This American Life
Episode 289: Go Ask Your Father
Release Date: June 15, 2025
Host: Ira Glass
Introduction
In the episode titled "Go Ask Your Father," This American Life delves into the complex and often painful journeys individuals undertake to seek answers from their parents. The episode explores themes of identity, forgiveness, and the enduring quest for understanding one's origins. Through two poignant stories, listeners witness the profound impact that parental relationships, or the lack thereof, can have on a person's life.
Act One: Eric Lenny’s Quest for Paternal Truth
Timestamp Highlights:
- 00:37 – Introduction to Eric’s childhood connection with his father through cassette tapes.
- 04:22 – Eric recounts his emotional confrontation with his father about the unanswered tapes.
- 08:11 – The revelation and aftermath of discovering he wasn't biologically related to his father.
- 31:06 – Eric receives a definitive letter excluding Mr. Morris as his father.
- 35:44 – Further DNA testing complicates Eric’s understanding of his paternal lineage.
Summary:
Eric Lenny's story begins with his childhood ritual of sending cassette tapes to his father, who served in the merchant marines, leaving for extended periods in distant locales like Guam and Scotland. Despite Eric’s consistent efforts to maintain communication, his father never responded, leaving him with unanswered questions and a lingering sense of abandonment.
As Eric grew older, the absence of his father's replies fostered a deep-seated yearning to understand why his father never engaged with him. This unresolved tension propelled Eric to seek answers later in life.
In a heart-wrenching reunion, Eric confronts his father with the tapes, only to receive a cryptic and unsatisfying response: “I was a failure. Total failure in that. I guess I figured I'd get home. And talk to you... I didn't have the strength to do it” (04:22). This encounter leaves Eric grappling with the reasons behind his father’s silence and the emotional void it created.
Determined to uncover the truth, Eric embarks on a journey of discovery, utilizing DNA testing to ascertain his biological father’s identity. Initially, a letter arrives confirming that Mr. Morris is not his father, deepening Eric’s feelings of betrayal and confusion (31:06). However, subsequent DNA analysis reveals inconsistencies, suggesting that Uncle Abey might be his biological father, though the results are not entirely conclusive (35:44). This revelation forces Eric to confront the possibility that his biological connection may lie elsewhere, adding layers of complexity to his sense of self and familial identity.
Notable Quotes:
- 04:22 Eric Lenny: “I was a failure. Total failure in that.”
- 31:06 Eric Lenny: “My father is not my father. Makes me feel really sad.”
- 35:44 Ira Glass: “But in fact, it's probably more likely that there was another donor.”
Act Two: Paul Tough’s Father and the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence
Timestamp Highlights:
- 08:36 – Introduction to Uncle Abey as the “black sheep” of the family.
- 50:55 – Paul Tough introduces his father’s unconventional quest to contact extraterrestrial life.
- 52:15 – Detailed description of the meeting with Paul’s father and the supposed alien, Harold.
- 58:05 – Paul reflects on the emotional and psychological motivations behind his father's project.
Summary:
Paul Tough shares the story of his father, a university professor whose life took a dramatic turn in the mid-1970s. Disillusioned with the mundanity of everyday existence, Paul’s father became obsessed with the idea of contacting extraterrestrial intelligence (ETI). Unlike the stereotypical image of a free-spirited adventurer, Paul describes his father as meticulous and methodical, channeling his energies into scientifically driven endeavors to reach out to otherworldly beings.
Over the years, Paul's father established a website titled "An Invitation to ETI" (ieti.org), aiming to facilitate communication with alien civilizations. Despite receiving numerous prank messages, a breakthrough came when a man named Harold claimed to possess an alien probe embedded in his body, emitting detectable radio waves. This led Paul and his father to conduct a test in a laboratory setting. However, the experiment failed to detect any genuine extraterrestrial signals, leaving the group disappointed and Harold disillusioned.
Paul reflects on the motivations behind his father’s quest, likening it to a spiritual or religious search for meaning. He discusses the "giggle factor" within the SETI community—the skepticism and ridicule often directed at those seeking extraterrestrial contact—and how his father remained undeterred despite repeated setbacks. The endeavor becomes a metaphor for Paul's own struggles with identity and connection, mirroring the unresolved questions he faces regarding his paternal lineage.
Notable Quotes:
- 50:55 Paul Tough: “This is a story about fathers and sons, and it is a story about communication with alien beings.”
- 58:05 Paul Tough: “I sometimes get accused of, you know, expecting a savior, and I don’t think I’m doing that, but it certainly comes close to religious belief.”
Conclusion
"Go Ask Your Father" presents two deeply personal narratives that explore the lengths to which individuals will go to find answers about their origins and connections. Eric Lenny's quest for paternal truth and Paul Tough’s father’s search for extraterrestrial intelligence both illustrate the profound impact that the absence or hidden aspects of parental relationships can have on one's sense of self and purpose. Through these stories, This American Life poignantly captures the universal human desire for identity, understanding, and connection, highlighting the intricate interplay between past experiences and present realities.
Additional Information:
- Producer: Diane Cook
- Contributors: Alex Blumberg, Wendy Dore, Jane Marie, Sarah Koenig, Lisa Pollack
- Senior Producer: Julie Snyder
- Music and Sound Design: Various contributors as acknowledged in the episode.
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