“I’M 50 AND FEEL AMAZING”

Summary

Therapy Gecko Podcast Episode: “I’M 50 AND FEEL AMAZING”
Release Date: July 16, 2025

---

Introduction

In this episode of Therapy Gecko, host Lyle engages in an open and introspective conversation with guest Anna, exploring themes of aging, mental health, ADHD, and personal growth. The dialogue delves deep into their personal struggles and triumphs, offering listeners a candid look into navigating life's complexities. Additionally, the episode features heartfelt listener emails that add diverse perspectives to the discussion.

---

Lyle’s Journey: Embracing 50 and Understanding ADHD [02:18]

Lyle begins by sharing his excitement about turning 50, describing the year as "amazing" despite previous challenges. A significant focus of his revelation is his ADHD diagnosis, particularly how it manifests differently in women. This understanding has alleviated years of self-blame over uncontrollable behaviors, such as maintaining a tidy living space.

Lyle [02:38]: “Now I know that this is just part of the beautiful mystery of my brain.”

He discusses practical changes he's made to accommodate his ADHD, like decluttering his living area and accepting his natural tendencies without harsh self-judgment.

---

Managing ADHD and Mental Health: Insights from Lyle and Anna [03:05]

Anna responds with empathy, sharing her own battles with ADHD, a messy living environment, and the pervasive "food noise"—a term Lyle introduces to describe the intrusive thoughts related to food and eating habits. They discuss the impact of ADHD on daily life and the relief that diagnosis brings in terms of self-acceptance.

Lyle [05:49]: "It's so mad, the amount of stress that food and thinking about food has put me under."

Anna relates to these struggles, highlighting the complexities of managing ADHD alongside anxiety and depression. They emphasize the importance of identifying and working through these challenges to lead a fulfilling life.

---

Deep Dive into Personal Struggles and Coping Mechanisms [11:13]

The conversation shifts to deeper emotional territory as Lyle contemplates seeking therapy to mourn the "person he could have been" without ADHD. He reflects on how ADHD affects his perception of time and relationships, making it difficult to maintain consistent communication with friends and causing unique grieving processes.

Lyle [13:06]: “Imagine if I'd had the ADHD medication. I'd be Elon Musk.”

Anna connects with Lyle's sentiments, discussing her own fears about parenthood and the hereditary aspects of mental health issues, despite her parents not displaying similar symptoms.

---

Listener Emails: Diverse Perspectives and Shared Experiences

The episode features several listener interactions that expand the discussion beyond Lyle and Anna's personal experiences.

1. MX from Saudi Arabia: Navigating a Hidden Love [52:46]

MX shares her experience as a closeted lesbian in Saudi Arabia, emphasizing the societal and familial pressures that make her long-distance relationship both necessary and challenging.

MX: "I feel like I'm missing out on life and, and many experiences."

2. Terry’s Struggle with Shame and Masturbation [62:46]

Terry opens up about feeling shame after masturbating, despite doing it infrequently and without accompanying pornography use. He grapples with guilt and concerns about self-control and personal growth.

Terry: "I want to be the best version of myself, and I'm worried that choking the sausage may stop me from doing that."

3. Yuri’s Journey from Social Anxiety to Confidence [62:46]

Yuri expresses gratitude for the podcast's impact on his ability to engage socially. He describes his transformation from a socially anxious individual to someone who can confidently participate in multiple conversations simultaneously.

Yuri: “I've moved from the weird dude at the bar panicking because he wants to meet people to the loud, funny dude in the middle of seven conversations.”

4. Demetrius’s Experience with Vyvanse and Self-Improvement [62:46]

Demetrius discusses how Vyvanse has positively influenced his professional and personal life, enabling him to make new friends, receive a promotion, and engage more actively in social events. Despite these gains, he battles feelings of inadequacy and the relentless pursuit of self-improvement.

Demetrius: “It's part of life, you know, struggling a little bit to improve.”

5. Linus from Denmark: Cannabis Use and Family Dynamics [62:46]

Linus recounts his first experience with cannabis at age 14 and how his parents, while aware of his usage, set clear boundaries to ensure his safety, such as not driving under the influence.

Linus: “We kept it hidden, but my parents were always big on saying, don't drive while you do it.”

---

Conclusion: Embracing the Journey and Supporting Each Other

As the episode concludes, Lyle reflects on the collective experiences shared, emphasizing the importance of self-acceptance, understanding, and support in overcoming personal challenges. He encourages listeners to continue their journeys with compassion and resilience, highlighting the value of community and shared stories in fostering growth and healing.

Lyle [86:28]: “Participate and enjoy the journey. You have to switch the mindset to enjoying the never-ending cooperation and uplifting of yourself.”

---

Notable Quotes

• Lyle [02:38]: “I just eat into it. I'm getting rid of my furniture. I've started sleeping on the floor the way I like to.”

• Anna [15:50]: “I just laugh at it. I go, I've shown people on the video... I was always convinced that they would think you're evil or disgusting.”

• Lyle [52:37]: “I have an appointment in a month to get it looked at. I guess I'm good now.”

---

Final Thoughts

“I’M 50 AND FEEL AMAZING” is a testament to the power of self-discovery and the importance of embracing one’s authentic self. Through honest dialogue and shared experiences, Lyle and Anna offer valuable insights into managing ADHD, overcoming mental health challenges, and finding joy in the journey of life.

---

Thank you for tuning into Therapy Gecko. Remember to send your stories and questions to [e-mail] for a chance to be featured in future episodes.

Transcript

[Lyle]

This is an iHeart podcast.

[Elahe Izadi]

When I listen to the news, here's what I want to know why this story matters, who's at the center of it, and how the reporters uncovered it. And as a journalist, I want to make sure that's what you get too. I'm Elahe Izadi, co host of the podcast Post Reports. Every weekday, my colleagues and I at the Washington Post give you the context you need on the biggest stories. Health care tariffs, artificial intelligence. We've got you covered. Look for Post Reports where I Whenever you listen to podcasts.

[Anna]

Member Week is here at Lowe's. Don't miss your chance to get up to 40% off hundreds of items like paint, tools, home essentials and more. Shop our exclusive deals happening in store and online now through July 18th. Not a rewards member? Join for free today and get ready to save more Lowes. We help you save loyalty programs subject.

[Ryan Seacrest]

To terms and conditions.

[Anna]

Details@lowe's.com Terms subject to change Want to.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Feel more creative but don't have the right laptop? Lenovo.com can help. Look through our legendary lineup of AI powered PCs and devices and find the one that fits your passion. Our PCs, powered by Intel Core Ultra processors as well as cutting edge AI tools, allow students to focus, learn and create with ease. That's the power of lenovo. With intel inside Plus, college students and teachers can get 5% off their order. Shop now on lenovo.com the future's waiting and it needs you.

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway now through August 12th. Get great savings on your favorite self care items and earn four times points when you shop in store or online. Shop for items like Neutrogena Cleansing and Makeup removing towelettes, Dove Men 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, Dove Shampoo, Tresemme Shampoo Method Body Wash and Suave Body wash and earn 4 times points. Use these points for discounts on groceries or gas. Offer ends August 12th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Anna]

Hello.

[Lyle]

Hello Lyle hi, What's your name? Hi, I'm Anna.

[Anna]

Anna. What's up Anna? How's life?

[Lyle]

Yeah, life is good. Life is weirdly good. I'm probably a bit older than a lot of your listeners. I'm going to be 50 this year and this year has just been amazing. So that's what I wanted to get on and tell people to say. Things get suddenly get amazing. I had quite a time of it before then and now everything is just falling into place.

[Anna]

Oh Dear God, that's. You know. What is? I. I've been. I. I've been fucking. Just wrapped in existential dread. I can't fucking beat it. And I thought I beat it. I thought I beat it for like a month, and now it's coming back and I'm, like, scared. And so to hear that you're 50 and you're living your best life, I want to know. I'm intrigued. So please tell me.

[Lyle]

Okay, so the first thing, big one for everyone at the moment is ADHD diagnosis, because it presents differently in women, and nobody knew what the fuck. They were looking at me, you know, in the 80s. So that's really helped. Not for any reason other than I don't have to feel so ashamed of the things that I couldn't control. You know, I can't keep my room tidy. I'm nearly 50 years old. My room is a mess. My room is ankle deep in shit all the time. Even though I'm. I'm. I'm tied. I feel like I'm tidying all the time. But now I know that this is just part of the beautiful mystery of my brain. I just eat into it. I'm getting rid of my furniture. I've started sleeping on the floor the way I like to. I'm just putting boxes everywhere I can throw shit in. And it's just making my life better. Just that kind of. Oh, I don't need to try and. I don't need to try and beat myself up. I'm a bad person. I'm a terrible person because I can't keep my space tidy or, like, arrange to get nails done or like, wherever. The stuff I used to confuse you. So that's one. That's been a huge thing. The second one is, I think it's just medical stuff. So I started taking that Mount Jaro injection about. Actually about two months ago, and that has just been fantastic. I'd never heard this phrase before. Food. Food noise. Have you heard this?

[Anna]

I'm sorry, what? You started taking a what injection?

[Lyle]

So in the UK it's called Mount Jaro, but it's the. The weight loss injection. It's the.

[Anna]

Ah, okay. So you're taking the UK version of oic?

[Lyle]

Yes, I think it might be a slightly different one to that, but yeah, that's. That's the sort of thing it is.

[Anna]

Ah.

[Lyle]

Because I. I've never heard this expression before. Food noise. I've never heard anybody talk about food noise before, about this. This. This psychology of food seeking, that there's a part of your brain that is that in certain people is always tracking, always tracking, you know, where. Where is everything. And I can get quite stressed when I've been around food or I'm always very aware of what people are eating or aware of what I'm eating and other people thinking about what I'm eating. And that food noise just switched off. I didn't even weigh myself. I just have a good breakfast. Like, eat what I like, what I really want to eat. I've always wanted to eat, you know, vegetables and fruit, and I always enjoyed those. But just taking the stress out of it. If anyone is struggling with your weight and you think, I just don't understand why, because I'm eating this stuff when I don't really want it. Have a go on this injection. It's mad.

[Anna]

You know, this is interesting because, you know, I relate a lot to lifelong adhd. I relate a lot to having a messy room. I relate a lot to a lot of these things. Yeah, the food awareness is a big one for me. Do you know about fat guy pizza math where you're, like, looking around to see how many slices of pizza everyone else has eaten so that you can see if it's okay for you to get a third slice of pizza?

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Anna]

And, dude, this. There was. So I used. I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I used to record out of an office in Los Angeles. And at this office, they had like. Like, this office was like. Had tons of snacks. Like, it had a very fortified break room. And I was obsessed with this break room. Especially, like, you know, it was. In the days it was, you know, I was very stressed out about a bunch of, you know, gecko stuff and. And touring and. And, you know, I was on my computer stressed out all the time. And so I would just like, after my. After recording and while, like, editing and stuff, I would just be like, fucking pounding down this bowl of candy. And then, like. And then sometimes I would see, you know, I was in this office with all these, like, you know, healthy Los Angeles people, and I would see someone, like, go up to the bowl and just eat one. Just take one mini, like one. Not even, like the miniature, like the real miniature skin, like the. The ones that are like, fully like a nice square mini Snickers.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Anna]

And I'd be like, how do you do that? How do normal people just, like, fucking not go on a crazy binge or, like, sharing food? Sharing food was a crazy thing for me. I hated share. I like, when we go to a restaurant, it's like, well, let's split this. And it's like, no, if we split this now, I have to do extra math, you know, And I don't want to be the guy that takes everything, but sometimes it's just, it's a whole thing, you know. That's why I love. That's why I love.

[Lyle]

I've been on many of the first dates and when I was trying to like date people, I've given up all that now. But I've been on many of the dates where I've explained to people that I don't share food because you have to do the math. And then I also have to be polite. So I will always have less than my allotted share. And I just don't want to do it anymore. I want my own so I can eat it. But you know, that kind of, that kind of behavior, I think that is. That injection has switched it off. It just switched it off. I could be that person in the boat room now. It's astonishing. It's just, it's so mad, the amount of stress that food and thinking about food has put me under. I mean, I did a PhD and I did practice based PhD and I was doing this big like arts performance, you know, whatever it was, blah, blah, blah. But I, I had to get feedback. You know, it was a research project and so I laid on like these fancy vegan cakes. It was very nice and it was a lovely spread. But a lot of people came and they didn't eat, they didn't eat the cakes. And I was trying to give a presentation and all I could think about was those fucking cakes at the back of the place. Until one of my friends, I was spiraling and she, and she just, and she said, do you want me to get rid of them? Should I just take them away? And she put them in a car and drove them away. And then I was fine. And I, I think that I just accepted that as me being like, I don't know, greedy. I don't, I don't think that is what it is because it's an anxiety about it. It wasn't like, oh yeah, I get to. I don't know what I'm gonna do, you know, oh my God, all these people are looking at me and all I want to do is eat the cake. So, yeah, I fully advise anybody who is thinking about my. Oh, also my other thing is that I started taking sertraline. I took 100 milligrams of citrus a day. So I had this whole.

[Anna]

Sertraline is the generic For Zoloft.

[Lyle]

That's it. Yeah. And because I was. I live satin. Every time I was falling asleep, I was ending up with a thought process that ended up with me dying in a car crash was very weird. And I recognized it as not my own thought. I was like, this isn't me. I don't know what's going on here. And that was. It's like a depression thing. And So I took 75 milligrams of citrine and it didn't stop, but it was less. And then I went on 100 and it just stopped. And I just want to say to people who are listening, because I never heard anything about this at all. I'd never heard of the phrase food noise. I'd never really. I never really considered about this injection, which is, you know, paying for it myself. But it's okay. It's like £130amonth. And I would pay that to be healthy. I would pay that to have my cholesterol down without having to take a bloody fat in, you know, whatever. But so, yeah, just, you know, take the things that people are offering you. Keep your eye on stuff. Take the stuff. And it does get better.

[Anna]

So I want to know. I want to know more about your life. Okay, so, so thing. So, I mean, you're 50 years old and you. Do you. Is. Do you feel like. Do you feel the best you've ever felt in your life? Is that what you're getting at?

[Lyle]

I. I'm considering going to see a therapist because I need to mourn the person that I could have been if all of this shit been caught earlier. You know, I have to do that. You know, I'm single. I'm going to be single forever. I don't have children. I remember saying to a therapist, I don't think I can have children because I'm scared I won't feed them properly. And he kind of looked at me like. And I was like, no. But that's how I feel because could I have sweets in the house? Children have to have sweets. I can't have sweets in the house. I'd eat all the sweets. You know, this is, this is, this is. This worries me in such a deep bone level that I would pass on some sort of inherited weirdness or I don't know. So, yeah, I think I have to do that. But also, I think part of the ADHD thing often is about we experience time differently to neurotypical people. That's a bit of a guy. I'm super time blind, but also Looking back on our past issues is kind of different. I was reading about how ADHD people grieve differently because we think about people, we think about people in the time and the space. We don't talk to them all the time. I'm really bad at messaging, but I love everyone, but I just don't message them. So. Yeah, yeah, that is a, that is a, that's looking back and going, oh, there's a bit of a dark cloud over all the things that I could have done. But then I look at the things I have done. Be like, no, I, I just, I was striving. I worked hard, I did as much as I could. I went from working in a factory to go to Cambridge University to being doing a PhD. You know, I, I, I worked hard and I did the things I could do. But God, liar. Imagine if I'd had the ADHD medication. I'd be Elon Musk. I would be, you know, yeah, my powers. Really good thing to the universe that this wasn't found out beforehand.

[Anna]

Yeah, you know, I, I really, I, you know, I don't know if I caught your name. What's your name?

[Lyle]

Anna.

[Anna]

Anna. You know, Anna, I, I relate to you on a lot of this stuff. I relate to you about the kids thing. I get a little worried about like, oh, I have like anxiety and depression. I have all this crazy crap and I'm like, oh, if I have a kid, are they going to have it? Which is weird because my, my mom, I think, has a little bit of anxiety. My dad has, my dad has like crazy adhd, but neither of my parents are like depressed or that. And maybe my mom's a little anxious, but it's like, you know, yeah, it's, it's weird. I'm like, where did I, where did all this stuff come from? I mean a lot of this stuff with me, I know where it comes from, but I relate to you.

[Lyle]

Well.

[Anna]

Yeah, I really don't.

[Lyle]

Say. Don't forget they grew up without the Internet and they grew up without social media and I, I just, I feel sorry for you dudes.

[Anna]

You know what? That is another thing. That is another thing where Yes, I, we, Our brains are, our brains are unquestionably quite different than our parents brain grew up with that. There's something else you said that I, that I related to. Yeah, I really, you know, I relate a little bit to like wishing I had found medication a bit earlier. I think I'm still on a medication journey. I think I thought I was done and then I realized you're never done. But yeah, related to you on a lot of, on a lot of that stuff. And yeah, the food, the food noise thing is huge. And this. There's a lot of different things that I think are all related to. Yeah. Are all related to, like, anxiety, ADHD and depression. And I don't, I don't like those. Those three things, anxiety, ADHD and depression. I don't think they're thick. You don't want to, like, use them as, like, excuses for not living your life. But it's good. You wanna, but you wanna identify them and work through them.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Anna]

So that you can live better life.

[Lyle]

You know, it's just a shame. Diagnosed or not diagnosed, my room would still be messy. But now I laugh at it. I go, I've shown people on the video. I've shown people, you know, I've got a video chat and going, oh, my God, you want to see my room? And they go, oh, my God. And they laugh. Well, before, I was always convinced that they would be, you have it. You're evil, you know, you're disgusting, you're. And I'm just, I'm not. I just got ADHD and I struggle with keeping my room tidy.

[Marcos]

Big deal.

[Lyle]

I genuinely feel that. I genuinely feel that. And that's been, it's been such an eye opener. I've got the other thing as well, like skin picking. So I pick the skin picking is. Or picking your face or picking hair. I've always picked my toes. I can hide them and. God, you know, wearing full shoes in summer and, and wearing tights and stuff and just covering up and. And now I'm. I'm just wandering around with my manky feet out. You know, if they like them, don't look at them.

[Anna]

So what do you do all day, Anna? What's your life like?

[Lyle]

I'm a struggling artist, let's put it that way. I. I work on my own, practice every day. I kind of arrange my life. So I do a lot of teaching around this, outside school hours. I do a lot of exam help and, And I'm. Yeah, and I'm just struggling, struggling, struggling. Still trying to. Oh, I just tell you, I'm a writer. I'm a writer. I don't know why I'm trying to hide it. No one knows who I am. And I, I'm trying to work on. I'm. I'm writing my, like, fifth novel now because I just can't get it right. But I do a lot of writing, teaching, and I've had some stuff Published and blah, blah, blah, short fiction. But I'm trying to move into long, so that's what I do. I sit around and I struggle in the daytime. I blocked all social media. I block off the Internet, and I wander around and I feel very stressed, and I produce, and then I hate it. And then I look at it again about a year later and go, oh, my God, that was great. Why did I stop doing it? The typical artistic cycle I have.

[Anna]

I have a lot of questions for you based on what you said, but I Just one thing real quick that I have to address. If you're not on social media, how did you discover that I exist?

[Lyle]

Spotify.

[Anna]

Okay.

[Lyle]

Because I'm very, very, very nosy, but I spend a lot of time on my own, so I listen to a lot of podcasts where people ring up and tell the truth about their life.

[Anna]

Yes. Yes, this is a good podcast.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Anna]

So you. So you teach writing class? Or you. Do you. Do you teach. Do you teach at a school or do you teach individually? Like, what is the setting in which you teach?

[Lyle]

I teach, like, adult evening classes. I've taught universities. I've. I do a lot of. I do a lot of, like, grammar schools. Like, children who are going for. What would you say public school? No, private school. They have a specific exam, C11 plus. And so I do a lot of training for that because there's a creative writing aspect of it. But, you know, teaching the children is great. I like, you know, their enthusiasm, but it's teaching adults that I really like. I dismissed everything across and my grief. Fabulous.

[Anna]

I'm sorry, you just cut out. What did you just finish?

[Lyle]

I just finished one of the courses I teach for adults, and I just said goodbye to them, and they're. They were all brilliant, and they all improved hugely, and I'm excited for them in the future.

[Anna]

That's really awesome. That's really great. I. Yeah, I'm kind of.

[Lyle]

What?

[Anna]

You know, one thing I wonder about, like, my life as I get older, is that I feel like as you get older, it becomes like, you know, I don't know. Okay. I'm. I'm tracking a bunch of things. I don't. I don't know if this is an ADHD thing, but I consider myself, at least in my optimal circumstances, to be a strong extrovert. Like, I always. I want to be around people. I want to feel socially connected at all times. I want to, you know, always be meeting new people. I want to always be having novel experiences. I want to feel surrounded by a community And I want to be doing things that get me out of the house and around people and interacting with folks. It's.

[Lyle]

It's.

[Anna]

It's part of the reason why I do this podcast and tour and all these. You know, make videos and do all these things. And it seems to me there's. There's like that as you get older, it becomes harder and harder and harder to be in those situations. And yet I have to assume as a. Yeah, go ahead, Go ahead. I'll let you speak.

[Lyle]

So do you know rejection sensitivity, dysphoria?

[Anna]

Rejection sensitivity, dysphoria.

[Lyle]

It's a massive co. Co. Like occurrence with adhd. I have it huge.

[Anna]

Oh, Anna, wait. Anna, sorry. Anna, sorry. You cut out just now.

[Lyle]

Oh, I walked towards the door. I'm gonna see where I am. So people have rsd. That means that a neurotypical person, they experience a rejection and they process it normally at the kind of surface level of emotional processing, like actual brain stuff. Neuroscience. You can see this happening on an mri. This is bullshit. And then someone with rsd, they process it longer, and they process it in a sort of more. In a sort of deeper networks. And what happens is those rejections, they build up. Because I was like you. I was gregarious. When I was younger, I had loads of friends. I was embedded in huge social groups. I went to all the festivals. I did acting. You know, I used to act on the amateur dramatics. Can't imagine doing that now. And I went traveling for a year on my own. I was that confident in my social skills. I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go away for a year just on my own. No Internet, mind you. I went away with a guidebook. But because I've got rsd, I can pretty much remember every horrible thing anyone has ever said to me or any situation where I felt like someone's trying to put me down, or anytime I've made a mistake and, you know, it keeps you up at night, and they would return and I would worry about them. And so that's why, as I've got older, I've become. I've moved into an introvert because I just. I just don't have the emotional energy to go out. It's like every time you interact with someone, they give you a paper cut. Okay? They just give you a paper cut somewhere on your body. And then you're a typical person. It just heals. But someone with rsd, it bleeds. And you can only bleed so much before you die.

[Anna]

Wait, but, Anna, I'm curious. So what you said when you were my age, you were social and. And running around and traveling the world and talking to people and doing it all without the fucking Internet. I mean, that's also, like. Makes you more aggressive. So. But I. I. And I have to know, like, I mean, at that time, did you feel. Did you feel as though you had that rejection sensitivity?

[Lyle]

No, I just felt that people. I just. How can I put it? I felt that I was. I couldn't understand the mismatch between the good person that I consider myself to be and I strive to be in my actions and in my thoughts and, you know, what I'm trying to do in the world and all of that stuff in the way I help people. I do help people. I help random people all the time. There's a mismatch between that and sometimes the impression that people are feeding back to me, that they would react to me in a way that I was like, oh, my God, I just said something wrong, or I've just done something wrong, or, I shouldn't have eaten that. You know, whatever. That wasn't a joke, or they don't like me for some reason. And. And that is what happened. And I realize now that there is an impulsivity in speech as well. So this is all. You know, this is why I'm like, oh, my God. I can forgive myself for my weird trajectory because I'm impulsive in my speech. I can be great friends with someone, and then I'll say something that the moment it comes out, I know it's wrong, and it's up to them. It's the depths of your relationship, whether they can get past it and just go, I feel, you know, sorry. Forgive me. I didn't mean that. Or if you just met someone, then that's it, isn't it? Game over.

[Anna]

Well, I. You know, I. I got. Yeah, I know exactly what you're saying, and I think I have a little bit of that impulsivity of speech myself at times. And I think there. There's something to be said about accepting yourself and your flaws and, you know, being like, yeah, it's okay that I'm not gonna be perfect 100% of the time, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah. But it's about other people. So that's a rejection because you'd be like, oh, I fucked up. Then that wound will stay with you. But now I just don't put myself in that situation. I have thought about you and your ADHD and thought about, you know, how you. How you can trust yourself to speak to people, but then I realized that I do a hell of a lot of teaching online and one to ones, and I love it because you're in the moment. You don't need to plan anything. You can rely on yourself. But also you've got these barriers up. You know, you've got barriers up because you have, you know, you don't want to upset anyone and you're, you're thinking carefully about what's happening. You're enjoying yourself, but you're not going to go on some weird rant. You know, I'm sure you've got things that you could rant about. And I'm like that because I'm talking to students. So the impulse, when it tries to get out of that frame, it's just shut down immediately. So really I should just be one to one, teaching all the time, and I'll be happy as shit. Because it really is my flow state.

[Anna]

Yes, the flow state. I mean, that's. I think there is a lot of parallel to the experience that I'm having when I'm, you know, like, having this conversation with you or talking to people on the street or whatever. And the flow state that you probably feel when you're teaching people and when you're presenting and when you're doing your one ones, you know, you get into the flow state, right? You don't have to, you don't have to plan things. You can just be in the moment. You can just fucking flow and get into the conversation. You know, that's how I feel. That's how I feel when, when it works, you know, when I'm. When I'm at the best and things are going good. I have a question for you. I want to know this. You're a novelist. You've published five novels. Oh, sorry.

[Lyle]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm trying to write novels. I've published little bits here and there, published short fiction. And now I'm trying to move into long form in a way that's satisfying to me. And so, no, I am unpublished, neverwise.

[Anna]

But you've, you've, you've written a lot of work.

[Lyle]

Yeah, millions and millions and millions of work.

[Anna]

So how do you, as someone who I assume has a hard time sitting still, do a thing that is the most like, I must sit still and attack a keyboard thing. What is your process of, of being a writer, as somebody who I assume has a hard time sitting still?

[Lyle]

Yeah, it's really hard. It's much harder now because I'm in the perimenopause, like the hormone is fit before menopause. And that makes your ADHD symptoms go crazy. I mean, that's why I got diagnosed in the end. So I'm finding it much harder now than I used to. And the thing is, ADHD in women often presents. It's like your hyperactivity isn't body, it's mind. So when I can sit down and write and think and think about what I'm writing and reflect and all of the stuff I'm trying to do, then that's satisfying the sort of racing thoughts, the rushing mind. But I do have to say that I do procrastinate horribly, of course. And so targeted procrastination has always worked for me. When I was supposed to be writing the PhD, I wrote a collection of short stories. You know, when I supposed to be writing my dissertation, I was writing fan fiction for money. You know, I'm always doing what I'm not supposed to be doing. I'm sure you all have that experience, right? I think that's why I'm struggling at the moment. I've got a clear path. I'm not, I don't. I shouldn't be doing anything else. And now I'm finding it really hard. What is moralized?

[Anna]

What is your clear path?

[Lyle]

That I've got all this time to write, I've got. Yeah, you know, I'm not supposed to be doing anything else. If I had to, if I had to do something else in that time, I would probably be the writing.

[Anna]

Yes, I know what you mean. Yeah. Procrastinating on one thing by doing another thing. It's a classic.

[Lyle]

Yeah, it's good when you can. When you can pause it.

[Anna]

So. Well, I. I have to say, I mean, you started this phone call by talking about how things get better. You're feeling good about life. Tell me more about the things you tell me more about the things you're loving about life lately.

[Lyle]

So you've been to London, haven't you? Did you make it onto Hampstead Heath?

[Anna]

Say the. I've been to London a few times. What Hampster place?

[Lyle]

Hampstead, Hampstead Heath. It's like a big park in north London. It's where all the films though, you know, if you see Hampstead Heath, it's just a whole other field, but they have a ladies pond there, they have a swimming pond and they have three, they have mixed ladies and men. And in the ladies one is all just trees all around it. You go swimming and I was swimming with ducklings, little baby ducklings about, I don't know, not too Far away from me. But then once you get out the pool, you go to this place called the meadow. And I think it's like a seal colony. I just imagine all these women, they're just like seals. Everyone's just lying down. No one's really talking to anyone. Everyone's reading because there's no signal, which is delightful for me to see. And everyone just takes their clothes off and goes to sleep. And I had the most amazing sleep just, you know, topless in the sun in the middle of a park in London. And I would never have done that before, you know, body issues. And I. And just being like, oh, I can't go and I don't want to. I don't want to go swimming on my own in a pond. It'd be weird. And I'm like, nick, do it. That's pretty much your advice, isn't it? Just go out and do things. And I loved it. It was, it was a real highlight. A real highlight. I thought it was brilliant.

[Anna]

That's great. What do you, what do you have that you, what do you have in your life lately that you're looking forward to?

[Lyle]

I'm going to a writing festival Thursday to Sunday this weekend. And I'm going to see some too. I always. This would be my third one and the friends I met there, we go and hang out and do writing and get very drunk and sing karaoke.

[Anna]

That's fucking awesome. Cool. Well, tell me what happens at a writing festival.

[Lyle]

So it is a flash fiction festival. So flash is a thousand words or fewer. And it's its own specific form. You know, you have to, you have to. It's got a lot, it's got a lot of its own considerations in to get this whole thing in and has its own conventions. So people run flash workshops. There are flash readings, there's all. There's a whole different set of panels or set of workshops you can go to. And some are great and I haven't been to too many of them because I do, because of the adhd, I find it quite difficult to fit inside, especially if they're talking about something that I already know about. You know, it's an intention, it's an interest based nervous system. Right, that's what they call it. And so I, it just switches off and I find it difficult to fidget or, you know, want to do something else. But everyone seems to love them. And then there's just a lot of talking and networking and. And then just a whole bunch of karaoke meeting, which is amazing for a bunch of writers, you know, who tend to be quite introverted anyway, because when you're doing karaoke, as I'm sure you know, you can't really talk to anyone. You can just go, yeah, great song at them, you know, And Smiley six smiles, right? Everyone's singing along, but you can't get into those kind of tricky discussions where you're like, oh, I've had a few beers and now I've said something, right? I'm gonna say something. I'm gonna wake up tomorrow morning and be like, oh.

[Anna]

Yeah, I have active. I have activities like that, that I love. Like a lot of my hobbies. My. My hobbies are like things where you are around other people. But I meant. Hold on. I actually think mo. Actually, I guess these are most hobbies. I was gonna say a lot of my hobbies are like, things where you're around other. You're around other people. But there's some activity to like, kind of keep you engaged so you don't have to talk if you don't want to. Although I guess that is generally most hobbies. Yeah. Like, you know, playing Smash Bros on lan or playing poker. Just shit. Where it's like, you can, you can just play the game, but if you want to talk, you can talk.

[Lyle]

You talked about Smash Bros before and I watched a documentary about it.

[Anna]

You watch. Hold on. Shut up. You watched the Smash Brothers documentary? You watched the Smash Brothers?

[Lyle]

You did.

[Anna]

Hold on. You. You watched.

[Lyle]

You don't know how you get the whole thing. You talk about it. You talk about a lot. And I was like, I need to know. I must know. What are the, what are the kids doing today? I thought so I watched it. I really enjoyed it. Yeah, that's great.

[Anna]

The four hour, like, with, like, with Ken and Azen and Mewtwo King.

[Lyle]

Yeah, that's so. Yeah, I really enjoyed it.

[Anna]

Wow.

[Lyle]

I do love a documentary. Nosy person, right? We've established nosy person. So I like to watch documentaries and, and find out about stuff other people know about. Like, what is this Smash Bros he talks about?

[Anna]

I'm so happy that you want. I'm so happy that I. I got. I'm so happy that I got you to watch The Smith the Four Hour Smash Bros documentary on YouTube. By the way, those listening, please go watch. Yeah, go on, go on YouTube. Go on YouTube. Go on YouTube and search the Smash Brothers documentary. And yeah, that's. It's a good way to spend four hours of your life.

[Lyle]

Really enjoyable.

[Anna]

And I want to know, what was it like traveling around at 27. With no guidebook. I mean, no, with no Internet, with just a guidebook. What was that experience.

[Lyle]

We had? There were Internet cafes. 1. Was it 2000, 2000, 2003. There were Internet cafes that were very expensive. So I attended one email to my mom a week in Thailand. It was actually fine because you didn't know any different. Oh, this is, this is just what you do, you know, you go on a proper adventure and actually, I quite bemoan it for you guys because I went to see things that I'd never, I'd never seen before. I'd read about them and had pictures in my mind of things. You know, temples. I've seen pictures and things, but, you know, when they show up in films and that. But, but because we're so glutted with images such as anything, it must be hard to be so thrilled about experiencing in real life. It's all been commodified by influencer culture and things like that. I'm sure you couldn't go to. When I go there, I really enjoyed Angkor Wat. You know Angkor Wat in Laos? It's like you'd know if you saw it. It's the weird broken temples with all huge tree roots coming out of it. It's very magical place and I had a great time there just hanging around from Take when the sun is up and everyone was just chilling and I imagine now it would just be millions and millions of people with tripods and other people taking photos of them and just, yeah, being very kind of ruined for everyone. Yeah. But it was fine. I turned up in Thailand because I'd been working. I didn't really know what to do with myself. I felt like, what do I do? I can't just sit on the beach all day. Worry. That soon changed. So I went to work in a school. I volunteered to work in a school. Bearing in mind at the time I didn't have any teaching qualifications, I didn't have a degree. I, I was working in a factory in Swindon fixing robots. And I, I, but because I was British and because I was female, they were just like, yeah, you go in. Because they're like, no, no, we, we need, we need people who speak with a British accent. Because I think a lot of the volunteers they got were, I know, German or Dutch or something, which is, which is fine because I can obviously understand that. But the Thai children were struggling a bit. They wanted to kind of be, I.

[Anna]

Mean, the, the, the, the British accent is so I, I, no offense to the German listeners, but the British Accent is easily much more listen to a bowl than the, the German accent.

[Lyle]

Yeah, well also the accent of the language that they are learning to speak. So they. Especially for people with a tonal language which I struggled with. So yeah, I turned up, I did some work and stayed in a house with a Thai teacher and had all these kids following me around because it was so weird because I had more than one coffee a day. They always just follow me around. The women as well would be like, how many coffees have you had, honey, how many coffees have you had? Oh, I've had, I've had two. And they go, oh, two coffees. And I had to smoke because I'm a smoker. I had to go right into the brush, well away from everyone because if people saw me smoking it would, you know, it would be, it would be like being found out to be a prostitute or something.

[Anna]

Do you still, are you still a smoker?

[Lyle]

And I'm recently a bit of a stoner to a friend who said, I think stoner.

[Anna]

Oh yeah. I was gonna ask. Yeah. How is, how is the weed in London? It's, it's super illegal in London still. Right.

[Lyle]

Well it is and it isn't because I don't know how much I should. So I just, I just get it through the post. I see, you know, the days have gone. Long gone are the days when I would get into random cars with, you know, Russian gangsters, which I have done in the past by all sorts of, you know, a bit of a pillage in the 90s. So all of that stuff went on but I couldn't do it now. You know, I'm middle aged lady now. I'm too aware of things that can go wrong. So yeah, it just comes to the post. Order it on the Internet, not the dark one, the clear web with my credit card.

[Anna]

Do you, do you like to, do you, do you write when you're stoned or do you typically like to just chill out?

[Lyle]

I like to watch television because I can actually watch it rather than the little swirl of my attention suddenly going, how is actor? Or I need to go and do something very quickly. Yeah, it slows down. It definitely slows down. The sort of the part of my mind that is always scanning the environment. Scan, scan, scan, scan, scan. And so I can enjoy stories a bit more instead of always trying to figure out what's going to happen next or okay, this has happened so this is going to happen. I can just appreciate the art a bit more essential.

[Anna]

I feel like, yeah, when I smoke weed I get to. I'm like weed, I think, increases my adhd. It makes me more scanny and hyper aware and anxious. Depending on. It's a roll of the dice. It's more of a. It's kind of a 50, 50 thing. Say again?

[Lyle]

Yeah, I've got some on the strain because I have like a Indica heavy one that is really good for bedtime. Just makes you go to sleep. And then I thought I'd give the other side of the spectrum a go. So, I mean, I don't know if this is true. I don't know anything about weeds. What do I know? Nothing. But the other one was. What's the other one? Indica. Someone told me, remember, Indica is in the couch. That's how you remember the difference. So the other sativa. So I got a high sativa one and. Yeah, that one. That one. You know, I went out for a walk. It was great.

[Anna]

So, Anna. Hmm. Hmm. I'm trying to think. If there's anything else I wanna. I wanna ask you. It's been really nice. It's been really nice talking to you. This was.

[Lyle]

This was for me too.

[Anna]

This was great. I'm very inspired by your life story. I'm very inspired to hear that you're continuing to enjoy yourself and. And living life and going to do cool shit. And bathing with ducks is cool again. Yeah. Like I said, like I said at the beginning of this, I'm anxious all the time. And then sometimes I see someone who's like a little bit older than me and they actually seem to be pretty calm and enjoying life. And it's inspiring and good. And I think that you're probably inspiring to other people listening to the show, you know.

[Lyle]

Wonderful. Yeah. I should just say that if I could say anything to myself when I was younger, it would be try and think of yourself like you haven't got any skin, like all your nerves are exposed because that's how the difference. It feels like. Well, now it feels like I'm wearing a wetsuit. You know, nothing can really hurt me or.

[Anna]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

But. Yeah, it's horrible when you're younger, but, you know, keep on trucking. You'll get there.

[Anna]

Hey, thank you, Anna. Have a good rest of your day. And if I come to London, if I come to London to do a show, I'll let you know.

[Lyle]

Oh, I'm definitely gonna come. You're supposed to be in Clapham, but it's not there, so. Yeah, no, I'll be there.

[Anna]

Beautiful.

[Lyle]

Smiling at you.

[Anna]

Take care, Anna. Thank you for calling.

[Lyle]

Take care. Bye Bye.

[Anna]

That was a great call. I really liked that. Trying to think if I have post call thoughts, do I have any post call thoughts? Yeah, like I said, you know, like I said, I I know I talk on here a lot about having existential crises and I had a good month where I thought it was all gone and then it kind of seeped back in a little bit. And you know, every once in a while I meet someone or talk to someone or I have some experience that makes me feel like, you know, there, there is more life to be lived in the future. Should, should one be brave enough or cognizant enough to, to take it. And I felt like that conversation with Anna was another one of those experiences. So thank you for calling.

[Elahe Izadi]

When I listen to the news, here's what I want to know why this story matters, who's at the center of it, and how the reporters uncovered it. And as a journalist, I want to make sure that's what you get too. I'm Elahe Izadi, co host of the podcast Post Reports. Every weekday, my colleagues and I at the Washington Post give you the context you need on the the biggest stories, healthcare tariffs, artificial intelligence. We've got you covered. Look for Post Reports wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Lyle]

Ah, come on.

[Cindy Crawford]

Why is this taking so long?

[Lyle]

This thing is ancient.

[Unknown]

Still using yesterday's tech upgrade to the ThinkPad X1 carbon ultralight. Ultra powerful and built for serious productivity with Intel Core Ultra processors, blazing speed and AI powered performance. It keeps up with your business, not the other way around.

[Cindy Crawford]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Unknown]

Stop hitting snooze on new tech. Win the tech [e-mail] Lenovo Lenovo unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 carbon powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway. Now through August 12th. Get great savings on your favorite self care items and earn four times points when you shop in store or online. Shop for items like Neutrogena Cleansing and Makeup, Removing Towelettes, Dove Men, two in one shampoo and Conditioner, Dove Shampoo, Tresemme Shampoo Method Body Wash and Suave Body wash and earn 4 times points. Use these points for discounts on groceries or gas. Offer ends August 12th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Cindy Crawford]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of meaningful beauty. When Dr. Sabah and I decided to do a skincare line together, he Said to me, we are going to give women meaningful beauty. And I said, that's exactly right. We want to give women meaningful beauty, which means each and every product is meaningful. It has a. A reason to exist. It's efficacious. You're going to get results, and then you just go out and live your life. Meaningful beauty. Confidence is beautiful. Learn more@meaningful beauty.com.

[Marcos]

Hello?

[Anna]

Marcos. What's going on, man?

[Marcos]

I'm hanging out. I wasn't expecting to get a call back.

[Anna]

What did you want to talk about today, sir?

[Marcos]

I wanted to talk about dodgeball.

[Anna]

Oh, tell me more.

[Marcos]

What do you know about dodgeball?

[Anna]

What do I know about dodgeball? I used to play dodgeball at summer camp. I also. I fucking know about dodgeball. Yeah, I used to play at summer camp. I know there's a movie about it. Those are the main things I know about dodgeball.

[Marcos]

Yeah, I feel like that. That is the main thing. Like, whenever people bring up. Or whenever I bring up dodgeball in conversation, as people are always like, oh, yeah, I remember playing that, you know, in middle school or. Or whatever. I picked up dodgeball about three years ago. Well, first I'll say that, like, in the movie Dodgeball, they act as if there's like, this international, like, you know, circuit of tournaments that, you know, people gather around and. And that people play in. And so, like, that sounds really cartoonish and cr. And I recently learned that's not terribly far from the truth. So I play competitive dodgeball currently. Me and some friends got together a couple years ago, and we were just looking for something to do, like, get out there and, like, meet people, like, pick an activity. And the city I live in, they have like, a. One of those, like, you know, adult sports, like organizations that you sign up, whatever, play pickleball, play flag football, do whatever. And we wanted to get together and, like, pick a sport, but we didn't want to pick anything that, you know, that, you know, we were going to be playing against fucking D1 athletes and stuff. So we picked dodgeball kind of as a. As a joke. And that was, like, three years ago. And in the time since then, we've just met a bunch of people and traveled a bunch of places and learned, like, there is a Team USA dodgeball, and there is, like, a world tournament, and there is all this stuff. And, yeah, it's kind of my favorite thing that I do right now.

[Anna]

Oh, so how did. How did one. How do you discover the dodgeball scene?

[Marcos]

Like, what did you.

[Anna]

What did you Google?

[Marcos]

What did you do well, so like that there's this adult like sports organization you can sign up, you know, pay some money for. You know, they run like six week leagues and they have everything like pickleball, cornhole, chess, bowling, whatever. And so we looked and we saw something that was like dodgeball inside of a brewery. And we were like, that sounds hilarious and fun. Like, fuck it. Yeah, well, I'll have balls thrown at me and drink beer. Like, let's do that. And so we started doing that. It was a riot. So we signed up for another like two or three seasons and we started meeting some of like, I guess some of the hardos that have been doing it for like years. And they were like, oh yeah, this is just where we go to like blow off steam. Like regular. In normal circumstances we play like way more competitive dodgeball and we're like, what do you mean competitive dodgeball? So we catch some invites to, you know, a kind of a more competitive league still on the same group, but just like a different, oh, show up on Wednesdays and it's way more competitive and people are like more athletic and we start meeting up doing like, you know, pick up dodgeball on the weekends and stuff, which is way cheaper. And yeah, they're like those orgs. Those people end up like creating organizations to host dodgeball tournaments and dodgeball leagues. And there are like a bunch of regional tournaments all over the country. It's really popular in most major cities apparently. So I was just in, There was just two huge tournaments. I live in Boston. There's a two huge tournaments here in Boston this past weekend. I was in Philly a couple weeks ago for like a big east coast tournament called the Beast Coast Tournament. And yeah, man, some of these people, they go crazy. Like I feel like I'm a pretty normal guy. Like I don't play a lot of, I never played a lot of throwing sports growing up. I guess I played some soccer like everybody else did, you know. And so now I'm meeting people like the whole place point we chose dodgeball to play in the first place was because like there wouldn't be any hardcore athletes there. And now all of a sudden I've met all the hardcore athletes and people just go nuts. Like it's, it's crazy. There are some animals. It's, it's a lot of fun, man. Honestly, I highly recommend it.

[Anna]

It's really funny to me that you picked dodgeball because you were like, oh, we want to do the least intense one. Whereas feel like dodgeball is, is lends itself to the Most try hards typically. Like, I remember that in summer camp even there would be dodgeball try hards?

[Marcos]

Yeah, you know, I mean, you've got a point. I mean, I guess it was just one of those things that I didn't expect, you know. Yet all the dodgeball try hards when you're in summer camp, they're like the kids that play baseball, you know what I mean? They're the kids that play football. Those aren't. Those kids don't continue to play dodgeball, you know what I mean? So I guess we just figured it would be like fun and stupid and we'd be like frolicking around and drinking beer and that is not what it turned out to be, I guess.

[Anna]

So have you, over the course of time, become the try hard?

[Marcos]

I regrettably. Maybe not regrettably, but yeah, if I'm honest. Yeah, I mean, like I played two, three times a week on a good week. I started like putting in work and like getting in better shape. Like my cardio is way up. I can actually throw a ball now. The only thing I was ever good at when I started dodgeball was the dodging part. I couldn't throw for, I couldn't catch for. And now it's like I've been playing for three years, like weekly at least. And yeah, I mean, like, I'm kind of. I mean I am not even close to some of the best dudes in my like, community, but I hold my own, which is nice. And, and I have a fucking blast doing it. It's the best, man. Honestly.

[Lyle]

We have.

[Marcos]

We, we have a fucking blast.

[Anna]

That's awesome. How old are you?

[Marcos]

I'm 28.

[Anna]

What's the age demographic generally of the dodgeball league?

[Marcos]

I would say like entry. I think the leagues start at 21 plus, but like, I don't think I've met anybody under 25. Like I want to say maybe there's like some 23 year olds. I think there's one kid who's nasty and he's like 23 or 24 in my league, but everybody's actually surprisingly like over 25. And a fair amount of people are actually over 30, which I think is, is pretty interesting. Like a lot of these people that I play with are like the old heads. So like we, we're going to like really big tournaments now. And I'm standing there next to this dude who's like 40, and he's like, man, I remember when this used to be in a sky zone. And we're like, sick, man. That's that's great. Hasn't the sport grown, you know.

[Anna]

Have you gotten any serious injuries from playing dodgeball at all?

[Marcos]

I haven't, actually. You know, I took a pretty bad tumble recently, so, like, for the most part, no. I know guys who. I know one dude. I just saw him this weekend at a tournament. He's not playing anymore. He's, like, in his 40s, I think, because he basically, over the course of 10 years of playing dodgeball, just like, ripped his rotator cuff to shreds. Just. Absolutely. Just blew it apart and kept playing on it and, like, can't really play anymore. So he shows up to the events just to, I guess, to support, hang out. But, yeah, we don't see him anywhere anymore. I was, like, dealing with some knee issues for a little while, mostly because, like, other than playing dodgeball, which is a lot of, like, sports sprinting and, like, jumping and diving, I don't do a lot of other exercise, so it was a lot of, like. I wasn't doing a lot of strengthening. I was just fucking beating my body down. So a couple weeks ago, I kind of like, jumped in the air to, like, jump over a ball, and then, like, didn't get my feet back under me with enough time. So I just, like, fucking slammed on the ground really hard on my knees, like, from 4 or 5ft in the air. And that shit hurt. That hurt like a motherfucker. I, like, so much so that, like, I, like. I don't think. I don't know if I tore anything. I've got an appointment in a month to, like, get it looked at. I guess I'm good now. I can walk around, like, I'm fine, but it was so bruised that, like, crawling into bed, I couldn't crawl into bed. Like, just putting my weight on the cushy, like, you know, mattress topper hurt, like, a lot. So that was really scary. I thought that I. I thought that I had done it. I thought that I had, like, done the. I had. I had done the event that, like, me up forever. But we're good now. We're good. I got. I got another tournament next weekend, and we're just running it.

[Anna]

What is your life like outside of dodgeball?

[Marcos]

I am. I'm an engineer. I design stuff. And, I mean, that's. You know, I sit at a desk a lot, but aside from that, I also. I make mead and I play Dungeons and Dragons. I feel like any one of those. I feel like it's a lot of the shit that just got really popular on the Internet. Recently I have given it a try and so I got really into D D. I still. I've got like a three year long running turn campaign which has been great and I home brew and that's a blast. I'm. I'm making meads right now. I got some meads in my basement that are brewing. I'm going to Maine this weekend to go pick some berries and so that I can do some brewing.

[Anna]

And that's.

[Marcos]

I think.

[Anna]

You got a nice life, man. You got a nice slayer. You're very. You're one of the more quaint 27 year old men that I know. I mean.

[Marcos]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, you know, you gotta, you gotta do something. I spent most of my. I spent the first like three years out of college just like surviving.

[Lyle]

You.

[Marcos]

Know, just, just doing, just trying to be. And that was. I don't know, like I was alive but I didn't. I wasn't feeling good, you know, I was, you know, depressed and, and tired all the time and. And you, you just got. You got to start somewhere, I guess. And so I don't remember. I think I started doing DND first and that just kind of like got me connected with friends again. And then I moved in with some buddies from college and one of my buddies, like, he's not somebody who can sit still and so he was just like trying to do as many things as possible. And so we started signing up for shit together. So I kind of credit him a lot with, you know, getting me out of the house. And now here I am three, four years later and I have like a lot of hobbies and a lot of shit to do and I'm traveling a bunch. It's nice. I'm pretty, I'm pretty pleased. I can't lie to you, man.

[Anna]

I love it. I love it. I love, I love doing things. I think doing things is good. I think that. Yeah, I mean these days it's like you need to have some. Something that gets you out of the house and around people. So I'm glad to hear that this, that dodgeball has been the thing that works out for you. I'm glad that you haven't broken your nose or anything like that.

[Marcos]

Yeah, no.

[Anna]

What's your name again, man?

[Marcos]

My name is Marcos.

[Anna]

Marcos, is there anything else you want to say to the people, the computer before we go?

[Marcos]

No, just. Just fucking get out there. Do anything. Do something.

[Anna]

Just do something.

[Marcos]

Don't sit at home. Yeah. Don't sit at home and stare at your reflection.

[Anna]

Take care, Marcus.

[Marcos]

Thanks, Gary. Yeah, you too.

[Elahe Izadi]

When I listen to the news, here's what I want to know. Why this story matters, who's at the center of it, and how the reporters uncovered it. And as a journalist, I want to make sure that's what you get, too. Eli I'm Elahei Izadi, co host of the podcast Post Reports. Every weekday, my colleagues and I at the Washington Post give you the context you need on the biggest stories. Health care tariffs, artificial intelligence. We've got you covered. Look for Post Reports wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Lyle]

Come on.

[Cindy Crawford]

Why is this taking so long?

[Lyle]

This thing is ancient.

[Unknown]

Still using yesterday's tech Upgrade to the ThinkPad X1 Carbon Ultra Light, Ultra powerful and built for serious productivity with Intel Core Ultra processors, blazing speed and AI powered performance. It keeps up with your business, not the other way around.

[Cindy Crawford]

Whoa, this thing moves.

[Unknown]

Stop hitting snooze on new tech. Win the tech [e-mail] Lenovo Lenovo unlock AI experiences with the ThinkPad X1 carbon powered by Intel Core Ultra processors so you can work, create and boost productivity all on one device.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through August 12th. Get big savings on your favorite products for the little ones in the family and earn four times points to use for discounts on groceries or on gas. Shop in store or online for items like Earth's Best Yogurt Smoothie, Gerber Pouches, Happy Baby Pouches, Huggies, Natural Baby Wipes, Pedia Shore Bottles, Earth's Best Crunchy Sticks, and Gerber Yogurt Melts, snacks and earn 4 times points. Offer ends August 12th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Cindy Crawford]

Hi, I'm Cindy Crawford and I'm the founder of Meaningful Beauty. Well, I don't know about you, but like, I never liked being told, oh, wow, you look so good for your age. Like, why even bother saying that? Why don't you just say you look great at any age? Every age. That's what Meaningful Beauty is all about. We create products that make you feel confident in your skin at the age you are now. Meaningful Beauty. Beautiful skin at every age. Learn more@meaning beauty.com.

[Anna]

Hey folks, it's Lyle. I've decided I'm going to end this episode by doing some viewer mail emails. So. So this is gonna be the geck mail portion of this podcast. I'm gonna read a few viewer mails and then I'm gonna leave and then the podcast will be over and then you can either listen to another one or go do something else with your life. Although I think people who listen to podcasts are usually doing something while they're listening to the podcast. So you can, I guess, keep doing what you are doing or do something else. Okay, I'm gonna read these emails. Let's do. All right, this is the Geck mail section of this episode. I might start doing this more often combining phone calls and Geck mails. So let's start with, with this one. This is from MX Rat subject line Saudi Dating an American. Hi Lyle, I hope you're having a good day and that this email makes it on one of your Geck mail episodes. I am 27 female from Saudi Arabia and dating a 27 female from the United States. She introduced me to your show and actually attended one of your live shows in Los Angeles. Fuck yeah. As you can tell from the info above, we are gay. The community in Saudi is not accepting, of course, queerness. So I'm pretty closeted. Only a handful of people from my country know that I'm gay, which explains the long distance relationship. Interesting. I'm seeing a surge in the number of gay couples that are starting to emerge with the younger generations in Saudi. And it secretly makes me happy because I never got to explore relationships or my sexuality before the age of 22 to 23. I feel like I'm missing out on life and, and many experiences. Not just being closeted, but also having really strict parents that still treat me like a teenager. I don't really know what the point of this email is. I guess I'm just venting. Thank you for everything that you do. I play your podcast while I'm cleaning or doing anything really. Your perspective on things always comes off as mature and thoughtful. Thanks, mx. That's. I'm. That makes, I'm happy that, that, that it comes off that. That is good. Thank you. Do I have thoughts on this.

[Marcos]

Man?

[Anna]

You know, I was talking about this a little, I was thinking about this a little bit. Yeah, I. We talk a lot of about America and 100% of the we talk about America is warranted. But sometimes you, you, you do go to other places and you're like, damn, we do have a lot of things in America that we kind of take for granted. America ain't perfect. America's got a lot of fucking problems. Undeniably so. But it is nice that we. I think, I think I, I've only really traveled around the English speaking countries and like, you know, I've been to Thailand and Japan, but you know, places in Europe and stuff. But it does feel like individuality and like self expression is, you know, an American thing. And that always. That gets reinforced to me when I read emails like this. I'm bummed out for this person. I don't really know. I don't know if I have any. Well, I can ponder. I can ponder with her. I mean, it's hard, right? It's. Well, okay. She said, I'm seeing a surge in the number of gay couples that are starting to emerge within the younger generation in Saudi. So what's up with that? Like, are there, like, are people in Saudi Arabia? Like, are there gay couples that are, like, walking down the street holding hands and stuff? Like, when you say you're seeing a surge in the number of gay couples, like, where are you seeing it? Is there a community somewhere in Saudi Arabia that you could be a part of? Is that. Is that dangerous? I don't know. I don't really know anything about Saudi Arabia. I'd like to go there someday so I can know things about it. But I don't know. I think. I mean, it sucks having parents that don't accept you for who you are. That's just a bummer that it's. It's. It's hard because you can't really fucking change your parents and you can't really, like, you know, I was gonna say. I was gonna say you can't really change society, but you kind of can, but it's hard. You could move. You could come to America. But I know that that's hard to. So, yeah, I don't know, try to, I guess, try to find the. The community in Saudi Arabia. Like, if you're seeing other gay couples, are there other people you can make friends with that at least you can commiserate with? Okay, this is from. Oh, this is from Terry. Subject line, I feel shame after masturbating. Hey, Lyle, if you're somehow seeing this, I just want to say I love your show and appreciate what you do. Thank you. I feel a little weird writing this, but I'm not sure who else to talk to. So I am here. I am a man and I masturbate. Usually once a week, sometimes more. The issue is I often feel a lot of shame afterwards. What, once a week? Once a week, Terry. Once a week? Once a week. Dear Lord, Terry, I don't watch porn. I sometimes listen to audio porn. I'm not religious right now and I'm currently single. So I think the guilt comes from feeling like I'm failing as a man. Like I'm giving in to temptation and losing control. In other words, it's a weak thing to do. I often punish myself by avoiding things I enjoy for the couple of days after. That being said, I do enjoy it. While I'm doing it. I want to be the best version of myself, and I'm worried that choking the sausage may stop me from doing that or be hurting my energy vibe. Do you have any advice for dealing with this kind of shame, or do you think it is limiting me as a person? Is it a weak thing to do and should I stop? Thanks for reading, Geck, and I hope this isn't super weird, Terry. The only weird thing about this is that you master. You masturbate once a week. You masturbate once a week, and you feel shameful about it. Oh, my God, man, I don't even know how many times a day I masturbate. I don't know why I'm publicly saying that on the Internet, but whatever. It's. This is what happens when you have a podcast. You just say stuff. No, you don't have to feel shame, Terry. You're. You're. Here's the thing. You have biological imperatives. You have a biological drive for sexual gratification, and achieving that through masturbation once a week is completely fine. And you know what? It would be fine if you did it twice a day. More than twice a day. You're getting a little. It's getting a little crazy. More than twice a day. You. You might have a problem. But, no, I don't think you should be punishing yourself or living with shame. I mean, because here's the. Well, here's the thing, Terry. Here's actually the. Let me. Let me actually wrangle my thoughts around this. My actual thoughts around this are like, what do you want to do with your life, Terry? Like, who do you want to be? What do you want to do? And, like, is masturbating actually getting in, like, preventing you from doing it? For example? Like, whatever. If you want to, like, go to the gym more often, I don't think that masturbating once a week is going. Is preventing you from doing that. I mean, if you're masturbating 10 times a day and because of that, you're not, like, going out and talking to people or working on the things you want to work on or hitting your goals in any way, then. Then. Then I would say that would be when it is a problem. But once a week is not enough for it to tangentially affect. I don't believe any of your. Your goals. So, you know, you got. At least you can do this. You have, you've got at least 13 more sessions a week that you can do before you, you start to descend. Terry. Okay, let's see here. This is from Yuri. Subject line. Thank you, Geck. Hello, Gecko man. My name is Yuri. And they gave their last name and then they said, yeah, like the call of duty guy. Okay, that probably gave it away, but I've always struggled with socializing and I've always been super awkward when trying to meet people and keep a conversation going. But after listening to you for a few years, I've learned how to ask follow up questions even if it's over extremely mundane shit. Hell yeah. You've had a lot of awkward phone calls and I honestly have no idea how you've managed to breeze through them like nothing. You know what, Yuri? I'm. Thank you so much for saying that because I have had a lot of. Not just awkward phone calls on this podcast, but imagine this. Lots of awkward interactions and conversations in my real life over the course of 27 years. How do I breeze through them? It's gotten easier. Honestly. Honestly. This morning I had an awkward conversation with someone and I felt bad about it for at least an hour afterwards, but that was about two hours ago and now I'm fine. I don't know, I think it's something about living in the present. I don't really. I don't really live in the past. I try not to live in the past as much as I can and. I don't know, a weird or awkward interaction. I've learned how to easily discard it. You. You let yourself. You. Here's what I. I think this hap. This doesn't. This is something that you cultivate where you have an experience that you feel awkward or shameful about. And then you, you bask in the awkwardness and the shame and the anxiety of it for. Because you got to do that. You gotta bask. You gotta bask in the shame and the anxiety and the awkwardness because it's, it's just inherent to the experience. But once you finish basking, you move on. Don't bask for too long. Limit your basking. Bask for like, if you need to bask for 24 hours, bask for 24 hours, but have a limit. Don't bask over. Don't bask over everything all the time. Pick the things, bask over them for a set period of time, and then move on. You know, Otherwise it's like otherwise. I mean, otherwise basking becomes masturbatory like the last, the last emailer. And then, you know, I mean like, like if you have an awkward conversation in the morning and then you spend the entire rest of the day agonizing over how awkward or bad or you handle that situation, you know, if you, if you kind of bask in that, it's basically like you spent the whole day masturbating. There's really no difference between doing those two things. So you, this is a similar thing from the previous caller. Previous, previous emailer. See if the previous emailer just had an awkward conversation once a week and got upset themselves about it once a week. That's a great, that's a great basking ratio. Okay, I gotta finish reading this email. I just wanted to say thanks because not only is your show extremely helpful to listen to people's crazy experiences, but also just listening to you talk to people has helped me go from the weird dude at the bar panicking because he wants to meet people but is too scared, all the way to the loud, funny dude in the middle of seven conversations. Look at this guy. Look at Yuri. You rock, Yuri. I with you super hard. That rocks. That's awesome. I, you know, in my personal life, I have a strong range of social energy. There are some night I have had, I have been to parties or social events. Some nights where I walk in and I'm just like, I will talk to anyone. I'm amazing. I'm like, everything I say like, is perfectly, makes sense and it's funny. I'm. I gracefully enter and exit conversations. I know what to say to make people like, you know, instantly, like we're instantly connecting and whatnot. Okay. You know, like I have nights like that and then I have nights where I'm just like, oh, I, I can't, I can't do it. I can't talk to anyone. I have no energy. I hate myself. I don't know why anyone would ever want to be around me or talk to me or you know, oh my God, how am I supposed to, you know, have form new relationships if I'm this guy, you know, just so much shame, so much self hate. And it's like, I really, it's a, I don't know what it is. I always try to solve for X on that. Sometimes I have such great energy and sometimes I have no energy, but it's a strong range. So I feel you on that. I've made tons of friends because of it. And I just want to say I Appreciate your existence. Thank you, Yuri. I'm also an art teacher and I'm going to attach some of my paintings because I know you're also into art. Have a fantastic day. When did I say I was into art? I mean I do like art. I think everyone likes art. Oh, I like these paintings a lot. Look at this. This is a cool. This guy painted a jellyfish and a pirate ship. Shout out to Yuri. He painted a jellyfish and a pirate ship. Good luck. Good luck. Good luck, Yuri. This is from Demetrius. Demetrius says hey Lyle, I'm Demetrius. And the last time I tried to email you I overthought about it and it took me three months to send it to you. Then you stopped doing geck mail. I'm kind of always geck mail is on a rolling basis. I'm not sure if you'll get the chance to read the old email, but we met at your last London show and we. We hung out after it. Your podcast, I'm trying to remember. Yeah, I went out to a spoons with a bunch of people after London. I think your podcast has been a comforting thing for me and it helps me to think about a lot of things that I struggle with and my overall thinking. I am planning to try and call in at some point to have a proper chat with you. In this email I just want to say how the past few months have been very eventful. I've now been taking 70 milligrams of Vyvanse holy for a few months and has helped me in quite a few aspects of my life. I made lots of new friends. I got a small promotion at my job and I have been trying to travel and go to events as much as I can. Wait, that rocks. Yes. 70 milligrams of Vyvanse will. Will. Will make you some friends, get you a promotion and get you traveling for sure. I feel like I've made so much progress, but at the same time I feel like I am behind and that I need to work harder on myself. It feels like this will be a never ending battle. Do you think there's any way to get out of this mindset? Yes, I do. This is something I think about a lot because I've. Yes, yes. Here are my thoughts about this at least in this very moment. On Jul 15, 2025 at 2:04pm, these are what my thoughts are in this exact moment. My thoughts in this exact moment are that you will have milestones that you want to hit and you will have goals and you'll hit them and you'll keep moving the goal posts and you keep moving the goal posts and you keep working on things and you'll be like, oh, you know, I really wanted to make new friends, I wanted to get a promotion, I wanted to travel. And then you do all those things and then you're like, why the fuck do I still feel behind? What do I still feel like I'm not enough? And I think that if you've been doing those things as a way to feel enough, the external validation that those things give you is not going to really fill your internal hole. And also, at a certain point, I mean, I'm. I'm 27. I've been relatively goal oriented my whole life. And this year specifically, I've gotten to a point where I'm like, you know what? It's never going to end, dude. I was hanging out with my dad. My dad is 66 years old and he has a giant list of projects that he wants to do and ideas that he has. And I was like, damn, My dad is 66. And I, when I'm his, when I'm his age, if I'm lucky enough to make it to his age, I'm probably still gonna be having ideas and wanting to do things and wanting to work on myself. And you realize that, that there is no there. You never get there. And that's good. I think you get out of this mindset by realizing that that's good, that you're never gonna get there because it's part of life, you know, struggling a little bit to improve. Well, ideally, ideally not struggling. Ideally, it's out of love, you know, ideally it's not a struggle. Ideally you're propelled by love. You know, ideally you're making friends and you're getting a promotion and you're traveling and going to events as much as you can because you love life and because you always want to get more out of life and you always want to push yourself and you care about yourself and you care about your life. And so you get out of that mindset by realizing that you're doing the things you do because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself. You know, that's what I'm trying to get at in my own, in my own life, you know, so that's what I would say. I would say that you're on a fucking roller coaster. You're the never ending battle with yourself. It's not. You're not battling yourself. You're cooperating with yourself to get the most out of life because you care about yourself. And you care about the world and you want to participate. It's good. It's a really, really good thing. It's the opposite of, like, existential nihilism, where you're like, what's the point? You know, Demetrius, you're. You're participating, so keep participating. I'm on 30mg of Vyvanse myself right now. Participate and enjoy the journey. You have to switch the mindset to enjoying the. The. The quote, unquote, never ending battle. It's not a never ending battle. It's a never ending cooperation and uplifting of yourself. God, that sounds douchey, but it's what's in my heart. At 2:08pm on July 15, 2025. All right, let's do one more email. This is from Linus. Subject line question for you. Oh, God. Hi, Lyle. My name is Linus and I am from Denmark. Hope you come back for a show someday. I did a show in Denmark two years ago. That's fun. I love Denmark, man. Copenhagen's one of my favorite fucking places on the earth. Maybe I'll go back soon. I love your show and I listen to it every day at work. It's a very nice way for me to kind of disassociate from what I'm doing and makes the time go by faster. I know you are a weed guy. I am also a weed guy. I was wondering if you could tell us about the first time you smoked. I would also love to hear what your family thinks about your use and maybe when, how they found out about it. Thank you for the podcast. I really appreciate you. Fuck. I'm not. My memory is shit because I smoke weed. But my dad and my mom have always known that I smoked weed. I mean, I started smoking weed when I was 14 or 15, and my parents always knew and they never got upset about it. I think that they. I mean, we kept it hidden, but my parent. My parents are a big wait. We never know. We know. I'm sorry. We did keep it hidden. My parents were always big. Like, I'd rather them do it at my house than, like, drive and do it. That was my mom's big thing, where she was like, look, I know that you get high. I know that you and your friends are always getting high, but, like, don't fucking drive and get high. That was my mom's thing. I think my parents, yeah, my parents always knew that I was smoking weed, and they were fine about it. We never really talked about it, but, yeah, I think that that was their Philosophy is like, we know that they're gonna do it, but just don't drive while you do it. The first time I smoked weed was with. We had a neighborhood dealer. His name was Noah. I don't know why I'm. I shouldn't give his name. Whatever. This. A billion. Noah's Shout Out. Noah. Noah, if you're listening to this, if you somehow get this sent to you. No, Noah's Noah. Noah was the neighborhood dealer, and I went with him, my buddy Chase, to the woods. We smoked a blunt, and Noah said to me, you know that you can tell that you're high if your spit is white. And so I was spitting on the ground a lot, and I was. I would think I was pretty high. And so I start. I was. I was pretty high, and I was salivating, salivating a lot. And so I just started spitting on my hands and, like, rubbing them together. And so I was. I was just walking with. With my friends, just spitting on my hands and rubbing them together. My hands were all sticky and covered in spit. And my friends looked at me and they were like, what the fuck are you doing? And I was like, I don't even. I don't know. I thought they. I heard that if you spit and it's white, you're high. And they were like, we don't want to hang out with you anymore. You're a little weird. We don't like this. That was. This was 13 years ago. They still bring it up sometimes, me spitting all my hands. I try not to live in the past, though. Thank you for your question, Linus. Folks, this has been Geck mail. Send an email. Send an email to me, therapygeckomailmail.com I might do more of these half phone call, half Geck mail episodes. I'm gonna keep trying to do one IRL episode a week. I'm working really hard on my Tijuana documentary and hopefully more documentaries after that. I'm gonna be uploading that actually here on Spotify and on YouTube, so be on the lookout. Thank you guys for listening to this podcast. Thank you guys for being here. Send an email therapygeckomailmail.com and I might answer your email like 7 months after you send it. So. So just keep. Keep sending emails. Therapy gecko mailmail.com might try to do more of these hybrid episodes and. Okay, well, that's it. That's all. That's all the rest I have to say. I'll be back on Sunday with an IRL episode, and I will see you guys then. Gek bless and good luck. Bye.

[Elahe Izadi]

When I listen to the news, here's what I want to know why this story matters, who's at the center of it, and how the reporters uncovered it. And as a journalist, I want to make sure that's what you get too. I'm Elahe Izadi, co host of the podcast Post Reports. Every weekday, my colleagues and I at the Washington Post give you the context you need on the biggest stories. Healthcare tariffs, artificial intelligence. We've got you covered. Look for Post reports wherever you listen to podcasts.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Want to feel more creative but don't have the right laptop? Lenovo.com can help. Look through our legendary lineup of AI powered PCs and devices and find the one that fits your passion. Our PCs, powered by Intel Core Ultra processors as well as cutting edge AI tools, allow students to focus, learn and create with ease. That's the power of Lenovo with Intel Inside. Plus, college students and teachers can get 5% off their order. Shop now on Lenovo.com the future's waiting and it needs you.

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and safeway now through August 12th. Get great savings on your favorite self care items and earn four times points when you shop in store or online. Shop for items like Neutrogena Cleansing and Makeup removing towelettes, Dove Men 2 in 1 shampoo and conditioner, Dove Shampoo, Tresemme Shampoo Method Body Wash and Suave Body wash and earn 4 times points. Use these points for discounts on groceries or gas. Offer ends August 12th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Cindy Crawford]

Every day has a to do list, but adding Enjoy Belvita to yours can help you knock out the rest of it. Belvita Breakfast Biscuits are a tasty and convenient breakfast option when paired with low fat yogurt and fruit that provide steady energy all morning while Belvita Energy Snack Bites give you the perfect mid morning refuel. Best part? They both taste great, so make the most out of your morning with a bite of Velveeta. Pick up a pack of Velveeta at your local store today.

[Anna]

This is an iHeart podcast.