“I’M HOOKING UP WITH MY CO-WORKER”

Summary

Therapy Gecko Podcast – “I’M HOOKING UP WITH MY CO-WORKER”

Date: September 7, 2025
Host: Lyle (Therapy Gecko)
Podcast: iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode of Therapy Gecko centers on candid caller interactions about relationships, loneliness, struggle, and the meaning of life. The host, Lyle, continues his distinctive blend of humorous, offbeat, and empathetic advice as a “lizard psychologist,” inviting callers to share deeply personal stories and existential musings. The main theme oscillates between practical relationship questions, the search for community, and exploring acceptance of life’s mundane and profound moments.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Caller Jimmy: Workplace Romance and Newfound Confidence

• Background: Jimmy, 32, originally from West Philly, recently moved to Colorado and is enjoying a “more gooder” life, appreciating nature and starting therapy and medication.
• Conflict: He’s engaging in a secret relationship with a co-worker at his kitchen job, which makes work both exciting and complicated.
• Main Issues Discussed:
  • The risks and complications of workplace romance when planning to leave a job soon (07:07)
  • Elevated confidence stemming from mental health improvements (“That’s like… reached, it’s culminating in this, like, hyper confidence.” [04:43])
  • Navigating boundaries and expectations; concern about what his co-worker wants from the relationship
• Advice from Lyle:
  • If you’re already planning your exit and don’t see a long-term future at the job, the stakes are lower for pursuing a workplace romance.
  • Consider the emotional dynamics, but don’t overcomplicate if both parties are enjoying themselves and expectations are clear.
• Memorable Moment:

  “Then have sex with your co worker. Who gives a shit?” — Lyle (07:07)

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2. Caller Buford: Loneliness, Abandonment, and Building a New Life

• Background: Buford, 25, dealing with loss of friends and a recent breakup; prepping for a pivotal test which will impact his career.
• Main Issues:
  • Struggling with loneliness after sequential losses of friends and a significant relationship (14:42)
  • Finding it hard to focus on future goals due to emotional weight; questioning why relationships keep ending (16:30)
  • Negative self-image feeds social withdrawal, fear of abandonment, and difficulties initiating new connections (36:17)
• Lyle’s Response & Strategy:
  • On Being Alone: Lyle pushes back against the “just be comfortable being alone” trope, calling it “ridiculous” because “we are biologically wired to not be okay with being alone.” (19:34)
  • Practical Community-Building: Advocates for regularly attending group activities—smash tournaments, writing groups—as a low-pressure way to build community.
  • Self-Image: The way you see yourself may not match how others see you, but building a positive self-view is crucial for putting yourself out there.
• Memorable Quote:

  “You want to find this community, and then you don’t want to just be like a background character in it. You want to find a way to add value to it.” — Lyle (45:14)

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3. Caller Jess: Finding Meaning in Mundanity and Longing for Marriage

• Background: Jess, 26, a self-described “stay-at-home girlfriend” in Southern California, in a relationship of 8 years.
• Themes Discussed:
  • The tension between existential searching and finding meaning in small, everyday beauties of life (49:19)
  • Acceptance that “maybe all of this means nothing,” but choosing to find beauty in that notion (53:40)
  • Desire to move from long-term relationship to marriage for emotional/intangible reasons—yearns for “a big wedding” (58:09)
• Lyle’s Philosophical Reflection:
  • Sometimes there’s power in the mundane: “Sometimes it’s okay to just go to the bank if you gotta go to the bank.” (53:58)
  • Epiphanies are personal; nobody else’s take can replace your own realization.
• Memorable Exchange:

  Jess: “Isn’t there power in the mundane? Isn’t there something nice?”
  Lyle: “Yeah, you can find beauty in everything… Sometimes it’s just the day.” (53:58)

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4. Caller Stanley: Recovery from Quadriplegia, Loss, and Perspective

• Background: Stanley suffered a neck injury a year and a half ago, became a quadriplegic, and experienced abandonment by friends and family.
• Main Topics:
  • The challenge of sudden disability, loss of social contacts, and the intense loneliness of recovery (65:39)
  • Gratitude for rehabilitation professionals (“PTs and OTs... are true, true angels” [70:36])
  • Progress in recovery and cultivating a positive mindset (“Just try to move without thinking that I’m injured” [71:56])
  • Realism about future relationships but open to possibility; acknowledges the double-edged sword of being single or coupled when facing trauma (78:14)
• Message to Listeners:
  • Encourages others facing hardship to “just take a day at a time and, you know, it will get better. It really will get better.” (87:59)
• Community and Coping Mechanisms:
  • Suggestions from Lyle: explore online communities, such as Discord or Reddit, as an accessible source of social interaction and support.
• Memorable Quote:

  “The optimism and frustration that I feel is like a little ball that drives the car of my existence forward.” — Lyle (80:00)

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

| Quote | Speaker | Timestamp | |---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------|---------|-----------| | “Then have sex with your co worker. Who gives a shit?” | Lyle | 07:07 | | “We are biologically wired to not be okay with being alone. It sucks to pretend that it doesn’t.” | Lyle | 19:34 | | “You want to find this community, and then you... want to find a way to add value to it.” | Lyle | 45:14 | | “Isn’t there power in the mundane?... Can you find beauty in the little things in life?” | Jess | 53:40 | | “Epiphanies are personal; nobody else’s take can replace your own realization.” | Lyle | 61:02 | | “PTs and OTs… are true angels... for them to have so much patience and also to just have such a great attitude.”| Stanley | 70:36 | | “It will get better. It really will get better.” | Stanley | 87:59 | | “The optimism and frustration that I feel is like a little ball that drives the car of my existence forward.” | Lyle | 80:00 |

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Important Segments (Timestamps)

• Jimmy: Workplace Relationships & Therapy – 02:43–11:51
• Buford: Loneliness, Self-Image, & Community – 12:01–45:59
• Jess: Mundanity, Purpose, and Marital Longing – 47:40–65:01
• Stanley: Disability, Recovery, and Hope – 65:02–88:24

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Episode Tone

Maintaining Therapy Gecko’s signature style, the episode effortlessly blends irreverent humor, existential musings, and disarmingly sincere advice. Lyle encourages vulnerability, blends stoic philosophy with real-world practicality, and is unafraid to point out the absurdity of common wisdom—while validating the struggles and hopes of his callers.

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Summary

This episode of Therapy Gecko is a heartfelt mosaic of contemporary young adulthood: new starts, workplace drama, the ache of loneliness, the winding path to self-acceptance, and the search for meaning and community in a fragmented world. Lyle’s advice, colored by his own experiences and uncertainties, guides callers toward self-empowerment, honest reflection, and incremental steps forward—even when their questions have no clear answers.

For listeners, whether you seek laughs, real talk, or solidarity with fellow searchers, this episode delivers.

Transcript

[Jess]

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[Lyle]

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[Stanley]

It's $15 a month 2.

[Lyle]

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[Jess]

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[Stanley]

I use it. 5.

[Lyle]

My mom uses it.

[Jimmy]

Are you.

[Buford]

Are you playing me off?

[Lyle]

That's what's happening, right?

[Stanley]

Okay, give it a try.

[Lyle]

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[Lyle]

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[Jimmy]

What's up man?

[Lyle]

Hey, how's it going dude? What's Your name?

[Jimmy]

I'm Jimmy.

[Lyle]

Jimmy. What's going on, Jimmy? How's life?

[Jimmy]

Life is actually pretty cool and a little complicated lately.

[Stanley]

Hold on.

[Jimmy]

I'm taking my dog back in the house.

[Lyle]

That's all right, man. Why is life. Well, I guess we can start with why it's. Why is it cool?

[Jimmy]

I didn't think I would be alive still. Like, I'm 32. I'm from Philly, and, like, Philly's kind of crazy. I'm sure, you know, because you went to temple.

[Stanley]

Mm.

[Jimmy]

But I just moved out to, like, Colorado, and I'm starting to, like, appreciate, like, the finer things in life. Like, just, like, nature and mountains and that's kind of cool. And, like, being alive and, like, having benefits from my job.

[Lyle]

Why are you from North Philly?

[Jimmy]

I'm from West Philly. I got grew up right next to the Mann Music Center.

[Lyle]

Okay. That's where the Fresh Prince of Bel Air grew up.

[Jimmy]

I went to that same high school.

[Lyle]

No, get the fuck out of here.

[Stanley]

I went to Overbrook High.

[Lyle]

Is that where. Wait, did. Did Will Smith grow up in West Philadelphia?

[Jimmy]

Like, up the hill? Like, Overbrook area? Like, yeah, like, 59th Street. Up that way.

[Lyle]

Ah, wow.

[Stanley]

Sorry.

[Jimmy]

That's too local. I don't mean to get so micro.

[Lyle]

No, you get. Get Be. Be as you are. What the was I gonna say? Oh, yeah. When did you move to Colorado? Like, recently?

[Jimmy]

Yeah, about two years ago. Going on two years. It'll be two years, I think, in October.

[Lyle]

And so is life gooder in Colorado?

[Jimmy]

Much, much more gooder. The cheesesteaks are not more gooder, but everything else just about more gooder.

[Lyle]

And why is. Why is it. Why is life complicated?

[Jimmy]

Because I'm banging my co worker now.

[Lyle]

You're banging your co worker?

[Buford]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Why is that complicated?

[Jimmy]

Because I thought about doing it for a while, but, like, to be honest, I was mad depressed and I started therapy and, like, taking meds at the beginning of this year, and that's, like, now reached. It's like. Like it's culminating in this, like, hyper confidence. And the other day I was like, I'm just gonna get her number. And like, we. Like, two days later.

[Lyle]

I. I ask again, why is this complicated?

[Jimmy]

Because I see her, like, every day, and, like, she wants to, like, suck my dick at work.

[Lyle]

Okay. I mean.

[Jimmy]

My problem is that I know this feels weird to me. Like, I didn't necessarily expect that this was going to happen. Like, if I. I didn't think it would go as well as it has. Like, I expected it to be more weird. So I'm waiting for like the other, like the other foot to drop, if you know what I mean.

[Lyle]

What do you. Can I ask what you. What do you do?

[Stanley]

I cook.

[Jimmy]

So, like. Yeah, I cook.

[Lyle]

You work in a kitchen?

[Jimmy]

Yes.

[Lyle]

Like at a restaurant?

[Buford]

No.

[Jimmy]

But I cook. It's like in an institution.

[Lyle]

You cook in an institution? Okay, all right. Okay. But you work in a kitchen?

[Buford]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Does she also work in the kitchen?

[Buford]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay. I mean.

[Jimmy]

Have you ever done anything with a co worker, Lyle?

[Lyle]

No, but I also. I haven't really had co workers in a long time.

[Jimmy]

That's fair. That's fair. You know, I mean, I've kind of not really ever had co workers until like I came out here. Cause I just used to do a bunch of like random, odd, janky shit for money. So now it's like, maybe I wasn't supposed to. Like, I'm still learning, like corporate, I guess, like balance and how to behave myself.

[Stanley]

But.

[Lyle]

Well, look, look, look, here's. I mean, there's a few things, right? Is like, what. This job that you're at is just like. It's just like a thing that you do. You give a. Do you care about this job, like on a. Like, do you care about it beyond? Like, this is just kind of what I do for like, do you see, like a long term. I care about this job. I care about being here. I care about this being a very comfortable environment for me.

[Buford]

Now I'm planning my exit already.

[Lyle]

Oh, then have sex with your co worker. Who gives a shit?

[Jimmy]

Okay, well, I guess it was that simple. That's kind of. I was kind of thinking that myself, though. Like, I'm like, this is a good time. Like, I plan on going to school in January to get a certification so I can like get the hell out of here in the next few months anyway. So.

[Lyle]

Yeah, so yeah, I don't know. I don't. I mean, I. If I. That's. But that's kind of how I feel is like if I. Well, I won't say co worker, but like, if I'm in any. Let's say I've had places in my life that I return to frequently. And I'd like to not have sex with anyone in those places that I am at frequently. If these are locations, institutions, whatever, whatever that I see myself having like, long term relationships with. Right. But if, but if I'm like, but if you. If I were at a job that was like, I'm planning my exit from this job actively, then I don't think I would, you know, care, because it wouldn't be that. It wouldn't feel. I mean, even if it does feel awkward or whatever.

[Jimmy]

I mean, it's kind of fun, too.

[Lyle]

Like, I mean, live your life there, too. Okay. Is she having a good time?

[Jimmy]

I think so.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Jimmy]

Everything. I think, yeah. Everybody in Colorado seems to just be constantly having a good time. Like, there's nothing serious about this, but that's, like, a whole nother thing.

[Lyle]

Okay. Is she. As she. Is she, like, hinting that she wants, like, more than just to suck your dick at work?

[Jimmy]

Yeah, but it's. It's just more variations of, like, that. It's. I think I fear I may have unlocked something that I might not be able to, like, control now.

[Lyle]

In. In what sense?

[Jimmy]

Like, I didn't think that she was going to be, like, this freaky, if that makes sense.

[Lyle]

Okay. I mean, that's fine. But I guess, like, is she, like. Does she, like. Is she, like, wanting. Is she, like, having sex with you because she, like, wants you to be, like. Like, eventually become her boyfriend?

[Jimmy]

I don't think so.

[Lyle]

Okay. I don't. This doesn't. This sounds. Not that I think you would. You would probably know if that was the case. I think.

[Jimmy]

I would think so.

[Stanley]

I would think so.

[Lyle]

Okay. So I. Yeah. I don't. This doesn't sound particularly complicated.

[Jimmy]

Well, that's sick.

[Lyle]

I don't want to.

[Jimmy]

I'm not going to take up too much more of your time so I can go back to listening? You can get.

[Lyle]

That's okay. Wait, where.

[Stanley]

Where.

[Lyle]

What are you. What are you going to do when you leave the kitchen?

[Jimmy]

Pretty much gonna try and get my boss's job somewhere else. Yeah, he runs the department that is the kitchen, the dietary part of the. Of the institution. But he's kind of a dork. He's a lot of a dork. I like.

[Lyle]

I hate this guy.

[Jimmy]

I'm always, like, busting his balls, and I'm telling him how much of a loser he is and whatever, but I'm. I can't complain anymore, really, because my plan now is to just go ahead and do it in my own kitchen, run my own kitchen the way I want to. Can't complain about.

[Lyle]

Why do you think this guy's a dork?

[Stanley]

He.

[Jimmy]

He lacks leadership qualities, but he's the leader. He's kind.

[Stanley]

He's.

[Jimmy]

He's a nepo baby. Like, his. His wife's has a relative or something that got him the job because they work there. Like, he doesn't even have the certification that I'm getting ready to go to school for. To get. Which is how you get that position when he's. He's a Nepo baby. He's a Packers fan, a bunch more stuff, but yeah, he just really. Yeah, he doesn't lead us well. He's lost the locker. When are you coming back to Denver?

[Lyle]

I don't know. May I know? Maybe I'll eventually come back to Denver. I always. I always have a great time in Denver. I've been to Denver like five or six times. I think I've gone like every single year since 2019. It's a great town. Good place. I don't know. When are you coming to. When are you. I don't. I'm sorry, I don't have a retort. What's your name again?

[Jimmy]

Jimmy.

[Lyle]

Jimmy. Jimmy. You seem like a night, Jimmy. Have fun with your life, Jimmy. It's very short, sorry to say, an existential thing. Good luck, Jimmy.

[Jimmy]

Adios.

[Lyle]

Hey, what's up?

[Buford]

Oh, my God. Lyle?

[Lyle]

Yes. Hi. What's your name?

[Stanley]

Holy crap.

[Buford]

Hi, dude.

[Stanley]

Hi.

[Buford]

Hi. Sorry, I was not actually expecting that to work. I. My name is Buford.

[Lyle]

Buford. What a name. That's a sick name. I like that name.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Buford]

Thanks. You don't really see that many people around with the name Buford these days. It's a like an ancient times name.

[Stanley]

Themes.

[Lyle]

What a. What a great name. Buford.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

What's going on in your life, Buford?

[Buford]

Stuff, man.

[Jimmy]

Stuff.

[Buford]

I Long. I. I've heard. I know you've heard this probably like a million times, but I've been listening to you for about like, I don't know, two years now.

[Lyle]

Cool. Awesome.

[Buford]

Yeah, it's. You've been definitely big part of my day for a while. I haven't been listening as much as a late. Sorry, there's a bunch of seagulls squawking around me.

[Lyle]

Right? Oh, you're background, Buford. You're. You're more. You're more than all right. You're more than all right, man. No, I appreciate you. I appreciate you. Yeah. Well, here we are.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Buford]

Yeah, we're here.

[Stanley]

We're here.

[Buford]

I guess what I really wanted to talk about. Sorry, I'm walking in my car right now. I got people in my room. Can't really get any piece out here.

[Stanley]

Right now just because.

[Lyle]

It's okay.

[Jimmy]

Yeah, but I wanted to.

[Buford]

I guess what's been going on in my life is, I guess, a lot of abandonment. It seems like a couple months back, I was in A relationship for about eight months. And I had a decent friend group around here. And this is after I moved. I moved away from my home. And, yeah, it's just been a little rough, but I lost a girl and I lost a lot of those friends, and she was the only one who was around, so we still kept hanging out.

[Jimmy]

But it seems like, you know, eventually.

[Buford]

She just got tired of me too. And I don't, you know, these last couple weeks. Yeah, I have something really important coming up, but it's been really hard to focus on anything else other than, you know, just my life. Well, my life outside of my work.

[Lyle]

What is this? What is this important thing coming up?

[Buford]

So it's a test. I don't want to go into too much detail, but it's a big test that will impact what I do next, basically, if I make a lot of money next or not. If I fail this test, I gotta basically start from scratch. If I pass this test, I got some more stuff that I need to do, but, you know, I'll be able to move forward at least. But this is something that's been looming over me for, I want to say, a year and a half now. So, yeah, I've been kind of stuck in this one place with this test looming over me, you know, towards the end of, you know, the end of everything, when I feel like I'm ready to take the test and everything, everything just kind of starts, you know, crashing down in my personal life.

[Lyle]

Cask, how old you are?

[Buford]

I just turned 25.

[Lyle]

Cool. And why did you. Why did you lose all your friends?

[Buford]

It's been going on for a while, but it's either they move away or, you know, they. I. I want to say a lot of cases, they get into relationships and, you know, it's like the typical dis. Like, oh, I'm sorry. You know, I want to hang out with you, but, you know, Sydney wants to go get groceries or something like that, and that's obviously going to take the entire day. So I. I can't.

[Stanley]

I can't call you or I can't.

[Buford]

I can't, like, you know, sit on Discord for a little bit. Yeah, yeah, Like, I get it. And, you know, when I was in the relationship, I was, to an extent, kind of like that. But, you know, just completely abandoning relationships with people that I've known for, like, five years, like, just losing them. It's like, you know, am I the problem? Because it seems like it's always happening to me. And it's like whenever I ask or like, you know, confront them about it. I'm just like, you know, why don't.

[Lyle]

We talk as much?

[Buford]

They're just like, yeah, you're a great guy. You know, we love hanging out with you. It's just, you know, time. Time moves on.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah. It's kind of a thing of life. And. And, you know, here's the thing, man. And I, you know, I relate to a lot of the stuff that you're saying, and I have my own thoughts about it. And I really can only approach this situation from the way that I like to think about this shit and the way that I have approached it in my own life. And, you know, some people like to talk about. I was, you know, can I go on a rant to you for two seconds?

[Buford]

Oh, yeah, please.

[Lyle]

Please. I. Okay. So I've been. I've been going back to therapy, and my therapist said. So I. People might think I'm insane, but whatever. My therapist said something to me where she was like, you got to learn how to be comfortable being alone. And that fucking. I. And I know what she means when she says that. She means you have to be okay with being alone, because when you're okay with being alone, you are then able to approach your life. She didn't say this. I inferred this. But when you're okay with being alone, you are able to approach your life with a greater sense of power than if you're, like, not okay with being alone. But I hate the notion that you're supposed to be okay with being alone or that you're supposed to be happy being alone. I hate when people say that, because human being. We are biologically wired to not be okay with being alone. It sucks to pretend that it doesn't, or to pretend that you're supposed to be alone and be happy with that and be okay with that is.

[Stanley]

Is.

[Lyle]

Is ridiculous. Ridiculous. It's a ridiculous thing. People might disagree with me, but we're biologically wired to not be alone. That being said, I understand it's very helpful to become comfortable with being alone so that you can approach your life with power. And so I take those two things and I look at this, and I look at it very logistically because that's how I like to look at the problems in my life and how I, you know, do shit in my life, and I go, okay. You know, you really inherently cannot rely on people because they exist outside of your control. That's like the stoic thing. And now stoicism can also be a certain form of avoidance and if you lean too heavily into it, and you lean too heavily into that, you close yourself off to others. And you don't want to do that. You want to open yourself up to others and accept and understand that they might fuck your shit, you know, and accept that getting your shit fucked by others because you trusted them is. Is just a part of life. And you feel sad and you feel bad about it, but you. It's just hits you, and you let it hit you. All that being said, I like to look at these things very logistically. So I'm like. In my life, when I've felt alone and I felt like I had, like, friends that were, like, flaky on me or, you know, relationships that didn't work out or whatnot, I've kind of logistically gone, what can I, like, do to put myself in situ? Like, this is where you take your power back, is you go, what can I do to put myself in situations where I am around people? And how do I empower myself to talk to those people or. And to make those people want to be around me and to be the kind of person that other people want to be around? And I approach this from, like, a logistical way. So.

[Buford]

Yeah, I guess I. Yeah. Oh, go ahead.

[Lyle]

God, no, no.

[Buford]

I was gonna say. Because, yeah, I feel the exact same way when it comes to. When it comes to just telling somebody, be comfortable being alone. But, like, the problem is I'm lonely.

[Lyle]

Right?

[Buford]

Like, you know, how do you get to that point? Yeah, and I made attempts to. Like, where I'm at is kind of like, you know, it has a couple areas where I can just, you know, kind of go at. And, you know, it gets me out of the room because, you know, one, my roommate is usually in the room, like, 24 7. But also. Yeah, I just want to. I don't like being in the room by myself anymore because now it's just, like, I'm sitting here and I'm thinking about all this stuff that had happened, and, like, what did I do wrong? Like, why did I do this? And, you know, so I'm going out and trying to, you know, put myself in the spaces. But now I'm finding out that, like, when I get into these spaces, I'm still kind of alone because I'm, like, not really. I don't know. I don't know if I'm, like, scared now to talk to anybody just because I've had so many, like, lost relationships or if, like, you know, nobody just actually wants to speak to me. You know, I don't know if I, like, look weird or, you know, something. I think the only thing that's weird is that I'm like five foot nothing.

[Lyle]

But. Well, you can't. Yeah, but you can't go like. There's a lot of, A lot of the, like, internal being comfortable, being alone and stuff. It does piss me off. But then a lot of it has, like, such deep truth to it, you know, and the parts of it that have. The parts of it that have deep truth to it are the parts that are how you perceive yourself. I don't think. I don't think. I don't think how you perceive people say how you, how you perceive yourself is how other people perceive you. I don't think that's a one, one translation at all. I think that's kind of bullshit. But how you perceive yourself is like extremely important to how other people, like, perceive you.

[Stanley]

Right?

[Lyle]

So if you walk around being like, oh, people don't want to be around me, people don't like me, blah, blah, blah, all this stuff, even if you are 5 foot nothing, even if you are, you know, whatever these things you think you are, like, it will not help you to have to carry that around. So that's an important thing to attack is like, yeah, that, that kind of negative, like self image.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

So. And so you have this big test coming up and I think, well, a couple of things. I mean, I think that obviously it makes a lot of sense that you're very, like, distracted by all of this shit going on in your personal universe. Right. But it sounds like the test is very important to you and like, you know, kind of get. It's. It's. Maybe not forever, but it's okay to get on your fucking sigma male wolf meme grind set for a bit and just be like, let me fucking hone in on this test and let me, you know, get my money up.

[Buford]

Yeah, right.

[Lyle]

Because. Because all these things feed into each other. And money is important because when you have money, you have some money. Now you're like, okay, I have some money. Maybe I'll join a fucking, you know, thing of some kind. And maybe I'll start going out to these places and doing these things that, you know, cost money to do. But now, and now you have kind of a little bit of a foundation for you to like, kind of start. Like in an ideal world, you're not knocking on people's doors constantly to get them to want to be around you. You're just strategically building a life where you are naturally around people. And that's that to me, that's the best way to do it. And it's. And it's hard, but it's very. But it's possible if you're intentional about it, I believe. Where do you live? Not, like your address, but, like, what part of town? What part of America?

[Buford]

Oh, so right now I'm in Ohio?

[Lyle]

Well, part of. Do you live, like, a city or do you live in, like.

[Buford]

Yeah. Cincinnati, Ohio? Yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay. There's shit. There's shit happening in Cincinnati, Ohio.

[Stanley]

Mm.

[Buford]

Yeah, it's. Yeah, Cincinnati.

[Stanley]

What was it?

[Buford]

But right now I'm in. Sorry. Right now I'm in Cali.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Buford]

Yeah, I live in Cincinnati. All this stuff is happening in Cincinnati, but I'm in Cali for a little bit.

[Lyle]

Okay. Is that where you're, like, from?

[Buford]

Oh, no, but I have family out here.

[Lyle]

Okay. All right.

[Buford]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Yeah. My brother. When's your big. When's your big test?

[Buford]

My big test is Monday.

[Lyle]

Oh.

[Buford]

Yeah. So it's pretty soon. But I. The thing is, I feel fine for the test, and I feel, like, confident about it now. I had, like, a practice one a couple months back, and, yeah, I didn't do too well. But after, you know, after grinding a little bit, I feel like I'm more prepared for it. So we'll see how it goes this next time.

[Stanley]

But.

[Buford]

And, you know, if things don't work out, it is what it is. At this point, I'm just. I think I'm more ready to just kind of be done with this part of my life, because I feel like I've been preparing for this forever, and it's been kind of keeping me from addressing things and, you know, kind of, like getting into anything new, because I've been mainly focused on just trying to do this.

[Lyle]

Yeah. So, yes.

[Buford]

Yes, you know, pass or fail is going to be some sort of a relief to where it feels like I at least get back to a normal life and start doing something different.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I like that. And I felt that way about things in my life constantly, all the time, so. And, yeah, it's on Monday, so, I mean, yeah, you'll. You'll probably feel some kind of, like, reset after the fact anyway. There's this concept that I'm thinking about a lot of, like, you know, and there's no word for it, but, you know, I mean, people do this whole thing where they're like, once X. Once X happens, then Y will happen. Or after Y, I'll feel Z or after you. You know, I mean, like, after this, I'll finally feel this and that and the other thing and. Right. Sometimes. And that's. I've lived a lot of my life like that. And sometimes you are correct. People say, like, you know, there might be some fucking Instagram meme or a thing that says you're always waiting to live your life, but sometimes it actually is true. Sometimes it is all true that, yeah, sometimes it is true that once you're over certain things, your life is different. What is. What is pretty much never true is that you live a life without any problems, but you might objectively be living life with less intense. Like, I do believe in there being a there of some kind in some sense as to, like, how we're, like, narratively structuring our lives. But you're still gonna have problems. You know, it's not. You're gonna burst into ethereal light after this test is over. You still have to be in your human body, and you still have to live with your stupid human brain and all those things. But, I mean, I say sprint to the finish on the test, and, you know, oh, yeah, I think. I think it's cool. I think it's. I think it's good. But, yeah, again, I would just figure out how to kind of naturally build your life that you're around people, and I would try to be smart about it, and it's never been. It's never been easier to do that than now. And I don't know what this test is for, what the job is for. I. You know, you don't have to tell me if I guess it, but maybe it's like an L stats thing or a fucking med thing or whatever.

[Buford]

Let's say it's a med thing. Let's just say it's a med thing.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Buford]

All right, well, that's as far as I'll go. I just don't want to. Don't want to expose myself out.

[Lyle]

That's okay. That's okay.

[Stanley]

Good.

[Lyle]

All right.

[Buford]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

I mean, you'll take the test. It sounds like you're well prepared for it. I hope you do well. I hope you get this job. I hope you make this money that you need to do these things. But, yeah, I just would spend as little time kind of dwelling on these things as possible and as most. Most time, like, being very strategic about how you can build your life to be around other people. By the way, it fucking sucks, you know, Like. Like, the. The grief is the grief of, like, a breakup or of, like, friends that you thought would be in your life.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Not being there is Good. I like to blend this. You know, I'm very interested in, like, blending the two, like, competing ideas. There's. Because there's a very. There's, like, parts of my brain that are, like, you know, the emotional, ethereal ones that are like, you need to feel your feelings, and you need to, you know, feel your grief, and you need to be comfortable with being alone, and you need to. This and everything. And I think there's a ton of validity to those things, but. But also I want to match them up with, like, okay, but you also need, like, logistically, can empirically figure out and move, you know, pawns around a board to be like, okay, but how do I then fix these problems? Because I go to. Sometimes I go to therapy, and I like, you know, it's all about the feelings part of it, and I just hate that because I think you need a little. You need a half of that, and then you need a half of, like, okay, but what the fuck are we going to do, you know, Do?

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Anyway, sorry, that was a whole rant, but.

[Buford]

Oh, no, no, you're good.

[Jimmy]

You're good.

[Buford]

Yeah, that. I actually was talking to somebody, like, a couple weeks back, bringing up, like, the thing with grief. I never really saw grieving with, like, actual relationships. I always just related it to, like, you know, death or, you know, maybe, like, I don't know, losing a friend or something like that. But I never really thought of it as, like, a grieving over a relationship, because I think I definitely. That that also has impacted me a little bit, too, because around the time of that practice test is when things ended. But, you know, I kept prolonging the relationship, but now she's, like, completely gone. She's, like, in a totally different place now. And, you know, it's been stuck on my mind because I feel like I did a lot. And I don't really understand as to why, like, things ended, especially since she still wanted to be friends. It just, you know, I don't know why had to end.

[Lyle]

There was a lady in the. In the previous podcast where she was talking about how she got divorced, and she was like. She opened it up with being like, you can do everything right and still get. Mm, I'm sorry. No, that's not. I know that's not particularly comforting to hear.

[Buford]

No, no, I think.

[Lyle]

What was that?

[Buford]

The lady who I think it was, she said her husband was, like, doing cocaine or something like that.

[Lyle]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, that was her.

[Stanley]

Okay.

[Buford]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Stanley]

I think I remember that.

[Lyle]

But, yeah, you can do everything Right. But still get. But also, again, it's like, you. I just. You see, you sound. And I don't know if I don't want to put words in your mouth, but you sound like you have, like, a bad self image.

[Jess]

You. You.

[Buford]

You'd be right. You'd be right. And.

[Lyle]

Okay. Why?

[Buford]

I don't know. I. I've based it off because I. I know I did. There was a time I didn't feel like this. I didn't feel like this. And I want to say it was like, early in the high school, you know, I. I didn't give a damn. I was just, yo, I go home, I'd play Super Mario, my family, and I would give a crap.

[Stanley]

Less.

[Buford]

I think it was around the time when I started, like, you know, being forced to get into, like, more social situations where it's like, you know, my dad's over here forcing me to get a job, and, you know, I started making friends, and it's like, oh, wow. I like this feeling of, like, actually hanging out with people outside. You know, I'm gonna go hang out with these dudes every day. And I think it was like, once I saw that they started getting into relationships and that, you know, they were moving on with their lives and that I was, you know, kind of still just working. Yeah, I think that's.

[Lyle]

Sorry, go ahead. Why do you so, I mean, I guess, like, in this moment, why do you feel like you have bad, like, self image? I think it's general period of life.

[Buford]

I. I think it's a comparison thing. It's definitely a comparison thing because, yeah, I. I compare myself a lot to other people. Like, you know, in my class, like, you know, walking around on campus, you.

[Stanley]

See all these people, you know, with.

[Buford]

Like, a bunch of, like, four or five groups of friends or, you know, with girlfriends, and it's like, I'm over here walking by myself over here, kind of wishing I could talk to somebody.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Buford]

You know, even when I'm given the opportunity, sometimes I just. I get afraid, you know, because I just don't really want to have to be in that situation where it's like, I made a friend and now they're gone after, like, you know, two or three months. It's like, I really got close to this person, and now they just leave my life. And I did all this stuff. What?

[Lyle]

For the. I mean, first of all, by the way, I know you're comparing yourself to other people, but you're very much not alone. This is, like, honestly pro. This. This is honestly probably you're, you're 25. So are we Jet. We're Gen Z, right?

[Buford]

I think. Yeah, yeah, Gen Z, I think.

[Lyle]

I think this is a strong problem of our generation in general. So you're not like, you're not alone. Like, you're like this idea that everybody else is out being amazing and you're the only one dealing with this is, Is not true. You know, I, I remember being in college. I remember being in college and anytime I was like, in my dorm room, like on a Friday night, I would always think, I would always feel like a loser, you know, if I was like, you know, like, not doing something. And then like, I remember, you know, you see, I want to walk around the dorm and like, you'd see a few other people who are also in the dorm or like, doing homework or some shit. And you, you, you realize that like, not everyone, you realize that where you're looking is not a sample size that's reflective of the entire population of the Earth.

[Buford]

Right?

[Stanley]

Right.

[Buford]

I get. I know I'm not the only person who like, feels that way. It's just always in the environment. And I know it's like, even then I know there's probably another person who's walking around that maybe feels that way, but I guess maybe I'm just not focused on them.

[Lyle]

It could be, yeah, but, but I don't even. I don't even think you should be focused on anyone but your. Yourself in this sense. And like, what you want that is. And what you, and what you, what you want is to. Is you want community, you want friends, and you want a girlfriend. And the, the way I think to get those things is to. It's probably some, it's probably some combination of a. Developing a better like, image of yourself and then that's, that's its own can of worms to be opened. But that's like one of the pillars. And then B is like logistically going like, okay, where is a place that I can go to regularly once, two, three times a week where it's not because, you know, when like, you fucking, like, meet someone and like, you, like, certain friendships require active effort for you to see each other.

[Stanley]

Right.

[Lyle]

And develop a thing. And that's. I always feel like that fails five times out of 10, 10 or six or seven, because it just requires too much active effort. Whereas if you're in a thing or you've created a thing where you're just. All you have to do is show up and people are there and you just keep showing up and everyone just Kind of naturally gathers. Like, that's what real community is. Yeah, it's rarer and rarer to find, but it, but it exists out there for those willing to go find it and willing to like, find or for those willing to create it. So it exists. So I mean, that's my advice is I think that if you're gonna approach your friendships from a point of like, you know, oh, maybe I meet someone and like, we regularly schedule a hangout once a week or something. It just, it's just like hard. Whereas, like, the easiest thing to do, the easy, the way, easier way to approach it is like, okay, what are spaces I can regularly show up to? Because when I'm regularly showing up to those places, these things occur naturally as opposed to requiring like this, this effort.

[Stanley]

Right.

[Lyle]

I mean, I. Look, man, I, you know, for a while, I mean, I do, I don't, I don't have, I don't have co workers, you know.

[Buford]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

That I like, see every day. You know, I work, you know, I do this podcast. I work from home. I do my own little weird side. You know, I do my little projects and like, you know, I'm kind of, you know, and, and that was, that was really hard for me for a while. And then I, I joined like, I joined a co working space that I go to. And now I like, I show up at this place like almost every day to like, sit and do my, you know, my. Make my videos and do these things. And, and as a result of doing that, I've like, met a lot of people and made a lot of friends very naturally, you know, and it's been great. It's been like a huge life changer to find an environment like that. And so I think everyone needs some kind of environment like that where they, that allows for the serendipity and the natural connection of, you know, meeting with people and you. And it's, it's available and it's a, a. It's. If you live in a major city of some kind, it's available to you and be. If it's not, you can make it. So I don't know what you. I don't know what you like. I don't know what your, what you like outside of taking tests.

[Stanley]

I do. Well.

[Buford]

I love Nintendo games. I know you've talked about Super Smash Bros a lot. I used to go to Smash tournaments pretty often.

[Lyle]

Oh yeah.

[Buford]

Music.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Buford]

I've gotten into writing and, you know, I want to get into like, kind of making my own music eventually at some point, like Learning how to, like, play the piano or something like that. Or, you know, maybe go to a bar, pull out a harmonica and sort of spit it. If I'm like, okay, here's my.

[Lyle]

Okay, I'm going to end our conversation by. I don't usually do this, but here's my, like, concrete, actual advice. Capital A. This is capital A advice.

[Buford]

Okay?

[Lyle]

If I were you, this. I would structure my life is. I would. First of all, I would. I would. After you get on the. Off the phone with me, I would spend the next 48 hours studying as hard as you can for this test and truly surrendering to not think about anything else. And then you take this test, and then when you. I don't know if you're gonna stay in California, if you're gonna go back to Cincinnati, but if you go back to Cincinnati, you fucking go on meetup.com or you go on Facebook or you search and you find a writer's group or a fucking smash tournament or a jam session. And if you. And you. And you just show up to that once a week. And I think I already. We did this on the podcast before, but whatever you. You show up, and the first time, second time, third time, maybe fourth, fifth, sixth time you show up, you're gonna feel super weird and alienated from everyone. Like, you're gonna. You're gonna go in. You're gonna go in understanding and accepting that that's how you're going to feel the first four, five, six times you show up. But you still go, because eventually you'll like. It's supposed to feel that way when you first show up, but then eventually you acclimate yourself, and if none of those things exist, you start your own. So that's what I would suggest that you do, because I think you'll unlock a new little kind of pathway that you didn't really. Because you want to find this community, and then you. You don't want to just be like a background character in it. You want to find a way to add value to it. So if it's like a writing group, you know, fucking, you know, give, give, raise your hand when they're asking for the crits or. Or give. Or. Or give. Or share the work or just do something to kind of, you know, force yourself to be seen. That's. That's. That's my advice.

[Stanley]

That's.

[Buford]

That's really good advice. That's actually really good advice.

[Lyle]

I hope you take it. Let me know if you do. It would make me very happy to hear that you took It. And it worked out well for you, so good luck. What's your name again?

[Buford]

Thank you, Lyle. Buford.

[Lyle]

How did I forget that? Buford's a good name.

[Buford]

Thank you, Lyle. This means a lot. I actually did not think I was gonna get on the phone with you, like, ever in my life. So thank you. Thank you so much.

[Lyle]

Of course, man. I appreciate you sharing your.

[Stanley]

Your.

[Lyle]

Your time and your vulnerability with us. Is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Buford]

Just everyone have an amazing day and I don't know, eat. Eat a bag of chips. Eat your favorite chip or something.

[Stanley]

I don't know.

[Lyle]

Beautiful. Hey, take care, Beefer. Good luck.

[Buford]

Thank you, Lyle. Bye.

[Lyle]

That was Buford. Buford's a good guy. This is a. This is totally a topic. I know. I know that that's a topic that is like, we've covered a lot on this show. Yeah, I think everyone feels that way. I've felt that way significantly throughout my life. You know, not just throughout different epochs of my life, you know, through. Sometimes in college, sometimes as like, an adult, sometimes, you know, and so, I don't know, I think I've, like, kind of figured out ways to. Ways to do that, and I think people have, like, a kind of wrong approach to it that's very based on, like, I'm going to meet a person and we're going to meet for lunch once a week or something. It's just too. It's not natural, I guess, in that way. Okay. Hello.

[Jess]

Hi, Kiko.

[Lyle]

Hi. What's your name?

[Jess]

I'm Jess.

[Lyle]

Jess. What's up, Jess? Have we. Have we ever spoken before?

[Jess]

No, we never have. I've called in a bunch of times, but this is the first time.

[Lyle]

Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Well, what's up, Jess? What's going on with you?

[Jess]

Well, hey, Jack. I'm just thrilled to be on the phone with you. I'm just. I'm here on this. I'm in Southern California, and I've been dying to talk to you forever. Seeing it with my boyfriend. He's heard me call into your show a bunch of times.

[Lyle]

Well, let me ask you this. I guess to start off our conversation is, was there anything in particular that you wanted to call in to talk about? It's okay. If not.

[Jess]

No, I don't. I don't think so. Let's get into whatever. What you got going on today.

[Lyle]

What do I got going on today? I don't know. I could blab about myself, but I'm. I don't I don't have a lot about myself to blab, to be honest, right now. I mean. I mean, look, you know, you said you've called into the show multiple times and you listen to the show and you've heard people, you know, sort of just talk about their lives and what's going on, and have you ever, at any point during that thought about what you might want to talk about, were you to be on the show?

[Jess]

Oh, I sure have. I think I thought about. Because I know it's. We're on this whole, like, existential kick.

[Lyle]

We don't have to be. We don't have to. I mean, I'm letting you know. We don't have to be. We don't have to be. We can be. We can be. We also can be. Just letting you know. Anyway, go ahead. Sorry.

[Jess]

I don't. I don't think I really want to be. But what I've thought about through all of these, all of these, like, deep things is just also to talk about, like, the beauty of life because, you know, we can talk about all these, like, deep things about, like, what does it mean? And I thought about maybe what it all means is just to be able to see, like, the sunrise and, like, to feel the beauty of it and, like, maybe none of it means anything.

[Lyle]

You know, I'm actually. To be honest, I'm actually over my existential kick, which is it feels great. I love it. I. Normal life is nice. I don't. I hate thinking about stuff. Well, I get existential. Think about how many people there are in the world. That makes me existential. But I'm over it. I. It led to nothing. That's the craziest part, is that, I mean, I got to think. I got to make some good stuff out of it, and I got some good conversations out of it. And I think maybe that's the point. I don't know if it's. I don't know if there was ever a point, but it was. That's a nice. It was. That was a nice aftershock to it is that, you know, it was nights. Night. You know, I felt something deeply, and that's nice to do, but I don't care, you know, I don't care anymore. Now I'm just like. I walk into a store and I buy a bottle of soda and I walk out and I think about, like, my actual life. You know, I'm not. I'm not thinking about existential stuff anymore. I'm just kind of like, you know, trying to live. I mean, I Kind of think about existentials. I mean, do you. Do you think about existential stuff?

[Jess]

You know what? I've thought about existential stuff forever, like, since I was, like, 15. And then I ended up at the point that maybe. Maybe I'll never figure it out, but then. No, no, you get to have these.

[Lyle]

Like, you will. So. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm interrupting you. I'm terrible at doing this now. But you, You. You never will figure it out. That's the whole point, is there's. Yeah, you know, that's fucking. What's his face. All the philosophers and science people, they never figured it out, so.

[Jess]

Exactly. No one ever.

[Lyle]

Sorry, I interrupted you. I shouldn't have interrupted you. What were you saying?

[Jess]

No, but I think we can, like, think all day about, you know, whatever life means, but end of day, we still end up, like, with these beautiful little interactions that we have at the store or over the phone or, you know, with our parent, our boyfriend's grandma, or who knows? But it's all just as beautiful. We just gotta find the point in that. And I think that's what I'm. Sometimes.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Sometimes. Yeah. No, no, I don't think everything is beautiful and amazing all the time. Sorry, you call with Jess. Your name. Your name is Jess. Sorry. I always show up to this thing as I am, which if that is upsetting to people, I. That's fine. But, yeah, I don't. I don't think everything is beautiful all the time, but they. I don't think it should be. You know, like, sometimes it's okay for, like, things to just be normal. Like, going to the DMV isn't beautiful and amazed, sometimes beautiful and amazing. But I think if you're. If you're feeling. I think if you're feeling that really powerfully, if you're like, oh, look at these people, and, wow, this is psychedelic. I don't. I can do that sometimes. But you don't do that all the time, because that's too. It's just too much youh know, at least for me, it feels too. Feels too much.

[Jess]

Isn't there. Isn't there power in the mundane? Like, isn't there something nice? Like, even if it's not like, oh, man, this is, like, so beautiful. But I mean, at least, like, can you find beauty in the little things in life?

[Lyle]

Yeah, you can. I mean, sure, yeah, you can find beauty in everything, but sometimes. Sometimes it's okay to just go, you know, Sometimes it's okay to just go to the bank if you got to go to the bank, you know, I mean, hell yeah.

[Jess]

But this is. That's finding, like, the beauty and the little things is what has cured my existentialism, I think.

[Lyle]

Good, good. I'm good. I'm glad that. That, that's been good. Good for you.

[Jess]

Hell, yeah. Well, what has solved the existential existentialism for you?

[Lyle]

The march of time forward. And I mean, also I have, like, just. I mean, I don't know. I don't know if it's been solved, but, you know. Yeah, just a march forward of time and, you know. Yeah, just a march forward of time.

[Jess]

Just knowing that it's all gonna happen no matter what. That's what's pushed you forward.

[Lyle]

I don't know if there is an it. Like, it's all going to happen, but what's your life like, Jess? What do you got going on in your regular life?

[Jess]

Oh, my regular life? Well, I'm unemployed, which maybe that helps all of this, but I live with my amazing partner of almost eight years. I'm 26 now, so we've been together since I was 18. And we live, like, coastal Southern California. And, yeah, he works, I stay at home. I just do some, like, dinners. Maybe I'm, like, lobotomized, but have a good time.

[Lyle]

Why do you. Well, why do you say you're lobotomized, girl?

[Jess]

Because I'm just, like, you know, stay at home girlfriend. I'm almost eight years.

[Lyle]

Okay. I mean, do you. Do you like. I mean, do you like life?

[Jess]

Oh, I love life.

[Lyle]

That's great. Why do you say you're. Why do you think you're lobotomized then?

[Jess]

I don't know, girl. Because I'm a girlfriend of eight years, so maybe I should be married. Question mark.

[Lyle]

Um. Do you want to be married so bad?

[Jess]

So bad, Lyle?

[Lyle]

Then. Then what's stopping you from getting married?

[Jess]

Oh, well, my boyfriend's listening to the stream, so that's. That's the reason.

[Lyle]

Okay. I mean, what's the. What is the difference between what you got going on right now and being married? I don't know, because you live together and you. I mean, you already have a life.

[Jess]

Together, and by the state of California, we're. What is this, like, not legally married, but domestic partnership? Domestic partnership. That's what it is.

[Lyle]

There we go.

[Jess]

Yeah. I don't know. It's just something there. I don't know. I could never figure it out what exactly that is. What do you think?

[Lyle]

What do I think about whether or not you should get married?

[Jess]

Well, that and then what do you think it is? That little, like, itch in my brain that tells me. Look, I know you're not a therapist.

[Lyle]

Oh, well, this isn't. What do I think is the little itch in your brain that tells you that. Tells you what?

[Jess]

That I want to be married so badly.

[Lyle]

Why do I think you want to. I don't. I don't know if I can answer. Why? I think you want to get married. Why do you think you want to get married? Why? Yeah, why do you think you want to get married?

[Jess]

I don't know. Cuz I want a big wedding.

[Lyle]

Okay, well, what. Who's what? Your boyfriend's in the other room watching the stream. Yeah, well, why don't you tell him you want to get married?

[Jess]

Oh, I told him.

[Lyle]

What do you say?

[Jess]

Well, we're just saving up money. It's expensive here in California.

[Lyle]

What, to have a big ass wedding?

[Jess]

Not a big ass, you know, just something. But to have a wedding. Yeah, it's expensive here, just in California, just in general.

[Lyle]

It's a legitimate reason. I mean, yeah, it sounds like you want. I mean, you can want. You can have a little party.

[Jess]

I mean, hell yeah. But you know what? It will happen in time. I'm at peace with that. But.

[Lyle]

Well, Jess. Well, Jess, let me ask you this. Is there any. Is there anything else that you really want? I want to give you whatever you really wanted out of this conversation before we go. I want to make sure I gave you whatever you really wanted out of this conversation.

[Jess]

What did I want out of this? Let's see now, because I think I have called into the show a bunch of times, like, looking at a sunset, kind of thinking about, like. Or a sunrise. I mean, thinking about, like, how beautiful things are. And like, I've come to the point where I've accepted. But maybe nothing means nothing. All of this. Not maybe all of this means nothing. And like, I've accepted that. And I've hear. I've heard a lot of people kind of like, lament about, like, okay, what does this mean? And where are we going? And like, maybe. What is this? Like, maybe like pot. Maybe what I'm thinking is, like, nihilism and that maybe all of this, maybe it means nothing but to enjoy, like, a sunset or the birds chirping or, like watching your dog play around. So I guess I wanted your take on that, but I think you. You've kind of given me that too.

[Lyle]

Well, I. Well, why do you want my take on that? That's your own epiphany. That's a very. What you're talking. You want my. You want. You're asking my take on your personal thing?

[Jess]

Yeah, because. Yeah, because I've heard, like, a lot of people's takes on this. On this idea.

[Lyle]

My, my. Well, honestly, truthfully, just my take on what you just said is that you arrived at your own personal journey. You know, my take is. Is of nothing to you. You're.

[Stanley]

And so do you think you're.

[Lyle]

You're. Go ahead.

[Jess]

Sorry. Do you think that everyone's. This, this feeling that, like, you and many of these other callers, do you think where a lot of these people are at, is it all like a personal journey and everyone has to reach their own epiphany?

[Lyle]

I don't know if everyone. Yeah, I think so. I think, yeah, everyone kind of reaches their own epiphany and, you know, your God and your. Whatever, the. The champion of your own universe. So, yeah, I mean, who gives a fuck what I think about, you know, your personal epiphany? It's your personal epiphany. You know what I mean? Like, if that's how you feel about the world and that makes you feel good and that feels aligned with you, then that's. That's, that's, that's. That's. That's you. And I know you're about to say something nice to me, but I'm gonna say something nice. Oh, okay, sorry. Go. Okay, then please, then please, please tell me. Please tell me the thing.

[Jess]

Like, wow, I've been on your journey of this existentialism. And so, like, I don't. I don't know how much of a I give about anyone else, but I don't know, I thought it'd be nice to hear your. How you've reached, like, the end. Not end, but, like, kind of a conclusion to this existentialism.

[Lyle]

I have, I have. I haven't. I haven't reached a conclusion to this existentialism. I'll reach a conclusion when I die. But I mean, I'm like, I'm not. I'm not, you know? Yeah, I mean, I'm not. Yeah, I'm not like. I mean, I'm in a little bit of dread. I don't know.

[Jess]

That's good. There's beauty in it. That means you're alive, I guess.

[Lyle]

Man, I don't know. I don't know, Jess. I guess. I guess. I guess. But it fucking sucks.

[Jess]

But you're in it, so, like, there's something good. At least you get to be live and Doing it. And then you find beauty in the people you talk to. Like out in the street or whatever it is.

[Lyle]

Some. Yeah, well, when I said sometimes, I mean some. When I said sometimes, I mean sometimes. Sometimes I just pick my nose and eat it. And it's not beautiful and it's just hell yeah, you know, it's not. No, it's not even a hell yeah. It's just. I just. It's just what it. What it was.

[Jess]

But you like it, so.

[Lyle]

I don't even know if I like it. I attribute nothing to it, you know, it's just the day. And so like to, you know, like. Yeah, Today is just what? Like not. You know, that's what I mean sometimes, you know, that's.

[Jess]

Why. Why, why isn't it always a hell yeah? Because, I mean, I pick my nose and eat it too. And then.

[Lyle]

And if it's. And if it's a hell yeah for you, then it's a hell, hell yeah for you. Well, listen, Jet. Go ahead, go ahead.

[Jess]

No, no, I was just gonna say hell, he had a nose. Picking and eating it. I guess, like whatever's your thing.

[Stanley]

Who cares?

[Lyle]

Well, listen, Jess, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go there?

[Jess]

Sure isn't, but thanks for talking.

[Lyle]

You have a good one, Jess. Bye. Bye.

[Jess]

You take care. Bye.

[Lyle]

Hello.

[Stanley]

Hello.

[Lyle]

What's up, man?

[Stanley]

How you doing?

[Lyle]

I'm doing good, man. How are you doing?

[Stanley]

I'm alright.

[Lyle]

How's life?

[Stanley]

It's been tough the past couple years.

[Lyle]

You said it's been good.

[Stanley]

No, it's been tough tough.

[Lyle]

Tuft.

[Stanley]

Yes, sir.

[Lyle]

Wait, no, T t if no t u f f is the good tough, the bad tough is T o u.

[Stanley]

G H. Yes, sir.

[Lyle]

Why has it been tough?

[Stanley]

Yeah. Yes. So a year and a half ago I broke my neck and so I was a quadriplegic now and just the recovery's been a struggle. And ironically, much like your previous caller, I don't know, for some reason all my friends left me. I had one friend who would visit me in the hospital out of all my friends. You know, my parents passed away a few years ago, so I don't have family or, you know, immediate family. I do have cousins, aunts and uncles, but none of them came by to visit me in the hospital. So. Yeah, you know, I just been healing and just recovering all by myself. Lyle, I do appreciate your streams. They do get me through the day whenever you do stream. So thank you for what you do.

[Lyle]

Thank you, man. I appreciate that.

[Stanley]

Yeah, so. But yeah, just want to let all the other listeners know. I don't know. I guess just try to plant as many good seeds as you can. Try to have a lot of good friends, you know, But I guess don't expect any. Just depend on yourself. Yeah.

[Lyle]

Well, kind of like I was saying to our boy Buford, earlier, it's hard. This is a hard. Like the stoicism and the you can only depend on yourself thing is, it's actually. It's actually been a core value of mine, I think, for a while in my life. And recently as I've gotten older, I've. I've come to re. Evaluate it because I don't. I don't know. It's. It's a. It's a. It's a belief that I poke and prod at a little bit because it's somewhat avoidant in a bad way, but it's also. It's weird. It's one of those things that you believe and you hold close because you don't want to get hurt, and it protects you from getting hurt, but it also closes you off. I mean, that's what every song is about, is it? Not every song is about, like, I won't. I won't let you in because you'll hurt me. What song. What's. That's what. That's what I Got A Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas is about. I think that's definitely. That's what the Pledge of Allegiance is about. That's what. That's what the Simpsons theme is about. But anyway, it's kind of. Again, it's one of those beliefs that I kind of poke and prod at, and I think it has its time and place, that it's valuable, and then when it's not, but. Hmm. What is your name again? I'm sorry, I forgot your name.

[Stanley]

Stanley.

[Lyle]

Stanley, how long have you been in the hospital for?

[Stanley]

So I was in the hospital for two months, and then I've been. I've been discharged for. Well, I would discharge since mid July, so I've been discharged since last July. I've been able to walk. Walk pretty okay now, you know, little wobbly, but, you know, just, you know, I'm just pushing through, you know. Yeah. I'm just so thankful that I'm able to recover from this as much as possible. You know, I met a wonderful bunch of wonderful friends while I was at the hospital, and so many of them have it so much worse than I do. So whenever I'm having a bad day, you know, I just I just remember my friends from the hospital and just, you know, just. Just try to have a good day. But, yeah, you know, every. Every day has its challenges. Yeah.

[Lyle]

How we. So how is, like, physical therapy going?

[Stanley]

Physical therapy was great. You know, if any of the listeners are PTs or OTs, man, y' all are true, true angels, because physical therapists and occupational therapists, like, you know, for them to have so much patience and also to just have such a great attitude, you know, that really helps us to want to be there and, you know, give it our all and just, you know, keep, you know, keep pushing through and keep going every day. For a lot of us, that hour or two that we're at pt, that's all the social interaction we get, you know, so. So that's. That's another thing with therapists, you know? Yeah, I mean, yeah, they're doing the physical stuff, but honestly. Yeah, they're also, like, therapist, truly. So, again, if any of the listeners are PTs and OTs, you know, thank you so much for what you do.

[Lyle]

Are you able to, like. Do you have, like, a recovery timeline of some sort? Do they give you a timeline of, you know, when they think you'll be able to kind of be a little bit more mobile?

[Stanley]

So they say everybody's different, but I feel. I feel pretty all right being able to take care of myself now. It's just, you know, I'm still really weak in the hands and, you know, upper body. Like I said, when I'm walking, my balance is an issue. But, you know, I try to keep a good attitude and just. Just try to do things, you know, in mind. I try to tell myself to just do things without thinking that I'm, you know, I'm injured. You know, just try to move. Just try to move normally, you know, or, like, you know, think, like, don't think that I'm injured. Right. Just. Just do the task. So that kind of helps. Yeah.

[Lyle]

Anyway. That's fat. That's interesting. Like. Like, wait. That's so interesting that almost that. It's actually kind of funny to hear you say that, because that almost, like. You know what I was talking to Buford about? About the whole, like, self. Like. Like, the self image is a reflection of how other people see you type. It's kind of funny that. It's kind of funny that, like, that works on, like, a mental sense, but it also works in, like, a physical sense. Like, the fact that the. They were telling you, like, just fucking believe that you're not injured and you just aren't that's kind of crazy, right?

[Stanley]

Yeah, yeah. The minor. The powerful tool, as they say. So. Yeah, absolutely.

[Lyle]

Yeah. It's like.

[Stanley]

I also have a little dog, you know, she helps keep my spirits up.

[Lyle]

Oh, cute. What kind of. What kind of dog?

[Stanley]

So she's a wiener Jack Russell mix. She'll be 10 this. Oh, yeah. In a couple weeks. She'll be 10 on October 1st. Yeah.

[Lyle]

What do you do day to day in the hospital? Do you or. No, you've been discharged. So are you. Are you working or going to school?

[Stanley]

So right now I'm just trying to heal as much as I can. I'm looking to maybe start putting out applications again beginning next year. You know, with my hands still being kind of weak and also I can't move them like how I would like to be able to move them. My right hand is pretty okay, but my left hand, it's not. It's not so much a claw, but I can't. I can't lay my hand flat, so it would be really. It's really difficult for me to type. So, you know, that's not. Typing is one really important thing in the job for jobs.

[Jimmy]

So.

[Stanley]

Yeah, but we'll see. We'll see. Hmm.

[Lyle]

What else. What else have you been doing to bide your time?

[Stanley]

I try to go hiking a little bit, but other than that, you know, I just sleep. I try to do, you know, little tasks here and there around the house, like doing the laundry, trying to fold the clothes, trying to cook a little bit here and there. You know, just clean up the house a little bit. Yeah, so. But. But yeah, it's a lot of sleeping, that's for sure. And yeah, it's pretty much it. Therapy.

[Lyle]

What do they, what do they tell you in therapy? Do they tell you anything helpful?

[Stanley]

I mean, you know, we just talk about life, you know, we'll talk about the game or just. Yeah. Whenever I have questions about my health and about my recovery again, their answer is always, you know, we don't know. You know, everybody's different. So, you know, I. I just. I just go along with it. Just do the. Do the exercises.

[Lyle]

Did they give you any painkillers?

[Stanley]

You know, I'm so fortunate that I never had any pain. Yeah, I got so lucky with that. But I think that because my nerves are so messed up now because below my. Below my. Below my waist, I lost all sensation. So as you can imagine, that really sucks, especially for trying to pass the time by. But, yeah, so, you know, there's no pain. But they do have me on a whole bunch of muscle relaxers.

[Lyle]

What are your plans or hopes for the future in, in general.

[Stanley]

The great question, K. I hope I'm able to have the lower body strength to go hiking again. Before my injury, I was out hiking every day. So I hope I can be out there again. You know, road tripping, just traveling and yeah. Being able to find, you know, just a decent job, you know, nothing crazy. You know, I, I felt so. I mean, it's a double edged sword, I guess, but in this sense, I was so happy that I wasn't married and had kids because, you know, me getting fucked up like this, I mean, could you imagine, you know, having. I'm not able to support my wife and kids because, because of my accident, you know.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Stanley]

But at the same time, but at the same time, not having a wife and kids, you know, I'm so alone, you know, and I don't have someone to help me with this recovery. So again, it's a double edged sword.

[Lyle]

Is that something you, you are hopeful for, for the future?

[Stanley]

You know, I'm such a realist, you know, I, I understand. I mean, it's gonna be hard for, I mean, like, there's no, there's no girl out there thinking, yeah, let me, let me go find a quadriplegic, right, to spend the rest of my life with. Right? So, I mean, I totally get that. But.

[Lyle]

You know, dude, I will hold on. By the way, let me say that there are, you know, I don't know if you ever, I don't know if you ever been on the dating apps, but there are other women in wheelchairs on the dating apps for sure.

[Stanley]

Yeah. You're not wrong.

[Lyle]

That could be kind of crazy.

[Stanley]

Yeah, you're not wrong. Wow. But, yeah, I mean, you know, if it happens, it happens. You know, I would, I would love to be married someday, but I'm not uncomfortable being single. Like I said, I do have my dog, so I'm not completely alone. Yeah. How about you, Lyle? Are you dating? What's up with you?

[Lyle]

Me? I'm crazy, man. I'm. I go, I go to the park and I'll see, I'll see someone beautiful and I'll be like. And I'll walk away and then I'll be like, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go eat a sandwich. That's what I'll do. What about me? I don't know. I have the dreams and wants and desires and frustrations about my dreams and wants and desires that coexist with optimism. So my frustration and My optimism coexist in a bit of a beautiful harmony with each other, and they drive me forward to not die, not want to die, and to, you know, keep going. It's a way. It's a. It's a. It's a. Like a yin and yang. The optimism and frustration that I feel is like a. Like a little ball that drives the car of my existence forward. I don't know.

[Stanley]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Hope, hopefully. You know, and they. You know, I've had periods of my life with that were about 95% frustration slash apathy and 5% optimism, and then times that have been 95% optimism and 5% frustration, and they're both. Both of those things are as you. As, you know, as a realist. Both of those things are dangerous. You don't want to be. You don't want to be too apathetic and frustrated, but you don't want to be too blindly optimistic to the fact that you'll never experience anything bad ever again. So.

[Buford]

Right.

[Lyle]

Yeah. I don't know. That's. That's. That's, I guess, my answer of what's going on with me.

[Stanley]

All right.

[Lyle]

Do you play video games?

[Stanley]

You know, I. I used to, but after my accident, you know, my hand.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Stanley]

Yeah. But, yeah.

[Lyle]

Movies.

[Stanley]

Yeah, I do. I've been watching a lot of Netflix and. Yeah, yeah. Hbo. Max Peacock. Just been running through a lot of shows that I've also already watched.

[Lyle]

I know you said. I mean, I know you're, like, kind of dealing with, like, loneliness in general. Like, do you. You know, I think. Yeah, normally I. I think it's best to, like, go out in person to, like, meet people, hang out with people, but if you can't do that, I mean, there is a lot of great communities on Discord and Reddit and Twitch that you can, you know, be a part of. I mean, look, there's people hanging out of my Twitch chat right now. Do you. Do you take advantage of any of that?

[Stanley]

I do not. Mm.

[Lyle]

Yeah. You should consider it, you know. Yeah. If you don't have the means to, you know, leave your house right now, I think it's a good thing to look into, but it's also nice because, you know, once you're feeling better and more mobile, I mean, I know a lot of people. I have friends who, you know, have met, you know, people who listen to this podcast, I'm sure, who have met people in, like, Reddit or Discord or Twitch and, you know, or, like, online means. And I've then actually, you know, through those online Means gone on to create, like, genuine, you know, friendships that, that exist beyond the computer. So I think it's. I think, I think if you're like, I guess all this is to say, and I appreciate you sharing, you know, your vulnerability and your story, and I'm also thinking about your situation from, like, a logistical standpoint. And I think that if you, if you do feel frustrated and you feel like you're spinning your fucking wheels, like being at home and, you know, not having any. Not. Not having anyone at home and then not being able to go out, it fucking sucks. And I think if you're spinning your. And I would just say, like, I think if you're spinning your wheels over that and you're like, okay, I need like a. Just some sort of like, outlet to feel like I'm not spinning my fucking hamster wheels and I'm like, trying to do something. Because I think that's. That's kind of what settles the brain ultimately is when it feels like it's not spinning its wheels and it's like we're actually fucking trying to do something about how, you know, the bad shit we're feeling. I think it's not a terrible idea to, you know, give a shot to joining, like, you know, a Reddit or a Twitch or a Discord community. You know, even if there was like a video game that you used to play, right? Like, you know, like, what's a video game? You used to be really into.

[Stanley]

Like, NBA 2K.

[Lyle]

NBA 2K. I mean, great. You could, you could go into, you could go into like a 2K Discord and be like, you know, hey, what's up? My name is, you know, Jonathan 420. That's the username I came up with for you.

[Stanley]

Perfect.

[Lyle]

And, and I, and I, you know, I, I used to play a lot of 2k, but then I got into this accident, blah, blah, blah. But I'm just here because I love talking about the game, blah, blah. So I want to be like, oh, hey, what's up? You know, it's, it's worth giving a shot. I would say if you're, if you're spinning your wheels and you want to talk to someone.

[Stanley]

Yeah, totally.

[Lyle]

What is your. Not Jonathan 420 name again?

[Stanley]

Stanley.

[Lyle]

Stanley. There used to be a. What the fuck was that show on the Disney Channel where there was a guy named Stanley who, like, hung out with animals? Do you know what I'm talking about?

[Stanley]

I do not.

[Lyle]

You don't know what I'm talking about?

[Stanley]

I don't I really don't.

[Lyle]

Okay. I'm gonna look that up after this phone call, but, yeah, again, man, thanks. Thanks for sharing. I hope that. I guess I'll ask before we go, like, is there anything else that you wanted to talk about or any other, like, I don't know, shit you wanted to talk through or any other way that, like, this. This phone call could be helpful to you?

[Stanley]

Yeah. I mean, to anyone listening now or, you know, when this is up on YouTube or whatever, you know, anyone going through anything similar or going through a dark spot, just. Just know you come through it. Because when I was discharged from the hospital just two months after my accident, you know, I was back home and like I said, I was alone, and, man, I fell into a deep depression and, you know, you know, dealing with. With suicide. Can I say that without getting okay? Yeah. So, you know, I was. I was. I was battling suicide there because, you know, I mean, I was still, you know, learning to walk again. I mean, you know, I just didn't know how much my body would heal back. Right. And again, you know, just battling the mental battle as well. I. You know, it would just be so easy to just. To just pull that trigger. But after about. Maybe about a month, maybe two months, and I started to feel better, you know. You know. You know, I started, you know, outpatient therapy, and again, you know, the therapists were wonderful. Did a great job, you know, and then, you know, just took it a day at a time. Right. And then, yeah, the past several months have been. Have been great. And. Yeah. So to everyone listening, just, you know, just take a day at a time and, you know, it will get better. It really will get better.

[Lyle]

I appreciate you sharing that sentiment, man. And I hope things go better with you. I hope that you're able to find some sense of community and some sense of, like, a good path forward for yourself, and I appreciate you sharing your. Your optimism with the class.

[Stanley]

Absolutely. Thank you, Geck.

[Lyle]

Take care, Stanley. Good luck.

[Stanley]

Yes, sir.

[Lyle]

That was a nice guy, Stanley. Shit. What the fuck was I gonna say? Yeah, that was. That was nice. I mean, yeah, I've had. I've had, yes. Times where I felt, you know, I think. I think one of the nice things I thought about recently is that I've had a lot of also times where, you know, I felt suicidal or insane and to then look back and be like, oh, wait, life actually feels kind of normal and chill now. It's like, oh, I didn't even know that that would. Like, when I was feeling that way, I didn't even know it would be possible to not feel that way in the future. So, you know, there's something to that. Something to staying optimistic. Wait, okay, what's the name of this fucking cartoon? Disney Channel? Stanley. Stan. Oh, it's just called Stanley. Okay, all right, I'm not crazy. It's called Stanley and it's about this guy Stanley who he hangs out with animals. I thought he was like riding a dinosaur or some shit, or he's like a pet tiger. Okay, okay. I'm not crazy. This existed. Hello folks, it's Lyle here. That's the end of this episode. But get this, I'm releasing a bonus episode this week. That's right, an entire extra hour of the podcast that you can listen to by becoming a premium member of Therapy gecko. Over at therapygecko.supercast.com Supercast subscribers get access to bonus episodes. They get a completely ad free podcast feed of the regular show. They get recordings from my live shows members only streams and they help support my ability to continue doing this podcast. So here's a clip from this week's members only bonus episode.

[Buford]

We started delivering pizzas in a pretty.

[Stanley]

Shady part of a nearby city.

[Buford]

Didn't make it two months through that until some guys actually tried to kill me.

[Lyle]

While you were delivering pizzas?

[Buford]

Yeah. I call my girlfriend back and I. I'm just like, yeah. She's like, what happened?

[Stanley]

What happened?

[Lyle]

Are you okay? I was like, I just got stabbed.

[Buford]

You doink.

[Lyle]

If you want to hear this full conversation, you can sign up to become a premium [e-mail] or find the link in the episode description. That's Therapygecko Supercast. All right, I have nothing else to say.

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[Lyle]

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[Lyle]

Ah come on. Why is this taking so long?

[Jimmy]

This thing is ancient.

[Lyle]

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