Lyle (Therapy Gecko) (35:22)
Hey, everybody. What's up? It's me, Lyle, and I'm gonna do the second half of this episode as a geck mail portion, if that's okay with you. If that's not okay with you, then I don't know what to tell you. It's too late because I'm gonna. I'm gonna do it. I am currently alone in a room talking into a microphone. I feel good. I took a Celsius. I took a bathroom break, and I feel good. I feel ready to talk into a microphone alone and read some emails, and I feel like I'm talking directly to you guys. What's going on in my life? I went to Canada. That was nice. New York in the fall is great. I'm trying to romanticize my own life. Here's what's going on. This is my. This is the portion of the podcast. I'll do my therapy for a second. I find myself constantly thinking about the future. The future. You know, I'm always making plans. I'm always like, oh, wouldn't it be cool to live here one day? Like, I go to fucking Zillow or whatever, and I'm like, what's the. What's the rent in Madison, Wisconsin? What would it be like to be there? You know, I'm on Reddit. I'm. I'm looking at other people's lives on Instagram and. And I'm like, what would it be like to live that life? What would it be like to do this would be like to do that. And I'm realizing I'm like, I'm thinking about versions of myself and versions of different versions of life that are. That I'm not even in and I'm missing my own life. It's crazy. So I'm trying to romanticize my own life so I'm feeling very romantic about this very moment in which I'm sitting here talking into this microphone, talking to you guys. So I'm gonna romanticize the life I'm currently living right now. However good or bad it is. When I'm with someone, I'm trying to. I'm trying to really be with them and look in their eyes. I'm like, even if I hate them, I'm like, oh, this is nice. I get to. I'm like warmed by the disdain I have for this person. I get. I feel alive. I'm like really diving in all of my emotions. I'm like diving into them. I'm like, oh, I get to feel angry. I get to feel getting into a. I'm in a fight with my landlord and I'm like, this is exciting. I get to send an angry email about fixing my fucking heater. Look at me, I'm in. I'm engaging with the universe. I don't know. I'm crazy. All right, let's read some emails. Let's see here. This is from Waka. Hello Geck. My life is not bad. I'm about to graduate college. I have a good lady I'm planning to marry and a job that is giving me good experience with decent pay. Recently, I had a strange dream. In the dream, my parents were flying out to where I live to visit me and their plane suddenly vanishes. What I can remember involves me trying to process this moment. I don't know what happened to the plane, but when I learned that my parents were missing, I. I was devastated. After some time, I began to question why I was even sad to begin with. And I started to reflect on all the problems in that relationship with my parents. I remember feeling angry for even considering that eventually some kind of authority came to me and was about to reveal what happened to my parents plane. But then I woke up my parent. My parents are flying out to the state I live to visit me and my sister for Thanksgiving. So the timing of the stream is alarming. I recently asked Chat GPT to interpret the stream for me because it's been stuck on my mind for a week now. Chat gave me mumbo jumbo about how it is a reflection of my strained relationship with my parents. Blah, blah, blah. What are Your thoughts? Does this sound like a sign that my parents are going to die? Uh, no, I don't think it's a sign that your parents are gonna die. I don't think. Okay. Like there's actually a lot of woo woo shit that I believe is completely logical. That makes a lot of sense to me. I, and what, but, and then there's a lot of woo shit that I think is stupid. And with dreams like, I, I, I, I don't interpret dreams to mean anything about the, about anything external. Like they don't, I don't think they mean shit about the external events of the universe. So like, no, I don't think that this dream means that your parents are gonna die or that something bad will happen. I don't believe in woo woo like that, but I totally believe in dreams being like, reflective of the internal state. So it definitely means you have some anger, some anxiety. It definitely. Also dreams will like show you shit that you don't want to admit to yourself. Like what a perfect example is like if you break up with someone and you believe you're fully over it, your dreams will show you that you're not. You'll be like, you'll be like five months after a breakup or something like that and believe you're totally over it. And then you just have a dream that you're like holding hands with that person and your subconscious is like you're lying to yourself that you're over this right now. You know? So dreams will like show you uncomfortable, but that doesn't mean any, that doesn't mean about the, you know, your ex girlfriend, you know, she's out living her life, has nothing to do with your dream. It just reflects how you feel. So maybe you feel anxious that about your parents. Maybe you feel anxious about your parents dying, which is a legitimate feeling to have. Maybe. Yeah. It's probably reflective of some relationship problems that you have with your parents. It's probably reflective of some anger of some kind. So I agree with the, the chat GPT interpretation of that. But I don't believe in like signs of external things. I believe in signs of internal things. Yeah, I mean, thinking that, to think that your dreams are like signs of the universe of like events that will happen. I mean that, that's, that's, that means that you, you're like God or some shit, you know, I'm saying. Okay, there's more to this email. That is the first of two strange experiences I have had at night recently. The other was last night. I could not fall Asleep after watching six episodes of Bob's Burgers, I turned to YouTube and I decided to watch a documentary about the ongoing civil war in Sudan. The documentary explored the complex landscape of the parties involved in the war. Eventually, the video talks about a specific skirmish over a town in which one of the military forces kills hundreds of civilians and burns everything down. At this point, I had to stop watching the video. I feel like I somewhat keep up with global events. I am aware of horrible things that happen everywhere every day. Human history has an unmeasurable list of tragedies that have occurred. But for some reason, I could not go back to watching Bob's Burgers this time. I feel like I try to typically keep a good outlook on life, but this makes me feel like I am so ungrateful for my problems. I get to be upset at my parents from my childhood and not have to grieve my entire town being slaughtered and burned to the ground by an evil dictator. Geck, am I going crazy? Why am I suddenly burdened with these thoughts? I am grateful for the opportunity to be more appreciative of my place in this world, but how do I not let this haunt me? How am I supposed to bring kids into this evil world one day? Is it not morally wrong to be responsible for sending the next generation into a place where so much bad happens? Anyway, I hope this email reaches you. I enjoy your perspective on things and I hope to hear back from you on this. I have the exact same thoughts. Oh, man. Listen, man, I have the same fucking thoughts all the time. And it's very funny because, like, I don't know, I've been to places where like, I've seen like, object poverty and horrible things, but also like, you know, I mean, I live in. Haven't lived in like, New York and la. Like, you just. You just see that shit outside of your house. And also like, whatever. You hear about it and you see it. Yeah, yeah. You know, if you're looking. If you're. If you look up from your phone or down at your phone. Yeah. You'll find lots of examples of horrible things happening, for sure. And that makes you feel a sense of like, damn, I'm ungrateful for feeling like shit about my problems. And I've heard people talk about this and I've heard people say things like, like, sadness is relative and problems are relative and this and that and the other thing. And it's like, well, you know, like people. People say like, oh, I think it's so annoying when I have a problem and then someone says to me, well, you could be starving in Africa. It could be worse. Like, people, people get, like, annoyed by that. But I disagree. I disagree. I think every problem is, I think every problem can totally be solved by being like, well, at least I'm not, you know, in Sudan getting killed by a dictator. You know, I think that's real. I hate when people say that. That, that isn't. That, that's not real. Like, if you're bra. If you, your girlfriend broke up with you, or you didn't sell enough necklaces on Etsy or whatever, and someone's like, well, it could be worse. You could be, you know, starving to death in the streets, and you're like, fuck you. That's not helpful. I'm like, fuck you. That's really helpful. You could totally. It could totally be worse. I really try to think about that a lot. So, so you're not crazy. You're not crazy for believing that your life is so much better because you don't live in a country where you could be killed by the government. I don't think that makes you crazy. But also, at the end of the day, you got to live your own life. Because I think if you dive too deep into that, and I've dived really deep into that feeling of like, well, let me just negate my entire existence because it could be worse. And that's not helpful either. That's not helpful either. So, you know, I, I, I'm working, I'm pondering this shit with you, and I think it's as, as, as is the answer to a lot of shit. It's a yin yang. Like, hold a good. Make some room in your brain for, like a dedicated. You like, dedicate a real nice, solid part of your brain portfolio. 20, 30, 40%, whatever you want. Delegate a real solid part of your brand portfolio to thank God I'm not living in a country that's deeply impoverished and at war. Really, really. That's worthy brain space to take. So dedicated that, but don't dedicate the whole brain to it or else you're. Or else what? Even are you. You know, you're, you can't you. Because you have to engage with your life, and part of engaging with your life is engaging with your problems and your conflicts, such as your relationship with your parents. So you still got to engage in that. You can't, oh, it could be worse. Your way out of your problems entirely, but having a little bit of it could be worse. I could be living in a bad place and subject to the horrible things of the universe is a good. It's a good thing to keep it in perspective. But you can't just negate your life. So I think it's healthy. Okay, and then the part where you're like, how do I not let this haunt me? Exactly, you don't want to let it haunt you. How am I supposed to bring kids into this evil world one day? That's another problem is you don't want to look at the world as evil. Evil. You don't. And there's a lot And. But you know, there's a lot of people that I've met and talked to who live the. One of the craziest things that I've experienced in my life is like, I feel like I've been so lucky to live the life I live. Not even just like, you know, the stupid, the like gecko stuff, but like just outside of that. Just like living in a. Growing up in like a suburb and like having good parents and all these things. And I feel. I feel these feelings of like, of like lack and of like depression or whatever. And I'll meet people who've grown up with and have so much less than I have and they're way. And they just figure out a fucking way to like be happy and have a really positive outlook on the world. And I'm like, and that. And that blows my mind. So. And I say that to mean that there's probably people whose lives are worse than yours that don't think the world is evil, that there's people with. Who are. Whose lives are worse than yours that have a better outlook on the planet than you do. And I know that because I've met people like that, talked to people like that. And so if they can have a shittier life than you and less stuff than you and worse problems than you and still not believe the world is evil, then I think you can too. So I don't think that. I don't. I'm. I don't think that like, object doom. And being like, oh, the world is an evil, awful, terrible place. Being like, oh, the world is an evil, awful, terrible place is not fucking helpful to anyone. In the same way that being like, dude, everything is fucking great. Like, when you meet a guy like that who's like, everything's amazing, everything's awesome. I just love being alive. And it's like, yeah, because you have whatever the thing is, or maybe, or you. Maybe you don't, maybe you don't. I like a measured thing. I like a measured perspective of the world of like something in between those two things of like, yeah, there's some crazy shit going on. There's a civil war in Sudan. There's horrible poverty and crazy wars and just all this awful stuff going on. And, you know, it's good to be aware that like. But also, like, you know, there's a lot of good stuff happening to people. There's great things happening all over the world. There's a. There's. Right now as I'm. Right now as I'm recording this all over the planet, there's like two, three, maybe four people who are eating something and talking to each other. That's happening. That's happening an unfathomable amount across the planet Earth right now is a group of two to four people eating something and talking to each other. That's kind of amazing. That's kind of beautiful. So you take. There's pros and cons to it, and those four. And those four people who are eating something and talking to each other, they're. They have their own whatever problems going on with their life, but they have also little moments where things are good and you have to believe that the good outweighs the bad enough that life's worth living in. And we want to keep doing this. We want to keep doing this enough that we'll bring a kid here. I've thought about that too, man. I was thinking about that yesterday. I was. I got to. Earlier this year, I was in such a doomer existentialist place that I was. I was on the Wikipedia page for antinatalism. Maybe I talked about this already, but yeah, and I was like, looking through this, like, movement of people who believe that it's, like, morally wrong to have children and, like, bring consciousness into the world. I was thinking about that. I was like, yeah, I was. I was feeling really scared yesterday because I was thinking about, like, if I want to have a kid, and I was like, that's a terrifying idea to me that I, like, bring consciousness into the world and then my kid is unhappy or feels, you know, has exists some bad life. And I would feel weirdly responsible for that. Like, oh, I've brought a new consciousness into this, like, kind of difficult thing, and now I'm responsible for that. Like, that spooks. That spooks me out for sure. But I think it's going to be up to me to believe that this thing that we're experiencing between two Oreo cookies of oblivion is. Is worth it. It's a cool ride, is a good thing, and that I have the Opportunity to, like, install a positive perspective upon. Or do try the best I fucking can. I mean, at the end of the day, you bring a kid into this world and you. You have, of course, a lot of influence. As you have the most influence, you'll be the most influential person to this kid's life. And, you know, I try to do that the best you can, but then after that they, you know, develop their own perception of the world. And that's kind of a beautiful thing too. But, yeah, you have the opportunity to find your own, I guess, joy and positive perspective and like, sh. And like, introduce. You can't make. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it. You can lead a horse to good vibes, but you can't make them take it. You know, I mean, you can introduce your kid to like, oh, hey, this is a way of looking at the world that I think is good. And you can't make him take it, but you can at least be like, I tried to introduce him to it. So is it not morally wrong to be sending the next generation into a place where so much bad happens? But also think about it like this. And I think about it all the time. And I have been feeling. I've been talking about on the show of like, bad shit has been happening forever. I mean, there's. Bad things have been happening forever. And we keep that. We just. We keep doing it.
