This Guy Sucked – Peter the Hermit with Welcome To The Crusades

Host: Dr. Claire Aubin
Guests: Danny, Derek, Eleanor & Luke (from "American Prestige" / "Welcome to the Crusades")
Date: February 5, 2026

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into the notorious legacy of Peter the Hermit, the enigmatic firebrand preacher who ignited the disastrous "People’s (Peasants/Paupers) Crusade"—the chaotic precursor to the more infamous First Crusade. Host Dr. Claire Aubin and a full house of historical scholars from "American Prestige" and "Welcome to the Crusades" pull apart Peter’s actual influence, his bizarre afterlife in historiography, and all the inhumanity, opportunism, and failure entangled in his story.

The conversation ranges from context on late 11th-century Europe and the Middle East, to Peter’s unlikely rise and disastrous campaign, to the persistent myth of crusading glory, ultimately reminding listeners no one in this time "comes out clean."

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Modern Parallels & Mood Check (00:39–06:37)

• The episode opens with a lighthearted “Power Rangers Megazord” joke, and a check-in about current political and societal anxieties. The hosts and guests joke about recent American turmoil, political flight, and personal escape plans, setting a critical and irreverent tone.
  • Notable Quote:
    “Your girl's trying to run the underground... I'm really pro flight as a move. Fight or flight? Flight.” – Eleanor (01:59)
  • The team briefly discusses global uncertainty, fear, and the urge to flee oppressive situations, drawing knowing parallels between today's instability and the medieval world.

2. Who Was Peter the Hermit? (06:42–15:14)

• Peter is introduced as the primary instigator and symbolic leader of the People’s Crusade—a preacher who riled up masses across France and Germany but wasn’t really a hermit, nor an actual military leader.
  • “He is an 11th-century preacher... instrumental in instigating what we refer to as the People’s Crusade, sometimes the Peasants Crusade, sometimes the Paupers Crusade, depending on how derogatory you want to be...” – Eleanor (06:48)
• Historians stress the chaos of the movement—multiple poorly organized mobs, not a single unified army.
• Peter’s origins are deeply obscure: he’s “wizard-coded” (10:54), with no known true age, birthplace, or date of death—ranging from 1131 to a suspiciously specific July 1150 (11:11).
  • “It's like—are we talking about Gandalf here? Like, what?” – Luke (10:53)
• A running theme: Peter erupted into history, led this huge, messy human movement, then faded into almost complete obscurity and historiographical myth.

3. Historical Context: Why Was Europe Ripe for a Crusade? (16:15–23:16)

• Europe:
  • The High Medieval period sees resurgence in urban life, church authority, and rising papal ambition; the pope needs a big project to assert his importance—hence, the Crusades.
  • Europe is crawling with unemployed Norman knights ("never let Vikings learn to ride horses"), and the church tries to direct their violence eastward (24:57).
• Middle East:
  • Derek and Eleanor outline the fracturing Muslim world: the old Abbasid Caliphate has broken down, local petty kingdoms are everywhere, and the Seljuks have just taken Anatolia (post-Manzikert, 1071).
  • Safe pilgrimage is hard; Christian churches (notably the Holy Sepulchre) had just been destroyed by Al Hakim, triggering horror in Europe (21:31).

4. Peter’s Strategy: Accident or Ambition? (24:21–30:25)

• The pope’s preaching was meant to attract knights ("horse guys"), but Peter and others end up drawing multitudes of peasants, motivated by hunger, religious zeal, and social desperation.
  • “I don't know that he was… really the target for the preaching, but he’s sort of like, hmm, maybe there’s an opportunity here for me.” – Derek (24:21)
• For peasants, religious preaching was a rare form of mass entertainment and psychological release: “A thing about medieval Europeans is they love preachers.” – Eleanor (28:54)

5. The People’s Crusade: Atrocities, Logistics, and Total Failure (30:26–50:48)

• Anti-Semitic Violence:
  • As the mobs cross the Rhineland, anti-Semitic massacres occur in cities like Speyer, Worms, Mainz—at least 2,000 Jews are butchered. (“This is on you, man. I don't care if you personally found it distasteful...”—Luke, 32:32)
• Rampage Across Europe:
  • The masses are logistically impossible to supply; wherever they pass—Hungary, the Balkans—they leave devastation, burning, and theft. Even Byzantium’s great city, Constantinople, is overwhelmed.
    • “Even the biggest and wealthiest city in Europe at the time could not have done this.” – Luke (37:28)
• Byzantine Reaction:
  • Alexios Komnenos, Byzantine emperor, is horrified by the rabble that shows up instead of disciplined soldiers. He pays them to leave, warning Peter not to attack the Turks. They ignore him.
    • “He did tell Peter, ‘You should probably not get into a fight with these guys...’” – Derek (39:14)
• Total Annihilation:
  • The “army” crosses into Anatolia, immediately seeks battle, and is annihilated by the Seljuks in 45 minutes. (Only 2,500 out of 20,000+ survive.)
    • “That is so embarrassing. I’m sorry. 45 minutes is so embarrassing.” – Claire (41:05)
  • Peter is conveniently absent—off in Constantinople meeting the emperor, not on the battlefield.
    • “Peter the Hermit survives because he’s not there. He lures thousands...and then he just dips.” – Eleanor (45:08)
    • “A classic father scenario. Exiting for cigarettes and never returning.” – Claire (45:21)

6. Later Appearances & Historical Memory (51:53–59:57)

• Peter reemerges at the Siege of Antioch and preaches before the final assault on Jerusalem; otherwise, he fades into historical irrelevance.
  • Rumors he tried (and failed) to escape from Antioch are probably slander, but he played little real role after the People’s Crusade.
  • At Jerusalem, he delivers a sermon before the decisive (and infamous) assault.
• The First Crusade is described as “proto-colonialism, proto-imperialism, the original sin of Europe... but it’s so fascinating. It is nuts.” – Luke (55:17)
• On the Legacy: Even contemporaries ultimately forgot Peter; the myth of his pivotal genius lingers only because of a quirk in the historiography, persisting until the 19th century.
  • “Like, the point is, it’s embarrassing enough that even at the point in time when people are kind of, like, enamored of him, they lose track of him.” – Eleanor (59:57)

7. Big Picture: Myths, Messiness, and Enduring Cringe (58:01–61:45)

• The hosts reflect on how the myth of crusading glory persists despite the squalor, violence, and incompetence; nostalgia for the Crusades is detached from reality.
  • “It's so cringe and embarrassing.” – Claire (58:27)
• Peter the Hermit is emblematic of the entire mess: an unqualified, deluded mass-mobilizer whose incompetence got thousands butchered.
  • “You can pick anyone. It really doesn’t matter. There are no good guys. There's nothing that is glorious or beautiful about it.” – Eleanor (58:58)
• Final lesson: History is full of “messy bitches”—there never was a pure or romantic past, just people screwing up, then and now (61:45).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “He sucks uniquely.” – Derek (14:25)
• “The Holy Spirit is going to protect you. There’s no way that Muslims and their superior horse archer tactics are going to mow you down...”—Eleanor (44:32)
• “He lures thousands of people over there, and then he just dips.” – Eleanor (45:08)
• “A classic father scenario. Exiting for cigarettes and never returning.” – Claire (45:21)
• “All wars are water wars at the end of the day...” – Claire (50:48)
• “Like, the point is, it's embarrassing enough that even at the point in time when people are kind of, like, enamored of him, they lose track of him.” – Eleanor (59:57)
• “People are messy bitches and they've been messy bitches forever for all of history.” – Claire (60:22)
• “There are no good guys. There’s nothing that is glorious or beautiful about it.” – Eleanor (58:58)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:39 – Introductions, present-day check-in, “Megazord” jokiness, tone setting
• 06:42 – Who was Peter the Hermit? How is he remembered? “Wizard-coded” tropes
• 16:15 – Medieval Europe and the Middle East on eve of the Crusade
• 24:21 – Why/How Peter mobilized the wrong people (peasants, not knights)
• 30:26 – Atrocities in the Rhineland, anti-Semitic massacres, and the People’s Crusade’s logistical disaster
• 37:28 – The logistical impossibilities of feeding/supporting thousands
• 39:14 – Alexios’s dismay, and the disastrous march into Anatolia
• 41:05 – Total destruction at the hands of the Seljuks, Peter’s convenient absence
• 44:32 – Peter’s preaching: “The Holy Spirit will protect you!”
• 51:53 – Peter at Antioch and Jerusalem; fades again into irrelevance
• 55:17 – Reflection on the First Crusade as Europe’s original sin
• 58:01 – Why do people still mythologize the Crusades?
• 60:22 – “People are messy bitches ... forever for all of history.”

Tone & Style

The entire episode maintains an irreverent, incisive, and darkly humorous tone (“certified hater”; “classic father scenario”; “Megazord”), never shying away from remixing the past with modern commentary, pop-culture references, and a critical lens. The scholars are as quick to crack jokes as they are to dissect serious tragedy and abject failure.

Further Resources

• Welcome to the Crusades: welcometothecrusades.com (11-part series)
• American Prestige: americanprestigepod.com
• Support the Podcast: patreon.com/thisguysucked

"There are no good guys. There's nothing that is glorious or beautiful about it."
– Eleanor, [58:58]

Summary prepared for listeners seeking an engaging, honest, and scholarly take on the messy legacy of Peter the Hermit and the People's Crusade—highlights, insights, and all the weirdness intact.