Best Of Eps 66-70

Summary

Podcast Summary: "This Is Important – Best Of Eps 66-70"

Hosted by: Adam Devine, Anders Holm, Blake Anderson, Kyle Newacheck
Release Date: August 26, 2025
Podcast Network: iHeartPodcasts

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Overview

This special "Best Of" episode features highlights from episodes 66 to 70 of This Is Important with the original Workaholics team: Adam, Anders (Ders), Blake, and the returning Kyle Newacheck. The hosts revisit their most absurd, hilarious, and deeply unserious takes on life's "important" topics—from meal debates to the etiquette of farting, school stories, Covid updates, New Year’s expectations, bro-culture confessions, and the ups and downs of their creative and personal lives. The prevailing tone is irreverent, raucous, and full of tight-knit-group razzing with plenty of overshares, running gags, and random philosophical tangents.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tongue Twisters & Theater Kid Energy

• The guys kick off with goofy tongue twisters and warm-ups, flexing their drama school origins.
  • Notable moment: Adam and Blake improvise tongue-twisters, ending in "That was a freestyle, bro." (04:04)

2. The Great Lunch Debate

• Adam stakes a controversial claim: lunch is the best meal.
  • "You can eat breakfast for lunch. You can eat dinner for lunch. Lunch is the perfect meal." (04:38, Adam)
• Anders challenges: "Who's eating lunch for dinner? Nobody." (04:43)
• The debate morphs into a riff on fourth meal (Taco Bell-style) and eating habits, descending into jokes about losing weight by farting:
  • "I fart and lose a pound." (06:00, Adam)

3. Covid Chronicles & Mask Protocol

• Adam reveals he had Covid twice in three months: "I have Covid again right now. Currently, I’m battling the vid." (07:57)
• Extended riff on mask habits, with Anders claiming he's never let his mask slip under his chin ("I'm not buying that off the–well, I do..." 10:43, Adam), and playful teasing about robot-like behavior regarding Covid safety.
• Kyle’s absence is attributed in part to adopting new sobriety habits and scheduling clashes.

4. The Return of Kyle/Arugaloids Lore

• Kyle returns for the 69th episode ("It's a 69 ninth episode miracle!" 12:48), triggering intense banter about his abrupt departure and the fallout among fans (now called "Arugaloids").
• On missing Sizzler and podcast drama:
  • "It happened to line up at the right time. So I did check in to see what y'all were saying about that, because I did sing it, and there was a lot of noise coming in from the Internet at me." (14:19, Kyle)

5. Political Play & Let's Go, Brandon

• The hosts rib Kyle on his political leanings ("Are you a Go Brandon guy?" 15:31), then riff on the absurdity of "Let's Go Brandon" and how euphemisms catch on everywhere.
• Adam pitches: "Instead of cursing, we should say, just be more supportive of someone with a completely different name..." (15:56)

6. Nightlife & Dress Codes

• Reminiscing on LA clubbing days, including struggles with dress codes and armpit hair pride stories.
• "There was a lot of tank tops." (18:18, Blake)
• Discussion of door policy double-standards and how the group had to up their dress game in LA.

7. Middle School & Body Mishaps

• Stories about using aftershave and cologne as teenagers, leading to painful repercussions.
  • "I was like, dude, I’m going to put some cologne on my dick, bro. Make my dick smell good... definitely got inside my penis and it hurts." (19:03, Blake)
  • “I tried to shave... with my father's old straight razor... then poured aftershave on the wound. Burnt so bad.” (19:44, Adam)

8. Jenkem, Fart Science, and Gross-Out Humor

• Deep dive on the prison improvised drug “jenkem,” leading to a run of fart etiquette and whose farts reign supreme.
  • "You're the king of farting and not admitting it for some reason." (23:10, Ders to Adam)
  • "You fart Jenkem." (23:52, Blake)
• Debate over whether Adam farts more rarely but with greater potency.

9. Teacher Torture and School Antics

• Adam’s confession of making a teacher cry by fake shooting and exploding during class antics (30:55).
  • "And then she's like, Adam, Orion, can I talk with you?... then just started bawling, dude." (32:13, Adam)
• Speculation on whether the teacher's tears were from frustration or "sexual tension," with the hosts immediately taking it to absurdity.

10. Kyle's Departure, Mental Health & Podcast "Heel" Turn

• Kyle candidly discusses leaving the podcast for mental health and work reasons.
  • "Honestly, it was... call it a mental health break. I had too much shit on my plate, and the scheduling was going nuts, and we were finishing up Shadows..." (34:40, Kyle)
• The group teases his “heel turn,” and debate whether his move was an asshole or bitch move, settling on "yin yang."

11. Ellen, TV Plugs, and Hollywood Shenanigans

• Adam shares news about hosting Ellen and promoting The Righteous Gemstones, joking about wardrobe mishaps:
  • "You could just see my nipples, and they're like, no, let’s get you a different shirt. Maybe it’s too much... Nope, we're keeping it. I'm going to be nipped out on Ellen..." (36:28, Adam)

12. Gross-Out Side Hustles & Fetishes

• Discussion about the woman selling farts in jars and foot fetishes; Adam jokes about monetizing his own body odors as a Renaissance man (38:07).

13. Covid, Vaccines, and "Mark of the Beast"

• The group debates vaccination policies, CDC rules, and unvaccinated friends.
  • "I’m kind of stoked that like at this point it’s mostly unvaxxed people dying. Not because I don’t like people that aren’t vaccinated..." (38:33, Ders)
• Adam describes filming in the South and hearing vaccines called "the mark of the beast": “...people were calling it the mark of the beast. And I was like, that’s off the chain.” (40:30)

14. Old Man Feet and Body Decay

• Jokes about how feet get grosser with age and comparing dad feet horror.
  • "Yeah, my shit's all yellow... peeling back the nails, like, revolting." (37:36, Adam)

15. Fights, Dads, and Proving Your Manliness

• Adam recounts slap-boxing with his dad, leading to a real punch and a night spent spooning in tighty-whities after being locked out (73:53).
  • Memorable: “He [dad] somehow had stripped down to just his tidy whities... then brings me in close and goes, I love you, honey. I'm sorry, baby.” (75:10)

16. Formative Friendship Fails and Podcast Betrayal

• Group laments high school language classes, false pacts in school, and feeling betrayed by friends who secretly cheat (67:49).
  • “We all said that we were going to fail this one. Kyle betrayed me.” (68:11, Adam)
• The notorious missed threesome story: “I’m really happy we didn’t. Because then that’d be, like, a really weird thing that we have between us.” (68:34, Adam)

17. "Red Hat Society" Discovery

• Blake mistakes “grandmas in purple hats” for the actual Red Hat Society.
  • "You want to chunk out of the Red Hat Society? That shit is cool." (63:27, Blake)
  • "Did you have like a cool black grandmother that was taking you to church or something?" (61:20, Adam)

18. Jokes on Unwritten Social Codes

• Ongoing riffs about catchphrases ("Let's go," "if I’m being honest"), fashion advice, and meal etiquette.
  • “If a teenager starts fighting you in front of your kids, what do you do? You have to fight. You have to win.” (113:14, Adam)

19. Best Meals—Lunch Wars Finale

• Reheated lunch debate: group struggles (mock-seriously) to define if lunch is actually the best meal; Adam and Blake versus Ders and Kyle (115:23).

20. Murder Ethics & Home Invasion Hypotheticals

• The group darkly ponders scenarios where it would be “okay” to kill someone—mostly in defense of home/family, relating to crime shows and documentaries.
  • “If I come... out of my bedroom and there's just, like, a guy in the hallway and he has, like, a knife or a gun... If I end up killing him, I don't want to, but if I think, like, he's there to kill me...” (107:03, Adam)
• Ders shares fascination with "soldiers' first kill" stories on YouTube.

21. Beatles "Get Back" Documentary Reactions

• Disagreement about the Peter Jackson Beatles documentary: boring or mesmerising?
  • Adam: “It was interesting, just how it made me go, like, I could be the Beatles.” (106:08)
  • Kyle: “That shit was so good. So good.” (106:02)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• "You can eat breakfast for lunch. You can eat dinner for lunch. Lunch is the perfect meal."
  Adam – 04:38

• "You are the king of farting and not admitting it for some reason."
  Anders – 23:10

• "It's a 69 ninth episode miracle."
  Blake – 12:48

• "Let's go, Brandon."
  Group riff – 15:31/15:34

• "If you fart and then mirages appear..."
  Blake – 06:35

• "I've never had it on my chin."
  Ders on mask etiquette – 10:29

• "Klarna brings everything together..."
  (Repeated ad, but becomes self-parody)

• "You're a bass hitch."
  Blake inventing a new hybrid insult for Kyle – 43:43

• "I have Covid again right now. Currently, I'm battling the vid."
  Adam – 07:57

• "He [my dad] somehow had stripped down to just his tidy whities... then brings me in close and goes, I love you, honey. I'm sorry, baby."
  Adam, post-slapping dad story – 75:10

• "If a teenager starts fighting you in front of your kids, what do you do? … You absolutely cannot lose that fight."
  Adam – 113:14

• "My feet are gross. Yeah, my feet are legit Yucca."
  Adam – 37:21

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Segment Timestamps

| Segment | Timestamp | |-------------------------------------------------|-------------| | Drama Exercises & Freestyles | 03:25–04:11 | | Lunch Debate: The Greatest Meal? | 04:31–06:07 | | Fart Science, Jenkem, Gross-out Champs | 06:09–07:41 | | Second Wave of Covid Stories | 07:49–09:58 | | Mask Wearing: To Chin or Not To Chin | 10:05–11:13 | | Kyle Returns, Sizzler Debate, Podcast Drama | 12:33–15:07 | | Let’s Go Brandon and Euphemisms | 15:19–16:32 | | Nightlife Memories & Club Dress Codes | 16:37–18:19 | | Adolescence Body Mishaps (Cologne and Razors) | 18:56–20:31 | | Farts, Flatulence Ranking, Workaholics Room | 23:03–24:49 | | Teacher Torment: Making Teachers Cry | 30:46–32:13 | | Kyle's Departure, Mental Health, Heel Turns | 34:39–36:28 | | Ellen Hosting, Nuggets, TV Promos | 36:28–37:37 | | Gross-out Hustles (Sell Your Farts) | 38:07–38:33 | | Covid, Vaccines, Southern "Mark of the Beast" | 38:33–40:53 | | Foot Rot and Smelliness with Age | 37:00–37:43 | | Dad Fights & Black Eyes | 72:19–76:00 | | Forsaken Threesomes and Friendship Barriers | 68:11–69:32 | | "Red Hat Society" and Grandma Subculture | 61:13–63:27 | | Murder Ethics/Home Invasion Hypotheticals | 106:18–108:42 | | Beatles Doc: Boring or Inspiring? | 105:44–106:18 |

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Final Thoughts

This episode distills the core This Is Important experience: chemistry between lifelong friends, escalating bits, winding banter about juvenile and universal topics alike, and a pronounced refusal to “grow up.” The interplay of raw vulnerability, gross-out humor, and sudden philosophical pivoting is their signature. Whether reminiscing about high school antics or dissecting the politics of lunch, the show is a masterclass in comic group dynamics—and an endless source of comfort for "Arugaloids" everywhere.

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For New Listeners

Jump in anywhere. The references run deep, but at its heart this is comedians goofing with, and about, their best friends. If you’ve ever wondered whether you’d rather have penises for fingers or vaginas for ears, if you think lunch deserves more respect, or if you can’t decide when to fight a dad—or when to just sell your own farts—welcome home.

Transcript

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Hill's science led nutrition helps you give more love than humanly possible because you're only human. There's Hills. Science does more.

[A]

Find the right [e-mail] iheart.

[C]

Welcome to.

[B]

This Is Important, a production of iheartradio, the show where we only talk about what is most obviously very crucially important.

[C]

Let's go. Go.

[A]

Red leather, yellow leather. Leather, yellow leather.

[B]

A big brown bug.

[A]

Yellow leather, brown bear. Aluminum, lolium, aluminum, lolium aluminum, lol. Yum, yum, yum, yum, yum.

[B]

What a tattoo. To die today at a minute or two to two. A distinctly difficult thing to say, but harder still to do. And there'll be a tattoo and a rat. A tattoo and a rat.

[C]

A tattoo.

[B]

Tatta tattoo. In the draft, dragon will come when he hears the drum in a minute or two. The dragon will come today at a minute or two to two.

[A]

You made that one up, dude. I've never heard that one. You made that one.

[C]

That was off the top of the dough.

[B]

Yeah, that was a freestyle, bro.

[A]

Damn. Freestyle.

[C]

Let's go. Damn, dude.

[A]

Drama exercises. Let's go.

[B]

You know what it is? Drama. Theater major. So much drama.

[A]

So you were a theater major, right, Blakey?

[B]

I was at the end of Mayor Child.

[A]

Yeah, I'm good with like, dictionary. This thing sucks.

[B]

We just worked out.

[A]

I just worked it out, dude. I know.

[C]

Obviously lunch is the worst meal of the day.

[B]

How could you eat. What are you talking about? You can eat anything for lunch.

[A]

You can eat breakfast for lunch. You can eat dinner for lunch. Lunch is the perfect meal.

[C]

Hey, by the way, by the way, can I just. Who's eating. Who's eating lunch for dinner? Nobody. Who's eating lunch for breakfast? Absolutely no. Breakfast for lunch is breakfast.

[A]

It's not if you're eating it at lunchtime. Not if you're eating it at lunchtime. You can have eggs.

[C]

So. So it's the time.

[A]

Yeah, Time. It's the time.

[C]

It's the time. It's.

[A]

If it's in the middle of your.

[C]

Day, then the best. The best meal is third dinner. What was the Taco Bell? Fourth meal. Sorry, Fourth baby. Fourth meal is the best meal. Yeah, that is where my boys at on that one.

[B]

Where all my fourth meal boys run for the baby fuck up before.

[C]

So, yeah. Okay, so if it's just the time. Sure. Lunch.

[A]

It's the middle of the day. Eating in the middle of the day is the best time because then you can. You can eat like a fucking pig.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Eating after midnight is great.

[A]

And then. And then you don't. So what I was. My game plan was I'm gonna eat like a monster for lunch.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I eat because I'm unhappy, then have enough energy to make it through the rest of my day. And then I get home and, you know, I didn't have. I was like, you know, I'm either working out or I'm studying lines, I'm going to bed.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And I didn't gain any weight besides the one lb, which is nothing. That is a. That is a hard fart for me.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

I fart and lose a pound.

[B]

You can fart out a whole pound of gas, dude.

[A]

I do. I do, too.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

Just deflategate.

[A]

Let it go.

[C]

Is your gas is, like, super heavier than air. That would be fucking sick. If you filled a balloon, it would just, like, go through concrete.

[A]

When I fart, you see it's heavy. You see it? You see?

[C]

Go ahead, continue.

[A]

It's like when you look off, look down, like a. You're in a parking lot in the middle of the summer and you see.

[B]

The heat, the vapor. You say your farts have vapor.

[C]

You got the vapors.

[A]

My farts are heavy with the vapors.

[B]

You fart and then mirages appear.

[A]

Well, if you inhale it deep enough, man, you might. You might see a little something.

[B]

Damn, son.

[C]

No, but. Sorry. Blake named the thing you were describing, which is a mirage. When, like, it appears that there's water.

[B]

Weird, wild stuff.

[C]

Anyway.

[A]

No, you go.

[C]

You know, in the summertime when there's, like, the thing in. Blake goes mirages. You go, it's totally that, too.

[A]

Well, no, I'm saying it's. You can see. You can see it. You know how, like, you see the heat?

[C]

You're saying heat waves.

[A]

Heat waves.

[B]

Heat waves or vapors. Right. I think vapors are what they are.

[A]

But then I'm like. If you inhale deep enough, maybe you. Maybe. Maybe it's like.

[C]

It's a mad hit.

[A]

It's like a mad hit or something.

[B]

Makes you hallucinate.

[A]

I don't know. What was that stuff? That. Didn't they do that in, like, prison where they would, like, huff fucking shit?

[B]

That's jankum. That's jankum. It's like ferment, like, shit and stuff in the toilet.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then you Inhale it.

[A]

But that's what's happening with my bowels is. It's fermented. When it comes, it comes out already fermented.

[C]

We gotta get Pierce on the show to hear you talk like this.

[B]

We gotta try Jenkum together.

[A]

Dude, Pierce's. Pierce is the classiest guy. I feel like he would. He'd lose a lot of respect for me if he heard this podcast.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if I told you guys this, but I got Covid again.

[C]

What?

[A]

Satan. I have Covid again right now. Currently, I'm battling the vid.

[C]

To be fair, you wanted it. You wanted it.

[A]

I always. I'm like, I'm trying to get the most. Most Covid in one body as possible.

[C]

Wait, what do you think that is?

[B]

You just had it.

[A]

I just. I got it three months ago, and then I just. Lament. Lame. Re up.

[C]

What do you think the. The record is for somebody getting it like, seven.

[A]

I don't know. They told me even get the booster shot until three months has gone by after getting Covid the first time.

[C]

Who's they? Yeah, the, like, production assistants at Joe Rogan Experience.

[A]

No, hold up. No. The doctor that. That gave me the Montalon that you.

[C]

Can'T have it for three months.

[A]

Yeah, it told me to wait on getting the booster.

[B]

Dang.

[C]

Well, you're down in Orange county too. That's a different vibe.

[A]

Well, no, I think that was the. That's what they were saying. You're not supposed to get it because it'll be too much. Covid on Covid action is what I'm assuming.

[C]

Oh, yo, I want to see that.

[A]

It's science. And so I don't know. So I didn't get it. And. And then literally three months to the week, I got covet again. And I was supposed to get the booster shot yesterday.

[C]

Damn, dude, you gotta get that booster. My rooster.

[B]

That freaking sucks. Dude. I'm so just like. I'm confused. I'm just like. I don't. I don't. I don't understand what's happening, dude, it's just.

[A]

You are just.

[B]

We're all getting.

[A]

You're gonna get in the fit, man. Right. So what do we admittedly admitt? It was much, much better this time. The first time. Really kicked my ass this time. I'm like, if I. It just feels like how I felt for the last two months. Like, I've kind of had a cold for two months.

[C]

Been tired. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Just sort of like runny nose.

[C]

How'd you know? Oh, so you had a cold. You had cold symptoms, and then you.

[A]

Were like, okay, well, I tested before I traveled, and then I tested the day I got back, and then the day I got back.

[C]

Ding, dong, ding, dong, dong. Perfect.

[A]

Pop goes the weasel. And I was feeling maybe a little shittier than I felt in the last couple months, but it wasn't right, you know? It ain't shit, my dude.

[B]

I think it's, like, guaranteed if you go to an airport, you're getting the.

[A]

Vid, you might get the COVID Yeah.

[B]

Damn, that is fucked up, dude.

[C]

Are you a cool guy who's, like, in the corner texting with, like, just the mask under the chin?

[B]

Yeah. What's your protocol? Do you got the nose out? You got the nose out every once?

[A]

No, no, I'm fully.

[C]

I'm.

[A]

I'm masked up.

[C]

Have you ever had the mask under your chin?

[A]

Absolutely.

[C]

Ever?

[B]

Yes.

[C]

Ever?

[A]

Yeah. If I'm taking a drink sometimes, I might just pull that down. Take this.

[C]

I've never. I've never had it on my chin.

[A]

You're always.

[C]

I'll just take it off, or I'll just open it to the side if I'm gonna take a drink.

[B]

I love that you can be so confident that you've never once dipped the mask beneath your chin, no matter what.

[A]

I'm not buying that off the. Well, I do. I kind of believe it from Ders. Because he's, like, a robot. Yeah. He's not some cyber, not part of the human like the rest of us are. Who.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just could absentmindedly just pull it down, take a sip of something, put it back.

[C]

No. And I like that you pull it down with four fingers of your hands. You know how you have to face. Yeah. Are you, like, Shredder revealing the scar to splinter?

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

What? I. When I pull that, I pull it off with force.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

But still, Ders is weird like that because, remember, like, he would, like, eat snacks, and then we'd take, like, the wrappers and, like, fold them up into the smallest little squares. You do some robot ass, dude.

[C]

Yeah, it's a robot.

[A]

Also hasn't caught Covid yet.

[C]

The fact that that means I'm a nerd, though. Well, if you haven't gotten Covid, you're a nerd.

[A]

Blake hasn't gotten Covid. Yeah, I'm a nerd. That's what's going on. Why am I, the fucking wild man out here catching double vid?

[C]

Well, I feel like a long time ago, you were like, I've been out five Nights a week and haven't gotten it. And I was like, do you remember this conversation?

[A]

Wait, wait and see, I kind of.

[C]

For real said that. And you're like, I mean, I'm out and like four nights a week I'm out and I'm not getting. Yeah, and then you've gotten it twice.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but only in the last three months, though. This thing's been going on for a while. I did pretty good.

[C]

I'm not saying you.

[A]

I waited.

[C]

I'm not saying you did.

[A]

I staggered. I staggered my Covid till the back end of it. I'm still gonna send it. Are you smoking more weed about it or.

[B]

I. I do. I do tend to smoke more weed when I go beer and alcohol sober, so.

[A]

Okay, well, yeah, we'll have to get you fitted with some can.

[C]

Isn't that what Kyle. He gave up alcohol, but then he just did a weed. What an idiot. Okay, okay.

[A]

I like that guy. Sucks.

[B]

Little shots fired.

[A]

Well, yeah, well, he gave up. Kyle Newcheck, the ex member of the podcast.

[C]

That's right. That was his last name. Sorry.

[A]

That was his last name.

[C]

Freaking.

[D]

See ya. Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute.

[C]

It's a 69 ninth episode miracle.

[A]

Back together again. Oh, my God.

[D]

What's up, guys?

[B]

Kyle new a check.

[D]

Happy 69th episode, gentlemen.

[C]

To what do we owe the honor?

[B]

My goodness.

[A]

Are you now? This is exciting. So by coming on the 69th episode, you're now vowing to come back on the podcast full time. And you're back as a 100 full time member of the podcast. Wow.

[D]

We wasted no time with getting down a brass tax, huh, Adam?

[A]

Is that what's happening here?

[D]

Business in the front, party in the back.

[C]

Adam's all business.

[D]

No time for a party. We're businessmen now.

[A]

I'm a businessman.

[D]

Here's the thing.

[C]

Here's the thing. Here we go.

[D]

My schedule freed up.

[C]

I'm here.

[D]

What up, baby?

[C]

Fair enough.

[A]

Now we're back together again.

[C]

You know what, though? Kyle?

[D]

Yes, Anders?

[C]

I heard from a little bird that you were. You were still listening to the podcast, though.

[B]

Is that true?

[D]

I did listen to one or two to see if you guys ever came around on the Sizzler thing.

[A]

What does camera on the Sizzler mean?

[B]

Well, remember right before Kyle jumped off pod abandoned ship, we got into the whole thing about I'm going to Sizzler, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of people thought that was the straw that broke the camel's back, Right?

[D]

It happened to line up at the right time. So I did check in to see what y' all were saying about that, because I did sing it, and there was a lot of noise coming in from the Internet at me.

[C]

Adam still looks. Because it was like, instead of going to Disneyland, he was, like, going to Sizzler, and we were like, yeah, going.

[A]

To Sizzler from White men can't jump.

[C]

But then it was white men can't.

[B]

White men can't jump.

[C]

Kadeem Hardison, I believe, said it.

[D]

Yes.

[A]

Was that what pushed you off the project? That we were kind of going in on you a little bit about Sizzler?

[C]

Freaking. See ya.

[D]

Genuinely. No, it just was the schedules of that. And then my schedule happened to line up, so I listened to two to see what happened, and then you guys are gonna have to catch me up on the rest. What did I miss?

[B]

Oh, phew.

[C]

Not much.

[A]

Yeah, it was a lot of really hot fire.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't even know if we did any more than that. You might be caught up a lot.

[C]

Of political poly charge stuff.

[D]

Oh, good.

[A]

Yeah, we got real charge for a few episodes.

[D]

State of the Union stuff.

[C]

Your boobs are huge. And we missed your side of the argument.

[A]

Yeah. So how do you. How do you feel about Joe Biden being the president?

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Biden is the president of the United States.

[C]

All right.

[B]

Do you agree with that?

[C]

Hey, with that.

[A]

Are you agreeing with that?

[D]

I'm saying.

[C]

Right.

[D]

I'm asking the question. I don't know.

[C]

Are you a Go Brandon guy? Is it Go Brandon.

[B]

Let's go, Brandon.

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

Let's go, Brandon.

[D]

What is that?

[A]

Let's go.

[C]

They are so good with that. It's super funny. It is. It's a fun little, like, wing.

[B]

It is. I love it. I think it is funny as hell. For those of you. Are you in the know, Kyle, Adam, you know, let's go, Brandon, bro.

[A]

Joe Biden, which I like.

[C]

Don't say it. People will know.

[A]

I'm like, why don't. Why. We should all have. Instead of cursing, we should say, just be more supportive of someone with a completely different name than the person we're making fun of.

[C]

Right. Yeah, that's. I mean, I feel like that's what they're. We, everyone. We're all doing it. Let's go.

[A]

I say every. I say the whole world. Let's all adopt this. So if we're gonna say, like. Like, like as the 30 people said, Kyle. In the preamble.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

In the Sizzler reel.

[C]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Maybe they should say. They should say, let's Go, Greg. Let's go.

[C]

You know? Yeah, let's go, Greg.

[B]

When's the last time you were in the club? Like hardcore in the club?

[C]

Almost every night.

[A]

It's for durs. It's almost every night.

[C]

Yeah. I just stopped by for 15 minutes.

[B]

Like, when's the last time you really clubbed it?

[A]

Yeah. Realistically. Because for a while, Derge, you were going to a lot of nightclub. You were like trying. You were like DJing and stuff.

[C]

Yep.

[B]

Doing a little DJ action.

[A]

When was the last time that you've DJed or done anything like that?

[C]

Yeah, I mean, pre pandemic. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

It's been a long time.

[A]

Was it pre pandemic by like a long time or was it like February 13, you were in the club and then the fourth club in the 14th, the pandemic hit and you were like, I can't be in the club any longer.

[C]

It was a while before that, but it was. I mean, it was always fun, but, like, going to a club, it is shocking.

[A]

Jurors brought me to like, a couple of my first, like, real LA nightclubs where, like, he would have to tell us to, like, dress cooler than we were. He'd be like, just don't.

[C]

There's no way I did that. There's no way I told you how to dress. You might have asked me. Yeah, like, there's no way you told me.

[D]

Yeah. If there was a dress code, he maybe would have enforced it. Like, sometimes you got to rock a button up and some fucking, like, shoes.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Shoes.

[D]

Don't you got to do that close.

[C]

Toe shoes is for real.

[D]

Yeah, that's. And no hats is real at some places. And that fudgeing sets me off.

[C]

Right.

[A]

This is early 2000s l. A. And at that time Kyle was like braiding his armpit hair and he was, like, really proud of it.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So braiding.

[D]

Braiding.

[A]

It's. Or maybe it was dreadlocked.

[D]

Never been long enough, sir. But I would love to try.

[A]

Maybe it was dreadlock, but Kyle always had his armpit hair out. And I feel like they weren't allowing.

[D]

That as nappy roots.

[C]

There's a lot of tank tops.

[A]

Yeah, there was a lot of tank tops.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

Oh, yeah. They would. Exactly. They would fucking give. They would say, no tank tops and no hats. And that was like my whole fucking thing. That was my whole thing.

[C]

By the way, they would say it to you. They didn't have to say that to everybody. If you were like a shredded hot ass dude, they'd be like, get in here.

[D]

Man. Wait, what, what are you saying? There's a other level of, of rules? There's a double standard in our society.

[B]

I remember one time when I was a little kid, I had just gotten out of the shower and I. I thought it was how little a good idea to put. Maybe I was like 12.

[C]

Okay.

[A]

Then it's cool. Then it's fine.

[B]

And I. I was like, dude, I'm going to put some cologne on my dick, bro. Make my dick smell good.

[C]

Cool. I'm listening. Is this when they called you fetus boy? Go ahead.

[B]

Yeah, definitely got inside my penis and it hurts.

[C]

So, like, in your urethra?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Poured it down the D hole.

[B]

Yeah, that old trick.

[A]

I want to. My piss smells funny. I want it to smell better. I'll just do this.

[B]

Man, it hurts so bad.

[C]

I do remember going to like, like, dances in middle school and like, gearing up with hella aftershave for my pops.

[B]

Yeah. Straight up Home Alone style.

[C]

Yeah, Brute.

[A]

I did that with aftershave. I tried to shave, obviously, when I was a kid. And how'd it go? It just. I cut my hand. I don't even know how that happened. Yeah, I cut my hand.

[C]

What were you using?

[A]

My father's like, old style straight razor. So it's not a straight razor, but it's like the old, like giant thick one. So I think I just grabbed it like an asshole a little bit and slipped my hand over a big old thick one. I grabbed it like I always saw. I always saw my grandfather put aftershaver on afterwards. And I thought that's what I should do with the wound.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Because I was like. I saw him like, scrape his neck and he'd have like, little. And he'd put aftershave on it. And I'm like, okay, that's what I do. So I poured it all over my hand, burnt so bad. And then I like, am trying to dry it off and I'm drying it down the front of myself and I rub it all over my. The exact opposite thing you're supposed to do.

[C]

Well, why don't you cry about it?

[A]

And then now my hand, Now I've got a bloody. And my hands all bloody, and I'm screaming bloody. And my mom and grandma come running in like, what is going on in here?

[C]

Yeah, I feel like you're using this podcast to kind of reiterate lies you told as a youngster so that like, when your folks listen to the podcast. Huh. I guess he wasn't lying about that time we caught him. Jacking off with his own blood moisture.

[A]

No, I was too young. I was too young. I was 14, dude.

[C]

I was how hard Teen.

[A]

What'd you say?

[C]

Huh?

[A]

No, I. I know. I was like six or so. That was like. Like a true little kid.

[B]

You were six and you cut yourself.

[A]

Six or seven or eight in that range. I don't know.

[B]

That must have been the most terrifying thing your mom ran in while your was bloody.

[A]

Dude, but I'm six years old. I was like, I don't give a if. No, wait, you're. I was butt naked. I just. I just got out of the.

[C]

I thought you had like pants on.

[A]

The bathtub or whatever. I just like, just gotten.

[C]

And I was like, bathtub and you.

[A]

I. My dad and Graham and grandfather shave and then put aftershave on. And I'm like, well, guess what? I'm a man. I'm a man.

[B]

Yeah, you are.

[A]

And I'm going to shave. Hit him. Hit me with it. Hit me with it.

[C]

Blake.

[A]

Blake, I'm a man. Thank you. I'm a man. And so I was like, I'm going to shave and do this whole thing, and it fucking backfired. So I understand where you're coming from, Blake, about aftershave burning the D hole, right?

[B]

Yeah. Right.

[C]

I'm a man. Did Blake fully explain Jankum just now? Enough for people at home?

[A]

I forget what it is. I would like a tutorial.

[B]

I probably will airball the definition, but for what I thought it was. And I thought it. I was like when some. You like shit into some sort of like a receptacle and you let it ferment and you basically make a like a alcohol out of like, shit.

[C]

Is it even the alcohol or do you just huff?

[A]

I thought you huffed it.

[B]

Huffed the fumes.

[C]

I think you huffed the vapors.

[A]

Yeah. So that's what I'm saying. Maybe like, admittedly, I'm. I'm sort of joking. I feel like out of. I. I don't sort of.

[C]

You are.

[A]

I'm pissed now. No, I don't think that I have the grossest farts out of all of us. I feel like it sucks because Kyle's not here anymore and obviously he's the go to smelliest one.

[C]

Right?

[A]

And it'd be easy to know that he has. Has the. Know that he has the grossest farts.

[C]

Right?

[A]

But between the three of us, I don't know if I do. I might.

[B]

Oh, you 100,000 do.

[C]

No, Blake and I are on the exact same page and we just need you to just listen for one moment. You're the king of farting and not admitting it for some reason.

[B]

You're bad, dude.

[C]

And you always go, what are you talking about? I would gladly.

[A]

I would. I would gladly.

[C]

But you don't. You always fart. And then you go, I'm gonna just walk over here. And it's. You've already farted and it smells very bad, right? It's the coffee. It's gotta be the coffee. Or. I don't know.

[B]

You better not have done that to Pierce, man. If you did that to Pierce, I'm gonna be so upset with you.

[A]

No, because I don't fart that much. And you got. I think you guys, maybe when I do fart, it's a real potent brew because I don't fart that often.

[C]

Because you're fermenting it. You're letting it sit. You're hotboxing it in your butthole.

[A]

It's fermenting. I'm letting it ferment in my body.

[B]

You fart jenkum. You fart Jenkum.

[A]

I think you guys probably fart more often. Well, you forget that we spent so much time together in the Workaholics writers room for what, seven years, six years that we were. And we're with each other for 12, 14 hours a day, five, six days a week for years, so. And we'd live together mostly farting.

[C]

Most of that was far, so you.

[A]

Guys were throwing out a lot more farts. But when I fart, I fart. Dude, hold up.

[C]

Yeah, we know I fart, so.

[A]

But I'm saying, if it is me, I'll gladly own up to it.

[B]

You don't.

[C]

I mean, here's what I. Here's what I know. Here's what I know. I. I remember that you have farted and I have smelled it and that it has been bad. I don't know if I remember. I. I've heard Kyle's farts. I don't know if I've smelled them.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I've smelled them.

[C]

But that goes without saying. I know that they're 100, the worst. Blake, I don't know. I can't remember you farting. I assume you have. Do you guys remember me farting and smelling?

[B]

I don't remember you farting and smelling it at all.

[A]

Do you mind if I talk to you about diarrhea?

[C]

Do you remember Adam farting and you smelling it?

[B]

Yes, 1000%.

[C]

It's fucking leads me to believe, like.

[B]

A tattoo on your nostrils. You never forget it. It is in there.

[C]

You know it.

[A]

All right, well, maybe hang, then we.

[B]

Just cut to ads right after that.

[C]

All right.

[A]

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[A]

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[B]

Did you guys ever make or have somebody in your classroom make your teacher cry.

[A]

Oh, I made my teacher cry.

[C]

Oh, well, go ahead.

[A]

Yeah, I made my te. Cry. It was. We were old, too. We were like, like 14. We were in, like, freshman year of high school. 14 or 15.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And.

[B]

Oh, dude, it's so mean.

[C]

Did you put. You pushed her?

[A]

It was. We had the class set up where there was, like a chunk of seats here, a chunk here, and a chunk here. And then the. The desk was in the middle so I could look directly at my buddy, directly across the way. And then we were just doing dumb where we were, like, acting like we were. Were shooting assault rifles and stuff at each other.

[C]

This is before Columbine, right?

[A]

This is before Columbine.

[C]

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe inspired. Yeah.

[B]

It was still funny bit.

[A]

We would be like. We're like, shoot each other. And we're like. And then be like, whipping a, you know, a bazooka out and shooting each other and then blowing up.

[C]

I'm gonna kill myself. Right, right.

[A]

And just doing that to each other.

[C]

Ninja stars.

[A]

And she. It's like, behind her back, sort of. And the class is, like, laughing at it. And then she.

[C]

Yeah, the class is loving.

[A]

They love this. But they kind of were. We're 14 years old.

[C]

One dude is like, yeah, yeah, yeah, for sure. I love it.

[A]

My boy Jeremy was just like, they.

[C]

Did it again, dude. Is he exploding?

[A]

Oh, my God, he exploded.

[C]

That was a knife. Grenade.

[B]

Grenade.

[C]

You do. You're taking requests?

[A]

So, yeah, we were slaying and the teachers. The teacher started the. Yeah. The kids started to laugh. And the teacher was like, what's going on? Sees us, like, exploding. And behind her, of course. And then afterwards, we have to sit with her after. She didn't cry in front of everyone. She waited for us. She excused everyone. And then she's like, adam Orion, can I talk with you? And we sat down and she then just started bawling, dude.

[C]

Yeah. Because she was trying to.

[A]

You perfect.

[C]

I think she was about to. She was. She was trying to. And then she was like, I gotta stop. I gotta stop.

[A]

She might have been trying to. Ryan. Ryan was like, kind of a hunk. I looked like I was 11. Ryan had to shave. She was like, yeah. Probably what it was is she saw us.

[C]

And without a doubt in my mind.

[A]

She got too horny, dude.

[C]

A little too weird.

[A]

I don't know. Probably. That's probably what it was.

[C]

There's not a doubt in my mind.

[A]

And then she's like, I have to. I have to turn this around. I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry.

[C]

About felt bad. She was like, oh, my gosh. What are you thinking?

[A]

Yeah, I can't believe I want to fuck these two kids.

[D]

A lot of people saying, fuck me. What's going on? You guys been holding that or what's you been talking shit?

[A]

I think there was a lot of animosity.

[D]

You've been talking shit.

[B]

Oh, yeah, the bitch.

[D]

What's up?

[A]

There was a lot of animosity from the fans that you betrayed us and you left us in our time of need over the holidays.

[D]

It was your time of need. You didn't know that specifically.

[A]

I know. I was. I was needy.

[C]

Yeah. You didn't even think to wonder if we would need you.

[D]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Kyle betrayed me.

[D]

Oh, that's on the board now?

[C]

Yeah, that's on the board.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Good.

[D]

Okay. So I'm coming back a motherfucking heel.

[B]

Well, okay. Well, I think it. I don't know if it's so much, you know, that you left. It's kind of the way. It was very abrupt, as you know. You didn't even. You. You backpedaled and sent that text message screenshot, but the aruguloids were left leaderless. It was just. You just dropped off the map.

[D]

I wasn't gonna say a damn thing. And then, honestly, all of the noise that was sent at me, a lot of chatter alive. A lot of chatter.

[C]

Did you feel.

[D]

Shit was. I felt very confused because I thought we were cool.

[C]

Well, to be fair, I thought it was cool. They talked about it. We did say you quite a lot right out of the gate, so I feel like people wanted to be on, like, the train with us and have fun. And it's a. It's a nod and a wank a little. Not even really, but you're back, baby.

[A]

Now.

[D]

I'm here, man. I mean, you know, I just. Honestly, it was. It was. Call it a mental health break. I had too much shit on my plate, and the scheduling was going nuts, and we were finishing up Shadows and I was doing the last couple episodes, and shit got down to the wire, as it always does in television.

[B]

We know the best.

[D]

And I had to. I. I had to, bro.

[C]

I had bros and betterhealth.com. but here's the difference between you and me. I'm willing to go crazy for this podcast.

[A]

Cool.

[C]

I'm. I'm crumbling on the inside.

[A]

I almost died for the podcast, you know?

[D]

That is amazing. Good job.

[A]

And. And I. And I will. I will die for you guys. I'm hosting Ellen tomorrow, and so.

[B]

Wait, wait, wait, wait.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm hosting Ellen tomorrow.

[D]

All right, all right.

[C]

Who's your guest?

[A]

Ders is one of my guests.

[C]

No.

[A]

What? Yeah, man.

[C]

That's right, baby.

[B]

Yeah, man.

[C]

Promo train.

[A]

Good luck. And I'm excited I get to watch your show tonight. I'm gonna watch a. An episode tonight of Inventing Anna.

[C]

Oh, I just watched it last night. It's the best television show ever.

[A]

All right. Excited. Yeah. I'm promoting the Righteous Gemstones, which comes out this Sunday, which it'll. It'll be airing by the time this podcast actually comes out, but on hbo. The Righteous Gemstones comes out this week, but I'm there hosting Ellen, promoting that, and then having all these. These guests. But one of the episodes, I. I, like, just tried on my clothes the other day. My nipples. You could just see my nipples, and they're like, no, let's get you a different shirt. You're. You could just, like, your nipples are, like, rock hard in this. Maybe it's too much. And I'm like, nah, your boobs are huge. Nope, we're keeping it. I'm going to be nipped out on Ellen, so get ready. Get ready for that.

[C]

Should Blake come and just play the soundboard during our interview?

[A]

I would love that.

[C]

Well, no. They have a dj. They have a dj.

[A]

Maybe.

[C]

Blake, if you could just send your sound where we don't need you.

[A]

Actually, I'm not a smelly guy. Dude, look at you. Any of us are that smelly.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think we lost our smelliest member.

[C]

Well, yeah.

[A]

I feel like the three of us.

[C]

Are, with our powers combined, couldn't reach his heights.

[A]

The. The big stink is gone.

[B]

I'm getting stinkier. Are you getting stinky? I think so. Yeah. Like, my feet are starting to kind of smell. It's bad.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

It's because you. It's because you run and then don't shower right away or. What is that?

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Why do we. Why do feet start to stink later in life?

[A]

I think I just. It's not later in life. It's not later in life. It's how you're taking care of them.

[C]

Well, feet get gnarlier. When you see, like, your dad's foot suddenly at an older age, you're like, is that what's going to happen?

[A]

My feet are. I'm missing toes. D. My feet are gross. Yeah, my feet are legit. Yucca.

[C]

I meant to say, when I see your feet, I go, your feet Are frightening.

[A]

Oh, my kids are going to be truly terrified.

[C]

Like, toenails get yellow and crazy.

[A]

Yeah, my shit's all yellow. Yeah, my shit's my. It's. It's like peeling back the nails, like, revolting.

[C]

Maybe you could make it cool.

[A]

Yeah, I don't give a shit. I'm like, it's way it's weighed. I'm a giant person. It's way down there. Yeah.

[B]

Why do people give such a shit about feet? Like, they get so grossed out by them and I don't get that either care. Like it's just feet.

[A]

Did you hear about the girl selling her farts for like, it was. She was making like 40 grand a month or something. Some like, nice tick tock, girl.

[C]

Good.

[B]

That shit's important.

[A]

Maybe I have like a special brew. Like, maybe my farts are so potent that like, if you're in, you're like, that's your weird kink. Maybe I'm the guy. Maybe I start a little side hustle. Side biz. You know, I do movies, I do tv, I'm a podcaster and I self arts and I kind of do it all. I'm a true renaissance man.

[C]

Aromatherapist.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm a nice man.

[B]

There you go.

[C]

Yeah, I'm kind of stoked that like at this point it's mostly unvaxed people dying. Not because I don't like people that aren't vaccinated.

[A]

Good luck. Sure.

[C]

I think you guys are. You're fine people. If you're unvaccinated, you're still probably. Some of my good friends are unvaccinated, I imagine. Right. But also, like, it can kill you. So I'll see you around.

[D]

Finish him.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

You know.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, but I'm just saying, like, you know how now, like, there are places that are like, you can't come, like you can't come in if you're not vaccinated unless you present a vaccination card. Is that out the window at this point? Because it's not.

[C]

It should be.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, like, come on, like, we can't carry this weight of all these people dying anymore. Like, if you were right off the gate, like 48 hours after we found out about this being like, well, people die. You're kind of a. But now that we know it's here to stay, like, how long can we be like, we're doing this for every single person when, like, not everyone's in it. So it.

[B]

It's just so weird.

[A]

Well, that's why people are on the CDC so hard right now. They've, like, last. They've like, laxed the. The.

[B]

The waiting period.

[A]

The waiting period that you have to quarantine before you can go back into society. And people are, like, shitting on. I'm like, at this point, it is what it is. It's either you get vaccinated and you protect yourself or you don't. And you don't.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I think. I think dirge has the best.

[A]

Because we're all getting it.

[B]

Yeah. It's just like, it's. It's. It's not a nice thing to do to the people who have to take care of people who made the choice not to, because they might have made the choice to get vaccinated and be, you know, frontline worker and all that.

[C]

If you're old or like, like, super hefty, it's a bummer. It's a bummer. But you know what? Maybe. Maybe this is God's will.

[B]

Oh, right. Christ is born.

[C]

Did I tell you guys that when I was filming down in the south?

[A]

Your boobs are huge.

[C]

This woman said that at her church, people were calling it the mark of the beast. And I was like, that's off the chain.

[B]

Like 666.

[C]

What is like, when you get the shot? It's. They're like. They're like, that's the mark of the beast from the Bible. And I was like, sick. Yes.

[B]

Satan.

[A]

Satan.

[B]

I'm down, bro.

[A]

I like that. The mark of the beast is just like a little, like, colorful band aid.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, right. It's a paw patrol band aid, for sure.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. I don't know, man. 2022. We had a good run. It's the future, but it's doomsday.

[C]

We're done.

[A]

It's just crazy that this has been going on so long at this point, right? Yeah. You know, it's like. Like two years of a person's life. That's a long. Like, if you went to prison for two years, that's not a short stint.

[C]

No, allegedly. Yeah.

[B]

Three months sucks.

[A]

Two.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, just dropping out. I don't know. Yeah.

[C]

A holiday weekend's not great.

[A]

Years, man. Do you think that that was an move to leave us, right, Sort of stranded?

[B]

Yeah, that's kind of.

[A]

Or do we think it was a move?

[B]

Yes.

[D]

Oh, or.

[C]

Because we're.

[A]

You.

[C]

We established that you were a before, right?

[D]

Yeah, I'm a straight up ye.

[A]

But I don't believe that.

[C]

Was that an asshole move or a bitch move?

[A]

I believe. I believe Kyle is more of an asshole than he is giving himself credit for.

[D]

All right, all right, I'm into that. I'm into that. Give me the asshole credit then.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

So where do I stand?

[B]

Well, it depends if he. I mean. Yeah, that's a toss up. Where does the man stand?

[C]

Where do you think you stand? I guess I would like to hear it from you. Yeah.

[A]

This is our most charged episode, by the way. I love this.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

This Po Charge poacher.

[D]

I always thought that I was a bee with an itch. I always thought that I was a bee with an itch. I'm not gonna say it.

[C]

And then you had to scratch it. You had to scratch that itch.

[D]

I guess it was kind of asshole. But not to you guys. More to the fans. And I'll speak to the Arogaloids.

[C]

Arogaloids. It's his first time back. Yeah, go off. Go off. I'll speak to the Arogaloids.

[B]

Listen up.

[C]

There's a message.

[D]

Listen, Arugaloids. We are now calling ourselves Arogaloids. Okay, this is the big news.

[B]

You guys just need a ton of rolos.

[C]

Rolos. Underrated. Yeah, bro. Great, kid.

[D]

We're another Rologoids. No, but I will apologize because I feel like that's where I left people stranded. I think I communicated with you guys behind the scenes what was going on. And then you took it to another level for entertainment, which I kind of dig. I just knew nothing about, I guess. You said I was dead.

[C]

Yeah, for entertainment.

[D]

You said I was dead.

[C]

For entertainment.

[D]

You said I was dead.

[A]

No, I think. I think Dead to us.

[B]

Dead to us.

[D]

I got so many messages saying, are you alive?

[C]

That's fair.

[A]

Okay, well, people are like, kyle wouldn't betray and leave his friends. He's not an asshole.

[C]

Freaking.

[A]

See ya. Yeah, they didn't know. They didn't know that that was a bitch move and not an asshole move.

[D]

Yeah, I guess I'm just like, you know, maybe I'm like yin yang. You know, maybe I'm like as much bitch as I am asshole. And maybe that's the lesson here. Maybe I showed you guys a little asshole.

[A]

I like that.

[D]

Maybe I showed you a little asshole.

[C]

You're a bass hitch.

[A]

Yeah, Kyle.

[B]

As speaking as a bitch. It was inspiring. I was. I. I want to make my play as an asshole. Coming up. So I'm really trying to devise the right time to really let my asshole fly.

[A]

Well, I think this goes to show that no matter if you are a bitch or an asshole, you can still do the same things. If you want to leave your friends in alert and betray the community as a bitch or an asshole, you can still do it no matter if you are a bitch or an asshole.

[C]

Right.

[A]

It doesn't. It doesn't matter. You can still get the same thing done. I'm still gonna send it.

[C]

And to be clear, he. He's here. He just apologized. A huge bitch move.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

That's how I know you're not an actual. Because you weren't, like, I had shit.

[D]

To do, so maybe it's not the yin yang.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like if you're a real asshole, you would have been like, oh, okay, is that. Oh, so that. That's how it's gonna be. And then you just.

[C]

Kyle, you've got great lines, okay? No one's denying your shoulders and a.

[B]

Nice tan when you got that tank top going.

[C]

No one's denying that. Yeah.

[D]

And a killer tattoo on the back that's exposed when I rock the tank, bro.

[C]

And when you were doing P90X.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

We got to post some of Kyle's P90X.

[B]

Can we.

[D]

Let's do it.

[A]

I feel like. Let's. Let's dig in the crates and post.

[D]

Adam.

[C]

Adam.

[A]

Hot, hot, hot, hot.

[C]

Covid.

[A]

I just died. Covid.

[D]

He died from lunch.

[B]

The thing he loved killed him.

[A]

Let's post all of our p Bods, because we would. We would all work out together during the P90X days. Tony Horton would inspire us, and we would work out in the workaholics house before we got the show. And I remember Ders would come over, and we're, like, finishing up a workout, like, at. He got there a little earlier. What? Or maybe we're working out a little late. And he would just be like, what the are you guys doing?

[C]

I'm eating a burrito from Fresh and Easy.

[B]

Oh, Fresh and Easy. Rip Dang. Damn.

[D]

God, such a great.

[B]

I mean, that was the first time I had ever, like, done, like, a workout regimen. And we. We were all in. All five of us in that house. Tony Horton was a magical guy. We watched those damn DVDs so much that you just start to memorize them and. And just fall in love with each character.

[C]

Yeah. You would just quote all day long. You guys were just saying, do your.

[B]

Best and forget the rest.

[C]

What was. The one was, like, German potato soup. Yeah, there it is.

[A]

German potato soup.

[C]

Hey.

[B]

Backing up like a terrible pterodactyl.

[C]

These dudes were just quoting P90X like, it was the newest, funniest SNL sketch or some.

[A]

Dude, it was the best. And also, Blake, that's still your workout regimen, right? You didn't switch it up. There's no muscle. There's no more muscle confusion over there because you've been doing the same workout for 10 plus years.

[B]

I know I gotta switch it up, but, man, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

[A]

You do have a hot bod. You do have a really hot bod.

[D]

Big ups for working out, bro. Good job.

[C]

Thank you so much.

[A]

So rumor has it, Sarah Jessica Parker and Kim Cattrall.

[B]

Okay, here's some tea.

[A]

Here's. Hey, guys, sip some tea. TII nation.

[C]

Sipping it. It's tea time. TII nation.

[A]

Hey, community, get your little teacups out.

[B]

Because we're about to sip sips.

[C]

Oh, look at that. Sound effects.

[A]

I don't know if you can hear that, but that's tea. That was tea.

[C]

Oh, boy. For myself. Hold up. He's on one.

[A]

No, Rumor has it, sir. Jessica Barker. Katrell. They don't like you, Chad.

[C]

Hey, you know where I stand. Pour the tea. Pour the tea. Pour the tea. Pour the tea. Oh, boy. That's not okay. Rumor has it they don't like. This has got to be a weekly segment. Sipping tea.

[A]

Sipping tea with Adam. Hey, Sipping tea with Adam D. You're a stupid dumbass. Oh, yeah. And that's all the information we have about them, like, not liking each other, baby.

[C]

And that's all I got.

[A]

And that's all I got.

[C]

You've got the scoop from two weeks ago, and this airs in three weeks. Awesome. Yeah. Some hot tea. That's some iced tea.

[A]

Freddy got fingered is my Freddy got fingered.

[B]

That's right.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I love that one.

[A]

I remember watching Freddy got Fingered on, though. We, me and Austin Anderson, who I moved out to California with a good buddy of ours. He. We were in a hotel room staying with his dad, like, looking for colleges when I was 18. Like, maybe we were gonna go to, like, Boulder. And so we were out there looking at the college and that kind of stuff. And in that hotel room that night, we snuck off, smoked some weed, and then came back and paid. Had his dad pay to watch. Freddie got fake angered. And we're laughing so hard, we're crying. And his dad was, like, getting upset at us. He's like, what the.

[C]

What the. What the.

[A]

You. Why are you laughing so hard at this? He was, like, angry that we found it so funny.

[C]

Shut up.

[A]

Shut up.

[C]

Because he thought it was so stupid.

[A]

Because he thought it was so stupid. Yes. He was like, he could not wrap his head around why we thought it was so funny. It helped that we had just smoked some kind.

[B]

But yeah, I wish you could have let him in. He probably been like, oh, now I get it.

[D]

Smoke weed every day.

[A]

He's a total dude.

[B]

This is our saddest pod yet, dude.

[A]

Yeah. So did. What did you do to unbitchify your child at that moment?

[C]

Yeah. Bare bottom spanking.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Pull. I said pull your pants down now. Did you get. Yo, what are parents doing? What is up with bear bottom spankies, man? I know it. I know it hurts more, but just hit, hit, hit harder and keep the pants on. Hit harder.

[A]

I feel like my parents never use a weapon. Pulled my pants down. I got spanked. I got.

[C]

I got bare bottom spanked. Belt.

[B]

You got bare. But so wait, what was the process of getting bare bottom spank?

[A]

Like?

[B]

Was it like. I mean, over there, when your pants.

[C]

All the way down.

[A]

Does he rip your pants down or your mom or is he.

[C]

Does he. Yeah, there's a neighborhood guy who was your body.

[A]

Well, does your dad.

[C]

Principal.

[B]

Could have been your principal or your teacher.

[A]

Does that man that lives in your house make you.

[C]

When I get to make you pull.

[A]

Your pants down in front of him real quick.

[C]

For the principal, it was more like an insertion, right? That was like, you're naughty. And I'd go, okay, wow. No, at that age, I feel like all my pants were like elasticized or whatever. So it would just be like a. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Sweatpants only. Sweatpants only.

[C]

No, no, no. Even like your corduroys for, like church or whatever had like a little elastic in the band hand, like on the sides.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just so parents could rip your down and.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Oshkosh Bagash was like a child.

[A]

He was building them for easy access.

[C]

Make sure you put the elastic in there.

[A]

I'm pissed. Now the quick release. So sorry.

[B]

I'm like. So this. You're saying that the man in your.

[A]

House who used to thank you, who.

[C]

No one else ever saw.

[A]

Some people call him a father. Some. Some people called it a father.

[B]

He would tear your elastic pants down.

[C]

He would just pull the pants down.

[B]

And then start smashing, hacking.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Now, did you put your hand in the way? Because my whole thing was, is I would put my hand to defend.

[A]

He never made you strip in front of him. It was. It was a quick. It was always a quick snatch.

[C]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Was he like, pull your pants down and you had. You're like, no, I don't Want to?

[C]

The ass whoopings. The ass whoopings in the house were never like a planned go get a switch type thing. Like, it took a bunch of time where he's like, oh, you got in trouble at school.

[A]

It was that white hot anger that just ignited.

[C]

Exactly. It wasn't gonna be like planned out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It happened in the moment.

[C]

But yeah, it would just be like if you put your hand there, you move your hand.

[B]

Yeah, dude.

[C]

You'd be like, no, no, dude.

[B]

I remember when I was like light enough, I'd like put my hand down but like I'd be getting hoisted up by one arm, like feet off the floor and then.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Smacked.

[B]

And then your hand is trying to block anything and then you end up hurting your hand.

[A]

So what, what were you guys getting beat for all the time? What was.

[C]

What was?

[B]

That's a good question.

[C]

Why the hell I remember specifically this happened a few times and I do love my mom.

[A]

Okay, sure. We have to freaking see us. We have to prep this.

[C]

She's a great woman. Oh, yeah, the bitch. Whoa. She's dealing with three boys. A lot on her plate.

[B]

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[A]

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[C]

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[B]

Hey, TII nation, we're sure you've been asking yourself now who are Crocs for? There's a reason why Crocs tagline is come as you are are Crocs Classic clogs are for people who've transcended opinions and just want to be. There's a self assured swagger you need to bring when you wear them.

[A]

That's right, Blake. Crocs classic clogs are a comfortable constant in the chaos you live in. Your boss texted you at 9pm Your dog peed on your sock. You've got 14 missed calls from spam likely. But your feet, silent chill. They're like, bro, let's touch grass. When you're comfortable in your own shoes, not just the physical comfort but being self assured with who you are too powerful things happen. Suddenly you have the confidence to call your dentist back.

[C]

Hey Adam, for real, when someone styles a pair of Crocs Classic clogs, well, it's next level Drip. Now let's talk Jibbit's Charms. What's the point of wearing clouds if you can't have fun with them? Just add Jibbitz Charms. Don't fight it, just try it and feel the magic unfurl. They've got your favorite food, characters and all the things from cool to weird. And you know we love to get weird. Check out crocs.com for more.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

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[A]

This is 69, dude. This is a very special event.

[C]

They're all special. And that's what he's going to grow to realize.

[B]

Kyle never misses a 69 baby.

[D]

Oh, no. I show up to every goddamn 69 baby.

[A]

My mom is so fitted with talk show attire.

[C]

Nice.

[A]

Every time I'd FaceTime her, she's just wearing like, team Coco shirts or Ellen sweatpants or whatever else.

[D]

That's great.

[A]

Yeah, he's the best.

[C]

You guys are the same size.

[A]

We're the exact same size. Well, I asked for women's smalls for yourself.

[B]

That's why your nipples be popping.

[A]

That's why my nipples are always popping out.

[C]

Yeah. I can't wear. Wait. It's gonna be fun. I. It's gonna be fun trying not to be who we are.

[A]

I know exactly it's gonna be. It'll be weird.

[C]

It's good to see you, Adam. I've known this guy for how long.

[B]

Are you guys gonna dance? A whole bunch.

[A]

Like, I'm gonna embarrass Ders by making him dance a lot. I'm gonna say twitch, Hit it. And then get up. And then we'll have a little dance off.

[C]

I'm gonna beat you to it. I'm gonna walk out with my dick tucked between my legs. Yes. Everything's gonna stop.

[A]

Damn. Just wiggle your way out. That'd be great.

[D]

Everything stops. And then they're like, okay, we're gonna need to take that again.

[C]

Can you.

[D]

Can you put your dick in your pants, sir?

[C]

Goodbye. Can't have your dick out. And then I go, this isn't live.

[D]

I don't care how long you've known each other, you can't have your dick out. Okay? That's not acceptable.

[C]

Because it's Ellen. Because it's Daytime.

[A]

And they're like, yeah, just TV in general.

[C]

General.

[A]

You can't do that.

[B]

You can't have your dick out. Can't do that on. On any show.

[C]

Why aren't they laughing?

[A]

So you guys have sick ass plans for your New Year's? What's going on? Do you guys know what you're doing?

[C]

I'm gonna be home, bro.

[B]

Freaking party daddy.

[A]

Party daddy.

[C]

With these trees trimmed.

[B]

Yeah, dude. Now that the trees are trimmed, we can really hit it.

[C]

I'm gonna be in my front lawn just sipping tea, waving at neighbors.

[B]

Yeah, buddy. Banging pots and pans. I don't know what. I haven't done something for New Year's in a while. It's kind of a. I kind of hate New Year's.

[A]

New Year's is like such a. Yeah.

[B]

I'm like the rookie night dude.

[A]

And Blake is such a pro.

[C]

I don't know why everyone's expectations are always so high. Because every year everyone goes, it's not good.

[A]

Blake is such a pro when it comes to being an alcoholic.

[C]

Dude.

[B]

No, I know. That is totally it. With New Year's, it's so much pressure to have fun. I get so worked up.

[C]

But. But we. We are now like, post. Everyone expecting it to be good always talks about how shady it is. So I don't understand why we don't just lower the expectations.

[B]

Lowered expectations.

[A]

See, you want an awesome party where, like, I feel New Year's is the one. I never want to wear a suit or get dressed up. Like, literally never. I really want to do that. Except for New Year's. If New Year's Eve there was like a big Gatsby ball and everybody. Everybody wore little masks and wore tuxedos and beautiful gowns. And then we went a beautiful palace and fucked each other. That would be a dream.

[C]

Ripping in the terror.

[A]

A dream New Year's. Yeah, maybe it never goes down. It never goes down. I never get the invite sword to me in a raven's mouth that. I never get that. So what's the point? Maybe even trying.

[B]

We're just not doing New Year's. Right? We need to get all, like, dressed in gold, wear masks, go in a room with each other and kind of take.

[A]

Dude, I didn't say gold. That's where you lost me.

[C]

Yeah, but I like where he's going with it.

[B]

No, that's what you're supposed to do on New Year's is wear gold. Isn't that like a whole thing? You wear gold.

[A]

Why gold?

[C]

I don't know what he's talking about.

[B]

I think it's like a thing the.

[A]

Are you talking about?

[B]

No, I think you're supposed to wear gold on New Year's.

[C]

Adam, hit him.

[A]

You.

[C]

Blake assault. Adam, shut the fuck up.

[A]

I've never heard that you wear gold on New Year's.

[B]

Maybe that's like a. Maybe that was just my grandma and I just figured it was a real thing.

[C]

Yeah, yeah, that's what it was.

[A]

Not amazing when parents or grandparents would just tell you something as a kid and you're like, just like, yeah, I guess that is a fact.

[C]

I'll think about that till I'm 40.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What is it with like, grandma's wearing purple hats? Is that a thing?

[C]

Am I making it just.

[A]

Did you. Yeah.

[C]

What do you mean?

[A]

No, did you have like a cool black grandmother that was taking you to church or something?

[C]

Yeah. Did you have a grandmother that worked at the Kentucky Derby? She. She works at the circus. Huh?

[B]

No. There's a thing like, there's this club of grandma that all wear like purple hats. That's a real thing, dude.

[C]

You're thinking of Jambi from Peewee's Playhouse, dude.

[A]

Well, I mean, grandmothers in New Orleans specifically, they like will go drink tea, sip it.

[C]

Oh, hit me with that.

[B]

The tea.

[A]

They pour the tea on Sundays and then they go. And like they drink. They wear their dumb ass hats and they go, you know, have fucking.

[B]

No, guys, I fucked up. I fucked up. It's not purple.

[C]

We know.

[B]

It's a red hat. It's a red hat. It's called the Red Hat Society. And all the grandmas wear red hats and they wear purple dresses.

[C]

All the grandmas. I've never seen the red.

[A]

And what is going on? Is this like a.

[B]

The Red Hat Society? It's an international social organization and it was founded in 1998 in the United States for women age 50 and. And beyond. But it's now open to women of all ages.

[A]

Dude, 1998. That's not even that long ago. They have this secret societies. Secret societies are supposed to be like a thousand years old. This is like a new 50.

[B]

This is the new hot.

[A]

And. And by the way, it's not that secret of a society. It's literally there's a.

[B]

You don't know about it.

[A]

Join. It's just.

[C]

Join. You didn't know about it.

[A]

Secret Society. Whatever. Mono Montaun.com.

[B]

Dude, listen to these activities. Both red and pink hatters often wear very elaborate decorated hats and attention getting fashion accessories such as feather boa. The Society's events vary depending on the chapter. But common activities among Red Hatters include hosting tea parties, playing games and going to movies. I want to be a grandma.

[C]

God, I wish I was chunking.

[A]

Did you? Honestly? You will be a grandmother, dude. I see that for you.

[C]

Can I chunk? You want to chunk?

[B]

You want to chunk out of the Red Hat Society? That shit is cool. They probably get up and play.

[C]

They don't. They drink tea and come on.

[B]

That tea's got shit in it.

[A]

People don't say kind but anymore. I feel like we used to say kind but a lot. We're old.

[B]

Well, is that a specific brand? Maybe it's not a brand.

[A]

No, it's not a brand. It used to be because there was like shitty weed and that was that. We called them rags or mids and that was like kind of shitty. The shitty stuff that. And then if you got the top of the line stuff it was kind.

[B]

Well, do you think it's because now everything is.

[A]

The weed has gotten so goddamn good that everybody is just smokes kind.

[B]

But yeah, yeah. I mean I hear. I think more you hear about if something's like mid or whatever. Like if somebody's not smoking good stuff. But weed has come along way. It's very strong and delicious.

[A]

It has. I'm going to show you guys can came out with a bottle.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

I'm going to try to get you guys one of these because they're delicious here.

[C]

I'll be right back from can a bottle.

[A]

This is the way.

[B]

Let's see some can bottle. Is it a different variation?

[C]

Hey, while he's gone. I've never seen shuck in boxing. A. I don't know what he's talking about. Yeah, I think he made it up. I think it's. He's back. Oh no, he's not pack. Okay. So anyway, I've never seen it. I just like to team up against you. I hate you. Yeah. I want to be Adam's best friend. I know it's not going to happen.

[B]

That's fine. I have my board.

[C]

It's a long shot. Yeah. Bored teenager. We get it.

[B]

You should.

[C]

I should what? I should what?

[B]

You should go ahead.

[C]

I should what? You should.

[B]

You should go over to Adam's house and hang out with him more often.

[C]

Yeah. No, no. Here's what.

[B]

Hey, what up dude?

[C]

It's Chuck and Buck, my man. There's no way way you should be in Spanish one regular as. I think it was like a. I think my senior year or junior year when I Took my last Spanish class. I was in it with all freshmen.

[B]

Yeah, I had that with math.

[C]

I was like a dumb old weirdo.

[A]

Wait, so you were in Spanish one your junior year?

[C]

No, my sophomore year.

[A]

Okay, well, that's a little late.

[C]

There's 10 of us in the high school that, like, you take Spanish one as a seventh grade grader. Do you know what I'm saying? Oh, and then you take Spanish. Yeah, because you start language in middle school.

[A]

Oh, we didn't. We started in eighth grade. We took. It was just. We took like a. A semester of each language. And then by the time you got to high school, then you chose a.

[C]

Language, but, like, that would have been one. And I'm taking one as a sophomore in high school now.

[A]

Good.

[B]

So you were the biggest kid in class.

[C]

There were a couple other people my.

[B]

Age at my school. You didn't even have to take a language as long as you took, like, in arts. So I took theater, drama, and I didn't even have to take Spanish, and that's why I'm stupid as fuck.

[A]

Yeah. And your school was like, a really dumb school or something.

[B]

Yeah, it's gotten better since.

[C]

But you were allowed to graduate with two years of a language. But then when I got to college, they were like, what do you. Do you need to take language again?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And I was like, oh. So I took Norwegian. I took French in middle school. Yeah, yeah, I'll get there. I took French in middle school, and I was like, I want my name to be Jean Claude. You know how they give you a name?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

So I was like, jcvd.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And then they were like, someone already has that. And I go, okay. So I thought the dashboard, of course, Boris era, someone. So I thought the dash part was French. And then my favorite dog was a Chinese Shar Pei. So I was like, you can call me Shar Pei. And she's like, that's not French. And I was like, then don't call me anything. I was just like, a knucklehead. So she was like, okay, Sharpay.

[A]

Okay, Sharpe.

[C]

There's a character in, like, a high school musical named Sharpay or something. So I was onto something.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Then took Spanish in high school. That was insane. And then.

[B]

Insane.

[C]

Yeah, because I. I still couldn't get it. And everyone around me didn't give a fuck. So we just never learned anything.

[A]

Yeah, those were the best classes when everyone was dumb, and those were the worst. And you guys were all on the same page with, we're just not going to learn anything. And Then the teacher's like, I can't fail them all, so.

[B]

Cuz they'll get fired.

[A]

If you just last second study just a little bit more than your dumb friends, she'll give you an A cuz she's like, all right.

[C]

Can I tell you something?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

At least that was never even. I was like, no, I wouldn't even study last second.

[A]

Oh, I was gaming that system.

[C]

I was like, I remember guys like you be having fun. And then on the exam, like the one no homework. But then on the exam they'd be like, yeah, I got a B. And you go, what the. That's not what. We cheated. That's what we agreed to. We were both going to fail.

[A]

And around you studied, we all said that we were going to fail this one. Kyle betrayed me.

[B]

Betrayal.

[A]

Remember that one time that when that girl wanted to have a threesome with us? Kyle say what?

[C]

And then.

[A]

And then we didn't. We didn't do it. 69, dude. You remember that?

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. Then we just 69 each other. Remember that?

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

Do you remember that?

[A]

I don't remember that. Oh, I'm really happy we did. Because then that'd be like a really weird thing that we have between us. Like. Yeah, because I for sure would have probably seen you're like the back of your nut sack or something, like in a weird position.

[D]

You would have licked it.

[C]

Right?

[A]

I'm glad we didn't do that.

[B]

Oh, you're saying if you guys did a threesome together, the two of you and a girl, you would have seen his nutsack?

[A]

I'm sure. I mean, I'm seeing like nut sacks and like the back of nut sacks and maybe a bubble if she calls for two.

[C]

One box. You guys doing that? Yeah.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Good luck.

[C]

Good answer. Yes. Points.

[A]

I guess we would have had to. But, but, but we. In the moment, we, we. We were like, no, no. This, this will change our friendship dynamic.

[C]

Right.

[A]

Forever.

[D]

No, I'm happy. I. I agree with you there, Adam. I'm glad we had the wherewithal to say, you know what? Let's not do this.

[A]

Yeah. And maybe we would have in the moment fell in love and then. And then we end up each other.

[C]

Two cocks. No box.

[B]

And then two cocks each other's mouths.

[D]

And then 69.

[A]

We don't have wives. You don't have kids. Kids. And we're just together forever.

[C]

You know, T. Cox got married.

[A]

That could have. That could have changed everything.

[B]

I think that would be really interesting to. To do with a friend like Have a threesome with a very close friend. And I wonder where that could lead.

[C]

I feel like that's how it usually they are, right? Aren't they usually friends? Wouldn't they be? Is it.

[B]

I feel like, I feel like it's a scenario where it's a total stranger.

[C]

I'm saying it's probably usually not an anonymous dude. It's probably like two homies and some girls. Like.

[D]

Actually, actually, I think that this is called like when you go and search for your unicorn, right?

[B]

Oh, yes. Great movie.

[A]

Wait, what?

[C]

Lauren Lapkis.

[D]

Yeah. When a couple wants to have a threesome and then they go search for the random person that's going to be in it that is not going to be a part of their world anymore after this one special night. But they just go find their youth unicorn. And the search for a unicorn is real.

[A]

And the unicorn is just like a pretty slutty person that's willing to have sex with two complete strangers.

[D]

Oh, slutty or sexually open minded, however you want to say that, you know.

[A]

Yeah, your boobs are huge.

[C]

Sexual charged.

[A]

I don't say slutty as a bad thing. I think sluts kind of rock.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, sluts rock.

[A]

And yeah, let's rock.

[D]

I dig sluts too.

[C]

Adam comes from a long line of sluts.

[A]

Yeah, for sure. Proud sleep.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. We're a proud family of slugs.

[C]

There was a cool fight in the stands at the Wisconsin Arizona State game last week.

[B]

Oh, I love fan fights.

[C]

These two Arizona State guys were like getting chippy with each other and it was like chippy going on way too long where like they're almost fighting.

[B]

How fucking dare you?

[C]

And then some old like beer bellied dad from Wisconsin who looked grizzled, right? Like a guy who you're like, I don't know if I would fuck with this dude. Like throws hey hay bales around or some comes up and he's like, if you guys don't shut up, I'm gonna kick both your asses. Come on, cut this out. Let's go. Brandon, shut up.

[A]

What a idiot.

[C]

I was like, yeah, all right. I was with him and then I. And then he tried to be like, come on, let's go, Brandon. Right? And the guys are like, yeah, all right, let's go. Okay.

[B]

So they were bound by their, their.

[A]

The hatred of the president. President.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

That stopped it.

[C]

It stopped it.

[D]

Yeah, that stopped it.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

All right. All right, cool.

[A]

So wait.

[B]

Well, if that's what brings us together, all of us, I'm freaking pumped dude, let's go.

[C]

Brandon. I think that's not how it's intended, but yeah, if that's what brings everyone together.

[B]

Well, I'm on board. I've swung over.

[A]

Well, you have.

[C]

I know you are. Can we get it on the soundboard? Absolutely.

[B]

We're gonna get one of those things.

[A]

Sucks. Well, I told you guys this story about the time that me and my dad always slap box, right. And so we're always slap boxing each other.

[C]

Right?

[A]

And then I was on tour and I did a show in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, which is like right next to Waterloo, Iowa, where I'm from, where my whole family's from. And it was a huge show. One of the biggest shows.

[C]

Did the water lunatics come, come out?

[B]

Oh, damn.

[A]

Yes. We drank them out of alcohol halfway through the show, or not even halfway through. Like 15 minutes in the show, they were like out of beer, so the venue had to go buy like 50 more cases of beer. Yeah, I'm still gonna send it. And it was like a big. It was like 3200 seats or something. And so it was an awesome show and it went great. And then after the show, we went out, we went drinking. It was very fun. All my dad's friends were there. And then we're going back to the hotel and it's all icy out. It's like February or when in the winter. And we're slap boxing. And. And then my dad starts to get too aggressive, like I'm winning the slap. So he close fist punches me in the mouth and like, like popped me in my lip. And so I'm like, what the fuck? You hit me in the lip. And he's like, oh, I'm sure. And then I fucking popped him in the face and I gave him a black eye. And then my mom, now my mom's like, stop it. It. Stop it.

[C]

I love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

And my dad fighting.

[A]

Yeah. And then my dad's like, you son of a. And he's like, wants to fight me and people have to hold him back. And. And. And then, you know, cooler heads prevailed and we went to bed.

[C]

I was like, when? And what part of the story did they prevail?

[A]

So it was.

[C]

It.

[A]

So. And then we. We go back to our rooms, whatever, you know, we were drunk.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And you know how you guys fit fight your dads when you guys get drunk and went back to our rooms and all of a sudden, like, I'm. I'm going to bed. And like 45 minutes later, 30 minutes later, my. No, I just hear Someone in the hallway going like, oh, man. Oh, come on.

[B]

Jesus Christ.

[C]

Was it two people or you just got back?

[A]

No, this is my dad. I got back into character and. And I open up the door and it's just my dad slumped in the hallway trying to stand sleep y in a. In the hallway of the hotel.

[B]

That shit's important.

[A]

And I go, I go, dad, what the you doing? He goes, your mom won't let me sleep in the room with her. She kicked him out.

[C]

He was in the dog house.

[A]

Yeah. So I'm like, I'm like, all right, come in here. And then he sleeps in the room with me. I wake up, he somehow I. He was wearing clothes when he got into bed. And then somehow he had stripped down to just his tidy wall whities. And I woke up to him throwing his leg over me and grabbing me around like, big spooning me.

[C]

Sure.

[A]

And then brings me in close and goes, I love you, honey. I'm sorry, baby. And I'm like, the. And he goes, that's not my dad. I'm like, ah. And then. And then it was like, oh, I thought you were a bad petty. And I'm like, oh, I'm not. I'm not petty.

[C]

Yeah, cooler has prevailed.

[A]

Yeah, cooler heads.

[C]

Thank God.

[B]

Cooler heads prevailed, man.

[C]

It sounds like, oh, man, this guy was docking with his dad.

[A]

So then we have a really funny photo of like the next day of like me looking fat headed from all the booze I drank and my dad just fully having a black eye. And it's just us in the lobby of this shitty hotel. Be like, yeah, it's okay.

[C]

We're fine. We still love each other.

[B]

I slept with him last night.

[C]

Cooler heads prevailed.

[B]

Cooler heads once again prevailed.

[C]

Oh, my God. Damn.

[B]

You gotta stop slapping your dad around, dude. That's fucked up, dude.

[A]

It was a mutual slap around. We'll still do it. It's fun.

[B]

It's fun to slap your dad.

[C]

Bob and wave.

[A]

But that thing, it's slap boxing.

[C]

Ironically, that's also how you dance.

[A]

I do, I do.

[C]

Just.

[B]

Yeah, just lots of hands.

[C]

Like a wild and crazy guy. Never danced at him. He might hit you.

[B]

There's a lot of hands coming at you.

[A]

Yeah, dude, if I'm slam dancing with my bros, that's what's up. Dude, I'm slam dancing with my bros. Let's go.

[C]

We're just comedians, bro.

[B]

Why are we getting so serious, dude?

[A]

Because I'm trying to talk about titty milk and you guys don't even want to. Like, I was like, really wanting to go down. This is it. Sweet. Dan said about, like, what they. It's good, right?

[C]

Yes. It rocks. Yes, man.

[B]

You get those drips. Go get that. Can you buy titty milk on the wet. On the Internet, on the west?

[A]

I bet there's some dark. I mean, weird that there's. No.

[C]

It's not even dark. It's just. It's women if you want to. Not you, if you can't. If you're not producing and you don't want to use formula, you can buy. Buy.

[A]

You can buy other ladies.

[B]

That is wild.

[C]

Yeah. What?

[A]

Wild?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That is insane. That doesn't seem like it's a bottle. Like, hey, and you can just.

[C]

You can buy jizz. It's just called sperm.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but you. You can't just go online. You're saying, like, you go to like an Amazon. You could buy, can't you?

[C]

Well, it's not that, but it's. Yes. Can't you buy bodily fluid?

[A]

Like, you can't buy someone's bag of blood. Like, that's illegal to do, right? Food up.

[C]

Well, no, that's what you do. You go to a hospital, you get someone's blood. It's called a blood transfusion.

[A]

I know, but I'm saying me as just a guy that wants to try titty milk. I can't.

[C]

Adam Devine, you can.

[B]

I'm looking at breast milk, 100 ounces on eBay right now.

[C]

Oh, can you mix that with some can 100.

[A]

So can you buy jizz on ebay?

[B]

You want me to see jizz for sale?

[A]

Yes. See if there's any jizz for sale. Because I don't think you could buy jizz. It's crazy that you could buy titty milk. Like, because they're.

[C]

Why?

[A]

Well, because what if it's aids? It's aids. Titty milk.

[B]

We have semen acts, you know, I don't know.

[C]

Are you cutting yourself open and pouring it into your bloodstream? Whoa, dude. Adam. Holy shit.

[B]

I just found something, guys. It's called Porn Sperm. Artificial sperm. It comes in a tube. What the fuck is this?

[A]

So you inject that down your D hole or what?

[C]

Okay, what's the name? And let's shout them out so they can send us a box.

[B]

It's called Porn Sperm.

[A]

Porn.

[B]

Artificial sperm. Firm 125 milliliter tube.

[C]

So it's like fake jokes.

[A]

So was it for, like, if you're shooting a porno and. And then. So admittedly, I'm not a big shooter. Like, if I'm shooting a porno. It'd be. The cum shot would be disappointing. It'd be like, no. Well, all that work, a dribbler, all that work and it's just like a inactive volcano.

[C]

He. He dropped in from the top rope for a dribble.

[A]

Yeah, he dropped in. All that work and it's just dribbling. Here's something smart, like actually smart. Klarna has an app that helps you get a handle on your spending without giving up the way you shop. It's your smarter everyday spending partner, and once you try it, you'll wonder how you did it any other way.

[B]

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[C]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

That's right Blake. Crocs Classic clogs are a comfortable constant. In the chaos you live in in your boss texted you at 9pm, your dog peed on your sock. You've got 14 missed calls from spam likely. But your feet Silent chill. They're like bro, let's touch grass. When you're comfortable in your own shoes, not just the physical comfort, but being self assured with who you are too powerful things happen. Suddenly you have the confidence to call your dentist back.

[C]

Hey Adam, for real, when someone styles a pair of Crocs Classic Clogs, well, it's next level drip now.

[B]

Yep, totally.

[C]

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[E]

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[B]

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[A]

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[C]

Supplies are limited so head over to pura.com now and get your free set before the offer ends.

[A]

We had a teacher that I hated so much that I went to the.

[C]

School board and make her flinch.

[A]

Oh yeah, the and they got a petition with multiple teachers on on it saying that she's not fit to be a teacher. Multiple other teachers in the school and then went to the school board and.

[C]

Spoke you're a Karen.

[A]

It totally dude. And she was the worst. She was a nightmare math teacher and then I she was demoted to in school detention teacher so then she could only teach kids. And so my that was my sophomore year of high school school when this all this went down my senior year as I'm walking out of the school she goes Adam Divine. I turn around it was like a John Hughes scene.

[C]

Yes Satan.

[A]

I turned around and she goes I hate you.

[C]

Oh yeah, yeah you told us about that. Yeah, yeah, you. But you get it. Yeah.

[A]

And then I'm like, I hate you too. And I walked out and was like, yeah. And that was. I mean, that. That teacher also. We hated her. She hated us.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

It was a mutual hate, dude. She hated everybody.

[C]

Was it sexual tension, though?

[A]

Probably. Well, you could tell she wanted to. No, but not for me. Maybe that's why I was so salty with her.

[B]

She only.

[C]

She would. She said, let me get in them jeans.

[A]

She would show, like, the athletes, the jocks, like, special attention. And everyone else don't hate. He would hate their guts.

[C]

Right.

[A]

So I was standing up for all of the little. The.

[C]

The.

[A]

The cripples, the spazes, the little gnomes, all the little crips. All the little spaz.

[B]

Me and the crips, we're out of here.

[C]

And that's why you do stand up now. You're still standing up.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Papa taking a. Here, bud.

[C]

Wow.

[D]

Another tmi.

[A]

Just wondering if you'd rather have penises for fingers or vaginas for e. Ears. Or you'd rather shoot a brick or piss a golf ball.

[C]

Oh. Or too many.

[A]

Would you rather have taste buds in your butthole?

[C]

Yes.

[A]

Or poop out your mouth?

[C]

Taste buds in your butthole, obviously.

[A]

That's all I have to see. But obviously taste buds.

[D]

Yeah. Out of all of those.

[C]

Yeah.

[D]

I'm with T. Idiot.

[C]

You're an idiot.

[D]

I'm with T. Blake.

[C]

And obviously. Obviously. Penises for fingers. Obviously.

[D]

Then vaginas for ears.

[A]

Well, I mean, imagine how great you'd be at fingering. At fingering. You had penises. Fingers. That'd be. You'd be incredible. Women would be lining up down the block also.

[C]

That's just cool.

[A]

Yeah. You're on the. You're on the Tonight show for sure. Showing your penis fingers.

[C]

Vaginas for ears. That's. That's. You gotta have, like, tampons in your ears now. No, thank you.

[D]

Do you think you have to pee out of each one of those penises? Like, do each one of them have a bladder or what?

[B]

That's a lot of piss. Sure.

[C]

But then you're like. That's so easy to just kind of.

[D]

Be like, 10 more times a day. I'm running the bathroom. I don't know about that.

[C]

No, you've still. Same bladder. Oh, yeah.

[D]

Did you guys do, like, something where you were abandoning. Let's go. What's going on? You were saying let's.

[A]

Well, we're trying to get the let's.

[C]

Why Would we tell you? Why would we tell you? Don't tell him. Okay, Fuck him.

[A]

Let's go. I'm sorry.

[D]

Well, I just heard it.

[A]

I'm sorry, Dirt. Trying to talk to my friend.

[D]

You tried to stop it. Let's stop. Let's go.

[A]

We're trying to start. Let's stop. Let's go. The movement.

[C]

You're so lucky. We're trying telling you why.

[A]

Because let's go is the worst. Dude.

[C]

Wait, what?

[D]

Why?

[A]

Because it sucks.

[B]

Well, here's the tipping point is that Hertz Rent a Car made it their official promo.

[A]

And you know how I don't fuck with Hertz? Yeah, like, fuck Hertz. Obviously.

[D]

I get that. I get that.

[A]

Hertz.

[D]

Yeah, Hertz Donuts.

[B]

Dude. Somebody on Twitter sent me one where it was also like, discovery Channel is now. Let's go. Where it's like, turn on Discovery.

[A]

Let's go.

[D]

No, I mean, I totally get it. I just was like, this is. It is weird. It's going corporate. It's going corporate.

[B]

Weird.

[A]

The amount of, like, friends that I know, that I respect, their opinions are, like, reaching out to me about the righteous gemstones coming back. And. And they're. They're like, I. I posted like a trailer for righteous gemstones on my Instagram, and then they will, like, text me or DM me going, let's go. Let's go. Dude. Dude, January 9th, let's go. And I'm like, I don't know if I can be your friend anymore now.

[C]

Let's go.

[A]

So I've just lost about 20% of. Of my friend group over. Yeah, let's go.

[D]

This is what goes on, right? When people are like, literally. Literally. Literally.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

It's like it just becomes a part of your vernacular or like, really, really, really, really.

[C]

My eight year old the other day, he started saying that, like, to be honest, like, it was, if I'm being honest, everyone was saying. And then it became to be honest, and my 8 year old says it. I'm like, this is crazy.

[A]

Your 8 year old is. Is finally being honest.

[B]

Yeah, I've been lying for years, to be honest.

[A]

Blue's no longer my favorite color.

[C]

Do you not know what I'm talking about?

[A]

I don't not. I really.

[C]

Blake was doing it for a very long time on the podcast.

[B]

That's my catchphrase. If we're being honest.

[D]

It's a preface.

[C]

It's like a preface you would always say before a sentence. You'd say, if I'm being hon. It was the thing people were saying. And then they've shortened it, to be honest.

[B]

Honestly, who throws a shoe?

[C]

It's. It's all pointless and stupid, you know? Which is why I had to beat my kid. Go ahead.

[A]

It's just like a little phrase that people will latch on to.

[D]

It's a preface.

[A]

And then it becomes part of everyone's, you know, everyday lexicon.

[C]

Right? Like J. Like how we always used to all say J.

[B]

Yes, J. J. I mean, soon as enough, let's go. We'll cycle through. I'm just really excited to see what's next. It's gonna be cool.

[A]

My father. There's stories of him just going around Omaha. No, no, his friends. Because I. I go hunting with a group of my friends and a group of his friends once a year. We haven't done the last couple years because of COVID and cancer, but.

[C]

Covid.

[A]

Covid. Covid strikes again. But there's evidence. Suddenly. He bit a man's finger off.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah, back in the day.

[C]

So.

[A]

Hell yeah. So he bit a man's finger off. So, like, I. You know, I'm. I'm afraid if he get. Were to get real riled up, something could turn real sideways to where he just. I feel like I would never bite a man's finger.

[B]

That's like, life.

[C]

I don't know about that. I feel like you would.

[A]

You do think I would bite a man's finger?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, I feel like you would totally bite somebody's finger off. You're. You're definitely the guy to bite.

[C]

And then you would blame them. Them.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is your fault.

[C]

Yeah. You'd be like, what do you want me to do? You. You did the. You did that? Well, you started.

[A]

Well, they're putting their cool hair, like, all up in my face, dude. They. They deserve a little chomp chop.

[C]

I mean, I think. I think you would go for them. I think if they were nearby and you were losing, you'd go for them.

[A]

Well, it depends. Is this a life or death fight? Like, if it's a friendly shot. The fight with my dad in. In that parking lot in front of the. The local Radisson.

[B]

He wanted to kill you.

[C]

What was his. His fight? Was his fight life or death?

[A]

No, his fight was like, guys followed them home from the bar and, like, they fought in. In. So I don't know. You know, they were. They. They were like street kids. So there could have been knives and.

[C]

Sure. Bike chains. Yeah, no doubt. Chains. Street wrap a lot of handfuls of dirt.

[A]

No, but that. It would. They were like, super like, my dad had friends that were murdered and, you know, were, like, stabbed to death. Yeah, dude.

[B]

What the.

[A]

In high school school, and he had a friend get stabbed in the hallway and murdered.

[C]

What?

[A]

Yeah, man.

[B]

That's crazy. At school.

[A]

At school.

[C]

Wow.

[B]

That's really insane.

[A]

So, yeah, it could have been. It could have been life or death. I don't know. You know, that being said, like, if I'm in a fist fight with. Usually I've only ever fought my friends. It's always been like, tempers get a little out of hand and then me and a buddy go at it. But we're not actually, like. You're just trying to win the fight. You're not trying to physically hurt them to where you. They can't, like, walk the next day. You know what I mean?

[C]

Right? Do we know what you mean?

[A]

I don't know what I mean. I don't know. I'm saying, like, if I were to fight.

[C]

I know what you mean.

[A]

I wouldn't. I wouldn't, like, if there was an opportunity to break your neck, I wouldn't do it.

[C]

I appreciate that.

[B]

Yeah, dude, that's big of you, but.

[A]

If I'm in a fist fight and. And there's like a guy with a. A blade and he's coming at me and he's like, I'm. I'm going to murder you, then I'd look for the opportunity to break his goal.

[B]

You want. You're looking for the excuse to kill.

[A]

A man if he's trying to kill me. If I think that my life is in danger. But if I'm fighting a friend, I know my life's not in danger. You know, I'm going. When I shoot this pitch perfect show, I'm going to Germany. And I hear there's, like, really weird stuff over there that I'm kind of like. I've never seen anything. I'm kind of excited to see some weird, weirdo stuff.

[B]

Like where we talking like a. Like live shows or whatever. Are you trying to get into some weird raves?

[A]

Yeah, evidently there's like weird sex clubs or something. Like the. The Bergheim or something. I think I've been told that. And that's like a famous, like, techno, like, dance club place.

[B]

Bergheim?

[A]

I. Yeah, I believe so. It's. I think it's Bergheim, and it's like a famous German Berlin, like, techno club that everyone's told me about. And there's like, I guess in the basement is like, where weird goes down that you can't unsee it. I Had some bros like, you can't unsee it, bro. Which I hate when people say that cuz you obviously you can't unsee anything. It's weird.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Anything you see, you've seen forever, right?

[A]

You've saw it freaking see you. But evidently like really weird stuff goes down and I'm kind of like, well, what would shock me? I don't know.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Yeah, this is weird. I just looked it up. Bergheim. And the. The actual building looks. Looks like a prison. It looks scary as it might have been or worse.

[C]

Where is this? Germany?

[A]

Yeah, in. In Berlin. It could have been even worse, but evidently it's like super exclusive. Like they only allow a certain amount of people in. And it runs from like Friday at like 10pm to Sunday at. At like 6am on Monday or whatever.

[C]

It's open. I mean, the whole time.

[A]

That whole time. And people stay there that whole time. I think there might be drugs involved.

[B]

But probably, probably some dabbling.

[A]

But I've been told by multiple people that like you'll just show up and you're there and you're like, hey. And they're like, nah, get the fuck out of the line. Not you.

[C]

It's like Studio 54.

[B]

Yeah, well, I don't.

[C]

Getting in here with that shirt on. Yeah, I said, you're not getting in.

[B]

Here with your shirt on.

[A]

Take it off.

[C]

Is that the best trailer moment ever?

[B]

What trailer was that from? Don't say Chuck and Buck.

[C]

We'll circle back. We'll circle back.

[A]

Yeah. So anyways, I was just like, I know, don't know, like what would that. What is gonna shock me there? Or if it'll be like. Yeah, some weird. That's some weird. For sure.

[B]

Well, I feel like there's a lot of stuff that I would. If I saw it. Like I've seen a lot of stuff on the Internet, but seeing live and this is a great segue to theater.

[C]

But smelling it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I think, I think it's not the scene, it's the smelling of it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That you're just good. That's what you can't. You can't unsmell that or like a little spot splash.

[C]

You're involved now suddenly.

[B]

Yeah. Splash zone.

[A]

Yeah, Suddenly if you're splat, I want to steer clear of the splash zone.

[B]

Definitely show up in a little raincoat for sure.

[A]

Or maybe I come and I'm.

[B]

You're definitely gonna come.

[A]

I'm covered in this fake sperm. Come loop water face. Creamy lifelike unscented semen. Sex lubricant. I just hose myself with it. And that's how I show up to the front door. And they're like, for sure, you guys can come in.

[C]

You front of the line.

[A]

Yes. Chloe has me in on a collar or something like a collar and a leash. And then I'm just. I just like hose myself with this stuff. And they're like, all right, well you guys can.

[C]

I think you'll be okay. This would happen to me in West Hollywood when I lived there years ago. When you make eye contact with somebody who you definitely like somebody who's like shitting on the side of the road and you're looking, you're like oh my God. And then they just, they turn somehow and lock eyes with you and you're like oh fuck. And then they do a lot. You haven't had a moment, you've both shared a moment. They just kind of. And then maybe they handle you a screenplay and maybe.

[A]

Right?

[C]

No, but just don't lock eyes with somebody when they're in the basement doing something ster.

[A]

Clear of the eyes. The portal to the soul.

[B]

But I don't know, I feel like at those weird performance art things, they're trying to get you to look in the eyes. They want you to soul link with them and they just. Cuz they know. They probably live for that, knowing you'll never forget them.

[C]

Is that how you met Kyle?

[B]

Yeah, it was a similar situation.

[A]

Second grade. Kyle was shooting on the floor and you guys locked eyes.

[B]

Kyle was like the G.G. allen of Silverwood Elementary. It was crazy topical. Lots of scat play and cutting himself. It was cool, man.

[A]

I had a teacher once that I would fake flirt with her so often that that's not. I. Yeah, I would fake flirt when I was like a junior in high school.

[C]

She goes home at night, she's like, there's this boy at school, great ass, totally going to get me fired.

[A]

And yeah, and I, I just, I'm doing it so my classmates are laughing.

[B]

And everything you were doing was a performance.

[A]

It's a performance.

[C]

It's a performance.

[A]

And so I had, I like had a question for her after class and she wouldn't talk to me alone in the classroom. She made me go in the hallway to talk to her.

[B]

You made her feel unsafe?

[A]

Yeah, I was like, oh, I guess I'm like a. I didn't even know. I thought I was just doing comedy.

[B]

So, so, so the Lord the of the crits.

[C]

How are you? Let's roll out into the hallway and talk.

[A]

Here I was out of my wheelchair by that point.

[B]

What would you say? What do you mean? You would flirt with her? Was it like, hey, nice dress today? Or like.

[A]

Yeah, I don't know. I don't think it was like that. It'd be like. It'd be like over the top stuff. It'd be like, great ass. That ass. It'd be like, look at them tits.

[C]

Is this a boner in my sweatpants? Your boobs are huge.

[A]

No. I don't know even what it was. It'd be like, anything for you. You, miss. And her name. And like, anything for you. Of course. Of course. And, you know, just kind of laying it on thick or being like, what perfume are you wearing today that is delightful. And, you know, my friends think it's funny. And she thinks that I'm being a total creep.

[B]

Was she like, I, you know, whatever. For what it is. Was she attractive or was she.

[C]

Were you gonna say stack?

[A]

Yeah, I think. I think so. For what I remember. But go back. Anytime you look at old photos of people that you thought were, like, the hottest people in the world.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go back and look.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I'm like, when you're a kid and you're like, yearbook.

[C]

What?

[B]

Oh, going through the yearbook to, like, the babes from, like, junior high school, you're just like, what the fuck were we?

[C]

Like, it's like a prison system.

[A]

Hey, but at the time, this goes.

[C]

Into a whole thing about just a vibe.

[B]

It's a vibe.

[C]

Still put out that vibe, dude. Yeah, they might look like a horse now or something, but.

[B]

But, like, back in the day had the vibe.

[C]

We're like, if they're sitting in front of you and they turn around like, did you need a pencil today?

[B]

And you're like, oh, Melanie was cool. Melanie was so nice. She'd write on my hand. It was Just meant the world to me, dude.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Dude, If a girl would just be like, can I write on your hand?

[A]

Oh, yeah. The amount of notes that were passed back and forth.

[B]

Get real, dude.

[C]

Entire forests of notes.

[A]

Hey, ladies, if you want. In today's age, if you want to get a hug, husband, thank you.

[B]

Come on.

[A]

Pass. Pass that man a note. Yes, maybe or no?

[C]

Are you talking about in high school?

[A]

No, I'm talking. I'm talking today.

[B]

Or steal his hat and run away with it and don't let him have it back and put it on.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, maybe. Maybe take his trapper keeper and vandalize it.

[B]

Just rip the freaking hat off his head. Run away. Put it on. Take some Selfies with it.

[A]

I remember this girl stole my brand new trapper keeper and wrote, fluffy buns. Do I make you horny, baby?

[C]

That's not okay.

[A]

Fluffy buns on the Nike swoosh. It was a white Nike swoosh in the middle.

[C]

You ever heard her use those words before?

[B]

Yeah. What does that mean?

[A]

No, her and her friends, I. In hindsight, I was like, they must have, liked, really wanted or something.

[C]

Well, were they talking about your butt being fluffy?

[A]

Yeah, my. My butt.

[C]

They like, that's accurate.

[A]

Yeah, fluffy butt.

[B]

That's one way to explain it. And fucking dump truck ass. She just wrote dump truck ass.

[A]

There were fluffy buns. I was so mad. I was so mad at these girls.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

For like.

[B]

Yeah, that's.

[A]

I want to say, like, six months. It, like, the. The level of mad was disproportionate to what they did.

[B]

No, man. You still haven't forgiven them, obviously.

[C]

You know what? I know you're getting heated, dude.

[A]

Pissed now. Well, Kyle, where's. Where's your weirdest place that you masturbated? Because I know mine was at a TJ Maxx and Blake's was on a plane. Ders. Worse. Where was yours?

[C]

I mean, I guess school. I don't know. I can't remember.

[A]

Oh, you jerked off in school, like.

[C]

In class, like, in the bathroom.

[D]

Yeah.

[C]

What?

[D]

That's good.

[A]

You gotta remember.

[C]

I spent a lot of time at school. We had practice in the morning. Then you just go. You go straight to school.

[A]

You didn't have time to jerk off at home. You had to do it.

[C]

And then you go straight to practice after you're there a lot.

[A]

And horses, horniness, like, would just hit you like a ton of bricks. It's a curse. When you're there.

[D]

It's a curse.

[C]

It's a curse.

[D]

Still does.

[A]

Still does to this day, I think.

[D]

Probably like, in the back of a moving van or something like that. You know what I mean? Like a church van. Youth group trip.

[C]

A moving van. Freaking.

[A]

See ya.

[D]

Like, not a moving van, but, like a vehicle that's moving. Like a van with people in it.

[C]

Sure. By the way, like, we don't know what's weird to who.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah. Well, did you guys ever jerk off, like, while in a car with your family?

[C]

No.

[D]

Yes.

[C]

Okay.

[D]

Yeah, 100%.

[A]

This is why we missed you, Kyle.

[C]

He's back together again.

[A]

La la la la la.

[D]

Well, we had a. A 1989 Ford Taurus.

[C]

Right.

[A]

That. That is the horniest vehicle.

[C]

Sexual. Yeah, the lines on that thing.

[A]

This is Important.

[C]

Oh, you had a Taurus. That was a game changer. That was a future car. Go ahead.

[D]

Yeah, it was a Ford Taurus. It was a station wagon.

[C]

So that's a beautiful car and you're a car guy.

[D]

Thank you. And it was the kind that in the back where the trunk was, it had a seat that face back that faced backwards.

[A]

So then you, you're kind of just creeping on like the, the drivers behind you just cranking down your mom's like, what are you doing back there, Kyle?

[D]

Yeah, just looking at stuff.

[B]

Yeah, just doing awesome brain quest, you know.

[C]

Can you open the back windshield?

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[A]

I just recently got into listening to some of the Beatles. They're. They're pretty good.

[D]

Oh, dude. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

They're not bad. They had a handful of songs. They're not bad.

[D]

Did you guys watch though? Did you guys watch the.

[A]

The. The documentary? Yeah, it was. It was super boring and long.

[C]

I turned. I didn't get through it. I didn't get through it. No.

[D]

That shit was so good. So good.

[B]

It was interesting.

[A]

Way long and boring.

[D]

I fucking love that thing.

[A]

It was interesting. Just how it made me go, like, I could be the Beatles.

[C]

Right.

[A]

I'm as good as the Beatles.

[C]

Well, it was great.

[B]

That's not what I took away from it.

[C]

Can we talk about this real quick? Yeah. Is the. What is the scenario where you would feel okay having killed someone?

[B]

Feel okay?

[A]

Like, if they.

[C]

What if they're like you, where you don't think it would haunt you?

[A]

Were they mad? Rude?

[C]

Yeah, like. Like you get seated at a table and they just don't bring you menus. You fully should get to kill the host or hostess.

[A]

Were they, like, super rude to you or something? The. Maybe. No, it would need to be like. Like, I always think, like, if I come.

[C]

Bullet. If you come, fire. Fire hail. Silver bullets.

[A]

No, if I come, like, out of my bedroom and there's just, like, a guy in the hallway and he has, like, a knife or a gun or, like, he's not leaving if I'm leaving and then we fight, I. If I end up killing him, I don't want to, but if he's. If I think, like, he's there to kill me.

[C]

Me. Right.

[A]

Yeah. Then I think I'd be okay with it. I'm sure it would. I would have to go to counseling or whatever, but.

[C]

Right. Right. Would get you to therapy.

[A]

Yeah, maybe. I don't know. Maybe not. I might just be fine with it.

[B]

Weird wild stuff.

[C]

Yeah. You never know.

[A]

I don't know.

[C]

Hey, I know I'm here because I killed somebody, but do you think I should cut back on the caffeine?

[A]

I don't know. Would you guys be okay? I feel like that would be the scenario that I could. A murder a person. Like, if your family's in the house and there's just a guy there, you're like, get the out of my house. And he's like, nah. And he comes towards you, and you're like, oh, now I gotta fight this guy to the death.

[B]

I don't think I would ever feel great doing it. But, yeah, if they're coming from my family and it's do. If they're gonna kill your family, you got to do it. But that's actually like a.

[A]

Well, you don't know. I mean, he's not there. He's. You know, a killer doesn't say, I'm here to kill you and your family.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Sometimes in the movies now, usually they're just like, what?

[A]

It's fine. And then he subdues you, and then he make. He ties you up, he puts a bunch of plates on your back.

[C]

Right.

[A]

He rapes and murders your children and your wife.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he comes and kills you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And before that happens, you have to fight this man to the death.

[B]

Absolutely. Well, I actually, it's a. It's a YouTube whole. I sometimes fall down. It's very intriguing. But you can watch like soldiers who like talk about their first time, like killing a man, you know, Cuz that's like a time when killing is required of you and you're not necessarily a killer. But watching these people tell the story.

[C]

But the scenario might not even be like one that you might necessarily want to even kill somebody in.

[B]

Yeah. It's just crazy. They're super powerful to watch. It's just like, whoa, man, it's really up.

[A]

Yeah, that would. That would suck. It would truly suck to have to.

[B]

Just kill somebody on the other team.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't. I feel like the. Yeah, the household one is good, but also like, if you have an opportunity, if someone's like driving through a crowd.

[A]

Right.

[C]

You have the chance to like shoot them in the face. Right, that. I like that one. That's my. You know, that's my favorite. Because then you're saving. You're saving many lives.

[B]

No, I see.

[C]

I like that.

[B]

I think my favorite is that there's like a gunman of sorts. And I'm in my car and I can just kind of turn and run them over then I think I'm feeling. Okay.

[C]

Okay. Yeah.

[B]

Vehicular, man, I don't know if I.

[C]

Want to do the hand to hand combat stuff.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[C]

Those moments would haunt me. Right. Because you really got to get amped up. Whereas.

[A]

Yeah, you got it.

[C]

You gotta. There's like a windshield between your. You're like. Yeah, right.

[A]

My dad. One time these kids stole my basketball and kicked it on the roof and I came home like, crying because it was the.

[C]

Did you throw battery acid on these kids or.

[A]

I didn't. No.

[C]

Okay. Okay, go ahead.

[A]

No. Threw battery acid at me and. And I go. And I'm crying because it was the Pizza Hut basketball that my dad had just got me, the black one for like $5.99.

[B]

It was like black and gray with like little graffiti on it. It was sick as.

[A]

Yeah, it was super cool.

[B]

And he got it for me and.

[A]

He was just out of town for a while.

[B]

Legendary.

[A]

And I'm like.

[C]

He got it for me. He bought two pizzas and got it for free.

[A]

Yeah. And then was like. Ah. And I. The basketball ball.

[B]

Oh, this ra.

[C]

Yeah, I've been out of town here. Well, why don't you cry about it?

[A]

It's amazing when your dad. Cuz my dad was gone for like weeks at a time when I was a kid. How much? Just like a little piece of trinket from like some truck stop. And I'm like, this is the coolest thing in the world.

[C]

Here's. Here's some grass.

[A]

Yeah, this is, this is from South Dakota. Oh my God. This is from the Great Plains. This is.

[B]

I'm going to make a necklace.

[A]

And. And so he came. I think I've told this story on the podcast where he came over to these kids and was like, get my son his ball. And they're like, no, off. And my dad's like, go get it. And he's like, what are you going to do? And the kid pushed him. And my dad just smacked this kid in the head.

[C]

Yeah, If a kid, if a kid puts hands on me, I'm pissed now. Oh, that's gonna be a good day. That's a green light. Yeah, for sure it's a green light.

[A]

Yeah. He was like, he was like 14. My dad just like smacked this kid and then grabbed him and then told him to. And then everyone was kind of shocked. And he's like, climb up on this building and get that my son is back basketball. And then he climbed up it and got me my basketball.

[C]

He should have thrown the kid on the roof. He should have roofed the kid.

[B]

You can't do that. You cannot do that.

[C]

If a kid pushes you, it's self defense.

[B]

No, it's a child.

[C]

No, no, no. This is a teenager.

[A]

Oh, you're such a right now, dude. If a kid. First of all, he just stole your son's property, kicked it on the roof.

[B]

He's a.

[A]

You come over, you ask him to get, to get it down. He says no, you ask him him again, he shoves you and says, get the out of here. You're allowed to close fist punch him in the face.

[D]

That shit's important.

[C]

I would have taken the kid's shoes.

[A]

Now he went open. He went open hand. He went open hand.

[C]

But he did the nose thing into the brain.

[A]

Yeah, he murdered the kid.

[C]

I had a bare bottom smack.

[A]

No, he open hand. That being said, you guys have seen my dad's hands. Those are some thick paws. Yeah, those are probably hurt quite a bit, but pull your pants down. But then he got the, the ball.

[B]

Well, sure. I mean, man, I don't know. I don't know about the, the hitting part.

[A]

Dude, I'm gonna, I'm gonna beat the out of children.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Not mine. Not mine.

[C]

Mark his words.

[A]

Not mine.

[C]

Wait.

[B]

Bring your dad to school day is just the royal rumble for Adam.

[A]

I'm just. I take my hands up before he.

[B]

Just comes swall up. He's like, all right, you want to.

[C]

Know what I do for a living?

[B]

You just point to me who the.

[A]

Homies are, but I only do that in middle school. By the time they get to high school, I'm out the game, dad.

[D]

Right?

[C]

High school, they learn wrestling and shit. That would be the coolest.

[B]

Bring your dad to school day, you.

[C]

Get your ass beat in front of the class. Oh, rough. Get him off me. By the way, if a teenager starts fighting you in front of your kids, what do you do? You have to fight.

[A]

You have to fight. You have to win.

[C]

And even if you get your ass whooped, you have to bite that kid.

[B]

You have to headbutt, you have to drop kick.

[A]

You absolutely cannot lose that fight. You have to. If you are going to lose that fight, you have to find a way to murder that child.

[C]

Right?

[B]

Yes. Because you will no longer be the dad of your household.

[C]

Your kid will take your car.

[A]

It's worth. It's worth a lifetime in prison because you gained your child's respect.

[C]

Right. And by the way, the judge who's at the. The hearing is that were there the trial, he'll go.

[A]

So they'll get it.

[C]

This is a kid. And you were in front of your own child.

[A]

Yeah. In front of your own child, and you were going to lose the fight.

[B]

Yeah, he.

[A]

And you're like, I was. So you had to grab that shank and stab him in the neck or.

[B]

Bottle and then proceeded to jab it into his throat.

[A]

You had to. You had to.

[C]

And the kid did die. He did die.

[A]

Y.

[B]

He did. He did.

[C]

But you were in front of your kid.

[A]

Yeah, I was in front of my kid. And he did. He released a noise that was pretty scary as he was dying. Death rattle laying on top of me.

[C]

The judge just hits you with a wink who's like, I think we can wrap this up early.

[B]

Yeah. He had just shoved my face in the mud. I look like a loser.

[A]

Kind of embarrass me. So worth murdering him.

[C]

He actually pulled my pants down. He pantsed me. And my son saw my own dick.

[A]

He bare bottom, spanked me.

[C]

And because I was fighting, it was a little retracted.

[B]

Usually if I know my kid is coming or he's going to walk in, I. I kind of get a little blood in it.

[C]

Just. Your honor, your Honor. Usually I, like, just squeeze. If my kid's around, I know he's gonna see my dick. I usually like to squeeze my dick. Like to warm it.

[A]

Like to warm it up.

[C]

Like to flip it around. Of course, defendant. Of course, defendant. Or whatever. And allegedly, I murdered it. The judges is like, I'm with you the whole time. You. You sound like you're scared. Don't be.

[A]

All this makes sense.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

Time flies when you're having a great time.

[C]

We still didn't really go in on him about his favorite meal being lunch.

[B]

That is a good one.

[C]

What? Yeah.

[D]

Kyle, what is this?

[C]

Adam's favorite meal is lunch.

[D]

What are you, in kindergarten, bro?

[C]

You know the thing. They invented brunch. They invented brunch because lunch was so. Sorry. Come on.

[A]

Okay, well, we've gone over this. We've gone over this.

[D]

This is every day. This is like. Your choices are.

[A]

What?

[D]

What are your choices?

[C]

You know what your choices are? Breakfast, lunch, dinner, and fourth meal.

[A]

It's my favorite time to eat. It's not. I'm not talking about, like, only club sandwiches. I'm talking. It's my favorite time to eat. I would rather eat in the middle of the day and eat a big, awesome meal. No matter what it is, whether it's eggs or steak or cheeseburgers, those are the three things I eat. Eat it in the middle of the day. That's my favorite time to eat food. Dude, I think lunch rocks.

[B]

I think lunch is the best because it is the most appropriate.

[C]

You think lunch is the best, too?

[B]

Absolutely. Lunch is the best.

[C]

Idiot.

[B]

You are bozo.

[D]

Yeah, hold on a second, because I'm actually trying to process this. Real time, in the moment, and I actually don't think breakfast wins. I don't think dinner wins. I don't think fourth meal wins. I think it's lunch.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

Thank you. Fucking idiots. You guys are the darn people. I know. What's yours?

[D]

What's your rib?

[C]

Well, fourth meal is the best. There's never been a time where food has tasted better.

[B]

That's a dirty, dirty meal.

[A]

No.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[D]

Nasty. That's like you got some fucking shit you got to clean up.

[C]

I'm down in it, baby.

[A]

Yeah, you're. You're a garbage person. Obviously you're a garbage.

[C]

Like a late dinner. Like nine o'. Clock. You're in New York City. You're getting a drink. You're getting something, I guess steak, maybe.

[B]

You're so romantic.

[A]

Well, sure. Yeah, I guess. I guess if, like, geographically you are in New York City.

[C]

Or I'm in fucking Montana and I'm outdoor at this, like, outdoor barbecue place. And, like, they come up and they.

[A]

Give me a life. We're not talking like a special. Why are we talking? We're not talking anything Tuesday. I'm talking every day.

[C]

Fine. I get home, I kiss my children, and they go, you know what? There's some food on the stove. And I go, fuck, yeah. Lunch blows. Lunch is a rush.

[A]

All right. Hey, yummy. You're wrong, all right?

[C]

No, I'm not. What's the best. What's the best lunch meal? What's the best lunch meal? Go.

[B]

Sandwich, eggs.

[D]

The best lunch.

[A]

Like I said, you don't have to. It doesn't need to be. I'm not talking about the food that you eat during the. During the meal. I'm Time. It.

[C]

Your. Your favorite thing last time was you were like, yeah, sometimes you can have breakfast for lunch. And I'm like, you can have breakfast late, homie.

[A]

You can have dinner for lunch. That's what's great about brunch.

[D]

That's brunch.

[C]

But nobody does. There's. No one's ever said, I'm having lunch for dinner ever.

[A]

I'm pissed. Now.

[C]

They say, I'm having breakfast for lunch or I'm having breakfast.

[A]

You do all the time. You have a sandwich for dinner. Have sandwiches for dinner. It.

[C]

Why not having a sandwich. Having a sandwich for a dinner is like, a low point if you're like, well, I'll just make a sandwich.

[A]

Hey, guess what?

[C]

You lose. Kyle? Yeah.

[A]

I'd like to give you flowers for coming back on the podcast for the 69th episode.

[C]

Unbelievable.

[A]

I think everyone's very, very excited for being here. I agree with you that lunch is the best. Thank you for standing up for me when Ders is attacking me for no reason.

[D]

Well, it's just uncalled for.

[A]

It's uncalled for.

[C]

There are. There are four years, maybe eight years in your life where lunch is the best meal.

[D]

Well, what about school? Like, school lunch was.

[C]

I was just gonna say. I was just gonna say there are four to eight years where lunch is the best, and that's it. After school, you can finally have a good dinner.

[A]

No, fuck dinner.

[D]

I hated dinner. You gotta go sit with your family. I'd rather sit with my homies.

[B]

Yeah, that's true.

[A]

I'd rather.

[C]

With all the homies. I just clarified this.

[A]

Okay, so you're. You're at work, right? So we're all. We're all working actors, and Kyle is A working director.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

When you are working and it's a long day, it's a 12, 14 hour day. And in the middle of the day, they give you an hour break.

[D]

30 minutes after last man normally results in an hour.

[A]

In about an hour. And then you get the biggest fucking meal and you get. You get everything. You get the chicken, you get the beef, you get the shrimpy bagel, you make yourself a big salad. Pizza. Pizza. You have fucking everything that you want. And you get to take your shoes off. And you get to take off those leather pants that Kelvin wears on the righteous gemstone. Adam's coming back this Sunday. Pizza. Pizza.

[C]

Let me tell you. Let me tell you about real life, Adam. You're talking about being a movie star. Yeah. Okay. When I was a telemarketer.

[A]

I'm talking about. I'm talking about my life, dude.

[C]

This is the way.

[A]

And that's the only life I know.

[C]

But we're not saying what you're feeling is we're arguing what the best meal is, not what your favorite meal is. You could say your favorite meal's fucking 9:32 in the morning. And we go, oh, that's breakfast. You go, no, breakfast is earlier. We're not talking about you. We're talking about what is the best.

[A]

Now we're back together again.

[C]

When you have. When you're a real person, you don't have a trailer to go to. You don't have this spread of everything. That's insane. Sometimes you got 30 minutes to go to El Pollo Loco and get a BRC burrito, cuz that's all you can do.

[D]

That's bomb.

[A]

Hey, by the way, I would love that. My God, I love Sam. Sandy hook. I think that was the elementary school, right? The super sad one, the school shooting.

[C]

They were all sad, just for the record.

[A]

Yeah, they're all sad. But that was really specifically super little kids. It was horrific. My girlfriend at the time caught me. I was in the bathroom and I just got out of the shower and I'm looking at myself in the mirror and I'm like getting. And I'm thinking about it and then I played the scenario out of my head.

[C]

As if you were a teacher or something.

[A]

Yeah, as a teacher. And he comes around the corner and I got him in a choke hold. And I'm like. And I'm playing this out in front of the mirror and she walks in on me, choking out an air. Like the air. And she's like, what the are you doing? And I'm like, sandy Hook. I'm killing. I'm killing the guy.

[C]

Right. We need more. We need more you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then she was like, okay.

[C]

Like she got it. Yeah.

[A]

I think she knew me well enough. That was like, all right.

[C]

Know.

[A]

Yeah. That all that checks out. You're just choking out this. This air terrorist school.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did they ever catch the San Diego. They caught the guy. Did he kill himself? I don't know about anything.

[B]

I thought it was.

[C]

I thought they caught him.

[B]

Well, no. Remember, cuz one of the conspiracies is that people claim it wasn't real.

[A]

It was like, well, those guys.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Isn't that crazy?

[A]

Could you imagine being one of those parents? And they're like, it wasn't real. And you're like, yeah, I want to. That's.

[C]

I think they had to sue homeboy. Yeah.

[B]

Alex Jones.

[A]

Yeah. And he had to pay like a ton. Tons of. The only other way that I'd feel comfortable murdering someone is if my child was murdered during Sandy Hook. And then someone said it was a conspiracy theory. Then I would just.

[C]

Then you would go for it.

[A]

Then I'm like, man, I get to murder that guy now too. It was kind of cool watching them, like, seeing how hard they worked.

[D]

Yeah, man.

[A]

Like when we get together and we're writing something together, we're developing a project together, we get together, let's say we have four hours. We bullshit for two and a half hours hours work for one hour, and then for another 30 minutes, we're good time guys. When they like literally would get there and they were working and just Talking music for 10 hours straight every day.

[B]

I mean, it's truly because they have no distractions, like, other than each other. Like, they're stuck in this room. You can't look down on your phone, check Twitter or whatever. You're just in a box together.

[C]

Yeah. But we wouldn't. We would kind of have a no phones rule in the writers room of workaholics. Not like a. Not like a hard fast rule. But it'd be like, maybe don't be on your phone while we're trying to break the story. And we would still just bullshit about aerobies from the 90s.

[B]

Mission drift.

[C]

Mission drift.

[D]

It reminded me of the workaholics writers.

[C]

Room or any writers room really. It was.

[D]

It was kind of like reminiscent of that, where it's just like watching the creative process is truly something fucking sweet, dude. When it works.

[A]

Yeah, I do agree. I did like that about it. But I was just like, oh, I don't know if I need, like, nine hours.

[B]

What would my mom take away from that documentary? She would probably be like, Snoozeville 97.

[C]

I don't understand why.

[D]

Well, it's not informational. You're right. You're just absorbing it. You are just kind of absorbing footage and watching them.

[C]

Let's. I. I got to hear more about Blake's mom not absorbing this.

[A]

I feel like your mom is the generation, too, actually.

[B]

Enjoy, like, the Beatles.

[A]

Like, my generation. I want to hear what, like, Meg the Stallion's creative process. Yeah.

[B]

Can we sit in?

[A]

Or, like, what is. What is Chingy's? Like, what did he go through exactly?

[C]

What did Chingy go through when he's doing right there?

[B]

What was his headspace?

[C]

Would we like the way he did that? Right.

[B]

Where was Hurricane Chris Walking it out right there.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

What's up with Jake Juan?

[A]

And I guess that's why I. I was like, I'm not. I. I, like, really only know that one. George Harrison. Yes.

[B]

That would be very weird. If you don't know the Beatles catalog, then when they make up this iconic song, you're not going like, holy. That's when Paul made up that song. But you're like, this could be it.

[A]

Well, it. It was inspiring in the way that, like, a lot of them started off, like, real shitty, and you're just like, oh, yeah. Like, I guess if you do work super hard at something, you can make it much better because.

[C]

Well, yeah, but that's everything.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

And.

[A]

And Kyle's back. Let's see. Let's see how many episodes he sticks around. Now we're back together again. La la, la, la, la.

[C]

All right, so this is the second episode.

[A]

Yeah, I guess we. We're going second, but we're going over and under seven now, so we. We will see.

[C]

I'm going to go under. I'm going under for sure.

[D]

Freaking see you. Wait, what are you guys at? I can. I can do this. Where you at?

[A]

Where you just. You completed two episodes. We're saying over under seven.

[C]

He looks spent already to me.

[D]

What are you saying at him?

[A]

I believe it will be under, but, you know, I'd like for you to prove me wrong.

[D]

All right, Ders.

[C]

Under for sure. Oh, cool. Let's go. Blake. Blake.

[B]

I think he's in it for the long haul.

[A]

Oh, really?

[D]

Oh, very good. Okay, cool. Make it interesting. Very good.

[C]

Okay, very good. Hey, you know, the last time I thought that was just before he quit, but I like your act attitude.

[D]

There'll be a lot of quitting. I'll be quitting a bunch. It's all good. It adds dynamics to an otherwise flat podcast.

[C]

Kyle, do you have any takebacks?

[D]

No, no, I'm good.

[C]

Yes sir. Do you have any takebacks, like on a larger scale?

[D]

None whatsoever. Absolutely none. I'm sorry, I think you're leading me on something, but I have nothing to take back at all. I'm just plowing forward at a rapid pace.

[A]

No.

[B]

All right.

[C]

And that.

[A]

And that's another episode.

[C]

That was another episode of this is important.

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