849: The Narrator

Summary

Episode 849: "The Narrator" – This American Life

Host: Chana Jafiwalt (sitting in for Ira Glass)

Release Date: December 15, 2024

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Introduction: A Call from Gaza

The episode begins with Chana Jafiwalt recounting the inception of "The Narrator." It all started with a phone call to Maram Humaid, a reporter for Al Jazeera English stationed in Derbella, Gaza. The conversation unexpectedly includes Banyas, an eight-year-old girl displaced in Derbella, who becomes the focal point of the episode.

"This all started with a phone call, a call that eventually led to this episode."
— Chana Jafiwalt [00:28]

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Life in Derbella: Displacement and Daily Struggles

Banyas lives with her family and approximately 80 other relatives in a single home on the ground floor, sharing limited space and resources. The cramped conditions highlight the severe displacement faced by families in Gaza.

"We're living in our relatives home. Home here with around 80 other family members."
— Maram Humaid [01:56]

Banyas's daily routine is disrupted by the constant threat of violence. Despite the chaos, she engages in imaginative play, creating a semblance of normalcy by pretending to be in school or running a café with her friends.

"Today we play school games... We're pretending that we're in a school."
— Banyas [11:55]

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Banyas: The Young Narrator

Banyas takes the lead in conversations, steering the dialogue away from the grim realities of war to focus on her personal experiences and interests. Her confident narration provides a unique perspective on life in a war zone.

"The narrator, an 8-year-old in Gaza, tells us about her life in the middle of a war."
— Chana Jafiwalt [07:24]

Banyas demonstrates remarkable resilience, often avoiding discussions about the ongoing conflict unless she chooses to. Her playful demeanor contrasts sharply with the harrowing circumstances surrounding her.

"She has zero interest in satisfying my journalistic agenda... She was a natural narrator of her own life."
— Chana Jafiwalt [10:57]

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Coping Mechanisms: Play and Creativity

To cope with the incessant stress, Banyas and her peers create their own activities. They simulate school environments, complete with classes, assignments, and exams, providing structure and a sense of normalcy amidst chaos.

"We're pretending that we're in a school. I was a student and one of my friends was the teacher."
— Banyas [11:55]

Additionally, they engage in games like hide and seek, which inadvertently intertwine with the surrounding violence, such as bombings and airstrikes.

"When we run to the backyard, we see some insects in the ground... we watched it."
— Banyas [19:18]

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Emotional Resilience and Hidden Fears

Despite her outward confidence, Banyas grapples with fear and sadness. Her mother observes that Banyas hides her true emotions, presenting a facade of strength while internally struggling with the trauma of war.

"Banyas was hiding behind the curtain, crying like crazy."
— Maram Humaid [29:30]

Maram emphasizes that Banyas’s behavior reflects a common coping mechanism among children in Gaza, where continuous trauma leaves little room for traditional recovery.

"For kids in Gaza, the trauma is continuous. There is no post. There's no opportunity for recovery. Instead, there is just coping."
— Dr. Iman Farahjala [43:00]

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Evacuation Orders and Continued Displacement

In late August, Banyas's family receives an evacuation order to move from Derbella to Azawaida, a decision fraught with uncertainty and fear. The relocation process is chaotic, with Banyas expressing a desire to leave not primarily due to safety concerns but to escape interpersonal conflicts within the crowded shelter.

"I'm ready to leave them... I don't want anymore fights."
— Banyas [27:04]

The family’s move underscores the persistent instability and the arduous choices families must make in war zones.

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The Netzerim Corridor: A New Barriers

Banyas's family relocates to a new apartment near Derbella, but their proximity to the Netzerim Corridor—a militarized zone—introduces further challenges. This corridor, spanning approximately 20 square miles, physically and psychologically separates Banyas from her northern home, reinforcing feelings of isolation and displacement.

"Israel has been building and fortifying this military zone... It is something you'd put in place if you're planning to stay awhile."
— Chana Jafiwalt [37:11]

Human rights organizations have labeled the creation of the Netzerim Corridor as ethnic cleansing, though Israel denies these claims, asserting military necessity.

"Israel denies this, and the Israeli military sent me a statement calling the charge of ethnic cleansing entirely baseless."
— Chana Jafiwalt [40:08]

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The Psychological Toll: Continuous Trauma

Children in Gaza, like Banyas, experience ongoing trauma with no clear end in sight. The absence of a post-war period means children must continuously adapt and find ways to cope, often by controlling their immediate environments through storytelling and play.

"It's like she's willing it. She's using all of her force to will life into being easier than it is."
— Chana Jafiwalt [44:06]

Banyas embodies this resilience, consistently seeking to maintain optimism and a sense of control over her narrative despite the surrounding devastation.

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A Disturbing Shift: Celebrating Violence

In a startling turn, Banyas recounts a moment when the sound of Iranian missiles targeting Israel leads to a communal celebration among her neighbors. Her innocent manipulation of the phone call highlights how normalized violence has become in her environment.

"We killed thousands. Thousands and thousands."
— Banyas [38:05]

This moment juxtaposes her childlike enthusiasm with the brutal reality of the conflict, illustrating the deep psychological impact war has on young minds.

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Final Interactions: A Complex Relationship

The dynamic between Chana and Banyas evolves over time, with Banyas continuing to control the narrative of their conversations. Their interactions blend playful exchanges with glimpses into the harsh realities of life in Gaza, culminating in a poignant finale where Banyas references real and imminent threats amidst her storytelling.

"Where do you live?"
— Banyas [48:35]

"I love you, Kim."
— Banyas [58:53]

---

Conclusion: The Endless Story

"The Narrator" serves as a powerful exploration of how children like Banyas navigate and narrate their existence in war-torn Gaza. Through Banyas’s eyes, listeners gain an intimate understanding of the resilience, creativity, and enduring trauma that shape the lives of young Palestinians amidst continuous conflict.

"This is her life. This is the story she has to narrate."
— Chana Jafiwalt [51:19]

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Notable Quotes

• "I'm tired of being these children. Every day I'm the Oldest, I should be the teacher."
  — Banyas [16:11]

• "I feel mad of these things. I can draw them, but I don't like a war playing."
  — Banyas [23:54]

• "You can give a this American Life partner subscription to anyone you want as a holiday gift."
  — Ira Glass [09:18] (Note: Ad content skipped as per instructions)

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Closing Remarks

The episode poignantly captures the voice of a child amidst one of the most devastating conflicts of the modern era. By focusing on Banyas’s narrative, "The Narrator" illuminates the profound and often overlooked experiences of young survivors in war zones, emphasizing the importance of storytelling in preserving humanity amidst chaos.

Transcript

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[Chana Jafiwalt]

From WBEZ Chicago. It's this American Life. I'm Chana Jafi Walt, sitting in for Ira Glass. This all started with a phone call, a call that eventually led to this episode. So that's where I'm going to start. I was talking to a journalist in Gaza on the phone.

[Maram Humaid]

Hello.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, this is Hana. Hi, how are you? This was back in April. I'd been speaking to people in Gaza for months by then, but nobody where. Meram was in the middle area. Der Bella Meram Humaid. She's a reporter for Al Jazeera English. We were chatting. I was asking some pretty basic questions about what she was experiencing, what she was seeing, what the day had been like. She got interrupted.

[Maram Humaid]

It was, yeah, you know, a little bit calm day in Little Belah, you know.

[Banyas]

Who is it? Mom?

[Maram Humaid]

So Banias is listening. I need to introduce Banias to you.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, Banias. Hi, how are you?

[Banyas]

I'm fine, thank you.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Good. Maram and I kept talking or trying to. And you're in Derbella. Are you in Derbella?

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, we are in Der Ella, in the central area.

[Banyas]

Now what do I do?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Is that where you're from? Is that where your home is? Or did you.

[Maram Humaid]

No, I'm displaced.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah.

[Maram Humaid]

And we're living in our relatives home. Home here with around 80 other family members.

[Banyas]

Wow, 80.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, 80.

[Banyas]

Not 80, not 80.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

It's a lot. That's a lot of people.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like 80, not 80. So Benas is correcting me regarding the American accent. Okay. So she's, she's saying like, what is it? It's 80 or 80.

[Banyas]

80.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

80. 80. Does she correct you a lot?

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, a lot, a lot. She speaks English better than me because I started with her from very young. I'm here, you know, back to me. Back to me. Yeah.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

And where, where she's.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Does she want to talk?

[Banyas]

Yes, I'm pretty ready. I'm ready. Ready.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You're ready? Ready. How old are you Bunyas?

[Banyas]

I'm eight years old.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You're eight years old. And where did you learn to speak like an American from Mama. She speaks to you in English?

[Banyas]

Yeah. Do you hear that? Do you hear that?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I do, yeah. What is it?

[Maram Humaid]

So bananas is. What is it.

[Banyas]

A war plane?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

It's a warplane. I do hear it. Yeah.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah.

[Banyas]

I of course hear it. Because it never ends.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Panes then takes the phone from her mom, having told me what they are hearing, begins pointing out what they're seeing, saying, look at this. As if I can also see. Even though we're not on a video call, she says, here we have the window, as you can see. Here's the curtains. They're flowers. We don't have any sofas, just Mom. How do you say it? Mattresses.

[Banyas]

Just mattresses. As you can see, we sit sometimes on bed, on the ground. Women are covering their heads all the time. As you can see.

[Maram Humaid]

She couldn't see.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You can't.

[Maram Humaid]

You should tell her.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah, tell me.

[Banyas]

Okay. Oh, did you see our room?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

No.

[Banyas]

If you see it, you were. We'll run, run, run, run from this.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Why?

[Banyas]

Because it's so old and dusty.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Maram told me later she was so surprised at Banyas performance in this call, that was the word she used. Apparently Banyas was marching around with the phone in front of her, telling people, I need the room, please. Jumping on the mattress, standing on the table, pointing, saying, here's my brother.

[Banyas]

Yes, there he is. He's pretty and smart like me.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Gaza is full of kids. About half the population is under 18 years old, and about half of that group is under 10 years old. Like Banias. A huge way in which children in this war are different from kids in other war zones is that children in Gaza are not allowed to leave. They're not displaced to some other spot away from the fighting. They're displaced inside Gaza. They're stuck in the violence and stuck with their families in crowded rooms or tents, doing the things that kids everywhere do, building their inner world, trying to make sense of the world around them. I was calling Meram that day to ask about the situation in Deir Bella. And Banyas took the phone and said, no, no, no, don't ask her, ask me.

[Banyas]

Being in Darabella is boring.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

It's boring.

[Banyas]

Really boring. Yeah, not just bored. So bored. I really miss the burgers. And now we are on canned food. We have just the boxes of food, the food boxes. One day I want to tell you something.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Tell me.

[Banyas]

One day when we are sitting in our room talking about something, then boom. A big bomb broke all of the windows and the door and the home is. Was Shaking. And my baby brother. Yes. Has got injured in his head. We have noticed the glass in his head.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Is he okay?

[Banyas]

Yes. No, he's all right.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

We talked for a while and then said goodbye. That was the end of April. And then in July, I saw Maram's name on my phone. Hi, Marami. Can you hear me? Hello? Yeah, it was Banyas. She wanted to talk. Tell me about her day. Then another day.

[Banyas]

Hello?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, Banias.

[Banyas]

Do you want to talk to.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah, sure. What are you doing? Through the summer, into the fall, Banyas called me and I called her. Maram, her mother gave permission for these phone calls, but it was always just Banias on the line, telling me about herself and her life. I wanted to know what it's like to be a kid in this war. And here was this kid who wanted to talk. Banias was a natural narrator of her own life. She was constantly directing my attention. These are my friends. This is my school stationery, as you can see. Do you want to know what we're doing right now? I'll tell you. Unfortunately for me, she also had zero interest in satisfying my journalistic agenda. If I asked Banyas a question she was not interested in, she'd yawn dramatically. Stage yawn. It's getting late. I'm so tired. Let's look over here. I had been reading and thinking about what was happening in Gaza all the time talking to people there. Every call with Banias was something I hadn't heard that was completely different from when adults tell the story. So that is today's episode. We're calling it the Narrator. We're going to listen to this kid in Gaza, a narrator who does not ask permission to narrate. She takes the phone with a soaring confidence that what she has to tell you is interesting and important. And I agree with her. Stay with us.

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[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hey there.

[Ira Glass]

It's Ira here in the break. A little embarrassed to be saying these next words, but I'm going to say them nonetheless. You can give a this American Life partner subscription to anyone you want as a holiday gift. What that means is that your loved one will receive bonus episodes. We've been doing a new bonus episode every other week. They'll get the program without ads. In other words, without somebody interrupting the way I am right now. And your support allows us to keep making the show. If there's somebody in your life that that would be right for, go to thisamericanlife.org LifePartners that link is also in the show notes. Okay, back to the show. Here's Chana.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

It's this American Life. My calls with Banias were sporadic. Sometimes we talked once a week. Sometimes a month would go by. Usually we talked at the end of the day. Her time while she was sitting on a mattress inside the house, fidgeting. There were always lots of people and activity in the background. But Banyas never explained much about who was there or what they were doing. She told me about what she was doing, what you wanted me to know. And sometimes.

[Banyas]

See, I prefer a video call.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Let me try.

[Banyas]

Okay.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi.

[Banyas]

This is my complete look.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

That's a good look. She's in a pink shirt that says Dream. Huge eyes, dark hair and pigtails with two loose curls very purposefully framing her face. And you have earrings. I didn't know you had earrings.

[Banyas]

Oh, yeah, I do have earrings. And this is my blue shorts.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah.

[Banyas]

And this, this is my hat accessory for today. It has rhinestones.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Uh huh. Purple, furry with rhinestones.

[Banyas]

Yeah. It's beautiful.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

When Pena and I first started talking on the phone, my questions were pretty basic. What do you do all day? She was in a house with 80 people, which is unusual in Gaza right now to live in a house. Most people are in tents or schools or other temporary shelters. Banyas and her mom, dad and baby brother were on the ground floor of this house, sharing that floor with about 20 relatives. There was one bedroom. She slept on a mattress on the floor alongside her parents, brother, grandpa, uncle and aunt. Everyone else slept in the living area. If Pena wanted any time in the tiny bathroom, she got up early in the morning. Then she ate breakfast. And then what?

[Banyas]

Today we play school games.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What does that mean?

[Banyas]

We're pretending that we're in a. In the school. I was a student and one of my friends was the teacher.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What classes were you taking?

[Banyas]

A math class.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay. And did you write actual math or is it just pretend?

[Banyas]

It was actual. The plus and the minus and the equal. It was actual, but it was in a game. Not real.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

At this point, July Banyas had not Been in actual class in an actual school building for nine months, but she played school every day with three other girls. Two younger and one older. There were other kids in the building, but everyone else was just okay. Or a boy or a baby. When aid organizations go into other war zones, one of the first things they do for kids is set up schools, because children need a sense of routine and a sense that life is moving forward toward a future. There's no safe place in Gaza to set up schools like that, so Banias and her friends in the building created that for themselves. They played school for hours. There were lectures, there were assignments. There were exams. Who is usually in charge of what you're going to do that day?

[Banyas]

The girl that's older than me. Her name is Donna.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

How old is Donna?

[Banyas]

She is 12 years old, and she has an iPad.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Donna is generous with her iPad. So this is another part of Banyas day. Games on the iPad. When the war started, her mother's screen time rules went out the window. But also, Israel cut off electricity to Gaza. There's just generators and solar panels, so screen time is limited anyway.

[Banyas]

And today I. We played a cafe game.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Oh, a cafe. That's new.

[Banyas]

I was the chef. Yeah. And one of my friends was the customer. I cooked some salad and some beans.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Say it one more time.

[Banyas]

I cooked salad and pancake, and I made some hamburgers and some pizza.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Banyas was reenacting her old life, where she had teachers and exams and went out to cafes. There was one they used to go to every Saturday.

[Banyas]

Yeah, it was really close. It was just in the next street in our house.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay. Did they make salad and pancakes?

[Banyas]

No, but I. I used to order some noodles and some hot chocolate.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What did you eat in real life today?

[Banyas]

Today we have eaten some beans, some white beans.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Do you ever get to eat pancakes or noodles or burgers?

[Banyas]

I hate pancakes and noodles.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You do?

[Banyas]

Yes.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Oh, wow.

[Banyas]

Do you believe. Do you believe some. Somebody hate this? These things? No, I do.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

They're so good.

[Banyas]

But I hate them.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I was never sure what motivated Banyas to want to talk to me. She seemed to like telling me about her day practicing her English. She had an ongoing fascination with the time difference between us. She always wanted to check in on that.

[Banyas]

You're at morning or at night?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

It's the afternoon.

[Banyas]

It's just afternoon.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Mm.

[Banyas]

We're middle of the night.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

She'd call when she felt annoyed that Donna got to be the teacher that day yet again.

[Banyas]

I'm tired of being these children. Every day I'm the Oldest, I should be the teacher.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

And she'd call when she was bored. She'd call because I was an adult who would pay attention to her. Panas had to create activity, interest out of such little material. Sometimes I got the impression I was there to help with that. Like one night she was on the phone with me and another phone rang. And like a character in a play, she went, oh, look, the phone is ringing.

[Banyas]

Oh my God. Who's ringing the phone? Get away, get lost. We have to sleep.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You're pretty funny, Bunyas.

[Banyas]

Yes, I'm funny. That's Nana always say for me that I'm a bit funny. Really funny bunny.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You are funny.

[Banyas]

Yes, I'm a funny bunny.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

So Banyes had her own reasons to call me. When I called her, it was for different reasons. I'd call her because I'd read about a bombing campaign or fighting near where she was. Was she okay? And what was she thinking about all the violence around her? What is this like for an 8 year old? In the middle of the summer? There was a series of intense airstrikes near Banyas. I was curious if she'd heard them or seen them. But I also wanted to follow her lead and what she wanted to talk about. Do you have some time to talk?

[Banyas]

Oh, yes, of course. I'm available.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Great.

[Banyas]

I'm actually good.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah, doing good.

[Banyas]

Last days, which we have heard a little. A bit of bombing around us.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah. I've been reading in the news that there's been a lot of bombing.

[Banyas]

Yeah, I do know it was loud.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Is it scary?

[Banyas]

No. For me, no. Me and my friends, we were playing hide and seek. We don't ever get bored of it. It's our favorite game. When we are playing, some strange things happens with us. I will tell you then.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay, I thought, here it is. She's about to tell me something big about what it's like to be a kid playing hide and seek with bombs going off nearby. Banyas told me so we were playing and we ran to the backyard.

[Banyas]

When we run to the backyard, we see some insects in the ground. We said, we see some insects running around. And me and the kids, we watched it.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

That's it. That's her whole story. The strange thing that happened when they ran outside is they saw insects. A kind of insect they'd never seen before. Not the bombing bugs. Children are not known for their sense of scale or the longevity of their attention. And maybe it wasn't surprising that pretty much every time I asked about the war, Banyas didn't really want to engage. She didn't exactly ignore me, but it didn't seem to be the main thing she was thinking about. Like when an airstrike broke the windows in her house. She wanted to tell me about a prank she played on Donna in mid August, when ceasefire negotiations between Israel and Hamas seemed to be unraveling yet again. And all the adults I was talking to in Gaza were deeply dispirited. Here was Banias.

[Banyas]

Um, I think there will be a sea spider soon.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You do? Why do you think that?

[Banyas]

Because it's really close to end.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Why? Why, you say? What gives you that idea?

[Banyas]

Mom and dad tell me.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I heard that yawn. Noting it discussion of the war over. There was one moment when Benaz was forced to engage. She couldn't avoid it. Banyas family had been sheltering in Deirbella for almost a year when suddenly, at the end of August, they got an evacuation order. Israel posted a map on social media designating certain blocks in Derbella unsafe. And I saw that Maram Banyas mother had written something for Al Jazeera about the order. I had hardly spoken to Maram for months, but I had followed her, reporting on bombings and food shortages. This article, though, was personal. She wrote about her confusion about what to do next. I've never felt so worthless as a human being, she wrote. A single Facebook post from an Israeli military spokesperson, can upend our lives in an instant. Have you ever felt like a toy being played with left and right, east and west, pushed from one place to another, south to Khan Yunis, out of Rafah, back to Khan Yunus, then to Nus Irat, only to be driven out again. People are literally running through the streets like mad, clutching what little they have left. We have nothing left. Our hearts are broken and our minds are frayed. I look around at the few possessions I've managed to gather over the past 10 months. A stove, cups, plates, pots, winter clothes, summer clothes, mattresses, blankets, batteries, light bulbs, big bottles of drinking water, tubs to wash clothes in. If I leave everything, there's no way to replace it. There are no markets, no supplies, no money to spare. We're running and running aimlessly. People screaming, suffering and dying while the world watches. End quote. And then my phone rang. Hello?

[Banyas]

Hello?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi. Banyas?

[Banyas]

Yeah.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Do you want to talk?

[Banyas]

Okay. Today. Today we. We have done a new thing.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What'd you do?

[Banyas]

We have dropped some pictures. I imagine that there's a garden, that there's some people walking inside it. Stop crying.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay.

[Banyas]

So let's continue.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay.

[Banyas]

Oh, my friends were with Me too. Drawing. And one of my friends have drawn a plane.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Like a warplane or a plane you travel in.

[Banyas]

Traveling.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay. Do you ever draw anything about the war?

[Banyas]

No, Nothing at all.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Why not?

[Banyas]

Because I really can't.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Why?

[Banyas]

I feel mad.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Uh huh.

[Banyas]

I feel mad of these things. I can draw them, but. But I don't like a war playing. A helipad, a helicopter and rockets. I don't like that. There's lots of things here. I feel mad from it. My friends always make me mad from things. Sometimes I don't. I don't want anybody to enter this room. Get out. Mom. Okay, okay. Let's continue.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay.

[Banyas]

I was saying they always attack me.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Your friends?

[Banyas]

Yeah.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I was eager to ask Banias about the news, the evacuation. But what she wanted to talk about was a fight she had that day with another kid in the building. A girl. Banias calls her the girl with the bad personality. That girl told Banias today that one of her pictures was no good.

[Banyas]

She is. She has a really bad person. I said for her. Are you looking for a fight? In our language.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

And what did she say?

[Banyas]

Yes, I am. And we fight it all day.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What?

[Banyas]

The most bad friend.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Did she not know about the evacuation order? She must, right? I didn't want to scare her. Vanyas. I saw your mom wrote about people leaving Der Bala.

[Banyas]

Yes.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Have you?

[Banyas]

But we will go to Azawaida to our relatives.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What do you think about that?

[Banyas]

I think was a good idea. We're packing our clothes and our. Wait for a minute. Mama. Is she any fudge? And we're packing also our matrices and our money.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Where will you sleep if you pack your mattress?

[Banyas]

In a tent? Our relatives live in a home, but we will make a camp next to them.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay. Have you ever lived in a tent?

[Banyas]

No.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Are you?

[Banyas]

But I want to try. I think it will be something creative.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Are you scared to move? To leave your friends or to leave your house?

[Banyas]

I'm ready to leave them.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You are?

[Banyas]

I'm not ready for more fights. I want to leave them. Today I tell one of my friends that I will leave. I've told everybody.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Was is that sad?

[Banyas]

It was drama.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Why?

[Banyas]

Because she is a drama girl. Don't leave. That's everything. Don't leave this house. We want more fights.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Vaness was ready to leave because it meant she could get away from the girl with the bad personality. Almost a million kids in Gaza have made a move like this since Israel invaded. Many of them multiple times. So it was interesting to hear how a child was thinking about it. Banyas was ready to flee the home she'd lived in for 10 months at that point to move into a tent because she got into a fight with an annoying girl that day. Because that is what just happened. And because Banyas is eight. She told me her friend Donna's leaving too.

[Banyas]

She's going to aloft. But me, I will go to the Zoe town. Me and my family. Yeah, our relatives are there. When the Israeli army tells us to move, we'll move to Zoida.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You're not scared? What does your mom think is a secret?

[Banyas]

A family secret? No, no, I will not give you them a pile. I want to talk to her myself. No, no, no.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi.

[Banyas]

Hi.

[Maram Humaid]

How are you?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Good.

[Banyas]

No, no, no.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Let that away.

[Banyas]

Let that away. Let that away. No, no. Let that away. Please, please don't hear her.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Your was crying.

[Banyas]

No, that way. Normal. I don't want to let anybody know that I was. I was in.

[Maram Humaid]

No, you cry. So she was afraid, she was nervous and she went into not right. It was of feeling sad and feeling nervous, very afraid of what is going on. And I just surprisingly heard her saying that I'm not. I didn't feel afraid.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Why does she not want to talk about that?

[Maram Humaid]

And she's now saying that it's a secret. Like she doesn't want to recall, you know, some horrific memories for her or like she wants to. She got over the feeling for being afraid.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

When did she find out you were evacuating? Excuse me?

[Banyas]

I didn't cry. I didn't cry.

[Maram Humaid]

Tell us.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

She believes you.

[Maram Humaid]

She believes you. She believes you. I know, like you're a brave girl, like you can get over anything. But I'm telling you, Banias, it's not a shame, it's not a shameful thing to feel afraid that you're scared and you're afraid of like something like this.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah.

[Maram Humaid]

So, right. It's. It's normal. It should. You should be. Yeah, this is very normal and do what I can. Okay, mama, you are free to say what you want, but I wanted just to clarify this point for. You were crying like crazy, you know, upon hearing the news. And I'm telling her, like I totally understand her feelings.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

When did that happen? Maram, when did you tell her?

[Banyas]

It's just crazy.

[Maram Humaid]

Less than two hours ago.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Oh, wow. Just recently. Okay.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very recent, you know, very recent. When got the news suddenly, like, you can. I was really nothing when I heard her, you know, trying to show a perfectionist reaction and like so positive. She was very positive. But it Was totally the opposite. You know, just a few, like two hours. Less than two hours. She was hiding behind the. The curtain, crying and like crazy, and. And she continued this cycle. And then we find it really hard.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I almost couldn't bear hearing this. Banyas visceral immediate panic was so uncomfortable hearing her mother pierce the carefully constructed artifice she'd presented to me. And it was disorienting. It made me think of all the things I didn't know. Does she want to talk again? Yeah.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, she's. She's here.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay.

[Banyas]

Hello.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, Bunyas.

[Banyas]

Hi.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi. How come you didn't want me to know that you were upset?

[Banyas]

I'm not upset.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You're not upset? Do you want to talk about that or no?

[Banyas]

Yeah.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What?

[Banyas]

Not yet.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Is there anything else you want to tell me about how you're doing?

[Banyas]

I'm already so sleepy.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah. It's late, so. I hope you have an easy night, Benias.

[Banyas]

I hope so.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

An incomplete list of things does not have control over. Can she go home? No. Is there food? Not enough. Is there school? No. Is there safety here? No. Panas lives in what has become the most dangerous place in the world to be a child. Disease in Gaza is widespread. Children face acute malnutrition. Kids are getting horrible skin infections. Polio has reappeared in a 10 month old baby. Children are losing their limbs, their parents, and they are being killed constantly. More than 13,000 children have been killed so far, including at least 710 babies, some of them born and then killed. Since the war began, Maram told me Banyas has seen dead children. She's seen their small baddies wrapped in white cloth by the hospital. I asked Maram later, what do you think Banias gets out of talking to me? She told me, you're a bubble for her. Every time you call, she treats it like an important meeting. Tries to find a private space away from all of us. Everyone around Banias is in the midst of this chaos. She said, you're not here. You're not experiencing any of this. Banias was telling me a version of life where she has ultimate authority, where she gets to be the narrator. Who doesn't want that. I was coming to her to understand the war, but she was coming to me to not talk about the war. Until one day she did. That's coming up from Chicago Public Radio when our program continues.

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[Chana Jafiwalt]

[e-mail] it's this American Life. I'm Chana Jafiwalt sitting in for Ira Glass. Our show today. The narrator, an 8 year old in Gaza, tells us about her life in the middle of a war. This war started in 2023. Hamas attacked Israel, killed about 1200 people and took 251 people hostage. Since then, Israel has launched a 14 month ground invasion and bombing campaign in Gaza. More than 44,000 Palestinians have been killed and more than 13,000 of those dead are children. Banias and her family never moved into a tent after the Israeli army issued that evacuation order for Der Bala. Her parents agonized over when and if they should flee for days. The dangers of moving into a tent could be worse than tanks outside their house. They decided to stay put. It was early October. The family was coming up on a year of war and displacement. And Banyas had an announcement.

[Banyas]

The war stopped. The war stopped, Dino. The war stopped yesterday.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

There was no bombing or fighting?

[Banyas]

No. Ever? Never. The worst thought.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What are you talking about?

[Banyas]

Because our house was bombs.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Your house was bombed?

[Banyas]

Yeah. Just kidding.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

But what are you doing to me, Banyas?

[Banyas]

But there was good news yesterday. Yesterday. Tonight it was. We. We had a party. There was very, very good news.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What was the good news?

[Banyas]

We have killed all of them.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What do you mean? Who did you kill all of?

[Banyas]

Not all of them. Thousands and thousands and thousands of them. But I can't remember.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You're talking about the Israelis?

[Banyas]

Yes. Yes. Thousands and thousands. We killed thousands. Thousands, thousands.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I realized as we were talking, this was October 2nd. The day before Iran had launched 180 missiles at Israel. That was.

[Banyas]

Yes, that was yesterday. Yesterday we had a party for that. We. We drink coffee, make juice. Oh, yes.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

What's keyframe mean?

[Banyas]

That means we had a good time. In Arabic.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Vanias. You're talking about the missiles yesterday to the Israelis?

[Banyas]

Yes.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

How did you feel about. About that?

[Banyas]

It was. Whoa. It was very good.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

This threw me hearing Banyas talk about killing Israelis. No Israelis were killed from these missiles. One Palestinian man was near Jericho. It's one of those empty truisms about war that kids in a war learn to hate the other side. A true thing about war that also can feel a little abstract. But here it was showing up randomly folded into the rest of Banyas narration to her playing with me, messing with me, that the home she was sheltering in was bombed, which it could have been, but wasn't. I asked Maram if I could talk with her about this day. Told her what Banyasa told me what was happening that day.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, actually on that day. It was a huge surprise actually. Suddenly we were at home and we heard the sounds of cheer and people around us cheating and chanting. The Internet was cut and I thought from the first existence that there was a ceasefire or something like this. The word ended. So people around us start to say that Iran is bombing Israel right now and we could see the lights of the missiles being sent to Israel on the sky and people around us are just cheating and celebrating, clapping. I was in emotion, I was very emotional. I really cried. I felt like oh my God, really? Someone who's trying just to stop Israel and to say that by the missiles and by the rockets, the same language that Israel understands and uses in Gaza throughout the year.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Were you celebrating? Were you guys celebrating?

[Maram Humaid]

I didn't. We were just like excited. We stayed home because maybe missiles could drop by mistake on us. We're just trying to follow up the news.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Maram told me she does not tell Banyas to hate Israel or celebrate when Israel is attacked. Banyas dad, she says also doesn't do this. But Maram was not surprised to hear Banyas was saying this. She remembers feeling the same way when she was a kid growing up in Gaza. Maram was 10 years old when she first experienced Israeli bombing after the second Intifada broke out. She remembers crying when she saw her first dead body and collapsing when she saw footage of a 12 year old Palestinian kid, Mohammed Al Durra, killed while hiding next to his father. Banias was born in 2016. Her first war was when she was four years old.

[Maram Humaid]

I totally understand that she herself as a Palestinian kid, she views Israel as an enemy. An enemy that bombed, that bombs us, that killed, that kills us, that targets us.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

There's something I've been thinking about when it comes to kids and war wars, but kids in Gaza in particular. It's something a psychologist told me, Dr. Iman Farahjala who studies the effect of war and occupation on Palestinian kids. She told me it really gets under her skin when people at the UN or healthcare professionals or whatever. Say kids in Gaza are suffering from ptsd. Post traumatic stress means the traumatic event is over. For kids in Gaza, the trauma is continuous. There is no post. There's no opportunity for recovery. Instead, there is just coping. Dr. Faragiela says you'll see kids cope in all different ways. Some kids act out, some can't leave their parents side. Other kids get obsessed with soccer or drawing or children try to shape their world in other ways. For instance, Maram told me when Banyas was six years old, there was an Israeli military operation in Gaza. Lots of fighting, and Banias was sitting on the window watching ambulances rush people to the hospital, blowing bubbles out the window. Maram asked her, what are you doing? And Banias said, I'm trying to change the mood.

[Maram Humaid]

I know Banias. She is an optimistic one. She's someone who's positive and she doesn't even want to share her negative thoughts with others, even when she's fearful. Like, hello, this is my space. Please go away. I'm talking. She's someone who loves life and loves to play and loves to.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

It's almost like she's like, willing it. She's willing. She's using all of her force to will life into being easier than it is.

[Maram Humaid]

Yeah, yeah, and yeah. And she was she always trying to change the mood for the people, to make them feel optimistic.

[Banyas]

Hi.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, Banyas.

[Banyas]

Hi. Hi, Hannah. How are you?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

That was basically the end of my conversation with Maram. As she did the first time around, Banyas decided it was time for us to move on. My calls with Banyas have grown more infrequent. The last time she called, I was in my office heading into a meeting. I was gonna just say a quick hello, make sure she was okay.

[Banyas]

Hello?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, Vaness. How are you?

[Banyas]

Hi.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Are you calling me on video?

[Banyas]

Yes, I am.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay, hang on. Let's see. Oh, there you are. There you are. Hi.

[Banyas]

Hi. Um, I'm watching a film. Do you want to see? It's called Home Alone. Do you know it?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I do.

[Banyas]

I love it. Would you like to watch with me? Would you like to watch?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I paused, looked at my watch, saw my co workers heading to the meeting room, and decided to go ahead with her agenda.

[Banyas]

Let's see it together.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay. For a few minutes.

[Banyas]

Oh, my God. I want to cover myself. It's so cold here. Oh, okay. Oh, my God, I'm here.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay. She's under the covers with her phone and her laptop in purple pajamas. She's sitting on her mattress on the floor and she's pointing the phone at her screen so we can watch together.

[Banyas]

I'm carrying myself in the tent. Oh, here. Do you see?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah, I can see. Hey, Shot buster.

[Banyas]

Oh, my gosh.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Of course. Banyas is a vocal movie watcher. She has a running commentary on the characters, repeats English words that are new to her, explains the movie.

[Banyas]

Skating on the ice. They leave him alone. But. But he's happy. Happy.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Would you be happy if that happened?

[Banyas]

Yes. I'm free.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

You would.

[Banyas]

I will shower in the home. I'm free. I'm free. We're the Wet Bandits.

[Schwab Ad]

Yes.

[Banyas]

Sick. You know that really sick stuff. Really silly. That's a sick thing to do.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Macaulay Culkin, who I'd forgotten is also eight years old in this movie, is walking home, crosses a driveway just as the two burglars, Joe Pesci and the other guy, pull out in their van, screech to a halt. And Macaulay Culkin does his blonde surprise face.

[Banyas]

Hey, what's up? That's so funny.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hey, hey.

[Banyas]

You gotta watch out for traffic, son, you know? Sorry, Sandy. Don't visit the funeral homes, little buddy.

[Capella University Ad]

Okay?

[Banyas]

Okay. Merry Christmas. I do like the Christmas design.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Mm.

[Banyas]

I like this movie. And when they travel to New York. Oh, where do you live?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I live in New York. That's where I live.

[Banyas]

In Europe? Yes. Kevin's family travels there. Last time. You live in New York?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I do.

[Banyas]

Oh, I want to tell you something. What about this statue that you have?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

A Statue of Liberty?

[Banyas]

Yes. It's in New York?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah.

[Banyas]

You see it? I want to see it.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah. I don't see it right now, but I see it. I see it pretty often.

[Banyas]

When you were out of your house, you see it?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yeah, when I go. When I go to work, sometimes I can see it.

[Banyas]

Oh, I want to go to work with you to see it.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I love to banias the houses there. In that part of the movie, does it look anything like Gaza?

[Banyas]

No.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

How is it different?

[Banyas]

No, Gaza is more beautiful.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Even now?

[Banyas]

Yes, even now. And every time.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Two days earlier, Israeli airstrikes hit Al Aqsa Hospital in Der Bella, right near Banyas apartment. The hospital was surrounded by tents filled with displaced people sleeping. The airstrikes caused a fire that ripped through those tents. I'd seen Maram sharing images and videos of people sleeping in the tents, burned alive. I wondered if Banyas had seen those images, but I didn't ask. Instead, we watched this Christmas movie. We watch Kevin trick the burglars into thinking his family is home by staging a fake party in his house.

[Banyas]

Oh my God. What's.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Any war is a series of plot points. Even in an ongoing war, a never ending and no longer new war, we track its progress by the worst moments. I kept calling Banias with this expectation, waiting for the story of the war as I was understanding it to somehow intersect with her life as she was experiencing it. I kept imagining dreading that one of those moments will break through, that something bad will happen to Banyes. One of those horrible plot points will become her plot point. But something bad is happening to Banyas. This is the plot point for her. She's sitting under the covers with no electricity, no heat. Winter approaching. Banyas has not been in school for over a year. She has no home. She has a cough and there is no medicine. Her friends have scattered. Some of them are dead. Her relatives are all over. Some of them are dead. She's eating canned beans instead of burgers. She's finding glass in her brother's head. This is her life. This is the story she has to narrate.

[Banyas]

They want to see where he will go. I don't know exactly where her will go.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

He's hiding.

[Banyas]

He's hiding.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay, Banyas, I'm gonna go.

[Banyas]

Oh, do you want to leave? I want to continue this movie and then go to sleep.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Okay, sleep well. I'll talk to you soon.

[Banyas]

Where are you? Are you still here?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I'm here.

[Banyas]

Hello? Hello?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

I'm here.

[Banyas]

Are you still here?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Yes, I am. We have a couple minutes left in this episode and I have a small update. Recently, Banyasa's family moved not far, an apartment a couple miles from dear Bella, where they've been staying. The new place is less crowded. There's more privacy for her family. It has trees outside and a refrigerator that doesn't work. But still the apartment is quiet, temporary. And it's not home. Banyas knows she can't go home to the north of Gaza, where she's from. She knows her home was destroyed. She's seen pictures of her neighborhood exploded on fire. And she's seen video of the empty space where her house was. The small mountains of rubble. The gray couch with yellow cushions that she sat on after school. The chandelier her mother chose, the mirror by the door. The teacups and trays filled with treats. Her new reimagined big girl bedroom with an Elsa bedspread, her desk. The pink moon they hung on the ceiling. All of that is somewhere in that pile of rubble. All of that is there in the north of Gaza. Their life. But the north of Gaza has been transformed. There were about a million people living in northern Gaza when the war started. Over 270,000 homes. Everyone was told to leave to go south. Most people did. And now those people are separated from the north of Gaza by a wide militarized zone that they cannot cross. Israel has been building and fortifying this military zone for the last few months. It cuts right across Gaza, splits Gaza in two, completely separating the north of Gaza, where Banyas is from, from the south of Gaza where she's been displaced to. This military zone is called the Netzerim Corridor. It has a constant military presence and it's big, around 20 square miles. It takes up more than 12% of the entire territory of Gaza. In order to build it, Israel cleared out a wide stretch of land, demolished hundreds of buildings from the Israeli border all the way to the ocean. And in that space, Israel installed checkpoints and paved roads and flags and water lines and cell phone towers. It looks like something you'd put in place if you're planning to stay awhile. A former chief of staff of the Israeli military has called the emptying out of the north of Gaza an ethnic cleansing. He said, quote, the land is being cleared of Arabs. Human Rights Watch, Oxfam, Amnesty International have all called what is happening in Gaza an ethnic cleansing or a genocide. Israel denies this, and the Israeli military sent me a statement calling the charge of ethnic cleansing entirely baseless. It says it's working to dismantle Hamas's military infrastructure and is adhering to its obligations under international law. The people who remained in the north and never left are under siege with increasingly limited food and medical care. The UN says children are, quote, as ever, the first and most to suffer. So this latest move, for Banyas parents, it feels like a new phase. It's a move from I can't believe it's gone on this long to this is going to keep going on. For Banias, it's more of the same, more temporary, more displacement. Displacement that looks pretty likely to last most, if not all, of her childhood. I asked Banyas if there was a song she thought we should use at the end of the show. This is what she suggested. She says she danced to this song at her uncle's wedding two days before the war started and has not stopped listening to it since.

[Banyas]

Party.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Today's episode was produced by Valerie Kipnis and edited by Laura Star Chesky. The people who put together today's show are Jendayi Bans, Sean Cole, Michael K. Henry Larson, Catherine Raimondo, Stone Nelson, Nadia Raymond, Anthony Roman, Ryan Rumery, Francis Swanson, Christopher Swatala, Matt Tierney, Nancy Update, Julie Whitaker and Diane Wu. Our managing editor is Sara Abdurrahman. Our senior editor, David Kestenbaum, executive editor, Emmanuel Berry. Welcome to the world, Elias Berryman, Chase Special thanks this week to Hani Huasley, Bethel, H. Nabil Shaukat, Mona Chalabi, Rachel Lissy, Rebecca Vitale Decola, Claire Garmirion and Becky Smith with Save the Children. Shayna Lowe and Camila Lodi with the Norwegian Refugee Council, Tanya Hari with Kisha, Amy Walters and the wonderful Al Jazeera podcast. The Take Corey Shore with the City University of New York, Jamin Vandenhoek with Oregon State University and the UN Satellite Center. Dr. Iman Farjala's book that focuses on the experiences of children in Gaza in particular is called My Life is a War. This American Life is delivered to public radio stations by prx, the public radio exchange to become a this American Life partner, which gets you bonus content, ad free listening and hundreds of our favorite episodes of the show right in your podcast feed. Go to ThisAmericanLife.org LifePartners. That link is also in the show notes. I'm Chana Jaffe. Walt. Ira will be back next week with more stories of this American Life. So this whole episode of the show is all conversations with you.

[Banyas]

Okay, that's great. I'm. I will be the star of Gaza. I'll be a star. I'll be a star. By the way, the Mushroom two want to be the mushroom star of the of Gaza. Mushroom is joining us in the conversation.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Hi, Mushroom.

[Banyas]

Hi, Hana. I'm joining you to the conversation.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Do you want me the Mushroom star and yeah.

[Banyas]

Come on, Barbie, let's go party. Come on, Barbie, let's go party. Come on, Barbie, let's go party. Come on, Barbie, let's go party. Oh, I'm having so much fun. Well, Bar Bobby, we're just getting started. Oh, I love you, Kim.

[Ira Glass]

Next week on the podcast of this American Life, in Lily's family, there's a story everybody knows by heart.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

How many times do you think you've heard this story?

[Schwab Ad]

Fifty hundred?

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Many times.

[Ira Glass]

If this story had never happened, all.

[Banyas]

Of us wouldn't be here right now.

[Chana Jafiwalt]

Sammy wouldn't be here.

[Banyas]

Deane wouldn't be here. Marianne wouldn't be here. Wally wouldn't be here. Anyone that we know wouldn't be here.

[Ira Glass]

So what happens when Lily's mom tells her this story is not true? Next week on the podcast or in your local public radio station.

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