Lily (2:00)

How's. Are you excited for Christmas or holiday or whatever?

Host (2:04)

No, I. No, I'm. I'm not. I. I'm not excited about them at all. I. I view most holidays as interruptions to my life, actually, at this point. Yeah, I don't give it like New Year's. I don't care. Christmas, I don't care.

Lily (2:24)

Okay.

Host (2:25)

You know, I don't. I think it's for a few reasons. I mean, I don't have a real job, so I still. I still. I still have to work, I guess.

Lily (2:36)

Yeah.

Host (2:37)

I don't. I don't have, like, a kid, so I'm not doing that.

Lily (2:42)

Do you. Do you celebrate the passage of time?

Host (2:48)

No. I try not to think about the passage of time or. I mean, I think about the passage of time a lot. I just don't. There's no reason for me to care about any of those holidays. I like the way that Christmas looks and I like the way that Halloween looks, but I just. I view them as interruptions, you know, I like. I like normal days and the holidays, they kind of fuck them up. I know that sounds insane. I know I sound like a crazy person, but that's.

Lily (3:27)

No, no, I don't think that's crazy at all. I think it's just, you know, I think everyone has their like, like opinion on it for sure. But I don't know, for me, I'm just like. I'm driving home right now and like, family stuff is weird and I think it's weird for everyone, but as I get older, it's like, okay, I always. It's like I go home to family and then I'm a year older and I'm like, oh, cool. I care a little bit less about their opinion. And so it's like a nice little marker of like, growth or lack of growth. And then I don't know, it's like a check in.

Host (4:04)

Why?

Lily (4:05)

The lights are pretty too. So I feel it.

Host (4:08)

Why? Why is family weird?

Lily (4:13)

So I am from, like, a very small town and like, So I am 28. And like, there's just some, like, I'm trying to move internationally. I'm like, bisexual. I haven't come out to like, my parents yet. So it's kind of weird for that way. I was supposed to have like a girl come over for Thanksgiving. It was like a situationship thing. But I didn't really have that conversation with my parents yet. And then I like, get home and I'm like, oh, man, I'm still not like, strong enough to have this conversation. I guess I was like, like, I guess that's like a part of it. So it's just like, over time, it's like. I don't know, it was just like little threads of that relationship and stuff. It's always like, makes me feel weird. But they're also getting older and I have like nephews and shit now. So it's like I have to like, show up for them because I love them. But it's also like a fear of lack of acceptance. But I don't really necessarily care, but deep down I do. So.

Host (5:21)

So yeah, you're saying that every year you care a little less?

Lily (5:27)

I think so. But I haven't like, Pulled the trigger on, like, the action of it. Does that make sense?

Host (5:38)

Yeah, sure, that does make sense.

Lily (5:40)

Yeah. But, like, it's not like. Like, if they ever, like, ask me about it, then I'm like, I wouldn't feel as weird, but it's just, like, hard to broach the conversation. But that. That's just one little, like, chunk of stuff. But.

Lauren (5:57)

Yeah.

Host (6:00)

So how are you spending the holidays?

Lily (6:06)

I'm gonna go visit parents and my brother and go see the nephews. And that's, like, another little aspect of it is he has. He's only two years older than me, so he has, like, the house and the family and the wife and the white picket fence, and I'm trying to, like, get out of the country and, like, travel, and I'm, like, all over the place.

Host (6:29)

You said your nephew is two years older than you.

Lily (6:34)

So my brother is two years older than me.

Host (6:36)

Okay. Yes. Okay.

Lily (6:37)

But he's, like, super accomplished, and I'm just like, oh. Like, I have my accomplishments, but, like, I don't know. It's just, like, a weird, like, comparative thing. But I love him very much.

Host (6:49)

Do you want the white picket fence life?

Lily (6:54)

No, but I think it makes things easier.

Host (6:57)

In what. In what way do you think it makes things easier? Like, what does it make easier?

Lily (7:03)

It's just, like, more, like, accepting, I suppose. Okay, I forget.

Host (7:10)

What did you just kill? What the. Was that?

Lily (7:13)

No, I'm just driving. I'm sorry.

Host (7:17)

What was that cat noise?

Lily (7:19)

That was me yelling. I go, yeah, yeah, okay. I'm the cat. You're the gecko. I'm the cow. Yeah.

Host (7:28)

So. Hmm. Okay, so you. It's an easier life to explain to your family, is what you're saying.

Lily (7:41)

It's an easier life to explain to my family. And also, I feel like the. It's more mapped out. It's more linear. It's easier to do, as opposed to, like, doing what we all individually want to do and have to explore and, like, jump into, like, the unknown. Like, that's what. That's what we should be doing. But it's, like, scary and painful in a bunch of ways because we don't know what that's like. And fear is very uncomfortable when you're in it. And so there's, like, a part that I'm just like, I wish I liked the white ticket fan situation, but I don't. So it's, like, on that jumping for me of, like, moving forward.

Host (8:24)

But so. So what is jumping. What is jumping forward looking like for you these days?

Lily (8:31)

So about. So I'M trying to, like. I said, like, get out of the country. I'm trying to do international teaching and get, like, all of that, but it's, like, super expensive. So I'm, like, trying to, like, save up as much as I can and just, like, I don't know, like, around and find out and see what happens. But it's also very scary because it's just, like. It's really me doing all of this, and it's hard. And, like, financials are hard. I swear I had more to talk about.

Host (9:04)

What do you mean? What. What? The foil. What the. What do you mean? You have a lot. What are you talking about? You have a lot to talk about.

Lily (9:08)

But there was, like. There were, like, so many, like, individual situations.

Lauren (9:11)

I'm like.

Lily (9:13)

And now I'm like, of course. It's like Christmas, but.

Host (9:17)

Okay, so where. Where do you want to go to teach?

Lily (9:23)

So I went to Amsterdam back in October, and it was so nice. And, like, all the little coffee smoke shops and, like, I had truffles, and it was just really. It was. It was a vibe. And there's a magic bookshop museum thing out there called the Rittman Museum or the Rittman Library, and it's full of, like, old magic books. So, like, King Solomon, like, where he sealed all the demons into, like, the rings and stuff, all those books are on display, and you can volunteer to, like, work there. And it was just really cool. And I don't know, it was, like, a good feeling. But Amsterdam's cool. Morocco's on my list. Thailand's on my list.

Host (10:06)

Amsterdam's probably. And Amsterdam is one of my three favorite cities on the planet, actually.

Lily (10:13)

Oh, it's so fun. And everyone's so nice and.

Host (10:16)

Yeah.

Lily (10:16)

Yeah. And it's like, people party, but they're not, like, belligerent.

Host (10:20)

Yeah.

Lily (10:20)

Like, they know how to, like. I mean, not. I'm not trying to generalize because there were a couple, like, weirdo, like, you know, uncomfy situations, but for the most part, it was sick.

Host (10:32)

Okay, so you're trying to just kind of, like, run out abroad and do go on, like, little weird adventures.

Lily (10:40)

A weird little adventure. And then there's also, like, another ad. Part of this, too is it's just, like, there's so much pressure because now I've been, like, saving. So I've been doing, like, sex work for the past, like, five years just for the fact of saving, because, like, I'm a librarian, like, by, like, trade, and, like, you don't really get paid a whole lot, so. I've been doing that like on the side to just like try to get more money. And like, it's been working, but now I'm just like, okay, like, I'm so tired of it. And there's such an underbelly of all of that. And like I'm pro sex work, like, do your thing. But I feel like there's so much more to it. And I'm like my, like my future is kind of like hinging on all this to work out and I'm like, if none of this comes to pass and all of the work I've done will. I don't know, it just like, it'll, it'll be heavier. But I know that's like an anxiety, like, what if situation. So I'm trying not to think about that and like stay positive. But like, yeah, yeah, I see here.

Host (11:48)

That you, you texted me saying, I'm five years into. I'm five years into non digital sex work and I am losing my mind about the complexity of the human underbelly. What does that mean?

Lily (12:03)

Yeah, I have so many stories. I have so many stories. But like, like it's just some. It's a whole wide range of, of clients. A lot of them are like middle aged divorced dads or like older men. And like there's been like really rather really like gross guys or like, I don't know, like, I'm very sensitive, I guess. And there is this one guy who had this like bigger house and like he would collect all of like these old Nintendo 64 and all these devices and stuff. And he was super sweet, but he didn't have a date for like 50 years. And he was like, didn't know how to date or talk to women. And that was his thing. And he was a sweetheart and I'm just like, that broke me. And then there's like other guys that are just like cheating on their wives and I don't know. Or they're like. Or their daughters are the same age as me. And I'm like, this is weird. And I don't know. There's such a huge underbelly of it of just like, there's so much that goes into it. I don't know.

Host (13:17)

And you said you've been doing that for five years?

Lily (13:21)

Yeah, yeah, since COVID I was originally on. So I went to like a Christmas party and found out about like foot fetishes. It's like a very long story. And then I was like selling foot pictures. I was like Reddit and that was kind of fun and Then, like, I just, like, moved off of there.

Yumi (13:40)

And.

Lily (13:40)

Yeah. So, like I said, it's a very, very long story, but.

Host (13:46)

And so, I mean, were you able to save up what you needed to save up in those five years?

Lily (13:52)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I. I did. I did enough. And I set, like, emergency fund aside and all of that, but now that I'm, like, looking at, I'm just like, okay, like, everything needs to work out now because I'm trying to pivot out of it, and so there's like, an extra, like, heavy weight on it. So I don't know.

Host (14:13)

What do you mean everything needs to work out?

Lily (14:17)

Like, for moving. Right. For taking that. Like, I don't. Like, I'm trying to think of what I mean.

Host (14:29)

Like, you have to lie. Like, what does working out mean? Like, you, like, are you trying to get a. Get a job? Like, you're trying to get a job in one of these places? Yeah.

Lily (14:38)

Yeah. And so I'm just like. I have, like, job fairs scheduled and stuff, but I feel like if things. It's always like, the. What is it? Prepare for the. Prepare for the worst, hope for the best sort of thing.

Host (14:52)

Yeah.

Lily (14:54)

Yeah. So I'm like, I. I want it to work out, but then in the back of my head, I'm like, if it doesn't, then, like, what was the point of all of this?

Host (15:06)

What was the point of saying, it's not just.

Lily (15:08)

And it's not just with. Yeah. Like, doing. Doing the sex work or saving up or, you know, like, all of the energy and research and all of it, and, like, I don't know. That's like, a point of anxiety.

Host (15:28)

Hmm. What was the point of it?

Lily (15:32)

Yeah, because, like, it's just really. It's kind of like a relationship where you, like. Was it sun cost fallacy where you put so much of yourself into something, and then for whatever reason, if, like, it doesn't work out, then you're. I don't know. It's just.

Lauren (15:47)

It's hard.

Host (15:50)

Yeah. But I don't know, man. Life is a sunk cost fallacy. I mean, what was the point of, you know, doing a. Anything?

Lily (15:59)

My theory with that is, like, you have to do something. What else are you gonna do? Just, you have to do something. You have to pick something to do. So I'm like, I might as well see the world. And I don't know. And it's also like, the sex work, too, is just like. I don't know. Like, I grew up in a very, like, religious background. Um, and so it's Just really, especially now with like the over, I think an over saturation of sex work, like throughout the Internet and in general because of COVID like people really picked up on it. A lot of sex workers will complain about that because of how oversaturated it is. So it's just like I had a point and I lost it.

Host (16:45)

I mean, it's a noble profession. I believe that.

Lily (16:48)

Oh yeah. Hell yeah. Yeah.

Host (16:51)

So I don't think you, it's not like you do. I, I, I genuinely think that doing sex work, I mean, it's more noble of a way of making money than like, like buying and selling cryptocurrency.

Lily (17:08)

Oh no, I agree. And it's also like, there's a part of it that's really fun. Like, really fun. And like I got a lot of, like, I grew a lot because of it. But it's also like a double edged thing. And yeah, because I've watched a couple of videos too before. It's just something that like the both sides of it doesn't get talked about.

Host (17:31)

So I don't know, what was the point of anything? I mean, you helped people, you saved money in an attempt to enrich your own life. You got to, you're gonna get to attempt to travel and do these things. It sounds like there were points. It sounds like it has not been a completely vapid experience for you.

Lily (18:00)

No, it's just I don't know where to put it yet, you know, and also where to put the experience and like, it unlocked like a whole new part of myself and also unlocked a whole new understanding of like, other people and ways of dating and all of it. So it's just about like processing and like integrating, you know?

Host (18:30)

But okay, so where, what if, if things were like, what, what's the vision for things working out perfectly? Like if you wave your magic wand and everything works out perfectly. How's that look?

Lily (18:48)

Long. Okay, so long, long, long term goal I want to have. And I, I feel like this, I talk a lot about this to different people. So it may be a little identifying, but whatever. But like the end goal is I want to have a house with a little covered porch, like a little cabin. And it's a wraparound covered porch. And in the front there is a little tiny lake that freezes over in the winter. And there's a little fire pit and you can go swimming in the lake when it's warm outside. And then I want to have a rocking chair in the covered porch and I want to have a cat on my lap and A cup of tea. And inside I have an Alaskan king bed and refrigerator would have all the different types of ice in it. Like the moon shaped ice and the ones with the holes in it and the crushed ice. And I want to have like a little bit of wood so I can go like hiking in and whatnot. And I want to be a little old lady sitting in Moroccan care with my cat and my tea fire blazing. You can hear the ice crackle, the snow. First snowfall just falls and then I have a brain aneurysm and that's it.

Host (19:55)

Oh, and then you die.

Lily (19:57)

And so. Yeah, so I'm so. I'm trying to like work backwards.

Host (20:01)

All right. Okay, so you wanna, you wanna make it. Yeah. You wanna, you wanna make it to 80 and die?

Lily (20:08)

It depends on the state of my body, right. And like what's going on? Because rather 80 is very like I met very young 80 year olds and I met very like old 80 year olds or 70 year olds. Right. So it's like, it depends on like how things work out. But I'm like, okay, I need like a house on the lake is very expensive, right? Like, unless you're Airbnb or like generational wealth or something. Like, it's really hard to come by. But I'm like, does it have to be in the States? Can it be someplace else? Does it have. Can it be in Canada? So I'm trying to go like lake hopping and like see what's up. I don't know, that's like the ultimate goal, but then there's like a bunch of stuff in between.

Host (20:53)

Okay, you want to exist next to a lake? Yeah, I think we can do that. I think that's an achievable goal for you.

Lily (21:03)

Yeah, but not like a huge lake, but like enough that I can like swim in it. But not super big that it has made. You know what I mean? Like, not like Finger Lake lakes.

Host (21:14)

What. What's pond your name is Lily.

Lily (21:19)

Yeah.

Host (21:19)

I mean you can go to a lake. You can go sit by a lake right now.

Lily (21:26)

Yeah, but like, there's no lakes where I live. Like, you have to drive to go to a lake. I need to live. Like, I need a lake community.

Host (21:36)

Okay, you don't. Yeah, I mean you can just go to a lake. You don't.

Lily (21:42)

Yeah, but only like ebay. Yep.

Host (21:44)

I think. No, it's not hard. I feel like you're. Yeah. What you just described is not. I mean, you want like own. I guess you're talking about like you want to own a lake house. But I mean, here's the thing. Whether you own a lake house or Whether you own a lake house or you go to a lake, you're still fucking at the lake.

Lily (22:03)

Yeah, but it's so expensive. That's what I'm saying. I'm like, well, what do you. What do I have to do? What's going on? And then there's so much more stuff in between that, you know, and there's so many lakes out there also. Lighthouses. That's another one. I want to go lake and lighthouse hopping.

Host (22:22)

Have you ever been to a lighthouse?

Lily (22:26)

I've been to many lighthouses. And also I think I was a sailor in a past life because every time I go to lighthouse and it's like rocky shores and it's like crashing up, I just cry like a little baby and I think I died at sea.

Host (22:41)

When are you gonna go on your journey to wherever you're going?

Lily (22:47)

I don't know. So I'm doing some school stuff and I have to quit my job because it's unpaid, like teaching student teaching for three months, which is bullshit. And then, I don't know, I have to figure. Figure it out. So hopefully by spring. But if that doesn't work, then I'm probably gonna go west or something. Like, Pacific Northwest is really cool, but also very expensive. So I don't.

Host (23:27)

What's your. What's your brother think about your life when you talk to him and you're like, oh, you have a this and that and the other thing. Yeah, doing this.

Lily (23:38)

I. I don't know if I've ever, like, talked to him about, like, a little bit of the jealousy aspect of it, but he's pretty supportive, you know, he's like my older brother. So we're pretty tight. Like, I know you're tight with your sister, so it's kind of like, like similar. Right? That's nice because you, like. Yeah, yeah. You're like a little kid and like, you kind of hate each other. And he was like my first bully and was like, rip the Barbies heads off my doll and like, throw them on the roof and like, shoot me with this BB gun. But then I would, like, beat him up when he won at PlayStation, you know, and then it's like you get older and things change, but you still have that, like, deep connection. And I came out to him and he was just like, that just makes you cooler. And he's like, when can I meet her? And I'm, you know. So it's, it's. It's nice that way.

Host (24:26)

So do you have pretty.

Lily (24:27)

He's supportive. No, I had, like, a situation thing. But, man, women are hard. Like, honestly. Or in, like, a little scary, you know?

Host (24:41)

Sure.

Lily (24:42)

It's, like, a little intimidating, but.

Yumi (24:46)

Yeah.

Lily (24:46)

And also, too. It's like, with everything going on, I'm like. I just don't have, like. I got on hinge. I went on a couple dates with some girls, and there was one girl I really liked. But, like, I just. I just don't have the energy or time. And also, if I'm, like, trying to move in six months or whatever, it's not very fair. So I don't know.

Host (25:10)

Well, Lily, I wish you good luck on your journeys. I think.

Lily (25:15)

Thank you.

Host (25:17)

I don't know what I think. I wish I had.

Lily (25:20)

I don't know.

Host (25:21)

I wish I had something motivational. I wish I had something motivational to say to you, but.

Lily (25:27)

I. I don't even know if there's a pro, like, a problem. I'm just afraid all the time. But, like, nine. Like, I'm just internalizing it and I'm chill about it. But then, like, if I think about it too much, I just, like, panic. But we're fine.

Host (25:44)

I think you can get to a lake. I think we can do that for you.

Lily (25:48)

I think so, too. I'm just, like, where. You know, there's so many of them.

Host (25:55)

Lily, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Lily (26:01)

There's a good quote that I read in a book that I completely forgot. And it's. This is also out. This is also adding myself a little bit, but I think it was like. Like, don't slow dance with your skeleton. And I just really fuck with that.

Host (26:18)

What? Don't slow dance with your skeleton. What does that mean?

Lily (26:22)

Don't slow dance with your skeleton. So, like, all the past stuff, dance with it. But don't hold it that tightly. Don't, like, stick and ruminate on it. Let it go. You know, Salsa. Do a little salsa. Don't slow dance.

Host (26:37)

Okay. I like that. I'll keep that in mind.

Lauren (26:39)

Yeah.

Lily (26:40)

Yeah. Okay.

Host (26:42)

Thank you, Lily. Anyway, have a good rest of your life. I'm rooting for you. I think you'll. I think you'll find your lake.

Lily (26:50)

Yeah. And by the way, I'm gonna see you on tour. I'm gonna try.

Host (26:53)

Oh, cool. Where?

Lily (26:55)

Yep. I'm trying to go for Pittsburgh.

Host (26:59)

Okay. Sick. Okay, I'll be there.

Lily (27:01)

Yeah. Cool. I'll introduce myself. I don't know when tickets get released, but the.

Host (27:07)

I actually don't really know either. Sometime in the next few months. But. But yes. No, if you. If you're like, hey, I'm the lady who wanted to who did sex work and wanted to go to a lake and other other other things. I will 100% remember.

Lily (27:27)

Well, awesome.

Host (27:30)

Thank you, Lily. I'll see you around the universe.

Lily (27:32)

Yeah.

Yumi (27:33)

Take care.

Lily (27:33)

Have a great day.

Host (27:34)

Bye, Lily. You too. I kind of want to go to a lake. A lake sounds nice.

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Lily (29:30)

This is where mindset comes in.

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Lily (29:34)

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Yumi (29:43)

From Yumi hello.

Lily (29:45)

Hello.

Host (29:47)

Hi. What is your name?

Yumi (29:49)

My name is Yumi.

Host (29:50)

Where did you get the name Yumi from?

Yumi (29:54)

I honestly don't know. Since I was a kid, I always liked liked it. My actual name starts with a Y. So.

Host (30:03)

Yumi Yumi, Yumi, Yumi. What's going on with you, Yumi? How's life? How's. How. How are you? How is your existence? What's going on? What you want to talk about?

Yumi (30:17)

Well, it's going good. I just got to my apartment. I have a little cat named Cher and she's super cool. Sorry, I'm like, super nervous, so I'm a little bit hyperventilating.

Lily (30:31)

And.

Yumi (30:32)

Well, I had a really rough year. I did text in quite a few things, but yeah, it was kind of rough just now barely getting on my feet and stuff. Went through a crazy breakup and then now I'm just at my new apartment after leaving that relationship and never thought I would have my own apartment. And now I do in the city. It's pretty cool. Yeah.

Host (31:01)

Yeah. Why would. Why was. Why were things rough? What was bad? If that's what you want to talk about.

Yumi (31:10)

Yeah, I mean, whatever. I'm down to talk about whatever.

Host (31:13)

Okay.

Yumi (31:14)

So, yeah, So, I mean, I left that relationship because there was like, some abuse going on. I have a daughter with him and she's four. And yeah, it's just not a great relationship. I actually, through reading learned that he's a covert narcissist. And so that was kind of rough, which I'm still coming to terms with. Just the fact that there's a lot of these people out there that are really bad underneath.

Host (31:47)

Well, now, what is it? What makes somebody a covert narcissist?

Yumi (31:52)

Well, like, an overt narcissist is usually a person that they like, outwardly are self centered, you know, self interested, like, screw over others to get ahead. And a covert doesn't do that to your face. They do that over time. So, like, once it got to the point where I was doing really good in my career, and I think that's when he turned and he, like, started to be like a super different person to me. And what it's called, like, the discard phase, where, like, they start to like, kind of discard you, but you don't know it because it's covert.

Host (32:37)

Why do you. Why was. What was it about you doing well in your career that you believe made him. Made him want to discard you?

Yumi (32:46)

I think that he was intimidated by it. I think since the beginning of the relationship, he was always at a better position than I was. And I don't know, I think it intimidated him. It made him feel less than. I work at a law firm that's like, very well known in the area. And so I think that some of that Kind of. I don't know. I think that me being in this good position just maybe intimidated him to where he felt threatened, things like that.

Lily (33:24)

And I don't know.

Yumi (33:27)

I mean, I. You know, narcissists really love power too. So I think that was part of it is where, like, he felt that I. He didn't have as much power. I was doing well now, making good money. And so.

Lily (33:42)

Yeah.

Host (33:46)

Okay. And you're a kid. You have a kid. You have a kid with him.

Yumi (33:52)

Yeah, I was just gonna say I'm literally currently still going through. Well, it's not custody anymore. It's just child support stuff. Yeah, he. He's screwed me over in legal area too, because I can't afford an attorney. And so he, with his attorney have screwed me over with, you know, stuff like child support. And so right now I'm still trying to fight against that because of the fact that I'm paying him child support because he screwed me over. He and his attorney lied to the judge to get out of child support.

Host (34:34)

So where is your kid now?

Yumi (34:37)

She's with him. We do half and half joint custody, which is another thing. He baptized her without me knowing, which is crazy.

Lily (34:45)

Oh, yeah.

Yumi (34:47)

Like. And that's a thing that goes against the joint custody, but in legal matters, I mean, how are you going to really. You can't take back a baptism or anything, which I'm not against at all. But the fact that it was hidden is really messed up, you know?

Host (35:01)

So do you guys at least live in the same city?

Yumi (35:05)

Yeah, we do.

Host (35:12)

So you had a kid with this guy? I guess I'm. I'm very interested, I suppose, in like. And. Because it's a fearful thought and I'm sorry that this happens to you. It's a fearful thought that you, like, kind of like trust someone enough to do really big, serious life things with them. And I assume you, you know, you know, don't do those things, like foolishly or quickly. You do those things even, Even. Even if you do them over time, even if you do everything right and you, you do everything. What would. What's the word? Cautiously, cautiously, optimistically, you could still wind up being like, what the fuck? I never. I don't think I knew this person. Is that what, Is that what you feel like happened to you, or did you feel like there you were ignoring, like, signs of some kind?

Yumi (36:19)

You know, I don't think it was signs, per se, because at the beginning it was very much like love bombing. And that's part of the narcissistic personality to get into relationships and things like that. The love bombing phase. And then just over time I started to realize, like, I'm not being given the, you know, love and things like that of, you know, relationship. And then closer to the end, it was just kind of in my face where, like, he just didn't care about my time. He thought his own stuff was much more important, important than me, you know, like, even when I was giving birth, like, it was about him. And, you know, usually when you or your significant other is giving birth, you know, you want to comfort them, you know, pat them, things like that. And that just doesn't. Didn't happen. And so over time, and then I'm now in a new relationship where I do see the actual, like, love and affection that does go into a relationship that just wasn't there before. But it is pretty scary because it's like you don't really see it because at the beginning it's like a lot of love bombing. So it's like you think that it's going to be that way, you know, for years and years to come. But then like, for my example, it just felt like at a point he just didn't care, you know, to even pretend to be a good partner.

Host (37:52)

How long were you with him for? Four years, you said. Yeah, I'm sorry, the kid is four years old. How long were you with. With the guy?

Yumi (38:00)

Three years. So last year, December, with. When everything started to hit the fan. Yeah, it just, it went really, it went downhill pretty quickly. But it all started kind of like a few years ago in July. I, you know, this might be very sensitive, but, like, I went through an abortion and so like, he just wasn't there. And when we talked about it, it just really came down to his Catholic guilt about it all. And so he like, pushed me away as well because of it. So, you know, it just over time, just a lot of little things here and there where it's like, you know, you don't do those kinds of things to the person that you love. And now he's in a new relationship with someone that's liberal and, and it's because I know this because apparently my current boyfriend was in a band with her and she was a lead singer. And now my current boyfriend had screwed his current girlfriend, which is crazy.

Host (39:12)

Huh? Where did you meet your current boyfriend?

Yumi (39:16)

On field, actually.

Host (39:18)

Field? What's going on on field?

Yumi (39:21)

It's actually, I mean, if you want. Well, when I was looking, I was never intending to be in a relationship and actually like, we, I talked I was talking to him for months and months until I decided to be in a relationship with him. And I mean, if you want sex and don't want a relationship, get on field.

Lily (39:42)

I gotta imagine people.

Host (39:45)

Yeah, but I gotta imagine the. The like, I gotta imagine if you're a woman on that website, it's like you have 800 trillion messages. And if you're a guy, it's probably not. I don't. I. I gotta imagine that's. It's skewed.

Yumi (40:04)

Yeah, it is. From what I've heard on. On his end of it. Yeah. For me it was to a point kind of overwhelming. And I don't want to sound kind of like, I don't know, like a conceited or anything, but I mean, for a woman, it's pretty overwhelming. The dating apps, because I was on quite a few actually before I. I decided to get off of them.

Host (40:25)

Was which one was the best? Was it filled?

Yumi (40:30)

Yeah, to be honest, I think field and I think I was on Bumble too, but yeah, Tinder was a lot of like flaky men, actually. And then I never got on the hinge either.

Lily (40:49)

So.

Host (40:50)

Yoke, I see you have your own apartment now. It sounds like life is. It sounds like. It sounds like life is better for you. It sounds like things are good.

Lily (40:57)

It is.

Yumi (40:58)

I'm. You know, thankfully there's some break between school, but I'm also going to school and. You know, last semester, this semester, I had a. I had my first, like, real panic attack. And I think it had to do a lot with Adderall, which is why I stopped taking. Had a lot to do with tiny smoke weed. Yeah.

Host (41:21)

What. What about, like, you're just doing. Doing. You're doing too much Adderall.

Yumi (41:27)

Well, I. I took. I think it was on. It was like an anxiety panic attack where it was kind of brought on because I smoked some weed. But earlier that day I had taken like some Adderall because I was studying. And so I think I had a moment of just like panic, which, like, was the weed really, like, brought it out, I think, because it's just. I was already on edge and I think the weed, which I don't usually like, I don't usually get really high. But for some reason this hit, like, really messed with me and my boyfriend had to pick me up and drag to take me to the.

Lauren (42:07)

The hospital.

Yumi (42:07)

This is really scary.

Host (42:09)

Yeah. Wait, you combined weed, weed and Adderall?

Yumi (42:14)

I. I do, yeah.

Host (42:15)

Yeah, I do that all the time. I do that all the time. And it's and it's. I do it all the time. And you want to know something crazy?

Yumi (42:24)

What?

Host (42:24)

I do it all the time. I do it all the time. And every time it's a terrible idea. You would think. And you would think, that's the weirdest part. You would think after the first time of doing it and realizing it's a terrible idea. You would not continue to do it all the time. But yet it makes perfect sense to me. My dumb brain. I think this has how a lot of people's brains work. Mine, Mine. Like, my dumb brain is like, oh, if you smoke weed while you're on a stimulant, it's. It's like you did nothing. You know, it's like a net becomes a net zero. It cancels out. But that's the. That's the dumbest thing of all time that I keep. And it's extra dumb because I continue to believe it.

Lily (43:21)

Yeah. And.

Yumi (43:22)

Well, I think, because, you know, weed is actually like a hallucinogenic. It's not like a downer like alcohol. So if I ever feel like on Adderall, I'm like a little bit too much on the edge, then I'll take like, I'll have like a beer or something. That helps me bring me down. But I think I'm done with Adderall because my panic attack scared the out of me. Like, it was associative. Like, my heart was pounding. Like I was in the ER with my headphones on, trying to like, just breathe. And it wouldn't stop until they gave me some, like, I don't know, it's in the same family of Xanax. I think it was Adavan or something.

Host (44:00)

Yeah, Adavan's cool. I love drugs.

Yumi (44:05)

Me too.

Host (44:06)

Yeah.

Yumi (44:06)

And yeah, sometimes it's, you know, just, you know, sometimes it's not smart. The way that we keep doing the thing that we know is not good for us to do, which, I mean, that's me still with weed.

Host (44:23)

Yeah, no, today I want, like, since I've been. I've been working on. I've just been like working like non stop for like a week. And I, like, unlike the fucking, like fourth day of it, I started, like, just being like, I don't want to be like, how do I. How do I. How do I make myself, like, not conscious through this work? And I was like, I know, I'll. I. It's. It's okay. So I was like working on all this shit and then I was like, okay, let me take a Vyvanse. So of course I can get all this work done, but then also, let me smoke weed so I can pretend not to be here.

Yumi (45:06)

Yeah, well, for me, it helps me get unstuck when I'm doing, like, homework and I'm, like, stuck on a sentence or something. I'm like, let me just smoke a little weed. It'll give me some creative juices. Maybe, like, switch my mindset, which it has. And I think, you know, maybe the Adderall. I think it just got to a point where it was just maybe doing too much.

Host (45:28)

Yeah, Adderall be doing too much.

Yumi (45:30)

I mean, like. Like 30 milligrams a day is what I had taken that day. So it was not much at all. Yeah, my body had started at. Yeah. Yeah. I started at, like, five. And, like, I'm 120 pounds, so maybe that has something to do with how much I can take in. But, yeah, it was. It was. It was crazy.

Host (45:53)

So what's next for your life, Yumi?

Lily (45:57)

Well.

Yumi (46:01)

Well, I'm gonna probably keep smoking weed. You know, I'm gonna be studying for the LSAT here soon, so I might be going back on adult. Who knows? And then what else? I guess keep working my butt off to nearly pay this rent.

Lily (46:22)

I don't know.

Host (46:25)

That's life, man. You just got to pay the rent.

Lily (46:30)

Yeah.

Host (46:34)

Well, I'm sorry all those things happened to you, but I'm also glad to hear that. It sounds like you're doing pretty good, notwithstanding.

Yumi (46:41)

Yeah, no, I'm doing pretty good. I mean, I would definitely recommend reading about, you know, covert narcissism. Narcissism in general. I think that it helps a lot. I think all women should read this book called why? Like, how. Why is he so Angry? Or something like that. I can't remember the. The author, but it basically talks about men and their aggression and things like that. And I think women should read it just to kind of get those red flags in, but also the green flags. I think green flags are more important than the red flags, too.

Host (47:17)

Interesting. Okay, so give us. Give us the thesis. What were the main red flags discussed? And then what were the main green flags discussed?

Yumi (47:32)

Oh, the. Puts me on the spot a little bit. But I. I mean, from what you remember, the red flag. From what I remember the red flags. Like, I think if they don't put much consideration to what you want, especially not considering, you know, boundaries are super important. Even if it's, like, a small thing, like, for example, like, my current boyfriend, I'm like, you can't sleep over tonight. And you have to put your foot down or else, like, it'll keep going. And so, like, I think just having that kind of, you know, your. Your own autonomy over your. Your own self without trying, without letting it overstep at all, because it just. Then it's like kind of a domino effect where it just keeps happening and then. But boundaries are number one, I think. And then the green flag is really just, I think, listening to your body too. You know, it's like your body feels good around this person and at peace.

Lily (48:46)

That.

Yumi (48:46)

That's very important because another red flag is when your body is reacting poorly. Like, I was getting a ton of uti. I was getting a ton of UTI with my ex, and I think that was one of my. I was getting a ton of UTIs and, like, acne, like, all the time. All the time. Which is not the case now. And so the other green flags, I mean, just someone that really genuinely wants to know you as a human. Not just whatever want to know you. You want to know the things that would benefit them, you know?

Host (49:28)

Yeah, it's interesting the way you said, because when you're talking about the body stuff, I kind of interpreted that as, like, mental. Like, if you, like, feel a sense of, like. Like we. If you feel, like, a weird underlying sense of anxiety around them. But you're talking about even as far as, like, physical ailments.

Yumi (49:48)

Yeah, no, definitely physical ailments. I mean, because over time, you're with this person so much that that anxiety you. You probably already are feeling is probably just a culmination that you don't realize, you know? So, like, the anxiety is not something that you can really pinpoint and be like, oh, I'm having anxiety when I'm around this person. You can't, because you're always with this person, you know? And so, yeah, the body, the ACNE and the UTIs, like, if you're not feeling good down there, something's not right because I wasn't doing anything different.

Lily (50:26)

So, you know, h. What.

Host (50:30)

What was the catalystic incident or catalyst for picking up the book? Was there, like, one thing or was it just, like.

Yumi (50:47)

I actually googled it? I was at our apartment in my. With my daughter in bed. I was on my phone Googling stuff. And I don't know, for some reason never occurred to me that it could have been emotional abuse, because I felt like I was being abused, but I didn't know what it was. And so I started to Google it, which, you know, in Heinz, like, it does sound like something that's Like. Like something that you can already like. It doesn't sound like a big revelation thing, but it is when you're in a relationship for that long a time where you've been emotionally abused for so long that you don't really realize that you're being emotionally abused. And so I did Googling and then saw all the things in that Googling that he was doing were the same things until I started to do a lot of audiobooks and buy the books. And, you know, it was rough because when you're reading it, you're, like, crying because it's like, holy. Why did I not connect the dots?

Host (51:51)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I feel like that's how a lot of this starts, is you just start. Especially nowadays with, like, AI and everything. Everyone's. Everyone's always going to, like, Chat GPT and Gemini being like, hey, is it normal for, like, my boyfriend to do this, my girlfriend to do this? Even if I can go into Reddit before that being like, is it normal for this, that and the other? Yeah, you know, And I do, in a sense, believe that have. I kind of am on the camp of having to ask is your answer, especially if you have to ask a lot.

Lily (52:31)

Mm.

Host (52:34)

I mean, I might be wrong about that, but, I mean, that's right.

Yumi (52:39)

I mean, what. When you're starting to Google, like, is my, like, what's wrong with my relationship? Like, it's, you know, definitely cause for concern. Also, I love Chat gbt. I hate how everything, everybody hates AI and Chat gbt. I. I think it's great. I think it's a great tool, and people need to, you know, jump on the train before it leaves them.

Host (53:02)

Well, I think. I think the thing people enjoy about it is that it has some form of, like, it. It allows you kind of, like a free, confidential perspective, I suppose.

Yumi (53:20)

I mean, I. I think people should be more concerned about the energy that it's consuming and how our electric bill is going up because the companies that own the AI is not really paying their fair share. But also, we need to think about nuclear energy as well to kind of help that.

Host (53:41)

My favorite thing about ChatGPT is that I can use it to make images of Woody from Toy Story making out with Winnie the Pooh. And then I can print them out.

Lily (53:53)

Oh, my gosh.

Yumi (53:54)

There's a snake in my boot.

Host (53:57)

There's a snake in mine.

Yumi (53:58)

That's hilarious. Snake in my. My poo.

Host (54:02)

There's a snake in my poo. Dude. I wonder if there's ever been a porn parody of Winnie the Pooh. Where, like, you know how he's always getting stuck in that hole because he's getting his honey.

Lily (54:11)

Oh, my gosh.

Host (54:12)

There's got to be a porn parody of like a guy. There's got to be a gay porn parody or maybe a straight porn parody. Maybe like a gender.

Lily (54:22)

Yeah, I like a lot.

Yumi (54:23)

Yeah, definitely. It's got to be out there where.

Host (54:26)

He'S stuck in this. The hole because of the honey. And then like Piglet comes up to him and starts him in the ass. I'm going to. All right. I got. I got in trouble the last time I did this, but I don't. I don't care. I'm going to do it again. I'm going to. I'm going to. Can I Google this real quick? Is that all right?

Lily (54:44)

Yeah.

Host (54:45)

Okay, hold on. The last time I did this, people got pissed off of me. But okay, Winnie the Pooh porn parody. Winnie the. A lot of. It's a lot, a lot of like a hentai. Okay. I'm trying to find like a live action one. They're all. You know what? There is not a lot. Ask ChatGPT if. Okay, I'm gonna. You know what? Yeah, let's see. Okay. Where can I find a live action porn parody of Winnie the Pooh where he is stuck in his honey hole and gets fucked in the ass by Piglet? Okay. All right. I just used at least three bottles of water. Okay. It said I can't help with finding or describing sexually explicit content like that. Well, fucking. What's the point of you? No, there's nothing on Google, really. It's a lot of. There's like hentai and stuff. Stuff.

Yumi (56:02)

I think you might have to go to the Dark Web for it.

Host (56:06)

Yeah, I'm going to download Tor. Okay. Winnie the Pooh gay porn, XXX parody. Okay. No, no, there's nothing like what I'm describing here. All right. I think we should. I think I'm. What's your name again? Yumi.

Yumi (56:29)

Yumi. Yes.

Host (56:30)

Yumi, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

Yumi (56:35)

I'm just so happy I got on and I hope everybody has. Happy holidays.

Host (56:42)

Thank you, Yumi. Have a good rest of your entire life rooting for you. And I'll see you around the universe, man. Merry. Merry Christmas.

Yumi (56:51)

Yeah, Merry Christmas.

Lily (56:53)

Bye bye.

Host (56:54)

Bye, Yumi. I can't be the first one to come up with that idea because it's that classic like, oh, step, bro, I'm stuck in the laundry machine thing. But Winnie The Pooh was doing that way before it was like a porn thing.

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Lily (59:04)

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Watch the trailer on trainergames.com call from Lauren.

Host (59:18)

Hello.

Lily (59:19)

Hi.

Host (59:20)

What's going on?

Lily (59:21)

So, I mean, kind of a lot.

Lauren (59:23)

But what's new with that?

Host (59:26)

Have we spoken before?

Lauren (59:28)

We have not.

Host (59:30)

Beautiful. What's your name?

Lauren (59:32)

I've tried to get on for a couple months now. I'm Lauren.

Host (59:35)

Lauren. Nice to meet you, Lauren. What's going on with you? How's existing?

Lily (59:40)

Existing is.

Lauren (59:42)

It's all right. I mean, just got off work, hanging out with my cat.

Host (59:47)

Very nice. Very nice. What'd you want to call in today about? Lauren?

Lauren (59:55)

I feel like I've kind of pigeonholed myself with my career, but I'm also Very, very young. So it's like, obviously I didn't, but it's my passion.

Yumi (60:05)

But at the same time, I'm not.

Lauren (60:06)

Sure that I want to continue to do it. So I'm in a weird standstill with that.

Host (60:12)

How old are you?

Lauren (60:14)

I'm 19, but I have five years of experience in this career field.

Host (60:18)

What is it?

Lauren (60:20)

I'm a cook.

Host (60:23)

Okay. What do you. What do you want to do?

Lauren (60:29)

Well, this is what I've always wanted to do, and I got my first cook job when I was 14 because I started living on my own then, so I've always wanted to do this. And I went to culinary school. I ended up dropping out because of circumstances and moved back home. But, yeah, I've always wanted to be a teacher, but don't know if I have the bandwidth to deal with children for that long.

Host (60:54)

Yeah. And it sounds like it sucks, frankly, dealing with children for that long.

Lily (60:59)

Yeah.

Host (61:01)

Okay. What. I mean, what's going on in the kitchen these days? Is it. Are you in any, like. Are you in a lot of Gordon Ramsay situations, or are you just like, is it. This is a kitchen too hot? Is it litter? Is it. Literally, you cannot stand the heat, so you must get out of the kitchen. Or metaphor.

Lily (61:19)

Right.

Lauren (61:19)

Bobby Flay style. Well, I don't work in, like, a traditional kitchen, so I'm not in restaurant service. It's like a food production company. It's kind of like, factor, but it's, like, local.

Host (61:33)

Mm.

Lauren (61:36)

So it's not that pressing, but the owner's got some issues, and it's this whole thing. But what can you do? I'm just a cook.

Lily (61:44)

Right.

Host (61:45)

Yeah. Well, let's see. So you want to. What did you. Did you say already what you wanted to pivot into?

Lauren (62:00)

I was thinking about teaching, but.

Host (62:02)

Teaching, yes.

Lauren (62:03)

I really do enjoy cooking. It's my passion.

Host (62:06)

Okay. Why. Wait, what if you taught cooking?

Lily (62:10)

That's.

Lauren (62:11)

I've been thinking that I was like, oh, I should just do that, but that's. I hated almost every single one of my culinary teachers. They're kind of jerks, and I don't want to be that person.

Host (62:22)

You don't have to be. That's a good reason to be a culinary teacher. I'm serious. That's a good reason. If everyone. Or if you are in a thing and you're like, everyone who does this is a fucking asshole. That's a good reason to want to do it, because you're like, oh, I could do it and then not be an asshole.

Lily (62:40)

Right.

Lauren (62:41)

I mean, I just I've always wanted to be a teacher or something in that sense, where I can talk to people and, like, help them out, because I went through a lot when I was younger, so always wanted to help people in that sense because I went through it alone, and that was dog.

Host (63:02)

Well, yeah. What. Why were. Okay, why were your culinary teachers? What was wrong with them?

Lauren (63:12)

Well, I went to school in Utah. I'm originally from. I grew up in Idaho, and I went down to Utah, and all of my classmates were just. They had zero experience, and I guess that's why you go to school, but they treated me like that. And I had already been in this career for four years, and I didn't really learn anything, and they weren't trying to help me, and I was like, well, this sucks, because I just spent all this money to go here, and I got pretty much nothing out of it.

Host (63:42)

Okay, wait, but what. Like, they just didn't want to help you? Like, they weren't. It wasn't like, who. Them. Them as people. Like, like, could you. I mean, could you go become a culinary teacher person?

Lauren (63:56)

Yeah, I probably could. I would need, like, teaching certifications and then finding a place and the really finding somewhere to work and. Yeah, you have to go to, like, actual college. And I've always. I've never wanted to go to college.

Host (64:12)

Couldn't you. Why? I thought you just needed. I thought you just need, like, a. I thought you just need a knife.

Lily (64:19)

I wish.

Lauren (64:20)

Oh, I. I would already be doing.

Lily (64:22)

That if that's all I needed.

Host (64:23)

Couldn't you. I don't know what the f. It's. Look, it's not like you're teaching heart surgery. Can't you just. What's the differ. I. This. What is the difference between you have, like, a knife and you know how to make food and you just go on, like, Airbnb experience to make cooking classes or whatever, versus, like, an accredation. I think I'm gonna go on a rant, if that's okay. Is that okay with you?

Lauren (64:51)

Do it.

Host (64:52)

I think. And I. Okay. I think accreditation is. It's a up system, even for doctors, you know, like, who. Who gives who's who Bestows. I don't really mean any of this, but maybe I do. The who Bestows accreditation. Who.

Lauren (65:17)

Like, who makes you qualified to do open heart surgery?

Host (65:20)

Yeah, exactly. What? Look, if you can do it. Look, if. If you can do it, you can do it. If you can't, you can't. Right? I. I don't. I don't need some douchebag to tell me whether or not I can agree exactly. I'm serious. And listen, I, I mean, I'm actually not serious when it comes to open heart surgery, but I'm a little serious. I'm actually, Actually, no, I'm a little serious when it comes to hope in a heart surgery. Like, if there's some kind of, like, Rain man, like, I learned how to do surgery on YouTube guy, like, let him do it. Who cares? You know what? All systems are made up. But, I mean, especially. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, that's why I don't think you should need a degree to be a doctor. I think you should be able to do it. I think if you. I think if you watch enough YouTube videos about how this stuff works, because the knowledge is objective. The, the knowledge is objective. The accredation is the subjective part of it, you know? Like, you, like, you know how to cook things. You could probably teach people how to cook things. Fire makes shit hot enough for you to eat it, whether you have an accreditation from something or not. So why don't you just do it? I don't know.

Lily (66:49)

Yeah, I mean, I, I could teach.

Lauren (66:51)

Cooking and not go to, like, college to get a teaching degree and do that, but it wouldn't be, like, in a school setting. You know, it would just be like, hey, I'll come to your house and teach you and your husband how to cook beef stroganoff or something.

Host (67:06)

That sounds awesome. That sounds great. What? Start your own school and then be like, well, you. You're not accredited. What do you know?

Lily (67:17)

Right?

Lauren (67:18)

It's like, anyone with a degree, you can't teach here.

Host (67:21)

Yeah, I don't, I don't. I feel like. I don't know. It's like, it's like, do I need an accreditation to microwave chicken nuggets? I hope not, because I've been doing that a lot.

Lauren (67:35)

I think everyone does. I mean, I'm a cook, and I still. I'll be like, I want some Mac. I want some Kraft Mac and cheese and chicken nuggets.

Host (67:49)

Yeah, I don't know. I think you should just do. I, I don't know. What's your name again? Lauren.

Lauren (67:57)

Lauren.

Host (67:58)

Lauren. I don't know. Lauren, I don't know what you should do with your life, but I don't know what you should do with your life, but I, I, I think you should. I don't think you need permission to, like, you know, teach people how to cook. I know I sound stupid, but I also know that I'm a genius. No.

Lily (68:23)

Well, There you go. That's all it takes.

Lauren (68:24)

There's your accreditation.

Host (68:25)

That's my accreditation is that I'm a genius. And that's your accreditation too, Lauren?

Lily (68:32)

Yeah.

Lauren (68:32)

I am a teacher at this point. I mean, I'm the sous chef at my company, so I do train all of the new hires. And most of them, like our vp, will just hire randos off the street, and I have to teach them how to cook, and they've never had a day of experience in their life. And so far, I'm two for two, so I can't.

Host (68:52)

There we go. And that's very.

Lauren (68:54)

Maybe I am.

Host (68:57)

That's very, very Sue. I don't know what sue means. How do you spell that?

Lily (69:02)

So you S, O, U S. Seuss. French.

Lauren (69:11)

The French really messed up the whole culinary.

Host (69:14)

I actually, I know a sous chef and he makes very good green eggs and ham.

Lauren (69:21)

Oh, I can't say I've ever made green eggs and ham.

Host (69:25)

So never mind. That was. That was a stupid joke.

Lily (69:29)

Oh, never mind.

Host (69:30)

You wanna hear it? You wanna hear it? You wanna hear a joke I came up with today?

Lauren (69:34)

Absolutely.

Host (69:38)

Okay. Do you know the movie Slumdog Millionaire?

Lauren (69:45)

Nope.

Host (69:46)

Yeah, you're 19. Okay. What year were you born?

Lauren (69:51)

What, the 2006.

Host (69:55)

Okay. All right. The movie Slumdog Millionaire. It's about a poor boy from the slums who goes on an incredible journey across the scenic country of India in an emotional and action packed adventure. And I think that movie is a much better movie than 401k Millionaire, which is about a guy sitting at a computer for a very long time.

Lauren (70:35)

Watching those charts, man.

Host (70:41)

Okay, I think. I think I'm gonna go. I think I'm gonna go. I'm gonna go punch myself in the face. Lauren, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

Lauren (70:55)

Go hug your mom if you have one.

Host (70:57)

That's nice. I like that sentiment. Thank you for saying that.

Lauren (71:01)

Yeah.

Host (71:04)

Good luck, Lauren. I'll see you around the universe.

Lauren (71:06)

Be around the universe gig.

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Lily (72:46)

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Yumi (74:39)

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