"I’M TRAPPED IN MY RELATIONSHIP"

Summary

Therapy Gecko – "I’M TRAPPED IN MY RELATIONSHIP"

Podcast: Therapy Gecko
Host: Lyle (as the Gecko)
Release Date: August 24, 2025
Summary by Podcast Summarizer

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Therapy Gecko, host Lyle takes calls from listeners confronting pivotal changes and emotional hurdles in their lives. The main theme is navigating personal crossroads, whether in romantic relationships, family dynamics, workplace difficulties, or big existential questions. True to form, Lyle listens, questions, rants, and ultimately offers empathy and clear-eyed perspective in the unmistakable Gecko way: compassionate, informal, and often hilarious.

The episode’s centerpiece is a heartfelt conversation with Shay, who feels “trapped” in a relationship defined by obligations, financial stress, and unmet expectations. The Gecko guides Shay in working through the question: “Am I really trapped, or just afraid to move on?” The episode also features poignant updates from past callers and a conversation about balancing creative ambitions with adult realities.

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Key Calls & Discussions

1. Shay – Feeling “Trapped” in Her Relationship (02:08 – 31:00)

Situation Recap

• Shay, 26, moved across the country with her boyfriend (together 2 years) to live with her parents and save money for a house.
• She feels more like a “parent” than a partner: does most household tasks, reminds him about appointments, cleans up after him.
• Despite openly communicating, nothing improves. Shay is unemployed after the move; boyfriend is sole income earner, controls the shared vehicle, and has ambiguous financial habits.

Key Discussion Points

• Emotional Labor and Resentment:
  Shay feels drained and undervalued, burdened with the responsibility of “babying a grown man.”
  “I don't necessarily want to be taking care of another person for the rest of my life, especially if we plan on having a kid.” (06:33)

• Financial Dependence:
  Shay feels trapped due to unemployment, reliance on shared car & health insurance, and mixed finances. Concerns deepen upon learning boyfriend hid debt payments instead of joint savings.

• Communication & Change:
  Boyfriend minimizes her concerns or offers short-term, ineffective changes (“He maybe does one thing the following week, and then… nothing else happens. I have to remind him again.” – 05:39)

• “How Badly Do You Want to Make This Work?”
  On a scale of 1 to 10, Shay rates her desire to stay at a 5. Lyle notes the significance of calling the relationship a “trap.”

  “The fact that that's the way you naturally described this situation is not a great sign.” (06:45)

• Practical Questions:
  Lyle clarifies they’re not married, and though some finances are mingled, Shay has access to joint savings and has family support available.

• Lyle’s Advice Gets Blunt:
  Upon learning Shay is only 26, Lyle’s demeanor shifts from neutral to passionate urgency:

  “You’re 26 years old? … Oh, my God. Leave. Oh, my God. Leave. … You're not trapped in this at all. Holy shit.” (14:56)

  Lyle emphasizes she still has massive freedom and time to correct course:

  “This is life—just error correction. It's okay. There's nothing shameful in being like, 'You know what? I made a bit of a misstep going too hard in this too fast. Let me retract a little bit.'” (21:43)

• Family Perspective:
  Shay’s mother “fucking hates this guy,” which Lyle notes is telling, but reminds Shay that love and logistical compatibility are distinct:

  “You can totally love someone and be incompatible logistically in life.” (23:48)

• Action Steps:

  • Prioritize regaining independence: job hunting, reclaiming car, controlling her own finances.
  • If splitting up, encourage boyfriend to move in with his parents—his mother “begs him to move back.”
  • Reminded her this is not the end—she can absolutely rebuild her own life.

Quote Highlights

• Lyle on “Trapped” Dynamics:
  “You don't need to do a guy's laundry to survive on your own.” (19:54)

• On Leaving in Your 20s:
  “You could be so much more trapped. You have no idea. You're so not trapped—it's amazing.” (18:22)

• On Emotional Courage:
  “The problem isn't… ‘I don't know what decision to make.’ You already know what decision to make. The problem is the emotional quotient of having to make that decision.” (29:04)

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2. Jessica – A Return Caller’s Update: From Trauma to Triumph (34:54 – 53:38)

Situation Recap

• Jessica last called years ago, in tears, from her father’s hospital bedside.
• This update call finds her ebullient: she just turned 22, loves school, and is thriving after deep family healing.

Key Points

• Family Healing:
  Mended relationships with her father and siblings, found new meaning after crisis.

  “I've really gotten to teach my dad…how to communicate and process his emotions…it’s like, we’re friends now, and it’s super awesome.” (43:04)

• Faith & Recovery:
  Escaped an abusive relationship, rebuilt her life with the help of faith.

  “I ended up getting saved…God completely turned my life around.” (39:35)

• Future Ambitions:
  Back to school as a junior, dreaming of helping other young women from broken homes or abusive backgrounds:

  “I'd love to…support young girls who come from broken homes, young girls going through abuse, because that's what I relate to.” (51:13)

• Lyle’s Realization:
  Initially annoyed by Jessica’s “cheery” tone, Lyle’s perspective flips after remembering her past:

  “Now that I found out who she was…this is actually awesome that this person is feeling cheery.” (53:39)

Memorable Quote

• Jessica:
  “How can you possibly appreciate the sunshine and the peaceful ocean if you don’t sit in the storm?” (40:37)

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3. Crystal – Update on Workplace Bullying (55:14 – 59:56)

Situation Recap

• Crystal previously called about being bullied at work by coworkers and a supervisor.
• Since then, things improved: supervisor was let go, workplace got easier, and Crystal is rebuilding her confidence.

Key Points

• Validation:
  “You were telling me things I already knew. I was in a real bad state of mind...You just kind of gave me a little slap in the face: ‘Hey, you. It’s not always a you problem.’” (57:49)

• Workplace Survival:
  She learned to ignore negativity and focus on herself.

• Lyle’s Reflection:
  Grateful to feel his call made a difference:

  “I’m happy that this was a helpful phone call for you. This makes me feel like I’m not just wasting my time...ranting aimlessly into a stick alone in my room.” (58:12)

Crystal’s Parting Wisdom

"Be nice to your fellow people. You never know what somebody’s going through." (59:47)

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4. Maddie – The Existential Desk Worker’s Dilemma (63:14 – 81:23)

Situation Recap

• Maddie (26, Toronto), back from a vacation, dreads returning to a “corporate-esque” job. Wants to pursue music but struggles with identity and expectations.

Key Discussion Points

• Balancing Survival and Passion:
  Maddie wants to prioritize making music but is bound to the desk job for health care (cancer remission) and stability.

• Money and Identity:
  Lyle advises to keep “your nut as low as possible” and never let a job define you:

  “...as long as you’re able to make art and not let your job seep into every aspect of your existence...It’s okay to have something that makes you money and something you really identify with—and have those be two separate things.” (71:38)

• On Workplace Culture:
  Maddie dislikes pressure to socialize at work:

  “Your energy is finite, your time is finite…just conserve as much of your fucking energy as you possibly can for the things you actually want to put it into.” (74:48)

Lyle’s Practical Formula

• Calculate, on paper, the minimum money needed to live, and the minimum effort required at the day job.
• “Everything else can go fuck itself.” (77:00)

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Notable Quotes & Gecko Wisdom

• On Relationships:
  "You hope that people change—and sometimes they do—but you also don’t want to be sitting there...waiting for the change to happen."
  — Lyle (12:40)

• On Being Young and Starting Over:
  "You're so not trapped—it's amazing."
  (18:22)

• On Mistakes:
  "Life is just error correction. So it’s okay. There’s nothing shameful in being like, you know what? I made a bit of a misstep... Let me retract." (21:43)

• On Happiness After Pain:
  "How can you possibly appreciate the sunshine and the peaceful ocean if you don't sit in the storm?"
  — Jessica (40:37)

• On Workplace Negativity:
  "If somebody treats you cruel, or not well, or makes you upset...it’s not always a you problem."
  — Lyle (57:41 paraphrased)

• On Career and Identity:
  "It’s okay to put in the bare amount of effort into [work] because your energy is finite... Everything else can go fuck itself."
  (77:00)

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Useful Timestamps

• Shay’s call & relationship talk: 02:08 – 31:00
• Jessica’s update (family and recovery): 34:54 – 53:38
• Crystal’s work bullying update: 55:14 – 59:56
• Maddie’s creative/corporate struggle: 63:14 – 81:23
• Lyle’s rants on work culture & identity: 74:48–77:00

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Tone & Style

True to Therapy Gecko's brand: warm, down-to-earth, sometimes irreverent, but always direct and practical. Lyle alternates easily between empathy, sharp humor, and hard-hitting honesty, reinforcing that while he’s not a licensed therapist, he is deeply insightful about the real-life struggles of his callers.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a vibrant tapestry of raw, relatable struggles—leaving a bad relationship, surviving tough jobs, healing old wounds, and daring to pursue your passions. Whether you’re feeling stuck, starting over, or standing at a difficult crossroads, Therapy Gecko reminds us: you are not alone, no matter how trapped you may feel—and you are almost always way less trapped than you think.

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Transcript

[Jessica]

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[Lyle]

Hi.

[Shay]

Hi. Wow. Yeah, hi.

[Lyle]

What's up? What's your name?

[Shay]

Shay.

[Lyle]

Shay. What's happening, Shay?

[Shay]

Yeah, I've not much. I mean, I want to start out by saying I really appreciate what you do for people.

[Lyle]

Thanks, man. Thanks man. I'm trying my best. I'm trying to, you know, I don't know It's. It's nice to be able to do a podcast. Yeah. It's nice to be able to do a podcast. Yeah. Well, what's up with you, Shay?

[Maddie]

Well.

[Shay]

I'm going through some stuff right now, and I guess I'm looking for some advice. I feel like I'm kind of trapped in my relationship right now, and I feel like there's not much I can do about it.

[Lyle]

Okay. Well, I'll tell you what I've, you know, been saying for a while, which is that I don't know if I'll always have advice. I think if anyone. I think anyone who always has advice for everything is not to be trusted, but I'll gladly ponder the situation with you. Why do you feel like you're trapped in your relationship?

[Shay]

Well, him and I have been together for almost two years now, and about a year in, we decided to move to a whole different state across the country to live with my parents so we could save up some money to get a house. But now that we are here, I'm kind of coming to realize that I feel like more of a parent than I do a partner.

[Maddie]

And.

[Shay]

Yeah. So, like, simple things, like having to remind him to go to the doctor and to clean up after him, and laundry and all the stuff that I feel like we should be doing together, and there's just kind of nothing even. And I have communicated this with him. I communicate everything that I feel, but it just doesn't get through. And now that we're all the way over here, I don't exactly have any plan if things were to end.

[Jessica]

If that makes sense.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Okay, so let me get a few things straight here. So. Well, when you say you don't have any plans if things were to end, do you. Do you work? Or are you guys in a thing where, like, he works or neither of you works or, like, what's the kind of, like, financial arrangement?

[Shay]

When we moved, I wasn't able to transfer my job from here, but he was. So I have been consistently looking forward, but I am unemployed. I make some money online, but not much. So he is in. He's kind of ahead of financials right now.

[Lyle]

Okay, and you guys have been together for two years?

[Shay]

Almost two years, yes.

[Lyle]

And when you attempt to communicate with him, being like, hey, you know, I thought we were gonna do the laundry together. I thought we were gonna clean up shit together. What does he say?

[Shay]

Well, he says, I'm sorry. He says, my mom didn't teach me how to do these things. He says, he'll get Better. He maybe does one thing the following week, and then he thinks that, like, doing that singular thing has changed him so much, and he's so much better now, you know? But then nothing else happens. I have to remind him again.

[Lyle]

I have another question. Okay. Well, you said you feel trapped. Like, on a scale from 1 to 10, how badly do you actually want to make this work? Right. Like, how badly do you want to make it work?

[Shay]

I'm, like, at a solid five.

[Lyle]

Okay. So right in the middle.

[Jessica]

Pretty even.

[Shay]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lyle]

You said pretty.

[Shay]

What?

[Lyle]

Oh, pretty evenly.

[Shay]

It's pretty. Pretty even. Yeah. Because, you know, I love them, but also, I don't necessarily want to be taking care of another person for the rest of my life, especially if we plan on having a kid.

[Lyle]

Yeah, well, also, the fact that you even said. The fact that you even framed this as I'm trapped, I. And I don't know if that's just the way that you do. The fact that you even like. The fact that that's the way that you naturally described the situation is not a great sign.

[Shay]

No, you didn't.

[Lyle]

You didn't say, I have a problem with my significant other. He's doing this. You said, I'm trapped in a relationship. That's a bad sign.

[Shay]

I think the reason why I use the term trapped is because. So, like I had mentioned, we live with my parents here, and between the both of us, we share a car. It's. The car is technically mine, but he uses a car for work because he's the one that makes the money. So while he's at work all day, I am stuck here, and I don't have any freedom to go and make friends or go socialize with anything like that. So I think that's why I use the term trap. But I think I probably used it incorrectly to describe the relationship, if that makes sense.

[Lyle]

Well, you are describing a relationship in which. You are describing a relationship in which you are reliant upon your partner's financial resources.

[Jessica]

Right.

[Lyle]

To exist. Correct.

[Shay]

Exactly. Which is another issue of, if I leave, I lose my health insurance.

[Lyle]

Right. But you don't want to be with your husband for his health insurance.

[Shay]

I. I do not want to be with my boyfriend for his health insurance now.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Do you. Well, let me ask you. Do you have. Well, what's your family situation like? Do you have savings or a family that you can kind of fall back on?

[Shay]

We kind of put our savings together for putting a down payment on a house.

[Lyle]

Oh, okay. You guys are really in it.

[Shay]

Yeah, we're we're trying, but now I'm kind of having second guesses with this whole, you know, babying a grown up man.

[Lyle]

When you say that you put your savings, like did you guys put a down payment on a house or where, like, where are those savings?

[Shay]

It is in a savings account that he recently just started putting things into again because I recently found out that he wasn't putting his half of savings in that account.

[Lyle]

He wasn't putting his half of savings in that account.

[Shay]

So we had made a deal that when we moved here, he would be putting a good chunk of every paycheck into that savings account. And we found out about two months ago, or sorry, two weeks ago, that he was not actually putting anything in there and he was using that money to chip away at his own debt.

[Lyle]

Did you know he had debt when you guys intertwined your finances?

[Shay]

I was aware of student loans, but I wasn't aware of. He took out. I don't know, I think it's called like a predatory loan or something. And I wasn't aware of how urgently that was to be paid back. Okay, so it's a lot. I know.

[Lyle]

Well, yeah, that's. Well, you know. Well, a few things is, you know, the, the concept of like, I think all of this is like, this is just my opinion. You know, I don't. I've been talking to you for nine minutes, but you have said that you love your husband. But it does feel like a lot of the drivers of this relationship are purely obligation. They're less about love, they're less about, you know, some kind of spiritual commitment. They're less about, you know, working as a team or less about, you know, having a life that's better together than apart and more about obligations. Is that accurate when you look at your gut?

[Shay]

You know, it definitely, there's definitely a portion that feels like that, you know, it feels like there's less time investing in affection and romance and just like, you know, the typical things in a, in a relationship and more so on, like you said, like the obligation.

[Lyle]

So do you want to? I mean, you know, the, the, the, the babying him and the specifics of the laundry and whatnot. I mean, do you want to be with this guy?

[Shay]

I don't know. Like, you have that hope in you that people will change for the better for their own mental health, but they don't. And, and I, I know that they don't. I know, but I'm so deep in this. I'm so. Yeah, I know, I know it's not Talked about like that.

[Lyle]

I know. I. You hope that. You hope that people change, and sometimes they do, by the way. You know, sometimes they do. I know I said they don't, but sometimes. I know I said they don't. Sometimes they do. But here's. I don't. I. I absolutely believe that people change, and I absolutely believe that people evolve, and I believe their relationships evolve. But.

[Shay]

But they have to want to.

[Lyle]

They have to want to. And you also, like, don't want to be sitting there with your asshole out, you know, waiting for the change to happen.

[Shay]

Right.

[Lyle]

So is there any paperwork between you guys on all this financial shit or it's all just hanging out?

[Jessica]

No. Just hanging out.

[Lyle]

Do you have access to this savings account that has your money in it?

[Jessica]

I do.

[Lyle]

Okay. And. Okay, so you have access to. Okay, so it's a joint account under both of you guys name. Mm. And you guys are not. You guys aren't even married?

[Shay]

No, we. We are not married.

[Lyle]

Oh, okay. So your asset. Your assets are not really intertwined, right? It's all just cash?

[Crystal]

No, it's this.

[Lyle]

The.

[Shay]

The financials are not the main thing in jeopardy. They are a big factor into things. But it's more like I feel like I'm losing my mind in this whole.

[Maddie]

Relationship, and I'm not sure where.

[Shay]

I'm not sure what my next step is.

[Lyle]

Well, you're looking for a job, right?

[Shay]

I am.

[Lyle]

Well, because I guess the next step is. Is if you. Well, there's a few next steps. I mean, one is there's two paths you can go down. One path is to decide that you want to make it work. I mean, two years. Two years. Two years. Two years ain't that many years my parents were together. Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Jessica]

No, sorry.

[Shay]

I was just gonna say, for me, two years is. Is a bit. I want to say this is probably my second longest relationship. I'm 26.

[Lyle]

You said you're 26?

[Shay]

Yes.

[Lyle]

You're 26? Yes.

[Shay]

That's when.

[Crystal]

Really, how old did you think I was?

[Lyle]

I swear I thought you were like 49 years old.

[Shay]

What?

[Lyle]

Yeah, I thought you were 20. You're 26 years old?

[Jessica]

Yes.

[Lyle]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Leave. Oh, my God. Leave. Oh, my God. Leave. Oh, my God. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. I thought you were like 49 and you were like, look, it's either this guy or I'm getting cats. No, you're. Leave. Please leave. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Please leave. Jesus Christ. 26 years old. Let me Tell you something. What's your name again? Starts with an S. Shay. Shay. Shay. My parents were together for 11 years before they got divorced. And I think they got divorced when they were. My mom and my dad got divorced when they were in their like late 40s. Mid to late 40s.

[Jessica]

Okay.

[Lyle]

And now they're both remarried to people that they're much happier with. They were together 11 years and they were in their mid. They were to get. Imagine that, 11 years in their late 40s. You guys have been together for two. And you're 26. Yeah. Oh my God. No. You're not trapped in this at all. Holy shit. And. And you have access to the bank account and you're not married, correct? Oh my God. You should. I. I don't usually give a lot of strong opinions on here, but you should totally leave. For sure. How old is this guy?

[Shay]

Okay, 24, 25.

[Lyle]

Next time he's 25.

[Shay]

Uh huh.

[Lyle]

Of course.

[Crystal]

This is.

[Lyle]

He's. He'll be fine. He'll be so. You'll both be so fine. He's 25. That's nothing. Because here's what happens, right? Is you leave this guy and then he learns. Maybe, maybe if he's lucky. Here's the thing, if he's not a total dumbass, he'll learn, right? And he'll be like, okay, next time I get into a relationship with someone, I'm gonna have my shit together. I'm gonna make sure that when they tell me these things, you know, he'll be sad for a while, but he'll be fine. Both of you will be fucking fine with this. Oh my God. I can't believe you're. Twice. Literally. I thought you were at least like.

[Shay]

Can I, can I.

[Jessica]

Can I ask why you thought I was that old?

[Lyle]

I don't know. Is it my role? I don't know. I don't know why I thought you were that old. I maybe just imagined maybe just the. The situation. When you said you were trapped, I was like, oh, okay. I could see that if you. I could. I could see feeling that way if you were like older, more so than. Than younger.

[Shay]

Gotcha. So. So maybe I had just been viewing this. A much bigger situation than it actually was.

[Lyle]

Well, no, not that. I mean it. Look, everything's big in relativity, right? So it's big to you. So this is your first. Like, you know, this is. You haven't had a relationship that's lasted this long. Two years feels like a lot. So it's big to you and that's you know, that's a valid thing, but, no, you're not trapped yet. You could be so much more trapped. You could be. You could be so much more trapped. You have no idea. You're so not trapped. It's amazing.

[Shay]

All right.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Here's the thing. Right? Right. Is. And whatever. Again, I've only known you for 17 minutes, but the fact that you're talking about the. These sh. These are important life decisions, and you have a lot of time to make them, and I think that one of the important life. I think that who you're gonna be committed to, it's an important life decision. And I'm still young, too, and so I'm figuring all this shit out. But these are important life decisions, and these are decisions that you should feel really confident and strong about. So if you're. If you're in a relationship that you feel obligated to or that you feel obligated to or trapped in, I mean, that's such a strong way to talk about this thing that's supposed to be a big part of your life. And also, like, you seem like you haven't really had much of an opportunity to, like, develop yourself, right? I mean, you are taking your. You're taking your. Like, your money is now your guys's money. Like, you sound like you don't have, like, money of your own. That's yours. Like, you don't have a job of your own. That's yours. Like, you know, you don't have to do that. Like, this isn't like the fucking 19, you know, fucking 20s or whatever. You don't have to do that. Like, you can develop your own shit. You don't have to. You don't need to do a guy's laundry to survive on your own.

[Shay]

And I was totally, totally beforehand. I. I had, you know, my own self established, you know, I had my job in my car and doing whatever I.

[Jessica]

You know, whatever made me happy and.

[Shay]

Not cleaning up after another person, it's, you know, I. If I could do that once, I can definitely do that again.

[Lyle]

Oh, you can 100% do that again. I can't believe I literally. I thought you were, like, 59 years old and this was, like, your last chance. No. Oh, my God.

[Shay]

No.

[Lyle]

No. Here's what I would do is. Is like, you should go. You should. If I were you, I would take a break and be like. And be like, I got to get myself right. I got to get my. I got. I need my money. I need my car. I need my health insurance. I need My job. I need my life. And then one. And then once you have your own life together, be really, really, really careful. I don't. Maybe. Maybe this guy learns his lesson and he gets back to himself. And maybe you guys are separated for a little bit and you're like, okay, I'll give it another chance. But if I'm going. If we're going back into this, we're going in. I got my own shit, you got your own shit. And we're going to slowly, you know, weave our lives together a little bit, but we're gonna do it. We're gonna do it really carefully, and we're gonna do it really intentionally. And we're gonna make sure that neither of us feels like we're getting shifted, because you're feeling like you're getting shifted. Your husband's out there with the car, and you're feeling like you're get. You're shifted. You don't have your own shit. You don't have your own life. You. You have to ask for permission from this other fucking guy who. And he's not supposed to be the guardian of your assets. He's supposed to be your partner, you know?

[Shay]

Right.

[Lyle]

And so you got to do it again. And you're so unbelievably not trapped. It's. It's. Honestly, I mean, everything's relative, so it's big to you because this is the longest thing you've been in, so it's relative. But sure, you're. You're not trapped at all. You have the complete freedom, obligation, opportunity to be like, hey, I think I made a little. And this is. Life is just error correction. So it's okay. There's nothing shameful in being like, you know what? I made a bit of a misstep. Going too hard in this too fast. Let me retract a little bit. Do you have parents you can move back in with?

[Shay]

That's where we're living. We're living with my parents right now.

[Lyle]

Oh, wait, hold on. I'm sorry. I'm an idiot. I thought you guys. I thought you guys were living with his parents.

[Shay]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Never. No, no. We were staying with my parents.

[Lyle]

Oh, you guys. I'm an idiot. Oh, my God. You guys are living with your parents?

[Jessica]

Yes.

[Maddie]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Who the fuck is this guy? Well, there's.

[Shay]

We. This was a solid plan beforehand. Our parents. My parents weren't going to have us pay rent here for six months, and that was with how much he makes and how much I was hypothetically going to Make. We were going to put it down payment on a house here. So, like, everybody was cool with this. It was fine. And like, he was okay with this, but now it's just kind of, you know, going down the shitter.

[Lyle]

What do you, what do you. I mean, what do your parents think about this guy?

[Shay]

My mom fucking hates this guy.

[Lyle]

Yeah, your mom fucking hate. Yeah, your mom fucking. Of course your mom fucking hates this guy, by the way. I just wanted you. I want to say this because I, You. I think you do love this guy. I think It's. I. For 100,000, I. You can totally, totally love. And I don't think this guy is a piece of shit. I just think.

[Shay]

No, no, I don't think he's stupid.

[Lyle]

You can totally, totally love someone and you really deeply love someone and have a deep connection with them and be. And be and be incompatible logistically in life, in, you know, that's a thing. It's totally a thing. And this guy's 24.

[Shay]

Yeah, 25 next month.

[Lyle]

Okay. Let him be a dumbass. Let him be a dumbass. And he's gonna be fine, you know? Yeah, of course it makes total sense that your mom hates this guy. But the, the idea of, like, let me. I'm gonna stay at home with my. First of all, living at home with your parents, saving up money if you're privileged enough to be able to do that. It's a fucking. It's a life hack. It's a great idea.

[Jessica]

It's an amazing opportunity.

[Lyle]

It's an amazing opportunity. You should totally take it. You know, you. And you're. What, you're looking for jobs, right?

[Shay]

Yes, I am relentlessly looking for a job. Any excuse to not be trapped in the house all day.

[Lyle]

Okay, and what's the deal with this car? You guys bought it together.

[Shay]

It's my car.

[Lyle]

It's your car. When we.

[Shay]

Yes, he was leasing a car before we moved and we weren't able to take both cars. And because I own my car. That is the one that we use. That's like the only one we have. So he uses my car to go to his job.

[Lyle]

Why doesn't he has a job? Why doesn't he buy his own car?

[Shay]

Because he spent all his money on his debt instead of putting any amount of it in the savings without telling anyone. Do you get why I'm losing my mind here, Dude?

[Lyle]

I, you gotta like, I, I'm. I try, I try really hard to remain agnostic on this show, but you gotta leave this guy. You could. You gotta Leave. You gotta kick this guy out of your parents. Does it. What's his parents house? Does he, is he have a good relationship with his parents?

[Jessica]

No.

[Lyle]

Does he have a good enough relationship with his parents that he can, like.

[Shay]

I mean, his mom begs him to move back in.

[Lyle]

Oh, tell this guy to go move back in with his parents. His parents. He doesn't. He's not over here like, oh, my parents beat me or whatever, right?

[Shay]

No, no.

[Lyle]

Well, okay, tell this guy, tell this guy to go. Tell this guy to go live at home with his parents and give you back your fucking car. And you. And the job. I know the job market sucks ass, but eventually you're working really hard, you'll eventually find some way to make money, and then you can be 26, living at your parents house, you have your own fucking car. You'll eventually find a way to make. But you're making money online, you don't have to. I don't know what you're doing, but you know, what are you doing?

[Shay]

It's just art.

[Lyle]

Okay, great.

[Shay]

Amazing conviction, Stuff like that.

[Lyle]

Amazing, amazing. All right, so you go make your own money. Say, say to him, hey, listen, we gotta do our own thing. And he go, he goes, lives back home with his mom, figures out his life, he's got a job. He'll do the same thing that you're doing, making money, living at home with his parents. But yeah, you don't want this fucking guy's. There's nothing in this for you. There's nothing. There's nothing in this for you.

[Shay]

Certainly feel it that way.

[Lyle]

There's nothing in this for you. And you'll be able to build up your own shit. This is good for him too, because, because he. It's okay that this guy's kind of a dumbass and has debt. It's fine. Sure, he'll figure it out. You're both really young, so you both figure it out. But he's got to figure it out on his own and not rope a bunch of other people into it.

[Shay]

Yeah. Yeah, you're right.

[Lyle]

So, you know, I, by the way, I must be the like sixth person that's told you to leave this guy, right?

[Shay]

So I actually haven't talked to anybody about this except my mom. I felt like I needed some kind of different outside perspective from someone that wasn't, you know, a friend that has heard me bitch about this person before. So I, you know, I really like your show. I like the, you know, words you have. So I figured, you know, why not? And I figured, you Were gonna say what you said.

[Lyle]

Yeah, of course. Yeah, of course you did. Of course you did. Because it's. You know what? You know why I think you figured that I was gonna say what you. Is because you already know all this. And the problem. The problem is nothing logistic. Right? The problem isn't, is. It isn't. This is not a knowledge based problem. This isn't a problem where we don't have all of the information. This is a very emotional problem.

[Shay]

Right.

[Lyle]

It's not that we don't. It's not. You know, in your heart everything I already said before I even said it to you. And you. Because you were. Well, you were. Yeah, you. You already know all this stuff in your gut. The problem is not. Oh, I don't know what decision to make. You already know what decision to make. The problem is the emotional quotient of having to make that decision. And yeah, that's really hard because.

[Shay]

Well, yeah, there's so much time put into something like this and then when you end it, it feels like it's all thrown away.

[Lyle]

There's not actually that much time put into this. There's not actually time, but it feels like a lot of time to. It feels like a lot of time to you, but it's not that much time. A, it's not that much time. And B, please remember, life is error correction. So the making of the errors, the quote unquote wasting of the time was all part of the process of being a living human navigating the world. So it wasn't wasted time. Okay.

[Shay]

I've already taken up about 30 minutes of your time, but I do want to say thank you for your words. And once again, I really do appreciate what you do for other people. I think you're a cool person.

[Lyle]

Thanks. And yeah, I'm sorry, I've asked you 10 times, but what's your name? One more time. It starts with an S. Sarah.

[Shay]

Shay.

[Lyle]

Shay. Shay. Shay. Give us a call back, let me know what happens. I'm curious.

[Shay]

Absolutely. Thank you so much for your time.

[Lyle]

All right, good luck, Shay.

[Shay]

Thank you.

[Jessica]

Bye.

[Lyle]

That was so funny when she was like, my mom hates this guy. But of course your mom hates this guy. Again, I don't think this is a bad guy. I don't think he's a piece of shit. I just think, you know, he just doesn't have his shit together and you got to get. You just got to get your shit together without, you know, especially if his mom is begging him to come back home, you know? Yeah. I was No, I was really bummed out by that call because I thought that caller was 67 years old and this was like her last shot at a relationship or whatever, but that's. No. I hope, I hope she gives herself the space for them both to independently get their shit together. And I. I wish. I wish I'd heard more about her mom's perspective on the situation. But yeah, thanks for calling, Shay.

[Big Three Championship Announcer]

The reviews and ratings are in and Ice Cube's Big Three is the surprise hit of the summer. And to cap off the season, iHeart presents the Big 3 Basketball Championship and 8th Annual Big 3 All Star Game this coming Sunday, August 24th. Live from Orlando, the remaining two teams fight it out for the Big 3 Championship Dr. J Trophy in the most physical, fierce and competitive basketball league in the world. Don't miss the wild conclusion of Big Three's eighth and most historic season ever. This is the game no one wants to lose and there's no crying in the back.

[Lyle]

Big three.

[Big Three Championship Announcer]

The action starts with the Big Three eighth Annual All Star Game. Don't miss All Stars Dwight Howard, Montrez Harrell, MVP Michael Beasley, Lance will make you Dan Stevenson, Jordan Crawford, Greg Monroe, Earl Clark, Nazir Kor and more show you why they are the best three on three basketball players in the world. Big three's exciting all star game plus the crowning of a new big three champion. The no holds part action starts Sunday at 2pm Eastern, 11 Pacific only on CBS.

[Lyle]

Hey folks, if you like discovering new music, then you gotta check out TikTok's new talent show. Next up, live music. TikTok Live and iHeartRadio are finding the next wave of up and coming artists and throwing them right in your face live on TikTok. You can follow ictoclive_us on TikTok and from August 25th to August 29th, watch the semifinalists give it all they've got in real time for a chance to perform at the legendary iHeartradio theater in Los Angeles, have their music heard on the radio, and most importantly, bask in the glorious light of ethereal stardom forever. When was the last time you feel like you got to discover something really cool and really beautiful before everyone else did? Well, this is your opportunity. Follow ictocliveus on TikTok now and tune in to find your new favorite musician. That's @tiktoklive. Underscore us on TikTok. It'll be fun, it'll be inspiring, It'll be beautiful. Give it a watch.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through August 26th, it's back to deals time, where you can enjoy storewide deals and earn four times points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Lindor, Oreo Lays, Celsius, Cottonelle and Snapple. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery. Sell subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Lyle]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile. Now I was looking for fun ways to tell you that Mint's offer of unlimited Premium Wireless for $15 a month is back. So I thought it would be fun if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal. So there goes my big idea for the commercial. Give it a [e-mail] sl switch upfront.

[Shay]

Payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to 15 per month required new customer offer for first 3 months only. Speed slow after 35 gigabytes of networks busy taxes and fees extra c mintmobile.com hello.

[Jessica]

Hello.

[Lyle]

Hi. What's your name?

[Jessica]

My name is Jessica.

[Lyle]

Jessica, what's up? How's life?

[Jessica]

Life is the most amazing ever. I'm so blessed and so happy and full of joy. How are you?

[Lyle]

Why you. You sound like a strawberry shortcake or something. Why? Why are you so good?

[Jessica]

I'm literally drinking a strawberry lemonade sativa and it reminds me of strawberry shortcake. So I just turned 22. My birthday was on Monday and I'm at the beach. I'm just, I feel so relaxed. I just got registered back into school. I start school school Monday. Junior in college. And I told the boy that I have the hugest crush on that I like him on Wednesday and he likes me back. So life is just. I'm peeking right now.

[Lyle]

You sound like you're being written or something, like you're a fictional character in a novel.

[Jessica]

Oh, that makes me feel good. God has been so nice to me.

[Crystal]

And I went fishing today for the.

[Jessica]

First time in five years. Dude, I caught 12 fish.

[Lyle]

Okay. This is. That's a lot. This is so much. Well, well, Jessica, listen, I'll ask you this. Is there anything in particular you called in to want to talk about today?

[Jessica]

Yes, 1,000%. So I've spoken to Lyle twice. The first time I ever spoke to.

[Lyle]

Him was at 5am it's me, by the way. I'm Lyle. Lyle.

[Jessica]

Wait. Lyle.

[Lyle]

Yes.

[Jessica]

Wait.

[Crystal]

Oh my God.

[Jessica]

Lyle. Oh my God, I've been wanting to update you all my life so you might remember me. Then the first time we ever spoke, you did a 5am call, and I was in the hospital with my dad. He was dying.

[Lyle]

Yes.

[Jessica]

Yeah, that was me. I think I just cried on the phone for, like, 30 minutes.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Hold on. Wait. Hold the phone real quick. Okay. You know what? Can I be so honest with you right now? Can I be. Can I be so honest with you right now? Just you call. Okay. The beginning of this call, I was a little bit like, why is this fucking girl so cheery? This is pissing me off a little bit. It was. It was. I had. I got to be honest, it was pissing me off how happy you sounded. But now.

[Jessica]

Too damn happy.

[Lyle]

You sounded too damn happy. But I. I remember our call. Yeah, this was like three years ago, right?

[Jessica]

Yep.

[Lyle]

Okay. You know what? I thought I was. Okay, the beginning of this call. I was like, who is this lady? Why is she so happy? This is pissing me off. But I remember three years ago. Yes. I remember you called me while you were in the hospital with your dad, and you were crying, and we had this very emotional phone call, and now I'm like, you know what? I think if three years ago, you call in and you're miserable and you're crying, I think you get to be happy. Now. I think this makes more sense. I'm so much more enthralled by your joy than I was previously agitated by it. Knowing the context of this. Okay, this is great.

[Jessica]

I've been wanting to update you. So we met in person. I'll tell you about it because I know you meet thousands of people. I brought my aunt to one of your shows in Nashville, Tennessee, and I wore an Evie onesie, and I sat right on the front row.

[Lyle]

I do vaguely remember that I. Yeah, I do vaguely remember that I. That we. You and I. You and I met, because. Yes, I remember that phone call that we had.

[Jessica]

Yeah, it was.

[Lyle]

It was very touching.

[Jessica]

Yeah, I was going through a lot. I was really sad, and I went through a really hard time in my life. I love being. Opening up. I love opening up and being raw on the phone because, you know, what is this? Talks before. So right after that, I got into this, like, really toxic relationship. It was super abusive. I tried to kill myself. And life was just not going great. Right. As life does sometimes. And I ended up getting saved. And, I mean, Jesus just pulled me out and. And God started revealing himself to me, and he completely turned my life around saved me. I ended up sending that silly little abusive ex to jail on domestic violence. And he restored the relationship with my father. First of all, he let him live, which was amazing. I'm so thankful.

[Lyle]

Oh, your dad's okay.

[Jessica]

Yeah, my dad was alive.

[Lyle]

Oh, cool. Good, good, good, good.

[Jessica]

Yeah, that was a rough time. And for the last year now, I've been trying to call in to talk to you because my life has just changed so much for the better, and it's been amazing.

[Lyle]

Okay, great. Yeah. No, this is. You know what? Okay. Because here's my thing is I think if you. If you are. Just if. I think, you know, when you meet people and they're happy, just, like, by default, they're like, everything's amazing. Of course it is. It's like those. I think those people are completely insane. And I think for a second, I thought maybe you were one of those people. But you're. No, you're the. You're. You're. You're the kind of happy person I love who is like, oh, no, I've seen horrible things, and I understand them, and I'm. And I. And I'm happy despite them. I'm like, that's a. That's a great, happy person.

[Jessica]

How can you possibly appreciate the sunshine and the peaceful ocean if you don't sit in the storm?

[Lyle]

You know, I'm with you. I'm with you. No, I'm so happy to hear that you're doing better. So. Okay. I'm trying to remember a little bit about our call. Tell me if this is correct. But I remember that. Okay, I might be confusing this with other things, so tell me if this is correct. But I remember you had a bit of a. Of a. Not troubled, necessarily, but a difficult relationship with your dad. Was that accurate?

[Jessica]

Yes, that was accurate.

[Lyle]

And all of your siblings were kind of, like, leaving him behind, and you were the only one who was at the hospital with him, and your siblings weren't there.

[Jessica]

Yeah, so I'm the youngest. My dad has, like, six kids that he knows of. My dad was very busy in his youth, so none of us have the same mom. I have been talking to my sister over the phone for the last three years, and my dad doesn't know, and so he's usually really aggressive about it. But me and my sister, we talk usually at least once a month. She's four years older than me. She was living in San Diego for a while, and then she moved to Washington, and I almost got to meet her because I've been working for this Nonprofit profit. And I get to travel for my job. And then the week that I went up there for work, she ended up moving to Jacksonville, Florida, which is where she was born. But she just despises my dad, even though she hasn't met him. But it's from all the things that her mom told her about him. So none of my siblings are very fond of him. My dad was very. Not emotionally intelligent due to the upbringing he received, and it was not entirely a fault of his own. As much as, you know, nature plays a part, it's also nurture. And he did not receive the love and care he needed growing up. So as I've gotten older, you know, I'm celebrating my 22nd birthday. I've really gotten to teach my dad a lot how to communicate and understand and process his emotions and feelings and be able to talk to me. And it's really improved our relationship. I mean, it's like, we're friends now, and it's super awesome.

[Lyle]

That's amazing. How are things going with your siblings?

[Jessica]

So it was crazy. My brother and I have never been super close, which is kind of my mom's fault, because my mom, she's an illegal immigrant. And when my brother was seven was when she had to make the choice to come to America by herself or, you know, stay with him until she came here and left him behind. She got here, she had me, and my brother ended up being raised by my aunt and not my mom. And so when he finally got here when he was 18, right. To like, 11 years later, and he meets me, I don't want to say he despised me, but I could tell he was upset because he felt like my mom favored me. But the last year, we have been kind of rekindling getting to know each other. And I say getting to know each other because his first language is Spanish and mine is English. So, you know, there's a little bit of a communication barrier. But this is the first year ever, my brothers got me a birthday present. Yeah, it was so crazy. Um, I love writing poetry, and I like writing short stories, and I. I journal very often, which I've shared with him. And so he got me a quill and ink with, like, different calligraphy tips. Yeah, it was super cool. And I was like, oh, my gosh. This is, like, really thoughtful. I can't believe he did this. He's never gotten me anything before, so that was awesome.

[Lyle]

It sounds like your whole family dynamic is, like, on the upwards.

[Jessica]

Yeah, everything has completely changed. Like, what I was when I called you at the time, like, my dad was dying, my mom wasn't talking to me because she was going through, like, a messy thing. Her husband cheated on her, she moved to Mexico, wasn't talking to me. Like, I wasn't really talking to my siblings. My dad was upset that I reached out to my sister because he was like, if she doesn't like me, why are you talking to her? And blah, blah, blah, blah. But God has really worked some magical wonders in my life, and it has been so beautiful to watch unfold because I sat in that waiting for so long. Like, growing up was the hardest thing that I ever did. And being on the other side now, like, I'm still a kid. I'm still every age that I was before until this moment.

[Lyle]

Well, you just turned 22. You still have so much life ahead of you still.

[Jessica]

Yeah, it just hits different. Walking with the Lord hits different.

[Lyle]

Well, excellent. I'm. I'm so happy to hear that. And, yeah, I do. Okay. I do remember the. The Evie onesie.

[Jessica]

You do you remember that random girl? The Evie onesie?

[Lyle]

Well, that. That was at Zany's, right?

[Jessica]

Yeah, that was at Zany's.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Wait, did you tell. Hold on. Actually, I was trying to. Did you mention that I met you on this phone call that we're having right now? Did you mention that we met in Nashville?

[Jessica]

Yeah, we met in Nashville.

[Lyle]

Okay. All right. I was trying to see if I pulled that from my own memory, because again, and this is the thing, and I don't. I don't remember your name. I don't remember the names of people who I talked, but I remember our conversation vividly. I literally can put myself back in the room that I was in when we had that phone call, because that was. Yeah, it was. It was an emotional one. And what.

[Jessica]

You were.

[Lyle]

You were 19 at the time.

[Jessica]

18 or 19. Yeah. Yeah, it was definitely pre Covid. And I think I, like, 100% was trauma dumping on you.

[Lyle]

Well, shit. What is your name?

[Jessica]

My name is Jessica.

[Lyle]

Jessica. Well, shit. Yeah. Jessica. No, I. I actually even remember meeting you in the eevee onesie. It was, like, outside at Zany's. And. Yeah, I remember you told me that that was you from that phone call. And I remember being like, oh, shit, I remember that. That was cool.

[Jessica]

Yeah, I had a lot of mixed feelings. I remember when you released the podcast, I was the headliner, and it was, like, calling from the hospital, and I was like, oh, man, everyone's going to hear me crying and trauma dumping.

[Lyle]

Did you read the comments? On YouTube.

[Jessica]

I didn't.

[Lyle]

I'm sure they were nice. I don't think people. Actually, I'm not so sure they were nice. People are dicks on the Internet for absolutely no reason. And people also, people don't even. I, I sometimes think people don't understand the point of the show because they'll comment. Being like, this person sounds like a. And I'm like, this not. The point of why we're doing this is to give your opinion of whether or not this per. It's. No one said that about you. I'm just saying people say that in general about.

[Jessica]

In general.

[Lyle]

Anyway, whatever. Who cares? Who cares?

[Jessica]

Yeah, I always listen to you on Spotify, so.

[Lyle]

Well. Well, how about this? Well, first of all, glad you gave the update. This is a nice update. What's new for you? What's next for you? I mean, you're 22. Are you going to go to. Did you just graduate school? Are you going to. What's the deal? What's next for Jessica?

[Jessica]

Yeah, so I'm a junior in college now. Super exciting. I just changed my major for the fifth time.

[Lyle]

Oh yeah. What to do?

[Jessica]

So now it's business entrepreneurship with a minor in computer science.

[Lyle]

Are you gonna. You should do like a new. Are you gonna. Are you gonna make like a AI tech company or something?

[Jessica]

Definitely not. I don't trust AI. I have mixed feelings about it, so that's why I want to learn about it. Like one of the classes that I actually have with my best friend, shout out to Chloe. I love her so much. We're doing introduction to AI together. I'm really excited. But yeah, no, I think it would be important to learn basic computer and technology with the day and age that we're living in.

[Lyle]

The only reason I say that is because I feel like that's the like business entrepreneurship with computer science. It feels like all those people are just doing AI shit. Not that I know.

[Jessica]

Right? Like let me build an automated system so I don't actually have to put in any work.

[Lyle]

All right, so you. What are you. What are you hoping to do with. With that?

[Jessica]

I would really. This sounds silly. I don't care as much about starting my own business. I did about a year and a half ago. I was doing senior and veteran low income living. Had a little staff and we provided housing and care for disabled veterans, disabled seniors, and it was super educational. But I've been working at this nonprofit for about two and a half years now. It's called Veterans Village and we help provide on a larger scale Low income housing for seniors and veterans. And I would love to do some kind of, whether it's mission, work or, Or a nonprofit, but providing help and support and outreach for young girls who come from broken homes, young girls who are going through abuse, because that's what I relate to. And when I reflect now back to that younger person, you know, the me that's still inside of me, she just needed some kind of love and support, somebody to remind her, like, life will not always be this way and there's a bigger world, like, it's okay. And so I would love to develop something that would support young girls.

[Lyle]

Cool. I like it. I like the. I like the upwards trajectory. Jessica, I'm very happy for you, and I hope you continue, continue being cheery.

[Jessica]

Thank you. I. It's been amazing. Like, I don't know, I never expected life to be good, you know?

[Lyle]

No doubt. Yeah, I. Again. Yeah, I. I mean, it was a. It was a while ago, but. Yeah, I remember you were. Things were, Were difficult three years ago, so. You know, the fact that the family together, the family's getting back together. You got a nice direction of purpose in your life. You're. The boy you have a crush on likes you back. That's nice.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

I think Jessica Stock is up. Jessica Stock is up.

[Jessica]

I think so. I'm gonna spill the tea with you, Lyle. Okay, so this boy that I like, he has a girlfriend. I. I think he likes me back. I can't tell. So I literally just confessed my feelings for him on Wednesday, like this, this past Wednesday, and he got my number. I thought that was a little strange because he has a girlfriend. But we've been talking and I've known him for about three years now, so I. I've met him, like, prior to the last two girlfriends that he's had, but I finally got the courage to be like, hey, I think you're great. And he was like, oh, I think you're great too. So I've been excited about that the last couple of days, but I don't know, I've been trying to pray about it. It's been a lot.

[Lyle]

Well, I hope God delivers whatever the right thing in that situation is.

[Jessica]

Me too, man.

[Lyle]

Jessica, is there anything else you want to say to the people. The computer before we go?

[Jessica]

People at the computer. It always gets better. Even if it sucks right now, there is always a light. And it's not just at the end of the tunnel. It is right there with you. I'm so glad I could talk to you again, Lyle.

[Lyle]

Thank you. Jessica, you have a good one.

[Jessica]

You too.

[Lyle]

That was cool. Yeah, I totally remember that phone call. I think. Yeah, the episode was. I'm calling from the hospital. She was calling from the hospital. Yeah. With her dad who was dying. And it's good to hear that he's okay. It's good to hear that. No, again, when she first picked up the phone call, I was like, who the fuck is this lady? You know, being so cheery. It pissed me off. It really did. And I. And I'm. And I don't feel good. And people are gonna be like, oh, you know, Lyle, I thought that was wholesome. Why is that pissing you off? And I don't control that. It pisses me off. But it did. And I'm not gonna lie and say it didn't, but it did. But then once I found out who she was and remembered the backstory, I was like, oh, okay, this is actually awesome that this person is feeling cheery. I was happy. And I. That's a microcosm. Because here's the thing. Even let's say that that person got on the phone and was like, you know, talking like, you know, a fucking Alice in Wonderland or whatever. And I didn't. And I didn't know who she was. And I was just pissed off naturally, at how cheery she was. Maybe if I had, you know, I. That was a preconceived judgment that I made that probably happens to me in real life. I'll meet someone and I'm like, who the fuck is this person talking like this? And then I don't know, maybe they. Maybe they went through some fucked up shit and now they're a cheery. And now that's exciting for them and I'm being an asshole, you know, So I gotta. I gotta. You gotta check yourself sometimes when you're getting pissed off at things, I guess.

[Jessica]

Hello?

[Lyle]

Hey, what's up?

[Crystal]

Hey, how you doing today?

[Lyle]

I'm doing good. What's your name?

[Crystal]

This is Crystal. I just. I talked to you about, I don't know, four to eight weeks ago, maybe.

[Lyle]

Oh, yeah, I remember. What's up, Crystal? You have a. What's going on?

[Crystal]

Well, I was just. Well, a couple things going on, but I was calling first of all to say thank you because I needed to hear what you told me. And.

[Jessica]

You know.

[Crystal]

Yeah, and then I, you know, I went to work and basically things worked out great and I learned to ignore them.

[Jessica]

Everybody.

[Crystal]

And, you know, that's a whole other.

[Shay]

Another show, but I'll give some.

[Lyle]

I'll give A little bit of context. I remember you called in maybe a month ago, a few weeks ago, to talk about how you were getting, like, bullied at work and, like, you had co workers who were being like to you. And I don't remember what I said, but I. I remember that that was your situation, and you're telling me that things are going better.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

I don't remember what you said exactly either. You kind of went to, like, a big kind of whole. Went to a little bit of a rant, which was what I needed to go on.

[Lyle]

A rant.

[Crystal]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, sometimes. I mean, honestly, it just. You were telling me things I already knew. I was, like, in a real bad state of mind when I called you. I don't even know how I really managed to even call you and that you actually answered. But, you know, things happen for a reason, I feel like. And it was. It was awesome.

[Jessica]

So.

[Crystal]

But yeah, I went back to work and I just, you know, I ignored them and just karma took over. And the main person that was, you know, giving me help, making me feel whatever type of way was the supervisor. And I guess, you know, it was not anything. She was just an. And they ended up getting rid of her, so. Which was awesome. But, yeah, you know, I just feel like I need you to say thank you.

[Lyle]

Oh, well, I'm. I'm so happy to hear that. Yeah. Because you weren't doing so great. Are you doing better now? Are you feeling better at your work?

[Crystal]

Well, I'm feeling better in general. I'm on my way up, you know.

[Lyle]

Wonderful.

[Crystal]

Yeah.

[Jessica]

Yeah.

[Crystal]

It's only been, you know, a month, and some days are better than others, but, you know, I just go there and I just basically stay to myself and listen to my music. It wasn't you. And, you know, you're. You were. You said something along the lines of, like, you know, you know, if somebody treats you cruel or treats you not well or makes you upset or any kind of negative thing towards you, you know, it's not really a. Not always a you problem. It's, you know.

[Lyle]

Of course not. Yeah.

[Crystal]

Objective.

[Jessica]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Crystal]

So, you know, I mean, it's so simple. It seems so simple, but, you know, when you deal with it daily and you.

[Shay]

You start.

[Crystal]

You start to believe people sometimes, you know, and you need somebody just to kind of give you a little slap in the face and be like, hey, you know, you. You know, it's. It's work, you know. Yeah. Yeah. I won't take up a lot of your time. I just Wanted to really say thank you because like I said, I know I didn't realize how, how cool you were until after I talked to you. I was looking and you talked to some really cool people, so you're doing awesome.

[Lyle]

Well, shit, thank you, Crystal. You're cool too, man. I, I, no, I'm glad you called in. I'm very, this makes me happy. This makes me feel like I'm, I'm, this is good. I'm happy that this, that was a helpful phone call for you. This makes me feel like I'm not just wasting your time. Wasting. Not, not, no, not wasting my time, but. I don't know, ranting, Ranting aimlessly into a stick alone in my room. I'm very, I'm happy to hear that that phone call had a positive effect on you. I sincerely am, Crystal, and, you know, also very happy in general. Also just very happy in general to hear that you're doing better. So thank you very much for calling back.

[Crystal]

Yeah, yeah, no problem. So I wanted, before you get off here, I want to say I like your, your choice of outfit today. Your, you know, the get from the Head up type of situation, I think.

[Lyle]

Yes. You know, well, here's, you know what I realized is a lot, most of, most of the people who, who consume this show, they consume it on audio, so they can't even really even see that I'm in this suit. But.

[Jessica]

Right, right.

[Lyle]

You know, so I'm, I'm half gecko.

[Crystal]

Yeah, like half gecko, half, we're gonna say this not a mean way.

[Lyle]

Half ape, half gecko, half ape. And you know what? I'm gonna interpret that positively.

[Crystal]

Yeah, well, yeah, definitely. I would never say anything mean.

[Lyle]

Crystal, thanks for calling, man. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Crystal]

No, just, I mean, be nice to your fellow people. You know, you never know what somebody's going through.

[Lyle]

Beautiful. Yeah. Thank you, Crystal. Good luck.

[Crystal]

Yeah, you as well. Have a good day.

[Lyle]

Bye. Bye. Bye.

[Shay]

Bye.

[Lyle]

Did I just say yo? I think I just said yo. That's okay. A lot of good, A lot of good callbacks today. A lot of good. A lot of good. Lot of good return callers today.

[Big Three Playoffs Announcer]

The reviews and ratings are in and Ice Cube's Big Three is the surprise hit of the summer. And to cap off the season, IHOT presents the big three basketball playoffs. This Sunday at 3pm Eastern. The remaining four teams battle it out for the right to make the Big Three championship in the most physical, fierce and competitive basketball league in the world. The action starts with the Big 3 Monster Energy Celebrity game where your favorite stars compete in Big 33 on 3 basketball. Then the first of two semifinal games features Dwight Howard and the LA Riot taking on Montrez Harrell and Dr. J's first place Chicago triplets. The finale will see popular Miami 305 with Stars MVP Michael Beasley and last will make you Dan Stevenson take on Nancy Lieberman's Dallas power who finished the season winning five straight weeks to capture second place. Can Glenn Rice, Greg Monroe and Paul Millsap stop Miami's physical assault? Or will Miami impact Beasley put an end to Dallas's winning ways? Who will make it to the Big Three championship? This no holds barred action starts Sunday at 3pm Eastern, 12 Pacific only on CBS.

[Lyle]

Hey folks, if you like discovering new music then you gotta check out TikTok's new talent show. Next up, live music TikTok Live and iHeartRadio are finding the next wave of up and coming artists and throwing them right in your face live on TikTok. You can follow ictoclive_us on TikTok and from August 25th to August 29th, watch the semifinalists give it all they've got in real time for a chance to perform at the legendary iHeartradio theater in Los Angeles, have their music heard on the radio, and most importantly, bask in the glorious light of ethereal stardom forever. When was the last time you feel like you got to discover something really cool and really beautiful before everyone else did? Well, this is your opportunity. Follow ictoclive underscore us on TikTok now and tune in to find your new favorite musician. That's @tiktoklive underscore us on TikTok. It'll be fun. It'll be inspiring. It'll be beautiful. Give it a watch.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through August 26th, it's back to deals time where you can enjoy storewide deals and earn four times points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Lindor, Oreo Lays, Celsius, Cottonelle and Snapple. Then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go. Pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details. It is Ryan here and I have a question for you. What do you do when you win? Like are you a fist pumper?

[Lyle]

A woo hooer?

[Ryan Seacrest]

A hand clapper? A high Fiver. If you want to hone in on those winning moves, check out Chumba Casino. Choose from hundreds of social casino style games for your chance to redeem serious cash prizes. There are new game releases weekly, plus free daily bonuses, so don't wait. Start having the most Fun [e-mail].

[Maddie]

No purchase necessary. VGW Group void where prohibited by law. 21/ Terms and Conditions apply. From Maddie.

[Lyle]

Hello.

[Maddie]

Hello.

[Lyle]

Hey, what's up?

[Maddie]

Oh. Oh, wow. This is really it.

[Lyle]

Wow, what's your name?

[Maddie]

That's crazy. My name's Maddie.

[Lyle]

Maddie. What's going on, Maddie?

[Maddie]

Oh, wow. Sorry. I didn't actually think I'd get through. I am. I'm all right. I've actually, I've got a bit of. Well, I guess everyone does this, but I've got a bit of dumping to do if you're. If I can borrow your ears for a few minutes.

[Lyle]

Um. What? Well, okay, let's do this instead of a dump. Let's do like, you know, a conversation like. Like if I'm a bin, right? You know, throw one piece of trash in there and then, you know, we can go back and forth. How does that sound?

[Maddie]

That makes a lot more sense and sounds pretty good.

[Lyle]

Okay, great. Hit me.

[Maddie]

All right, so I, or rather me and my partner were. We just came back to our. Just so I don't dox myself or anything, we came back to our major city after our little vacation in Montreal. I'm Canadian for that, for reference. And I had a lot of fun in Montreal. I enjoyed like, I enjoyed all of it. Like it was, it was beautiful city, there's amazing people there and great food. And now I'm back and I. I feel. I feel like I'm missing like that. And, and. And I know it's. I know that my head's kind of like. Well, fuck, let me. Let me just outline it. It's like I'm bummed that my vacation's over. I go back to my corporate esque job starting Monday, and I've been struggling with a bit of an identity crisis is the wrong word. But it's like I. I don't want to be a fucking desk worker for the rest of my life.

[Lyle]

Okay. Are you still there?

[Maddie]

Yeah, that's.

[Lyle]

Yeah, yeah.

[Maddie]

No, still here.

[Lyle]

Okay. Okay. What's your name again?

[Maddie]

Maddie.

[Lyle]

Maddie. How old are you, Maddie?

[Maddie]

I am 26.

[Lyle]

What would you want to do if you weren't a desk worker?

[Maddie]

I. I'd want to be, well, an artist. Or rather like music artist specifically. I grew up on, like, techno and electro house and house in general. And that's what I want to be.

[Lyle]

Life is a very complicated push and pull between the things you have to do to ensure that you don't die and the things you want to do to ensure that when you look back on your life, you're proud of it. And there's a lot of things that go into those two things. I think one of them is ensuring that your. What is it? Your. Your. Your nut is as low as you can possibly get it to be. Right. And then there's. If you do have a corporate desk job, how much of it are you saving versus spending? And I mean, that's. That's it. I mean, a lot of this stuff is. Is. Is just financial planning, I think. So you live in a major city, right?

[Maddie]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

What? Toronto?

[Maddie]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay. Is. No one's. No one's gonna find you based on the fact that you are a man who lives in Toronto. Yeah.

[Maddie]

You're not wrong.

[Lyle]

Everything's fine. Everything's gonna be fine. Why. Why do you live in Toronto?

[Maddie]

Do you. Do you want to hear my whole story then? Are we okay with that?

[Lyle]

Sure. Wait, do. Go ahead.

[Maddie]

Yeah. So I. I immigrated to. To Canada from India at a young age, and basically we were actually planning on settling in Montreal. Couldn't do that because there was just issues because I. I was like a teenager at the time, and my schooling would have been kind of messed up because I would have had to not go to school for like, a year and a half while I learned French. So my parents were like, all right, well, we want you to, like, be on track with people your age, so we're just gonna go to. To Toronto instead. It's a bit more of, like, a multicultural hub. And, you know, there's people from, like, our family that's there versus no one in Montreal. Right. And it's. Yeah, it's. It's been where I've grown up for at least for the second half of my youth. It's where I met my partner. We both live in the city and have two amazing little cats. And currently, at least for the next. When I'm at 2. Yeah, for the next three years, I. I also do need to stay within. Well, I. I need to be able to go to. Or be in sort of like traveling distance or I need to be able to go to a hospital because I'm still in remission from my cancer that I had a couple years back, and I'm still in full remission. I'm set to make a full recovery, my doctor has told me that you are more likely to die from obesity related health issues than you are from cancer, which is a good sign. But I still do need to hit my five year mark before I'm considered, quote, unquote, cured.

[Lyle]

Okay, okay, okay. I got a. What's your name again, man?

[Maddie]

Maddie.

[Lyle]

Matty. Listen, Matty, here's the thing. We can talk. Listen, Matty, here's the thing. Life. I'm not going to say life sucks, but it's hard. I don't have a lot of. I don't really have answers for this, man.

[Maddie]

I know. It, it's okay. I, I get it. Like, I'm, I'm just this rando Kong from Canada with, with all my.

[Lyle]

Okay, well, shit, I mean, so you don't want to be a desk worker? Are you saving money?

[Maddie]

Yeah, I am. Yeah. I. So right now, at least, like the plan is I'm, I'm, I have my emergency fund covered. I am almost set to buy myself like my MacBook so I can, you know, take more of my productions outside of my apartment. Just because, like, I find that when I, when I work like anywhere else but from my home, it's a bit easier for me to like, be creative. There's that. And then I also kind of like, through the past year I've been sort of setting this expectation of myself, of I'm going to put out some sort of project, whether it's an EP or even a single. And the main goal with that is like, I will book a show, I will, I will do all of these things so that at least you know, in a year's time, in a couple years time, if I'm still at my desk job, if I, if this does not take me anywhere, I can at least still kind of look back at the work I put in and, and the effort that I put in and say, you know what? I might not enjoy every aspect of my job, but at least I did this cool thing that I thought was good.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I think that's. And I think that's great. I think that's great. The thing I would say is, like, if I mean, making money off of like music is a tough thing to do, but I would say if I were you, I would like, figure out how to get your burn rate down to as little as you possibly can, save as much money as humanly possible from your desk job, figure out how to use those savings to invest in something that, you know, makes you money independent of your job. I mean, these are kind of figureoutable things financially, but also on the way. It's like, you know, as long as you're able to make the art and you're not letting your job, like, seep into every aspect of your existence, like your identity, you know, you said you had an identity crisis. You don't want to let your job be your identity. It's okay to. And it's okay. It's okay to have something that makes you money and something that you really identify with and have those be two separate things.

[Maddie]

Yeah. Yeah, you're. That makes sense. I mean, like, I, I think this past year has been a realization of. There are. There are things outside of work. And the problem with the company that I work at is that there's very much a. There's very much like a sense of. No, we expect you to, like, kind of enjoy being with all your co workers all the time, so go and have lunch and dinner with them. Like, you know, let's. Let's do a quarterly outing with everyone and. Oh, let's all go for, like. I, I know that.

[Lyle]

Do you have to attend those things.

[Maddie]

At the most part? Well, it's like, I don't have to, but you can definitely tell that there would be some, like, serious judgment or, you know, there's like, there. There's very much a. You're not really a team player kind of. I kind of approach to people that don't, like, partake in all of these outside of work events. And, and everyone over there is like in their late, late 20s to, you know, mid-30s. I think it's one of the oldest guys in our department. It must be like touching 50 soon. So it's not like they're old, but it's very much a. Like, I, I'm someone who's like, look, I. I don't mind the work that I do. I think it's. I, you know, I think it's a lot better than working a retail job. Like, I, I hate retail, for that matter. Who are all to everyone in your chat who's a retail or service worker. I genuinely love and adore you because you are doing some hard. That I could not. And so, but getting back to the point, like, I might be good at the work. I might think it's not the worst thing ever, but it's still my job. You know, I'm not. I'm not sure to be everyone's best bud. And I can't. I can't.

[Lyle]

You don't have to be.

[Crystal]

You have to.

[Lyle]

You don't have to. You don't have. You don't have to be. And if they judge you, then fuck them. You know, you're there to make. You're there to make. It's okay. It's okay to be like, listen, I submit to the fact that in life I got to do things I don't want to do to make money so that I can, you know, afford to live. And it's okay to put in the bare amount of effort into those things because your energy is finite, you know, your time. Your time is finite, but so is your energy. And so just conserve as much of your fucking energy as you possibly can for the things you actually want to put it into. And if they judge you, that's great. They could judge you, but they can't fucking fire you for not going to this thing that you're not getting paid to go to. At least I think they can't. I don't know what Canadian labor laws are like, but you know what? Who, you know, fuck it. Don't, don't. Don't expend any energy that you don't have on. On this job, you know, like, expend them. Expend the minimum amount of it. Figure out the minimum amount of work energy and time that you need to put in to make the amount of money that you need to live and figure out the minimum amount of money that you need to live. And then from there, spend your finite amount of time and energy on the things that you actually want to do. And you don't have to wrap your identity up in it, you know, you don't have to wrap your. Up in your job. You can just do the things that you want to do. That's my rant for your. For your situation, man. But I don't think you should let this, you know, crumble you into an identity crisis.

[Maddie]

Right. Thanks, Lyle.

[Lyle]

For sure. Yeah, I don't. This doesn't. You know, I'll. I can just repeat everything I just said, but again, you don't have to. On paper. Again, like. Like, work it out on paper, man. I'm dead serious. Go. Go into your journal. Work it out on paper. The minimum amount of money you need to live, and then the minimum amount of energy and time that you need to put in and abide by that. And then everything else can go fuck itself.

[Maddie]

Yeah. Neat. Thanks, man.

[Lyle]

For sure. What's your name again? I'm sorry.

[Maddie]

That's funny because, like, I remember your name. Maddie. My name is Maddie.

[Lyle]

Maddie, like Matty Healy, the guy from.

[Maddie]

The thing definitely not like that. It's an Arabic name, like. Like Madi. But, you know, I usually tell people call me Maddie because, again, I moved here from, like, a country where people can't pronounce it properly. Actually, to be fair, they kind of didn't. But the point is that for me, it's more of, like, I'd rather have you call me what I want to be called rather than hear someone's rendition of my name. Like, imagine if I called you Ly.

[Lyle]

People do. That's why people call me that when. If I, like, I'm at a place and I order a thing, they call me Lily. I hate that, by the way. Hold on, I'm gonna go on. Yeah, real quick. I'm gonna go on a rant, Maddie.

[Maddie]

Go for it, Lyle.

[Lyle]

I fucking hate. You know, fucking Starbucks was like, oh, it'll make people, you know, like us better if we call their names out when we give them coffee. I think Starbucks invented that shit, right? Fuck, I hate that shit. I hate every time I go to a food place, they need my name. I don't want to give you guys any personal information. I miss. I miss when I was a number. I want to be. I come to McDonald's to be dehumanized, okay? To eat fucking slop like a pig. I. When I am in McDonald's, when I'm at McDonald's, I am not Lyle. I am number 105. And that's exactly how I want it to be. I don't need to get chummy with the. The. The organizations that I'm getting my slop from, okay? I want to. I want to clock in. I want to be in order 105. I don't want anyone to have to. I don't want anyone to have to learn my name. I want it to be a very, very, very transactional, impersonal process when I go to these places. I was at Taco Bell the other day. I had to put in my name. I don't want to do that. I want. I want them to call me order 578. I don't want it to be like, order for Lil. I just want. You know, it could be a purely transactional, disgusting alleyway endeavor picking up.

[Maddie]

I need to. Sorry, Lyle, I need. I need to interject here. So then you've said you want this to be purely transactional. So you're okay being called a number. So why not. Why not have your order called out by what it is? Like, for example, I always get a flat white When I go and get coffee, you know, why not like, oh, I've got a flat white, and that's it.

[Lyle]

I don't know. I don't know. The whole. It's. Any rant that I go on is not meant to be questioned, you know, Like, I mean, that's how rants are, right? Like if someone's ranting and then, like if you're ranting and then someone says, oh, but what about this? Then you go, well, okay, you're probably right, but the whole point of a rant is that it's an uninterrupted thing where, you know, you. Nobody questions you about it. So. Sorry, this is really stupid.

[Maddie]

No, that's fair. My. My apologies, man.

[Lyle]

I don't. I don't know what I'm. I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Maddie. Maddie, it was nice to talk. I hope you. Do you have any music out?

[Maddie]

I don't, but tell you what, in. Let's do this in about six months time from now. I'll try to call back and let you know if I have any. Any music out.

[Lyle]

Okay, cool. That sounds good. Well, good luck, Matty. I hope you. I hope you get your work done. Here's by the way, just one more thing. And this is how I'm actually. And by the way, this is actually how I'm feeling about a lot of things in my life lately as I'm kind of, like shifting around the kind of work that I do, the work doing the work that you're happy with is all that matters, you know? So as long as you're making the music you want to make and you're doing the work that you're happy with, that's. That's what matters the most. So I hope that that's what you end up doing. Thank you for calling, Maddie. I'll see you around the universe.

[Maddie]

Thank you. Cheers.

[Lyle]

Take care, man.

[Maddie]

Later.

[Lyle]

I. What did he say? He said, why don't they have. Why don't you have them call it out by the. Why not? You can't really have them call it out by anything. They have their own processes. But that's the best part of having a. Of ranting on a podcast is no one questions you. That's how. That's how people get away with saying, you know, stupid things that aren't true on podcasts all the time, is they don't have somebody going like, well, what about this? You know, the whole point is, is it's a stupid rant. Sorry. I'm sorry. Okay. Foreign.

[Big Three Playoffs Announcer]

The Big three Playoffs this Sunday, the remaining four teams battle to make the championship in the most physical, fierce and competitive basketball league in the world. The action starts with the Big three Monster Energy Celebrity Game, then Dwight Howard and his Ellie Riot take on Montrez Harrell and Dr. J Chicago triplets. The finale will see popular Miami 305 with stars Emily MVP Michael Beasley and Lance Stevenson take on Nancy Lieberman's Dallas power, who will make it to the Big Three championship. The no holds barred action starts Sunday at 3:00pm Eastern, 12 Pacific only on CBS.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through August 26th, it's back to Deals time where you can enjoy storewide deals and earn four times points. Look for in store tags to earn on eligible items from Black Label Bacon, Pop Tarts, Quaker Activia, Lunchables, Frito Lay, Goldfish and Jack Links, then clip the offer in the app for automatic event long savings. Shop in store or online for easy drive up and go pickup or delivery subject to availability restrictions apply. Visit Albertsons or Safeway.com for more details.

[Lyle]

Hey folks, if you like discovering new music then you gotta check out TikTok's new talent show. NextUp. Live Music TikTok Live and iHeartRadio are finding the next wave of up and coming artists and they are throwing them right in your face live on TikTok. You can follow TikTokLiveUS on TikTok and from August 25 to August 29, watch the semifinalists give it all they've got in real time for a chance to bask in the glorious light of ethereal stardom. That's ictocliveus on TikTok.

[Shay]

Every day has a to do list, but adding Enjoy Belvita to yours can help you knock out the rest of it. Belvita Breakfast Biscuits are a tasty and convenient breakfast option when paired with low fat yogurt and fruit that provide steady energy all morning while Belvita Energy Snack Bites give you the perfect mid morning refuel. Best part? They both taste great so make the most out of your morning with a bite of Belvita. Pick up a pack of Belvita at your local store today.

[Lyle]

This is an iHeart podcast.