Podcast Summary: This Is Woman’s Work with Nicole Kalil
Episode 337: Decoding Your Dreams with Bonnie Buckner, PhD
Release Date: August 20, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode, host Nicole Kalil explores the mysterious and dynamic landscape of dreams with Dr. Bonnie Buckner, PhD—founder and CEO of the International Institute for Dreaming and Imagery. Together, they demystify dream interpretation by combining personal anecdotes, scientific insight, and practical applications. The conversation highlights how dreams may serve as more than just random nighttime experiences; they can be powerful tools for self-awareness, growth, and transformation.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Understanding “The Secret Mind” and the Purpose of Dreams

[03:10-04:41]

• Dr. Buckner defines "the Secret Mind" as the hidden part of ourselves that holds our intuitions, unconscious thoughts, and latent creativity, which becomes accessible when we dream.
  • “All that busy, busy, busy is us using a certain part of our brain’s processing system… Inside of us are all kinds of responses and knowings and understandings and intuitions and ideas… Our dreams… really come to life for us, like on a movie screen, because we’re finally still enough and paying attention.” — Bonnie Buckner [03:10]
• Dreams allow us to process what is overlooked during waking hours due to daily busyness.

2. Science vs. “Woo”: Interpreting Dreams Practically

[04:41-08:43]

• Nicole references how dream interpretation is often seen as “woo woo,” but Bonnie reframes it as a practical tool rooted in both research and self-exploration.
• Key Framework: Every aspect of a dream represents a facet of the dreamer, not necessarily literal people or events.
  • Example: Dreaming about a laidback friend now dressed rigidly might signal that the dreamer’s own laidback side has become too controlled.
• “It’s a language of images… If we just stay in that, not think about it too hard, what part of me is normally laid back about things and is now like super tight about something? … We can draw the line between that and our daily life and find where maybe there’s a little knot that we can untangle.” — Bonnie Buckner [05:03]

3. Dream Interpretation: Subjectivity & Playfulness

[06:56-08:43]

• No universal dictionary: The meaning is subjective and unique to each person’s context.
• Nicole highlights the tendency to search for a one-size-fits-all answer, but Bonnie encourages curiosity and play.
• Dreams help break out of self-imposed ruts, showing us hidden perspectives and possibilities.

4. Example—Dreams of Betrayal or Cheating

[08:43-12:54]

• Nicole shares experiences of dreaming her husband Jay has wronged her, sparking waking emotions despite knowing it’s not a real concern.
• Bonnie’s Tip: To interpret, ask “Jay is the kind of person who ____,” and recognize that trait as an aspect of yourself.
  • “So, whatever aspect of me that is… if it’s the always laid back and now it’s cheating on me, then that part of me is no longer laid back. It’s cheating on me in a different way. I’m no longer exercising that aspect of me.” — Bonnie Buckner [09:56]
• Sometimes, these dreams point to ways you might be betraying yourself, not being authentic or true to your own desires.
• Emotional responses in dreams are purposeful; they get your attention so you’ll address real issues.

5. Dream Journaling & Recall

[14:05-15:19]

• Dr. Buckner strongly advocates keeping a dream journal—start as soon as you wake up, even jotting down fragments or recurring thoughts.
• Recall increases when you set the intention and make dream journaling a habit.
• Write dreams down immediately after waking (yes, even in the middle of the night).
  • “Once you get into that practice, you’ll recall more and more and more of your dreams.” — Bonnie Buckner [14:05]

6. Common Dream Types and Their Real-Life Mirrors

[15:19-16:26]

• Toilet dreams are surprisingly common and symbolic:
  • “If I had a dollar for every toilet dream… Toilets that are too full and need to be flushed… We just overload ourselves… our inbox is way more than our outbox.” — Bonnie Buckner [15:48]
  • Reflects overwhelm and the need to let go or “flush out” what no longer serves us.
• The importance lies in bridging what we dream at night to what we live in the day.

7. Turning Dream Insights into Life Transformation

[19:13-22:40]

• Process:
  • Record dreams without judgment.
  • Be curious about the emotions or energy in the dream.
  • Ask yourself: Where does this show up in my waking life? What small step can I take?
• Change comes from making small, playful tweaks inspired by dreams, not always grand gestures.
  • “We change our lives and the lives of those around us with very tiny little movements… those messages are truly life-changing.” — Bonnie Buckner [21:26]

8. Repetitive Dreams & Nightmares

[24:21-28:52]

• Recurring dreams indicate lessons or issues not yet addressed.
  • “It’s like, okay, we gave you a dream. You didn’t pay attention to us. So now we’re going to give it to you again…” — Bonnie Buckner [24:45]
• Nightmares, though distressing, are helpful signals to unresolved emotions or trauma.
  • “Nightmares are, counterintuitively, our friends. They are acute emotional experiences that are trying to wake us up to something in waking time.” — Bonnie Buckner [25:44]
• You can revisit nightmares, reimagine them with new outcomes (e.g., bringing light to a dark place), to shift their power and your waking response.

9. Debunking the Myth of “Being Done”

[28:52-30:49]

• Nicole questions the self-help narrative of ever becoming “fully healed” or “done.”
• Bonnie affirms: The goal isn’t perfection. Life is a spiral of challenges and growth; we resolve one thing and move into the next.
  • “Let’s forget goal… we’re never done. And by the way, how boring would that be?” — Bonnie Buckner [29:50]

10. Good Dreams & Latent Potential

[31:08-32:49]

• Joyful dreams signal strengths or potentials waiting to be exercised. Social or familial conditioning sometimes buries these aspects.
• Reconnecting with good dreams can bring more awe and wonder into daily life.
  • “These are also human emotions and part of the human experience. And we don’t get those often enough these days. And the more we do have those experiences and dreams, the more we begin to see those miraculous things in our everyday life.” — Bonnie Buckner [31:08]
• Dream work and waking life choices (like seeking joy) are mutually reinforcing.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Every aspect of the dream is an aspect of the dreamer.” — Bonnie Buckner [05:03]
• “Not every dream is literal. Dreams don’t always speak in facts. They speak in feelings and symbols, in the stuff that we’re not fully processing during our waking hours.” — Nicole Kalil [34:00]
• “I can’t change what I’m denying. And part of why we run around so busy is because it’s nice to distract ourselves from really looking inside.” — Bonnie Buckner [19:40]
• “Nightmares are, counterintuitively, our friends. They are acute emotional experiences that are trying to wake us up to something in waking time.” — Bonnie Buckner [25:44]
• “Let’s forget goal… we’re never done. And by the way, how boring would that be?” — Bonnie Buckner [29:50]
• “Maybe our dreams aren’t just weird, maybe they’re wise.” — Nicole Kalil [34:00]

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Introduction & Purpose of Dreams: [03:10-04:41]
• Interpreting Dreams (Practical, Not “Woo”): [04:41-08:43]
• Subjectivity/Playfulness in Dream Meaning: [06:56-08:43]
• Dream Example—Betrayal/Cheating: [08:43-12:54]
• Dream Journaling Advice: [14:05-15:19]
• Common Dreams & Real-Life Connections: [15:19-16:26]
• Transforming Waking Life via Dreams: [19:13-22:40]
• Repetitive Dreams & Nightmares: [24:21-28:52]
• Rejecting the Myth of “Done”: [28:52-30:49]
• Good Dreams as Potential: [31:08-32:49]
• Closing Reflection by Nicole: [33:45-34:38]

Final Thoughts

This episode redefines the purpose of dreams, moving beyond old tropes to see them as vital sources of self-knowledge, healing, and innovation. Whether you dream of toilets, betrayal, or joy, Bonnie Buckner encourages playful curiosity and small daily practices that create real transformation. As Nicole sums up, sometimes the wisest answers are already within us—just waiting for us to pay attention, even while we sleep.

Links:

• Book: The Secret Mind — Bonnie Buckner
• Website: bonniebuckner.com
• More on Nicole: nicolekalil.com