“WE’RE DIVORCING AFTER 20 YEARS”

Summary

Therapy Gecko – “WE’RE DIVORCING AFTER 20 YEARS”

Date: October 22, 2025
Host: Therapy Gecko (Lyle)
Podcast: Therapy Gecko by iHeartPodcasts

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Episode Overview

This episode features Lyle (the Therapy Gecko) taking anonymous calls and engaging in candid, vulnerable, and often humorous conversations about life's struggles, self-worth, relationships, and personal growth. The main focus is on a call from Casey, who's going through a divorce after 20 years, exploring deep-seated relationship patterns and self-esteem, followed by conversations with Savannah, an anxious vet tech starting a new job, and Kevin, whose marching band trauma gives surprising insight into how we bond and grow.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Casey: The Dream, Divorce, and Self-Esteem

(Starts ~02:11, main section 02:11–32:09)

A Surreal Dream and Its Meaning

• Casey shares a vivid, bizarre dream: he accidentally sits in a way that causes his testicles to go up his rectum, leading to panic and an amusing doctor’s advice to “fart them out.”
• Lyle probes if this dream could be related to Casey’s life changes—manifestations of anxiety, feelings of lack of control, or subconscious self-injury.

Casey: "Every time I wake up, I gotta check, you know, my underneathy bits." [03:29]

Life Struggles and Relationship Context

• Casey admits to general unhappiness: “suffering under capitalism,” being in a rut, coasting, and lacking proactive growth.
• Reveals he and his wife are separating after two decades together: “...my wife and I are separating and it had nothing to do with the... dream. But I don't know. Like, I don't see a connection. But that's... subconscious. That's kind of the point.” [05:21]

The Nature of the Rut and Boundaries

• Lyle connects the dream to Casey’s chronic pattern of ‘coasting’ and passivity in life.
• Casey admits to neglecting communication with friends and family, not for bad reasons, but due to inertia. When prompted who he’d want to reach out to, he says: “Most of the people I know suck. Like, maybe that’s part of the problem.” [09:16]

Reflecting on Marriage and Self-Worth

• Casey and his wife were together since he was 17, met via AOL (“I am back an old man”). Self-worth issues from youth led to tolerating a lack of reciprocity: “...hey, someone generally nice and attractive is showing me attention... I'll put up with pretty much anything. And now I'm...sick of that.” [09:37]
• Casey recognized red flags as early as three weeks in but felt unworthy of better: “...just because there’s a bunch of really bad in it doesn’t mean I deserve better is what I was thinking.” [11:31]

Discussion on Gender Roles and Therapy

• A tangent on toxic straight relationship stereotypes and the unproductive, limiting nature of gendered therapy advice, with both host and caller critiquing received wisdom.
• Casey argues, “Genders aren’t real, you know, like, it's just a pattern that we're seeing that really ain't there. And like, people are people.” [17:23]

Changing for Others and the Value of Self

• Casey compares relationship change to addiction—lasts only if pushed by internal motivation. He realized after years of not receiving any effort in return that it was time to leave.
• Yet, he’s still cohabitating and is hesitant to totally “give up,” rooted in a fear of abandonment: “It makes me feel bad, the idea of...‘I’m done’ because I don't want people done with me, so I will not do that to someone else.” [27:20]
• Lyle reframes: By staying, are you giving up on yourself, your own best friend?

Therapy Gecko: “What if by continuing over and over again to let yourself get back into this, you are giving up on yourself, which you would never want someone to do to you, but you’re doing it to yourself and you’re your best friend.” [28:18]

Memorable Closing

• Casey’s parting words: “All your teeth have different birthdays. All right, bye.” [29:54]
• Lyle shares honest reflections on self-friendship and needing both internal and external validation.

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2. Savannah: Compassion vs. Capitalism in Vet Medicine

(Starts ~35:09, main section 35:09–56:24)

Transition Anxiety and Imposter Syndrome

• Savannah is starting a demanding new job as a vet tech in an emergency animal hospital and doubts her intelligence and qualifications.
• She’s been fired before for not learning as fast as others, and notes her motivations (“here for the animals”) are seen as naïve or insufficient by management.

Savannah: “...my response every time was like, yeah, absolutely, I'm here for the animals. And apparently that's the wrong answer.” [37:37]

The Business of Veterinary Work

• Discusses the uncomfortable reality that vet medicine, like human healthcare, is profit-driven: upselling, costly treatments, and little time for animal connection.
• Shares a story about being reprimanded for prioritizing animal well-being over billing and customer service:

  “I sat there...petting the dog, asking her questions...I got in trouble for that. I got called up to the office and said that I need to focus more on the client than the animal.” [43:56]

Dealing With New Responsibilities

• The emotional toll of being the person who “looks an owner in the face and goes, okay, well, your total is $15,000.”
• Savannah expresses conflict about having compassion but needing to make a living (“single woman, lives alone”).

Life in Transition

• Savannah also ended a long-term relationship, moved into her own apartment, and is questioning her path, feeling simultaneously happy and overwhelmed.

Savannah: “...sometimes...instead of coping, I just. I either...overthink, or I just throw all my problems underneath a rug and I try not to think about it. And I think right now I'm overthinking.” [56:07]

Candid Reflection from Host

• Lyle shares his own methods for navigating transitional periods: “...a lot of overthinking, a lot of coming up with plans...I'll say, I'm gonna do, like, 10 things, then I'll actually do one of them sometimes.” [54:02]
• Savannah lightens the moment, revealing she’ll dress as Therapy Gecko for Halloween.

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3. Kevin: Marching Band Trauma and Seeking Connection

(Starts ~61:09, main section 61:09–76:27)

Marching Band: Both Bonding and Trauma

• Kevin, 22, is a grad student who credits marching band with helping him make friends but also giving him lasting trauma:

  “...one of the coolest experiences and also, like, gave me, like, trauma.” [64:00]

• Describes the environment as militaristic: “constant...yelling...like a boot camp...getting screamed at on, like, a daily basis...I have fucking nightmares about it.” [65:11]
• Still, he cherishes the friendships and connections made.

Post-College Social Shifts

• Grad school lacks the built-in social contact of undergrad band life; finding connection is harder.
• He attends a board game club but finds it meets infrequently and the class is small, with few shared interests.

Kevin: “I feel like I was spoiled for so long...being forced into this friends experience that now that I'm outside of that...I'm not as lucky anymore.” [70:09]

Lyle’s Advice

• Lyle emphasizes being intentional about social life as an adult (“you have to make your own decisions more and more and be more intentional about your life”), suggesting Kevin branch out, use his proximity to NYC, and actively seek new communities. [73:00–74:47]
• They share a laugh about Kevin’s lingering desire for “Whiplash”-style drumming discipline and anger management through drumming.

Memorable Quote

Therapy Gecko: “You can’t waft around in the grad school program being like, eh, I don’t really know if I connect with any of these people. You gotta keep going...figure out what kind of spaces you want to be in and go be in them.” [74:47]

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• Casey, on chronic tolerating:
  “...I will put forth emotional energy and I will put forth, like, effort to make sure things go well. And it is just like not reciprocated.” [11:02]
• Therapy Gecko, on boundaries and self-forgiveness:
  “What if you are your best friend in the planet?...and by continuing...you are giving up on yourself, which you would never want someone to do to you, but you're doing it to yourself.” [28:18]
• Savannah, on animal medicine:
  “They don't really care about the animals. They care more about money, which, it's valid, but it's also not.” [48:11]
• Kevin, on belonging:
  “It was simultaneously, like, one of the coolest experiences and also, like, gave me, like, trauma.” [64:00]
• Therapy Gecko, summing up adulthood:
  “As you get older, you get forced to do less and less things. You have to make your own decisions more and more and be more intentional about your life.” [74:47]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [02:11] Casey's call begins – dream discussion, life context, marital separation.
• [09:37] Casey reveals details about his 20-year relationship and self-esteem struggles.
• [14:08] Discussion: gender roles and relationship therapy.
• [27:20] Lyle reframes ‘giving up’ as possibly giving up on oneself.
• [35:09] Savannah’s call begins – job anxiety, veterinary medicine industry.
• [43:56] Savannah’s story about being reprimanded for caring too much for animals.
• [53:42] Savannah asks for advice about handling transitional life stages.
• [61:09] Kevin's call begins – marching band trauma and challenges making new friends post-college.
• [74:47] Lyle’s explicit advice to Kevin about adult friendship and intentionality.

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Tone and Style

• The conversations are empathetic, casual, funny, and deeply honest.
• Lyle listens without judgment, employing gentle humor and philosophical musings.
• Callers are earnest, occasionally self-deprecating, and speak candidly about anxieties and hopes.

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Summary for New Listeners

In this episode, Therapy Gecko acts as confessor and companion to callers wrestling with loss, uncertainty, and personal growth. Through surreal dreams, messy divorces, ethical conflicts in the workplace, and nostalgia-tinged trauma, each caller seeks understanding and self-acceptance. Lyle’s gentle reframing—reminding listeners to be their own ally and to craft lives with intention—creates a space where vulnerability feels safe, even liberating. The humor, compassion, and candid exploration of self-worth and community make this episode a quintessential Therapy Gecko experience.

Transcript

[Therapy Gecko]

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[Therapy Gecko]

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[Casey]

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[Casey]

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[Casey]

What's up, man? How you doing?

[Therapy Gecko]

I'm doing good. How are you doing? What's your name?

[Casey]

I'm all right.

[Kevin]

I'm.

[Casey]

I'm Casey. I had a dream the other night and it was, it kind of shook me, you know?

[Therapy Gecko]

Do you want, do you want to talk about it? What was the dream?

[Casey]

So I had this dream that like, I was just like hanging out, right? And I sat down wrong and my balls like went up my butthole and like, it doesn't sound so bad, but I was like freaking out. So I called the Doctor and he, like, I went to the doctor and he's like, this is stupid. Just fart him out. Right? So. So I tried to fart him out and, and I woke up and like, I was like legit freaking out because like, I thought my balls would stroll up my butthole. But they weren't. That happened a couple of days ago. But, but now every time I wake up, I gotta check, you know, my underneathy bits.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, it's like when you have a dream that you're falling and you wake up in the middle of.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

And you like, your body, yeah, your body react. Your body doesn't know the difference. Yeah. Your body really did believe that your balls went up into your, into your butthole. And you've been checking every night. When did you have the dream you had it three nights ago?

[Casey]

Yeah, like three nights ago. Like, like I'm not like, like having legit existential crises, but like it's just like a little check, you know, right when I wake up.

[Therapy Gecko]

Have you ever. What? Like if you were to gape your. And then push your balls up into it, how deep do you think you could get?

[Kevin]

So.

[Casey]

Because I'm a bigger boy, right. Like I'd have to like, I'd have to like spread eagle in a warm room to get the max stretch and then like really try to, try to get down there. I don't, like, I don't think it would work. Like it, this isn't like a logical fear, right? This is like a, like an irrational one.

[Therapy Gecko]

Right.

[Casey]

It does. Like, theoretically it might be fun, but I don't think I'm gonna try it out.

[Therapy Gecko]

You think it might be fun? Have you ever had anything in your ass?

[Casey]

I mean, every once in a while. Yeah. You know, sometimes you, sometimes you get the tickle to, to go around the back door. But like, you think the sphincter would like, you know, unpleasant squeeziness on the, on the delicate bits.

[Therapy Gecko]

What's your life like outside of this?

[Casey]

Pretty unhappy. Like I'm, I'm, you know, suffering under capitalism, as we all do. But like, eh, you know, I'm kind of going through it.

[Therapy Gecko]

Do you think any of your general life unhappiness was manifested in this dream about your balls going into your.

[Casey]

Maybe, I don't know, like I'm, I'm in a. Like my, my, my wife and I are separating and, and it had nothing to do with the, you know, the, the dream. But like, I don't know. I, like, I don't see a connection. But that's you know, subconscious. That.

[Kevin]

That's right.

[Casey]

It's kind of the point of a subconscious.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, yeah. It's tricky. It's like we. We don't understand it. But I do. I do think dreams tell us something about something, you know, they do tell us about, like, our subconscious fears. And I'm wondering if anything in your conscious life is like, metaphor, you know, like, you could make an allegory of some kind that, like, your balls represent an interruption perhaps, and you're. Represents your life. And when your balls are like.

[Casey]

I'm about to do something that. That's going to cause, you know, a lot of this. Sorry. Distress. And it's trying to be like, hey, man, don't put your balls up your butthole.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yes. Yeah. Oh, wait, I like that. I like that. Wait, okay, hold on. This is. This is. This is actually an important distinction of what you just said. In this dream, do you. Does your. Do your balls accidentally go into your. Or do you push them in there?

[Casey]

No, I sat down wrong, and it was an unintentional un. Like, this was not an intentional thing. This was like a. Oh, I. Wait, why did that just happen?

[Therapy Gecko]

So you weren't being careful doing something that you do all the time.

[Casey]

Yeah. And then drastic, unpleasant consequences happened.

[Therapy Gecko]

Is that. Could that be analogous to anything that you going, like, going on in your life?

[Casey]

Maybe. Like, I've been coasting for a couple of years. Like, I'm doing good in my job and I'm doing good in, like, other areas, but I haven't really been pushing growth. So maybe that's. Maybe that's it.

[Therapy Gecko]

Interesting. What does growth look like to you?

[Casey]

I don't know. Like, I'm not one of those people that thinks you should always be trying to find something better, but, like.

[Kevin]

Maybe.

[Casey]

I'm stuck in a rut.

[Therapy Gecko]

What's your rut look like?

[Casey]

9 to 5 grind, you know, and, And. And I think that I can. I can start re. Evaluating some things and, and maybe look at, like, okay, well, what have I been getting? What. What have I been getting complacent with? What am I. What am I ignoring and saying, I'll do it later, I'll do it later? That I'm, you know, put my balls up my butthole with that one?

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Do you have an example of something like that that you feel like you're putting your balls up your butthole with?

[Casey]

Like, I don't really talk to my family all that much. Like, not that they're, you know, did anything bad or like we got bad blood. Like, I just don't reach out. Like, I don't reach out with friends. I don't reach out with, you know, anything. I just kind of coast and, and take what happens to me.

[Therapy Gecko]

Who do you want to reach out to?

[Casey]

I don't even know. Like, most of the people I know suck. Like, maybe that's part of the problem.

[Therapy Gecko]

You're getting separated, right?

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

How long have you, how long were you guys together?

[Casey]

Like 20 years, bro.

[Therapy Gecko]

Holy. Really? Really? Really? Yeah.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Casey]

And it was, it was like I was, I was putting up a lot of. I was putting up with a lot of bullshit that I really shouldn't have. Like, I got 20 years. Yeah, I was, I was the I got no self esteem because I kind of suck as a person guy in high school. Like, I, I was going through a lot of, a lot of problems and I, I, that parlayed into, hey, someone generally nice and attractive is showing me attention and telling me that they, you know, enjoy my presence. So I'll put up with pretty much anything. And now I'm, I'm kind of sick of that.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. Oh my God. Yeah. Okay. I have a lot of questions for you. This is interesting. Yeah, I want to talk about this. So, yeah, what you're describing makes total fucking sense. When did you, when like, okay, how old were you when you guys got together? It was like high school, college. 17.

[Casey]

I was 17. This was long distance relationship, like over. AOL, because I'm, I am back an old man and now I'm like 37. And I'm like, wow, this just sucks.

[Therapy Gecko]

What is this?

[Casey]

Putting up with this just like general, like, I'll, I'll, I will put forth emotional energy and I will put forth, like, effort to make sure things go well. And it is just like not reciprocated.

[Therapy Gecko]

How long. When did you first notice that?

[Casey]

About the third week of the relationship.

[Therapy Gecko]

Shut the fuck. Really?

[Casey]

Yeah. Dude, seriously, I don't think.

[Therapy Gecko]

When you were 17?

[Casey]

Yeah, well, like, just because there's a bunch of really bad in it doesn't mean I deserve better is what I was thinking. And.

[Therapy Gecko]

I saw it. Hold on. I have, I have a lot of questions for you, but I'm going to interject. I saw a tik tok that said something like, the only straight relationships that work are one where a man is obsessed with a woman that's a little mean to him. And I mean, go ahead.

[Casey]

Yeah, like, okay, here, here's the thing. Like, I, I am, I am one of the straights. I apologize to any queers in the community. Y' all are dope. One of y'.

[Kevin]

All.

[Casey]

Um, but, like, I think that what people think about when they think of, like, a dysfunctional straight relationship is often, like, like, exaggerated to an extent. Like, I think that a lot of the people that are talking about how their. Their husband is like, kind of one of their extra kids. Like, they, like, okay, has he been checked for, like, neurodivergence? Like, could that be in it? True. If they're complaining about how their. Their wife is, you know, Maggie awful. You know, typical. Oh, my ball and chain. Like, okay, well, is she going through something right now? Like, you know, like, if it was. It was a non. Straight relationship, we would be digging into why. But because it's a straight relationship. Ah, the straights aren't. Okay.

[Kevin]

Ooh.

[Therapy Gecko]

You know, Okay, I. No, I see what you. I see what you mean because. I see what you mean because, yeah, in a straight relationship, there's a, there's more, like, labels of, like. Well, you know, that's happening because men are like this or women are like this.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Casey]

And that. That definitely feeds into toxic, like, gender stereotypes.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Because, like, we done. We have gone to relationship therapy a couple of times. And like, one of my therapists, the therapist was like, oh, well, clearly you're acting like this because you're a dude. I'm like, the like, what. What are you talking about? Well, she would expect from her, but she would expect me to just be like, oh, the guy. Tm.

[Therapy Gecko]

Well, I think here's the thing is I, I, I, I, I, I think I, I think I probably think about gender roles in the same way that I think about, like, a lot of things in life, which is like, you know, I kind of explore, like, there's the yin and yang of it, which is like. I think it's like you have, you're, you have your head in the sand if you're gonna say that there is no generally observed differences between men and women. You know what I mean? Like, like that you. You gotta. Like, that's pretty obvious.

[Casey]

I attribute that to societal influence and prescribed, like, like what we internalize as what we should as xyz, do or be.

[Therapy Gecko]

Totally. And I. And that's the. That's, to me, that's like the. Okay, so we have. I'm gonna go on a tangent real quick. I want. I'm gonna go. Okay, we're gonna go on this philosophy tangent and then remind me that we need to get back to your life, because I have lots of questions for you, but I believe that human beings are this weird thing that we possess, like, animalistic biology. And I think that there's a lot of traditional gender roles that are present in that animalistic biology. But then we also have this like, bright human part of us that's like, conscious and kind of evolves beyond that. And our brains are the, the wrestling of those two forces. And so I do, I think that a lot of gender roles are like, just like innately within us and within our biology. But like, I don't know. So is like, you know, murder and like other things and we. And, and to, to. To say that society, that a lot of gender roles are like, conditioning of society, I think is us using our human, our higher human brain to look at it and be like, hey, you know, it doesn't have to be like this where humans, we can create and build and destroy the world as we want.

[Casey]

I hard disagree. I think it is actually the opposite. I think that I, I think that biology and nature and all of that stuff, like, bro, it's just chaos. Like, cells don't know what the. Is going on. Chromosomes have no idea what society is. You know, they have no clue. But our monkey brains go all pattern recognition. Right? And they try to find patterns that ain't there, and then they ascribe that to whatever it seems like we're finding.

[Therapy Gecko]

Hmm.

[Casey]

You know what I mean? So, like, people are people.

[Therapy Gecko]

Sure.

[Casey]

Like me, you, everybody have both X, Y and XX chromosomes. But it's like literally it's a spectrum. So, like, my chromosomes are mostly xy, so I'm male presenting, but there's a bunch of estrogen in me, you know, like, it's still there.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Casey]

So, like, genders aren't real, you know, like, it's. It's just a pattern that we're seeing that really ain't there. And like, people are people. So, like, if I happen to be born a chicken, like, I'd probably have a lot more habits that aligned to traditional femininity. But I wasn't. So I don't.

[Therapy Gecko]

But isn't it. But I, I guess, aren't you. If you're like, born a man or you're born a woman, aren't don't you? Like innately. And then, I mean, obviously, like, everyone's. I don't really know. I think a lot about what it is that makes people the way that they are. And it's of course, some combination of, like, who their parents are and like, what's like, in their, like, literal DNA and then societal conditioning. But like, within your little DNA, if you're born a man or you're born a woman is like. I don't know if I can say. I don't. I don't actually.

[Casey]

Yeah, like 10 of them.

[Therapy Gecko]

Processes and shit.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Like, chemical processes have a lot of influence on, like, what you're gonna tend more towards.

[Therapy Gecko]

Right, exactly.

[Casey]

Like, propaganda isn't just a thing that's intentional. You know, like, propaganda is a thing that, like, happens to everybody all the time. Every time anybody says anything, you are going to be influenced by that, whether you intentionally reject it and say, no, that guy, he's a Nazi. Or if you're like, oh, yeah, that dude. You know, that dude really knows where his towels at. And you accept that, like, it's, it's constantly happening. And especially when we're children, you know, like you. You are told this is the way things are. You have no reason to, like, refute it because, like, you're. You're eight, you know, you want to go play Legos. And so if we raised a new group of children with, like, bonkers gender roles, they're just gonna do it and then they're gonna argue that it's biology.

[Therapy Gecko]

Hmm.

[Casey]

You know what I mean?

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, I know, I know. Yeah, I know. Yeah.

[Casey]

So you've got a bunch of testosterone. Testosterone amps up. What do you call it? Adrenaline. It makes you act slightly more aggressive. So things are going to stay true generally. But then what we ascribed to that, to that is like, hard propagandized, I.

[Therapy Gecko]

Think. Hold on. I want to make sure this. We're going to end this philosophy talk in one second because I want to get back to your life, but I think it would make. It would make sense to me that. Yeah, yeah. Gender roles and things like that are like, as are our, you know, as. As are like everything about the way that we do and things and think about things and see things are some combination of propaganda or societal conditioning and our DNA. So, you know, like all, like.

[Casey]

Yeah, for sure.

[Therapy Gecko]

Like, all things. I'm like, like, I am about a lot of things. I'm going to be annoyingly agnostic about this one, but. Okay, okay, okay, okay.

[Casey]

As a tradition.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

So when you were 17, three weeks in, you were like, I don't like the way this woman is treating me. I don't like how.

[Casey]

I know it was. It was more like, oh, okay, that's a thing that's happening. Okay.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. Yes. Yeah, yeah, okay, so you, yeah, so you have low self esteem. You're like, you know, a lady you're at. You're 17 years old, you're like, oh, my God. A lady that I'm attracted to likes me. This is incredible. This is amazing. I will do everything in my fucking power and I will put up with anything to keep this going. And so if she does something that crosses a boundary or you're like, I don't know about that. You're like, yeah, that's.

[Casey]

That's a thing will work.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, yeah, I'll bring it up.

[Casey]

I'll talk about it. Not like, oh, well. Nope, never again. Bye.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yep.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

Oh, yeah, I know. I know what you're talking about. I get, I get you. I get you. I get you. I've. I've never heard of a situation where that lasted for 20 whole years, though.

[Casey]

Yeah, I, like, I really hate this word, but like, I think I was pre groomed into accepting, like, pretty much anything because, like, my parents, like, my parents really only talked to me when they had to.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Casey]

So it was like, hey, man, like, you're getting bullied at school. Like, oh, well, did you, like, talk to the teacher about it? Not like, hey, man, let's get you. Let's figure out why that's happening and get you, you know, some counseling or therapy and work on those issues. Not like, oh, hey man, I'm gonna help you. And. And like, oh, it's obvious you've got like 8, 000 personality problems that, you know, even we are like, hey, man, what, what the you got going on here?

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Nope, we're just gonna, we're gonna hang out. If nobody dead or pregnant, everything's fine. Yep. So, like, I had no basis on.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Like what I could expect out of other people.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yes. You're all. You're already. Yeah. To use your word, you're already like. We can call it predisposed to this notion or actually, I guess. Yeah, you're predisposed to a notion of what your relationships.

[Casey]

That's a better, like, that's a better way.

[Therapy Gecko]

You're predisposed to a notion of what relationships are like because of your parents and because of like, you know, societal whatever. And so now when someone comes along and shows you, fucking gives you a crumb, you're like, I'm taking this crumb, taking this crumb to the bank. I'm gonna hold on to this crumb for 20 years. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Casey]

And like, yeah. And so like, there's. There's definitely, you know, good times and times that it's like, oh, wow. Yeah, they're they're, like, really helping me. They're like, really, you know, okay, good. We're making progress. This is good. This is getting better. This is getting better. And then it every goddamn time just goes immediately back to go fuck yourself.

[Therapy Gecko]

Mm. You know, I've been thinking a lot about whether or not people can, like, change. I think they can. I don't know if everyone can, but I think they believe they can. It's. It's another. It's another one of my, like, things I'm agnostic about. I haven't lived enough life to decide this. Or maybe I have, and maybe this is more of a perspective thing, but it's like, to what. To what degree do you. Do you sit with someone and work on a thing versus. Versus? Yeah, you get. You're never going to fucking. It's always going to be like.

[Casey]

I see it the same way people see addiction, where it's like if. If the other person does not have an internal motivation to make this change. Changing for external motivation can only happen for so long before you're like, dude, I didn't. I don't even want to do this. I'm just not gonna.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, yeah, I know what you mean. So now that. What. What was it after 20 years, it.

[Casey]

Was just eventually feeling better and better and being like, oh, wait, no, I can. I can hold my. Together. I can, you know, do better, and I can, you know, I. I am proving to myself that I can be a technically functioning adult. Like, I should probably get some recognition for that, and I should probably get some effort coming back my way, and it didn't happen and then that just for, like, six years, and I'm like, okay, well, you know what? Yeah, this ain't happening.

[Therapy Gecko]

Like, I see you left.

[Casey]

I. I'll still.

[Kevin]

I'll.

[Casey]

No, no, we're Now. We're. We're still living together for now. But, like. Like, I hate it. But, like, I'm. I'm still willing to try. Like, I do not have expectations, but, like, you know.

[Therapy Gecko]

Oh, you still. You're still. You're still. Will. You're still willing to try to work it out with this girl?

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Like, it's probably. Almost definitely not gonna happen.

[Therapy Gecko]

But, like, why?

[Casey]

It is a complicated thing of, like, I. It makes me feel bad, the idea of, like, I'm done because I don't want people done with me, so I will not do that to someone else. And that's probably a bad thing for me.

[Therapy Gecko]

Okay. You don't want people being like, I'm done.

[Casey]

Just being like, oh, well, you suck. I'm done. I'm like, beat it. You suck.

[Therapy Gecko]

Oh my God, I'm about to throw a insane therapy reframing on this. You want to explore something?

[Casey]

Yeah. Let's do it.

[Therapy Gecko]

Okay, what if. Okay, you don't want people saying to you, I'm giving up on you. Right. And so that's why you don't want to give up on someone else.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

But what if you are your best friend in the planet, Maybe even your only true friend in the world? Not you specifically, but just every person. And what if by continuing over and over again to let yourself get back into this, you are giving up on yourself, which you would never want someone to do to you, but you're doing it to yourself and you're your best friend.

[Casey]

I have not yet internalized that message. Like, I, I feel like I'm coming around to it, but like, you get what I'm saying? Yeah, absolutely. Like, you gotta value yourself and I really don't. Like, I think I'm cool and all that, but like, you know, whatever. I wouldn't be friends with me. I'm kind of annoying.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Casey]

Like, I'm cool, but like, sometimes I'm a lot. So, yeah, like I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm getting there.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, it's hard.

[Casey]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

So.

[Casey]

Oh, it's 5:00'.

[Kevin]

Clock.

[Casey]

I gotta go play DND.

[Therapy Gecko]

Okay, cool. Well, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Casey]

All your teeth have different birthdays. All right, bye.

[Therapy Gecko]

Later, man. That was interesting. I have, I have more thoughts on that. Or do I. Or maybe I shared them all. I was thinking about that last night. I was thinking about the idea of like, myself as my own best friend or like the only real. I'm trying to think more about that shit, about how I am my own best friend. And, and if I talked and I, and I think about the way I talk to myself or view myself and yeah, sometimes you, you can really like, talk to yourself or think of your worse off in such a way that like, if a per. If your best friend said that to you or thought that of you, you wouldn't want to be friends with that person. They'd be a. You know, it's hard, it's hard to have, it's hard to have self esteem and it really, it does have to come from again, you know, as I agnostically, you know, hold, it comes from a little bit of within and a little bit of something outside of yourself. I don't know if one can, truly. I mean, someone can. I know. I only. I only have my own life experience. I don't think I can fully feel self esteem without a little, you know, external validation. I don't think I could do the whole thing on internal validation, but I can't do the whole thing on external validation either. So you need a little bit of both. Hope that guy's all right, man. He's about to go back into that relationship. I hope that guy will be all right. Okay, let's take another call.

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this fall, take care of the little ones in the family with Baby Club Savings now through November 4, spend $25 on select Baby Club products and save $5. Shop for items like Pedias shore bottles, Pedialyte powder packs, Huggies baby wipes, Huggies diapers, Gerber puffs and Gerber pouches. And save $5 when you buy $25 or more on participating products. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Ed Helms]

Hey, everyone, Ed Helms here.

[Therapy Gecko]

And hi, I'm Kal Penn and we're.

[Casey]

The hosts of Earsay, the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

[Ed Helms]

This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[Annabe Advertiser]

You know what?

[Therapy Gecko]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy.

[Annabe Advertiser]

You got a little Colin Firth.

[Ed Helms]

Okay, that's really Sweet. I appreciate that. But are you sure I'm not the dad? I'm not Mr. Bennett. Here, listen to earsay the audible and I heart audiobook Club on the iHeartRadio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Therapy Gecko]

When you want to grow your list size. Pop up like it's hot. Pop up like it's hot. Pop up like it's hot. And when you gotta boost your revenue. Pop up like it's hot. Pop up like it's hot. Pop up like it's hot. Pick your favorite template you can tailor to your brand. They're mailchimp a riffic. You're gonna be a fan Mailchimp your marketing with our new customizable pop ups.

[Savannah]

Hello.

[Therapy Gecko]

Hi. What's your name?

[Savannah]

I'm Savannah. How are you doing?

[Therapy Gecko]

I'm doing good. Mainly cause I drank a coffee before this, so I feel. Yeah, it's a cycle, but whatever. You know, sometimes I feel like I can't exist and other times I'm like, wait, I actually think I can. There's a lot of physical factors involved with that. Anyway, I'm sorry, I don't want to keep talking about myself. What's up with you, Savannah? What's going on in your life?

[Savannah]

Hey, so I am currently changing jobs. I got a great opportunity at a very well paying job and I'm really nervous about it.

[Therapy Gecko]

What is the opportunity?

[Savannah]

It'll be the. It's like an emergency animal hospital. I've only ever worked in like general practice animal hospitals. So like vaccines, ear infections, stuff like that. But yeah, I got the opportunity to be a vet tech at an emergency hospital and I don't think I'm smart enough, but I got the job.

[Therapy Gecko]

Sweet. Okay, so we're on. It's another self esteem thing. Why don't you think you're smart enough?

[Savannah]

Well, I didn't go to college, of course. I'm 27, by the way. I lost my last job because kind of in the realm that I wasn't picking up on things as easy as other people. But I have a lot of confidence. I'm very excited to start this. I like more emergency cases anyways. Sounds kind of bad, but I like, I like, not like sick animals, but like I enjoy helping and seeing it kinda.

[Therapy Gecko]

Sure, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. Wait, so why do you have to be smart? Can't you just want to help animals?

[Savannah]

So that's actually the thing in vet medicine. I have had two jobs that have told me that, asked me, they're like, are you just in it for the animals and that medicine isn't very well paying. So my response every time was like, yeah, absolutely, I'm here for the animals. And apparently that's the wrong answer.

[Therapy Gecko]

What is the right answer.

[Savannah]

For my. From what I can understand, the correct answer would be personal growth to make the company more money.

[Therapy Gecko]

That's crazy.

[Savannah]

Yeah, I don't like that. Like, if I'm gonna get paid 15 an.

[Therapy Gecko]

So what, what it. What's the like. Is the veterinary health industry similar to the human American health industry?

[Savannah]

Yeah, it's. It's pretty similar. We of course have, like, in human medical world, I feel like you don't have to pay for things like right away. I don't know about you. My medical debt can just sit there, don't really care. But in veterinary medicine, of course, we have to take the payment during the service. So, yeah, it's pretty similar. It's like I'm the equivalent of being a pediatrician because these people care a lot about their animals and they're very mean to us.

[Therapy Gecko]

They're very mean to you?

[Savannah]

Yeah. I mean, people are mean at any job, really. Can I kind of change the subject really fast?

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, of course.

[Savannah]

I wanted to tell you a story. I've also been trying to call for about two months. I have been really excited and now I'm kind of nervous.

[Therapy Gecko]

Have we ever spoken before?

[Savannah]

We have not. No.

[Therapy Gecko]

Cool, cool. No, go ahead, Go ahead.

[Savannah]

Yeah, so this is kind of just a silly story. So I grew up with a very liberal, very liberal family. I'd say they're very, very left leaning. And when I was younger, of course my parents, like, smoked weed. And of course they didn't want me to know that they used to smoke cigarettes and everything like that. So I was kind of like, I just kind of assumed it was a cigarette. But my dad told me this great lie that I use now on my stepdaughter. And it's a real. I think lying to children is okay for this reason. So whenever my dad got off work, he told me that he had to do paperwork. And again, he worked on the farm. So whenever I was younger and he'd come in smelling like weed, I associated it with working really hard. And whenever I was in high school, I remember smelling it like on somebody. And I was like, did you just get back from the gym? Like, you know, sorry, I'm a little nervous right now.

[Therapy Gecko]

No, don't, don't be, don't be.

[Savannah]

But yeah, so I associate the smell of weed with like sweat. And that was kind of Like a little silly thing. You can tell children that I genuinely believed until I was, like, 18.

[Therapy Gecko]

Oh, that when your dad smoked weed, he was just sweaty.

[Savannah]

Yeah, yeah. And he looked tired, you know?

[Therapy Gecko]

Do you smoke weed?

[Savannah]

I do, yeah. It's. It's very. I use. I. I do it, like, before I go to bed. I'm not, like, a very social smoker by any means.

[Therapy Gecko]

So. Sorry, I'm only. I'm only transitioning back because I'm thinking about the questions that I have for you. So you got this job. You got this job at this place. The way. There's the job. You got the job at the place that wants you to say that you're in it for the money.

[Savannah]

I'm not sure. I haven't gotten to that point yet. I start Monday at it. And I mean, every animal hospital kind of leans towards, like, we want people that are passionate about animals, but then you kind of get into it and they're more worried about making money then, which I can understand because it's a business setting. But, like, for example, one time there was this dog that came in, and I just. I love the dog. I love the owner. And I sat there for about 10 minutes in the room with them, and I'm just on the ground petting the dog, asking her questions, you know, like, are they eating and drinking normally? No. Vomiting, diarrhea. And I got in trouble for that. I got called up to the office and said that I need to focus more on the client than the animal. And in my eyes, I wasn't doing anything wrong. But I guess in, like, management world, they're kind of just like, don't focus on the animals.

[Therapy Gecko]

Focus on the. On the. On the customer.

[Savannah]

Yeah. And try to get them to do as many vaccines, as many tests as we can do.

[Therapy Gecko]

Oh, shit. They're turning you into, like, a fucking car mechanic of dogs.

[Savannah]

Yeah. I feel like a salesman. And like, I. And like, of course, I'm pro. Like, you know, if you come in with your pet, you know, and you're like, they're. They have vomiting and diarrhea, and you're like, okay, well, we should run some tests. You know, if you say no, it's kind of like, well, then we're just treating symptomatically, you know, So I understand the need for some of that, but, like, sometimes, like, we just got. At my old job, we just got Bravecto, which is a flan tick injection that lasts for 12 months. It is $700. And I. Everyone there is being forced to try and Push that compared to a flea pill, that's $30 a month. It's always made me really uncomfortable because I'm here for the animals. I'm not, I don't. If I wanted to work with humans, I would go work with humans, but I don't really like humans. I like animals.

[Therapy Gecko]

I don't, I don't think you need to have a, like an inferiority complex about the job. I mean, you could let. You're here for the animals, you know, I don't, I don't see why you say you're not, you're not, you're not smart enough. I mean, that's in that. What the, Isn't that what the industry needs as people who give a shit about animals?

[Savannah]

Yeah, I think it's like, you know how some people are like, book smart and some people are like, quote unquote, like, street smart?

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Savannah]

I think they expect me to be more, instead of empathetic and caring and kind of like, I don't know, I'm a woman, like a motherly figure. They, instead of having that emotional intelligence, they want you to have more of a, like, business intelligence, if that makes any sense. And I just won't feel comfortable, like, Yeah, I don't feel comfortable selling things to people that they don't want. I do agree with, like the rabies vaccine, but, like, you know, if your, your dog doesn't board, why do they need a flu vaccine? I haven't gotten a flu vaccine 10 years. I probably should, but. Yeah. And at my, so at my new job that I start, it costs a lot of money, you know, like, this is like, it looks like an emergency room, has like, little doors and a little driveway that you pull in if there's like a true emergency and they rush out, get the animal. And with that comes a lot of money. So I'm gonna have to be the person that looks an owner in the face and goes, okay, well, your total is $15,000. And I hate being that person. I, because I, I, I don't know if you have any animals. Do you have any animals?

[Therapy Gecko]

No, I don't.

[Savannah]

Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I don't know. I've been in that situation. Okay, one good, like, one thing is. So one time these, like, two 16 year olds found a dog on the side of the road, right? And so they do the right thing and they bring them to the nearest animal hospital and they say, hey, I found this dog. And I've gone, oh, my goodness, let's check for a microchip. And I'm Sitting there, you know, giving the dog treats, you know, looking up the microchip, trying to see if we can find the owner. And pretty much if you can't find the owner, some places just recommend, like, them being euthanized and. Or turning them back loose on the street. And I really hate that about vet medicine. It doesn't. And I don't want to scare anyone that's listening or anything, but with my experience, they don't really care about the animals. They care more about money, which, it's valid, but it's also not. So I guess I'm kind of nervous to start a new job that costs way more money.

[Therapy Gecko]

You said the job costs way more money. Like, oh, that you're providing a service that costs way more money than what you were previously doing.

[Savannah]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

Okay.

[Savannah]

Yeah. So, like, the normal visit at my last job was around $300. The average visit at my new job, I can assume as being a client there at one point being about a thousand to two thousand. And it's just hard. It's hard to have compassion for animals and also have to take care of.

[Kevin]

The.

[Savannah]

Money side of it. It's just conflicting.

[Therapy Gecko]

I think that you're in a good position to be compassionate to animals, which is what you want to do.

[Savannah]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

So I guess if I were you and I was in this job and I was wondering if I was smart enough, I would just. I guess if. If what you're aligned on is. Is, you know, being compassionate to animals, I would just be like, okay, well, how do I move in the direction of that?

[Savannah]

Yeah, I really wish I could just work at a rescue or something, but I am a single woman that lives alone, so I sadly can't take anything less than, like, $20 an hour so that it feels like even my dream job isn't an option because of money. I live. I mean, I don't. Can I say what state I live in?

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, sure.

[Savannah]

I live in South Carolina, so it's kind of. It's not a very expensive place to.

[Kevin]

Live.

[Savannah]

But doesn't offer a lot of opportunity for growth. Unless you're, like, one good Southern boy. No.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's tough.

[Savannah]

Yeah. And I think. Sorry, I'm kind of switching around on topics, but I think I'm just in a very transitional point in my life, so I'm kind of questioning, like, my job and everything right now. I got out of a very long relationship a few months ago, so I moved in by myself to my own little apartment and then starting a job that I feel like, is way bigger than I am. She's giving me a lot of anxiety.

[Therapy Gecko]

What's your name again?

[Savannah]

I'm Savannah.

[Therapy Gecko]

Savannah, I'm sorry if I. Sorry. Go with me for a second, Savannah. I'm sorry if I. If I don't have anything entirely productive to say in response to any of these things.

[Savannah]

It is okay. I'm just very excited to talk to you. It's been a. It's been an interesting year, and I've been. I've been trying to, like, talk to you for about two months. I'm excited that I'm, like, already here. And I understand how it's kind of a niche situation with a very niche job, but. Yeah, how. I guess something maybe I could get advice on maybe is how. How have you, in the past dealt with a transitional period of your life?

[Therapy Gecko]

I'm going to look within myself. I'm going to take a moment, and I'm going to look within myself to give you the most honest answer to that question that I feel comfortable sharing. So I'm going to take a moment to do that. How do I normally deal with a transitional period in my life?

[Savannah]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

I'm trying to think of. Last time I had strong transitional periods. I usually deal with it by a lot of overthinking, a lot of coming up with plans of things I'm gonna do. I'll come up with, like, 12 ideas of things I'm gonna do in my head, and then I'll do one of them. That's how. That's how I've been able. That's how I've been able to ever do anything with my life is. I'll come up with. I'll say, I'm gonna do, like, 10 things, then I'll actually do one of them sometimes.

[Savannah]

Yeah. And doing one of them is already such a big step.

[Therapy Gecko]

That's what I was like.

[Savannah]

It's just a weird. Yeah, it's just a weird place we put in this also my first time, like, living alone and doing all of this on my own. So I think that kind of adds to my anxiety on switching jobs and everything like that. This is the first time in my life I've ever really had to deal with something like this. But I will say, overall, I'm very happy. I. I did get a really good job. That'll make me a lot of money. Me being my partner was a hard decision, but it was a very smart one. And I'm just trying to figure out how to cope because I feel like sometimes I. Instead of coping I just. I either a overthink or I just throw all my problems underneath a rug and I try not to think about it. And I think right now I'm overthinking.

[Therapy Gecko]

Savannah, is there anything else you want to say to the people of the computer before we go?

[Savannah]

No. Thank you so much for having me. I hope to talk to you later whenever I'm not as nervous, but.

[Therapy Gecko]

No, it's okay.

[Savannah]

It was great talking to you. I hope you have a great day. And also I plan on being you for Halloween.

[Therapy Gecko]

You're going to be. You're burying the lead, Savannah. You're going to be me for Halloween.

[Savannah]

Yeah, I found your, like, kind of your little costume. I found.

[Therapy Gecko]

Anyone, anyone can do it. It's $60 on Amazon. Actually. I think it's up now. It's like 100 or some shit now.

[Savannah]

Yeah, it's like, I think I got it at $80. I'm waiting for it to arrive and then I'm gonna of course paint my face green. I thought about walking around with a microphone.

[Therapy Gecko]

Huh.

[Savannah]

And like, is there anything you want to tell the people of the Internet before you go? That's cool, you know.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah.

[Savannah]

Yeah. Can't wait.

[Therapy Gecko]

That's cool. Yeah.

[Savannah]

Hell yeah. Hell yeah. Well, I hope you have a wonderful day. Thanks for.

[Therapy Gecko]

If you, if you, if you do do that, if you do do that, tag me in Instagram pictures or some. Tag me in that.

[Savannah]

Yeah, perfect. I will. Heck yeah. Well, thank you. Thanks, Geck. You're amazing.

[Therapy Gecko]

Thank you, Savannah. Have a rest of the day.

[Savannah]

You too. Bye.

[Therapy Gecko]

Bye. Bye. That was Savannah. Yeah, I mean, again. Yeah. I was trying to. I was really trying to reach into my brain and give an honest answer to that question of like, how do I deal with change? Not well. I don't know if. I don't know if we're. I don't know if humans are wired to deal with change. Well, I mean, some of us are. Some of us are really fucking good at it, but I think most of us are prone to overthinking time for a sofa upgrade.

[Annabe Advertiser]

Visit washablesofas.com and discover Annabe where designer style meets budget friendly prices. With sofas starting at $699. Annabe brings you the ultimate in furniture innovation with a modular design that allows you to rearrange your space effortlessly. Perfect for both small and large spaces. Anabe is the only machine washable sofa inside and out. Say goodbye to stains and messes with liquid and stain resistant fabrics that make cleaning easy. Liquid simply slides right Off. Designed for custom comfort, our high resistance resilience foam lets you choose between a sink in feel or a supportive memory foam blend. Plus, our pet friendly stain resistant fabrics ensure your sofa stays beautiful for years. Don't compromise quality. For price. Visit washablesofas.com to upgrade your living space today with no risk returns and a 30 day money back guarantee. Get up to 60% off plus free shipping and free returns. Shop [e-mail] Authors are subject to change and certain restrictions may apply.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway. Now through November 4th. Shop the annual beauty event and save $5 when you spend $25 on select beauty products. Shop in store or online for items like Dove Body Wash Native Body Wash, Cetaphil gentle skin cleanser, Dr. Squatch body wash, Neutrogena Hydro Boost Water Gel, Dial Liquid Hand Soap and Olay Body wash. And say $5 when you spend $25 or more. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Ed Helms]

Hey, everyone. Ed Helms here.

[Therapy Gecko]

And hi, I'm Kal Penn and we're.

[Casey]

The hosts of Irsay, The Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club.

[Ed Helms]

This week on the podcast, I am sitting down with Jenny Garth, host of the iHeart podcast. I choose me to discuss the new Audible adaptation of the timeless Jane Austen classic Pride and Prejudice. This is not a trick question. There's no wrong answer. What role would I play?

[Annabe Advertiser]

You know what?

[Therapy Gecko]

I can see you as Mr. Darcy.

[Annabe Advertiser]

You got a little Colin Firth.

[Ed Helms]

Okay, that's really sweet, I appreciate that. But are you sure I'm not the dad? I'm not Mr. Bennett here. Listen to Earsay the Audible and iHeart Audiobook Club on the iHeartradio app or wherever you get your podcasts.

[Therapy Gecko]

When you wanna grow your list size. Pop up like a tide Pop up like a Todd Pop up like a tide and when you gotta boost your revenue Pop up like a tide Pop up like it's hot Pop up like it's hot. Pick your favorite template you can tailor to your brand. They're mailchimp a riffic. You're gonna be a fan. Mailchimp your marketing with our new customizable pop ups. Hello?

[Casey]

Hello.

[Therapy Gecko]

What's up?

[Kevin]

Wait, is this. Is this the podcast?

[Therapy Gecko]

Oh, yeah. What's your name?

[Savannah]

Holy shit. I didn't think I'd actually get this.

[Kevin]

Dude, I'm Kevin. What's up?

[Therapy Gecko]

Kevin? Kevin. Kevin.

[Savannah]

Yeah, man.

[Casey]

Oh, my God.

[Kevin]

Dude, I've been Listening. I'm not even kidding. Since I was in high school, dude. Like, 2016 before COVID man. Wow.

[Therapy Gecko]

No, that's so cool, man. I. I'm. Yeah, it's. It's so cool that people are still here that have been here for a long time. I'm glad. This is. This is. This is nice, man. This is. This feels like a nice little corner.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Yeah, man.

[Therapy Gecko]

Still hanging out here.

[Kevin]

Yeah, dude. I'm 22 now. I'm like, dude, your. Your show has gotten me out of, like, some, like, rough patches. So cool. Wow, dude, this is so cool.

[Therapy Gecko]

Thanks, man. I'm.

[Kevin]

How you doing? How you doing?

[Therapy Gecko]

How am I doing? Well, I don't know. I'm thinking about what you said just now, and I'm trying to take it in, and I appreciate it. I am a little flustered. I feel very. I feel very present right now with, like, doing the show.

[Kevin]

Oh, yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

You know, it's. I've been. You know, I've been thinking a lot about life as I. As I always tend to do. But I. I'd like to be doing more experiencing life and less thinking about it. But it's so paradoxical, you know, you think too much, and then you start to want to escape your own consciousness. Sorry. I'm doing okay. I'm doing good. How are you doing? How are you doing, Kevin? What's going on with you, Kevin?

[Kevin]

You know, I've been, like. I've been kind of all over the place, like, this week. You know, I've been, like, really good. I've been, like, motivated. But also I'm, like, ruminating on, like. I don't know, I'm ruminating on the fact that, like, I feel kind of, like, isolated sometimes, but then, like, I'm hanging out with people, and it's fun. I don't know. I'm all over the place. I. I actually, I. I texted you at the beginning of your stream because I actually want to talk to you about. This is going to sound weird, but I think a lot of my problems are related to marching bands.

[Therapy Gecko]

Marching bands?

[Kevin]

Yeah. Let me explain. So I'm a grad student, and at my undergrad, I joined a marching band, and I was in that for four years. And, like, oh, man, I feel like cringy saying this because, like, there's always such, like, a negative connotation for, like, doing this kind of stuff. But, like, man, if I didn't do that in my undergrad, I don't think I would have, like, connected with people as well as I did, like, I. I always listen and you're like, oh, you gotta put yourself in these places to, like, hang out with people with similar interests. I'm like, yeah, well, I did that. And, dude, it was simultaneously, like, one of the coolest experiences and also, like, gave me, like, trauma.

[Therapy Gecko]

How did it give you trauma?

[Kevin]

I guess. I don't know. Like, there. There's some. There's some, like, weird. Not weird. I guess there. There was these, like. I guess harassment or, like, constant, like, yelling. Like, it felt so much like a boot camp. And, like, I was constantly, like, getting screamed at on, like, a daily basis. And, like, there's a certain level of solidarity that, like, we faced because it kind of happened to all of us in the band. But it was also like, I don't know, like.

[Therapy Gecko]

You ever seen that movie Whiplash?

[Kevin]

Yeah, it is exactly like that. I'm not.

[Therapy Gecko]

It was exactly like that.

[Kevin]

It's exactly like that. Like, bro, you got whiplash, dude. I'm not even kidding. Like, it was rough and, like, it's affected me to such a subconscious level. Like, I have fucking nightmares about it. It's insane. Like, out of all the things, like, it's just so ingrained that I. I get nightmares about it. Some people that, like, I hang out with, and my girlfriend told me this, too, they're like, oh, my God. What. What is going on with you?

[Casey]

You're.

[Kevin]

L. Like, I've fallen asleep, and I'm not even kidding. I'm, like, playing my drums in my sleep, like, having these, like, night terrors.

[Therapy Gecko]

But was it ultimately a good experience for you? I mean, you're 22, right? So you're out of college now.

[Kevin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, I met some of, like, the coolest people. Like, I got invited to, like, gatherings. You know, I lived with these people. I'm going to live with one of my friends that I met there when we get our own apartment. You know, I've met people from Hawaii, Iowa, you know, Wyoming that all came to this. This band. I met people from Korea and, like, China that, like, came and played instruments with us. And there's this, like. Like, it connected us with a bunch of alumni, too. So it's like. I know I know a bunch of people, and they're all. It's so cool. I loved it. I think the friends that I made there are, like, such a solid group of people, you know? But I don't know. I don't know. It's. It's weird seeing, like, such, like, a positive thing turn, like, really not great over like, over the four years that I was in that group, I was like, man, I. This kind of sucks. Like, I've already made my friends. I already, like, I enjoyed playing my instrument, but, like, I don't know, I kind of became upset to even, like, show up to, like, practices and stuff.

[Therapy Gecko]

So. What are you doing? What are you doing now? Did you graduate?

[Kevin]

Yeah, I graduated and I'm going to grad school to be a school counselor. Oh, cool. Like, like a guidance counselor.

[Therapy Gecko]

Cool. Do you still play an instrument?

[Kevin]

Yeah, I try to. The school I'm at doesn't have, like, the same music groups, and I want to, like, form my own band because I. I really like playing my music, but, like, I don't know, I haven't practiced in so long, I'm kind of not. I'd say I'm rusty, you know? Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

It sounds like you're doing a cool thing with your life, man.

[Kevin]

Yeah, I. I think so. But, like, I don't know. My new school doesn't have like, the same kind of like, thing for me to connect with people.

[Therapy Gecko]

So you. You w. You wish there was more trauma bonding that you could do at this school?

[Kevin]

Not even trauma bonding. I think what it was is that, like, we had these rehearsals, you know, three, four days a week, sometimes five. So I'd be seeing these people majority of the week. Now I've found, like, a couple cool things to do here. Like, I'm a part of a, like a tabletop board game club.

[Therapy Gecko]

Cool.

[Kevin]

But, like, they only meet once a week and, you know, like, I don't.

[Casey]

Know if.

[Kevin]

Like, I can go to all those meetings all the times because, like, sometimes they're during my classes. So it's just like, I feel like I was spoiled for so long, you know, like being forced into this friend's experience that now that I'm outside of that, I, like, I don't know, I feel like I'm not as lucky anymore.

[Therapy Gecko]

You're not as lucky?

[Kevin]

Yeah. Or like, I am not, like, as forced into hanging out with people.

[Therapy Gecko]

Well, well, yeah, that's. That's a. That's what happens when you kind of get older. But I mean, right? There's infinite. There's. Yeah, yeah. I mean, there's ways that you can put intention behind your life so that you're around more people.

[Kevin]

That's true.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah. There's always, always, always ways that you can do that.

[Kevin]

I. I'm still like, close to that old school. Like, like, it's literally only like a 40 to 50 minute drive. So that's cool. So I actually still go back and like visit my old friends that are still there, but like, they're a lot younger than me now, so it's like, it feels weird. Like I don't like, vibe with them as well. And then like, I like the people in my classes. It's a very small program, you know, like, there's literally only 13 of us in the entire like class size. So like, I chat with them, but I don't, I don't have a lot of the same interests as them. I don't think like they're, they're really into like drinking and partying and like going out to bars and what's.

[Therapy Gecko]

What, what's it, what city? What city, what city do you live in, Kevin?

[Kevin]

So actually I live on Long island, dude. I'm not far from you.

[Therapy Gecko]

You live on Long Island?

[Kevin]

Yeah. You like, I'm literally like 20 minutes from Queens right now.

[Therapy Gecko]

Okay, listen, Kevin, I'm going to, I'm going to just, I'm going to just throw this at you before we go just to like, I mean, you, you know, man, listen, you listen to the fucking podcast. You know, everything I'm going to say, I'll say, I'll say it to you specifically if you're having issues finding people that you can really connect with, which everyone does. You know, I've had that issue and found creative ways to solve it many times in my life. And you gotta, you gotta put some intention behind it. You know, you can't wal. You can't waft around in the grad school program being like, eh, I don't really know if I connect with any of these people. You gotta keep going. You have a lot of, you have a lot of interest. You want to be a guidance counselor, you like music. I'm sure you have 50 other things that you like or might like if you tried them. So, you know, I, Yeah, Kevin, I don't, I don't have much to say to you that I'm sure you haven't already heard me repeat, you know, a hundred times. But you should try to seek outside of your. Yeah, of course you don't have situations where you're forced to be around people. That's what, as you get older, you get forced to do less and less things. You have to make your own decisions more and more and be more intentional about your life. So, yeah, I would say that you just figure out what kind of spaces you want to be in and go be in them. You're in Long island, you're 20 minutes from Queens. You're. You live very close to New York City.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

You're like an hour train ride away. I don't know if you. I know you called maybe just to talk or I don't know if you wanted advice or kind of what. What the deal was, but, you know. You already know.

[Kevin]

Yeah.

[Therapy Gecko]

Yeah, no good. I just. You're. You're already. You already know what to do, so, you know, just get out there, man. Just get out there and get out there, and then if. And then if you're lucky, you will find a bald man to throw chairs at you, because I know that's what you want. Deeply, dude.

[Kevin]

Honestly, like, that'd be such a motivation. I think that would trigger some. Some deep seated anger.

[Therapy Gecko]

Go hire a dominatrix. Go hire. Hire a. Hire a dominant. Hire a dominatrix to watch Whiplash and then just do it at you, dude.

[Savannah]

Every time.

[Kevin]

Like, yeah, slapping me when I'm trying to play.

[Therapy Gecko]

Kevin, is there anything else you want to say to the people at the computer before we go?

[Kevin]

I think that you should totally.

[Savannah]

I.

[Kevin]

Don'T know, play drums. It's a very cool anger management strategy, so if you don't know how, you should learn. And you can literally use anything.

[Casey]

So it's pretty cool.

[Therapy Gecko]

Thanks for calling, Kevin.

[Kevin]

Thank you. Have a. Have a great day.

[Therapy Gecko]

Have a good rest of your night, man.

[Casey]

Thanks.

[Therapy Gecko]

That was Kevin. Kevin's a nice boy. Yeah. I used to think. I used to think I wanted to play the drums because I would tap my pen on my desk a lot. In. In. And kind of trying to be. Trying to be rhythmic, you know? That's all I had to say. That was the therapy Gecko podcast. That was today's podcast. I think that was a good podcast. We talked to. Who's the first guy? Oh, we talked to the guy who puts his balls in his ass. I really liked that one. We talked to the veterary veterinary technician. We talked to Kevin, the drummer. I don't know. I don't think I have anything to say that I haven't already said over the course of the podcast. So I'm gonna leave you guys alone. I don't have anything to. I don't. Yeah, I don't have anything else to say. I don't need anything else to say. The sentence that's coming out of my mouth will be the last sentence that I say on this episode.

[Ryan Seacrest]

Hey, it's Ryan Seacrest for Albertsons and Safeway this fall. Take care of the little ones in the family with baby Club Savings now through November 4th. Spend $25 on select Baby Club products and save $5. Shop for items like Pedias Shore bottles, Pedialyte powder packs, Huggies baby wipes, Huggies Diapers, Gerber Puffs and Gerber pouches. And save $5 when you buy $25 or more on participating products. Offer ends November 4th. Restrictions apply. Offers may vary. Visit albertsons or safeway.com for more details.

[Casey]

Thursday Night Football is on and it's only on Prime Video. That's going to be on this week. The Minnesota Vikings head west to face.

[Therapy Gecko]

The Los Angeles Chargers.

[Casey]

They'll take that all day. Coverage begins at 7pm Eastern with Football's Best Party TNF tonight presented by Verizon. Not a Prime member?

[Therapy Gecko]

Not a problem. Simply sign up for a 30 day free trial. It's the Vikings and the chargers Thursday.

[Casey]

At 7pm Eastern, only on Prime Video.

[Therapy Gecko]

Restrictions apply. See Amazon.com amazonprime for details.

[Casey]

Ah, greetings from my bath festive friends.

[Ryan Seacrest]

The holidays are overwhelming, but I'm tackling this season with PayPal and making the most of my money getting 5% cash back when I pay in 4.

[Therapy Gecko]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Therapy Gecko]

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[Ryan Seacrest]

Now the bubbles can cling to my.

[Casey]

Sculpted but pruny body.

[Ryan Seacrest]

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[Casey]

Save the offer in the app ends 1231. See paypal.com promoter points can be redeemed.

[Ryan Seacrest]

For cash and more. Paying for subject to terms and approval. PayPal Inc. And MLS 910457 in the.

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[Kevin]

Lenovo.

[Therapy Gecko]

This is an iHeart podcast.