“I WATCH MY EX ON ONLYFANS”

Summary

Therapy Gecko – “I WATCH MY EX ON ONLYFANS”

Podcast: Therapy Gecko
Host: Lyle (Matt)
Date: October 29, 2025

---

Episode Overview

This episode of Therapy Gecko dives into intimate, meandering conversations with three callers: Pete, a recent high school grad and janitor/aspiring audio engineer; "Devin," a 20-year-old navigating heartbreak, obsessive habits, and city life in Montreal after a recent breakup with an OnlyFans creator; and James, a grad student studying clinical psychology, exploring the existential questions of selfhood and change.

Lyle moves seamlessly between light-hearted banter, confessional exchanges, and philosophical musings, revealing the complex emotional landscape of young adulthood—touching on growth, relationships, identity, and the surprising comfort of hearing about other people’s lives.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Pete: Janitor Dreams, DIY Music, and Growing Up in Mormon Utah

[02:36–32:02]

- Cycles of Habits & Life Lessons

Matt opens up about his personal cycles—breaking bad habits, the illusion of “fixing” oneself, and learning (and relearning) lessons in adulthood. Pete immediately identifies:

• Quote (Matt, 06:25): “It’s hard to learn a lesson once and for all in anything that I do. There’s so many lessons I have to learn over and f***ing over again.”

- Pete’s Dual Life: Janitor & Audio Intern

Pete shares his current work as a high school janitor and his passion for audio engineering, describing his love for live music, concerts, and a promising internship:

• Quote (Pete, 10:00): “I've got this internship for what I want to do—live audio stuff... I love it so much better than this janitor job.”

- Building Community Through DIY Shows

Pete laments a derailed plan to organize a house show with friends and acquaintances. Matt encourages him to move forward even when people ghost, highlighting the challenge of dependence versus self-reliance.

• Quote (Matt, 15:09): “Don’t delay it because other people in the group chat aren’t responding. That’s one of the tough things about life...you try to set yourself up so you need other people as little as humanly possible, and then somewhere down the line you realize you do need other people.”

- Religion, Family, and Salt Lake City

They discuss Mormon culture in Utah, family dynamics post-divorce, and generational divides in religious belief.

• Pete’s Reality (17:45): “My stepdad just got like three massive generators that can power our house for two days... Maybe they are secretly crazy, but they’re not, like, crazy crazy.”
• They bond over having families with different religious engagement.

- Moving On and Planning for the Future

Pete reveals plans to attend Utah Valley University, setbacks (like a broken car wiping out savings), and acknowledges his relatively fortunate situation:

• Quote (Matt, 29:05): “That makes me feel good... someone just graduated high school in Utah, doing audio engineering, parents are nice, not going into debt. That’s pretty good.”
• Quote (Pete, 30:02): "You're making me look back and be like, wow, I do have a great life."

---

2. Devin: Heartbreak, OnlyFans Obsession, and Rediscovering Self

[36:10–66:02]

- Alone in Montreal After Breakup

“Devin” moved to Montreal with his girlfriend, now ex—feeling lost after the breakup, stuck in a city where he barely speaks French.

• Quote (Devin, 39:31): “Officially, it was like three months ago. But, like, we stopped talking, like, three weeks ago.”

- The OnlyFans Spiral

Struggling to move on, Devin compulsively buys his ex’s content on OnlyFans, describing an addictive cycle of needing connection and familiarity.

• Quote (Devin, 44:03): “Yeah, man. It’s fucked.”
• Quote (Matt, 44:55): “That is a new phenomenon for the brain... now you can purchase some form of sexual intimacy with her.”

- Habits, Healing, and Neuroplasticity

Matt reframes Devin's situation—normalizing the pain, reminding him healing is possible, and encouraging him to break out of isolating patterns.

• Quote (Matt, 50:59): “Good news for you, Devin: a concept known as neuroplasticity… There exists a universe where you’re no longer thinking about your ex while masturbating or buying photos of her and shit.”

- Social Survival: Going Out Alone

Encouraged to attend a rave solo, Devin gets a pep talk on loneliness, discomfort, and the importance of social risk-taking for emotional growth.

• Quote (Matt, 59:03): “You’re not going to get that reminder by staying in your house... only by challenging yourself to do something uncomfortable.”

- Attention, Self-Esteem, and Patience

They dig into the cycle of seeking female attention to fill the void, and Matt emphasizes finding meaning and contentment first.

• Quote (Matt, 62:41): “You gotta somehow get yourself to a place where you don’t feel like you need that... It is true, that once you get to the point where you don’t need that, you start to just like feel healthy.”

---

3. James: Clinical Psychology, Identity, and the Multiplicity of Self

[69:01–99:16]

- Studying the Mind & Appreciating the Gecko Approach

James, a clinical psychology grad student, praises the show for its openness and curiosity, aligning it with concepts of exploration in first-stage therapy.

• Quote (James, 74:46): “Listening to your calls—it’s been really inspiring to hear how people open up even in environments you wouldn’t expect.”

- Versions of the Self: Consistency vs. Complexity

Lyle and James discuss having multiple “selves” for different situations and whether it’s virtuous (or even possible) to always be the same person.

• Quote (Matt, 80:50): “I always feel like I have, like, five different versions of myself... There’s definitely versions more proud of than others, but they all come together to make me.”
• Quote (James, 81:00): “We contain multitudes.”

- Existential Loops: Do Old Selves Die?

Weed-fueled existential thoughts surface: Are we the same person as our past selves? Does change fragment us, or is continuity an illusion?

• Quote (James, 91:31): “I wonder—am I really the same consciousness? Almost like Ship of Theseus style... are past versions dead, or am I a totally new dude?”

- The Futility and Blessing of Being Yourself

Matt muses on the relentless process of existing, briefly comparing the self to an incurable “disease” that must be managed.

• Quote (Matt, 94:48): “You’re kind of you until you die, I think. But if you think of yourself as, like, a disease…there’s no cure for the cancer of being myself yet. But with chemotherapy, it can be managed and a good life can still be lived.”

- Final Thoughts & Podcast as Therapy

James leaves listeners with two pieces of advice:

1. Try to understand others to reduce spite.
2. Read more Kurt Vonnegut.

---

Notable Quotes & Time Stamps

• “It’s hard to learn a lesson once and for all in anything that I do.”
  — Matt, [06:25]

• “You try to set yourself up so you need other people as little as humanly possible, and then somewhere down the line you realize you do need other people.”
  — Matt, [15:09]

• “My stepdad just got like three massive generators... Maybe they are secretly crazy, but they’re not, like, crazy crazy.”
  — Pete, [17:45]

• “That is a new phenomenon for the brain...now you can purchase some form of sexual intimacy.”
  — Matt, [44:55]

• “There exists a universe where you’re no longer thinking about your ex while masturbating.”
  — Matt, [50:59]

• “We contain multitudes.”
  — James, [81:00]

• “You’re kind of you until you die, I think. But...there’s no cure for the cancer of being myself yet. But with...chemotherapy, it can be managed and a good life can still be lived.”
  — Matt, [94:48]

---

Timestamps for Significant Segments

• Pete (Janitor & Audio Intern): [02:36–32:02]

  • Cyclical life lessons, family, DIY music, moving plans

• Devin (Montreal, Post-breakup, OnlyFans): [36:10–66:02]

  • Breakup aftermath, obsessive behaviors, social survival, solo rave

• James (Clinical Psychology Student): [69:01–99:16]

  • Psychology insight, identity, existential questions

---

Tone & Style

Throughout the episode, Lyle’s tone is frank, playful, curious, and empathetic, rarely shying away from dark humor or personal vulnerability. The conversations organically shift from silly to profound, always rooted in real struggle or sincere self-reflection. The callers’ stories and Lyle’s musings stand as small, relatable case studies of the broader human themes of growth, disappointment, connection, longing, and self-acceptance.

---

For New Listeners

This episode is a quintessential Therapy Gecko ride: full of modern existential twists, honest admissions, and practical (if sometimes meandering) advice. The show offers reassurance—whatever weird cycle you find yourself in, you’re not the only one.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[Caller/Listener]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

Pro drivers live for race day, but for small business owners, every day is race day. That's why going pro with Lenovo Pro matters. One on one advice IT solutions and customized hardware powered by Intel Core Ultra processors. Keep your business on the right track. Business goes pro with Lenovo Pro. Sign up for [e-mail] Pro Lenovo Lenovo.

[WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser]

Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? WashablesOfAs.com has your back. Featuring the Annabe Collection, the only designer sofa that's machine washable inside and out. Where designer quality meets budget friendly prices. That's right, sofas start at just $699. Enjoy a no risk experience with pet friendly stain resistant and changeable slipcovers made with performance fabrics. Experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's high hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Check out washablesofas.com and get up to 60% off your Anna Bay sofa backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return, shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back Upgrade [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this fall. Take care of the little ones in the family with Baby Club Savings now through November 4th. Spend $25 on select Baby Club products and save $5. Shop for items like Pediasure bottles, Pedialyte powder packs, Huggies baby wipes, Huggies diapers, Gerber Puffs and Gerber pouches. And save $5 when you buy. $25 or more on participating products. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So your AI agents, they make the team that uses them more productive, right? But if they aren't connected to other agents or your data or your existing.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Workflows, how productive can they really make your teams?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Any business can add AI agents. IBM connects your agents across your company.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

To change how you do business.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Let's create Smile to Business. IBM.

[Caller/Listener]

Hello.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What's up man? How you doing?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I'm great. How are you? This is crazy.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

We've never spoken before, have we? Have we ever talked?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

No, we have not.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What's your name?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

My name is. I'll go by Pete.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Pete. How am I? I'm do. I'm actually doing really well right now. Yeah, I've noticed that, like, life is, at least for me, very cyclical. You know, I'll have periods of time in which I'll be, like, really just going insane. But, I don't know. Over the past, like, week, I've been feeling very stable. I've made a few changes that have been helpful. I've been embracing the life that I'm already living instead of fantasizing about some other version of myself that exists. I've been not binge eating fucking Ben and Jerry's every day. I've been, you know, I've been not going on. I've been watching less porn. Hell, yeah, I've been. Yeah, yeah, things are good right now. I've experienced this before, though, and I've made the mistake of being, like, well, great. Everything's gonna be amazing forever. But also, you know, I've been downtrodden before and I've made. I've thought I was going to. I just thought I was gonna die. So I am trying, I think. I think, you know, the caller I've done with whatever podcast ago who said that life is kind of like a spiral, and you start in the middle and you spiral outwards. Like, that was one of the most genius things I've ever heard. Because it makes sense. Because I'm repeating. I see myself lifetime repeating cycles. I'm almost 28, and I can look back at my life and I could see a lot of cycles and read journals from when I was younger, and they repeat. But with every repetition of the cycle, I get a little bit of progress outward, even though I'm still in the cycle. You know what I mean? It's hard to learn a lesson once and for all in anything that I do. There's so many lessons I have to learn over and fucking over again. Like, weed is one of them. Like. Like last night, I. What's your. Pete. Pete, I've done this, Pete. I've done this a hundred times. More than a hundred times, Pete. And I never learn. I go, oh, you know, I have this thing to edit. This is like a low effort task. I know. Let me get stoned before I do it, then it'll be easy.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

This is literally the story of my life, the past two weeks.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And then I get stoned. And then I'm like, oh, I can't do anything. And then the next day I go, this task seems easy. I bet if I got stoned, it would be different this time. Pete, it's never different. It's the same every time. No, it's never different. I don't know. I don't know why I don't. I don't know why I don't learn my lessons. I don't. I learn them a little bit, I think, but I just feel like. I just feel like I learned my lessons yet through. Through the spiral technique. I'm definitely smarter. Like. Like if we're. If we're zooming out, if we're going 21 to 28, I'm definitely smarter, more mature, have a better head on my shoulders. Learned a lot of lessons, but I still, I don't. I'm not like a. I thought I would have mastered every problem and done every. Like, I thought I would be completely amazing by now with like learning those lessons, but I don't know. I don't know if that's. I don't know. Do you feel that way? Do you. Do you learn your lessons?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, I try to. I try to, but I think I'm in the same boat as you because I just. I always feel like I can like, feel like it's gonna be like way better, you know, I'm gonna smoke before I do this. And then it just doesn't. And then I keep on doing it. I don't know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Pete. Pete, is there something specific you called in to want to talk about today?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, there's not really. I just. I never thought that you would pick up this, like, I. I just thought you were streaming and I thought I'd call.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What's your life like, Pete? What do you do every day?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

What do I do? I'm a. I work as a janitor at a high school.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, interesting.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. And that's. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

How long you been doing that?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I've been doing that for like a year and a half now.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Are you. Do you clean it during the day when the kids are there or like at night?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

So like right after school? Right after the kids are gone?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, but there are. There's some kids running around doing after school activities, like playing school and shit.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

And just random stuff.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yep. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do they ever interact with you?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, sometimes. Because, you know, I. I just got out of high school last year and so I know somewhat some people there.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Interesting.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Sometimes people talk to me.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So you're. Yes. You probably. Yeah. You probably know people who go to the school still.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I do. I do.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. Interesting. And are you like friends with any of these people?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, not really. I just. Some of them random people, like friends of my ex girlfriend or like friends of my little brother. Or something.

[Caller/Listener]

Mm.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

But yeah, I don't know. Not really. I don't think I really have that many people I know that are still in high school, like as close friends.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What do you do while you're cleaning the school? Do you listen to anything? Do you put on music?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I listen to your podcast every day.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Hell yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

And I listen to music and I also. I've also been listening to Channel five. Pretty good.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So you've been doing this for a year?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yes.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What else is going on in your life?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I have an internship right now. It's for what I want to do.

[Caller/Listener]

Basically.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

It's my main career. Like live sound. It's live audio stuff. Oh, I love live sounds. Live music. I went to. There's a separate school in my state school district that like, is for like hands on learning. I did a bunch of audio stuff, did a bunch of battle with bands and I came out of it with an internship, which I love so much better than this janitor job. And I get paid better, but it's just I work randomly.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So this is like doing audio for live events and shit.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, that's cool. That's a good gig.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I love it so much.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, that's a great gig. Do you go to a lot of concerts?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I go to a shit ton of concerts.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

That's sick. That's really cool. Oh yeah, I love that for you. That's great. You can travel with that, you know, also like, you know, what's cool is like I'm always thinking about, and I am not a authority on this subject, but I'm like, I think a lot about like what the job market is going to be moving forward, especially with like AI and just like the. The rapid exponential evolution of our society. And it's funny because like live events seem to be still going strong. You would think that like Zuckerberg won by now successfully getting us to all stay inside of our houses and like use his infinitely. But people are going out to live. People are still going out to concerts. People are still like, you like, like goth subculture, like shit that like was popular in the 70s and 80s is still going. Like, we're still going. It's cool. You know, I think, I think, I think ideally like in an ideal universe that stuff even, even in the face of whatever AI and the, the expansion of our universe, like grows in a backlash to like, yeah. You know, society's desire for us to just stay in our houses and do fucking nothing.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So that's cool. I like that. That's a Good industry. Do you play music?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I. I do somewhat. I play the guitar and I end the bass guitar, kind of. And me and my friends play sometimes the covers, random covers, and post them on Instagram. But, like. Oh, nothing crazy, you know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, that's great. You guys ever gig?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, we. We tried to plan this house show once, but it fell through. And I really want to do it because that would just be so fun. I love it. That'd be amazing, that kind of stuff. So.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Why did it fall through?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I. I don't even know. So we. There's these. These girls that we were gonna do it with, and I, like, made a group chat for it. I was like, we should do a show at someone's house, for sure. And then I kept on texting about it, and then people would respond and I would ask questions, and no one would. And then everybody just stopped responding, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Now you live with your parents?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, I live with my parents.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Where were you going to do the house show?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

My friend's house. So one of my friends that. That plays with us, he. He was gonna give us the house.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

For it, and he just stopped responding.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Everybody else except for him.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Wait, why do you need. Who are these girls? Why do you need them?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Because it's just like, we were. I don't know. Honestly. Holy shit. You might be onto something.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I mean, you need the guy who has the house. That's the only guy you like. Really neat.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

That's true.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Why?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I don't know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Wait, no, why. Why did you need these girls to respond? Like, what do they do?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

They're just. They sing and they're really good, and they would just. I don't know, maybe I don't need them. But you have a. I mean, yeah, technically, yes, but I don't know. I guess we wanted more people than just us to play. Be playing music.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. You can probably find more people that aren't you guys to play music.

[Caller/Listener]

That's true.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I do have a lot of friends that play musical instruments, though.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Put on the house show. That sounds awesome.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, I should.

[Caller/Listener]

This.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

This feels crazy, bro. I'm. I'm sorry. I'm just, like, nerding out right now. This is kind of crazy.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I'm nerding out.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I never. I never thought I'd be talking about audio to the Gecko himself.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I love the, like, DIY house show shit. I think that's so cool.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. You should do it.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I will definitely try.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Let me know how it goes. Yeah. Don't. Don't. Delay it because the other people in the group chat aren't responding. Yeah, that's one of the tough. That's one of the tough things about life in general from, like, a macro perspective is that. And I've done this in my life, I. You try to set yourself up so that you need other people as little as humanly possible, and then somewhere down the line, you realize that at some point you do need other people. And it's like a yin yang.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You need this guy who has the house, but you don't need these two girls. You can find other people to sing.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Hell, yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What kind of music?

[Caller/Listener]

All right.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do you play?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

What kind of music do I play? Yeah, we just. We just do random, like, covers of, like, just bands we like. I don't know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Give me, like, what covers?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Let me think. We did, like, a Phoebe Ritters cover.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Cool.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

And Big Thief and, like, Mazzy Star.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Cool.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Bunch. Random. Bunch of random bands. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What city is this? What city are you in?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I am in Salt Lake City, Utah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Ooh, there must be so much teen angst at DIY shows in Salt Lake City, Utah. Yeah, that's got to be one. Yeah, that. That must be. That must be, like, the capital of teen angst, right? Because.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, you say.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, because everyone there is Mormon. And so. And nothing produces teen angst more than overtly religious parents.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, tell me about it. Tell me about it.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I've done a couple shows in Salt Lake City, and every time, I just. It's always stories from people about their insane Mormon parents. I've probably mentioned this before, but, like, last time I was in Salt Lake City, this guy told me a story about how his dad, when he was a kid, made him, like, kill a hundred rabbits.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

What?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And prepare them for, like, their doomsday bunker. Because apparently the Mormons are, like, preparing for, like.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Dude, I'm looking at. I'm looking at my. My bed frame right now. Under it is all of our food storage boxes.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So what are you Mormon?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, my parents are not me.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Okay. Everyone fucking. Everyone fucking there is Mormon. Did you. Are your parents. Are your parents crazy?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

So it's just my mom and my stepdad that are Mormon, but it's. They're not really. I mean, honestly, my stepdad just got, like, three massive, like, generators that can power our house for, like, two days non stop for a birthday present from his mom. So maybe they are secretly crazy, but they're not, like, crazy crazy. Like, I've heard worse stories. Like, crazy.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I don't mean to Be derogatory, by the way. I don't think. No, I don't. Like, I don't think that being Mormon automatically makes you crazy.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, I know. I could not care less.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So, yeah, I don't think any. I mean, you know, my family's Jewish. They're fucking crazy, but they're not like. Like, they wouldn't make me murder a hundred rabbits. Kind of a crazy, like, ever. Like, they're crazy in this. They're crazy in the sense that everyone's family is, like, a little fucking crazy, you know? So your parents. So your parents are cool? Your family's like. They're not like.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You don't have, like, a. You don't have, like, a traumatic religious upbringing or anything?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

No, not really. Okay, thank you.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, it's good. Yeah, it's good. It's good. But what I am saying. I'm not saying that being Mormon automatically means that you have a traumatic religious upbringing. What I am saying is that you are unquestionably surrounded by a lot of young people who did have traumatic relationship upbringings that would love to come to your emo DIY show. And so you should do it.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. My. My. My old plug for weed is going on his mission in a couple weeks, so there's a lot of crazy people.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do you think he's gonna sell weed on the mission?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, that'd be pretty dope. I'm not gonna lie. I would love to hear about that.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

If he does, where's he going on the mission?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I'm trying to remember. It's somewhere out of the US Though. I think it's, like, Spain or something. I think it's Spain.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

That's risky.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Although, like. Okay, like, when you go on mission, right, you go to, like, a poorer place and you offer food and water and all these things, and also, hey, here, if you want to. Also, while you're eating the food, learn about our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ kind of a thing, right?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. So I don't. I feel like marijuana would be a good addition to a mission in terms of, like, what you're providing to people, honestly.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. It could help you out. Mm. You could start, like, a crazy, like, bash with, like, someone you're about to, like, baptized or something.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a good way to open someone's mind to the. To the. To God. Yeah. Do you believe. Are you really. Do you believe in God? Did you take after your bones?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

So. No, that's. I have. I have this debate a lot with like my. I mean, I guess a decent amount of my friends I don't really believe. I'd love for there to be like a God, but I don't feel like there is. I don't know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Your boy who's going on mission, is he believe in God?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

He probably does, I would assume.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So are your. Do your parents care whether or not you believe in God?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, my mom for sure, but not my dad.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Mm. Okay. So your parents are like chill Mormons.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

So. Well, yeah, so my, My parents are divorced, so my parents are divorced with my. My dad is way more chill, like about like religious stuff like that, I guess. Like, he's a more open minded person for sure.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Does he still practice in some sense?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

No. So my dad's not religious. That's. Yeah, they're not. He's not religious anymore.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So are they remarried or have like boyfriends, girlfriends?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, he. He has a. My dad has a girlfriend. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And is she, is she a Mormon?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

No, she is not. I think she used to be. Majority of the people used to be.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. If he got married to a lady that's not a Mormon and he was already not really that Mormon, it sounds like it's over for, for him.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, I've been meaning to have like a conversation about that with him, but I, I definitely should.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And what about your mom? Is she seeing anyone?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, yeah, my mom's remarried.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Mormon guy?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yep.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Very Mormon guy.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Pretty Mormon. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Good.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, yeah, good.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Your, Your family, you. We have kind of analogous family situations actually, in a way.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Like my, my mom much more into Judaism than my dad, but, you know, still. My dad's still Jewish and shit. You know, they got divorced. Dad married a non Jewish woman, Mom married guy who's much more into Judaism. And I look at that and I'm like, that's good, right? You know, that's important stuff, religion, when it comes to marriage. Is your mom. Does your mom seem happy?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Oh, yeah, super.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Your dad seems happy.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, my dad's pretty happy. I would. Yeah, I'd say.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So. You have siblings?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I do have siblings.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

How are they doing?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

They're pretty good. I. So I have three, like, brothers. Blood, like blood siblings, which are just three brothers. And I have like, let's see, like five or six step siblings.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, holy shit.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And where do you. Do you live with your mom or your dad?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I live with my mom.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And are you like, you. When did you graduate high school? What? Hold on.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

It's. It's October this year. This year actually, in, In July. In May.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, okay. Yes. You just graduated?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yep.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. And are you like. Are you like, I need to get out of Salt Lake City and leave my mom's house right now, or are you like, chilling?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You know, I really want to. That's. So I've. I've been saving up a bunch of money for like, when I move out.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Nice.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

And I'm. So. I'm going to Utah Valley University next semester, spring semester.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Nice.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

And I've been saving up money so I could like, find a place out there and be able to pay for rent for a couple months and then find a job out there and like Orem. And then my car broke and I had to use all my money for savings to fix that car.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I'm sorry, man. How much was that?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. 1400 bucks or like. No, it was like 2 grand or something. I don't remember. It was like, cor, that's all of my money's gone. Which was like about a pay for like two months. And then so those plans have changed now I'm gonna have to live here for another like six months extra or something.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And you're going to Utah Valley for ways. Utah Valley In. Is. Is that in? This might be a dumb question, but is that in Salt Lake City?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

No, that's in. It's like, it's like 45 minutes away. 45 minutes.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And you're gonna go for audio and. Yeah, that's the. Okay. So it's just like a. This is like a non traditional university. Right. Like, so you go. You get your own off campus apartment and then you go in and you do your audio classes.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, yeah, basically. And that, that town where it's in is like mainly just like a bunch of apartments everywhere.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Are you. Are you gonna borrow money to go there?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

My.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

So.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

To like, pay for school?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

So you're talking about. So my, My dad's helping me pay for school because I'm not doing anything crazy. I'm not doing anything crazy because I've already got my internship. So it's nothing like I really. And if I move my way up in the internship, I get paid and they do training there, so it's like, it's. I don't need as much like a degree in audio because I'll get paid to get trained and it's a great company.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So you got good parents, man. You got a good life?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, I. I should appreciate it more, that's for sure.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Yeah, you got a good life. That's cool. Dad. Seems like both your parents seem like nice People.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Very great people.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. And you got out. You got out pretty good, because I'm sure you probably. I do. You do. You know a lot of people with. I'm literally. I'm just basing this off of, like, what I've heard, doing this podcast and, like, also. And just, like, be going to Utah a few times and, like, talking to people and, like. Do you know a lot of people with, like, crazy parents?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Let me think.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

I.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Like, very, like. Like, very, like, fundamentalist kind of people.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I mean, not, like, crazy, honestly. No, I honestly can't really think of, like. Because, honestly, I've like, mainly surrounded myself with people that, like. I mean, maybe one of my friends, but, like, she moved out because. Crazy dad. That's it, right?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I can't really think of, like, specific people. No, honestly, it might not be as crazy as people are saying, or maybe I just have. I'm around different people.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, that's the reality of life is it's not as crazy as people. Yeah, sometimes. Sometimes it is, sometimes it's not.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. There's rare cases. There's some cases that definitely. I bet there's some crazy parents.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, Pete. Cool. Okay. It was good. I'm glad I got to hear about your life today. So I don't know why I enjoyed hearing about your life. You. I'm like, something about. Something about the. Maybe I'm being. Maybe this is just because I'm in a good mood right now. I'm on stimulants. It makes me feel good that you have a good life. I'm like, all right, great. Someone. There's a guy who just graduated high school in Utah. He's gonna have a good life doing audio engineering stuff that's not gonna get taken away by AI probably. His parents are nice. His dad's gonna help him out with school. He's not gonna have to go into debt. That's pretty good.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. Wow. You're making me, like, look back and be like, wow, I do have a great life.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, yeah. He's gonna put on this DIY show with his friends. That's gonna be sick. That's good. Listen, look, whether it's up to you whether or not you want to enjoy your life, but I'm kind of enjoying it vicariously through you.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Wow. Right now, this feels awesome. This is awesome.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

This is good. Yeah. Hmm. Yeah. You're a janitor. That's hard, but it's not forever.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, well, this. This was a good. This was productive. I feel.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

I feel like it was, too.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do you have anything else you want to say or. Or anything at all before we go?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Not really. Just like, I love this. Like, I listened to, like, I think I've listened to, like, 80% of your episode.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Fuck, yeah. Thank you very much for doing that. Yeah, I'm trying to do.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

This is awesome.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I'm trying to do that more with my own life. I'm like, oh, shit. I host this podcast is pretty cool. So, you know, if d. I'm not going to go, but DM me if you did the show. I want to see if you did it. It would make me.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Okay.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I would be stoked. If you like. Yeah, if you do the show, like, DM me a picture and be like, I fucking did the shoot for sure. I don't know. I can't. I'm not going to promise I'll respond to it or that I'll.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

No worries.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

But. But if I do, I'd be like, all right, that's sick. I'm. I'll be happy to know that you did it.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Okay. Yeah, I for sure will.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Beautiful.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Awesome.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Good luck, Pete. I'll see you around the universe.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Thank you. Have a good day.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You too.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I like that guy Pete. He's got a good. He's got a good life. Yeah. Sometimes on the show we talk to depressed people. Sometimes we talk to people. I don't think Pete seemed depressed necessarily. He seemed. He seemed like he was doing well. That's good. Yeah, sometimes. So I think. I think it's good. I think it's good to be able. You, like, that's why you get to, like, look at a bunch of different lives and go like, yeah, you know, that life seems that. One of the notes I get on the show a lot is people are like, I love listening to this because it makes me. Because people are. Because it makes me feel better about my own life. They're like, oh, man. People are. People's problems are horrid. There's something good in that. I think it gives you some perspective on your own life. But then, I don't know, it's good to be like, oh, hey, someone else has a good life. That's good. That makes me feel good. You know, there's lots of crazy shit going on in the world anyway. All right, Anyway, whatever. Who cares? Cares about anything.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

Pro drivers live for race day. But for small business owners, every day is race day. That's why going pro with Lenovo pro matters. One on one advice. IT solutions and customized hardware powered by Intel Core Ultra processors. Keep your Business on the right track Business goes pro with Lenovo Pro. Sign up for free at lenovo.com there's.

[WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser]

Nothing like sinking into luxury. At washablesofas.com, you'll find the Annabe sofa, which combines ultimate comfort and design at an affordable price. And get this, it's the only sofa that's fully machine washable from top to bottom. Starting at only $699. The stain resistant performance fabric slipcovers and cloud like frame duvet can go straight into your wash. Perfect for anyone with kids, pets or anyone who loves an easy to clean spotless sofa. With a modular design and changeable slipcovers, you can customize your sofa to fit any space and style. Whether you need a single chair, loveseat or a luxuriously large sectional, Annabe has you covered. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your home. Right now you can shop up to 60% off stick store wide with a 30 day money back guarantee. Shop now at washablesofas.com add a little to your life. Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this fall, take care of the little ones in the family with Baby Club Savings now through November 4th. Spend $25 on select Baby Club products and save $5. Shop for items like Pediasure bottles, Pedialyte powder packs, Huggies, baby wipes, Huggies diapers, Gerber Puffs and Gerber pouches and save $5 when you buy $25 or more on participating products offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Mint is still $15 a month for premium wireless and if you haven't made the switch yet, here are 15 reasons why you should 1.

[Caller/Listener]

It's $15 a month.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

2. Seriously, it's $15 a month.

[Caller/Listener]

3.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No big contracts. 4. I use it.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

5.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

My mom uses it.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Are you.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Are you playing me off? That's what's happening, right?

[Caller/Listener]

Okay, give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for.

[WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser]

Three month plan, $15 per month equivalent required. New customer offer first three months only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

See mintmobile.com what's up man? What's your name?

[Caller/Listener]

Just assign me a name. I don't wanna.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

All right, I'm gonna call you. I'll call you Devin.

[Caller/Listener]

This is weird as fuck, dude. I've been listening to you. I'm nervous as fuck.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Don't be nervous. We're. This is a. I think this is a safe space. I hope it is.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Devin?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Where are you right now? What are you doing?

[Caller/Listener]

I'm chilling in my apartment. I live in Montreal. It's kind of weird. I don't know French, so, like, trying to figure my out, kind of. Like, I. I feel like I should learn French, but I'm low key, bad as at school. So, like.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do they speak a lot of French in Montreal?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, Canada isn't French, but, like, Montreal's French.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

But like, but like, like, everyone there also speak. Yeah, everyone there also speaks English, right?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, but, like, well, 90. But I low key. Like, I don't know. Like, this is the wrong. I low key, like, feel like a colonizer. Like, I low key feel bad.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I mean, because, like, they're like, yeah, go ahead.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, French people, like, get pissed. Like, low key. When you're like, you're like, I don't really. No French. They just kind of look at you like, you. You know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Where'd you grow up?

[Caller/Listener]

New Brunswick.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

In. In New Jersey?

[Caller/Listener]

No, no, no, no, no. New Brunswick, Canada.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. I'm an idiot. How far is that from Montreal?

[Caller/Listener]

Like, like seven hours. Like that.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, wait, who colonized who with the French? Because France, power and all that stuff.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, well, there was like a war that happened. I don't really know many, too, too many details because they didn't really teach me that in school. Because, like, but like, I don't know, it's just like a super big stigma. It's like, if you don't know French, they're like, kind of pissed. Well, they're like, they're like, you know, like, they, they have like, like, if we're not in like, France, but they still got like the French rudeness type. So, like, you'll meet someone. And then like, I met some, like, old dude and he was talking to me and I was like. I was like, I don't really know French. And he was like, he's like, oh. Like, what the. And he like, he was like. He was like 60, but he's like rolling his eyes at me and. And he like, walked off. It was weird. Like, I feel. And like, it's low key, respectful. Like, I should probably learn French. I'm gonna. Because I, like, want to keep their language and shit. But.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I've never been to Montreal. I want to go sometime, though.

[Caller/Listener]

It's pretty close. You're in New York, right? Yeah, yeah, I think it's like seven or eight Hours, like, by car.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Why'd you move there?

[Caller/Listener]

I moved here with my ex, and because they like to go to Montreal. So we went to Montreal like, a few weeks after we met, and then they were like, let's move to Montreal. And then we moved to Montreal, and then we broke up. So now I'm like, what the.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

When did you guys break up?

[Caller/Listener]

Officially, it was like three months ago. But, like, we stopped talking, like, three weeks ago.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And you moved specifically to Montreal to be with this lady, and now she's gone. Now you're there.

[Caller/Listener]

We were in New Brunswick together, and they liked Montreal. And then our homies moved to Montreal as well, like a year before us. And she was like, let's move to Montreal. And I was like, I mean, there ain't in New Brunswick. So I was like, all right. So now I'm like, I just turned 20, so I'm just like, here. And I'm like, what the. Like, I had her and just like, that was like, my structure. You feel me? Even though it was like, now I'm just working my. Like, I have a job that's like, a little over minimum wage. So I'm just like, working that. And I'm like, what the do I do now, dog? Like.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, yeah, I gotta. Yeah, we can. Yeah, let's talk this out. Well, I don't know anything about New Brunswick, but I. I personally believe that. Especially if you're young and you're trying to, like, you know, get a fucking life going, you should live in, like, a city. City. And I assume I don't know anything about New Brunswick, but, like, Montreal is a. More of a city.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

It was like 50,000.

[Caller/Listener]

Montreal's like, I think, like two miles. Something like that population.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. And everyone wants different things out of their life. I'm just kind of like a city guy. But I think it's good that you are, like, in a big city.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do you like. Do you like big cities?

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, like, I like, like being in the country. Like, it's just like. Like, I like to be alone. So I'm low key, sick, by the way. Like, if I'm sniffling and shit, I'll try not to cough or anything. But, I mean, I like the city, but I also like the country. But the country kind of makes me go crazy because I lived in the country my whole life.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, I lived in, like, a town of like 5,000. Then I moved to the town of like 50,000. Met her there. And then we. We moved to Montreal. So, like, I Like a City more.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do you have friends in Montreal?

[Caller/Listener]

I got some homies that, like. So I knew, like, multiple people that she went to high school with because I'm younger than her, and then they moved to Montreal and then, like, we all just, like, became homies. So I got like two or three homies.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, cool. And you're just working Your minimum wage job is. Your minimum wage job is like, does it have any kind of upward mobility in it?

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, like, a little bit. Like, you can get some better pay. Like you can get some better position. Like, it's. It's a little bit over minimum wage. Like, I'm making like 18 an hour, but.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

Minimum wage in Canada is, like, way higher. It's like 15. Here.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

These are in Canadian dollars.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. Yeah. That's rough.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, so do you have, like a. All right, so you have some homies, but you're sitting around, you're like, what the fuck do I do?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Like, when you. What do you mean by that?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, it's like, I didn't really need. Like, I can just like, go around, do whatever, like, hang out with some people. Like, she has hella friends. So, like, if I don't get something to do some night, like, they'll be some function. I'll just, like, go to that with her. And then, like, I. I had, like.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Wait, so you still talk?

[Caller/Listener]

No, no, no. I had, like, a bunch of, like, vague friends with her and I would go and do with them.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

And then now that that's over, it's weird for me to still talk to them. So, like, we're no contact. I'm no contact with all of those people.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

So now I have, like, in. My homies here are, like, they got me the job, so they're like my boss too.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Okay. I get you.

[Caller/Listener]

I don't want to be with them all the time, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I get you. All right. Yeah, there's a lot. There's a lot to talk about. Can I. Is it. Can I ask you what. Can I bring up the thing that you texted me?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. You told me that. You said. You texted me, you said. Well, you said a few things. One thing is you said, I can't stop buying porn of my ex.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, man. It's fucked.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So does she have an only fans? Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. Did she have it, like, when you were together?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, she had it for, like. I mean, she's been doing it for like, seven years now. Like. Or maybe not that, like, since it's Been a thing like it's been a long time. She's like 24. She's been doing it since she was like 18. So she was like pretty popular. That's how we moved to Montreal. And yeah, she was doing it long before she met me, but.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

And then you guys broke up and now she. And now you're like addicted to like buying from her only fans.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean like, like I'm a young guy, you feel me? So like there's no shame.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I'm just like. No, there's no shame. I like we could talk about this. Very like matter of fact, it's like.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, like I'm trying to do my thing but it's like I'm not attracted to anyone else. Yeah, it's like I just need to feel something. Like I. We're no contact. Like I don't think her voicemail set up so I like bought it. I was like, I just gotta like see us together. It was super. No, like, like 50 bucks on that.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, no, this is. See, yeah, you're in a. Yeah, you're in like this crazy potently addictive thing because like on like. Because everyone. It's like a common thing, right? Of like you break up with someone and you like stalk their social media and like it's so. It's funny because like that is like a new phenomenon for the brain relatively because you used to be able to just go no contact with someone and not see them, but now you have access to like everything they're doing with their life. And then now you specific like on top of that is this crazy thing where like you know, your ex is like, you know, she has an onlyfans and so now you can like, you know, like purchase some form of like sexual intimacy with her. It's a crazy. Yeah, it's a, it's a crazy thing that you're like you're going on your brain right now.

[Caller/Listener]

Like I was like trying to do my thing one night because I was like I just had like pent up energy, you know what I'm saying? And like it just like was not working. So I like I set up like a burner email. Like it was like a 20 minute thing. I'd like to put my card info in. It was like a whole thing.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I have a rule of thumb. I mean I've broken this rule of thumb multiple times, but I haven't. I have a rule of thumb which is never ever enter your credit card information into a website with one hand while your penis is in the other. Hand. Yeah, I've broken that rule. But there's a rules to live by. So. Yeah. So it sounds like you were like, palpably physically attracted to this woman in a way that you're not finding yourself attracted to other women.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You guys just broke up.

[Caller/Listener]

I mean, but like, I think it was like back in August or some. But sorry, we were like, still talking. Like, she was. I moved in with a roommate and then she was like, still coming over and. Because my roommate was on like a vacation, so I was alone and she was like, oh, like, I'm leading you on. This is up. This is up. And it went on and on. And it was like, it's like, I don't really think it's like that up. Like, I don't. Like, people were like, low key telling her. Like, some people were saying, like, because we get like, homies and they were like. And she like, even told me like, face to face. She was like, yeah, I made the wrong decision, but I'm like, in too deep.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I'm sorry, I'm. I'm not following. She made the wrong decision moving to Montreal.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, she was like, I. I feel like I probably shouldn't have broken up with you. Or like, I don't know if I should have, but she was like, I'm in too deep now. And like, she's very like, in her ways. Like, if she's gonna do something, she's gonna do it.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, we were just talking how we like Montreal, and she was like, we're moving. Okay.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. Okay. And so when she decides to break up with you, like, she's doing it. She's not.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

She's not going back.

[Caller/Listener]

I was gonna use her car and drop shit back off in New Brunswick. I had like all my shit in her car at her house.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Huh.

[Caller/Listener]

And I was gonna go that morning, like, to do like the six, seven hour drive. And then the night before, like, I fall asleep like at like 6 or 7, because I worked that morning.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[Caller/Listener]

And then I wake up at like 10, and everything I own was like in the lobby of my building for like four hours. Like, anyone could have just gone through my. She's like this. Your shit's in your. Your lobby. We have to go. No contact. And that was like three, four weeks ago. And like, since then I've just been like going crazy low key on my own.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure. I'm sure you have. Yeah. She sounds like she's like a little. She sounds like she's much better. Than you are at like emotional detachment and moving on and like doing her shit. And that's really, that's really painful. It's like extremely painful when like you, you're going through it and she's not and you're like, well then what the fuck? Like, I understand. Like, I feel your pain on that.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

But there's a lot. There's so. And then. Yeah, and now like doing this thing where like you like can't get her out of your mind, like sexually and that's making it really fucking hard to move on. Or like, you know, like, you're like, whatever, like, like, you know, looking at her while you masturbate or like thinking about her while you masturbate, shit like that. Like that makes it harder to move on. But good news. What's your name again? Devin. I gave you a name, Devin. Good news for you, Devin. Good news for you. A concept known as neuroplasticity. I'm not gonna pretend like I'm studied anything but things that you're like potently addicted to her like, that become habit. Like the realm of possibility exists. There exists a universe where you're no longer thinking about your ex while masturbating or buying photos of her and shit.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I hope not.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, there will. There. Yeah, don't worry, you'll, you know, there's hope for you, my friend. So you work a minute, you work a job and you live in Montreal.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

And.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You sound like. And you're 20, so you're like, you're still kind of like developing your like, existence, you know?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, yeah, I gotta find like what I want to do. Like, I don't know, like what I want to do in my life. I'm kind of just here like, huh.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Because, yeah, you want to eventually find someone that you are attracted to. It's not your ex. And you, you will eventually. But I think the process of getting there has to be a very indirect process that involves reaching some form of self actualization or some form of satisfaction with your own life. And where you are. Right. Yeah. And where you are right now is, is like you can't.

[Caller/Listener]

You.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, you can't do that from where you are right now, you know, so you gotta get out of that.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, that's why I'm trying to go outside. Like, like to that rave. Like that's low key, awkward to go alone, like, you know what I'm saying?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, stop. Okay, so you. Yeah, hold on.

[Caller/Listener]

I bought a ticket like three days ago. So.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, you texted me, you texted me the Porn thing. But you also texted me rave, exclamation point, in all caps. Tonight, do I go alone? Okay, let's talk about that. I'm sorry I interrupted you, but I wanted to give some context. But tell me more. What were you gonna say?

[Caller/Listener]

Well, like, fuck, this sounds insane. Like, I sound super creepy.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So.

[Caller/Listener]

Like, just, like, through mutuals, like, I. I had heard of a person before in the past that she knew, but I didn't, like, put any thought to it, any. Any thought into it. And then, anyway, just, like, someone you hear through passing, like, oh, I was talking to this person. I. I was like, I need to just get outside of my house and, like, go to a store. So I was like. I was like, like, four or five blocks away from my house, and I saw this chick, like, staring at me, and I was like, damn, this chick's, like, bad as fuck. And then, like, we passed each other, and it was super awkward. And then I went to a store. She went to a store. Then I passed her again, and, like, we both, like, kind of locked up. Like, we wanted to say something to each other.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

And I was like, I swear, like, I recognize her from somewhere. And then, like, I went home, and I was just, like, going through my Instagram and dead at, Like, I found her account because, like, through her story, she had posted. Like, I didn't think it was her, but I saw, like, her wearing the same outfit. It's like, well, this already is, like, insane. Like, what are the chances I would know, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

How did you find this girl's Instagram account without even knowing?

[Caller/Listener]

I know, it's crazy.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, no. How did you find it without even knowing? Oh, yeah. Okay, go ahead.

[Caller/Listener]

We have, like, five or six different mutuals. So I was just, like. I went home and I was just on Instagram just going through, like, random profiles and stories, and I saw this chick who was wearing, like, a super identiful identifiable hoodie that the chick that I saw that day was wearing. And then I was just, like, going through random stories and I saw this raised. I was like, I guess I'll just buy a ticket, try to go outside. Like, like, the. The account that posted the rave. Like, five or six people that, like, I vaguely know, like, follow it. So I was like, maybe I should just go to this, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Are you. Are you going to this rave to try to meet this lady?

[Caller/Listener]

No. No. I don't know if she's even gone.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

How does. How does the rave connect to this lady? Because it sounds like you brought it up. This lady for a reason.

[Caller/Listener]

Well, because she initially had it posted. Had it. She had it posted on her story like a month ago, like leading up to it.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, okay.

[Caller/Listener]

I know. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, no, that's how you found out about it.

[Caller/Listener]

It was just like super weird. Like, I randomly saw this chick and I was like, I feel like I've seen you in like, like in my head I was like, I feel like I've seen her been added or like mentioned in post before. So I went onto my Instagram and it. I like, it was her, which already sounds creepy and random as fuck, but it was just like a random, like, chance thing.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay.

[Caller/Listener]

But anyway, I just saw this brave. Should I go to this shit? But like now I'm like, fuck, I shouldn't go alone to that. That's kind of weird.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, I. Well, I have. I have. I have multiple. They have multiple thoughts about this. No, I. Well, I definitely. I definitely think you should go alone to the rave.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. Why do you think you shouldn't?

[Caller/Listener]

That's not weird, like.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, it's not weird.

[Caller/Listener]

Just like standing there, like standing there alone, you can.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You can talk to people. It's a rave.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Guess here's cuz. Well. Cause. Well, there's a. Here's a bunch of things I'm gonna tell you. A bunch of things. The, like, like the whole. The whole like sex brain combined with the Internet thing and like the. What, like the. The ways it's throwing you around. I've been there. A lot of people have been there and I. And I've been there, like through multiple cycles in my life, and the cycles in my life that I've. My brain has been there were not particularly productive. And the cycles of my life where my brain was not there are those cycles where I was actually creating a version of my life and a version of myself where I didn't even have to be there. Do you know what I'm saying? Do you get what I'm saying?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, kinda. Kinda.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. Okay. And. And so what you sound like you kind of need is like a bit of a win in terms of. I'm not saying you got to go to this rave and get laid or whatever, but I do think it would be helpful for you to at bare minimum, have a little reminder to your. Sometimes that's what you need is like a little reminder to yourself that you exist and you have social competence. And you're not gonna get that reminder by staying in your house, and you're not gonna get that Reminder by looking somebody up on Instagram. And you're not gonna get that reminder by buying photos of your ex on Instagram. You're really only gonna get that reminder by, like, challenging yourself to do something kind of uncomfortable and then doing it. And then you just prove to yourself, oh, hey, I actually knew if I forgot I knew how to. You, bro, you can spend. I have done this, dude. You can spend. Dude, you can spend two weeks in your house fucking gooning, and then here, and then go outside and be. And then talk to someone and be like, oh, shit, I forgot that I'm like, an actual human being. I know how to talk to people. I know it exists.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I've been, like, drawing, like, in random parks just, like, to, like. Just, like, be outside, like, not in my room.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So this rave, to me, I plead, like, don't go to the rave, being like, I'm gonna meet this girl, I'm gonna get laid. But, like, go into it.

[Caller/Listener]

I'm not weird like that.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Like, I don't think you are. I don't think you are. But I just, like, just go into it being like, here's an opportunity for me to remind myself that I know how to connect with other people and I know how to connect with the world around me at large. And I don't have to, like, be in my room alone doing whatever thing I'm ashamed of myself for doing, you know?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Does that make sense?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So, you know, go and. But. And if you go. And if you try. If you go and you try to talk to people and you get, like, rejected or feels weird, and you have a little impulse within you that's telling you, like, why am I alone? I'm weird. This is weird. I'm like. I'm like.

[Caller/Listener]

I just kind of want to see people that I know. You know what I'm saying? Like, okay, people that were friends with my ex, like, follow the account that's been posting about it. So. Okay. And they've been, like, liking the post, and it's like, oh, like, I really don't want to see these people.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, then you don't have to go to that rave. But, like, go. Like, you have some instinct within you that wants to, like, be out, you know?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So do that. Follow, go wherever that instinct tells you to go. And again, if you're out and you're talking to people and you, like, feel a little rebuffed and you have this thing in your brain that's telling you, like, I feel weird being here alone. I don't I feel like, like I feel deeply uncomfortable. Like, like try to as hard as you possibly can to push past that because only I just. I really believe. And it's, I'm telling you it's. It's so much easier said than done. But on the other side of that, I really believe that on the other side of that is some win for you, some evening for you, something happening for you that you just, you go home being like, okay, I remember like who I am when I'm not like addicted to whatever the things I'm addicted to are or like I just remember that I have some kind. That I have the ability to exist as a normal human being. Is anything I'm saying resonating with you?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. Yeah, I'm just listening to you. You're making sense.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay, good. So, you know, don't put any pressure on it. But yeah, something within you wants to go out and be amongst society. So whether or not you go to this rave or you go to a pinball tournament doesn't matter to me. But I think it's good to follow that instinct.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah, I think I just need to like talk to people. Cuz like when I like saw that random chick, like I think I just need like attention from a woman right now. Just like I saw her and I was like, I was like this girl's like, like, like a, like, like dead ass, like a 10. And she like glanced at me and fixed her hair and that, that was like euphoric. Like I was like thinking about that for days, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Dude, it's so. God, I want to. I wish I could. I wish I could cut open your brain and rewire it. Dude, it's so contradictory or whatnot, but like, it's so contradictory. But you gotta like. Yeah, I know what you mean. But you gotta somehow get yourself to a place where you don't feel like you need that. Because I know it's so cliche, but it is true that once you get to the point where you don't need that, you start to. You start to just like feel healthy. Because like. Yeah, like, right. Yeah. Because if you're like, you know, gooning and you're like freaking out and you're like anxious and you're depressed, then yeah, of course something in your brain is gonna be like, all I fucking need to exist right now is the attention of a. A woman. And it's so paradoxical because it's operating from that place that like, like fucks you in a way, you know? So yeah, and I'm telling you this because I've like been like in the cycles of it before, but like. Yeah, you got to rewire yourself to a point where you're just like happy and content with your life and then you can build so much of a foundation upon that that will ultimately inadvertently can get. Can, you know, allow. Allow you to be in positions where you will naturally find yourself with the attention of a lady, you know?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah. And I kind of just got to figure my shit out because I was like content with my ex, but I wasn't really doing anything. Like I was just like working my job, hanging out with friends, like doing whatever. Like I feel like if I just end up in another relationship, I'll just like go back to that. You know what I'm saying? Like I get a fine.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Caller/Listener]

No, dude.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, exactly. That's why you. That's why you. Yeah, you. That's why you got to find something for yourself right now that'll just allow you to be like okay with breathing. You still there?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yep.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Was this helpful?

[Caller/Listener]

This is very helpful.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

All right, good.

[Caller/Listener]

It's been a lot different phone.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I guess I wouldn't know cuz I've never talked. Well, I talk to myself a lot, but I've never. It's Gyra on the phone. All right, well, Devin. Good luck, Devin. I believe in you.

[Caller/Listener]

Thanks, Doc.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I'll see you around the universe. Good luck. That was Devin. That was Devin. I gotta go to Montreal at some point. Montreal seems like a fun, cool place to exist. Should I go to Montreal? Should I eat a donut in Montreal at a Tim Hortons? That sounds fun.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

There's no championship league for small business owners. But if there was, you'd be at the top of the standings. Because going pro with Lenovo Business Pro means you've got the winning formation. One on one advice. IT solutions and customized hardware powered by Intel Core Ultra processors help you stay ahead of the competition. Business goes pro with Lenovo Pro Sign up for [e-mail] Pro Lenovo Lenovo.

[WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser]

Tired of spills and stains on your sofa? WashablesOfAs.com has your back. Featuring the Annabe collection. The only designer sofa that's machine washable inside and out. Where designer quality meets budget friendly prices. That's right. Sofas start at just $699. Enjoy a no risk experience with pet friendly stain resistant and changeable slipcovers made with performance fabrics. Experience cloud like comfort with high resilience foam that's hypoallergenic and never needs fluffing. The sturdy steel frame ensures longevity and the modular pieces can be rearranged anytime. Check out washablesofas.com and get up to 60% off your Anna Bay sofa backed by a 30 day satisfaction guarantee. If you're not absolutely in love, send it back for a full refund. No return, shipping or restocking fees. Every penny back. Upgrade [e-mail] Offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through November 4th. Shop the annual beauty event and save $5 when you spend $25 on select beauty products. Shop in store or online for items like Dove Body Wash, Native Body Wash, Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser, Dr. Squatch body wash, Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel, Dial Liquid Hand Soap and Olay Body wash, and save $5 when you spend $25 or more. Offer ends Nov. 4. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser]

This message comes from Greenlight. Ready to start talking to your kids about financial literacy? Meet Greenlight, the debit card and money app that teaches kids and teens how to earn, save, spend wisely and invest. With your guardrails in place with Greenlight, you can send money to kids quickly, set up chores automate allowance, and keep an eye on what your kids are spending with real time notifications. Join millions of parents and kids building healthy financial habits together on Greenlight. Get started risk [e-mail] iheart hello?

[Caller/Listener]

Hello?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What's up?

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Is this the Gecko?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh yeah. What's your name?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

My name's James. Dude, Good to, good to talk to you.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Good to talk to you too James. What's going on with you today?

[Caller/Listener]

Ah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Fuck man. I mean, nothing too specific today. I'm seeing the Chainsaw man movie later. I'm pretty hyped about that.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

What's the Chainsaw man movie?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

So there's this anime that came out like I don't even know how long ago now. It might be like four years ago. I think it came out in like 2020. It's based on a manga as most anime is. And then the the movie's coming out or came out yesterday I think. And so me and my girlfriend are going to go see it tonight.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Cool. Very good. Wait, is that the one with the dog?

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Dude, he's got like a an orange like chainsaw dog thing. Yeah, it's got like the like the equals three face almost. You know what I'm saying? Like Colon three.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Does the. Does he. Does the Chainsaw Man? Okay, so I've seen that dog before, the chainsaw dog. I always thought that the. The dog is the main character, but there's a man and he. Does he use the dog as a chainsaw?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, so. All right, so spoilers for Chainsaw man for sure for, you know, anyone listening. But so he initially, he's in debt to the mob and he uses the dog as a chainsaw to kill these devils, to sell to the mob for money. But then he ends up getting like, the dude. The man gets dismembered and the dog, like, fuses with his heart and he becomes like this, like, crazy, like, chainsaw head, like chainsaw arms, chainsaw everything pretty much, man, chainsaw man. It's, you know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Interesting. It's. Why. Have you ever seen the Texas Chainsaw Massacre?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, you know what? I actually just saw that for the first time. I was pretty shocked because I'm into, like, slasher movies and shit, but I'd never seen that one. And obviously it's pretty influential for the whole genre, so I don't know why I never got around to it. But it had a pretty, like, on the nose anti violence sentiment, at least to me, you know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Wait, you're telling me that the Texas chains. I've never. I don't think I've ever actually seen it. I mean, I just know about it. It's a pop culture thing. You're telling me that the movie itself has an anti violence sentiment.

[Caller/Listener]

So.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Okay, here's what I'm gonna say. I don't know that it's necessarily, like, completely on the nose anti violence, even though I just said that, because obviously it's a slasher movie. But the whole thing is, like, framed around this idea where, like, the movie opens and they talk about, like, how fucked up it is that, like, cattle used to get killed with sledgehammers. Like, they'd hit him in the head and then they'd like, be like, seizing up or whatever, like, how inhumane that was. And then they talk about how, like, you know, it's still inhumane to do it with the bolt gun, but not everyone agrees. And they show like the, you know, like, they show the cows and whatever. So I think the point of it. And then when the people get killed, there's only, you know, there's only one dude that actually gets killed with a chainsaw in that movie. The rest of them get hit in the head with hammers.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Do they show the guy getting, like, how. How graphic is the well, that's the thing.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Also the first one from like the. I don't know if it was from the early 70s or the 60s or even the late 70s, I guess. I don't really know when it came out, but they. It literally like the one dude that actually gets killed with a chainsaw. You only see it from behind. The most graphic that movie gets, dude, is probably the first kill of the whole thing. The dude gets. He gets bonked on the head and starts like, seizing up. It's pretty fucked up. But other than that, like. Yeah, there's like a chick that comes out of a freezer and that wouldn't be pleasant, but it's not like, particularly.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Graphic, you know, I guess the Texas Hammer Massacre doesn't have the same ring to it. But that's the. That is the movie. Yeah. Production.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

That'd be hysterical. Holy. Can you imagine? I don't think it would have become the. The phenomenon that it was, but I'll. I'll say the. You know, there's like. It's actually kind of hysterical that there's like probably 15 minutes of chainsaw chase in that movie that's literally just like woman running through the woods and dudes screaming and running after with a chainsaw. And they do that for like 15 minutes.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Well, James, let me ask you, is there anything in particular that you called in to want to talk about today or just shooting the shit?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Dude, I gotta be honest, like, I'm. It's just crazy that you picked up. You know what I mean? I. I do want to say I'm. Right now I'm in grad school. I'm getting a. A doctorate in clinical and school psychology. And I don't know, like, I. I found out about you, an undergrad man, and listening to a lot of the calls that you do, it.

[Caller/Listener]

It's.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

It's been really inspiring to hear that. How people open up even in environments that, you know, aren't necessarily like, closed and how you'd think of therapy. And I think just like, with everything that I've been learning, I think the questions that you ask are really insightful.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, thanks, man. I appreciate that. Well, okay. What's. What. How's your journey and clinical psychology going?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

It's going pretty good so far. I mean, you know, obviously I'm. I'm really interested in everything that I end up learning, but the. At some point, like, you know, once you hit the, The. The terminal degree level, they're like, well, read these, like, literally like 300 pages a week, and it's kind of the driest shit you've ever read in your life. And a lot of it, at least for this, because I just entered my first semester. A lot of it right now is just, like, dry ass, like, New York State, like, legislative shit that you need to know to make sure that you don't get sued, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, it sounds important to not, you know, do it in a way that, you know, to do it in a way that's not illegal.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Oh, yeah, 100%. Because, I mean, if you do it in a way that's illegal because you end up practicing under the light, the licenses of some of your professors in this program, you know, they're on the hook, so it's not just you. And on top of that, like, if you're not doing it the way that you're supposed to, you could be fucking up a client, you know, so it's definitely a big deal.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, totally. Hmm. What do you think of the psychological ramifications of getting hit really hard in the head with a hammer?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

I would say if you end up dead, there's not much psychological ramifications because you'd just be dead at that point.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Wouldn't that be the ultimate psychological ramification? Deadness.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Now you're getting philosophical, man. You know, because, like, if there's nothing to am. Like, if you can't think, are you am. You know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. Life's for the living.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Life is for the living, dude. Life is for the living. Are you. I gotta actually ask you, man, because, you know, I've definitely listened to. To a bunch of the podcasts, but I'm wondering, did you look into, like, any like. Like, how to be an effective therapist or anything before you started? It's not that, like, you know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. No, no, I'm not. I'm not even. I'm not even. I'm not really trying to even be a therapist or, like that. I'm just.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

I'm just talking about your gecko. Yeah, well, that's a good question. Did you look into.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, well, I don't. Like, I don't know. Like, sometimes I'll just, like, be talking to somebody in, like, my actual life. This is a big pet peeve of mine. I'll be, like, talking to someone in my actual life, and then they'll look at me and they're like, are you doing your therapy gecko thing on me right now? And I'm like, no, I'm just. This is just. It's just I have a natural Curiosity for certain things that I guess end up steering themselves towards something. Therapy. E. But it's not like an intentional practice of therapy. I mean, I'm just really trying. I'm just really, like, chatting with people, you know, I'm just like, it's just, it's just an interesting way to, like, connect with people and kind of share little slices of everyone's life. And cut, put a, put them on paper plates and hand them out to whoever the fuck is listening, you know?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah. I mean, dude, I think you'd be surprised at like, how close you get to really, like, effective therapy, especially for, like, first sessions and shit. Like, what we're learning right now, or at least what I'm learning in one of my classes, is about the first stage, which is, like, exploration, you know, and pretty much, you know, there's more specifics than this. But on, like, a base level, one of the main things is just having, like, openness and honesty and curiosity about what everybody brings to the table.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

And what people want to talk about. And I think that, I mean, you really, you really have that in droves. It's pretty impressive.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Thanks, man. Yeah, I don't know, I feel like I'm naturally curious about things, except when I get burnt out, like, in my. I always feel like I have, like, like five different versions of myself. And I don't know if any, I don't believe in any of them to be, like, the true one. There's definitely one, there's definitely versions of myself that I'm more proud of than others, that I like more than others. But I think that they all come together to make, you know, me. And I think I have versions of myself that are very curious and like, to engage and be with people and, you know, is optimistic and whatnot. And I think when, when I'm channeling that, you know, I can be. Yeah. Effective at some like that. But then I also, I also have versions of myself that just don't, don't want to talk to anyone or do anything and just, you know, burnt out. It depends who shows up that day. You know what I'm saying?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, man, I, I get that too. And, you know, I, I, I don't know that it's necessarily a cliche, but it's kind of like a bumper sticker. But the whole, like, we contain multitudes type of thing.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, of course.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

I think that that definitely applies. You said, when you said you, you have five. Do you, like, know specific? Like, is that specific or are you just, like, picking a number?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

No, I was throwing a number out there. It's probably specifically five.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

I know. I was wondering if you had, like, a. Like a specific. Like, man, there's like, five moods. I can be.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I could run. That'd be. That would be an interesting practice to try to, like, identify them and write them down. Yeah, yeah, that would be an interesting practice to, like, see if I can identify them and write them down. That would also feel freaky. That would feel claustrophobic because then I'd be looking at it and being like, oh, this is the cage that I live in.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. I can't be. I can't. I can't be outside of these things. Five versions of myself that I've clearly defined. That's. That would. Yeah, I think that would give me. That would make me feel crazy. If I'm going to do it, I'm going to try to do it and see if. See what I got.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah. Put out a. A newsletter with the. The five stages of Geck. What do you have?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

How many versions of yourself do you have?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

A good question, man. I don't really know. I feel like I've got like a. At least two for sure. Because I think that most of the time. Yeah, at least.

[Caller/Listener]

At least.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Because I. There's probably more. I just haven't thought about it that much. Like, this is a pretty interesting thought experiment, but when I think about it, I. I think I'm pretty consistent with, like, you know, I just kind of. A lot of the time I'm spending time in my apartment just kind of either reading for school, playing guitar, and then the other mode would just be like, you know, pretty much anything outside where you kind of put it on. You know what I mean?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Sure.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

And like, you're either like, doing work with other people or trying to get something done efficiently a lot of the time, man. I mean, the reason I say it's pretty consistent, though, is just like, you know, getting stoned out of your brain and like, fucking playing music or whatever, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I can't believe you only have two. That's very. You sound. You sound. I think if you only have two, you're a very healthy guy.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

You think so?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I think so, yeah. I mean, you're a very healthy guy. Or like, you prefer, like. It sounds like you prefer, like, a simpler existence. I don't know if that's. Is that accurate? I don't know if that's offensive to say. I don't think it's offensive. I think I'm just trying to be, like. Matter of fact, about it.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, 100%. I mean, I wouldn't be offensive to me personally. I could definitely see what you're saying where, like, some people might. But I don't know that, like, I don't know how much more there really needs to be, you know, other than just, like, doing whatever it is that is making you happy in that moment. And obviously, I guess it might get confused if, like, what makes you happy is, like, maladaptive or whatever.

[Caller/Listener]

Like.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Like that or what if you confused, like, happy for.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

For comfortable.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

You know what I mean? Because you got to be uncomfortable sometimes to, like, grow and whatever, but.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. I know what you mean. Hmm. I was gonna say something and then I forgot. What? Oh, I. I've probably said this on here before, but I used to think that I used to want to not have different versions of myself. I used to think that it was the ultimate. I used to think it was a strong virtue. And maybe. Maybe part of me still does, but I used to think it was a very strong virtue if you could have. As if you could be the same person as consistently as possible across all situations. I used to think that was a virtue. And in some ways I still do. Like, I think that if you can, like, if you're, like, a confident guy, but only, like, in certain situations, and then you get placed in, like, a very foreign environment, and you, like, can maintain who you are and maintain your confidence in that foreign environment, I find that very impressive. Like, I've seen people do that. I've seen people where, like, I've hung out with them and they're a certain way when I'm talking to them, and then, like, we're in some situation or some shit where, like, if I was in this situation, I would definitely. Not even intentionally, I would just, like, maybe be more quiet or something like that. And I've seen someone be in a situation like that, and they're the fucking same version of themselves. I find that to be very virtuous. Some people are just fucking built like that. Nowadays, I'm like, I do. Nowadays, I do think that that's virtuous, but I also don't think it's necessarily realistic. You know, I don't think it's realistic to be the same. I don't think it's realistic to be the same version of you when you're working and when you're with your friends and when you're talking to your grandma and when you're sad and when you're happy and when you're Angry and when you're. Whatever. I just don't. I don't think it's realistic. I think you have to have some. You have some level of, like, keeping yourself. You have to have some baseline level to which you're subscribing. But that's. That feels very inhuman to me. I feel like it's more human to be the. To have five different versions of yourself than it is to, like, stay consistent. I still. I still think it's a virtue to stay consistent. I'm trying to think of a specific example because I know I'm being very vague, but, like, I don't know. Like, if you're, you know, if you're, like, at a party or something, like.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Your party self versus, like, your school self versus your job self, like, I kind of.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, sure, whatever. Yeah, something like that. I do still think it's. I don't. I think it's a virtue in some degree to not allow outside stimulus to let you change who you are. But sometimes it's inside stimulus that's changing who you are. Sometimes it's like your fucking. Just whatever emotion is overtaking you is causing you to be someone different.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, totally. I mean, what I think about when. When you're saying this, Matt, is the movie Shrek. You know, we're like. We're like Onion, but that movie was about ogres, so I don't know if that necessarily applies.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I get you. But, yeah, when Shrek is like, people are like onions. They have layers. Although the. The. The onion analogy implies. The onion analogy I don't like, because it implies a hierarchy. And I don't believe that the different versions have a hierarchy. Maybe they do. Maybe they do. When I think of versions of myself, I'm like, oh, I like. When I think of versions of myself, I'm like, oh, I like some of these a lot better than others, but. So maybe they have a. Maybe they have a hierarchy in terms of quality, but not in terms of truth.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Like, being true to your. Like, in terms of, like, who you actually are.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't think that. I don't think that the different layers of yourself have a hierarchy in terms of, like, truth. Like, I think who you are when you're fucking pissed off or when you're happy or when you're around this person. I think they all are true because you're being that in that moment that you're existing. Like, they're part of your. The narrative of who you are. And you can adapt and change and evolve, but, like, I don't know. They're all true, but they definitely have a hierarchy in terms of like, yeah, I've been like, if I've been like an asshole to someone when I was like, pissed off, or if I've been really nice or kind or selfless or loving to somebody when I was feeling in that moment, like both of those are true. Like, I think that they sit on equal footing of truth, but they definitely sit on opposite footings in terms of like, which of those I think is better to embody. You know, it's definitely better to be the version of myself that is, you know, kind than like, pissed off, but I don't know if either one of them is the. The true one.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, I get what you mean, man. And I think it's important to just like remember that, you know, like whenever you're. Wherever you are in the present, you're always kind of like just making decisions that become you. You know what I mean?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

So like, you can be any of those and. And thinking back on this is just a way of like understanding how you'd prefer to act in the future, you know?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, you know what? You know what? So you know, it makes you feel existential sometimes. I don't feel existential in this moment. I feel pretty grounded. But it's. I've gotten into a crazy existential loop before just thinking about like, how I can never take a break from being myself.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, it's true, man. Cuz whoever you are at that moment is just you, you know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You know, you can stay inside and play video games and like ignore the world as long as you possibly can, but like, you can never really take a break. Break from being yourself. That doesn't freak me out. In this moment I feel okay. But there's been times where that be out.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

You know what kind of freaks me out, dog? And I don't want to like, you know, take you to an existential place.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

But no, I'm here for. I'm here for it in this moment. Let's do it.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

All right.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Sweet, dude. Well, I get kind of fucking freaked out when I smoke a shit ton of weed about like, just like, I don't. I don't know if this is necessarily the way because I don't know that I've ever articulated this. Tbh, man. But like, I think about almost like developing like past versions of myself have like died almost. And I wonder like, am I like really the same consciousness? You know what I mean? Like almost ship of Theseus style because like, we're Constantly, like, shedding our skin and whatever and, like, becoming, like, physically, literally new people and, like, you know, developing new physical characteristics and everything. But on top of that, like, psychologically, we're constantly, like, changing and having new experiences that make us respond in different ways in the future based off of, like, what our conceptualization of the world and, like, how we fit into it and how that changes over time.

[Caller/Listener]

And I.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

And I, like, wonder about, like, whether, like, memories I have of myself if, like, that self still exists or if, like, I'm a totally new dude. You know what I mean?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah, I think the self. Yeah, I think that self still exists. I mean, it's you.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You think so?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You know, unless if you're like. Unless if you're counting every single second of your life to be a different version of you, which you can.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

That's what I'm saying, is that.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

There's that Alan. There's that Alan Watts thing of, like, you're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

But it's hard. I don't know if that's. I'm. I'm saying that as a bit of an idealist.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. That. It's like I. In my idealist version of the universe. Yeah. You're under no obligation to be who you were five minutes ago. But. Yeah. Do those versions of yourself still exist? Yeah, I mean, you're still alive. You're still here. But also, it's like, yeah. I mean, what's going on now? Right? Like.

[Caller/Listener]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Like, for example, like, when you think of these past versions, like, things, like, do you. Does that press version of you still exist? Like, it's manifested in the things that you're doing every day. Right. Like.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

So, Matt, so imagine when you think of, like, a memory you had with a friend, like, and you're like, oh, do I still exist? Well, do you still talk to that friend? Yeah, true them, you know? Like, I mean, you're still alive. You're still breathing. You're not fucking dead. You still. You still am. You have the. You're not. You still have the thoughts. You haven't been hit in the head with a hammer or chainsaw. So, yeah, you are still yourself. Yeah, sure. You still exist. Why not? Who cares?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

That's a pretty clean solution to that conundrum, man. Like, if you don't get hit in the head with a. Like a cattle sledgehammer and you're not seasoned out, you're. You're still, like. You're still there. Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

You're kind of you until you die, I think. But you can, man. You can. You're kind of you until you die. You can manage. You. If you think of yourself as, like, a disease, which I sometimes think of. Sometimes I think of my. My ego and my identity as a fucking disease, and I'm like, well, yeah, you know, there's no cure for cancer yet. There's no cure for the cancer of being myself yet. But with, you know, with. With certain chemotherapy, it can be managed and a good life can still be lived. You know what I mean?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Well, hey, man, that's the. That's the key, you know, Just trying to live as good a life as you can.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

And hopefully everyone can, you know.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

James.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah, this was good.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I needed a. I needed a psychological. I needed a psychological. I needed an existential conversation today.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Anytime. I need some existential thoughts, man. I. I throw on the Therapy Gecko podcast, listen on Spotify.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Oh, good. Yeah. Sometimes, I don't know. It's weird. I'm not. I'm gonna keep prolonging this conversation just because I'm thinking about it now, but, yeah, like, I feel really good this week. I feel really good right now because I'm on stimulants or whatever, but I'm like this. I go in, like, these cycles, man, of, like. Yeah. Sometimes feels good, and I feel idealist and I feel whatever, and then I kind of return to, you know, a more depressive state, and sometimes I feel like the disease of my existence, and I've held out hope that things can. I. I. Yeah. No, I think every time. Every time I return to the surface and catch my breath, I learn a new thing, you know?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

It's like I was talking to the guy. I don't know if I used these two calls in the same episode or whatever, but I was talking to the guy who was a janitor about how his life is good, and I've been doing that with myself, and I'm just, like, realizing that, like, you know, my life is good whether or not I, you know, exist in some weird existential state. Anyway.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Yeah.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Anyway. Anyway, I'm ready to. I'm ready to end this. It was good talking to you, James. You're good. You're. You're a cool guy. You're a cool guy. I'm excited for whatever you do in your psychology universe.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Thanks, brother. I appreciate it. And, you know, I mean, I think it's clear from my previous rhetoric, but I think you're a pretty cool, cool guy, too, man.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Thank you, man. Is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer, before we go?

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Ah, yeah. I mean, try to. Try to have empathy for other people and really try to understand why people make the decisions they do. And I think that you'll be a lot more understanding for it and maybe have less. Less spite in the world, you know, And I think that's only good. And then on top of that, not to milk this, but read more Kurt Vonnegut. That's my final thought.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Rock and roll. I've never. I don't really. I don't really read books, but. Yeah, I guess.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Read some.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

I thought. I thought there was gonna be a but to that, but I. I realize the truth is that there's no but. I'm sorry.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Well, a good place to start, dog, if you're interested, either Slaughterhouse 5, Cat's Cradle, or Sirens of Titan, all really, really good books.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Okay. Okay. That's good to know. Yeah, maybe.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

Yeah. Give it a whirl if you want.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Thank you, James. You have a good rest of your entire life, man.

[Pete (Janitor and Audio Intern Caller)]

You too, dog.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Talk to you later.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Later, James.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

Right?

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Yeah. I'm not a book guy, and I don't feel. I used to feel. I used to, like. I don't know. I don't subscribe to, like. I think. I don't subscribe to reading as a virtue. I think it's just one of several. I don't. I'm not here. I'm not shitting on this guy's books. I'm just. I don't know. I'm just vamping right now. But I don't think v. I don't. As I get old, as I get older, I'm like, I don't think I have a few strongly held beliefs. One is that at least domestically, all food is the same. So when someone is like, oh, the. The Mexican food in San Antonio, Texas, is so good. I'm like, all right. But there's a. You know, in Maryland, in, like, a small town in Timonium, there's a really good Mexican restaurant where you can get a burrito. And your experience of eating that burrito will be pretty identical to the one that you got in San Antonio. In Denver, there's probably a good Mexican place in San Francisco, but there's probably, like, you know, this. All food is the same domestically. That's one of my strongly held beliefs. My other strongly held belief is I don't think reading is inherently virtuous. I don't know why I'm going on this rant. I just needed more things to say. Yeah, go read. Go read the books that this guy's saying to read. Yeah, if you're not a fucking idiot like me, go read the books that this kind gentleman is saying to read. My friend lent me Slaughterhouse Five once. I didn't read it. I said I have too much ADHD to like sit and read a book. So I talked to. I'll just like I even when I was like in, yeah, even when I was in like high school. And I just always did the spark notes. I read Animal Farm cover to cover. That was the one book. But like I'm not reading Watership down cover to cutter cover. You know, I got Call of Duty to play. I got. Yeah, I just have to add too much ADHD for that shit. But yeah, go read a book. Maybe go read a book. Okay, my rant about this is over.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

Pro drivers live for race day, but for small business owners, every day is race day. That's why going pro with Lenovo Pro matters. One on one advice. IT solutions and customized hardware powered by Intel Core Ultra processors. Keep your business on the right track. Business goes pro with Lenovo Pro. Sign up for for [e-mail] Pro.

[WashablesOfAs.com Advertiser]

Life's messy. We're talking spills, stains, pets and kids. But with anabe, you never have to stress about Messes again. @washablesofas.com Discover Anibe Sofas the only fully machine washable sofas inside and out store starting at just $699. Made with liquid and stain resistant fabrics, that means fewer stains and more peace of mind. Designed for real life, our sofas feature changeable fabric covers allowing you to refresh your style anytime. Need flexibility? Our modular design lets you rearrange your sofa effortlessly. Perfect for cozy apartments or spacious homes. Plus they're earth friendly and built to last. That's why over 200,000 happy customers have made the switch. Upgrade your space today. Visit washablesofas.com now and bring home a sofa made for life. That's washablesofas.com offers are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Ah, greetings from my bath festive friends.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

The holidays are overwhelming, but I'm tackling.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

This season with PayPal and making the.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

Most of my money.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Getting 5% cash back when I pay in 4. No fees, no interest. I used it to get this portable spa with jets.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

Now the bubbles can cling to my.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Sculpted but pruny body. Make the most of your money this holiday with PayPal.

[Lenovo Pro Advertiser]

Save the offer in the app ends1231.

[James (Grad Student in Clinical Psychology Caller)]

See paypal.com promoter points can be redeemed.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

For cash and more. Pay in force subject to terms and approval. PayPal Inc. And MLS 910457 get ready to power up your play with Nintendo Switch 2. Power up the visuals with 4K support.

[Ryan Seacrest (Albertsons and Safeway Advertiser)]

And a bigger, more vivid screen.

[Matt (Host of Therapy Gecko Podcast)]

Power up the fun with expl exclusive new games like Mario Kart World and Donkey Kong bonanza. Nintendo Switch 2 all together anytime anywhere games rated E to E10 plus games and systems sold separately. Compatible TV required for 4K display. This is an iHeart podcast.