“SHE IS AWESOME & I GOT A DUI”

Summary

Therapy Gecko – “SHE IS AWESOME & I GOT A DUI”

Episode Date: April 1, 2026 | Host: Lyle (The Therapy Gecko)

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Episode Overview

This Therapy Gecko episode showcases two deeply contrasting callers: Robert, whose year has been a saga of rejected romance, dreams derailed by a DUI, and workplace paranoia; and “Cool Ranch,” a young listener with a good life and a loving relationship… but a swirling undercurrent of doubt, fear, and the existential question: “Is this enough?” Lyle, clad in philosophical gecko-skin and irrepressible wit, guides each caller through their emotional labyrinths. The show explores the universal search for happiness, the futility of waiting for the perfect moment, and the hard reality that life is always “so close” to having zero problems — but never quite gets there.

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Key Segments & Takeaways

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1. Rejection, Jealousy, and The Quest for Meaning

[01:39 – 26:55] Robert's Story

• Robert’s Dating Recap

  • 14 months ago, Robert went on a memorable date with a woman who soon left for Argentina. He was rejected, not for lack of chemistry during the date (they talked so much, they didn’t eat), but because the woman was moving on with her life.
  • “We talked so much, we didn’t eat our food... Is that not a connection?” (Robert, 06:17)
  • Lyle gives a brutal truth: You can have a great time with someone, but for them, that doesn’t always translate into wanting you as a recurring presence.
    • “There’s such a big difference between, ‘Oh, I had a nice night with this person’...and, ‘Do I need this person to be a recurring part of my life?’ That's a big jump.” (Lyle, 08:23)

• Reflections on Jealousy & Life Choices

  • Robert admits jealousy over the woman’s adventurous life — she was doing things he wanted to do, like traveling abroad and following her passions.
  • “This girl was doing everything I wish I was doing with my life...” (Robert, 15:17)
  • Discussion moves to how jealousy can be a directional sign for what you want, but acting on it is another story.

• Dreams Derailed: The DUI

  • Shortly after the inspirational date, Robert gets a DUI that wipes out his savings and locks him into his city and job for probation.
  • “All my money went to fucking lawyers...and that locked me into this shitty job.” (Robert, 22:02)
  • Lyle and Robert discuss the practical limitations of dreams, luck, and the American legal system.

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2. Workplace Anxiety & The Trap of Circumstance

[28:54 – 50:55]

• Office Antagonist

  • Robert shares about a coworker who is documenting his every mistake, making him fearful for his job — the only tether to his probation and stability.
  • “Having your mistakes just printed up on an Excel spreadsheet...it's agonizing because I cannot lose my job.” (Robert, 34:10)
  • Lyle pushes Robert to recognize how much mental energy he’s giving to things (and people) that should have minimal importance.
    • “You should expend as little energy engaging with him as possible. Who gives a?” (Lyle, 32:18)

• Stuck but Hopeful — Future Plans and Life Choices

  • Robert fantasizes about traveling, but is tangled by probation, employment, and now, a new relationship.
  • Lyle presses him to develop a concrete vision — even a “delusional” one — for his future, rather than burning out over present annoyances.
  • “You have to have something in your mind to be fixating on that's, that's, that you're so, like, stoked about the possibility of, like, this future plan...Because everything you're telling me right now, I'm not hearing any visions of the future.” (Lyle, 39:13)

• The ‘Perfect Life’ Trap

  • As new life challenges stack up, Lyle confesses his own “delusional” belief that one day he’ll reach a life with zero problems — a state always just out of reach, yet necessary to keep moving forward.
    • “Every day I truly believe I am so close to a life where I have zero problems. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I believe I will get there.” (Lyle, 47:57)
  • Robert echoes the faith — “next year's my year; I’m gonna break open and just, like, have loose.” (Robert, 49:40)
  • Lyle’s closing prescription: “Just go to Peru, man. ...Ignore all the laws. Fly there with your wings. Just do it.” (Lyle, 50:31) — equal parts joke and genuine encouragement to not let perfectionism or circumstance block living life.

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3. Contentment vs. Restlessness in Relationships

[52:43 – 74:44] Cool Ranch's Call

• Snapshot of a Good Life

  • Cool Ranch calls from Washington, chilling with family after a Shrek 2 viewing. Life is objectively good: a loving environment and satisfying relationship.
  • “Oh, you have a good life. Oh my God. Somebody calls into this podcast with a good life. I love when this happens.” (Lyle, 53:15)

• Happiness with Undercurrents of Doubt

  • Despite satisfaction, Cool Ranch worries he’s conditioned to always expect more, to look for flaws where there aren’t any.
  • “I find myself looking at the future a lot and not being sure about it. But then with that fear, I come back to the present and I find a reason to be scared.” (Cool Ranch, 60:20)
  • The existential worry: Is longing and searching for “the perfect” actually undermining happiness?

• On Settling, Searching, and the Myth of Perfection

  • Lyle draws parallels to Robert’s earlier call, invoking the near impossibility of perfect compatibility or a “perfect life.”
    • “Some people are able to do it. ...I have met people who have been able to achieve a life with no problems and no compromises. Every year I'm like, fuck, I'm so close. ...But that's my delusional belief. That's what keeps me getting out of bed in the morning.” (Lyle, 47:00)
  • Cool Ranch worries about being unfair to his partner if he harbors secret doubts. Wondering about exploring sexuality and fear that “finding the one” too early may mean missing out on experiences.

• The Value of Accepting Imperfection

  • Lyle gently affirms that no relationship, or even future, is perfect — and it’s healthy to acknowledge that compromise, comparison, and curiosity are normal, especially at 21.
    • “You have to look deep in your gut and say, what am I willing to put up with about the things I do not like about this person... in exchange for the beautiful things?” (Lyle, 64:59)
  • The wisdom: Decide what compromise means for you. As you grow, it gets easier to know whether building with someone is better than searching endlessly for “more.”

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Notable Quotes

On Rejection:

• "You can sit and have a conversation with someone for three hours...but, like, do I need this person to be a recurring part of my life? That's a big jump." (Lyle, 08:23)

On Dreams and Jealousy:

• “Jealousy is actually kind of like a good compass for like, oh, where should I be putting my energy?” (Lyle, 17:56)

On Work Anxiety:

• “Having your mistakes just printed up on an Excel spreadsheet...it's agonizing because I cannot lose my job.” (Robert, 34:10)

On Future Planning:

• "If you don't have—even if it...dude, even if it's a fucking delusional plan—just have something you're looking toward. Because right now you're just in circles." (Lyle, 41:34)

On the Myth of the Perfect Life:

• “Every day I truly believe I am so close to a life where I have zero problems. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I believe I will get there.” (Lyle, 47:57)

On Settling in Relationships:

• "You have to look deep in your gut and say, ‘what am I willing to put up with about the things I do not like about this person’...in exchange for the beautiful things that I love about this relationship?” (Lyle, 64:59)

Cool Ranch's Sign-Off:

• “Keep being water, man. Just react to the universe as it comes to you. The present. Love yourself.” (Cool Ranch, 74:38)

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Thematic Threads

The Futility and Necessity of Hope

• Both callers grapple with waiting for life or love to be perfect. Lyle asserts the wisdom — and necessity — of hoping and dreaming, even if “zero problems” is always out of reach.

The Value of Small Steps

• Creating a vision, even “delusional,” is better than stagnating in frustration or anxiety over current problems. Forward movement, not perfection, is the goal.

Relationships as Compromises

• There’s no magic soulmate or perfect moment. Longevity comes from accepting imperfection, and weighing joys against inevitable frustrations or what-ifs.

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Important Timestamps

• [03:15] – Robert’s recap of his rejected date and reflections
• [21:01] – Robert reveals the DUI that changed his plans
• [28:54] – Robert’s workplace stress with a difficult coworker
• [32:18] – Lyle’s advice on not wasting energy on trivial coworkers
• [47:57] – Lyle’s philosophy: “So close to zero problems”
• [53:15] – Cool Ranch’s intro: a rare caller with a happy life
• [60:20] – Cool Ranch’s struggle with relationship contentment
• [64:59] – Lyle’s take on compromise in love
• [74:38] – Cool Ranch’s closing wisdom

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Conclusion

This episode of Therapy Gecko is a meditation on wanting — wanting love, freedom, escape, or perfection — and the pain and comedy of being forever “so close.” Through the raw, honest stories of Robert and Cool Ranch, and Lyle’s philosophical, often absurd advice, the show offers reassurance: You’re not alone in the ambiguity. Life rarely gives the perfect answer, but in moving forward, dreaming, and learning to accept “close enough,” there’s meaning, humor, and growth.

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For more Therapy Gecko, bonus material, and live shows:

• Patreon: patreon.com/lyleforever
• Tour info: therapygeckotour.com

Transcript

[Riley Wilson]

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[Lyle]

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[Podcast Host (Will Kill You)]

If you're trying to keep up with everything happening on and off the court, we've got you covered on the podcast. Flagrant and Funny.

[Lyle]

You want to start with the first

[Robert]

question for the Big Ten coach of the year?

[Lyle]

Oh, whatever. Would you like to. Yeah, you're a Spartan. Is that what I'm getting?

[Podcast Host (Will Kill You)]

Exactly. So whether your bracket is busted or you just want the real talk on what's happening during the tournament, Open your free iHeartRadio app search flagrant and Funny with Carrie Champion and Jemele Hill. And listen. Now presented by Capital One, founding partner

[Lyle]

of iHeart Women's Sports.

[Cool Ranch]

Huh?

[Lyle]

What's up, man? What's your name?

[Robert]

Oh, this therapy gecko?

[Lyle]

Yeah. Wait, who did you think it was? Hold on. In like, in the two seconds where you were like, hey, hello. Like, who did you think it was?

[Robert]

I don't know. I was like, well, I was texting a friend. I don't know. But then I didn't recognize the number.

[Cool Ranch]

That's all.

[Robert]

Like, okay, no, by the way, hold on.

[Lyle]

I just. By the way, hold on. I'm not saying that to be a dick. I'm genuinely curious because most people don't, like, just pick up for random numbers. I assume you picked up because you knew it was me. Like, if I get a random number, I don't really like, pick. Okay, but. But in that. In that moment, you did.

[Robert]

Yeah, that's why I double checked. It's like therapy, Gecko. Like. Okay, is it?

[Lyle]

Okay, so it's a double check. You knew. You had an inkling. It wasn't just, like. You're not just going with the flow of your life.

[Robert]

Nah, I wish I was like that.

[Cool Ranch]

I can't.

[Lyle]

Why can't you be like that?

[Robert]

I care too much, man. You can't be answering the phone for, like, strangers to do, like. Ah. You got to keep something in private, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah, I feel you. What's your name?

[Robert]

I'll just go by Robert.

[Lyle]

Robert. Robert. You texted me a few things. Well, okay. You texted me a year ago and you said, I went on a date a few days ago and I got a rejection text. This was a year ago? This was 14 months ago, actually. I went on a date a few days ago and I got a rejection text, and I'm not sure how to handle it. How did you handle it?

[Robert]

Well, there's that, but that's. That's a year ago. Who cares about that? I want to talk about, like, I guess I need more advice about, like, my current situation. About, like, what to do about this guy at work that just keeps on hassling me.

[Lyle]

Wait, hold on. Just real quick. What happened with that date? What did you do about the text?

[Robert]

Nothing. It was just a weird text. Okay, so I guess just to recap about that. Yeah. A year ago would have been around this time. I was at. Yeah, around this time, around February. So I met this girl on, like, a dating app. And not gonna lie, it was like one of those freaky deaky dating apps. I think it was, like, field and stuff like that. So I'm just like, all right, let's go out. And I'm just like, okay. So we go out, right? And we're clicking, we're vibing, we're talking. And we talk so much, we didn't eat the food. So we went out to this, like, Colombian restaurant. She's like. She's like one of those white girls that are, like, obsessed with, like, speaking Spanish and learn Spanish. And she does, like, salsa dancing and bachata and all that. So she's like one of those. You know what I mean?

[Lyle]

Okay, all right.

[Robert]

So I speak Spanish, so I'm like, all right, I'll smooth her up with my Spanish.

[Lyle]

There we go.

[Robert]

We're talking and we're getting to know each other, and she tells me a lot about her family and what she's going to and she, like, tells me, like, oh, I'm actually leaving in. To go live in Argentina for like, a. For a year or two. This and that. I'm just like, all right, all right, cool. And it wasn't like, I think the rejection bothered me so much because it was more about we. I even asked like, oh, we should go on a second date or anything like that. I'm like, hey, you should just keep in touch. I think you're super cool. And just like, we could be friends. And if you're back in my hometown, let's reconnect and just kick it just, like, neutral. Like, I think you're just a cool person overall. Not even just, like, as a romantic partner, possibly more just like, you're a cool person. And it. She gave me the weirdest response ever. It was just like, nah, I just don't feel the chemistry or connection with you.

[Cool Ranch]

I'm like, did you stop?

[Robert]

You did not eat your food? You did not shut up this whole time. I'm like, did you. I saw you put your whole plate into a go bag, and I'm like, this got you up. I'm like, hold on,

[Lyle]

hold on. Wait, What? I'm. I'm. I'm confused. The equivalency here. What is it? What do you mean by. Oh, you're saying she talked the whole time and you didn't get to say anything, and so she's like. And so. No.

[Podcast Host (Will Kill You)]

Oh.

[Lyle]

Oh, you're saying. No, no, I'll just. So you're saying that she put her food in a to go bag, which means she was talking so much that she didn't even touch her food, and by that proxy, she didn't even let you express yourself enough to tell whether or not she liked you. That's what you're saying?

[Robert]

I. Well, I took this off as, like, we had such a great time. We talked so much. We didn't really eat our food. We just talked for, like, two hours till the restaurant closed. And I'm like, is not. Is that not a connection?

[Lyle]

No, it's totally not. It's totally not at all. Totally not at all. Well, that's the thing about. Let's see. Here's the thing about dating is. Dating is horror. It's. It's horrible. And don't. And it's horrible for men and women for kind of, like, there's certain. There's certain reasons why it's horrible for men and women that are, like, in the Venn diagram of, like, why it's horrible for men and why it's horrible for women. There's actually a lot in the middle, I think. But one of the reasons why it's horrible is this thing of, like, you really can't go into a situation having any expectations at all. It's crazy, but it's a little true. Do you know, like, like, like you can go out with someone and you can have a great conversation with them for three hours and keep hanging out, and if you interpret that as we had a good connection, they probably want to see me again. You. You've. You've. You've fucked yourself. You know, it's a weird thing because it doesn't auto. It really. It never automatically means, like, I've. And listen, listen. It doesn't mean that you are a hideously ugly, boring person. All. It could mean a lot of different things. Like, I mean, I was. I was talking to some friends of mine, and they were like, like, this girl was like, oh, I went on a date with this guy last night. You know, we hung out for two hours. He was nice, he was cool. We chatted a lot. But I'm like, I don't know if I really, like, need to see him again, you know? Like, that's, That's. And that's just. What. What do you mean? Damn this. That's life. It's like, you can sit and have a con. Yeah, you can sit and have a conversation with someone for. I feel that way about a lot. I feel that way about, in fact, the majority of people, frankly, is. I could sit and have a conversation. There's. Bro, there's such a big difference between, oh, okay, I had a nice night with this person for, you know, three hours and whatnot. We had a fun time, but, like, do I need to do it again? Do I need this person to be a recurring part of my life? That's a big jump, you know, That's a big. You're. That's a big jump, right? Like, she got this, this woman who you went on this date with, she got enough of you for the rest of her entire life. Which is. Which says nothing about you. It says nothing. It really does. It says nothing about you. I swear on my life, I'm not. It says nothing about you. It says. It's just like, you know, she got.

[Robert]

No, I get it. I'm good. Like, I get it.

[Lyle]

I feel that way.

[Robert]

I'm like, you know what, dude?

[Lyle]

I feel that way about people that I love. I really do. Like, I, I. There's certain. Because life. How. How old are you?

[Robert]

I'm 30.

[Lyle]

You're 30? Oh, you're 30, dude. You're 30. You understand that? Like.

[Robert]

Oh, I understand. I totally know what you mean. Like, I. I see. I had enough of you. I see enough of you, which is totally true. There's like, some friends I have that's like, I'll see them like once every other month because, like, I can't do back to back weekends with them because I'm like, yeah, no, I got you. I got. I got enough of you. Yeah, but I. I don't know. As I gotten older, I just. I like to give. I know the whole, like, having no expectations. I've done that. It's like, yeah, go into it. The open mind, no expectations. Don't assume anything. But now I'm just like, more of like. No one ever presents themselves their best the first time, maybe the second time. And I feel like I try to give people multiple rounds to, like, see what's up, you know what I'm saying? So I usually go with a. At least a two date, three date. Then I just kind of figure it out, like, all right, is this person pursuing or not pursuing? I'm more like. I give people, you know, a working interview. You know what I'm saying? Just like.

[Lyle]

And you know what? And you know what? That I believe. I believe that that's a good process. I really do. That's a good process. That probably works for you. That's not her process. This. This late. Because. Because that's also this lady, right? How old is this lady? Yeah, I know this was a year ago, but. Oh, she said, yeah, but, yeah, but this lady. Yeah, but this lady's, like, going to art. This lady's. It seems like she's in a different place from you, right? She's going to Argentina for a year. Like, she's not like, she. You're kind of over here. It sounds like being like, oh, I'd like to, like, find a real connection and build something together. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, well, that's cool. Nice to meet you. I'm going to Argentina for a year because I don't want. That's not what I want to do. I want to dick around and I want to salsa. I want to do all this stuff, right? So there's no, there's like, you have to understand, like, I just want you to understand something. You have to understand logically that this woman has. That. You just have to understand logically. You have no. This room. This woman has no room in her life for you. First and Then secondly, most importantly, understand that this woman having no room in her life for you says nothing about who you are as a human being.

[Robert]

I see what you're saying. Like, I shouldn't, like, take. I guess I shouldn't. I guess I'm taking from it. It's like, I shouldn't hold this stranger's opinion or like her not being interested me so much. It affects my life inside to like. No, no, no.

[Lyle]

Okay, even. Okay, even what you just said is keying me into the fact that you don't understand. You don't get what I'm saying?

[Robert]

All right, break it. Break it down for me.

[Lyle]

Okay, let. Break it down for you. Okay, here's what you just said. You said I'm taking in her saying she's not interested in. In me or she doesn't like me. Right? She might. She might like you. She might think you're a nice guy. She might think you're cute enough, whatever, right?

[Robert]

Yeah, but she.

[Lyle]

You have no. You have no room in her life. Even. The fact that you're. Even what you just said is. Is. Is indicating you don't understand what I'm. What I'm telling you.

[Robert]

Okay, okay, I see what you're saying. Just like, I understand now. I feel like, yeah, in her point, at that point in time in her life, she had a lot of other plans to go Argentina. And I did not make sense in that situation itself, boss.

[Lyle]

You know what the funniest thing about this is? The way you're talking about this woman. I'm getting from you that you don't even like this lady.

[Robert]

Well, it was just like. Well, this was a year ago. This. I really did like her because I thought she was so cool. You know, we had a lot of things in common, a lot of similar, like, ways we were raised and have a similar background. The only difference is like. Like, I guess, like, some things I thought was super cool about this. I mean, this girl is, you know,

[Lyle]

Sounds like you really like her.

[Robert]

I just have a bad habit. I was talking to my sister about this. Like, we call everyone. Or like, yeah, we just say everyone's A and just call them A. And just like, it just rolls off the tongue. It just sounds so much better, you know? Okay, that's me.

[Cool Ranch]

That's me. My sister just doing that.

[Robert]

So. So this girl, right? She just, like, was doing everything I wish I was doing with my life, so to speak. Oh, majored in science, right? You have these science backgrounds. But in, like, in the past couple of years, I really got into Cooking and just like, trying new recipes and getting these fancy cookbooks and just like, really developing that. And her, what she did in her job was like, create recipes or, like, help companies fortify a recipe. And I thought that was the coolest thing ever. And she was like, telling me all this, like, the crazy food science about it and, like, how things are bonded together and like, reactions. And I thought I was just like, why, like, certain, like, ingredients go together to intensify certain flavors, get some more umami out of it. And I just thought like, wow, you're so amazing, so cool. And that's why I'm like, I really just wanted to be your friend at that point too. I'm like, even if everything just didn't pan out romantically, she's going off to another country, right? I thought she was just that cool of a person, you know, it's like, wow, I wish I was doing half the stuff you were doing. I've been wanting to go live in another country for a while. You know, I didn't think about going down to, like, Peru or like, just living there for a year or two as well. And my whole. That was my plan to save up some money and just like go down to Lima and stay there for the winter. I mean, it would be somewhere down there and just avoid how a whole year without. No, no snow, you know, just no winner. That sounds amazing.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Robert]

Living my dream.

[Lyle]

Okay, I'm gonna stop you. Wait, so two things. I forget the first one, but. Oh, wait, no, I remember them both now. Okay, first also, by the way, just so you. I mean, listen, just at the age of 30, you should know this only because, like, it's. This is just. This is just like an examination of the finiteness of. Of life and time. It's kind of. It's interesting, right? Because asking. When you ask someone to be romantically involved with you, especially on like a committed level, you're asking them for everything. And even if you're asking someone to be friends with them, you're asking. You're kind of asking them for a lot. Do you know? And I don't think. Yes, I do actually. I do actually do believe that. Yes, I do believe that.

[Robert]

Why. Why wouldn't friends be a low stakes? There's like.

[Lyle]

Friends aren't really low stakes.

[Robert]

I mean, there's acquaintances and there's like French. There's real friendships. I would say somebody we depend on, lean on, and you really seek out their companionship. That is a real friendship. But just even like a bystander, like you want to have, like, that one friend that comes every once in a while to the cookout every so often, you know, and you still could tell him. A friend, but they're more of an acquaintance. And that's what I think I wanted to be just more like, listen, at that point.

[Lyle]

I. I have. I have dear friends. I consider them dear friends. I haven't spoken to them in like, two years. They're my friends. We like each other's. Whatever on. On. On poop gram and all that stuff. Maybe you respond to a story or whatever, but it's just like, I don't know. It's. It's like this woman. This woman seems very, very like, like, busy doing stuff, but also with you. What is the. What is. What's going on here? This is a new development that I'm getting.

[Robert]

I totally forgot about her. Like, no, hold on.

[Lyle]

This is what. But what's going on? This is a new development where it's like, you're jealous of this lady's life. This lady. Jealousy is like, Is actually kind of like a good compass for like, oh, where should I be putting my energy? Because you'll kind of notice, like, when you're. When you're, like, really aligned in your. In how you're, like, living your day to day, you really. You really don't look at other people's lives. So let me ask you this. You're. You were jealous of this lady because she was doing all this cool stuff. Did that again. This was a year ago. So did you do anything with that jealousy? Like, what, What's. What's. Do you feel like, what's.

[Robert]

Oh, I'll give you a little context. I guess a year ago, I. I guess I wasn't on the greatest, like, point in my life, you know? You know, I just got out of, like, like a somewhat serious relationship, and that person just jumped into a new relationship, and I saw how happy they were, and I'm just thinking to myself, I'm like, all right, I'm building up myself from scratch. I'm looking for a new job, got myself a new job and trying to figure out what I want to do, where I want to be in a couple of years, save. Trying to, like, save on my money, thinking about moving to a different state, different cities, start fresh. And it's like, slowly, like, okay, I'm ready. I'm ready to put myself out there. Really, really ready to put myself in the dating world just to see how it is, see how I could not to be a weirdo and just like, have human interaction out and about interaction. See if I could do it, you know, Because I think it's important. A lot of people just don't know how to talk to people and engage with people. I just want to know, like, do I still got it? Do I still got that little spark, that little charm that, you know, do I still have it? And when I was just hearing her story and everything she was doing with her life, and I was just, like, so blown away. I'm just like, okay, okay. Where do I need to do to live that life? And I always wanted just to, like, have a carefree, like, life. Like, not a carefree, but just, like, not worry about, like, oh, I gotta pay my student loans. How much money do I have to pay? Save up to have this and just code.

[Lyle]

Yeah.

[Robert]

Like, I don't mind, like. Like, scrubbing it. Like. And I'm never worried about, like, the nicest hotel. I could sleep in, like, a Dorm with, like, 10 other people. That's fine. You got some earplugs. You're good. I could eat, like, once a day if I really need to. Like, I could scrub it out. And I'm just thinking to myself, like, all right, dude, this girl has it made. Everything. The. The career, the. The passion. I'm like, damn. She's, like, really cool. And I'll tell you what happened to me. I didn't do none of that, because a few weeks later, I got myself a dui. So.

[Lyle]

I'm sorry, man.

[Robert]

You're good. I'm glad you laugh about it.

[Lyle]

It's just like,

[Robert]

oh, you have.

[Lyle]

It's just very funny to, like, what? No, it's just, like. It's just very funny that you, like, you had this, like, date with this lady, and you're like. You're like, oh, I'm inspired. I'm gonna move to another country. I'm gonna get all my together. I'm gonna, you know, learn. She's studying biomes or whatever. And then you get a doi, Like, a week later.

[Robert]

Oh, you have no idea. I have this money saved up. I'm like, all right, I have my money saved up. I could coast for, like, six months. I'm like, all right, this is perfect. My lease ends in, like, two months. Have my money saved up. I'm ready to go. I'm ready to commit. I'm, like, looking. I'm like, okay, I'm going to put this up in storage unit. It's going to cost me so much money. I put in my budget. I'm going to Live off of, like, $100 a day. It's going to be great. It's going to be great. Then all my money went to fucking lawyers to, like, negotiate, haggle these. Like, you know what? You're not that bad of a guy. You know, you just made a mistake. Come a break, judge. And the judge is like, yeah, okay, how about a year classes? And how about you really think about what you did Bad? I'm like, fuck, okay. Yeah, I guess so.

[Lyle]

Oh, man. Okay. All right. So, all right, so you.

[Robert]

You.

[Lyle]

You did not go on a. On a journey of inspiration down to Peru, but you got a dui. How. How badly did that up your financial.

[Robert]

It. Why? It's on my bank account. Like, the money. I was like, oh, here's the thing about DUIs. You think you're doing everything right. Like, all right, what do you mean?

[Lyle]

What do you mean, you think you're doing everything right?

[Robert]

Well, I'll tell you. I'll tell you what you thought. You think. You hear so many cases about things getting thrown out of court. So I'm like, all right, I'll splurge and I'll get myself a really nice lawyer. The fancy one with a titer title, Esquire. I'm like, okay, mean, Ms. Esquire, we're gonna take this on. And it's like, one of the things. Like, I pleaded the fifth. I didn't answer any questions. I don't think it's like, okay, it's a case done. We'll see what they do. And then the lawyer, you think you, like, you hire a lawyer, but then they turn around, they tell you. He's like, all right, you got me a retainer. And they turn to you and they tell you, like, if you want to take this trial an extra, another eight grand. And I'm just like, what? Eight grand to take this to trial price? And I'm just like, I'd rather, like, drag this out for a year or something in courts. And I'm like, no, dude. Like, I'd rather just take, take, take my punishment, bend over and just let them have me and just, like, get my spankings and be done with it. And that locked me into this shitty job. That's the worst part, too, because I have to, like being under probation, too. Just like, I have to have a job. I have to, like, do these little things. And my job has been really cool with it. They let me off work to go meet with my PO and play face.

[Cool Ranch]

They.

[Robert]

They're really cool about that. But, oh, my God, do they drive me up the wall.

[Lyle]

Okay.

[Robert]

And it's like, I locked into my lease another year because I'm like, I can't. I was too stressed about this, like, court case to find a new place to, like, live. I don't have a car now, so I'm like. I'm like. I live in a perfect place where the transportation is pretty reliable. So I'm like, all right. I don't have to worry about getting to work.

[Lyle]

All right. What's your. What's your. What's your name again?

[Robert]

Robert.

[Lyle]

Robert. Robert. Let's. I want. Let's. I want to talk this out with you. I'm. Let's. Let's talk it out. Let's do. Let's do Gecko therapy. What?

[Robert]

All right, all right.

[Lyle]

Okay. So, all right. A year ago, you're talking to this lady and forget about the thing of her not wanting to be your friend. Like, whatever, like, But. But you're looking. You're listening to her life. You're like, oh, that sounds nice. I'm gonna do that. Then you get a DUI and your bank account gets wiped out. And then where.

[Robert]

Where.

[Lyle]

Where are we at now, Robert? Where? Where. How's your life going? Let's talk it out.

[Robert]

Oh, it's. Besides. Besides the work situation, being locked into this job. It's been fine.

[Lyle]

Okay, good.

[Robert]

It's like one of those things. If you play. You play ball with the po, the court system, you do your part, they'll let you off easier. You know, they start cleaning, also giving you grace. You just can't mess up. And I'm not. I'm not, like, alcoholic where I get the shakes and I got to take a drink. I made a mistake. I fudged up. And you know what? I accept that consequences.

[Lyle]

Okay?

[Robert]

I have no problem not drinking. It's not that. It's not. I'm okay with that.

[Riley Wilson]

This is Riley Wilson and Keon Miller from ok. Storytime.

[Keon Miller]

Okay, honest question.

[Robert]

What are you?

[Keon Miller]

Someone that does your taxes the minute you can or someone who waits until the last possible second?

[Robert]

Wow.

[Riley Wilson]

Calling me out already, but yes, last possible second.

[Lyle]

Every year, same.

[Keon Miller]

Which is why I'm very into anything that makes tax season easier.

[Riley Wilson]

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[Keon Miller]

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[Keon Miller]

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[Riley Wilson]

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[Keon Miller]

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[Lyle]

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[Podcast Host (Will Kill You)]

Usually on this podcast Will Kill youl, we talk about the diseases, infections, and biological threats that can make us really sick. But right now, we're doing something a little different. We're stepping back and looking at what the human body needs to keep going. When you consider what we know about sleep in humans, there's one rule that comes out we are predictably unpredictable sleepers. We're talking about why sleep works the way it does, why our bodies don't follow neat rules, and why modern life makes rest so hard to come by. The second half of our series takes us to the digestive system with a multi part series on what happens after we eat. Okay, I just have to say that all of my favorite words apparently are digestive words. Sphincter peristalsis duodenum. It's fascinating, it's funny, and it matters so much more than you think. Episodes of our new series run from January 20 through February 17, with new episodes every Tuesday on the exactly Right network. Listen to this podcast will kill you as part of the exactly right Network on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Lyle]

Let's get into this. You're. You sent me a text. Okay, okay. So you sent me the thing a year ago about, I went on a date and I got rejected. But then you sent me a text saying, my coworker is keeping a log on how I'm a shitty employee and is trying to get me fired.

[Robert]

That is my main thing. And it's. I'm really stuck in a hard place at this point. I really don't know.

[Lyle]

Yeah. What's going on?

[Robert]

He. This guy has autism, and, like, I've been working. He seemed like a nice guy, and I. You know, you get people with, like, autism and stuff like that, a break, you know, you know how to communicate, right.

[Cool Ranch]

With people.

[Robert]

You know, there are no spectrum. I get that. I work in the science. Like, in the science field. I mean, I met plenty of them. I had them in school. I'm fine. I'm cool. You know how to, like. You know how to talk to people. But this guy, he's, like, obsessed with me, all because I told him, hey, man, the way I just told him one day because I was confronting him, because I told him, like, this is my work. I'm gonna leave for tomorrow. I'm just really busy. I can't get to it. And then he starts getting it, and it starts working on my project. I'm just like, hey, don't worry about it. Like, focus on what you got to do. I'm gonna handle this tomorrow. And this was, like, roughly a year ago. And he says, no. He starts, like, it has to get done now and this and that. And I'm just like, hey, I had to stop him. Just like, I don't like you belittling me and just talking down to me, because right now you're belittling me that I can't finish the job, and you're talking down to me how irresponsible I am for not finishing this. This is my project. This is my work. I will take care of it. And he just goes off on a rant saying that I do not belittle him. He's not belittling me. He doesn't know how. He's not talking about. And it just turns into this whole thing. Thing where, okay, he's telling me I'm not doing my job right, that I'm just, like, a terrible employee.

[Lyle]

Let me ask you a question. This woman, who, yeah, I guess is back from Argentina now.

[Robert]

I don't know. I'm not.

[Lyle]

Who knows? You're not friends with her.

[Cool Ranch]

Who knows?

[Lyle]

Who knows? She's sh. Who knows? What do you think from your idea of her in your idealized version of who she is that you aspire to be? What would she do in this situation, do you think?

[Robert]

It's hard to say. Okay. Not gonna lie. This is like, where like I have a hard time like dating in this aspect because I didn't grow up rich and like, have a stable, stable family. And I, I didn't come from money. Like, I, like, let's, I don't have a, like a safety net.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Robert]

Had picked up and quit her job.

[Cool Ranch]

Sold.

[Lyle]

All serious, man.

[Robert]

And it's just like one of those things where like, I, I, I wish, I wish I'm here buying two dollar scratch tickets, thinking I'm gonna make it big once a month just for the.

[Lyle]

Why are you, why are you buying $2 scratch off tickets

[Robert]

for the dream? It's literally just like a little fun things. Like, who knows It'd be fun. And it's $2.

[Lyle]

Dude, I. Dude, Dude. Okay, Robert. You said your name was.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

All right, let's reassess. Let's. I want to, I want to try to do some gecko therapy, actually. Let's assess this. Assess. All right, let's assess this because I get you. I really do. And I understand that this lady who went to Argentina probably. Yeah. Probably grew up in a more stable environment, probably has a little bit less worry about money and these other things. And that helps life out immensely. Understandably so. But just like I'm, I want to, I want to reorient your brain because, like, your energy, like you're focused on fucking like you're arguing like, like this fucking guy at your work who gives a fuck about, like he's like a kind of annoying person. And you have just like. You should expend as little energy engaging with him as possible. Who gives a.

[Robert]

Well, here's, here's the. I give and this is the, this is the problem I'm having. The big I'm giving is I don't know how much sway or what happens. And like, I do make mistakes. Everyone makes mistakes in human. But since seeing it on a spreadsheet. Well, let me finish. Let me finish it. Let me tell you my concern and having your mistakes just printed up on an Excel spreadsheet that at 208 I took a shit and I didn't do my report on time and I turned it in. 30 minutes late. It's, like, agonizing because I'm like, I cannot lose my job. I cannot lose my job because I'm under probation and I need a job. And on top of that, I'm terrified if I apply for a new job, they're going to see this smudge on my record and say, like, I got a criminal here. Granted, it's not that big of a deal, but it. It is. What? It isn't. It is in the sense of, like, hold on. I did commit a crime. I am. If. What? I. I have to go to therapy for this, for alcohol, glasses and stuff like that. And they make a point. You did break a crime, and you are Kreml and accept it. And I'm like, all right, I accept that. But just the idea of, like, when you tell people that you have a. A DUI or this on your record, they kind of look at you like, you have a major problem. That I'm going to be constantly struggling to come to work because, you know, I got court cases, and I need to meet my PO and be on good behavior when it's nothing like that at all. It's the dude.

[Lyle]

How long, dude? Um. Okay. Have you looked into what. What is required to, like, move, like, go to Peru and start working there?

[Robert]

I can't leave the country. I can't leave the state.

[Lyle]

When. When would you be allowed to leave the state?

[Robert]

That's. I had a big old talk with my PO Last week about this, because I was, like, part, like, I. So I got this fancy lawyer, right? And he's moving. He's talking this judge up. And the one thing I am grateful for, he did negotiate early terminations. Like, if he does well. Early terminations how? I'm like, cool, great. I've been on probation for, like, six months now. Six, seven months. And I've been doing great. I have all my stuff completed. All I have to do is. He's, like, eight months of therapy.

[Lyle]

Okay? I'm telling you, dude, give me the dude. Bottom. Give me. I'm. Skip to the bottom line. When is the earliest you can leave the country? December, December of this year.

[Robert]

By December of this year is when I can officially leave.

[Lyle]

If you've been good.

[Robert]

If I've been good. But my court date. And, like, no, here's the catcher. My terminations of my probation ends. Like, my court end in August. So I'm trying to negotiate. I should be done in August, right? And this PO Is basically telling me, no, I'm gonna extend until December because that's when you get done with your therapy and I'm just like, what? You can't extend without a court order, can you? And that's where I'm at.

[Lyle]

Where. What's. Is this lawyer that you spent $80 billion on not helping you out with this?

[Robert]

I haven't talked to him in a year, so that's what I'm going to talk to him about. I need to talk to him, make sure I got my. Like, like, why I spend all this money on you. Like, if I was not promised an early release. That's why I took this deal. If I knew I was going to not take this, if it's going to be someone extra hassle. Why did I do this? Why did I spend all this money on this fancy lawyer if I was just going to get a deal regardless? I was going to be on probation for a whole year and a half when it should have been a year at max.

[Lyle]

So do you. Is this DUI on your permanent record now? Like, are you. Is this on your.

[Robert]

Yeah, it shows up people. It depends on the people. You know, some people care, some people don't. It really depends on the hiring person. Some people, like, bro, this probably.

[Lyle]

There's probably places internationally that you can go leave the country and fucking find some work or whatnot. But just. Okay, listen, I'm just gonna do. Okay, this is gonna. All right. I'm gonna do a little thing. I don't want to be all like, woo woo on you or whatever. I get that you have a lot of, like, material annoying problems, and you seem to have accepted the fact that, like, you know, you fucked up and this is, this is, this is the material, you know, this is the result of them. You have to deal with these problems, but just, like, meant just mentally in the mental space that you can find. I'm. I'm telling you, like, what you. You gotta develop some. A plan or idea of, like, what direction you ultimately want to go. And even if it's in and just to be like, okay, this might take like 2, 3, 4. However fucking long it takes for you, like, deal with these external dilemmas that you have. You have to have something in your mind to be fixating on. That's. That's that you're so, like, stoked about the possibility of, like, this future plan. You're so stoked on it that you're not. That your brain is not in the gutter of, like, that you look at this dude making a spreadsheet of you and you're like. And you just, you Just you let, you let it take you, you submit your. Submit yourself to like bend over and let this guy you in the ass with his spreadsheet. I'm serious. And, and then, and you just, you just take it because you're like, I am saving all of my mental energy for this vision of the future that I have of. I'm going to fucking go to Peru, I'm going to go to Arjun. I'm going to do whatever it is that I'm going to do. Like this. Because, right, because everything you're telling me right now you like, I'm not hearing any like visions of the future. And I get it, I fucking get, I fucking get it. That like when you're, when you, when, when your present moment is wrapped up in all of this like logistical shit and annoying people and like stuff that's like just tugging on your fucking central nervous system, it's really, it's hard to be anywhere other than the annoying bullshit that you're dealing with right now. But, but you have to have some vision because, right, because, right, because you're buying these $2 scratch off tickets as like a way of like, oh, maybe this, maybe I'll make a bunch of money and this will get me out of here, right? But that's not like a real plan, you know?

[Robert]

Like, like.

[Lyle]

And I'm. And what I'm saying to you is like, like, what I'm saying to you is like, if you don't have. Even if it. Dude, even if it's a fucking delusional plan. I mean, winning the lottery is too delusional of a plan. But, but even, dude, even if you. Fuck. Even if you told me something insane, even if you were like, I'm going to become a, a famous night club singer in Lima, I'd be like, great. That's something. You know, even if you told me you were like, I'm gonna. They're making Aladdin 2 and I'm gonna. I, it's my. I'm gonna sneak into the Disney a lot and I'm gonna do a dance for them and I'm gonna become the new genie in Aladdin 2. I don't, I don't know, just something. It could be the stupid.

[Robert]

All right, all right, Let me tell you.

[Lyle]

Just let me finish. It can be a stupid insane thing, but you just gotta have something that you're looking toward. Like. Because, right, because. Because when this fucking like dude is, is typing into the spreadsheet that you, you know, farted at 2:05pm you're you have no. You have nothing mentally to go to to be like, you know what? I'm not gonna have to deal with this when I'm singing in the. In the jazz lounge in Peru or whatever. Even if it's a delusional thing, if it's like a. If there's like a halfway, even kind of maybe sort of pathway to whatever delusional idea you have for. For the next part of your life, just have that. Just have that in your mind. Because right now you're just in circles. Because the mental energy you're expanding on getting pissed off at this guy is, like. It's just going nowhere. It's going. You're just. You're just going in circles, man. So, like, the first step is to just have some idea of, like, where you want your shit to go. Do you know what I mean? Do you have some idea of where you want your shit to go? Because if I'm asking you this question and. And. And you're, like, responding not with, like, some. Again, if you told me some delusional thing of, like, here's what I want to do, I'd be like, great. But if. Instead, you're like, just so deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply, deeply. And I get. It's hard. I'm not pretending. Like, it's not hard. It's way easier said than done. I totally get you, man. But, like, do you get. Do you get what I am saying?

[Robert]

I see what you're saying. And so that's where I was at, too. I'm like, all right, this. I'm like, save your money. And there we go.

[Lyle]

Great.

[Robert]

Once everything. Once everything's over, just look for. I've been looking for a new job. Just get away from this. Because I'm like, you're right. Because, like, I am. I could show up to work in the worst attitude, and I come home, right, like, emotionally exhausted.

[Lyle]

I'm sure you do.

[Robert]

So I'm like, all right, forget this. And last week, we. The corporate. The corporation I work at, gave out these really nice bonuses, right? And I got mine. And that's what I was worried about getting fired from. Because I'm like, if I get fired, I'm not gonna get this bonus. And this is the money. I was gonna set myself up to, like, go to Lima and just coast for a couple months and just, like, not worry about this. And, like, if I do freelance work, I do freelance work. I'm okay, you know, just serving beer or, like, picking up tables. I don't care. Like, okay, but what happened?

[Lyle]

I See? Okay, what happened?

[Robert]

Well, here's. Here's my other dilemmas. I've been talking to this girl, and all of a sudden, I'm kind of, like, in a relationship with her now. Not kind of. It just. It just. It just, like, it derailed the whole thing, too.

[Lyle]

Why is that a. Why is that a dilemma?

[Robert]

Oh, because. What about Lima? What about traveling the world and seeing everything, you know, where. What,

[Lyle]

have her come. Have her come with you to Lima. What's she do?

[Robert]

I. You know, I said. I brought that up. It's like, you know, what. Do you ever thought about, like, just traveling the world for a bit and, like, doing that just for, like, a couple months and just, like, coasting and stuff like that? It's like, if I'm married and I'm like, what? Like, if you marry me, I'm like, what? Yeah, like, why we can't do this as a boyfriend or girlfriend kind of thing. It's like, no, no, no, no, no.

[Lyle]

Oh, yeah. Yep, yep, Yep, yep, yeah. No. 100. I totally, totally. And now. No, no, no. I agree with the reality of your situation. It's not that I agree with her. There's no. There's. I.

[Robert]

There is.

[Lyle]

There's no, like, her. That's, like, agreeing that the sky is blue. Do you know what I mean? Like, I.

[Robert]

Okay.

[Lyle]

You know, I mean, like, her wanting that is just a fact, like, whether or not. You know what I mean? Like, are you. I don't. I have no comment on whether or not I have no comment on the validity of her desire, because that's not really relevance. But, like, that is her desire. That's the fact that we're dealing with. So I agree with the reality of the situation. And so, like, I mean. Yeah.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Now you have to be like, all right, do I like this lady enough that I want to get married to her?

[Robert]

That. Yeah, that's where I'm at. So I'm like, all right, I'm kind of, like, a couple months deep in this. I do like her, and she's, like, really cool, and I have a great time hanging out with her. She's a lot of fun. But I'm just like. And I'm just thinking to myself, when am I going to see the world? When. When. When is it? Is this just, like, a little dream I'm just gonna, like, having your. Like, maybe one day when I'm 65, 67, I'm retired, or, like, is this just always a dream or it's something I'm gonna keep on chasing? Because, like, little things keep on happening in my way. Like, fur was a dui, okay, that's almost done and over with. Now it's this new relationship and I'm just like, damn. Like, when. When. When we're just like, I just need to have a new dream, you know? Is it something else I need to chase after claiming express? Like, how about we go to, like, I asked her, like, how about we leave this, like, small town and just go somewhere else? And she's like, family's lost here, buddy. If you like me, you like them. And I'm like, damn. Like, I'm really getting doubled down in the city. Like. Like, I'm trying to get out of it. Like, seems like everything's.

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah, Robert.

[Lyle]

I listen. In my personal. I'm gonna. In my personal life, I. And it's funny because time, like, I still believe that I can achieve a life with zero problems or compromises. It's a delusional belief. Some people are able to do it. Some people are able to do it. It's. It's. I have met people who have been able to achieve a life with no problems and no compromises. Every year I'm like, fuck, I'm so close. And every year I never. I never get there. I never get there. I'll. I'll. I'll let you know when I'm fucking 70 if I ever got there. Always. I always. Every year. Every day. Every fucking day, Robert.

[Robert]

Yeah, every.

[Lyle]

Robert. Every fucking day. I say to myself, I am so close to a life where I have zero problems. I don't know if I'll ever get there. But that's my delusional belief. That's what keeps me. That's what keeps me getting out of bed in the morning is that every day I truly believe I am so close to a life where I have zero problems. I don't know if I'll ever get there, but I'm. But I believe I will get there. I don't know if that's where I think this is somewhat relevant to your situation where it's like just all this, right? You're like, oh, my God, I finally found a lady that. That I. That I like who likes me.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, it Finally. Oh, my God. But she. But she wants to get married and she wants to. I can't go to Peru. And this and that other thing. You're like, I. I wanted something perfect, and I believe that you could. Yeah. Yeah. No, it's like, I. Dude. And I don't Want to tell. I don't want to tell you. Here's the thing. I don't want to be the one to tell you that perfection will never arrive. The reason I don't want to be the one that tells you that that perfection, that, like the perfect relationship, the perfect time will never arrive. The. The reason I don't want to be the one to tell you that is because in my personal life, Robert, I delusionally still believe that it's coming. And I might. I might die having never had a perfect era of my life. But I don't know. I don't know. So I won't be. I won't be the one to tell you that perfection isn't coming because I believe it. I believe it could. I don't know.

[Robert]

I mean, I'm a believer. I like to dream, like every year I'm like, next year's my year, next year's my year. And I'm gonna wait, hold on to the world. I'm coming. I'm gonna break open and just like, have loose.

[Lyle]

Robert, just go to. Robert. Robert. Robert, Just go to Peru. Dude, just what? Just go. Just go. Just go to Peru, man. Just go to fucking Peru. What is all this? Just go. Fuck the. Fuck the fuck. Fuck. Fuck the United States government and this lady and what? I. Just go to Peru, man. Just ignore all the laws. Reality. Fly there with your wings. So go to Peru, man. Nike. No. Fly too high. Get close to the sun and die. Just go to Peru, man. Just. Just Nike.

[Robert]

It.

[Lyle]

Just. It. Just go to Peru, man. That's all I got for you. Just go to Peru.

[Robert]

All right. You coming with us?

[Lyle]

No, I. I'm. I'm. I'm tired. No, I'll go to Peru someday.

[Cool Ranch]

It.

[Lyle]

Peru's on the list. I'll get there. You know, life is long. Hopefully.

[Robert]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Robert, is there any. Is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Cool Ranch]

No.

[Robert]

No. You heard me. Rambled on my life and all my little problems. I'm not looking hot. Yeah. No, no. Yeah. I appreciate it. I do appreciate this therapy. Gecko.

[Lyle]

Of course. Oh, man. I believe I. Robert, I believe it. I'm so. I. I'm sorry. I know I said it already, but I just. I. I'm so close to a life with zero problems. And I think you are too. And I think everyone is. And everyone's.

[Robert]

I really love the full. No compromise.

[Lyle]

Everyone is going to remain so close. The world, it's. We're. We're micro. I'm Gonna say some crazy. We are microcosms of the world, dude. The world is always so close to having zero problems forever. There's always a problem, dude. There's always a. There's always some lady or guy. There's always some thing. There's always some war, some disease, this. It's never. But we're so close. We're so close to world peace. We're so close to beautiful family with no drama, infinite money, fulfilled dreams, world. We're so close. And it'll happen for. For us and for the universe, Robert. Maybe. We're so close. We're etern. And we're gonna be eternally so close. Okay, Robert, I'm gonna let you go. I'm gonna let you live your life.

[Cool Ranch]

All right.

[Robert]

Appreciate it.

[Lyle]

All right. Have a good one, Robert.

[Robert]

You, too.

[Cool Ranch]

Bye.

[Lyle]

We're so close. We're so close. Hello?

[Cool Ranch]

Hey, is this Lyle?

[Lyle]

It is. Who is this?

[Cool Ranch]

No, this is. Let's see, can I go with Cool Ranch?

[Lyle]

You can totally go with Cool Ranch. Cool Ranch. What's going on with you, dog? How you doing? What's. What are you doing? What are you doing right now? What are you doing in this very moment?

[Cool Ranch]

Where are you?

[Lyle]

What's around you?

[Robert]

Oh, I.

[Cool Ranch]

Okay, all right. So I just finished. Okay, I. Holy shit. In, out. Chilling. I am chilling. I just finished watching Shrek 2 with my family, eating pizza.

[Lyle]

Oh. Whoa. Oh, you have a good life. Oh, my God. Somebody calls into this podcast with a good life. I love when this happens.

[Robert]

Good.

[Lyle]

I love when this happens.

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Okay. Okay, listen, don't freak out. Don't freak out. Please don't. Please don't freak out. You're already doing it.

[Robert]

I might start to.

[Lyle]

No, don't freak out. There's no reason to freak out. Trust me. Okay, so you just. Just. What state do you live in? What state of America?

[Cool Ranch]

Washington. I live in Washington and Washington State.

[Lyle]

Yeah, Washington State. And when you say with your family, is this. Like, who. Who's the family? Like, give me all the family members.

[Cool Ranch]

My. My stepmom and my dad and my dog, Ale.

[Lyle]

Your stepmom, your dad and your dog?

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

Why Shrek 2? Why not Shrek 1? Or the newest Shrek? Yeah. Why Shrek 2?

[Cool Ranch]

Good question. Well, the first one, I feel like. Well, why? Why? We were watching it. I guess I saw my stepmom watching it, and I wanted to watch it, so I asked to watch it, too. But why Shark 2 over Shrek 1? Well, it's better, honestly.

[Lyle]

Really? Shrek 2 is better than Shrek One?

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah, I would think so.

[Robert]

I think it's funnier.

[Cool Ranch]

I think the writing is more clever. I think the jokes are more in touch with the time. I think they're a little bit.

[Robert]

They're.

[Cool Ranch]

They test the waters a little more with this one, but not too much. They don't go all crazy like they do in that third one they got, you know.

[Lyle]

Which one is the one with all the babies?

[Cool Ranch]

I want to say that's the third one, I'm pretty sure. Do you like that one the most?

[Lyle]

No, I haven't seen any of them.

[Cool Ranch]

Oh, you've never seen a single Shrek movie?

[Lyle]

No, I've seen the first one. I've. No, I. I don't know why I said, okay, I've seen the first and the second one. I don't know why I said that. Why the hell did I say that? Maybe I'm nervous.

[Robert]

I don't know.

[Cool Ranch]

Okay. Yeah.

[Lyle]

Cool Ranch.

[Cool Ranch]

Hi.

[Lyle]

Do you have a good relationship. Do you have a good relationship with your mom and your stepdad and your dog?

[Cool Ranch]

No. Yes. And maybe I. I love my dog. My stepdad's a piece of. But I don't live with him. I live with my dad. And my stepmom doesn't exist. My. Sorry. No, my stepmom does exist and she's cool. Oh, that was a lot. Did you get that?

[Lyle]

Okay, so in the ranking of who you have the best relationship with between your stepmom, your dad and your dog, who. It sounds like the dog ranks first, honestly.

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah. Loki. She's kind of. She's. Yeah, she's the one.

[Lyle]

How's your relationship with your biological dad?

[Cool Ranch]

Good, dude.

[Robert]

Good.

[Cool Ranch]

Decent. It's nice. It's healthy, I think. It is not negative in the way that most people would perceive a negative relationship with their father, I don't think.

[Lyle]

And how about stepmom?

[Cool Ranch]

She's cool. She's always just kind of been around. Not always, but, like, you know, since I met her, I guess, 10 years ago or something. Yeah, my dad's kind of. My dad's cool. My dad's cool. He's a good chiller. You know, He's a. Got a good set of morals. He had me super young. He had me at, like, 20. So he's always kind of. Yeah, super young. He's been. He had me and then started working. It's kind of how it's been since then. Just bought his first house and I moved up here with him. So it's kind of cool.

[Lyle]

And whose idea was it to watch Shrek? 2.

[Cool Ranch]

That's, I think my stepmom's. And then I decided to join to invite myself rather.

[Lyle]

And what's. How's your stepmom? What's her deal?

[Cool Ranch]

She's cool.

[Robert]

She's.

[Cool Ranch]

She's the virtual. Whenever I first met her, like 10 years ago, she and I used to watch Adventure Time and Clarence.

[Lyle]

Nice.

[Cool Ranch]

And other child, you know, cartoon.

[Lyle]

Nice. Nice.

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah, yeah.

[Robert]

Cool Rats.

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah.

[Robert]

She's quite a bit younger than my

[Cool Ranch]

dad, which is interesting, but

[Lyle]

is she. What's the, what's the, what's the age gap?

[Robert]

It's like eight years, nine years or something.

[Cool Ranch]

My dad's like 40 or pushing 40.

[Lyle]

Your dad's 40? No, your dad's a young dude. Your dad's a young dude.

[Cool Ranch]

Oh, yeah. Super, super young. Super young.

[Lyle]

Cool Ranch, don't be. Cool Ranch, don't be nervous. This is. There's nothing. This is actually. This is the lowest stakes thing.

[Cool Ranch]

Dude, you say that, but my body disagrees for some reason. I'm in like fight or flight. I don't know why.

[Lyle]

Did you drive it? Did you drive a car? Did you drive a car today?

[Cool Ranch]

I didn't.

[Lyle]

That should have made you so much more nervous than this. You could have died.

[Robert]

Oh, it.

[Lyle]

If you.

[Robert]

Yeah, I think about that all the time.

[Lyle]

Yeah. Yeah. If you.

[Podcast Host (Will Kill You)]

That.

[Lyle]

First of all, there's no way to this up what's going on right now. There's no way to it up. And. And by the way, you probably have in your body and in your mind that there is a way to fuck this up. And even if you. And even if we're abiding by the rules of the reality that you have created in your body, in your mind, and you fuck this up according to those rules, there's zero consequences to that. Okay? But in the reality of the universe, which is actually a true reality, if you fuck up driving, you will die. So that. So this is the least. This is. This is by far and large, by and large the so far from being the highest stakes thing that you're doing today. But anyway, let me ask you this. Cool Ranch, and it's okay. If not. It's okay. Is there anything. Is there any particular reason why you called today?

[Cool Ranch]

Oh, well, I mean, I have like a thing. I could talk or do your question thing. I feel like you're a really good conversationalist. I wouldn't mind just talking about whatever. But I did call initially about my relationship at the moment, I guess.

[Lyle]

Yes, you. You texted me. You said I wanted to call to ask for advice to fix my relationship where everything is awesome. And then you. Yeah, and then you wrote, have a good night, exclamation point, which was very nice. Tell me about your relationship ranch.

[Robert]

Oh, it's so good.

[Cool Ranch]

I'm dating this person. They're awesome.

[Robert]

I. I mean, there's not a whole

[Cool Ranch]

ton to say except for they're awesome. Like, I like spending time with them. They make me comfortable. They comfort me. They bring me happiness. I bring them happiness. It's very equal and back and forth.

[Robert]

And I don't.

[Cool Ranch]

I don't see anything wrong with it at all. But I guess why I need fixing is

[Robert]

I. I fear I might have

[Cool Ranch]

conditioned myself to expect, like, more from a relationship. And so, like, internally, I find myself looking at the future a lot and not being sure about it. But then with that fear, I come back to the present and I find a reason to be scared. And so I'm wondering if there's, like, something internally wrong that I've just yet

[Robert]

to see with the relationship or if

[Cool Ranch]

there's more that I'm not seeing.

[Lyle]

You know, that's deep. Cool ranch. Let's get into this. Okay. You say you have conditioned yourself to expect more from your relationships.

[Cool Ranch]

Yeah.

[Lyle]

What can you. Can you go into what you mean by that?

[Cool Ranch]

Well, I mean, beyond the things that society does to us to condition us to have certain, in my opinion, unrealistic expectations for relationships. Like, internally, you know, there are hopes and comparisons that I make subconsciously from my current relationship to past relationships where I see people and I am like, well, there's this. That's good. There's this. That's good. But there's this bad thing that's.

[Robert]

I don't know. It wasn't as bad as this other

[Cool Ranch]

person or what this other person did, but it's still there, you know?

[Robert]

Notice it.

[Cool Ranch]

Or maybe there's. Maybe it's not really that bad.

[Robert]

Or maybe they're so good, it's like,

[Cool Ranch]

but there could be more. Or, I don't know, all those maybes, all those, like. Like, where do I draw the line for? Like, it's good enough. Chill.

[Lyle]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And you're. You're 20, right?

[Cool Ranch]

21. Just turn.

[Lyle]

Okay. Where do you draw the line for? It's good enough. Well, tell me this. First of all, you're really smart. You're a really smart guy because you've ident. Some people never identify that. That you do have to actually draw that line. Some people. Again, it's not. It's not. It's not terrifying. It's okay. It's, trust me, it's not terrifying and actually kind of similar to the previous caller and the themes of the previous caller. I know you didn't hear the previous caller, but this is for the folks listening to the show, unfortunately, similar to the previous caller, there is this thing of feeling like, oh, things are always so close to perfect and they're of course never going to be. And you have to kind of in relationships, I feel like you have to, you, you, you have to settle. Some people get really fucking lucky and they, and they, and they have to settle on nothing. And they're completely aligned in every aspect important and unimportant and they're crazy sexually attracted to each other and they have a great sex life and they, and they do everything that they want to with each other and they, and they, and they live, and they live an ex, like a perfectly aligned life and all of their interests and all of their lifestyles and. Sure. Do you think sure, that exists?

[Cool Ranch]

I don't know.

[Lyle]

You know, what else exists is like, you know, fucking some people have a billion dollars and some like, whatever. But like most, most relations. But it's that. But, but look, but look, it's, it's okay if that's, it's okay if that's not you, you know, so what I'm saying, okay, so you're smart to have identified. You're really smart to have identified at the age of 20. Because by the way, I'm realizing that I'm 28. I'm realizing this in my life now, you know, so yeah, like, you're, you, you got a good head start on the realization that nothing will ever be perfect. And you do at some point have to look at a relationship and go, what am I willing to put up with? And ask yourself that question and make. And you have to bargain and you have to compromise and you have to go and like, I have to look deep in your gut and say, what am I willing to put up with about the things I do not like about this person, things I do not like about this relationship in exchange for the beautiful things that I love about this relationship? And you have to make that decision and you're really fucking smart to have identified even the fact that you have to make that decision.

[Robert]

So let's, I feel like I'm playing

[Cool Ranch]

with like a, like a human soul. I don't want to like, make the decision, just come to like, like, I don't know, like ideally, you know, I stick with this person and it works out. But that's not always how life works out. And if it doesn't work out that way, like, will, I have been doing a disservice to have known that that could have been a possibility without taking action.

[Lyle]

Let's talk about. Let's talk about. Let's talk about. Let's talk about that. What. Why do you feel like you're doing a disservice to this other person?

[Cool Ranch]

Well, because if this, if this person is in it for the long run, like, for sure, like, that's like, where they're placing their bets. And, and I'm just here because it's good right now. And I don't, I don't know if it's going to be good long term. And like, I don't know. I feel like that's different. That's different. Give. It's not like it doesn't feel equal.

[Lyle]

I know what you mean and. I know what you mean. And I would be lying to you if I said I had a good answer for that. I. I'd be lying to you if I said I had a good answer for that. But I can talk with you about. What's missing.

[Cool Ranch]

What's missing? I, I really couldn't tell you. It doesn't feel like anything's missing. It's just. I don't know, I get, I get thoughts sometimes, but like, like, I compare unfairly, I would say. And I, I don't have, like, wandering eyes. I don't, I don't see anybody else. And like, oh, I wish I was with them because I really, like, I genuinely cherish what I have right now. But part, part of me does think like, of like, what if both people that don't exist, Like, I'll see somebody's face and I'll map it on to like a, a character that's like my current partner. But like, yeah, like a little bit

[Robert]

in this way or that way or whatever. I don't know.

[Cool Ranch]

You're like, feel good.

[Lyle]

These are not. These are, these are, these are pretty natural feelings that are. These are pretty. These are pretty natural feelings that are uncomfortable to have, but they're worth, like, working through and accepting that you have them and like, coming to this kind of acceptance about it. Is this like a physical thing? Is it like you, like, you're walking around and you see other, like, pretty girls and you're like, what would it be like to be with, like, that pretty girl? Or what would it be like to be like with that pretty girl?

[Cool Ranch]

Sure. Well, pretty, pretty anybody, to be honest, I. I Mean, it's not like it's a little bit recent that I've kind of discovered that I'm, like, kind of into both sides of the spectrum, but I've only ever gotten to experience dating women. And so I guess that's part of it too. Like, maybe I'm a little bit curious about the other gender or.

[Robert]

Okay. That whole thing that there's just so much that I haven't experienced, that's just like, one of many things.

[Lyle]

Yeah, yeah. The gender thing, kind of. Go ahead.

[Cool Ranch]

I was just gonna say I'm almost scared because I feel like I found the person too early. Like, I still want to see what there is, but I know that, like, if I see that, like, to any person in a relationship, like, it's probably not going to come back to that, you know?

[Lyle]

I understand. Because you're like. I mean, 20, 21 is like, I understand you wanting to be like, oh, what else is out there? Also, like, look, if you were just like. If you were just like, like, you know, straight and you were, like, looking at other pretty girls, like, what would be like to be that pretty girl? That, that, that's. It opens up a whole new can of worms. If you really are out here being like, oh, I think I might have unlocked a Z axis to my sexuality and I want to explore what's going. What's going on in there. That's, that's, that's, you know, I'm no expert in this, but that's like, kind of a legitimate thing. And those are legitimate, like, thoughts and questions. And I think that if, if. Is that. Is that a big part of it? Is it, like, I want to see what it'd be like to, like, be with dudes.

[Robert]

It was.

[Cool Ranch]

I mean, honestly. Yeah, like, partially. I think it's even. I wouldn't say it's like, more so one way or the other. It's just. I just want to. I mean, that's just like a whole 50% that I haven't seen at the. At the least, let alone what else is on the feminine presenting side. You know what I mean? I don't know if I'm really looking too much for, like, an answer per se. Like, I understand that there's some things that just come with time, but I do worry about the, the moral dilemma of, like, how long do I wait with these feelings before I do something about it? And, and what is the something before it, before it becomes, like, an intentionally gross action? Like, I've, I've done it before where, like, I'll be dating somebody, but I know I'm not going to be with them for forever. And so I hold on to it until I feel like it's right. And then I break up with them, and then it's just, oh, I feel terrible because I don't really want to be broken up with, and they don't really want to be broken up with, but it was long time coming, and. And then they ask like, well, how long did you know?

[Robert]

And I'm like, well, this long.

[Cool Ranch]

And then that just makes it worse. So, like, I can't say that this time around, if I even get to that point at all.

[Lyle]

What's your level of communication like with this person in terms of your internal model?

[Robert]

Pretty solid.

[Cool Ranch]

I mean, like I said, we have a very healthy relationship, so I don't worry about talking to them so much. But there has been a worry for me bringing this up in particular because they've been kind of insecure regarding. How do you call it? Thing. Loyal, like, loyalty. There's this person in our friend group who has been kind of throwing googly eyes at me, and I didn't really notice early on. And so those signals were received in a way that didn't paint me or them in a good light. And so I've been kind of working to be like, no, like, it's not like that. Like, I don't like this other person. I don't. I'm not interested in them. I'm not cheating on you, none of that. Like, I like you and I want to be with you, and that's the truth. Like, that's not different. But then having that happening while I'm having these emotions makes it really hard for me to bring up because it's going to verify their current fears. Like, I knew he was thinking about other people and that kind of thing, you know?

[Lyle]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know.

[Cool Ranch]

And that's just. I mean, that's not like that, you know. Well, yeah, that's like the last.

[Lyle]

Yeah, I mean, I. You have. These are. These are. I don't. I don't have a good answer for a lot of these feelings, but I do think. Think it's smart that you've identified the fact that you do have to at some point, like, be able to look at your current relationship and be like, is this enough for me? Am I willing to sacrifice? Because sometimes. Because it'll. It'll come easy to your gut, I think, like, it'll. It'll come easy for you to be like it at a certain point. I Think. I think in certain relationships it comes easy for, for one to be like, like, look at their relationship and, and be like. And also to be honest, man, like, and this is coming from, like, my, this is coming from, like, my personal thoughts and feelings with this. As you get. Because you're, you know, you're younger, like 21. Like, as you get older, it becomes a lot easier to be able to, like, look at someone and be like. I would rather put. Because, like, okay, playing the field, let's call it being single and dating takes a lot of fucking energy. Yeah, and it takes a lot of energy. And like, I, I think at a certain point you should be able to look at your relationship and be like, I would joyfully rather take all of the fucking energy that playing the field takes, and I would joyfully, joyfully rather put it into developing my relationship with this specific person. And you should be able to make that decision pretty easily, I think. You know, I mean, so you should be able to make that decision pretty easily and you should be able to look at, like. Yeah, and, and I, I personally, I believe that that decision gets a little easier as you get older and if you find the person. So, yeah, those are my thoughts on the situation.

[Cool Ranch]

Absolutely. Good thoughts.

[Robert]

Good thoughts.

[Cool Ranch]

In time, I guess.

[Lyle]

On the Cool Ranch, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Cool Ranch]

Oh, boy, I don't know. Thanks, Lyle. I've been listening to you for a long time, man. The first time I called, I was like 16, which. I know, I know. I guess I'm not supposed to. It's a little rule breaker or whatever. But anyways, you're a cool guy, so thanks for doing what you're doing. And I guess to people in the universe. Keep being water, man. Just react to the universe as it comes to you. The present. Love yourself.

[Lyle]

Thank you. Thank you, Cool Ranch. I appreciate you and good luck, man.

[Cool Ranch]

Thank you.

[Robert]

La.

[Cool Ranch]

You're sick.

[Robert]

Have a good one then.

[Lyle]

Cool Ranch. Bye Bye. Well, folks, that is the end of the episode that has been the Therapy Gecko podcast. We laughed, we learned, we loved, we had a good time. I liked those two callers. I did. They touched upon some relatable stuff. I don't know, sometimes there's a thing where, like, I'll really, I'll talk to someone on the phone for like, the amount of time that I keep a caller on the phone is just if, like, if I'm just enjoying the conversation, I'll just let it rip, you know, and then I'll get a comment on Spotify. It's like, why'd you let this guy go on for so long? It's like, well, because it's, you know, it's interesting. This is what's. I don't know. I don't know what's up with the cop. But also I'm being a hypocrite. I shouldn't, I shouldn't read the comments if I'm telling other people not to read the comments. But I do. I read all the comments. Keep posting comments. I love reading the comments. What can I say? I love reading the comments. Please keep posting comments. I read all of them. I get bored. I'm on the toilet. I read the comments. But I'm, I've been on the Internet for, I mean, like 15 years or something like that. I'm. I don't. I have moderately thick skin, I think when it comes to comments. I mean, I'm human. I like when people like me. I think that that's. I think most human beings do. But anyway, before, before we go, I want to give a quick shout out that I have moved from super cast. I have deactivated my super cast and I have now put all of the premium therapy gecko offerings on patreon.com lyle forever so if you want to support this podcast and you want, and you want to get access to not only every episode of this podcast completely ad free, you can link your Patreon membership to Spotify and you get access to a brand new Spotify feed that has every episode of the podcast ad free. And you also get two bonus episodes of phone calls that didn't make the main pod. You get two of those bonus episodes a month. And I'm also putting out a lot of footage from my gecko documentaries. Those are the big things that I'm working on recently. I have extended footage from my time in Iraq. I have extended footage from my Tijuana trip. I'm going to be uploading extended footage from my Ukraine video. Once that gets posted at the end of the month. I do. I'm doing a little monthly Q and A over there. There's a lot of good stuff happening. So if you want to support the show, if you want to get more Gecko stuff, Please go to patreon.com lyle forever or find it in the link in the episode description. And that's about it. Geck. Bless you. Oh, and I'm also going on tour. I've. My tour is coming up soon. If you live in San Diego or Los Angeles, please go get those tickets. There are. There are still some tickets available to those shows. Those shows are happening in one month. Therapygeckotour.com I started off the tour here in Tokyo, where I've been hanging out for a couple months and it's been cool. So the Tokyo show was great. Thanks. For anyone who came out to the Tokyo show, I've got some stories that I'm telling. I'm doing my Gecko Therapy. It's a good show. I'm very proud of the show. I'm very happy with the live show. This is the fourth time doing it. Please come out. Therapygeckotour.com and those are my little plugs. Those are the things I am letting you guys know are available if you desire to venture further into the Therapy Gecko universe. That's it, Geck. Bless you all. Thanks for listening. Be back soon.

[Podcast Host (Will Kill You)]

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