Therapy Gecko – “WE’RE DIVORCING AFTER 20 YEARS”

Date: October 22, 2025
Host: Therapy Gecko (Lyle)
Podcast: Therapy Gecko by iHeartPodcasts

Episode Overview

This episode features Lyle (the Therapy Gecko) taking anonymous calls and engaging in candid, vulnerable, and often humorous conversations about life's struggles, self-worth, relationships, and personal growth. The main focus is on a call from Casey, who's going through a divorce after 20 years, exploring deep-seated relationship patterns and self-esteem, followed by conversations with Savannah, an anxious vet tech starting a new job, and Kevin, whose marching band trauma gives surprising insight into how we bond and grow.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Casey: The Dream, Divorce, and Self-Esteem

(Starts ~02:11, main section 02:11–32:09)

A Surreal Dream and Its Meaning

• Casey shares a vivid, bizarre dream: he accidentally sits in a way that causes his testicles to go up his rectum, leading to panic and an amusing doctor’s advice to “fart them out.”
• Lyle probes if this dream could be related to Casey’s life changes—manifestations of anxiety, feelings of lack of control, or subconscious self-injury.

Casey: "Every time I wake up, I gotta check, you know, my underneathy bits." [03:29]

Life Struggles and Relationship Context

• Casey admits to general unhappiness: “suffering under capitalism,” being in a rut, coasting, and lacking proactive growth.
• Reveals he and his wife are separating after two decades together: “...my wife and I are separating and it had nothing to do with the... dream. But I don't know. Like, I don't see a connection. But that's... subconscious. That's kind of the point.” [05:21]

The Nature of the Rut and Boundaries

• Lyle connects the dream to Casey’s chronic pattern of ‘coasting’ and passivity in life.
• Casey admits to neglecting communication with friends and family, not for bad reasons, but due to inertia. When prompted who he’d want to reach out to, he says: “Most of the people I know suck. Like, maybe that’s part of the problem.” [09:16]

Reflecting on Marriage and Self-Worth

• Casey and his wife were together since he was 17, met via AOL (“I am back an old man”). Self-worth issues from youth led to tolerating a lack of reciprocity: “...hey, someone generally nice and attractive is showing me attention... I'll put up with pretty much anything. And now I'm...sick of that.” [09:37]
• Casey recognized red flags as early as three weeks in but felt unworthy of better: “...just because there’s a bunch of really bad in it doesn’t mean I deserve better is what I was thinking.” [11:31]

Discussion on Gender Roles and Therapy

• A tangent on toxic straight relationship stereotypes and the unproductive, limiting nature of gendered therapy advice, with both host and caller critiquing received wisdom.
• Casey argues, “Genders aren’t real, you know, like, it's just a pattern that we're seeing that really ain't there. And like, people are people.” [17:23]

Changing for Others and the Value of Self

• Casey compares relationship change to addiction—lasts only if pushed by internal motivation. He realized after years of not receiving any effort in return that it was time to leave.
• Yet, he’s still cohabitating and is hesitant to totally “give up,” rooted in a fear of abandonment: “It makes me feel bad, the idea of...‘I’m done’ because I don't want people done with me, so I will not do that to someone else.” [27:20]
• Lyle reframes: By staying, are you giving up on yourself, your own best friend?

Therapy Gecko: “What if by continuing over and over again to let yourself get back into this, you are giving up on yourself, which you would never want someone to do to you, but you’re doing it to yourself and you’re your best friend.” [28:18]

Memorable Closing

• Casey’s parting words: “All your teeth have different birthdays. All right, bye.” [29:54]
• Lyle shares honest reflections on self-friendship and needing both internal and external validation.

2. Savannah: Compassion vs. Capitalism in Vet Medicine

(Starts ~35:09, main section 35:09–56:24)

Transition Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome

• Savannah is starting a demanding new job as a vet tech in an emergency animal hospital and doubts her intelligence and qualifications.
• She’s been fired before for not learning as fast as others, and notes her motivations (“here for the animals”) are seen as naïve or insufficient by management.

Savannah: “...my response every time was like, yeah, absolutely, I'm here for the animals. And apparently that's the wrong answer.” [37:37]

The Business of Veterinary Work

• Discusses the uncomfortable reality that vet medicine, like human healthcare, is profit-driven: upselling, costly treatments, and little time for animal connection.
• Shares a story about being reprimanded for prioritizing animal well-being over billing and customer service:

  “I sat there...petting the dog, asking her questions...I got in trouble for that. I got called up to the office and said that I need to focus more on the client than the animal.” [43:56]

Dealing With New Responsibilities

• The emotional toll of being the person who “looks an owner in the face and goes, okay, well, your total is $15,000.”
• Savannah expresses conflict about having compassion but needing to make a living (“single woman, lives alone”).

Life in Transition

• Savannah also ended a long-term relationship, moved into her own apartment, and is questioning her path, feeling simultaneously happy and overwhelmed.

Savannah: “...sometimes...instead of coping, I just. I either...overthink, or I just throw all my problems underneath a rug and I try not to think about it. And I think right now I'm overthinking.” [56:07]

Candid Reflection from Host

• Lyle shares his own methods for navigating transitional periods: “...a lot of overthinking, a lot of coming up with plans...I'll say, I'm gonna do, like, 10 things, then I'll actually do one of them sometimes.” [54:02]
• Savannah lightens the moment, revealing she’ll dress as Therapy Gecko for Halloween.

3. Kevin: Marching Band Trauma and Seeking Connection

(Starts ~61:09, main section 61:09–76:27)

Marching Band: Both Bonding and Trauma

• Kevin, 22, is a grad student who credits marching band with helping him make friends but also giving him lasting trauma:

  “...one of the coolest experiences and also, like, gave me, like, trauma.” [64:00]

• Describes the environment as militaristic: “constant...yelling...like a boot camp...getting screamed at on, like, a daily basis...I have fucking nightmares about it.” [65:11]
• Still, he cherishes the friendships and connections made.

Post-College Social Shifts

• Grad school lacks the built-in social contact of undergrad band life; finding connection is harder.
• He attends a board game club but finds it meets infrequently and the class is small, with few shared interests.

Kevin: “I feel like I was spoiled for so long...being forced into this friends experience that now that I'm outside of that...I'm not as lucky anymore.” [70:09]

Lyle’s Advice

• Lyle emphasizes being intentional about social life as an adult (“you have to make your own decisions more and more and be more intentional about your life”), suggesting Kevin branch out, use his proximity to NYC, and actively seek new communities. [73:00–74:47]
• They share a laugh about Kevin’s lingering desire for “Whiplash”-style drumming discipline and anger management through drumming.

Memorable Quote

Therapy Gecko: “You can’t waft around in the grad school program being like, eh, I don’t really know if I connect with any of these people. You gotta keep going...figure out what kind of spaces you want to be in and go be in them.” [74:47]

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Casey, on chronic tolerating:
  “...I will put forth emotional energy and I will put forth, like, effort to make sure things go well. And it is just like not reciprocated.” [11:02]
• Therapy Gecko, on boundaries and self-forgiveness:
  “What if you are your best friend in the planet?...and by continuing...you are giving up on yourself, which you would never want someone to do to you, but you're doing it to yourself.” [28:18]
• Savannah, on animal medicine:
  “They don't really care about the animals. They care more about money, which, it's valid, but it's also not.” [48:11]
• Kevin, on belonging:
  “It was simultaneously, like, one of the coolest experiences and also, like, gave me, like, trauma.” [64:00]
• Therapy Gecko, summing up adulthood:
  “As you get older, you get forced to do less and less things. You have to make your own decisions more and more and be more intentional about your life.” [74:47]

Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:11] Casey's call begins – dream discussion, life context, marital separation.
• [09:37] Casey reveals details about his 20-year relationship and self-esteem struggles.
• [14:08] Discussion: gender roles and relationship therapy.
• [27:20] Lyle reframes ‘giving up’ as possibly giving up on oneself.
• [35:09] Savannah’s call begins – job anxiety, veterinary medicine industry.
• [43:56] Savannah’s story about being reprimanded for caring too much for animals.
• [53:42] Savannah asks for advice about handling transitional life stages.
• [61:09] Kevin's call begins – marching band trauma and challenges making new friends post-college.
• [74:47] Lyle’s explicit advice to Kevin about adult friendship and intentionality.

Tone and Style

• The conversations are empathetic, casual, funny, and deeply honest.
• Lyle listens without judgment, employing gentle humor and philosophical musings.
• Callers are earnest, occasionally self-deprecating, and speak candidly about anxieties and hopes.

Summary for New Listeners

In this episode, Therapy Gecko acts as confessor and companion to callers wrestling with loss, uncertainty, and personal growth. Through surreal dreams, messy divorces, ethical conflicts in the workplace, and nostalgia-tinged trauma, each caller seeks understanding and self-acceptance. Lyle’s gentle reframing—reminding listeners to be their own ally and to craft lives with intention—creates a space where vulnerability feels safe, even liberating. The humor, compassion, and candid exploration of self-worth and community make this episode a quintessential Therapy Gecko experience.