Podcast Summary
Episode Overview
Podcast: This Is Woman's Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode: Courage, Confidence & “Just Keep Going” with Lynn Smith | 357
Date: October 29, 2025
Guests: Nicole Kalil (host), Lynn Smith (guest)
In this vibrant and insightful episode, Nicole Kalil and guest Lynn Smith—a longtime media professional, confidence coach, and author of the children’s book Just Keep Going—dive deep into the intersecting themes of courage, confidence, and persistence. The conversation centers on how confidence is developed, the role of fear and failure in growth, and the importance of modeling and teaching resilience to both children and adults. The episode highlights practical strategies for confronting self-doubt, offers reframes on setbacks, and invites listeners to redefine both "woman's work" and the way we approach personal and professional challenges.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Universality of Fear (07:05)
- Lynn Smith points out that the fears holding back high-achieving adults stem from psychological patterns that begin in childhood:
“I get hired by these Fortune 500 CEOs that are like, make me a great communicator... But I found I wasn’t getting results... It’s because I was treating their communication, not the disease, which was their fears.”
(07:05) - The push for perfectionism—instilled from a young age—paralyzes adults later in life. The cycle continues unless we address these foundational fears early.
2. Understanding and Naming Negative Self-Talk (09:20)
- Nicole and Lynn discuss tackling the “brain bully” (internal negative dialogue).
“We have it because we’re wired that way. We’re wired to beware of threats. It’s just that we don’t know our keynote is not a threat.”
(09:34, Lynn Smith) - Lynn shares her proven method: name the brain bully (hers is "Bob"), externalize it, and consciously reframe its messages.
- Nicole reveals her own “head trash” (named “Dick”) and affirms the effectiveness of this approach.
3. Just Keep Going—Lessons for All Ages (13:09)
- Lynn recounts the inspiration for her book and how its core message—persistence in the face of difficulty—applies to both children and adults.
“It wasn’t, you’re going to be okay. It wasn’t, everything’s going to work out... Putting one foot in front of the other... is all we can do.”
(13:09, Lynn Smith) - She stresses that sometimes the only control we have is over our decision to keep moving forward.
4. The Limits of Comforting Words and Toxic Positivity (16:32)
- Nicole observes that society often tries too hard to smooth over pain and discomfort for loved ones, which isn’t always helpful:
“Our inclination is always to step out of the discomfort and polish it up. And I... don’t know. Sometimes when you’re in it, it’s the person who’s like, ‘I have no fucking clue what’s going to happen. Just keep going.’”
(16:32, Nicole Kalil) - Lynn expands: sitting with disappointment, rather than glossing over it, is necessary for authentic growth.
5. Reframing Failure and the Myth of Outcome-Based Confidence (22:01)
- Nicole highlights a common misconception:
“The underlying belief... is if I do something confidently, then the outcomes will all work. And it doesn’t work that way... Confidence isn’t that it’s gonna work out. Confidence is I trust that I’ll be okay no matter what.”
(21:18-22:01, Nicole Kalil) - Lynn distinguishes confidence from arrogance, emphasizing that true confidence is about persistence and trust rather than guaranteed success.
6. Knowing When to Quit (25:24)
- The hosts discuss the nuanced topic of "quitting" and the importance of releasing people, jobs, or energies that don't serve your growth.
“When we use the word quit, there’s this negative connotation... It is releasing of the energy that does not serve the greater purpose of what I want...”
(25:24, Lynn Smith)
7. Fear as a Breadcrumb and Not the Enemy (28:48)
- Lynn and Nicole explore how fear can serve as a guide.
"Fear is not the enemy... Fear is this sort of barometer... Are you afraid to fail, or are you afraid of the hard times you’ll have to go through?"
(28:48, Lynn Smith)
8. Modeling Confidence for Children (15:22, 33:51)
- Both hosts emphasize the importance of parents embodying confidence, courage, and resilience, rather than just telling their kids what to do.
- Nicole and Lynn share personal parenting stories—supporting children through setbacks (sports team cuts, homesickness at camp)—and reflect on the challenge and growth that arise from discomfort:
"It's through those things that confidence gets built."
(33:51, Nicole Kalil)
9. The Distinction: Confidence vs. Courage (29:47, 30:23)
- Nicole frames these traits as overlapping but distinct:
"I do think sometimes courage and bravery are sometimes mistaken for confidence... there are two different things but one fuels or feeds the other..."
(29:47-30:23, Nicole Kalil) - Lynn agrees, describing the interplay between courage and confidence as a "roller coaster" and a daily journey.
10. Confidence is a Choice, Not an Attribute (40:04)
- Lynn clarifies why she wrote “brave isn’t something you are, it’s something you do”:
“It’s not that we’re born that way... we make the choice to put one foot in front of the other and to just keep going... It is a hundred percent a learned skill."
(40:04, Lynn Smith)
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
“Let’s name what it is... externalize it from our own brain and say, this is not reality. This is just us feeding our brain thoughts that we have decided are true.”
(10:45, Lynn Smith) -
“The only people that don’t have brain bullies are narcissists and sociopaths... If you have a brain bully, just pat yourself on the back because it means you’re actually a normal human being.”
(24:20, Lynn Smith) -
“Confidence isn’t something you have or don’t have. It’s not biological, not a personality trait, not something someone can give you or take away. It’s a skill.”
(41:43, Nicole Kalil) -
“Brave isn’t something you are, it’s something you do.”
(40:50, Lynn Smith; echoed in outro by Nicole Kalil, 41:43)
Important Timestamps
- 07:05 — Perfectionism, fear, and communication issues in adults
- 09:34 — The “brain bully” phenomenon and reframing negative thoughts
- 13:09 — Key lesson of Just Keep Going: persistence is control
- 16:32 — The discomfort around comforting; toxic positivity
- 21:18 — Outcome vs. process-based confidence
- 25:24 — The nuance of quitting vs. releasing toxic energy
- 28:48 — Using fear as a decision-making tool
- 33:51 — Parenting and modeling resilience through setbacks
- 40:04 — Bravery as an action, not an innate quality
- 41:43 — Final reflections and closing message
Additional Resources
- Just Keep Going by Lynn Smith (available on Amazon & major booksellers)
- Confidence Quiz: LynnSmith.com/quiz
- Confidence Quiz (Nicole Kalil): nicolekalil.com
Tone & Style
This episode is warm, honest, and energetic—marked by the hosts’ humor, candor, and willingness to share personal and professional stumbles alongside their successes. Both Nicole and Lynn balance practical advice with real stories, making the discussion feel like a supportive and empowering conversation among friends, rather than a lecture. Their tone invites listeners to drop self-judgment and strive for authenticity—not perfection—in their pursuit of confidence and courage.
Summary Takeaways
- Confidence is a skill, not a gift. It requires action—often daily, often imperfect—and grows stronger through persistence.
- Name and reframe your inner critic. Giving negative self-talk a funny or detached persona makes it easier to manage.
- Persistence trumps perfection. Just keep going, even (especially) when things are hard or uncertain.
- It’s okay to quit toxic jobs or relationships. Releasing what doesn’t serve you is a healthy, brave choice.
- Model resilience for your children. They learn how to manage fear and failure by watching how you do it.
- Bravery and confidence feed each other—but neither is constant. Allow yourself moments of doubt and discomfort; progress happens there.
- Being brave isn’t something you are. It’s something you do.
End of Summary