← THIS IS HISTORY — A DYNASTY TO DIE FOR
Loading summary
Transcript4 lines
- [00:01]
Alice Fraser
Oh, hello, strangers. I'm Alice Fraser, your guide to the galaxies, goblins, dungeons and dystopias we'll be hurling ourselves into in a weekly hero's journey through realms unknown. Into the dark but sensual heart of all our favorite speculative fictions. We'll navigate the wild realms created by brilliant authors, filmmakers, game designers and more. New episodes drop every week on your podcast app or on YouTube. Do not resist the call to adventure, Chosen One. Join me for realms unknown.
- [00:34]
Dan Jones
The horse thunders down the track through the grey, freezing dawn. It whinnies and snorts as its hooves pound the uneven track. Clinging to its bare back for dear life, the rider urges it forward. Both of them are breathing hard, but they can't let up the pace behind. The man can hear the whoops and jeers of the band of warriors who are chasing them. He hunches over the horse's neck, trying to block out the sounds of his pursuers, doing everything he can to keep his eyes on the path. He knows one stumble, even a brief slackening off in pace could be fatal. And that's not his only problem. This rider is freezing, his teeth are chattering, and even over the rumble of his mount's hooves, he's shivering so hard he's gasping for air. It's 16-12-1332, less than two weeks before Christmas. This is bleak open countryside, the hilly borderlands between Scotland and the northern English county of Cumbria, and he's more or less naked. A few hours earlier, this man, 49 year old Edward Balliol, was asleep in bed in the castle of Annan on the west coast of Scotland. In fact, he was nice and cosy and comfortable in bed, surrounded by his companions and supporters and feeling pretty, pretty good about his position as King of Scots. And why not? In the last few months, Balliol has been crowned at Scone Abbey. He's got a powerful coalition of allies from northern England and within Scotland who are backing his cause. And he has it on good authority that the dashing young Plantagenet king of England, 20 year old Edward III, is on his side. So yes, a few hours ago, Balliol was feeling so high on life that he'd hopped into bed wearing little more than his wife runts and a big fat grin. Like Mel Brooks said, it's good to be the king. Only in the middle of the night, disaster came calling. Or rather, the guys now galloping down the track behind him came calling. They're part of a huge armed band loyal to the other, in their view. The legit King of Scots that's eight year old David Bruce, son of the famous Robert the Bruce, AKA David ii, AKA not that he likes to be called this wee Davy, the altar shitter. If you remember, at the end of last season, Roger Mortimer had married little Davy into the Plantagenet firm to Edward's teen sister to make peace with Scotland. And he'd backed David as the true king. Edward Balliol, who is descended from another King of Scots, didn't consider a little child with a bad case of diarrhoea as a serious rival, so he had himself crowned instead. But he seriously underestimated the devoted following of Prince Squits. Because no sooner had Balliol doused his candle and cuddled up to his hot water bottle that night, this mob turned up and started causing an almighty commotion outside the castle walls. By the time Balliol was awake, it was already too late. This huge force stormed the castle, overwhelmed the guards with sheer force of numbers and slaughtered anyone who stood in their way. Balliol and his men stood up in the dark, bewildered and disorientated, bumping into each other as they fumbled for their swords, shields, shirts and trousers. Balliol had found precisely none of these by the time there were heavy footsteps outside his chamber door and he had to run for it with everything but his meat and two veg on display. Somehow or other he found his way to the stables, untied the first horse he came to and hopped astride bareback. And that was how he got to be here. Wet, cold, exhausted and presumably very well chafed on the inner thigh region, hurtling in the direction of the nearest English town of Carlisle, where he hopes the kindly Franciscan friars there will take pity on him. Ahead, a weak mid winter sun is struggling over the horizon. The rooftops of Carlisle are coming into view. Balliol risks a look behind him and he sees the men who were chasing him have tired of the pursuit and turned back. He could almost cry with relief. He's alive. And though this is definitely what you might call a setback, he can live in hope that the crown of Scotland will be his again before too long. All he's got to do is get word to that 20 year old English king, Edward III, that he could use a bit of assistance in setting matters straight. And yes, there's bound to be some pushback, not least because wee Davy the defecator is married to Edward's sister Joan. But Balliol is relaxed about making a deal. Hell, all he's got to do is remind the kid that his dad, John Balliol, was once England's Pet king of Scotland. And if that doesn't work, he can promise to throw the kid some money, grant him some Borderlands, maybe even let him play at being Scottish Overlord, just like Edward Longshanks did in the old days. By the time Balliol's standing in his skivvies, banging on the door of the Franciscan friary, hollering for a hot bath and a dressing gown, he's got this whole thing figured out. He'll promise Edward the Earth Edwards, bound to say yes, and then the show will be back on the road. Little does Balliol realise that he's about to sleepwalk England, Scotland and half of Western Europe into a war that'll last for more than a hundred years. I'm Dan Jones and from Sony Music Entertainment. This is history Season 6 of A Dynasty to Die For Episode 2 the Flying Scotsman in late 1332, Edward III of England is enjoying a bit of a honeymoon. It's been two years since he, his best pal William Montagu, and the rest of his knightly dream team carried out the coup of the century. They stormed Nottingham Castle and took out the tyrant and evil stepdad, Roger Mortimer. Since then, Edward's been going all out to unite his kingdom after the decades of misrule and misery it's suffered since the turn of the century. First, that's meant some emergency brand management for the family. He's drawn a line under his father Edward II's deposition and murder, basically pinning the whole thing on Mortimer. He's given his backing for annual services of remembrance at his dad's tomb in Gloucester Abbey. But he stopped short of endorsing the monks there who want more, for commercial reasons than on basis of evidence, to have Edward II made a saint. His mum, Isabella, has been sent off to live in comfortable, if forced, retirement in Norfolk. His brother, John of Eltham, has been given the title of Duke of Cornwall, a title fit for a king's brother. And their sister Eleanor is sent to be married to the Count of Gelders in the Netherlands. Her husband will give Edward a wild bear by way of thanks. Edward's wife Philippa, meanwhile, has been brought into the heart of the fledgling monarchy. Edward sets her up with a huge household income and encourages her to play the part of magnificent queen to the full. Philippa is only too happy to oblige. She loves high fashion and jewels, and the bills are soon rolling in for silks imported from Italy, robes lined with ermine, fine jewelry and monogrammed bedclothes. All of which sounds grossly indulgent and runs Edward pretty quickly into debt. But there's method in all this mad splurging. Edward is rebuilding the royals. For him, this involves looking the part that means kitting his wife out in nice things. It means pampering the first two of what will eventually be 10 children. Edward, the future Black Prince, and Isabella, who's born in 1332. It also means spreading the love around as well as hammering his credit card at home. Edward goes on a sort of party tour of England to spread the love far and wide. Edward announces a series of spectacular summer tournaments. Getting along to one of these is a hotter ticket than Oasis at Wembley. If you want to hear the dizzying details of these parties, get over to this Is History. Plus for our bonus episode where I'll be giving producer Georgia a blow by blow account on this feed. You'll just have to take my word for it. These parties are a good time, but they're a good time with a higher purpose in mind. There's a prophecy that's been doing the rounds in England, which supposedly harks back to the days of Merlin. It casts all the recent kings of England as animals. Henry III is a lamb, Edward I is a dragon and Edward II is a goat. In this prophecy, if Edward III plays his cards right, he's going to be a boar who will sharpen his tusks on the gates of Paris. In other words, he'll slap down the French and so the prophecy says, go on to bring Jerusalem back into Christian hands, which is basically every Plantagenet Christmas come at once. But if Edward is going to set his sights on this sort of political goal, he knows he's going to have to get his people, and especially his nobles, on side. He needs them to feel bonded to him personally and invested in a much grander vision of what England can be than anything that has existed since the days of his grandfather Longshanks. Once Edward has got the ball rolling with repairing relations with the English nobility, he has to think practically about where to start his campaign to sharpen his tusks on the Parisian gates. Does he head straight to France and risk everything there? There's been a lot of bother in Ireland lately. Is it wise to go there first and calm the Irish down before looking further afield? Or what about Scotland? That was where he had his first taste of war. Dragged up on a miserable, failed campaign led by Mortimer, the outcome of which was the awful treaty of 1328, which is basically a national embarrassment. And that's where Edward Balliol, whom we met at the start of this episode comes in. Unlikely as it sounds, this would be Scottish King hurtling over the border in just his tighty whities is going to offer Edward a path to military glory, conquest and riches beyond his wildest imagination. It just might not happen quite the way anyone thinks it will.
- [13:39]
Narrator
In the Middle Ages, guarding your correspondence was fairly simple. If your seal had been broken, someone had snooped. Today it's a lot more complicated to protect our data and our communication. That's where ProtonMail comes in. ProtonMail is the world's largest secure email service. It can give you unparalleled email privacy through end to end encryption. That means only you and your recipient can access your message. It's a private and secure alternative to traditional email services. It provides safeguarding from hacking, surveillance, targeted ads and it protects you against phishing attempts. I've been trying it out and it's a super simple interface. You can add multiple email addresses and it's got more data than I will ever use. Your data is yours. Keep it that way with ProtonMail's Privacy first email service, go to Proton Me ThisIsHistory or simply click the link in the description to get started and receive a 38% discount. Say you want to get your Edward III on and make your own range of kickass squad jackets and matching merch and make money at the same time. There's only one place to go. That's the sound you'll hear when you make another sale on Shopify. It's the all in one commerce platform to start, run and grow your business. It doesn't have to be squad jackets, it can be anything art, plants, health or beauty. Shopify simplifies selling online and in person so you can successfully grow your business however you want to sell. Shopify has you covered with a shopfront ready POS system and and it works with social media marketplaces too like Facebook, Instagram and TikTok. It's time to get serious about selling and get Shopify Today. Sign up for a £1 per month trial period at shopify.co.uk thisishistory all lowercase go to shopify.co.uk thisIshistory to take your business to the next level today. Shopify.co.uk ThisIshistory in the middle Ages, when the French king is captured and put into the Tower of London, France goes into full blown anarchy. If only they'd had access to indeed, they could have found the perfect replacement king straight away and saved the country from total meltdown. That's because when it comes to hiring Indeed is all you need. Indeed sponsored jobs help you stand out and hire fast. That makes a huge difference. According to Indeed data, sponsored jobs posted directly on indeed have 45% more applications than non sponsored jobs. So while it's too late for medieval French revolutionaries, it's the perfect time for you to get your job seen by the right people. People fast and listeners of this show will get a 100 pound sponsored job credit. To get your jobs more visibility@ Indeed.com dynasty just go to Indeed.com dynasty right now and support our show by saying you heard about Indeed on this podcast. Indeed.com dynasty terms and conditions apply. Hiring Indeed is all you need.
- [16:44]
Dan Jones
The young man from Gloucester finishes his breakfast in the dark and tries to be quiet as he packs his bag for the long march ahead. He gathers what little coin he has, some food and of course, a good amount of ale. Then he grabs the most important thing of all. Currently, it doesn't look like much, just a long stick of yew wood about a foot taller than he is. But together they make a deadly pair. He takes a long string, hooks it over each end and stamps down on it, bending the arms of the ewe. Then, when the bow is rippling with tension, he slips the smaller string on instead, keeping it taut. Suddenly, this piece of wood has transformed into the deadliest weapon in the world. A longbow. This young man is ready to go to war and make his fortune. He leaves his house and meets a small group of fellow archers outside, Longbows on their backs and eager grins on their faces, they've already said their goodbyes, so they set off straight away into the glorious dawn to join King Edward's army. A few weeks later, in May 1333, thousands of men just like this are coming together in northern England, a little weary from their long march, but reporting for duty. There are maybe 10,000 of them in total. They gather at York, then move out together towards the town of Berwick. This is one of the most fought over places in the whole of the British Isles. Sitting on the River Tweed, which marks the point at which England and Scotland meet, Berwick is currently in Scottish hands. At the head of this English army is, of course, Edward iii. He's been fixed on the idea of war ever since Balliol arrived in his kingdom six months ago, Balliol's pitch is compelling. If Edward helps put him back on the throne of Scotland and kicks off David the Altar Shitter, then Balliol will agree to tear up the dodgy treaty Roger Mortimer made back in 1328. He'll give Edward Money, border territories and the right to call himself the big dog in Scotland. This could or should be an easy win. But of course, as many kings, Longshanks included, have learned to their cost, war isn't as easy as it often looks on paper, especially in the wild landscape of Scotland. First, Edward III will need to take the heavily fortified Berwick. It's chock a block with die hard David Bruce supporters. In mid July, word reaches Edward that the Scots have amassed an army of their own which is nearly twice as big as his. They're up for a fight and they want to bring it to him just outside Berwick. Your mob against my mob. May the best man win. The Scots are led by a nobleman called Sir Archibald Douglas, who's the guardian of Scotland while little David grows up. And they reckon they're in with a chance. Ever since Bannockburn, the Scots have come to love a battle tactic based around schiltroms. Tightly packed formations of pikemen bristling with sharp spiky spears like hedgehogs. These schiltroms are virtually impossible to break down with a good old fashioned English cavalry charge of knights on horseback. The horses take fright at the Schultrums or are gored to death on the spears. But Edward, advised by his experienced nobles and smart enough to know a good idea when he hears one, has a plan. At a battle a few years back in a place called Duplin Moor, the English didn't bother with cavalry charges. Their knights fought on foot, supported by huge phalanxes of longbowmen who rained arrows down on the schiltrams and broke them up. So that's the tactic Edward plumps for when the time comes to send his army into battle against the Scots. On July 19, 1333, he commands the army with his old friend Edward Boone, one of the twins from the heist at Nottingham Castle. Commanding another division. They arrange their men at a place a couple of miles from Berwick called Haladon Hill. And what goes down there is nothing short of a master class in medieval warfare. Edward's men take the high ground at the top of Halidon Hill, knights dismounted and archers waiting, ready to do their worst. The much bigger Scottish army tries to slog on wet ground up the hill in their schultrums, hoping the English will charge them. When the English don't, the Scots will are in big trouble. Instead, the English longbowmen unleash volley after volley of arrows which hurtle into the shiltrons. Then knights on foot attack with swords and axes. Before long, it's chaos in the Scottish lines, with men fleeing for their lives in terror and being cut or shot to bits as they go. Six major Scottish lords are killed and chroniclers later compete to claim the highest death toll. The winning bid is a magnificently exaggerated 37,000 Scots, which is probably about double the number of Scots who are actually there. Whatever the numbers, this is a crushing victory for Edward. The day after Haladon Hill, Archibald surrenders Berwick. Balliol's now clothed buttocks are promptly placed back on the Scottish throne. It seems like a triumph, and in its way, it is. Edward has smashed it out of the park. He has the glory of victory, a healthy cash injection from Balliol, and lands to dole out to his key allies. Edward Boone gets a nice chunk of Scottish territory. William Montagu, Edward's best friend, gets the Isle of Man, which he can claim to rule as a king. Then there's a summer of tournaments to enjoy. Back in England, Queen Philippa is tasked with organising a fun packed banquet to celebrate Edward Balliol doing homage to Edward to confirm that Scotland is an inferior kingdom to England. But in all of this, there are tiny cracks in the setup. For a start, Edward Balliol is not much more popular in Scotland than he was the day he was run out of Annan castle back in 1332. And he's going to be kicked off the throne more than once before his time is up. More serious, though, is what becomes of our young friend David Bruce. Because in 1334, as Edward is basking in his great victory, news arrives that Little David, now 10 years old, has been smuggled out of Scotland, along with his wife, Edward's teenage sister, Joan. They've gone by sea to France, where they've been welcomed with open arms by the French King, Philip vi. King Philip reckons he might have a lot of fun with this new situation. The prophecy that Edward III is going to sharpen his boar's tusks on the gates of Paris sounds great to the English. And after Halladon Hill, maybe their young king thinks he's got what it takes. But Philip of France, with little David under his command and a natural fondness for causing trouble, is going to make sure Edward suffers every step of the way. But that's for next time on this Is History.