewhere else.

As much as I, like, love the people, my friends and family back at home.

I felt like, more so for my soul, I needed, like, adventure.

So, like, I. I did a trip to Europe, too. Before I moved here. I spent, like, a hundred days just fucking around, walking around.

And that was cool for, like, the adventure bug. And then now I'm here just seeing.

[Elijah]

What'S up.

[Cole]

And it's really fun and exciting some days, and other days it's, like, incredibly, depressingly lonely and I question my decisions, but it's just kind of accentuating the roller coaster for me is what I've noticed.

[Lyle]

Yeah, that's a big.

Thing for me as well, is, like, you the balance between desiring adventure and desiring.

Like, like, stability. Although it's funny because when I was. When I'm watching the North Korea thing or, like. Or, like, I'm getting really into, like, what life is like in other places, I'm like, oh, my God, I have such stupid Problems.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

When you really think. When I really think about it, I'm like, yeah, it's fun because like. Like when you're waiting in like the bread line in like the Soviet Russia or whatever, the fuck, you know, you're not like, do I want stability or adventure? You know, I mean, it's like a strong. It's. It's a strongly. It's a super.

Like.

First world problem.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

But also like a privilege. Whatever. It's. It's totally a privilege. But it's like, well, fuck, I live in the by. That's I have. This is my life and my brain. So whatever. All your problems are always, like, relative to your own existence, you know, and whatever existence, however extravagant it may be, it'll always have problem.

[Elijah]

It.

[Lyle]

However. However extravagant or shitty your existence is, it could always be more extravagant and you. Or it could always be more shitty, you know?

[Cole]

Yeah, that's something. You can go up, compared your life to the ladies. Imagine every therapist you ever had just compared your life to the starving lady in Soviet Russia waiting in the breadline, and you're just like, okay, thank you. You leave therapy.

They don't do that.

[Lyle]

They don't do that.

[Elijah]

They don't do that.

[Cole]

They. They engage your problems as for what they are.

[Lyle]

They do. And here's what I think. I think when I go to my therapist, sometimes, like, half the time I want her to engage with my problems and I want to take them seriously. But then half the time she should be. She should be like, you know, you could be starving to death in Russia, and that's also good. Yeah, I think that sometimes engage. Yeah, sometimes you engage your problems, and then other times.

You know, you kind of have to be like.

I could. My life is amazing. I could be starving to death in Russia. Yeah.

[Cole]

You ever heard the saying, life is too serious to be taken seriously?

[Lyle]

Yeah, I've heard something like that.

[Cole]

Does that make any sense to you?

[Lyle]

Yeah, it makes a lot of sense. It's kind of trying to hold those two things in one.

[Cole]

Yeah. Like, they're both true. It somehow makes sense.

[Lyle]

Hey, folks, I'm here today to tell you guys about TikTok's Live Fest2025. I know a lot of you guys are TikTok scrollers. Maybe that's how you found this show in the first place. Maybe some of you are content creators yourselves, doing wacky dances or singing songs or sharing stuff from your life on there. But whichever one you are, you're going to want to be part of TikTok's Live Fest 2025. There will be all kinds of performances, challenges, battles and big community moments for you to dive into. Anything can happen and that is the magic of TikTok Live. Creators of every kind from all over the world are gathering together and from December 10th to the 22nd, Live Fest is going full throttle. So whether you are a fan or a Creator, search hashtag live fest2025 on TikTok to catch everything happening during Live Fest and let's celebrate Live Together.

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[Lyle]

I E I O hey folks, I am very excited to finally have a therapy sponsor for this podcast that takes insurance. This episode is sponsored by rula. They are a healthcare company on a mission to make getting therapy from a licensed professional easy and affordable. They accept most major insurance plans and the average copay per session is only $15. Every therapist on RULA is carefully vetted and chosen for their expertise so you will always know that you're in hands. Thousands have already trusted RULA to support them on their journey toward improved mental health and overall well being. Head on over to rula.com gecko that's R U L A dot com gecko to get started today. After you sign up they will ask where you heard about them. Please support this show and let them know that therapy Gecko sent you. Go to r u l a.com/gecko and take the first step toward better mental health. Today you deserve quality care from someone who cares.

Wouldn't it be fun if we both just died right now?

[Cole]

Crazy. Yeah, we just, like, that'd be crazy.

[Lyle]

Yeah, we both just, like. I don't know what, like, we both just got had, like, aneurysms or we got exploded or sniped or something.

[Cole]

Dude, aneurysms are terrifying. You can't, like, control that, I don't think. It just happens.

[Elijah]

Huh?

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah. What's your name?

[Cole]

Oh, my name's Cole.

[Lyle]

Cole. Cole. Cole. Let's not live our lives in fear of our own fragility. Let's not do that. I think it's a bad idea.

[Cole]

Okay.

[Lyle]

Because I do that, I won't. I've begun to realize that I'm not special in any way, shape, or form. I'm just as susceptible to disease and horrendous things as anyone else, and it's a little scary, but.

I'm gonna not think about that. And I encourage you to not think about that either.

[Cole]

I. I think that's the biggest thing I need to work on, so.

Thank you for identifying that for me. That's like a real. That's like a real therapy moment for you. Like, that's.

Yeah. You did a therapy for me.

[Lyle]

Thanks, man. I feel like we're doing a little therapy for each other, maybe.

[Elijah]

Yeah. You think?

[Cole]

So do you feel therapized in some shape or form?

[Lyle]

I feel this conversation to be therapeutic.

[Cole]

Right.

I have. I have one more thing for you, I guess.

[Elijah]

Um.

[Lyle]

Yeah, go ahead.

[Cole]

I have a job. I have a job that I don't think anyone has talked about on the podcast. Um, it might interest you. You might not give a shit because we've been talking about.

And I'm just talking about my career.

[Lyle]

But, no, I'm interested. I'm curious if your job in some way, shape or form creates existential dread. Go ahead. Sorry.

[Cole]

No, it's so. It's pretty basic. My job is. I'm a bridge inspector.

[Lyle]

You're a bridge inspector?

[Cole]

Yeah, I look at bridges and then I assign them a rating.

I give them a score on how good of a bridge they are.

[Lyle]

Do you ever. Do you encounter a lot of shitty bridges?

[Cole]

Sometimes, yes.

Because they're old sometimes. Or they were engineered wrong, but it's more likely that they just were old and people don't pay attention to them.

And then I shut them down.

[Lyle]

Do you. What is it that makes a bridge shitty?

[Cole]

Corrosion.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Cole]

You know about corrosion?

[Lyle]

I know about corrosion.

[Cole]

Cracks. Know about cracks? Have you ever heard the word spall?

[Lyle]

No, haven't.

[Cole]

That's a crazy One that's like when you got concrete and like a big chunk of it falls out because there's water seeping into it.

[Lyle]

That sounds like a British slang term for jizz Spoal.

[Cole]

A bottle of spoil.

[Lyle]

I must spoil on your mum.

[Elijah]

Oh, fuck off.

[Lyle]

Does the, does your job, does your job in some way shape? What's your relation, what's your job's relationship with your existential dread?

[Cole]

My job's relationship with my existential dread is.

Oh, because I, I got out of school, I did like engineering, I got a degree in engineering and I worked in, in design because that's what most civil engineers do is they graduate and go into like consulting work where they just like design stuff. And I went to design and it's like every day I was in the office 40 hours a week in my little cubicle doing mostly computer work. And for me that was terrible because I was, I just like, you know, I have whatever ADHD or whatever that I don't, I don't want to sit in the same place every day. And I only worked there for like eight months out of college. And I was like, what the fuck did I do? Like, I spent all this time working towards my degree and like, here I am. I'm gonna die in these office walls. I was, I was not having it. It was crazy. And I found this job posting for the bridge inspection thing where I could, I could use the degree I earned in civil engineering for this job where instead of being in the office all the time, I was in the office half the time. And the other half the time I was like traveling around the country looking at a bridge. And to me I was like, oh my God, that's exactly what I need to keep myself from like bouncing off the walls.

And it really has been. But there's also trade offs to that because sometimes when the travel is a lot like, I, I had an issue with anxiety and panic attacks like a year and a half ago. And it was kind of related to my travel at the time. And I had to tone it back a little bit. So like, that was really hard.

So I was like, now I'm, now I'm traveling too much and I want to chill out more. But anyways, that's a lot of information. But.

This job ultimately is really working for me again now because I've kind of gotten, I understand my anxiety a lot more and I, I took a lot of time to, to grow and go to therapy and stuff like that.

And it's working for me because half the time I'M in the office, and then right about the time I start getting jumpy and want to bounce off the walls, I go and inspect the bridge for a week outside and I breathe in air. And I think ultimately the job is working for me in that regard.

[Lyle]

Do you ever encounter any bridge trolls?

[Cole]

Hey.

[Elijah]

No, no.

[Cole]

No trolls. I don't. I don't think I've ever met a troll.

[Elijah]

Here in.

[Cole]

In Portland. Sometimes people, like, live. Live there, and mostly they're pretty cool. And I just tell them, hey, like, if you don't want anyone to fuck with you, just don't have a fire down here. Because.

The bridge owners get upset when they have a fire. But they're not trolls. They're just people living under a bridge.

[Lyle]

Of course. Of course.

[Cole]

If I saw a troll, I'd be scared.

[Lyle]

Yeah, that'd be terrifying. I wonder if that would increase your existential dread or if that would make you feel like there is. That there's fantastical things out there for you that.

[Cole]

Yeah. Kind of mystical, huh?

[Elijah]

The.

[Cole]

The one thing that does increase my dread is just this exists to every job, but it's like the corporate ladder, slash, people trying to get promotions and message each other on LinkedIn and make posts about how we're working as a company and we're a great company and.

Networking events and like that, like, that whole side of.

[Elijah]

Of work.

[Cole]

Just kills my spirit.

[Elijah]

I don't know why.

[Cole]

I don't know why I can't just genuinely jump in and be like, oh, yes, I work for this company and we're the best at what we do, and it's very nice to meet you, but it just all feels so fake to me because I'm just here to make money so I can go on a hike, you know?

[Lyle]

Like, yeah, that does that, by the way. That's not a defect in your existence. That's. Honestly, that's a shared sentiment among a lot of people. So I don't think you're crazy for feeling that way. I don't think you're crazy for not having strong pride in the company and just being there for a paycheck. You know what I mean? So I don't. I don't think you're. I don't think that's completely insane.

[Cole]

If some people just like to hustle, maybe that's how they get their worth.

[Lyle]

What did you say your name. What did you say your name was again?

[Cole]

My name is Cole.

[Lyle]

Cole.

This was there. This was a therapeutic conversation. I did. I did enjoy this, and I hope that I Hope that the both of us live very long lives and eventually when we're 80, except hopefully we make it to 80. I'd like to make it to 80. That'd be nice. You'll have a family. You'll have like grandkids and shit. That'll be nice. Maybe I'll have.

You know, a spider or something. I don't know.

[Cole]

And we'll like a tarantula.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I'll have like a pet tarantula that I'll give my.

Roth IRA to. And we'll die and more things will happen after us and those people will enjoy life and eternity will be good.

[Cole]

I'm gonna go check the balance of my Roth ira.

[Lyle]

Thank you for calling, Cole.

[Elijah]

Bye, Lyle.

[Lyle]

You can max out your Roth IRA every year and you're still gonna die. Hello folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy gecko over at therapygecko.supercast.com Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show. They get recordings from my live shows members only streams and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.

[Elijah]

She like got mad and said she was like disappointed in my.

[Lyle]

Hold on. What do you mean it's all over text? Because you guys spoke after she sent you the text, right? You spoke in person?

[Elijah]

Oh no, we have not spoken in person.

[Lyle]

You haven't spoken in person?

[Elijah]

It was just. No, we've all done it over text.

[Lyle]

Have you, have you, have you called her?

[Elijah]

The call got denied. We're supposedly. We're supposedly meeting tonight in person.

[Lyle]

Ok. You're talking to me more about this than you have with her so far.

[Elijah]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium [e-mail] or find the link in the episode description. That's therapygecko.supercast.com Alright, I have nothing else to say.

[Elijah]

Therapy Gecko's on the line taking your.

[Cole]

Phone calls every night.

[Lyle]

Therapy Gecko's doing it right, teaching you.

[Cole]

How to live your life.

[Lyle]

But he's not really an expert.

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There the last one.

Enjoy a Coca Cola for a pause that refreshes.

[Lyle]

Streaming December 11th.

[Elijah]

It's the new limited series.

[Lyle]

Little Disasters.

[Elijah]

Happy families, Perfect marriage.

[Cole]

What happened? Social services have been called in.

[Elijah]

I've known you for 10 years.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

How could you make that call?

[Elijah]

These rich families, Concealing things seems to come naturally. Starring Diane Kruger.

[Lyle]

You can't take our children and Joe Joyner.

[Cole]

Parents can do some terrible things in moments of frustration.

[Lyle]

Little Disasters. All episodes streaming December 11th on Paramount.

[Sponsor/Advertiser Voice]

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[Elijah]

This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas.

[Cole]

With Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang.

[Lyle]

And I'm Matt Rogers from the very same podcast.

[Elijah]

And guess what? It's the holiday season. And you know that means holiday parties. Beau holiday parties, they're the best. But there's always the stress of what to wear, what to bring. Easy solution.

[Lyle]

Okay, bring a bottle of Casamigos.

[Elijah]

Casamigos. Wow. That is the move you can make. Casamigos mules or Casamigos Espresso martinis or Casamigos cram. And don't forget about Casamigos margaritas. A Casamigos margarita is the perfect cocktail all year round. Casamigos is just the perfect gift that keeps on giving. And as the saying goes, anything goes with my Casamig.

[Lyle]

On second thought, a holiday party might be in order.

[Elijah]

That's a great idea. Please drink responsibly.

[Lyle]

Imported by Casamigos Spirits Company, White Plains, New York. Casamigos Tequila, 40% alcohol by volume.

[Elijah]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Lyle]

Guaranteed Human.