Ep 287: Six Times Eight Equals Sixty-Eight Masturbate

Summary

Podcast Summary: This Is Important – Ep 287: "Six Times Eight Equals Sixty-Eight Masturbate"

Release Date: February 24, 2026
Hosts: Adam Devine, Anders Holm (Ders), Blake Anderson, Kyle Newacheck
Podcast Theme: The guys riff and joke their way through “important” subjects, mixing personal anecdotes, pop-culture, and wild theories — all with their signature offbeat banter.

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Adam, Blake, Ders, and Kyle dive into "seriously important" topics, spanning LDS/Mormonism and megachurches, the connection between penis size and evil, personal educational failures, and the eternal struggle with multiplication tables. Full of riffing, self-deprecation, and tangents, this episode blends absurdist humor with feeling like a high school locker room conversation.

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Key Discussion Points & Segments

1. Mormonism, Religions & Mega-Churches

[06:12–15:30]

• Mormon Community Experiences: The gang discusses experiences with Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses, addressing the confusion between the two and their respective quirks, with references to classic door-knocking.
  • Ders recalls Mormons rolling up with "side bags" and trying to "rope us in."
  • Adam: “They’re like, ‘We know you guys are heathens.’” [07:27]
  • Debate over whether Mormons are “nice people” but with problematic history, including discussions of racist doctrine in old Mormon church materials.
• Mega-Church Critique: Adam wonders when churches turned into megachurch "basketball stadiums."
  • Adam: “When did churches go from… an ornate thing that was hundreds of years old, to now it’s gotta look like an absolute spaceship?” [13:16]
  • Discussion of LA’s Mosaic church, described as “crawling with hot people,” and how even a religion can get priced out of LA real estate.
  • Ders: “You don’t have to pay taxes if you’re a religion, but I think you still have to rent.” [16:39]

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2. Internet Conspiracies & “JMail.com”

[17:00–22:26]

• Adam’s Rabbit Hole: Adam discovers a “conspiracy” account about JMail.com — allegedly hosting Jeffrey Epstein’s leaked emails, but which redirects users to random commercial websites.
  • Adam: “I let me go to JMail.com and it redirected me to…cbs.com. Put on my tinfoil hat!” [17:40]
  • The others decline to click for fear of weird spyware, mocking the situation.
  • Ders: “JMail.com…it said, are you a human?” [19:49]
  • Ends with skepticism at online conspiracies: “Go down the rabbit hole…That’s what I’m—” "I don't like rabbit holes." [20:46]

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3. Penis Size and Evil – The Most “Important” Discussion

[22:03–36:46]

• Does Penis Size Predict “Evil” or Success?: Blake proposes a tongue-in-cheek theory: the smaller the penis, the greater the likelihood of evil or ambitious acts.
  • Blake: “Wouldn’t it be interesting to know how large Abraham Lincoln’s penis was in comparison to Kubla Khan?” [23:26]
  • The conversation spins into history, pop culture, and whether Bill Gates’s “Microsoft” is an intentional pun.
• Sean Daddy Story: Adam shares about “Sean Daddy,” a friend who used his large endowment for a life of confidence and (questionable) freeloading.
  • Adam: “That’s how good of a life it is to have a huge dick, is you get free haircuts for you and all your friends.” [34:04]
  • Blake: “He gave dick so good you had trickle-down haircuts.” [34:25]
• Small Dick Crimes vs. Big Dick Crimes: The theory is expanded — "small dick" masterminds plan out “evil” things like Epstein, while “hoggers” are too busy enjoying life to plot.
  • Adam: “Big dick crimes are different than small dick crimes…big dick crimes…drunk and disorderly.” [35:28]
  • “I'll tell you what big dick gentlemen aren’t doing: they're not plotting.” [36:46]
• Development and Personality:
  • The group wonders if smaller-genital men develop funnier personalities or kindness.
  • Adam to Blake: “I know your dick is small…But it’s not so small that you’re gonna be a mastermind.” [37:38]
  • Jokes about "grower, not a shower" and everyone finding their path to social success.

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4. School, Book Reports, and Math Struggles

[38:33–56:08]

• High School Experiences: The crew revisits their school days — presentation skills vs. academic competency.
  • Adam: “I’d be entertain them. They do all the work. Then I do the presentation.” [39:06]
  • “There’s a power to that. But it’s nice when you have a little bit of both.” [41:16]
• GPA Inflation & Modern School:
  • Ders’s story about attending his old high school graduation and realizing everyone now has a high GPA:
    • “How’s everybody here have a 3.5? … What’s the deal?” [43:43]
  • Adam and others recall teachers who didn't want students to get good grades.
• Learning Struggles:
  • Discussion of note-taking and not absorbing material, writing “hieroglyphics.”
  • Creative avoidance: Adam would join "study groups" thinking they were smoke-and-game sessions, only to discover serious students.
  • Ders: “My life was just drawing. All through class.” [46:34]

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5. Multiplication Tables Meltdown & State Capitals

[55:03–58:18]

• Multiplication Table Fails:
  • Blake asks Adam if he knows his times tables:
    • Blake: “What’s 6 times 8?”
    • Adam: “68. Masturbate.” [55:45] (Episode title)
    • Classic TII breakdown of actual math, joking they barely remember the tables.
    • “My daughter has already surpassed me on multiplication tables.” [56:22]
• State Capitals:
  • The group quizzes themselves (“Vermont? Montpelier? That doesn’t seem like a place.” [58:06]) and joke about knowing random Geography trivia.

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6. Favorite School Subjects & Class Clown

[58:18–67:37]

• Gym and Electives:
  • Gym as everyone’s favorite “easy A” (Ders: “Get me on the gymnastics mats and I’m trouble.” [58:32])
  • Offbeat subjects: Architecture, Home Ec, even an alleged “soup class.”
• Class Clown Legacy:
  • Blake and Kyle’s school superlatives (“Best Hair” for Blake, “Class Clown"/"Plain Nuts" for Kyle).
  • Adam shares he won both Class Clown and Most Likely to Make it to the Silver Screen, choosing the former as his "claim to fame."

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7. Speech Class, Forensics, and Adam’s Almost-Fame

[67:37–68:26]

• Adam discusses competitive speech/forensics in high school — a mix of dramatic, comedic, and improv speeches.
  • Lost state finals by two points (same year Josh Gad won nationals): “Josh Gad is just a way better version of me.” [68:09]

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Notable Quotes

• On Megachurches:
  “Now it’s got to look like an absolute spaceship…It sits 25,000 people. It’s in a basketball stadium, essentially.” — Adam [14:02]
• On Mormon Encounters:
  “They rolled up with like the side bags and they tried to rope us in. They were like, you know, you want to be Christian.” — Ders [07:08]
• On Penis Size Theory:
  “Wouldn’t it be interesting to know how large Abraham Lincoln’s penis was in comparison to Kubla Khan?” — Blake [23:26] “That’s how good of a life it is to have a huge dick, is you get free haircuts for you and all your friends.” — Adam [34:04]
• School Memories:
  “I’d be entertain them. They do all the work. Then I do the presentation. I’m the salesman of the group.” — Adam [39:06] “My life was just drawing. All through class.” — Ders [46:34] “What’s 6 times 8? 68. Masturbate.” — Adam [55:45]

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Memorable Tangents & Moments

• The failed JMail.com conspiracy; multiple website redirections and growing paranoia (18:00–22:30).
• The anatomy–evil scale: mapping history’s villains and saints by their (likely mythical) endowments.
• Peak self-deprecation: Realizing the only math they collectively remember is “68. Masturbate.” [55:45]
• Anecdotes about school slacking, artistic note-taking, and their failed attempts at academic seriousness.
• Lamenting the loss of “good” jokes and songs on their Netflix incarnation due to copyright rules [04:00].

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Related Recommendations & Takebacks

(Closing Section, [69:04–71:12])

• Blake fixates on his “Kubla Khan” confusion: “It's really, really bugging me and I'm gonna really, really dig into it.” [68:44]
• Endorsement: Monarch: Legacy of Monsters (Apple TV+)
• Blake: “If I say something out loud, I'd actually like to know what I'm talking about. … If I'm going to be offensive, I like to know I'm being offensive…” [69:26]

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For first-time listeners:
Expect off-the-cuff, irreverent humor masquerading as serious inquiry — with ADHD-level pivoting and classic bits, but also an undercurrent of real friendship and self-awareness.

Transcript

[Adam]

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[Blake]

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[Ders]

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[Adam]

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[Ders]

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[Adam]

Yeah?

[Ders]

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[Blake]

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[Adam]

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[Ders]

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[Blake]

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[Ders]

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[Blake]

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[Adam]

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[Ders]

Plus, don't miss great Tech Days savings on Alienware, DIS accessories and more. Shop right [e-mail] deals. Welcome to this Is Important, a production of iHeartRadio, the show where we only talk about what's the most important bottom line, critical thing happening on this planet today on this Is Important.

[Adam]

That's how good of a life it is to have a huge ticket is you get free haircuts for you and all of your friends.

[Ders]

Get me on the gymnastics mats and I'm trouble.

[Blake]

Wouldn't it be interesting to know how large Abraham Lincoln's penis was in comparison to Kubla Khan?

[Ders]

Buckle up.

[Blake]

Yes.

[Ders]

You're doing a lot. Just.

[Adam]

Oh, God.

[Blake]

Gotcha, bitch. Can we play that? Are we allowed to play that? I don't know.

[Adam]

We've been told. We've been told that some of the songs that we're playing that we, you know, this word, loosey goosey stuff, and we'll play a song. You know, we're. We're a topical podcast. And we might ask, what does that ACDC song sound like? That's life.

[Ders]

Would you say we just had our. We just had our hand slapped.

[Blake]

We did. By the man. By the evil Empire.

[Ders]

So Back to the YouTubers. Guys, guess what? Netflix isn't letting us play music. But if you listen to the audio version, wherever you find your podcast, you'll hear the music and all that stuff for some reason.

[Adam]

Yep. But for whatever reason, Netflix, they're sticklers for it. Yeah, they're sticklers.

[Blake]

Happens. Happens to the best of us. What are you wiping off the corner of your mouth? There's.

[Ders]

Dude, I normally don't fuck with Trader Joe's, okay? But they make these things that are essentially big Fritos. I mean, with essentially cool ranch Dustin on them, and they are out of control.

[Adam]

So you're just eating chips right now? Is that.

[Ders]

Yeah, I just had some chips.

[Adam]

Oh, okay.

[Ders]

Okay. Yeah.

[Blake]

Wait, what are they called? What's the name of that item, if you don't mind?

[Ders]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Adam]

Do you have it with you? Can you show us?

[Blake]

Is it on your person?

[Ders]

Long story short, they're in a fucking bag. They're in a bag like that.

[Blake]

Oh, Jesus. Who does that? Oh, my God.

[Ders]

I'll tell you why. I'll tell you why. This is left over from the super bowl party.

[Blake]

Okay? Okay. You ziplock your snacks.

[Ders]

Hey. Hey, Blake. Shut the fuck up.

[Blake]

Whoa.

[Adam]

Rude, dude.

[Blake]

The audience that is listening needs to know what the fuck you're holding up, bud.

[Ders]

Why don't you go pick some songs? We can't fucking hear anymore. Let me explain myself. We threw a Super Bowl Party. We dumped a bunch of fucking chips and stuff into like, the bowls. Right. Everyone leaves our house after having a great time. Awesome. And then we were like, we don't have the fucking bags anymore. So we put them in like Ziplocs. Wow.

[Adam]

Yeah, I feel like this is kind of a normal thing, I don't think.

[Ders]

Is that. Okay, I'm pissed now.

[Adam]

I don't think it's way out of pocket to do that.

[Blake]

But that seems. I don't know why, but maybe it's my childhood, but that feels like something my Mormon neighbor did. And we didn't do that in our household.

[Adam]

What's wrong with some Mormonism?

[Ders]

Sure, look, I'm with you. The people who put the cereal right into the plastic container and then they just have it in the plastic things instead of the box. I know that's weird, but people do these things after a party though. Are you cutting me some slack?

[Blake]

Fair enough. No judgment. You know what? No judgment. No judgments here.

[Ders]

Take back.

[Adam]

Yeah, you said that about Mormon and how you hate them.

[Blake]

I didn't say that.

[Adam]

Essentially, that was the vibe that we were getting. Why do people dislike Mormon people? Is it only because it's problematic? They come over. They, they like, they come over to your house all the time and kind of bother you.

[Ders]

That doesn't help, I'll tell you that much.

[Blake]

Yeah, no, that's Jehovah's Witnesses. That's not Mormons.

[Adam]

Oh, and that's a different thing. I thought that that was the same thing.

[Ders]

It's definitely both of those people, but those are two different things.

[Blake]

Sure, the Mormons have the helmets on.

[Ders]

The Mormons knock on your door and they've got the side bags. I was at your guys house on Packard when they came by that one time.

[Blake]

Right.

[Ders]

And it was crazy. My house.

[Blake]

They thought you were off duty.

[Ders]

Your guys where. You guys lived together?

[Adam]

Yes, us.

[Blake]

We were roommates. You remember we were roommates. What was this?

[Ders]

But I had never seen it in person. And they rolled up with like the side bags and they tried to rope us in. They were like, you know, you want to be Christian.

[Adam]

They, they're like, we know you guys are heathens. Yeah, we know you're heathens.

[Ders]

They came in like this, like, oh, smells like a little reefer in there. Why are.

[Adam]

Why are not Jehovah's Witness. Why are Mormons problematic? Because every Mormon I meet, they're super nice. They're just really nice people.

[Blake]

They are nice people. I remember seeing and I don't know, I haven't. Fact Checked it or anything. But there's like, some, like, here we go. Old video from, like, the 80s or the 90s where it was, like, explaining Mormonism, and there's some very racist undertones. There was like. Yeah, like they were trying to explain.

[Adam]

Well, they're very white. All the people. They're all, like, blonde.

[Blake]

Yes, exactly. And they try to explain, like, other races, and the explanation was bad. Bad.

[Ders]

Yeah. How would you explain other races?

[Adam]

Go explain other races. What? I don't even. What does that even mean?

[Blake]

Like, in the video, it's like. And people, like, from Africa are, like, are the seed of the devil, and that's why their skin is bad.

[Ders]

And if we could just clip that sound bite.

[Blake]

Yeah, it's bad.

[Ders]

It's bad.

[Blake]

It's not good. Yeah. So I. I don't know if that's what they still teach kids, but at some point, that was part of.

[Adam]

So this is the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints meeting,

[Blake]

and it is that different.

[Adam]

Since the mid 2000s, the FLDS has come under increased scrutiny for allegations of child sexual abuse, child marriage, human trafficking, child labor abuses, fraud, and ostracizing of members. I feel like this is every religion, though.

[Blake]

That's bad. Yeah, that sounds. That's all encompassing. I don't want to single them out. What?

[Ders]

Haters going after them. Yeah, this is. This is the whole thing. It's a pyramid scheme team where they're like, there's a dude you'll never meet who does everything great for you, and I'm the guy who can talk to him. Adam, you good, right?

[Adam]

No, I'm not good. I don't. I don't understand what's happening.

[Blake]

I think I know what's happening. You're talking poorly about the church, and I think it's.

[Ders]

I think it's Satan. Hit him with it. Did you just have a stroke?

[Adam]

I had. Something's happening.

[Blake]

What is happening? Oh, God.

[Ders]

This is the. This is. This is gonna be funny or the worst day of our lives.

[Adam]

It's not funny. It's not funny. I think I'll be fine.

[Blake]

I don't know. Is this, like, heartburn or is like you're beating fast?

[Ders]

If he just power washed blood out of his mouth and was like, Jesus Christ, Latter Day Saints. Oh, no.

[Blake]

That's what happened.

[Ders]

Died on Netflix.

[Adam]

Yeah, that was. That sort of felt like I was having a heart attack, but I. Then it passed, so I don't think I was, but for a second, I was thinking I was having a heart attack.

[Ders]

I Think that maybe something is still happening? Yeah, I don't know.

[Adam]

It's still sort of happening, but it's.

[Ders]

Is it like a French fry stuck in your throat? You know when you have, like, a French fry?

[Adam]

No, and I didn't even when you said heartburn, But I'm like, what would give me heartburn? I had eggs for 40 years of

[Blake]

eating steak and Red Bull and go, go.

[Ders]

That might burn your heart right down in the ground.

[Adam]

State doesn't steak doesn't give heartburn?

[Ders]

No, of course not, dude.

[Adam]

For sure.

[Ders]

No doubt. I'm eating elk. I'm eating elk dick right now.

[Adam]

Oh. Oh. What the hell?

[Blake]

Like that.

[Adam]

That's brutal. Sorry I almost died, dude. That was. That was crazy.

[Ders]

No, this is co. Good for the podcast.

[Adam]

Oh, is it?

[Ders]

Yeah, we needed something to really.

[Blake]

That would have been cool if we were starting to dunk on religion. And then you died immediately. That would have been tight butthole.

[Ders]

Yeah. Converted.

[Adam]

Well, I don't know if we were dunking on religion. I was just saying, what is the deal other than with more. With Mormonism people.

[Ders]

Careful.

[Blake]

Like, you're gonna die.

[Adam]

It's coming back. I'm serious. It's coming back, dude.

[Ders]

You're gonna die. What is happening?

[Blake]

I'm living in a nightmare, dude. Stop.

[Ders]

Get a glass of water.

[Blake]

You got to stop. Stop talking about it, man.

[Ders]

Stop. What just happened there? You went to the water?

[Blake]

Yeah. Why don't you bring the water to your lips? Why did you take your lips to the water?

[Adam]

Well, it's not. It's. People are going to be like, what's wrong with your water? But I mix.

[Blake]

What is wrong with your water, brother?

[Ders]

Yeah, that is your water. Man of the.

[Blake]

Is that Red Bull watered down?

[Adam]

No, I'm. No, it is.

[Blake]

It's. It's not.

[Ders]

It's monster water. Adam, Adam, Adam goes like this to drink water because the people are going, what's up with your water? Yeah, bud.

[Blake]

What is that? Because that ain't water. What is it?

[Ders]

No one cares.

[Adam]

I put a little mio. I put a little mio in the water.

[Blake]

And how much caffeine is in that?

[Adam]

There's no caffeine in meal. There's no caffeine.

[Blake]

What is in it?

[Ders]

You can get caffeinated, Mio. No.

[Adam]

Oh, really? It's just a sweetened. It's like. It turns it into, like a lemonade, basically, but it's like no sugar. I'm sure it's poison. I don't know what it is, but

[Blake]

if it doesn't have Sugar.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Blake]

It's probably like aspartame.

[Ders]

It's one of those things where they're like, we use it to clean windows. We also discovered can drink it.

[Adam]

Pretty delicious. Yeah, pretty.

[Blake]

See you. Yeah.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

So sorry I almost died, but I. The question was, it's quite all right. I was like, these Mormons, what's up with them?

[Blake]

P.E.

[Adam]

people like kind of give them or like Mormons when you, when you, when you hear them. But then every Mormon I meet is super kind, super nice. I'm like, I really like this person.

[Ders]

That's how they get you.

[Adam]

And then you read about them in some dastardly stuff. There's. That's not the whole religion. I mean, you know, people are like, I'm Catholic and you know, there's. Our priests were doing some wiki.

[Blake]

Wow.

[Adam]

Wild stuff.

[Ders]

They're good at it.

[Adam]

Pizza.

[Blake]

Pizza.

[Ders]

Driving, Driving from LA to San Diego. You drive past that super sick church that looks like a rocket ship, right? That's a Mormon church, right?

[Blake]

Yes, it is.

[Ders]

That thing is a banger.

[Blake]

It's very.

[Ders]

And if you're listening, you'll never know what it looks like. But if you're watching, maybe we post it right now. Post it now.

[Adam]

When did churches go from like just a church or, or even like it could be an ornate thing that was hundreds of years old whatever, to now?

[Ders]

It's got to look like seats 500 people maybe. Yeah, yeah.

[Adam]

Now it's got to look like an absolute spaceship or something insane. And. And then it has to be the. The spectacle and I mean, I was on a show the Righteous Gemstones that touched on mega churches. But it feels like every church is a megachurch now.

[Blake]

Well, Adam. But like, what about like Notre Dame and stuff like those churches or the Sistine Chapel? Those are all churches, aren't they?

[Ders]

Yeah, those are super ornate, but they're not. They don't seat like 20,000 people, though.

[Blake]

Oh, you're just specifically talking capacity.

[Adam]

Well, I was talking to. Yes. I sort of walked it back when I was like, yeah, there are ornate churches, but they're not like this spectacle that it has to be. Now that it is. It sits 25,000 people. It's in a basketball stadium, essentially.

[Ders]

This is how I know Adam is dying. What are we saying? That they went from ornate kind of just regular sized churches to.

[Adam]

Yes. To an absolute basketball stadium?

[Ders]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But it has nothing to do with the architecture. It's just like the size.

[Blake]

I think it's population. I think it's population. I Think people. I think there's.

[Ders]

And you've talked about this before. Go ahead.

[Blake]

Overpopulation. I haven't.

[Adam]

I don't.

[Ders]

You think it's just because there's so many more people they could. They can't open more churches. They have to open larger churches.

[Blake]

Yeah. And you want one big party.

[Ders]

I think it's all the almighty dollar.

[Adam]

Yeah. I just think it's like it become. It's no longer cool to go to just the church down the street from your house. Interesting. That is. You know, the wooden benches and it kind of smells funky. And then now it's like a cool thing where you wear like a beanie that's hanging off the side of your head and you wear like a droopy shirt and you go there and it's like a CNB scene. Like, look at you. Look at your cool.

[Blake]

Right?

[Ders]

What's that?

[Blake]

What's that? What's that church in la, in Hollywood, the one that's like kind of sick and like everybody outside of it.

[Adam]

Well, it was right down the street from my house. Mosaic.

[Ders]

Yeah, Right.

[Blake]

And they're all hot.

[Adam]

It's gone now.

[Blake]

Dude.

[Adam]

It was the craziest. It made me want to go to church. I'd pass on Wednesdays and Sundays. And I'm driving and there's just like all the sex.

[Ders]

Never went.

[Adam]

But yeah, look, I didn't go. Of course not. But there's like dozens and dozens, hundreds of beautiful, beautiful. Some of the beaut, most beautiful looking people in all. Your boobs are huge.

[Blake]

Yeah, right. Really hot.

[Ders]

And it's. It's a different kind of hot because it's like not nighttime skanky hot. It's like. Okay, it's like sundress hot where it's like we're wearing our like and. But the legs are still out. They still know what they're doing. Doing. They're going to hell.

[Blake]

Hot, hot, hot, hot.

[Adam]

Yeah, they know. They know what they're doing.

[Ders]

It's a different kind of dressing up that still looks good.

[Blake]

It's actually good looking people. It's people who look good in daylight, not just.

[Ders]

Yeah, it's every hot actor and model who are like, from Kansas that are like hanging on to it still.

[Adam]

I liked it. It made me guess what. They were forced out. Mosaic.

[Ders]

Tell me more.

[Blake]

Forced out by who?

[Ders]

Tell me more.

[Adam]

Because I think the rent was too high on that corner. And I'm like, that's wild that they couldn't.

[Ders]

You don't have to pay taxes or anything if you're A religion, though, right? That's the whole thing is that I

[Adam]

think you still have to rent if you don't own the building.

[Blake]

I don't know.

[Ders]

Church building. What? Isn't it. Am I crazy? Isn't it a. Isn't it a church? Thank you, God.

[Adam]

No, it was. It was a something else before.

[Blake]

Oh.

[Ders]

And they just.

[Adam]

They rent and then this church moved in and they rented it, and then they couldn't afford it.

[Ders]

Damn.

[Blake]

Oh, my God, we lost one.

[Adam]

And here's a conspiracy theory.

[Ders]

Oh, my God.

[Adam]

What I saw online, okay, on Instagram or whatever, and someone said, like, here's a cool website. It's jmail.com. so instead of Gmail, it's JMail. And you click on it and it looks like a Gmail account, but it's all Jeffrey Epstein's emails. And it's like, it says, hi, Jeffrey. And you're able to look at, like. And it makes it easy to kind of scroll through all the emails and stuff.

[Ders]

I thought you were going to say it was like, Jesus, it's for like, Christmas.

[Adam]

And it'll say, like, from Bill Clinton or from Elon Musk or from Trump or. Or to Trump or whatever.

[Ders]

Blake Anderson.

[Blake]

And how long did you stay on that site?

[Adam]

No, Well, I just looked. I just remembered right now. And I was like, I let me go to jmail.com and it redirected me to get this guy's. Put on my tinfoil hat to cbs.com.

[Blake]

huh?

[Adam]

What?

[Ders]

Right.

[Adam]

What the.

[Blake]

What is that?

[Ders]

I don't even understand what just happened.

[Blake]

What are the dots you're connecting here?

[Ders]

What.

[Adam]

What does that mean, dude?

[Ders]

Because. Because you got to get your boosters. Is this about getting a booster?

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Is this about getting booster shots? Is that what this is about? It's redirecting or birthday cards.

[Blake]

This is big coven.

[Adam]

Big covet is everywhere. They got their tentacles. How many times is fauci.

[Ders]

Let me. Let me take this walk with you. So where did you see jmail.com?

[Blake]

that was a pornhub.

[Adam]

It was on it. It was on, like a reel. It was on a reel, okay, on Instagram or whatever. And I was like, wow.

[Ders]

And the reel was like, if you click on this, if you go to

[Adam]

jmail.com, this is the site, and it's super easy. And then I did it and it just redirected me to cvs.com.

[Ders]

check the chat Todd said he went to. He got sent to CIT bank. CIT sounds like. Sit, sit on my lap. Is something Jeffrey Epstein said.

[Blake]

Jeffrey Would say, wake up, she boy.

[Ders]

God.

[Adam]

Try.

[Blake]

Try it.

[Adam]

There's. Try to see where it takes you. See where it takes you. Jmail.com.

[Ders]

gonna keep my computer quite clean here.

[Blake]

What do you need to do? Not gonna type that in.

[Ders]

Well, just do it.

[Adam]

Just type in gmail.com. what are you doing? Don't be a bitch.

[Blake]

No, absolutely not. I will not do that.

[Adam]

Just type it in.

[Blake]

I don't want to do. What are you talking about?

[Adam]

Why not? Why not?

[Blake]

Well, because a. I'm not in the mood to unpack Jeffrey Epstein emails. And also I don't wanna be re.

[Ders]

Jmail.com.

[Blake]

i don't wanna [e-mail].

[Adam]

okay.

[Ders]

Oh, God.

[Adam]

What? Where did it take you? Where to take you? Durs.

[Ders]

No, no, no, no. Should I be doing this? It just took me somewhere. No, do it.

[Adam]

Do it. So Todd tried it. She said. Todd tried it.

[Ders]

The second time it said, are you a human?

[Adam]

I'm not. Or are you a dancer?

[Blake]

No, I don't do that.

[Ders]

Because if it asks if I'm a human, you guys know I can't answer. Yes.

[Adam]

No, technically, the second time Todd tried it, it took him to CVS. Third time it took me to Food52.com. Whatever that.

[Blake]

What's Food52.com? I don't even want to know. I don't want to know. I'm not going to click.

[Adam]

Why don't you. It's just a place to, like, eat food.

[Blake]

Like.

[Adam]

Yeah, there's like. I don't know.

[Blake]

I just don't even know what. I don't even.

[Adam]

Recipes.

[Blake]

Know why I'm even getting to these websites? Because you're telling me to get it. Something ain't adding up to me.

[Ders]

What?

[Blake]

Something adding up. What?

[Adam]

What?

[Ders]

Peer pressure. Peer pressure.

[Adam]

What is not adding up to you?

[Ders]

Something.

[Blake]

You started all of this saying it was through the Jeffrey Epstein emails. Now I'm jumping over to CBS, Food 52, Citibank.

[Adam]

That's what I'm. That's what I'm saying.

[Blake]

So. But why do I need to even have my record of this?

[Adam]

Go down the rabbit hole.

[Ders]

I'm with you.

[Adam]

That's. That's what I'm.

[Blake]

I don't like rabbit holes.

[Adam]

I. Dude, you love rabbit holes.

[Blake]

I don't.

[Adam]

You're always going down.

[Blake]

Not these ones, these ones.

[Ders]

How much do you guys. How much do you guys really care about, like, reading them yourselves as opposed to just like, I want headlines waiting for someone who, like, aggregates it and goes. So here's like, the worst parts Da da da da da da da. Blam, blam, blam.

[Adam]

That's all I want. And that's. And that's what I thought this jmail.com was. And I'm like, well, it'd be interesting to go like, oh, what. What was the correspondence between him and whoever Trump or whoever it is.

[Blake]

Sure.

[Adam]

Or Bill Clinton or.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Bill Gates. Sounds like a dog. Bill Gates, that nerd. Total dweed.

[Ders]

Getting it out.

[Adam]

Sounds like an absolute dog.

[Blake]

Thing sucks more.

[Ders]

Micro hard. Yeah, yeah. Microsoft. Which is a plan. He knows what he's doing. Yes. Points. That was his dick.

[Adam]

Yeah. Micro hard.

[Ders]

Microsoft. He's like. He knows what he's doing.

[Adam]

He's like, I've got a tiny one and it's limp.

[Blake]

Damn, that sucks. Sorry, Bill. You piece of. God damn it.

[Adam]

Oh, you know, Bill's a dog, too.

[Ders]

When are you coming out of the Windows 69?

[Blake]

That's why I'm saying, man, with that, I'm on record. I think, historically, we should all have to reveal the size of our penis because I think it informs a lot of evil decision making.

[Adam]

So what is. Yeah, I know we've talked about this at length.

[Ders]

Yeah. Just to you. People have to reveal it to you. Line them up.

[Adam]

Points.

[Ders]

Who are they revealing it to? Yes. Yes. Points.

[Blake]

Thank you. Yeah. To me. Yeah. If you guys want to DM me your nude penises, so I know where you're coming from.

[Ders]

Here we go.

[Adam]

So. Okay, so. No, no, no. But this is. You think the smaller the penis, the more evil.

[Blake]

I'm just saying, wouldn't it be interesting to know how large Abraham Lincoln's penis was in comparison to Kubla Khan? Right. Who. Who is Kubla Khan? A person.

[Ders]

Isn't that a person from Mario Brothers? Maybe Genghis Khan.

[Blake]

I thought there was a. I thought there was a Kubla Khan as well.

[Ders]

Cobra Kai.

[Blake]

Kuba Gooding junior. Okay. Cuba Kuba. G junior.

[Ders]

Omar Gooden. Cuba. Kuba and Omar look up whatever the

[Adam]

Blake is talking about because he said it with such passion that I. I was like, well, maybe Kubla Khan. I'm. Thank you for calling him out on it.

[Blake]

Because I was like, yes, thank you, Kubla Khan. I knew that was a person. And now I'm looking at the M. Steam files. What?

[Adam]

The link took you to the ep.

[Ders]

What the.

[Blake]

Dude, See, by the way, the Internet's. I hate the Internet.

[Adam]

It says.

[Blake]

Oh.

[Adam]

All of a sudden, I got a security alert on my phone.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Adam]

My system is under threat. And that's from clicking on Todd's link. Right now? Yeah. Kubla Khan.

[Ders]

What the hell? No. Guys, this is weird.

[Adam]

What's going on? What's going on here?

[Ders]

Todd, Kubla Khan is a poem.

[Blake]

Yeah. That's weird. How the Did I. This is so weird.

[Ders]

Is that even. Todd? Todd, are you there? Are you okay? Todd, what are you.

[Adam]

What is so weird? Blake, you have to use more words, buddy.

[Blake]

Kubla Khan is a poem?

[Adam]

Yes.

[Blake]

Why did I think that was, like, a historical figure? I don't know.

[Adam]

I don't. I don't think you're that as smart as you think you are.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Blake]

What the.

[Ders]

Is right. You're right down here with the rest of us.

[Blake]

But I'm just wondering when Kubla Khan was put into my. My brain, like, where this is. It's in Xanadu. Kubla Khan, the poetry Foundation.

[Ders]

Like, what the fuck were you thinking of Genghis Khan? Were you thinking of Comic Con? What are we talking about?

[Adam]

I'm assuming you were thinking of Genghis Khan, and then you said, I did.

[Blake]

I thought maybe Kubla Khan was next in line.

[Adam]

And then when you said Kubla Khan, I was like, oh, this is like, from a video game or it's. It's like an Avenger, because I don't watch that shit. I'm like, is it that I don't do?

[Blake]

Like, I wonder why I know this.

[Ders]

You're making me change the color of my fucking light, dude.

[Blake]

I'm sorry, guys. I'm sorry I said those two words together.

[Ders]

I got to switch my whole mood.

[Blake]

I truly will have to look at this. Off pod. To. To.

[Ders]

Well, what was the point you were trying to make before you said the dumbest thing I've ever. No, what. What was your point?

[Blake]

Let's just switch it to Genghis Khan. I would like to know how big Genghis Khan's dick was. Why was he so. Because he, you know, he was. He was a pretty crazy general sweeping through, like, Asia, like, killing people.

[Adam]

And then. And then we're thinking. And like, on record, people are. Multiple of these victims were saying that Jeffrey Epstein had a small egg shaped penis. Okay, you need another four inches. So we're thinking, is that like the more deviled egg?

[Blake]

Damn. Okay, hold on. Let me give you some points.

[Ders]

Yes, points.

[Blake]

So better is this super simple sports app where you make a couple predictions on players stats and when real money, no confusing stuff. It's built for regular people. It's stupid simple. You just pick more or less. That's literally it. So if you know ball, you might as well get paid from it. It takes 30 seconds to sign up and it's available in 33 plus states.

[Ders]

They also have a mystery multiplier feature where you can win up to a thousand x on just two picks. There's literally no downside, which means there's zero reason to play two pick lineups anywhere else. If you're not on Better, you're leaving money on the table. Better has paid out over $250 million in winnings to their users, and even Better, Better will double your first deposit and gives you a free pick drop $50 play with a hundred plus a free pick on the house. It's literally the best way to start. You're instantly up before you even make a move.

[Blake]

Get the most bang for your buck and download Better today. That's betr must be 18 and physically located in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates. Concerned about your play? Call the NCPG at 1-800-522-4700.

[Ders]

Hey gamers, if you've been waiting for the perfect time to give your setup the ultimate boost, first I've got some great news. Alienware is having their annual Tech Days event and that means you can score some pretty crazy deals right now.

[Blake]

Save big on new Alienware PCs like Aurora laptops and the Area 51, their most powerful desktop. They both take performance to the next level with the Intel Core Ultra processors. There's also some pretty serious deals on Alienware displays, accessories and more. Check it all [e-mail] alien deals the

[Adam]

whole reason for this annual Tech Days event is to celebrate you, so I'd take a good look at these prices and exclusive benefits before it ends. It's easy to save. Just visit alienware.comdeals and snag yourself some great gear at very upgrade friendly prices.

[Blake]

Hey TII Nation, if you know me then you know I am always setting wellness goals for myself. I want to always strive to be my better self no matter the time of year. I've been hitting the gym and doing my best to stay as consistent as possible and now thanks to Kachava, I have experienced some real positive changes. Kachava provides clean nutrition to fuel wherever your day takes you. No fillers, no nonsense.

[Ders]

That's right Blake Cachava provides all day support with energy from five key vitamins and minerals. Plus it helps keep things regular with fiber, probiotics and enzymes. On top of that, it helps fuel and replenish your muscles with protein and electrolytes. And of course it's looking to nurture a healthy metabolism with b vitamins, minerals and fiber.

[Adam]

Personally, I love to mix it up with cachava. I'll mix it in a peanut butter and add some bananas and maybe even a little hint of oat milk. Just a hint. The chocolate and vanilla mixed together.

[Blake]

Ooh, you can't go wrong.

[Adam]

It's so easy to make a superfood packed shake with recipes from the cachava kitchen. Supporting your mind and nervous system with essential minerals has never been so easy. Stick with your wellness goals. Go to cacava.com and use code thisis for 15% off. That's Kachava K A C H A

[Blake]

V A dot com code this is hey Tii Nation. I remember before we started podcasting I didn't know what to do with myself. I started to think is podcasting really the right decision for me? What if I fail? What if no one listens to anything I put out there? Well, sometimes doubt can be hard to get over, but choosing to make that leap is one of the best decisions I ever made. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names like Skims, Heinz and Momofuku to brands just getting started.

[Adam]

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[Ders]

And what if I get stuck? Shopify is always around to share advice with their award winning 24. 7 customer support. It's time to turn those what ifs into with Shopify today. Sign up for your $1 per month [e-mail] thisis go to shopify.com thisis that's that's shopify.com thisis. Here's my question. So are we saying that like people with micro penises are more likely to be like bad guys as opposed to somebody with like a real hog?

[Blake]

That's what I'm saying. Maybe we could gather the information if and and notice something.

[Adam]

The more we talk about it the more I think it sort of checks out because you have a or life is harder and sure you have self doubt then that that it shake it shakes your confidence.

[Ders]

So you don't think there's any nice guys. You don't think it's a 50 50. I don't know about who you are as far as your Dick size.

[Blake]

I don't know.

[Ders]

You think that ev. Not everyone, but let's say the majority of people with small tiny dicks are like. Just because they got a bad shake, they're bad guys. You don't think there's like angry nice guy.

[Adam]

I think it's, I think it's. If you, you have something in you that could be like a crate, you're a crazy psycho lunatic.

[Ders]

This is the thing that says.

[Adam]

Sure. This is the thing that would, would tip you over because if you got it, if you have just a regular sized dick or you're haugen.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Things, things are a little easier. Life comes at you a little easier.

[Ders]

I know, I know, I know that look.

[Blake]

It's a fall back plan. Like everything's going bad. The bank account is a little low. You know, you just got fired. But then you look in the mirror and you got a freaking anaconda. You're like, hey O. It could be worse. It could be worse, could be worse.

[Ders]

But here's my question. You don't think that a lot of those guys are using it for evil?

[Blake]

I think there are those people too. I think there are evil hoggers as well.

[Adam]

I think, I think they're too busy to do evil stuff.

[Ders]

What do you mean? They. We, we guys, I'm talking about us.

[Blake]

We, we're a little too busy.

[Ders]

Like they can, they can always, they could just never work because they know they can just call up like Cindy, the manager at the bank on the corner and like crash at her place because she'll be like, I'm about to get some. And they develop these patterns where they're just, they're not good guys.

[Blake]

Now I'm about to get thunderstruck by my boy.

[Adam]

Well, I will say my, my friend Sean Daddy who used to live with us didn't pay rent and he was, he would buy. He was a 40 year old man who would buy us 40 ounces when we were 19 years old. I've told the stories about Sha Daddy many times.

[Ders]

Legend. I was the hog. I'm a dude.

[Adam]

He didn't have a place to live but.

[Ders]

Right.

[Adam]

He was hogging so fiercely.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

That we, that he would like joke about it about his huge hog. And we're like, he's a black guy. Like it might just be like, like a joke, you know, like. But then he wore sweatpants around you and you're like, Jesus Christ.

[Ders]

I do like how you guys would congregate in the kitchen. Like it's not a joke. It's not A joke. Did you see the sweatpants?

[Adam]

It's not a joke, but this is how comp. He had so much confidence that he had any night of the week. He just had a different woman he could hit up, go spend the night at their house. They would give him some money. They'd be like, give him some walk around money. So he's like, yeah, she gave me. She gave me two, 200 bucks or whatever. And I'm just the way.

[Ders]

Walk around.

[Adam]

She, she. He this girl so well, that she came over to our house and gave us all haircuts.

[Ders]

Right.

[Adam]

That's how good of a life it is to have a huge dick, is you get free haircuts for you and all of your friends.

[Blake]

God damn.

[Ders]

Yeah. And so I guess what I'm saying is like that there's. There's two sides to this where you're like, oh, he's walking around doing all this, the stuff, but not really doing anything for himself. But he did get you guys haircuts. So he is a good guy.

[Blake]

He's a great guy. He gave dick so good that they get. You had trickle down haircut.

[Adam]

It's great. No, that's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying is it's. He might have had some problems. Like he was doing meth, I think.

[Ders]

I don't know. You think so?

[Adam]

Yeah, I think he might have had some problems, but his problems weren't worse because his dick leveled the playing field. It leveled everything.

[Blake]

That's so cool.

[Ders]

Right?

[Blake]

I love that there would be a. I'd love that there'd just be random knocks at the door and it's like, fellas, I'm here to give you a foosball table. Like, what? It's like your boy dicked me down so well. I would love to.

[Ders]

So.

[Adam]

Well, I work at Dick's Sporting Goods and I'm going to give you a very funny.

[Blake]

I would love to deliver you of a foosball table.

[Ders]

But. So here's the flip side of that. So if someone commits a crime and they have a hog.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Ders]

And they don't have a small dick, like, how do we view this? Like, do we give anybody who's got a small dick who commits these sort of crimes not a pass, but at least an acknowledgment of understanding of like, we know where you're coming from.

[Adam]

Well, we know, but I. Here's what happens is I think the big dick crimes are different than small Drake crimes. I think big dick crimes are like, they Might have stole a little something. They might have taken a little something that isn't theirs.

[Ders]

Throw some hearts.

[Adam]

You know, I feel like it's something.

[Ders]

It's.

[Adam]

It's drunk and disorderly because you're.

[Blake]

You're.

[Adam]

You're at the bars, you're kicking it. You're out with the people.

[Ders]

So your dick is out. Oops.

[Adam]

Is it small dick crime that is building a pedophile ring on your private island with weird tunnels and, you know,

[Blake]

that's real small dick energy.

[Adam]

That's. That's super small dick.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And tell you what, Sean. Daddy's not doing all that. He's too busy. The woman that comes over and cuts our hair.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Ders]

It's a lot of effort. Yeah, It's. Yeah, there's a lot of. You gotta go above and beyond. And when you start going above and beyond and you're planning things out, that's when the shit gets skeevy.

[Blake]

Yeah. You become a mastermind, as opposed to

[Ders]

letting your dick just take you where you go around the world.

[Adam]

I think that's right.

[Ders]

I went out. I went out dancing.

[Blake]

Fly by the seat of your dick.

[Ders]

Flying by the seat of your dick. You went out dancing one out. You met somebody. It's over. You did that. As opposed to, like, you went out with your tiny dick. No one talked to you. You have to go above and beyond and create all these things.

[Blake]

I want to talk to you.

[Adam]

Yeah. You have to plot.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Adam]

You have to plot.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Adam]

I'll tell you what big dig gentlemen aren't doing. They're not plotting.

[Ders]

We're not.

[Adam]

There's no plotting.

[Blake]

Okay, okay.

[Adam]

No, we, we, we.

[Blake]

Now we've walked down that path, but here's the inverse. Now when. Now when you guys.

[Ders]

They can be inverted.

[Blake]

Absolutely.

[Ders]

Here's the inverse.

[Blake]

I'm saying.

[Ders]

Let me show you guys.

[Blake]

When, like, say you guys don't have really large, you know, penises. Allegedly.

[Ders]

Let me just, like, imagine that.

[Blake]

Yeah. Imagine yourself.

[Adam]

Allegedly.

[Blake]

Maybe you have to develop other sides of your personality and you actually do become, like, a very nice guy or you become really funny, or you grow your hair long and curly. There's other.

[Ders]

Right, right, right, right.

[Blake]

There's other aspects next to your personality besides this big hanging vine between your legs.

[Adam]

Yes, Blake. See, I know your dick is small, but Allegedly. But it's not so small that you're gonna be a mastermind. It's not that small.

[Ders]

There's no way.

[Blake]

Right.

[Adam]

It's not that small.

[Blake]

Right.

[Adam]

Hold up.

[Ders]

I don't think I've Ever seen it. But I've seen you in underwear or speedos and stuff.

[Adam]

Yeah, that's also where I know it's small because I've also never seen it. And I've also seen him in some tidy whities.

[Blake]

And you're saying there wasn't a lot of junk. The garbage man came.

[Adam]

Never seen it.

[Blake]

Well, you know, I'm probably more of a. More of a grower. Not a shower, but sure, sure, sure. But I mean, yeah, I'm not, I'm not like suffering. I'm not like sobbing in the mirror.

[Adam]

And I don't think you are. I don't think you're not plotting.

[Ders]

We're not scheming.

[Adam]

You're not plotting. You're not.

[Blake]

But maybe that is why it developed my sense of humor a little bit.

[Adam]

Maybe. Maybe that.

[Blake]

Yeah, maybe. Why did you guys has become so nice and funny.

[Ders]

Nice.

[Adam]

I don't think we are nice.

[Ders]

Interesting.

[Adam]

A couple over here.

[Ders]

Funny for sure. Because I. I hung out with only smart people and then they'd be in study groups like. And it works like this. And you remember that thing and this plus that and the square root of that. And I'd go square root of this. And they would laugh. And they would laugh.

[Adam]

I think Jurs and I have the exact same.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Come up.

[Ders]

Yeah. Do not come where.

[Adam]

I was okay at school.

[Blake]

Sure.

[Adam]

But I wanted to get good grades. I did want that. But I knew that I wasn't going to be the one to get me there. So what I would do is anytime it's a group situation.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

I'd be entertain them. They do all the work. Then I do the presentation. I'm the salesman of the group.

[Ders]

Oh, like in class you do the class.

[Adam]

I do the big presentation.

[Blake]

Yeah. Because you're not crush. You're not intimidated by the crowd.

[Adam]

Not intimidated.

[Blake]

Got the personality.

[Ders]

That wasn't even an option. I don't even remember having to present. Like.

[Adam]

Oh, that was always. It was either like you can write this like 10 page report or you can give a speech about it. I'm like, what are we even talking about here?

[Blake]

You could wing it.

[Adam]

I have to write a whole thing. Or I can just have some bullet points.

[Ders]

Gorilla.

[Adam]

Have my. Have my.

[Ders]

You're doing your smart.

[Adam]

Have my smarty pants there. Give me some material.

[Ders]

I remember getting invited to these study groups and it was, it was like, like the way it happened just was. Seemed like charity. They'd be like, and you can come. I'd be like, thank you. I'm a dumbass all right. I mean, I think at some point I was like, guys, it's okay. Go to Wesleyan or wherever the you're going, and I'll just.

[Adam]

I remember my smart friends would have study groups, and I was like, okay. And I rolled over there thinking, we're going to smoke weed and play video games.

[Blake]

Who's ready to study doing it.

[Adam]

That is not at all what happened. And being so bummed that, like, wait, now I've, like, committed, like, three hours to, like, hang out and. And study that now I'm like, I have to do studying. When I really thought we were gonna play video games and smoke weed.

[Ders]

And they knew how to do it. They were, like, serious.

[Blake]

Like, they were good at studying.

[Ders]

They were like, for real? Yeah. And they'd be like. And then. Did you. And also, they're gonna bring this up. And I was like, like, how do you guys even know this stuff? Well.

[Adam]

And also I was like, who cares?

[Ders]

Oh, you hit him with that. You are so dumb.

[Adam]

Who cares about this?

[Ders]

I do. Like how Adam just gave speeches, and he's like, we're kids. We should just be out there running around free. And they're like, all right, we want

[Adam]

to go to college.

[Blake]

We're describing why kind of our country is going to shit. Like, we have the person who doesn't have the knowledge of. Of the books, and it just can give the good speeches.

[Ders]

Right, Right.

[Blake]

There is a power to that. But it's nice when you have a little bit of both.

[Ders]

Can I just. I'm gonna hit pause. I'm gonna hit pause on good speeches, but go ahead.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Ders]

He's just got those bombs.

[Adam]

He could talk for a long time.

[Ders]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Blake]

Charisma, some sort.

[Adam]

Riz.

[Blake]

Riz. This. The Riz.

[Ders]

What he's. What he's good at is saying exactly what he's thinking, and you can tell he means it. And there's something. There's something that's uncalculated that people love about it because they're like, he's not reading a script that someone told him to say. He's saying what he thinks.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Ders]

And that's attractive.

[Adam]

It's almost terrifying. Like, he might just say, the craziest in the world.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

And World War three will start. Yeah. So it's kind of crazy.

[Ders]

People kind of like seeing somebody who's. Who's not just an amalgam of things that they're supposed to say that they want, that they think they should say instead of what they probably think. He says exactly what he Thinks when he's talking about, like, can we shoot the protesters? People are like, you know what? You're talking to the guy who's in charge of the military, and he has to say, you can't.

[Blake]

And then there's the bro on the couch. Like, exactly. Why can't we just shoot that motherfucker? You're like, oh, well, that could get a little weird.

[Ders]

Wild stuff. But yeah. No good speeches. You said you were saying good speeches. Go ahead.

[Blake]

Yeah. Good study groups.

[Adam]

Yeah. I. I feel. Yes. The people that actually like. Chloe is so good at studying. It's unbelievable.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

She went to Columbia. Never got to be in her life. It's offputting. When she, like, her grade point average is like a 4.3 or something. I'm like, I don't even know. We talked about this a little. Just, I think, off, off, pod. Just how crazy. I didn't know you could get better than 4.0, dude.

[Ders]

So I went back home to my high school and gave, like, a graduation speech that was, like, just kind of ridiculous. Stupid. Da, da, da, da, da. And I talk about how I graduate the 2.6 GPA, right?

[Adam]

That's bad.

[Ders]

Perfect. Everyone laughs. I'm like, okay, well, that was actually the setup to the punchline. But anyway. And then. And by the way, I'm in the bottom half of my graduating class, right? Just off.

[Adam]

Awful.

[Ders]

Just awful.

[Adam]

Yeah.

[Blake]

Big dick, though. Big dick, though.

[Adam]

Yeah, nice dick, though.

[Ders]

Then they go, okay, everyone stand up if you had a 3.5 GPA. And everyone. These. Half the play stands up. I'm like, jesus. So no wonder they laughed. Then they go, who had a 4.0? Almost as many people stand up. And then they go, who had a 4.5 GPA? And more people than ever stand up. And I'm like, what. How does. How's everybody here have a 3.5? I don't even understand this. What's the deal? Chloe's is the only one that's real school.

[Adam]

Well, that. Chloe's was from, you know, university decades ago.

[Ders]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Blake]

Well, weren't we coming to the conclusion that school got easier?

[Ders]

I think it's way more standardized testing. And, like, school. The curve is easier.

[Adam]

But I'm like, they want people to get better grades kind of thing.

[Ders]

Yeah, yeah. They're like, just. Just don't shoot the school, because there.

[Adam]

There was certain teachers in my high school that did not want you to get good grades.

[Ders]

Yeah, I mean, honestly, there was a legit. I think every grade had, like, a one, two Punch teacher combo, where it was, like, English and social studies, like, that were paired up, and there was, like, the track where people were like, I'm taking them because they're the hardest. And I was like, isn't that a bad idea?

[Blake]

Yeah. What the.

[Ders]

Don't you want the easy teacher? And they'd be like, well, I'm going to Northwestern, you dumbass. And I'd go, oh, okay. Well, their swim team wasn't that fast.

[Blake]

Yeah. So.

[Ders]

But then they were. They actually really got. They got really fast, actually. But I was like, why would you want to take these hard teachers? But, like, they're smart.

[Adam]

I could see Ders being I. Because you are a smart guy, but you are when you don't understand something.

[Ders]

I think it's been covered. Blake, didn't you say you like Donald Trump's speeches? Oh, good for you.

[Adam]

You get very mad. Was that you in high school? Were you like, if you were like, this is stupid, then. Then this.

[Ders]

No, no, I know that kid. I. I was just like, a.

[Adam]

Like, if you didn't understand it, were

[Ders]

you like, no, no. I. I think I've told this story before, but, like, got a math test, sat down, looked it over, wrote my name on it, and after, like, three minutes, I just walked it to the teacher, and she was like, how are you done? I'm like. Like, I don't know any of this stuff here.

[Adam]

And his dick grew one inch that day.

[Ders]

She was like, meet me in the bathroom. No. She was like, just sit down and,

[Adam]

like, big dick energy right there.

[Ders]

Look at it again. Look at it again.

[Blake]

Want to see you after class. I think we could figure out a few of these answers.

[Adam]

Work something.

[Ders]

She urged me to look at it again. She's like, it'll click. Like, you'll. You'll. You'll remember stuff. And I was like, Ms. Herby, I don't get it. I don't know any of this. I'm telling you here.

[Adam]

Did you not study? Did you not study?

[Ders]

I was, like, not studying. I was not sleeping because I was joking.

[Adam]

Like, I didn't know. But there are kids that were great at studying. I wasn't one of them, but I was a bit of a try hard where I just absolutely didn't want to get bad grades, dude.

[Ders]

My life was just drawing. All through class.

[Blake]

That's what I was about to say.

[Ders]

Not listening at all.

[Blake]

How long was math class? It was, like, an hour and a half too long.

[Adam]

Two hours too long.

[Blake]

How long were these?

[Ders]

It was three drawings. It was three drawings.

[Adam]

Long.

[Blake]

Yeah, but like, yeah, I'm trying to remember.

[Adam]

Like, yeah, they were an hour and a half because we went. We moved from like hour and a half.

[Blake]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

[Adam]

We went from 45 minute classes to an hour and a half long class. Like, and then you do blocks.

[Ders]

We were 50 or like 50. 52 minutes. 50 or 52 minutes. Something like that.

[Adam]

Yeah, it was something like that. That.

[Ders]

How long was your guys passing period?

[Blake]

Isn't it wild to punch in, to clock in every single day and not absorb any of the knowledge? Because I'm trying to think because I was terrible at math too and I just didn't like, I wasn't getting anything. I wasn't even trying to learn it. Like, what the was I doing for 50 minutes? Drawing.

[Ders]

Thinking about. You were naming wrestlers and shit.

[Blake]

You were like, I'm dreaming about Kubla Khan, dude.

[Adam]

I was so bad at math that when I went to. To our community college. Occ. Go Pirates.

[Ders]

Hell yeah.

[Adam]

They made me take more math.

[Blake]

Yeah, you gotta do.

[Ders]

I had to when I got to

[Adam]

get to a level. Yeah, but you went to a real college. I went to the community college where they're like, before you come here, you need to take more math. If you're gonna come here, you have to take math. I was like, oh, Jesus, I suck.

[Ders]

I was just telling Emma the other day, like when they would write, you'd be in some class where they're like, the teacher just writes the stuff on like the projector and then you just have to like take down and like that's how you absorb the notes about the story. I was like, I felt like I was just writing letters. She's like, what do you mean? I go. I was just like going like, B.

[Adam]

It was like hieroglyphics for you.

[Ders]

Yeah. And then she was like, what do you mean? I'll go. It wasn't even words. It was definitely not sentences. I was just copying letters down onto the thing. And so when you looked at my notes, it was. It mirrored what was up there.

[Adam]

It was there.

[Blake]

Yeah. What?

[Ders]

None of it was ever absorbed as to any concept.

[Adam]

And none of it clicked.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Blake]

What is that teaching style? Is it just. They think it's.

[Ders]

Well, I'll tell you what it is, Blake.

[Adam]

Some people can learn that way.

[Ders]

They write down the sentences and as they download the sentence and they write it out, it's like, it's a better way of like memorizing it it. But you have to already be thinking of it as a sentence, whereas I'm Looking up, going like be just copying.

[Adam]

Just copying things. Not. Not retaining the information.

[Ders]

Exactly.

[Adam]

I get that.

[Blake]

Those old ass projectors. Yeah. And they would just do it like sheets upon sheets of words and you would just copy them down and it's like, what the fuck? Why not just read it out of a book? Why do we have to write it? But I guess you're saying that that has connective tissue in your brain. So.

[Ders]

Yeah, I think even Jillian told me once, I was like, how do you memorize lines? Because I just can't.

[Blake]

That's right. Yes, she.

[Ders]

And she was like, I write them down. And I go, okay, cool, I'll do that. And at. At in my 30s and 40s, it seemed to land a little bit more. But back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore. Sometimes I sit and wish I was a kid again.

[Blake]

Dude. So Better is this super simple sports app where you make a couple predictions on players stats and win real money. No confusing stuff. It's built for regular people. It's stupid simple. You just pick more or less. That's literally it. So if you know ball, you might as well get paid from it. It takes 30 seconds to sign up and it's available in 33 plus states.

[Ders]

They also have a mystery multiplier feature where you can win up to a thousand x on just two picks. There's literally no downside, which means there's zero reason to play two pick lineups anywhere else. If you're not on Better, you're leaving money on the table. Better has paid out over $250 million in winnings to their users. And even Better, Better will double your first deposit and gives you a free pick drop $50. Play with a hundred plus a free pick on the house. It's literally the best way to start. You're instantly up before you even make a move.

[Blake]

Get the most bang for your buck and download better today. That's BETR must be 18 plus and physically located in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates. Concerned about your play? Call the NCPG at 1-800-522-4700.

[Ders]

Hey gamers. If you've been waiting for the perfect time to give your setup the ultimate ultimate boost, I've got some great news. Alienware is having their annual Tech Days event. And that means you can score some pretty crazy deals right now.

[Blake]

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[Adam]

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[Blake]

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[Adam]

yeah, I think I. The reason I was bad at math is you can't give a speech, right? There's no. There's no presentation. You.

[Blake]

Well, you wing that. It's just. It don't add up. It don't add up.

[Ders]

It don't add up.

[Blake]

Not at all. Yeah. You can't talk your way out of math. Math is.

[Ders]

And, Adam, what did you get for the answer? It's a good question. Let me speak on that. That's okay. You can sit.

[Adam]

We wish you wouldn't.

[Ders]

We.

[Adam]

We wish you wouldn't.

[Blake]

I have a question. Did you ever memorize your multiplication tables? Is that something you have in your bag?

[Ders]

Yeah, but that's kind of easy.

[Adam]

I think. I think that's. I think I was pretty bad at it. But now you're in. Just being an adult. I know. I know. Most of them.

[Blake]

6 times 8? What's 6 times 8?

[Adam]

68. Masturbate.

[Ders]

Sam. Nailed it. Hey, front of the class. This guy's not banging razors. Come on.

[Blake]

Gotcha.

[Ders]

What's six times eight? 68. Masturbate. Oh, my God. Is it 48? Is it 48? What is it? No, six. Six times six is. 36.

[Blake]

Actually, yeah, I think it is 42 and 48. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. Literally. Well done, bro.

[Ders]

Well done.

[Blake]

No, I am terrible. No.

[Ders]

Yes. Paul.

[Blake]

My daughter has already surpassed me on multiplication tables.

[Ders]

Yo. But they're teaching. They're teaching math different now. And what's weird is they're teaching it how I used to imagine it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Adam]

It's not our fault.

[Ders]

Sure, you gotta show the work. And I go, it doesn't look like how you want it, but the way they do math now is how I would see it in my head to get the answer.

[Blake]

But multiplication tables, that's something you have to do independently. Like, if you're not good on that, you need to go home. And do it outside of your. Your homework. You have to know that.

[Adam]

I feel like most. That's how homework works. You take it at home and you do.

[Ders]

What's seven? Seven.

[Blake]

It's 42.

[Adam]

49.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Blake]

49.

[Ders]

Is it? I think it's 49.

[Adam]

It's 49, right?

[Ders]

I think. I think it's 49. Okay. Yeah.

[Adam]

Okay. Got one. Thank God. 68. Masturbate.

[Ders]

What's negative five? What's negative five times negative five?

[Blake]

Negative.

[Adam]

I mean, you have kids. You're doing this. Dude, I'm not doing.

[Ders]

But, dude, why are we calling each other out?

[Adam]

We all said we were so bad

[Ders]

at M. I pulled crazy shit out of my positive positive 25. Exactly. Because I'm like, a negative times a negative positive. And I'm like. I'm like, where did that come from?

[Blake]

2 negatives make a positive. I know that. Look. I know some of the rules of math, but as far as, like, multiplication tables, I never truly lock that in, and I regret that. And there's still time. There's still time.

[Ders]

Well, you had the state capitals. We've covered that. I have never got those.

[Blake]

I have those, of course.

[Ders]

And the state capital of Michigan is Lansing.

[Adam]

I think that's right.

[Ders]

We'll never know.

[Adam]

There's no way to tell, but I think that's right.

[Ders]

There's no way.

[Adam]

The. The capital of Nebraska.

[Blake]

Lincoln.

[Adam]

Nailed it.

[Ders]

Thank you.

[Adam]

Capital. Iowa.

[Ders]

He said Lincoln. Vermont.

[Blake]

Vermont. Is that Montpelier?

[Adam]

I don't know. That doesn't seem like a place.

[Blake]

I don't know. Vermont. That one's tough. That one's tough.

[Ders]

Oh, he's. Todd says it's correct.

[Adam]

Todd's saying.

[Blake]

Oh, okay.

[Adam]

Hey, I guess you do know them. That's pretty impressive.

[Todd]

Thank you.

[Adam]

Yeah. What was your bet you just. Your class that you knew you would just get an A? It's like, not even like, Jim.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Hell, yeah. Big dicks. And his dick grew one inch that day.

[Ders]

Me, get me on the gymnastics mats and I'm trouble.

[Blake]

Duncan Theater.

[Ders]

I used to love Jim. Jim was the shit.

[Blake]

Yeah. Jim was rad. Run a mile.

[Ders]

I know that sounds like the cliche answer, but I loved all Jim across the board. Not just, like, hooping and fucking dodgeball and all that. I love being like, oh, we're gonna, like, swing from the rings now and, like, jump off a pummel horse or, like, do archery. Like, I love that shit.

[Blake]

You had archery?

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Blake]

Your school had archery? That is cool. Dude.

[Adam]

That's sick.

[Blake]

That must have been sick. Been medieval times, bro.

[Ders]

Rich ass school badminton. Like I'm. I'm all about it. I wanna. I want to try it all. We did have. We had like eight gyms. We had hella gems. We were climbing wall my senior year.

[Blake]

Dude, you're saying pompa horse. We did not have a pawn. We had like wrestling match that everybody's

[Ders]

like, you just said Kyle watch you jump this dude.

[Blake]

There's ringworm as hell in there. That.

[Adam]

That's what. That's what. You touch the wrestling mat, you get ring worm.

[Blake]

Instant ringworm.

[Ders]

To clean that.

[Blake]

Oh, you couldn't even clean ours.

[Ders]

It was.

[Blake]

It was part of. It just became.

[Adam]

Well, I mean, obviously that's. That's a cop out because everyone's favorite class was gym. Like if you're going to take.

[Ders]

I know, that's why. But I enjoyed the spectrum.

[Adam]

You want to like kick it with your boys playing a sport or something.

[Ders]

But you asked me what I got a A in.

[Adam]

Yeah, okay.

[Ders]

Architectural design. I got a A because I was into that.

[Blake]

Okay, go off.

[Adam]

That's cool. That's a thing. That's a thing.

[Ders]

Jersey learned autocad. Shout out to all my autocatters out there.

[Blake]

I mean, I guess I would. That's tough. It all. None of it came easy.

[Adam]

And I. I meant I'm not saying an elective because obviously I like doing like drama or forensics or.

[Ders]

You did cooking.

[Blake]

Oh, yeah. Home ec. Yeah.

[Adam]

Photography. Yeah. Cooking. Racing studios in there. Making some cookies.

[Ders]

You ever take soup?

[Blake]

What?

[Ders]

You ever soup class?

[Adam]

You ever take that soup class?

[Blake]

I mean English. But you had to write book reports. I hated writing book reports. Give a speech about that.

[Adam]

Give quick.

[Ders]

They were like, I like how Adam thinks. Adam thinks everyone had the option. I'm pretty sure they were like special case situation. Your parents went in and talked to them.

[Blake]

Look, I.

[Ders]

He was in a wheelchair. Just let him talk. He was never going to walk again.

[Blake]

The teachers met and the math teachers like look straight up up. I asked him what 6 times 8 was. He said 60 master.

[Ders]

Babe, we got.

[Blake]

We got to let this boy cook. We got to let him cook. All right.

[Ders]

He's. I do like how the teacher said we let. Got to let him cook. And also straight up, straight up, we

[Blake]

got to let this boy cook.

[Adam]

That was the homec teacher saying that we. We just got to let.

[Blake]

Come on in.

[Adam]

You have to cook. You have to cook.

[Blake]

Thank you.

[Adam]

Yes.

[Ders]

Why wait. So, Adam, what was your life like? You're getting an A for sure class.

[Adam]

I. I mean, it depends the age obviously. Like I Loved like American history when, when we were had history class.

[Blake]

Yeah, U.S. history. I. I feel like history always. What did it ever just cent around center around us.

[Adam]

I feel English. I feel like English class. I. I liked when they would give you a book to read. I would, I'd like to. To read, but then I would read 40 pages of like the 200 pages and then be like, give me the, the complete guide to.

[Ders]

Right. The spark Sparks Notes. What do they call those?

[Adam]

Clif. Yeah, the sparks. Yeah, Sparks. Cliff notes.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

You give me that and I'll. I'll figure it out.

[Ders]

I think I told you guys I wrote a report on like this Braveheart book, but I just watched the movie and my teacher was like, you just wrote, you just wrote the scene by scene of the movie. He's like, this isn't even what the book is about. I'm like, dude, give me a fucking break, man. This book is big. I'm a dumbass. It's a big ass crazy school. Big ass book school. Like, wild.

[Blake]

Dude. When Mel Gibson, when Mel Gibson had

[Ders]

the face paint, I was just like, I just need to. Or live through this and get out. Are you like now when you, you,

[Adam]

when you send your kids off to school, are you some.

[Ders]

Are you cry?

[Adam]

I go, because they're, they're getting, they're getting older.

[Blake]

Daddy's waiting.

[Adam]

They're getting a little older and they're going to like, real school where they actually have to learn.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Are you just like, what they're. They're about to go through so much today, and I'm gonna do like three hours of it. Guess I never think about a small amount of work. Love my job, and then like, kind of bang my head against the wall to like, think of some jokes and then be like, well, that was good enough for today. And then they still have like six hours of learning science.

[Blake]

Yeah, well, you gotta do that. You gotta put in the real work so that when you get to this level, it's like, you really appreciate it.

[Adam]

Well, it makes me go like, should I still be like, learning science?

[Ders]

Yes.

[Adam]

Imagine how much smarter I would be as a person is if I just kept going.

[Blake]

I think we should, I think we should have to tap back in. I think we should have to go back to school just like, you re

[Adam]

science, but a class that you guys were good at at all. Because I was not. No, science and math. I was better at science than math.

[Blake]

But yeah, like, when we start to learn about, like, atoms and. Yeah, I was into that.

[Ders]

That.

[Blake]

I liked it and biology. Biology always interested me.

[Adam]

I. I don't even remember.

[Ders]

Blake likes cutting open.

[Blake]

Yeah.

[Ders]

Yeah. I don't. I remember osmo. Not osmosis. Meiosis, and then the other one.

[Adam]

Jones.

[Ders]

And, like, the words are basically the same. And I was like, you're with us. You're telling me these two things have basically the same name, but they're different.

[Adam]

See, that's the Ders. That I think you were in high school, where you're like, you're with us.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Nah, this isn't. Get the out of here. Get the out of here. That's not real. That's not real. That's what I imagine. My teachers.

[Ders]

I didn't. I didn't. I wasn't. That was always the kid who, like. I'm not. That. I would just draw. I would just be drawing or, like, come on.

[Adam]

You just didn't care. You just. You were a stoner that didn't actually smoke weed, right?

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Maybe that's the vibe that. That I'm getting.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Yeah. He just wants to draw.

[Blake]

Surprised you.

[Adam]

He doesn't smoke weed, but it seems

[Ders]

I'm just drawing Grateful Dead bears. And they're like, okay, I think we know what's happening here. Give me some of your hair. And they tested them. We go, we don't know what's happening here, bro. I just had to swim my way out of there, man. Out of. Off the streets.

[Adam]

And then what was. What were you like, Blake?

[Blake]

I.

[Adam]

You're just the odd little walking fetus. Okay, who's everybody's friend? Adam, who's everyone's friend?

[Ders]

Let him say what you already are saying.

[Blake]

I. I think I was just kind of a class clown. I just was kind of goofing around.

[Ders]

Yeah. Were you class clown?

[Blake]

No, I think Kyle won that on. I got.

[Ders]

Kyle was class.

[Adam]

Kyle beats you. And class clown.

[Blake]

Here's the deal. You could only get one award.

[Adam]

That is true.

[Blake]

I obviously got best hair.

[Ders]

Oh. So, okay.

[Blake]

That. That's my story.

[Todd]

At least.

[Blake]

Not to say, you know, Kyle, he was. It was actually just plain nuts is what they called it. They didn't call it class.

[Ders]

Oh, really?

[Adam]

Ours is class clown.

[Ders]

Why would they do that?

[Blake]

Why.

[Ders]

Why reinvent the wheel here? What are we doing?

[Blake]

I don't know. Maybe, like, clown was, like, a mean word.

[Adam]

Oh, God.

[Blake]

I don't know. I don't know. I'm assuming.

[Adam]

I'm assuming you're, like, actually, you know, clowns. That's offensive to people that are clowns with red noses. It is a real profession. Bully Yeah, I was. I was class clown. I was the same thing between class clown and Most Likely to Make it to the Silver Screen. And I chose class clown over that.

[Ders]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Because I won both awards, and they were like, well, which one would you

[Ders]

want to keep the bar low?

[Adam]

I'm like, class clown.

[Blake]

That's a bad of honor.

[Adam]

That's a. That's a claim to fame.

[Blake]

That's forever. That's forever, dude.

[Ders]

You were also a time traveler who knew that the movie industry would be pluming. Yeah.

[Adam]

Yeah. But you didn't. You. You weren't trying to give a lot of speeches or what's your deal? I mostly was at high school trying to find ways to give speeches.

[Blake]

I didn't give a lot of speeches. I didn't give speeches till college in speech class. And I got. I kind of got smacked a little bit because I did treat it sort of like a. A. Like a standup routine. And the teacher was like, who hit you? The teacher did not like me. Teacher hated me.

[Ders]

What teacher? What class?

[Adam]

Teachers.

[Blake]

Speech class.

[Ders]

Oh, speech.

[Adam]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I took. I was in forensics in high school, and forensics is competitive speech.

[Ders]

That's where you look for pubic hairs after a murder scene.

[Blake]

Absolutely. It's Room Raiders.

[Todd]

Yeah.

[Adam]

Sorry.

[Blake]

This bro was just watching Room Raiders.

[Ders]

Adam kept being like, wait, when do we get to look for the pubes? And they're like, that's not what this is.

[Adam]

But I was.

[Ders]

I was.

[Adam]

There was a dramatic. You had to do a dramatic, a comedic and then an improvisation speech.

[Ders]

Dramatic and cool.

[Adam]

The dramatic I was never good at because I'm all. I'm, like, just half smiling or, like, winking through it, and people are, like, laughing, faking, crying. Yeah. But tell you what I got. I was two points away in the finals from winning the state championship. And then the state championship winner gets to go to New York City and compete in the national championship. And that same year, Josh Gad won that national championship.

[Todd]

Whoa.

[Adam]

And if you think about it, Josh Gad is just a way better version of me.

[Ders]

Just speech. Speech.

[Adam]

Yeah, he's the band, you know, like,

[Blake]

more theatery, more polished.

[Adam]

Theory version. Just better.

[Blake]

Just better?

[Adam]

Yeah, just overall better.

[Blake]

Oh, wow. Yes. Great show.

[Ders]

My God, is it time? Is it time for take backs?

[Adam]

I think it's take backs. Apologies. Epic slams.

[Blake]

I guess I'll take back my reference.

[Ders]

Or double downs. We discovered a couple new ones.

[Blake]

The Kubla Khan. It's really, really bugging me, and I'm gonna really, really dig into it.

[Ders]

We forgot about that really threw you.

[Blake]

I didn't. Because I'm like, what back part of my mind. Where did I hear that? What the fuck?

[Adam]

That's weird when that happens.

[Blake]

Yeah, I'm gonna have to really dig into that. I hope it's not something super problematic, but we'll see.

[Ders]

Should we have Netflix recommendations? Any take backs or Netflix recommendations?

[Adam]

Blake is so worried about being problematic. Dude, it's okay.

[Ders]

Okay.

[Adam]

Yeah, it's all right. Great. I mean, I want. It's fine.

[Blake]

But I. I would. I would like. If I say something out loud, I'd actually like to know what I'm talking about.

[Adam]

To know what you're talking about. Yeah. Well, then this podcast. Dude, then this podcast wouldn't exist.

[Blake]

I don't want to be inadvertently offensive. If I'm going to be offensive, I like to know I'm being offensive, and I don't like to be offensive.

[Ders]

You want it to be advert.

[Blake]

Yes, I want to be adventurous. Advert. Thank you.

[Adam]

Advert offensive.

[Blake]

Thank you.

[Ders]

I'm gonna say that I think this podcast drops when Monarch Legacy of Monsters Season 2 drops. So if you don't have Netflix, get Apple TV and check it out. It's a fun, real wild ride.

[Blake]

All right. And is.

[Adam]

Yeah. Monarch Legacy of Monsters. Excited for that Deers. That's gonna be a fun one.

[Blake]

Yeah, you're hot.

[Ders]

If you want to see me play young John Goodman once again.

[Blake]

Again.

[Ders]

Maybe I turn into old Jean Goodman at some point.

[Blake]

Oh, and that's going to.

[Adam]

And we are going to be on the cruise when this podcast comes out.

[Blake]

Oh, my God. We are currently at sea.

[Adam]

Remember when I almost died just earlier on this podcast?

[Blake]

Yeah. Dude, that was. That was crazy. It made the news.

[Ders]

You were just excited about the cruise

[Adam]

that might happen on the cruise. That's how exciting this cruise is going to be. My heart might stop.

[Blake]

That's life.

[Adam]

I'm actually really, really worried about this cruise.

[Ders]

Your heart's gonna be like, that's life.

[Blake]

We're gonna protect you. Don't worry.

[Adam]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

[Ders]

Protect him from who? Himself.

[Blake]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Ders]

Honest luck, I wanted to do a. If you're going on the cruise, you'll be listening to this. I'm gonna do a live listening party to this episode. We're all just gonna be sitting around.

[Blake]

Oh, that's fun.

[Ders]

And I'm gonna go.

[Blake]

I can't wait to do the J.

[Ders]

I have a mic and I'll go this. Hey, you guys, this part's really funny.

[Blake]

I can't wait.

[Adam]

Oh, we maybe we do a drug commentary of our podcast when it drops.

[Blake]

That's not bad. I like that.

[Ders]

And then when we listen to this part, it'll be like, meta.

[Adam]

All right. And that's another episode. We're partnering with Simple Mills. And so the other day I got a box of Simple Mills almond Flour crackers. Minding my own business went out of nowhere. Blake says, what's up, Mr. Snack Boy? I was like, what's that about? Simple Mills Almond flour crackers are made with almond flour, sunflower seeds, and flaxseeds seeds, come in a bunch of my favorite flavors and taste like sunshine in every bite. He's trying not to laugh. I'm like, stop cracker shaming me, bro.

[Blake]

Hey, come on, man. You know I was just having some fun with you, dude. I love a good Simple Meal snack as much as you do, but I

[Adam]

let it go because that's what a bite of sunshine does. It makes you better than Blake.

[Ders]

Find Simple Meals at your grocery store store. So Better is this simple super sports app where you can make a couple predictions on player stats and win real money. No confusing stuff. It's built for regular people. It's stupid simple. You just pick more or less. That's literally it. So if you know ball, you might as well get paid from it takes 30 seconds to sign up and it's available in 33 plus states.

[Blake]

They also have a mystery multiplier feature where you can win up to 1,000 times on just two picks. There's literally no downside, which means there's zero reason to play two pick lineups anywhere else. If you're not on Better, you're leaving money on the table. Better has paid out over 250 million in winnings to their users.

[Ders]

Stop leaving money on the table and download Better today. That's B E T r must be 18 or older and physically located in a jurisdiction where Better Picks operates. Concerned about your play? Call The NCPG at 1-800-522-4700.

[Todd]

A Better Help ad. We get it. February is full of flowers, candy, and of course, lots of talk about relationships. It can feel like everyone else has it all together in their love life, but the truth is, we're all still figuring it out. Whether you're working on your marriage, navigating the dating apps, or prioritizing staying single, no matter where you are, you're right on time. Therapy can help you find your way and take some of the pressure off yourself. So you can determine what you want, what feels heavy, and how you can feel lighter. Just a little bit of outside perspective from a professional can lead to new understanding and a lot of progress. So the next time you're feeling iffy about your love life, try therapy with BetterHelp and see where it takes you. And remember, you're right on time. Visit betterhelp.com for 10% off. That's betterhelp.com mushrooms.

[Blake]

They're delicious and they're super easy to make. Chop em up, sizzle in a hot pan for five minutes and you're done. Crispy, savory flavor upgrade unlocked.

[Ders]

Toss mushrooms into tacos, pasta, breakfast scrambles, anything you want. They're that easy. We're talking max yum and zero stress.

[Adam]

Hit mushroomcounsel.com for easy ideas or just wing it. Pan oil, sizzle, salt Done. Your taste buds will high vibe ya. It's not magic, it's mushrooms. This is an I heart podcast.

[Blake]

Guaranteed human.